1
00:00:03,134 --> 00:00:05,002
Previously on "You Me Her"...

2
00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:06,470
I don't know what you think you heard...

3
00:00:06,471 --> 00:00:08,472
You mean the part about
Izzy not being your niece

4
00:00:08,473 --> 00:00:10,607
or the part about you guys
paying her to have pervy

5
00:00:10,608 --> 00:00:13,143
- three-way sex with you?
- Wh... what? No.

6
00:00:13,144 --> 00:00:15,279
We got some negotiating to do, don't we?

7
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,414
Aaaaaaaaah!

8
00:00:17,415 --> 00:00:19,149
Weinstock is retiring as dean,

9
00:00:19,150 --> 00:00:21,151
and he's recommending
me as his replacement?

10
00:00:21,152 --> 00:00:23,153
It won't be official until
the Alumni Board approves it.

11
00:00:23,154 --> 00:00:24,621
- The Alumni Board?
- Sor... sorry?

12
00:00:24,622 --> 00:00:27,825
Lori has just accepted a seat

13
00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:30,894
on the prestigious Hamilton
School Alumni Board.

14
00:00:30,895 --> 00:00:32,362
Whatever. Izzy really digs you guys.

15
00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:33,964
What? She likes us?

16
00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:35,966
- She say that to you, or...
- Shitheads, focus.

17
00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:37,622
We're gonna do something other than sex.

18
00:00:38,023 --> 00:00:39,223
We're gonna hang out together.

19
00:00:39,304 --> 00:00:42,105
Maybe this is doable,
the road less traveled,

20
00:00:42,106 --> 00:00:45,042
the relationship more populated.

21
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:46,376
Why does it have to be scary?

22
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:48,245
This is you inviting me to move in?

23
00:00:48,246 --> 00:00:49,446
I'm actually confused.

24
00:00:49,447 --> 00:00:50,647
Did you think this was permanent?

25
00:00:50,648 --> 00:00:52,450
You don't deserve me.

26
00:01:01,059 --> 00:01:03,861
It's okay.

27
00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:07,865
This doesn't change anything, Trakarskys.

28
00:01:07,866 --> 00:01:12,536
Our arrangement continues,
even if that one's over.

29
00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:14,404
Honey, just let it go.

30
00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:16,006
I'll scream.

31
00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:17,341
You know, I'll... I'll tell my mom.

32
00:01:17,342 --> 00:01:18,542
Oh, I dare you.

33
00:01:18,543 --> 00:01:20,010
No, I double fuckin' dare you.

34
00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:22,412
Go back inside and tell Mommy right now.

35
00:01:22,413 --> 00:01:24,147
But know this, and know it real good.

36
00:01:24,148 --> 00:01:26,416
You are gonna have two adults
right across the street from you

37
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,753
spending every waking moment
plotting your hideous ***,

38
00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:32,956
and those adults know dozens
and dozens of other adults,

39
00:01:32,957 --> 00:01:34,691
many in the fields of higher education

40
00:01:34,692 --> 00:01:36,426
and law enforcement. And here's the cherry

41
00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:38,161
on the top of your shit
sundae, little girl.

42
00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:39,496
A lot of them would leap at the chance

43
00:01:39,497 --> 00:01:42,165
to take down a smug, over-entitled Ava.

44
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:45,502
That's right. Your name will
become the darkest of insults.

45
00:01:45,503 --> 00:01:49,574
"Oh, my God. She is, like, such an Ava."

46
00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:53,911
And while I've never
played the game myself,

47
00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:58,715
I hear soccer is so much easier
to play with two healthy legs.

48
00:01:58,716 --> 00:02:02,586
So you can narc us out, or
you can sleep, little girl.

49
00:02:02,587 --> 00:02:06,056
But I wouldn't recommend both.

50
00:02:06,057 --> 00:02:07,992
Do you know what I mean?

51
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:11,395
- Yes?
- Y... yes.

52
00:02:11,396 --> 00:02:12,863
- Okay.
- Yes, ma'am.

53
00:02:12,864 --> 00:02:14,464
I'm glad we understand each other,

54
00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:16,867
and don't call me ma'am, you little shit.

55
00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:19,604
Let's go make a goddamn baby.

56
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:24,207
Go to bed, little girl.

57
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:26,076
Okay.

58
00:02:26,077 --> 00:02:28,745
Shit.

59
00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:46,363
I'm sorry, honey.

60
00:02:46,364 --> 00:02:47,564
I mean I was totally feeling it,

61
00:02:47,565 --> 00:02:48,899
and then I just wasn't.

62
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:50,367
It was a dumb idea.

63
00:02:50,368 --> 00:02:53,570
Izzy peeled out of our
lives like 10 minutes ago.

64
00:02:53,571 --> 00:02:55,038
Was it a mistake?

65
00:02:55,039 --> 00:02:58,843
What? The whole thing,
or breaking up with Izzy?

66
00:03:01,045 --> 00:03:04,247
Either way, I don't know.

67
00:03:04,248 --> 00:03:06,383
I mean, maybe it was inevitable.

68
00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:08,118
You know, maybe it never could've worked.

69
00:03:08,119 --> 00:03:10,654
It's not what people do.

70
00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:11,989
Is that a reason to not do something,

71
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:14,524
just because other people don't?

72
00:03:14,525 --> 00:03:18,128
Honestly, yeah, I think maybe it is.

73
00:03:18,129 --> 00:03:20,464
Yeah.

74
00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:34,144
"Home Seekers."

75
00:03:34,145 --> 00:03:35,345
Oh, my God. That sounds so good right now.

76
00:03:35,346 --> 00:03:38,616
Doesn't it?

77
00:03:48,292 --> 00:03:50,895
Fucking idiot!

78
00:03:53,498 --> 00:03:55,299
Here we go again.

79
00:04:02,306 --> 00:04:04,909
Oh, you look troubled, Iz.

80
00:04:07,245 --> 00:04:09,246
I, uh...

81
00:04:09,247 --> 00:04:11,248
I smoked everything in the house.

82
00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:14,317
So 10 minutes earlier,

83
00:04:14,318 --> 00:04:16,720
you would've caught me
apple-bonging chamomile

84
00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:19,923
and a dead house plant.

85
00:04:19,924 --> 00:04:21,658
So it's over this time?

86
00:04:21,659 --> 00:04:24,194
Like, for real?

87
00:04:24,195 --> 00:04:26,863
Yeah.

88
00:04:26,864 --> 00:04:29,132
Do you want to tell me about it?

89
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:31,134
Do I really have to?

90
00:04:31,135 --> 00:04:34,604
No. The whole affair was
a sprawling field of peril.

91
00:04:34,605 --> 00:04:39,409
Doesn't really matter
what IED you stepped on.

92
00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:42,212
So are you sad?

93
00:04:42,213 --> 00:04:45,682
Humiliated?

94
00:04:45,683 --> 00:04:49,286
Angry?

95
00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:51,889
Exhausted?

96
00:04:53,691 --> 00:04:55,760
Humiliated, mostly.

97
00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:01,298
I had an epiphany

98
00:05:01,299 --> 00:05:03,433
while I was standing there in my pajamas

99
00:05:03,434 --> 00:05:05,969
in the middle of suburbia

100
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:10,174
surrounded by normal
families living normal lives.

101
00:05:12,376 --> 00:05:14,712
They didn't feel the way that I felt.

102
00:05:17,181 --> 00:05:20,318
They were bored, and I was
just something different.

103
00:05:26,124 --> 00:05:29,459
I almost got married when I was 18.

104
00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:30,794
No way.

105
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:35,866
Très Appalachian, right?

106
00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:39,870
Yeah. I was so in love

107
00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:45,609
that I couldn't eat or sleep or breathe.

108
00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:48,612
It just, like, sat right
on my chest, you know?

109
00:05:51,082 --> 00:05:54,485
Yeah, we even found this cute
little hippie church in Sonoma.

110
00:05:56,687 --> 00:05:57,922
What happened?

111
00:05:58,123 --> 00:05:58,923
Well,

112
00:05:58,924 --> 00:06:02,159
he *** that we were gonna escape

113
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,294
into our three-dimensional YA trilogy...

114
00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,565
He told me that he should probably go

115
00:06:08,566 --> 00:06:12,169
to this Brown University place.

116
00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:13,503
Lame.

117
00:06:13,504 --> 00:06:16,039
My bags were packed when he told me.

118
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,175
Yeah.

119
00:06:18,176 --> 00:06:19,643
Yeah, I think back,

120
00:06:19,644 --> 00:06:24,181
and I realized that he was just,

121
00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:27,651
like, too hot, you know?

122
00:06:27,652 --> 00:06:29,252
Truth.

123
00:06:29,253 --> 00:06:31,254
You can't trust men with that much power.

124
00:06:31,255 --> 00:06:34,724
Mmh-mnh.

125
00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:37,595
No.

126
00:06:38,629 --> 00:06:43,800
You know, when I want to
for whatever sick reason

127
00:06:43,801 --> 00:06:47,804
I can still feel what I felt then,

128
00:06:47,805 --> 00:06:50,874
just like I'm dead inside,

129
00:06:50,875 --> 00:06:52,742
you know?

130
00:06:52,743 --> 00:06:55,946
So, um, Lee put an entire
continent between us,

131
00:06:55,947 --> 00:06:57,681
and I went full-on "Yellow Wallpaper."

132
00:06:57,682 --> 00:06:59,816
I drove across the country

133
00:06:59,817 --> 00:07:02,219
like that batshit astronaut chick,

134
00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:04,754
minus the diapers 'cause that's sick.

135
00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:11,294
But when he looked at me,

136
00:07:11,295 --> 00:07:13,830
he just felt pity,

137
00:07:13,831 --> 00:07:17,567
not love or the slightest
bit of uncertainty...

138
00:07:17,568 --> 00:07:19,302
just pity.

139
00:07:19,303 --> 00:07:20,904
I knew, in 10 years,

140
00:07:20,905 --> 00:07:24,442
that he would tell the
story and get my name wrong.

141
00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:31,181
I, um...

142
00:07:31,182 --> 00:07:34,718
I got back in my car, and I just drove.

143
00:07:37,722 --> 00:07:41,057
I never wanted to tell you that.

144
00:07:41,058 --> 00:07:45,462
But it's part of who I
am, and I... I knew that...

145
00:07:45,463 --> 00:07:47,330
I knew that you could never really know me

146
00:07:47,331 --> 00:07:49,133
if I didn't tell you.

147
00:07:53,604 --> 00:07:55,071
I'm really glad you did.

148
00:07:55,072 --> 00:07:58,742
Me too, surprisingly.

149
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:06,416
So what's the moral?

150
00:08:06,417 --> 00:08:10,287
The moral is: it gets better.

151
00:08:10,288 --> 00:08:12,289
It hurt a little less
by the time I got home,

152
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:13,623
and a lot less

153
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:16,026
after I fucked Trey Larker into a coma.

154
00:08:18,963 --> 00:08:21,097
Let me guess... Lee's friend?

155
00:08:21,098 --> 00:08:23,366
Best friend.

156
00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:24,968
So, what, I'm just supposed to

157
00:08:24,969 --> 00:08:27,637
fuck all the Trakarskys' neighbors?

158
00:08:27,638 --> 00:08:29,506
God, no, Izzy.

159
00:08:29,507 --> 00:08:31,908
You're hopeless.

160
00:08:31,909 --> 00:08:33,510
Just the ones they like.

161
00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:37,181
You're awful.

162
00:09:01,272 --> 00:09:03,207
Oh.

163
00:09:06,077 --> 00:09:07,944
Ohh.

164
00:09:07,945 --> 00:09:11,414
Did you know I was all-league in softball?

165
00:09:11,415 --> 00:09:13,149
- No.
- Uh-huh.

166
00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:19,022
Okay.

167
00:09:19,023 --> 00:09:21,691
That was a lie.

168
00:09:21,692 --> 00:09:24,627
I'm just a small-boned woman
standing in your bedroom

169
00:09:24,628 --> 00:09:27,631
in the middle of the
night with a baseball bat.

170
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:31,434
Lori found out.

171
00:09:31,435 --> 00:09:34,104
No, I... I didn't tell. I swear.

172
00:09:34,105 --> 00:09:36,373
Maybe, maybe not.

173
00:09:36,374 --> 00:09:38,108
But I refuse to be the kind of woman

174
00:09:38,109 --> 00:09:41,578
who doesn't follow through
on her psychotic threats.

175
00:09:41,579 --> 00:09:43,313
This might take a few tries.

176
00:09:43,314 --> 00:09:44,781
No! No!

177
00:09:44,782 --> 00:09:47,050
- Ava.
- Oh, my God.

178
00:09:47,051 --> 00:09:49,452
God. You're all sweaty.

179
00:09:49,453 --> 00:09:50,920
Ew. You... You weren't just...

180
00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,255
No, Mom. What do you...

181
00:09:52,256 --> 00:09:55,725
- What do you want?
- Well, call me crazy...

182
00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:58,595
You're whatever's after crazy.

183
00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:01,998
... But this whole "niece
that fell from the sky" issue

184
00:10:01,999 --> 00:10:04,134
continues to bother me.

185
00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,151
Do you ever wonder if you're blinded

186
00:10:06,152 --> 00:10:07,852
by unhealthy vindictiveness

187
00:10:07,872 --> 00:10:09,873
for all the times the
cool kids left you out?

188
00:10:09,874 --> 00:10:11,341
Hmm?

189
00:10:11,342 --> 00:10:13,209
That you're overstepping the call of duty,

190
00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:15,612
and maybe it's time you just let it go?

191
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:17,480
Um...

192
00:10:17,481 --> 00:10:19,082
okay.

193
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:22,186
That was both impressive
and emotionally eviscerating.

194
00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:23,587
Quite the wake up call.

195
00:10:24,288 --> 00:10:27,825
And I promise to turn my scrutiny inwards.

196
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:34,030
Right after you find
Jacqueline Isabelle's last name

197
00:10:34,031 --> 00:10:37,602
and any social-networking
site or something

198
00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:41,000
that proves her and Jack's big sister

199
00:10:41,004 --> 00:10:42,439
couldn't pick each other out of a line-up,

200
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,307
let alone share DNA.

201
00:10:44,308 --> 00:10:45,775
Okay?

202
00:10:45,776 --> 00:10:47,777
So you're pressing
snooze on my wake-up call?

203
00:10:47,778 --> 00:10:49,245
Just do it for me, please,

204
00:10:49,246 --> 00:10:51,247
for the woman who willed
your abnormally large head

205
00:10:51,248 --> 00:10:52,582
out of her vagina.

206
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,584
- God, gross.
- And it'll all be over,

207
00:10:54,585 --> 00:10:59,056
and I will make nice with the neighbors.

208
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,068
Mm.

209
00:11:21,946 --> 00:11:24,614
What if the world deems
us unworthy of procreating?

210
00:11:24,615 --> 00:11:26,150
What then?

211
00:11:28,619 --> 00:11:30,086
What?

212
00:11:30,087 --> 00:11:33,690
Where's this coming from?

213
00:11:33,691 --> 00:11:35,291
Then we'll find another program

214
00:11:35,292 --> 00:11:38,895
or... or we'll adopt, or both.

215
00:11:38,896 --> 00:11:40,630
Okay.

216
00:11:40,631 --> 00:11:44,901
Yeah, and then... I mean,
and long after our children

217
00:11:44,902 --> 00:11:46,369
find us either too embarrassing

218
00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:48,371
or too irritating to
hang out with anymore,

219
00:11:48,372 --> 00:11:50,907
and long after Izzy has
moved on with another guy

220
00:11:50,908 --> 00:11:52,375
and another family,

221
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:55,311
this story will still be about you and me,

222
00:11:55,312 --> 00:11:56,913
Em, okay?

223
00:11:56,914 --> 00:12:00,517
Always was, always will be.

224
00:12:00,518 --> 00:12:02,118
- That's still a great line.
- It's good, right?

225
00:12:02,119 --> 00:12:06,122
Yeah. That is a very good line.

226
00:12:06,123 --> 00:12:08,058
And we're back.

227
00:12:16,534 --> 00:12:19,202
- Did you hear that?
- I didn't hear anything.

228
00:12:19,203 --> 00:12:21,471
Me neither.

229
00:12:27,077 --> 00:12:30,947
Do you think it might be Izzy, or...

230
00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:33,417
Okay.

231
00:12:34,552 --> 00:12:36,953
Move. We got to talk.

232
00:12:36,954 --> 00:12:38,288
Having trouble sleeping?

233
00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:40,690
No, no, having trouble with Lori.

234
00:12:40,691 --> 00:12:42,559
It's past midnight. What... what troubles?

235
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,427
Lori has assigned me to use the interwebs

236
00:12:44,428 --> 00:12:47,630
to find out whether Izzy
is or isn't your niece.

237
00:12:47,631 --> 00:12:50,166
- Shit.
- She knows I can do it.

238
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:51,501
I can do it.

239
00:12:51,502 --> 00:12:53,102
Okay. So why aren't you?

240
00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:57,240
It's an opportunity to
shut her down permanently.

241
00:12:57,241 --> 00:12:59,108
All we need is to see
Izzy, you, and your sister

242
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:00,310
together in a picture.

243
00:13:00,311 --> 00:13:01,911
Oh, no. That's impossible.

244
00:13:01,912 --> 00:13:03,981
That picture doesn't exist.

245
00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:07,650
Which is why you're here.

246
00:13:07,651 --> 00:13:08,985
There you go.

247
00:13:08,986 --> 00:13:10,587
I get it.

248
00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:13,523
First, we catfish a page
under Jacqueline Isabelle,

249
00:13:13,524 --> 00:13:16,059
uh, whatever your sister's last name is.

250
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:17,126
- Deering.
- Deering.

251
00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:18,861
Okay.

252
00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:22,198
- And Izzy?
- Uh, Silva.

253
00:13:22,199 --> 00:13:23,399
Okay.

254
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,535
I already started an account.

255
00:13:25,536 --> 00:13:29,206
I just have to lift some images from Izzy.

256
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:33,142
Bam. Done.

257
00:13:33,143 --> 00:13:35,411
Jacqueline Isabelle Deering now exists.

258
00:13:35,412 --> 00:13:37,146
Wow, just... just like that?

259
00:13:37,147 --> 00:13:39,282
Just like that.

260
00:13:39,283 --> 00:13:40,883
- Wow.
- Weird.

261
00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:43,152
I can't find a home
page for Jack Trakarsky.

262
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:44,887
- I don't have a page.
- Yeah, me neither.

263
00:13:44,888 --> 00:13:47,224
Never... never really saw the point.

264
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:50,893
What?

265
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:52,762
I have some pictures on
my phone I could text you.

266
00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:54,230
Send them to me right now.

267
00:13:54,231 --> 00:13:55,341
Why are you helping us?

268
00:13:55,342 --> 00:13:56,342
Gee, Emma,

269
00:13:56,743 --> 00:13:57,723
I don't know.

270
00:13:58,369 --> 00:14:00,903
Maybe because you're
a homicidal psychopath.

271
00:14:00,904 --> 00:14:02,772
- Yeah, she is.
- No, stop.

272
00:14:02,773 --> 00:14:04,374
And I'd like to sleep at some point

273
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,109
in the not-too-distant future.

274
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:08,778
- Text the picture, Jack.
- I'm trying.

275
00:14:08,779 --> 00:14:10,647
I just want to put this thing behind me.

276
00:14:10,648 --> 00:14:12,382
Ava, I'm sorry.

277
00:14:12,383 --> 00:14:15,718
I hope you know that I would never...

278
00:14:15,719 --> 00:14:17,320
You never what?

279
00:14:17,321 --> 00:14:20,123
She would never really
want to go back to prison

280
00:14:20,124 --> 00:14:21,991
for hurting people.

281
00:14:21,992 --> 00:14:24,794
She's very dangerous, this one.

282
00:14:24,795 --> 00:14:25,862
Yep.

283
00:14:25,863 --> 00:14:27,798
Whatever.

284
00:14:33,337 --> 00:14:34,937
Hey, Neen.

285
00:14:34,938 --> 00:14:37,473
Mm-hmm?

286
00:14:37,474 --> 00:14:40,009
I'm gonna go home.

287
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,278
You are home.

288
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:45,081
No, like, home home.

289
00:14:45,082 --> 00:14:46,884
As in Colorado.

290
00:15:07,104 --> 00:15:08,838
Yeah, whatever happened to click, bam?

291
00:15:08,839 --> 00:15:11,441
I'm not exactly a Photoshop wizard.

292
00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:15,645
Click, bam, bitches.

293
00:15:15,646 --> 00:15:17,780
- There you go.
- It's done?

294
00:15:17,781 --> 00:15:20,049
Oh, yeah. It's done.

295
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:23,386
See, look.

296
00:15:23,387 --> 00:15:25,589
Ah, what do you think?

297
00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:29,926
The bitches are not impressed.

298
00:15:29,927 --> 00:15:31,260
Really?

299
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,396
Well, I think it works.

300
00:15:33,397 --> 00:15:35,531
Like, there's you.

301
00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:37,266
There's your sister. And there's Izzy.

302
00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:40,069
And she's standing behind,
like, on a box or something.

303
00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:42,338
Yeah, because people do
that a lot in candid photos.

304
00:15:42,339 --> 00:15:43,806
She's fuckin' enormous.

305
00:15:43,807 --> 00:15:47,944
I mean, do you have no
idea about proportion?

306
00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:50,079
I think it's pretty good, so...

307
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,280
Oh, my God.

308
00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:52,882
It's a generational thing, honey.

309
00:15:52,883 --> 00:15:54,350
I see it all the time at school.

310
00:15:54,351 --> 00:15:55,551
I mean, kids these days, they take a shit,

311
00:15:55,552 --> 00:15:57,286
and they think it's art.

312
00:15:57,287 --> 00:15:59,822
I mean, we see the picture
as is, as it really is.

313
00:15:59,823 --> 00:16:01,824
She sees something totally different.

314
00:16:01,825 --> 00:16:05,428
It's like a millennial ocular ego filter,

315
00:16:05,429 --> 00:16:07,029
a MOEF.

316
00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:09,832
Yeah, but, Jack, that is
so bad. That is so bad.

317
00:16:09,833 --> 00:16:11,167
It looks like Izzy's the dead sister

318
00:16:11,168 --> 00:16:12,902
who keeps showing up in family photos.

319
00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:14,237
Do you actually think this is good?

320
00:16:14,238 --> 00:16:15,838
You think Lori's gonna buy this?

321
00:16:15,839 --> 00:16:18,107
- Absolutely, yes.
- This is fascinating.

322
00:16:18,108 --> 00:16:20,243
What are we going to do?

323
00:16:20,244 --> 00:16:21,844
This is an emergency, honey.

324
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:25,181
We need to call a professional.

325
00:16:25,182 --> 00:16:26,916
I'm awesome.

326
00:16:34,124 --> 00:16:36,392
You're really not gonna help me?

327
00:16:36,393 --> 00:16:38,328
Nope.

328
00:16:41,465 --> 00:16:44,133
You're acting like a child.

329
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:46,870
Uh, am I the one running home to my mom?

330
00:16:48,939 --> 00:16:51,607
It's the middle of the semester.

331
00:16:51,608 --> 00:16:54,811
Whatever, like I should ever
counsel other human beings.

332
00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:56,546
And more importantly, it's Halloween.

333
00:16:56,547 --> 00:16:58,414
You and I were supposed to
be those freaky little twins

334
00:16:58,415 --> 00:17:00,817
from "The Shining," except way sluttier.

335
00:17:00,818 --> 00:17:03,085
It doesn't work as a solo act.

336
00:17:03,086 --> 00:17:04,954
You're wearing pigtails, Mary Janes,

337
00:17:04,955 --> 00:17:07,490
and a toddler's dress
that shows your cooch.

338
00:17:07,491 --> 00:17:09,159
I think it'll work.

339
00:17:09,171 --> 00:17:10,558
Just... come on, Iz.

340
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:13,496
You can leave tomorrow, okay?

341
00:17:13,497 --> 00:17:14,964
I'll get you wasted.

342
00:17:14,965 --> 00:17:18,968
We can profess our drunk
sisterly love to one another.

343
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:20,837
You'll decide to stay, and
then we'll just find you,

344
00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:24,241
like, a perfectly good
shrink right here in Portland.

345
00:17:26,176 --> 00:17:28,578
Do you want this?

346
00:17:28,579 --> 00:17:30,514
No.

347
00:17:34,051 --> 00:17:35,384
I bought a ticket online

348
00:17:35,385 --> 00:17:36,853
for a flight that leaves tomorrow night,

349
00:17:36,854 --> 00:17:39,255
which is technically tonight,

350
00:17:39,256 --> 00:17:41,191
and I have to be on it.

351
00:17:43,527 --> 00:17:45,127
Why would you do that?

352
00:17:45,128 --> 00:17:48,197
- Nina.
- Don't.

353
00:17:48,198 --> 00:17:50,867
Oh, my gosh.

354
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:54,203
Super mature.

355
00:17:54,204 --> 00:17:57,139
Nina, come on, man.

356
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:59,542
These last six days,

357
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:00,877
Andy,

358
00:18:00,878 --> 00:18:04,347
a staggering amount of THC and alcohol,

359
00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:06,482
the Trakarskys,

360
00:18:06,483 --> 00:18:09,285
a fucking "C" on a
lame-ass philosophy midterm.

361
00:18:09,286 --> 00:18:11,420
I mean, these are all just symptoms

362
00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:16,225
of way bigger shit
that I have to work out.

363
00:18:16,226 --> 00:18:18,895
Nina, will you please look at me?

364
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:21,163
No.

365
00:18:21,164 --> 00:18:24,767
Well, you're in a swivel chair, so...

366
00:18:24,768 --> 00:18:27,837
Stop it.

367
00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:29,038
Get your hands out of your face.

368
00:18:29,039 --> 00:18:31,440
Unh-unh.

369
00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:34,377
Nina, stop it.

370
00:18:35,846 --> 00:18:38,915
I had sex with a married couple,

371
00:18:38,916 --> 00:18:41,984
and I fell in love with them
in, like, a matter of days.

372
00:18:41,985 --> 00:18:45,054
And then I went to
their house in my pajamas

373
00:18:45,055 --> 00:18:48,524
with a bag full of drugs
and a karaoke machine.

374
00:18:48,525 --> 00:18:51,327
So? People do that all the time.

375
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:52,528
No, they don't.

376
00:18:52,529 --> 00:18:54,530
Yes, they do.

377
00:18:54,531 --> 00:18:56,265
They really don't.

378
00:18:59,736 --> 00:19:02,538
It's fucked up.

379
00:19:02,539 --> 00:19:04,273
Yeah.

380
00:19:04,274 --> 00:19:06,275
I just...

381
00:19:08,278 --> 00:19:13,482
I just need to get back
to the source, you know?

382
00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,885
Get things right with my mom.

383
00:19:15,886 --> 00:19:18,287
Shit, maybe even with my dad.

384
00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:20,223
Can you understand that?

385
00:19:23,226 --> 00:19:24,560
We have the whole day together.

386
00:19:24,561 --> 00:19:26,028
And you need to help me pack

387
00:19:26,029 --> 00:19:28,297
because half of this stuff is yours, okay?

388
00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:29,765
And then... and then you can just...

389
00:19:29,766 --> 00:19:31,100
you can pour me onto the plane

390
00:19:31,101 --> 00:19:32,435
and make your entrance to the party

391
00:19:32,436 --> 00:19:35,104
fetishitically late.

392
00:19:35,105 --> 00:19:37,106
Okay?

393
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:40,443
Okay. So when are you coming back?

394
00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:44,046
Like, after the break, or Thanksgiving?

395
00:19:44,047 --> 00:19:45,982
Izzy.

396
00:19:48,585 --> 00:19:53,122
Okay, let me rephrase
and speak more slowly.

397
00:19:53,123 --> 00:19:57,594
How long are you staying in Colorado?

398
00:19:59,262 --> 00:20:03,666
Um...

399
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:08,271
It's a one-way ticket.

400
00:20:11,808 --> 00:20:15,277
I just... I need to stay away for a while.

401
00:20:15,278 --> 00:20:17,947
Away from what?

402
00:20:17,948 --> 00:20:19,883
Jack and Emma.

403
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:24,487
You want to prove that girl

404
00:20:24,488 --> 00:20:26,355
is the Trakarskys' sexual plaything,

405
00:20:26,356 --> 00:20:28,025
publicly ostracize them,

406
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:30,756
and destroy Jack's career in retaliation

407
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:33,029
for keeping us on the
outside of their inner circle.

408
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:36,632
Sound about right?

409
00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:38,634
It does. It really does.

410
00:20:38,635 --> 00:20:41,170
You get me. You always have.

411
00:20:41,171 --> 00:20:45,041
And you don't see how
it's shit just like this

412
00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:47,911
that put us on the
outside in the first place?

413
00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:52,576
Go wake up Ava,

414
00:20:52,577 --> 00:20:53,577
get her to do your
cyber-sleuthing right now,

415
00:20:54,785 --> 00:20:57,720
don't take no for an answer.

416
00:20:57,721 --> 00:21:00,256
You really think that's okay?

417
00:21:00,257 --> 00:21:03,459
Actually, love of my life,
I think it's fucked up,

418
00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:06,395
just not enough to lose sleep over.

419
00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:11,801
Good night, handsome.

420
00:21:15,272 --> 00:21:17,406
This is like a waking nightmare.

421
00:21:17,407 --> 00:21:19,141
I know the timing's a little bit wonky

422
00:21:19,142 --> 00:21:20,610
since it's only been a few hours

423
00:21:20,611 --> 00:21:22,612
since you reiterated your
self-righteous disapproval.

424
00:21:22,613 --> 00:21:24,614
Okay, if you're gonna keep
making me sound like a dick,

425
00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:25,948
I'm not gonna help you
fix this abomination.

426
00:21:25,949 --> 00:21:27,416
I'm sorry. There's a lot of judgment

427
00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:28,751
coming out of that mouth hole these days.

428
00:21:28,752 --> 00:21:30,153
Oh, you're getting a lot
of judgment right now?

429
00:21:30,154 --> 00:21:31,354
It's 3:00 in the morning,
and you woke me out of bed

430
00:21:31,355 --> 00:21:32,855
to fix your Photoshop mistakes.

431
00:21:32,866 --> 00:21:34,334
I... I know we've been joking
about it, but it's really

432
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:35,535
- starting to piss me off, okay?
- Oh, is it?

433
00:21:35,536 --> 00:21:37,804
There's a lot of people
I could've called up.

434
00:21:37,805 --> 00:21:39,539
Oh, yeah? You got other friends that
you can call in this sort of situation?

435
00:21:39,540 --> 00:21:40,873
- Well, get the phone book out.
- I...

436
00:21:40,874 --> 00:21:42,409
- You got the phone book?
- Well, there's...

437
00:21:42,410 --> 00:21:43,743
Where's the phone book with
all the people call you can

438
00:21:43,744 --> 00:21:46,813
that can do this? Call them.

439
00:21:46,814 --> 00:21:49,082
There. You... you want me to dial for you?

440
00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:52,685
Okay, Jack meant to say thank you.

441
00:21:52,986 --> 00:21:54,320
Thank you.

442
00:21:54,451 --> 00:21:55,785
I do appreciate it. I'm sorry.

443
00:21:55,786 --> 00:21:56,986
I do appreciate you coming over here.

444
00:21:56,987 --> 00:21:58,922
And this is your area of expertise,

445
00:21:58,923 --> 00:22:01,183
so, and, we just need
to clean up this mess.

446
00:22:01,231 --> 00:22:02,565
Oh, you're thinking a little Photoshop's

447
00:22:02,566 --> 00:22:04,033
gonna clean up this mess? You kidding me?

448
00:22:04,204 --> 00:22:05,738
You need an entire industrial-strength vat

449
00:22:05,739 --> 00:22:08,541
of Purell, just dump it down the street.

450
00:22:08,742 --> 00:22:10,076
Maybe that'll clean it up. No offense

451
00:22:10,077 --> 00:22:11,944
if it sounds like I'm judging you,

452
00:22:12,045 --> 00:22:13,279
but I'm just saying.

453
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,675
This whole thing is a
mess. Talk about a mess.

454
00:22:15,676 --> 00:22:17,944
I'd like to never hear
about this mess ever again.

455
00:22:17,945 --> 00:22:19,412
That'd be nice.

456
00:22:19,413 --> 00:22:20,413
Just like to have everybody just move on.

457
00:22:20,414 --> 00:22:21,748
And it's the last I want to hear

458
00:22:21,749 --> 00:22:23,349
about this mess of yours, all right?

459
00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:25,218
We're moving on. You included.

460
00:22:25,399 --> 00:22:27,667
Absolutely. No doubt.

461
00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:29,268
Oh, geez. It's like I...

462
00:22:29,269 --> 00:22:30,870
I'm seeing it again for the first time.

463
00:22:30,871 --> 00:22:33,005
- Yeah, that's a problem.
- It's like a runaway Smurf.

464
00:22:33,006 --> 00:22:34,207
- Oh, my God.
- It's like...

465
00:22:34,208 --> 00:22:35,541
And look at the background, too.

466
00:22:35,542 --> 00:22:37,143
I could've drawn something better.

467
00:22:37,144 --> 00:22:38,745
Yeah, with just pen... with ink.

468
00:22:38,746 --> 00:22:40,880
I mean, it looks like the
weirdest memorial ever.

469
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:42,615
God, this is like a
nightmare. It's like...

470
00:22:42,616 --> 00:22:44,484
it's like an art class gone wrong.

471
00:22:44,485 --> 00:22:46,486
Like, the edges are jagged.

472
00:22:46,487 --> 00:22:48,221
No one is ever gonna buy this. It's...

473
00:22:48,222 --> 00:22:50,089
- Why are they purple?
- I don't know.

474
00:22:50,090 --> 00:22:51,824
It looks like Satan's Christmas card.

475
00:22:51,825 --> 00:22:54,227
Ha-ha. Very funny.

476
00:22:54,228 --> 00:22:55,962
You assholes.

477
00:22:55,963 --> 00:22:58,498
If you would have just been
a little nicer to my mother,

478
00:22:58,499 --> 00:23:00,500
we wouldn't even be here right now.

479
00:23:00,501 --> 00:23:03,370
You are the Avas of this neighborhood.

480
00:23:05,439 --> 00:23:06,773
Yeah.

481
00:23:06,774 --> 00:23:08,107
We love your mother, by the way.

482
00:23:08,108 --> 00:23:09,442
- We love your mom.
- We're sorry.

483
00:23:09,443 --> 00:23:10,510
- We didn't...
- Yeah, we...

484
00:23:10,511 --> 00:23:11,978
You got to start somewhere.

485
00:23:11,979 --> 00:23:13,846
We like you and your
mother and your artwork.

486
00:23:13,847 --> 00:23:15,448
You did great on the social-media stuff.

487
00:23:15,449 --> 00:23:16,783
- Yeah, that stuff...
- You did a really good job.

488
00:23:16,784 --> 00:23:17,984
I love the jean jacket.

489
00:23:17,985 --> 00:23:19,318
No one... You don't see that anymore.

490
00:23:19,319 --> 00:23:20,787
Art school for...

491
00:23:20,788 --> 00:23:22,121
It's like they're in
front of the Taj Mahal.

492
00:23:22,122 --> 00:23:23,589
- That's fun.
- That would be a good idea.

493
00:23:23,590 --> 00:23:24,791
- Yeah, you would get...
- Did really well.

494
00:23:24,792 --> 00:23:26,392
If you need a reference...

495
00:23:26,393 --> 00:23:27,860
Yeah.

496
00:23:27,861 --> 00:23:30,396
You can all just stop blowing me, people.

497
00:23:30,397 --> 00:23:32,466
You know, I was just trying...

498
00:23:35,469 --> 00:23:36,536
- Shit.
- Shit?

499
00:23:36,537 --> 00:23:38,137
What does shit mean? What shit?

500
00:23:38,138 --> 00:23:40,807
Shit. Lori just texted me.

501
00:23:40,808 --> 00:23:42,275
She knows you're gone?

502
00:23:42,276 --> 00:23:44,410
Et voilà.

503
00:23:44,411 --> 00:23:46,012
- Wow.
- Aw.

504
00:23:46,013 --> 00:23:49,482
- Oh, my God, that's great.
- You really are an artist.

505
00:23:49,483 --> 00:23:51,350
The word is literally
in my job description.

506
00:23:51,351 --> 00:23:53,219
Oh, artist, thank you.

507
00:23:53,220 --> 00:23:54,687
Dave, you're so wonderful.

508
00:23:54,688 --> 00:23:56,289
- Yours was good, too.
- Look. I am going to say

509
00:23:56,290 --> 00:23:58,424
that I was just on the front porch

510
00:23:58,425 --> 00:23:59,759
getting the information she wanted,

511
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,627
- right?
- Yeah.

512
00:24:01,628 --> 00:24:03,629
- Yeah, that's not gonna work.
- What?

513
00:24:03,630 --> 00:24:06,566
Lori is on the front
porch texting, I believe.

514
00:24:06,567 --> 00:24:07,633
Oh, my God.

515
00:24:09,503 --> 00:24:11,103
Okay, she is the last person

516
00:24:11,104 --> 00:24:13,239
that can be seen leaving
our house at 3:00 a.m.

517
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,241
Tell me about it. The polygamy house.

518
00:24:15,242 --> 00:24:17,510
- You know, enough, okay?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

519
00:24:17,511 --> 00:24:18,711
- Come on, it's a long night.
- All right.

520
00:24:18,712 --> 00:24:20,046
All right. I got it.

521
00:24:20,047 --> 00:24:21,914
Emma, we need a half-empty bottle

522
00:24:21,915 --> 00:24:23,516
- of wine, stat.
- I can do that.

523
00:24:23,517 --> 00:24:25,651
Good. I'll have a shot of tequila.

524
00:24:25,652 --> 00:24:27,653
Uh, no, you won't.

525
00:24:27,654 --> 00:24:30,056
- This isn't a party.
- Okay.

526
00:24:30,057 --> 00:24:31,123
This is how it's gonna go.

527
00:24:31,124 --> 00:24:33,392
- Dave and I had a fight.
- Yeah.

528
00:24:33,393 --> 00:24:36,062
Emma and I were talking,
but she passed out.

529
00:24:36,063 --> 00:24:37,129
So I'm an asshole.

530
00:24:37,130 --> 00:24:39,532
And I'm a drunk. Go... Go on.

531
00:24:39,533 --> 00:24:42,335
And I go out, spot Lori,
and decide to confide in her,

532
00:24:42,336 --> 00:24:45,404
invite her, finally,
into the inner sanctum.

533
00:24:45,405 --> 00:24:47,673
- That's actually brilliant.
- Yeah.

534
00:24:47,674 --> 00:24:49,942
Where was I when I wasn't in my room?

535
00:24:49,943 --> 00:24:51,410
Studying?

536
00:24:51,411 --> 00:24:54,213
Hooking up with some teenaged dude.

537
00:24:54,214 --> 00:24:56,749
Under the shirt, over the bra.

538
00:24:56,750 --> 00:24:58,751
Yeah.

539
00:24:58,752 --> 00:24:59,952
It's a good idea.

540
00:24:59,953 --> 00:25:01,554
It's a great idea, and I love you.

541
00:25:01,555 --> 00:25:04,757
Love you too. Mm.

542
00:25:04,758 --> 00:25:05,958
- Go get her.
- I don't want to go now.

543
00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:08,494
- Okay, hold this.
- Okay.

544
00:25:08,495 --> 00:25:10,363
Careful, you know, breast
milk. Remember that.

545
00:25:10,364 --> 00:25:11,697
- Right?
- It's an hour to go through.

546
00:25:11,698 --> 00:25:13,566
Okay. Okay.

547
00:25:13,567 --> 00:25:15,034
Ava, go out the back door, okay,

548
00:25:15,035 --> 00:25:16,235
and then circle around
the Wilbergs' house.

549
00:25:16,236 --> 00:25:17,436
That's the easiest way back.

550
00:25:17,437 --> 00:25:19,438
Yeah. Jack, not my first rodeo.

551
00:25:19,439 --> 00:25:20,506
Thank you.

552
00:25:20,507 --> 00:25:21,974
Just saying, I'd...

553
00:25:21,975 --> 00:25:24,644
Okay.

554
00:25:24,645 --> 00:25:27,179
Yeah.

555
00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:28,781
There goes my girl.

556
00:25:28,782 --> 00:25:30,516
You know, she's all the
woman I'll ever need.

557
00:25:30,517 --> 00:25:33,586
- Seriously?
- Just saying.

558
00:25:46,667 --> 00:25:50,269
It'll be fun, though, right?

559
00:25:50,270 --> 00:25:54,540
We'll do a big, sloppy hug-and-cry thing.

560
00:25:54,541 --> 00:25:56,542
You'll come to Denver for Thanksgiving,

561
00:25:56,543 --> 00:25:59,279
cop all my mom's drugs.

562
00:26:00,414 --> 00:26:02,415
Nina?

563
00:26:02,416 --> 00:26:04,684
Neen?

564
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:23,903
Doesn't matter what I say, does it?

565
00:26:23,904 --> 00:26:27,239
I'm leaving you just
like that douchebag did.

566
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,775
Mm. Don't worry.

567
00:26:29,776 --> 00:26:34,580
I'll just fuck Andy till I feel better.

568
00:26:34,581 --> 00:26:36,116
I know, sweetie.

569
00:26:40,587 --> 00:26:41,787
Hi.

570
00:26:41,788 --> 00:26:43,456
Hi.

571
00:26:46,994 --> 00:26:49,863
Come. Mm-hmm.

572
00:26:56,336 --> 00:26:59,538
Don't go.

573
00:27:13,286 --> 00:27:15,287
It's Ava.

574
00:27:15,288 --> 00:27:16,889
It worked.

575
00:27:16,890 --> 00:27:20,359
Oh, my God. It all worked.

576
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:22,228
Shit, I got to get to work.

577
00:27:22,229 --> 00:27:23,696
You got to get to work.

578
00:27:23,697 --> 00:27:25,632
Come on.

579
00:27:40,914 --> 00:27:42,582
- Get the fuck to work.
- Okay.

580
00:27:50,791 --> 00:27:53,192
What is it? Something happen?

581
00:27:53,193 --> 00:27:54,927
It's about the position.

582
00:27:54,928 --> 00:27:57,596
We need to have a talk.

583
00:27:57,597 --> 00:28:01,467
Uh...