1 00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:07,360 The adventure begins. 2 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:09,160 Last season on "You Me Her"... 3 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,360 Carmen: You do remember we're having everybody over 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,730 for the game tomorrow, right? 5 00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,160 The point is... are you bringing Izzy? 6 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,570 This is our choice, and this is what we want. 7 00:00:17,570 --> 00:00:20,070 Let's do it. Emma: We have some very exciting news. 8 00:00:20,070 --> 00:00:22,140 We're together! We're a throuple. 9 00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:23,870 So, you quit escorting. 10 00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,210 For Andy. 11 00:00:25,210 --> 00:00:27,440 So, you're seriously falling for him? 12 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,350 I'm scared shitless. I can't sleep. 13 00:00:29,350 --> 00:00:31,010 Jack: Think they even noticed that we left? 14 00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:33,320 Y-You don't think Emma's bi? You think she's just, like, gay? 15 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,820 Are you mad? Who doesn't love a spirited public cuckolding? 16 00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,490 Shaun: You start work in 47 minutes. That's at noon. 17 00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,790 You can't fulfill the duties of a skilled bartender 18 00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:43,490 highly inebriated. when you're [ Stifles laugh ] 19 00:00:43,490 --> 00:00:44,830 I'm closing. One more. 20 00:00:44,830 --> 00:00:46,530 Wait, so this is about a job? 21 00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,460 Coolest firm in Seattle. Thanks so much, Kylie. 22 00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:49,900 I don't -- I don't even know what to say. 23 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,000 Everyone at Pinnacle is "buzzing" about me. 24 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,640 Have you crossed into seriously considering this? 25 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,040 So, scary Nina? 26 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,770 Andy: I know it's fast, but yeah. 27 00:00:57,770 --> 00:00:59,340 [ As Andy ] I see you, Nina Martone. 28 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:00,480 He's a love junkie. 29 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,680 That -- That's his shit? 30 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:02,980 That's his shit. 31 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,080 Uh, how about we start with a conversation? 32 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,280 What are you guys talking about? 33 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,580 We want you to have our baby. 34 00:01:08,450 --> 00:01:10,050 Like, our baby. All three of us. 35 00:01:10,050 --> 00:01:11,350 I feel like I've just been 36 00:01:11,350 --> 00:01:12,920 drifting along and playing along. 37 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,890 And I woke up in the middle of my life, 38 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:17,530 no fucking clue who I am or what I want. 39 00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:19,100 Jack: The house at Hawthorne Heights 40 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,360 is always gonna just be Jack and Emma's. 41 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,400 It's ours if we want it. No shit? 42 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,600 Nobody can make this place look cooler than Emma, right? 43 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,940 I'm a romantic. 44 00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:31,110 I see you, Andy Cutler. 45 00:01:31,110 --> 00:01:32,880 Wait. 46 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,380 We have an appointment to discuss 47 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,380 other options today at 4:00. 48 00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,910 Do you remember what you said to me? 49 00:01:37,910 --> 00:01:39,880 How you're not sure about anything in your life 50 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,380 sexually, professionally, or... 51 00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:43,350 Jack wants a baby. reproductively? 52 00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,560 Jack wants a baby. 53 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,090 Jack: I need you guys to want it, too. 54 00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:49,930 'Cause if you don't, Jack. there's no reason -- 55 00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:51,730 I do. ♪ There is a light ♪ 56 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,900 ♪ Down through the sky ♪ 57 00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:03,410 ♪ See the dream as it goes by ♪ 58 00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:05,810 [ Cellphone chimes ] 59 00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:10,010 ♪ Past our eyes ♪ 60 00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:14,350 ♪ There is a cold ♪ 61 00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:18,320 ♪ Wind that will blow ♪ 62 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:23,460 ♪ Through all the memories ♪ 63 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:26,300 ♪ That we know ♪ 64 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:35,840 ♪♪ 65 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:41,440 ♪♪ 66 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,280 Woman: Good morning. [ Telephones ringing ] 67 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,650 Hi. Man: Hi, Emma. 68 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,420 Woman 2: Good morning. Woman: Hi, Emma. 69 00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:50,750 ♪ It's you, girl ♪ 70 00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,090 ♪ It's you ♪ 71 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,090 Man 2: Hey, Em. ♪ It's you, girl ♪ 72 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,360 Hi. Good morning. 73 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,190 Hello. 74 00:02:56,190 --> 00:02:58,090 ♪♪ 75 00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,430 [ Applause ] 76 00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,960 It's really happening. You did this, Em. 77 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,200 Mm-hmm. 78 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:12,510 ♪♪ 79 00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:15,210 [ Sighs ] 80 00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:20,080 ♪♪ 81 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,850 It was a bright and cheery spring morning in Portland, 82 00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:26,390 the perfect day for fresh starts. 83 00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,260 Or was it? 84 00:03:28,260 --> 00:03:30,530 For brilliant and obscenely handsome 85 00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:32,700 psychologist Jack Trakarsky, 86 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,670 nothing would ever be bright and cheery again. 87 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,230 That's the worst "Dateline" impression ever. 88 00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:38,530 That was really bad, right? Yeah. 89 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:40,040 Okay, no peeking. [ Laughs ] 90 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,300 Okay. Okay. 91 00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:49,010 Okay, voílà. 92 00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:51,680 The piece de resistance. 93 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,020 Wow. 94 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,220 I know it's not what she would've done, 95 00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:58,750 but, uh, I was inspired. 96 00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,190 I love it. 97 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:02,730 You hate it. 98 00:04:02,730 --> 00:04:04,560 You totally hate, and I-I get it. 99 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,000 I went -- I went far with the -- with the birds... Babe. 100 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,670 ...and the -- and the yellow and Babe. the ahh, and the -- I get it. 101 00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,300 I said I love it. 102 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,970 And I love you. 103 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,070 Mm. 104 00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:19,880 Good, 'cause I couldn't take one more day 105 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,380 in her house, surrounded by her shit and her friends 106 00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:25,210 with their catty little home-wrecker glares. 107 00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:27,720 Maybe there's a little paranoia in play here? 108 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,690 Mm, I'm acutely self-aware, so hold on... 109 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,620 Nope, I'm good. 110 00:04:41,260 --> 00:04:43,270 Monday's the divorce signing, right? 111 00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:45,330 Yep. 112 00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:48,300 Want to actually talk about it, or is that still too radical? 113 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,640 For the millionth time, I'm fine, okay? 114 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,610 It's water under the bridge. 115 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:55,410 It's water off a duck's back. 116 00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:57,810 It's water -- Oh, my God, stop. 117 00:04:57,810 --> 00:04:59,150 I get it. Yep. 118 00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:02,050 You're a rolling river of fineness. 119 00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,650 But you have postponed the signing twice, 120 00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:05,190 so it's fair of me to wonder 121 00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:06,560 if there's something else going on... 122 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,290 Iz, can we literally talk about anything else? 123 00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:10,490 Please? 124 00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:12,060 Fine. 125 00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,070 What if, um... 126 00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:25,840 [ Exhales ] 127 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,810 [ British accent ] What if you have a substantial estate 128 00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,850 and we were newly married? 129 00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:32,880 But I have a secret past 130 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,520 littered with rich, dead husbands? 131 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,290 [ Normal voice ] Which, by the way, I've never once denied. 132 00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:43,660 We're playing "Dateline" with an accent. 133 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,860 [ British accent ] First... 134 00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:51,570 I'd lull you into complacency with my insidious sexuality. 135 00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:55,470 Mm-hmm. 136 00:05:55,470 --> 00:05:57,040 Oh. 137 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,880 Cause of death -- phallic hypothermia. Oh, dear. 138 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,710 Was the adoring doctoral candidate with the cold hands 139 00:06:04,710 --> 00:06:07,950 hiding an even colder heart? 140 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,450 Seriously, you should see a doctor about these. 141 00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,750 One more word about my hands, 142 00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,920 and I will seriously "Dateline" you. 143 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:20,360 ♪♪ 144 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:21,560 Do you like the wallpaper? 145 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,370 Yeah. Okay, good. 146 00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:26,040 There was wallpaper? It was really expensive. 147 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,440 I used your credit card. I hope that's okay. 148 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:29,570 [ Baby crying ] 149 00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:31,370 -Honey? -Yeah? 150 00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:33,080 Dave: Please tell me you hid my shirts 151 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,410 like it's some sort of a fun joke to play on Dave. 152 00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:38,710 Otherwise, this is the only shirt that I have left to wear. 153 00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:40,680 Uh, crazy day yesterday. 154 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,180 Honey, I need you to look at me for a second. 155 00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:43,850 Well, can I just assume that you're wearing 156 00:06:43,850 --> 00:06:46,090 a ridiculously wrinkled shirt to hammer home a point 157 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:47,720 with your trademark subtlety? 158 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,090 Okay, I cannot wear a T-shirt and blazer 159 00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:51,560 for the fourth straight day, all right? 160 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,260 I don't want to be the T-shirt and blazer guy. 161 00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:55,460 W-What, Say, here's an idea -- do I manage a band? 162 00:06:55,460 --> 00:06:58,070 how about this evening, when you're driving directly past 163 00:06:58,070 --> 00:07:00,040 the dry cleaners with zero screaming children in the car, 164 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,900 you hang a Louie and pick up your own shirts, cool? 165 00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:04,240 Okay, the smile that launched a thousand nightmares. 166 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,980 Okay, so, do it myself, 167 00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,940 hang a Louie, dry cleaning, got it, okay. Great. 168 00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,980 Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed. 169 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:12,280 That's fine. That's fine. It's just, uh, you know, 170 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,750 is it possible that the amount of whelm that you're feeling 171 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,520 is due in part to the magazine thing? 172 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,120 You think you can call it the magazine 173 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,660 and not "the magazine thing" 174 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,930 like it's super cute and not at all real? 175 00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:25,360 Are we fighting, 'cause I don't what's... 176 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,760 Okay, well, let's review. 177 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,430 I was feeding our two young children 178 00:07:28,430 --> 00:07:30,600 when you entered, complaining about the dry cleaning 179 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,370 while wearing a shirt I've been using to clean the windows 180 00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:35,810 for the past five years. That explains why my chest is itchy. 181 00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:36,970 What? 182 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,780 Dave, this matters to me, okay? 183 00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:45,680 It's not a full-time job, but it's not a hobby, either. 184 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,850 Okay. I know. 185 00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:49,920 And I support you 100%. 186 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,950 [ Child giggling ] Thank you. Okay? 187 00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:53,460 Just that while you're 188 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:56,030 doing those amazing things out in the world, 189 00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:59,700 you know, you got to also be here, you know what I mean? 190 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:02,260 Be here? 191 00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:05,600 Yeah, metaphorically speaking. I didn't -- I don't mean -- 192 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,200 Like, I'm not forbidding you from leaving the house. 193 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,070 Not that I would do that, Oh, no. 194 00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,370 if I -- if given the option. Not that I would take the -- 195 00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:14,140 Okay. This is going downhill faster than an Olympic luger. 196 00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,580 Lugist? 197 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,650 Here's what I mean. Look. 198 00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:20,250 Be here. Nope, it still sounds douchey? Mm, mm. 199 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,020 Okay, it sounded wise in my head, but... 200 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,420 Can't imagine why. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 201 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,560 Okay, I'm gonna go 202 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,590 pick out a T-shirt and blazer combination. 203 00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:31,060 I think that might be fun to try. 204 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,730 Great. There you go. 205 00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,730 Nina: Okay, so far I've got 206 00:08:35,730 --> 00:08:38,500 "True Crime: Is Serial Killer The New Rock Star?" 207 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,900 or "Fake News Therapy: Lie Me to Sleep." 208 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:44,870 Iz? Hm? 209 00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,880 Hello? 210 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,380 Oh. Thesis titles. 211 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:50,710 Yeah. Right. 212 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,150 Lay 'em on me. 213 00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:53,380 I just did. 214 00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:56,150 Then I love the middle one. 215 00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:57,850 Of...two. 216 00:08:57,850 --> 00:08:59,220 I'm sorry. 217 00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,560 I'm having trouble getting Jack 218 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,930 to talk about Emma without using the word "fine." 219 00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:07,800 What he's really feeling is gonna fester, 220 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,130 and, you know, then it's gonna turn into whatever happens 221 00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:13,340 when feelings fester. 222 00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:17,540 It's like emotional pus. 223 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,610 Thanks for that. Sorry. 224 00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:21,410 Okay, look, dudes deal differently. 225 00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:24,410 Eventually, he's gonna get drunk and cry ugly 226 00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:26,380 and punch a wall or whatever. 227 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:29,150 You seriously need to stop worrying about the Trakarskys 228 00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,890 and start sorting your own shit, specifically your thesis 229 00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:35,220 and rapidly approaching grown-up career. 230 00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:38,230 I need a plan. Yeah, no shit. 231 00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:43,830 Some way to get the two of them alone in an enclosed space. 232 00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:46,640 Okay. You know what? 233 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,540 Think I'm just gonna... 234 00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:52,480 just get up real slow, 235 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,150 walk away, see if you notice 236 00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:59,080 or care at all... 237 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,180 I'm just gonna go... 238 00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:08,290 O-Oww! Same spot, every day 239 00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:12,290 until you pitch me your thesis! Ow! Ow! 240 00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:15,160 Your therapy techniques are fucking weird. 241 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,400 Jack: Hm, this is a nice surprise. 242 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,240 I wish the weather would've cooperated. 243 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,810 What's with the '80s Michael J. Fox ensemble? 244 00:10:24,810 --> 00:10:27,710 Yeah, that is a story about dry cleaning, my friend. 245 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,250 You want to hear about that? No. 246 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,580 Actually, I'll pass. 247 00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,550 I got to tell you, Lori moving out 248 00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:34,720 and this Hannah person moving in has turned out to be 249 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,320 the worst possible sequence of events. I mean -- 250 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,420 Oh, I'm sorry, am I boring you? 251 00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:41,060 No, just look how cute she is. 252 00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,330 No, don't throw She's not that cute. it again! 253 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:44,490 Just a regular child. 254 00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:45,960 Oh. [ Laughs ] 255 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,900 Look at that. What an arm you have on you. 256 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,800 Good throw. Here you go. 257 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,970 Oh, you got to make sure she doesn't throw a curveball 258 00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:54,940 before high school, otherwise the tendons in the elbow 259 00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:56,570 will get all -- all screwed up. 260 00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:59,780 And this one, I just want to eat her up. 261 00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,540 Okay, then, we're just gonna go. 262 00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:03,710 You can never be too careful, right? Stranger danger? 263 00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:05,880 [ Chuckles ] I sound a little too creepy, 264 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,150 Yeah. Bye. but I'm not. 265 00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,720 Make sure you clean that binky. 266 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,560 I have some wipes if Okay, okay. All right, they're gone. you want them -- 267 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,390 They're gone. See how she's fleeing 268 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:17,190 from your biological clock? 269 00:11:17,190 --> 00:11:19,230 They were -- just had someplace to go. 270 00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:21,500 You just -- You don't say, "I'm not creepy," by the way. 271 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,300 That makes you sound creepy. 272 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,070 Hey, speaking of fleeing from things, 273 00:11:25,070 --> 00:11:26,400 you got your divorce signing on Monday. 274 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,870 You want to talk about that? 275 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,540 Did Izzy get to you, too? 276 00:11:30,540 --> 00:11:31,740 No. 277 00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:34,280 Yes. Mm. 278 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,950 But I mean, I happen to think she has a valid point 279 00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,150 in this situation. 280 00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:38,480 [ Sighs ] 281 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,820 Okay, you know what? J-- Tell her you tried. 282 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:45,120 Nice try, but, uh...I'm good. 283 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,690 Whatever, okay? 284 00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:48,290 Okay. 285 00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:51,460 We still on for Game 1 on Saturday... Yes. 286 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,530 ...at your place with the yard 287 00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:56,030 and the sidewalk that Slight change of plans. doesn't smell like urine? 288 00:11:56,030 --> 00:11:58,570 I would actually like to be away from kids 289 00:11:58,570 --> 00:12:00,600 for the day, and you're the only one that doesn't have any, 290 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,270 [ Cellphone chiming ] so...sorry. 291 00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,010 Gabe's coming, by the way. 292 00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:05,240 Oh, I love Gabe. Yeah. 293 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,110 Love Gabe. Said no one ever. 294 00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:09,010 Yeah. 295 00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:10,880 Does your biological clock have an alarm? 296 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,250 No, but... [ Laughs ] 297 00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,680 I set this for every 15 minutes, 298 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,090 you know, just in case 299 00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,950 I need to get out of a particularly 300 00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,290 annoying conversation, like, you know. 301 00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,260 So then I can be like, "Hey, sorry, I got a place to be. 302 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:24,360 Got an appointment." Yeah. 303 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,960 So I do actually have something to do. 304 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,230 I have an appointment. 305 00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:29,230 Oh, bravo, yeah, I get it, okay. 306 00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:30,600 Okay. Yeah. 307 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,400 Stop conspiring with my girlfriend, okay? 308 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,070 You're heading for a fall... Yep. 309 00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:35,900 ...Trakarsky, that's I can't hear you. all I'm saying. 310 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,940 My biological clock is deafening. 311 00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,880 [ Sighs ] 312 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,110 [ Door opens ] 313 00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:46,080 I'm sorry, Hannah. 314 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,180 Sorry. Rough morning. 315 00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:49,920 [ Laughs ] 316 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,390 This is still weird for me. 317 00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,590 How's that? 318 00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:55,360 Oh, it's, uh, Lori's house. 319 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,390 It's cool now, but effortlessly cool, kind of like you. 320 00:12:58,390 --> 00:12:59,800 Ha, please. 321 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,300 If you'd seen me eight hours ago, 322 00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:03,930 Swiffering, bingeing Adult Swim 323 00:13:03,930 --> 00:13:07,000 with nothing but a tumbler of micro batch bourbon 324 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,570 to keep me company? 325 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,470 It's like you can't even help it. 326 00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:12,140 [ Chuckles ] Okay, Cal. 327 00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:14,680 Pitch me your best idea. 328 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,980 Poo! 329 00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:17,580 Awesome. 330 00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,350 Liking it. 331 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,920 A lot of poop stories out there. What about poop? [ Laughs ] 332 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,290 How's this one gonna [ Laughs ] be different? 333 00:13:23,290 --> 00:13:25,250 Just want to flush it out, get back to me? 334 00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,860 Yeah? Awesome. 335 00:13:28,860 --> 00:13:31,660 Okay, now about your rough morning... 336 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,430 Oh, yeah, Dave was being a bit of a -- 337 00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:35,330 Oh... 338 00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:36,470 Mm. Damn. 339 00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:38,500 Damn. [ Laughs ] 340 00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,500 So committed. 341 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,270 Oh, I think every part of you is touching every part of me. 342 00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:46,080 Mm. You know, I used to be a toe dipper. 343 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,910 Now I'm a high diver. 344 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,750 It's in my book. 345 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,680 Jesus, you're writing a book, too? 346 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,620 Mm. It's ostensibly a women's travel guide, 347 00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:56,290 but it's basically about the journey 348 00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:57,790 back to the essential you. 349 00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:02,690 Is it weird that I want to be you when I grow up? 350 00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:04,660 No, not at all. 351 00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:07,360 So, uh, who watches the boys 352 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,430 when you and Rob are jetting all over the world? 353 00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:12,770 Uh, well, we have a nanny, 354 00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:15,840 like any reasonable two-career couple. 355 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,370 Anyway, almost finished my review on that 356 00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,140 Hawthorne repertory shit show, 357 00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:22,880 an apt description, since it's at least allegedly a play. 358 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,050 Um, you're shredding it? 359 00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:28,580 "Five white suburban women just discovered xenophobia 360 00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:31,320 and now they're nobly educating the rest of us." 361 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,820 So, I am not saying that we have to wantonly blow 362 00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:35,420 every potential advertiser -- 363 00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:37,190 Because the Heights is different, right? 364 00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:39,700 We're not just another bougie-pandering community rag. 365 00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:41,260 Fuckin' A, sister. 366 00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:43,770 However, the theater is launching 367 00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,730 a huge season-pass campaign, 368 00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:48,700 so we got to go full deep throat on this one. 369 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:51,810 There must be something positive about that play, right? 370 00:14:51,810 --> 00:14:53,810 There were seats. Yeah. 371 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,010 And a stage? Ooh. 372 00:14:56,010 --> 00:14:57,480 None of the actors peed herself? 373 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,080 Ah! See? That's right off the top of your head. 374 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,390 You know, like Rob always says, "We --" 375 00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:08,120 What? What is that face? 376 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,160 Dave bet me 50 bucks Rob's not real. 377 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,100 But were we? Speaking of Dave... 378 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,730 ...have you guys talked about some version of child care? 379 00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:20,940 I'd say we're more talking about talking about it. 380 00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:23,110 Look, Carm, I sure as hell am not going to tell you 381 00:15:23,110 --> 00:15:25,210 how to run your family, but I am gonna tell you 382 00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:28,940 that we can't publish almost-finished theater reviews. 383 00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:30,450 You know what I'm saying, partner? 384 00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:32,650 Yeah. 385 00:15:32,650 --> 00:15:34,650 [ Chuckles ] 386 00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:37,420 [ Babbles ] 387 00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:46,130 ♪♪ 388 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:49,200 [ Gags ] 389 00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:56,710 May I ask why you're pretending to vomit onto your computer? 390 00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:59,910 Andy is relentlessly posting photos of him and his dad 391 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,740 having a smile-off somewhere in the woods. 392 00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:04,450 Sickos. 393 00:16:04,450 --> 00:16:06,650 Say, has anyone ever written a thesis 394 00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:09,350 about excessive cyberstalking of ex-boyfriends? 395 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:11,220 You think there's a clinical name for that or...? 396 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,160 No, but there is a clinical name for co-workers 397 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,120 who habitually say the stupidest shit 398 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,890 at the worst possible moments. 399 00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:20,500 It's called missing. 400 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,900 You deal realize you don't scare me anymore, 401 00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,500 right, 'cause our relationship has moved way past that. 402 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,270 Oh, do tell. 403 00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:30,240 Well, uh, we're best buds. 404 00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:34,140 Mejores amigos. 405 00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:35,640 Or is it mejores amigas? 406 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,210 What's it when -- when one bestie's female, 407 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,050 Dude, get over it, okay? the other one's male... 408 00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:41,180 We're two humans frequently in the same structure 409 00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:43,290 at the same time who feel compelled 410 00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:45,020 to speak to each other. 411 00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:48,060 Well, methink the lady doth -- Men suck. 412 00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,960 That's my thesis. 413 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,530 Oh... 414 00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:54,460 Okay, well, I recommend something a little more 415 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,870 smarty-pants, and then -- and then how 'bout some -- 416 00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,840 "The State of the Millennial Man." some therapy? 417 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,110 Hm? 20-something dates in 20-something days, 418 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,510 the whole aimless, emotionally-stunted 419 00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:06,840 man-child thing? 420 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,950 I want to know the hows, whys, and what nows. 421 00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:11,850 Mm-hmm. Okay. Jot this one down. 422 00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:15,780 Uh, we're confused. 423 00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:18,120 Thesis written. 424 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,290 Huh? 425 00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:21,120 You're welcome. Next. 426 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,560 So what, you're saying it's our fault? 427 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,730 Is that what you're saying? No. T-The -- 428 00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,630 No, how did you get that -- Fuck no. 429 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,930 Hell no. All the nos. Boom! Right there. I saw it in your eyes. 430 00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:31,730 You are definitely still scared of me. 431 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,410 Could you please just... 432 00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:41,880 just clean a glass or something, you know? 433 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,550 [ Exhales ] 434 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,150 [ Glass squeaks ] 435 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:53,860 All right, I'm gonna leave you with this 436 00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:57,460 before I do both of our jobs, as usual -- 437 00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,960 You think men have spontaneously devolved, 438 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,700 but a lot has changed in the dating and mating front, 439 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,370 like in leap time. 440 00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:06,070 Lines have blurred, gender roles are smeared -- 441 00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:07,300 Shh. Zip it, okay? 442 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,270 I've got wheels turning, big things. 443 00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:12,140 "The Vexing Plight of the Millennial Male." 444 00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,780 That's perfect. 445 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,850 That's definitely not a rephrasing of what I just said. 446 00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:19,950 It's my break time. 447 00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:23,190 Sure, why not? I mean, you just got here. 448 00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,950 But when you come back, you and I, 449 00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,250 we're gonna have a little sit down 450 00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:29,290 and talk about professional boundaries. 451 00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:35,860 ♪♪ 452 00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:39,230 Emma: Kylie? Kylie: Up here! 453 00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:44,140 ♪ Battle lines, battle scars, tables are turned ♪ 454 00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:48,940 ♪ On the floor, nothing left... ♪ 455 00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,580 What are we celebrating? 456 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:51,850 I mean, aside from the fact 457 00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:53,280 that we can't seem to go a week 458 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,780 without closing a new project? 459 00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:57,590 Not to sound like a teenage girl, 460 00:18:57,590 --> 00:18:59,420 but it is our two-month anniversary. 461 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:02,490 Seriously? Two months. How is that even possible? 462 00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:03,790 One month in college, one month now. 463 00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:05,490 Sue me. I'm a romantic. 464 00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:09,000 Aww, Kylie. 465 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,730 Mm, how awesome are you? 466 00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,400 More than your mortal mind can comprehend. 467 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,000 I got us into Delilah's. 468 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,810 Yeah, what? Next Christmas? 469 00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:20,580 [ Laughs ] In 20 minutes by the window. 470 00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:22,740 Ain't no thing. I know a guy. 471 00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,750 Well, that is so fucking hot. 472 00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,850 The things I'm gonna do to you when we get home... 473 00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,320 Oh, what a shame. 474 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,020 I don't sleep with married women. 475 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,690 Yeah? Strict policy. 476 00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,520 Oh, you sure about that? 477 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,830 Oh, well, maybe it's not so much a strict policy 478 00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:39,330 as a loose guideline. 479 00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:42,030 And you're single as of Monday, so... 480 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,500 Sorry, sorry, I... 481 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,900 That was weird, I just -- I just got weird. 482 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:53,640 We're both in uncharted waters, Em. 483 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,680 You've never been in a committed relationship 484 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,510 with a woman before, and I've never been with someone 485 00:19:58,510 --> 00:20:01,080 who was married to a dude for a million years. 486 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,250 We're good, you're good, they're good. 487 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,750 And you have nothing to feel guilty about. 488 00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:14,860 [ Sighs ] 489 00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:16,200 Uh... 490 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,500 Actually, technically, it's your slice, 491 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,170 so you're welcome to it. 492 00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:20,540 Okay. 493 00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:21,700 Wait. 494 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,470 First... 495 00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:27,510 Take another look at how cute I look in my boyfriend's jersey. 496 00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:29,010 Mm-hmm. 497 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,550 Look at the pizza. 498 00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,150 Now back up here. 499 00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,380 Hello. 500 00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,380 Now back at the pizza. Okay. 501 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:37,990 Now know that you can only have one of these two things. 502 00:20:37,990 --> 00:20:41,360 Oof. Hmm. 503 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,490 Are you sexually manipulating me over the last slice of pizza? 504 00:20:44,490 --> 00:20:47,000 Please, I have chloroformed people 505 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,100 over the last piece of pizza. 506 00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:51,330 Fine, it's yours. [ Giggles ] 507 00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:54,470 You're the best. 508 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:55,900 [ Cellphone ringing ] 509 00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:57,570 Mm. 510 00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:02,410 Jack, are you gonna answer it? 511 00:21:02,410 --> 00:21:05,150 What do you think she wants? 512 00:21:05,150 --> 00:21:07,450 Only one way to find out. 513 00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:09,720 Hey, you! 514 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,450 Emma: Well, someone's perky. 515 00:21:11,450 --> 00:21:12,620 Are you high? 516 00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:15,260 Yeah, we are super high. 517 00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:18,160 Just dancing, feeding each other pizza, 518 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,460 generally frolicking. 519 00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:21,960 The usge. 520 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,330 Just talk like a normal person. 521 00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:25,900 Well, that's -- that's awesome. 522 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:28,570 Yeah, things are -- things are great here, too. 523 00:21:28,570 --> 00:21:32,070 Um, just scored another big project. 524 00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:34,740 Got back from celebrating with Kylie at the -- 525 00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:38,780 the fanciest restaurant in the Pacific Northwest, so... 526 00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:41,280 Wow, you go, girl. 527 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,590 [ Coughs ] I will actually 528 00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:45,650 barf pizza all over your face. 529 00:21:45,650 --> 00:21:47,890 Uh, so, this is a bit awkward, but you 530 00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,720 postponed the last two scheduled signings, 531 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,990 and I just want to make sure that we're still on for Monday. 532 00:21:51,990 --> 00:21:53,930 Yep, on for Monday. 533 00:21:53,930 --> 00:21:57,630 Tell Kylie and pop some corks. 534 00:21:57,630 --> 00:21:59,570 Um, well, I will see you then. 535 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:01,970 Yep, see you then. 536 00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:03,810 Bye, Jack. 537 00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:05,610 Bye, Em. 538 00:22:05,610 --> 00:22:08,840 ♪♪ 539 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,010 [ Sighs ] 540 00:22:11,010 --> 00:22:16,890 ♪♪ 541 00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:19,150 What? Are you serious? 542 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:26,230 Jack, you need to stop whatever the fuck that was 543 00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:29,400 and express some actual, genuine emotions 544 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,370 about how things went down. 545 00:22:31,370 --> 00:22:34,600 [ Sighs ] Emma realized she's gay. 546 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,810 End of story. 547 00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:38,870 We want different things, 548 00:22:38,870 --> 00:22:40,540 and it's good that we figured that out 549 00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:42,440 before a baby came into the mix. 550 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,050 And that makes you feel...? 551 00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:46,680 Why is this only about me? 552 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,180 You're -- You got left, too. 553 00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:51,150 We were together for, like, a month. 554 00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:52,890 It's hardly the same thing. 555 00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:54,560 [ Cellphone rings ] 556 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,160 [ Ringing stops ] 557 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,690 Okay, if you were counseling us, what would you say? 558 00:22:58,690 --> 00:23:00,660 "Assface?" What? 559 00:23:00,660 --> 00:23:03,400 Is that your dad? Oh, yeah. That's your da-- 560 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,270 Why is he suddenly calling you so much? 561 00:23:05,270 --> 00:23:07,870 Well, not really that sudden. 562 00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:09,340 Meaning? 563 00:23:09,340 --> 00:23:11,340 Meaning he started calling a year ago, 564 00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:12,610 ramped it up the last few weeks, 565 00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:13,780 and I don't want to talk about it. 566 00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:15,040 [ Scoffs ] 567 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,610 You don't want to talk about it. 568 00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,080 You don't see the parallels to the conversation 569 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,380 we were just having? 570 00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:21,080 No. 571 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,390 You're gonna get changed. 572 00:23:23,390 --> 00:23:26,720 Ben Silva's call has just shaken me in a way 573 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,960 that can only remedied by sweating out vodka 574 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,090 in a place that's just, like, uh, uh. 575 00:23:31,090 --> 00:23:33,060 You know, like, too loud to think. 576 00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:35,230 Your favorite. All right. 577 00:23:35,230 --> 00:23:37,200 Awesome, I am in. 578 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,770 Let's do it. 579 00:23:39,770 --> 00:23:41,240 Again. 580 00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:50,410 ♪♪ 581 00:23:50,410 --> 00:23:51,950 Bless you. 582 00:23:51,950 --> 00:23:53,520 Gabe: You look plagued, and not with concern. 583 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,950 You look like you literally have the plague. 584 00:23:55,950 --> 00:23:59,090 Hey, enjoy. The fuck ran into you? 585 00:23:59,090 --> 00:24:01,690 There's zero chance he's successfully eating that. 586 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,860 Can't you just tell Izzy that you're too old now 587 00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:05,190 and you can't hang anymore. 588 00:24:05,190 --> 00:24:06,360 And there's no shame in that. 589 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,030 I mean, we already know it. 590 00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:09,830 I can't take much more of this, you guys. 591 00:24:09,830 --> 00:24:11,770 I'm way closer to 40 than 35. 592 00:24:11,770 --> 00:24:13,500 Or 39, for that matter. 593 00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:16,340 I did shots last night that were called "Death by Dawn." 594 00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:19,440 The title itself More like a prophecy. is its own warning. 595 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,510 She wants to have sex, like, all the time, 596 00:24:21,510 --> 00:24:24,280 sometimes fucking every day, twice a day... 597 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,120 Wow, you poor man. I would slap your face if you didn't look contagious. 598 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,820 [ Loud gulping ] 599 00:24:34,820 --> 00:24:36,460 Really going for it. 600 00:24:38,430 --> 00:24:41,160 [ Exhales ] So does this mean we're not coming over to watch the game? 601 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,960 What? No. No. No bailing. 602 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,630 We're going to your loft to watch the fucking game. 603 00:24:44,630 --> 00:24:46,170 Take it easy there, Superfan. 604 00:24:46,170 --> 00:24:47,500 It's the first game of the first round. 605 00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:48,940 You know how many butts I had to wipe 606 00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:50,240 to make this happen? 607 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,240 Seriously hoping it's just the two. 608 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,480 We're watching the game, okay? I need the distraction. 609 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,140 Divorce signing thing still on for Monday? 610 00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:58,180 Oh, buddy, is that what this is about? Are you okay? 611 00:24:58,180 --> 00:24:59,810 Do you want to talk about it? Need a suit? 612 00:24:59,810 --> 00:25:02,250 You two are literally the last people in the world 613 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,450 I would want to talk to about it, okay? 614 00:25:03,450 --> 00:25:04,920 Excuse me? What? 615 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,390 I think Izzy must be hung over, too, right? 616 00:25:07,390 --> 00:25:09,690 I mean, she's young, but she's still human. 617 00:25:09,690 --> 00:25:13,030 All better? Like it never happened. 618 00:25:13,030 --> 00:25:16,000 One more, we can accidentally slide into a day rage. 619 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,300 Whoo! 620 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,670 Uh, no can do, sister. 621 00:25:19,670 --> 00:25:22,670 I'm enacting a devious plan. 622 00:25:22,670 --> 00:25:26,240 Um, I love devious plans even more than day raging. 623 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,910 Tell me. I know. Okay. 624 00:25:27,910 --> 00:25:30,310 So, last night, I texted Emma 625 00:25:30,310 --> 00:25:32,380 that Jack and I would be out of the loft all day 626 00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:34,380 so she could come deal with all the shit that we've been storing. 627 00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:36,550 I left her a key. I'm starting to think 628 00:25:36,550 --> 00:25:38,350 you don't actually know what the word "devious" means. 629 00:25:38,350 --> 00:25:40,390 I'm not done. And then I recruited Dave -- 630 00:25:40,390 --> 00:25:43,160 you know, Jack's weird friend with all the kids -- 631 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,990 to make sure that they would be in the loft 632 00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:48,230 watching the game. 633 00:25:48,230 --> 00:25:50,030 Get it? 634 00:25:50,030 --> 00:25:51,630 I'm getting super fucking bored over here. 635 00:25:51,630 --> 00:25:53,970 Okay, point is, is that you know Jack. 636 00:25:53,970 --> 00:25:55,670 He gets so weird. He's like all chill 637 00:25:55,670 --> 00:25:57,710 and philosophical, but it's, like, come the fuck on, okay? 638 00:25:57,710 --> 00:25:59,540 If he doesn't let it out, he's gonna detonate. 639 00:25:59,540 --> 00:26:01,140 Like, I can hear him ticking. 640 00:26:01,140 --> 00:26:02,540 Are you sure that's the real reason 641 00:26:02,540 --> 00:26:04,380 behind your "devious plan?" 642 00:26:04,380 --> 00:26:06,380 Nyeh. What other motive would there be? 643 00:26:06,380 --> 00:26:07,820 [ Laughs ] 644 00:26:07,820 --> 00:26:09,650 Seriously? Oh, come on. 645 00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:11,790 Iz, it's me. 646 00:26:11,790 --> 00:26:14,220 Oh, you think I want to get the band back together? 647 00:26:14,220 --> 00:26:15,890 After what she did? Mm-hmm. 648 00:26:15,890 --> 00:26:17,390 How does that even make sense? 649 00:26:17,390 --> 00:26:19,430 Oh, it -- it doesn't. And, um, 650 00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:21,400 while we're discussing the pervasive senselessness 651 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,070 of your entire life, have you talked to your dad, 652 00:26:24,070 --> 00:26:26,200 who's been calling on the hour for several weeks, 653 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,400 or is closure only for other people? 654 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,610 You wrecked my buzz. 655 00:26:31,610 --> 00:26:34,540 Let me guess -- headed to the loft? 656 00:26:34,540 --> 00:26:37,710 Oh, you're so cute when you think you know things and... [ Baby voice ] 657 00:26:37,710 --> 00:26:40,550 Do not go to the loft. 658 00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:43,420 Bye. Nina: Bye. 659 00:26:43,420 --> 00:26:44,820 [ Door closes ] 660 00:26:47,490 --> 00:26:49,290 Dave: Oh, come on, Goldsby! 661 00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:51,460 [ Chuckles ] I think it's time we cut you off, man. 662 00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:53,130 You're yelling at the TV like they can hear you. 663 00:26:53,130 --> 00:26:54,660 He heard me. 664 00:26:54,660 --> 00:26:56,400 Look, I managed to go an entire Saturday 665 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,570 without seeing or touching a child's puke, 666 00:26:58,570 --> 00:27:00,740 so it's still a win in my books. 667 00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:02,270 So, is this ridiculously small TV 668 00:27:02,270 --> 00:27:04,740 the only thing left to you in this giant brick box? 669 00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:06,140 Okay, you know what? Unlike you, 670 00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:07,610 I have a normal, adult-sized penis, 671 00:27:07,610 --> 00:27:09,980 so I don't need a TV the size of a billboard. 672 00:27:09,980 --> 00:27:11,480 Did you steal it from the back seat of an Escalade 673 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:12,880 from the headrest? You just [ pops ] 674 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,980 He's saying it's small. and right there? 675 00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,490 It is very small. It is. 676 00:27:17,490 --> 00:27:19,890 Hey, Frank. Yeah, extra large for pick-up. 677 00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:21,660 Thanks. 678 00:27:25,290 --> 00:27:27,030 [ Sighs ] 679 00:27:27,030 --> 00:27:29,460 ♪♪ 680 00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:32,100 Hey, there, Peanut. 681 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:35,600 You don't get to call me that anymore, Ben. 682 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,810 Come on, let's not -- Go the fuck away. 683 00:27:38,810 --> 00:27:43,010 ♪♪ 684 00:27:43,010 --> 00:27:45,150 The sad thing is, you're right. 685 00:27:45,150 --> 00:27:49,350 Now I know how Izzy felt when she was in Hawthorne Heights. 686 00:27:49,350 --> 00:27:51,020 It's just -- I fucking miss the suburbs. 687 00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,350 It's pathetic, I know. 688 00:27:53,350 --> 00:27:55,120 It takes me, like, an hour to find a parking space 689 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,820 when I'm driving around. 690 00:27:56,820 --> 00:27:58,460 That's the worst. [ Door slams ] You poor baby. 691 00:27:58,460 --> 00:28:01,030 Guys, we were not having this conversation, okay? 692 00:28:01,030 --> 00:28:02,460 W-What? Does she beat you? 693 00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:05,330 [ Footsteps approaching ] 694 00:28:05,330 --> 00:28:08,840 [ Basketball game plays on TV ] 695 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:15,280 ♪♪ 696 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:21,780 ♪♪ 697 00:28:21,780 --> 00:28:23,720 Hey. 698 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,890 Hey. 699 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,020 ♪ It's you, girl ♪ 700 00:28:29,020 --> 00:28:31,560 ♪ It's you, girl ♪ 701 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:36,260 ♪ It's you ♪ 702 00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:38,730 ♪ It's you, girl ♪ 703 00:28:38,730 --> 00:28:41,200 ♪ It's you, girl ♪ 704 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,370 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, 705 00:28:44,370 --> 00:28:47,040 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, 706 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,710 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, 707 00:28:49,710 --> 00:28:52,680 oh, o-oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, 708 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:58,820 ♪♪