1 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,069 It's so porn-y. 2 00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:10,738 That's often the case with porn... 3 00:00:10,739 --> 00:00:13,139 which is what happens when you Google "threesome." 4 00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:14,741 Do guys actually want girls 5 00:00:14,743 --> 00:00:16,611 to sit full weight on their face like that? 6 00:00:16,612 --> 00:00:18,479 I just... I thought that was a figure of speech. 7 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,748 - How can he breathe? - It's not like he can see the chicks 8 00:00:20,749 --> 00:00:22,216 making out or anything. 9 00:00:22,217 --> 00:00:24,752 His face is... is... is totally covered. 10 00:00:24,753 --> 00:00:27,021 - I think that's the point. - Oh, my God. 11 00:00:27,022 --> 00:00:28,222 I never knew porn could be this sad 12 00:00:28,223 --> 00:00:30,491 and funny at the same time. 13 00:00:30,492 --> 00:00:32,627 Hmm. You know what? 14 00:00:32,628 --> 00:00:35,230 Why don't we try to find some tips? 15 00:00:35,231 --> 00:00:36,631 You know, like, 16 00:00:36,632 --> 00:00:38,499 in Cosmo or Men's Health 17 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,902 or The Smoking Jacket or something. 18 00:00:40,903 --> 00:00:41,996 Been doing some research? 19 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,075 Well, 20 00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:45,422 I did some for... for me and Emma. 21 00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:47,027 Ooh, here's a blog... 22 00:00:47,029 --> 00:00:49,977 "Six Easy Steps to Your First Threesome." 23 00:00:49,978 --> 00:00:51,199 Here we go. 24 00:00:51,201 --> 00:00:53,981 "Number one: Don't overthink or overprepare. 25 00:00:53,983 --> 00:00:55,983 There's no right or wrong. Just dive in." 26 00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,718 Doesn't that void two through six? 27 00:00:57,719 --> 00:01:00,655 It does. It does. 28 00:01:00,656 --> 00:01:02,308 So we should just... 29 00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:06,127 Whoo! 30 00:01:06,128 --> 00:01:08,388 Okay, let's get this party started. 31 00:01:08,390 --> 00:01:09,872 - No, don't do that. - We're gonna raise the roof 32 00:01:09,874 --> 00:01:11,963 - in the bedroom! - Em, Em, don't do that. 33 00:01:11,965 --> 00:01:12,961 What? Was that a joke, or are we... 34 00:01:12,963 --> 00:01:14,802 - You were being serious? - Yes, that was for real. 35 00:01:14,803 --> 00:01:15,963 You don't need to... You don't need to... 36 00:01:15,965 --> 00:01:16,891 What? Okay. 37 00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:18,399 So I guess there is a right or wrong. 38 00:01:18,970 --> 00:01:20,371 Thanks. 39 00:01:22,144 --> 00:01:24,456 But this thing... What's... What's... 40 00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:26,279 That's turning me on. What's that? 41 00:01:26,281 --> 00:01:27,630 Ah, this is her pout. 42 00:01:27,632 --> 00:01:29,617 She does this when she wants to get her way. 43 00:01:29,618 --> 00:01:31,655 See? Look at this. 44 00:01:31,657 --> 00:01:33,036 That's the one. You just want to have sex with it. 45 00:01:33,038 --> 00:01:35,089 I do. I do! 46 00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,691 Okay, guys, I'm all pouted out. 47 00:01:36,692 --> 00:01:38,025 It's not... 48 00:01:38,026 --> 00:01:39,493 So, should we take a shower? 49 00:01:39,494 --> 00:01:40,695 I don't know what's... 50 00:01:40,696 --> 00:01:42,746 Mm, I do love showers. 51 00:01:42,748 --> 00:01:44,031 And I... And I do love sex, 52 00:01:44,032 --> 00:01:46,033 but maybe we should just keep those two things 53 00:01:46,034 --> 00:01:47,556 separate for tonight. 54 00:01:47,903 --> 00:01:49,503 S... so, what do we do? 55 00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:51,711 Eeee-uh... 56 00:01:52,303 --> 00:01:53,374 Kiss me. 57 00:01:53,375 --> 00:01:54,709 Oh. 58 00:01:55,129 --> 00:01:56,310 Me? 59 00:01:56,311 --> 00:01:57,579 Yeah. 60 00:01:58,981 --> 00:02:00,382 Do you want us... 61 00:02:24,072 --> 00:02:26,741 Well, here we go. 62 00:02:45,827 --> 00:02:47,828 Sorry, bud. You got to go. 63 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:49,274 But he's so cute. 64 00:02:49,276 --> 00:02:51,832 Mm, he's also chronically flatulent. 65 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:53,182 Yeah, that's not gonna work. 66 00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:54,642 No. 67 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,899 Hey, I think we're dancing. 68 00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:09,703 You think that's a good idea? 69 00:03:10,118 --> 00:03:11,719 Don't think so much. 70 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:12,984 Just feel it. 71 00:03:19,194 --> 00:03:20,394 Feel the music. 72 00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:30,938 Okay. 73 00:03:30,939 --> 00:03:32,673 This is after tequila. 74 00:03:32,674 --> 00:03:35,076 So, um... 75 00:03:35,077 --> 00:03:37,481 could you possibly maybe try just 76 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:39,394 getting a little looser? 77 00:03:39,727 --> 00:03:42,416 Not so much shoulders and just, like, in the body. 78 00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:45,338 Like... Like, you know... Like, have some rhythm. 79 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,725 - No. Why are you being so stiff with it? - I'm... I'm doin' it. 80 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,157 Yeah, Emma, there you go. 81 00:03:50,425 --> 00:03:51,759 Oh, God. 82 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,960 You know what? Nope. 83 00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:54,028 This... bad idea. 84 00:03:54,029 --> 00:03:55,629 Let's just kibosh the dancing. 85 00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:57,991 Well, in Jack's defense, he's danced like eight times 86 00:03:57,993 --> 00:04:00,167 in the last 12 years, all of them at weddings, so... 87 00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:01,769 Yeah, and you guys 88 00:04:01,770 --> 00:04:03,771 have to swear to me and the universe 89 00:04:03,772 --> 00:04:07,508 that you are never gonna dance again, okay? 90 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,211 Sorry. I... I didn't... 91 00:04:13,213 --> 00:04:14,448 - It's wham! - Yeah. 92 00:04:14,449 --> 00:04:16,450 - Wham! - Never mind. 93 00:04:16,451 --> 00:04:18,181 Should we maybe try sitting? 94 00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:19,863 - Start with sitting? - Yeah, yeah. 95 00:04:19,864 --> 00:04:21,864 All right. 96 00:04:30,599 --> 00:04:33,000 It's easier if we all sit on the same side or... 97 00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:34,536 Yeah. 98 00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:38,873 Oh, oh, I don't... 99 00:04:38,874 --> 00:04:39,940 I don't... Can you move over? 100 00:04:39,941 --> 00:04:40,875 Oh. Sorry. 101 00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:41,942 Just a bit. Thanks. 102 00:04:41,943 --> 00:04:43,878 I'll go in the middle. 103 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,349 Just... 104 00:05:10,105 --> 00:05:11,773 Wow. 105 00:05:13,308 --> 00:05:15,377 Wow. 106 00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:20,114 Okay. 107 00:05:20,115 --> 00:05:21,715 Oh. 108 00:05:21,716 --> 00:05:23,450 Oh, my God. 109 00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:26,654 Whoa. This could be, like, the quickest threesome ever. 110 00:05:29,057 --> 00:05:31,592 God damn it, man. I gave you 80 fucking bucks 111 00:05:31,593 --> 00:05:33,327 to tell me exactly where you dropped her off. 112 00:05:33,328 --> 00:05:35,062 What's the matter? Girl fuckin' around on you? 113 00:05:35,063 --> 00:05:37,198 Hmm? Shh. 114 00:05:37,199 --> 00:05:40,000 Is somebody gonna die tonight? 115 00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:42,670 What?! No, man. 116 00:05:42,671 --> 00:05:45,206 - N... no one's gonna die tonight. - Oh. All right. 117 00:05:45,207 --> 00:05:48,943 I mean, I'm sure some people are gonna die tonight 118 00:05:48,944 --> 00:05:51,078 here in Portland and around the world or whatever, 119 00:05:51,079 --> 00:05:53,080 but, no, you're not gonna see me on "Dateline" 120 00:05:53,081 --> 00:05:55,349 any time soon, okay? 121 00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:58,552 I need to know if this Jack guy, 122 00:05:58,553 --> 00:06:01,355 "the uncle," is really her uncle. 123 00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:03,757 - Mm. - I think she likes me. 124 00:06:03,758 --> 00:06:05,893 - Aww. - I... I... 125 00:06:05,894 --> 00:06:07,361 I know sh... I know she likes me. 126 00:06:07,362 --> 00:06:08,696 She's got some shit going on. That's okay. 127 00:06:08,697 --> 00:06:10,030 I don't need simple and easy. 128 00:06:10,031 --> 00:06:11,632 Simple and easy's boring, right? 129 00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:12,700 You know what I think? 130 00:06:12,701 --> 00:06:14,568 If you really care about her, 131 00:06:14,569 --> 00:06:16,437 I don't think you should be following her around like this. 132 00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:18,305 I think you two should sit down, 133 00:06:18,306 --> 00:06:20,441 have a little tête-à-tête, which is French. 134 00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:21,909 It means "head-to-head." 135 00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:23,377 I don't know if that's an osmosis thing 136 00:06:23,378 --> 00:06:24,845 or if it's just a symbol of, 137 00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:27,381 "I'm willing to put myself this close to you 138 00:06:27,382 --> 00:06:29,383 to get to know you, to get to know 139 00:06:29,384 --> 00:06:31,518 what's in your brains." 140 00:06:31,519 --> 00:06:33,120 You need to talk to her like that. 141 00:06:33,121 --> 00:06:34,192 With all due respect, 142 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,300 - um, I don't know your name, but... - Shaun. 143 00:06:36,301 --> 00:06:39,525 ... I'm not looking for bartender wisdom right now. 144 00:06:39,527 --> 00:06:40,829 I just need an address. 145 00:06:40,831 --> 00:06:43,264 Do you have any idea how itchy this beard is? 146 00:06:43,265 --> 00:06:45,399 The whole point of growing this beard 147 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,401 was to get credibility beyond my ears... 148 00:06:47,402 --> 00:06:49,337 at least the illusion of it. 149 00:06:51,273 --> 00:06:53,459 Yeah, and it does, man. No, it absolutely does that. 150 00:06:53,461 --> 00:06:54,635 Oh, sure. Sure. 151 00:06:54,637 --> 00:06:57,135 - No, it definitely... It absolutely does. - It's too late. 152 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,481 You f... I feel like you want to finish the pitch. 153 00:07:00,482 --> 00:07:02,349 - Do you want to finish the pitch? - Nope. 154 00:07:02,350 --> 00:07:04,084 You do. I can see it. 155 00:07:04,085 --> 00:07:05,286 - No. - Come on, come on. 156 00:07:05,287 --> 00:07:06,620 I'm all ears. 157 00:07:06,621 --> 00:07:08,489 When I was 9... 158 00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:10,891 Nope. 159 00:07:33,048 --> 00:07:34,716 What?! Ow. 160 00:08:17,359 --> 00:08:19,626 Okay. 161 00:08:19,627 --> 00:08:21,495 What are you weirdos up to? 162 00:08:37,112 --> 00:08:39,246 But you know you already have an "A" in my class, right? 163 00:08:39,247 --> 00:08:42,049 I'm reclaiming my inner bad girl 164 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:43,784 after playing den mother to my roommate 165 00:08:43,785 --> 00:08:45,031 for the past few days. 166 00:08:45,033 --> 00:08:47,033 Oh, you don't mind, Garry. 167 00:08:49,791 --> 00:08:52,860 Let me guess... Izzy stood you up again. 168 00:08:52,861 --> 00:08:55,796 I'm approaching Uncle Jack's house. 169 00:08:55,797 --> 00:09:00,067 Izzy got dropped off here about an hour ago. 170 00:09:00,068 --> 00:09:01,668 You know, I'm gettin' the overwhelming sense 171 00:09:01,669 --> 00:09:04,738 that, uh, Jack isn't really Izzy's uncle, you know. 172 00:09:04,739 --> 00:09:08,475 What?! What? 173 00:09:08,476 --> 00:09:09,943 Yeah, thanks, Nina. 174 00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:12,880 I was really startin' to think I was paranoid. 175 00:09:44,779 --> 00:09:46,246 - Mom? - Shh! 176 00:09:46,247 --> 00:09:47,714 God! 177 00:09:47,715 --> 00:09:50,250 Clear your throat or something, Batgirl! 178 00:09:50,251 --> 00:09:53,187 Turn it down! 179 00:09:53,188 --> 00:09:54,922 Stop, stop. Wait. 180 00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:55,989 Wait for me. 181 00:09:55,990 --> 00:09:57,724 Shh. 182 00:09:59,461 --> 00:10:02,663 It's Communal Fleece. 183 00:10:02,664 --> 00:10:05,533 Also way too cool for the Trakarskys. 184 00:10:06,488 --> 00:10:09,790 And not to mention coming from their dimly lit bedroom. 185 00:10:11,473 --> 00:10:15,009 This is gonna break Emma's heart. 186 00:10:17,479 --> 00:10:19,346 I thought you talked to her when she got home from work. 187 00:10:19,347 --> 00:10:22,015 Mm-hmm. 188 00:10:22,016 --> 00:10:24,952 She had a different name for the niece. 189 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,418 Sorry to break this up, you guys, 190 00:10:45,426 --> 00:10:46,965 but I think we're all doing a really good job so far. 191 00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:48,842 Shh. 192 00:11:12,066 --> 00:11:13,400 Hey, it's me again. 193 00:11:13,401 --> 00:11:14,735 Shit's about to hit the fan 194 00:11:14,736 --> 00:11:16,737 in your kinky little suburban love shack. 195 00:11:16,738 --> 00:11:18,673 Call me. 196 00:11:26,214 --> 00:11:28,215 Did I forget to tell you that I'm really busy 197 00:11:28,216 --> 00:11:29,683 and you need to go? 198 00:11:29,684 --> 00:11:32,619 - Uh... yeah. - My bad. 199 00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:34,755 I'm really busy, and you need to go. 200 00:11:34,756 --> 00:11:38,225 So, what's our next move? 201 00:11:38,226 --> 00:11:40,027 Not really sure. 202 00:11:42,764 --> 00:11:45,299 But this is nice. Right? 203 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,701 Little mother-daughter time. 204 00:11:47,702 --> 00:11:50,103 Us finally doing something together. 205 00:11:50,104 --> 00:11:51,305 Good. 206 00:12:04,652 --> 00:12:07,187 - Mom, Mom. - There's a... 207 00:12:07,188 --> 00:12:09,323 Mm. 208 00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:16,597 You've got to be fucking kidding me. 209 00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:22,669 Oh, shit. 210 00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:24,137 - Hi. - Who are you? 211 00:12:24,138 --> 00:12:25,739 You're... You're not Jack. Who are you? 212 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,074 No, I am not Jack. No. 213 00:12:27,075 --> 00:12:30,544 Hello, though. Hi. My name is Andy. 214 00:12:30,545 --> 00:12:32,279 Uh, this right here... 215 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,948 this is a classic case 216 00:12:34,949 --> 00:12:36,683 of it's not what it looks like. 217 00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:38,685 - Uh, it's just... - You take one more step forward, 218 00:12:38,686 --> 00:12:39,753 and I start blowing. 219 00:12:39,754 --> 00:12:41,088 Mom. 220 00:12:41,089 --> 00:12:43,090 Um, well, I cannot see shit right now. 221 00:12:43,091 --> 00:12:44,825 So I... That's very confusing to me. 222 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,494 Oh! Okay. Aah. 223 00:12:47,495 --> 00:12:49,363 I got it, got it, got it. You got the whistle. 224 00:13:10,718 --> 00:13:12,586 Anyone hear a whistle? 225 00:13:12,587 --> 00:13:13,904 No. No. 226 00:13:13,906 --> 00:13:15,656 I just want to go home. 227 00:13:15,657 --> 00:13:17,561 Okay? And pretend this never happened. Okay? 228 00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:18,509 Okay. 229 00:13:18,510 --> 00:13:21,662 If it's not what it looks like, then what are you doing here? 230 00:13:21,663 --> 00:13:24,064 That's an excellent question, actually. 231 00:13:24,065 --> 00:13:25,932 Um... 232 00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:29,269 I'm looking for a girl. 233 00:13:29,270 --> 00:13:31,138 I knew it! 234 00:13:31,139 --> 00:13:32,739 Did I hear a whistle? 235 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:34,741 You guys, stop. 236 00:13:34,742 --> 00:13:37,010 Yeah, that's not happening. 237 00:13:37,011 --> 00:13:38,345 No, I... I'm serious. Do you hear that? 238 00:13:38,346 --> 00:13:40,347 I hear voices. I hear voices outside. 239 00:13:40,348 --> 00:13:41,682 What is that? 240 00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:43,150 Ava! Lori! Are you okay? 241 00:13:43,151 --> 00:13:44,618 Everything's fine, Paul. 242 00:13:44,619 --> 00:13:48,889 Well, it's Andy here lost his girlfriend. 243 00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,891 Think she might be inside maybe? Is that what you thought? 244 00:13:50,892 --> 00:13:52,893 I'm pretty sure I... I didn't say girlfriend. 245 00:13:52,894 --> 00:13:54,761 - You can... - Fucking great. 246 00:13:54,762 --> 00:13:56,363 What? Honey, what is it? What? 247 00:13:56,364 --> 00:13:57,698 - Ow, ow, ow! - What's your problem? 248 00:13:57,699 --> 00:13:59,032 Migraine. Comes and goes. 249 00:13:59,033 --> 00:14:00,634 - I'm good. - Oh. 250 00:14:00,635 --> 00:14:02,235 So Jack's niece, Izzy, is here, 251 00:14:02,236 --> 00:14:03,837 and you now... 252 00:14:03,838 --> 00:14:06,506 What again? You came to pick her up? 253 00:14:06,507 --> 00:14:09,309 So did you consider just ringing the doorbell? 254 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,777 Yeah, well, I, uh... 255 00:14:10,778 --> 00:14:12,293 Hey, here's an idea. 256 00:14:12,295 --> 00:14:15,182 Andy goes home and promises to use the front door 257 00:14:15,183 --> 00:14:16,383 - from now on. - Oh, I do, yeah. 258 00:14:16,384 --> 00:14:17,984 - I really do. - Great. 259 00:14:17,985 --> 00:14:19,853 Then the rest of us can take our collective nose 260 00:14:19,854 --> 00:14:21,166 out of Jack and Emma's business. 261 00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:23,190 How's that sound, Lori? 262 00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:24,325 Oh. 263 00:14:26,394 --> 00:14:28,261 She came through the woods! 264 00:14:28,262 --> 00:14:30,530 If this Izzy was Jack's niece, 265 00:14:30,531 --> 00:14:32,933 why would she need to skulk through the woods? 266 00:14:32,934 --> 00:14:34,801 Huh, Dave? 267 00:14:34,802 --> 00:14:38,004 Uh, yeah, Dave, you got to admit it's kind of vexing. 268 00:14:38,005 --> 00:14:39,740 I totally agree. 269 00:14:39,741 --> 00:14:41,608 Oh, oh, that's what's vexing, 270 00:14:41,609 --> 00:14:43,210 Andy, really? 271 00:14:43,211 --> 00:14:44,811 Because I think the cops 272 00:14:44,812 --> 00:14:47,214 would be a lot more vexed by you sneaking around, 273 00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:48,281 peering into people's windows. 274 00:14:48,282 --> 00:14:49,750 Don't you? 275 00:14:49,751 --> 00:14:50,951 That's a strong point. 276 00:14:50,952 --> 00:14:53,353 I'm gonna go home now. 277 00:14:53,354 --> 00:14:55,088 It's a good choice. 278 00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:56,690 Uh, Mom. 279 00:14:56,691 --> 00:14:58,692 Mom, oh, my God. 280 00:14:58,693 --> 00:15:00,907 Oh! Oh, Lord. 281 00:15:01,809 --> 00:15:03,077 Oh. 282 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,833 Stop it. That's weird. 283 00:15:06,835 --> 00:15:07,795 No, no. It's good. 284 00:15:07,797 --> 00:15:09,437 It's, like, pleasant. We should all do it. 285 00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:14,642 - Oh. - What are they doing? 286 00:15:19,514 --> 00:15:21,556 So, that raises some questions. 287 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:25,385 So, Em, that's Andy 288 00:15:25,386 --> 00:15:28,188 in the expanding mob of neighbors. 289 00:15:28,189 --> 00:15:30,190 God damn it, he's cute. 290 00:15:30,191 --> 00:15:31,925 What's he doing here? 291 00:15:31,926 --> 00:15:33,794 No idea. 292 00:15:33,795 --> 00:15:35,662 This is fucking bad. 293 00:15:35,663 --> 00:15:37,397 Okay? Let's just, uh... 294 00:15:37,398 --> 00:15:38,732 Let's stop on 3. This is weird. 295 00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:42,136 Okay, ready? One, two, three, stop. 296 00:15:43,671 --> 00:15:46,273 - I warned him. - I warned her. 297 00:15:51,012 --> 00:15:53,547 That, uh, was disturbing. 298 00:15:53,548 --> 00:15:56,349 I thought you were leaving. 299 00:15:56,350 --> 00:15:58,351 - What are you doing? - Think I'm gonna hang around. 300 00:15:58,352 --> 00:15:59,820 See how this plays out. 301 00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:00,887 Yeah? 302 00:16:00,888 --> 00:16:02,355 Right on. Very cool. 303 00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:03,690 Fuck! 304 00:16:03,691 --> 00:16:05,425 Fucking Lori! God damn it! 305 00:16:05,426 --> 00:16:07,694 - What's Andy doing here? - Ah, fucking Lori! 306 00:16:07,695 --> 00:16:11,164 Fucking Lori! 307 00:16:11,165 --> 00:16:12,232 God, I knew it. 308 00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:13,433 I knew it. I knew it. 309 00:16:13,434 --> 00:16:14,901 Like, I knew it. 310 00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:16,236 I knew she would be the one to take me down 311 00:16:16,237 --> 00:16:18,104 - with her fucking face! - Honey, honey, honey. 312 00:16:18,105 --> 00:16:19,439 You're doing that comic-book thing, okay? 313 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,733 - Guys. - Just breathe. 314 00:16:20,735 --> 00:16:22,383 - I'm breathing. - Guys. 315 00:16:22,385 --> 00:16:23,844 They're waiting for an appearance from us. 316 00:16:23,845 --> 00:16:25,312 Like, uh, what are we gonna do? 317 00:16:25,313 --> 00:16:26,646 All right. Come on, people! 318 00:16:26,647 --> 00:16:28,915 Let's, uh, head out. Nothin' to see here. 319 00:16:28,916 --> 00:16:31,184 That's a matter of opinion. Am I right? 320 00:16:31,185 --> 00:16:32,652 Okay, let's, uh, disband this meeting 321 00:16:32,653 --> 00:16:34,254 of the neighborhood watch, shall we? 322 00:16:34,255 --> 00:16:36,256 Let's all go home to our homes. Separate homes. 323 00:16:36,257 --> 00:16:37,858 Okay, you are not the boss of me. 324 00:16:37,859 --> 00:16:40,393 If you want to go home, then, by all means, go home. 325 00:16:40,394 --> 00:16:41,728 But I have a job to do. 326 00:16:41,729 --> 00:16:43,397 Oh, yeah? What's that? 327 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,736 I am protecting the integrity of the Hamilton School 328 00:16:49,737 --> 00:16:52,539 because there is something kinky going on inside that house. 329 00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:54,034 Kinky. How do you even... 330 00:16:54,036 --> 00:16:57,075 You just jump straight to kinky just because Jack, his wife, 331 00:16:57,077 --> 00:16:58,945 and their niece are in the bedroom together 332 00:16:58,946 --> 00:17:00,814 - with moody lighting and... - Whoa, honey. 333 00:17:00,815 --> 00:17:02,415 - ... and sexy music? - Hey. Hey, honey. 334 00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:05,752 Honey. We got it. 335 00:17:05,753 --> 00:17:07,220 That is crazy talk, Lori, 336 00:17:07,221 --> 00:17:09,696 and out of line, okay? 337 00:17:09,698 --> 00:17:11,357 I'm not gonna be dean. 338 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:12,692 I'm not gonna be dean! 339 00:17:12,693 --> 00:17:14,294 I can't believe I'm not gonna be dean. 340 00:17:14,295 --> 00:17:15,896 I can't believe this is happening. 341 00:17:15,897 --> 00:17:18,031 Okay, here's what we're gonna do, people, okay? 342 00:17:18,032 --> 00:17:19,633 Okay. 343 00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:22,302 - We're gonna lie. - Hmm? 344 00:17:22,303 --> 00:17:23,370 Is that it? 345 00:17:23,371 --> 00:17:24,971 - Is there more? - That's it. 346 00:17:24,972 --> 00:17:27,374 We are gonna go out there, and we're gonna lie. 347 00:17:27,375 --> 00:17:29,603 And we're gonna lie. And we're gonna lie some more. 348 00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:31,511 We are gonna say that Izzy is our goddamn fuckin' niece, 349 00:17:31,512 --> 00:17:32,579 and that's that! 350 00:17:32,580 --> 00:17:34,032 - Okay, honey, that's... - No, no, no, no. 351 00:17:34,034 --> 00:17:35,643 Lori calls me out, I am gonna hurt her. 352 00:17:35,645 --> 00:17:36,978 - No, she has no business... - No, no, no. 353 00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:38,317 - She is the... - No, no, no. Shh! 354 00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:39,653 You need to calm down, okay? 355 00:17:39,654 --> 00:17:41,254 First it was me. Now it's you. Okay? 356 00:17:41,255 --> 00:17:42,589 - We got to both just get our bearings. - I'm sorry. 357 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:43,657 Sorry. I'm just, like, spinning. 358 00:17:43,658 --> 00:17:45,125 - I know. - I'm sorry. 359 00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:46,192 - I love you very much, okay? - I love you, too. 360 00:17:46,193 --> 00:17:47,260 Okay. So we're gonna... 361 00:17:47,261 --> 00:17:48,245 - I'm fucking terrified. - I know. 362 00:17:48,247 --> 00:17:49,387 We're gonna do this together, though, okay? 363 00:17:49,389 --> 00:17:50,823 We're gonna come up at with a solution. Okay? 364 00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:52,024 Don't cry. Don't cry. 365 00:17:52,026 --> 00:17:53,246 - I'm not gonna cry. - No. We're good. 366 00:17:53,254 --> 00:17:54,334 We're good, okay? 367 00:17:54,335 --> 00:17:55,402 I love you. 368 00:17:55,404 --> 00:17:57,856 Okay? It's okay. 369 00:17:57,857 --> 00:17:59,348 You okay now? 370 00:17:59,499 --> 00:18:01,141 - I love you very much. - I love you. 371 00:18:01,142 --> 00:18:03,744 I'm sorry, guys. 372 00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:05,745 Fuck! This is all my fault. 373 00:18:09,016 --> 00:18:11,418 - Izzy. - Oh, God. 374 00:18:11,419 --> 00:18:13,153 I really feel like, at this point, 375 00:18:13,154 --> 00:18:15,288 our only option is just to walk up there on the porch. 376 00:18:15,289 --> 00:18:17,691 We'll walk right in the door, or does anyone have a key? 377 00:18:17,692 --> 00:18:18,892 Carmen? Dave? 378 00:18:18,893 --> 00:18:20,093 Hey, hey! Wow! 379 00:18:20,094 --> 00:18:21,062 Hi, every... Why are you... 380 00:18:21,064 --> 00:18:22,467 What's happening? Why are you guys here? 381 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:25,031 Well, see, this young man, he was lurking around the side 382 00:18:25,032 --> 00:18:26,499 of your house, peeking in your windows. 383 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,368 Said he was looking for his girlfriend. 384 00:18:28,369 --> 00:18:31,571 Hey, once again, I didn't use the word "girlfriend." 385 00:18:31,572 --> 00:18:33,039 - Yes, he did. - Andy, why... 386 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,175 why are you... Why'd you follow me here 387 00:18:35,176 --> 00:18:38,378 - to... to my uncle's house? - Right. 388 00:18:38,379 --> 00:18:41,220 - Uncle Jack. - I know you said you weren't feeling well, 389 00:18:41,222 --> 00:18:43,717 which, you know, wasn't entirely surprising 390 00:18:43,718 --> 00:18:45,752 considering the pizza intake. 391 00:18:45,754 --> 00:18:47,656 You weren't dressed in the window. 392 00:18:47,658 --> 00:18:49,589 - He wasn't dressed. - Mnh-mnh. 393 00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:50,859 - Yes, I was. I had my... - What? 394 00:18:50,861 --> 00:18:51,804 It was... 395 00:18:51,806 --> 00:18:53,242 You're sure it wasn't the reflection in the... 396 00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:54,527 No. 397 00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:57,864 Saw your... 398 00:18:57,865 --> 00:18:59,466 My one nip? This nipple? 399 00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:00,934 It's a great shirt. 400 00:19:00,935 --> 00:19:02,936 I've never even seen this guy before. 401 00:19:02,937 --> 00:19:05,739 You never even talked about him, and, like, 402 00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:07,607 all of a sudden, you get a text, you say you're sick, 403 00:19:07,608 --> 00:19:09,075 and then you sneak off to his house? 404 00:19:09,076 --> 00:19:10,067 Like, what's going on? 405 00:19:10,069 --> 00:19:13,346 You know, conversely, none of us had ever heard of 406 00:19:13,347 --> 00:19:16,683 nor seen her before, what, uh, three days ago? 407 00:19:16,684 --> 00:19:17,751 - Three days ago. - Yeah. 408 00:19:17,752 --> 00:19:19,486 - Mm-hmm. - You know what, Lori? 409 00:19:19,487 --> 00:19:21,755 Maybe... Maybe they did drift apart. 410 00:19:21,756 --> 00:19:24,157 Maybe there are some complex family dynamics 411 00:19:24,158 --> 00:19:27,093 that we simply don't feel obligated to share with you. 412 00:19:27,094 --> 00:19:29,362 Okay, riddle me this, Trakarskys. 413 00:19:29,363 --> 00:19:30,830 If she is your niece, 414 00:19:30,831 --> 00:19:32,298 why does she have to sneak through the woods 415 00:19:32,299 --> 00:19:34,034 to go and visit her own family? 416 00:19:34,035 --> 00:19:35,398 Hmm? 417 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:36,436 Yeah. 418 00:19:36,437 --> 00:19:37,904 Yeah. Good one, Lori. 419 00:19:37,905 --> 00:19:39,372 I was actually wondering the exact same thing. 420 00:19:39,373 --> 00:19:40,774 Happy Halloween! 421 00:19:42,309 --> 00:19:43,777 Boom. 422 00:19:43,778 --> 00:19:45,512 - When I was like... - Four... 423 00:19:45,513 --> 00:19:46,949 - ... 14. - 14. 424 00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:48,815 Jack scared the shit out of me... 425 00:19:48,817 --> 00:19:50,924 - Like... - ... and my friends wearing this, so... 426 00:19:50,926 --> 00:19:52,852 - Same mask. - I snuck her in. 427 00:19:52,853 --> 00:19:54,988 She hid in the closet with this. 428 00:19:54,989 --> 00:19:56,056 It was... 429 00:19:56,057 --> 00:19:57,257 - It was epic. - Yep. 430 00:19:57,258 --> 00:19:58,725 Jack peed his pants. 431 00:20:00,461 --> 00:20:02,595 - What? - I didn't pee my pants. 432 00:20:02,596 --> 00:20:04,330 It was like, uh, I spilled something on... 433 00:20:04,331 --> 00:20:06,599 Jack, you pissed your pants? 434 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,068 That is fucking awesome! 435 00:20:08,069 --> 00:20:10,011 - I didn't pee my pants. - It's part of the lore. 436 00:20:10,013 --> 00:20:11,137 Don't fight it, honey. 437 00:20:11,138 --> 00:20:13,139 - Why was that necessary? - It's happening. 438 00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:14,741 Okay, so, that's it. We can wrap this up. 439 00:20:14,742 --> 00:20:16,630 Or do you guys want to go home and get your, uh, 440 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,611 torches and pitchforks? 441 00:20:18,612 --> 00:20:20,080 What? No, no. 442 00:20:20,081 --> 00:20:23,817 I was being a good neighbor! I mean, if... 443 00:20:23,818 --> 00:20:28,888 if one of you sees a stranger peering in my window, 444 00:20:28,889 --> 00:20:31,291 I would hope you would have the decency to say, 445 00:20:31,292 --> 00:20:32,759 "Hey, Lori. 446 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,494 You need to know there's a creepy man lookin' 447 00:20:34,495 --> 00:20:37,163 in your window," and not just sit there and laugh at me. 448 00:20:37,164 --> 00:20:38,765 It's... It's all good, Lori. 449 00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:42,368 I mean, this is gonna make a great story for everyone. 450 00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:46,106 You know who would really enjoy this particular anecdote? 451 00:20:46,107 --> 00:20:49,042 Uh, Lisa Sangster. 452 00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:52,912 Wait. Isn't she on the Hamilton Alumni Board with you? 453 00:20:52,913 --> 00:20:54,514 She's the chairperson, yeah. 454 00:20:54,515 --> 00:20:56,516 Um, you're friends? 455 00:20:56,517 --> 00:20:58,518 Since college. 456 00:20:58,519 --> 00:21:02,388 So, it's super-late. 457 00:21:02,389 --> 00:21:03,714 - Mom. - Let's go. 458 00:21:03,716 --> 00:21:05,365 - Let's go. - Bye, Lori. 459 00:21:05,367 --> 00:21:07,050 - We're gonna go. - Good night, guys. 460 00:21:07,052 --> 00:21:08,928 - Thank you so much for... Yeah. - Good night, everyone. 461 00:21:08,929 --> 00:21:11,197 Hey, try not to go twice in one night, huh? 462 00:21:11,198 --> 00:21:13,199 Change those jimjams! 463 00:21:18,672 --> 00:21:21,341 Iz. Iz, Iz, Iz. 464 00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:24,581 - It worked, right? - Oh, my God. It worked. 465 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,686 So yeah. 466 00:21:27,424 --> 00:21:29,482 Can we just go? 467 00:21:29,483 --> 00:21:31,484 You do not want to do this here. 468 00:21:31,485 --> 00:21:32,952 What do you mean? What's this? 469 00:21:32,953 --> 00:21:35,355 - I don't... - You're moving too fast. 470 00:21:35,356 --> 00:21:37,223 Tracking me down? 471 00:21:37,224 --> 00:21:39,359 Really? 472 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,560 I'm moving too fast? 473 00:21:40,561 --> 00:21:42,428 Are you serious? 474 00:21:42,429 --> 00:21:44,220 We've been doing whatever the fuck this is 475 00:21:44,222 --> 00:21:45,498 that we're doing for three months, 476 00:21:45,499 --> 00:21:46,966 and I still can't even get you to stay for one normal date. 477 00:21:46,967 --> 00:21:49,102 I'm too fast? 478 00:21:49,103 --> 00:21:51,504 You're right. 479 00:21:51,505 --> 00:21:53,506 I've told you so many times... 480 00:21:53,507 --> 00:21:55,508 I'm unavailable 481 00:21:55,509 --> 00:21:57,644 for whatever it is that you want from me. 482 00:21:57,645 --> 00:22:01,114 It's just one more reason that you are too good for me. 483 00:22:01,115 --> 00:22:02,916 You know? 484 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,253 Mm, yeah. 485 00:22:07,254 --> 00:22:10,323 You know what? I think you're right. 486 00:22:10,324 --> 00:22:12,259 Maybe I am. 487 00:22:21,888 --> 00:22:23,713 Oh, my God. That was crazy. 488 00:22:25,940 --> 00:22:28,474 - Hi. - Hey. 489 00:22:28,475 --> 00:22:30,183 You okay? 490 00:22:30,185 --> 00:22:32,121 I'm not really sure. 491 00:22:34,615 --> 00:22:38,484 One can only get so moist. 492 00:22:38,485 --> 00:22:40,486 Lori, you're saturated. 493 00:22:40,487 --> 00:22:42,423 You'll slip off the bed. 494 00:22:47,161 --> 00:22:49,295 You seem upset, dearest. 495 00:22:49,296 --> 00:22:51,698 I am not buying their bullshit, Paul. 496 00:22:51,699 --> 00:22:53,433 My Spidey-Sense is tingling. 497 00:22:53,434 --> 00:22:55,301 Okay, guys. So, our cover... 498 00:22:55,302 --> 00:22:56,769 Is it... Is it solid now? 499 00:22:56,770 --> 00:22:57,971 Yeah. No more woods. 500 00:22:57,972 --> 00:22:59,305 No more Lori. 501 00:22:59,306 --> 00:23:00,373 Good. 502 00:23:00,374 --> 00:23:02,843 That's... That's good to know. 503 00:23:05,179 --> 00:23:07,447 So... 504 00:23:07,448 --> 00:23:09,315 so, um, do you guys... 505 00:23:09,316 --> 00:23:11,985 Do you guys remember where we left off? 506 00:23:11,986 --> 00:23:13,987 'Cause I can't really remember. 507 00:23:13,988 --> 00:23:16,056 But were we back here? 508 00:23:18,358 --> 00:23:20,887 Well, your Spidey-Sense is a track breaker and it really isn't... 509 00:23:20,889 --> 00:23:22,528 They brought props. 510 00:23:23,864 --> 00:23:26,799 Okay, you are on your own, baby doll. 511 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,202 Oh, shit. 512 00:23:29,336 --> 00:23:31,070 Why would they do that unless it was a cover-up? 513 00:23:31,071 --> 00:23:34,007 Why would they bring out the mask and the knife 514 00:23:34,008 --> 00:23:35,608 for show-and-tell? Come on. 515 00:23:35,609 --> 00:23:38,742 Well, honestly, I don't have an answer to that. 516 00:23:44,018 --> 00:23:45,618 Hello? 517 00:23:45,619 --> 00:23:47,220 - Hey. - Um, okay. 518 00:23:47,221 --> 00:23:48,955 Hey. 519 00:23:48,956 --> 00:23:50,957 I just needed someone to talk to... 520 00:23:50,958 --> 00:23:54,560 someone who actually knows what I'm talking about. 521 00:24:01,101 --> 00:24:04,905 You're not gonna make me drink this all by myself, right? 522 00:24:08,175 --> 00:24:10,244 Whatever. Fine. 523 00:24:13,647 --> 00:24:15,182 Whew. 524 00:24:18,986 --> 00:24:21,120 I love us. 525 00:24:21,121 --> 00:24:25,925 You know, not just the sex, but, like, us. 526 00:24:25,926 --> 00:24:28,194 Me too. 527 00:24:28,195 --> 00:24:30,130 Me three. 528 00:25:28,189 --> 00:25:33,189 subtitle by peritta, edits by chamallow