(rooster crows)
(goat bleats)
(bleats)
(yelps)
(screams)
(bleats)
Get out! Get out!
Gerry! Out!
(moans)
Morning, Roger.
LOUISA: Gerry!
(yawns)
Dirty beast!
(bleats)
(bell ringing)
LOUISA: Breakfast!
LARRY: Good, I'm starving.
I'm repulsive.
Can we get some mosquito nets?
Please!
We can't afford mosquito nets.
Oh, please don't tell me that's breakfast.
That's breakfast.
For the last time, we are poor.
My widow's pension is for me, not for five of us.
Is that it?
Uh, no, no.
Harrods are sending over some kedgeree
and some crusty pies.
There's crusty pies?
(sighs)
Mine.
LARRY: Let it go.
GERRY: I'm growing.
Right.
There's going to be some changes around here.
LOUISA: This is probably how Harrods started,
with a lot of hope and a donkey.
It's the ancient ritual of going to market to sell one's wares.
Now, this is going to change everything.
Can we talk about Leslie's moustache?
When in Greece...
Well, Roger and I have our doubts.
(mocking): Yiasas.
I'm sure you'd like it if it was on a bloody walrus,
wouldn't you? Exactly.
Stop it, boys!
(sighs) Sh, sh.
(birds chirping)
Gerry!
(chirping excitedly)
(talking and haggling)
(goat bleating)
Kalispera.
Uh...
Kalispera.
Psari.
Elies.
Mmm, okhi, efkharisto.
Me tetia zesti pou kani.
Then tha trogete pia to fagito sou.
You have no idea what I said.
No, I don't.
I'll stick to English, then.
Uh, would it be fair to say it's not going well?
I'm learning my trade. Ah.
I own an olive press, if you'd like to turn those into oil.
No, thank you.
Well, they won't sell.
See, you can't roll over on this island
without crushing an olive,
and, uh, yours are a bit grim.
I'm sorry, I'm being rude.
Hugh.
Jarvis.
Louisa.
Durrell.
Are you on your own?
I released my two staff for the day.
Oh.
Do tell me about yourself.
I'm actually rather busy. Oh.
(softly): Forgive my enthusiasm.
I'm overexcited at finding a fellow Briton.
Well, thank you,
but I'm still more excited at being among foreigners
rather than back in Bournemouth.
If you tell me you're happily married,
I will walk away with my head held low.
Unhappily married?
(sighs)
Widowed.
Ah.
I'll, uh...
have a fish, please.
Koukla eine!
VASILIA:
("The Whiffenpoof Song" playing)
♪ Baa, baa, baa ♪
(screams)
How was the market?
Bad.
And stinking hot.
Have you got another beer?
No, this is the last.
Tracks, Roger.
Haven't seen this kind before.
(gasps)
Wow.
(bird calls)
Kalispera.
I've been wondering how you are.
Heretai.
How excellent to see you again.
And how excellent to see you.
Your English is better.
Yes.
I am finding... my feet.
(laughs)
Look, like Jesus!
(laughing)
(donkey brays)
(sighs)
Who are you?
Vasilia.
How did you get in?
I am your landlady.
Uh, no, no, we have Mr. Prifona.
My uncle, retired.
It is me now.
You have not paid rent.
No.
No, and I apologize for that.
It's been terribly difficult.
You English treat us like your slaves.
No, we don't.
Honestly, I, I've been at the market today selling...
Well, trying to sell just to...
(man yelling in Greek outside)
VASILIA: Athiase prota tin trapezaria.
LOUISA: What are you doing?
I return these when you pay.
But we've loved this house.
We've looked after it.
Please, please stop.
I will stop when you pay,
or leave Corfu.
Leave is best.
Do that.
What will we sit on?!
(man speaking Greek)
Partai kai afta etho kai figamai.
(man responds)
Shave off those stupid moustaches.
You look about as Greek as Cheltenham.
You'll never guess what I've found.
(gasps disgustedly)
Otter excreta!
(gasps excitedly)
Good.
I think we were running out.
LOUISA: Larry.
Where's the furniture?
It was seized by our mad new landlady.
If I were here, I'd have driven her away with a shotgun.
(family muttering)
Oh, stop him speaking.
Nyea, nyea, nyea.
Horrid though she is,
we owe her.
We urgently need money.
Come on everyone, ideas.
We form a family music band and go on tour.
Having learned to play instruments.
LARRY: I wouldn't normally say this,
but you two girls need to marry well, quickly.
I may once have agreed with you but now I find that offensive.
Oh, well done, Margo.
Unless he's really gorgeous.
Let's kill Aunt Hermione for the inheritance.
(chuckling): All right, I'll hold her down.
Oh, my God, you're not joking.
Right, thank you everyone for your superb ideas.
Today, at the market,
a provocative English man made fun of our produce.
And he was quite right.
Let's do it properly.
Let's sell our vegetables, and, and grow more, let's...
...make goat's cheese and, and honey,
and let's cook proper English food
that nobody here's ever heard of.
Or we all could sit on the floor and wait to be evicted
and then go and live in a tent.
(pounding at door)
SPIROS: This is the police.
Open up!
LARRY (whispering): That was quick!
(door opens)
(footsteps approaching)
GERRY: Spiro!
We've missed you so much!
Guys, the fluffy has to go.
It was just a bit of fun.
SPIROS: Mrs. Durrells.
More lovely than ever.
I could say the same to you.
LOUISA: Come on, everyone, work to do!
Very good, Gerry.
What you make?
Roly-poly.
Poly-roly.
No, roly-poly.
Poly-roly!
Foolish name, foolish food.
(panting)
THEO: The Apidae family is industrious, of course--
"busy as a bee"--
but also noble.
If you say so, Theo.
(coughing)
(buzzing)
(mill grinding)
Oh, God!
It's inside!
(yelps)
Tea, anyone?
Oh, yes, please!
Yes, please. (Leslie yells)
(grunts)
(bees buzzing)
I'm switching to milking.
Bees are total bastards.
(rebuking): Leslie!
Who'd have thought goats give milk?
(exhales)
It was so sweet of Sven, wasn't it, to give us the goats?
It's odd to think, you might've been married now,
if you hadn't been fond of each other, but...
CHILDREN: "Not in the right way."
Yes, thank you.
I've got to get back to my writing.
My novel's published in the next few weeks.
I should've finished the next one.
Oh, don't write another one.
I don't mind you writing, I just can't stand all the...
(screams like Larry)
And if you must do it,
write about something people will enjoy.
You know, like a war.
He will write what his art brings forth.
But do write a bestseller, darling.
For God's sake, any old rubbish will do.
Hm, it is tempting.
I've invested too much time on those grapevines
for us to be evicted.
Oh, we won't be evicted.
Because I have a secret weapon.
More otter poo, but bigger?
Scotch eggs!
(goats bleating, donkey braying)
SVEN: Hello.
LOUISA: Hello, Sven.
We wanted to thank you for the goats by...
By giving you this.
Spotted dick.
Oh, thank you.
How are things?
You know, work goes on.
Crops grow, goats escape.
And I forget more Swedish.
Have a slab of Toad in the Hole.
Always cheers me up.
Are you making these names up?
No.
Right, well... How's the family?
Ah, well, Gerry's looking for otters.
Larry's got writer's block,
so he's decided to write in different places.
Uh, Margo is on an errand and she has a mystery boyfriend.
Uh, and I've spent our emergency savings
on the ingredients for this food.
So it had better sell.
Off we go.
Come on.
Come on, come on!
Another fact about otters, which I got from Theo's book,
is that they make water slides
and live in quite complex communities.
So they're a bit like...
Us.
Sorry, Roger.
I'm boring you.
(splash)
(laughs)
(Roger barking)
(groans)
(exasperated): Roger!
...tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, olly mera,
na poumai sto cafenio na grafy vivlia.
Tha tou tin po.
Tellos pandon.
(typewriter keys clicking)
MEN: Parakalo, parakalo
(bicycle bell rings)
Kalimera.
Good morning.
Uh, buongiorno.
Miremengjes.
Morning.
What's "mireremjeb... boobly"?
(chuckles): That's Albanian.
Albania's just over there.
Yeah, I know, I'm not an idiot.
You must be a Durrell.
Yes, I am.
I've asked around about your family.
My mother said you'd press these olives for us.
For nothing.
Please?
As you've already got the big grindy machine set up anyway.
(Hugh chuckling)
I was looking forward to seeing your mother.
Where, where is she?
At the market.
We're selling a new range of produce.
You'd better hurry if you want some.
Hmm.
(goats bleating, people talking)
Come and buy!
These.
From us.
(man whistling a tune)
(typewriter keys clicking)
(carriage slides)
(shouts): Why can't I think of anything interesting?!
(screams in frustration)
GERRY: Theo!
I finally saw an otter!
How exciting. Up by the river.
I'll get my hat.
Oh, thank you.
Where's Roger?
I dropped him at home
because he frightened away the otter.
Oh, yes, that is otterly unacceptable.
Must you?
(bell ringing)
Hello, Pavlos.
Margo.
The sun shines upon you.
I love the way you speak.
You talk about beauty and love.
What else is there?
Well, my family talk about money and violence.
And animal droppings.
Would you come to supper?
English food?
Okhi, efkharisto.
It's actually improved a lot in recent years.
(sighs)
Oh, Spiro.
It's, it's just a disaster.
What are we doing wrong?
Well, you're foreign.
People think you don't need money.
Your Greek's bad.
And you have no idea how to sell.
Come on.
What, no, what, what are you doing?
I don't know, I just like doing that.
(sighs)
(wipes hands)
Oh.
Oh! Yes, now...
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Nice.
Now, how to sell.
You need more passion.
(grunts)
For Greeks, it's like a game, but a serious one.
Always look like you're going into battle.
Leslie, you, too.
Grrr... Buy!
(softly): Buy.
Eh.
Oh, madam.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're better with a man.
Oh! Yes!
What do I say?
It doesn't matter.
They speak bad English.
If I may.
For the gentlemen.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
You don't know me.
I'm Mrs. Durrell, um...
I've got some super things for sale over here.
There's sort of an English theme to the cooking, and I...
No, no, you're probably right.
SPIROS: Be loud.
Try flirting.
Make people feel bad if they don't buy.
Oh, oh, sorry.
Koula!
Ehoume na perasoume to bango.
Tomata tou Arilla.
Re piyene se, parakalo!
Apo eki ine ta lahanika.
Tomata re koutsoulai.
Na sou po, na sou po, kane ligi pio eki.
MAN: Irthanai ta agria na thioxounai ta imera.
Vre ola kalá.
Here, Mrs. Durrells.
Location, very important.
Now.
Why should I buy... these?
Well, because they're the best.
And because I do have four mouths to feed.
Yes, she does.
So what? I don't care!
All right, no need to shout!
Steady on.
No, no.
I'm playing the part of the customer.
Oh, I'm with you now. I see.
Costi! Yiasou, Spiro.
Ti kaneis, kalla eisai?
Kalispera.
Kitaxai etho,
eimoun etho prin kai&
Yiasas.
Uh, yiasas.
You must, uh...
You...
Tha mou thosetai apo afto?
Mmm. Pol kalá.
Nectar.
Pio na paro? Bargain.
Only, only three drachma.
Yeah?
Ah, yiasas. Efkharisto pol.
Nasai kalá, nasai kalá.
(squeal)
We did it.
Ah, oh.
Pol kalá.
Ena gliko apo afta.
Enjoy.
LESLIE: Pol kalá.
LOUISA: Pol kalá.
Is it me or is it getting otter?
Yes, no stoat about it.
(chuckles)
Ooh!
THEO: I'm so sorry, Gerry.
I left Mum at the market.
Turns out, she could sell snow to Eskimos.
No!
Yep.
She practically kidnapped one poor chap
until he agreed to buy a sausage roll.
No, Leslie, no more shooting.
It's so peaceful.
This is how the peace is kept.
Have you ever thought how awful you'd feel
if you actually shot someone?
Well, I won't, because all firearms
come with a host of safety features.
Take this air rifle.
Les, I'm not interested.
No, you asked.
Now, see this here, that's the safety catch.
Now, that is always on until you want to...
(gun fires, Roger yelps) What have you done?!
That, that's not my fault!
It's not supposed to happen!
Okay... Is he going to be all right?
I don't know, I've never been at a dog shooting before!
(Roger whining)
Listen, Roger, listen-- seriously.
Gerry mustn't find out about this.
He'll be back soon-- what are you going to do?
Face the consequences like a man.
(Roger whimpers)
Or not that, actually.
(crying)
I will take this. Hey.
No, you won't.
You have our furniture.
I'll pay you when I'm ready.
I give you one week.
No money, no house.
I've shot Roger.
Oh!
Um, the thing is, Roger's a dog.
Yes.
And my husband's a doctor, not a vet.
Okay, what's the difference?
I can't help thinking this is a dog...
Don't you start.
It's just a flesh wound.
(Roger yelps)
Gerry mustn't find out about this,
so I need to leave him with you
till he's better.
He likes his tummy being rubbed.
And Gerry generally reads to him.
(sighs)
(tapping)
LOUISA: Why do they set traps?
Because the otters eat the fish.
Oh.
As Nietzsche said, "Man is the cruelest animal."
Really? I'm thinking woman.
Ah, has our venomous landlady struck again?
LOUISA: Yes.
And ruined what was up to then a very encouraging day.
She needs a talking-to.
MARGO: Your friend Hugh told me
our oil is ready.
He's very much not my friend.
Well, he obviously wanted to see you, not me.
He has a nice big house.
(emphatically): No.
Why are you dressed so smartly?
I've invited a monk to supper.
Why? MARGO: He's so sweet.
I think he'll make the perfect boyfriend.
(laughs softly)
(snorting with laughter)
What?
Monks take a vow of celibacy, darling.
You've got to be joking.
Well, not that that's a problem at your age, anyway.
It is, actually-- I've moved on from skipping
and writing in invisible ink, you know.
LUGARETZIA: A monk is coming here?
LARRY: Yes.
Po, po, po-- I hide the naked pictures.
Has anyone seen Roger?
(stammering): Oh, I think Leslie took him for a walk.
(struggling)
So to confirm,
the toad is sausage,
the hole is the yellow?
LOUISA: Yes.
And the spotted dick,
the spots are the fruity,
the dick is the yellow?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I suppose it is.
Pavlos, is there anything you don't like about being a monk?
Yes.
Getting up in the dark to sing.
No, not that.
Anything else?
Candle wax.
It gets everywhere.
(laughs softly)
She means not having a girlfriend.
God is my girlfriend.
I'm a writer.
You got any funny stories?
No.
GERRY: Oh, Leslie.
Where's Roger?
MARGO: I told them
you took him for a walk.
Yes.
And I bumped into Florence and Dr. Petridis.
Oh!
Who asked if they could borrow Roger.
As they don't have children.
Hello.
PAVLOS: Hello.
(speaking Greek)
Yiasas.
Chronia!
Oh, happy birthday.
Well, never mind.
HUGH: Bravo.
I underestimated you.
Your olives were better than I thought.
Thank you so much for pressing them. My pleasure.
Come and pick the other bottles up later. Where?
My house-- I'll mix you a drink.
Oh, well, that's very kind of you
but it's really not necessary.
You have to say yes.
Well, why?
It could be fun.
You look like a woman who's been starved of fun recently.
And you're going to bring that back, are you?
Oh, yes.
(recorded music playing)
Lugaretzia, I've made up my mind.
I have no real job, no boyfriend,
and I'm just a drain on the family.
Yes, you are.
Mmm.
So I'm going to become a nun.
(muttering)
GERRY: Guess what, Leslie.
I've decided to breed otters.
(sighs): And what do you need for that?
Two otters.
Yes, I know, but...
(squirting)
(yells)
God!
Can anything else go wrong this week?
Come on, Sally.
My name is Lawrence Durrell
and I order you to stop harassing my family.
Your mummy sent you.
No.
My novel will be published soon, royalties will flood in,
and you will be paid.
Mmmm.
Why do you hate Mrs. Durrell?
You are Mummy's little boy.
No, I'm fiercely independent and have had sex on many...
Occasions.
I really have.
Good.
So now we know where we stand.
Small finger.
Hello.
I've come to see Roger.
Oh, um...
In fact, Gerry, he's sleeping.
Oh, that's fine.
You should get a dog of your own,
you know, as you can't have children.
Yes, there are a number of good baby substitutes.
Listen, Gerry, there's been a bit of an accident.
What happened?
It was just one of those things.
He was...
Well, he was shot.
Leslie did it, didn't he?
WOMAN:
FLORENCE:
(woman gasping)
Oh, really? I was very firm.
I appealed to her as one firebrand to another.
You shot Roger.
What?
It was, it was kind of his fault.
What's the matter with you?
He's a dumb animal.
He's not dumb!
I was talking about Leslie!
Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! You think you're funny, do you?
Yes, actually... Why is everyone shouting?
Oh, you found him.
I think Roger should be allowed to shoot Leslie.
Right, that's it.
I'm going out.
You know, when I get back, I want an apology!
What a pleasant surprise, Margo.
Oh, I've just acquired the brain of a sperm whale.
Do you want to see it?
I very much don't, Theo.
Of course, you are not Gerry.
He loves looking at animal body parts.
What brings you here?
You know everything, Theo.
What's it like
being a Greek nun?
Gosh, I have a book of nuns somewhere.
What has prompted this spiritual bombshell?
Well, this monk I know is so peaceful and calm.
I'd like to be that way.
What is his name?
Pavlos.
I know him.
Charming.
Uh-huh.
To answer your question, I know that some orders
enforce a rule of silence
and others pray for eight hours per day.
Oh, forget it, then.
On the other hand, these sisters look happy.
And these are playing football.
HUGH: This place was my Greek grandparents'.
(sighs): It was a wreck.
I've transformed it.
But enough about me, however fascinating.
It must be tough being the only parent.
Yes.
Though my son Larry says they brought me up.
(laugh)
Did you ever marry?
No.
I doubt you ever met anybody you love as much as yourself.
(laughs)
Cancel the canapés, George-- Mrs. Durrell's leaving.
(Hugh chuckles)
Was that mean?
No-- I deserve it.
Champagne?
Thank you.
(guitar playing)
♪ With a song in my heart. ♪
(laughs): Oh, you truly are the master of subtlety.
♪ But it soon is a hymn to your grace ♪
♪ When the music swells ♪
(singing along): ♪ I'm holding your hand. ♪
MUSICIAN: ♪ It tells ♪
♪ That you're standing near ♪
Do you know a woman called Vasilia?
Why do you ask?
Why do you not answer?
Yes, I, I know her.
She's acting as our landlady and she clearly hates me.
I just wondered if you had any idea why.
We used to be...
Pals.
Ah.
♪ But I always knew ♪
And she'd like to be... pals again?
Yes.
A bad idea for many reasons.
If you believe the rumors,
she shoots, stabs, or poisons first,
asks questions later.
(laughs nervously)
(guitar playing softly)
I should probably be getting home.
Thank you.
(people arguing)
LARRY: What I'm saying is,
my mother shouldn't be cooking British food.
(talking and arguing)
Louisa...
I'm afraid there's a problem.
Mrs. Durrells, you have poisoned Corfu.
(moaning)
(talking angrily)
I can't explain it.
The ingredients were fresh.
I mean, I eat my food and I feel really well.
(exclaiming)
Mother is a very good cook, honest.
Pies boliko nero!
E an niotheis khirotera,
ella na this ton kyrio mou...
Apo to krio thi zesti, signomi,
to anagnorizoumai afto.
Isikhia!
(people stop talking)
I will give you all your money back.
Or...
You can have replacement food.
Now, I've got some lovely...
(talking loudly)
(talking softly)
Oh, no.
Poisonous.
LOUISA: So the heat.
That's why nobody else
is selling eggs wrapped in meat.
Maybe sell something safer, like tins of food.
(sighs): Just when I thought I'd solved our money problems.
They'll forget you poisoned them eventually.
Well, we can't survive till eventually.
Oh, and poor Sven, too.
I made him buy those Scotch eggs.
He only came to the market to buy a hammer.
(knock at door)
(door opens)
SPIROS:
FLORENCE:
I know why Vasilia hates me
and wants to drive us off the island.
Tell me-- I'll sort it out.
No, Spiro-- this is my battle.
She likes Hugh and she considers me a rival.
Are you?
No!
It's absurd, but she thinks I'm in the way.
Is Vasilia really so dangerous?
Listen, I hear rumors all the time, but...
The latest one is she once poisoned a lover who jilted her.
I knew it!
It wasn't my cooking and the heat.
She waited until I was away from the stall and then she...
Son-of-a-bitch poisoner.
FLORENCE: I'd better go.
More food poisoning, and I have dog hairs to remove.
(knocking)
MARGO: Yes, I'm serious.
I've put away childish things.
Well, not all of them.
PAVLOS: Good-- God loves children.
Well, you'd hope so.
In the beginning was the Word.
Beautiful.
And the Word was with God.
And the Word was God.
Oh, it's already getting complicated.
(otter squeaking)
Theo!
(giggling excitedly)
We need to be ready, in case Vasilia comes and shoots us.
A tad melodramatic perhaps? No.
She's already poisoned our produce
just to shift the blame onto us.
Leslie!
Leslie, we need to have a gun ready!
LESLIE: I'm still sulking!
I'll do it myself, then.
We caught an otter!
The breeding program starts here,
where they're safe from predators.
Otters are so rare.
When was the last time you saw one?
Just now, there's one over there.
GERRY: Look!
(laughs)
Margo, I'm guessing you've been to see your monk friend.
MARGO: Yes, I feel so peaceful.
LOUISA: Right.
Everybody, this is a family gun practice.
Why are you grinning?
Because I've been struggling to be creative
when it's all in front of me.
A hellcat poisons and threatens her love rival.
A dog is shot by a gun-crazed misfit
while his sister falls for a monk,
and monstrous weasels breed
in the front garden.
There he goes.
Obviously I should just
set my new novel here.
LESLIE: Gerry?
Chapter two,
the misfit fashions a dog wheelchair
out of driftwood.
Brilliant!
Hmm?
Oh, thank you, Leslie.
Upon reflection, if you shoot the dog,
it's beholden on you to make amends.
LOUISA: Leslie, Leslie,
how does this one work?
Oh, no, no, I'm never touching guns again.
Violence is not the answer, Mother.
Right, well.
I'll do it myself.
(pounding at door)
MARGO: Don't shoot anyone.
A nice way to greet your landlady.
Oh, I will defend by whatever means my family
and the house that we have loved and worked hard at.
Pay me or I come back with my men.
Here.
This is what we owe you.
I look forward to the return of our furniture.
And whatever your reasons for hating me,
we love it here,
and we will survive and we will thrive.
We have a saying:
Kalitera me ton diavolo para me kakia ginaika.
(softly): What does that mean?
What?
Better to live with the devil than with a woman who is angry.
And how dare you poison our food!
(laughs): Why would I poison my own people?
Only stupid English make eggs in meat in this heat!
(sighs): Well!
(gun fires) (Roger yelps)
(barks)
(exhales)
(Louisa sighs) (laughs)
Who did you get that money from?
Who do you think?
(humming "Amazing Grace")
Prosohi! Tha pesi!
Etsi bravo halara me prosohi,
then tha ta halasoumai akoma then ta piramai!
Theleis boithia?
Na fonaxo ton allo, boreis mono sou?
GERRY: Good morning, bees.
Ah, Spiro.
You will get your money back even if I have to rob a bank.
Don't do that.
In any case, I think in Greece, they're empty.
But in the meantime, this is for you and your family.
(gasps and laughs)
As in the parable of the widow's mite...
Margo, darling, I'm quoting the Bible.
Well done.
I have little, but I'm delighted
to give it to you.
Uh, there's no meat in it.
Thank you, Mrs. Durrells.
Can I say...
(car approaching)
Hello!
Lovely morning!
I'm Hugh.
For you.
Oh!
Be careful, they have thorns.
♪♪