1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:08,603 This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature 2 00:00:08,603 --> 00:00:11,443 BOY SINGS ALONG TO HEADPHONES 3 00:00:11,443 --> 00:00:13,683 - # ...Out come all these words 4 00:00:13,683 --> 00:00:16,563 # Oh, there's a very pleasant side to you 5 00:00:16,563 --> 00:00:18,203 # A side I much prefer 6 00:00:18,203 --> 00:00:22,523 # It's one that laughs and jokes around 7 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,923 # Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah, 8 00:00:24,923 --> 00:00:27,163 # To get things off the ground 9 00:00:27,163 --> 00:00:30,843 # And it was up, up and away 10 00:00:30,843 --> 00:00:33,683 # Oh, but it's right hard to remember that 11 00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:35,323 # That on a day like today 12 00:00:35,323 --> 00:00:39,043 # When you're all argumentative 13 00:00:39,043 --> 00:00:41,443 # And you've got the face on... # 14 00:00:41,443 --> 00:00:43,803 - HORN TOOTS 15 00:00:49,803 --> 00:00:52,163 - # Well now, then, Mardy Bum 16 00:00:52,163 --> 00:00:56,843 # Oh, I'm in trouble again, aren't I? 17 00:00:56,843 --> 00:00:58,443 # I thought as much 18 00:00:58,443 --> 00:01:00,803 # Cos you turned over there 19 00:01:00,803 --> 00:01:03,683 # Pulling that silent disappointment face 20 00:01:03,683 --> 00:01:06,963 # The one that I can't bear, well, can't we... 21 00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:09,643 # Just laugh and joke around 22 00:01:09,643 --> 00:01:12,363 # Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah... # 23 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,883 # To get things off the ground 24 00:01:13,883 --> 00:01:15,643 # And it was 25 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:18,043 # Up, up and away 26 00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:20,763 # Oh, but it's right hard to remember that 27 00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:22,763 # On a day like today 28 00:01:22,763 --> 00:01:26,163 # When you're all argumentative 29 00:01:26,163 --> 00:01:27,963 # And you've got the face on 30 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:31,043 # And yeah I'm sorry I was late 31 00:01:31,043 --> 00:01:35,203 # But I missed the train and then the traffic was a state 32 00:01:35,203 --> 00:01:38,443 # And I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate 33 00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:40,083 # That re-occurs, oh... # 34 00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:40,083 - HORN TOOTS 35 00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:41,763 - Oh, he's here! 36 00:01:41,763 --> 00:01:44,363 - # ..But of course I do, yeah, I clearly do... # 37 00:01:44,363 --> 00:01:45,923 - Thanks, lads! 38 00:01:51,923 --> 00:01:53,363 - Hello. Thanks. 39 00:01:57,843 --> 00:02:00,403 - You're a genius. What are you? 40 00:02:00,403 --> 00:02:02,803 - A genius! 41 00:02:02,803 --> 00:02:05,563 - # So laugh and joke around 42 00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:08,563 # Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah, 43 00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,443 # To get things off the ground 44 00:02:10,443 --> 00:02:13,963 # And it was up, up and away 45 00:02:13,963 --> 00:02:16,963 # Oh, but it's right hard to remember that 46 00:02:16,963 --> 00:02:22,083 # On a day like today when you're all... # 47 00:02:22,083 --> 00:02:23,643 - Right. 48 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,243 - # ..Argumentative 49 00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:28,163 # And you've got the face on. # 50 00:02:28,163 --> 00:02:34,043 - Right. No music and no presents until you've got ready, Mister. 51 00:02:34,043 --> 00:02:36,283 Pull your arm out...there you go, off you pop. 52 00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:39,563 Rebecca! I need help! Joe, your party clothes are on the bed. 53 00:02:39,563 --> 00:02:42,563 - I see you're doing what you can for the childhood obesity epidemic. 54 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,723 - It's the whole class. There's 30 of the little buggers. 55 00:02:45,723 --> 00:02:49,643 Is that what you're wearing? - No. You're hallucinating. Yeah. Why? 56 00:02:49,643 --> 00:02:52,843 Are there any Cheerios? - Any word from Eddie and his whore of a wife? 57 00:02:52,843 --> 00:02:56,883 - No. Let's be kind and supportive to both him and his whore of a wife... 58 00:02:56,883 --> 00:02:58,083 - It's never going to work. 59 00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:00,083 - She cheated on your brother. Not you. 60 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,083 - You really don't understand family, do you? 61 00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:03,283 - Not yours, I don't. 62 00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:08,003 - Good lord. Did you need planning permission for that cake? 63 00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:09,883 - Party bags! Dad. 64 00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:14,043 So, they need a toy. A book. Packet of sweets. 65 00:03:14,043 --> 00:03:18,163 Tattoo stickers, bookmarks, Super Ball and baseball cap in each. 66 00:03:18,163 --> 00:03:20,563 - What happened to a balloon and a slice of cake? 67 00:03:20,563 --> 00:03:23,323 - And just make sure Joe's centre stage. 68 00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:26,483 - Of course. - You know what you're like when there are other kids around 69 00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:28,643 that laugh at your jokes more than he does, hm? 70 00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:31,923 Joe's birthday, Joe's day. And don't hog the karaoke, either! 71 00:03:31,923 --> 00:03:35,443 - Karaoke? At a five-year-old's birthday party? 72 00:03:35,443 --> 00:03:36,683 - Joe's birthday. 73 00:03:37,803 --> 00:03:39,083 Joe's day. 74 00:03:40,283 --> 00:03:43,123 - Are you ready to dance...? - KIDS: - Yeah! 75 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,283 - Let's go! 76 00:03:44,283 --> 00:03:46,843 - MUSIC: Rock Lobster by The B-52s 77 00:03:46,843 --> 00:03:50,563 - I want to see those moves. I want to see those moves, that's it. 78 00:03:53,643 --> 00:03:54,963 Turn around. 79 00:03:56,043 --> 00:03:57,403 Go on, Joe! 80 00:03:59,243 --> 00:04:00,643 - MUSIC STOPS 81 00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:07,563 - Anybody moving? Let me have a little look. 82 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,083 No. 83 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,043 OK, I bet next time I'll be able to catch one of you out! 84 00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,283 You ready? 85 00:04:15,403 --> 00:04:17,283 - MUSIC RESTARTS 86 00:04:26,923 --> 00:04:28,723 MUSIC STOPS 87 00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:33,883 - Joe! Joe! Joe! The music's stopped. 88 00:04:33,883 --> 00:04:35,323 - CHILD: Joe! - Joe! 89 00:04:35,323 --> 00:04:36,523 - Joe! 90 00:04:36,523 --> 00:04:37,923 - OK, Joe's out, don't worry! 91 00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,523 - Oh, a little girl there, Lucy, is it? 92 00:04:39,523 --> 00:04:42,123 I think your head was moving a little bit, lovely. 93 00:04:42,123 --> 00:04:43,803 - I wasn't moving. 94 00:04:43,803 --> 00:04:45,443 - Just a little bit. 95 00:04:45,443 --> 00:04:48,803 - Just a little, love. I think you were. 96 00:04:48,803 --> 00:04:50,203 - Well done. 97 00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:51,963 OK! Ready? 98 00:04:51,963 --> 00:04:53,683 - OK! Here we go! 99 00:04:53,683 --> 00:04:55,363 - MUSIC RESTARTS 100 00:04:58,043 --> 00:05:00,283 Any word from the entertainer? 101 00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:01,963 - Sat nav problems. 102 00:05:01,963 --> 00:05:04,523 - What? I thought she was a mermaid. 103 00:05:04,523 --> 00:05:06,963 - How's that going to stop her needing sat nav? 104 00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:08,923 - Oh, I'm thinking of dolphins. 105 00:05:08,923 --> 00:05:10,803 Is the camera charged, Dad? 106 00:05:10,803 --> 00:05:12,523 - I thought I was on party bags. 107 00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:15,683 - Lucy Merrick was not moving her hand, by the way. 108 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,323 - You want your own son to be the first one out on his birthday? 109 00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:21,483 - No. But knocking Lucy out, it drew attention to Joe, didn't it? 110 00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:24,523 - It's Joe's day. He should be the centre of attention. 111 00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:28,083 DOORBELL 112 00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:28,083 - Oh, eh, who can that be? 113 00:05:29,883 --> 00:05:30,923 Hi! 114 00:05:33,523 --> 00:05:34,803 Well done for finding us! 115 00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:36,563 - Sea Lily. Underwater theme. 116 00:05:36,563 --> 00:05:37,963 HORN TOOTS 117 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:40,523 - The trailer... No, no, no, no... 118 00:05:40,523 --> 00:05:41,883 - Oh, great! 119 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,403 - Summat wrong? 120 00:05:43,403 --> 00:05:45,843 - Yes. But nothing that should bother you. 121 00:05:51,843 --> 00:05:53,243 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 122 00:05:57,283 --> 00:06:01,443 - Dad. Can I just park the thing, OK? You're not helping. 123 00:06:01,443 --> 00:06:04,043 Is that more parking semaphore or humility. I can never tell! 124 00:06:04,043 --> 00:06:08,883 - Eddie. At least get the car parked before we start an argument, hey? 125 00:06:08,883 --> 00:06:11,003 - Did you hire a hooker for a kid's birthday party? 126 00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:12,443 - Oh, right! 127 00:06:12,443 --> 00:06:14,603 - Did you adjust the pressure for that load? - What? 128 00:06:14,603 --> 00:06:15,963 - Doctor. How are you? 129 00:06:15,963 --> 00:06:17,443 - I'm very good, thank you, and you? 130 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,683 - Good. Yes. Good. Look. 131 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:21,683 No cancer! Again! 132 00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:24,403 - Good. 133 00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:26,363 - Only teasing, you know. 134 00:06:26,363 --> 00:06:27,523 - Um... 135 00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:30,883 - So you're, er, going to walk to the kerb from there, are you? 136 00:06:30,883 --> 00:06:34,363 - It's an old Woody Allen joke. 1977. Misquoted. 137 00:06:34,363 --> 00:06:37,123 But up here counts as cutting-edge humour. 138 00:06:38,803 --> 00:06:41,123 - Eddie? Keys! 139 00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:54,323 - ENTERTAINER: Now we're underwater, deep in the ocean... 140 00:06:54,323 --> 00:06:57,683 We just have to be really careful of the jellyfish... 141 00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:00,203 - Look who I found lurking around outside. 142 00:07:00,203 --> 00:07:01,603 - Sorry about the timing. 143 00:07:01,603 --> 00:07:03,243 - We tried to call but no signal. 144 00:07:03,243 --> 00:07:04,323 - Don't worry at all. 145 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,923 You made it just in time to sing Happy Birthday. 146 00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:08,643 It's lovely to see you. 147 00:07:08,643 --> 00:07:10,163 You've lost weight. 148 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,283 - Have I? 149 00:07:11,283 --> 00:07:12,403 - Hi, Alice. 150 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:18,763 - ENTERTAINER: That's it! Keep swimming, all the way up. 151 00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:20,563 - What a beautiful cake! 152 00:07:23,323 --> 00:07:25,683 Did you buy it or make it yourself? 153 00:07:25,683 --> 00:07:27,723 - ENTERTAINER: Jellyfish! Swim away! 154 00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:29,363 - Did we hug yet? 155 00:07:30,603 --> 00:07:32,163 I'll get you a drink. 156 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,163 - Hey! 157 00:07:40,283 --> 00:07:42,563 - ENTERTAINER: Now just be careful, 158 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,683 you don't want to be stung by a jellyfish! 159 00:07:45,683 --> 00:07:51,643 Joe. Birthday boy! You are Neptune. 160 00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:54,203 My assistant. I need you. 161 00:07:54,203 --> 00:07:58,923 Now, if all the little fishes... 162 00:07:54,203 --> 00:07:58,923 - Did they hire an hooker? 163 00:07:54,203 --> 00:07:58,923 - ..and the turtles are very quiet... 164 00:07:58,923 --> 00:08:00,363 - I already made that joke. 165 00:08:01,603 --> 00:08:06,963 - Then something special might be coming for Neptune! 166 00:08:06,963 --> 00:08:08,483 Sh! 167 00:08:09,843 --> 00:08:14,643 # Happy birthday to you 168 00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:19,443 # Happy birthday to you 169 00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:24,203 # Happy birthday, dear Joe... # 170 00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:25,483 LOUD MUSIC FROM STEREO 171 00:08:25,483 --> 00:08:26,923 # Happy birthday to you! # 172 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,683 - Not yet, not yet, not yet, Joe! 173 00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:35,083 You've got your candles to blow out, haven't ya? 174 00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:37,523 Eh, come on, come on, mate. 175 00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:42,003 Look, all your friends are waiting for you to blow your candles out. 176 00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:43,163 Go on. 177 00:08:43,163 --> 00:08:45,363 Come on, then, top lad! There we go! 178 00:08:45,363 --> 00:08:47,083 Make way for the birthday boy! 179 00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:51,403 - Eh, Joe, come on. On your feet lad, big boy. 180 00:08:51,403 --> 00:08:55,203 - It's all right... - Hey Dad, Dad, leave him. Dad, leave him. 181 00:08:55,203 --> 00:08:57,323 Joe? Joe? You've got a really cool birthday cake. 182 00:08:57,323 --> 00:08:59,803 - I think he's just a bit tired, you know. 183 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,683 - Joe, you want to see your cake, don't ya? 184 00:09:03,683 --> 00:09:06,443 It's got an octopus and fishes and seaweed on it. 185 00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:11,363 - Just a minute. 186 00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:15,203 - It's just... 187 00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:19,563 - # I was waiting in the bar... 188 00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:22,723 - # Where were you? 189 00:09:22,723 --> 00:09:25,363 - # I was buying you a drink 190 00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,963 - # Where were you? 191 00:09:26,963 --> 00:09:28,603 - # I was crying home in bed 192 00:09:28,603 --> 00:09:30,643 - # Where were you? # 193 00:09:30,643 --> 00:09:32,443 - MAKES DRUMMING NOISES 194 00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:42,683 - Mekons. 1978. Where Were You? 195 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,683 - Yay! - Well done! 196 00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:47,603 Shall we blow your candles out? - OK! - Good lad! 197 00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:49,483 - Good lad, there we go. 198 00:09:49,483 --> 00:09:50,923 Get yourself to the cake. 199 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,643 - Why does there have to be something wrong with everyone? 200 00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:55,523 - OK! I'm wrong, let's change the subject. 201 00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:56,923 - Like my dad's bowel cancer. 202 00:09:56,923 --> 00:09:58,483 - Your dad had all the symptoms. 203 00:09:58,483 --> 00:10:01,003 - Yes. Apart from bowel cancer. 204 00:10:01,003 --> 00:10:02,723 - I do know a bit about child development. 205 00:10:02,723 --> 00:10:04,883 I did do a paediatric rotation. 206 00:10:04,883 --> 00:10:06,883 - Hardly likely to forget that, am I? 207 00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:11,003 OTHERS SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY 208 00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:14,203 CHEERING 209 00:10:16,923 --> 00:10:18,803 - Mum was right about the balloons. 210 00:10:18,803 --> 00:10:21,843 The boys just hit each other with them, then lie on them till they burst. 211 00:10:21,843 --> 00:10:23,483 - Must be a breast-envy thing. 212 00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,003 - Most things are. 213 00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:26,603 - You all set for the new job, Eddie? 214 00:10:26,603 --> 00:10:27,683 - Hardly new, is it? 215 00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:31,523 - Is that the enthusiasm you showed your London customers? No wonder you went bust. 216 00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:35,043 - When did we stop ripping presents open as soon as they came in through the door? 217 00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:36,803 - When one little boy told his old Auntie 218 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,483 he had Buzz Lightyear already and was scared of him anyway. 219 00:10:39,483 --> 00:10:42,403 - I was ten years old, Dad. - How do you know I was talking about you? 220 00:10:42,403 --> 00:10:44,643 There's millions of Buzz Lightyears out there. 221 00:10:44,643 --> 00:10:47,123 - Come on, kidder, let's get these presents ripped open. 222 00:10:47,123 --> 00:10:49,923 You were scared of Buzz Lightyear? Really? 223 00:10:49,923 --> 00:10:52,323 - He was always so certain he was right. 224 00:10:52,323 --> 00:10:55,043 I have an aversion to certainty. I can't think why. 225 00:10:55,043 --> 00:10:57,563 - If I had my way, I'd flush them headphones down the toilet. 226 00:10:57,563 --> 00:10:58,923 - He just likes music. 227 00:11:00,763 --> 00:11:01,843 What? 228 00:11:04,283 --> 00:11:06,043 What was that look? 229 00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:07,243 - Nothing. 230 00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:09,363 - No, it was something. What was it? 231 00:11:09,363 --> 00:11:11,243 - It's just... 232 00:11:11,243 --> 00:11:15,363 You don't think Joe might have some kind of communication disorder? 233 00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:18,523 - (Eddie.) - It's just something might be worth checking out? 234 00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:20,923 - We had his hearing checked. It's perfect. 235 00:11:24,563 --> 00:11:26,043 That not good enough for you? 236 00:11:26,043 --> 00:11:29,683 - No, it's just, I might be talking shit, right, but Joe's really gifted 237 00:11:29,683 --> 00:11:34,123 in some ways, but he seems unable to follow simple instructions. 238 00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:36,523 - Joe? Our Joe? 239 00:11:37,523 --> 00:11:38,643 Are you kidding? 240 00:11:38,643 --> 00:11:40,803 He just wanted his own way on his birthday. 241 00:11:40,803 --> 00:11:42,963 You find me a five-year-old who isn't like that. 242 00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:46,923 - Is this your opinion, Eddie? Or is it Nicola's? Is that what you were arguing about in the hall? 243 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,723 - Rebecca, give everyone a glass, my love. This is losing its fizz. 244 00:11:49,723 --> 00:11:51,723 - You're telling me. 245 00:11:54,243 --> 00:11:58,563 - A few words on this occasion of Joe's fifth birthday. 246 00:11:58,563 --> 00:12:01,523 I retired so, er, my son could come home and... 247 00:12:01,523 --> 00:12:03,803 I lost my dear Sandra 12 months ago but... 248 00:12:03,803 --> 00:12:06,963 - Look, I'm sorry...no... So he lay down on the carpet? 249 00:12:06,963 --> 00:12:10,523 Eh? Who didn't have a tantrum on their own birthday? - Exactly. 250 00:12:10,523 --> 00:12:13,323 - Nicola. Why do you have to make yourself feel important by finding 251 00:12:13,323 --> 00:12:14,803 fault with everyone else? 252 00:12:14,803 --> 00:12:18,843 - Toast. To us. Eh? To us! All back together. 253 00:12:18,843 --> 00:12:21,483 Fighting like only a loving family can. 254 00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:24,523 To us! 255 00:12:29,603 --> 00:12:32,083 - I think we should go and unpack. - Yeah. Good idea! 256 00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:35,443 - I'm making a toast here. Nobody leaves until they bloody join in. 257 00:12:38,603 --> 00:12:39,803 To us! 258 00:12:39,803 --> 00:12:41,203 - OTHERS: - To us! 259 00:12:41,203 --> 00:12:43,363 - # Space travels in my blood 260 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,563 # There ain't nothing I can do about it... # 261 00:12:46,563 --> 00:12:51,763 - MUSIC: Another Girl, Another Planet by Blink 182 262 00:12:53,843 --> 00:12:57,763 # I think I'm on another world with you 263 00:12:57,763 --> 00:12:59,523 # With you 264 00:12:59,523 --> 00:13:02,603 # I'm on another planet with you 265 00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,363 # Another girl 266 00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:10,883 # Is loving you now 267 00:13:10,883 --> 00:13:13,883 # Another planet... 268 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,483 # Another planet. # 269 00:13:19,563 --> 00:13:23,043 - What did you mean - "Communication disorder"? 270 00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:25,363 - I really don't want to talk about it, Maurice. 271 00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:27,723 - The last time you visited, you said I had bowel cancer, 272 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,683 so you'll understand if I have questions. 273 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,603 - You had weight loss and blood in your stools. 274 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,203 I just said you should have it checked out. - That's as maybe. 275 00:13:34,203 --> 00:13:37,443 But thanks to your advice, a strange man stuck his finger up my arse. 276 00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:39,043 - He didn't even buy you dinner first. 277 00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:40,403 - I'm going for a walk. 278 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,603 - It's going to be dark soon. 279 00:13:42,603 --> 00:13:44,443 - I'm going for a walk in the dark. 280 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,843 - I thought SHE cheated on you. 281 00:13:48,843 --> 00:13:50,643 - What's that got to do with anything? 282 00:13:50,643 --> 00:13:53,683 - And you let her talk to you like that? When she's the one in the wrong? 283 00:13:53,683 --> 00:13:55,323 No wonder she cheated on you. 284 00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:20,643 - Do you believe Nicola? She hasn't even got kids. 285 00:14:20,643 --> 00:14:24,483 - Well, in fairness, it was your Eddie's fault that it came out at all. 286 00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:26,483 - We don't owe her an explanation. 287 00:14:26,483 --> 00:14:28,243 She doesn't get to judge our son! 288 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:31,203 In fact, she has no right to judge anyone! 289 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:35,403 - Right, so adultery makes her a bad doctor, does it? 290 00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:40,483 Christ, there'd be no good doctors at all if that were true. 291 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:54,243 - Does this look like my sexual desire face, to you? 292 00:14:54,243 --> 00:14:57,923 - I don't know. Not normally looking at your face. 293 00:14:57,923 --> 00:15:02,043 - Is it the balloons or Sea Lily that's got you all stirred up? 294 00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:03,763 - Sea Lily... - Yeah. 295 00:15:03,763 --> 00:15:06,683 - She turned out brilliantly, didn't she? 296 00:15:06,683 --> 00:15:09,083 And I've got an early booking for Joe's stag night. - Look. 297 00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:12,243 60 months old, he ticks 80% of the boxes. 298 00:15:12,243 --> 00:15:14,963 I ought to mark this up and post it through Nicola's door. 299 00:15:14,963 --> 00:15:17,563 - You know - sex can be a very effective cure for anger. 300 00:15:17,563 --> 00:15:19,523 - Who says I want a cure? 301 00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:21,243 - Come on. 302 00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:23,483 Come on. 303 00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:25,763 Got a hard-on down here you can hang your washing off. 304 00:15:25,763 --> 00:15:27,683 - Oh, good. Got a delicates wash on. 305 00:15:30,683 --> 00:15:33,203 - It's not sex slang, by any chance, that, is it? 306 00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:34,883 - Totally not, no. 307 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,403 DOG BARKS IN THE DISTANCE 308 00:15:56,243 --> 00:15:58,243 COMPUTER GAMING NOISES 309 00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:12,723 Hey, hey, little man. 310 00:16:14,923 --> 00:16:16,683 Hello. 311 00:16:16,683 --> 00:16:19,803 It's bedtime, isn't it? Come on, let me have that! 312 00:16:19,803 --> 00:16:22,083 Give me that. There you go. 313 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:24,523 Right, come on, lie down. 314 00:16:24,523 --> 00:16:26,083 That's it. Right. 315 00:16:27,163 --> 00:16:28,363 There we go. 316 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,883 Sh, sh, sh. Right, lie down. 317 00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:34,283 # The time has come to say goodnight 318 00:16:34,283 --> 00:16:38,443 # To say, sleep tight till the morning light. # 319 00:16:38,443 --> 00:16:40,363 HE SIGHS 320 00:16:40,363 --> 00:16:42,603 No? Not tired? 321 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,963 OK, come on. 322 00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,763 OK, sweetheart. 323 00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,043 - Hi. 324 00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:00,163 - Oh. Hi. 325 00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:09,043 - Is he having trouble sleeping? 326 00:17:09,043 --> 00:17:11,843 - Oh, it's too much excitement. 327 00:17:11,843 --> 00:17:14,043 Way too many Haribos. 328 00:17:14,043 --> 00:17:16,123 Car sends him to sleep, it always works. 329 00:17:16,123 --> 00:17:19,883 - So - do you do this a lot? Drive him around to get him to sleep? 330 00:17:19,883 --> 00:17:22,723 - No. No. Hardly ever. 331 00:17:22,723 --> 00:17:25,483 I didn't know you smoked. 332 00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:26,763 - Hardly ever. 333 00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:45,723 - HE OPENS WINDOW 334 00:17:45,723 --> 00:17:47,563 - Can we have music? 335 00:17:47,563 --> 00:17:49,243 - No, no music, Joe. 336 00:17:50,963 --> 00:17:52,243 - Don't You Want Me. 337 00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:55,763 - Close the window, Joe. 338 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,083 - Who was the band? 339 00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:03,283 - Joe. Close the window. 340 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,363 - Human League. 1981. 341 00:18:05,363 --> 00:18:06,763 - Close the window. 342 00:18:06,763 --> 00:18:10,523 - # You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar... # 343 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,003 - Joe, close the window! - # ..When I met you 344 00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:15,843 # I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around 345 00:18:15,843 --> 00:18:17,323 # Turned you into someone new 346 00:18:17,323 --> 00:18:19,763 # Now five years later on... # - Close the window! 347 00:18:19,763 --> 00:18:21,643 - # ..You've got the world at your feet 348 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,483 # Success has been so easy for you... # 349 00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:35,123 - That's enough! That's enough! That's enough! 350 00:18:35,123 --> 00:18:37,803 - That's enough. That's enough. That's enough! 351 00:18:41,043 --> 00:18:42,283 - Sorry. 352 00:18:51,803 --> 00:18:56,203 # You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar 353 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,123 # When I met you... # 354 00:19:04,323 --> 00:19:05,363 You tired, baby? 355 00:19:07,603 --> 00:19:09,043 I'm tired, too. 356 00:19:53,163 --> 00:19:57,403 - ..Friday after school. There's just crisps, ice cream and a game 357 00:19:57,403 --> 00:20:00,363 of football but if the weather holds, you know, there you go. 358 00:20:00,363 --> 00:20:02,563 I'll see you at the party. OK? 359 00:20:02,563 --> 00:20:05,683 - SCHOOL BELL 360 00:20:05,683 --> 00:20:07,123 - Good morning. 361 00:20:08,243 --> 00:20:10,083 Right, come on, everybody, 362 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,883 I know these invitations are really exciting, but put them away. 363 00:20:13,883 --> 00:20:16,203 - Bye, lovely boy. 364 00:20:16,203 --> 00:20:17,523 - Come on now, hurry up. 365 00:20:20,243 --> 00:20:22,963 Good morning, Joe. 366 00:20:30,643 --> 00:20:32,843 - THUNDER RUMBLES 367 00:20:32,843 --> 00:20:34,963 HORN BLARES 368 00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:42,843 - Oi, oi. I bet you didn't move back for the weather, did you? 369 00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:45,883 - Good job I didn't move back for the banter, if that's the best you've got. 370 00:20:45,883 --> 00:20:48,003 - Eh, that's a bit harsh. Must be the nerves. 371 00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:50,963 - Joe got over his party yet? - Bit of advice on your first day. 372 00:20:50,963 --> 00:20:53,003 Do not let them Polish lads take advantage. 373 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:54,403 I learnt that the hard way. 374 00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:57,603 - Sorry about the row. Don't know why I blurted it out like that. 375 00:20:57,603 --> 00:21:01,043 I think Joe's great. And I know what it's like to be the odd one out in this family. 376 00:21:01,043 --> 00:21:05,803 - Now, they are grafters, these lads, but they will give you the runaround 377 00:21:05,803 --> 00:21:08,483 if they think you're going to be a pushover. 378 00:21:08,483 --> 00:21:10,563 - I did run my own business for two years, you know. 379 00:21:10,563 --> 00:21:13,243 - No, I know, I know. Lighten up. I'm only saying ... 380 00:21:16,363 --> 00:21:17,603 Oi, oi. 381 00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:28,043 - Hello, Maurice, come in. 382 00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:30,963 Try not to look so guilty, we're not doing anything to be ashamed of. 383 00:21:30,963 --> 00:21:32,323 - Speak for yourself. 384 00:21:54,723 --> 00:21:56,283 - Right! 385 00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:58,843 Be gentle with him, eh, guys! Czesc! 386 00:22:11,963 --> 00:22:16,163 - THEY SPEAK POLISH 387 00:22:32,563 --> 00:22:34,803 - # ..A movie queen 388 00:22:34,803 --> 00:22:42,283 # To play the scene or bringing all the good things out of me 389 00:22:42,283 --> 00:22:46,683 # But for now, love, let's be real 390 00:22:46,683 --> 00:22:52,843 # I never thought I could feel this way and I've got to say that I... # 391 00:22:52,843 --> 00:22:54,363 Bloody hell. 392 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:57,283 I'm shouting again... 393 00:22:57,283 --> 00:22:59,363 - Yes, you lost the breathing. 394 00:22:59,363 --> 00:23:01,603 When you're letting out the final breath on the note, 395 00:23:01,603 --> 00:23:04,563 think what it's like to hold in a fart and then finally... 396 00:23:04,563 --> 00:23:06,723 # Relax and let it go. # 397 00:23:06,723 --> 00:23:08,803 - I've never held a fart in in me life! 398 00:23:08,803 --> 00:23:10,243 - Well, maybe you should start. 399 00:23:10,243 --> 00:23:12,043 Otherwise, good, Maurice, not bad at all. 400 00:23:12,043 --> 00:23:13,963 - Don't patronise me, Louise. 401 00:23:13,963 --> 00:23:16,283 I've not been practising, there's been stuff at home. 402 00:23:16,283 --> 00:23:17,763 - Oh, sorry to hear that. 403 00:23:17,763 --> 00:23:20,043 Uh, uh, have you got a moment? 404 00:23:20,043 --> 00:23:21,843 I've a proposal to put to ya. 405 00:23:23,043 --> 00:23:25,483 - Not really, no. - It won't take long. 406 00:23:25,483 --> 00:23:27,323 Sit down, I'll make some tea. 407 00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:41,163 - Before you ask. I do not want to take up the ukulele. 408 00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:45,323 - This is what I'm thinking. 409 00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:49,563 That you're alone and I'm alone and neither of us are particularly short of commitments or company, 410 00:23:49,563 --> 00:23:53,683 you with your family and your business and me with the teaching, and the choir and Ralph, but... 411 00:23:53,683 --> 00:23:55,003 - Louise, come on... 412 00:23:57,723 --> 00:23:59,003 - Here's the "but". 413 00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:01,763 I'm just going to say it. 414 00:24:04,883 --> 00:24:07,043 I miss sex, do you? 415 00:24:07,043 --> 00:24:08,203 - I'm sorry? 416 00:24:09,283 --> 00:24:10,603 - I miss sex. 417 00:24:13,563 --> 00:24:16,003 - I'm sorry to hear that, erm... 418 00:24:18,403 --> 00:24:20,083 Have you thought about the internet? 419 00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:22,683 - Oh, it's nasty out there, Maurice! 420 00:24:22,683 --> 00:24:26,483 So I was thinking that you and I should perhaps... 421 00:24:26,483 --> 00:24:28,843 start a sexual relationship? 422 00:24:28,843 --> 00:24:30,723 It strikes me as a practical solution. 423 00:24:30,723 --> 00:24:32,483 We're neither of us teenagers, 424 00:24:32,483 --> 00:24:35,323 and we know our needs and we seem to like each oth... 425 00:24:35,323 --> 00:24:38,203 And I can see the thought horrifies you, so I'll say no more about it. 426 00:24:38,203 --> 00:24:41,643 - It's not that! - Perhaps you don't miss the sex? 427 00:24:41,643 --> 00:24:42,963 - Not that, either! 428 00:24:44,403 --> 00:24:46,323 I don't find you... 429 00:24:48,923 --> 00:24:51,003 I don't think of you in that way. 430 00:24:53,203 --> 00:24:54,563 - Oh! 431 00:24:56,723 --> 00:25:00,363 - I'm kind of wishing this conversation had been about a ukulele. 432 00:25:02,163 --> 00:25:04,363 - Right, well, thank you for your honesty. 433 00:25:04,363 --> 00:25:05,963 - I should, I should go. 434 00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:08,523 - Of course, and if you do practise, erm, 435 00:25:08,523 --> 00:25:11,123 remember to sing the low notes from down here. 436 00:25:12,203 --> 00:25:13,243 - Right. 437 00:25:18,603 --> 00:25:19,843 - DOOR CLOSES 438 00:25:27,843 --> 00:25:30,203 - Oh, come on, Wi-Fi, you know you want to. 439 00:25:30,203 --> 00:25:31,923 - KNOCKING 440 00:25:34,403 --> 00:25:37,083 - What did you mean, "Can't follow simple instructions"? 441 00:25:37,083 --> 00:25:41,163 - Maurice. Like I said. I really don't want to talk about it with you. 442 00:25:41,163 --> 00:25:43,003 - Don't get all delicate with me, Nicola. 443 00:25:43,003 --> 00:25:45,963 If there's a problem with my grandson, then we need to get it fixed. 444 00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:49,043 And you think there's a problem, don't you? - None of my business. 445 00:25:49,043 --> 00:25:50,323 - I think there is, as well. 446 00:25:50,323 --> 00:25:52,843 And it's going to get bigger if we wait for them two airheads 447 00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:53,923 to do anything about it. 448 00:25:53,923 --> 00:25:55,923 So? Who do I talk to, where do I go? 449 00:25:55,923 --> 00:25:58,083 Nobody needs to know you told me. 450 00:25:59,523 --> 00:26:01,843 - OK. I'll have a think. 451 00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:09,723 I'll-I'll need to make a couple of phone calls. 452 00:26:09,723 --> 00:26:11,123 - That's OK. I can wait. 453 00:26:12,923 --> 00:26:17,403 - Um, I get a better signal on this in the bedroom. 454 00:26:17,403 --> 00:26:20,883 - Oh, you need to get one of these! You know, old but effective. 455 00:26:20,883 --> 00:26:22,123 Like me. 456 00:26:24,963 --> 00:26:28,523 - TV: - One of the aspects of physical play that's maybe least understood 457 00:26:28,523 --> 00:26:31,083 is rough and tumble. 458 00:26:28,523 --> 00:26:31,083 - PHONE RINGS 459 00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:33,563 Hey, Dad. Did you pick him up all right, is everything OK? 460 00:26:33,563 --> 00:26:34,883 - Everything's fine. 461 00:26:34,883 --> 00:26:38,803 I have to go to Manchester, so I thought I'd take him to the Science Museum. 462 00:26:40,723 --> 00:26:42,643 Joe? Your mother says hello. 463 00:26:45,403 --> 00:26:47,683 He waves hello back. I'll see you later. 464 00:26:47,683 --> 00:26:49,363 Bye! 465 00:26:49,363 --> 00:26:51,243 - Bye. 466 00:26:51,243 --> 00:26:54,923 TV: - Research shows that fear has evolved as a way of controlling aggression. 467 00:26:54,923 --> 00:26:58,443 It's associated with the development of emotional and social skills 468 00:26:58,443 --> 00:27:00,363 and understandings. 469 00:27:00,363 --> 00:27:01,803 - Oh, hey, latte? 470 00:27:01,803 --> 00:27:03,083 - Please. 471 00:27:04,243 --> 00:27:07,203 Is Joe going to wear a proper kit? 472 00:27:07,203 --> 00:27:08,763 - For what? 473 00:27:08,763 --> 00:27:10,323 - For Friday? 474 00:27:10,323 --> 00:27:12,523 Harry's football party? 475 00:27:12,523 --> 00:27:16,323 - Oh, right, um, yeah, no. Joe's not really that into football. 476 00:27:16,323 --> 00:27:18,723 Much to his dad's despair. 477 00:27:18,723 --> 00:27:19,883 You're late. 478 00:27:19,883 --> 00:27:22,443 - Or you could be early. Time's all relative. 479 00:27:22,443 --> 00:27:25,003 - We're out of skimmed milk. It's a latte. 480 00:27:25,003 --> 00:27:26,523 Excuse me. 481 00:27:32,203 --> 00:27:34,963 - Hello, Joe. What are you doing here? 482 00:27:34,963 --> 00:27:37,563 - I'm his, er, grandad. I've got an appointment. 483 00:27:37,563 --> 00:27:38,763 Er, cancellation. 484 00:27:38,763 --> 00:27:42,563 - Today? No. There must have been some misunderstanding. 485 00:27:47,403 --> 00:27:49,563 That's better. How are you today, Joe? 486 00:27:49,563 --> 00:27:52,123 - You know him already? How do you know him? 487 00:27:53,163 --> 00:27:54,563 - I can't tell you that. 488 00:27:54,563 --> 00:27:56,323 It's just confidentiality. 489 00:27:56,323 --> 00:27:58,403 - Yes. But you do know him ... 490 00:27:58,403 --> 00:27:59,443 - Clearly. 491 00:28:13,683 --> 00:28:16,283 - Don't take her money, Terry. She's family. 492 00:28:16,283 --> 00:28:19,283 - I knew I knew you from somewhere. It's Nicola. The doctor, right? 493 00:28:19,283 --> 00:28:21,883 So you came too in the end, then? - Why wouldn't I? 494 00:28:21,883 --> 00:28:24,163 - Good for you! The past is the past, yeah? 495 00:28:25,403 --> 00:28:27,843 - Thank you. 496 00:28:27,843 --> 00:28:30,203 - Coffee, please, Terry! 497 00:28:30,203 --> 00:28:34,403 So the cycle route comes right by Cumbria Way 498 00:28:34,403 --> 00:28:37,883 and two other hikes cut down the hill. 499 00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:41,643 So everybody sits out on the deck, eating dinner, drinking our beer. 500 00:28:41,643 --> 00:28:44,923 And then in the evening, the day-trippers and the campers, 501 00:28:44,923 --> 00:28:48,843 they come over and they make use... - Does everybody talk about everybody's business here? 502 00:28:50,403 --> 00:28:52,163 - Well, er, 503 00:28:52,163 --> 00:28:54,643 pretty much. 504 00:28:54,643 --> 00:28:57,403 Two metres of rainfall a year can do that to a town. 505 00:28:57,403 --> 00:29:01,283 - If you're hiking or cycling, the diner does the job, doesn't it? 506 00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:03,403 It's only 100 yards away and it's good. 507 00:29:03,403 --> 00:29:04,963 Why build a restaurant? 508 00:29:04,963 --> 00:29:07,043 - Oh, it's a gastropub, it's not a restaurant. 509 00:29:07,043 --> 00:29:08,363 - Even so... 510 00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:13,683 It's a beautiful setting but it's kind of sinister, too. 511 00:29:13,683 --> 00:29:15,683 - Really? 512 00:29:15,683 --> 00:29:18,083 I don't think so. - I like the contrast. 513 00:29:19,643 --> 00:29:22,563 - Good. - Not everyone will, but... 514 00:29:22,563 --> 00:29:26,123 - HAMMERING AND WHIRRING IN BACKGROUND 515 00:29:53,643 --> 00:29:54,803 - How was today? 516 00:29:55,923 --> 00:29:57,163 - It was OK. 517 00:29:58,723 --> 00:30:01,963 I get the impression they all think Paul's a bit of a wanker, so... 518 00:30:01,963 --> 00:30:03,763 that made it easier. 519 00:30:03,763 --> 00:30:06,763 - I did my CV and your dad came round. 520 00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:09,403 He wanted to talk about Joe. 521 00:30:09,403 --> 00:30:12,403 - Oh, God. I told you we should stay out of that. 522 00:30:12,403 --> 00:30:15,523 - That's what I said. It's for Paul and Alison to deal with. 523 00:30:19,683 --> 00:30:21,283 - Are you settling in? - No. 524 00:30:24,123 --> 00:30:25,403 - Do you want to leave? 525 00:30:26,603 --> 00:30:28,403 - Only every hour or so. 526 00:30:28,403 --> 00:30:29,843 - Me too. 527 00:30:34,443 --> 00:30:36,923 We can make this work, you know. 528 00:30:36,923 --> 00:30:38,243 - I know. 529 00:30:41,443 --> 00:30:42,483 I do love you. 530 00:30:44,123 --> 00:30:45,363 - Do you? 531 00:30:46,683 --> 00:30:48,603 - I wouldn't have come here if I didn't. 532 00:31:40,603 --> 00:31:42,123 - GROANING FROM UPSTAIRS 533 00:31:51,923 --> 00:31:53,363 - Dinner's ready in 20 minutes. 534 00:31:53,363 --> 00:31:54,963 - GROANING CONTINUES, BED CREAKS 535 00:31:54,963 --> 00:31:56,003 What's that? 536 00:31:57,523 --> 00:31:59,163 - Er, washing machine. 537 00:32:00,443 --> 00:32:01,803 - No, not that. 538 00:32:01,803 --> 00:32:04,603 GROANING CONTINUES 539 00:32:01,803 --> 00:32:04,603 That. That sound. 540 00:32:05,963 --> 00:32:07,083 - Oh, I don't know. 541 00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:14,603 - GROANING INTENSIFIES 542 00:32:17,443 --> 00:32:19,403 GROANING CONTINUES 543 00:32:23,843 --> 00:32:26,443 What are you doing? - Don't stop. 544 00:32:26,443 --> 00:32:29,043 - What are you doing? With my hand? 545 00:32:29,043 --> 00:32:30,843 - I... 546 00:32:30,843 --> 00:32:32,763 I've done it before. I just... 547 00:32:32,763 --> 00:32:34,163 - Not with me you haven't. 548 00:32:35,443 --> 00:32:37,443 Oh! 549 00:32:37,443 --> 00:32:39,883 Why don't you just tell me every move he made? 550 00:32:39,883 --> 00:32:42,523 Everything you did to him and he did to you, eh? 551 00:32:42,523 --> 00:32:44,243 - I just thought it'd be nice. 552 00:32:44,243 --> 00:32:46,243 - So where did you learn it? With who? 553 00:32:48,963 --> 00:32:53,443 Oh, Christ. Are you thinking about it? You can't even remember! 554 00:32:53,443 --> 00:32:54,603 What else did you do? 555 00:32:55,803 --> 00:32:57,363 - I'm not indulging this. 556 00:32:57,363 --> 00:32:59,723 - Like you indulged him inside you, you mean? 557 00:32:59,723 --> 00:33:01,163 SHOUTING FROM UPSTAIRS 558 00:33:01,163 --> 00:33:02,883 You can't do that! You can't walk away! 559 00:33:02,883 --> 00:33:05,123 It's you that's in the bloody wrong! - Oh is it, really? 560 00:33:05,123 --> 00:33:06,843 Jesus, I never would have guessed! 561 00:33:06,843 --> 00:33:10,643 - There you two are. Where have you been? 562 00:33:10,643 --> 00:33:13,483 - Rebecca, would you take Joe and play, please? 563 00:33:13,483 --> 00:33:14,923 - I was just about to eat. 564 00:33:14,923 --> 00:33:16,843 - Take him to play? He must be exhausted. 565 00:33:16,843 --> 00:33:19,683 All morning at big school and then a trip to Manchester. 566 00:33:19,683 --> 00:33:21,603 Joe, did Harry give you an invitation today? 567 00:33:21,603 --> 00:33:23,123 Is it in your folder? 568 00:33:23,123 --> 00:33:25,243 - I just want a word with your mum, love. 569 00:33:27,163 --> 00:33:28,723 - Come on, Joe. 570 00:33:28,723 --> 00:33:29,963 Come on. 571 00:33:29,963 --> 00:33:31,043 Let's go outside. 572 00:33:35,723 --> 00:33:37,323 - Unbelievable. 573 00:33:38,803 --> 00:33:40,283 How was the Science Museum? 574 00:33:40,283 --> 00:33:43,043 - We didn't make it. We were in Manchester and it just so turns out 575 00:33:43,043 --> 00:33:46,883 that the head honcho of St Greg's is a friend of a friend of Nicola's. 576 00:33:48,683 --> 00:33:50,043 - So? 577 00:33:50,043 --> 00:33:54,123 - So I dropped in on her with Joe. Tried to get a cancellation. 578 00:33:54,123 --> 00:33:56,083 - Sorry, you did what? 579 00:33:56,083 --> 00:33:58,203 - Dr Eshell. Seems like a lovely woman 580 00:33:58,203 --> 00:34:01,403 and, er, what do you know? She knows Joe already. 581 00:34:01,403 --> 00:34:02,763 - You fucking did what? 582 00:34:02,763 --> 00:34:04,363 - Why didn't you tell me, love? 583 00:34:04,363 --> 00:34:06,923 You and Paul don't have to go through this stuff on your own. 584 00:34:06,923 --> 00:34:08,443 That's what your dad's here for. 585 00:34:08,443 --> 00:34:11,443 - You took my son to hospital without asking me? 586 00:34:11,443 --> 00:34:13,883 To see a doctor? To have tests done? 587 00:34:13,883 --> 00:34:16,683 I knew you were a control freak but this is like a whole other level. 588 00:34:16,683 --> 00:34:20,123 - Is the follow-up with the same doctor or are they going to bring a specialist in? 589 00:34:20,123 --> 00:34:21,243 - You kidnapped him? 590 00:34:22,243 --> 00:34:23,683 Get out. 591 00:34:23,683 --> 00:34:25,203 Get out! 592 00:34:32,403 --> 00:34:33,723 - What's going on? 593 00:34:41,923 --> 00:34:44,843 - Can you ease off trying to drag Nicola into family arguments? 594 00:34:44,843 --> 00:34:46,843 - Sure. If that's what I was doing. 595 00:34:46,843 --> 00:34:49,283 - We're trying to make a go of it up here and it's not easy. 596 00:34:49,283 --> 00:34:51,203 Perfect family next door. Dad up the road. 597 00:34:51,203 --> 00:34:54,123 Paul dropping in every five minutes to tell me how to run the brewery. 598 00:34:54,123 --> 00:34:55,563 - Do you want my advice? - No. 599 00:34:55,563 --> 00:34:58,923 - I advise you very strongly to get your head out of your arse. 600 00:34:58,923 --> 00:35:01,523 There are bigger problems in this world than yours, you know. 601 00:35:01,523 --> 00:35:02,723 That's all I'm saying. 602 00:35:02,723 --> 00:35:04,243 - "That's all I'm saying. 603 00:35:04,243 --> 00:35:05,683 "With all due respect. 604 00:35:05,683 --> 00:35:07,123 "If you don't mind me saying so." 605 00:35:07,123 --> 00:35:09,483 Little sweeteners which you think give you permission 606 00:35:09,483 --> 00:35:12,363 to say what the hell you like. - Stay away from my son! 607 00:35:21,283 --> 00:35:24,403 - MUSIC: Where Were You? by The Mekons 608 00:36:05,243 --> 00:36:08,123 # When I was waiting in the bar Where were you? 609 00:36:08,123 --> 00:36:11,283 # When I was buying you a drink Where were you? 610 00:36:11,283 --> 00:36:14,043 # When I was crying at home in bed Where were you? # 611 00:36:24,763 --> 00:36:27,603 - You know Harry's having a party this afternoon. 612 00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:31,243 - What time? We're going to be pushed to make it back. - Joe wasn't invited. 613 00:36:31,243 --> 00:36:33,803 - What? No. 614 00:36:33,803 --> 00:36:36,563 What? No, you're wrong. - No, seriously. 615 00:36:36,563 --> 00:36:38,923 Every kid in his class got an invitation except for him. 616 00:36:40,723 --> 00:36:43,043 - Harry? Harry with the inhaler? - Yeah. 617 00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:49,163 - Well, who wants to go to his party anyway? 618 00:36:49,163 --> 00:36:51,443 - We've invited every kid since nursery. 619 00:36:53,003 --> 00:36:54,963 How many invitations has he had in return? 620 00:36:57,963 --> 00:37:00,643 - He's being patronised by the kid with the inhaler? 621 00:37:06,563 --> 00:37:08,923 - This is Dr Waite, who I told you about. 622 00:37:08,923 --> 00:37:10,363 - Yes, of course. Hello. 623 00:37:10,363 --> 00:37:12,683 - Nice to meet you. - Hi. - Hiya. 624 00:37:12,683 --> 00:37:14,363 - I'll leave you to it. - Thank you. 625 00:37:14,363 --> 00:37:15,843 Please. 626 00:37:17,483 --> 00:37:21,123 Did you bring the questionnaire? - Er, yes, and medical records. 627 00:37:25,643 --> 00:37:28,523 - And nursery reports? School reports? 628 00:37:28,523 --> 00:37:29,963 - Oh, they're not very useful. 629 00:37:29,963 --> 00:37:32,283 - Maybe you can bring them next time. - Yeah, course. 630 00:37:32,283 --> 00:37:34,123 - If there is a next time. 631 00:37:34,123 --> 00:37:39,643 - OK, erm, well, why don't we start by you telling me about Joe? 632 00:37:39,643 --> 00:37:42,243 - Well, we did that last time with Dr Eshell. 633 00:37:42,243 --> 00:37:45,403 - It's good for me to hear it first-hand. 634 00:37:45,403 --> 00:37:47,723 - Well, like...like what? 635 00:37:47,723 --> 00:37:48,843 - Whatever you like. 636 00:37:53,643 --> 00:37:58,243 - Well, he's...he's charming and he's funny and he's... 637 00:37:58,243 --> 00:38:01,723 Oh, he's a musical genius - he knows full songs by heart. 638 00:38:01,723 --> 00:38:03,363 Erm, 639 00:38:03,363 --> 00:38:05,603 he's smarter than kids his age, so he doesn't... 640 00:38:05,603 --> 00:38:07,603 they don't really interest him very much. 641 00:38:07,603 --> 00:38:08,843 Erm, 642 00:38:08,843 --> 00:38:11,003 he's got that thing about going last through a door 643 00:38:11,003 --> 00:38:13,843 but then, my friend's boy only eats Cheerios 644 00:38:13,843 --> 00:38:16,323 so that's not really a big deal or anything. 645 00:38:18,443 --> 00:38:21,003 - And are those the difficulties that brought you here? 646 00:38:21,003 --> 00:38:25,243 - Well, Dr Eshell said that we should come back so we came back. 647 00:38:25,243 --> 00:38:27,563 - Well, if you hadn't thought there was still a problem, 648 00:38:27,563 --> 00:38:31,163 you wouldn't have brought him back, would you? So? 649 00:38:31,163 --> 00:38:34,363 - Well, we took him to see a speech therapist when he was two and a half, 650 00:38:34,363 --> 00:38:38,563 erm, because he just... he didn't really speak. 651 00:38:38,563 --> 00:38:41,643 And, erm, she said that it would right itself and it did 652 00:38:41,643 --> 00:38:45,003 and since then, he never shuts up, does he? So, that's it, really. 653 00:38:47,363 --> 00:38:48,763 - Is there anything else? 654 00:38:53,603 --> 00:38:56,923 - Yeah, he doesn't talk to other kids very much. 655 00:38:56,923 --> 00:38:59,803 I think he just... I think he just prefers adults. 656 00:38:59,803 --> 00:39:02,643 He's, you know, erm... 657 00:39:04,123 --> 00:39:06,403 But he has just started school - reception. 658 00:39:06,403 --> 00:39:10,083 Erm, it's just part-time but if he's going to mix with new kids 659 00:39:10,083 --> 00:39:11,243 and, you know... 660 00:39:12,523 --> 00:39:14,003 - OK. 661 00:39:14,003 --> 00:39:15,043 Well... 662 00:39:16,243 --> 00:39:17,283 Joe? 663 00:39:18,843 --> 00:39:20,723 Do you want to have a little play? 664 00:39:23,443 --> 00:39:25,323 - Joe? 665 00:39:25,323 --> 00:39:26,883 Listen, 666 00:39:26,883 --> 00:39:29,363 I want you to play with Dr Waite for five minutes 667 00:39:29,363 --> 00:39:32,363 and then you can have your music back. OK? 668 00:39:32,363 --> 00:39:34,403 Come on, good lad. There we go. 669 00:39:34,403 --> 00:39:36,123 - Do you want to help me with this, Joe? 670 00:39:42,763 --> 00:39:46,203 - He doesn't really like jigsaws. He just finds them too easy. 671 00:39:48,003 --> 00:39:49,323 - Joe, look. 672 00:39:52,003 --> 00:39:54,163 Hey, look who this is. Here, look. 673 00:39:54,163 --> 00:39:55,523 It's Tigger, isn't it? 674 00:39:55,523 --> 00:39:57,523 Hey, shall we show Dr Waite where Tigger goes? 675 00:39:57,523 --> 00:40:00,043 Just above Winnie the Pooh. Just there. 676 00:40:00,043 --> 00:40:01,083 Hey? 677 00:40:02,563 --> 00:40:04,523 The wonderful thing about Tiggers... 678 00:40:04,523 --> 00:40:06,203 - Are Tiggers are wonderful things. 679 00:40:06,203 --> 00:40:07,723 Their tops are made out of rubber, 680 00:40:07,723 --> 00:40:09,523 their bottoms are made of springs. 681 00:40:09,523 --> 00:40:11,443 They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy... 682 00:40:11,443 --> 00:40:13,003 - BOTH: - Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! 683 00:40:13,003 --> 00:40:16,243 But the wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one. 684 00:40:16,243 --> 00:40:18,483 - # I'm the only one. # 685 00:40:18,483 --> 00:40:19,563 - Where does it go? 686 00:40:20,803 --> 00:40:23,563 Hey, does it go there? Like that? Hey? 687 00:40:23,563 --> 00:40:27,603 - If Dad keeps helping you, Dad might have to wait outside. 688 00:40:32,243 --> 00:40:34,523 - He really doesn't like jigsaws. 689 00:40:34,523 --> 00:40:36,403 - Oh, it's OK. 690 00:40:36,403 --> 00:40:38,883 Children often react like that in the room. 691 00:40:44,643 --> 00:40:45,803 - Now then, Joe... 692 00:40:49,563 --> 00:40:51,883 Can you take a look at this picture for me? 693 00:40:52,923 --> 00:40:55,723 Can you tell me, what do you see? 694 00:40:57,403 --> 00:40:59,723 - Hmm, let me see. 695 00:40:59,723 --> 00:41:02,483 - That's right. What do you see? 696 00:41:05,723 --> 00:41:07,163 - Hmm... 697 00:41:09,803 --> 00:41:13,923 A door. - That's right. 698 00:41:13,923 --> 00:41:15,763 A door to the cottage. 699 00:41:17,643 --> 00:41:18,763 Anything else? 700 00:41:20,603 --> 00:41:21,683 - Hmm... 701 00:41:38,843 --> 00:41:41,003 Another door. 702 00:41:41,003 --> 00:41:43,763 - That's right - another door. 703 00:41:43,763 --> 00:41:45,403 To the lighthouse this time. 704 00:41:47,243 --> 00:41:49,523 Now, can you see anything else, 705 00:41:49,523 --> 00:41:51,523 Joe, on the picture? 706 00:41:52,643 --> 00:41:54,963 Maybe not a door this time? 707 00:41:56,483 --> 00:41:59,763 IN AMERICAN ACCENT: - You're a sad, strange little man. 708 00:42:02,083 --> 00:42:03,803 - Toy Story. 709 00:42:03,803 --> 00:42:05,003 - I know. 710 00:42:07,603 --> 00:42:09,443 - Joe... 711 00:42:09,443 --> 00:42:12,203 Joe, you love the seaside, don't you? Hey, look. 712 00:42:13,923 --> 00:42:15,403 Do you remember St Ives? 713 00:42:17,363 --> 00:42:18,563 With the seagull? 714 00:42:21,443 --> 00:42:23,723 - A seagull ate Mum's pasty. 715 00:42:23,723 --> 00:42:26,203 - That's right, he did. He really did. 716 00:42:46,563 --> 00:42:48,843 The lazy little bugger. 717 00:42:48,843 --> 00:42:50,603 I've never seen him so co-operative. 718 00:42:50,603 --> 00:42:52,003 - Wait till I get him home! 719 00:42:59,363 --> 00:43:01,043 - She loved him. 720 00:43:01,043 --> 00:43:03,323 - Yeah, course she did. Why wouldn't she? 721 00:43:05,483 --> 00:43:06,643 - I tell you what... 722 00:43:08,163 --> 00:43:11,283 ..let's go away this weekend, just me and you. 723 00:43:11,283 --> 00:43:13,003 Book a nice hotel. 724 00:43:13,003 --> 00:43:15,123 - That'd be romantic. 725 00:43:15,123 --> 00:43:18,883 - We could have our fill from the award-winning carvery and then... 726 00:43:20,123 --> 00:43:22,803 ..I could take you from behind over the Corby Trouser Press. 727 00:43:22,803 --> 00:43:25,563 - Little bit less romantic that time. 728 00:43:25,563 --> 00:43:27,963 - It's such a fine balance. - Yes, tiny. 729 00:43:27,963 --> 00:43:29,883 - Alison, Paul, come through. 730 00:43:34,163 --> 00:43:35,803 PHONE BEEPS 731 00:43:43,003 --> 00:43:46,243 - You're not going to give us jigsaws, are you? 732 00:43:46,243 --> 00:43:48,283 - He's a lovely boy. - Yeah. 733 00:43:48,283 --> 00:43:49,683 - He's polite, 734 00:43:49,683 --> 00:43:54,043 he's affectionate, he makes eye contact and he loves his music. 735 00:43:54,043 --> 00:43:56,003 - Thank you for being so patient with him... 736 00:43:56,003 --> 00:43:58,283 - PHONE BEEPS AGAIN 737 00:43:56,003 --> 00:43:58,283 - ..and with me. 738 00:43:58,283 --> 00:43:59,963 Especially me. 739 00:43:59,963 --> 00:44:02,923 I know sometimes I can be bit of a prick, you know... 740 00:44:02,923 --> 00:44:05,043 - Look, I'm going to write my own report 741 00:44:05,043 --> 00:44:07,883 but I can talk you through the test results now. 742 00:44:07,883 --> 00:44:11,283 I don't believe in keeping people waiting. 743 00:44:11,283 --> 00:44:14,563 You were right to bring him to Dr Eshell 744 00:44:14,563 --> 00:44:16,923 and she was right to refer him to me. 745 00:44:16,923 --> 00:44:19,003 He does have significant problems. 746 00:44:21,203 --> 00:44:22,923 - What kind of problems? 747 00:44:22,923 --> 00:44:24,803 - Communication. 748 00:44:24,803 --> 00:44:26,763 Auditory processing. 749 00:44:26,763 --> 00:44:29,043 Emotional responses. 750 00:44:29,043 --> 00:44:30,803 Self-soothing behaviours. 751 00:44:31,883 --> 00:44:34,283 If you look at the tests, 752 00:44:34,283 --> 00:44:36,563 in many areas, he is way above average. 753 00:44:36,563 --> 00:44:38,163 - Sorry, I know you're the expert... 754 00:44:39,803 --> 00:44:42,083 ..but is that really so different from any other kid? 755 00:44:42,083 --> 00:44:44,603 - No, because he's five years old. 756 00:44:44,603 --> 00:44:45,883 But he will be. 757 00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:51,603 Did Dr Eshell mention the autism spectrum at all? 758 00:44:51,603 --> 00:44:54,003 - No, why would she? 759 00:44:54,003 --> 00:44:55,723 I don't know very much about autism 760 00:44:55,723 --> 00:44:58,323 but from what I do know, there's no way he's got... 761 00:44:58,323 --> 00:45:01,243 - He has problems processing emotions. 762 00:45:01,243 --> 00:45:03,723 He has problems with his auditory processing. 763 00:45:03,723 --> 00:45:06,043 - Yeah, you keep saying that. I don't know what it means. 764 00:45:06,043 --> 00:45:07,243 - I'm sorry. 765 00:45:07,243 --> 00:45:09,443 It means there's nothing wrong with his hearing 766 00:45:09,443 --> 00:45:12,403 but he has trouble making sense of what he hears 767 00:45:12,403 --> 00:45:14,603 and prioritising them. 768 00:45:14,603 --> 00:45:16,843 Like I'm prioritising this conversation 769 00:45:16,843 --> 00:45:18,363 over the sound of my e-mail alerts. 770 00:45:18,363 --> 00:45:20,523 - That's not him. That... 771 00:45:20,523 --> 00:45:22,963 Sorry, but he talks, he sings. 772 00:45:22,963 --> 00:45:24,723 - He has a wide vocabulary 773 00:45:24,723 --> 00:45:27,883 and he uses that to keep everyone at a social distance. 774 00:45:28,923 --> 00:45:33,483 His singing is another way to keep everyone out. 775 00:45:33,483 --> 00:45:36,883 To protect him from what he finds difficult. 776 00:45:38,483 --> 00:45:40,123 Communication, 777 00:45:40,123 --> 00:45:41,243 emotions. 778 00:45:42,523 --> 00:45:44,683 - Well, that just sounds like every man I know. 779 00:45:44,683 --> 00:45:45,963 - Right. 780 00:45:45,963 --> 00:45:48,523 But Joe has these problems to the extent 781 00:45:48,523 --> 00:45:52,363 that it limits his capacity to learn and change. 782 00:45:52,363 --> 00:45:54,843 - So, are you saying he's autistic? 783 00:45:54,843 --> 00:45:57,443 - I do believe he's on the autism spectrum, yes. 784 00:45:59,963 --> 00:46:02,163 - But he's not autistic? 785 00:46:02,163 --> 00:46:04,563 - That's not how I describe anyone with autism. 786 00:46:04,563 --> 00:46:07,163 - So, you think he has autism? 787 00:46:08,483 --> 00:46:10,643 - Yes. 788 00:46:10,643 --> 00:46:13,123 But the first thing you have to understand is that autism 789 00:46:13,123 --> 00:46:15,683 isn't a single condition 790 00:46:15,683 --> 00:46:17,203 and it's not a disease. 791 00:46:17,203 --> 00:46:21,923 It's a set of behaviours that cause difficulty in social communication. 792 00:46:21,923 --> 00:46:25,203 - OK, well, here you are, saying that autism's hard to pin down 793 00:46:25,203 --> 00:46:28,123 so how can you even say that it's autism for sure? 794 00:46:29,723 --> 00:46:33,083 - I'm afraid it isn't going to go away if we call it something different. 795 00:46:50,923 --> 00:46:53,323 - Doesn't make sense, look. 796 00:46:53,323 --> 00:46:55,803 He scored high for expressive language. 797 00:46:55,803 --> 00:46:56,923 Third percentile. 798 00:46:58,723 --> 00:47:01,483 - Third percentile means third bottom. 799 00:47:01,483 --> 00:47:02,563 Not third top. 800 00:47:04,763 --> 00:47:08,403 It means that 97% of children his age are better at this than him. 801 00:47:12,483 --> 00:47:14,963 - Well, that's Eton down the drain. 802 00:47:14,963 --> 00:47:17,443 - That day on the beach, he was two. 803 00:47:17,443 --> 00:47:20,843 Do you remember, he was turning circles in the sunshine? 804 00:47:22,163 --> 00:47:24,243 You looked at him and you said... 805 00:47:24,243 --> 00:47:26,923 You said to me you thought there might be something wrong. 806 00:47:26,923 --> 00:47:29,643 - And then we got his hearing checked and we spoke to the nursery. 807 00:47:29,643 --> 00:47:31,403 - Yeah, but deep down, what did you think? 808 00:47:31,403 --> 00:47:33,283 What were you afraid it might be? 809 00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:35,843 Was it this? 810 00:47:39,523 --> 00:47:40,923 - It might've been, yeah. 811 00:47:42,363 --> 00:47:44,563 - Why the hell didn't you say so? 812 00:47:44,563 --> 00:47:46,563 - Because he was a little boy 813 00:47:46,563 --> 00:47:48,643 and I didn't want to pin a badge that big on him. 814 00:48:02,803 --> 00:48:04,043 - Let's go. Come on. 815 00:48:26,803 --> 00:48:28,203 - Oh, perfect. 816 00:48:29,243 --> 00:48:31,603 - You've got hill-soft in London. 817 00:48:31,603 --> 00:48:32,963 That's your problem. 818 00:48:32,963 --> 00:48:34,563 - Aye, well, that's London for you. 819 00:48:34,563 --> 00:48:36,003 The gift that keeps on giving. 820 00:48:36,003 --> 00:48:37,323 - You need to put it behind you. 821 00:48:37,323 --> 00:48:39,043 Both of you. 822 00:48:39,043 --> 00:48:40,923 She's a doctor, she worked late hours, 823 00:48:40,923 --> 00:48:43,043 she's got involved with a colleague. It happens. 824 00:48:43,043 --> 00:48:44,403 - Do you know what, Dad? 825 00:48:44,403 --> 00:48:46,723 You might be surprised to learn that owning a box set 826 00:48:46,723 --> 00:48:50,683 of Grey's Anatomy does not qualify you as a relationship counsellor. 827 00:48:52,523 --> 00:48:54,203 - Have you heard from Paul or Alison? 828 00:48:54,203 --> 00:48:56,163 Joe had his follow-up at the hospital today. 829 00:48:56,163 --> 00:48:58,363 - I think you might want to stay out of their business. 830 00:48:58,363 --> 00:49:00,283 - Don't be ridiculous, he's my grandson. 831 00:49:00,283 --> 00:49:01,523 It's my business, too. 832 00:49:03,043 --> 00:49:06,083 - It must be great being so certain about everything. 833 00:49:06,083 --> 00:49:07,603 - Are you saying the boy's normal? 834 00:49:07,603 --> 00:49:09,803 Are you saying there's nothing wrong with him? 835 00:49:11,683 --> 00:49:12,883 Come on! 836 00:49:17,523 --> 00:49:19,603 - HE PANTS 837 00:49:28,443 --> 00:49:31,243 - Hi, could you tell Dr Graves I'm here? He's expecting me. 838 00:49:31,243 --> 00:49:32,323 Dr Daniels. 839 00:49:32,323 --> 00:49:35,883 - Eddie's wife. Right. You actually came, then. 840 00:49:35,883 --> 00:49:37,043 Good for you. 841 00:49:46,803 --> 00:49:48,043 - How is Eddie? 842 00:49:49,043 --> 00:49:50,283 - He's fine, thank you. 843 00:49:52,443 --> 00:49:55,803 - I'm confused - the job is for a practice nurse. 844 00:49:55,803 --> 00:49:59,563 - I was a nurse specialist before I did my medical degree, so... 845 00:49:59,563 --> 00:50:01,083 I thought... 846 00:50:01,083 --> 00:50:03,163 - You'd downsize? 847 00:50:03,163 --> 00:50:05,683 You need to be going for a GP trainee post, don't you? 848 00:50:05,683 --> 00:50:08,803 - But this is just for maternity cover, right? 849 00:50:08,803 --> 00:50:09,883 I need a job. 850 00:50:13,003 --> 00:50:14,883 - I don't think it's going to work. 851 00:50:16,043 --> 00:50:17,963 - What, because I'm overqualified? 852 00:50:17,963 --> 00:50:20,283 - Because you're not the right kind of nurse for us. 853 00:50:20,283 --> 00:50:23,083 It's just a personality thing. I'm sorry. 854 00:50:25,483 --> 00:50:27,323 - What sort of personality thing? 855 00:50:27,323 --> 00:50:28,963 - You're kind of proving my point. 856 00:50:31,883 --> 00:50:34,283 MUSIC ON RADIO: What Do I Get? 857 00:50:31,883 --> 00:50:34,283 by Buzzcocks 858 00:50:31,883 --> 00:50:34,283 - Hey, Joe? 859 00:50:34,283 --> 00:50:38,483 - RADIO PRESENTER: - '40 years of the Buzzcocks and this never gets old.' 860 00:50:38,483 --> 00:50:41,283 - # I just want a lover like any other 861 00:50:41,283 --> 00:50:42,483 # What do I get? # 862 00:50:43,603 --> 00:50:45,163 - SHE TURNS THE RADIO OFF 863 00:50:45,163 --> 00:50:47,363 - That's the first thing that's got to change - 864 00:50:47,363 --> 00:50:49,443 him listening to your music all the time. 865 00:50:49,443 --> 00:50:51,883 - Right, yeah, of course. 866 00:50:51,883 --> 00:50:54,683 It's all Buzzcocks' fault, isn't it? 867 00:50:54,683 --> 00:50:56,883 Yep, my dad used to think that too. 868 00:50:56,883 --> 00:50:58,403 - He isn't you. 869 00:50:58,403 --> 00:51:00,963 - I get that. - Yeah, so maybe if he didn't listen to your music 870 00:51:00,963 --> 00:51:02,723 all the time, he wouldn't be like he is. 871 00:51:05,043 --> 00:51:06,563 - "Like he is"? 872 00:51:08,723 --> 00:51:10,123 It's one lousy football party. 873 00:51:10,123 --> 00:51:14,083 - It's not just one. He never gets invited. We invite every kid. 874 00:51:14,083 --> 00:51:17,123 We throw everything in there - party bags, entertainers, 875 00:51:17,123 --> 00:51:19,923 three-tier birthday cakes, karaoke, games, prizes - 876 00:51:19,923 --> 00:51:22,643 and he doesn't even get invited back by the kid with the inhaler! 877 00:51:22,643 --> 00:51:23,803 You said it. 878 00:51:23,803 --> 00:51:25,683 - I was joking. 879 00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:27,763 - He's five years old and it's happening already. 880 00:51:27,763 --> 00:51:29,723 And do you know what, since he started school, 881 00:51:29,723 --> 00:51:32,403 the other mums don't even try and hide it. 882 00:51:32,403 --> 00:51:34,563 - Well, it's their loss, isn't it? 883 00:51:34,563 --> 00:51:37,123 - That may be so, Paul, but it's his loss, too. 884 00:51:44,523 --> 00:51:46,283 Where are you going? 885 00:51:46,283 --> 00:51:47,723 - To get a picnic of our own. 886 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,483 You never said it were here. 887 00:52:02,483 --> 00:52:05,923 - I didn't know. I assumed they were down at the sports centre. 888 00:52:07,043 --> 00:52:09,443 Come on. 889 00:52:07,043 --> 00:52:09,443 - CHILDREN SHOUT 890 00:52:09,443 --> 00:52:11,123 - Hey, hey, where you going? 891 00:52:11,123 --> 00:52:12,643 I thought we were having a picnic. 892 00:52:12,643 --> 00:52:14,283 - I don't want a picnic. 893 00:52:14,283 --> 00:52:15,923 - Course you do. 894 00:52:15,923 --> 00:52:19,803 It's all your favourite foods, but with rain, wasps and dog poo. 895 00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:21,483 What could be nicer? Come on. 896 00:52:25,603 --> 00:52:27,203 - Right, come on, then. 897 00:52:35,563 --> 00:52:39,443 - Shall we go for an ice cream after this, eh? 898 00:52:39,443 --> 00:52:40,843 - Can't we just go home? 899 00:52:43,403 --> 00:52:46,083 - Look, we can do football, can't we? 900 00:52:46,083 --> 00:52:49,123 Come on, Joe, let's do football. Come on. 901 00:52:49,123 --> 00:52:50,163 That's it! 902 00:52:51,203 --> 00:52:53,763 There we go. Now you stand here. 903 00:52:53,763 --> 00:52:54,923 You ready? 904 00:52:56,803 --> 00:52:57,883 Kick it. 905 00:52:57,883 --> 00:53:00,083 No, no, no, no. Don't pick it up. 906 00:53:00,083 --> 00:53:02,803 Kick it, OK? Just kick it. 907 00:53:02,803 --> 00:53:04,563 There we go. That's it, go on. 908 00:53:07,203 --> 00:53:12,843 - # Angels watching over me with smiles upon their face 909 00:53:12,843 --> 00:53:18,163 # Cos I have made it through this far in an unforgiving place. # 910 00:53:18,163 --> 00:53:20,643 - Hey! Now put it on the floor and you kick it. 911 00:53:20,643 --> 00:53:23,043 Just like what the boys are doing over there. 912 00:53:23,043 --> 00:53:26,243 OK? That's it, go on, off you go. 913 00:53:26,243 --> 00:53:28,883 That's it! Good lad and again. 914 00:53:28,883 --> 00:53:30,803 Go on, go on and again. 915 00:53:31,883 --> 00:53:34,643 No, you put the ball on the floor. 916 00:53:34,643 --> 00:53:37,363 - Just leave it, Paul. Leave him. 917 00:53:37,363 --> 00:53:40,203 - Hey, hey, hey, Joe, come here. 918 00:53:40,203 --> 00:53:41,283 Joe! 919 00:53:44,523 --> 00:53:46,123 - Well, you go, I'm not going. 920 00:53:49,563 --> 00:53:51,243 - Joe! 921 00:53:51,243 --> 00:53:52,283 Come here. 922 00:53:54,323 --> 00:53:56,083 Joe, come here. Joe. 923 00:53:56,083 --> 00:53:58,203 - Hi, Paul. Does Joe want to join in? 924 00:53:58,203 --> 00:54:00,163 He's welcome. 925 00:54:00,163 --> 00:54:02,963 - Er, do you want to play, Joe? 926 00:54:02,963 --> 00:54:05,443 Do you want to... Do you want to play? 927 00:54:05,443 --> 00:54:08,763 Yeah? Do you want to play? Yeah, OK, then. 928 00:54:08,763 --> 00:54:11,923 Oh, here it comes. There you go, go on! Far post, Joe! 929 00:54:11,923 --> 00:54:13,323 Go on! Far post! 930 00:54:13,323 --> 00:54:15,443 Oh, hey, that's it. 931 00:54:15,443 --> 00:54:17,843 Oh, God, you never lose it, do you? 932 00:54:17,843 --> 00:54:19,323 That's it, Joe, go on! 933 00:54:19,323 --> 00:54:22,043 Hey, Joe? 934 00:54:22,043 --> 00:54:23,363 Joe. 935 00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:26,003 Joe! 936 00:54:26,003 --> 00:54:28,603 Hey, hey, Joe, come here. 937 00:54:28,603 --> 00:54:29,683 Joe! Get... 938 00:54:31,163 --> 00:54:33,963 Joe! - Can we have the ball back, Joe's Dad? - Joe, just... 939 00:54:33,963 --> 00:54:35,363 What? 940 00:54:35,363 --> 00:54:37,843 Here, take it. 941 00:54:37,843 --> 00:54:41,243 Joe, look, I'm not going to make you play football, OK? 942 00:54:41,243 --> 00:54:42,403 Just... 943 00:54:45,323 --> 00:54:46,523 Look, Joe... 944 00:54:46,523 --> 00:54:48,363 Now, come on, Joe. 945 00:54:48,363 --> 00:54:50,003 Joe, come down, please. 946 00:55:23,923 --> 00:55:26,363 - Least you've got Rebecca, hey? 947 00:55:26,363 --> 00:55:29,443 That's something. - Meaning what? 948 00:55:29,443 --> 00:55:32,003 - Meaning she's grown-up so you don't have to worry about her. 949 00:55:32,003 --> 00:55:34,603 Are you going to jump down my throat every time I talk to you? 950 00:55:34,603 --> 00:55:37,123 - Dad, can you just try and be a bit more tactful? 951 00:55:37,123 --> 00:55:39,163 That's all. - Of course. 952 00:55:41,843 --> 00:55:43,803 So... 953 00:55:43,803 --> 00:55:46,443 is there a cure? - A cure? It's not a disease. 954 00:55:46,443 --> 00:55:48,923 - All right. I didn't mean cure. I'm not up with the jargon. 955 00:55:48,923 --> 00:55:52,043 I'm still getting used to not saying spastic and mongol. - Oh, my God. 956 00:55:52,043 --> 00:55:54,163 - And coloured's still hanging in there, hey, Dad? 957 00:55:54,163 --> 00:55:56,803 - We don't even know if it's the right diagnosis. 958 00:55:56,803 --> 00:55:59,003 - Exactly. You might want to take a second opinion. 959 00:55:59,003 --> 00:56:01,643 You know, he talks, he laughs, he looks you in the eye, 960 00:56:01,643 --> 00:56:04,043 he smiles, how's he autistic? I don't understand. 961 00:56:04,043 --> 00:56:05,483 - Right, no-one uses that word, 962 00:56:05,483 --> 00:56:07,403 not in this house and not outside this house. 963 00:56:07,403 --> 00:56:08,843 - What if we want to explain? 964 00:56:08,843 --> 00:56:10,683 - If we label him now, it's over. 965 00:56:10,683 --> 00:56:13,923 I am not having the rest of the town judging him at five years old and that's it. 966 00:56:13,923 --> 00:56:16,443 - That's right, because the rest of the town hasn't realised 967 00:56:16,443 --> 00:56:18,323 that there might be something different. 968 00:56:18,323 --> 00:56:20,803 That's why he gets so many party invitations. 969 00:56:20,803 --> 00:56:24,723 - I don't know anything about this but don't we need to be honest? 970 00:56:24,723 --> 00:56:26,363 Isn't that the starting point? 971 00:56:26,363 --> 00:56:28,883 - You're right, you don't know anything about it. 972 00:56:31,043 --> 00:56:32,763 - Eddie, ketchup. 973 00:56:36,883 --> 00:56:39,363 So, do I get a job in your gastro-pub? 974 00:56:39,363 --> 00:56:40,723 Short order cook? 975 00:56:40,723 --> 00:56:44,243 - "At least you have Rebecca." What was that supposed to mean? 976 00:56:44,243 --> 00:56:45,403 - I've explained. 977 00:56:45,403 --> 00:56:47,043 - She's my daughter, I love her, 978 00:56:47,043 --> 00:56:49,123 but I didn't bring her into this world, 979 00:56:49,123 --> 00:56:51,923 biologically, and Joe is all mine. 980 00:56:51,923 --> 00:56:55,803 - So? - So you blame me, don't you, for your less-than-perfect grandson? 981 00:56:55,803 --> 00:56:57,403 - For what? Blame you for what? 982 00:56:57,403 --> 00:56:59,523 Hey, can we eat? He's delirious. 983 00:56:59,523 --> 00:57:03,163 - I need a name. I need someone who can give us a second opinion. Heavyweight. 984 00:57:03,163 --> 00:57:06,243 - Erm, really? I'm not sure who I can ask. 985 00:57:06,243 --> 00:57:08,363 - What about the person that recommended Dr Eshell 986 00:57:08,363 --> 00:57:10,883 in the first place? Dad said you called someone. - I'm sorry, 987 00:57:10,883 --> 00:57:13,443 I can't do that. - Can't do it? Why not? Who is it? Wizard of Oz? 988 00:57:13,443 --> 00:57:15,843 - Maurice, I know what you're thinking. - Take it on the road 989 00:57:15,843 --> 00:57:18,763 with your mind-reading act. I've no idea what you're talking about. 990 00:57:18,763 --> 00:57:21,403 - What's the problem? If your contact is recommending people, 991 00:57:21,403 --> 00:57:24,163 then obviously they know what they're talking about. - I can't... 992 00:57:24,163 --> 00:57:26,563 do it because it's Michael. - Michael? 993 00:57:26,563 --> 00:57:29,483 - The Michael who I had an affair with. 994 00:57:30,523 --> 00:57:33,603 He's a paediatrician and he specialises in that area. 995 00:57:35,683 --> 00:57:37,763 - Right. 996 00:57:37,763 --> 00:57:38,803 Well... 997 00:57:40,643 --> 00:57:42,123 Er... 998 00:57:42,123 --> 00:57:43,923 No, sorry, what's the problem? 999 00:57:43,923 --> 00:57:45,923 - I can't keep in touch with him. It'd kill Eddie. 1000 00:57:45,923 --> 00:57:47,283 - It's Joe's future, here. 1001 00:57:47,283 --> 00:57:49,723 - No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. 1002 00:57:49,723 --> 00:57:53,003 Wouldn't be fair on Eddie. What wouldn't be fair on Eddie? 1003 00:57:57,203 --> 00:57:59,083 - What wouldn't be fair? 1004 00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:03,083 - # World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth 1005 00:58:03,083 --> 00:58:06,443 # Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth 1006 00:58:06,443 --> 00:58:10,683 - # World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth 1007 00:58:10,683 --> 00:58:15,603 # Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth. # 1008 00:58:15,603 --> 00:58:18,363 - Home schooling? I'm not meaning to be offensive but if Joe's 1009 00:58:18,363 --> 00:58:21,203 damaged stock already, won't that make him even more of an oddball? 1010 00:58:21,203 --> 00:58:22,923 - That's you not meaning to be offensive? 1011 00:58:22,923 --> 00:58:25,363 - What kind of role models are in this school? He'll come out 1012 00:58:25,363 --> 00:58:26,883 more autistic than when he went in. 1013 00:58:26,883 --> 00:58:28,603 - I thought we weren't using that word. 1014 00:58:28,603 --> 00:58:31,243 - It is ridiculous that you're avoiding me like some teenage boy 1015 00:58:31,243 --> 00:58:32,723 who's been dumped at a disco. 1016 00:58:32,723 --> 00:58:34,163 - I will move on. - Oh, there's a list? 1017 00:58:34,163 --> 00:58:36,083 - You're very direct. - And you're very fierce. 1018 00:58:36,083 --> 00:58:38,443 - It doesn't matter to you if it's the right decision, 1019 00:58:38,443 --> 00:58:40,563 as long as it's your decision. 1020 00:58:40,563 --> 00:58:41,643 - He's Joe, 1021 00:58:41,643 --> 00:58:44,443 he's always been Joe. Why wouldn't we want him to be Joe? 1022 00:58:44,443 --> 00:58:48,803 - # World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth 1023 00:58:48,803 --> 00:58:52,443 # Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth 1024 00:58:52,443 --> 00:58:56,243 # World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth 1025 00:58:56,243 --> 00:59:00,443 # Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth. #