1
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:14,442
Subtitles by explosiveskull

2
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,853
What if you really are
Mr. Right There in Front of Me?

3
00:00:17,978 --> 00:00:19,437
<i>Previously on You Me Her...</i>

4
00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:21,982
Hey.
Can I talk to you privately?

5
00:00:22,107 --> 00:00:23,150
Uhh!

6
00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:26,445
- <i>Emma, what the fuck is going on?</i>
- I'm keeping the baby, Kylie.

7
00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:27,404
<i>Fuck you.</i>

8
00:00:27,487 --> 00:00:29,573
I just want you to know
what I said that night...

9
00:00:29,656 --> 00:00:31,074
"It's not me, it's you?"

10
00:00:31,158 --> 00:00:32,576
Yeah. There's nothing wrong with you.

11
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:34,369
You are perfectly Nina Martone.

12
00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:36,079
I already work insane hours
at Pinnacle,

13
00:00:36,163 --> 00:00:38,623
and if I make partner,
it's gonna be even worse, so...

14
00:00:38,707 --> 00:00:41,293
I was assuming you were coming
home, not coming to get us.

15
00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:43,545
My rate is $40 an hour,

16
00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:45,380
minimum five hours per day,
five days per week.

17
00:00:45,505 --> 00:00:47,424
- We can start looking at daycares.
- Thank you.

18
00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:49,342
- Fuck!
- What?

19
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:51,636
I forgot about my meeting
with Sasha and her grandma.

20
00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:54,014
It is only a matter of time
before those two

21
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,057
gravitate back
to the world that they know.

22
00:00:56,183 --> 00:00:58,560
How long are you gonna live their life
instead of your own?

23
00:00:58,643 --> 00:01:01,021
Hey, the Wilbergs are putting
their place on the market.

24
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,565
- You wanna check it out?
- What's the harm in that?

25
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:06,151
- Are you looking for the party?
- I'm looking for my girlfriend.

26
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:07,736
God, I love that house.

27
00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:09,613
What's not to love?
I'd move there.

28
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:14,618
Well, fuck.

29
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:29,216
How long do you think
they can keep this up?

30
00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:32,636
I hate that I still find
this shit show so damn riveting.

31
00:01:32,719 --> 00:01:34,221
I've surrendered to the shame.

32
00:01:34,304 --> 00:01:35,680
I want to walk away,

33
00:01:35,764 --> 00:01:38,099
but my body is just
not listening to my brain.

34
00:01:38,225 --> 00:01:41,728
Well, here they are, the Trakarskys,
back on the block.

35
00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:44,564
- No, I-I wouldn't...
- No, no, no. We're not back on the block.

36
00:01:44,648 --> 00:01:45,941
We were just next door, visiting...

37
00:01:46,024 --> 00:01:48,151
So I didn't just catch you guys
house shopping?

38
00:01:48,235 --> 00:01:49,236
What? No!

39
00:01:49,361 --> 00:01:51,947
You're gonna laugh
'cause this is a real, like, uh...

40
00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:53,865
- Funny story.
- ...you know, Hawthorne Heights story.

41
00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:55,909
We were at Helen Wilberg's house.

42
00:01:55,992 --> 00:01:58,245
Turns out she's a virtuoso baker...

43
00:01:58,370 --> 00:01:59,454
Uh, yeah.

44
00:01:59,579 --> 00:02:01,748
...who is opening her own shop,
and wanted us...

45
00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:04,334
- ...to try her... cupcakes.
- We test them.

46
00:02:04,459 --> 00:02:05,460
- Remember?
- Yes.

47
00:02:05,544 --> 00:02:06,753
- Yes.
- Yes, I remember.

48
00:02:06,878 --> 00:02:08,171
It just happened,
of course you remember.

49
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,173
And it was...
They were delicious, right?

50
00:02:10,257 --> 00:02:12,968
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Tell her. I mean, they were like... Mwah.

51
00:02:13,051 --> 00:02:14,678
They were...
It's hard to explain.

52
00:02:14,761 --> 00:02:16,805
- Are you kidding?
- Props for the weird specificity

53
00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:20,267
and going all in with the "mwah."
But you lie just as bad as your ex.

54
00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:22,894
Sometimes they're so bad at lying,
it's adorable.

55
00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:24,479
Other times, not so much.

56
00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,606
- No, seriously, they were delicious.
- Really...

57
00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:29,818
Highly inventive use of the, uh,
cranberry and the Brandy.

58
00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:31,570
- I was gonna mention that, yes.
- Brandy.

59
00:02:31,653 --> 00:02:33,613
And... Well! Look at...
Oh, my God!

60
00:02:33,697 --> 00:02:36,324
- They're selling the house.
- Babe. Babe. Just...

61
00:02:36,408 --> 00:02:39,244
Why didn't Helen mention that to us
when she was baking the cupcakes?

62
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,705
Just let it go. Let it go.

63
00:02:41,997 --> 00:02:43,957
So it's official.

64
00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:47,544
Greg Kinnear's weird little
brother knocks you up, and I'm history?

65
00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:50,005
Okay, that is offensive...

66
00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:51,298
and flattering.

67
00:02:51,715 --> 00:02:53,592
Kylie, I... I don't know where to start.

68
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:55,635
I'd recommend starting like this:

69
00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:57,220
"My name is Emma,

70
00:02:57,304 --> 00:02:59,306
and I'm a tourist lesbian asshole

71
00:02:59,431 --> 00:03:02,100
who just wasted
five months of your life."

72
00:03:02,726 --> 00:03:05,145
- Kylie, we created the most...
- Shaun, come on.

73
00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:09,357
...amazing life together and it really
almost felt like it could be real.

74
00:03:09,441 --> 00:03:12,110
But if I'm completely honest
with myself,

75
00:03:12,444 --> 00:03:14,279
I am in love with these two.

76
00:03:14,988 --> 00:03:18,491
- I really hope...
- Oh, stop. Please, just stop.

77
00:03:18,575 --> 00:03:21,995
Way deep down, I knew that
you were just dragging me through

78
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:24,205
your elaborate mental breakdown.

79
00:03:24,331 --> 00:03:25,749
Kylie, you're right.

80
00:03:25,874 --> 00:03:27,459
And I'm really sorry.

81
00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:30,086
I didn't just come here
to fight for you, Em.

82
00:03:33,131 --> 00:03:36,092
You becoming managing partner
just stopped being

83
00:03:36,176 --> 00:03:38,303
a "someday" kinda thing, babe.

84
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:42,140
Carlin's announcing
his retirement <i>and</i> his successor

85
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,725
sooner than expected.

86
00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,560
- Like how much sooner?
- Like Tuesday.

87
00:03:45,644 --> 00:03:47,646
Only way you don't get it
is if you're not there.

88
00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:54,778
I have no clue why,
but I don't wanna see that happen.

89
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,780
Whoops!

90
00:03:56,863 --> 00:03:59,366
Things just got a little more
complicated, huh?

91
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,378
So... Andy.

92
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,923
- Yep. He's back.
- Crazy.

93
00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:18,009
- Bananas.
- All the... fruits.

94
00:04:23,181 --> 00:04:25,600
Are you gonna keep seeing him? Or...

95
00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:30,397
I-I-I don't know.

96
00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,233
Well, he did go crazy over me.

97
00:04:33,358 --> 00:04:35,318
I mean, he got drunk

98
00:04:35,402 --> 00:04:37,529
and then he moved to the woods
for a couple weeks.

99
00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,239
I could go way crazier than that.

100
00:04:39,364 --> 00:04:41,533
Certifiable, you know.

101
00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:45,412
I'm not an idiot, Nin. I mean, I...

102
00:04:47,414 --> 00:04:49,290
I know I'm not your dream guy.

103
00:04:49,416 --> 00:04:51,084
That's not true.

104
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,878
Actually, I had a sex dream about you.

105
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,630
- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.

106
00:04:55,714 --> 00:04:58,007
Oh, well... do tell.

107
00:04:58,675 --> 00:05:00,093
All I remember is, um,

108
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:02,137
waking up screaming in a cold sweat.

109
00:05:02,262 --> 00:05:03,972
Yeah, that's called a nightmare.

110
00:05:04,055 --> 00:05:06,808
- Oh, right. Sorry.
- Yeah...

111
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,021
Whenever I'm with you,
I always end up smiling.

112
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,859
And...

113
00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:18,778
I'm... I'm starting to think

114
00:05:18,862 --> 00:05:21,656
that maybe that's more
important than it sounds.

115
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,411
That being said, I need a minute.

116
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:30,123
Oh. Totally. I understand.
Yeah, that... that's fair.

117
00:05:33,877 --> 00:05:35,962
59...

118
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,839
58...

119
00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,257
57...

120
00:05:39,799 --> 00:05:41,092
56...

121
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,946
Shall we sum up?

122
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,698
Uh, could I have some coffee first?

123
00:06:04,741 --> 00:06:05,909
Okay.

124
00:06:05,992 --> 00:06:08,912
So Emma left us
to start a new life in Seattle,

125
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,498
came back, and the three of us had...

126
00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:15,752
objectively transcendent sex.
Would you agree?

127
00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:17,921
- Yes, it was very nice sex.
- Agreed.

128
00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:21,591
And then she left again.
Would you like some strawberries?

129
00:06:22,175 --> 00:06:23,426
Yes, please.

130
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:26,971
Six weeks later, she finds out
she's miraculously pregnant,

131
00:06:27,472 --> 00:06:31,601
comes all the way back to Seattle
on the midnight train,

132
00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:34,312
and then has an epiphany
that she still loves us

133
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:37,148
and does indeed want to have a baby.

134
00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,943
Okay, just to be clear,
I'm the prick in this story?

135
00:06:40,485 --> 00:06:42,946
- Just this chapter. Seems to rotate.
- Oh.

136
00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:44,906
And then I catch the two of you,

137
00:06:45,031 --> 00:06:47,784
blissful and beaming
after checking out a house

138
00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:50,203
that is so quintessentially
Hawthorne Heights,

139
00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:54,207
it somehow smells like pumpkin spice
from the fuckin' street.

140
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:55,458
Iz, what's your point?

141
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:56,751
Here it comes.

142
00:06:58,044 --> 00:06:58,962
Look at me...

143
00:06:59,754 --> 00:07:00,964
in the eye.

144
00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:05,343
Have you already made up your mind
about raising that baby in this loft?

145
00:07:06,553 --> 00:07:07,512
Me?

146
00:07:07,637 --> 00:07:08,763
Yeah, you.

147
00:07:11,683 --> 00:07:15,353
For the record, I never
voted yes on this place, so...

148
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:16,604
So you hate it?

149
00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:19,899
No, I love it. Are you kidding me?
I've always dreamt of living in a...

150
00:07:19,983 --> 00:07:22,694
- industrial loft like this.
- Really?

151
00:07:22,777 --> 00:07:25,613
Yeah, and then I got pregnant
and realized there was no way in hell

152
00:07:25,697 --> 00:07:28,241
this brick racquetball court
makes any sense for a baby.

153
00:07:32,704 --> 00:07:34,581
I mean, fuck, you're right.

154
00:07:34,873 --> 00:07:36,583
We'd have to learn sign language

155
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:39,085
just to have a conversation
while the gnocchi's sleeping.

156
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,545
Here's the thing. If we just...

157
00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:42,964
If you just gave the Wilberg house
a chance,

158
00:07:43,089 --> 00:07:45,466
if you saw the inside of it,
it's, like, it's pretty...

159
00:07:45,592 --> 00:07:48,428
Look, guys, there's no denying
this is complicated,

160
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:50,847
but we'll figure it out, okay?

161
00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:53,474
Together. We'll figure it out together.

162
00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:55,143
- Whatever. Fine.
- Like everything else.

163
00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:56,561
- Okay?
- Okay?

164
00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,563
Bring it in.

165
00:07:58,646 --> 00:07:59,606
Okay.

166
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:03,568
Get your big Trakarsky lips off my face.

167
00:08:04,152 --> 00:08:05,695
What is it?

168
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,614
Just my dad.

169
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:09,574
And...

170
00:08:13,036 --> 00:08:14,537
He keeps trying to give me the boots

171
00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:17,415
he doesn't remember giving me
for my 17th birthday.

172
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,584
Seems like it really means
something to him.

173
00:08:20,168 --> 00:08:21,419
They were Wittner.

174
00:08:23,922 --> 00:08:26,716
- Probably super fucking fly, right?
- Mm-hmm.

175
00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:28,051
Okay.

176
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,429
I'll go talk to him.

177
00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:34,766
Enjoy your breakfast.

178
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,647
- Bye, babes.
- Bye.

179
00:08:45,485 --> 00:08:47,236
You know what sounds good?

180
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,530
A pineapple and salmon pizza.

181
00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:51,407
- Ugh.
- Mm-hmm.

182
00:08:51,491 --> 00:08:53,451
- For breakfast?
- Mm-hmm.

183
00:08:56,871 --> 00:08:58,456
We really are pregnant, Em.

184
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,417
Yes, we are.

185
00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:16,975
Hey! There you are!

186
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:20,478
Our young girls are off
to first day of daycare.

187
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,438
And it's all good.
It's... it's no big deal.

188
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:24,899
- It's... it's totally fine.
- Are you sure?

189
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,943
Aren't these little backpacks adorable?

190
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,903
They make these teensy, tiny,
little backpacks

191
00:09:28,987 --> 00:09:31,447
to give to parents who rush
their teensy, tiny kids

192
00:09:31,531 --> 00:09:33,408
off to... the care of complete strangers.

193
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:34,909
Carmen.

194
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:37,078
It just seems like yesterday that we were

195
00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:39,706
finally wiping the last
of the baby goop off of Lily.

196
00:09:39,831 --> 00:09:42,125
And Callie... I mean,
she says the F word

197
00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:45,128
better and more frequently
than either of us. And they're just...

198
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,715
...super weird in their...

199
00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:51,843
...amazing incredible ways that nobody
else could possibly understand.

200
00:09:51,926 --> 00:09:54,721
And I thought that you were dropping
them off. Why are you wearing pajamas?

201
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,640
I was just lying down upstairs,
having a little think...

202
00:09:57,724 --> 00:10:01,561
Oh, Jesus, you were upstairs masturbating
while I'm down here losing my shit?

203
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:04,939
No, I was literally in bed,
having a think this time.

204
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:06,482
About?

205
00:10:06,941 --> 00:10:08,943
Well, my boss certainly didn't
seem supportive when I said

206
00:10:09,027 --> 00:10:11,195
I wanted to take a month off
to write a children's book.

207
00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:13,656
I didn't know you wanted
to write a children's book.

208
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:16,826
I don't. I can barely stand to read them,
but that's kind of the point.

209
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:19,495
You know, I don't wanna be thinking
that I should've done more.

210
00:10:19,579 --> 00:10:22,165
- I heard that's a thing.
- No, Dave...

211
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,417
you couldn't be a better father,
trust me.

212
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:28,004
Yeah, but I could be a father more,
and that's what I want.

213
00:10:28,463 --> 00:10:31,549
So while I was upstairs not masturbating,

214
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,844
I called work and I said I'm either
taking a month off or I'm quitting.

215
00:10:35,428 --> 00:10:37,013
- And?
- Well...

216
00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:40,558
Looks like I'll be spending
a month's sabbatical

217
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,728
diligently not writing
a children's book.

218
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,189
And then what?

219
00:10:46,272 --> 00:10:47,565
I don't know.

220
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,985
And that's surprisingly exciting.

221
00:10:53,446 --> 00:10:56,824
Whenever I think I know
all there is to know about you,

222
00:10:56,908 --> 00:10:58,201
you show me more.

223
00:10:59,577 --> 00:11:01,579
And I love it all.

224
00:11:03,414 --> 00:11:05,583
I realize I could've cleaned
myself up a little bit

225
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,877
before I came down here
to tell you this exciting news.

226
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,670
But, um, I'm definitely...

227
00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:10,922
I've got sleep crusties, for sure.

228
00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,965
I mean, I'm in my jimjams,
for Pete's sake.

229
00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:17,970
Fuck!

230
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:23,976
- Yeah, that's much worse in this context.
- I didn't hear anything.

231
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:25,728
Yeah, I think it was the wind.

232
00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:28,815
- Mmm.
- Mmm.

233
00:11:41,327 --> 00:11:44,455
- If you don't like the color or...
- They're perfect.

234
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,250
They're just boots.

235
00:11:52,255 --> 00:11:54,048
Happy birthday, Peanut.

236
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,269
What is it?

237
00:12:09,272 --> 00:12:13,276
Emma's about to get a huge promotion
at her firm in Seattle.

238
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:17,071
It's, like, her dream job.
The money's crazy.

239
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:22,076
And we just got back together,
but she has to consider it, right?

240
00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,624
It's fine. Go... go ahead.

241
00:12:30,418 --> 00:12:33,296
Well, you're right.
She does have to consider it.

242
00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:35,381
And she will.

243
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,801
And they'll invite you
to Seattle to live in their house

244
00:12:38,885 --> 00:12:42,513
with their baby
and keep living their life.

245
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,895
Any advice or...

246
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:51,898
Say no.

247
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,902
They're not gonna do it, Iz.

248
00:12:56,694 --> 00:12:58,029
This is on you.

249
00:13:00,156 --> 00:13:01,699
But I have a confession.

250
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,285
Oh, God.

251
00:13:04,577 --> 00:13:06,996
What else did you do during
your 10-year lost weekend?

252
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,959
I have a line on a good job
here in Portland,

253
00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:14,670
so, uh...

254
00:13:14,754 --> 00:13:18,925
I'm not entirely impartial
about where you live.

255
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,730
I get it.

256
00:13:33,439 --> 00:13:34,941
Change is scary.

257
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:39,278
I mean, this is new for all of us,
right? Myself included.

258
00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:42,865
I mean, stakes are gonna be
part of the process.

259
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,661
I shouldn't have raised my voice.
I shouldn't have yelled.

260
00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,580
That is a sign of weakness
and not a sign of strength.

261
00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,792
I can't demand your respect.

262
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:56,420
I have to earn it
with calm and confidence.

263
00:13:57,797 --> 00:14:00,132
Also, if you could refrain
from throwing food in Daddy's hair,

264
00:14:00,216 --> 00:14:01,717
that would be really nice,

265
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:05,513
because a bit of that went in my eye,
and that is a legitimate safety hazard.

266
00:14:05,638 --> 00:14:08,224
Daddy's head is made of poop.

267
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:10,393
What? Uh, no.

268
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:12,436
No, for... for Lily's sake, honey,

269
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,941
Daddy's head is made of skull and bone
and hair and teeth, right?

270
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,819
- Not poop. There's no poop.
- Poop!

271
00:14:19,944 --> 00:14:21,696
Say my head's not made of poop!

272
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:24,281
Say my head's not made of poop!
Say it! Say it! Say it!

273
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,131
People are here.

274
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:41,716
- Wasn't expecting people yet.
- Me neither.

275
00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:43,551
They're looking at us.
What do we do now?

276
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:45,386
Be calm and be confident.

277
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:46,929
Cool. And how do we fake that?

278
00:14:47,013 --> 00:14:48,806
Uh, talk low, make 'em strain to listen.

279
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:52,143
Cool.
So I appreciate you all coming here

280
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,770
- on this first day, and...
- Maybe not.

281
00:14:54,854 --> 00:14:58,733
Good morning, everyone! Welcome
to your first day at <i>The Heights!</i>

282
00:14:58,816 --> 00:15:00,776
Hi! I'm, uh...

283
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,737
- Carmen.
- Right. Carmen.

284
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:06,449
Weird, 'cause it's been my name
since I was born.

285
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,951
Anyway, I'm really looking
forward to meeting each of you.

286
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,454
But first, I have to avail...

287
00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:13,748
myself of the facilities, as it were.

288
00:15:13,831 --> 00:15:14,874
I...

289
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,461
Oh, I-I have to pee.

290
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,255
Uh...

291
00:15:22,757 --> 00:15:24,175
As do I.

292
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:26,052
So... just...

293
00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:29,013
Um...

294
00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:34,602
What do you need?
Uh, do you want some water?

295
00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:37,563
You want me to slap you in the face,
like they do in the movies?

296
00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:40,191
If you don't say "no" by the time
I count to five, I'm just gonna give you

297
00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:41,984
- a good, hard slap.
- Fuck was I thinking?!

298
00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:44,945
I have no clue how to operate
a fucking magazine

299
00:15:45,029 --> 00:15:48,240
or let alone supervise anybody
over three feet tall.

300
00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:51,285
Okay, give me your phone.
Your phone.

301
00:16:02,088 --> 00:16:03,464
<i>Darling, what's up?</i>

302
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:05,299
Oh, there's just a lot
of people out there.

303
00:16:05,424 --> 00:16:08,302
Dave, Dave, I... I did the accent.

304
00:16:09,387 --> 00:16:12,306
What do you mean?
The... the not-quite British voice?

305
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:14,475
Oh, for the love of God! Why?

306
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,436
Because I was losing my shit.
And now I'm hiding in the bathroom!

307
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,271
It's not an awesome start, Dave.
It's not awesome!

308
00:16:19,897 --> 00:16:21,690
You're my Wonder Woman.

309
00:16:21,774 --> 00:16:23,818
You got this. Say it back.

310
00:16:24,819 --> 00:16:27,071
I'm your Wonder Woman. I got this.

311
00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:30,032
While I have you on the phone,
do you have any tips for Callie?

312
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:32,535
She's formidable, and tickling
is no longer doing the trick.

313
00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:36,038
Uh, yes. She thinks there's a monster
prevention device in the closet

314
00:16:36,122 --> 00:16:37,915
that only adults can operate.

315
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,125
- Perfect.
- <i>Uh, David?</i>

316
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:40,209
Yes, Wonder Woman?

317
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:44,088
<i>You're my Wonder Woman.
I really love you.</i>

318
00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:45,798
- Okay, that's enough.
- <i>I love you, too, honey.</i>

319
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:47,633
Hey, when you come home tonight,

320
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,051
why don't you, uh... Hello? Hello?

321
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,139
I wish I had one of those.

322
00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:00,646
Oh.

323
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,191
Ahh. Not bad.

324
00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:17,538
I'll have to call you back.

325
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:19,915
A depressed Muppet
just flopped into my office.

326
00:17:19,999 --> 00:17:21,167
That's accurate.

327
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:23,711
Got any new chapters for me?

328
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,172
Nope.

329
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:31,719
Might I recommend one

330
00:17:31,802 --> 00:17:35,556
about unicorns that lose
themselves in the throuple

331
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,600
and completely neglect
their own lives?

332
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:45,191
I spoke to Meredith
at Directions.

333
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:48,402
They're interested in offering you
a counseling job.

334
00:17:49,904 --> 00:17:51,447
Seriously?

335
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:52,406
Yeah.

336
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:56,535
But they have some questions
about your... reliability.

337
00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:01,707
What are you doing, kid?

338
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,945
Izzy. Hey, you.

339
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:32,863
Were you guys gonna leave a note?

340
00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:36,534
We're leaving for Seattle
tomorrow at oh-dark thirty.

341
00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:40,746
I guess Spidey Sense does
skip a generation.

342
00:18:41,789 --> 00:18:43,666
- What?
- Nothing.

343
00:18:45,042 --> 00:18:47,670
- We packed you a bag.
- Yeah.

344
00:18:48,254 --> 00:18:51,465
I've got the biggest decision
of my life to make tomorrow.

345
00:18:51,549 --> 00:18:53,259
But, you know,
it's not just mine to make.

346
00:18:53,384 --> 00:18:54,969
It's all of ours, the three of us.

347
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:58,222
And... I really want you guys
there with me.

348
00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:12,069
Jack...

349
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,655
Emma...

350
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:17,783
I've already made my decision.

351
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:20,202
What does that mean?

352
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,496
I can't just leave my life.

353
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:29,295
Assuming I can convince Meredith
I'm not a flake,

354
00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:34,383
I'm getting a full-time
paying job at Directions.

355
00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:37,678
That's great.

356
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:39,513
Yeah, congratulations.

357
00:19:39,597 --> 00:19:42,516
My best friend is here,
and my dad is looking for a job here.

358
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,310
This is my home.

359
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,937
This is <i>my</i> life.

360
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:52,985
Well, if you're not going,
we're not going.

361
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,236
- Right.
- So...

362
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,947
No, Em, you have to consider it.

363
00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,158
You know I'm right.

364
00:20:00,159 --> 00:20:02,620
I want you guys to go to Seattle.

365
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:07,249
Think about it, talk about it,
give it a real chance.

366
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,877
And I'm gonna be here
when you get back.

367
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,837
So whatever you decide,

368
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,340
I'm not gonna be angry
and I'm not gonna be bitter.

369
00:20:17,635 --> 00:20:18,969
Okay?

370
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:26,143
<i>Doesn't get
any better than this.</i>

371
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,395
Mm, got that right.

372
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,239
What the hell?

373
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:43,952
Okay, hey, remember that part
where I said I need a minute?

374
00:20:44,078 --> 00:20:45,496
Oh, you think...
No, you see,

375
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,373
I'm not What's-His-Name,
the shitty bartender.

376
00:20:47,456 --> 00:20:49,291
No.
I'm, uh...

377
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:52,961
I'm What's-His-Name,
the shitty delivery guy. So...

378
00:20:54,171 --> 00:20:57,758
Wow. Those are...
so beautifully unarranged.

379
00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,594
Yeah. You know,
it's kind of our thing.

380
00:21:00,678 --> 00:21:02,721
Our niche, if you will.

381
00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:05,182
I think we're earthy and wild.

382
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:07,726
- <i>Doesn't get any better than this.</i>
- What the hell?

383
00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:09,103
Hey, look, uh...

384
00:21:09,186 --> 00:21:11,313
You can "take a minute" from me
but not from him?

385
00:21:11,397 --> 00:21:13,148
No, he's not here. It's... uh...

386
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:16,902
that.

387
00:21:19,113 --> 00:21:21,740
- Seriously? Both of you?
- What the hell is he doing here?

388
00:21:21,824 --> 00:21:23,826
You told me to take a beat but not him?

389
00:21:23,909 --> 00:21:26,620
She told you she needs "a beat"?
Told me she needs "a minute."

390
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,124
- Mm.
- For what? To choose?

391
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,917
Like, what is this, a competition?

392
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,586
Uh, no. Not like a...
like a dance-off or something.

393
00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:35,629
But...

394
00:21:35,713 --> 00:21:37,798
Hey, now that I said the word
"dance-off" out loud,

395
00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:40,342
let's not entirely discount it, right?

396
00:21:40,426 --> 00:21:41,844
Sounds hilarious.

397
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:45,639
Come on!

398
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:47,850
Fine. Whatever. No dance-off.

399
00:21:49,852 --> 00:21:50,936
Those are flowers?

400
00:21:55,691 --> 00:22:00,070
Two suitors remain,
but I hold just a single beer.

401
00:22:00,946 --> 00:22:03,365
Like <i>The Bachelorette?</i>

402
00:22:03,449 --> 00:22:05,617
Oh, I don't hate it.
I should, but I don't.

403
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:07,161
I'm in.

404
00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:08,579
Just kidding.

405
00:22:08,662 --> 00:22:09,747
Beer's for me.

406
00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:14,084
Okay, look, here's the deal...

407
00:22:14,168 --> 00:22:17,087
we're gonna meet back here tomorrow,
and I'll reveal my choice.

408
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,923
Your choice?
After what this little shit did to you?

409
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:22,176
Are you seriously telling me
I'm in a neck-and-neck

410
00:22:22,259 --> 00:22:23,844
with fucking Shaun
the fucking bartender?

411
00:22:25,471 --> 00:22:26,805
No offense, man.

412
00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:29,224
Well, there's no conceivable way
to take that as inoffensive.

413
00:22:29,308 --> 00:22:30,601
Well, competition makes me chippy.

414
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:33,896
For tomorrow, feel free to flake.
It'll make the decision for me, you know.

415
00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:42,196
I'll be here. I'm not gonna flake.

416
00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:45,949
Thank you.
You can just leave them as well.

417
00:22:47,993 --> 00:22:49,870
You're power trippin', girlfriend.

418
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,788
Ooh, not your girlfriend.

419
00:22:51,914 --> 00:22:53,415
See you if I see you, Andrew.

420
00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:56,502
Mm.

421
00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:18,190
We want you to come with us.
You know that, right?

422
00:23:18,315 --> 00:23:19,733
I do.

423
00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:21,735
Will you do us a favor?

424
00:23:21,818 --> 00:23:23,445
Name it.

425
00:23:23,529 --> 00:23:26,740
If it's awesome, if it's perfect...

426
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:31,703
do you promise you'll think about it?

427
00:23:32,996 --> 00:23:34,623
You know, I read an article recently

428
00:23:34,706 --> 00:23:37,751
that nearly half of Seattle's
population is runaway teens.

429
00:23:38,627 --> 00:23:41,755
- Really?
- Yeah. Strange but true.

430
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,342
Just go.

431
00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:48,345
I'll keep it in mind.

432
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:54,560
Wait, wait.

433
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:58,438
Bye, Eji.

434
00:24:20,335 --> 00:24:21,295
Izzy?

435
00:24:32,871 --> 00:24:37,871
Subtitles by explosiveskull