You must know your age.
My parents were really vague.
I told you about when they left me
in the playground and took another child home.
Do you have a birth certificate?
No.
They didn't believe in paperwork.
Animals don't know when they were born.
It doesn't bother them.
Will you stop making stupid parallels
between animals and humans?
Animals don't call you stupid.
Bearing in mind
I have no money, what do you want for your birthday?
I would like the gift of knowing that you are all
spirited and fulfilled.
I'll find you some nice driftwood.
I'll take the Webley out and shoot something for you.
I'm not sure a bleeding corpse strikes the right festive note.
Oh, my God, you're turning into Larry.
He's not dead-- he's a mile away.
I know.
In a bar.
Well, we'll give you a fabulous birthday.
Thank you.
Whatever age you are, we will celebrate you
in all your wizened glory.
Mas Efere Afto to zow.
Breakfast!
Come and get it.
Fish!
If I don't milk you, you will fill up and explode!
Freshly caught by Leslie.
Grumpily.
Don't be shy.
Someone's making an effort for Hugh.
Hughie!
I'm not sure she is pregnant, you know.
If we're not careful,
otters will die out on Corfu.
Oh.
So I've laid out your best clothes.
Margo will smarten your hair.
And get the muck off his face.
And you know the way to Mr. Kralefsky's.
Please work hard, Gerry.
It's really difficult to find a good tutor.
It's probably open.
Larry?
I thought you'd be up writing.
I aim always to surprise.
Well, you said you left home to experience life in the raw.
I've worn the same underwear for two weeks.
You don't get much more raw than that.
Well, it's just as well
I brought you these, then.
Mum, Ernest Hemingway's parents don't bring him Battenberg cake.
Or do they?
Where's your typewriter?
Oh, yes, I've been doing some boxing.
Tell them not to hit your face.
I usually do, actually.
Come on, then.
You will brush your teeth later on, won't you, darling?
I'll see how I feel.
How are you?
I miss your intelligent conversation.
I mentioned communism recently.
Margo still thinks it means being...
Being common, yes, I know.
She's not dim, she's just not interested.
But I can talk to you like you're my age.
Well, hardly.
I'll be right down.
Ah, I wondered why you were dressed to kill.
Or at least dressed to wound.
How is it?
Fine.
But?
But I don't want to rush into another entanglement.
I still wonder about Sven.
Those are excuses
for only living half a life.
It's not an excuse,
you... irritant.
Life's complicated.
Emotions ebb and flow.
Men let you down.
Your children have started to leave home.
What are you waiting for?
Whoo!
Doesn't she corner gracefully?
Mmm.
Who would you save
in a fire, me or the car?
Well, that's like asking you
which of your children you'd choose.
Which of yours would you save?
Please, don't ever have children.
Yours?
Mine.
A grove of olea europaea.
2,000 years old.
If Christ ever holidayed in Corfu,
he may have slept under it.
And if one ever worried about one's age,
it would be the perfect antidote.
I agree.
Without wishing to generalize, young women are raving mad.
You mean-- and I note in passing
that I'm no longer considered young-- Vasilia?
Yes, all right.
How dangerous is she?
She killed a lover.
What?
Well, he died.
He probably deserved it.
Life is messy.
But enough about her.
We have a day of fun ahead of us.
To the seaside.
Oh.
Hell o!
How embarrassing.
Okay back there in the cheap seats?
Smugness can be very ugly, Spiros.
I suggest you buy
more reliable transportation.
Like a donkey.
No chance-- he's too...
handsome.
I deserve someone handsome.
I liked it more when you were trying to be a nun.
I may get back to that when I'm old.
Talking of old,
what are we going to do for Mother's birthday?
Well, she needs cheering up because of missing Larry.
Let's give her a special picnic and get him over.
Good idea.
Theo!
Gerry! Oh, I like your new look!
Where's the wild urchin of yesteryear?
He's about to go to his new tutor.
Oh, yes, time to fill in the little gaps in your knowledge.
Well, I'd rather be out photographing nature with you.
I snapped a splendid fan-tailed warbler earlier today.
I'd love to take photos.
All the fun of shooting with guns,
and you get a picture at the end of it.
The perfect birthday present.
Well, come to my house later
and I'll talk you through the developing.
Time to go, Gerry.
Show me.
Acceptable. Lovely. Delightful.
Hello!
Monsieur Durrell.
Bien arrivé.
This is so exciting.
I've never done anything creative before.
Every family has room for one.
And Larry got in early.
Maybe this is your future.
I love this.
So, what do they produce
here in Warwickshire?
Wallpaper.
No.
String?
No.
Wigs, bananas?
Now I think you are guessing.
Coal, or motorcycles.
Oh.
Or, of course, playwrights!
William Shakespeare.
Oh, of course, yes, the Barb.
The Bard.
Yes.
You seem like a decent boy, Gerald,
but I have much to teach you.
Oh, well, I don't wish to boast, Mr. Kralefsky, but I do know
a lot about nature.
That will get you nowhere in life.
Do excuse me.
I must go to see Mother.
The prettiest Durrell.
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
Write me a love poem.
And why would I do that?
Because now you are thinking about me.
Smaller.
It's tiny.
You're eating for two.
I'm so jealous of you.
Starting out.
New life.
None of this sense of the years
ticking remorselessly by.
You really are taking this birthday
to heart, aren't you?
You can start a new family with one of your men.
Look, there's one.
Oh, Sven...
He looks pleased with himself.
Hmm.
What? What?
There are rumors that he has a girlfriend.
Oh, right.
Well, good.
I don't think you mean good.
Well, I know he was fighting it,
but I assumed his homosexuality would win.
I know.
Who is it?
It's not Vasilia, is it? No!
Nobody seems to know her.
I hope to God
she's plain and ancient.
We could have been married.
Louisa,
you did the right thing.
Then why does it make me feel so sad?
♪ But still those little things remain ♪
♪ That bring me happiness or pain... ♪
You just killed a living creature.
Yes, and I will kill again.
Do we really need the hedgehog?
Yes, he's poorly.
I'm making sure he eats and drinks.
Right, well, if he doesn't pull through--
shoe brush!
Little sausage?
My specialty.
No, thank you, darling.
I had rather a lot of cake earlier.
Larry did not come.
I'm sure he's busy preparing a spectacular present.
How's your new tutor, Gerry?
He keeps saying
he must go and see Mother, even though he looks really old.
It's a euphemism.
Well done, Leslie.
From the Greek eu, "well"
and pheme.
Clearly not much interest there.
I think it's his polite way
of saying he needs the lavatory, darling.
Lavatory itself is a euphemism, of course,
meaning "place of washing."
Even less interest.
Oh, I have a present.
Oh!
Gosh.
Well.
What could this be?
A new lavatory seat.
No.
A fossil.
Specifically a Mamites ammonite from the Cretaceous age.
Well, thank you, Theo.
Theo's lent me a camera.
I'm going to take portraits.
And I'm going to be photographed, looking fabulous.
Hmm.
You get a camera, I get a reminder I'm going to be
embedded in a cliff face one day.
Whoa, we're on an anthill!
We're not.
Right, let's have some cake!
Ella esy.
I wanted to get candles but couldn't get hold of enough.
Right, well, that's it.
Ants on the cake!
Shut up, Lugaretzia.
How old do you all think I am?
Don't answer.
No, I mean it, come on.
How old?
35 at the most.
So when Larry born she was...
Thirteen.
No, but I was very young.
I don't know, are you 50?
That sounds about right.
So it's probably time to act more sedated,
Like the Queen Mary.
I see you more
as a slow-moving giant turtle.
Right, well, this has been delightful.
Oh, are you not 50?
No, I am not 50!
And I don't see myself
as a slow-moving turtle, Gerry.
More of a sea lion, perhaps?
I see myself
as a woman in her prime.
Yes, Gerry.
And though maybe not as young
as Sven's new girlfriend,
I am young and I am fun.
And I will not let you forget it!
♪ These foolish things... ♪
Oh, go away.
You're too late.
I suppose part of this
is about me having children so young.
I spent my twenties changing nappies.
Enjoy your youth while you can.
What did Aunt Hermione send you?
Some birthday money.
I'm going to buy something frivolous.
Like a trip to Venice.
Or some roller skates.
Mother, you're not 18.
Have you not been listening to me?
I thought we were short of money.
Well, we are.
But I've paid Spiros back a little bit, and, well,
Vasilia doesn't seem so desperate for the rent.
Well, you can relax,
because I'm going to make money by being a photographer.
How many photographs
have you taken in your life?
One.
But I have Theo's excellent book.
And a powerful urge to succeed.
Mmm, fabulous.
You'll have to practice lots first.
Oh, start with me.
Yes-- okay, now tilt your head to the side a bit
so we can't see your spot, that's lovely.
Oh, no!
It's enormous.
No, it's not.
You look divine.
I'll never find a man who loves me.
Darling,
love isn't everything.
You sound happy.
Well, in fact, it's a ballad about evil trolls
who eat children.
It's very Swedish.
Well, you made it sound very jolly.
I'm kidding, it's a love song.
So what brings you to me?
You're an expert on goats, and Leslie was wondering
how often he should milk them.
Once a day.
Thank you.
I heard you had a girlfriend.
Oh, did you?
Is it true?
Well, you once told me no man is an island.
I'm sorry, it's none of my business.
How's... what's his name,
Huge?
Hugh.
And I wouldn't say he's huge.
Always nice to see you.
Wait.
You've done something to your...
Oh.
Well...
Looks good.
Thank you.
Do keep singing.
I shouldn't be eating this, really.
It's Mother's way of creating dependency in me.
Or she just likes cooking.
And why does she like cooking?
Because it's where her power resides.
She's like a despot
whose weapon is pie.
Don't be mean.
She misses you.
I miss her.
While she's having a crisis,
you just stay here
in your little hidey-hole.
So you dragging lots of girls up here?
Mmm.
There's a couple under the bed.
What?
Don't tell Mother,
but Vasilia came to see me.
You mustn't get together with her!
I won't!
She's a nightmare, and she's our landlady.
She'll evict us if we're not careful.
I know-- I'm not an idiot.
I can't believe it-- another spot.
It's thwarted hormones.
Get a boyfriend.
I won't now I've got three spots.
Just settle for anyone half decent.
No.
I'm holding out for someone gorgeous,
but who's also aware
of the mass prejudice against women.
Mrs. Durrells, what are you doing?
I'm living for the moment.
What?
Oh, be a love.
What are you doing?
I'm assessing you for a portrait.
Oh, Leslie has become a photographer.
He's got a studio and everything.
He's brilliant.
Let me photograph you, Spiros.
My rates are very reasonable.
No.
I know what I look like.
What about your wife and children?
I especially know what they look like.
Well, you used to have a photo of them
on your windscreen.
No, that was the Greek royal family.
Similar.
Much loved, but very expensive.
Ooh!
Quel âge as tu?
Je m'appelle Gerry.
Non!
Je n'ai pas dit, comment t'appelles-tu!
Right.
I can see you feel quite strongly about that.
Quel âge as tu?
Did I mention the je m'appelle Gerry?
I'd love to know a bit more about you, Mr. Kralefsky.
I'm sure you've led a fascinating life.
Oh, yes, in fact I have.
What was the most fascinating thing?
Hello, Leslie.
Oh, hello.
Where's your mother?
I'm glad you're here, actually.
How is she?
Brooding about Sven, wanting to be 20 again.
More importantly,
I'm doing a special offer on photo portraits.
So do sign up. Certainly.
Oh, good.
I don't mean to pry, but, um...
what's the truth about Sven?
Why didn't they marry?
Well, they liked each other, but not...
Just not in the right way, yes, I know the party line.
It's just that I like your mother.
And I want to understand her a bit better.
Sven... is a homosexual.
Ah.
And you mustn't tell anyone-- it's illegal.
Yeah.
Do you want to buy some sticky buns?
I plunged my hand into the dog's mouth
and twisted his tongue.
But I hung on, gamely,
for what seemed like an age,
until he went limp.
The creature had been suffocated by its own tongue.
Whoa, blimey.
And then...
If you'll excuse me, I want to go and see Mother.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Oh!
Very well.
I will escort you.
I'll be fine now.
Mother?
Mother dear?
Gerry here wanted to see you.
Oh, I'm flattered.
Nowadays so many people consider a person of my age to be a bore.
Goodness, no.
I absolutely wanted to see you.
Come and sit down.
Excuse me, I need the lavatory.
- Where's the lamp? - It's so dark.
No, I've got too many spots-- I can't let anyone see them.
Don't be ridiculous.
So...
what do you think?
I think you should wear clothes for your own age group.
Oh, really.
Um...
I don't want to worry you,
but Larry says Vasilia's after him.
Larry's not that stupid.
What brings you here?
English lessons, or...
No.
The teacher will be me, I think.
Look, obviously you're very easy on the eye,
but you used to go out with my mother's gentleman friend, so...
Old history.
But to quote James Joyce's Ulysses,
"History is a nightmare...
...from which I am trying to awake."
How's your daughter's pregnancy going, Lugaretzia?
She eat many anchovies.
Hmm.
Well, I hear that's a common craving.
And newspaper.
That's probably not quite so common.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you.
I thought you didn't have any money.
Well, to be honest, this was cheap.
Ooh.
It's very comfy.
It's very classical and motherly.
Promise you'll wear it?
Yes.
Not to do the gardening in.
In public.
Yes, in public.
Thank you.
He was a brute, and I cannot abide a man
ill-treating a lady.
So I instantly threw him onto his back,
shaming him, and won the lady.
Ah.
But let us return to our French.
Quelle heure...
Please show me how you threw him.
Oh, uh, very well.
Come at me.
Perhaps I shouldn't.
As you wish.
Quelle heure est-il?
Oops.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
What do we look like?
I don't normally arrive
with a watermelon,
but Leslie asked me to bring one for my photographic portrait.
Oh, I see.
Do you normally walk pelicans?
Um, yes, yes.
Gerry likes his animals
to have a little bit of a jaunt every day, so...
Thank you.
That's a nice big one.
Well, do come in.
You've decided to wear that, have you?
Yes, good idea, the addition of fruit.
Yeah, it's artistic, isn't it?
Look, it's in the book.
Ah.
So what I'm doing
is I'm turning light into paper.
Ah.
So we just...
Looks like you've found your niche, Leslie.
Well done.
What's your niche?
Olives.
Nice.
Nice niche.
Thank you.
Ah!
How was your photography session?
Excellent.
Have some watermelon.
Leslie dropped it.
Thank you.
Um, you and me...
Look, I know you don't want to mire yourself
in another mismatch after Sven.
No, no, I don't, but I..
I know why you couldn't marry him.
Louisa...
You're behind the times, actually.
He's got a girlfriend.
Oh, that's what it's all about, I see.
Oh, hello, darling.
Margo's got a couple of spots,
so she's sent her face into hiding.
Margo, perfection is tedious.
You're better than that.
Thank you.
Is that the dress I gave you?
Uh, yes, I've adapted it, actually.
I made it into two dresses
so now we can go into town like twin sisters.
Well, I like it.
Thank you.
Larry, it's your mother.
Wardrobe!
Do I look like a jacket?
Surprise.
Oh, Larry.
I'm not good enough for your son?
No, you're not.
Let's not get all blamey and judgey.
It's so obvious that she's using you.
I could just as easily be using her.
Not that I am-- that would be rude.
She's twice your age!
Are you 15?!
No, I'm not 15!
Not that age matters.
You fell out with Nancy, and now this?
That was different.
I liked Nancy!
And I didn't want to lose you.
Your mummy brings you food?
I don't ask her for it.
She is dangerous, Larry.
Yes, I am.
And what are you?
I am a mother.
Mmm, boring.
I'm a woman.
Your dress has a crack.
Too tight.
I will be, wear, and do as I wish.
As you will find out.
"I am a woman."
Sod off.
Mum, Mr. Kralefsky can't teach me for a while.
Oh, yes, he can.
No, really-- he's cracked a collarbone.
No!
How?
He was demonstrating how he wrestled with a brute
and won a lady.
I think he tends to exaggerate.
And I sort of wrestled him and won.
Anyway, bye.
Hello.
I'm here for my session
with society photographer Leslie Durrell.
Ah, oh, well, do come in.
And to apologize for my fossil gaffe.
My aim was to show eternal beauty.
Theo, I can see you now.
I've had a late cancellation.
My model has cried off
due to a skin complaint.
Even though I told her
I needed the practice.
How was your journey, was it okay?
Brilliant, yeah, lovely.
Little boy,
where is your mother?
In the kitchen.
Use your brain.
You have repaired your clothes.
Yes.
Why you are trying to be what you are not?
Since you're showing an interest,
I was bored with what I'd become.
I am never bored with me.
No, I sensed that.
Can I photograph you?
No, you can't.
No, but... Thank you.
So what can I do for you?
You are angry I am with Larry.
Oh, goodness no.
I'm just pleased Larry's finally found a girlfriend.
I mean, I never thought that would happen.
And an older woman, too-- perfect for him
to learn the ropes.
He is handsome.
Mmm, well, I'm pleased you think so.
I mean, that's all that matters.
Well, I know how busy you are,
so why don't I give you this month's rent,
and... then we can say our goodbyes.
I'll give up your son if you give up Hugh.
Hey, slow down there!
Stop!
Stop, please.
I felt like an intruder.
I would have introduced you.
Look, I can't move on with my life if I keep thinking
that it could've been with you.
Please don't keep me guessing.
She's an old friend from Sweden.
Rosalint.
She's very bossy.
And his name is Viggo.
And I love him.
I'm not fighting it anymore.
Our love is like... like buried treasure.
Dig it up when nobody's looking, and then people come,
we have to hide it again.
I'm so glad you've found someone.
I will always love you, too.
I don't want to mess up you and "Huge."
I think we'll be all right now.
And you know it's "Hugh," don't you?
Yeah.
There's Viggo-- he's learning the accordion.
Now I understand what you mean by it being annoying.
Larry?
Mmm?
Come here.
No, I'm working.
We are good together.
Mm...
And in Greece, when a man and a woman
are good together, they get married.
You're not exactly a blushing virgin.
If you do ever get married I'd suggest a scarlet dress.
Whatever you say, darling.
You know, I thought you'd see marriage as rather bourgeois.
You'll be telling me you've already chosen
your children's names next.
Aristides and Vasilia junior.
I shouldn't even be thinking about her tawdry deal,
but I do so fear for Larry.
Of course.
And the ghost of Sven's making Hugh cross.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
I want to be young, but I'd love serenity.
I want to be more like you.
No, no, please, be more like you.
Hello, Gerrys, good morning!
Give me a pelican!
Give me an otter!
Oh, Mrs. Durrells,
I bring you Mr. Kralefskys.
Ah!
He can't get out of the car, because it hurts.
Ah.
Mr. Kralefsky, I am so sorry
about what happened.
Gerry...
They say that there is no fool like an old fool,
and I am the living, hobbling proof.
Well, thank you.
How were Gerry's studies going?
His French?
Well, you know, Mrs. Durrell,
Petit a petit, l'oiseau fait son nid.
Well, yes, I mean, we're always saying that, aren't we?
Yes.
So you'll have him back?
No-- tutoring is clearly too dangerous.
Are you sure?
It's impossible to find a good tutor.
I mean even Spiros had a go.
Yes, I'm afraid so.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must go to see Mother.
Oh, um, well, it's an outside one, I'm afraid.
Uh...
They're ready, Mum.
Look.
Happy birthday.
♪ Don't let yourself get hotcha ♪
♪ Don't let your love go wrong ♪
♪ Don't let the moonlight get you... ♪
Oh, no-- I can do them again.
I'm just learning.
Have I let you down?
No, it's not you.
I'm ghastly.
This is what I've looked like recently?
No.
I think my experiments with looking younger
are over, don't you?
Yes, please.
Leslie, darling,
take some more photographs.
God knows we're not perfect, but let's celebrate the real us.
Okay.
Go that way, go that way.
Smile, mouth closed.
Stop!
Larry, Larry, Larry.
Seriously... You look fine.
Useless, isn't it?
Margo...
Beautiful.
Really nice.
Hello.
I've come to settle my photography bill.
Oh, thank you.
Leslie's just... No, I haven't.
I've come to see you.
Happy birthday.
I shouldn't have got involved in your history with Sven.
It's fine, it's all resolved.
I'm sorry I was difficult.
You're forgetting that my last girlfriend was Vasilia.
No, I'm not.
She's seeing my son Larry.
Yes, I know.
I'm sorry.
She said she'd stop if I stopped seeing you.
The awful thing is, I thought about it.
Well, please don't do that.
Trust me, it won't last.
Mother, we've decided...
Oh, morning, Hugh. Morning.
We've decided to give your birthday picnic another go.
Oh.
I got in a bit of a state about the whole ageing thing.
Morning, Hugh.
Gerry.
Margo won't come out of her room
because she's up to eight spots.
What breakfast is flat enough
to slide under a door?
Bacon?
Toast.
Kalimera.
Donald!
Hey, pal.
- How you doing? - You're back.
I'm good, how are you?
What have you got in your rucksack?
Can you help me get this off?
I toppled over in Kefalonia
and it took me ten minutes to right myself.
Where's Margo?
She won't get out of her bedroom.
Yes, they're making her some flat breakfast.
That should do it.
So Larry moved out?
Yes, so you can stay until he gets back.
He's coming back?
Oh, yes.
So why is Margo locked in her room?
Let's ask her, shall we?
Margo!
Margo, tell Donald why you're hiding.
I've got spots.
She's there.
Hello, Margo.
Hello, Donald.
Piastika po pop o.
Donald, have you got a job?
No, I need one actually,
now that Max isn't paying for everything.
Would you live in and be Gerry's tutor?
Did you talk to Sven?
Yes.
What a lovely man.
Yes, he is.
Thank you.
Happy with life now?
Oh, goodness no, there's always far too much to worry about.
But, you know, I was thinking:
I've been fretting about my age, but Vasilia has taken
a younger man to feel better about herself.
So I win.
Shall we?
Can I show you my photos?
Mmm, of course.
What would you say your style is?
What's my style?
Mmm.
I suppose you could describe it as a good style.
A good style-- is that a style?
It is now.
Can I photograph your baby when it comes?
Yes, but not like that.
I'm down to one major spot now,
and these two, which are like evil twins,
but basically they're much better now.
And that is, as I predicted,
because you have the adoration of a good man
soothing your raging hormones.
I don't know.
The one on my forehead, which was really angry,
it's nearly gone now, but it...
Stop.
That's ten minutes talking about your spots.
I am fiercely intelligent.
I've had a novel published.
Oh, shut up.
Anyway I'm not talking to you
now you're seeing that hateful woman.
Okay, group photo, everyone.
It's quite complicated, so I will need some discipline.
Come on, come on.
Just check.
So Larry, what will it take to persuade you to come home
and change your girlfriend?
I'm afraid I'm my own person now.
Mmm, no, you're not.
Not while you're living ten minutes away
from your mother by donkey.
Right, let's see those smiles, everyone.
I'll find you a nice girlfriend.
I wouldn't if I were you.
I'm getting married to Vasilia.