(SIGHS)
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
Hey, get off. Get off.
Hey! Hey! I said scoot, didn't I? Go.
My goodness, you're adorable.
- Is this the right place? - Probably.
My cat ran off. Dusty.
He hasn't been back in five nights.
Which is not like him, you know? Not like him at all.
Uncharacteristic.
Very uncharacteristic.
And I was told about a lady here.
Might be able to help track him down for me?
Madame L'Angelle is a world-renowned spiritist,
diviner, mistress of the pyramids.
She sees through walls,
round corners,
into human hearts.
She'll find your cat.
(SIGHS)
I hope so.
He's not an outdoor cat, you know?
So, I'm worried that he might be...
Parking is $8.
Sorry. Right.
You can park out by the slave quarters.
Occult Room's in the big house. Gator tours on the hour.
Gift shop closes at 5:00.
Welcome to Angelville.
MAN: (SINGING) If you've got the money
I've got the time
We'll go honky tonkin'
And we'll have a time
We'll make all the night spots
Dance, drink beer and wine
If you've got the money, honey
I've got the time
(SQUAWKS)
There ain't no use to tarry...
Welcome to Angelville,
where the magic of the South comes to life.
Spare me the carny talk.
I'm here for the tombs.
Tombs? I... I don't know what that is.
Come on, little man.
I got money. I wanna see some blood.
I honestly don't know what...
Maybe you should ask over at the Boyd place across the way.
They're into all sorts of shady stuff, Officer.
L'Angelle scum.
If you've got the money, honey
I've got the time
Hey, TC.
Hey, Jody.
What took you guys so long?
I was halfway ready to eat that stupid chicken.
Anyway, thanks.
Afternoon'll probably pick up.
What?
What? That's it. I swear.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
Son of a...
(GRUNTS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(KNOCKING)
Sorry to bother you, but...
I don't know if you can, but please...
Everything
has a price.
You understand?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(BELL TOLLING IN DISTANCE)
I'm sorry.
No. I am sorry.
They're assembling now, Messiah.
Don't call me that.
- I still don't understand what... - We have to start somewhere.
Build you up, introduce you to the world.
And this?
Your speech has been focus-grouped multiple times.
- I wrote the last draft myself. - I can tell.
I know messiahs.
How they begin, how they rise.
I know what makes them work.
And this is how they start.
A cape?
An 11th century Flemish fencing cloak with gold applique.
You see? Gives a sense of authority.
I don't give a shit.
I'm not wearing that.
Shall I save seats for your friends?
They're not coming.
Oh.
Well, it's a packed house in there already.
(LOUD FARTING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
STUDENT: That is awesome!
Quiet!
Give me that.
(FARTING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
We have a special guest today.
Someone who is apparently quite holy.
And if you're good, he will perform, or so I'm told,
a miracle for us.
- Is it God? - No!
But close.
Preacher?
- Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT) - (CHIMES)
Hey.
"Look around. The world has fallen into confusion and decay.
"Murder, rape, sedition, incest, lesbianism.
"But I have a power...
"A power to make things better.
"Let me ask you a question.
"If you had a power that could make anyone do whatever you said,
"what would you do with it?"
(ALL YELLING)
Get my fart machine back!
NUN: Quiet!
You're never getting that disgusting thing back. Ever.
STUDENTS: Ohhh.
Hey, kids, you wanna see a miracle?
ALL: Me!
(DISTANT GUNFIRE)
(DISTANT SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
It's the Armenians! The Armenians are coming!
Everyone, get behind a table now!
Get down!
Come on!
- (CHILDREN SCREAMING) - Let's go! Get down! Come on!
Move aside, priest.
We just want the nuns and the children.
Idiots. Do you know who this man is?
Put your weapons down.
What did you say?
Say that again.
I said...
Put your weapons down.
(DISTORTED YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
MAN: (SINGING) My sweet Lord
Mmm, my Lord
I really want to see you
Really want to see you
Really want to see you, Lord
But it takes so long, My Lord
Hallelujah
My sweet Lord
Hallelujah
Mmm, my Lord
Hallelujah
My, my, my Lord
Hallelujah
I really want to know you
Hallelujah
Really want to go with you
Hallelujah
Really want to show you, Lord
That it won't take long, My Lord
Hallelujah
STUDENTS: (CHANTING) Preacher! Preacher! Preacher! Preacher!
Okay. I'm gonna see you all later. You take care of yourselves now.
CHILDREN: Bye!
Get it all?
Every screaming child and heathen cry.
- Already posted and trending. - Ah!
Got a call from Jimmy Kimmel's people.
We're off to Los Angeles.
It sort of worked out, then.
Yes, minus the anxious pupil who defecated on my shoe.
Why were they shooting blanks?
Who?
The Armenians.
They had no live rounds in their guns.
Such an alien culture. Who knows what they're thinking?
It was a stunt. You set me up.
There is no time for conventional methods.
The Christ child, unibrowed cretinism notwithstanding,
is miles ahead of you in name recognition.
We have to spread the word.
And this, as I said, is how we start.
Now, come on. The jet is waiting.
I didn't sign up for this shit!
Spoken like a true Messiah.
Jimmy Kimmel, right?
Yeah.
Exciting. Starr's a genius.
And now we're his right-hand men.
Ready to serve him no matter the cost or cause.
Ready to face down any disbeliever
who dares oppose him and drench the streets in their blood.
Yeah. No, I'm excited.
I'm gonna unplug the air mattress. Maybe take a shower.
(MOANING)
MAN: Playing by day. Feeding by night. We are the Children of Blood.
Join us, and let your darkest desires drink deep.
- (SCREAMING) - (MOANING)
(HUMMING SOFTLY)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN: (SINGING) I stand there
Before you
Afraid that I
Have lost you
To someone
Hey.
Hello.
I can't believe
That you...
All this for you?
Hmm?
Sunscreen.
Some of it. Some of it's for a friend.
I was gonna say. SPF 100?
Gonna say what?
No offense, ma'am.
Well, that's for me to decide, isn't it?
CASHIER: ID? For the booze.
I don't ask, I don't stay in business.
(SCOFFS)
All right.
Anything else, darlin'?
(SUCKING TEETH)
Yeah.
I would like some... Cherry lip balm.
And this.
(YELLS)
Here.
Yeah, 'cause I'm the bad guy!
(SCOFFS)
Bitch.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
You ready to go?
Yep.
Is that crack?
No, it's just...
It isn't.
Seriously?
Look, how I spend my downtime is my business, all right?
If you don't like it, you can clear off.
In fact, you probably should if you knew what was good for you.
Cass, cut the crap.
Look, Bimini is gonna be great. Okay?
At least I think so.
On the road again?
No more dumbass God hunt?
Just the two of us, partying and having fun?
And Denis. Don't forget.
Yeah, Denis, too.
Anyway. Jesse's gone.
He made his choice and we made ours.
Too bad.
But I am not gonna mope around smoking crack about it.
All right, but it's just... It's medicinal.
So, look, whatever happens next,
between the two of us, okay?
I say let it happen.
What?
You know we're gonna have sex again, right?
We are?
Well, it's what you want, isn't it?
Well, yeah. I mean...
Okay. So...
WOMAN: (SINGING) If there's a Lord Make her a woman
Make she look after all...
Is that all?
May she forgive All of those cowards
Who make every day A losing fight
(BITING)
(SCREAMING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
You ready to go?
Yeah.
Is that crack?
Yeah.
All right.
I'm gonna go pack.
All right.
(SQUEAKING)
That is the frontier.
Who's that?
He is the one who lets you out.
Tell him your name and that you do not belong here.
He will blow his horn and see that you cross safely to the other side.
They will give you clothes,
put you on a bus, and drop you at the nearest stop.
And then you are free.
It's that easy?
No, Eugene. It's impossible.
Except for someone like you.
Well, goodbye.
You're going?
Well, of course. It is the end of the road.
What's going to happen to you?
They're going to be mad when they find out.
I suppose, but all they can do is make it worse.
Hello.
My name is Eugene Root.
I'm not supposed to be here.
So...
So uh...
I'd like to get across and go home.
Someone said that you could help me.
Adolf Hitler did.
He said that...
He promised...
(HORN SOUNDING)
Don't do that okay! I'm serious!
I don't belong here!
What!?
No!!!
Oh!
Sorry.
Looks like they were pretty rough on you down there.
Oh... No.
This is...
This is pre-existing.
Oh, shit.
I thought that was the horn.
Which?
The?
Over there?
(LAUGHING)
Uh, no.
No, that's just, uh...
I don't know what that is.
Here you go.
MANNERING: Stop!
Give him to me, Sharon.
He doesn't belong here.
I don't care.
I want him back.
Superintendent, this is my jurisdiction.
- If I say that... - He broke my extrapolator!
If I say he's free to go, he's free.
Those are the rules.
I don't know if you heard, but God's gone.
(YELLS)
And the rules have changed.
Got him. All units descend on Sector Four.
For eons we've ruled here and no one has ever escaped.
Ever.
Did you honestly think that I was gonna let...
(ALARM BLARING)
Hitler!
(DOGS BARKING)
Hurry! You have to go! Hurry!
You saved me.
Again.
You have saved me. Don't you see?
I finally did something good.
(MAN YELLING)
Go! Go! Go!
Come with me.
But I couldn't!
The things I have done...
It's very nice of you, but I belong here.
Not any more.
Kimmel's people.
They wanted to put you on after Kylie Jenner.
Why didn't you use your power back there?
I didn't need to.
You will.
TULIP: Are you ready?
I guess so.
Can you tell your dad I'm packing up the car?
Cass! I'm packing up the car!
CASSIDY: Okay!
MAN: Join us, and let your darkest desires drink deep.
You can't wear that on the plane. Get dressed.
Tulip?
TULIP: Yep?
What?
They were watching us. This whole time.
- CASSIDY: Who? - The men in white.
Starr.
(SIGHS)
Jesus.
God, I might've masturbated in here.
Yeah, me, too.
Well, do you think we should tell Jesse?
That we masturbated in the living room?
No. Not about that.
About them spyin' on us. Gatherin' intelligence and the like.
That bulbous one-eyed git has been undermining us this whole time.
I say we tell Jesse about it.
What difference would it make, Cassidy?
It worked.
See you in the car.
All right, buddy, come on. Let's go for a ride.
(CHIMES)
Can you be a good lad?
(AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKING FRENCH)
Promise me.
(AUTOMATED VOICE CONTINUES)
Promise me you'll be good?
(AUTOMATED VOICE CONTINUES)
All right.
Yeah, all right, don't look at me like that.
They were in the laundry, and I was just...
(AUTOMATED VOICE CONTINUES)
Denis, put 'em down.
Did you hear me?
Denis, put 'em down.
Just put 'em down.
Put 'em down.
Please.
Can you be a good lad, Papa?
Can you be good?
No.
I don't think I can.
Not with you around.
(SCREAMING)
Papa! Papa! Papa!
- Papa! Papa... - I know. I know.
I like your hoodie.
Hmm?
Your jacket.
Oh, yeah.
It's a little big, but...
Danke.
Well.
My dad would probably get a kick out of meeting you.
He loves the History Channel.
Now.
You're welcome to come back home with me if you want...
- (TYRES SCREECH) - (HONKING)
DRIVER: Get out of the road!
(SCREAMS)
Shit!
You okay? Come and help!
Get out of my way!
(MAN GRUNTS)
What's wrong with you?
Shit.
Hi.
Ew!
(SINGING) There is a young cowboy
He lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions
He works in the saddle He sleeps in the canyons
Just waiting for summer
His pastures to change
And as the moon rises He sits by the fire...
(HUMMING)
Where's Denis?
Oh, he, uh... He changed his mind.
Hey, you can sit in the front if you want.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, this is a definite upgrade.
It's got nice sightlines and handy ashtray.
This is very nice.
Will you give me a sec? I forgot to say goodbye.
Sure.
Jenny?
JENNY: Tulip, is that you?
Just give me a sec.
Sure.
You moving out?
JENNY: Yeah. Found a new place.
Yeah.
I'm moving, too.
This was always gonna be temporary.
Yeah.
I just wanted to say thank you.
You know, for everything.
I should thank you.
Well, you helped me get through a bad stretch there.
Showed me how to be strong.
You're out of moisturizer.
Bitch.
'Course, I still have a ways to go.
Hmm.
I never did tell you about Dallas, did I?
No.
You never did.
(GUNSHOT)
REPORTER: Preacher, tell us about your special...
Preacher, tell us about your special powers.
Is it true you read a nun's mind?
What's up with those shiny collar things?
All right. That's enough.
Tune in for more, tonight on Kimmel.
- Preacher! - Preacher!
(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)
STARR: You're a natural.
And when the world realizes
that their only other option needs reminding
he can't eat his own hemorrhoids,
I think we'll be in good shape.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
Preacher. We're on our way to redemption.
This is your calling, not that.
I just wanna see they're okay.
I understand. Go to your friends.
- Get in there as fast as you can... - Go!
And when you're ready, come back for your soul.
(PHONE RINGING)
Idiots.
Shut up.
I'll deal with you later.
In the meantime, cancel the ambulance.
She went upstairs to say goodbye.
She just went up to say goodbye and I... And that was it.
It's all right. I'm gonna look at that.
Okay. All right. Pass me those towels.
All right, gotta keep the pressure on there.
See if there's any super glue, would you?
- Super glue? - Yeah, to close up the wound.
- Try under the sink. - Okay, okay.
God.
I leave you for one day, look what happens.
It's gone right through. That's good.
What about window caulk? There's no glue.
What? I don't know what to do!
I rang the ambulance, like, forever ago, man!
All right! All right, all right.
Let's rig up an IV drip. You got syringes?
- Yeah, I have. Yeah. - All right, clean ones?
And there's blood in the freezer, right?
- Yeah, maybe some. - All right, hurry up then.
- She's AB-negative. - All right.
What happened?
She just went upstairs to say goodbye and...
- Goodbye to who? - I don't know!
I found her in the hallway.
Christ, where's the bloody ambulance?
Shit! I don't think I have any AB!
All right. All right, Cass. Let's drive her to the hospital.
Give me a hand here. Come on.
- Come on, that's it. - Come on, come on, love.
But... No, don't do that. That's all right.
No... (SHUSHING)
Come on, come on.
- Come on, baby. - Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, use the Word.
Jesse, you're gonna have to use the Word on her, mate!
Just do it. Come on, do it.
Breathe.
What's happening? Why isn't it working?
- It doesn't work any more! - Why not?
I don't know, it just doesn't! Come on!
All right, I can do it.
- I can do it, I can do it. - Come on!
Move, I can help her!
There is no other way.
Don't touch her.
Don't you ever touch her.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(CHOKING)
Listen, listen. Listen to me, listen to me.
You've gotta let me do it. Look at me, look at me!
You've gotta let me do it! It's the only way, all right?
Look at me, Jesse! Look, it's the only way!
Wait, no! Cass, stop! Stop!
(YELLING)
Listen, it won't do... It won't be, it won't be like Denis.
- Cass, it's okay. - It won't be like Denis!
She's different!
- It'll be different, I swear! - Cass! Stop!
Jesse!
What are you doing?
She's gonna die, man. Tulip's gonna die.
Then let her die.
What?
Let her die. Let her die, Cass.
- (SCREAMING) - (SHUSHING)
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Just let her die. Let her die.
Just let her die.
MAN: (SINGING) I'm just a poor boy
From Nottingham
I had my dreams
But in this world They're gone, they're gone
Oh, I'm so lonesome on my one
There's something I wanna say.
Something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time.
I hate you.
(SCOFFS)
You hate me now?
Just you wait.
Where's God, where's God?
He's even left me on my one
I'm just a poor boy
From Nottingham
(CLUCKING)
I had my dreams
But in this world They're gone, they're gone
I'm oh-so-lonesome on my one
(URINATING)
(TOILET FLUSHING)