This programme contains some strong language
- When he's in Manchester, his music reminds him of home,
but when he's here, he doesn't wear them
because home doesn't feel like home any more.
You're getting married and you're moving out? - Yeah.
- I've got one like that at home. - Sorry? One like what?!
Who's this? Who's the good thing? - Rebecca.
- You're eating a fish pie, in the middle of the night.
And there's only one other person I've ever seen do that -
your mother, when she was pregnant with you.
- INTERNAL RINGTONE
- Hi, you're through to Rebecca's phone,
I can't take your call right now but leave a message
and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
- MESSAGE TONE
I want to tell you something.
And we can talk about it as much as you like, or not.
I'm going to have a baby.
It's going to be born before Christmas.
And then it'll be the three of us -
you, me and the baby.
And the baby will be your friend.
A new friend.
- Where is it now?
- In here.
Growing, until it's ready to come
into the world and meet you.
- Will it cry like baby Emily?
- Yeah, sometimes it'll cry.
Sometimes it'll laugh. A lot.
In this family, it'll have to.
- Will it do this?
- Er, not straight away. No.
- Where will it sit?
- What? - In the car.
- Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
In the back, I suppose, with you, in a car seat.
- The baby's in there now?
- Yeah.
I know. I find that as strange as you do.
- Get in the car, Joe. There's a good lad. Do your thing, get in the car.
- Is that OK? About the baby?
- Growing now...until it's ready.
- MUSIC: Skint Kids Disco by No Hot Ashes
- # I'm a sasquatch I'm a coming out my swamp
# I could blast off To my hedge, lock her up
# But I'm lying in bed Holding on to my head
# Cause it's fallin' apart And I just can't stop it
# I'm a cyclops, with the all-seeing eye
# Who's just getting by It's almost time
# It's cold, but I switched the heating off
# But it's bliss, but, God, It costs a lot
# Maybe we can go somewhere
# And sail into the atmosphere again... #
- Morning. Hi. - Morning.
- # Not got much, but just enough
# Let's get go before we both go insane. #
- Right, it's school time now.
Handshake or hug?
- Morning. - Hug.
- That was nice.
See you tonight.
His book's in his bag, Heather. - Oh, great.
- Morning, Heather. - Morning, Joe.
In you go, Joe.
- Get in the car, Joe. There's a good lad. Do your thing, get in the car.
- Come on, then.
- Good morning, Rebecca.
Are you ready for motherhood? - Not really, but I will be.
- Are you ready for fatherhood?
- Not at the moment.
But the world is full of surprises.
- Tom isn't the dad, Mark.
DOOR OPENS
- Ooh, bit early for the afternoon shift aren't you, big man?
- I needed a drink. - Oh, right, yeah.
Good for you, getting fit.
- 2km in ten minutes and 15 seconds. It's on the website.
- What website?
- You have to do 2km in ten minutes and 15 seconds.
- Oh? - To get in the Army.
- How do you mean? - I'm joining the Army.
See you later. Thank you!
- I hope that wolf isn't going to eat me all!
What am I going to...?
- KIDS AND TEACHERS CHATTER
- I think I might give Joe recycling to do.
Joe, do you want to do a job for me? Will you do the recycling, please?
Thank you.
- Oh, wow, well done. Good job. - Oh, this is great.
- Do your task, Joe. A good way or a bad way.
A good way or a bad way. A good way or a bad way.
- Right, everybody, who is ready for circle time?
OK? If you can all start to pack up, then, tidying up nicely. Thank you.
Joe. Joe. Circle time.
Good lad.
That is a beautiful, beautiful picture.
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, God.
- I've still got it. - Lechy grandad - it's not such a good look.
What time do you call this?
Has Rebecca talked to you at all, since she told you? - Yeah.
Loads.
- Oh. That's good, that's good.
At least she's talking to somebody about it.
- When I say loads, she texted me last week.
- So she's not talking to you either?
- The thing you don't understand about pregnant women, Alison,
is sometimes they like to be left alone.
- Oh, oh, right.
So, when I was expecting Rebecca and you left me,
that's what you were doing? I had no idea. - Look,
I know you're the one with the womb around here,
but I've been around more pregnant women than you have over the years,
and the one thing you should never do is go in uninvited.
- This is our daughter.
Maybe she's too scared to ask
for help or support, or too proud.
- I'm good for chipping in a few bob. She knows that.
- That's not the kind of support I meant.
- All right, look, how did you feel when she told you she was pregnant?
How... How did you really feel?
- If I'm honest, that her life is going to be ten times harder.
- And you wonder why she won't let you in now.
- I didn't say that, did I?
- What did you say, then? That you'll there for her? - Yeah.
- Well, there's your problem right there. "I'll be there for you," is
what you say when someone's wife's left them, or their mother's died.
It's like... It's what you say when someone has problems.
- What did you say?
- Told her I could get her a discount on a four-door family saloon,
with extended warranty.
Well done today.
Same time next week, and we'll add 5K, so get some sleep.
Sensible eating in the meantime. And what's the group motto?
ALL: - Walking back to happiness!
- I can't hang around for a coffee today, Pauline.
My Eddie's in London, and I'm keeping an eye on the brewery.
- Oh, he's done ever so well, your lad, hasn't he?
He was in the papers again.
Another award - Cumbrian Brown Ale of the Year!
- It's not the toughest category to be fair, but, yeah, Eddie's done well.
Anyway, we're getting some hops delivered, so... - Do you never stop?
- We're a long time dead.
- That's what my late husband used to say.
- Oh, I...I didn't mean... Just...
- I've, er... I've got something I want to give you.
- Oh, not more flapjacks, Pauline.
I'm supposed to be the role model,
not the lard-arse in elasticated waists.
- It's just a little token...
..to say...thank you.
You know, for helping me put one foot in front of the other.
And making me less of a lard-arse in elasticated waists!
- I didn't mean you! - No, don't apologise.
Blunt and offensive can be quite attractive in a man
of a certain age.
- Yeah, it's just when he said the Army. OK. Thanks.
- What did his mum say?
- HE SIGHS
Apparently he's already done an online form, he's had
an interview, and now the Army want to send him to a two-day assessment.
- Haven't they...?
I mean, how...how is Mark coming across as suitable for the Army?
- Well, clearly someone's making allowances for him, aren't they?
- Or taking the piss. - You see, they think that they're being kind,
but he's going to be absolutely gutted when they turn him down.
- IF they turn him down.
Lad I was at school with stood at the wrong bus stop every
day for five years, ended up in charge of three cruise missiles.
- Shit. What if they let him in?
- Now, then.
What do you think, Joe? Where are you?
OK.
Can you tell me the thing that is going well?
- The car seat. - Are you getting a new car seat?
- No.
Get in the car, Joe. There. Here.
Here. There. Get in the car. Joe.
- And you're getting a new car seat when you get in the car? - No.
The baby. The new friend.
- A baby? Whose baby?
- It will be the three of us.
And the car seat. - OK.
And what about things that could be better?
- The baby.
- What baby, Joe? What...? What's the baby called?
- Rebecca's baby isn't here yet.
- OK.
- Is there room on the broom for a frog like me?
- Erm, I think we might have a bit of a problem.
Can you see if Paul can come in with you tomorrow and have a chat?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Coming, Joe?
- Bye, Joe. - Thanks.
- And when you applied to the Army...
..did they ask you about your medical history?
About any disabilities or conditions you might have?
- I'm fit and healthy. I'm a legend.
I'll need a lift to the assessment.
- You didn't think it was worth mentioning your autism?
- No, cos I'm not autistic any more.
- Right.
When did you decide this?
- When I stopped banging my head and breaking my mum's furniture.
- But that's not the only thing that autism means, is it? Hm?
Although, it's great about the furniture.
- It doesn't mean me. - How do you know that?
- Because I know what autism is, and it isn't me.
- DEVICE BLEEPS
It took a bit of digging but I reckon he's anxious that
when Rebecca's baby's born, he might get displaced.
- We don't talk about the baby a lot, but...
..but that's cos we wanted him to absorb it at his own pace.
- Don't worry. I'm not having a go.
I don't think he would've been showing these behaviours at home.
A lot of our kids have anxiety around transitions.
Joe loves it here, but coming through the door every day is hard
for him, and when you add other worries, like Rebecca's baby,
then arriving and leaving start to become a problem.
And, on top of that,
he's had all the big changes in his life to process.
- Yeah.
- Well, you pair can sit here with long faces
or we can all think about how we can make this better for Joe.
I'm going to start with some social stories to help him
understand how the new baby might fit in.
I'll send some home with him as well.
In some ways, it's quite timely.
We're starting on relationships and sex education this term.
I've got some materials here.
Does he use the anatomically correct terms for penis and vagina?
- Yes, but not at the dinner table.
- We've always used the proper names, yeah.
- We try to get them aware that their bodies will start changing,
and we build stuff like personal hygiene and private versus public
spaces into their day-to-day lives, like swimming lessons.
This kind of emphasis, er...
"I'll wash my armpits in the shower but I won't take my trunks off."
- Try telling that to some of the blokes at Keswick Baths.
- HE CHUCKLES
Yeah, best to get any jokes you might have
out your system before you actually start doing this stuff with Joe.
- Yeah. - We can focus on conception
and babies alongside,
if you think it will help him absorb what's happening. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Of course.
- HE CLEARS THROAT
And you need to get your stories straight.
He has to be hearing the same thing from all three of you -
that a new baby is positive and not a Joe replacement.
- Right. - Yeah, Thanks.
- He loves you both, but you have changed and moved,
and he's had to go with that.
- Which one should I go for first?
"My Body Is Changing" or "Where Do Babies Come From?"
- It's a pity we didn't get a copy of that one six months ago -
could give it to Rebecca.
- Is she speaking to you about it?
She kind of skirts around it with me,
and I know she's not really speaking to Stuart.
- Why would she talk to Stuart about it?
- Is she confiding in you? - No.
But it's her choice, and I think we need to respect that.
- So she hasn't confided in you? Fine. - It's early days.
She's probably still in shock. I know I am.
Here we are again, eh? Trying to work him out.
- Heather's done that for us.
It's just our job to follow her plan.
- Should I come back tomorrow, see how he's getting on?
- No, it's fine. Look, we just have to trust his teacher on it.
And I'm here if...if it gets worse.
- Yeah, I know you're here.
I'm just saying, I could come back tomorrow, that's all. - I know.
I know.
- MUSIC: Careless by Cinerama
- # And by the way, I'm sorry for calling you loose
# Oh, well, but look who you chose to seduce
# OK, well, none of those things I said were true... #
- HE SIGHS
- # Now I regret continuing with the pretence
# Because it just doesn't make any sense
# Because I'd still like to be, well, friends with you
# So please don't ignore me, that'd be... #
- I'll give you a lift. - Thank you. - To the assessment.
If you want. - Yes.
- Because I think you should go for it.
Yeah?
- I have to be there at 9:30. So we have to leave at 6:30.
So you need to set two alarms.
- Maurice? What a lovely surprise.
I wouldn't have had you down as a knitter.
Speaks well of your masculinity.
- I can't take this, Pauline.
- Have you got one already? - No.
It's just...
Well, the price tag was on it. You can't spend that much on me.
- I didn't. - You did.
- It was a birthday present, for my late husband, but he...
He didn't...
Well, that's why I wanted you to have it.
Cos you're the first man since him who's shown any interest in me.
- I have an interest in your cholesterol
and your step count, Pauline.
Anything else is very much beyond my remit.
Due to being very much fixed up...in the lady department.
- Of course.
Of course, you and Louise! I'm not a fool, Maurice.
- I...
..didn't think you were.
- So, it would mean a lot
if you accepted my gift in the spirit in which it was given. - Right.
Well...
Of course. Thank you.
Thank you.
- "Sometimes, my sister will bring her baby to my mum when I am there.
"It will be OK.
"The baby will sleep in a cot.
"I will sleep in my bed.
"Sometimes my sister will bring her baby to my dad when I am there.
"It will be OK.
"The baby will sleep in a cot.
"We will be a family with a new baby in it.
"The baby will be in our family too."
MUSIC: Rescue by Echo & The Bunnymen
Seat belt.
- # If I said I'd lost my way... #
- How you feeling? You ready for this? Hm?
You just have to be yourself.
- That's right. How do I do that?
- Just relax.
- And be myself. - Yeah.
- Put it all in the past. - Very sensible.
We don't want to go back to the past. - No.
Why not? What's it like? - What, the past?
- No, being a dad.
- Where did that come from?
- Being a dad to Joe, who you love on the outside.
- Well, I...I love him on the inside too. - Good.
- You do think I love him on the inside, don't you?
- I don't know.
We don't know what is on the inside of people.
That's where the trouble starts. - Yeah, it does indeed.
Being a dad to Joe,
it's like being a dad to... - Rabbit!
- Where?! - There!
- TYRES SCREECH
Did I hit it? - I'm staying calm.
- Good.
- That's my way of saying I'm not calm.
- Did you feel a thud? I thought I felt a thud.
It doesn't look hurt.
Not that I know what a hurt rabbit looks like.
If you can't hear "Bright Eyes", I think we're in the clear.
No, Mark, no... Don't.
What are you doing?
I'll tell you what, Joe.
I'll put this in the office and I'll see you back in the classroom, yeah?
How about we go together?
- Are you nervous?
- A bit.
You? - Yes.
- You could take the rabbit with you. Be an ice-breaker.
PAUL LAUGHS - I don't think I'd be allowed.
- My first day at catering college...
EXHALES Well, you know I'm dyslexic,
so I'm hopeless with a timetable, and I arrived there
three hours early and...and...
..I could have turned round and left right then.
What I'm trying to say is, everybody feels nervous.
I felt nervous.
- I'm sorry about that, Paul.
Are you all right now?
- Good luck, mate.
- Good luck.
- Well, he was nervous. No doubt about that.
But he wanted to do it.
Autistic or not, he's a young man. He has to take the world on.
Don't ask me why, young men just do.
Testosterone, I imagine.
Though, you'd know all about that.
Wouldn't you?
Oh, shit!
Ugh!
- I think you're blocked in. - You don't say.
And before you start, I know,
I should have moved it before I went to the shops.
- I'm just happy to have the moral high ground for once.
- Well, thank you for your help.
Last time that thing broke down, it took all day.
- What can I do?
I can get you a coffee while you wait or, er...
- You could lend me your van.
I need to go and see my daughter. She's pregnant.
- I was going to say, or a sandwich.
- I've driven bigger, if that's what you're worried about.
- How about I give you a lift?
- She lives in the Lake District. - The Lake...
I'm not doing anything else.
I've got a day off.
- Is this cos I'm a woman and you don't trust me to drive or...?
- Let someone do you a favour. - You've seen my dad.
My family's a nightmare. I'm known as the reasonable one.
- Well, I don't need to meet them. I could drop you nearby
or...wear a disguise.
- Should I be worried that you keep a disguise in your van, or...?
- Is that a yes? Come on. Your lilies are drooping.
- Bye, Mum. - Don't go buying anything daft.
- He won't, Louise. - I meant you, Katie.
- KATIE LAUGHS
What was that all about? - They're going to a wedding fair.
- Oh. - Every day till the wedding.
- Right. See you later.
BEEPING
- Maurice! Maurice! It's your Fireman Sam bleeper!
- BEEPING CONTINUES
So I take an ordinary family photo and then the magic happens!
DOOR OPENS I transform it into a painting
in a style of their choosing.
- Hi. You didn't reply to my messages.
I thought your phone might be broken.
Hiya.
When I got pregnant, at 18, with you, your grandad exploded.
Your grandma said,
"Well, these things happen,"
and your dad did a runner.
And then, after all the fireworks...
..no-one said anything.
And then, the longer that that went on, the harder it became
to say anything.
So, here I am, saying something.
Because I don't want you to feel like I felt -
like you can't talk about it.
- You've not done a PowerPoint or anything, have you?
SHE SCOFFS - No. I'm trying to do less of that.
Look, I just know that when I was where you are,
I didn't want to think about it, and I really wish that I had...
- I have thought about it.
I'm going to have the baby here, in the Lakes,
where most of my family are and you're close by.
I'm going to go back to university after it's born,
part-time if I have to.
I haven't thrown my education away.
I'm going to work with Tom until then.
- Oh?
- He's got this photography-into-art thing going on.
- Well, only work as long as you need to. We... We can help you out... - DOOR OPENS
- If a fella gives you a lift from Manchester,
the least we can do is offer him a cup of tea.
- I was happy to wait outside, really.
- Er, this is Ben. He's a parent at Joe's school.
He's a friend. He gave me a lift.
My car was blocked in.
- I don't know any friend who'd do that for me.
- How do you like your tea, Ben? - Er, milk. No sugar. Thank you.
- PAUL: - What's going on?
- This is Paul. Rebecca's Dad.
He's just been delivering a big autistic lad to the Army.
Got a rabbit in part exchange by the looks of things.
- Well, I know who I am. Who's this?
- Ben. Pleased to meet you.
- They're divorced, in case you were wondering.
- I wasn't, but thank you for the clarity. - Ah.
- MOUTHS: - Sorry.
- I'll leave you all to it.
- Thanks, Dad. That was tactful.
- Is he always that quiet, your friend?
- While you're all here, let me say,
I'm not the first person to get pregnant by mistake.
I'm not even the first person
in this family to get pregnant by mistake.
And I'm OK with it.
I'm going to boss this.
You just have to trust me.
- She sounds just like you did at her age. - Yeah, I know.
It was all bluster when I said it at her age, too.
- He seems a nice fella.
The gardener.
- He is a nice fella.
It's just, it's all too complicated
with Joe and I'm just... I'm not... - It's always complicated.
Even at my age, it's complicated.
- No! Don't say you and Louise have fallen out.
- No. Nothing like that.
Not yet anyway.
You don't want to buy a second-hand sports watch, do you?
- What was your first thought when she gave you that present?
- Well, to be honest, I was just glad I could still pull.
- SHE CHUCKLES
- Then I thought, "Louise is going to kill me."
- Right, and neither of those responses struck you
as just a bit adolescent? - Yes,
and I felt all the better for that. - SHE CHUCKLES
- You might want to just mention it to Louise, though.
Just casually, you know, in passing.
- CAR APPROACHES
- Here's laughing boy, back from the big smoke. - Hiya!
It was nice, you coming to see me. - Good.
But from now on, I'm going to wait for you to come to me,
if that's what you want. I'm not going to steam in.
I'm not going to take over.
I know I've been guilty of that in the past.
I want you to be free to handle this how you want to.
- Right. Thanks.
Thanks.
She thinks I'm doing the wrong thing.
- Eh? How can you tell?
- She's being reasonable. - Oh.
- Thank you. I enjoyed myself. - You didn't.
I don't think Rebecca meant it,
about handling it.
- Did you call her on it?
- No.
Do you think I should have?
- I don't know. She's not my daughter.
- What would you say if she was your daughter?
- I'd make sure she knew that I loved her and wait for her to come to me.
- Would you? - Fuck off. I'd be all over it!
- See? There you are, it's impossible.
I just don't want her thinking I'm taking over, cos I do that.
I...I take things over. - Really?
- Look at your day. One conversation with me
and you've driven 200 miles with a tea break to meet the Addams Family.
- Well, firstly, they're not my family, so I already
felt up on the day, and secondly, it was nice...
..being with you.
In fact, I've got something for you.
Please fill it in and return it to the relevant party.
- What's this? - A questionnaire.
Where to go on a date.
If you wanted to...
- You're kidding.
- It also has a "none of the above" option, in case you're worried.
Anyway,
now I shall saunter away...
..casually.
UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC
One, two, three, four!
- # Sweet dreams are made of this
# Who am I to disagree?
# I travel the world and the seven seas
# Everybody's looking for something
# Some of them want to use you
# Some of them want to be... #
- Lovely, lovely. There's just a slight glitch
there in the ladies' section before the second verse comes in.
SHE SINGS NOTE
SHE HUMS MELODY
Might have been you, Pauline. Not sure, just a bit off key?
- Oh, right. Really? - Yes. It was definitely you.
It's a tricky little section. Shall we try it again?
PIANO RESUMES
One, two, three, four!
- Bye, Tom. See you later, have a nice evening.
Bye, Tanya. - Bye. - Bye-bye, sweetheart.
- Get in the car, Joe. There's a good lad. Do your thing, get in the car.
Get in the car, Joe. There's a good lad. Do your thing, get in the car.
HE RAPIDLY REPEATS PHRASE
Come on, Joe. Time to get in the car. Get in the car. There's a good lad.
- OK? Let's go.
Alison? Have you got a minute?
- Yeah.
- I once had a kid who followed me around
for a month before I realised it was
because he liked the smell of my fabric conditioner.
- Right. - It happens.
A child gets fixated.
When I helped Joe understand that
Rebecca's baby might be a nice thing,
I think it cemented his feelings about me
and the school being a secure place.
- I think of you and the school as my secure place too,
so I can hardly blame him.
- Before I knew it, he'd added a bit of me to his daily rituals.
I should have kept an eye on it.
Sometimes, as teachers, we accidentally encourage it.
We're human.
We all like to think we have the magic key.
- Don't go saying you haven't got the magic key, because I know I haven't.
- Oh, no, no, I'm not having that. No.
No, you're the one who understands him better than anyone.
You're always there, sticking up for him, fighting all his battles.
- Going in two-footed.
Playing the bully.
- Damn right, you have to play the bully!
Oh, God, let yourself off the hook for once!
We all want to be nice.
Nice won't get Joe what he needs.
Joe needs you to stick up for him. You always will.
But while he's here, it's my job to take some of the weight of that.
And this time I didn't. I took my eye off the ball,
and I...I'm sorry.
But I will fix it.
- Maybe his mum and dad are the problem
and he just wanted to be with you.
- Well, I won't pretend that you and Paul aren't sometimes the problem,
but I think I was the problem this time.
You've got enough guilt going on, Alison. Have this one on me, yeah?
- Night, then. - Night.
- You OK? - Yeah.
No, actually.
- I thought it'd be a coaster or a paperweight or something.
Then it was a watch, so I thought...
- You thought that's more than a crush,
because the more valuable the gift, the bigger the crush.
That's how it works. - I tried to give it her back,
but she said it was a gift for her dead husband.
And she wanted me to have it because she thought I'd get the use of it.
- What size chest was he?
Because you could do with a new cagoule.
Why didn't you just tell me?
- When I opened the present,
I saw how expensive it was and I thought... Well, I thought...
- You thought you had an admirer. So why didn't you tell me then?
- I panicked.
I knew you wouldn't be best pleased.
And she's a member of the choir, and I didn't want any bad feeling.
- What were you expecting, a cat fight?
- I tried to give it her back.
But I could see it meant a lot to her, so I thought I better keep it.
- You just needed to tell me.
A lonely woman has a bit of a crush on you.
It's fine. And it's a lovely gift. - Hm.
- So, if it happens again, just try and be a bit more grown-up about it,
OK? - OK. Right.
And you'd be all right with me wearing it? - Yeah.
Sure. Why not? Why not?
- Don't know whether to shake your hand or...salute.
- You don't have to worry about me, Paul.
We're all adults.
- How did it go?
You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. - OK.
Do you mean, "OK, it went OK," or, OK, you don't have to tell me?
- Check your book bag, put your coat on and get in the car.
Do your thing and get in the car.
- Joe, what time is it?
- I'll stay here...with you.
- Do you remember what you do at the end of the day?
- I tidy my tray.
- You tidy your tray.
- I pick up my bag.
- You pick up your bag.
- I say, "Goodbye." - Yes.
- I say, "Hello, Mum." - Yes.
So, did you tidy your tray?
- In your house. Here. With you.
- This isn't my house, Joe.
- I'm being good, aren't I?
- Is sleeping under a desk a good idea or a bad idea?
- Say, "Yes."
- A good idea or a bad idea?
- I'm being good, aren't I?
Get in the car, Joe. Do your thing and get in the car.
- A good idea or a bad idea?
- Say yes! Say yes! Say yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Is he all right? - Yeah. No, no panic. He's fine.
Erm, he's just having a bit of a problem leaving
and I wanted to try something.
Are you all right to wait? - Yeah.
Sure, do you want me to come in?
- Er, if you don't mind, I reckon it's him and me that need to work
something out around this getting fixed on me and the school.
Is that OK? - Yeah. Sure. Of course. - Thanks.
- I don't want to go in there, do I?
- My mum never lets me have drinks like this.
- Why not?
- My medicine ball throw measured 3.2 metres,
and I did the 2km run in nine minutes and 55 seconds.
And when they give you the plate, you take the plate to food,
not food to plate, and if you do that, you get press-ups,
and I did the press-ups anyway.
And then you had to fill in a form
and no end of what one lad called shit and...
You don't mind me saying "shit", do you?
Of course you don't, of course you don't.
And then we had to stand up one by one and talk about ourselves.
And then we went outside for manoeuvres
and then we had more food.
And you take plate to food, not food to plate,
and that's just the way things are done...
- Did anybody talk to you before you left?
Did anybody say how you'd got on?
- Why do you have to know everything about me?
- Eh? I don't.
- You aren't very polite, Paul. You interrupted.
- Hey, hey, hey, I was just showing an interest, Mark! All right?
Oh, sometimes you...
HE SIGHS
Ah...
You asked me what it was like being Joe's dad.
Well, it's...it's like this.
It's like this!
Sometimes it's great and sometimes it's tough...
..and puzzling.
And lonely.
Because you made it hard for me, Mark,
and I just wonder why.
You made it hard for me,
and I was just showing an interest!
- It was a "fuck it"!
- What? What was?
- IT was. I didn't get in. It was a "fuck it"!
- Oh, right. I'm sorry.
It's not the same.
- This classroom?
- This classroom.
- This classroom is not the same because...?
- I'm not here.
- Well, no.
You're not in Piglets, are you?
You're in...
- Zebras.
- That's right.
- I like Joe in Piglets.
Baby Joe.
- Baby Joe was all right, but I like him in Zebras too.
- I like Heather in Zebras.
- Well, that's good,
because that's where Heather and Joe are together, isn't it?
- That's where Heather and Joe are together.
- And where are Heather and Mr Meadows and their son Michael together?
- At home.
- And where are Joe and his mum together?
- At home.
- Yeah.
At home.
- Put your coat on, Heather.
- Put your coat on, Joe.
- Pick your bag up, Heather.
- Pick your bag up, Joe.
- Time to go home, Heather.
- Time to go home, Joe.
Thank you, Paul.
Goodbye, Paul.
- See ya.
- I did well.
- Yeah!
- Except for the tests, where I did very well.
But I didn't pass.
But I was fit and mixed with the others...
..they said.
- Good.
Good.
Hey, you did better than I ever could.
And you were brave enough to do the assessment.
I'm sorry you're disappointed, but you still should be
very proud of yourself.
- Did you think I could get in?
- Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course...
- Did you 100% definitely think I could get in?
- No.
If I'm being honest...
..no, I didn't.
- Then why did you let me do it?
- Did you have a good day at school?
- I helped Heather.
- Good.
- She has a Michael and a Mr Meadows.
At home.
Not at school.
- That's nice for her.
- Yes.
PAUL: Hey, I bet you slept well last night. I know I did.
The reason I let you do it, Mark, was because you wanted to do it.
And I thought, in the end,
it was better for you to try.
And all that stuff about you not being autistic
and applying to the Army felt like you saying
that you wanted the world to accept you on your terms.
And for that to happen, you have to accept the world on its terms.
And the world is in the habit of shitting on you from time to time.
- We have to release the rabbit.
- The label isn't something you should be ashamed of.
- I know.
- Autistic, I mean.
- I know.
- I understand the arguments.
About why you shouldn't have a label. Christ, I've...
I've made the arguments about my own boy.
But it's hard out there.
You know? And it's easier if you have other people around you
who understand you, who see the world the way
that you see the world.
- Do you think I'm autistic?
- I think you have behaviours that would be described
as autistic behaviours.
We all do.
But you have, maybe, a bit more than most.
And that's the only difference.
Shall we say a few words on the occasion of launching Graham
back into the wild?
- No.
- If you don't want anyone describing you as autistic any more,
then that's up to you. I respect that.
- Right.
- And there is nothing remotely autistic about having to release
a rabbit in the exact spot it was found.
- No. - Right.
Daytime drinking.
Another London habit.
- You know what I said about it being life-changing?
- Oh, yeah.
What's her name?
- It wasn't a woman.
- Oh, surprising. But, you know, thinking about it,
not all that surprising.
- Two years ago, when my dad gave me the business,
this was worth what?
- £3.50.
- Do you know how much it's worth now?
Over a million.
- Well, that's inflation for you.
I hope you're going to pay for it.
- Not the bottle.
What it represents.
The brewery.
- Ah, you've lost me.
- I've had an offer to sell the brewery.
- Right, I'll see you later.
- Yes, you will.
- HE CHUCKLES
WATCH ALARM BLEEPS
- I'm going to have to learn how to adjust this.
There must be a knack.
- You know what, Maurice?
Don't learn how to adjust it.
Don't wear it.
Give it to a passing jogger, throw it in the lake!
- What? - I don't want you to wear the watch!
- I thought you were all right with it!
- Well, I'm not, because you hid it!
And the fact that you hid it means that you thought about...
..I don't know, you and Pauline rubbing Vaseline on each other's
blisters or sharing mint cake by the light of the moon
up Scafell Pike.
- LAUGHING: - Bloody hell, you've really thought about this, haven't you?
- Yes, I have.
And I hate it.
I feel jealous, Maurice, all right? I feel jealous,
and I don't do jealous! It's not me!
All this has made me think.
I have...feelings.
Shit, I don't do poetry, Maurice!
- I don't know.
I thought that was quite poetic.
- Look, the last person I said I loved was my dad, and he was already
in a coffin, in the chapel of rest.
- Right.
- So you can see, it doesn't come easily.
- What?
- To tell someone how I feel, that I...
..feel... - The same way about me as you felt about your dad
when he was in his coffin?
- Oh, for God's sake, Maurice!
I'm saying I think that...
- FRONT DOOR OPENS
- ..that I might...
- I'm home!
- We got this at the wedding fair.
It's a centrepiece!
- You don't say.
- Here he is.
Now, go see Uncle Eddie.
He's a man full of surprises.
So Heather, she's performed another miracle, has she?
It'll be more than a box of After Eights and a Thank You card
at the end of term.
- He's not sorted but he's getting better.
- Sorry I wasn't there to help.
- It's all right. You didn't have to be.
And you're here, keeping an eye on Rebecca.
She told me Mark's joining the Army.
- He wanted to.
He did his best.
- At least he had you there to help him.
- He just needed somebody to drive him.
And maybe I found it easier than helping Joe.
I know, with Mark,
I didn't do the damage in the first place.
- Wow.
Full marks for honesty.
Is it all right if I just go and say bye to Joe?
- See?
It's tiny.
I thought you'd like to see that there'll be plenty of room,
even with the baby in a car seat.
- I was a baby.
- Yeah.
You were.
Once.
- But not this baby.
- No, not this baby.
- I've got some news, and I want you to be the first to know.
I've had an offer, for the brewery.
That's the opening bid.
- It's not yours to sell!
- I was just calling to see if you got the books I sent yesterday.
- This is you letting me do it my own way, is it?
- How about we all go out somewhere?
You, me and Joe.
- I've done this before.
- What, had your tea round a campfire? I can't remember that.
- With Ben.
- Is this how it happens? Is this...
..how he starts slipping away from me?