Viktor, we got her.
Gun.
Well, you found us. Come on in, Padre. How you doing?
- You all right? - Yeah.
This is your friend's place?
Yeah, Denis.
Wait till you meet him. He's hysterical.
You're gonna love him. There he is.
How you doing, Denis? Morning, mate.
He's just tired, that's all. Don't worry about that.
So, looking for God? How'd it go?
It's hard to say.
But for a first night, it was definitely interesting.
I met this woman.
No, not like that. She was in trouble,
so I helped her.
That's great.
- Helping's nice. - Never mind.
- Where's Tulip? - Tulip?
She's still sleeping?
No, no, she went out.
- Out? - Yeah.
- Where? - I don't know.
- When? - When, what?
Did she go out?
Last night.
So she went out in the middle of the night and didn't say
where, or why, or when she'd be back?
Yeah. Maybe you should call,
just check in, make sure she's all right.
It's weird, isn't it?
For Tulip?
No, it's pretty typical.
I'm gonna take a nap.
Oh! Uh...
Bedroom's down the hall, there.
Yeah, that's the one.
Sleep tight.
No!
Keep at it.
This might be one of those all-day things.
So?
What are we gonna do with you?
Hello?
Hello.
Who's there?
What's going on?
The whole block's down?
Most unusual.
Routine maintenance, I guess.
We better get back to our hells.
They'll be back soon.
Yeah.
Run along, granny goody-two-shoes.
I just don't want to get in trouble.
Hey, idiot.
You're in hell.
You're already in trouble.
Hey.
Leave her alone.
Holy shit.
My frickin' Jesus, check out New Guy.
Oh, my God, dude.
All right, dude, I gotta ask you a question, you gotta be honest.
Has anyone ever told you that your face is disgusting?
It's like your face is one big, giant sphincter.
I'm gonna put my meat in your mouth
and have oral and anal at the same time.
All right, Tyler.
That is enough.
What? We're just having some fun.
Yeah.
And now the fun is over.
What if it isn't over,
Mein Führer?
What if the fun's just beginning?
What are we gonna do about that then?
Huh?
Go back to your hells.
Quick.
Once the machine starts, the doors lock.
You can come in my hell if you want.
Suit yourself.
But they will put you in the hole.
That was brave.
Sticking up for the gypsy.
You're Hitler.
Yes.
You started World War Two.
I did. Yes.
You killed like...
...millions of people.
I did terrible things.
Here we go again.
Two of your best plum cakes, please. Extra flaky crust, danke.
Guten tag.
Elsa, there you are.
- I just ordered plum cakes. - Oh, yummy.
I dropped by your house yesterday.
Oh, did you?
I had to help my mother at the store.
Excuse me.
Yes, of course. My fault.
- Guten tag. - Guten tag.
I'm sorry, you were saying, you were helping your mother.
Adolf, see that man with the hat?
That's Herman Hoehne, the gallery owner I told you about.
We're old friends.
You must show him your drawings.
Oh...
They're not ready.
That is what you always say.
You have such talent, you must...
Communists. They're all vermin. They should be exiled.
Yes, I suppose so.
You disagree?
The Communists are scum, infiltrating our society.
Yes, no. Of course you are right. Yes.
Vermin. That is exactly right.
Yeah, they'll get what's coming to them.
Would you like tea?
I'm fine.
Go. Show him your work.
Again?
That was your worst memory?
Your door will be opened.
Go back to your cell now. While you still can.
What is your name, by the way?
Eugene Root.
Welcome to hell, Eugene.
We danced in the moonlight
Held hands in the park
It's a miracle
Moment of love
No!
I'm sorry.
Here.
No more crying, okay?
'Cause crying isn't gonna fix this.
I brought you in.
I trusted you,
made you a part of my family.
And in return, you made a fool out of me.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say.
Well, you better think of something,
'cause "sorry" isn't gonna fix this either.
Excuse me, boss.
He's conscious again.
Not sure how long we'll have him.
Walk around, clear your head.
And when I ask you again,
give me a better answer.
Hey, Tulip.
Hey, Pat.
You've forgotten us, haven't you?
You moved on and your life continued.
But others weren't so lucky.
The waters went down, but the pain rose, the grief continued...
I lost my house, my clothes, everything.
I asked the Federal Government for help...
But you know how that goes.
I lost my restaurant.
Made the best ribs in all of New Orleans. People would travel...
What is this?
Infomercial.
No Tulip?
She hasn't called you?
Why would I ask if she's here if she'd called?
Yeah, no.
Uh...
Right, that'd just be weird.
Uh...
Denis. Denis.
Padre. Padre, Denis.
Thank you for letting us stay.
It's a beautiful place.
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's just... That's just French.
Right.
Grab something to eat and then we'll go.
Wait... What? Where are we going?
Jazz clubs. Still got 137 more to see.
Yeah, but what about Tulip?
What about her?
Are you not wondering where she is?
I know exactly where she is.
You do?
We're in a fight.
So she's out somewhere being mad at me.
- Being mad at you? - Yeah.
Shopping, shoplifting. Cheating at cards.
- Calling off marriages. - Yeah, but she...
She never said anything like that to me, though.
She just got up and left without saying a word.
- Do you know what I mean? - Right.
'Cause we're in a fight.
- But I... - Anyway.
This woman last night,
she told me about some secret organization
with designs on world domination? You know about that?
Yeah. Sure, which one is it?
ZOG, Rosicrucians, Reptilians.
Secret society of alien lizards.
They impersonate celebrities
in an attempt to take over the planet through popular culture.
- Is that it? - No.
Right.
The one I was told about the guys were wearing white suits.
- Yeah? - They drive white vans.
Maybe some sort of religious organization.
White suits?
I don't know about that, Padre. It sounds pretty fake to me.
Hmm...
White vans...
In position.
We're living under a bridge,
and I work three jobs just to keep a tarp over our heads.
I used to go to prostitutes.
Now I am one.
I thought things couldn't get worse than a Category 5 hurricane.
But for me, Katrina was just the beginning.
- Oh, my God. Jesse! Jess! - What is it?
Jesse, come and have a look!
Quick, quick, quick.
It's bloody God from your church, look! See?
...I lost my insurance,
and now I'm mentally ill.
It's the God from the church.
I still believe that people are good,
and that's what helps me sleep at night.
How do you sleep at night?
Hi, I'm Frankie Muniz.
I'm not homeless, and neither are they.
We're all actors.
But Katrina-related homelessness is real.
Frankie Muniz, huge talent.
So when it comes time to give...
What do we say?
Don't forget!
Fake God.
He's an actor.
Fake God is a local actor.
Uh-huh.
It's only this block that's on the fritz, right?
That's correct.
Bulb's almost brand-new. So that can't be it.
It has to be electrical.
Could be mechanical.
Could be the fan. Could be a lot of things.
Did you leave the room right now?
No.
This going to take a while?
Maybe full reset.
Come with me.
This actor could answer lots of questions.
- Like what? - Like why'd they hire him?
Does he look like God? Does he act like God?
Maybe God hired him.
All right.
- Hello? - Hi.
We looked online, you represent an actor here,
Mark Hairlik? Harelic? From the Katrina commercials.
Harelik. Do you have an appointment?
Nope.
All right, coming.
Hey, guys.
How you been?
Hey, Jimmy, you're still playing with this guy?
He will rob you blind.
Mmm... Something smells good.
Pete, Nick...
Please.
I know I messed up big time.
We need more salt.
Still no word from Tulip?
It's weird, isn't it?
Mmm.
You're not worried.
That's good.
Why would I be worried?
Well, if I had a girl like Tulip,
I'd be worried day and night, mate.
If you had a girl like Tulip, you'd be wasting your time.
If there's one thing Tulip O'Hare can do, it's look after herself.
- Hey, guys, Teddy Gunth. - Yeah.
Sorry about the wait. It's pilot season, so crazy busy,
but how can I be of help to you?
You represent a Mark Harelik?
I do. Huge talent.
Tell me, what exactly are you looking for?
We're looking for Mark Harelik.
We have a few questions for him.
Right, right. Okay,
so I'm hearing tall, Jewish, right?
Maybe kind of soulful?
You guys definitely came to the right place.
Um, let me ask you something.
Does it have to be European white?
Or can it be maybe Hispanic?
And the only reason why I ask this, right, is because
I just signed this Cuban guy.
He's so good.
No, just tell us where he is.
See, it doesn't really work that way, boss.
You want access to a Teddy Gunth client,
you gotta go through Teddy Gunth.
Now, what is this project?
It's Game of Thrones.
And are we talking guest star or something larger?
It's reoccurring.
But there's a chance he'll get up to series regular
if he's God-like. You know what I mean?
I want premium cable rate. Fifteen thousand per episode.
Done.
And per diem, plus round-trip airfare, first class.
Business.
Nice try. This is HBO.
No one's made of money, Gunth, all right?
Even Dinklage flies business. Christ.
- Really. - Yeah.
- Done. - Excelente, Gunth.
All right. Now, we need to arrange a costume fitting immediately.
Where the hell is he?
Who? Harelik? No idea.
What on earth do you mean, Gunth?
Hold on, hold on. Let me show you this Cuban guy.
We don't want the Cuban guy, Gunth. We don't want him.
We want Harelik or there's no deal here, all right?
I don't know where he is.
For God's sake, he's ridiculous, this man.
I got him this gig, moment he got it, never heard from him again.
- The Katrina commercial? - No.
No, no, no. That was over a year ago. This was...
This was some out-of-town understudy thing
for some larger-than-life type character like...
Like a mob boss, or an emperor, or something...
Or God.
Yeah, that was it. It was God.
And who hired him? Who was behind this?
Who knows? Voices on a phone, right?
Oh, great.
I'll tell you this much though, snooty freaking bastards.
Because I remember, I told him to send me his audition tape,
'cause I wanted it for, like, his actor reel, right?
They told me to pound sand.
Yeah. Teddy Gunth.
So I told them, "You listen to me right now.
"You send me his goddamn audition tape right now
"or I'm gonna have Screen Actors Guild on you so fast,
"your shoes are gonna curl." And believe me,
that got their attention.
- They sent it to you? His tape? - Yeah.
- What's on it? - Are you crazy? I didn't watch it.
Have you ever seen an actor's audition? Nobody watches them.
Waste of time. It's ridiculous. Making me furious.
HBO is gonna hear about this, Gunth.
- I tell you what... - This tape? Do you have a copy?
What do you mean, he's gone?
How could that happen?
Who let him out?
Well, someone better find him
or we'll have to answer to you know who.
Jesus.
You're new, so here's a little background.
When this place was initially conceived and constructed,
no one had any idea the kind of numbers we'd be getting.
Obviously, we have issues of overcrowding.
We're underfunded and sometimes the machine breaks down.
We'll have you back to your hell soon enough.
Until then I'm gonna put you in holding with the others.
And this is what you need to consider...
Lots of first-timers, they get very excited when their hells break down.
"Let's take a break, put our feet up, it's vacation time."
You know what I do with them?
No, ma'am.
I put them in the hole.
You think your worst memory is bad?
You think that's torture?
We can make it worse.
One more thing.
I've been reviewing your hell.
You seem like a nice young man.
Sweet. Kind.
Loyal.
Thank you.
That kind of behavior will not be tolerated here.
Do you understand?
Yes, ma'am.
This is hell, act accordingly.
We will be watching.
Hey, Allie.
How you doing?
You got so big, huh?
Those bracelets are pretty.
You make them?
I hope my father kills you.
Um...
Mark Harelik. 6'2". Gunth Management.
When you're ready.
Okay.
Um...
Let me just ask... Is there...
Who am I talking to in the scene?
'Cause it's not quite clear from the script.
Could be the heavenly host
or different angels calling up from Earth.
Your goal is to reassure the faithful, et cetera, et cetera.
Okay, all right, all right. Got it.
Ha!
- Okay. - Who are you?
I am the alpha and the omega.
Could I start one more time, please. I didn't...
Yeah. Sure, go ahead.
I am the alpha and the omega,
and the bright morning star.
I am the Lord, your God.
My children, why have you called me?
That was great.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we move on to the other scenes?
Let's try the "Empathy with Sufferers" scene.
"Empathy with Sufferers, " right.
The Lord your God has heard your lamentations,
your wailing,
rest well, my child,
your suffering
is my suffering,
I shall soothe your pain
and dry your tears.
Your suffering is my suffering.
That just kills me.
He's pretty good.
Great. Hold on.
And finally, your last scene?
"Scary Prophecy."
Whenever you're ready.
Hear me!
Hear me and tremble
and know the signs of the world to come!
Look for the changes, for things impossible.
The dying land, the falling sky,
the beasts of the field thrown into confusion.
Look for the days to shorten,
look for the darkness to grow
and look for the wicked
to know my wrath!
Excellent, thank you.
I pushed that last part, don't you think?
I mean, it's not as scary if he's trying to be scary,
you know what I'm saying?
I agree with that.
You understand it's an open-ended arrangement?
There's no out-date.
Yes, yes.
And you're okay with that?
Well... Gosh, I've been thinking about this for a long time.
Obviously, it's a big commitment, but...
It's the role of a lifetime.
In that case, congratulations. You've got the part.
Yes!
Oh!
Holy shite!
They killed him!
They had to.
Only way to get him to heaven.
All right, so...
God's an expert crier and he yells a lot.
We kind of knew that already.
Weird though, right?
If it isn't weird, then they changed the definition
while I wasn't bloody looking.
No, no.
We're here.
Fake God was from here.
And other people are looking for God here.
That's weird.
Right. I vote we call it a day.
Let's ring Tulip, see what she's up to.
I feel like I'm missing something.
Something really obvious.
I'm sure, yeah.
Looking for a gun, huh?
In the ol' gun safe maybe?
Yeah, we changed the combo a month ago.
Hey, Marte.
Let me go.
No.
Let me go, Viktor,
or I swear to God, I will blow your brains out.
Yeah?
So do it.
Come on, now's your chance. Do it.
All right, all right, that's enough.
Want me to have a crack at her, boss?
No, thank you, Pat.
Leave her to me.
Show me your saggies. Come on, show me.
Just one time.
Hey!
Speak English. English!
What is wrong with you?
Hello.
How was your chat with Superintendent Mannering?
Fine.
Fine, was it? Yeah? Good.
What is the use of a puzzle book
if all the answers are filled in?
But I suppose that is exactly their point,
isn't it?
No rest for the wicked.
You don't seem that bad.
Anymore.
At least to me.
I mean...
Are you?
Am I what, Eugene?
Bad?
Hey, look. It's New Guy.
And he brought his anal face!
What're you guys doin'?
Just talking? Catchin' up?
- Tyler. - What?
I like talking. He can talk to me, too.
Say something, like...
Um...
Spaghetti.
Or no, no, no, no. No, Mississippi!
Say Mississippi.
Come on, ass face, say Mississippi!
- Say it. - Stop.
Yeah?
Or what?
Or...
Just don't.
What happened to you, Hitler?
You used to be Hitler.
What happened to the Blitzkrieg, and the Sieg Heils?
Remember Sieg Heil?
- Sieg Heil! - Nein.
Please, Tyler.
Down goes Hitler!
Come on, who else wants a piece of some fascist ass?
Sieg Heil!
Hey!
Wait!
Sieg!
Heil!
Sieg Heil!
...a long time.
Obviously, it's a big commitment...
All right, Jess, can we just...
- It's the role of a lifetime. - Jess.
In that case, congratulations. You've got the part.
Yes!
There, see?
Corner of the screen, you can just make out a hand.
- Jess. - If I could just magnify that.
I could find out whose hand it is.
Jesse. Jess, Jess?
What?
- What is it? - I think Tulip's in trouble.
- I don't know. - What?
Bollocks! I wasn't supposed to say, all right?
Supposed to say what?
I've been hinting all day long
and you just haven't been listening,
you haven't been pickin' up on it!
Okay, well, I'm picking up on it now. What are you talking about?
She told me she could handle it.
And under no circumstances am I to tell you, so...
Where is she?
Padre, I want to tell you, but she made me promise!
Where is she?
The problem is, I went crazy in high school.
Tried everything I could get my hands on.
Gel, mousse, powder.
I think my follicles, they just gave up.
That's a real thing.
The follicles, they give up?
- Can I help you? - This Viktor Kruglov's place?
This is private property, pal. Get lost.
Open the gate.
Sit down. Don't move.
Where's Tulip?
I don't know.
Nobody move.
It happens sometimes. Heart gives out.
It's an art, not a science.
You're awake. Good.
I don't know what you did to the guys out there,
but I am definitely curious.
Choices.
Hardest part of the job.
Oh
All right. Let's get to the bottom of things...
Stop.
I bet she never had a back street guy
I bet her mama never told her why
I'm gonna try for an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am
And when she knows what
She wants from her time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind
She'll see I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love with an uptown girl
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
She's getting tired of her high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
Uptown girl
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win
And when she's walking
She's looking so fine
And when she's talking
She'll say I'm not so tough
Just because
Where is she?
Bedroom.
- Jesse... - Who the hell are you?
Jesse!
It's okay.
Jesse, don't!
Jesse!
Jesse, you can't kill him.
He's my husband.