[Bulk's voice] Help. Like, help. It's not a trap...
Is what they made me say. Sorry.
[Thunk] Lobphins! With their pinchers of pain and blowholes of rage!
Too bad they ambushed the wrong three mysterious adventurers.
[all grunt]
[screams]
I've been saving this one all day. Burp wave!
[belches loudly]
- [laughs] - [growls]
[shouts]
This cavern is now...
[growling]
[gulps] ...clear.
[all cheer]
- Yes! What's up! - [Eep] Hey.
- What are you guys doing? - Oh, hey, Eep.
We're having a daring adventure in the most dangerous place of all...
- our minds. - We're playing Caverns and Creepers.
It's a new make-stuff-up game Thunk made up.
- We play every weekend. - Yeah? How come you never invite me?
We don't?
Mmm...
Okay, it's just, sometimes when we pretend, you can sort of be...
[Thunk] Then the one rockslinger said to the other,
"This valley ain't big enough for the both of us."
[Eep] Until they were both destroyed by the foot monster.
[roars]
[scoffs] You don't know the rules of Foot Monster.
[all grumbling]
Come on, please. I'm awesome at games.
Of course you can play. My favorite game with my favorite person?
Ha! Thank you, life.
[Eep giggles]
Fine... if you follow the rules.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm. - [sighs]
Welcome to Caverns and Creepers.
I shall narrate your adventure as the Bludgeon Master.
He tells us who we can bludgeon and how bludgeon-y we can bludgeon.
While also playing as Thunkolas, son of a hunter and a pugott.
He's adorable yet dangerous.
[growls, roars]
I am Lerkodile the Loud, master of the gaseous arts.
And I am Wompli. I have a stick.
[Eep] Oh! My turn? [laughs]
Uh, I'll be... [shouts] Eeptor the Destroyer!
Half bear owl, half giant, half sun.
Able to eat entire valleys in a single gulp.
[Thunk] Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, but we each get only one special power, so...
[Eep] Right. Sure. [chuckles nervously]
[high-pitched voice] This is more what I wanted anyway, so...
Now let's get caverning. [stammers]
Creepering? Whatever you call it. Eeptor's ready to win.
Great enthusiasm, Eep,
but Caverns and Creepers isn't about winning, really.
- It's about all players working together. - [both agree]
And I'm gonna work together the best. [laughs]
When we last saw our adventurers,
they had defeated the hordes of lobphins to free a new hero.
So... I'm the Destroyer. Got anything I can destroy for you?
Uh, thanks, but we're on a quest to save Bulkford the Frail
from the dreaded enemy.
- Biggus Baddiest. - Ugh! I hate that guy. Right?
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, so much.
- [all scream] - [Thunk] Uh-oh.
Looks like we'll have to get past Sheetah, the winged cheetah.
If ye wish to enter this cave, entertainment's what I crave.
Okay, here's the plan. I'll make cute pugott eyes at her.
I'll dance like nobody's watching.
And I'll tickle myself with my beard.
[laughs]
- What about you, Eeptor? Eeptor? - Oh, I'll find a better way through.
[grunts] Boom!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't punch through a wall.
- It's too thick. - Okay. Well, then...
No. Look, the wall's cursed, so nothing can break it.
- And you don't have lightning bolts! - Sure, sure.
But I do have a curse-shattering bear owl roar.
[roars]
[screaming]
[laughs]
Fine. Eeptor's shrill scream shatters the wall,
revealing treasure on the other side.
[all giggling]
That's the fastest we ever reached a treasure!
[Womp laughs]
Ha-ha. You pretend to win.
[deep evil laughter]
That sounds like Biggus Baddiest.
[laughter continues]
You've come far.
Hmm.
[scoffs]
But you'll never rescue Bulkaford the Frail.
Stand down, fiend. Never.
[laughs maniacally]
So Thunk plays all the roles?
You think this is good, you should see him play Thunkolas' love interest.
[Thunk] Ahem.
Do I hear Eeptor and Lerkodile planning to quit and run away?
- Ha! Never. - Uh-huh. Sure. Homework blast!
- [all shout] - [roars]
[grunts]
[shouting]
Now's our chance. While he's preparing a lesson.
[all shouting]
Eeptor the Destroyer's got this.
- Won't you need our powers? - Oh, great idea.
I use my bear owl charm to take all of your powers.
Which unlocks my lava gaze!
- Oh! - [lava gurgling]
[Bulk groans]
[Womp] Eep, it's no fun if you kill Baddiest.
He has to get away. All of our quests revolve around him.
Yeah. You ruined everything, Eep.
But still best friends forever, right? Okay.
Guys, it's all made up.
We can bring Baddiest back by just saying, "And then, Baddiest came back to life."
You don't get it.
The whole point of the game is we're supposed to play together.
Guys!
[Thunk] Okay, new quest.
How about a brand new game where we all pretend to have magical beards?
- Well, so much for that game. - Hey, guys.
I know I blew it. But I planned a whole new adventure for us.
No, I'll pass on further adventures with Eeptor the Bad Teammate.
If you're not interested, guess I can always get rid of these.
[all gasp]
- I can be half pugott for real! - Oh! A spikeapple stick!
- A beard? - What is it with you and beards?
Ha!
Welcome to my Caverns and Creepers.
But we're only pretend brave. Reality is not kind to Womps.
Eep, I usually never question you, but today has been a real test.
Relax. I've thought it all through.
- And I promise I won't dominate. - [Bulk] Help.
[gasps] Ooh, sounds like Bulkaford the Frail has been captured.
We must save him.
[Bulk] I did not agree to any of this.
Oh, no, but which path will we take?
[Bulk] Seriously, I had plans today.
I think his voice is coming from that way.
That seems like the obvious way to go, Wompli, but almost too obvious.
[Thunk sniffing]
Agreed. Thunkolas smells trouble this way, and Bulkaford's panic sweat this way.
I think we should go left. But it is up to the group, right?
Right, right. But my bear owl instincts tell me we should go this way.
[groans]
Painful reality.
Whoo! Ah!
See? How cool was that? Ha ha! And there's more where that came from.
Arrrgh!
"Face my deep trouble ray.
Mwa-ha-ha-ha."
Hey, this Biggus Baddiest character seems like my kind of guy.
Eep, let us play. You're making it all about what you want again.
No, no, I'm not. It's just my bear owl instincts
say you're gonna miss out on a lot of fun.
Ugh. Guys, you're going the wrong way. All the good stuff is back there.
Ah! [shrieks]
Lobphin? You're real? You're not what I had planned.
Oh, you ate what I had planned. Eeptor can take you.
- [screams] - [roars]
Guys, quick! Draw your weapons.
Why? So we can not use them and watch you have all the fun again?
No. So we don't die.
- [roaring] - [all scream]
I know it's the last thing you'd expect me to say,
but we have to fight it together.
So, what do you say, Bludgeon Master?
I say he ambushed the wrong mysterious adventurers.
Who?
Oh.
[chitters]
By Wompli's beard. Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Normal burp. [belches]
[sniffs]
Actually, above-average burp.
Behold my adorable gnawing!
Huh. I don't have a lava attack or a lightning bolt. So... power poke!
[all make noises]
- What's it doing? - I've seen this reaction a lot.
It's weirded out. Make a run for it.
- [all sigh] - Wow. [laughs]
Fighting that thing together was fun!
- Yeah, and it looked so real. - Yeah, it was real.
What? I was tickling him with my beard.
[sobs]
So, wanna play again next weekend?
The pretend one, not this one. Never. Never again this one, no.
You bet. And from now on, I'll keep everybody in mind. Bulk!
[grumbles]
Uh.
So much for those plans I had today.
- [groans] - [grunts]
Hm.
Class, once a season, I break up all the meat I eat
with something green and loud.
So for today, you will fetch me some screamweed.
[shrieking]
Teacher Squawk, what exactly are we supposed to learn from this?
Patience, as in, my stomach is even less patient than me. Dive in.
[shrieks, shouts]
[all scream]
Ah... Fight harder.
- What are you doing? - We have to come up for air.
- Breathing is for wimps. - Exactly.
[gasps]
Know what frustrates me most about Teacher Squawk?
Yeah, me too! Please finish, but I think you're onto something.
Nothing we do is ever good enough for him.
I can't eat this. It's wet.
Hey, I got a big one. No, he's got me.
[Thunk screams]
Help. Help! Help! Help!
- [gasps] - [Thunk gasps]
- [all cheer] - Yeah!
Take care of yourself, dude. All you little guys are the future.
Wow.
- Rad's amazing. - Yeah, amazing... at ruining my lesson!
How will you all learn to survive
if you keep being coddled with basic human decency?
Now back into the water with the death plants.
[all groan]
And a reminder, Valley-wide feet sweeping starts this week.
So if a liyote makes a mess, it must sweep dirt over it with its feet.
- Hmm? - [Eep clears throat]
Um, excuse me. We would like to lodge a complaint against Teacher Squawk.
[gulps]
What? You said these snacks were for everybody. I'm everybody!
No. Our complaint is he's a terrible teacher.
We demand you replace Squawk with someone better.
[all gasp]
Now, now, I can't stand Squawk either, honey. Who can?
But you're still alive, and by that standard, he's doing okay.
All he does is boss us around and put us in danger.
You really think that's good for the Womps among us?
[grunting]
The fact is, Squawk's just a giant jerk who yells at us all day.
Of course I am. My methods may be harsh,
but so is the world I'm teaching you to survive in.
- You'd be an idiot to replace me, Grug. - Did you just call me an idiot?
No, I said you would be an idiot to replace me, not that you are an idiot.
You're too much of an idiot to see the difference.
That's it. Squawk, you are sacked! Mow, sack the man.
You'll regret this. Those children will be helpless without me.
- [Squawk] Oh, oh, I cannot believe...! - Guess we'll need a new teacher, eh?
Of course, Eep! Let's do a valley-wide teacher search.
[sighs]
Well, teachers are kind of glorified babysitters.
Hey, wait, if you're here, who's watching the babies?
[babies giggling]
And thus, old bones called fossils can lead to fascinating discoveries
about ancient animals of water and sky.
[roars]
Hello, class. I'm Mrs. Squawkfur.
Fine. Worth a shot.
Huh.
Thought more qualified people would've responded to the flyers I sent out.
- Wonder what happened. - Beats me, Dad.
Oh, hey, I know someone who'd be good.
Buffalippos can't teach. Oh, you meant Rad.
So I got asked to be your new teacher, but I turned it down.
[all groan]
Because the best person to teach you guys... is yourselves.
- [all] Whoa. - She's even better than I thought.
But to be clear, you are our new teacher.
[pants]
Sorry I'm late. Got held up. In the air by that guy.
[kisses]
[scoffs] In my class, there is no late.
I didn't become a death guard by worrying about attendance.
I did it by listening to my heart.
Listen to my heart. Got it.
[cracking]
[shouts]
Sorry. I'll go toss myself in Deep Trouble.
Squawk had me go in head first. Do you have a preference?
Easy, little cave dude. The way I see it,
it's only a mistake if it's a mistake to you.
- Class dismissed. - But we just got here. Ow.
Now, class, if you have four pieces of meat,
and I take three of them, how many are left?
Two? No, you flea brain. The answer is one.
And one minus one is like you... a big, fat zero. Ugh.
This job's worse than my old one. Now, my teaching fee.
- [all growl] - [screams]
[grunts]
[groans] Aw.
Oh, wow. Squawk never let us have fun like this.
- What do you call this class? - Me-ometry.
Do anything you want to learn the greatest lesson of all...
What it means to be me. Or in your case, you.
I'm making a stick Womp.
Correction, I am sticking Womp.
That's the most "you" idea you had all day. Have a gold starfish.
I gotta get it. I gotta get...
Wait. We can really do anything we want?
- If that's what you wanna do. - I do. I do wanna do what I wanna do.
And what I wanna do is...
Whoo! Some sweet slateboard tricks.
Yeah! Rip it, Eep!
[grunting]
I thought it, but I didn't do it. What went wrong?
Nothing. That was one totally Croodular face-plant move. Here's a gold starfish.
Huh. I guess it was totally Croodular. Yeah.
Eep, honey, you okay?
I came by to make sure Rad wasn't just Squawk in another disguise,
but what's going on in this, I wanna say lesson?
[all screaming]
Here's a gold starfish, here's a gold starfish.
Oh, isn't it awesome? Rad's letting us teach ourselves.
I don't know. Sounds more like she's being lazy than awesome.
Oh, no way. She's way better than Squawk.
Remember the time he gave me that take-home test.
[screaming]
Hm.
Besides, I'm doing so well, Rad gave me a gold starfish.
I got one too, for figuring out how to pick both nose holes at once.
And another for learning you can get stuck this way.
Trust me. Rad's great. Now can you let us get back to our studies?
Okay. No one gave me a gold starfish.
Guess what. Lerk had the sweet idea
that we should put up a vine-rope across the cliffs in Hunter's Hollow.
- Yeah! - Yes!
As soon as I said it, I thought, "That is stupid dangerous.
No one should vine-rope walk that high up."
- But Rad says it's brilliant. - I volunteer to go first.
Man, this is high up.
Should I take it slow or go fast?
Right. Right, I'm my best teacher.
Totally. Have a gold starfish. Heck, have five.
Fast it is.
[all gasp]
[gasps] Ah!
[all gasp]
Maybe slow would be better. [laughs] I mean, what is the rush?
[exclaims]
Huh? [gasps]
[shouts]
Okay, that's the rush. Maybe if I jump, I could survive the fall.
[growling]
[gulps]
- [growls] - [shouts]
I'm coming to save you, Eep.
Oh, no, no. I'm not coming to save you, Eep.
Eep, only you can save you.
So I should use what I learned in me-ometry. Is that what you mean?
- If that's what you think you should... - You gotta give me something here!
This isn't a job for a teacher.
This is a job for a death guard.
[Womp mutters]
[shouts, thuds]
Phew! That pile of broken bones broke her fall. Everything's okay.
- [Eep screams] - Huh?
[Squawk] Crood girl?
Teacher Squawk? What are you doing here?
So I've had a little trouble finding work. What are you doing here?
Teaching myself to vine-rope walk.
With your terrible foot-eye coordination? Ha! That's an awful idea.
Could've used that feedback earlier. Too late now.
Only if you're a quitter!
Gather your balance and swing up onto that vine.
Go!
Come on!
Fight back already or die a coward's death. Your call!
Teacher Squawk, you saved me.
You call that gratitude? Sorry. I'm kind of always "on."
Well, class, in my time away, I've reflected a lot on my teaching style,
and I've realized... I did everything perfectly.
[all screaming]
So you sure you don't want Rad to be your teacher anymore?
Yeah. She found some new students to teach anyway.
Chased your tail, gold starfish.
Besides, maybe a teacher shouldn't be someone you wanna hang out with,
but someone who pushes you.
[all screaming]
[bellows]
[laughs]
Teaching is its own reward.