1 00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:17,327 I know that America will never forgive me 2 00:00:17,362 --> 00:00:19,398 and I'm not asking for that. 3 00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:23,575 So, then, what are you asking, London? 4 00:00:24,576 --> 00:00:26,164 Don't forget me. 5 00:00:26,198 --> 00:00:28,062 Never forget me. 6 00:00:28,097 --> 00:00:30,685 ♪ Green light, green light ♪ 7 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,517 ♪ Never gonna slow down, slow down ♪ 8 00:00:34,551 --> 00:00:38,107 ♪ Always goin' uptown, uptown ♪ 9 00:00:38,141 --> 00:00:42,007 ♪ We're livin' the good life ♪ 10 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,872 ♪ This is the life 11 00:00:44,906 --> 00:00:47,288 London Logo. 12 00:00:47,323 --> 00:00:49,359 She's the daughter of an empire, 13 00:00:49,394 --> 00:00:52,293 a child of the American Dream. 14 00:00:52,328 --> 00:00:53,536 A media darling, 15 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:56,401 she is the ultimate celebutante trendsetter 16 00:00:56,435 --> 00:00:57,954 with millions of fans. 17 00:00:57,988 --> 00:01:00,750 And millions of haters. 18 00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:05,893 First off, thanks again, London, 19 00:01:05,927 --> 00:01:08,723 and congratulations on the MTV 20 00:01:08,758 --> 00:01:10,242 Nip Slip of the Year Award. 21 00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:11,761 Thank you. 22 00:01:11,795 --> 00:01:13,245 Is there anything you'd like to say 23 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,936 to the millions of little girls 24 00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:16,421 who are big fans of yours? 25 00:01:16,455 --> 00:01:17,974 Not really. 26 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,529 I'm a model, not a role model. 27 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,257 Not too long ago, you attended a PETA event 28 00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:27,846 and you wore a fur coat. 29 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,504 Nobody told me PETA doesn't like fur. 30 00:01:30,538 --> 00:01:32,989 They doused my coat with red paint. 31 00:01:33,023 --> 00:01:34,128 Then what happened? 32 00:01:34,163 --> 00:01:35,509 The pics got out, 33 00:01:35,543 --> 00:01:38,374 fur coats splattered with paint became really popular, 34 00:01:38,408 --> 00:01:40,341 fur sales skyrocketed. 35 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,792 Take that, PETA. 36 00:01:42,826 --> 00:01:44,207 Trendsetter. 37 00:01:44,242 --> 00:01:47,141 Oh, honey, London's outfits are always delicious, 38 00:01:47,176 --> 00:01:49,350 probably because I design them. 39 00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:50,627 Hmmm. 40 00:01:50,662 --> 00:01:53,251 London's sex tape was ironically titled 41 00:01:53,285 --> 00:01:54,528 "A Night in London," 42 00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:56,116 and at four hours long, 43 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,772 some said it should've been called 44 00:01:57,807 --> 00:01:59,119 "A Week in London." 45 00:02:00,499 --> 00:02:01,914 You know what? 46 00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:04,262 Nowadays, other celebrity sex tapes just seem derivative. 47 00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:07,610 If you were getting in or out of a car 48 00:02:07,644 --> 00:02:08,990 in the early 2000s, 49 00:02:09,025 --> 00:02:11,234 you couldn't help but think of London. 50 00:02:11,269 --> 00:02:14,237 She pioneered the tasteful stunt crotch-shot 51 00:02:14,272 --> 00:02:17,620 sometimes referred to as "coochie cam" verite. 52 00:02:17,654 --> 00:02:20,140 Her millions of adoring fans feel she is 53 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,003 the ultimate pop princess, 54 00:02:22,038 --> 00:02:24,903 while others say she is just a washed-up media whore 55 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,700 whose relevance, if any, expired ten years ago. 56 00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:32,462 In 2006, London received worldwide acclaim 57 00:02:32,497 --> 00:02:34,119 when she released footage of herself 58 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,295 in war-torn Afghanistan, entertaining the troops. 59 00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:39,642 She was the first major celebrity to enter 60 00:02:39,676 --> 00:02:41,575 that volatile war zone. 61 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,818 Fuck the Taliban! 62 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,238 But worldwide acclaim turned to disgust 63 00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:50,860 when it was learned that London 64 00:02:50,894 --> 00:02:53,276 never actually traveled the 12,000 miles 65 00:02:53,311 --> 00:02:54,553 to Afghanistan, 66 00:02:54,588 --> 00:02:56,210 but rather filmed the whole thing 67 00:02:56,245 --> 00:02:58,523 on a movie set in California, 68 00:02:58,557 --> 00:03:00,835 an hour's drive from her home. 69 00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:03,907 What is the story with this Afghanistan thing? 70 00:03:03,942 --> 00:03:06,186 You never made it past Santa Clarita? 71 00:03:07,152 --> 00:03:08,233 She was never aware that she 72 00:03:08,257 --> 00:03:10,776 actually wasn't in Afghanistan. 73 00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:12,813 I fed her a few Ambien, 74 00:03:12,847 --> 00:03:14,539 flew the plane around for about an hour. 75 00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:16,265 Money-saving thing on my part. 76 00:03:16,299 --> 00:03:18,025 And, Winston, have you learned your lesson 77 00:03:18,059 --> 00:03:19,302 about taking shortcuts? 78 00:03:19,337 --> 00:03:20,959 Absolutely. 79 00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:23,109 Well, she didn't let the fact 80 00:03:23,133 --> 00:03:24,480 that she was born without skills 81 00:03:24,514 --> 00:03:27,414 or a personality stop her from being famous. 82 00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:29,450 I think that's really noble. 83 00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:33,143 Is London Logo a business and marketing genius? 84 00:03:33,178 --> 00:03:35,318 Or is she simply the accidental beneficiary 85 00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:38,804 of an overwhelmingly ignorant American public? 86 00:03:39,805 --> 00:03:41,980 I'm Diana Smelt-Marlin with BBS1, 87 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,189 and to find out, I'd have to go back 88 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,501 to the beginning. 89 00:03:46,536 --> 00:03:47,951 What is the first word you think of 90 00:03:47,986 --> 00:03:50,264 when you describe your daughter? 91 00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:54,510 Busty. 92 00:03:55,752 --> 00:03:57,927 What can you tell me about her upbringing? 93 00:03:57,961 --> 00:03:59,204 Her education? 94 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,275 Well, originally, London wanted to major 95 00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:03,450 in marine biology until she realized 96 00:04:03,484 --> 00:04:05,314 she would have to take biology. 97 00:04:05,348 --> 00:04:08,248 London always knew what she wanted to do 98 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,078 and it didn't involve learning. 99 00:04:11,112 --> 00:04:12,838 What did it involve? 100 00:04:13,494 --> 00:04:14,840 Showing off. 101 00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:16,532 So, she went into modeling. 102 00:04:16,566 --> 00:04:17,774 At age six. 103 00:04:17,809 --> 00:04:20,294 Then, of course, after her sex tape, 104 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:23,159 she booked her reality series. 105 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:28,060 And did London abuse drugs or alcohol at a young age? 106 00:04:28,095 --> 00:04:31,271 Ah. Uh, what? 107 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,134 London, Brad Tobacco with "THE KNOW." 108 00:04:33,169 --> 00:04:34,515 When are you hitting the stores 109 00:04:34,550 --> 00:04:36,148 with your new line of club-wear for pre-teens? 110 00:04:36,172 --> 00:04:38,623 Stop talking to me, I'm wasted. 111 00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:40,186 London, we heard you might be in next season 112 00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,498 of "American Horror Story: Bus Stop." 113 00:04:41,522 --> 00:04:42,489 Care to comment? 114 00:04:42,523 --> 00:04:44,180 I need to find a bathroom fast. 115 00:04:44,214 --> 00:04:45,181 - London... - I can't see my... 116 00:04:45,215 --> 00:04:46,424 Ahhh! 117 00:04:46,458 --> 00:04:48,288 Holy shit, did you guys see that?! 118 00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:50,980 You guys, zoom in, we got a gusher. 119 00:04:52,119 --> 00:04:53,338 London, it appears that your head 120 00:04:53,362 --> 00:04:54,604 is bleeding profusely. 121 00:04:54,639 --> 00:04:56,503 America wants to know: What happened? 122 00:04:57,987 --> 00:04:59,678 We have the right to know. 123 00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:04,511 Look, normally I'd call 9-1-1, 124 00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:06,409 but my journalistic ethics prohibit me 125 00:05:06,444 --> 00:05:08,100 from involving myself in the story. 126 00:05:08,135 --> 00:05:09,861 I hope you understand. 127 00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:12,346 Alright, guys, it's a cut. 128 00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:14,141 We're out of here. 129 00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:33,160 She suffered traumatic brain injury 130 00:05:33,194 --> 00:05:35,507 and some temporary amnesia. 131 00:05:36,612 --> 00:05:37,992 When are you hitting the stores 132 00:05:38,027 --> 00:05:39,107 with your new line of club-wear for pre-teens? 133 00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,099 Stop talking to me, I'm wasted. 134 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,721 At first, London's amnesia 135 00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:45,828 left her unable to recognize anyone from her life, 136 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,381 even herself. 137 00:05:47,416 --> 00:05:49,418 Oh, my God, who is this chick? 138 00:05:49,452 --> 00:05:51,143 She's on every channel. 139 00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,180 Looks like a real bitch. 140 00:05:54,457 --> 00:05:57,357 Surprisingly, despite the damage to her brain, 141 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,738 we have not noticed any perceptible changes 142 00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:01,015 in her behavior. 143 00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:01,740 Cough. 144 00:06:01,775 --> 00:06:02,775 Uhh! 145 00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:04,536 Where am I? 146 00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:07,332 How many new Twitter followers do I have? 147 00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:09,369 You don't see Kristy Kim getting drunk 148 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,922 and falling on her ass. 149 00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:14,650 Mom, get that camera out of my face. 150 00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:16,755 Go have a drink or something. 151 00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:17,790 God damn. 152 00:06:39,122 --> 00:06:43,195 OMG, I am so sorry I arrived here late. 153 00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:45,335 It is your house. 154 00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:47,441 I know, it's really big. 155 00:06:47,476 --> 00:06:48,925 Do you get lost in it often? 156 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,133 Always. 157 00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,514 I get lost everywhere. 158 00:06:51,549 --> 00:06:54,206 Anyway, I forgot you were coming. 159 00:06:56,105 --> 00:06:57,106 Whoops. 160 00:06:57,140 --> 00:07:00,212 Get back in there. 161 00:07:02,352 --> 00:07:03,630 The right side of my face 162 00:07:03,664 --> 00:07:05,183 is the good side. 163 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,943 Do not shoot the left. 164 00:07:06,978 --> 00:07:09,601 Well, it is such a pleasure to meet you, London. 165 00:07:09,636 --> 00:07:11,465 Tell me, why are you allowing us to do 166 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:12,639 this documentary? 167 00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:15,676 I want my fans to know the real London. 168 00:07:16,884 --> 00:07:19,369 You've been in America's eye for two decades, 169 00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:21,648 the product lines, the family name, 170 00:07:21,682 --> 00:07:24,374 the reality show, brief jail stint 171 00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:27,274 and, um, is that not the real London? 172 00:07:27,308 --> 00:07:29,276 That's just my public persona. 173 00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,174 So, the real London is different 174 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,831 than that public image? 175 00:07:33,556 --> 00:07:34,488 Never mind that. 176 00:07:34,523 --> 00:07:36,766 Diana, I'm a stronger woman now. 177 00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:39,976 My lengthy recovery is a miracle. 178 00:07:41,391 --> 00:07:43,162 You were in the hospital for under four hours. 179 00:07:43,186 --> 00:07:45,292 It's like I've been reborn. 180 00:07:46,362 --> 00:07:47,259 You know, there are some people... 181 00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:48,675 I'm not one of them... 182 00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:52,920 Who believe that it's stupid to idolize celebrities 183 00:07:52,955 --> 00:07:54,646 because they feel that they're only famous 184 00:07:54,681 --> 00:07:56,234 for being famous. 185 00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,832 I'd like to know what you think about that. 186 00:07:57,856 --> 00:07:59,651 Yeah, I would tell those people 187 00:07:59,686 --> 00:08:01,964 the answer they seek is in a book. 188 00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:03,137 By Jesus. 189 00:08:04,138 --> 00:08:05,381 Are you serious? 190 00:08:05,415 --> 00:08:06,762 Well... 191 00:08:07,935 --> 00:08:08,935 no. 192 00:08:09,696 --> 00:08:10,662 Yeah, no, no, 193 00:08:10,697 --> 00:08:12,595 I'm not serious, of course... not. 194 00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:14,355 But Jesus is. 195 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,843 In fact, he's way too serious. 196 00:08:18,877 --> 00:08:21,949 He's always looking so unhappy. 197 00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:23,951 He needs a makeover. 198 00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:27,921 I'd put him in cargo shorts, turn the cross to its side, 199 00:08:27,955 --> 00:08:30,579 having him do a sexy elbow lean, 200 00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:32,788 put his hair back in a man bun, 201 00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:35,791 like the mixologist at the hipster lounges. 202 00:08:35,825 --> 00:08:36,999 Hot. 203 00:08:38,276 --> 00:08:40,140 At any rate, I think what America wants 204 00:08:40,174 --> 00:08:43,971 is a tell-all interview answering unedited questions. 205 00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:46,146 America doesn't know what it wants 206 00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,527 until it's told. 207 00:08:48,976 --> 00:08:50,195 London, why do you think it is that you're famous? 208 00:08:50,219 --> 00:08:51,772 Would you like a tour of the house? 209 00:08:51,807 --> 00:08:53,567 Can I get you a drink? 210 00:08:53,602 --> 00:08:55,983 Mineral water? Cucumber water? 211 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:57,606 London water? 212 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,918 Oh, thank you. 213 00:09:00,712 --> 00:09:01,955 These all your dogs? 214 00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:03,439 Oh, yes. 215 00:09:03,473 --> 00:09:06,131 This is Whoopi Goldbark. 216 00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,755 Albark Einstein. 217 00:09:08,789 --> 00:09:12,759 And of course, Samuel L. Jackshound. 218 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,797 Each of them ran away eventually. 219 00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:19,835 And does London have any pets now? 220 00:09:19,869 --> 00:09:22,285 Why, yes, London does. 221 00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:29,603 This is Pee-Pee's dog house. 222 00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:31,260 There's a dog in there? 223 00:09:31,294 --> 00:09:33,124 It just seems rather small. 224 00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:37,128 He's a micro-chihuahua, the world's smallest dog. 225 00:09:37,162 --> 00:09:39,648 I paid $50,000 for him 226 00:09:39,682 --> 00:09:42,478 to some Nigerians I met on the Internet. 227 00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:48,380 Here he is. 228 00:09:48,415 --> 00:09:50,762 He's a little shy in the morning. 229 00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:54,386 You paid $50,000 for a gerbil. 230 00:09:54,421 --> 00:09:58,114 London would not pay $50,000 for a gerbil. 231 00:09:58,149 --> 00:10:01,635 I would not pay $50,000 for a bergil. 232 00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:02,670 No. 233 00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:05,639 He went poo-poo. 234 00:10:05,674 --> 00:10:07,089 Winston. 235 00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:18,445 Sorry about that. He's still being house-trained. 236 00:10:18,479 --> 00:10:21,448 But he is so awesome. Everyone loves him. 237 00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:23,761 Richard Gere even offered to pet-sit. 238 00:10:27,143 --> 00:10:28,155 ♪ Welcome to the high life 239 00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:30,457 ♪ Get you some that Gucci, that Prada ♪ 240 00:10:30,491 --> 00:10:32,390 ♪ That Dolce Gabbana 241 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,530 ♪ Live life like Nirvana 242 00:10:34,564 --> 00:10:38,189 ♪ I got the cycle like a zillionaire ♪ 243 00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,260 ♪ I'm stopping traffic in my limo ♪ 244 00:10:40,294 --> 00:10:42,538 ♪ Cutting through Times Square ♪ 245 00:10:44,126 --> 00:10:47,094 London, this closet is larger 246 00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:49,372 than some people's homes. 247 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:53,135 I know, I'm very blessed, blah, blah, blah. 248 00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:57,035 Look, it's not my fault people chose to be born ugly or poor. 249 00:10:58,209 --> 00:10:59,531 When you're choosing your genes in the womb, 250 00:10:59,555 --> 00:11:01,661 you've gotta choose right, like I did. 251 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:05,354 You believe you chose this before you were born 252 00:11:05,388 --> 00:11:07,667 by selecting your genes? 253 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:11,740 Well, yeah, it's called natural selection, duh. 254 00:11:11,774 --> 00:11:12,982 Don't you believe in science? 255 00:11:15,847 --> 00:11:17,746 This is my bowling alley. 256 00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,886 I'm a really good bowler, wanna see? 257 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,095 Oh, yes, I'd love to. 258 00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,355 Come on, come on, come on. 259 00:11:45,152 --> 00:11:46,464 St-rike! 260 00:11:48,293 --> 00:11:50,537 400 points, whoo! 261 00:11:50,571 --> 00:11:52,021 Alright! 262 00:11:52,056 --> 00:11:54,955 The most you can score in any bowling game is 300 points. 263 00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:56,819 Maybe at your house. 264 00:11:58,234 --> 00:11:59,753 London has, um, 265 00:12:00,616 --> 00:12:01,375 how should I put it? 266 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,756 Um, uh... 267 00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:05,759 a physical problem with wearing things twice. 268 00:12:05,794 --> 00:12:08,210 I'm trying. You see, right? 269 00:12:08,935 --> 00:12:10,281 I'm nauseous now. 270 00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:14,147 No, I can't. 271 00:12:14,181 --> 00:12:18,116 I'm literally gonna be sick. 272 00:12:23,121 --> 00:12:24,882 So, she started a charity 273 00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:28,230 and the mission statement is to dress the needy 274 00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:31,267 in trendy clothing that London has only worn once. 275 00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:33,130 It's a very worthy cause. 276 00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,305 Yes, I'm sure the Nobel committee will take note. 277 00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:45,385 I am here today to donate the clothes I won't wear twice 278 00:12:45,419 --> 00:12:47,801 to the poor people, which is why I'm here 279 00:12:47,836 --> 00:12:49,838 risking my life in the projects. 280 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,702 This is the Calabasas Commons. 281 00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,913 Here you go, you sad little homeless man. 282 00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:58,122 Don't use it to buy drugs. 283 00:12:58,156 --> 00:13:00,158 This is a nine-dollar latte! 284 00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:04,128 Oh, you're not homeless, you're a hipster. 285 00:13:04,991 --> 00:13:06,786 So hard to tell these days. 286 00:13:07,856 --> 00:13:09,336 I'm still gonna use it to buy drugs. 287 00:13:12,515 --> 00:13:16,243 Oh, and here's my very first fragrance, 288 00:13:16,278 --> 00:13:18,728 Moist by London. 289 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:24,355 And here's my second, Damp by London. 290 00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:27,151 What's that one? 291 00:13:27,185 --> 00:13:30,879 Oh, that was my fragrance for fatties. 292 00:13:30,913 --> 00:13:33,364 The only reason it didn't sell is because 293 00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:35,745 it was misspelled, obviously. 294 00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,437 It was supposed to be Chocolate Mousse, 295 00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:38,990 not Chocolate Mouse. 296 00:13:39,025 --> 00:13:41,475 Fat people don't wanna smell like mice, 297 00:13:41,510 --> 00:13:43,650 even if it does involve chocolate. 298 00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:46,170 Didn't you proofread it? 299 00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,482 Now I do. 300 00:13:48,517 --> 00:13:51,106 After that, I personally proofread all of my products. 301 00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:55,317 And check out this new ad for my latest fragrance. 302 00:13:55,351 --> 00:13:58,561 Your Their by London. 303 00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:01,530 "So they'll never forget you were... " 304 00:14:05,706 --> 00:14:07,536 I have plenty of other products 305 00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:09,469 aside from fragrances. 306 00:14:09,503 --> 00:14:10,711 Hmmm. 307 00:14:10,746 --> 00:14:12,748 I personally believe that beauty products 308 00:14:12,782 --> 00:14:13,922 shouldn't discriminate, 309 00:14:13,956 --> 00:14:16,407 which is why I invented Sunsmack. 310 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:22,344 Miss Logo, why would black people need tanning spray? 311 00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:25,692 Diana, that's racist. I don't associate with racists. 312 00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:27,383 How is that racist? I... 313 00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:29,109 Oh, please, just because you're British 314 00:14:29,144 --> 00:14:30,766 doesn't mean you're not racist. 315 00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:34,114 Get that! Get that! 316 00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:41,328 This is my reverse sauna. 317 00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:49,681 It's where I do cold yoga. 318 00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:50,959 I invented it. 319 00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:54,686 Sometimes I walk down this hallway and wonder, 320 00:14:54,721 --> 00:14:58,207 how have I accomplished so much in one lifetime? 321 00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:00,865 Here's me with the Dollies. 322 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,316 I can never remember which is which. 323 00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:06,146 And here's me and the President. 324 00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:09,643 Oh, it looks like a bit of a wardrobe malfunction. 325 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,255 Just another nip slip. 326 00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:13,222 He was such a bitch. 327 00:15:13,257 --> 00:15:15,500 He told me I didn't take criticism well. 328 00:15:15,535 --> 00:15:16,777 How do you take it? 329 00:15:16,812 --> 00:15:17,812 Not well. 330 00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:29,342 And there's my pookie bear and I. 331 00:15:29,376 --> 00:15:32,862 Groundbreaking and eccentric fashion designer Simon Debris 332 00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:35,106 is London's personal designer. 333 00:15:35,141 --> 00:15:37,212 This purse is just too clunky. 334 00:15:37,246 --> 00:15:38,661 I need a clutch. 335 00:15:38,696 --> 00:15:41,837 Honey, any purse is a clutch if you clutch it. 336 00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:43,218 Ta-da. 337 00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:47,222 Simon looks for inspiration in unique places. 338 00:15:47,256 --> 00:15:49,293 So, my designs are inspired by things 339 00:15:49,327 --> 00:15:50,950 in my everyday life, like 340 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,986 the watery stuff on top of yogurt, 341 00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:54,367 paper clips, 342 00:15:54,401 --> 00:15:56,162 the lint from a dryer, 343 00:15:56,196 --> 00:15:58,060 a scratch 'n sniff coloring book, 344 00:15:58,095 --> 00:15:59,544 anal beads. 345 00:16:01,891 --> 00:16:03,893 And that's my bestie. 346 00:16:04,239 --> 00:16:06,793 Angelina always helps me when I don't' know what to do. 347 00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:09,520 She's like my Yoda, except hot. 348 00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:10,831 And busty. 349 00:16:10,866 --> 00:16:12,592 And not a puppet. 350 00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:15,353 Actress Angelina Streisand achieved fame 351 00:16:15,388 --> 00:16:17,804 in the television version of Richard Wagner's 352 00:16:17,838 --> 00:16:19,081 "Die Walkure." 353 00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:22,119 She received an Emmy for Best Horns. 354 00:16:22,153 --> 00:16:26,088 So, you've recently decided to focus on being a mother. 355 00:16:27,331 --> 00:16:28,411 I have recently decided to do that. 356 00:16:28,435 --> 00:16:29,643 You know, once you have kids, 357 00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:31,611 you don't have time for anything else 358 00:16:31,645 --> 00:16:33,406 other than raising your children. 359 00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:36,143 And taking time off from raising your kids 360 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:37,548 to do whatever you want. 361 00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:39,791 Right. 362 00:16:40,654 --> 00:16:43,519 This is Diana Melting-Pot. 363 00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:45,383 It's Smelt-Marlin. 364 00:16:45,418 --> 00:16:47,972 She's the Queen's go-to journalist. 365 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,525 - Ooh. - That's not true. 366 00:16:50,699 --> 00:16:51,710 She did that thing in the Middle East 367 00:16:51,734 --> 00:16:52,988 with all the war people, you know? 368 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,634 Oh, my God, I loved that. 369 00:16:54,668 --> 00:16:55,980 Oh, you saw it? 370 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,751 Oh, no, honey, it's just something you say. 371 00:16:57,775 --> 00:17:00,847 Winston, where's that apron I got you? 372 00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:02,434 Go get it. 373 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:07,371 Oh, my God, Winston makes the most delish waffles 374 00:17:07,405 --> 00:17:08,579 Mmmm. 375 00:17:08,613 --> 00:17:09,856 You've ever had in your life. 376 00:17:09,890 --> 00:17:11,996 He makes them with chocolate and walnuts. 377 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,861 Mmmm, I love me some big nuts. Yummy! Meow! 378 00:17:15,862 --> 00:17:17,312 Oh, you and me both. 379 00:17:17,346 --> 00:17:19,417 I once tried to cook by myself, 380 00:17:19,452 --> 00:17:22,144 but it tasted like syphilis. 381 00:17:26,114 --> 00:17:28,461 It seems as though Winston Spritz has done 382 00:17:28,495 --> 00:17:31,429 crisis management in nearly every major scandal 383 00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:33,052 of the late 20th century. 384 00:17:33,638 --> 00:17:34,950 Watergate. 385 00:17:34,984 --> 00:17:37,090 Iran-Contra. 386 00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:39,127 Monica Lewinsky. 387 00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:40,818 Roswell. 388 00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,717 The Mirren sex-trafficking scandal. 389 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:50,069 Hi, I'm Brad Tobacco and this is "THE KNOW." 390 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,001 So, it seems the Kim sisters 391 00:17:52,036 --> 00:17:53,624 are back up to their old antics. 392 00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:56,247 Although Kristy Kim has not yet broken the Internet, 393 00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:59,008 she has certainly put a huge crack in it. 394 00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:01,632 Oh, hell, no, uh-uh, turn that bitch off. 395 00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:03,668 And as if more people couldn't be talking 396 00:18:03,703 --> 00:18:05,636 about Kristy Kim, the soon-to-be mother 397 00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:07,638 has now announced her baby's name. 398 00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:11,124 Little baby Hashtag... The symbol, not the word... 399 00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:12,608 Is due by the end of the week. 400 00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:14,817 And it seems Little baby Hashtag 401 00:18:14,852 --> 00:18:18,097 is already trending more than any other celebrity ever. 402 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:23,102 Oh my God, she is going to make a great mother. 403 00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:24,896 Fucking bitch. 404 00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:27,071 She is going to make a great motherfucking 405 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,625 stupid-ass bitch because that's what she already is. 406 00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:31,731 And she will always be a dumb-ass bitch 407 00:18:31,765 --> 00:18:34,630 for the rest of time, you know, because, like, duh. 408 00:18:35,459 --> 00:18:38,738 That blimp-ass is getting too big for her britches. 409 00:18:38,772 --> 00:18:40,809 That show should be talking about me. 410 00:18:40,843 --> 00:18:42,466 I need ideas, people. 411 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,467 Ooh, I got it. 412 00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:44,916 Dangle a baby off a building. 413 00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,815 - Great idea, Simon. - Mmm-hmm. 414 00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:48,541 Angelina, quick, gimme one of your kids. 415 00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:49,473 What? 416 00:18:49,507 --> 00:18:51,337 What-Not for this thing, 417 00:18:51,371 --> 00:18:53,787 for a completely unrelated thing. 418 00:18:54,995 --> 00:18:57,101 London, why don't you just reinvent yourself? 419 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,345 You know, become more modern. 420 00:19:00,587 --> 00:19:01,485 Create a stronger social presence, 421 00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:03,142 reach out to younger fans. 422 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:06,524 Seriously, Angelina, I need real ideas here. 423 00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:08,664 Wow Waffles are ready. 424 00:19:08,699 --> 00:19:09,838 Great. 425 00:19:09,872 --> 00:19:11,840 I'm not hungry anymore! 426 00:19:11,874 --> 00:19:14,463 It seemed we had touched a nerve. 427 00:19:15,809 --> 00:19:18,674 TV persona Kristy Kim represents a new celebrity worship, 428 00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:21,815 one of selfies and Buzzfeed articles. 429 00:19:22,885 --> 00:19:24,646 Kristy Kim blew up, so to speak, 430 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,338 on the reality show "Phattest Fatties," 431 00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:30,514 weighing in at a morbid 523 lbs 432 00:19:30,548 --> 00:19:31,894 when the show began. 433 00:19:31,929 --> 00:19:34,000 Dong-Soo lost an astonishing 434 00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:36,175 394 lbs. 435 00:19:37,624 --> 00:19:39,833 All in her upper body. 436 00:19:40,765 --> 00:19:42,629 She then became the spokeswoman 437 00:19:42,664 --> 00:19:44,217 for the Cretaceous diet, 438 00:19:44,252 --> 00:19:47,116 which consists of eating scientifically reanimated 439 00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:49,671 extinct mesozoic-era plants 440 00:19:51,673 --> 00:19:53,364 and then landed her own show 441 00:19:53,399 --> 00:19:55,159 "Catching Up with the Kims," 442 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,127 which propelled her entire family, 443 00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:00,371 including sisters Kara and Klarc, 444 00:20:00,406 --> 00:20:01,786 into the limelight. 445 00:20:03,063 --> 00:20:05,756 Her highly publicized marriage to a world-famous DJ 446 00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:08,966 got more coverage than the President's inauguration. 447 00:20:09,553 --> 00:20:11,279 DJ Microchip. 448 00:20:12,763 --> 00:20:14,972 When early in Microchip's career 449 00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:17,354 another world-famous DJ suggested he wouldn't 450 00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:19,425 be able to spin because he was too short 451 00:20:19,459 --> 00:20:22,945 to reach the controls, here's what Microchip said: 452 00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:26,086 You know what? Screw Paul Oakendork. 453 00:20:26,121 --> 00:20:29,331 If I put my dick on my head, I'd be way taller than him. 454 00:20:31,816 --> 00:20:33,335 What happened in there, London? 455 00:20:33,370 --> 00:20:36,027 Why did that television spot about Kristy Kim 456 00:20:36,062 --> 00:20:37,615 bother you so much? 457 00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:39,514 She's so by the numbers. 458 00:20:39,548 --> 00:20:42,551 Step one: Become a reality show superstar. 459 00:20:42,586 --> 00:20:45,278 Step two: Live happily ever after. 460 00:20:45,313 --> 00:20:47,660 Step three: Make a new reality show and call it 461 00:20:47,694 --> 00:20:49,178 "Happily Ever After." 462 00:20:49,213 --> 00:20:51,802 Surely there's room for both of you. 463 00:20:53,148 --> 00:20:54,815 There's no room for anyone next to that ass. 464 00:20:54,839 --> 00:20:57,946 At least I was an original, first of my breed 465 00:20:59,154 --> 00:21:00,614 until all those actors and singers realized 466 00:21:00,638 --> 00:21:02,985 it's easier to party than it is to act and sing. 467 00:21:03,848 --> 00:21:05,229 Let's talk about children. 468 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:08,128 Um, do you foresee having children someday? 469 00:21:08,439 --> 00:21:10,319 When they come out with one that doesn't shit. 470 00:21:11,511 --> 00:21:14,445 Can you tell me about London's love interests? 471 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,276 Uh, let's see, there was Aladdin. 472 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,726 He was a prince of Egypt, or he said he was. 473 00:21:19,761 --> 00:21:22,626 Um, Robert... psycho. 474 00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:24,248 And I think I'm forgetting someone else. 475 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,113 Oh, my God! There was this Latino popstar. 476 00:21:27,147 --> 00:21:28,321 And how did that work out? 477 00:21:28,356 --> 00:21:29,598 Not so much. 478 00:21:29,633 --> 00:21:32,014 I mean, London said with that Spanish accent, 479 00:21:32,049 --> 00:21:34,154 it felt like she was banging her housekeeper. 480 00:21:34,189 --> 00:21:36,295 Who else has London dated? 481 00:21:37,399 --> 00:21:38,849 Oh, my God, how could I forget? 482 00:21:38,883 --> 00:21:42,231 She dated every single member of the band 4Deep. 483 00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:43,371 All of them? 484 00:21:43,405 --> 00:21:45,131 Yeah, she had to try them all, so... 485 00:21:46,063 --> 00:21:47,961 The Canadian boy band 4Deep 486 00:21:47,996 --> 00:21:49,756 broke up in 2010, 487 00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:52,138 after the release of their last album, 488 00:21:52,172 --> 00:21:53,484 "Crosstreams." 489 00:21:53,519 --> 00:21:56,004 So, you call yourselves 4Deep. 490 00:21:56,038 --> 00:21:58,455 Tell me, how did that name come about? 491 00:21:59,663 --> 00:22:01,734 Oh, Keeth's mom came up with it. 492 00:22:01,768 --> 00:22:02,942 She is so hot. 493 00:22:03,874 --> 00:22:04,978 I see. 494 00:22:05,013 --> 00:22:07,084 Let me understand this properly, 495 00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:11,019 London dated all four of you at one time or another. 496 00:22:11,882 --> 00:22:13,262 Sometimes at the same time. 497 00:22:13,297 --> 00:22:15,299 We used to call her the Dyson. 498 00:22:16,542 --> 00:22:17,612 Why? 499 00:22:17,646 --> 00:22:20,787 Never loses suction. 500 00:22:21,512 --> 00:22:22,858 Tell me about Keeth. 501 00:22:22,893 --> 00:22:24,446 Keeth. I can't believe she did this. 502 00:22:24,481 --> 00:22:28,070 She started to date Keeth right after he dropped 503 00:22:28,105 --> 00:22:29,313 the "G" bomb 504 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,659 on national TV. 505 00:22:30,694 --> 00:22:32,109 Gonorrhea? 506 00:22:32,558 --> 00:22:33,800 Um, no... 507 00:22:33,835 --> 00:22:34,846 Did he tell her he had gonorrhea? 508 00:22:34,870 --> 00:22:36,527 Gestational diabetes? 509 00:22:36,562 --> 00:22:38,080 - No. - No? 510 00:22:38,115 --> 00:22:39,115 Gay. 511 00:22:39,634 --> 00:22:40,669 - Gay? - Yes. 512 00:22:40,704 --> 00:22:42,637 He came out of the freakin' closet. 513 00:22:42,671 --> 00:22:44,397 - On television, as gay? - On television. 514 00:22:44,432 --> 00:22:45,616 While dating her? That's awful. 515 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,642 Yes, but it ended terribly because 516 00:22:47,676 --> 00:22:49,920 he had a nicer wardrobe than she did. 517 00:22:49,954 --> 00:22:51,404 She was very jealous of him. 518 00:22:51,439 --> 00:22:52,681 She tried to convert me. 519 00:22:52,716 --> 00:22:55,097 She arranged a three-way with me, her, and Deryk. 520 00:22:56,271 --> 00:22:57,800 But she fell asleep, so Keeth and I had 521 00:22:57,824 --> 00:22:59,101 to pleasure each other. 522 00:22:59,861 --> 00:23:00,861 But not in a gay way. 523 00:23:03,105 --> 00:23:04,348 In 2008, 524 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,488 London famously left Greek shipping heir 525 00:23:06,523 --> 00:23:09,284 Stankos Dedkarkas at the altar. 526 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:11,469 At the end of the day, London didn't want 527 00:23:11,493 --> 00:23:13,392 to change her last name to Dedkarkas. 528 00:23:14,565 --> 00:23:15,359 You know, it was a marketing decision 529 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,498 more than anything. 530 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:18,119 Is that a wig? 531 00:23:18,914 --> 00:23:20,226 Did you just ask me that? 532 00:23:20,260 --> 00:23:21,721 - I'm sorry... - Does it look like a wig? 533 00:23:21,745 --> 00:23:22,791 It doesn't have to be in the documentary at all, 534 00:23:22,815 --> 00:23:24,437 - but I just... - I told her. 535 00:23:24,472 --> 00:23:26,439 I knew it, I said, "This does not look" 536 00:23:27,060 --> 00:23:28,060 "freaking real." 537 00:23:28,890 --> 00:23:29,822 It's beautiful, it makes your eyes pop, 538 00:23:29,856 --> 00:23:31,064 but I just feel... 539 00:23:31,099 --> 00:23:32,756 Well, thank you. Um, the truth... 540 00:23:32,790 --> 00:23:34,343 Can you make sure this doesn't make it 541 00:23:34,378 --> 00:23:35,976 in the interview? Because she'll kill me. 542 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,139 Of course, absolutely. 543 00:23:38,244 --> 00:23:39,842 Um, London, gets a tad jealous if we have 544 00:23:39,866 --> 00:23:42,282 the same hair color, so, um, 545 00:23:42,317 --> 00:23:44,353 I always now have to be brunette. 546 00:23:45,354 --> 00:23:46,977 But you are actually a blonde. 547 00:23:47,011 --> 00:23:48,081 I am. 548 00:23:48,116 --> 00:23:49,669 Is London actually a blonde? 549 00:23:50,290 --> 00:23:51,290 Today she is. 550 00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:54,020 What about your family? Your parents? 551 00:23:54,467 --> 00:23:57,194 My parents used to have sex in front of me all the time. 552 00:23:57,919 --> 00:23:59,368 That is disturbing. 553 00:24:00,335 --> 00:24:01,647 Well, not with each other. 554 00:24:01,681 --> 00:24:03,476 Are there any family members 555 00:24:03,511 --> 00:24:06,514 who are particularly special to you? 556 00:24:07,618 --> 00:24:09,448 Oh, yeah, my cousin Justin. 557 00:24:09,482 --> 00:24:13,210 So, Justin, what do you think of your cousin London? 558 00:24:14,349 --> 00:24:15,499 Well, she thinks she's famous, 559 00:24:15,523 --> 00:24:17,123 but none of my friends have heard of her. 560 00:24:17,490 --> 00:24:18,490 Huh. 561 00:24:18,733 --> 00:24:19,872 Anything else? 562 00:24:21,218 --> 00:24:22,506 I don't, I don't really like her brownies. 563 00:24:22,530 --> 00:24:23,910 They just make me more hungry 564 00:24:23,945 --> 00:24:25,843 and when I eat them, I get tired. 565 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,465 Really? 566 00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:29,947 Yeah, I think she puts weed in them. 567 00:24:30,779 --> 00:24:33,472 ♪ Everyone's invited, come on down, down ♪ 568 00:24:33,506 --> 00:24:37,337 ♪ It's a bangin' party, say it loud ♪ 569 00:24:37,372 --> 00:24:41,376 ♪ Come on join the fun, the time is now ♪ 570 00:24:41,410 --> 00:24:42,239 ♪ We can show you what it's all about ♪ 571 00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:43,585 I'm confused. 572 00:24:43,620 --> 00:24:46,139 Why did we drive the limo to the airport? 573 00:24:46,174 --> 00:24:47,634 I thought we were just going across town 574 00:24:47,658 --> 00:24:49,004 to a Hollywood nightclub. 575 00:24:49,039 --> 00:24:50,040 We are. 576 00:24:50,523 --> 00:24:52,352 Have you ever sat in 405 traffic 577 00:24:52,387 --> 00:24:53,595 on a Friday night? 578 00:24:53,630 --> 00:24:56,287 You can practically feel yourself aging. 579 00:24:56,322 --> 00:24:58,600 But isn't it only a 20-minute drive? 580 00:24:58,635 --> 00:25:01,292 Yes, but it's an 18-minute flight. 581 00:25:01,327 --> 00:25:02,615 And then the limo will pick us up 582 00:25:02,639 --> 00:25:04,813 from the airport with Simon and drop us off. 583 00:25:06,056 --> 00:25:07,989 And how far from the airport to the nightclub? 584 00:25:08,852 --> 00:25:10,163 About 20 minutes. 585 00:25:12,683 --> 00:25:15,755 Are you nervous about debuting your track tonight? 586 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,033 Uh, Miss Smart-Melon? 587 00:25:19,414 --> 00:25:21,968 Everything that London does, she does for her fans, 588 00:25:22,003 --> 00:25:23,729 so they better fucking love it. 589 00:25:23,763 --> 00:25:25,385 Well, yeah. 590 00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:28,078 I spent so much time putting that thing together, 591 00:25:28,112 --> 00:25:30,425 like, a full half-hour. 592 00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:33,980 Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take a nap. 593 00:25:35,395 --> 00:25:37,950 Alright, everybody, get ready for landing. 594 00:25:38,813 --> 00:25:41,540 Oh, I feel so much better. 595 00:26:01,698 --> 00:26:04,252 Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me, 596 00:26:04,286 --> 00:26:05,874 DJ Messiah. 597 00:26:06,495 --> 00:26:07,807 Just Messiah. 598 00:26:08,877 --> 00:26:10,027 Tell me, do you write your own songs? 599 00:26:10,051 --> 00:26:11,362 No. 600 00:26:12,432 --> 00:26:14,883 Then, do you come up with the beats? 601 00:26:14,918 --> 00:26:15,953 No. 602 00:26:16,678 --> 00:26:17,955 I'm sorry, Messiah, 603 00:26:17,990 --> 00:26:20,268 tell me exactly what it is that you do. 604 00:26:20,993 --> 00:26:22,373 I combine them. 605 00:26:22,822 --> 00:26:23,822 Ah. 606 00:26:35,214 --> 00:26:36,318 Alright, let's go. 607 00:26:36,353 --> 00:26:38,666 Hey! No, hey! 608 00:26:40,426 --> 00:26:43,774 ♪ We got it all, it's in our sights, yeah ♪ 609 00:26:43,809 --> 00:26:46,328 ♪ It's never too late for a second chance ♪ 610 00:26:46,363 --> 00:26:47,433 Whoo! 611 00:26:47,467 --> 00:26:48,745 You got a nice ass. 612 00:26:48,779 --> 00:26:50,643 I could be your mop handle tonight. 613 00:26:50,678 --> 00:26:52,265 What are you doing? I'm straight. 614 00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:53,473 Oh, yeah, no, totally. 615 00:26:53,508 --> 00:26:55,372 Me, too, obviously. Have you met me? 616 00:26:55,406 --> 00:26:58,133 Okay, it's his last track next and then I'm up. 617 00:26:58,168 --> 00:26:59,168 Perfect. 618 00:27:00,135 --> 00:27:01,630 ♪ It's a long way to reach the highest dreams ♪ 619 00:27:01,654 --> 00:27:05,244 ♪ Gotta reach up and take this destiny ♪ 620 00:27:05,278 --> 00:27:08,627 ♪ It's a long way to reach the highest dreams ♪ 621 00:27:08,661 --> 00:27:11,664 ♪ I gotta reach up for your destiny ♪ 622 00:27:11,699 --> 00:27:14,115 ♪ This is your destiny 623 00:27:15,219 --> 00:27:20,190 And now, I like to welcome to the stage 624 00:27:21,329 --> 00:27:24,470 the one, the only human being ever 625 00:27:24,504 --> 00:27:27,266 being paid more than me to DJ, 626 00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:29,544 London Logo! 627 00:27:37,932 --> 00:27:40,520 Hello, Hollywood! 628 00:27:42,039 --> 00:27:45,387 I'm here to blow your mind. 629 00:28:42,134 --> 00:28:43,998 London, I love you! 630 00:28:56,527 --> 00:28:59,530 That's how you DJ. 631 00:29:08,781 --> 00:29:09,851 Pee-Pee! 632 00:29:10,334 --> 00:29:11,646 Pee-Pee! 633 00:29:12,543 --> 00:29:14,753 - Pee-Pee! - London? 634 00:29:16,099 --> 00:29:18,342 Pee-Pee! Pee-Pee, where are you? 635 00:29:18,377 --> 00:29:19,896 Who's a good little dog? 636 00:29:19,930 --> 00:29:21,552 Who's a good little Peepers? 637 00:29:21,587 --> 00:29:23,796 Has your... dog gone missing? 638 00:29:23,831 --> 00:29:26,281 Are you totally stupid?! What does it look like?! 639 00:29:26,316 --> 00:29:28,145 Did Mary Poppins drop you on your head 640 00:29:28,180 --> 00:29:29,629 when you were a baby? 641 00:29:29,664 --> 00:29:31,804 All that matters is me finding my little prince. 642 00:29:31,839 --> 00:29:35,049 If I don't find him, I will seriously die. 643 00:29:35,083 --> 00:29:37,361 And if you die, I would die. 644 00:29:38,707 --> 00:29:39,788 That's really cool of you and I appreciate it, 645 00:29:39,812 --> 00:29:42,470 but right now, I need to find Pee-Pee! 646 00:29:43,402 --> 00:29:44,368 I'm gonna check the Pee-Pee cam. 647 00:29:44,403 --> 00:29:46,129 The Pee-Pee cam? 648 00:29:46,163 --> 00:29:48,062 Yes, the world's smallest camera 649 00:29:48,096 --> 00:29:49,891 for the world's smallest chihuahua, 650 00:29:49,926 --> 00:29:51,168 the Pee-Pee GoPro. 651 00:29:51,203 --> 00:29:54,206 There's no signal. Get the dog whistle. 652 00:30:02,421 --> 00:30:03,421 Oh, no. 653 00:30:08,703 --> 00:30:09,703 Shit. 654 00:30:10,774 --> 00:30:12,672 Call the plumber, do it quietly. 655 00:30:12,707 --> 00:30:14,536 I'll try to keep London occupied. 656 00:30:19,265 --> 00:30:20,680 That's the plumber, I'll get it. 657 00:30:20,715 --> 00:30:23,752 Is Pee-Pee in the toilet again?! 658 00:30:23,787 --> 00:30:25,306 - London, please. - Oh, my God! 659 00:30:25,340 --> 00:30:26,514 I'm handling it. 660 00:30:26,548 --> 00:30:27,698 Pee-Pee's in the toilet again?! 661 00:30:27,722 --> 00:30:29,137 Don't worry. I'm handling it. 662 00:30:29,172 --> 00:30:30,972 - Who's responsible?! - I'm taking care of it. 663 00:30:32,175 --> 00:30:34,325 - London, what is going on? - Pee-Pee's in the toilet again! 664 00:30:34,349 --> 00:30:36,558 - And? - Who's responsible for this?! 665 00:30:36,593 --> 00:30:39,147 Was it you, you bug-eyed little creep?! 666 00:30:42,737 --> 00:30:44,843 This seems like a non-issue. 667 00:30:46,016 --> 00:30:47,166 This is what you all called me over here for? 668 00:30:47,190 --> 00:30:48,847 Pee-pee in the toilet? 669 00:30:48,881 --> 00:30:51,539 There's supposed to be pee-pee in the toilet. 670 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,518 Pee and toilet go hand-in-hand like hot dog in a bun. 671 00:30:54,542 --> 00:30:55,750 Snake in the grass. 672 00:30:55,784 --> 00:30:58,028 Nice round booty with a thong on it... 673 00:31:00,893 --> 00:31:04,069 No, no, Pee-Pee is the name of London's pet 674 00:31:04,103 --> 00:31:06,174 and he's trapped somewhere in the toilet. 675 00:31:06,209 --> 00:31:08,038 Well, now I understand. 676 00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:10,775 Oh, my God, well, you see where the confusion come from. 677 00:31:10,799 --> 00:31:12,905 Just get him out! I don't hear him! 678 00:31:12,940 --> 00:31:13,975 Is he dead? 679 00:31:14,010 --> 00:31:16,046 No, he's not dead. He's fine. 680 00:31:16,081 --> 00:31:17,806 This is the best toilet that could be made. 681 00:31:17,841 --> 00:31:19,947 This is the Fluidmaster 400. 682 00:31:21,224 --> 00:31:22,915 Best toilet in the world. Fit any booty. 683 00:31:22,950 --> 00:31:23,961 Let me show you something. 684 00:31:23,985 --> 00:31:24,952 Look at this, look at this. 685 00:31:24,986 --> 00:31:26,436 I'm 200 lbs. 686 00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:29,059 Look, I can fit two more booties on this damn toilet. 687 00:31:29,094 --> 00:31:30,992 Beautiful! And it got air pockets. 688 00:31:31,027 --> 00:31:32,683 See, he doin' fine in there. 689 00:31:32,718 --> 00:31:34,075 He probably in there singing to himself. 690 00:31:34,099 --> 00:31:36,791 I don't give a shit how my toilet works! 691 00:31:36,825 --> 00:31:38,931 Just get him out! 692 00:31:38,966 --> 00:31:40,726 Oh, my goodness, young lady. 693 00:31:41,485 --> 00:31:42,485 Alright. 694 00:31:43,556 --> 00:31:45,179 Are you on "Housewives of Orange County"? 695 00:31:46,421 --> 00:31:47,778 Come on, get out the way, young fella. 696 00:31:47,802 --> 00:31:48,802 Let's go. 697 00:31:49,769 --> 00:31:51,012 Get him out! Get him out! 698 00:31:51,047 --> 00:31:52,531 You watch this. You ready? 699 00:31:52,565 --> 00:31:53,784 I want you to turn the water off. 700 00:31:53,808 --> 00:31:56,328 Just get him out! Get him out! Get him out! 701 00:31:56,362 --> 00:31:57,950 Get him... 702 00:31:59,572 --> 00:32:02,092 Ugh, I almost deep-throated Pee-Pee. 703 00:32:02,127 --> 00:32:03,956 - Where is he? - I don't know. 704 00:32:03,991 --> 00:32:05,406 I think he ran inside the wall. 705 00:32:06,131 --> 00:32:07,960 Get out of my way. 706 00:32:07,995 --> 00:32:09,203 Right away. 707 00:32:10,031 --> 00:32:11,032 Run! 708 00:32:22,457 --> 00:32:24,149 Thank God he's alright. 709 00:32:24,183 --> 00:32:26,254 Who's a good little Peepers? 710 00:32:26,289 --> 00:32:28,463 Who's a good little guy? 711 00:32:29,499 --> 00:32:33,468 Oh, he smells awful. 712 00:32:37,886 --> 00:32:40,613 Now that the Pee-Pee crisis was resolved, 713 00:32:40,648 --> 00:32:42,650 we were off to a major bookstore 714 00:32:42,684 --> 00:32:45,756 where London would be promoting her autobiography, 715 00:32:45,791 --> 00:32:48,656 "I'm Not Insecure, You Are." 716 00:32:50,037 --> 00:32:51,600 I really love these things because it gives me 717 00:32:51,624 --> 00:32:53,833 a chance to interact with my fans, 718 00:32:53,868 --> 00:32:55,145 you know, face to face. 719 00:32:55,180 --> 00:32:56,698 Ted! 720 00:32:58,045 --> 00:33:00,737 Hi, London. I'm already starting to sweat. 721 00:33:01,910 --> 00:33:04,534 I've already signed, like, ten books for you. 722 00:33:05,259 --> 00:33:06,294 Ted's my stalker. 723 00:33:07,502 --> 00:33:08,617 He, uh, he's been following me since 724 00:33:08,641 --> 00:33:10,643 I was, what, 13? 725 00:33:10,678 --> 00:33:12,852 I don't know, when was your first period? 726 00:33:13,577 --> 00:33:15,027 Oh, right, so, 11. 727 00:33:15,062 --> 00:33:17,202 It's been a while, hasn't it, Ted? 728 00:33:18,065 --> 00:33:19,445 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 729 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:23,277 Remember what we decided about unwanted contact? 730 00:33:24,278 --> 00:33:25,624 It's the only kind I give. 731 00:33:25,658 --> 00:33:29,007 Exactly. Good boy. 732 00:33:29,697 --> 00:33:30,697 I got you a gift. 733 00:33:31,078 --> 00:33:32,769 You shouldn't have. 734 00:33:33,839 --> 00:33:35,841 Oh, it's beautiful. 735 00:33:36,738 --> 00:33:38,154 I got it from the cemetery. 736 00:33:38,188 --> 00:33:40,018 I dug it up with my own hands. 737 00:33:40,604 --> 00:33:44,022 Oh-ho-ho, wow. 738 00:33:45,333 --> 00:33:47,128 When will I be seeing you again? 739 00:33:47,163 --> 00:33:49,130 Oh, you know I don't like telling you that. 740 00:33:50,235 --> 00:33:52,513 Oh, Ted, you're so incourageable. 741 00:33:53,341 --> 00:33:54,929 This is why I do what I do. 742 00:33:54,963 --> 00:33:56,827 It's really all for my fans. 743 00:33:58,070 --> 00:34:00,038 Bring a little sunshine into their lives. 744 00:34:01,108 --> 00:34:02,499 I wouldn't be anywhere without them. 745 00:34:02,523 --> 00:34:05,698 Isn't that right, Ted? God damn it, Ted! 746 00:34:06,561 --> 00:34:07,780 London's book is rather short. 747 00:34:07,804 --> 00:34:09,599 I'm sure you've read it and I'd love to know 748 00:34:09,633 --> 00:34:11,014 what your favorite part of it is. 749 00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:13,260 Oh, well, the title's flawless. 750 00:34:13,913 --> 00:34:15,294 Every word in it. 751 00:34:16,468 --> 00:34:19,022 The title that's five words long? 752 00:34:20,368 --> 00:34:24,096 And I love every single word in that title. 753 00:34:25,132 --> 00:34:27,099 Tell me about London's book. 754 00:34:27,134 --> 00:34:28,342 - Oh. - I've read it. 755 00:34:28,376 --> 00:34:29,550 Oh, yes... 756 00:34:29,584 --> 00:34:32,587 I like the part where the, um, 757 00:34:32,622 --> 00:34:34,451 you know, remember that? 758 00:34:34,486 --> 00:34:35,487 - Yeah. - The part... 759 00:34:35,521 --> 00:34:36,971 - Yeah, yeah. - I like that. 760 00:34:37,005 --> 00:34:38,386 That was good. 761 00:34:38,421 --> 00:34:41,009 The theme that most resonated with you is what? 762 00:34:41,044 --> 00:34:42,183 In the book? 763 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:43,978 That London could write. 764 00:34:44,012 --> 00:34:45,531 It's a delicious book. 765 00:34:46,256 --> 00:34:47,223 What do you mean? 766 00:34:47,257 --> 00:34:50,398 Uh... it's very tasty. 767 00:34:51,848 --> 00:34:54,747 These vague and stumbling answers led me to believe 768 00:34:54,782 --> 00:34:58,303 those closest to London had not actually read her book. 769 00:34:59,166 --> 00:35:01,099 So, this is your library. 770 00:35:01,582 --> 00:35:02,582 Yes. 771 00:35:03,549 --> 00:35:05,172 I'm very proud of my collection. 772 00:35:05,896 --> 00:35:06,896 About your book, 773 00:35:07,967 --> 00:35:09,452 I've spoken to several of your friends 774 00:35:09,486 --> 00:35:12,006 and family members and none of them 775 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,595 seem to have taken the time to actually read the book. 776 00:35:14,629 --> 00:35:16,183 How does that make you feel? 777 00:35:16,804 --> 00:35:18,116 Betrayed. 778 00:35:19,151 --> 00:35:21,153 I spent so much time putting that book together 779 00:35:21,188 --> 00:35:24,363 and it's a window into my soul. 780 00:35:24,398 --> 00:35:27,021 No one can be bothered to read it? 781 00:35:28,402 --> 00:35:31,370 Well, I read your book and I found it fascinating. 782 00:35:32,544 --> 00:35:34,166 What was your favorite part to write? 783 00:35:35,063 --> 00:35:38,791 Oh, you know... every page. 784 00:35:39,930 --> 00:35:43,348 From page one to... I would say... 203. 785 00:35:44,107 --> 00:35:46,351 It's 60 pages, London. 786 00:35:47,524 --> 00:35:49,940 Well... yeah... the second draft. 787 00:35:49,975 --> 00:35:52,771 Darn those editors. 788 00:35:53,910 --> 00:35:56,361 You did write your autobiography, correct? 789 00:35:56,395 --> 00:35:59,778 Well... well... 790 00:35:59,812 --> 00:36:01,676 You had a ghost writer? 791 00:36:02,539 --> 00:36:04,748 What? I hate scary stories. 792 00:36:04,783 --> 00:36:06,302 Did you at least read it? 793 00:36:07,475 --> 00:36:10,237 Uh, you know, I don't read much of anything, 794 00:36:10,271 --> 00:36:12,239 except things printed on t-shirts. 795 00:36:12,273 --> 00:36:16,104 London, do you actually know what an autobiography is? 796 00:36:16,139 --> 00:36:18,452 Something about autos? Cars? 797 00:36:19,591 --> 00:36:23,629 Personally, I like the ruminations 798 00:36:23,664 --> 00:36:26,114 on the arbitrary nature of celebrityhood. 799 00:36:26,149 --> 00:36:27,150 Hmm. 800 00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:29,497 It's a very accessible narrative. 801 00:36:30,326 --> 00:36:32,362 For me, the book was about 802 00:36:33,674 --> 00:36:35,986 the loneliness-the loneliness of an oversexualized 803 00:36:36,021 --> 00:36:39,507 young woman who's unwillingly turned into an icon. 804 00:36:40,577 --> 00:36:42,993 I think London captured that perfectly. 805 00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:45,375 London... 806 00:36:45,927 --> 00:36:46,997 or you? 807 00:36:47,998 --> 00:36:49,621 Look at the time. 808 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:03,842 You've got to be kidding me. 809 00:37:04,567 --> 00:37:07,328 Oh, London, hi! 810 00:37:08,847 --> 00:37:10,745 What are you doing here, bitch? 811 00:37:10,780 --> 00:37:12,299 I'm stealing your thunder. 812 00:37:12,333 --> 00:37:14,749 Looks like you've been hiding my thunder 813 00:37:14,784 --> 00:37:16,234 in your thighs. 814 00:37:17,269 --> 00:37:20,755 Oh, this is gonna be so much fun. 815 00:37:23,102 --> 00:37:24,518 Can you tell me, in your opinion, 816 00:37:24,552 --> 00:37:27,831 why anyone at all should care about Kristy Kim's bottom? 817 00:37:30,317 --> 00:37:32,284 Because it is the dark void 818 00:37:32,319 --> 00:37:35,667 into which Millennial culture is being consumed. 819 00:37:35,701 --> 00:37:38,117 It's the pop culture plastic-y death 820 00:37:38,152 --> 00:37:39,533 of the universe. 821 00:37:39,567 --> 00:37:42,846 We obsess about a woman whose ass has more personality 822 00:37:42,881 --> 00:37:44,296 than she does. 823 00:37:45,539 --> 00:37:47,679 Miss Logo, I must admit I am struck 824 00:37:47,713 --> 00:37:49,232 by your sophistication. 825 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,959 Where has all of that been hiding? 826 00:37:51,993 --> 00:37:53,719 Oh, right here on my arm. 827 00:37:53,754 --> 00:37:55,203 And a little on my thigh. 828 00:37:57,205 --> 00:37:58,690 Good ol' Winston. 829 00:37:59,311 --> 00:38:00,347 Out to who? 830 00:38:00,381 --> 00:38:01,175 You can make it out to Empathy. 831 00:38:01,209 --> 00:38:03,557 Oh, my God, that is adorable. 832 00:38:08,147 --> 00:38:10,080 It's not even a duck-face. 833 00:38:10,115 --> 00:38:12,393 It's a swan-face. 834 00:38:15,327 --> 00:38:17,536 I think it's awesome that you tattooed 835 00:38:17,571 --> 00:38:19,366 "Fuck Cancer" across your tits. 836 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,713 It's such a brave statement. 837 00:38:23,197 --> 00:38:25,037 The chapter that you wrote about finding your strength 838 00:38:25,061 --> 00:38:27,305 as a woman was so inspiring to me. 839 00:38:27,339 --> 00:38:29,341 It made me want to do something more with my life. 840 00:38:29,376 --> 00:38:33,000 So, I applied to Harvard and I got into pre-med. 841 00:38:33,897 --> 00:38:37,245 Oh, my God, that is so cool! 842 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,144 Really? Thank you. 843 00:38:39,178 --> 00:38:41,146 That means so much coming from you. 844 00:38:41,180 --> 00:38:43,182 I'm obviously joking. 845 00:38:44,287 --> 00:38:45,253 If there was a dork holocaust, 846 00:38:45,288 --> 00:38:46,841 you'd be first on the train. 847 00:38:46,876 --> 00:38:47,877 Next! 848 00:38:47,911 --> 00:38:49,327 But you didn't sign my book. 849 00:38:55,816 --> 00:38:56,886 Hi. 850 00:38:59,923 --> 00:39:02,995 Why are my fans total nerds? 851 00:39:03,410 --> 00:39:05,619 Personally, I think it's a wonderful accomplishment. 852 00:39:05,653 --> 00:39:07,517 That you've empowered so many women. 853 00:39:09,208 --> 00:39:10,727 These are not my fans. 854 00:39:10,762 --> 00:39:11,935 This book has opened up 855 00:39:11,970 --> 00:39:14,006 a whole new demographic for you. 856 00:39:14,041 --> 00:39:17,527 No, no, no, no, no! My fans are like Kristy's. 857 00:39:17,562 --> 00:39:19,322 Look at how awesome they are. 858 00:39:20,219 --> 00:39:22,049 Whoo! 859 00:39:26,467 --> 00:39:28,607 Hey, Kristy, how's it going over here? 860 00:39:28,642 --> 00:39:30,022 Oh, it's great. 861 00:39:30,057 --> 00:39:32,508 You know, my fans are so awesome. 862 00:39:32,542 --> 00:39:34,130 Look what one of them got me. 863 00:39:34,164 --> 00:39:37,823 It's a teeny bikini for little baby Hashtag. 864 00:39:37,858 --> 00:39:40,101 I thought Hashtag was a boy. 865 00:39:41,206 --> 00:39:42,528 Well, right now, yes, but we don't know 866 00:39:42,552 --> 00:39:44,347 what his ultimate gender identity's gonna be. 867 00:39:45,210 --> 00:39:46,349 Why are you here, London? 868 00:39:46,384 --> 00:39:49,663 Now, Kristy, you know our fans overlap. 869 00:39:51,078 --> 00:39:53,438 I figured I'd come over here and say hi to some of my peeps. 870 00:39:55,151 --> 00:39:59,155 Hey, guys, I just wanted to thank you all for... 871 00:39:59,189 --> 00:40:01,019 Hey, get to the back of the line, lady! 872 00:40:01,053 --> 00:40:04,574 That's... real funny. 873 00:40:05,782 --> 00:40:07,474 You guys, it's me, it's London Logo, 874 00:40:07,508 --> 00:40:09,199 you silly gooses. 875 00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:11,201 We don't care what your name is. 876 00:40:11,236 --> 00:40:11,995 Stop holding up the line! 877 00:40:12,030 --> 00:40:13,376 And it's "geese." 878 00:40:14,377 --> 00:40:16,103 Why are you correcting my grammar?! 879 00:40:16,137 --> 00:40:17,898 Where did you learn to do that 880 00:40:17,932 --> 00:40:19,313 with the ice pop? 881 00:40:20,038 --> 00:40:21,211 My step-brother. 882 00:40:22,627 --> 00:40:25,008 I'm calling Julius, he'll know what to do. 883 00:40:25,043 --> 00:40:28,184 The story of Julius Catal, as London tells it, 884 00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:29,496 is full of mystery. 885 00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,705 Born to a poor Colombian family, 886 00:40:33,154 --> 00:40:34,408 he discovered at a young age that he could communicate 887 00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:35,467 with animals. 888 00:40:36,399 --> 00:40:37,439 But after a bit of digging, 889 00:40:37,469 --> 00:40:39,471 I learned that Señor Catal is... 890 00:40:40,092 --> 00:40:40,886 I'm an actor. 891 00:40:40,921 --> 00:40:41,956 My name's David Goldman. 892 00:40:43,164 --> 00:40:44,487 I studied improv at UCB in New York 893 00:40:44,511 --> 00:40:46,351 and I used to do stand-up at the Laugh Factory. 894 00:40:47,030 --> 00:40:48,307 You're playing a character? 895 00:40:48,722 --> 00:40:51,103 She saw me on YouTube doing a Cesar Millan parody 896 00:40:51,138 --> 00:40:52,657 and she thought it was real. 897 00:40:52,691 --> 00:40:54,486 It wasn't even good. 898 00:40:55,556 --> 00:40:56,488 But, uh, ever since that day, 899 00:40:56,523 --> 00:40:57,523 I've been on the payroll. 900 00:41:02,114 --> 00:41:03,564 Como estas, mi amor? 901 00:41:06,533 --> 00:41:08,500 Not too good, Julius. 902 00:41:08,535 --> 00:41:10,640 I really need your advice. 903 00:41:11,399 --> 00:41:12,608 Let's go outside. 904 00:41:12,642 --> 00:41:14,437 London, that is dominant behavior! 905 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:17,336 I am the pack leader. I will lead us to the back. 906 00:41:20,616 --> 00:41:22,514 So, London doesn't know. 907 00:41:22,549 --> 00:41:23,998 You think I'm gonna tell her? 908 00:41:24,033 --> 00:41:26,656 I see her one day a week and this is my only job. 909 00:41:27,761 --> 00:41:28,416 I mean, am I on Broadway? No. 910 00:41:28,451 --> 00:41:30,142 Am I famous? No. 911 00:41:31,212 --> 00:41:32,292 But, damn, the money's good. 912 00:41:38,150 --> 00:41:42,396 Pee-Pee feels he is not like the other dogs. 913 00:41:42,430 --> 00:41:43,846 Like me. 914 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:47,643 He feels that no one understands him. 915 00:41:48,264 --> 00:41:49,264 Like me! 916 00:41:50,369 --> 00:41:52,993 He feels like he is constantly wearing a disguise, 917 00:41:54,339 --> 00:41:57,411 a very expensive and fashionable disguise, 918 00:41:58,343 --> 00:42:01,277 but a disguise nonetheless. 919 00:42:02,140 --> 00:42:04,867 And he's scared that someday 920 00:42:06,075 --> 00:42:08,629 everyone will see him for what he truly is. 921 00:42:08,664 --> 00:42:09,561 A phony. 922 00:42:09,596 --> 00:42:10,389 A gerbil. 923 00:42:10,424 --> 00:42:11,425 A what? 924 00:42:12,564 --> 00:42:13,979 So, let me guess, my dear, 925 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,501 you are sad because your career is declining. 926 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,540 Anything with the word "rear" bothers you. 927 00:42:23,748 --> 00:42:26,164 And you feel abandoned 928 00:42:26,198 --> 00:42:27,648 by your closest friends. 929 00:42:27,683 --> 00:42:30,271 OMG, how do you know? 930 00:42:30,858 --> 00:42:31,997 I watch TMZ. 931 00:42:33,171 --> 00:42:35,104 In the same way I know Pee-Pee wants a biscuit. 932 00:42:35,138 --> 00:42:37,624 No-a cookie. 933 00:42:38,383 --> 00:42:39,557 Oh, you're good. 934 00:42:40,661 --> 00:42:43,284 On another subject, I must warn you. 935 00:42:44,631 --> 00:42:49,187 There is an alpha-female challenging the heiress-archy. 936 00:42:49,808 --> 00:42:50,947 Kristy. 937 00:42:52,052 --> 00:42:53,432 She wants to take your place. 938 00:42:54,295 --> 00:42:55,375 You cannot let her, London. 939 00:42:56,504 --> 00:42:58,748 You must bark and bite and assert yourself. 940 00:42:59,887 --> 00:43:01,544 Piss where she pisses if you have to. 941 00:43:02,269 --> 00:43:04,547 Challenge her dominance. 942 00:43:05,134 --> 00:43:06,791 Oh, hell, no. 943 00:43:07,895 --> 00:43:09,241 Tell me, London, what is it? 944 00:43:09,276 --> 00:43:11,140 Look at this. She posted it on Facebook 945 00:43:11,174 --> 00:43:12,831 and on Twitter. 946 00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:14,764 "Loved your book." 947 00:43:14,799 --> 00:43:16,259 "It's a shame people don't know about it." 948 00:43:16,283 --> 00:43:17,802 Oh, it's on, baby. 949 00:43:17,836 --> 00:43:19,631 The gloves are comin' on. 950 00:43:19,666 --> 00:43:20,701 Off. 951 00:43:22,047 --> 00:43:23,162 I thought people wore gloves in history for fights. 952 00:43:23,186 --> 00:43:24,222 Yes, but no. 953 00:43:25,292 --> 00:43:26,845 Well, the kid gloves are coming off 954 00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:28,675 and the adult gloves are coming on. 955 00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:31,574 May I suggest an alternative? 956 00:43:32,299 --> 00:43:33,403 Fine, what is it? 957 00:43:43,137 --> 00:43:44,829 London, you approve? 958 00:43:45,864 --> 00:43:47,038 "Sorry for being selfish. 959 00:43:47,072 --> 00:43:48,971 "You truly inspire women all over the world. 960 00:43:49,005 --> 00:43:50,558 "No reason to fight"? 961 00:43:51,698 --> 00:43:54,493 Hashtag Girls Unite, Hashtag Forgiveness. 962 00:43:55,218 --> 00:43:56,806 That is my girl. 963 00:43:57,945 --> 00:44:00,051 Thanks, Julius, you're totally the best. 964 00:44:00,085 --> 00:44:01,639 Gracias, mi amor. 965 00:44:03,502 --> 00:44:06,505 Now, go get that fame whore wannabe. 966 00:44:07,299 --> 00:44:08,266 - Want a treat? - Mmm! 967 00:44:08,300 --> 00:44:09,336 Go fetch my check. 968 00:44:10,682 --> 00:44:13,098 Tonight, poison leaks into the children's water supply 969 00:44:13,133 --> 00:44:14,306 at Pacoima Elementary. 970 00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,000 But first, the later news from Twitter. 971 00:44:18,069 --> 00:44:19,518 Is London Logo a new hero in the war 972 00:44:19,553 --> 00:44:20,865 against cyber-bullying? 973 00:44:22,107 --> 00:44:24,006 Her response to Kristy Kim's vitriol shows 974 00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:25,939 an incredible maturity. 975 00:44:28,976 --> 00:44:31,358 Hey, hey, hey, calm down, calm down. 976 00:44:32,083 --> 00:44:33,325 Sorry. It's okay, Mel. 977 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:34,464 Mel, listen to me. 978 00:44:34,499 --> 00:44:37,019 No, it's called plausible deniability. 979 00:44:38,468 --> 00:44:39,963 No, no, it doesn't matter how much blood there is. 980 00:44:39,987 --> 00:44:42,127 Mmm! What? That... 981 00:44:43,128 --> 00:44:44,243 That is a lot of blood. Okay, uh... 982 00:44:44,267 --> 00:44:46,097 Hey, hey, listen, it's okay. 983 00:44:46,131 --> 00:44:48,340 You didn't know koalas are allergic to cocaine. 984 00:44:48,375 --> 00:44:51,378 No, stop crying, just take a breath. 985 00:44:52,897 --> 00:44:54,346 Good, now say it with me, 986 00:44:54,381 --> 00:44:57,591 "I didn't know koalas are allergic to cocaine." 987 00:44:58,178 --> 00:44:59,317 See, it's easy! 988 00:44:59,351 --> 00:45:00,570 Yeah, the cops will believe that. 989 00:45:00,594 --> 00:45:01,951 Alright, so I'm sending my assistant over. 990 00:45:01,975 --> 00:45:03,252 She'll be there within the hour 991 00:45:03,286 --> 00:45:05,126 and, um, just this time, please, pretty please, 992 00:45:05,150 --> 00:45:06,462 don't fuck her, okay? 993 00:45:06,496 --> 00:45:07,808 You gave the last one chlamydia. 994 00:45:07,843 --> 00:45:09,914 Okay, talk to you soon, bye! 995 00:45:11,260 --> 00:45:13,918 London, baby, hey, I am so sorry about that. 996 00:45:14,539 --> 00:45:15,747 Hey, Louie. 997 00:45:15,782 --> 00:45:16,966 Listen, I just have to finish up some biz, 998 00:45:16,990 --> 00:45:18,270 but I am listening to every word. 999 00:45:19,475 --> 00:45:20,659 Did you see my Twitter battle yesterday? 1000 00:45:20,683 --> 00:45:21,683 Of course. 1001 00:45:22,823 --> 00:45:25,032 Kristy now has more Twitter followers than I do. 1002 00:45:25,792 --> 00:45:26,758 Great. Oh, great! 1003 00:45:26,793 --> 00:45:27,828 Louie, that's bad. 1004 00:45:27,863 --> 00:45:29,071 Wait, what? I'm sorry. 1005 00:45:29,105 --> 00:45:31,176 Yeah, Kristy has more followers. 1006 00:45:31,798 --> 00:45:33,144 Nnn-no! 1007 00:45:33,178 --> 00:45:35,629 Ooooh-ooooh-oooh, that just makes me so mad! 1008 00:45:35,663 --> 00:45:38,977 Okay, she-she has crossed the line, alright? 1009 00:45:40,151 --> 00:45:41,266 We're gonna figure something out, okay? 1010 00:45:41,290 --> 00:45:42,819 My little London is not gonna be standing 1011 00:45:42,843 --> 00:45:45,673 in the shadows of some... cunt dragon. 1012 00:45:47,745 --> 00:45:48,746 Sorry, shhh. 1013 00:45:50,713 --> 00:45:51,852 Hi, Amanda. 1014 00:45:53,164 --> 00:45:54,279 Yeah, I can't get you back on Nickelodeon. 1015 00:45:54,303 --> 00:45:55,891 Sorry, you're too old now. 1016 00:45:55,925 --> 00:45:58,825 So, just call me when you're 17 again. Alright? 1017 00:45:59,308 --> 00:46:00,378 Bye. 1018 00:46:01,482 --> 00:46:03,519 Okay, let's think about this. 1019 00:46:04,244 --> 00:46:05,590 Give me a second. 1020 00:46:07,695 --> 00:46:08,766 Got it! 1021 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,114 Synergy on social networking, huh? 1022 00:46:12,597 --> 00:46:13,805 Yeah. 1023 00:46:14,944 --> 00:46:15,842 Aww, speaking of that, I wish we could just do 1024 00:46:15,876 --> 00:46:16,981 a sequel to your sex tape. 1025 00:46:17,015 --> 00:46:18,534 You know, maybe get two guys. 1026 00:46:19,949 --> 00:46:22,814 Your partner on the tape was Mr. Iron Mike Tyson. 1027 00:46:22,849 --> 00:46:25,506 Correct? And he is the one who released it. 1028 00:46:26,749 --> 00:46:29,096 Yes, completely without my consent. 1029 00:46:29,821 --> 00:46:31,823 And you said Mr. Tyson went public with the tape 1030 00:46:31,858 --> 00:46:33,411 in order to embarrass you. 1031 00:46:34,274 --> 00:46:35,931 There are some people who 1032 00:46:37,104 --> 00:46:39,175 think that the timing of the release is a bit 1033 00:46:39,210 --> 00:46:40,314 curious. 1034 00:46:41,246 --> 00:46:43,110 What? Sometimes I take a while. 1035 00:46:44,318 --> 00:46:47,425 No, um... no, what I'm trying to say is that 1036 00:46:48,736 --> 00:46:52,085 the tape was released just before the first episode 1037 00:46:52,119 --> 00:46:55,364 of your hit television series "The Heir Heads." 1038 00:46:55,398 --> 00:46:57,607 Are you saying I released the tape myself? 1039 00:46:57,642 --> 00:46:59,817 No, not... not necessarily. 1040 00:46:59,851 --> 00:47:03,751 Now, you maintain that the tape clearly shows 1041 00:47:03,786 --> 00:47:05,546 you making love to Mike Tyson 1042 00:47:05,581 --> 00:47:07,963 and then passionately biting his ear off. 1043 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,690 Mr. Tyson, however, denies even being in 1044 00:47:12,277 --> 00:47:13,485 the video. 1045 00:47:14,935 --> 00:47:17,351 Hey, that brother in that London tape, that isn't me. 1046 00:47:17,386 --> 00:47:20,009 Come on, man, that's some kind of impersonator. 1047 00:47:20,044 --> 00:47:22,701 His tattoo's on the wrong side of his face. 1048 00:47:23,633 --> 00:47:24,842 And plus, I have both my ears. 1049 00:47:25,877 --> 00:47:27,441 Man, you need to look for a brother with a hole 1050 00:47:27,465 --> 00:47:29,294 on the left side of his head, not me. 1051 00:47:30,019 --> 00:47:31,469 Hey! Listen to me. 1052 00:47:32,608 --> 00:47:33,792 Turn that frown upside down, alright? 1053 00:47:33,816 --> 00:47:35,818 Your sex tape is the one that started it all. 1054 00:47:37,026 --> 00:47:38,925 Teenage boys in every language across the globe 1055 00:47:38,959 --> 00:47:41,720 still jerk off to that tape, okay? 1056 00:47:41,928 --> 00:47:44,585 It is true, I am still getting royalties. 1057 00:47:45,897 --> 00:47:46,943 But that survivor's meeting you made me go to 1058 00:47:46,967 --> 00:47:48,313 was horrible. 1059 00:47:49,314 --> 00:47:50,868 We have a new member this week. 1060 00:47:50,902 --> 00:47:54,078 Everyone, please welcome London Logo. 1061 00:47:54,112 --> 00:47:55,838 Welcome, London. 1062 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,357 This is a safe place. 1063 00:47:57,391 --> 00:48:00,878 This is our circle of consent. 1064 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,640 What the accused did to me was unspeakable. 1065 00:48:04,674 --> 00:48:07,677 I wouldn't wish it upon my worst frenemies. 1066 00:48:08,575 --> 00:48:10,094 I only hope that my... 1067 00:48:11,958 --> 00:48:13,166 um... 1068 00:48:14,546 --> 00:48:17,998 electronic rape can help some girls out there speak up 1069 00:48:18,033 --> 00:48:20,173 like the Cosby girls have. 1070 00:48:21,036 --> 00:48:22,969 You mean your sex tape? 1071 00:48:23,590 --> 00:48:24,798 Well, yeah. 1072 00:48:24,832 --> 00:48:28,802 But that tape clearly shows consensual sex. 1073 00:48:29,941 --> 00:48:32,668 Duh, the sex was totally outstanding. 1074 00:48:33,669 --> 00:48:35,257 It's that he released it to the world 1075 00:48:35,291 --> 00:48:38,191 without my consent, which is electronic rape. 1076 00:48:39,123 --> 00:48:40,400 Oh, please! 1077 00:48:41,125 --> 00:48:42,367 There are people here 1078 00:48:42,402 --> 00:48:45,198 who have actually been sexually abused, miss. 1079 00:48:46,302 --> 00:48:47,648 What are you gonna claim next? 1080 00:48:47,683 --> 00:48:48,694 That you're a victim because a guy didn't take you 1081 00:48:48,718 --> 00:48:50,272 on a big enough shopping spree 1082 00:48:50,306 --> 00:48:51,859 after you had sex with him? 1083 00:48:52,446 --> 00:48:53,446 Poor you. 1084 00:48:54,724 --> 00:48:55,967 Who's next? 1085 00:48:56,002 --> 00:48:57,003 Perfect. 1086 00:48:57,037 --> 00:48:58,359 So, she is ostensibly your client. 1087 00:48:58,383 --> 00:49:00,085 Yeah, yeah, no, she's not an ostrich, though. 1088 00:49:00,109 --> 00:49:01,397 What'd you say? Never mind, so- 1089 00:49:01,421 --> 00:49:03,078 - Ostensibly? - It's okay. So, um... 1090 00:49:03,112 --> 00:49:04,493 You're using big British words. 1091 00:49:04,527 --> 00:49:05,919 This is America. Let's start over, though. 1092 00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,945 Okay. Welcome to across the Pond. 1093 00:49:07,979 --> 00:49:09,981 Speak like people speak over here. 1094 00:49:11,431 --> 00:49:14,089 Do you have any opinions on the line of cosmetics 1095 00:49:14,123 --> 00:49:16,056 - Oh, yeah. - For infants? Yeah. 1096 00:49:16,091 --> 00:49:17,689 London will always say it was her idea, 1097 00:49:17,713 --> 00:49:19,784 but to be fair, infant makeup line 1098 00:49:19,818 --> 00:49:22,649 was totally my idea because I look at baby pictures 1099 00:49:22,683 --> 00:49:25,065 and they just look like old men and old women. 1100 00:49:25,100 --> 00:49:27,171 They just look like crinkled old Italian guys. 1101 00:49:27,205 --> 00:49:30,105 It looks like ex-cast members of "The Sopranos," like, 1102 00:49:30,139 --> 00:49:33,660 "I'm a baby, look at me. I'm so fuckin' fat and ugly." 1103 00:49:33,694 --> 00:49:34,902 So, what I was thinking is, 1104 00:49:34,937 --> 00:49:36,835 look, if you can just lift it up a little bit 1105 00:49:36,870 --> 00:49:39,114 and put some makeup on it and just zhuzh 'em up 1106 00:49:39,148 --> 00:49:40,080 a little bit. 1107 00:49:40,115 --> 00:49:41,668 - Zhuzh? - Zhuzh 'em up! 1108 00:49:41,702 --> 00:49:43,566 We gotta think of something fast. 1109 00:49:44,878 --> 00:49:46,028 Kristy Kim's ever-growing ass is casting a shadow 1110 00:49:46,052 --> 00:49:47,329 on London's career. 1111 00:49:48,019 --> 00:49:50,297 It's literally shoving her off of front covers. 1112 00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:53,035 I believe you're using the term "literally" wrong. 1113 00:49:53,059 --> 00:49:54,577 I'm using it correctly. 1114 00:49:57,201 --> 00:49:58,754 - Oh. - Mmmm. 1115 00:50:00,514 --> 00:50:01,308 We gotta put a lid on that. 1116 00:50:01,343 --> 00:50:02,654 That ass is huge. 1117 00:50:03,828 --> 00:50:05,312 That ass looks like Nicki Minaj's ass 1118 00:50:05,347 --> 00:50:07,349 learned algebra and became an exponential 1119 00:50:07,383 --> 00:50:08,729 bigger version of itself. 1120 00:50:08,764 --> 00:50:12,078 Do you truly believe that London has talent? 1121 00:50:12,112 --> 00:50:14,804 Do I believe that London has talent? 1122 00:50:14,839 --> 00:50:16,047 Yeah. 1123 00:50:16,082 --> 00:50:18,463 Talent-Define what you think talent means. 1124 00:50:18,498 --> 00:50:19,844 Um, a gift... 1125 00:50:19,878 --> 00:50:21,166 You know what? Just-I'm sure it's great, 1126 00:50:21,190 --> 00:50:22,778 but here's what I think talent means. 1127 00:50:22,812 --> 00:50:23,812 Okay. 1128 00:50:25,712 --> 00:50:26,965 To think there was a time when, 1129 00:50:26,989 --> 00:50:28,266 if you Googled London, 1130 00:50:28,301 --> 00:50:29,957 I came up before the country. 1131 00:50:29,992 --> 00:50:30,992 City. 1132 00:50:32,029 --> 00:50:33,627 I don't need a geology lesson right now, okay? 1133 00:50:33,651 --> 00:50:35,860 Okay, okay, hey, hey, you two, hey. 1134 00:50:35,894 --> 00:50:37,655 Let's just think of some ideas here. 1135 00:50:37,689 --> 00:50:39,139 I could reach out to Rochelle. 1136 00:50:39,174 --> 00:50:41,590 Maybe do a reality show reunion? 1137 00:50:42,349 --> 00:50:43,661 Oh, my God. 1138 00:50:43,695 --> 00:50:45,766 Jesus, are you in the room? Are you here? 1139 00:50:45,801 --> 00:50:48,321 Because that was as beautiful as the Second Coming of Christ! 1140 00:50:48,355 --> 00:50:49,460 You brilliant bitch! 1141 00:50:50,357 --> 00:50:51,669 Daughter of an oil tycoon, 1142 00:50:51,703 --> 00:50:54,016 Rochelle Ritzy used her father's money 1143 00:50:54,051 --> 00:50:55,466 to fund her career. 1144 00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:57,951 When producers were casting London's reality show, 1145 00:50:57,985 --> 00:51:00,747 "Heir Heads," Rochelle was at the top of the list. 1146 00:51:01,679 --> 00:51:03,025 Their chemistry was undeniable. 1147 00:51:04,199 --> 00:51:05,555 Often described as the "odd couple," 1148 00:51:05,579 --> 00:51:08,341 if Felix was awful and Oscar was a black woman, 1149 00:51:08,375 --> 00:51:10,274 their show lasted six seasons. 1150 00:51:10,308 --> 00:51:13,104 They became famous for their annoying catchphrases, 1151 00:51:13,139 --> 00:51:16,418 "That's so ratchet" and "Well, yeah." 1152 00:51:17,246 --> 00:51:19,628 Oh, this mop is ratchet! 1153 00:51:19,662 --> 00:51:20,939 Well, yeah! 1154 00:51:20,974 --> 00:51:23,252 Mmmm, this doughnut is ratchet. 1155 00:51:23,287 --> 00:51:24,702 Well, yeah. 1156 00:51:25,806 --> 00:51:27,636 Oh, this ratchet is ratchet! 1157 00:51:27,670 --> 00:51:29,051 Well, yeah. 1158 00:51:30,363 --> 00:51:32,744 Their strained relationship was great for ratings, 1159 00:51:32,779 --> 00:51:34,091 but not for each other. 1160 00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:35,989 Things eventually turned sour. 1161 00:51:37,301 --> 00:51:39,341 Rochelle was really struggling with her addiction. 1162 00:51:39,372 --> 00:51:42,478 Hi, my name is Rochelle Ritzy and... 1163 00:51:43,238 --> 00:51:44,308 I'm a sex addict. 1164 00:51:44,825 --> 00:51:46,310 Wow. 1165 00:51:46,344 --> 00:51:49,140 It turns out, she has this weird specific fetish 1166 00:51:49,175 --> 00:51:52,557 for big, hairy, well-groomed 1167 00:51:53,179 --> 00:51:54,352 lumberjack guys. 1168 00:51:55,077 --> 00:51:56,147 It's true. 1169 00:51:57,286 --> 00:51:59,254 I'm addicted to lumber-sexuals. 1170 00:52:00,324 --> 00:52:03,223 This hatchet is ratchet! 1171 00:52:03,258 --> 00:52:04,431 Well, yeah. 1172 00:52:04,466 --> 00:52:05,812 Let me help you with that. 1173 00:52:08,573 --> 00:52:11,680 This is how you lumberjack it in the woods. 1174 00:52:11,714 --> 00:52:12,957 Oh, gross. 1175 00:52:12,991 --> 00:52:15,891 Why don't I introduce you to the boys? 1176 00:52:17,203 --> 00:52:21,207 Lumberjacks... assemble! 1177 00:52:24,486 --> 00:52:26,453 Why don't you say hi? 1178 00:52:27,074 --> 00:52:28,317 Hi, boys. 1179 00:52:30,526 --> 00:52:31,286 At the end of this episode, 1180 00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:32,804 Rochelle disappeared. 1181 00:52:33,771 --> 00:52:35,013 No one has seen her since. 1182 00:52:36,325 --> 00:52:39,259 As before, London insisted on taking her jet 1183 00:52:39,294 --> 00:52:41,917 from one L.A. area airport to another. 1184 00:52:41,951 --> 00:52:44,816 She said flying private is her "birthright" 1185 00:52:44,851 --> 00:52:46,577 as a celebutante. 1186 00:52:54,516 --> 00:52:57,450 Oh, my God, this can't be where she lives. 1187 00:52:57,484 --> 00:52:59,314 Why does she have so many doors? 1188 00:52:59,348 --> 00:53:01,454 It's called an apartment building. 1189 00:53:03,766 --> 00:53:05,630 Ah, 108. 1190 00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,190 I told you we had the wrong place. 1191 00:53:13,224 --> 00:53:15,951 This is obviously some ugly people orphanage. 1192 00:53:15,985 --> 00:53:17,194 London. 1193 00:53:17,228 --> 00:53:18,850 Fine. 1194 00:53:22,129 --> 00:53:25,029 No, no, no, London, it's me. 1195 00:53:25,961 --> 00:53:27,134 Rochelle? 1196 00:53:32,761 --> 00:53:34,003 Sorry about the mess, 1197 00:53:34,038 --> 00:53:35,867 I'm just gonna put the baby down. 1198 00:53:36,903 --> 00:53:38,663 Please, sit, make yourself at home. 1199 00:53:41,770 --> 00:53:43,185 Sorry about that. 1200 00:53:44,324 --> 00:53:46,395 I can't believe you have a baby. 1201 00:53:47,741 --> 00:53:49,443 Apparently, constant unprotected and anonymous sex 1202 00:53:49,467 --> 00:53:51,607 can get you more than just herpes. 1203 00:53:51,642 --> 00:53:54,300 So, I guess you're just a babysitter now? 1204 00:53:54,334 --> 00:53:56,578 I actually work at Reebok. 1205 00:53:57,717 --> 00:53:59,684 Ah, that must be where the smell of feet 1206 00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,203 is coming from. 1207 00:54:02,308 --> 00:54:03,548 What happened to all your money? 1208 00:54:04,068 --> 00:54:05,345 Uh, I don't know. 1209 00:54:05,380 --> 00:54:06,933 We lost it 1210 00:54:08,141 --> 00:54:11,109 at some Inron or Bernie Madoff or some shit. 1211 00:54:12,732 --> 00:54:13,905 I will put you to bed forever! 1212 00:54:16,943 --> 00:54:20,049 So, London, it's been a long time. 1213 00:54:21,292 --> 00:54:22,569 What are you doing here? 1214 00:54:23,915 --> 00:54:25,341 Actually, I have something I really wanna talk 1215 00:54:25,365 --> 00:54:26,780 to you about. 1216 00:54:27,954 --> 00:54:29,783 Shall we go get a drink, just get out of here? 1217 00:54:29,818 --> 00:54:32,234 Oh, God, yes, please. 1218 00:54:33,339 --> 00:54:34,823 Um, but what about my little... 1219 00:54:34,857 --> 00:54:37,343 Oh, don't worry about him-slash-her-slash-it. 1220 00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:39,552 Winston can take good care of babies. 1221 00:54:42,762 --> 00:54:46,110 I said I'd go to a bar, not a bar in another state. 1222 00:54:47,284 --> 00:54:49,355 Trust me, Rochelle, you're gonna love this. 1223 00:55:02,644 --> 00:55:03,852 Oh, yes. 1224 00:55:09,961 --> 00:55:11,031 Hello. 1225 00:55:12,101 --> 00:55:15,104 I will have a vodka cosmopolitan 1226 00:55:16,243 --> 00:55:17,428 with one mint leaf and a cherry. 1227 00:55:17,452 --> 00:55:20,351 And for my bestie, a dirty martini, 1228 00:55:20,386 --> 00:55:22,284 extra dirty, upside down. 1229 00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:23,320 Yeah. 1230 00:55:29,947 --> 00:55:31,431 A drink's a drink. 1231 00:55:31,466 --> 00:55:32,466 Yeah. 1232 00:55:37,989 --> 00:55:41,199 Rochelle, I think I can fix all your worries. 1233 00:55:41,234 --> 00:55:42,546 Okay, picture this: 1234 00:55:42,580 --> 00:55:45,307 London and Rochelle together again. 1235 00:55:46,412 --> 00:55:48,448 - What? - A one-night stage reunion! 1236 00:55:48,483 --> 00:55:50,139 Oh, no, London, I can't. 1237 00:55:50,174 --> 00:55:52,487 Of course you can! We'll use cue cards. 1238 00:55:52,521 --> 00:55:54,212 No, I mean the life. 1239 00:55:55,144 --> 00:55:57,112 I can't go down that road again. 1240 00:55:57,146 --> 00:55:59,079 It was a dark and lonely path. 1241 00:55:59,114 --> 00:56:00,426 As a sexoholic, 1242 00:56:00,460 --> 00:56:02,117 you're constantly trying to fill a void. 1243 00:56:02,151 --> 00:56:03,532 And that void got filled! 1244 00:56:03,567 --> 00:56:05,983 Let's make a new void and fill it together! 1245 00:56:06,017 --> 00:56:07,961 London, you don't understand what it's like to be 1246 00:56:07,985 --> 00:56:10,815 in a room full of people and feel completely alone. 1247 00:56:10,850 --> 00:56:13,335 If I dip even a toe back into that world, 1248 00:56:14,198 --> 00:56:14,957 it could set me back years. 1249 00:56:14,992 --> 00:56:16,580 I can't take that risk. 1250 00:56:17,788 --> 00:56:19,144 You know what? We should probably just go. 1251 00:56:19,168 --> 00:56:20,928 Let's just get out of here. Rochelle, wait. 1252 00:56:21,032 --> 00:56:22,758 Okay, I know how it feels. 1253 00:56:23,483 --> 00:56:24,829 I feel the same way. 1254 00:56:24,864 --> 00:56:28,350 In fact, I've felt this so long, I think I'm numb to it 1255 00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:30,317 and maybe that's why I'm here. 1256 00:56:31,733 --> 00:56:33,893 Maybe you're the only real friend I've ever really had. 1257 00:56:34,183 --> 00:56:35,357 We weren't friends, London. 1258 00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:37,290 Our relationship was volatile. 1259 00:56:37,324 --> 00:56:39,637 Was it, or were we just playing it up 1260 00:56:39,672 --> 00:56:41,294 for the cameras? 1261 00:56:41,743 --> 00:56:43,745 Remember the season of "Heir Heads" 1262 00:56:43,779 --> 00:56:46,851 when we were au pairs for the immigrant Asian family? 1263 00:56:46,886 --> 00:56:50,821 And we took all day to teach their child one phrase? 1264 00:56:50,855 --> 00:56:51,855 Yeah. 1265 00:56:53,030 --> 00:56:54,411 "Kung Pao chicken with white lice." 1266 00:56:55,135 --> 00:56:56,551 We were so dumb! 1267 00:56:57,310 --> 00:56:58,829 And super racist. 1268 00:56:58,863 --> 00:56:59,933 Just stay. 1269 00:56:59,968 --> 00:57:01,452 Forget the on-air reunion. 1270 00:57:01,487 --> 00:57:03,799 But don't leave me for this off-air reunion. 1271 00:57:03,834 --> 00:57:05,145 Just a couple more drinks. 1272 00:57:05,180 --> 00:57:07,147 Okay, just don't let me get too drunk. 1273 00:57:07,182 --> 00:57:08,079 You know how I get. 1274 00:57:08,114 --> 00:57:09,218 Of course. 1275 00:57:11,566 --> 00:57:14,120 What am I supposed to do with this? 1276 00:57:15,501 --> 00:57:18,158 I'm not really supposed to interact with you. 1277 00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:24,302 Whoo-hoo! 1278 00:57:24,993 --> 00:57:26,995 This bar is ratchet! 1279 00:57:27,029 --> 00:57:30,377 It's totally ratchet! 1280 00:57:30,412 --> 00:57:33,070 She said it, guys. She said it! 1281 00:57:33,104 --> 00:57:37,177 Whose dick do I have to suck to get some dick around here?! 1282 00:57:37,212 --> 00:57:40,457 This is so ratchet! 1283 00:57:40,491 --> 00:57:45,047 Rochelle Ritzy is back, you bitches! 1284 00:57:47,533 --> 00:57:48,533 Whoa! 1285 00:57:50,018 --> 00:57:51,019 Yeah! 1286 00:57:51,053 --> 00:57:53,124 Who put that air there? 1287 00:57:59,130 --> 00:58:01,685 Oh, my God, London, look at him. 1288 00:58:02,513 --> 00:58:04,491 It feels like somebody put fire ants up my coochie. 1289 00:58:04,515 --> 00:58:07,725 Mmm, well, the best way to get rid of fire ants is 1290 00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,832 to pour a mixture of vinegar and baking soda down the 1291 00:58:10,866 --> 00:58:12,109 ant hole. 1292 00:58:13,248 --> 00:58:16,044 So knowledgeable about nature. 1293 00:58:16,631 --> 00:58:18,495 Can't resist. 1294 00:58:19,910 --> 00:58:22,015 Get your baking soda ready because this ant hole 1295 00:58:22,050 --> 00:58:23,361 needs some pouring. 1296 00:58:25,294 --> 00:58:27,331 Would like to come with me to my cabin? 1297 00:58:27,365 --> 00:58:28,365 Huh. 1298 00:58:29,506 --> 00:58:31,473 This is the best night of my life. 1299 00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:33,475 Do you see what happens when London and Rochelle 1300 00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:34,580 get back together? 1301 00:58:34,614 --> 00:58:35,788 You know what? 1302 00:58:36,685 --> 00:58:39,067 I will do that reunion. 1303 00:58:39,101 --> 00:58:41,138 - You will? - Mmm, hell yeah. 1304 00:58:42,001 --> 00:58:43,312 Social media's aflutter 1305 00:58:43,347 --> 00:58:45,591 with London and Rochellle reunion talk. 1306 00:58:45,625 --> 00:58:47,627 This will surely be the media event 1307 00:58:47,662 --> 00:58:49,802 that specific one-hour block. 1308 00:58:52,183 --> 00:58:53,771 Welcome back, London. 1309 00:58:54,634 --> 00:58:56,015 After waiting two whole days, 1310 00:58:56,740 --> 00:58:57,948 we're gonna finally see 1311 00:58:57,982 --> 00:58:59,915 our favorite couple get back together 1312 00:58:59,950 --> 00:59:02,366 after barely talking for-for years. 1313 00:59:03,229 --> 00:59:04,920 I'm excited. Are you excited? 1314 00:59:04,955 --> 00:59:06,163 As I'll ever be. 1315 00:59:06,197 --> 00:59:07,578 Well, let's bring her out. 1316 00:59:07,613 --> 00:59:09,891 Ladies and gentlemen, Rochelle Ritzy. 1317 00:59:09,925 --> 00:59:10,926 Come over here. 1318 00:59:13,860 --> 00:59:17,312 Oh, honey, you look like you fell asleep in a ditch. 1319 00:59:17,761 --> 00:59:18,761 I did. 1320 00:59:21,005 --> 00:59:24,008 So, are you going to apologize? 1321 00:59:25,147 --> 00:59:26,977 For what, being more famous than you? 1322 00:59:31,775 --> 00:59:36,124 No, for alienating everyone who tries to get close to you. 1323 00:59:36,158 --> 00:59:37,608 Pshhh, as if. 1324 00:59:37,643 --> 00:59:39,506 You're the Queen of the ratchets. 1325 00:59:39,541 --> 00:59:41,785 London, I'm not gonna help you play your game, 1326 00:59:41,819 --> 00:59:43,649 not this time. 1327 00:59:43,683 --> 00:59:46,513 Do you wanna know why you haven't seen me in years? 1328 00:59:47,653 --> 00:59:48,664 You have leaves in your hair. 1329 00:59:48,688 --> 00:59:51,553 There was no big fight. 1330 00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:53,969 There was no huge blowout. 1331 00:59:54,004 --> 00:59:57,524 I... left because I wanted to grow up. 1332 00:59:58,249 --> 00:59:59,250 Which is what I did. 1333 00:59:59,285 --> 01:00:01,114 And, London, you just... 1334 01:00:01,598 --> 01:00:02,806 haven't. 1335 01:00:04,497 --> 01:00:06,292 Don't you turn your back on me, 1336 01:00:06,326 --> 01:00:08,328 you heinous bitch emperor. 1337 01:00:09,398 --> 01:00:10,986 No one turns their back on London Logo. 1338 01:00:11,366 --> 01:00:12,366 Sure they do. 1339 01:00:12,919 --> 01:00:14,196 So you can stick the knife in. 1340 01:00:16,992 --> 01:00:19,098 Oooh, caustic. 1341 01:00:20,271 --> 01:00:22,653 Now, you've had London Logo on your show 1342 01:00:22,688 --> 01:00:24,517 at least a dozen times over the years. 1343 01:00:24,551 --> 01:00:25,794 I'd love to ask you: 1344 01:00:25,829 --> 01:00:27,382 What do you think of her? 1345 01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:31,144 I could say that she's spoiled, self-indulgent, 1346 01:00:31,179 --> 01:00:34,009 irresponsible and talentless. 1347 01:00:35,114 --> 01:00:36,805 I could say that, but I won't 1348 01:00:37,461 --> 01:00:38,461 Why not? 1349 01:00:39,877 --> 01:00:43,398 The same reason I wouldn't say that about Donald Trump. 1350 01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:47,644 I don't understand what Donald Trump 1351 01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:49,794 and London Logo have in common. 1352 01:00:49,818 --> 01:00:50,968 London Logo is young and beautiful 1353 01:00:50,992 --> 01:00:53,339 and she has perfect skin and hair. 1354 01:00:53,373 --> 01:00:54,823 And Mr. Trump... 1355 01:00:55,341 --> 01:00:56,341 doesn't. 1356 01:00:57,412 --> 01:00:59,414 London and The Donald, they're the same thing. 1357 01:00:59,448 --> 01:01:00,864 They represent the same thing, 1358 01:01:00,898 --> 01:01:01,898 ratings. 1359 01:01:03,004 --> 01:01:04,004 Ratings. 1360 01:01:04,833 --> 01:01:05,873 Ratings are catching on. 1361 01:01:06,559 --> 01:01:08,699 Is London a terrible person? 1362 01:01:09,631 --> 01:01:10,839 Viewers of the much-anticipated 1363 01:01:10,874 --> 01:01:13,497 Rochelle Ritzy reunion seemed to think so. 1364 01:01:14,498 --> 01:01:15,810 And that's pretty much everyone. 1365 01:01:16,569 --> 01:01:18,260 So, everyone thinks 1366 01:01:18,295 --> 01:01:19,986 London is the worst. 1367 01:01:20,987 --> 01:01:22,506 And that's how that math checks out. 1368 01:01:24,094 --> 01:01:26,579 This is my favorite little hidden beach. 1369 01:01:27,304 --> 01:01:28,650 I always come here 1370 01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:30,687 when I'm in a bad mood. 1371 01:01:31,826 --> 01:01:34,276 It's, like, metaphorical, you know? 1372 01:01:35,001 --> 01:01:36,934 Interesting. How so? 1373 01:01:38,073 --> 01:01:39,292 If London isn't liking things, 1374 01:01:39,316 --> 01:01:41,836 she seeks the peace the ocean brings. 1375 01:01:42,802 --> 01:01:44,390 That's less metaphorical 1376 01:01:44,424 --> 01:01:46,323 and more just something that rhymes. 1377 01:01:53,571 --> 01:01:55,366 Oh, my God! 1378 01:01:55,401 --> 01:01:57,817 See? Already the day gets better! 1379 01:01:59,094 --> 01:02:01,027 Ted, what are you doing here? Come and say hi. 1380 01:02:02,097 --> 01:02:03,137 From a reasonable distance. 1381 01:02:03,927 --> 01:02:05,756 Hi, London. I didn't see you here. 1382 01:02:05,791 --> 01:02:07,620 Oh, right, you didn't see me. 1383 01:02:07,654 --> 01:02:09,829 Quit playing coy, Ted. 1384 01:02:09,864 --> 01:02:11,520 That's a little stalker humor. 1385 01:02:11,969 --> 01:02:15,835 Ted, you would not believe the day I've been having. 1386 01:02:17,319 --> 01:02:19,459 What's that in your hand? Eh... 1387 01:02:19,494 --> 01:02:21,116 That another present for me? 1388 01:02:21,151 --> 01:02:22,152 It's not, no. 1389 01:02:22,186 --> 01:02:23,774 It's... I... uh... 1390 01:02:23,809 --> 01:02:25,120 Uh... 1391 01:02:25,155 --> 01:02:27,433 Is this from that time I dyed my hair dark 1392 01:02:27,467 --> 01:02:29,780 for that movie "Smart Twin/Dumb Twin"? 1393 01:02:30,988 --> 01:02:33,957 Oh, my God, Kristy! It's the freak again! 1394 01:02:35,682 --> 01:02:37,270 London, it's not what it looks like. 1395 01:02:37,305 --> 01:02:39,272 Are you stalking Kristy now? 1396 01:02:40,549 --> 01:02:42,469 It doesn't mean I'm obsessed with you any less. 1397 01:02:42,551 --> 01:02:43,711 Do you go through her trash? 1398 01:02:44,933 --> 01:02:46,314 Ted, I asked you a question. 1399 01:02:46,348 --> 01:02:49,351 Do you or do you not go through her trash? 1400 01:02:49,386 --> 01:02:50,559 Yes! Okay? 1401 01:02:50,594 --> 01:02:52,216 Yes, and I like it! 1402 01:02:52,251 --> 01:02:53,562 It's roomier. 1403 01:02:53,597 --> 01:02:55,219 I can sleep in there all day if I want. 1404 01:02:55,254 --> 01:02:57,877 Wait, you sleep in my trash?! 1405 01:02:59,051 --> 01:03:00,062 I'm sorry, London, I didn't want you 1406 01:03:00,086 --> 01:03:01,166 to find out this way, but... 1407 01:03:02,364 --> 01:03:03,503 I'm stalking Kristy now. 1408 01:03:03,538 --> 01:03:04,988 Don't touch my sister! 1409 01:03:06,265 --> 01:03:07,507 Joke's on you. 1410 01:03:08,405 --> 01:03:10,062 I find abuse highly erotic. 1411 01:03:10,096 --> 01:03:13,997 Kristy, have you seen "Tammy and the Brontosaurus"? 1412 01:03:14,929 --> 01:03:16,102 What are you... 1413 01:03:16,137 --> 01:03:17,562 They make her say lots of science-y things. 1414 01:03:17,586 --> 01:03:20,935 It's hilarious. Uh-oh, fag-gettios. 1415 01:03:21,694 --> 01:03:23,247 Uh, this isn't great. 1416 01:03:24,386 --> 01:03:26,768 I can understand Simon two-timing me 1417 01:03:26,803 --> 01:03:28,666 because he's a world-famous designer. 1418 01:03:28,701 --> 01:03:30,392 But you, Angelina? 1419 01:03:30,427 --> 01:03:32,084 London, I'm sorry. 1420 01:03:32,118 --> 01:03:35,156 No, I don't wanna hear "I'm sorry, London." 1421 01:03:35,190 --> 01:03:37,123 I have been your Yoda with great tits 1422 01:03:37,158 --> 01:03:39,850 for years and wore this stupid wig for you. 1423 01:03:39,885 --> 01:03:42,853 And you haven't seen one damn movie of mine. 1424 01:03:42,888 --> 01:03:44,441 Kristy cares. 1425 01:03:44,475 --> 01:03:45,891 Or at least she pretends she does 1426 01:03:45,925 --> 01:03:47,685 and that's a friend, someone who pretends 1427 01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:49,791 to give a shit about your movies. 1428 01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:51,551 I loved you in "Criminal Hearts." 1429 01:03:51,586 --> 01:03:54,244 Oh, my God, even your psycho stalker 1430 01:03:54,278 --> 01:03:56,177 has seen the shit I did on cable! 1431 01:03:56,211 --> 01:03:57,730 You were very sexy in it. 1432 01:03:58,351 --> 01:03:59,007 Thank you. 1433 01:03:59,042 --> 01:04:00,353 Shut up, Ted! 1434 01:04:00,388 --> 01:04:01,561 Unh. 1435 01:04:01,596 --> 01:04:02,884 Okay, you know what? I've heard enough. 1436 01:04:02,908 --> 01:04:04,910 Winston, fire Angelina. 1437 01:04:04,944 --> 01:04:07,050 Angelina, uh, you've been terminated 1438 01:04:07,084 --> 01:04:08,051 by Miss Logo. 1439 01:04:08,085 --> 01:04:09,328 You can leave your keys with me. 1440 01:04:09,362 --> 01:04:11,640 How can I be fired? I don't work for her. 1441 01:04:11,882 --> 01:04:13,263 And I don't have any keys! 1442 01:04:13,297 --> 01:04:13,919 I know. 1443 01:04:13,953 --> 01:04:14,747 Sycophant. 1444 01:04:14,781 --> 01:04:15,781 I know. 1445 01:04:19,131 --> 01:04:20,453 I don't appreciate what you just did there 1446 01:04:20,477 --> 01:04:21,512 to my friends. 1447 01:04:21,547 --> 01:04:23,031 What-ever. 1448 01:04:23,929 --> 01:04:26,138 Klarc, here, hold my bag. 1449 01:04:26,172 --> 01:04:29,866 I'm gonna destroy this pencil-neck, pasty white ho. 1450 01:04:29,900 --> 01:04:31,074 Oh, come on, 1451 01:04:31,108 --> 01:04:32,661 like I'm gonna fight a pregnant chick. 1452 01:04:39,703 --> 01:04:42,395 London! London, are you alright?! 1453 01:04:43,258 --> 01:04:44,673 Let's be civilized! 1454 01:04:44,708 --> 01:04:47,124 We're not savages... Ahhh! 1455 01:04:49,989 --> 01:04:52,440 You always think you're one step ahead. 1456 01:04:52,474 --> 01:04:54,752 Soon, you'll be left behind by the fans 1457 01:04:54,787 --> 01:04:56,064 who once loved you. 1458 01:04:56,099 --> 01:04:58,998 Oh, London, I have a child on the way 1459 01:04:59,033 --> 01:05:00,344 that's gonna keep me on top 1460 01:05:00,379 --> 01:05:02,243 for the next 18 years. 1461 01:05:02,277 --> 01:05:04,314 Hashtag babymakesbucks. 1462 01:05:05,039 --> 01:05:06,661 I know your secret. 1463 01:05:07,731 --> 01:05:09,940 I could completely ruin you. 1464 01:05:10,423 --> 01:05:11,423 Maybe. 1465 01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:19,225 London, I'm sorry. 1466 01:05:19,260 --> 01:05:22,159 How could you not know Simon was with Kristy? 1467 01:05:22,194 --> 01:05:24,541 How'd you not know Ted was cheating on me? 1468 01:05:24,575 --> 01:05:26,819 And how the hell have I not seen 1469 01:05:26,853 --> 01:05:28,614 any of Angelina's movies? 1470 01:05:28,648 --> 01:05:30,823 You're paid to know these things, Winston. 1471 01:05:30,857 --> 01:05:34,033 You're paid extremely well. 1472 01:05:34,654 --> 01:05:35,897 I guess... 1473 01:05:35,932 --> 01:05:37,116 No, I don't wanna hear your bullshit, Winston. 1474 01:05:37,140 --> 01:05:38,141 You're fired. 1475 01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:39,520 What? 1476 01:05:40,143 --> 01:05:41,282 Did I speak in an accent? 1477 01:05:48,116 --> 01:05:49,773 Just tell me one thing. 1478 01:05:51,188 --> 01:05:52,949 Where's my car parked? 1479 01:05:54,226 --> 01:05:55,272 The day's events would have taken their toll 1480 01:05:55,296 --> 01:05:57,229 on any rational human being 1481 01:05:57,263 --> 01:05:59,300 and therefore, no one could've expected 1482 01:05:59,334 --> 01:06:01,267 London would take it this hard. 1483 01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:06,686 Footage of London pushing a pregnant Kristy Kim 1484 01:06:06,721 --> 01:06:08,102 has us all wondering: 1485 01:06:09,551 --> 01:06:11,174 Has London Logo completely lost it? 1486 01:06:11,208 --> 01:06:12,485 London? 1487 01:06:13,624 --> 01:06:15,292 I was hoping to talk to you about everything 1488 01:06:15,316 --> 01:06:16,248 that just happened. 1489 01:06:16,282 --> 01:06:18,422 Sure, let's chat. 1490 01:06:20,148 --> 01:06:23,324 Can you tell me what happened back there at the beach? 1491 01:06:24,773 --> 01:06:27,742 Yeah, just Kristy Kim being a bitch, yet again. 1492 01:06:27,776 --> 01:06:30,262 You said something to Kristy. 1493 01:06:31,263 --> 01:06:33,713 You said, "I know your secret." 1494 01:06:34,300 --> 01:06:35,060 What secret? 1495 01:06:35,094 --> 01:06:36,716 Oh, that was nothing. 1496 01:06:37,924 --> 01:06:39,040 London, how am I supposed to do my job 1497 01:06:39,064 --> 01:06:40,030 if you don't answer my questions? 1498 01:06:40,065 --> 01:06:42,274 I don't know, it's your job. 1499 01:06:43,033 --> 01:06:43,689 Well, are you upset? 1500 01:06:43,723 --> 01:06:45,173 About what?! 1501 01:06:45,208 --> 01:06:46,806 Well, all of your friends, your closest confidantes, 1502 01:06:46,830 --> 01:06:48,763 - they left you. - Who needs them? 1503 01:06:48,797 --> 01:06:50,144 Everyone needs friends, London. 1504 01:06:50,178 --> 01:06:51,869 Not me. Okay? 1505 01:06:51,904 --> 01:06:53,285 And-and if I want a friend, 1506 01:06:53,319 --> 01:06:54,803 I can just call my manager 1507 01:06:54,838 --> 01:06:56,771 and I'll have a couple of them like that. 1508 01:06:56,805 --> 01:06:59,360 Something's up with this chair. 1509 01:07:00,223 --> 01:07:01,810 Do you hear water dripping? 1510 01:07:01,845 --> 01:07:03,640 Listen, that drip-drip. 1511 01:07:03,674 --> 01:07:04,917 Do you hear that from somewhere? 1512 01:07:04,951 --> 01:07:06,919 No, I-I-I don't. 1513 01:07:06,953 --> 01:07:09,335 You do realize that's not how friendship works. 1514 01:07:09,370 --> 01:07:12,614 Not for most people, but I'm London Logo. 1515 01:07:12,649 --> 01:07:14,271 I'm an icon. 1516 01:07:14,306 --> 01:07:15,962 Women want to be me 1517 01:07:15,997 --> 01:07:19,276 and men want to have a sex change to be me. 1518 01:07:19,311 --> 01:07:21,175 Sometimes, that just means you have to shed 1519 01:07:21,209 --> 01:07:22,452 the dead weight. 1520 01:07:22,486 --> 01:07:25,420 God damn it, this chair is bullshit! 1521 01:07:25,455 --> 01:07:27,284 London, are you alright? 1522 01:07:27,319 --> 01:07:29,217 - Do you care? - Of course I care. 1523 01:07:29,252 --> 01:07:30,356 No, you don't! 1524 01:07:30,391 --> 01:07:32,013 You're just trying to use me. 1525 01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:34,291 I thought you would be smart enough 1526 01:07:34,326 --> 01:07:35,672 to figure me out. 1527 01:07:36,673 --> 01:07:37,570 But I'm not gonna hold your hand 1528 01:07:37,605 --> 01:07:39,331 and walk you to that answer. 1529 01:07:40,194 --> 01:07:41,126 London, I didn't mean to... 1530 01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,679 - Get out. - What? 1531 01:07:42,713 --> 01:07:43,990 I said just get out. 1532 01:07:44,025 --> 01:07:45,820 I'm not gonna be someone you can use 1533 01:07:45,854 --> 01:07:47,373 to make a name for yourself, 1534 01:07:47,408 --> 01:07:50,100 especially if that name is Diana Smelt-Marlin 1535 01:07:50,135 --> 01:07:51,515 because it's fucking awful! 1536 01:07:51,550 --> 01:07:53,276 - London, please. - Get out! 1537 01:07:53,310 --> 01:07:54,794 Just get out! 1538 01:07:54,829 --> 01:07:57,659 Get out, like everybody else just leaves me in my life. 1539 01:07:57,694 --> 01:07:59,075 Just go! 1540 01:07:59,765 --> 01:08:01,077 And you leave, too! 1541 01:08:01,111 --> 01:08:02,250 And you, get out! 1542 01:08:07,807 --> 01:08:09,361 I would've left it at that, 1543 01:08:10,362 --> 01:08:11,639 but something left me unsettled. 1544 01:08:12,916 --> 01:08:14,514 So, I scoured all my footage and what I found 1545 01:08:14,538 --> 01:08:16,368 could shock all of America. 1546 01:08:16,402 --> 01:08:18,301 But before I could confront her, 1547 01:08:18,335 --> 01:08:19,716 this happened. 1548 01:08:23,168 --> 01:08:24,755 London Logo arrested today 1549 01:08:24,790 --> 01:08:27,862 in an incredibly bizarre series of events. 1550 01:08:27,896 --> 01:08:30,623 We have footage that shows she may be 1551 01:08:30,658 --> 01:08:34,213 a few beads shy of a full pearl necklace. 1552 01:08:34,248 --> 01:08:36,077 Get me out of this thing! 1553 01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,458 Don't do this to me! 1554 01:08:37,492 --> 01:08:41,013 I ain't a bag of groceries! I am DJ Microchip! 1555 01:08:41,047 --> 01:08:43,498 I don't care who you were. You're mine now! 1556 01:08:43,533 --> 01:08:45,535 I can't be seen riding around in a shopping cart. 1557 01:08:48,365 --> 01:08:50,643 Get me out of this thing! 1558 01:08:50,678 --> 01:08:51,851 You crazy ho. 1559 01:08:51,886 --> 01:08:53,094 I know people! 1560 01:08:55,303 --> 01:08:56,960 - Vive la France! - What the?! 1561 01:08:56,994 --> 01:08:58,375 Screw you! 1562 01:08:59,204 --> 01:09:00,895 Vive la France! 1563 01:09:01,827 --> 01:09:02,873 I don't wanna tase you, ma'am. 1564 01:09:02,897 --> 01:09:05,175 Yeah, you do. Tase the bitch! 1565 01:09:05,210 --> 01:09:06,970 Vive la France! 1566 01:09:08,213 --> 01:09:09,283 That's right. 1567 01:09:09,317 --> 01:09:11,112 Crazy chick! 1568 01:09:12,009 --> 01:09:13,321 No word yet on the charges, 1569 01:09:13,356 --> 01:09:15,530 but we'll keep you updated as we know more. 1570 01:09:16,704 --> 01:09:17,853 More importantly, little baby Hashtag 1571 01:09:17,877 --> 01:09:19,293 was delivered safely this evening. 1572 01:09:20,397 --> 01:09:21,823 Insta-MILF Kristy Kim reminds us that 1573 01:09:21,847 --> 01:09:24,298 moms who can't shed baby weight instantly 1574 01:09:24,332 --> 01:09:25,747 are lazy 1575 01:09:25,782 --> 01:09:28,302 and no one would want to have sex with them again. 1576 01:09:32,029 --> 01:09:33,514 Against the wall. 1577 01:09:36,137 --> 01:09:37,173 Number One, 1578 01:09:38,104 --> 01:09:39,382 step forward, say your words. 1579 01:09:40,762 --> 01:09:41,936 Vive la France. 1580 01:09:42,523 --> 01:09:43,765 Vive France. 1581 01:09:44,490 --> 01:09:45,940 Vive la France. 1582 01:09:46,975 --> 01:09:48,460 Vive la France! 1583 01:09:48,494 --> 01:09:50,151 That's the one, that's her! 1584 01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:55,191 ♪ Lord, I feel like I'm dying ♪ 1585 01:09:56,088 --> 01:10:00,817 ♪ You know I look like I'm dying ♪ 1586 01:10:01,818 --> 01:10:05,131 ♪ Lord knows that I'm dying ♪ 1587 01:10:06,581 --> 01:10:08,687 ♪ Oh, I feel... 1588 01:10:08,721 --> 01:10:09,791 Excuse me. 1589 01:10:12,622 --> 01:10:14,037 Please remove your belt buckle, 1590 01:10:14,071 --> 01:10:16,004 earrings, necklace, anything with metal in it. 1591 01:10:16,039 --> 01:10:18,800 Do not touch the glass, do not approach the glass, 1592 01:10:18,835 --> 01:10:20,043 no sudden movements. 1593 01:10:20,077 --> 01:10:21,665 Do not hand her any pens, pencils, 1594 01:10:21,700 --> 01:10:24,185 anything with staples, paper clips. 1595 01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,014 If she attempts to hand you something, 1596 01:10:26,049 --> 01:10:27,361 do not accept it. 1597 01:10:27,395 --> 01:10:29,195 Excuse me, but is all this really necessary? 1598 01:10:30,260 --> 01:10:31,582 She's a convicted murderer and rapist. 1599 01:10:31,606 --> 01:10:34,126 We have these rules in place, ma'am, for a reason. 1600 01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:35,369 Would you like to see our... 1601 01:10:35,403 --> 01:10:38,303 London Logo a murderer? 1602 01:10:38,820 --> 01:10:39,649 Oh. 1603 01:10:39,683 --> 01:10:40,822 Sorry. 1604 01:10:40,857 --> 01:10:42,686 Thought you were here to see Chugs. 1605 01:10:44,067 --> 01:10:46,138 Let see, alright... 1606 01:10:46,863 --> 01:10:48,278 Do not blow her kisses. 1607 01:10:49,210 --> 01:10:50,763 Do not pass her any tweets, 1608 01:10:50,798 --> 01:10:53,110 Instagram photos, makeup, 1609 01:10:53,870 --> 01:10:55,216 anything in pink. 1610 01:10:55,837 --> 01:10:57,253 Is that clear? 1611 01:11:00,186 --> 01:11:01,464 How are you holding up? 1612 01:11:02,879 --> 01:11:05,261 It's a nightmare in here. 1613 01:11:06,192 --> 01:11:08,022 The toilet seats aren't heated. 1614 01:11:09,886 --> 01:11:11,439 This is so unfair. 1615 01:11:11,474 --> 01:11:13,407 Why does this always happen to me? 1616 01:11:14,684 --> 01:11:18,135 There's something I think you should see. 1617 01:11:24,210 --> 01:11:26,627 I had a Joan of Arc meltdown 1618 01:11:26,661 --> 01:11:28,525 and people still care more about Kristy 1619 01:11:28,560 --> 01:11:30,147 and that runt Hashtag? 1620 01:11:32,943 --> 01:11:36,119 I've been a journalist long enough to recognize 1621 01:11:36,153 --> 01:11:37,534 when I am being deceived. 1622 01:11:37,569 --> 01:11:39,156 Okay, and? 1623 01:11:40,261 --> 01:11:41,883 Going through some of my footage, 1624 01:11:43,229 --> 01:11:44,334 I found... 1625 01:11:45,439 --> 01:11:46,439 this. 1626 01:11:49,684 --> 01:11:51,548 Do you see that fake belly? 1627 01:11:52,722 --> 01:11:55,138 Kristy Kim wasn't pregnant, London. 1628 01:11:56,242 --> 01:11:58,279 What-what are you talking about? 1629 01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,109 And you've known this the whole time, haven't you? 1630 01:12:02,352 --> 01:12:03,180 If you want me to continue to participate 1631 01:12:03,215 --> 01:12:04,354 in this documentary, 1632 01:12:04,389 --> 01:12:06,080 you'll give the footage to Winston 1633 01:12:06,114 --> 01:12:08,324 and do not keep any copies. 1634 01:12:10,498 --> 01:12:11,499 Alright. 1635 01:12:12,397 --> 01:12:13,397 Good. 1636 01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,159 It was all a scheme. 1637 01:12:17,263 --> 01:12:20,128 Kristy wanted to impress America by showing 1638 01:12:20,163 --> 01:12:23,546 how quickly she could lose the pregnancy weight. 1639 01:12:24,719 --> 01:12:26,411 So, who's the real mother then? 1640 01:12:27,135 --> 01:12:28,861 It's her sister Klarc. 1641 01:12:30,242 --> 01:12:32,313 Kristy's the mother, but Klarc's the surrogate. 1642 01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:34,695 No one noticed because she's the fat one. 1643 01:12:35,868 --> 01:12:38,354 You could share this with all of America. 1644 01:12:39,493 --> 01:12:41,022 What's the point? America hates me now. 1645 01:12:41,046 --> 01:12:43,196 That's because they think you pushed a pregnant woman 1646 01:12:43,220 --> 01:12:44,705 and kidnapped a midget. 1647 01:12:45,844 --> 01:12:48,364 This would redeem you in the public eye. 1648 01:12:49,226 --> 01:12:51,332 Alright, I'll do it. 1649 01:12:52,402 --> 01:12:53,645 I'll do the tell-all interview. 1650 01:12:54,542 --> 01:12:56,406 London, that's incredible. 1651 01:12:57,649 --> 01:12:59,236 No more tricks, no more faking it. 1652 01:13:00,237 --> 01:13:01,477 I'll have everything arranged. 1653 01:13:01,825 --> 01:13:03,206 Can you do me favor, too? 1654 01:13:04,241 --> 01:13:07,348 Will you check on my... gerbil for me? 1655 01:13:08,453 --> 01:13:10,386 Don't you mean your micro-chihuahua? 1656 01:13:11,456 --> 01:13:13,181 Oh, please, I know what he is. 1657 01:13:13,906 --> 01:13:15,183 But I love him anyway. 1658 01:13:17,427 --> 01:13:18,635 Sitting there, 1659 01:13:18,670 --> 01:13:20,775 I began to see everything clearly. 1660 01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:23,502 The lid was about to flip its shit, 1661 01:13:24,123 --> 01:13:25,123 so to speak. 1662 01:13:25,884 --> 01:13:27,299 Good evening, Miss Logo. 1663 01:13:28,473 --> 01:13:29,793 Good evening, Miss Smelt-Marlin. 1664 01:13:30,233 --> 01:13:31,303 Good evening, America. 1665 01:13:32,477 --> 01:13:33,730 I think the question that all of America 1666 01:13:33,754 --> 01:13:37,689 wants answered is: Why did you attack Kristy Kim? 1667 01:13:38,552 --> 01:13:39,518 I've done my time, Diana. 1668 01:13:39,553 --> 01:13:41,762 I was young and I was wrong. 1669 01:13:42,487 --> 01:13:43,626 That was two days ago. 1670 01:13:44,385 --> 01:13:45,559 We'll get back to that. 1671 01:13:46,905 --> 01:13:49,321 You were recently reunited with your former best friend, 1672 01:13:49,355 --> 01:13:51,012 Rochelle Ritzy. 1673 01:13:51,047 --> 01:13:53,774 Can you at last finally tell America 1674 01:13:53,808 --> 01:13:56,190 what went wrong between the two of you? 1675 01:13:57,502 --> 01:13:59,238 Rochelle was really struggling with her addiction. 1676 01:13:59,262 --> 01:14:01,816 The show wasn't a good environment for her 1677 01:14:02,196 --> 01:14:04,370 and I was the one that suggested she take a break. 1678 01:14:04,405 --> 01:14:06,752 So, then, why pretend to feud? 1679 01:14:06,787 --> 01:14:08,167 It's what the producers wanted. 1680 01:14:08,202 --> 01:14:09,548 It was all staged. 1681 01:14:10,894 --> 01:14:12,734 So, then, what else do we not know about you? 1682 01:14:13,518 --> 01:14:15,485 What else has been staged? 1683 01:14:16,659 --> 01:14:17,453 Well, people think I'm a drug addict, 1684 01:14:17,487 --> 01:14:18,626 that's not true. 1685 01:14:19,938 --> 01:14:21,398 But there's so much pressure to be a party girl 1686 01:14:21,422 --> 01:14:22,527 in Hollywood. 1687 01:14:22,561 --> 01:14:24,460 If you're not, you're an outsider. 1688 01:14:25,633 --> 01:14:26,531 What about all the drugs I found 1689 01:14:26,565 --> 01:14:27,359 in your bathroom cabinet? 1690 01:14:27,393 --> 01:14:28,774 Flintstone vitamins. 1691 01:14:30,120 --> 01:14:32,640 Look, people in my position sometimes do crazy, 1692 01:14:32,675 --> 01:14:34,987 immoral things to stay relevant. 1693 01:14:35,505 --> 01:14:37,611 Which brings us back to Kristy Kim. 1694 01:14:37,645 --> 01:14:41,304 Wasn't there a very specific, particular reason, 1695 01:14:41,338 --> 01:14:43,548 which we talked about earlier? 1696 01:14:45,032 --> 01:14:47,010 There is no good reason to push a pregnant woman, 1697 01:14:47,034 --> 01:14:48,414 Miss Smelt-Marlin. 1698 01:14:49,001 --> 01:14:50,001 But she... 1699 01:14:50,555 --> 01:14:51,659 Oh, shit. 1700 01:14:53,040 --> 01:14:55,663 The fame, the pressure, I've lived with it all my life. 1701 01:14:56,422 --> 01:14:58,114 I finally just cracked. 1702 01:14:59,564 --> 01:15:02,152 Which is why I've decided to retire from the business. 1703 01:15:03,015 --> 01:15:04,258 I'm sorry, you're what? 1704 01:15:04,292 --> 01:15:06,363 The competition, the consumerism... 1705 01:15:06,398 --> 01:15:08,055 I can't do it anymore. 1706 01:15:08,780 --> 01:15:10,126 I need to live simply. 1707 01:15:11,230 --> 01:15:12,784 I'll probably move out into the desert. 1708 01:15:13,854 --> 01:15:15,787 I wanna live a simple, spiritual life, 1709 01:15:16,546 --> 01:15:17,789 like the Dalai Parton. 1710 01:15:18,548 --> 01:15:20,308 I know that America will never forgive me 1711 01:15:20,343 --> 01:15:22,172 and I'm not asking for that. 1712 01:15:23,346 --> 01:15:25,762 So, what are you asking for, London? 1713 01:15:26,936 --> 01:15:30,008 Don't forget me. Never forget me. 1714 01:15:38,188 --> 01:15:41,226 So, I was left with more questions than answers. 1715 01:15:42,123 --> 01:15:43,573 Is London more than just a logo 1716 01:15:43,608 --> 01:15:45,713 for American superficiality? 1717 01:15:46,783 --> 01:15:48,336 Is this really the end of her empire? 1718 01:15:49,406 --> 01:15:51,270 To find out, I'd have to wait. 1719 01:16:02,419 --> 01:16:04,283 Winston makes the best cactus waffles 1720 01:16:04,318 --> 01:16:05,837 in the entire desert. 1721 01:16:06,769 --> 01:16:08,322 Oh! This hatchet is 1722 01:16:09,047 --> 01:16:10,427 a very effective tool. 1723 01:16:11,877 --> 01:16:13,948 This piece was inspired by the indigenous peoples 1724 01:16:13,983 --> 01:16:15,432 of the high desert. 1725 01:16:16,019 --> 01:16:17,019 Keep looming! 1726 01:16:18,021 --> 01:16:20,334 Old-fashioned looming 1727 01:16:20,368 --> 01:16:22,854 helps keep my upper body in shape. 1728 01:16:24,027 --> 01:16:26,098 Watch "Heir Heads: Happily Ever After" 1729 01:16:26,133 --> 01:16:28,307 every Sunday at 8PM. 1730 01:16:29,136 --> 01:16:30,136 Oooh. 1731 01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:34,502 Do you know how much blow I could buy with this? 1732 01:16:35,314 --> 01:16:36,799 I would totally roll around in it, 1733 01:16:36,833 --> 01:16:38,455 but London told me that money contains 1734 01:16:38,490 --> 01:16:39,940 a certain amount of fecal matter. 1735 01:16:41,355 --> 01:16:44,565 We're getting married in Cathedral Grove in Muir Woods. 1736 01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,326 My wedding dress is plaid. 1737 01:16:48,742 --> 01:16:50,409 Well, I've always wanted to collaborate with London. 1738 01:16:50,433 --> 01:16:53,539 And she finally made me an offer 1739 01:16:53,574 --> 01:16:56,335 I just couldn't refuse. 1740 01:16:57,613 --> 01:17:01,133 God damn it, Klarc, you make a terrible wet nurse. 1741 01:17:02,548 --> 01:17:04,654 - You know we made her. - And we could make another. 1742 01:17:04,689 --> 01:17:06,967 - Could we not and just screw? - What? 1743 01:17:07,001 --> 01:17:10,177 I got the lead in the remake of "Sophie's Choice." 1744 01:17:10,211 --> 01:17:13,007 And yes, London was at the premiere. 1745 01:17:13,939 --> 01:17:15,561 The best part? 1746 01:17:16,459 --> 01:17:17,943 London let me be blonde again. 1747 01:17:19,255 --> 01:17:21,291 London taught me to embrace who I really am, 1748 01:17:21,326 --> 01:17:23,673 a lumber-sexual nymphomaniac. 1749 01:17:28,678 --> 01:17:30,483 She planned everything all along, didn't she? 1750 01:17:30,507 --> 01:17:31,854 I will admit... 1751 01:17:34,373 --> 01:17:36,790 that's the most delicious drink I've ever made. 1752 01:17:38,205 --> 01:17:40,690 I was drawn to an early discussion with London 1753 01:17:40,725 --> 01:17:42,727 in which she talked about Kristy Kim. 1754 01:17:42,761 --> 01:17:46,316 I realized she'd actually been describing herself. 1755 01:17:46,351 --> 01:17:48,284 She so by-the-numbers. 1756 01:17:48,318 --> 01:17:51,390 Step one: Become a reality show superstar. 1757 01:17:51,425 --> 01:17:54,014 Step two: Live happily ever after. 1758 01:17:54,048 --> 01:17:56,292 Step three: Make a new reality show and call it 1759 01:17:56,326 --> 01:17:57,949 "Happily Ever After." 1760 01:17:58,846 --> 01:18:00,986 So, London, this is it, 1761 01:18:01,021 --> 01:18:03,092 the end to your coup de grace. 1762 01:18:04,231 --> 01:18:05,128 For the record, I don't have cooties, 1763 01:18:05,163 --> 01:18:06,612 but, yeah, I guess it is. 1764 01:18:06,647 --> 01:18:08,787 Your products are selling better than ever before. 1765 01:18:08,822 --> 01:18:11,100 Your fame has just absolutely skyrocketed 1766 01:18:11,134 --> 01:18:13,619 and your illustrious brand is at an all-time high. 1767 01:18:13,654 --> 01:18:14,862 So, I have to ask: 1768 01:18:15,898 --> 01:18:18,003 Did you plan all of this ahead of time? 1769 01:18:19,418 --> 01:18:21,593 Maybe, or maybe we just caught lightning in a bottle. 1770 01:18:22,767 --> 01:18:24,078 You do realize, of course, that 1771 01:18:24,113 --> 01:18:26,563 this documentary's going to expose Kristy Kim. 1772 01:18:27,703 --> 01:18:29,263 Isn't that funny that this documentary 1773 01:18:29,290 --> 01:18:31,810 premieres just two days before our new reality show? 1774 01:18:31,845 --> 01:18:33,191 It's just so funny. 1775 01:18:33,225 --> 01:18:35,434 But it's not an accident, is it, London? 1776 01:18:35,469 --> 01:18:37,091 Even this documentary. 1777 01:18:38,334 --> 01:18:40,163 You asked me six months ago, 1778 01:18:40,198 --> 01:18:41,578 why am I famous? 1779 01:18:42,441 --> 01:18:44,271 To be honest, I don't know. 1780 01:18:44,305 --> 01:18:45,790 I didn't choose this. 1781 01:18:46,929 --> 01:18:47,826 Look at everything that was handed to me, 1782 01:18:47,861 --> 01:18:49,000 everything I was born with. 1783 01:18:49,034 --> 01:18:51,727 I won the Mega-billions gene lottery. 1784 01:18:53,038 --> 01:18:54,706 I don't get it, I don't force people to buy things. 1785 01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:55,869 They just do. 1786 01:18:57,249 --> 01:18:59,089 That's American capitalism in its darkest hour. 1787 01:19:00,114 --> 01:19:01,714 Do you really believe all that, London? 1788 01:19:02,392 --> 01:19:03,704 Hell no. 1789 01:19:04,256 --> 01:19:06,500 I'm famous 'cause I'm London Logo. 1790 01:19:07,432 --> 01:19:09,330 ♪ Green light, green light ♪ 1791 01:19:09,365 --> 01:19:13,058 ♪ Never gonna slow down, slow down ♪ 1792 01:19:13,093 --> 01:19:16,786 ♪ Always going uptown, uptown ♪ 1793 01:19:16,821 --> 01:19:21,791 ♪ We're livin' the good life 1794 01:19:21,826 --> 01:19:24,380 ♪ Come through, come through 1795 01:19:24,414 --> 01:19:27,901 ♪ Tryin' to live like we do, we do ♪ 1796 01:19:27,935 --> 01:19:31,490 ♪ We just tryin' to stay true, stay true ♪ 1797 01:19:31,525 --> 01:19:35,356 ♪ We're livin' the good life 1798 01:19:36,530 --> 01:19:39,119 ♪ Life 1799 01:19:39,153 --> 01:19:42,950 ♪ This is the life 1800 01:19:42,985 --> 01:19:46,505 ♪ This is the life 1801 01:19:46,540 --> 01:19:49,992 ♪ This is the life 1802 01:19:57,931 --> 01:20:01,279 ♪ This is the life 1803 01:20:01,313 --> 01:20:05,248 ♪ This is the life 1804 01:20:05,283 --> 01:20:08,838 ♪ This is the life 1805 01:20:08,873 --> 01:20:12,773 ♪ This is the life 1806 01:20:12,808 --> 01:20:15,155 ♪ All the lights are flashin', flashin' ♪ 1807 01:20:15,189 --> 01:20:18,434 Uh, you know, I don't read much of anything, 1808 01:20:18,468 --> 01:20:20,367 except things printed on t-shirts. 1809 01:20:20,401 --> 01:20:22,265 And that's a friend! Someone who pretends 1810 01:20:22,300 --> 01:20:24,716 to give a shit about your movies! 1811 01:20:26,028 --> 01:20:28,133 Are you on "Housewives of Orange County"? 1812 01:20:29,790 --> 01:20:32,482 His tattoo's on the wrong side of his face. 1813 01:20:32,517 --> 01:20:34,277 And plus, I have both my ears. 1814 01:20:35,485 --> 01:20:38,868 London and The Donald, they're the same thing. 1815 01:20:38,903 --> 01:20:42,596 ♪ This is the life 1816 01:20:42,630 --> 01:20:45,150 You paid $50,000 for a gerbil. 1817 01:20:46,911 --> 01:20:48,326 I fed her a few Ambien, 1818 01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:50,535 flew the plane around for about an hour. 1819 01:20:50,569 --> 01:20:52,364 Money-saving thing on my part. 1820 01:20:53,572 --> 01:20:54,780 Well, she didn't let the fact 1821 01:20:54,815 --> 01:20:56,196 that she was born without skills 1822 01:20:56,230 --> 01:20:59,475 or a personality stop her from being famous. 1823 01:20:59,509 --> 01:21:00,890 You got a nice ass. 1824 01:21:00,925 --> 01:21:02,685 I could be your mop handle tonight. 1825 01:21:05,308 --> 01:21:09,795 Rochelle Ritzy is back, you bitches! 1826 01:21:11,004 --> 01:21:12,108 Go fetch my check. 1827 01:21:12,143 --> 01:21:15,629 ♪ This is the life 1828 01:21:15,663 --> 01:21:16,975 You're using big British words, 1829 01:21:17,010 --> 01:21:18,194 this is America. Let's start over. Okay. 1830 01:21:18,218 --> 01:21:20,220 Welcome to across the Pond. 1831 01:21:21,462 --> 01:21:23,464 I don't know, when was your first period? 1832 01:21:23,499 --> 01:21:25,535 ♪ This is the life 1833 01:21:25,570 --> 01:21:27,375 Poison leaks into the children's water supply 1834 01:21:27,399 --> 01:21:28,987 at Pacoima Elementary. 1835 01:21:29,022 --> 01:21:31,956 But first, the latest news from Twitter. 1836 01:21:35,200 --> 01:21:39,170 ♪ Modern day 1837 01:21:39,204 --> 01:21:42,173 ♪ Mona Lisa 1838 01:21:42,207 --> 01:21:44,554 ♪ Oh 1839 01:21:44,589 --> 01:21:47,523 ♪ Modern day 1840 01:21:47,557 --> 01:21:48,662 ♪ Oh, yeah 1841 01:21:48,696 --> 01:21:51,665 ♪ Mona Lisa 1842 01:21:53,080 --> 01:21:55,841 ♪ She's got you glued to the book ♪ 1843 01:21:55,876 --> 01:21:57,982 ♪ She's got you hooked 1844 01:21:58,016 --> 01:22:00,467 ♪ And what I'm breathing for this time ♪ 1845 01:22:00,501 --> 01:22:02,503 ♪ She got what she wanted 1846 01:22:02,538 --> 01:22:07,543 ♪ She's a modern day Mona Lisa ♪ 1847 01:22:08,647 --> 01:22:12,272 ♪ Living on the cover of a magazine ♪ 1848 01:22:12,306 --> 01:22:14,688 ♪ Modern day 1849 01:22:14,722 --> 01:22:16,655 ♪ Mona Lisa 1850 01:22:16,690 --> 01:22:19,072 ♪ She's got your attention 1851 01:22:19,106 --> 01:22:21,971 ♪ Soon she'll haunt all of your dreams ♪ 1852 01:22:22,006 --> 01:22:24,940 ♪ Modern day 1853 01:22:24,974 --> 01:22:25,802 ♪ Oh 1854 01:22:25,837 --> 01:22:30,221 ♪ Mona Lisa 1855 01:22:30,255 --> 01:22:34,604 ♪ Modern day 1856 01:22:34,639 --> 01:22:39,644 ♪ Mona Lisa 1857 01:22:40,369 --> 01:22:43,199 ♪ Tryin' to turn the page 1858 01:22:44,200 --> 01:22:46,927 ♪ You flip to the cover 1859 01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:49,067 ♪ Oh 1860 01:22:49,102 --> 01:22:51,380 ♪ Can't get enough, can't get enough ♪ 1861 01:22:51,414 --> 01:22:52,519 ♪ No 1862 01:22:55,384 --> 01:22:57,869 ♪ Oh 1863 01:22:57,903 --> 01:23:00,906 ♪ It's her hair, it's her skin ♪ 1864 01:23:02,805 --> 01:23:05,808 ♪ The dress that she's in ♪ 1865 01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:09,985 ♪ Oh, you're in love, you're in love ♪ 1866 01:23:16,094 --> 01:23:19,097 ♪ She's got you glued to the book ♪ 1867 01:23:19,132 --> 01:23:21,099 ♪ She's got you hooked 1868 01:23:21,134 --> 01:23:23,619 ♪ You're living in a day dream 1869 01:23:23,653 --> 01:23:25,552 ♪ She got what she wanted 1870 01:23:25,586 --> 01:23:30,591 ♪ She's a modern day Mona Lisa ♪ 1871 01:23:31,696 --> 01:23:35,286 ♪ Living on the cover of a magazine ♪ 1872 01:23:35,320 --> 01:23:37,495 ♪ Modern day 1873 01:23:37,529 --> 01:23:39,324 ♪ Mona Lisa 1874 01:23:39,359 --> 01:23:42,086 ♪ She's got your attention 1875 01:23:42,120 --> 01:23:44,640 ♪ Soon she'll haunt all of your... ♪ 1876 01:23:44,674 --> 01:23:45,951 ♪ Modern Day 1877 01:23:45,986 --> 01:23:47,056 ♪ Dreams 1878 01:23:47,091 --> 01:23:49,093 ♪ Mona Lisa 1879 01:23:49,127 --> 01:23:53,649 ♪ Living on the cover of a magazine ♪ 1880 01:23:53,683 --> 01:23:55,823 ♪ Modern day 1881 01:23:55,858 --> 01:23:58,136 ♪ Mona Lisa 1882 01:23:58,171 --> 01:24:00,621 ♪ She's got your attention 1883 01:24:00,656 --> 01:24:03,176 ♪ Soon she'll haunt all of your dreams ♪ 1884 01:24:03,210 --> 01:24:06,248 ♪ Modern day 1885 01:24:06,282 --> 01:24:07,559 ♪ Yeah, yeah 1886 01:24:07,594 --> 01:24:12,012 ♪ Mona Lisa 1887 01:24:12,047 --> 01:24:14,359 ♪ Modern Day 1888 01:24:14,394 --> 01:24:16,327 ♪ My modern day 1889 01:24:16,361 --> 01:24:20,227 ♪ Mona Lisa 1890 01:24:20,262 --> 01:24:21,366 ♪ Yeah 1891 01:24:21,401 --> 01:24:25,336 ♪ Modern day 1892 01:24:25,370 --> 01:24:28,822 ♪ Mona Lisa