1
00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,084
<i>WOLF: Previously
on "Future Man"...</i>

2
00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:07,960
<i>WOMAN: These three have stolen
a time travel device.</i>

3
00:00:07,984 --> 00:00:10,171
<i>They can be anytime, anywhere.</i>

4
00:00:10,195 --> 00:00:11,422
<i>‐ I got a ping.
Someone just invented</i>

5
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,508
sliced bread
700 years too early.

6
00:00:13,532 --> 00:00:16,349
<i>Wolf‐Hart just decapitated
Shoji the Honorable,</i>

7
00:00:16,373 --> 00:00:20,264
<i>wiping out an entire line
of noble warriors.</i>

8
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:21,807
‐ Da, da!

9
00:00:21,831 --> 00:00:24,227
<i>TOCH: Check out this book.
It's got to be Wolf‐Hart.</i>

10
00:00:24,251 --> 00:00:26,187
He set her humanity aflame.

11
00:00:26,211 --> 00:00:27,563
<i>They're hiding in Russia.</i>

12
00:00:27,587 --> 00:00:29,065
‐ Two timelines
just momentarily merged.

13
00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:30,526
I think we're looking
at temporal decay.

14
00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,777
Future and past
existing simultaneously,

15
00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:33,868
space‐time collapsing
in on itself.

16
00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:35,071
‐ Are you there, God?

17
00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:36,072
<i>VOICE:
Please don't call me that.</i>

18
00:00:36,096 --> 00:00:37,532
‐ What should I call you, then?

19
00:00:37,556 --> 00:00:40,368
<i>VOICE: How about "friend?"
You must come to me.</i>

20
00:00:40,392 --> 00:00:42,828
<i>I will give you
the coordinates to find me.</i>

21
00:00:42,852 --> 00:00:45,206
‐ Hey, give me that.
‐ No, I got it!

22
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,249
I'm taking us somewhere safe.

23
00:00:46,273 --> 00:00:49,943
<i>[suspenseful music]</i>

24
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:59,136
<i>[light tribal music]</i>

25
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:05,380
<i>♪ ♪</i>

26
00:01:14,050 --> 00:01:17,029
<i>[suspenseful music]</i>

27
00:01:17,053 --> 00:01:23,983
<i>♪ ♪</i>

28
00:02:10,732 --> 00:02:12,129
[overlapping angry shouts]

29
00:02:12,153 --> 00:02:13,628
‐ What's going on?

30
00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:17,632
You piss yourself in moments
half as tense as that.

31
00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,885
‐ I had faith,
and my faith was rewarded.

32
00:02:20,909 --> 00:02:22,887
My destiny is not back there.

33
00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:26,891
<i>[warriors shouting]</i>

34
00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:29,285
It's up there.

35
00:02:31,044 --> 00:02:34,065
<i>VOICE: Yes, Josh.
You are close.</i>

36
00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:36,067
‐ What's on top of the mountain?

37
00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:38,903
‐ [sighs] Home.

38
00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:40,863
We're off to see
the all‐knowing,

39
00:02:40,887 --> 00:02:44,408
benevolent, the great,
the powerful‐‐

40
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:47,870
[screams]

41
00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:50,831
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

42
00:02:50,855 --> 00:02:54,105
<i>♪ ♪</i>

43
00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:04,160
[grunting]

44
00:03:07,914 --> 00:03:11,544
[breathes heavily]

45
00:03:18,341 --> 00:03:19,985
[grunting]

46
00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,737
[yells]

47
00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:26,367
[crying]

48
00:03:26,391 --> 00:03:28,915
<i>VOICE: Josh, my friend,
I have been patient.</i>

49
00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:31,539
<i>I have waited
for your scratch to heal.</i>

50
00:03:31,563 --> 00:03:33,374
‐ It's not a scratch.

51
00:03:33,398 --> 00:03:35,584
Okay, the scent
of my leg repels animals.

52
00:03:35,608 --> 00:03:37,795
Except for vultures,
who just keep following me.

53
00:03:37,819 --> 00:03:40,634
<i>VOICE: Today,
you must climb the mountain.</i>

54
00:03:40,658 --> 00:03:42,675
‐ [stammers] I can barely walk.

55
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:45,177
You keep pushing me to climb,
and every time that I do,

56
00:03:45,201 --> 00:03:49,432
the wound just opens up again,
and it's making it worse.

57
00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:51,475
Why can't you just
come meet me here?

58
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,060
<i>VOICE: The mountain
will not come to you,</i>

59
00:03:53,084 --> 00:03:55,020
<i>you must come to the mountain.</i>

60
00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:57,609
<i>Don't give up,
not when you are so close.</i>

61
00:03:57,633 --> 00:03:58,777
‐ Exactly, exactly.

62
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,735
Doesn't close count
for anything?

63
00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:04,363
Look, I just want to go home.

64
00:04:04,387 --> 00:04:06,615
I thought we were friends.

65
00:04:06,639 --> 00:04:08,784
It turns out
I'm just that sad Bible guy

66
00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:10,619
who God keeps on testing
over and over again.

67
00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:11,620
You know the one.

68
00:04:11,644 --> 00:04:14,206
<i>VOICE: Uh... Jesus?</i>

69
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:16,500
‐ No! Job.

70
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,002
Right?

71
00:04:18,026 --> 00:04:20,026
<i>VOICE: If you say so.</i>

72
00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:24,779
JOSH: [panting]

73
00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:31,724
‐ Oh. What took you so long?

74
00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:34,935
‐ Oh, you know, I just kept
falling and crying.

75
00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:36,729
‐ Mm‐hmm.

76
00:04:36,753 --> 00:04:39,482
‐ Oh, yeah.

77
00:04:39,506 --> 00:04:41,025
WOLF: Goddamn it.

78
00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:44,195
I asked for King Boletes.
These are Death Caps.

79
00:04:44,219 --> 00:04:45,866
You want to guess what happens
if you eat these?

80
00:04:45,890 --> 00:04:48,493
This is fine dining,
not college improv.

81
00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:50,993
‐ I'm sorry, okay?
I'm doing my best.

82
00:04:51,017 --> 00:04:53,829
Just cut me some slack.
I'm going to my room.

83
00:04:53,853 --> 00:04:56,207
WOLF: [mutters]

84
00:04:56,231 --> 00:04:58,918
Oh, well,
if it isn't little Miss

85
00:04:58,942 --> 00:05:00,379
"Haven't Been Home
in Three Days."

86
00:05:00,403 --> 00:05:02,401
‐ [groans]

87
00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:07,802
Oh, yeah, my chin is a‐barkin'.

88
00:05:07,826 --> 00:05:09,595
‐ No one's making you
wear that thing.

89
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,889
‐ Yeah, well, I'm sick
of killing would‐be rapers.

90
00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:12,932
Hey, boy?

91
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,517
Boy?
‐ What?

92
00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,936
‐ Why'd you have to bring us
to yet another time

93
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,436
where women are treated
like garbage?

94
00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:20,940
‐ Well, I'm so sorry.
It's called "all of history."

95
00:05:20,964 --> 00:05:22,991
What do you want me
to do about it?

96
00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:25,778
[groans]

97
00:05:25,802 --> 00:05:27,488
Those are bear traps.

98
00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:29,368
‐ Yep, and they need a‐mendin'.

99
00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:30,658
WOLF: Rabbit's ten away.

100
00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:33,209
I made sous‐vide bags
out of elk bladders.

101
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,954
It locks in the flavor.

102
00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:36,125
TIGER: Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's food.

103
00:05:36,149 --> 00:05:39,667
Who gives a shit?
WOLF: Ooh, careful.

104
00:05:39,691 --> 00:05:42,294
[groans]

105
00:05:42,318 --> 00:05:46,465
Okay, so how was your day?

106
00:05:46,489 --> 00:05:49,385
‐ Well, I beat my PR
on beaver pelts.

107
00:05:49,409 --> 00:05:51,470
97.
‐ Oh, wow.

108
00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:54,350
‐ Yeah, pretty good
considering those Mohawk dicks

109
00:05:54,374 --> 00:05:55,899
are messing with my traps.

110
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,602
‐ Oh, well,
you know, if you like,

111
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,187
I can speak with the Mohawk.

112
00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:03,486
They're allied with the French,
and they don't take too kindly

113
00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:06,485
to independent operators
moving in on their territory,

114
00:06:06,509 --> 00:06:09,280
but if I were to communicate
our neutrality‐‐

115
00:06:09,304 --> 00:06:10,701
TIGER: You know what?
‐ And then we can‐‐

116
00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:13,039
Stop you right there
Mr. "Tell Morning Not to Come."

117
00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:15,995
‐ I gave you no cause
to retrieve the book.

118
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:18,789
TIGER: Boy.
Read it.

119
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,124
JOSH: Do I have to?

120
00:06:20,148 --> 00:06:22,585
TIGER: Read the passage.

121
00:06:22,609 --> 00:06:24,670
JOSH:
"Climax upon climax.

122
00:06:24,694 --> 00:06:27,756
"A cascade that had
no beginning and no end.

123
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:30,307
"I knew I must tell the world
what happened

124
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:33,345
between those
beet‐stained sheets."

125
00:06:33,369 --> 00:06:34,638
‐ I mean, you could've just‐‐
[blows raspberry]

126
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,809
finger‐blasted her,
called it a day.

127
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,602
But no, you had to
go ahead and inspire

128
00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:42,396
a whole new genre
of literary erotic fiction.

129
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:45,235
‐ I only do things one way,
and that's all the way.

130
00:06:45,259 --> 00:06:47,610
‐ And that is why
you are on a soft lockdown

131
00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:49,653
till further notice, soldier.

132
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,071
I like it here.

133
00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:53,282
The air is clear,
the killin's good.

134
00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:55,200
And I don't need you
messing it up

135
00:06:55,224 --> 00:06:57,369
by putting your
stupid mark on history again.

136
00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:58,958
‐ You're treating me
like a goddamn Josh.

137
00:06:58,982 --> 00:06:59,913
JOSH: Hey.

138
00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:01,206
‐ Don't act like
such a prisoner.

139
00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:03,417
You go to the trading post
and sell my furs.

140
00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:05,169
‐ Yeah, once a week.

141
00:07:05,193 --> 00:07:07,050
You're running around
free doing whatever you like

142
00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,385
while I'm stuck here
changing the Josh's bandages.

143
00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:11,008
‐ I change them, too.
‐ Once.

144
00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:12,468
And half‐way through,
you gave up,

145
00:07:12,492 --> 00:07:14,139
and you handed them to me.

146
00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:17,556
JOSH: Hey, Tiger.

147
00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:20,017
The Mohawk did not
destroy your traps.

148
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:24,188
There's no human
that can bend iron like this.

149
00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:25,648
‐ Whitey.

150
00:07:25,672 --> 00:07:30,235
‐ Oh, Lord.
Not this again.

151
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:33,030
‐ Albino bear of legend.

152
00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:36,909
Ten feet tall, snow‐white fur.

153
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:40,996
Eyes as red as the devil.
Heart as black as...

154
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:41,997
also the devil.

155
00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:43,999
‐ Whitey is a myth.

156
00:07:44,023 --> 00:07:46,420
Tall tale told by trappers
to scare each other

157
00:07:46,444 --> 00:07:47,509
around the campfire.

158
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,171
TIGER: No, he is real,

159
00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:51,632
and if I do nothing else
on this Earth,

160
00:07:51,656 --> 00:07:53,634
I will kill Whitey.

161
00:07:53,658 --> 00:07:58,222
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

162
00:07:58,246 --> 00:08:00,683
<i>Hunter's log, day 187.</i>

163
00:08:00,707 --> 00:08:02,104
<i>Having thinned
the beaver population</i>

164
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,686
<i>to near extinction levels,</i>

165
00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:06,397
<i>I direct my gaze
to more elusive quarry.</i>

166
00:08:06,421 --> 00:08:08,818
<i>In nature, there can only be
one apex predator.</i>

167
00:08:08,842 --> 00:08:10,359
<i>My mission?</i>

168
00:08:10,383 --> 00:08:13,120
<i>To kill my way to the very
top of this food chain.</i>

169
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:15,531
<i>Failure is not an option.</i>

170
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:18,492
<i>I rely on keen instinct,
finely‐honed skills,</i>

171
00:08:18,516 --> 00:08:21,370
<i>and whatever savagery
this hunt requires..</i>

172
00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:24,498
Ursine maggot.

173
00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:26,959
Hmm.

174
00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:30,170
Clue...

175
00:08:30,194 --> 00:08:33,414
and a snack.

176
00:08:37,285 --> 00:08:40,431
Female.
In heat.

177
00:08:40,455 --> 00:08:42,705
Same here, sister.

178
00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:46,419
There she is.

179
00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:52,985
Five minutes.
Maybe ten.

180
00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:55,009
Looks like a bear
does shit in the woods.

181
00:09:03,478 --> 00:09:06,915
‐ Ah. We are having
reindeer sweetbreads,

182
00:09:06,939 --> 00:09:08,083
wild asparagus,

183
00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:11,378
a salad of chickweed,
peppergrass‐‐

184
00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:13,912
TIGER: Hunting.
Need protein.

185
00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:19,792
‐ That's it.
I can't live like this.

186
00:09:25,249 --> 00:09:28,959
[yells]

187
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,527
I just need to feel seen.

188
00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:37,029
TIGER:
Yeah, well, buy a mirror.

189
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,697
‐ [gasps]

190
00:09:38,721 --> 00:09:41,158
JOSH: [panting]

191
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:43,243
WOLF: Oh, God, the stench.

192
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,705
JOSH: It's‐‐it's bad today.

193
00:09:46,729 --> 00:09:50,269
‐ All right, someone needs
to change the Josh.

194
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:58,275
Fine.
I'll do it.

195
00:10:03,371 --> 00:10:05,371
‐ [exhales]

196
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:11,375
‐ All right,
let's have a look at this.

197
00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:16,693
Oh, yowzer me.
Yikes.

198
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,737
‐ I am not liking
the color of that ooze.

199
00:10:18,761 --> 00:10:19,947
You know, it's like chicken.

200
00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:22,199
You want the juices
to run clear.

201
00:10:22,223 --> 00:10:24,159
‐ Yep, well,
it's about that time.

202
00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,498
‐ No, no!
No one is cutting my leg off.

203
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:28,415
‐ Yeah,
to get through that femur,

204
00:10:28,439 --> 00:10:30,334
I'm definitely
gonna have to saw.

205
00:10:30,358 --> 00:10:31,708
‐ No, no sawing, either.

206
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,006
‐ I heard tale
of a medicine woman

207
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,046
at the trading post
who works wonders.

208
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,467
I bet I could
get you in to see her.

209
00:10:37,491 --> 00:10:39,716
‐ No, no medicine woman.

210
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,718
Okay, my leg is going to heal.

211
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,929
Okay, I know it will.

212
00:10:43,953 --> 00:10:44,930
Why would somebody put me
through this

213
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:46,974
if I can't overcome it?

214
00:10:46,998 --> 00:10:48,433
Pretty shitty thing
for a friend to do.

215
00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:49,768
<i>VOICE: I'm shitty?
You're shitty!</i>

216
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,792
‐ Uh‐‐

217
00:10:54,881 --> 00:10:55,858
Okay, buddy.

218
00:10:55,882 --> 00:10:57,943
‐ [snoring]

219
00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,570
[metallic scrape]

220
00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:02,564
TIGER: Hold him steady.
He'll be a‐thrashin'.

221
00:11:04,515 --> 00:11:05,784
‐ No, no,
please, please, please!

222
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:07,035
Please, please,
don't cut my leg off, please.

223
00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:09,580
I swear I will go see
the medicine woman.

224
00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,878
‐ See what happens when you set
some firm boundaries?

225
00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:13,898
‐ Don't even start.
‐ You coddle him.

226
00:11:17,862 --> 00:11:19,298
JOSH: So what does this
medicine woman do?

227
00:11:19,322 --> 00:11:21,346
WOLF: More like
what doesn't she do?

228
00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:23,260
She's a therapist,
frontier doctor,

229
00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:25,470
weight‐loss guru.

230
00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:27,351
She helped me drop
the Frontier Fifteen,

231
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:30,559
and cured
my seasonal affective disorder.

232
00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:33,353
Turns out, it's okay to be sad.

233
00:11:33,377 --> 00:11:35,689
‐ Good. I thought it was like
a religious thing.

234
00:11:35,713 --> 00:11:37,983
WOLF: Religion?
Hell no.

235
00:11:38,007 --> 00:11:40,277
‐ Yeah, yeah, I know.
You and Tiger don't believe.

236
00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:42,029
‐ How could we?

237
00:11:42,053 --> 00:11:43,870
Growing up in the sewer
with the Biotics

238
00:11:43,894 --> 00:11:46,575
sending down
those toddler bombs.

239
00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:48,577
‐ I'm sorry, the what bombs?

240
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:50,625
WOLF: I've told you
about the toddler bombs.

241
00:11:50,649 --> 00:11:52,206
Human children
genetically engineered

242
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,999
to blow up when you hug them.

243
00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,334
‐ No. That's fucked up.

244
00:11:55,358 --> 00:11:56,877
WOLF: Well,
that's not the fucked up part.

245
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,629
We could always spot
the toddler bombs

246
00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:02,137
because any actual sewer child
was far too emotionally damaged

247
00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:04,053
to yearn for physical affection.

248
00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,219
JOSH: Holy shit.

249
00:12:05,243 --> 00:12:06,470
‐ Again, not the fucked up part.

250
00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:08,271
‐ How is that not
the fucked up part?

251
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:12,559
‐ Eventually,
us older kids captured the TBs

252
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,270
and forced them to perform
for us in a makeshift circus.

253
00:12:15,294 --> 00:12:18,304
‐ Okay,
just cut to the fucked up part.

254
00:12:20,591 --> 00:12:24,238
‐ We laughed at one
of the toddler bombs' poetry.

255
00:12:24,262 --> 00:12:26,240
It was bad.

256
00:12:26,264 --> 00:12:29,493
He had the mind
of a three‐year‐old.

257
00:12:29,517 --> 00:12:32,871
But we didn't have to laugh.

258
00:12:32,895 --> 00:12:35,415
He took it pretty hard,

259
00:12:35,439 --> 00:12:39,628
ended up hugging himself
and self‐detonating.

260
00:12:39,652 --> 00:12:41,719
All the other TBs
realized that they, too,

261
00:12:41,743 --> 00:12:45,842
were just there
for our amusement.

262
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,866
Pop, pop, pop, pop.

263
00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:57,688
Mass toddler suicide.

264
00:12:57,712 --> 00:13:00,774
That's when I realized
there was no God.

265
00:13:00,798 --> 00:13:02,985
He was just some sky genie
people made up

266
00:13:03,009 --> 00:13:04,194
to give them hope.

267
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,638
[horse whinnies]

268
00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:10,784
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

269
00:13:10,808 --> 00:13:17,768
<i>♪ ♪</i>

270
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:23,463
TIGER: You doubled back.

271
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:25,487
Why?

272
00:13:27,408 --> 00:13:30,304
Why here?

273
00:13:30,328 --> 00:13:32,764
So visible.

274
00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:34,788
So exposed.

275
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:40,884
The fuck were you looking for?

276
00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:46,403
[gasps]
Oh.

277
00:13:46,427 --> 00:13:47,779
[laughs]

278
00:13:47,803 --> 00:13:51,103
Is this bear something,
or is this bear something?

279
00:13:53,476 --> 00:13:55,037
You're looking at me.

280
00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:57,456
[bear growling]
Okay.

281
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,623
Okay.

282
00:13:58,647 --> 00:14:01,710
You want to dance?
Huh?

283
00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:03,962
You want to dance?

284
00:14:03,986 --> 00:14:06,106
Let's fucking Lindy Hop.

285
00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:12,471
WOLF: The old trading post.

286
00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:16,016
Burned to the ground
by the outlaw Wild Sam Bladden.

287
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,226
Folks here
are gonna have the last laugh.

288
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:21,566
We're rebuilding this
trading center to be stronger,

289
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:22,939
more vibrant than ever.

290
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,133
JOSH: Wait, did you say "we?"

291
00:14:28,427 --> 00:14:30,427
JOSH: What's happening?

292
00:14:33,224 --> 00:14:35,327
[overlapping chatter]

293
00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:38,080
JOSH: How do you know
all these people?

294
00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:41,671
Wolf, did you build a thriving
international hub of commerce?

295
00:14:41,695 --> 00:14:43,418
‐ No.

296
00:14:43,442 --> 00:14:45,128
I served
in a consulting capacity.

297
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,130
Nothing formal.
I'm nobody here.

298
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:50,133
‐ [speaking native language]

299
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,094
‐ Just go on.

300
00:14:52,118 --> 00:14:54,179
He's just confused.

301
00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:57,766
Trust me, around here,
I'm a ghost, a shadow.

302
00:14:57,790 --> 00:14:59,830
My name's on nothing.

303
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,013
‐ Your brand is.

304
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,867
‐ Wolves were sacred
to the Mohawk

305
00:15:09,891 --> 00:15:12,114
long before I got here.

306
00:15:12,138 --> 00:15:15,700
I just need to talk to Acona
about the new inventory.

307
00:15:15,724 --> 00:15:18,734
Fall is all about beavers.

308
00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:22,207
JOSH: You're doing it again.
You're gonna get us caught.

309
00:15:22,231 --> 00:15:24,191
‐ [speaking native language]

310
00:15:31,615 --> 00:15:33,385
‐ Wolf, you promised‐‐

311
00:15:33,409 --> 00:15:35,305
‐ Josh I'm gonna
stop you right there.

312
00:15:35,329 --> 00:15:37,514
Selling fur is all about
building relationships,

313
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:39,599
So, yes,
when I come to the post,

314
00:15:39,623 --> 00:15:41,351
I kibitz a bit.

315
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,311
As Lew Wasserman said,

316
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:44,563
"Every conversation

317
00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:46,690
is a business meeting
in disguise."

318
00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:48,650
But don't you worry about me.

319
00:15:48,674 --> 00:15:51,570
I learned my lesson with Dasha.

320
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:55,115
That's why I've only
been taking illiterate lovers.

321
00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:58,535
‐ Wolf, that was not
the lesson, and you know it.

322
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,416
‐ Shall we go see
the medicine woman?

323
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,955
JOSH: Okay.

324
00:16:01,979 --> 00:16:04,319
Don't push me.
Don't push me.

325
00:16:10,863 --> 00:16:13,675
‐ [speaking native language]

326
00:16:13,699 --> 00:16:18,013
‐ She says it's not your leg
that's the source of your pain.

327
00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:20,515
‐ Of course it is.
What else would it be?

328
00:16:20,539 --> 00:16:24,895
MEDICINE WOMAN:
[speaking native language]

329
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:27,355
‐ A spiritual crisis.

330
00:16:27,379 --> 00:16:31,379
‐ What?
That's ridiculous.

331
00:16:33,219 --> 00:16:35,826
What would be the nature
of that crisis,

332
00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:37,926
in her opinion?

333
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:50,545
‐ Did she just say
something profound?

334
00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:53,506
‐ She always does.

335
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:56,134
Speak freely.

336
00:16:56,158 --> 00:16:59,908
This is a judgment‐free yurt.

337
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:05,579
‐ I've been talking with God
for the last eight months.

338
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:11,650
He lives inside my ear,
and he tells me what to do.

339
00:17:11,674 --> 00:17:12,861
We're, like, super, super close.

340
00:17:12,885 --> 00:17:15,111
He even has me call him friend.

341
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,988
But right now,
we're in, like, a fight,

342
00:17:17,012 --> 00:17:18,823
and I don't know
what to make of it anymore.

343
00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,325
I'm starting to think
it's all in my head,

344
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:21,993
and I'm just going crazy.

345
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,745
<i>VOICE: Josh,
do not go down this road.</i>

346
00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:25,956
<i>Remember the Miracle of the Goo?</i>

347
00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:28,792
‐ Goo?
It was a knob.

348
00:17:28,816 --> 00:17:30,752
Okay,
I found a knob with my hand.

349
00:17:30,776 --> 00:17:32,170
That's something I could've
done on my own completely.

350
00:17:32,194 --> 00:17:34,914
I'm not an idiot.

351
00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:38,927
Sorry.

352
00:17:38,951 --> 00:17:41,096
‐ It's okay.

353
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,891
What's...
tiny ear God saying now?

354
00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:47,435
‐ He's telling me
that he's real.

355
00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:50,188
But what kind of God knows
less about the Bible than me?

356
00:17:50,212 --> 00:17:52,357
I mean, isn't he
supposed to be omniscient?

357
00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:54,528
What kind of God would let my
leg get caught in a bear trap?

358
00:17:54,552 --> 00:17:57,550
<i>VOICE: That's so on you, bro.</i>

359
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,494
WOLF: Whoa, it's happening.

360
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,204
Don't fight it, Josh.

361
00:18:06,228 --> 00:18:07,539
<i>[tribal music]</i>

362
00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,541
Let her in.

363
00:18:09,565 --> 00:18:15,895
<i>♪ ♪</i>

364
00:18:17,865 --> 00:18:20,719
‐ She's right.

365
00:18:20,743 --> 00:18:21,890
I don't believe in myself.

366
00:18:21,914 --> 00:18:24,431
I am a salmon
swimming against a tide

367
00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:26,766
of my own self‐doubt.

368
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:29,728
I created a sky genie
just to give me hope.

369
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:33,069
VOICE: Josh, don't abandon me
when we are this close.

370
00:18:33,093 --> 00:18:36,151
‐ You know what, bro?

371
00:18:36,175 --> 00:18:39,112
I'm done.

372
00:18:39,136 --> 00:18:41,531
I release you.

373
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,283
<i>VOICE: You release me?</i>

374
00:18:43,307 --> 00:18:45,744
<i>You know what?
Fine, be that way.</i>

375
00:18:45,768 --> 00:18:47,245
<i>[footsteps stomping]</i>

376
00:18:47,269 --> 00:18:48,455
<i>[door slamming]</i>

377
00:18:48,479 --> 00:18:51,319
‐ A real God
wouldn't have to slam a door.

378
00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:56,526
Hello?

379
00:18:58,656 --> 00:19:00,342
He's gone.

380
00:19:00,366 --> 00:19:01,760
I'm free.

381
00:19:01,784 --> 00:19:04,596
[laughs]

382
00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:06,890
[exhales]

383
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:09,184
‐ [speaking native language]

384
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:10,935
‐ She's asking
if we want to stay

385
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,521
for a shave in a sweat lodge.

386
00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:15,273
Tuesdays are pretty slow
around here.

387
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:17,717
JOSH: Oh.
Yeah, that sounds great.

388
00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:22,822
‐ I feel lighter.

389
00:19:22,846 --> 00:19:24,324
WOLF: Well, you are lighter.

390
00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:26,284
I usually drop three to four LBs

391
00:19:26,308 --> 00:19:28,370
of a liquid stress
after a good schvitz.

392
00:19:28,394 --> 00:19:30,538
JOSH: [laughs]
Yeah.

393
00:19:30,562 --> 00:19:31,919
Yeah, and you know what?
It was just nice to talk

394
00:19:31,943 --> 00:19:34,125
to somebody
who was actually there.

395
00:19:34,149 --> 00:19:37,212
‐ Well, now that you realize
you're never going home,

396
00:19:37,236 --> 00:19:39,214
you can focus on being happy
in the here and now.

397
00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:41,716
‐ I wouldn't say "never."
You know, never say never.

398
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:42,887
WOLF:
Normally, I'd agree with you,

399
00:19:42,911 --> 00:19:44,719
except in this case.

400
00:19:44,743 --> 00:19:47,555
We are history's
most wanted fugitives.

401
00:19:47,579 --> 00:19:50,016
A couple of five‐Os
are definitely stationed

402
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,477
outside of every Futturman
household in the universe.

403
00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,897
Did tiny ear God give
you a plan to get past them?

404
00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:57,399
‐ No.

405
00:19:57,423 --> 00:20:00,238
I guess he was more of, like,
a big picture sort of God.

406
00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:03,156
‐ Yet another reason
you should've called bullshit.

407
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,535
God is in the details.

408
00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:08,618
JOSH: Huh.
Yeah, I mean, I guess that...

409
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,328
every other Futturman house

410
00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:11,788
would have another
version of me.

411
00:20:11,812 --> 00:20:13,589
WOLF: So you would have to kill
to take their place,

412
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,084
and that's
the best‐case scenario.

413
00:20:16,108 --> 00:20:19,671
No, more likely, time
constables kill your parents,

414
00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:21,881
turn them into cyborgs,
and use them to torture you.

415
00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:24,676
So in that version
you technically could go home,

416
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,597
but your robot parents
would kill you.

417
00:20:26,621 --> 00:20:28,680
Is that what you want, Josh?

418
00:20:28,704 --> 00:20:31,891
Your robot parents to kill you?

419
00:20:31,915 --> 00:20:33,955
‐ No.

420
00:20:35,836 --> 00:20:38,022
WOLF: Wait.

421
00:20:38,046 --> 00:20:40,442
I've just had an idea
that'll change everything.

422
00:20:40,466 --> 00:20:41,443
‐ Wait?
Tell me.

423
00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:44,404
‐ Vegan carnitas.

424
00:20:44,428 --> 00:20:46,428
[groans]

425
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,118
These are King Boletes.

426
00:20:50,142 --> 00:20:51,499
They have the perfect density

427
00:20:51,523 --> 00:20:55,248
to make faux‐Mex
taste like "Fuck yes."

428
00:20:55,272 --> 00:20:57,759
So to sum up,
you're never going home,

429
00:20:57,783 --> 00:21:01,087
your God is dead,
and taco Tuesday is on.

430
00:21:01,111 --> 00:21:04,090
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

431
00:21:04,114 --> 00:21:08,011
<i>♪ ♪</i>

432
00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:10,430
TIGER: Whitey, Whitey, Whitey.

433
00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:13,651
Looks like someone's not
smarter than the average bear,

434
00:21:13,675 --> 00:21:16,561
because you've just
wandered into a sea

435
00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:21,107
of my very best

436
00:21:21,131 --> 00:21:23,131
traps?

437
00:21:24,885 --> 00:21:28,215
[metal chiming]

438
00:21:32,518 --> 00:21:36,122
<i>[suspenseful music]</i>

439
00:21:36,146 --> 00:21:37,749
[bear growling]

440
00:21:37,773 --> 00:21:39,783
[screams]

441
00:21:44,029 --> 00:21:48,489
[wolf howls]

442
00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:54,185
‐ Looks like Tiger's gonna be
a little late.

443
00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:55,767
Just go ahead and start.

444
00:21:55,791 --> 00:21:56,976
‐ Not hungry.

445
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,438
WOLF: These King Bs
marinated for hours.

446
00:22:00,462 --> 00:22:03,483
They bleed like real meat.

447
00:22:03,507 --> 00:22:05,485
Just...

448
00:22:05,509 --> 00:22:06,694
take a bite.

449
00:22:06,718 --> 00:22:08,363
‐ I don't want to.
WOLF: No, just try it.

450
00:22:08,387 --> 00:22:09,614
JOSH: Wolf, I don't want to.
‐ No, just‐‐

451
00:22:09,638 --> 00:22:11,407
‐ Stop it!

452
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:13,287
Just stop pretending
we're family.

453
00:22:13,311 --> 00:22:15,328
I could not be farther away
from my family.

454
00:22:15,352 --> 00:22:16,454
All right, Tiger gets it.

455
00:22:16,478 --> 00:22:17,875
She knows that
we're just three people

456
00:22:17,899 --> 00:22:19,332
going insane in the wilderness.

457
00:22:19,356 --> 00:22:23,211
Our only future is running,
and I can't even stand up.

458
00:22:23,235 --> 00:22:26,405
So just leave me alone.

459
00:22:29,867 --> 00:22:30,844
What are you doing?

460
00:22:30,868 --> 00:22:32,804
‐ Going out.
‐ Where?

461
00:22:32,828 --> 00:22:35,473
‐ Do you know
what I've sacrificed

462
00:22:35,497 --> 00:22:36,724
to support the two of you?

463
00:22:36,748 --> 00:22:40,103
The dreams I've put on hold?

464
00:22:40,127 --> 00:22:42,230
Tell Tiger...

465
00:22:42,254 --> 00:22:43,690
I went out to buy a mirror.

466
00:22:43,714 --> 00:22:45,108
‐ What?

467
00:22:45,132 --> 00:22:47,406
‐ It relates
to an earlier conversation

468
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:49,320
that you weren't privy to,
but trust me,

469
00:22:49,344 --> 00:22:51,911
it is a devastating retort,
so just tell her.

470
00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:54,993
‐ That you bought a mirror.

471
00:22:55,017 --> 00:22:59,038
‐ No, not in past tense.
Just‐‐

472
00:22:59,062 --> 00:23:00,540
say it like I said it.

473
00:23:00,564 --> 00:23:02,131
JOSH:
I'm not your messenger boy.

474
00:23:02,155 --> 00:23:03,877
When are you coming back?

475
00:23:03,901 --> 00:23:06,129
‐ Never.

476
00:23:06,153 --> 00:23:07,470
I give you two days,
maybe three,

477
00:23:07,494 --> 00:23:09,424
before those vultures
lose their patience

478
00:23:09,448 --> 00:23:11,175
and start pecking away
at what's left of you.

479
00:23:11,199 --> 00:23:15,199
Now, if you'll excuse me,
daddy's going dancing.

480
00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:19,726
‐ Oh, yeah?

481
00:23:19,750 --> 00:23:21,352
Well...

482
00:23:21,376 --> 00:23:23,187
there's no point in making tacos

483
00:23:23,211 --> 00:23:27,051
if you're in a time period
that doesn't have avocados!

484
00:23:30,552 --> 00:23:32,071
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

485
00:23:32,095 --> 00:23:33,865
JOSH:
Don't worry, fellas,

486
00:23:33,889 --> 00:23:36,409
your patience
will soon be rewarded.

487
00:23:36,433 --> 00:23:39,273
I know you're
around here somewhere.

488
00:23:58,872 --> 00:24:01,267
[grunts]

489
00:24:01,291 --> 00:24:03,269
[groans]

490
00:24:03,293 --> 00:24:10,303
<i>♪ ♪</i>

491
00:24:22,980 --> 00:24:24,980
Death cap.

492
00:24:44,001 --> 00:24:46,001
[gasps]

493
00:24:49,631 --> 00:24:52,527
Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.

494
00:24:52,551 --> 00:24:55,613
I'm so sorry.
I knew that you were real.

495
00:24:55,637 --> 00:24:59,200
I don't know
why I ever doubted you.

496
00:24:59,224 --> 00:25:01,327
I see it now.

497
00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,787
It's clear.

498
00:25:02,811 --> 00:25:06,499
I will yield!

499
00:25:06,523 --> 00:25:10,211
<i>VOICE: Good.
Tell me what I want to hear.</i>

500
00:25:10,235 --> 00:25:13,235
‐ You want me to climb
that mountain?

501
00:25:14,698 --> 00:25:16,718
I'll climb that mountain.

502
00:25:16,742 --> 00:25:20,346
<i>VOICE: Yes, Josh.
Now you get it.</i>

503
00:25:20,370 --> 00:25:22,370
JOSH: [grunts]

504
00:25:25,834 --> 00:25:32,844
<i>♪ ♪</i>

505
00:25:47,689 --> 00:25:49,729
[groaning]

506
00:25:59,117 --> 00:26:00,928
I'm coming, God.

507
00:26:00,952 --> 00:26:03,181
Only a few more vertical miles.

508
00:26:03,205 --> 00:26:04,307
<i>VOICE:
Yes, Josh, but go faster.</i>

509
00:26:04,331 --> 00:26:05,433
<i>Dig deep.</i>

510
00:26:05,457 --> 00:26:09,228
JOSH: Yeah.
<i>WOLF: Life is hard.</i>

511
00:26:09,252 --> 00:26:13,357
<i>Full of violence
and struggle to survive.</i>

512
00:26:13,381 --> 00:26:15,698
<i>It's enough
to drive a good man mad.</i>

513
00:26:15,722 --> 00:26:19,614
But I believe this can be
a new world for everyone

514
00:26:19,638 --> 00:26:22,742
where we coexist in peace,

515
00:26:22,766 --> 00:26:25,119
but more importantly...

516
00:26:25,143 --> 00:26:26,454
in prosperity.

517
00:26:26,478 --> 00:26:29,957
That's why we've gathered here
on this historic day

518
00:26:29,981 --> 00:26:32,168
to redraw the map
of the New World,

519
00:26:32,192 --> 00:26:35,549
and to sign this lasting
peace and trade agreement.

520
00:26:35,573 --> 00:26:37,423
[overlapping chatter]

521
00:26:37,447 --> 00:26:41,552
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

522
00:26:41,576 --> 00:26:45,264
Everyone who has an interest
in this bountiful new land

523
00:26:45,288 --> 00:26:48,226
is taken care of
in this document.

524
00:26:48,250 --> 00:26:49,977
All the tribes of the Northeast,

525
00:26:50,001 --> 00:26:52,980
English, French, Spanish.

526
00:26:53,004 --> 00:26:54,861
And I want to thank
our new friends,

527
00:26:54,885 --> 00:26:59,112
the Norse, Japanese, Russians,

528
00:26:59,136 --> 00:27:02,115
whose angel investment
will pay significant returns

529
00:27:02,139 --> 00:27:06,035
as we extend
our reach around the globe.

530
00:27:06,059 --> 00:27:11,082
<i>♪ ♪</i>

531
00:27:11,106 --> 00:27:14,377
Once again, the world is round.

532
00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:18,548
Yep, that's right.
It's a sphere.

533
00:27:18,572 --> 00:27:20,675
Now, come on up here.

534
00:27:20,699 --> 00:27:23,427
Take your ceremonial
souvenir pen,

535
00:27:23,451 --> 00:27:27,411
and make your mark on history.

536
00:27:34,713 --> 00:27:37,883
[indistinct chatter]

537
00:27:52,731 --> 00:27:55,941
[overlapping shouting]

538
00:27:57,861 --> 00:28:01,424
Please, I'm just a humble
backstage power broker.

539
00:28:01,448 --> 00:28:05,052
My presence is to be felt,
not seen.

540
00:28:05,076 --> 00:28:08,639
Okay, okay, please.

541
00:28:08,663 --> 00:28:12,977
Making my mark on history is

542
00:28:13,001 --> 00:28:16,898
I guess inevitable.

543
00:28:16,922 --> 00:28:20,406
Just gonna tuck my name
in the corner here, real small.

544
00:28:20,430 --> 00:28:22,403
<i>TIGER: Guess
who killed Whitey?</i>

545
00:28:22,427 --> 00:28:25,427
[overlapping chatter]

546
00:28:35,607 --> 00:28:40,296
Turns out, she was a dame.

547
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,650
And so am I.
[all gasping]

548
00:28:50,580 --> 00:28:53,630
[overlapping shouts]

549
00:28:56,378 --> 00:28:59,357
<i>[triumphant music]</i>

550
00:28:59,381 --> 00:29:02,860
<i>♪ ♪</i>

551
00:29:02,884 --> 00:29:05,894
JOSH: [grunting]

552
00:29:07,889 --> 00:29:11,077
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

553
00:29:11,101 --> 00:29:15,581
<i>♪ ♪</i>

554
00:29:15,605 --> 00:29:20,565
[straining]

555
00:29:22,028 --> 00:29:26,488
[grunting]

556
00:29:27,909 --> 00:29:29,428
Of course.

557
00:29:29,452 --> 00:29:31,472
He lives in a humble shack.

558
00:29:31,496 --> 00:29:34,536
He's real.
It's all real.

559
00:29:37,335 --> 00:29:40,564
I come to you on my knees,

560
00:29:40,588 --> 00:29:44,986
but I will greet you on my feet.

561
00:29:45,010 --> 00:29:48,810
[grunting]

562
00:30:08,742 --> 00:30:10,761
God?

563
00:30:10,785 --> 00:30:13,806
VOICE: No, my friend.

564
00:30:13,830 --> 00:30:16,851
<i>[suspenseful music]</i>

565
00:30:16,875 --> 00:30:21,480
<i>♪ ♪</i>

566
00:30:21,504 --> 00:30:23,482
‐ Osama Bin Laden?

567
00:30:23,506 --> 00:30:27,862
‐ Guilty as charged.

568
00:30:27,886 --> 00:30:29,822
‐ No.

569
00:30:29,846 --> 00:30:31,574
Oh, no.

570
00:30:31,598 --> 00:30:33,268
Oh, no, no, no.

571
00:30:34,267 --> 00:30:37,371
<i>[suspenseful music]</i>

572
00:30:37,395 --> 00:30:43,485
<i>♪ ♪</i>