Listen up, people. Listen.
Like a sinner, like a crawling animal ...
... like a boar that has trampled sacred things ...
Let me tell you how I endured the dark gospel ...
... and how I can still breathe while the mucus ...
... to my broken leper lips rising ...
... and pornography, the threat and the violence ...
... rise to my braised throat.
... while I'm not from it.
And through which I can swim in hell, without drowning in the bile.
I'll tell you. By love.
By love, you beautiful people. Love.
Love is not a fleeting encounter with a immoral angel.
What I am talking about when I am talk about love, is the kingdom ...
... the land of cooling water and where there is much love.
It is a place that really exists.
If that wasn't there, why tell the Lord of balance then ...
... that he has a place for you and will prepare for me ...
... and that he will return?
Because there he is.
You always became a girl since.
People often commented on it.
You just went to high school.
That was very expensive. I remember that.
A new uniform, a suitcase, pens, a compass set, pencils ...
It took me a week to get it out.
You loved those shoes.
Written with 'George Best' on the sole. You didn't want to wear anything else.
George Best and Julie Beech.
In that time you were only interested in them.
She wrote my name with a pen on her jeans.
She now lives in South Africa.
She's doing well.
Leave that damned.
It is a slice.
We demolished things, we get hurt, we don't complain.
Emma. A real woman.
She is a real woman.
- Could you make me a steak? - Joe?
I dont need anything. I have ten bags of chips on.
And he has already eaten a Cow Pie.
That's a forbidden fruit, boy.
Forbidden.
Do you already know my steak story? -What steak story?
Malky and I were in an Indian tent after a visit to a night club ...
This lightweight slept in his tikka masala.
He got no further than the starter.
I ordered what I always take: vindaloo, extra pedis.
Malky has ordered a T-bean steak because that jerk does not eat anything else.
The steak is coming and he just wants to take a bite if ...
Boom. It is completely free.
It is just like the wild west. There is a buzz party in the corner.
Real acorns. Firefighters who were not employed.
Stupid drunk.
They injured the immigrant waiters.
Like in a slaughter room in a slaughterhouse.
So I'm telling Malky ... I say, "Hey."
He works away half a cow. I say: "Hey."
We have to go there and help those poor ones ...
... otherwise there will still be deaths. "
And Malky says like a true Christian with a heart of gold:
"I have no service."
Afterwards one of those bastards jumps up ...
... and damn he runs over our table.
He runs after a screaming waiter with a bread knife.
And then he stands ...
... on Malky's steak.
I mean it.
We tackled them, boy.
Ah, when you talk about the devil. Now that you are there, dude.
Please dear. -Thank you, Emma.
I'll take a look at it, Billy. I was a nurse.
Come here.
O my God, have you seen this?
It is a slice.
Did you injure yourself on the demolition site? Has he been treated for infections?
No, he must go immediately to the emergency department.
Can you drive him there, Joe? -What is it?
No, I'm tired. I can't even have a conversation.
He may already have spread.
Goddamnit.
What do you mean? -The infection.
An infection can cost you your arm. -No, he has to go to the hospital, Malky.
The infection must not reach your heart. -My heart?
There is perhaps an alternative.
It remains a gamble, but ...
My mother? -Yes.
She can give a kiss on it, Billy. Then you are fine again.
Are you goddamn blind or something?
Hey, where did that make sense?
Nothing.
It didn't seem like it was nothing.
I'm just tired.
It's okay. Just go. Just go. It's okay.
Can you get that black currant jam? grab me?
That? -Yes thank you.
I want some cookies.
Chocolate cookies. No, not that.
Yes that one.
And chips? Do you want chips?
Are you blind or something? -Ho, what are you doing?
Come, dude. It is retarded.
Do you want some coffee?
Do you want a candy, Mom?
You like it the best. -No thanks.
Are you mad at me?
It looks like you're mad at me.
Mom? -No, I'm not mad at you.
What do you want me to say?
Those bastards didn't look out. -Do you not want to use that language?
I'm sorry, okay?
He almost knocked you over. I won't let that happen.
But I didn't raise you like that.
Do you want a cup of tea, Malcolm?
You don't feel well.
I can see it on your face. Your face is tense.
I'm just tired.
You don't have too much ... -Mam.
You are my son. I feel it when something is wrong.
Can't I just be tired?
Is it hard work? Demolish churches?
It's God's house. -Yes. Well, it's being demolished.
You should go to confession.
That new church is very beautiful. I've seen it. It is very beautiful.
I have to go back to work.
Are you Malky? I'm Paul.
The cross is mine. The foreman said you had to take it down.
Give me a minute.
It is a beautiful building. I am always been fond of Saint Michael's.
Shall I tackle it?
Get out of the way.
Hey, friend. Thank you very much.
I have a new place for it.
I'm going to cum. Oh my God.
When I was little, I went to church here.
It is a pity. It was a beautiful place.
It's just me a lot of stones and cement.
I did not see you.
I came by last week. I knocked on the door.
I thought I heard the TV on.
I'm working, Em.
Is it me?
I have to go back to work. -You didn't come by.
I thought that our relationship was not serious.
Is it over now?
You know, you always do this to me, Malky. You do it every time.
It is my fault.
It's not you.
It is my fault.
Whose girl are you?
I'm your girl.
Mom, what are you doing?
My damn back almost breaks.
That doesn't surprise me. Where do you want it?
In addition to the other one.
Why do you also wear heavy pots? I said that I will lift the heavy things.
You can't do everything for me.
I am independant. I have to to do something yourself.
How is your back? - He's slowing down, that's the way it is.
And old, like me. I'll make some tea.
One tea bag is enough for two cups.
POPULAR PRIEST TURNS 30 YEARS BACK TO LOCAL PAROCHIE
Hey, can you give me a ride? On the way to work?
It's not on your route, is it? Do not you mind?
Is something wrong?
I'm fine. Okay?
I'm just tired.
Your cell phone rang.
It's just Pete. He picks me up on the way to work.
I didn't know I was sleeping with you. He comes by my house, so ...
He picks you up and drops you off ...
I'm just saying that it's nice of him.
Did I do something wrong?
I didn't do anything wrong, right?
You know what, I don't need a lift. I will go walk. I need a fresh nose.
What should I think about it?
I'm going to the pub for you. Often you don't see me standing.
That is not true. -Then I'll go there ...
... to surprise you because I thought that you would like that ...
... and then you get into the car with a guy.
He calls everyone baby. - He calls you damn sweetheart.
Don't scold me. Is it me or am I missing something?
Is it because I don't often have come by?
Have you had enough of me?
I did not do anything. - If you don't want me, say so.
Then say what I would have done. -If you want to leave, you can leave.
I do not need you.
Do you think I need you?
I don't need you damn you. I do not need anyone.
It looks like it's over.
It is not out. You do what you always do.
You get angry because you are scared.
Anxious? What am I afraid of then? -I do not know.
I do not know. You tell me.
You always care and then blame me for it.
I'm too old for these games, Malky. You're too old for that.
I'm still there? -No you're not.
You are not there.
I mean, you look like yourself, but you are not yourself.
You are a stranger to me.
I'm just tired, okay? -Liar.
God. You can't even be honest with me.
You don't trust me.
Do you trust me?
You don't trust me.
No, why would you too?
I mean, we only have four years a relationship.
I take off my pants for you. I suck your dick for you.
I fuck you in a dirty pub cellar if it suits you.
And why? Oh yeah. I know. Yes. Because it's not serious.
Another glass, please, honey.
By the way, I talked to your guy. I told him clearly ...
... that if he doesn't take care of you, I add you to my harem.
I don't know what's wrong. - How do you think I feel?
I introduced you to each other. - So it's your fault.
Have I ever told you my steak story? -Only 100 times or so.
Malky and I were in an Indian restaurant when it all started.
I told you.
... to spill some blood.
But he didn't want to do it.
"I can't do it, Joe. My mother sits at home. My mom is home.'
You know what he is like with his old mother.
Malky and I beat everything that moved.
Bodies fell to the ground and heads fell open.
Everything turned red rather quickly.
Then there were police officers at the door.
And I stand there with a ...
... hammer in my hand.
Blood is dripping from it.
I mean, I'm really crying because...
... I know what I did and can't believe I did it.
And I say to Malky ... I beg him, I say:
"I can't turn around, Malky.
I can't serve a prison sentence.
I have children at home.
So...
... Malky takes the hammer and throws it through the doors.
The agents are coming in and arrest him.
He is brave.
He said I had nothing to do with it.
He took it all on himself.
I know you know ...
... that he was in jail before you met.
But you don't know that he was in jail for me.
Come here.
'After all, we now look through it of a mirror in a mystery ...
... but then we will see face to face.
Now I know in part ...
... but then I will know, as I am known myself.
And now faith, hope and love remain. "
Is it at work?
There is hard work today to find. Do your best in this position.
It's not working, mom.
You ...
The police won't stop by again, boy?
I couldn't handle it.
I'm tonight went to that church of yours.
The new.
You probably want to put your hammer in there, or not?
There are many churches. You cannot demolish them all.
He's not a good person, mom.
He was always nice to us.
He has a family, you know that? He has nephews and nieces.
He doesn't deserve this.
See you. You should see your face.
You are ice cold. You judge people. That's wrong with you.
Judging is a sin.
That's the bad behavior so you ended up in jail ...
... and you damn me for two years left alone.
The neighbors gossiped behind my back.
The shame ...
Sorry.
I don't know what has happened lately is wrong with you.
You have no compassion. You think I can handle it.
Well, I can't handle it.
My nerves can't handle it. I can not handle it any longer.
Are you okay?
What do you want again?
I do like a fire.
I killed my own father when I was 16.
I had to go from the age of seven sucking his cock.
My father forced me to suck his cock.
He said it was ok to enjoy it.
I beheaded him with my mother's meat cleaver.
I neatly chopped it off.
Do you know how heavy a severed head is?
I know all about anger.
I have two years in a psychiatric ward.
Seven years under the treatment of one prison psychiatrist and then I found God.
That's not why I'm here.
They tried everything with me, do you know.
Psychoanalysis, therapy ...
It was not enough. There was too much shame.
I couldn't tell anyone, you know? Who can you tell?
People judge, brother.
You can't trust people.
They even unconsciously judge.
An old priest in prison ...
... gave me this one.
"Tell him everything," he said.
"All the dirty details, especially the gore details.
The parts, the images, the memories. Throw it all out.
Drive out the demons. "
He won't judge you.
He gives no sense of shame.
I don't trust you, Em.
Are you ready for Hull?
I don't feel like Hull.
Hull? The next job.
Apparently it is full of holes.
I did a job there. That has to be have been ten years ago.
What a bloody hole.
It is damn rough.
But it is two months of work. That has to be.
That's what it's ultimately all about, brother.
Do something different? What do you mean?
You know, something else.
Instead of demolishing things.
I like to demolish things.
I know that, but ... -I am good at it.
You're damn good at it too.
Nobody can demolish a building like you, dude.
Besides...
... I can only handle it with wrecking balls and hammers.
I always have a certain dream.
It is not really a dream, it's a nightmare.
I appear at the next demolition, the next job ...
... I am coming in my car with my hammer and my tools ...
... and it appears to be my mother's house.
My mother's house.
I talk to the foreman. I say:
"That's my mother's house, damn it."
He does...
He doesn't care.
He has the address of a building, goes there and breaks it.
"It's a job, it's not personal. " I say no.
It's damn very personal. It's my mother's damn house.
It is my mother's house. "
The crane swings the wrecking ball.
My heart is pounding.
The foreman walks away. 'Not my problem.'
And I'm going crazy ...
... because I don't even know if my mother is still inside.
I'm trying to call her, but the phone does not ring.
I gesture to the crane driver, but he doesn't see me.
I'm trying to tell someone to everyone:
And what happens then?
I wake up like the wrecking ball hit her roof.
I can't save her.
Malky, what the hell is going on, man?
Malky, don't. No.
Don't be stupid. Malky.
What the hell are you doing here?
Look at me.
I don't trust you, Em.
I do not trust you.
I don't trust myself, Emma.
I'm afraid to trust someone.
I'm afraid not to trust anyone.
... I don't trust my own hands.
The tendons are severely damaged and surgery must be performed immediately.
Just attach it. -He needs surgery.
Okay, I can't force you, but you will can then no longer use that hand.
How are you, Mom?
I can't come by tonight. I'm normal...
No, I'm fine. I am alone...
I'm busy, mom.
With work and all that, you know?
Shall I come by tomorrow?
See you tomorrow.
What do you think? Which one do you want?
That.
B-ten ...
God?
He didn't let you down
You have abandoned yourself.
Have you abandoned yourself? -What do you want from me?
Why do you keep trying to attract my attention?
I'll listen to you.
Sometimes you have only need a listening ear.
Why should I talk to you? I do not know you. I don't trust you.
You don't know yourself. You don't trust yourself.
I see God in you, Malky. You must be very brave now.
Put your burden on the feet of Jesus Christ, brother.
Do you know what I see in you, priest?
I see a boy.
I see a little boy with a large knife ...
... that still has the taste of a cock trying to get out of his throat.
So what did you enjoy more, brother?
Blow your dad or behead him with your mother's meat cleaver?
You bastard. I'll break you, you bastard.
Jesus. Sorry, brother. Forgive me, man.
You cannot wear this cross yourself. I will help you to bear the burden.
Please let me ease your burden.
He didn't even know it was me, Em.
I swear. He didn't know it was me.
He was blinded by anger.
It could have been anyone. But that wasn't true, right, Joe?
No, it was you. You stood there. His best friend.
Well, if this is the worst what happens to me this week is fine with me.
I don't talk his behavior well.
I am indebted to him.
You know?
I really owe him.
Every time I go to him again ...
Every time I go to his apartment or to work ...
... then I know.
Before I arrive even before I leave ...
... I know that's the worst what can I do.
It's the last thing I should do, but...
And after that...
And then I ask him again: 'Is it me?
Did I do something wrong? "
Come on, Em. - It's okay.
Please don't feel sorry for me. Then I don't have it anymore.
Mom?
Do you remember when I was 12, Mom?
Do you remember that?
When I returned from the church?
When I slept in church?
When I...
I was quiet.
Quiet.
You said I was quiet.
I was silent for three days.
Silent, damn it.
I was lifeless.
You said to me ...
You provoked me.
You teased me.
"Talk to me, Malcolm. Tell me.
You don't feel well. I can see it on your face.
Your face is tense.
What happened to you?
You can tell me. I am your mother.
You can trust me. "
So I'll tell you.
I trust you.
I have to trust you.
I suffer.
And why should I not trust you? You are my mother.
I have to tell someone. I suffer.
Do you remember what you said to me, Mom?
Do you remember what you said?
... and I was devastated.
I cried and cried.
And what did you say to me?
"That didn't happen to you."
That hurt, Mom.
"That didn't happen to you."
Your guilt is not my responsibility.
Your shame is not my responsibility.
I damn my own shame what I'm struggling with.
I'm lying there while he touches me.
I'm a goddamn 12 year old.
How dare you, mom? How the hell do you dare? How dare you?
I lay there crying and praying and in my head I begged ...
... and the only thing I thought is: my mother...
My mother will be so mad at me.
Tell me what to do. I promise I will everything will do what you say. I promise.
I just want everything to be as it used to be.
I will not disappoint you.
I will not shame you.
I promise.
ROMANS 12, 13
IF THEN YOUR ENEMY HAVES HUNGER, GIVE HIM TO EAT
FOR BY DOING THAT, YOU WILL FIERY COALS ON HIS HEAD
I'll be that priest never forgotten in prison.
The one who saved me.
Everyone else had my ragged soul already specified.
He offered me salvation.
Absolution. But I had to make the effort myself.
He gave me the tape recorder.
"Tell him your secrets," he said. "Tell him everything.
Cleaves every piece of wood, lift each stone ...
... and leave everything else to God. "
'Don't you think you are this burden long enough with you?
And it's not even your burden to wear. "
I said... I almost spit this out.
"I don't want him to get away what he did to me. "
That old priest laughed. He kept smiling.
He said: "Aha. Well, Paul, I can really help you with this.
I know something in this area what you don't know.
No one escapes the master of balance.
Not even in death. "
I promise you, Malcolm ...
I will make a solemn promise to you on this holy ground.
The day will come that even his own skin will testify against him.
I abuse myself.
I hurt myself ...
...physical.
I hurt myself sexually.
I raped myself.
I raped myself until I bleed.
I dig and dig ...
... and try its roots in me to delete.
Forgive me, father, because I have sinned.
Twenty five years ...
... eleven months and three days ago that I have confessed for the last time.
Twenty five years? What do you want to confess?
Something I haven't done yet.
Tell. - I have to hurt someone.
I have to hurt a lot.
Continue.
I trusted a man 25 years ago.
No, that is actually not true.
I didn't trust him.
I was 12 years old.
It had nothing to do with confidence.
I worshiped him.
He said I had something other boys did did not have. He said I was special.
Special.
I was only 12.
When I woke up the next day, I felt 100 years old.
He said God would know if I would tell someone.
That God would punish me.
God didn't have to punish me.
I punished myself ...
...every day. Every day for 25 years.
What do you want?
Revenge.
I'm not sure whether you are in the right place here.
I don't think I ... - He abused me.
When he put his cock in me ...
When he put his avid cock in me, he shortened my life.
He is my enemy.
He's damn my enemy. Go ...
...to sit.
Sit down.
Sit down, damn it.
I was a boy.
I was just a boy.
Why are you here?
Do you know Romans?
Verse 12:20?
Do you know Romans? -Yes.
Well, you know why I'm here.
He abused me when I was a boy, father.
... that I forgive him.
I forgive him.
A reading from ...
... the book of Paul ...
... and his letters to the Romans.
Chapter 12.
Verse 20.
'Me...
... revenge is due.
I will ...
... return ...
... says the Lord.
If then...
... your enemy is hungry, feed him.
When he is thirsty ...
... give him a drink ...
... because by doing that ...
... you will have fiery coals ...
... hope for his head. "
Congratulations, dear Sophie