1
00:00:00,765 --> 00:00:03,110
I don't want to be
romanced. I want to be loved.

2
00:00:03,112 --> 00:00:05,078
Previously on "You Me Her"...

3
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,155
Clomid time.

4
00:00:06,157 --> 00:00:08,541
- You must really want a kid.
- I must.

5
00:00:08,543 --> 00:00:10,237
My professional recommendation

6
00:00:10,239 --> 00:00:12,102
- would be surrogacy.
- Well, how do we start?

7
00:00:12,104 --> 00:00:14,898
Uh, how about we start
with a conversation?

8
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,607
- What are you guys talking about?
- We want you to have our baby.

9
00:00:18,277 --> 00:00:20,144
Like, our baby. All three of us.

10
00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:23,081
It kind of feels like, like we're
supposed to do this together.

11
00:00:23,083 --> 00:00:25,652
Does no one think we should just,
like, hit the brakes just a little?

12
00:00:25,653 --> 00:00:27,346
We're just going to
delay the announcement

13
00:00:27,348 --> 00:00:29,131
of your promotion a couple of weeks.

14
00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:30,413
Did I hear you say that you were...

15
00:00:30,414 --> 00:00:32,311
I hate my boss and I
want to quit my job?

16
00:00:32,313 --> 00:00:34,793
You know how long I've
wanted to start my own firm.

17
00:00:34,795 --> 00:00:36,193
Fuck! Fuck me!

18
00:00:36,195 --> 00:00:37,900
Actually, I was yelling at my boss.

19
00:00:37,902 --> 00:00:39,916
She found out I was
scouting office space,

20
00:00:39,918 --> 00:00:42,651
so she's blackballing me at
the few places I can afford.

21
00:00:42,653 --> 00:00:43,939
So much for women helping women.

22
00:00:43,941 --> 00:00:45,883
I'm not a woman. I'm an architect.

23
00:00:45,885 --> 00:00:47,117
- What's this?
- Hey.

24
00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:48,282
Coolest firm in Seattle.

25
00:00:48,284 --> 00:00:50,374
Thanks so much, Kylie. I don't...
I don't even know what to say.

26
00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:52,669
Everyone at Pinnacle
is buzzing about me.

27
00:00:52,671 --> 00:00:53,723
Wha-a-a-a-t?

28
00:00:53,725 --> 00:00:54,842
I'm buzz-worthy.

29
00:00:54,844 --> 00:00:57,575
Have you crossed into
seriously considering this?

30
00:00:57,577 --> 00:01:00,505
I have no fucking clue who I am or...

31
00:01:00,507 --> 00:01:01,802
or what I want.

32
00:01:01,804 --> 00:01:03,835
I think we both know what you want.

33
00:01:03,837 --> 00:01:06,154
So any old-dude advice
on how to get it?

34
00:01:06,156 --> 00:01:07,511
Go big.

35
00:01:08,537 --> 00:01:09,737
[Sighs]

36
00:01:09,893 --> 00:01:13,238
Emma, Izzy, will you
start a family with me?

37
00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:15,946
[Izzy chuckles]

38
00:01:17,095 --> 00:01:18,230
Um...

39
00:01:30,053 --> 00:01:31,587
Um...

40
00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:34,564
O... okay, I, um...

41
00:01:34,565 --> 00:01:36,275
I'm really into the "us" part

42
00:01:36,277 --> 00:01:39,279
and... the "love" part, but...

43
00:01:39,281 --> 00:01:41,028
as far as this whole
"family" thing goes,

44
00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:44,100
I mean, didn't we just enter this
musing phase, like, yesterday?

45
00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:47,938
Not the reaction I was expecting.

46
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:50,274
Well, what Jack is proposing

47
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:54,146
is actually called "reciprocal
in vitro fertilization."

48
00:01:54,385 --> 00:01:55,986
It basically means that,

49
00:01:55,987 --> 00:01:59,312
um, we'd be bringing
two women to the party

50
00:01:59,314 --> 00:02:01,149
instead of one.

51
00:02:01,715 --> 00:02:02,915
Um...

52
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:05,627
sorry, but kneeling is
a... young man's game.

53
00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:07,362
Oh, sorry. Here.

54
00:02:07,364 --> 00:02:08,518
- Uh...
- Just...

55
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,654
Yeah, let's sit. I'm a little dizzy.

56
00:02:10,656 --> 00:02:11,924
Okay.

57
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,210
Whew.

58
00:02:23,938 --> 00:02:26,012
How do you know all that in vitro stuff?

59
00:02:27,151 --> 00:02:28,719
Interwebs.

60
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,315
So, you've been researching.

61
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,784
Which means...

62
00:02:31,786 --> 00:02:32,946
that you're open to the idea.

63
00:02:33,437 --> 00:02:34,772
Yeah.

64
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,815
In fact, um...

65
00:02:38,954 --> 00:02:41,954
I did some Yelping for IVF clinics,

66
00:02:41,956 --> 00:02:44,091
and I made an appointment.

67
00:02:45,937 --> 00:02:47,485
Relax, it... it...

68
00:02:47,487 --> 00:02:48,716
there was a cancellation.

69
00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,574
The next opening was six weeks away,

70
00:02:50,575 --> 00:02:53,611
and we can totally wait
if that's what you want.

71
00:02:54,515 --> 00:02:55,881
Appointment to what?

72
00:02:55,883 --> 00:02:58,423
- To make us pregnant?
- No, what... no, no.

73
00:02:58,425 --> 00:02:59,716
It's just a consultation...

74
00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:03,295
just to make sure that the, you
know, option is even on the table.

75
00:03:03,297 --> 00:03:05,512
It's still your eggs, Em.

76
00:03:05,514 --> 00:03:07,942
- We'd all have to agree.
- Yeah.

77
00:03:08,348 --> 00:03:09,632
When is this appointment?

78
00:03:09,634 --> 00:03:11,568
4:00.

79
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:12,920
Tomorrow.

80
00:03:20,531 --> 00:03:21,868
Honey, it's just...

81
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,479
Yeah, no, I... I heard.

82
00:03:24,026 --> 00:03:25,499
It's just a consultation.

83
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,436
Are you mad? 'Cause we can...

84
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:29,446
we can totally blow it
off. I can call them back.

85
00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:31,682
No, no. I'm not mad.

86
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:36,821
I don't even know what I am. [Sighs]

87
00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:43,628
And I don't know if...

88
00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:47,653
You know, I'm not sure
if I still want a...

89
00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:49,623
You're not sure that
you still want a baby?

90
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,240
Well, fuck.

91
00:03:52,242 --> 00:03:54,303
That would certainly change things.

92
00:03:54,437 --> 00:03:56,172
Seven years, Jack.

93
00:03:57,521 --> 00:03:59,709
I think part of me just surrendered.

94
00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:01,122
Okay, but...

95
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,565
what if you knew that it would work?

96
00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:06,700
What if you knew the three
of us could start a family?

97
00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:08,170
Would you feel differently?

98
00:04:15,335 --> 00:04:17,152
You really did all this?

99
00:04:18,782 --> 00:04:19,948
[Chuckles lightly]

100
00:04:22,401 --> 00:04:23,941
You think I'm crazy?

101
00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:25,101
No.

102
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,816
Well, maybe a little.

103
00:04:27,818 --> 00:04:28,909
[Chuckles]

104
00:04:28,985 --> 00:04:30,053
So?

105
00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:35,384
So...

106
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:37,118
let's do this.

107
00:04:39,092 --> 00:04:41,037
- Yeah?
- But just... just the consultation.

108
00:04:41,039 --> 00:04:42,888
Okay, guys? Just one step at a time.

109
00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:43,969
Yeah.

110
00:04:43,971 --> 00:04:45,598
- Fair?
- Definitely.

111
00:04:45,723 --> 00:04:48,449
Okay, please tell me you did
not stage this whole production

112
00:04:48,451 --> 00:04:49,985
with one bottle of champagne.

113
00:04:49,987 --> 00:04:52,789
Oh, silly potential baby mama...

114
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,325
- No.
- Okay, good.

115
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:55,910
'Cause this lady right here might be

116
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:58,864
staring down nine months
of cold, hard sobriety.

117
00:04:59,104 --> 00:05:01,339
So let's pop some corks, dickheads.

118
00:05:01,341 --> 00:05:04,050
[Rich Aucoin's "Want To Believe" plays]

119
00:05:04,052 --> 00:05:05,441
♪ In times like this ♪

120
00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:09,446
♪ I want to be a believer ♪

121
00:05:09,447 --> 00:05:10,827
♪ In times like this ♪

122
00:05:10,829 --> 00:05:12,970
♪ I want to be a believer ♪

123
00:05:12,972 --> 00:05:16,453
♪ Oh ohhh oh-oh ♪

124
00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:18,174
♪ I want to be a believer ♪

125
00:05:18,176 --> 00:05:21,725
♪ Oh ohhh oh-oh ♪

126
00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:23,467
♪ I want to be a believer ♪

127
00:05:23,469 --> 00:05:26,859
♪ Oh ohhh oh-oh ♪

128
00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:28,765
♪ I want to be a believer ♪

129
00:05:28,766 --> 00:05:33,201
♪ Funny how a good
thing opens your eyes ♪

130
00:05:33,203 --> 00:05:35,731
♪ Makes you feel the branches ♪

131
00:05:35,733 --> 00:05:40,821
♪ Leads you to the pines ♪

132
00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:45,081
♪ I'll make you a map to me ♪

133
00:05:45,238 --> 00:05:47,998
♪ I'll be there in your sights ♪

134
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,782
♪ Funny still how
infatuation shuts you all up ♪

135
00:05:52,784 --> 00:05:59,896
♪ As it makes you a
deadbeat son of a gun ♪

136
00:05:59,897 --> 00:06:04,901
♪ I'll be made into a mark ♪

137
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:09,105
♪ With a heart ♪

138
00:06:09,106 --> 00:06:10,974
♪ Steadied and strong ♪

139
00:06:10,975 --> 00:06:15,145
[Emma groans sleepily, cellphone chimes]

140
00:06:15,146 --> 00:06:17,315
[Sighs]

141
00:06:18,998 --> 00:06:20,451
Em.

142
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:21,786
Yeah?

143
00:06:21,788 --> 00:06:23,784
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.

144
00:06:25,555 --> 00:06:26,890
[Sighs]

145
00:06:27,110 --> 00:06:28,828
What time is it?

146
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:30,235
6:30.

147
00:06:31,505 --> 00:06:33,170
Wait, what day is it?

148
00:06:33,388 --> 00:06:34,615
Tuesday.

149
00:06:34,617 --> 00:06:36,018
Fuck!

150
00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:37,482
♪

151
00:06:43,866 --> 00:06:45,142
What's wrong?

152
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,479
Izzy went AWOL again last night.

153
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:51,392
I think she's gonna have
a baby with the Griswalds.

154
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:54,485
Not, like, today, but...

155
00:06:54,571 --> 00:06:55,905
soon-ish.

156
00:06:59,321 --> 00:07:01,825
You got to be fucking kidding me.

157
00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:03,235
Mnh-mnh.

158
00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:06,030
She's gonna be
double-married with children.

159
00:07:06,031 --> 00:07:07,434
I can't imagine how our lives

160
00:07:07,436 --> 00:07:10,473
could possibly diverge
more dramatically.

161
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,736
You could be single.

162
00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,338
[Smacks lips]

163
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:16,675
I am single.

164
00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:26,380
Is there something that you want to say?

165
00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:28,135
No, I just...

166
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:32,441
I don't want to get all
romantic again and scare you off.

167
00:07:33,874 --> 00:07:35,875
I don't... I don't want you to be...

168
00:07:35,877 --> 00:07:37,812
single.

169
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,255
Way to ruin everything.

170
00:07:43,257 --> 00:07:45,135
I know, I'm a fucking asshole.

171
00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:46,604
You're gonna have to go now.

172
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,431
I haven't had a boyfriend since...

173
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,142
Cross-country drive to...

174
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:55,808
- Brown University.
- Mm.

175
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,747
[Sighs]

176
00:07:58,205 --> 00:08:00,728
We don't need, like, a label.

177
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,328
We could just...

178
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:03,597
Will you...

179
00:08:03,881 --> 00:08:05,215
be my boyfriend?

180
00:08:08,663 --> 00:08:10,254
Yeah.

181
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,498
[Door opens]

182
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,178
- Izzy: We have a fucking test!
- [Whispers] Fucking test?

183
00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:16,099
We have a fucking test?!

184
00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:18,035
Huh.

185
00:08:18,036 --> 00:08:19,613
You guys made up.

186
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:23,073
Had the intercourse all
the kids are talking about.

187
00:08:23,074 --> 00:08:24,175
Uh...

188
00:08:24,926 --> 00:08:26,809
With this one? No, that's gross.

189
00:08:26,811 --> 00:08:28,323
We were studying for the test.

190
00:08:28,325 --> 00:08:29,146
Yeah, you were.

191
00:08:29,147 --> 00:08:31,290
You guys were studying each other's...

192
00:08:31,292 --> 00:08:33,181
yeah, this... that's
not going anywhere good,

193
00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:34,696
so, let's do some cramming.

194
00:08:34,698 --> 00:08:35,903
I'll be here.

195
00:08:40,792 --> 00:08:42,643
Hey, uh...

196
00:08:42,645 --> 00:08:43,674
girlfriend.

197
00:08:43,676 --> 00:08:47,147
♪

198
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:52,395
Hey, boyfriend.

199
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:53,532
Hey.

200
00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:58,594
[Chuckles]

201
00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:02,637
Izzy: I can hear you.

202
00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:06,643
♪

203
00:09:15,819 --> 00:09:18,038
Oh, man, I didn't set my alarm.

204
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,669
Shh, shh, shh. I turned it off.

205
00:09:19,671 --> 00:09:20,879
Wh... what would you do that for?

206
00:09:20,881 --> 00:09:23,901
- You're gonna make me late for work.
- Do you hear that?

207
00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:27,736
- Hear what?
- Exactly.

208
00:09:27,738 --> 00:09:30,316
- Should we be concerned?
- No. I checked on them.

209
00:09:30,318 --> 00:09:31,941
Fast asleep.

210
00:09:31,942 --> 00:09:33,143
Oh, and alive.

211
00:09:33,144 --> 00:09:34,590
Oh.

212
00:09:34,592 --> 00:09:36,479
Alive is good, yeah.

213
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:37,847
Did you drug them somehow?

214
00:09:37,848 --> 00:09:40,150
Well, is bourbon considered a drug?

215
00:09:40,151 --> 00:09:42,153
Oh, my God. [Chuckles]

216
00:09:43,102 --> 00:09:44,543
Oh.

217
00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:46,797
Okay, so, uh...

218
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,626
I'll just show up
late for work, I guess.

219
00:09:49,627 --> 00:09:52,430
With an inscrutable excuse.

220
00:09:54,105 --> 00:09:55,350
Let's be honest.

221
00:09:55,352 --> 00:09:56,870
I'm probably gonna tell
everybody in the office

222
00:09:56,871 --> 00:10:00,608
I'm having wild-animal
morning-sex with my wife.

223
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,972
Men.

224
00:10:02,973 --> 00:10:05,910
♪

225
00:10:08,591 --> 00:10:09,858
Okay, I'm gonna tell everybody,

226
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,347
including complete strangers.

227
00:10:11,348 --> 00:10:13,317
I'll probably tweet it, too.

228
00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:21,057
Okay.

229
00:10:21,058 --> 00:10:22,992
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

230
00:10:22,993 --> 00:10:25,596
- What's the hurry?
- It's...

231
00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:28,264
We got to get going. It's really late.

232
00:10:28,265 --> 00:10:30,400
You're the boss at your new job,

233
00:10:30,401 --> 00:10:32,068
I hate mine, so, uh,

234
00:10:32,069 --> 00:10:35,072
- let's take a minute.
- [Scoffs]

235
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:39,530
Okay.

236
00:10:41,579 --> 00:10:44,654
What's the deal with your
starting your own firm thing?

237
00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:46,683
Well, rent's obscene,

238
00:10:46,684 --> 00:10:49,354
I basically can't hire anybody ever,

239
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:50,575
and, um...

240
00:10:50,577 --> 00:10:54,077
yeah, this town already has about
ten more firms than it needs.

241
00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:55,662
So take a break...

242
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,862
right?

243
00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:00,604
Can build up the firm from home.

244
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,537
Maybe stay with the baby.

245
00:11:02,539 --> 00:11:04,183
[Scoffs]

246
00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:10,679
Look, if you don't want
it, I don't want it, okay?

247
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:16,773
You are the only man
I've ever really loved.

248
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:18,977
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

249
00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:21,997
Might be 'cause you're mostly gay.

250
00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:23,800
[Laughing] Yeah.

251
00:11:23,802 --> 00:11:26,337
Sure. That explains it.

252
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,666
Luckily my... pheromones

253
00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:31,495
just busted through this
lesbianic force field.

254
00:11:31,497 --> 00:11:32,772
[Laughs]

255
00:11:33,351 --> 00:11:34,684
I guess so.

256
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:37,413
I'd do anything for you.

257
00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:40,120
You know that, right?

258
00:11:45,187 --> 00:11:48,190
[Hooded Fang's "Almost Done" plays]

259
00:12:07,364 --> 00:12:12,876
♪ Definition of last night's pine ♪

260
00:12:12,878 --> 00:12:18,483
♪ Open-ended till you fell behind ♪

261
00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:20,448
Oh.

262
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:21,749
[Chuckles]

263
00:12:24,684 --> 00:12:27,219
Lori: Hey!

264
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,674
Somebody's perky this morning.

265
00:12:30,676 --> 00:12:33,211
Yeah. You know, just feeling lighter.

266
00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:35,766
Letting all that bad stuff... go.

267
00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:37,569
Sounds like a poop thing. It's not.

268
00:12:37,571 --> 00:12:39,743
But anyway, I have a feeling

269
00:12:39,745 --> 00:12:43,400
that you are gonna have a
super-terrific day, neighbor.

270
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:45,225
Are you on something?

271
00:12:45,227 --> 00:12:47,096
No.

272
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,260
Okay, well, um...

273
00:12:50,921 --> 00:12:54,069
Thanks, Lori. You have a
super-terrific day, too.

274
00:12:54,071 --> 00:12:55,588
Oh, I will.

275
00:12:55,719 --> 00:12:57,101
Bye.

276
00:13:03,511 --> 00:13:05,112
Ava: Glad somebody's happy.

277
00:13:05,114 --> 00:13:06,574
[Groans]

278
00:13:06,576 --> 00:13:08,954
I get to spend another
morning in the girl's bathroom

279
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,751
trying to flush the scent of
asparagus urine out of my nostrils.

280
00:13:11,753 --> 00:13:13,898
Oh, I almost forgot.

281
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:19,601
No fucking way.

282
00:13:19,603 --> 00:13:21,204
Yes fucking way.

283
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:23,173
Fresh start, clean slate.

284
00:13:23,252 --> 00:13:25,253
But you do have to pay it forward.

285
00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:27,123
Meaning?

286
00:13:27,125 --> 00:13:29,527
[Sighs] Well, don't be an asshole.

287
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,627
This feels like a trap.

288
00:13:35,629 --> 00:13:39,165
♪

289
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:41,503
Okay, it's noon o'clock somewhere.

290
00:13:41,505 --> 00:13:42,956
[Sighs] You know what?

291
00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:45,240
I am totally cool
leveraging the prospect

292
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:48,318
of eventual pregnancy
as an excuse to drink...

293
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,401
almost constantly.

294
00:13:50,403 --> 00:13:52,537
Hey, you know what the PSA says...

295
00:13:52,803 --> 00:13:55,654
"Friends don't let
friends binge-drink alone."

296
00:13:55,656 --> 00:13:56,967
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

297
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,635
- So let's get it?
- Get it.

298
00:13:58,637 --> 00:13:59,861
- Get it.
- Get it, girl!

299
00:13:59,863 --> 00:14:01,398
Shaun, here we come.

300
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,860
- You just snorted.
- I did a little bit.

301
00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:07,986
[Coughs]

302
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:09,823
What?

303
00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:12,021
You start work in 47 minutes.

304
00:14:12,023 --> 00:14:13,223
That... That's at noon.

305
00:14:13,224 --> 00:14:14,991
- So?
- Uh, it's just...

306
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:17,263
you can't fulfill the
duties of a skilled

307
00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:18,884
bartender when you're highly inebriated.

308
00:14:18,886 --> 00:14:20,630
[Stifles laugh]

309
00:14:20,631 --> 00:14:23,500
I could be drunk and a goldfish

310
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:26,503
and still "fulfill my duties
as bartender" better than you.

311
00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:28,171
Oh, that's... that's very funny.

312
00:14:28,172 --> 00:14:29,757
Yeah, because it's very true.

313
00:14:29,759 --> 00:14:31,033
It is very true.

314
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:32,440
Y... you might want
to take a look around

315
00:14:32,441 --> 00:14:35,379
'cause it's just the
two of you and, like...

316
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,782
barfly over there.

317
00:14:41,802 --> 00:14:43,786
Anyways, I'm having a baby.

318
00:14:43,788 --> 00:14:46,723
Now get us another
shot. We're celebrating.

319
00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:49,093
- [Laughs]
- You're kidding, right?

320
00:14:49,798 --> 00:14:51,332
Of course I'm kidding.

321
00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:53,114
Geez.

322
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,101
Silly boy.

323
00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:57,079
That wasn't funny.

324
00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:01,338
- Shots.
- But seriously, I'm way pregnant.

325
00:15:01,339 --> 00:15:03,340
Oh, whoa. Oh, don't be doing that.

326
00:15:03,341 --> 00:15:04,608
Oh, and she did it.

327
00:15:04,609 --> 00:15:05,609
Mm-hmm.

328
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:07,477
Okay.

329
00:15:07,478 --> 00:15:08,812
One more. I'm closing.

330
00:15:09,047 --> 00:15:11,716
[Footsteps]

331
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:15,831
[Clears throat]

332
00:15:16,888 --> 00:15:19,623
Sorry. Can't seem to figure
out how to not startle people.

333
00:15:19,624 --> 00:15:21,374
Well, if I had a door,
you could knock on it,

334
00:15:21,375 --> 00:15:23,843
but I don't because I'm stuck
in a fucking corner because...

335
00:15:23,845 --> 00:15:25,429
I normally wouldn't interrupt you,

336
00:15:25,431 --> 00:15:27,833
but Ms. Monro would like
to see you in your office.

337
00:15:28,499 --> 00:15:30,941
Don't you mean Dani wants
to see me in her office?

338
00:15:30,943 --> 00:15:32,223
That's what I thought.

339
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:34,599
She made me say it like a dozen
times to make sure I got it right.

340
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,801
Ms. Monro would like to
see you in your office.

341
00:15:36,974 --> 00:15:38,509
Southeast corner.

342
00:15:52,523 --> 00:15:54,425
Dani: Come on in, Emma.

343
00:15:55,369 --> 00:15:58,371
[Cheers and applause]

344
00:15:58,373 --> 00:15:59,564
Yay.

345
00:16:00,057 --> 00:16:02,124
Put 'er there, partner.

346
00:16:02,126 --> 00:16:03,800
Uh, what's going on?

347
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:06,002
Well, I did a... a little maneuvering.

348
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:08,549
You're heading up the
Hamilton Theater Project again.

349
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,924
Press release for your promotion
goes out this afternoon.

350
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,126
[Chuckles]

351
00:16:12,128 --> 00:16:14,262
Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?

352
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,599
Of course.

353
00:16:25,268 --> 00:16:27,270
I was going to present this
to you at the party, but...

354
00:16:27,271 --> 00:16:29,071
You're putting on quite
a show, aren't you?

355
00:16:29,109 --> 00:16:31,044
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

356
00:16:31,046 --> 00:16:32,885
My neighbor, Lori Matherfield,

357
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:36,323
she was clenching in such a big,
fat, juicy secret this morning...

358
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,106
I thought she was gonna explode.

359
00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:42,346
She's gonna tell me.

360
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,994
Fine, if you really must ruin it.

361
00:16:43,996 --> 00:16:45,274
[Chuckles]

362
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:47,438
What, you mean expose this
bullshit piece of theater

363
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,476
starring you as the
magnanimous senior partner?

364
00:16:50,515 --> 00:16:52,916
There was a meeting... at Hamilton.

365
00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:54,785
Mm. I kinda figured.

366
00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,091
This Matherfield cunt...

367
00:16:56,093 --> 00:16:58,055
Don't... Don't call her that.

368
00:16:58,056 --> 00:17:00,057
Oh, she's your buddy now?

369
00:17:00,058 --> 00:17:01,925
I... I don't know what she is, but...

370
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,327
you know, she's not that.

371
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,943
The jury's still out on you, though.

372
00:17:07,331 --> 00:17:09,112
Do you really want to play it like this?

373
00:17:09,114 --> 00:17:10,987
Just finish your story.

374
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:15,205
She called together the Alumni Board,

375
00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:16,561
Dean Weinstock,

376
00:17:16,563 --> 00:17:18,389
and a few other of the
administrative types,

377
00:17:18,391 --> 00:17:20,426
and made a speech on your behalf.

378
00:17:21,546 --> 00:17:22,709
And?

379
00:17:22,711 --> 00:17:24,800
Like I said, you're back on the project.

380
00:17:26,284 --> 00:17:27,685
And what if I say no?

381
00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:30,445
What?

382
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:32,582
Why would you say no?

383
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,360
What if I decide not
to head up the project?

384
00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:41,915
We lose it.

385
00:17:41,917 --> 00:17:43,317
Excuse me?

386
00:17:43,319 --> 00:17:45,987
And I fire you so
fucking hard, Trakarsky.

387
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,387
Ooh, I'm scared.

388
00:17:47,389 --> 00:17:48,874
And before the door hits your ass,

389
00:17:48,876 --> 00:17:50,903
I initiate the first of 100 calls

390
00:17:50,905 --> 00:17:53,034
to make sure you never
work in this town again.

391
00:17:53,036 --> 00:17:55,753
[Laughing] Stop, I'm
gonna piss my pants.

392
00:17:55,755 --> 00:17:58,033
You play it as cool as you want, but...

393
00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:00,637
we both know we're
stuck with each other.

394
00:18:00,639 --> 00:18:03,240
Now, why don't we go
back to your new office,

395
00:18:03,242 --> 00:18:04,776
put on our big-girl smiles...

396
00:18:04,778 --> 00:18:06,655
Oh, I can't. I'm meeting a friend.

397
00:18:06,657 --> 00:18:10,193
Um, but I will give you my
decision as soon as I get back.

398
00:18:10,194 --> 00:18:11,483
What fucking decision?

399
00:18:11,485 --> 00:18:13,432
There's no door number two, Trakarsky.

400
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,569
There's always a door number two, Monro.

401
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,907
♪

402
00:18:24,158 --> 00:18:26,562
Did I happen to mention
that my wife and I had wild,

403
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,509
animalistic morning sex today?

404
00:18:28,511 --> 00:18:29,881
Yeah, like three times so far.

405
00:18:31,438 --> 00:18:33,687
Why is it so... gross when a guy

406
00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:35,658
brags about having sex with his wife?

407
00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:38,221
Yeah, like, when you tap
Mila Kunis, you can brag,

408
00:18:38,222 --> 00:18:39,877
but telling people
you tapped your wife...

409
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,756
it's just... weird.

410
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:44,294
You're ruining this whole
thing, thank you very much.

411
00:18:46,101 --> 00:18:48,636
Okay, well, here's something...

412
00:18:48,638 --> 00:18:51,440
me, Emma, and Izzy
are gonna have a baby.

413
00:18:51,442 --> 00:18:53,035
You're gonna have a threesome baby?

414
00:18:53,037 --> 00:18:54,561
How is that even possible?

415
00:18:54,563 --> 00:18:56,705
No, it's... it's my s... sperm,

416
00:18:56,707 --> 00:18:59,310
Emma's eggs, and Izzy's uterus.

417
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:02,782
But then we got to... move downtown.

418
00:19:02,784 --> 00:19:04,633
That is some very weird science.

419
00:19:04,635 --> 00:19:07,485
Is there, like, a polygamist
community down there or a...

420
00:19:07,487 --> 00:19:10,119
some special school for children
of threesomes I don't know about?

421
00:19:10,121 --> 00:19:12,856
Well, it's just Izzy's
part of the bargain.

422
00:19:12,858 --> 00:19:15,060
We get her womb and she gets a loft.

423
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:16,860
Ah. Translation...

424
00:19:16,861 --> 00:19:19,494
she doesn't want to live
anywhere near you boring losers.

425
00:19:19,496 --> 00:19:22,442
Oh, yeah, because your gated
community of uber-Caucasians

426
00:19:22,444 --> 00:19:25,113
gets the hipster seal of approval.

427
00:19:25,115 --> 00:19:26,482
My backyard bocce ball tournaments

428
00:19:26,484 --> 00:19:29,966
get pretty fucking wild after
a few Belgian ales, David.

429
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,724
Whitest thing you've ever said.

430
00:19:31,726 --> 00:19:34,544
I gotta be honest, you know,
it's all happening so fast.

431
00:19:34,545 --> 00:19:36,104
It's like one night
you're prancing around

432
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:38,212
an unfinished loft
doing a fertility dance,

433
00:19:38,214 --> 00:19:40,503
and the next day, you're
sitting across a professional

434
00:19:40,505 --> 00:19:42,887
talking about a three-parent baby.

435
00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:48,551
What?

436
00:19:48,553 --> 00:19:51,285
It's just... one of those...

437
00:19:51,287 --> 00:19:53,490
once-in-a-lifetime sentences.

438
00:19:57,775 --> 00:19:59,342
Mm.

439
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,169
[Sighs] Sorry the sitter bailed.

440
00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:03,445
I was dying to get out of the house.

441
00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,793
Oh, it's cool. I had stuff
to do at the house anyway.

442
00:20:05,795 --> 00:20:07,675
- I want to open one.
- Do you want to open one?

443
00:20:07,905 --> 00:20:09,906
What? Yeah? What do you... What?

444
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:10,878
What did you have to do?

445
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,815
You know, like... stuff.

446
00:20:13,817 --> 00:20:15,081
You're being weird.

447
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:18,152
Sort of rerouting the
conception strategy.

448
00:20:18,154 --> 00:20:19,222
Yeah?

449
00:20:21,218 --> 00:20:23,224
We have an appointment today to discuss

450
00:20:23,226 --> 00:20:25,357
other options at 4:00.

451
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,460
Okay. What kind of options?

452
00:20:27,832 --> 00:20:30,333
You know, like... Izzy...

453
00:20:30,334 --> 00:20:32,364
carrying our baby... stuff like that.

454
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,872
- Baby.
- "Baby". I know, right? Hilarious.

455
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,665
Wait, you're kidding, right?

456
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:39,735
Nope.

457
00:20:42,459 --> 00:20:44,171
Do you remember what you said to me

458
00:20:44,173 --> 00:20:46,608
in the... Lesbian Temple of Tea

459
00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:48,611
how you're not sure about
anything in your life

460
00:20:48,613 --> 00:20:50,647
sexually, professionally, or...

461
00:20:50,768 --> 00:20:52,003
reproductively?

462
00:20:52,005 --> 00:20:53,434
Jack wants a baby.

463
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,102
Jack wants a baby.

464
00:20:58,199 --> 00:21:00,588
- [Knock on door]
- We're in here.

465
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:01,857
Lori: Hello?

466
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:03,394
- [Whispering] Lori?
- [Door closes]

467
00:21:04,623 --> 00:21:06,595
- Oh! Hey.
- Hey.

468
00:21:08,514 --> 00:21:11,232
That was a pretty amazing thing
you did for me, Lori Matherfield.

469
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:12,334
Oh.

470
00:21:13,744 --> 00:21:15,875
Somebody please tell me
what's going on right now.

471
00:21:15,877 --> 00:21:19,102
Lo called together the Alumni
Board and Dean Weinstock

472
00:21:19,104 --> 00:21:22,004
and fixed everything
on the Theater Project.

473
00:21:22,006 --> 00:21:23,676
Oh, so you're a partner again?

474
00:21:23,678 --> 00:21:25,089
Mm, maybe.

475
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,596
Hug her.

476
00:21:26,598 --> 00:21:29,461
- Huh? What's that?
- Hug... Hug Lo. She deserves it.

477
00:21:29,781 --> 00:21:33,079
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

478
00:21:33,081 --> 00:21:35,261
- Here, I'll take her.
- Hi.

479
00:21:35,777 --> 00:21:37,511
How do you want to do this? Uh...

480
00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:38,528
- Okay.
- Okay.

481
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:39,569
Yes. It's okay.

482
00:21:39,570 --> 00:21:41,911
- I want you two to become friends.
- It's nice.

483
00:21:41,913 --> 00:21:43,018
Okay, spill it, Trakarsky.

484
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:45,629
What the fuck is this
about? Are you... dying?

485
00:21:45,631 --> 00:21:48,343
Oh, I love that one necklace of yours.

486
00:21:48,345 --> 00:21:50,806
The... the antique-y
one with the rubies.

487
00:21:52,303 --> 00:21:54,938
What? It's a joke. I can
make jokes now, right?

488
00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:56,486
I'm Lo.

489
00:21:56,487 --> 00:21:58,689
♪

490
00:22:01,138 --> 00:22:02,677
Hey, baby daddy.

491
00:22:02,679 --> 00:22:03,746
Hey.

492
00:22:05,031 --> 00:22:06,632
[Sighs]

493
00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:18,331
[Chuckles]

494
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:26,740
You know, the last time we
sat on the bench together,

495
00:22:26,742 --> 00:22:29,990
I left and consumed a
dangerous volume of vodka,

496
00:22:29,992 --> 00:22:33,324
jalapeño kettle chips,
and pistachio ice cream...

497
00:22:35,412 --> 00:22:37,149
'cause I had fallen for a married couple

498
00:22:37,151 --> 00:22:39,086
and I could never, ever see them again.

499
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,854
I went home and had sex with my wife,

500
00:22:46,915 --> 00:22:50,941
who... told me you gave her
a footjob under the table...

501
00:22:52,410 --> 00:22:54,152
... and made out with her...

502
00:22:55,077 --> 00:22:58,709
and that... you weren't
her first girl...

503
00:22:58,823 --> 00:23:00,223
or her second.

504
00:23:00,951 --> 00:23:03,744
It turns out you weren't
her third, either.

505
00:23:03,746 --> 00:23:05,877
[Chuckles] Rough.

506
00:23:08,559 --> 00:23:10,603
That's when everything changed.

507
00:23:19,210 --> 00:23:21,512
[Chuckles]

508
00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,623
Look, I want this...

509
00:23:30,515 --> 00:23:32,016
... bad.

510
00:23:33,692 --> 00:23:35,952
I need you guys to want it, too.

511
00:23:37,302 --> 00:23:38,396
'Cause if you don't,

512
00:23:38,398 --> 00:23:39,855
- there's no reason...
- Jack.

513
00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:41,915
I do.

514
00:23:46,063 --> 00:23:49,399
[Chuckles lightly]

515
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,737
♪

516
00:24:17,113 --> 00:24:18,781
[Cellphone chimes]

517
00:24:20,887 --> 00:24:23,490
[Cellphone chimes]

518
00:24:45,805 --> 00:24:49,476
[Rose Windows' "There Is A Light" plays]

519
00:24:50,327 --> 00:24:54,865
♪ There is a light ♪

520
00:24:56,793 --> 00:25:01,130
♪ Down through the sky ♪

521
00:25:02,139 --> 00:25:08,278
♪ See the dream as it goes by ♪

522
00:25:08,279 --> 00:25:12,149
♪ Past our eyes ♪

523
00:25:12,590 --> 00:25:16,527
♪ There is a cold ♪

524
00:25:16,794 --> 00:25:20,830
♪ Wind that will blow ♪

525
00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:25,223
♪ Through all the memories ♪

526
00:25:26,030 --> 00:25:30,808
♪ That we know ♪

527
00:25:30,810 --> 00:25:34,880
♪ Like a whisper ♪

528
00:25:35,906 --> 00:25:40,643
♪ The hounds will be chasing soon ♪

529
00:25:40,644 --> 00:25:44,914
♪ The feeling will not get through ♪

530
00:25:44,915 --> 00:25:53,190
♪ The old just dying with the new ♪

531
00:25:59,063 --> 00:26:04,467
♪ There is a light ♪

532
00:26:04,468 --> 00:26:09,872
♪ Down through the sky ♪

533
00:26:09,873 --> 00:26:16,280
♪ See the dream as it goes by ♪

534
00:26:16,281 --> 00:26:21,281
synced by peritta - corrections by chamallow
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