1 00:00:03,154 --> 00:00:04,755 Previously on "You Me Her"... 2 00:00:04,756 --> 00:00:06,757 - Dean Weinstock. - Might I have a word? 3 00:00:06,758 --> 00:00:08,225 Weinstock is retiring as dean 4 00:00:08,226 --> 00:00:10,093 and he's recommending me as his replacement. 5 00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:11,910 We have a serious fucking Lori problem. 6 00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:15,699 Lori has just accepted a seat 7 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,902 on the prestigious Hamilton School Alumni Board. 8 00:00:18,903 --> 00:00:21,305 How much ass-kissing can you squeeze into three days, 9 00:00:21,306 --> 00:00:23,707 Assistant Dean Trakarsky? 10 00:00:23,708 --> 00:00:25,575 I've been working crazy hours 11 00:00:25,576 --> 00:00:27,577 on this huge pitch for a... a fancy new theater 12 00:00:27,578 --> 00:00:29,281 at The Hamilton School where Jack works. 13 00:00:29,283 --> 00:00:30,656 I thought we could play hooky. 14 00:00:30,658 --> 00:00:32,380 We have jobs to go to. 15 00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:33,583 What are you? 16 00:00:33,584 --> 00:00:36,520 I'm just their booty call? 17 00:00:36,521 --> 00:00:38,522 H... how does she realistically fit into our work, 18 00:00:38,523 --> 00:00:40,524 our jobs, our lives? 19 00:00:40,525 --> 00:00:42,525 Why aren't we just walking away from this? 20 00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:44,527 - Mom? - What was that? 21 00:00:44,529 --> 00:00:46,129 Did you hear that? 22 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,799 Sorry. Think I must have butt-dialed you. 23 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,534 Sweetheart, I... I don't know what you think you heard... 24 00:00:50,535 --> 00:00:52,536 You mean the part about Izzy not being your niece, 25 00:00:52,537 --> 00:00:54,004 or the part about you guys paying her 26 00:00:54,005 --> 00:00:56,139 to have pervy, three-way sex with you? 27 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,141 We got some negotiating to do, don't we? 28 00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,209 No. 29 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:00,677 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 30 00:01:00,678 --> 00:01:03,080 No, no, no. 31 00:01:09,887 --> 00:01:11,355 Shh. Breathe. You got to breathe. 32 00:01:11,356 --> 00:01:12,823 - This is not happening. - It is happening. 33 00:01:12,824 --> 00:01:14,424 - It is happening. - Please tell me it's not. 34 00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:15,892 And you got to breathe through it. 35 00:01:15,893 --> 00:01:17,494 Breathe in and out. 36 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,695 - No. Breathe. - I'm breathing. This is horrible. 37 00:01:18,696 --> 00:01:20,163 You're not. You're talking. 38 00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,498 You got to breathe through it and get yourself together. 39 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,966 Get yourself together, Jack. Stop. 40 00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:24,434 Hey, you guys. Hey, hey, hey, hey. 41 00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:26,703 - Yes? - You might not know this, 42 00:01:26,704 --> 00:01:29,906 but I am a very ambitious young woman. 43 00:01:29,907 --> 00:01:33,377 In addition to class president, 44 00:01:33,378 --> 00:01:35,912 I think I should also be captain of the soccer team. 45 00:01:35,913 --> 00:01:37,247 Maybe we can come up with, like, 46 00:01:37,248 --> 00:01:41,518 um, a more realistic arrangement, you know? 47 00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,454 Something like shoes. 48 00:01:43,455 --> 00:01:44,721 - Really? - Woman love shoes. 49 00:01:44,722 --> 00:01:47,657 Wow, misogynistic much? 50 00:01:47,658 --> 00:01:49,659 But I don't hate the idea. 51 00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,195 Maybe we'll do a shoe of the month thing, too. 52 00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:54,331 - Before I forget, fuck you, Ava! - Oh. 53 00:01:54,332 --> 00:01:55,932 - Noted. - Honey, honey, honey, honey. 54 00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:57,534 No, no, no, that's not... that's not helping. 55 00:01:57,535 --> 00:02:00,203 Let's, you know... okay, let's take a quick recap. 56 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:02,606 The presidency thing is gonna be hard, to be honest. 57 00:02:02,607 --> 00:02:04,608 - Because people don't like you. - No one likes you. 58 00:02:04,609 --> 00:02:06,209 Your name is Ava for Christ's sake. 59 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,478 It absolutely screams superiority complex! 60 00:02:08,479 --> 00:02:10,614 - Really? - Yeah, really. 61 00:02:10,615 --> 00:02:12,616 - Honey. - Oh, my God. 62 00:02:12,617 --> 00:02:14,351 That's not fair, honey. 63 00:02:18,623 --> 00:02:19,956 Oh. 64 00:02:19,957 --> 00:02:21,425 I think we overstepped our... 65 00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:22,893 Oh, God. No. No, no, no, no, no. 66 00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,494 No, you have friends. You have friends. 67 00:02:24,495 --> 00:02:26,096 - Ava, it's such a pretty name. - I should know better. 68 00:02:26,097 --> 00:02:27,564 I'm sorry. That was really inappropriate. 69 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,433 Oh, man. 70 00:02:29,434 --> 00:02:30,767 I'm kidding! 71 00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:32,502 Oh! Oh! 72 00:02:32,503 --> 00:02:35,572 Everybody knows the dean throws away the ballots 73 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:37,174 and picks the class president. 74 00:02:37,175 --> 00:02:38,909 We're teenagers. 75 00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:41,178 We'll vote for whoever promises beer in the vending machines 76 00:02:41,179 --> 00:02:44,114 and designated pot smoking areas. 77 00:02:44,115 --> 00:02:45,849 Okay, let's say hypothetically 78 00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:47,451 I could deliver the presidency? 79 00:02:47,452 --> 00:02:48,785 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you kidding me? 80 00:02:48,786 --> 00:02:50,387 Where is this gonna end? Next thing you know, 81 00:02:50,388 --> 00:02:51,988 you'll be doing her homework. 82 00:02:51,989 --> 00:02:54,257 - Honey. - Oh, my God. You have the best ideas! 83 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,660 - Okay. You know what? - Oh, my God, honey! 84 00:02:56,661 --> 00:02:58,261 - Whoa! Whoa! - No, no. 85 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,130 No, no, no, no. Stay back, stay back. 86 00:03:00,131 --> 00:03:02,132 That is not the answer right now! 87 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,600 Put that do... Put it down! 88 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,202 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 89 00:03:05,203 --> 00:03:07,871 Okay, what we need is to focus on solutions. 90 00:03:07,872 --> 00:03:10,273 - Presidency. - Work it out. 91 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,542 Okay. The soccer thing's gonna be difficult. 92 00:03:12,543 --> 00:03:14,010 I'll be honest. Can you even kick? 93 00:03:14,011 --> 00:03:15,612 I am an A/B student, 94 00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:18,014 and I need the extracurrics to get into Berkeley. 95 00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:20,786 Oh, I got to scoot. 96 00:03:23,087 --> 00:03:24,955 We got a deal... 97 00:03:24,956 --> 00:03:26,556 Dean Trakarsky? 98 00:03:26,557 --> 00:03:28,291 Don't do it. Don't do it. 99 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,026 Jack. Jack, do not do it. 100 00:03:30,027 --> 00:03:31,361 Do not do it. This is a mistake. 101 00:03:31,362 --> 00:03:32,963 Do not... don't do it. Don't do it. 102 00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:34,564 Yeah. Great. 103 00:03:34,565 --> 00:03:36,433 - Can't wait. - Yep, me too. 104 00:03:36,434 --> 00:03:40,303 Anyway, bye-bye, super freaks. 105 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,038 Are you serious? 106 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:55,919 Hi, Mr. Trakarsky. 107 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,122 Hi, girls. 108 00:04:00,057 --> 00:04:01,658 There they are! 109 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,393 And now he's here. 110 00:04:03,394 --> 00:04:06,596 Uh, Dean Weinstock, thank you so much for you support. 111 00:04:06,597 --> 00:04:08,465 I... I... I was so nervous. 112 00:04:08,466 --> 00:04:10,734 Well, it didn't show. You were fantastic. 113 00:04:10,735 --> 00:04:12,469 You should be proud, Trakarsky. 114 00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:14,471 - I am super proud, always. - As opposed to ashen and weird. 115 00:04:14,472 --> 00:04:16,873 No, um, yeah. You know, I've been going through... 116 00:04:16,874 --> 00:04:19,943 There's a lot happening right now with my stomach. 117 00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:21,545 I've, you know... 118 00:04:21,546 --> 00:04:23,413 You know, I'm always tellin' you, I have that thing. 119 00:04:23,414 --> 00:04:25,415 - Yeah. Yeah. - And that's why. In, like, here. 120 00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:26,883 Yeah. Yeah, I got a... 121 00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:28,485 Emma, we want you to do something special 122 00:04:28,486 --> 00:04:29,953 and distinctive. 123 00:04:29,954 --> 00:04:31,555 Really? Are you serious? 124 00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,290 - That... that's amazing! Thank you. - Wow. 125 00:04:33,291 --> 00:04:35,959 It won't be official until the Alumni Board approves it, but... 126 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,561 Wha... 127 00:04:37,562 --> 00:04:39,029 - sor... sorry? - The Alumni Board? 128 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:41,298 - Yeah, the Alumni Board. - Our... our Alumni Board? 129 00:04:41,299 --> 00:04:43,300 - Yeah, it's just a formality. It's nothing to worry about. - Hey, Mr. Trakarsky. 130 00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:44,901 - Oh, oh, I... I didn't realize. - Hello. Yes, the ones we both... 131 00:04:44,902 --> 00:04:46,903 Honey, we both need to be approved by the Alumni Board. 132 00:04:46,904 --> 00:04:48,638 Wow, that's... that's an extra step. 133 00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:49,973 Are you two okay? 134 00:04:49,974 --> 00:04:51,174 Can we go in together, get, like, a two-for-one? 135 00:04:52,777 --> 00:04:54,644 Apart from this one's deformed GI tract, you're okay? 136 00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:56,646 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. 137 00:04:56,647 --> 00:04:58,915 - No, we're just so excited. - We are more than okay. 138 00:04:58,916 --> 00:05:00,517 So much on the horizon for us. 139 00:05:00,518 --> 00:05:02,519 I mean, yeah. It's... and look at this day. 140 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,120 I mean, the sun is shining. 141 00:05:07,058 --> 00:05:11,328 What the fuck are we gonna do?! 142 00:05:11,329 --> 00:05:13,063 - Fuck me! - God! 143 00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:15,198 - Oh, my God. - Short term, let's just get some vodka. 144 00:05:15,199 --> 00:05:16,800 - Yeah. - Right? 145 00:05:16,801 --> 00:05:18,535 Yeah. 146 00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:20,804 I love you. We're gonna get through this. 147 00:05:20,805 --> 00:05:22,539 Mm-hmm. 148 00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:24,808 But I'm almost certainly gonna have to kill that girl. 149 00:05:24,809 --> 00:05:26,676 Right. Wait, what? 150 00:05:28,946 --> 00:05:31,881 So, what we're gonna ask you to do 151 00:05:31,882 --> 00:05:35,085 is e-mail your topic choice tomorrow. 152 00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:39,089 Or PJ... either of the TAs. 153 00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:41,625 And then we will okay it. 154 00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:43,226 Really? Every fucking day 155 00:05:43,227 --> 00:05:44,694 you can clearly see me coming, 156 00:05:44,695 --> 00:05:46,296 but I have to ask you to move your legs? 157 00:05:46,297 --> 00:05:48,565 Really? Every fucking day you show up 10 minutes 158 00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:51,768 before class ends just to scam notes? 159 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:54,437 And think outside the box. 160 00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:58,708 Now... for the, uh... 161 00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:02,445 Um, okay, this time I'm dressed like a horny sorority girl, 162 00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:06,449 and, um... nothing? 163 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,852 Wow. 164 00:06:08,853 --> 00:06:10,720 I am so shocked. 165 00:06:10,721 --> 00:06:12,589 Older dudes pay you to dress like cheerleaders 166 00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:14,190 and sorority girls? 167 00:06:14,191 --> 00:06:17,127 Jaw on ground, mind blown, nothing makes sense anymore. 168 00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:19,929 Are we good? Good. 169 00:06:19,930 --> 00:06:21,398 What are you doing? What is that? 170 00:06:21,399 --> 00:06:22,599 Nothing. 171 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,200 What is going in that increasingly 172 00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:25,535 disturbed little mind of yours? 173 00:06:25,536 --> 00:06:27,537 Is that some kind of list? 174 00:06:27,538 --> 00:06:29,005 I have some shopping to do. 175 00:06:29,006 --> 00:06:30,607 Oh, well, it's about time. 176 00:06:30,608 --> 00:06:32,742 I'm always the one schlepping off to the grocery store, 177 00:06:32,743 --> 00:06:35,011 making sure that we don't starve. 178 00:06:35,012 --> 00:06:36,613 Do you honestly think I'm leaving class early 179 00:06:36,614 --> 00:06:38,481 to buy bagels and Count Chocula? 180 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,083 And spicy ramen? 181 00:06:40,084 --> 00:06:42,085 No. But I love you. 182 00:06:42,086 --> 00:06:43,553 Talk to you later. 183 00:06:43,554 --> 00:06:46,623 So, for everything decided before that point 184 00:06:46,624 --> 00:06:48,091 will be accepted. 185 00:06:48,092 --> 00:06:49,426 And after that point... 186 00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:51,561 Hey, cutie, I was wondering if I could... 187 00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:54,097 - And here we go. - Oh, blow me, Bill Gates. 188 00:06:54,098 --> 00:06:56,366 Not an insult, Phi Gamma Stupid. 189 00:07:03,574 --> 00:07:06,643 So, this is us now. These are our people. 190 00:07:06,644 --> 00:07:09,179 Polygamous lushes. Did not see that coming. 191 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:10,914 What are we gonna do about Izzy 192 00:07:10,915 --> 00:07:13,183 now that we have this whole Ava problem? 193 00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:16,920 - I say we jump right in, enjoy it. - What? 194 00:07:16,921 --> 00:07:18,655 We're getting blackmailed anyway. 195 00:07:18,656 --> 00:07:20,657 Right, so we just 196 00:07:20,658 --> 00:07:21,991 invite her over and write a new check. 197 00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:24,728 Finish out the four weeks. 198 00:07:27,198 --> 00:07:29,866 Mm. 199 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,936 Oh, my God. Mr. Gasmer? 200 00:07:32,937 --> 00:07:34,404 Nina! 201 00:07:34,405 --> 00:07:36,406 I almost didn't recognize you. 202 00:07:36,407 --> 00:07:39,209 You look so... young. 203 00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:42,011 I've been working out. Went vegan. 204 00:07:42,012 --> 00:07:44,547 Sit her down. We sit Izzy down, right? 205 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:47,350 "Izzy, be like, we've gotten way off track here, okay?" 206 00:07:47,351 --> 00:07:49,619 I'll be right back, Mr. Gasmer. Just sit. 207 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:51,087 - Everything okay? - Sit. 208 00:07:51,088 --> 00:07:52,555 - Okay. - Stay. 209 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,157 - So she's got to recognize that... - Totally. 210 00:07:54,158 --> 00:07:55,358 ... and it's different from her other clients. 211 00:07:55,359 --> 00:07:56,693 Well, hey, Uncle Jack. 212 00:07:56,694 --> 00:07:58,161 Oh, shit. 213 00:07:58,162 --> 00:08:00,697 Aunt Emma? You, uh... you're pretty hot, 214 00:08:00,698 --> 00:08:03,099 you know, for a woman of a certain age. 215 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:07,237 I'm pretty sure I don't qualify as a woman of a certain age. 216 00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:09,372 I'd say that I'm surprised to see you two here, 217 00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:12,308 but I'm not. 218 00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:15,111 Yeah, see, this is where all the desperate suburban 30-somethings 219 00:08:15,112 --> 00:08:18,047 go to convince themselves that they're still cool. 220 00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:20,183 Listen, we've had one motherfucker of a bad day. 221 00:08:20,184 --> 00:08:22,719 And I'm seriously on the brink of losing my shit right now. 222 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,388 So I seriously suggest that you consider shutting your... 223 00:08:25,389 --> 00:08:26,990 Hey, honey, honey. This is Nina. 224 00:08:26,991 --> 00:08:29,259 This is Izzy's roommate. 225 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,862 The one who walked in on your husband 226 00:08:31,863 --> 00:08:34,329 and your mutual girlfriend... the other day. 227 00:08:34,331 --> 00:08:36,065 But I... I understand 228 00:08:36,066 --> 00:08:39,669 that you guys have since crossed that threshold together. 229 00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,137 Well, everybody knows everything. 230 00:08:41,138 --> 00:08:42,605 We can't keep fucking anything quiet. 231 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,340 Whatever. Izzy really digs you guys. 232 00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:45,542 Wait. What? She likes us? 233 00:08:45,543 --> 00:08:47,277 Did she say that to you, or... 234 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,412 She likes him, or she likes me, or she likes both of us? 235 00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:51,414 Tell her... tell her... just what exactly what she said. 236 00:08:51,415 --> 00:08:54,884 Well, was... me? Me a little bit more? 237 00:08:54,885 --> 00:08:57,020 Shitheads, focus. 238 00:08:57,021 --> 00:08:59,689 Yeah, what are your intentions with my girl Izzy? 239 00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:02,225 'Cause she came home really upset this morning. 240 00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:04,227 And I'm not convinced that it's in her best interest 241 00:09:04,228 --> 00:09:05,428 to continue seeing you guys. 242 00:09:05,429 --> 00:09:07,697 - She was upset? - So convince me. 243 00:09:07,698 --> 00:09:09,833 Well, you know what? We... we're not... 244 00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:12,635 We don't have time or the energy to convince anyone of anything. 245 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:16,105 So why don't you just go back to your client, okay, 246 00:09:16,106 --> 00:09:18,241 before I tell the manager that, you know, 247 00:09:18,242 --> 00:09:20,109 you're hooking at his bar. 248 00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:22,912 Uh, I'm an escort 249 00:09:22,913 --> 00:09:24,914 like your girlfriend, not a hooker. 250 00:09:24,915 --> 00:09:27,183 - It's just... - It's very blurred. 251 00:09:27,184 --> 00:09:29,185 - What is she doing? - I am confused. 252 00:09:29,186 --> 00:09:31,054 Hey, Billy. 253 00:09:31,055 --> 00:09:33,189 - Does she work here? - I don't know. 254 00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:35,191 The manager of this old-person utopia 255 00:09:35,192 --> 00:09:36,659 is one of my best clients. 256 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,996 - No, thank you. - Drink. 257 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,867 - Uncle Jack... - Yes. 258 00:09:43,868 --> 00:09:46,402 ... if you try and jump my shit one more time, 259 00:09:46,403 --> 00:09:48,137 this is gonna end really poorly. 260 00:09:48,138 --> 00:09:49,739 - Is that clear? - Jump? 261 00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,341 I'm not trying to jump. I'm not trying to do anything. 262 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:54,544 Listen, I don't know what your thing is... 263 00:09:54,545 --> 00:09:57,080 Look, guys, I'm just a loyal friend 264 00:09:57,081 --> 00:09:59,215 who held Izzy while she cried this morning. 265 00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:02,285 We wrestled really hard, but then we hugged it out again. 266 00:10:02,286 --> 00:10:04,020 Sounds complicated. 267 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,289 Just shouldn't have said the thing about the wrestling. 268 00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:09,225 Look, my point... my point is, 269 00:10:09,226 --> 00:10:11,063 is that I'm gonna be the one putting the pieces 270 00:10:11,065 --> 00:10:14,163 of Izzy back together after you guys move on. 271 00:10:14,164 --> 00:10:15,899 So what's the deal? 272 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,367 Are you guys really breaking up with her? 273 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:19,102 - No. - No. 274 00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:21,104 No, we can't break up with her. We were never really with her. 275 00:10:21,105 --> 00:10:23,239 Bullshit. And you know it. 276 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,375 - Mnh-mnh. - No, it's true. We... we... we don't... 277 00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:27,110 We just, you know... we want to put it... 278 00:10:27,111 --> 00:10:29,245 We're all on the same team here. We're all on the same team. 279 00:10:29,246 --> 00:10:31,247 - We are, you know... we're going back to the beginning. - Fuck you. 280 00:10:31,248 --> 00:10:33,249 We're putting it back and making it 281 00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,385 - a finite business arrangement. - Finite business arrangement. 282 00:10:35,386 --> 00:10:36,986 I could maybe get behind that. 283 00:10:36,987 --> 00:10:38,855 - Really? - Write the check. 284 00:10:38,856 --> 00:10:41,257 Stop fucking around. 285 00:10:43,794 --> 00:10:49,132 Okay. So, just so I'm clear on what you're asking of us. 286 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:53,002 You want us to cover for you for the duration 287 00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:55,271 of this deranged program that you're on. 288 00:10:55,272 --> 00:10:57,140 And that's it? It's over after that? 289 00:10:57,141 --> 00:10:58,608 Yep. 290 00:10:58,609 --> 00:11:00,476 I mean this is Hawthorne Heights, right? 291 00:11:00,477 --> 00:11:02,745 It's not some sex commune. 292 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,614 Okay, but are there really sex communes? 293 00:11:04,615 --> 00:11:06,482 They're all sex communes, yes. 294 00:11:06,483 --> 00:11:08,484 When you hear commune, you don't even need the sex part. 295 00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:10,086 That's all they're doing is sex. 296 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,688 I mean, we have kids, you know? 297 00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:13,556 Everybody in the neighborhood has kids. 298 00:11:13,557 --> 00:11:15,425 That's why you come to this neighborhood. 299 00:11:15,426 --> 00:11:16,893 You have kids. You settle down. 300 00:11:16,894 --> 00:11:18,361 You pump 'em out, you know? 301 00:11:18,362 --> 00:11:20,630 That... I'm sorry. That's insensitive. 302 00:11:20,631 --> 00:11:22,231 You're working on it. It's gonna happen. 303 00:11:22,232 --> 00:11:24,233 It's definitely gonna happen for you two, I believe it. 304 00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:26,502 Okay. Okay. Move on now. 305 00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,371 - Okay. - Nah, it's okay. 306 00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:31,841 We just let it get away from us a little bit, to be honest. 307 00:11:31,842 --> 00:11:36,245 We mistook it for something it never really could be. 308 00:11:36,246 --> 00:11:39,449 Okay, but, Em, you are pressing reset, right? 309 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:42,518 You're putting it back to a 4-week business arrangement? 310 00:11:44,055 --> 00:11:45,588 Like, writing a new check. 311 00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:47,590 Yes, exactly. 312 00:11:47,591 --> 00:11:51,728 Yeah. We say Izzy went back to Syracuse with her mother, 313 00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:53,596 who... who's my sister. 314 00:11:53,597 --> 00:11:56,799 Yeah. I'm sure this murky gumbo of bullshit 315 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,335 won't come back to haunt you in any way, shape, or form. 316 00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:02,672 Okay. 317 00:12:02,673 --> 00:12:05,074 All we have to do is lie our asses off 318 00:12:05,075 --> 00:12:06,676 for the remainder of the contract, right? 319 00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:09,078 - Yep. - That's good practice. 320 00:12:09,079 --> 00:12:10,947 You know, in a few years, we're gonna have to lie 321 00:12:10,948 --> 00:12:12,815 to our own kids and tell them we never smoked weed 322 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,550 or ate shrooms like they were dried fruit. 323 00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:17,754 So, there is one other disturbing new twist. 324 00:12:17,755 --> 00:12:21,891 Ava Matherfield knows, and she's blackmailing us. 325 00:12:21,892 --> 00:12:24,027 - Ava knows? - Yep. 326 00:12:24,028 --> 00:12:25,762 And you want us to help you kill her? 327 00:12:25,763 --> 00:12:28,297 Why does it always circle back to murder with you two? 328 00:12:28,298 --> 00:12:30,833 This neighborhood's going to hell. 329 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,704 That's what's happening here. Going right to hell. 330 00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:40,977 Nice. Let's get this going before the hangover kicks in. 331 00:12:40,978 --> 00:12:43,379 Said the spiraling alcoholic. 332 00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,648 I don't know. Every... everything I type 333 00:12:45,649 --> 00:12:47,250 makes us sound like dicks, you know? 334 00:12:47,251 --> 00:12:49,252 It's like nothing nice 335 00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:51,521 ever comes after "from this point forward." 336 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,923 Yeah, but we've got to... 337 00:12:53,924 --> 00:12:56,059 - Hey. - Hi. 338 00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:57,260 You're here! 339 00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:58,728 Yeah. Sorry. 340 00:12:58,729 --> 00:13:00,863 - Whoops. - Wearing pajamas. 341 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,198 I am. 342 00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:04,268 - Is that a tent? - It is. 343 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:09,272 We were actually just texting you. 344 00:13:09,273 --> 00:13:10,873 Oh, what does it say? 345 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,475 Nothing. 346 00:13:12,476 --> 00:13:16,345 It's... we can just tell you now because you're here. 347 00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:18,881 Is it, uh, you guys are breaking up with me? 348 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:21,150 Uh, well, s... see, that... that's the thing. 349 00:13:21,151 --> 00:13:23,286 No, I get it. I do. 350 00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:25,955 Just from what she said? Her four words? 351 00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:28,624 Yeah, I was a bad, um... whatever, I was a... 352 00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:31,027 I was a bad third. I moved way too fast 353 00:13:31,028 --> 00:13:32,895 and I scared the shit out of you guys. 354 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,497 So now you're retreating 355 00:13:34,498 --> 00:13:36,365 and you're trying to reinstate the ground rules 356 00:13:36,366 --> 00:13:38,634 and probably make it into a four-week, 357 00:13:38,635 --> 00:13:40,103 uh, business arrangement again. 358 00:13:40,104 --> 00:13:43,573 Is that... is that... am I... is that close? 359 00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:45,975 Um, in the general zip code, yeah. 360 00:13:45,976 --> 00:13:49,246 - Damn. - It's a gift. 361 00:13:51,315 --> 00:13:53,182 I brought some things. 362 00:13:53,183 --> 00:13:54,784 Just hear me out. 363 00:13:54,785 --> 00:13:58,722 You know what? Just... 364 00:14:00,791 --> 00:14:03,726 Wow. You're like Mary Poppins' way cooler granddaughter. 365 00:14:03,727 --> 00:14:05,995 We're gonna do something other than sex. 366 00:14:05,996 --> 00:14:08,131 We're gonna hang out together, but we're gonna do it here 367 00:14:08,132 --> 00:14:09,866 and not in the daylight, where you could face 368 00:14:09,867 --> 00:14:11,734 the scorn of your peers or lose your boring jobs. 369 00:14:11,735 --> 00:14:13,336 Uh, we built some serious momentum 370 00:14:13,337 --> 00:14:15,005 going in the other direction. 371 00:14:18,008 --> 00:14:20,276 Okay, so, uh, after tonight, 372 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,278 if you still feel that way, then I will leave, 373 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,547 and you will never see me again. 374 00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:26,549 But I'm not gonna take your money. 375 00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:28,618 It's all or nothing. 376 00:14:30,154 --> 00:14:32,822 Well... 377 00:14:32,823 --> 00:14:34,824 she's here. 378 00:14:34,825 --> 00:14:36,692 Right, before we do any of this, 379 00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:39,228 I just want to make sure we're all on the same page. 380 00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:40,963 Nope. 381 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:43,766 Tonight we are going to fuck pages, fuck boundaries, 382 00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,902 fuck parameters, fuck all of it. 383 00:14:45,903 --> 00:14:47,370 We're just gonna fuck our fear. 384 00:14:47,371 --> 00:14:48,704 - Fuck our fear? - Yeah. 385 00:14:48,705 --> 00:14:50,840 - We ready? - Yeah. 386 00:14:50,841 --> 00:14:52,509 We're gonna start here. 387 00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:59,248 This is a very, very good pizza. 388 00:14:59,249 --> 00:15:00,983 Not your Hawthorne Heights shit. 389 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,852 So I'm gonna need you to warm this 390 00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:06,589 to precisely 172 degrees Fahrenheit. 391 00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:08,191 It's part of the plan? 392 00:15:08,192 --> 00:15:10,193 Yes. Yes. And after that, 393 00:15:10,194 --> 00:15:12,061 I'm gonna need both of you to get into pajamas. 394 00:15:12,062 --> 00:15:13,796 Nothing sexy. No lingerie, Jack. 395 00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:16,065 Just PJs, okay? 396 00:15:16,066 --> 00:15:18,868 Okay. I guess you're the boss. 397 00:15:18,869 --> 00:15:21,671 Good. I'm glad we finally realized that. 398 00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:23,940 Heads up. 399 00:15:23,941 --> 00:15:26,075 And I highly suggest that you split that, 400 00:15:26,076 --> 00:15:27,543 'cause it's very strong. 401 00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:29,679 I feel like things are about to get weird. 402 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,814 They are, 100%. 403 00:15:41,959 --> 00:15:44,227 Wicka-wick-wick! 404 00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:45,828 I can fly! 405 00:15:54,504 --> 00:15:56,772 I can fly! 406 00:15:56,773 --> 00:15:58,908 Aah! 407 00:16:12,789 --> 00:16:15,992 Going down. 408 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,412 And this holy nectar 409 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,081 is commonly known as ranch. 410 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,484 And you may dip freely. 411 00:16:41,485 --> 00:16:44,153 It's a pizza-gasm. 412 00:16:44,154 --> 00:16:46,956 We're starfish on a beach. 413 00:16:46,957 --> 00:16:48,892 Yeah. 414 00:16:51,628 --> 00:16:53,362 But we're still people, right? 415 00:16:57,234 --> 00:16:59,502 - Oh, God. - It's so good. 416 00:16:59,503 --> 00:17:01,904 - Is it? - She's so flexy. 417 00:17:01,905 --> 00:17:03,906 - Oh! - Oh! 418 00:17:05,642 --> 00:17:08,044 ♪ DJ Jack, my rhymes are incredible ♪ 419 00:17:08,045 --> 00:17:09,779 ♪ I think it's about time that we have another edible ♪ 420 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,247 Seriously, guys, do we have another edible? 421 00:17:11,248 --> 00:17:12,581 This is so good. 422 00:17:12,582 --> 00:17:15,117 Nothing's ever gonna be this good again. 423 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,386 Wicka-wick. Mm, mm, mm, mm. 424 00:17:18,989 --> 00:17:23,526 Go lower, go lower, and lower and lower and lower. 425 00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:27,663 That's amazing. I don't know what it is. 426 00:17:35,005 --> 00:17:37,540 Am I crazy to think we could get a recording contract? 427 00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,942 Do something to this. 428 00:17:39,943 --> 00:17:43,145 Ow. 429 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,281 It's okay, I got it. 430 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,952 : Go, Jack. Go, Jack. Go, Jack. 431 00:17:49,953 --> 00:17:51,821 Go, go, go, Jack. 432 00:17:58,895 --> 00:18:00,363 Upside-down guillotine! 433 00:18:09,706 --> 00:18:12,641 In the name of all that is holy, 434 00:18:12,642 --> 00:18:15,444 what the fuck are we gonna do? 435 00:18:15,445 --> 00:18:17,713 All the pizza's gone. 436 00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:19,048 Oh. 437 00:18:19,049 --> 00:18:20,783 Did you eat it all? 438 00:18:20,784 --> 00:18:22,586 I'm sorry. 439 00:18:24,788 --> 00:18:26,655 I'm coming down now and realizing 440 00:18:26,656 --> 00:18:29,392 how stunningly dumb this conversation is. 441 00:18:30,772 --> 00:18:31,959 That is so dumb. 442 00:18:33,997 --> 00:18:35,731 - Who the hell is that? - Who is that? 443 00:18:35,732 --> 00:18:37,733 - Who is that? - You know I can hear you guys. 444 00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:39,068 Oh, no. 445 00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:41,070 I'm pretty sure that I heard them say... 446 00:18:41,071 --> 00:18:42,405 It's the police! 447 00:18:42,406 --> 00:18:44,673 "10-4, call the K-9s. They have drugs." 448 00:18:44,674 --> 00:18:47,343 Calm down, people. I am not the police. 449 00:18:47,344 --> 00:18:48,811 We have drugs! 450 00:18:48,812 --> 00:18:50,012 I'm the pizza man. 451 00:18:50,013 --> 00:18:53,215 And you are obviously very, very high. 452 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,683 We are so high. 453 00:18:54,684 --> 00:18:56,819 - Shh! - I ordered pizza. 454 00:18:56,820 --> 00:18:59,155 You ordered pizza? 455 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,293 Everywhere. Pizza. 456 00:19:14,838 --> 00:19:17,907 I love you. I love you so much. 457 00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:20,976 Do you know that? I love you. 458 00:19:20,977 --> 00:19:23,179 Ma'am. 459 00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:28,518 Uh, here you go, man. 460 00:19:28,519 --> 00:19:31,186 Come on, babe. Pizza. 461 00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:34,990 Come on, Em, let go of the pizza man. 462 00:19:34,991 --> 00:19:38,327 I'm so sorry. 463 00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:46,469 : This is nice. 464 00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:48,871 Best night ever. 465 00:19:57,414 --> 00:19:59,815 Told you. 466 00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:03,152 Maybe this is doable. 467 00:20:03,153 --> 00:20:06,355 The road less traveled, 468 00:20:06,356 --> 00:20:08,757 the relationship more populated. 469 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:12,228 Why does it have to be scary? 470 00:20:14,498 --> 00:20:17,032 Maybe it doesn't. 471 00:20:21,838 --> 00:20:25,307 Just to be clear, 472 00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:27,710 this is you inviting me to move in? 473 00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:34,783 And now this is happening. Fuck, I did it again. 474 00:20:34,784 --> 00:20:37,453 Sweetheart, I... I think we need to talk. 475 00:20:37,454 --> 00:20:38,921 Don't do that. Don't do that. 476 00:20:38,922 --> 00:20:40,923 Don't talk to me like I'm a child, okay? 477 00:20:40,924 --> 00:20:42,925 I'm already 478 00:20:42,926 --> 00:20:47,062 trying to will myself to just disintegrate. 479 00:20:47,063 --> 00:20:49,064 - Should we say something? - I don't know what to say. 480 00:20:49,065 --> 00:20:51,066 Okay. 481 00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:52,935 I'm gonna sit up and we'll just... 482 00:20:52,936 --> 00:20:55,337 we'll just rewind to right before I said anything 483 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,807 about permanent cohabitation, okay? 484 00:21:00,143 --> 00:21:02,389 Ready? 485 00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:04,545 Here I go. 486 00:21:13,623 --> 00:21:16,893 Why do you guys keep making me feel this way? 487 00:21:21,097 --> 00:21:24,033 I'm sorry. 488 00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:27,636 I'm just... I'm... I'm actually confused. 489 00:21:27,637 --> 00:21:29,238 Did you think this was permanent? 490 00:21:29,239 --> 00:21:30,973 'Cause... 491 00:21:30,974 --> 00:21:33,242 it can't be. 492 00:21:33,243 --> 00:21:34,845 What? 493 00:21:34,846 --> 00:21:36,295 This... this can't work. 494 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:37,763 And the longer we try, 495 00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:39,498 the messier it's gonna get. 496 00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:41,767 This is real. 497 00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:44,703 I know that you guys feel this just as much as I do. 498 00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:47,440 Right? 499 00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:54,514 You can't honestly sit here and say that I'm fucking alone. 500 00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:00,586 I'm not crazy. I'm not. 501 00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:02,455 Izzy, no one is saying you're crazy. 502 00:22:02,456 --> 00:22:04,590 Fuck you guys! 503 00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:08,594 I mean, we have careers. We have neighbors. 504 00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,329 I mean, we can't just bring you home to... 505 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,931 to introduce you to the parents. 506 00:22:11,932 --> 00:22:13,265 As what? That's like... 507 00:22:13,266 --> 00:22:15,801 This... this... this is not a commune. 508 00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:17,670 This is Hawthorne Heights. 509 00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:19,672 We're trying to have a baby, for God's sake. 510 00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:22,341 So you're afraid? Is that it? 511 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:24,743 Of course we're fucking afraid. 512 00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:26,479 We have something at stake, Izzy. 513 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:27,813 We have stuff to lose. 514 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,548 You're at a different place in your life. 515 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:32,618 How the fuck did we let this happen? 516 00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:34,355 It's not worth it. It isn't, you know? 517 00:22:34,356 --> 00:22:35,982 I... it's... 518 00:22:35,983 --> 00:22:38,051 I can't do this. 519 00:22:42,522 --> 00:22:44,924 Izzy, please. 520 00:22:44,925 --> 00:22:47,460 I can't do any of this, 521 00:22:47,461 --> 00:22:49,061 any version of this. 522 00:22:49,062 --> 00:22:51,464 Izzy, just sit down for a second. 523 00:22:51,465 --> 00:22:53,199 You don't need to run out of here. 524 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,468 Izzy. 525 00:23:02,409 --> 00:23:05,145 You don't deserve me. 526 00:23:07,214 --> 00:23:09,482 Izzy. 527 00:23:09,483 --> 00:23:11,284 Izzy. 528 00:23:15,088 --> 00:23:19,892 Come on. Let's all just settle down and... 529 00:23:19,893 --> 00:23:22,561 In like a week or a month, 530 00:23:22,562 --> 00:23:25,298 you're gonna realize how bad you fucked up. 531 00:23:27,634 --> 00:23:29,703 Because you were afraid. 532 00:23:34,708 --> 00:23:37,910 What the fuck just happened? 533 00:23:37,911 --> 00:23:40,247 I think we just broke up with Izzy. 534 00:23:42,582 --> 00:23:45,185 And then she broke up with us. 535 00:23:52,059 --> 00:23:53,659 It's okay. Don't cry, please. 536 00:23:53,660 --> 00:23:56,396 It had to happen. We knew it had to happen, okay? 537 00:24:02,869 --> 00:24:05,137 Should we go after her. 538 00:24:05,138 --> 00:24:07,005 I don't know. 539 00:24:07,006 --> 00:24:08,606 What do you mean you don't know? 540 00:24:08,608 --> 00:24:11,077 I don't know what to do. 541 00:24:12,879 --> 00:24:17,416 Stupid, stupid, stupid Trakarskys. 542 00:24:17,417 --> 00:24:19,685 Fuck. 543 00:24:30,897 --> 00:24:33,900 Go.