What's your name, boy?
Jesse.
Jesse who?
Jesse...
Custer.
Put him back.
No, don't, please.
No, no!
Please, let me out.
No, please!
Please, no, stop, please!
Please! Let me out!
Let me out!
Let me out! Let me out! Please, just let me out!
After everything he did...
You put him in the goddamn swamp?
He can't hurt anyone from in there.
You lied, Jesse.
I'm sorry.
You still lied.
- Well, you lied, too. - When?
"When?" What, you want a list?
How about, as a for instance, when you got married?
You said you understood about that!
I do understand, but now I need you to understand me.
Why didn't you send him to Hell?
I couldn't do that to another soul.
He can't get out.
What is it?
Hoover. Flufferman.
It's "Featherstone", sir.
He and his girlfriend are driving back from the swamps now.
Having her find the weapons was a good idea.
So, she saw the empty truck and she was...
Very unhappy.
Good. That's a start.
Question, sir.
All this seems like a lot of trouble. Can't we just kill Custer?
I'm not a homosexual.
Oh. No, of course not, sir.
You're the pinnacle of masculinity. No one would ever question...
What did you do this time?
I apologize, sir.
I assumed that when you requested prostitutes, that...
Should I get you a refund?
You're missing the point, Hoover.
The tarp, then, sir.
Yes, as much as I would enjoy seeing your insides spread out before me
like a buffet breakfast in a five-star hotel,
my time with those rough-handed hooligans
gave me a new perspective on things.
The tarp will have to wait.
For what's to come, I need you both alive.
- Thank you, sir. - What's to come, sir?
The Messiah is a moron.
I understand you may find this disappointing
since you've devoted your entire lives to serving him,
but I've seen monkeys in heat with more grace and dignity.
But not to worry. I'm plotting a coup.
My plan is to replace the moron with Jesse Custer
and bring real order and control to the world.
I'd like you both to join me. What do you say?
The Messiah is a moron?
Uh... Brilliant, sir. I like it a lot.
And no doubt Custer has excellent qualifications, but may I ask,
has he agreed to this plan?
Not yet. But he will.
He doesn't know it yet, but I have what he wants.
So, considering the alternative is summary execution,
I assume you both are with me.
- Absolutely, sir. - Good. Go.
Yes?
- I'm sorry about... - The men.
I'll have to live with that memory for the rest of my life.
About my new assignment, sir...
- I have some trepidations. - Go on.
Well, maybe I'm being tough on myself, but I'm just not...
I'm not sure I'm the best person for this job.
I'm sure you're not.
But the smart one is busy and you're all I've got left.
So get to it.
And Hoover, let's pray it doesn't come down to you.
Yes, sir.
I've seen enough.
Whoo!
I did good, right? I'm the one who's not supposed to be here?
Yeah, right, yeah, of course, you can't say.
Hey, listen, I get it. I get it.
Bet you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Back to holding.
Yeah.
Yes? When?
I appreciate the information. Keep me updated.
Who was that?
New Orleans. The Saint of Killers.
Bring in the next one.
I don't think they're letting anybody out.
What?
When they find out who doesn't belong...
...they're not letting them out.
They're gonna make it worse for him.
Where'd you hear that?
I mean it, dude, who told you that?
Hitler.
Seriously? I don't even know why you hang out with that guy.
Everyone knows you can't trust Hitler.
Yeah, but...
...you know, he used to be a custodian here.
He knows what they do.
That's right. He did used to have the run of this place.
You know what? Since I'm pretty sure it's my last night here,
cut Caveman down. Let's have some fun.
Well, I'm not worried.
I mean, if he was gonna come, he would've come by now.
Yeah, well, maybe we should just double-bolt the door.
You know, just to be extra safe.
You're safe. If he comes at all, he'll be coming for me.
And I'll handle it. Like I did last time.
No offense, Padre, but I hope you "handle it"
a little better than you did last time.
Yeah, 'cause that didn't work out real great.
All right. I will handle it better.
What is that?
Denis has been after me for a puppy, so...
You got him a dog?
Yeah. I couldn't resist.
Oh.
Well, that's nice.
I shouldn't have...
- I should've told you. - Yeah, you should've told us!
You know, it's just this whole...
This whole situation has been tougher than I thought.
For all of us.
It's been...
I know we could all use a break.
From waiting around for a cowboy to come kill us?
Hmm.
- We could go someplace. - Where?
I hear Vancouver's great, you know. It's got good meth and nice hiking.
Vancouver. Mexico. I don't care, anywhere but here.
Yeah, and I saw this place on YouTube in the Caribbean. Bimini?
It's got gambling, catamarans. Topless beaches.
Topless... I can't be going on no topless beach.
Sunscreen has come a long way since you were a kid, Cassidy.
It's a good idea.
True. Catamarans on the beach it is.
We're gonna go and it's gonna be great.
- Bimini, bitches! - But...
It is gonna be great! And I'ma go pack.
- I'm gonna run it by Denis. - No.
Hey, remember this from Miami?
Chinchilla job for the Cubans?
Oh, man! That was crazy fun.
You know what? I will never, and I mean never,
look at a crossbow the same way again.
- Tulip. - Yep?
We can't go yet.
Guys! Denis is in.
- God damn it, Jesse! - What happened?
- He doesn't want to go. - What?
- That's not what I said. - But Bimini was your idea!
No, we're gonna go. I wanna go. It's just...
We have to find God first.
He's not here, Jesse, we looked!
It's true. We've looked everywhere.
Oh, you know where we didn't look, Cassidy?
I do indeed.
- Bimini. - Guys.
Well, if I was God, that's where I'd be, man. Honestly.
Right. I mean, if he could be there, why would he be here?
Unless he's a complete moron, absolutely no reason at all.
- Guys. - You know what he's doing right now?
I think he's lying on the beach, drinking a catamaran.
Guys! I met Jesus.
Do you mean "Jesus" Jesus, or just some random Latino man?
- The Jesus Christ. - The guy from the cross?
Beard, sandals, like 1,000 years old?
Well, he was Jesus Christ's 25th great-grandson.
But this Jesus, he's not right in the head.
- He's an imbecile. - They're all imbeciles, Jesse.
Jesus, Buddha, the President.
And God's probably the biggest imbecile of 'em all!
So I don't understand why you care so much about finding him.
Why do I care?
Because he created the universe! That's why.
And maybe if you would stop being so selfish, you would care, too!
I'm selfish?
Seriously?
We do everything for you.
You wanna go on a road trip? Find God? We hit the road.
You wanna go to New Orleans? Fine.
You want to leave us with a maniac cowboy,
we do it. For you!
And Cassidy lost his fingers!
And I practically lost my mind! What did you lose, Jesse, huh?
What the hell did you lose?
Life is not just about bikinis and beaches, Tulip.
The beach was your idea!
We never even heard of Bimini until you brought it up.
- Why did you get him that dog? - The hell is that supposed to mean?
You know exactly what it means!
Oh, leave him alone! He didn't do anything.
No, I don't, Padre.
You're gonna have to enlighten me, 'cause I think I'm a bit daft.
What, you have a problem with dogs?
- It's not about the dog, trust me. - Well, what's it about, then?
Is it about my son? Huh?
The one you wouldn't help?
With your precious Genesis.
Because that's not what it's for!
Then you can tell me, where is God?
- Where's God? - Humperdoo.
- Where's God? Where's God? - Humperdoo.
Good question.
I said, where's God?
Maybe it is about the dog.
Is that who we're talking about?
- Shit. - What?
Gotta go.
Right under my nose.
This whole time. Crazy.
But this is it.
This is what we've been chasing.
I know where God is.
- We gotta go. - No, Jesse.
You gotta go.
You're not gonna come?
You're just gonna stay here?
What about the Saint?
Like you said, Padre,
he's only after you.
Tyler, please.
Come on, Hitler, what's the big deal? We wanna see your Hell.
We don't have much time. Open the door.
But how? It's locked.
- So there's no way to get in? - Nein. No.
Open it!
Some privacy, please.
Told you we can't trust him.
How's this gonna work if the cell block is down?
Well, there's not enough power for the whole block,
but one cell won't be a problem.
You ready, Hitler, or did you get lost in there?
Yeah, no, thank you. You do the honors.
Eugene, please... Don't make me do this.
I have to see this.
All right. Let's party!
Dude, all these people are about to get wasted.
Hey, krauts, what are you doing? Get out of here!
Hitler's gonna gas your asses.
Two of your best plum cakes, please. Extra flaky crust. Danke.
Ah.
Elsa, there you are. I just ordered plum cakes.
Oh, yum!
I dropped by your house yesterday.
Oh, did you? I had to help my mother at the store.
Ah.
Excuse me.
Yes, of course. My fault.
I'm sorry. You were saying, you were helping your mother?
Adolf. See that man?
With the hat? That's Herman Hoehne, the gallery owner I told you about.
We are old friends. You must show him your drawings.
Oh!
They are not ready.
That is what you always say.
You have such talent. You must...
What?
Communists. They are all vermin. They should be exiled.
Yes, I suppose so.
- Would you like tea? - I'm fine, thank you.
Go. Show him your work. Don't be shy.
No point in having talent if you don't act on it.
Go. Now.
I beg your pardon, Herr Hoehne.
I am a great admirer of your gallery.
So, as I was saying...
I was wondering if you would be so kind
as to have a look at my paintings?
Of course, mein Herr.
Ah...
The watercolors are very capable.
The lines are strong.
Nice shading.
I like to be encouraging.
Your work shows capacity, but lacks conviction.
Vision. Daring.
It's bloodless.
Well, perhaps you would prefer the charcoals more.
I doubt it.
I will work harder. May I show you some more pieces in a few months?
Thank you.
I'm so sorry.
How did it go?
I don't have it.
He's wrong, Adolf. What does he know?
You can't let yourself be discouraged by one homosexual's opinion.
No, no, of course you're right.
You have to fight for what you want in this world.
Our plum cake should be here soon.
Citizens of Germany!
Prepare to rise up against the corrupt Weimar Republic!
I'm sorry, no weapons allowed.
Play Die Internationale for the German worker!
- Communist sons of whores. - Are you deaf?
- Germany will never... - Elsa. Elsa. They have guns.
Play!
- What are you doing? - You like the workers?
Nein, bourgeoisie!
Ja?
Uh...
I believe you dropped this.
You! Learn the workers' anthem,
or next time it will be worse for you. I mean it!
Rise up against the Republic!
German workers unite!
Well, they're gone now.
But I think you are right.
I don't want to be in Hoehne's gallery.
There are many other galleries. I shall approach them all.
I wasn't with my mother yesterday.
I was at the lake with Shulman.
He made us a picnic, and we sat by the lake in the sunshine all day.
The bicycle repairman?
He's ambitious. He knows what he wants.
I'm going to him now. Do you understand why, Adolf?
Good day to you.
Ah, danke.
I'm sorry, mein Hitler, but we are all out of plum cake.
But I was here first.
Apologies. Can I offer you some strudel?
I don't like strudel.
Mmm.
Mmm!
Wow.
So, because you looked like a bitch
in front of that art guy and your girlfriend,
you blew up Europe?
Nein.
No.
Dude.
You are sick! Hey, payback's a bitch, am I right?
Next time, get the man his plum cake or watch your back.
We should get out of here.
Yeah.
Get him down.
You! Down!
Leave that camera alone.
Hitler?
Did you really start World War II...
...because they were out of plum cake?
You wouldn't understand.
Tell me.
Go away, Eugene.
Why was that your worst memory?
That was the day...
The last day that I was good.
That was the moment I lost myself.
Will you still help me escape?
Do you trust me?
How do we get out?
There is a back door.
A secret door.
Root, Eugene.
Let's go, Root.
Time for your screening.
Don't worry, I will come for you.
May I have your attention?
Your attention, please?
Everyone, please be quiet!
Ladies and gentlemen, I need you to do something for me,
so please listen very carefully.
Why should we do anything you say, plum cake?
Because I'm Adolf fucking Hitler!
- Oh, hey. - Hey.
- Still no sign of him? - Neither of 'em.
What do you think we should do?
Who knows?
No, you're right. We should just sit tight, be patient.
No, you know what? Screw that. I know what I'm gonna do.
Denis. You need to make sure he always has fresh water.
All right, man?
So what did you get up to last night after I left?
You got back pretty late.
Do you know what? Never mind.
Whoa! Where'd you get those?
Jesse kept 'em. I'ma destroy 'em.
Sounds like fun. Do you want some company?
Nah, nah. You two hang out.
You sure it's a good idea being alone right now?
I won't be. Jenny's coming with me.
- Wow! - Wow!
What?
You like her.
Well, of course I like her. She's me friend.
So take her.
What?
Take her.
It's what we do.
Give me the dog.
Non.
No.
Give me the goddamn dog!
Did you know God was Man-dog?
No.
Did you know?
No.
It was a test, wasn't it?
He knew I was coming.
I looked God right in the eyes
and I told Him He was not what I wanted.
It was a test.
It was a test, and I've failed.
That's absolutely, 100% a possibility.
What does that mean?
Can you imagine the stress that comes
with being master of all creation?
I'm told He wasn't always like this.
But there have been rumors in recent years
- that God had become... - A pervert?
- Disenchanted. - So what?
God snaps, has a breakdown and now He's not gonna come back?
Honestly, I don't know.
But in His apparent state,
having Him back, is that really what you want?
He's God.
Of course I want Him back.
No. I don't think so.
I've learned a lot about you over the past few days, Jesse.
I have.
And I think what you truly want
is forgiveness.
And what exactly do I need forgiveness for?
For killing your father, of course.
Who told you that?
Seventy-eight billion people, give or take, since time began.
With more arriving every day.
Each of them with their own distinct hopes and fears.
The numbers really pile up, you can imagine.
Of course God wants to hear them all,
but at a certain point,
Heaven thought it best to create a back-up system,
make sure nothing important fell through the cracks.
Took a while to procure these,
but I called in a few favors.
Let's have a listen, shall we?
Listen to what?
What are they?
They are your prayers.
Cut the fat off the back of a baboon
Boil it down to a pound, get a spoon
Take the fleas from the knees of a demon
Tell your pals and gals and come screamin'
To the feast with the beast of the Mau Maus
They make wine from the spine of their bulldog
It's a test for the best for who stays
I know some collectors who'd pay some big bucks for these here.
Not for sale.
I want 'em gone.
It won't open.
Can't you just throw 'em in as they are?
What, and have one of these bullets explode?
Fine.
Okay to shoot those barrels back there?
Be my guest.
Damn it!
Sorry, ladies. I ain't smelting 'em loaded.
What if I give you oral sex?
Whoa, whoa!
Hey. No, no, it's cool.
I mean, you know, I'll think of something else.
Mail 'em to Rio or someplace.
No. This is important to you.
I want to help.
What if I come over there,
tear off that apron,
get down on my knees and put your penis in my mouth?
Whoa!
Or what if I say you forced me to put your penis in my mouth?
Yeah, I came into your establishment
looking for some simple metal smelting.
And the next thing you know,
- you had me on my knees. - Hey!
Okay, or what if I call my cousin
who's a detective with the state police
and I tell him your business here is an illegal operation?
Put the weapons in the machine.
I just can't believe he lied to you.
Well, what am I saying? Of course he lied. He's a man.
Men are lying pigs.
Yeah.
But I kind of get it.
You do?
Jesse's got his reasons.
You know, his daddy was a preacher.
Yeah, that'd mess anyone up.
Hmm.
- Yeah. - And who am I to talk?
I don't even know the guy.
I'll settle for anyone who doesn't punch me in the face.
No, Jesse would never do that.
Not even the time I cracked his skull with a golf club.
Where do you think he is now?
Said he knew where God was.
I probably should've gone with him.
I mean the cowboy.
I don't know.
Jesse can handle him.
Hope you're right.
Come here, I need you to see something!
Put out your hand.
What?
Yeah. It's all right. Do it.
It's over 4,000 degrees in there.
It could melt the armor off a tank.
That thing is not even hot.
Take a look at that.
Michael row the boat ashore Hallelujah
Don't move.
Hallelujah
Then you'll hear the trumpet sound
What's going on here?
Hallelujah
Time to go.
Quiet. Quiet!
One. Two. Three. Four.
Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine...
Put this back there.
Come on. Let's go!
Wait...
The Hole?
Ja! Yes, the back door is down there.
Where's Hitler?
Look for him!
I can't.
Yes, you can.
I will be with you every step of the way.
God, forgive me for not eating my broccoli.
Forgive me for sassing my daddy.
Forgive me for falling asleep at church.
God, forgive me for hitting Donnie on the playground,
even though he deserved it.
God, forgive me for thinking You ain't real.
Forgive me for using Your name in vain.
Forgive me for thinking dirty thoughts about Miss Haggerty.
Forgive me for falling asleep at church.
Forgive me for giving up.
Forgive me for being scared. Forgive me for letting my daddy down.
God, forgive me for losing my temper.
Forgive me for not doing my chores as best I could.
Forgive me for hurting Bobby Boyd, although he had it coming.
Forgive me for not praying to you more.
God, forgive me for thinking You ain't real.
Forgive me for touching myself.
Forgive me for asking you to kill my father and send him to Hell.
God, forgive me for having hate in my heart.
God, forgive me for shooting that Komodo dragon.
Forgive me for talking down to Tulip.
God, forgive me for robbing that convenience store. That gas station.
And that pawnbroker. God, for robbing that zoo.
God.
God, forgive me for killing that security guard.
God, forgive me for losing my temper. For taking that guy's eye out.
Getting drunk. For stealing cars. Fighting. Lying. Drinking.
Drinking too much. Beating. Robbing. Cheating. Lying. Drinking.
Hurting. Punching. Stealing. God, forgive me for killing.
I imagine you could take 100,000 little old ladies,
walk them back and forth across the street for 100 years,
and it still wouldn't get you off the hook for all that.
If you want to save your soul, you need to do something big.
You need to join me, Jesse.
People have done worse.
I bet you've done worse.
Perhaps one more?
I ask you again. What's your name?
Jesse.
Jesse who?
Jesse...
L'Angelle.
That's a good boy.
And?
Thank you, God.
"Thank you, God, for..."
Thank you, God, for killing my father and bringing me home.
Okay. Turn it off.
Your grandma loves you.
Thank you, God, for killing my father and bringing me home.
So...
You went to an awful lot of trouble for all this.
To show you that you're the right man for the job
and the job is right for you.
So these are all my prayers?
Yes.
Over all this time... Every single one.
I can make copies if you'd like to take them.
No, that's all right.
Why don't you just...
Shove 'em up your ass.
Sweet...
We're done. Let me out.
Is everything all right with Herr Starr?
Let me out.
I'm just going to check with him.
Let me out.
Yes, Hoover, I'm sure. Custer has left us no choice.
God help us, it's all come down to you.
Nothing less than the eternal dignity
of the Grail is at stake.
Okay, good. I'm glad we could reach this understanding.
Now just do what you do.