1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,083 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:04,083 --> 00:00:05,723 - What if I want to take care of my own son? 3 00:00:05,723 --> 00:00:09,563 - I know what it's like growing up round here. Having sex seems like a good way to pass the time. 4 00:00:09,563 --> 00:00:12,363 - That were quite a battering you gave us. - I did it so you can help Joe. 5 00:00:12,363 --> 00:00:13,843 - Oh, here he comes... 6 00:00:13,843 --> 00:00:15,323 - Is this about Joe? 7 00:00:15,323 --> 00:00:17,803 - No, Mum. It's not about Joe. It's about you. 8 00:00:17,803 --> 00:00:20,963 - Joe needs a champion. That's not the same as a bully. 9 00:00:20,963 --> 00:00:23,083 - Oh, so I'm a bully? - Yeah, you are! 10 00:00:23,083 --> 00:00:26,643 - I'm a trained therapist, not Jesus. - Please, I'll do anything to help my child. 11 00:00:38,123 --> 00:00:43,763 SINGING TO RECORDING: - # I wrote this song two hours before we met 12 00:00:45,683 --> 00:00:52,603 # I didn't know your name or what you looked like yet 13 00:00:52,603 --> 00:01:00,043 # Oh, I could've stayed at home and gone to bed 14 00:01:02,723 --> 00:01:08,563 # I could've gone to see a film instead... # 15 00:01:08,563 --> 00:01:10,283 - CAR HORN BLARES 16 00:01:10,283 --> 00:01:16,963 - # You might have changed your mind and seen your friends... # 17 00:01:16,963 --> 00:01:19,283 - What are you doing? 18 00:01:19,283 --> 00:01:22,843 What are you doing out on your own? Eh? 19 00:01:22,843 --> 00:01:24,443 Where's your mum and dad? 20 00:01:25,963 --> 00:01:27,923 Oh, come on, lad. 21 00:01:27,923 --> 00:01:30,203 - Hey, you! Stop touching that child! 22 00:01:33,243 --> 00:01:37,203 - He shouldn't be out on his own. You do know that? 23 00:01:37,203 --> 00:01:39,483 - Neither should you! 24 00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:43,203 - CAR HORN BEEPS 25 00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:43,203 All right! All right! 26 00:01:48,523 --> 00:01:51,683 - # Something changed. # 27 00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,923 - You don't have to force yourself to stay the night 28 00:02:05,923 --> 00:02:07,683 every time we have sex, you know. 29 00:02:07,683 --> 00:02:10,043 - I'm not. - I really don't want to wake up to the sight 30 00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:11,443 of your polite smile. 31 00:02:11,443 --> 00:02:14,763 It makes me feel like I'm being visited in hospital. - Oh, right. 32 00:02:14,763 --> 00:02:17,323 - Oh, I've hurt your feelings. I thought you'd be relieved. 33 00:02:18,563 --> 00:02:22,363 If you do go now, can you be quiet, cos I don't want Ralph knowing 34 00:02:22,363 --> 00:02:24,043 that you stayed? 35 00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,243 - Of course. 36 00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:27,843 - I think he'd find it hard to understand what's going on here. 37 00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,563 - He's not alone. 38 00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:34,403 - Daresay it'll be the same for your Joe. When he's older. 39 00:02:34,403 --> 00:02:35,723 You'll see. 40 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,723 - Hm. 41 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,163 CHATTER 42 00:03:11,883 --> 00:03:13,643 - Hey, hey. 43 00:03:18,683 --> 00:03:20,443 Hair? 44 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:21,883 Done. 45 00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:23,363 Tongue? 46 00:03:23,363 --> 00:03:24,643 Good. 47 00:03:24,643 --> 00:03:26,763 Ears? 48 00:03:26,763 --> 00:03:28,963 Good. 49 00:03:28,963 --> 00:03:31,403 Oh. I think I have found something. 50 00:03:37,603 --> 00:03:39,723 Have a good day, Joe. 51 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,763 - What we want for Joe - it was called a statement when I was at school - 52 00:03:58,763 --> 00:04:02,123 and now it's an EHC plan, isn't it? 53 00:04:02,123 --> 00:04:05,443 You know, to get him extra help in the classroom. 54 00:04:05,443 --> 00:04:09,243 - Yeah, but not like in-your-face help that all the other kids notice. 55 00:04:09,243 --> 00:04:12,643 - We have lots of children who need extra help, so they really are used to it. 56 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:16,683 - Yes, you'd be amazed how little the other children worry about such things. 57 00:04:16,683 --> 00:04:19,883 - I'll be able to see that for myself in about ten minutes, so... - Oh? 58 00:04:19,883 --> 00:04:22,923 - Yeah, I'm on the parents' reading rota. Two times a week. 59 00:04:22,923 --> 00:04:24,523 If I'm going to commit to this school, 60 00:04:24,523 --> 00:04:26,203 then believe me, I'm gonna commit. 61 00:04:26,203 --> 00:04:29,403 - I know it's a pain, but the local authority insists that there are 62 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:34,523 stages the school has to go through first before issuing an EHC plan. 63 00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:37,403 - Yeah, but the reports you have in front of you, they're all you need. 64 00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:40,203 We've got a customised speech therapy plan. It's all in there. 65 00:04:40,203 --> 00:04:44,003 These are the top people that we've consulted. - I think... I think what Alison is trying to say 66 00:04:44,003 --> 00:04:47,043 is that they're very thorough reports. - Yeah, they're... 67 00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:51,403 - There's paediatrician. There's, erm, clinical, erm... - Psychologist. Clinical psychologist. 68 00:04:51,403 --> 00:04:56,203 - ..psychologist and speech therapist. - Speech and language therapist. - Just don't ask me to spell any of them. 69 00:04:56,203 --> 00:04:59,963 - You have the diagnosis, but until we can show that we have tried 70 00:04:59,963 --> 00:05:02,923 to meet Joe's needs within the existing school budget, 71 00:05:02,923 --> 00:05:05,763 the council won't offer any extra. 72 00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:08,363 - No. I-I-I just don't want Joe to fail 73 00:05:08,363 --> 00:05:10,963 before he gets the help that he needs 74 00:05:10,963 --> 00:05:13,483 and, I'm telling you, he will fail. 75 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:17,043 It happened to me, it's not nice. It's not nice, at all. 76 00:05:18,203 --> 00:05:20,923 - We have to play the game and we need your support. 77 00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:24,443 - Yeah. You know, it's a funny thing, I swore I would never be one of those parents 78 00:05:24,443 --> 00:05:27,123 that's a pain in the arse, but Joe's been at school half a term 79 00:05:27,123 --> 00:05:29,203 and I have decided to be that parent. 80 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:34,883 - Who've you got lined up barista-wise up there? Will they need training? 81 00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:38,003 Believe me, you get the wrong side of a 10-litre espresso machine 82 00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:40,323 and that bambino won't ever forgive you. 83 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,403 - Oh, shit! 84 00:05:48,603 --> 00:05:50,323 Sal, what's going on? 85 00:05:50,323 --> 00:05:53,123 Eh? Cookers shouldn't be here for another two weeks! 86 00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:56,203 They're unloading it outside now! - We can store it. 87 00:05:56,203 --> 00:05:59,163 - Where? We haven't even got a proper floor! Oi! 88 00:05:59,163 --> 00:06:02,323 - We're better off having it here to fit, rather than having the gas lads here 89 00:06:02,323 --> 00:06:03,723 and nothing for them to install. 90 00:06:03,723 --> 00:06:06,883 - We've barely even finished second electrics. - So, what do you want me to do? 91 00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:10,163 Stand here while you shout at me, or get on with bringing the flooring forward 92 00:06:10,163 --> 00:06:13,723 and booking an electrician for tomorrow. - I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm... 93 00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:15,563 I'm going to manage it myself. 94 00:06:15,563 --> 00:06:19,403 - Don't be a dick, Paul. - Look, it's chaos and I can do chaos all by myself. 95 00:06:19,403 --> 00:06:21,523 I don't need to pay somebody to do that for me. 96 00:06:21,523 --> 00:06:23,523 - I thought I said, "Don't be a dick." 97 00:06:25,963 --> 00:06:28,163 The paperwork's on the bar over there. 98 00:06:28,163 --> 00:06:30,763 Call me in an hour when you find you can't cope. 99 00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:41,323 - "Tess got a pot. 100 00:06:41,323 --> 00:06:45,043 "Cook, pot, cook! 101 00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:46,803 "The pot was b..." 102 00:06:46,803 --> 00:06:50,083 - Joe, it's not computer time now. 103 00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:55,483 Shall we do some reading? Joe? - "The pot was b...boil... 104 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:58,843 "boil..." - "Boiling." That says, "boiling." 105 00:06:58,843 --> 00:07:01,963 Look, see? Can you see? "Boil... 106 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,923 "ing." "Boiling." See? 107 00:07:07,163 --> 00:07:10,803 - "Look at all the food, Mum! 108 00:07:10,803 --> 00:07:13,923 "Look at all the food, Nan! 109 00:07:13,923 --> 00:07:17,043 "Yum. Stop, pot, stop!" 110 00:07:20,923 --> 00:07:24,403 - Come on then, let's go. In you go, go and sit down in your spot then. 111 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:27,003 - That's great. Thanks, Alison. I'll see you next week? 112 00:07:27,003 --> 00:07:30,003 - Well, I can stay longer, if you like. I can stay all day! 113 00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:33,843 I can cancel my shift at work, if you like, and just... - That's lovely, Alison. 114 00:07:33,843 --> 00:07:36,643 But we don't like to wear out our parent-helpers. 115 00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:40,523 - Right, OK. 116 00:07:42,443 --> 00:07:45,723 All right. Well, I'll... Yeah, I'll see you next time, then. 117 00:08:30,523 --> 00:08:31,843 Joe? 118 00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:37,283 Joe? Joe? 119 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,803 Eh, the little boy you were playing with in the playground, 120 00:08:39,803 --> 00:08:42,643 the one with the hearing aids - do you know his name? Hm? 121 00:08:42,643 --> 00:08:45,243 He had things in his ears. - "He had things in his ears." 122 00:08:45,243 --> 00:08:48,483 - Yeah, he did, yeah. - Hmm, let me see. 123 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,883 - What about the other boy? He had a brown face. 124 00:08:57,883 --> 00:09:00,643 We've got pink faces and he had a brown face. 125 00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:03,643 - Oh, come on, Joe. You're hardly spoilt for choice at that school. 126 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:08,083 - You're not helping, Becky. Joe? D'you remember his name? - What name? 127 00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,683 - Someone's busy. 128 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:14,363 - Joe was playing with two boys in the playground. I'm gonna invite them for a sleepover. 129 00:09:14,363 --> 00:09:16,523 - Really? On day one? 130 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,843 - Yeah, it was an Asian boy and a boy with hearing aids, 131 00:09:18,843 --> 00:09:21,603 but Joe doesn't know their names. - A deaf kid, too? 132 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,683 We could form a boyband and go on Britain's Got Talent. 133 00:09:25,803 --> 00:09:29,643 Although, the odds are, probably go out at the semifinal stage. 134 00:09:29,643 --> 00:09:32,323 - The kid with the hearing aids, he's called Bill Hibbs. 135 00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:35,403 His brother's two years below me. - Why didn't you say that? 136 00:09:35,403 --> 00:09:38,083 - So, it's paying off, then? The spying? 137 00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:40,563 Sorry - "helping with reading". 138 00:09:40,563 --> 00:09:42,883 - Hm. I think spying pretty much covers it. 139 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,363 - I like to think there's a little altruism under there. 140 00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:50,483 - No, I don't do altruism. Remember? I'm the bully. 141 00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:23,323 - If it's any comfort, he hasn't replied to any of my texts either. 142 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:26,883 - He didn't sleep with you. - Is that what he's telling you? 143 00:10:26,883 --> 00:10:29,683 That was a joke, by the way! - I know. 144 00:10:29,683 --> 00:10:32,363 - He was away with his mum and dad. Bad signal. 145 00:10:32,363 --> 00:10:36,123 No credit. It happens. - So, why isn't he here now? 146 00:10:39,643 --> 00:10:42,163 - What d'you mean, what d'you mean...? 147 00:10:45,363 --> 00:10:46,923 - OK. 148 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,643 Hiya. 149 00:10:52,643 --> 00:10:53,923 - Hi. 150 00:11:00,923 --> 00:11:03,563 - Your phone's not been working. 151 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:06,003 - I lost it. Then I was out of credit. 152 00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:07,323 - How d'you know? 153 00:11:07,323 --> 00:11:08,683 - What? 154 00:11:08,683 --> 00:11:11,443 - How d'you know it was out of credit, if you lost it? 155 00:11:11,443 --> 00:11:12,723 - I found it again. 156 00:11:14,203 --> 00:11:16,363 - You didn't come in on the bus this morning. 157 00:11:16,363 --> 00:11:19,843 - Dan's passed his test, he's got him a car now. He gave me a lift. 158 00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:24,883 - Right. Well, erm... I'll see you in History. 159 00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:27,243 Unless Dan's got a TARDIS too 160 00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:29,483 and you're gonna travel back in time with him. 161 00:11:30,883 --> 00:11:32,643 - Right. 162 00:11:47,803 --> 00:11:49,563 - Hiya, Rebecca. 163 00:11:51,563 --> 00:11:54,043 - SHE SOBS 164 00:11:58,043 --> 00:12:00,563 - I'm a cliche. 165 00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:02,803 We have sex and then he just blanks me. 166 00:12:02,803 --> 00:12:06,283 - He might just need some time to come to his senses. - D'you think? 167 00:12:06,283 --> 00:12:09,843 - If he doesn't, he's a prick. - And it's good to find these things out early. 168 00:12:09,843 --> 00:12:14,163 - Nicola found out I was a prick very early and has learned to adjust her expectations accordingly. 169 00:12:14,163 --> 00:12:17,083 - Do you think he might just be having a bit of a wobble? 170 00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:19,683 - If I was going to bet, I'd say next week he'll be on the phone 171 00:12:19,683 --> 00:12:21,603 sending you poems by text. 172 00:12:21,603 --> 00:12:25,163 Or at least a sad face with a tear in lieu of a poem. 173 00:12:25,163 --> 00:12:28,923 Stay for tea. Nicola does great comfort food. 174 00:12:44,803 --> 00:12:47,283 - DOORBELL RINGS 175 00:12:47,283 --> 00:12:49,683 - Hello, Bill. Here we are. 176 00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:52,883 - His sandwiches are in there. - Oh, great. OK. 177 00:12:52,883 --> 00:12:57,443 - This is his drink. - Er, right. - And a treat for afters. 178 00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,323 - Rice cakes! Oh, we do actually have gluten-free. 179 00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:02,043 - Oh, I never know, you know? - Yeah. 180 00:13:02,043 --> 00:13:05,603 - And I can't be too careful. He's lactose and gluten intolerant. 181 00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:07,283 - Sorry. - Both? 182 00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:09,523 - Oh, erm, this is my phone number. 183 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,883 Ring me any time. - I'll give that to you. 184 00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:13,763 - In the night! - OK! 185 00:13:13,763 --> 00:13:16,523 - And to be on the safe side, if the boys are gonna eat nuts, 186 00:13:16,523 --> 00:13:19,883 it's best if they do that outside and wash their hands afterwards. 187 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,883 - Well, bang goes the blindfold nut-tasting game! 188 00:13:25,803 --> 00:13:27,483 - He's joking. Shut up, Paul. 189 00:13:27,483 --> 00:13:29,323 Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him. 190 00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:32,203 - Right. Well, thank you for having him. I'll pick him up at 8:30. 191 00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:35,563 He has African drumming at nine. - Course he does. - OK. 192 00:13:35,563 --> 00:13:38,443 Well, he'll be ready for you, I'm sure. Thanks for the food. 193 00:13:40,443 --> 00:13:43,683 - This is the first sleepover he's ever been to. 194 00:13:43,683 --> 00:13:46,043 He's a little nervous. - Yeah. 195 00:13:46,043 --> 00:13:49,403 - Any time. Just call me. - Will do! - OK. 196 00:13:49,403 --> 00:13:54,483 Bye, Bill! - We'll look after him, I promise. We will! - OK! 197 00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:57,883 Bye, darling, bye-bye. - We'll look after him, honestly. 198 00:13:57,883 --> 00:14:00,643 - Ta-ta. See ya! - Bye now. Bye. Take care, Sarah. 199 00:14:00,643 --> 00:14:03,283 - Safe journey home. - Safe home, bye! 200 00:14:04,523 --> 00:14:06,643 KNOCK ON DOOR 201 00:14:10,923 --> 00:14:14,083 - He doesn't sleep in his hearing aids. - OK, great. Thanks, Sarah. 202 00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,203 - No hearing aids. OK! - Great. Great. 203 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:19,123 - Thanks a lot. Take care now, bye! 204 00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,203 Wow! 205 00:14:21,683 --> 00:14:23,643 SHE GASPS 206 00:14:21,683 --> 00:14:23,643 Ugh...! 207 00:14:24,723 --> 00:14:26,603 - O-o-o-h! 208 00:14:26,603 --> 00:14:29,683 - Ah, yes. That's clearly marbles in jelly. 209 00:14:31,123 --> 00:14:35,523 - No! That's an eyeball! Ughh... 210 00:14:35,523 --> 00:14:38,443 - That's the idea, yes. 211 00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:42,843 But I don't think that eyeballs would actually feel that tough. 212 00:14:42,843 --> 00:14:45,483 - OK! - Right, next. Hang on! 213 00:14:45,483 --> 00:14:46,723 - OK! 214 00:14:46,723 --> 00:14:49,043 Oh, it's worms! 215 00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:51,283 - It's spaghetti. 216 00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:55,403 - I'm not allowed spaghetti. - It's gluten free, Bill. 217 00:14:55,403 --> 00:14:57,483 Come on then! - OK! - Last one. 218 00:14:57,483 --> 00:14:59,923 - This is the scariest one, are you ready? 219 00:14:59,923 --> 00:15:03,643 There's a hairy, scary monster in here. Ready, ready?! 220 00:15:03,643 --> 00:15:05,723 Haaaaah! Careful, careful! 221 00:15:08,403 --> 00:15:10,603 - It's a rodent of some kind. 222 00:15:10,603 --> 00:15:12,483 - Joe, your turn! 223 00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:17,883 Bill? - I've got allergies. 224 00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:24,283 - OK, boys. Here we go. 225 00:15:24,283 --> 00:15:26,163 We've got... 226 00:15:26,163 --> 00:15:28,363 orangeade 227 00:15:28,363 --> 00:15:31,403 and red-ade... 228 00:15:31,403 --> 00:15:34,163 and coconut water. 229 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:40,203 - If you need anything, just give me a shout. All right? 230 00:15:40,203 --> 00:15:41,923 "Cheese!" 231 00:15:50,723 --> 00:15:55,603 - Should we have stayed in with them? - No! No, of course we shouldn't. 232 00:15:55,603 --> 00:15:59,323 They'll be farting and wrestling in there by now. - Stop it. 233 00:15:59,323 --> 00:16:03,923 - Just a guess, but not exactly the coolest boys at school, eh? 234 00:16:03,923 --> 00:16:06,443 - Did you have cool friends when you were five? 235 00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:09,723 - I WAS the cool friend. That's never really gone away, has it? 236 00:16:12,323 --> 00:16:16,283 (I'll just go and have a little look.) - Don't go in! - I won't, I won't. 237 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:22,003 Hey, boys. Boys, come on. 238 00:16:22,003 --> 00:16:24,243 Hey. Bill. 239 00:16:24,243 --> 00:16:28,083 Come on, lads. You're meant to be The Three Amigos. 240 00:16:28,083 --> 00:16:30,363 Joe, you've got to be a better host than this. 241 00:16:30,363 --> 00:16:34,803 Come on! Bill, come on! Come and watch the film, it's a classic! 242 00:16:34,803 --> 00:16:36,763 There we go! 243 00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:40,763 - You can take more than one piece, Ramesh. 244 00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:43,643 - I'll take one of each flavour, then see if I'm still hungry. 245 00:16:43,643 --> 00:16:46,643 - Very sensible. 246 00:16:46,643 --> 00:16:50,043 OK. I think that's enough now, Joe. - There we go, Bill. 247 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:53,123 Gluten free hummus sandwich and a rice cake. 248 00:16:53,123 --> 00:16:55,923 A sentence that says pleasure in any language. 249 00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:58,043 All right? Good lad. 250 00:16:58,043 --> 00:17:00,283 - OK! Bon appetit. 251 00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:09,403 - Now, is it me, or is Ramesh actually an accountant in his early 40s? 252 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,043 - He's just got good manners. 253 00:17:11,043 --> 00:17:15,363 - I get the feeling he's going to come to tell us to keep the noise down at 10:30. 254 00:17:15,363 --> 00:17:17,243 - LAUGHTER 255 00:17:21,203 --> 00:17:23,443 - I think it's going really well. 256 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,323 - Mmm. - Well done, you. 257 00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:30,803 - Not bad for the school bully. - Oh, no. No, I didn't mean bully. 258 00:17:32,243 --> 00:17:36,283 I meant bullish. Like in a china shop. - Mm-hm, yeah. 259 00:17:36,283 --> 00:17:38,323 - I'm sorry. I know it's tough. 260 00:17:39,923 --> 00:17:42,843 And what do I know? You got him some mates. What can I say? 261 00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:45,323 - Nearly an apology sneaking out there. 262 00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:51,043 - Mr Joe's daddy, something bad has happened. 263 00:17:53,043 --> 00:17:54,403 - HE RETCHES 264 00:17:54,403 --> 00:17:58,603 - Ohh, ohh. Is that it, Joe? Eh? D'you think that's everything? 265 00:17:58,603 --> 00:18:02,483 - You need to lie him on his side. He could choke on his own vomit. 266 00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:06,323 The gag reflex doesn't work well enough when it's overloaded. 267 00:18:06,323 --> 00:18:10,203 - Thanks, Ramesh. - My uncle is a paramedic in Blackpool. 268 00:18:10,203 --> 00:18:14,003 - Is he poorly? I think he's poorly. - I think so, Bill. 269 00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:16,483 - Does he have an allergy? 270 00:18:16,483 --> 00:18:18,763 - Oh, he's burning up. 271 00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,483 - Oh, oh! - Ugh! 272 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,483 When I said "Get it all out," I wasn't actually talking 273 00:18:26,483 --> 00:18:28,283 internal organs. 274 00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:01,523 - The thing about losing your virginity as a young man, 275 00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:06,163 is that it's pretty much the culmination of your lifetime's ambition. 276 00:19:06,163 --> 00:19:08,883 You've been thinking of little else since you were 12. 277 00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:12,803 When it finally happens, it can't help but be an anti-climactic experience. 278 00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,403 - I'll take your word for it. 279 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,403 - Especially when the event takes place in her older brother's bunk beds 280 00:19:17,403 --> 00:19:19,683 and his football posters are staring down at you. 281 00:19:19,683 --> 00:19:21,843 Not every young man can maintain an erection 282 00:19:21,843 --> 00:19:23,883 while staring at a celebrating Gary Neville. 283 00:19:23,883 --> 00:19:28,243 - This theory of yours isn't based on personal experience, by any chance? 284 00:19:28,243 --> 00:19:30,523 - My point is... 285 00:19:30,523 --> 00:19:34,203 afterwards, you feel the experience should have changed you 286 00:19:34,203 --> 00:19:37,883 and so you behave like it has. 287 00:19:37,883 --> 00:19:41,883 - So, you don't think it's true, what you said about Rebecca's boyfriend coming back? 288 00:19:41,883 --> 00:19:45,083 - No. I was just softening the blow. - By hiding the truth? 289 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,883 - An age-old technique handed down from father to son. 290 00:19:47,883 --> 00:19:50,923 - Well, I know that much is true. 291 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:53,603 - Uh-oh. I sense a theory coming on. 292 00:19:53,603 --> 00:19:55,843 Is this about the brewery expansion? 293 00:19:55,843 --> 00:19:59,443 I know exactly how it's gonna work, so whatever Dad's saying, it doesn't matter. 294 00:19:59,443 --> 00:20:03,523 - I saw him yesterday morning, on his music teacher's doorstep, 295 00:20:03,523 --> 00:20:05,563 putting on his shoes. 296 00:20:05,563 --> 00:20:06,963 - So? 297 00:20:06,963 --> 00:20:08,643 - So, it was 7:30 in the morning. 298 00:20:08,643 --> 00:20:11,283 He's clearly having a secret relationship with her. 299 00:20:11,283 --> 00:20:13,443 - Or...maybe he was having an early singing lesson? 300 00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:15,603 - Why would he take his shoes off to do that? 301 00:20:15,603 --> 00:20:17,523 - 7:30 in the morning? 302 00:20:17,523 --> 00:20:20,443 - Looked straight at me, didn't even say hello. 303 00:20:20,443 --> 00:20:22,603 How do you feel about it? 304 00:20:22,603 --> 00:20:25,203 - My widowed father is having a sexual relationship. 305 00:20:26,923 --> 00:20:31,283 That's just another thing not to think about when I see his bony arse in a pair of shorts. 306 00:20:31,283 --> 00:20:33,163 - SHE SCOFFS 307 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:34,803 SHE LAUGHS 308 00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:42,043 - You all right, Dad? 309 00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:44,083 - I was usually at the brewery by now. 310 00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:47,923 - I've already been in, I've got a nice golden ale coming in at 4.4%. 311 00:20:47,923 --> 00:20:50,243 Just popped out for some provisions. 312 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,763 What about you? 313 00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:55,163 - What about me? 314 00:20:55,163 --> 00:20:57,603 - Oh, you've, erm... 315 00:20:57,603 --> 00:21:01,203 worked up quite a sweat there. Running, was it? 316 00:21:01,203 --> 00:21:04,243 - Of course it's running. What you talking about? 317 00:21:11,723 --> 00:21:14,523 - Yeah, he's got a high temperature. It's the usual routine. 318 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,483 Just get as many liquids down him as you can 319 00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:19,203 and Calpol every four hours. Yeah? - So, it's not food poisoning? 320 00:21:19,203 --> 00:21:20,963 - More of a bug. His glands are up. 321 00:21:20,963 --> 00:21:23,483 Just bad timing for his sleepover. 322 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,323 - OK. Well, thanks, Nicola. 323 00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:28,243 - Any time. But if you're worried about anything, just give me a call. 324 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,923 - Yeah, I will. 325 00:21:29,923 --> 00:21:32,123 - Is Rebecca OK, today? 326 00:21:33,483 --> 00:21:38,643 - Erm... Well, as OK as any teenager can be, I think. 327 00:21:38,643 --> 00:21:40,283 - Good. 328 00:21:40,283 --> 00:21:42,203 - Why d'you ask that? 329 00:21:42,203 --> 00:21:44,963 - I saw her the other day and she was a little upset. 330 00:21:46,083 --> 00:21:48,323 - Any idea about what? 331 00:21:48,323 --> 00:21:50,603 - I think if she wants to tell you, she will. 332 00:21:53,803 --> 00:21:56,283 - Are you really going to leave it there? 333 00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:59,443 - Mum? Mummy? - Coming, sweetheart! 334 00:22:01,163 --> 00:22:03,803 Hey. Poor thing. 335 00:22:23,363 --> 00:22:26,043 Oh, poor Joe. You're burning up. 336 00:22:26,043 --> 00:22:29,883 - That means I'm hot. - Yeah. That's right. 337 00:22:29,883 --> 00:22:32,523 - Not on fire. 338 00:22:32,523 --> 00:22:35,283 - No. That's just something people say. 339 00:22:37,403 --> 00:22:39,283 - Can I see the pictures? 340 00:22:40,763 --> 00:22:43,323 - Want to see these? Come on then. 341 00:22:47,483 --> 00:22:49,963 There you go. Can you see? 342 00:22:53,883 --> 00:22:55,523 - Who is that? 343 00:22:56,603 --> 00:22:59,083 - That's you. When you were a baby. 344 00:22:59,083 --> 00:23:01,243 - What's baby Joe doing? 345 00:23:01,243 --> 00:23:03,723 - He's sleeping. He's had some milk. 346 00:23:03,723 --> 00:23:05,563 You've had some milk, I mean. 347 00:23:09,483 --> 00:23:11,203 - That's me? 348 00:23:13,163 --> 00:23:15,203 - Yeah. That's right. 349 00:23:15,203 --> 00:23:17,123 - And this is me. 350 00:23:19,003 --> 00:23:20,963 - Yeah, that's right, love. Yeah. 351 00:23:24,123 --> 00:23:25,923 It's confusing, isn't it? 352 00:23:27,003 --> 00:23:29,083 Joe, who's that there, holding you? 353 00:23:32,923 --> 00:23:34,883 - Grandma hold Joe. 354 00:23:38,523 --> 00:23:40,323 - Yeah, she did. 355 00:23:44,843 --> 00:23:46,763 - And sings Horsey, Horsey. 356 00:23:48,003 --> 00:23:50,003 - D'you remember that? 357 00:23:51,523 --> 00:23:53,363 You do? You remember that? 358 00:24:01,403 --> 00:24:02,763 - Is Mum sad? 359 00:24:04,243 --> 00:24:06,243 You look sad. 360 00:24:07,883 --> 00:24:10,443 - Well, cos that's my mummy there. 361 00:24:10,443 --> 00:24:14,163 - And she's not here...so Mum's sad. 362 00:24:20,123 --> 00:24:22,483 - Yeah, that's right. 363 00:24:28,923 --> 00:24:30,763 That's right. 364 00:24:50,723 --> 00:24:54,643 Paul? Paul. Ring me when you can. 365 00:24:54,643 --> 00:24:57,963 There's nothing to worry about but...but I want to tell you something. 366 00:24:57,963 --> 00:25:00,523 It's really important. It's... It's about Joe. It's good! 367 00:25:00,523 --> 00:25:02,603 It's really good. 368 00:25:02,603 --> 00:25:04,083 Bye. 369 00:25:14,843 --> 00:25:20,283 - It's Luke, isn't it? - Yeah. You're Rebecca's uncle. 370 00:25:20,283 --> 00:25:22,043 Nice to see you again. 371 00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:27,723 - Now, listen. I don't care if it's good news or bad news, 372 00:25:27,723 --> 00:25:31,523 but you go to my lovely niece and you talk to her. OK? 373 00:25:31,523 --> 00:25:34,283 You don't just ignore her like a prick. 374 00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:36,843 - I was going to talk to her. - Was? 375 00:25:36,843 --> 00:25:39,443 Well, I WAS going to invent a flying machine that ran on dog shit, 376 00:25:39,443 --> 00:25:41,523 but I never got round to it. 377 00:25:41,523 --> 00:25:44,803 So, you talk to her. Today. Or you'll have me to answer to. 378 00:25:47,083 --> 00:25:50,483 - Can I go now? My choc-ice is melting. 379 00:25:50,483 --> 00:25:54,523 - You're going to have more to worry about than a melting choc-ice if you don't talk to her. 380 00:25:54,523 --> 00:25:56,443 Am I getting through? 381 00:25:56,443 --> 00:25:58,083 - I think so. 382 00:25:58,083 --> 00:25:59,963 - Good. Good. 383 00:26:13,763 --> 00:26:15,643 - I think we should talk. 384 00:26:15,643 --> 00:26:18,323 - Really? And then will you report our conversation back 385 00:26:18,323 --> 00:26:20,203 to your psycho uncle? 386 00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:22,883 - What? I don't know what you're talking about. 387 00:26:22,883 --> 00:26:25,203 - That uncle of yours, he threatened me this morning. 388 00:26:25,203 --> 00:26:26,883 He told me I had to talk to you. 389 00:26:27,883 --> 00:26:29,963 - That had nothing to do with me. 390 00:26:31,203 --> 00:26:34,923 - For the record, I wasn't ignoring you, I just didn't know 391 00:26:34,923 --> 00:26:38,003 what to say to you after we'd done it. - Why? Was it that bad? 392 00:26:38,003 --> 00:26:39,763 - It was great. 393 00:26:39,763 --> 00:26:43,163 But it... I didn't know how to be with you after we'd done it. 394 00:26:43,163 --> 00:26:46,123 It's just dead weird seeing you at school after, you know? 395 00:26:46,123 --> 00:26:48,683 - So, why didn't you explain any of that? To me? 396 00:26:50,163 --> 00:26:52,443 - I wanted to. But I didn't know how to. 397 00:26:52,443 --> 00:26:54,843 - So, you just ignored me instead? 398 00:26:54,843 --> 00:26:57,723 - I was about to call you and then your uncle came and threatened me 399 00:26:57,723 --> 00:26:59,843 and that nailed it for me. 400 00:26:59,843 --> 00:27:02,843 It's your family. You're all so intense. 401 00:27:04,963 --> 00:27:06,803 I can't see you again. 402 00:27:16,483 --> 00:27:19,643 - There you go. That's for you. 403 00:27:19,643 --> 00:27:22,043 - Here you go, chief. - Thanks. 404 00:27:24,003 --> 00:27:25,563 What is this? Who are you? 405 00:27:25,563 --> 00:27:29,443 - Er, my CV. Heard you were looking for a chef. - What? 406 00:27:29,443 --> 00:27:31,363 - Erm, that's what it said on the website. 407 00:27:31,363 --> 00:27:35,803 You guys were doing interviews this week. - Does it look like I need a chef, right now? 408 00:27:35,803 --> 00:27:38,763 - I mean, I've cooked in worse. - Just...one minute. 409 00:27:38,763 --> 00:27:40,963 - Right, I've got three launch brews underway. 410 00:27:40,963 --> 00:27:44,043 Got an Indian pale ale using Jester hops for an added kick... - Oh, nice. 411 00:27:44,043 --> 00:27:46,763 - ..I've got a low ABV stout and a limited edition bitter. 412 00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:50,643 - There's not a delivery van out there with half a kitchen hanging out the back of it, is there? 413 00:27:50,643 --> 00:27:54,123 - Not that I noticed. Listen, I just need the, erm, final name for the restaurant, 414 00:27:54,123 --> 00:27:56,803 so I can work it into the launch brews. - Yeah, well, I've told you - 415 00:27:56,803 --> 00:28:00,323 The Fellside. - The Fellside? - Yeah. - I thought that was a working title. 416 00:28:00,323 --> 00:28:04,243 - Yeah. What's wrong with it? - Well, there's nothing wrong with it. I just thought you might 417 00:28:04,243 --> 00:28:08,363 pick up on the poetry theme a bit more. You've already got the Daffodil Diner after Wordsworth. 418 00:28:08,363 --> 00:28:11,683 So, what else did he write? - Oh, I dunno. 419 00:28:11,683 --> 00:28:14,043 Er... Bitches Ain't Shit, was one of his later works. 420 00:28:14,043 --> 00:28:17,203 I don't know, Eddie. Honestly! The Fellside. 421 00:28:17,203 --> 00:28:20,243 - I'll do what I can, but it doesn't give me a lot to go on. 422 00:28:21,443 --> 00:28:24,083 - The Fellside? Really? 423 00:28:24,083 --> 00:28:28,283 Bit dull. - You go and tell him. He won't listen to me. 424 00:28:28,283 --> 00:28:31,643 - You want to stop sticking your nose in other people's business, Eddie. 425 00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:33,683 - There speaks the master. 426 00:28:33,683 --> 00:28:36,883 - What? I've stayed away from the brewery. - A whole week. 427 00:28:36,883 --> 00:28:39,763 Must be killing you wondering what's going on. - Not really. 428 00:28:39,763 --> 00:28:43,483 I know when to be discreet. - Mmm. You certainly do. 429 00:28:45,643 --> 00:28:47,643 - What's that supposed to mean? 430 00:28:49,403 --> 00:28:54,243 - Dad, if you're seeing someone else, I'm glad for you. 431 00:28:54,243 --> 00:28:57,323 You don't need to sneak around like some teenager. 432 00:28:57,323 --> 00:29:01,243 It's been a year, you're a grown man, so good luck to you. 433 00:29:02,643 --> 00:29:05,523 OK? I just wanted to say that. 434 00:29:21,563 --> 00:29:24,203 - Why, Mr Scott. Twice in one week. You're spoiling me. 435 00:29:24,203 --> 00:29:26,043 - Our secret's out. 436 00:29:29,003 --> 00:29:31,043 - Is it really such a bad thing? - Yes, it is. 437 00:29:31,043 --> 00:29:33,843 I don't want my family interrogating me about our love life. 438 00:29:33,843 --> 00:29:35,683 Or whatever it is we're calling this! 439 00:29:35,683 --> 00:29:39,163 - Deny anything's going on, then. Don't indulge them. I don't mind. 440 00:29:39,163 --> 00:29:42,803 - Listen, there's so much going on, the last thing we need is them having to cope 441 00:29:42,803 --> 00:29:45,163 with me making toast under another woman's grill. 442 00:29:45,163 --> 00:29:47,323 They'll think I've betrayed their mother. 443 00:29:47,323 --> 00:29:50,443 Me doing this with you means I love her less somehow. 444 00:29:50,443 --> 00:29:52,683 - That's what they'll think, is it? - I'm sure of it. 445 00:29:52,683 --> 00:29:54,243 - Of course you are. 446 00:29:54,243 --> 00:29:56,563 Because that's what you think. It's only natural. 447 00:29:56,563 --> 00:30:00,163 - What? - You're ashamed of yourself for betraying your wife. 448 00:30:00,163 --> 00:30:02,763 - Ashamed of myself? Give over. 449 00:30:02,763 --> 00:30:06,603 - Why not? You love your wife still, don't you? 450 00:30:08,283 --> 00:30:10,443 - Of course I do, yes. - Yet, here you are in bed with me. 451 00:30:10,443 --> 00:30:12,323 So that's not always going to be easy for you 452 00:30:12,323 --> 00:30:14,323 or something you want to think about. 453 00:30:18,283 --> 00:30:20,563 - I'm thinking about it now. Thank you(!) 454 00:30:25,483 --> 00:30:27,723 - Shall we make love, then talk? 455 00:30:27,723 --> 00:30:29,443 - I thought only men said that. 456 00:30:29,443 --> 00:30:31,603 - I'm rewriting the rule book... 457 00:30:31,603 --> 00:30:34,923 page...by...page. 458 00:30:34,923 --> 00:30:37,603 - And then there's Joe, of course. 459 00:30:37,603 --> 00:30:40,003 I mean, the last thing he needs in his life is any more 460 00:30:40,003 --> 00:30:42,123 complication right now. 461 00:30:42,123 --> 00:30:43,523 - Maurice. 462 00:30:45,563 --> 00:30:48,803 The first ten years with Ralph, it was like, I don't know, 463 00:30:48,803 --> 00:30:50,363 "All time stands still." 464 00:30:52,363 --> 00:30:54,883 I couldn't plan. I couldn't live. 465 00:30:54,883 --> 00:30:57,403 Everything was Ralph. 466 00:30:57,403 --> 00:31:01,283 Because without me there worrying about him 24 hours a day, 467 00:31:01,283 --> 00:31:02,763 he was going to fail. 468 00:31:02,763 --> 00:31:04,203 Struggle. 469 00:31:04,203 --> 00:31:05,723 And, you know what? 470 00:31:05,723 --> 00:31:09,443 It didn't work. Ralph found his way. 471 00:31:09,443 --> 00:31:11,123 Joe will find his way. 472 00:31:11,123 --> 00:31:14,803 And sometimes he'll find it because of you 473 00:31:14,803 --> 00:31:17,123 and sometimes he'll find it despite you. 474 00:31:18,523 --> 00:31:21,803 Take it from someone who's been through all this. 475 00:31:21,803 --> 00:31:23,963 - Joe isn't Ralph. 476 00:31:23,963 --> 00:31:25,243 - I know that. 477 00:31:25,243 --> 00:31:28,763 - You keep talking like he is. You don't even know him. 478 00:31:28,763 --> 00:31:31,243 He could be anything! - Yes, he could. 479 00:31:31,243 --> 00:31:34,323 God knows, if he's really lucky, he could even be happy. 480 00:31:36,403 --> 00:31:40,803 - ROCK MUSIC PLAYS 481 00:31:40,803 --> 00:31:43,203 - # So if you're lonely 482 00:31:44,523 --> 00:31:47,763 # You know I'm here waiting for you 483 00:31:47,763 --> 00:31:49,883 # I'm just a crosshair... # 484 00:31:49,883 --> 00:31:52,523 - Fuck off! 485 00:31:52,523 --> 00:31:54,763 ECHOES THROUGH THE VALLEY 486 00:31:56,563 --> 00:31:58,563 - Afternoon. - Afternoon. 487 00:31:59,723 --> 00:32:01,283 - Afternoon. 488 00:32:14,323 --> 00:32:16,923 DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH 489 00:32:25,843 --> 00:32:27,403 - All right, sleepy? Ooh! 490 00:32:35,123 --> 00:32:37,163 Well, my day just got better. 491 00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:40,643 - You're not going to believe this, love. Joe has been brilliant. 492 00:32:41,923 --> 00:32:43,963 He asked me about my mum. 493 00:32:43,963 --> 00:32:45,483 - What? Joe did? 494 00:32:45,483 --> 00:32:47,163 - Yeah. He asked if I felt sad. 495 00:32:47,163 --> 00:32:49,603 I mean, this is...this is empathy stuff. 496 00:32:49,603 --> 00:32:52,483 And he remembered things I didn't even know he'd registered! 497 00:32:52,483 --> 00:32:54,923 These are the things he's not meant to be able to do. 498 00:32:54,923 --> 00:32:56,643 - What do you mean? I don't understand. 499 00:32:56,643 --> 00:32:59,283 - It... I don't know, it's like... 500 00:32:59,283 --> 00:33:00,683 It's like he's turned a corner. 501 00:33:00,683 --> 00:33:03,363 It's like...like everything's falling into place. 502 00:33:07,363 --> 00:33:09,283 - I don't get it. - I don't know. 503 00:33:09,283 --> 00:33:11,923 He's just...he's just different. He's changing, Paul. 504 00:33:13,723 --> 00:33:15,283 Oh, I love you! 505 00:33:17,123 --> 00:33:19,163 SHE LAUGHS 506 00:33:40,443 --> 00:33:44,163 MUSIC: Teenage Kicks by The Undertones 507 00:33:49,243 --> 00:33:50,723 - (He's fine, come on.) 508 00:33:51,963 --> 00:33:53,763 Where's Rebecca? - Drama till nine. 509 00:33:53,763 --> 00:33:56,723 - Oh, I knew those classes would pay off one day! 510 00:33:56,723 --> 00:33:59,683 - SHE GIGGLES 511 00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:04,003 Right. - Hey, no, no, stop, stop! 512 00:34:04,003 --> 00:34:06,643 We can't just go into it without any preamble. 513 00:34:06,643 --> 00:34:09,243 - Preamble? Is that what we're calling foreplay these days? 514 00:34:09,243 --> 00:34:12,163 - This is reconciliation sex, right? - Don't count your chickens. 515 00:34:12,163 --> 00:34:15,003 - Well, if it's reconciliation sex then we need to wear a variety 516 00:34:15,003 --> 00:34:17,843 of hats and have a classic soul track playing in the background. 517 00:34:17,843 --> 00:34:20,443 - I don't have time. Or the hats! 518 00:34:20,443 --> 00:34:22,883 - It's just going to have to be a classic soul track, then. 519 00:34:22,883 --> 00:34:24,923 Do you want download or vinyl? 520 00:34:24,923 --> 00:34:27,043 What are you doing? 521 00:34:27,043 --> 00:34:28,963 Oh, what are you doing? - I think you know. 522 00:34:28,963 --> 00:34:30,083 It's not been that long. 523 00:34:30,083 --> 00:34:33,123 - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not tonight. 524 00:34:34,643 --> 00:34:38,283 - You do know that doing this without taking precautions is how 525 00:34:38,283 --> 00:34:40,963 babies get made, don't you? 526 00:34:40,963 --> 00:34:43,963 - Would that be such a bad thing? Hmm? 527 00:34:45,763 --> 00:34:48,243 I don't think so. I really don't think so. 528 00:34:50,283 --> 00:34:52,003 - What, seriously? 529 00:34:54,043 --> 00:34:55,523 Seriously? 530 00:34:56,963 --> 00:35:00,003 - Ooh! 531 00:34:56,963 --> 00:35:00,003 - SHE GIGGLES 532 00:35:23,563 --> 00:35:27,323 - Hey, love. What you doing sitting here in the dark? 533 00:35:30,123 --> 00:35:31,883 - Luke finished with me. 534 00:35:31,883 --> 00:35:34,003 - Oh, love. I'm sorry. 535 00:35:34,003 --> 00:35:36,123 That's never easy. 536 00:35:36,123 --> 00:35:37,563 Who's Luke? 537 00:35:37,563 --> 00:35:39,843 - He said that Eddie scared him away. 538 00:35:39,843 --> 00:35:42,123 - Eddie? What's it got to do with Eddie? 539 00:35:46,963 --> 00:35:49,083 Let me get this straight. 540 00:35:49,083 --> 00:35:50,923 You slept with Luke? 541 00:35:52,163 --> 00:35:53,523 - Yeah. 542 00:35:53,523 --> 00:35:55,563 - Ooh, OK, OK. 543 00:36:02,843 --> 00:36:05,883 Well, you're nearly 17, eh? 544 00:36:08,963 --> 00:36:10,923 As long as you were sensible. 545 00:36:15,363 --> 00:36:16,843 Good. 546 00:36:16,843 --> 00:36:19,523 And, you know, I get it. 547 00:36:19,523 --> 00:36:21,683 Why did you confide in Eddie? 548 00:36:21,683 --> 00:36:24,683 - He saw I was upset and... 549 00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:27,763 he's easier to talk to than you and Mum right now. 550 00:36:28,763 --> 00:36:30,803 - Fair enough. 551 00:36:30,803 --> 00:36:33,443 - You're not going to say anything, are you, to Eddie? 552 00:36:33,443 --> 00:36:35,243 - No, course not. - Or Mum? 553 00:36:35,243 --> 00:36:36,763 - Now, that's a big ask, isn't it? 554 00:36:36,763 --> 00:36:38,563 - I will tell her, just not now. 555 00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:41,203 - Oh, right. Well, make sure you do. 556 00:36:45,323 --> 00:36:47,163 - Dad. 557 00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:50,203 I'm OK. You can stop before you start hoovering. 558 00:36:50,203 --> 00:36:51,563 - Come here. 559 00:36:56,763 --> 00:36:58,763 Right. 560 00:36:58,763 --> 00:37:00,243 Eddie! 561 00:37:00,243 --> 00:37:02,403 How does Eddie scare anybody? 562 00:37:02,403 --> 00:37:05,363 - Eddie's great, Dad. You've just got to give him a chance. 563 00:37:05,363 --> 00:37:06,883 - Yeah. Maybe. 564 00:37:06,883 --> 00:37:09,163 Maybe. 565 00:37:09,163 --> 00:37:10,443 Night. 566 00:37:28,443 --> 00:37:30,523 - MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE 567 00:37:30,523 --> 00:37:32,723 - # I want to live like common people 568 00:37:32,723 --> 00:37:35,563 # I want to do whatever common people do... 569 00:37:35,563 --> 00:37:37,603 - MUSIC TRACK REWINDS 570 00:37:37,603 --> 00:37:41,203 - # I want to live like common people 571 00:37:41,203 --> 00:37:44,843 # I want to do whatever common people do 572 00:37:44,843 --> 00:37:46,723 # I want to sleep with common people... # 573 00:37:46,723 --> 00:37:48,963 - Uh, Mum, can I talk to you about something? 574 00:37:48,963 --> 00:37:50,003 - Shh, shh, shh... 575 00:37:50,003 --> 00:37:52,923 Now then, mister, are you feeling a bit better? 576 00:37:52,923 --> 00:37:55,043 - # I want to sleep... # 577 00:37:55,043 --> 00:37:57,563 - I think one more day off school to get over it, don't you? 578 00:37:57,563 --> 00:37:58,963 Hey. 579 00:37:58,963 --> 00:38:01,923 Turn that off now, darling. Turn it off. 580 00:38:01,923 --> 00:38:04,403 - # I bet that you look good on the dance floor 581 00:38:04,403 --> 00:38:06,483 # I don't know if you're looking for romance or 582 00:38:06,483 --> 00:38:08,403 # I don't know what you're looking... # 583 00:38:08,403 --> 00:38:10,563 - MUSIC STOPS 584 00:38:08,403 --> 00:38:10,563 Joe, do you remember yesterday? 585 00:38:10,563 --> 00:38:12,443 We were looking at the pictures? 586 00:38:12,443 --> 00:38:14,163 Look. Do you remember? 587 00:38:15,203 --> 00:38:17,643 - # I bet that you look good on the dance floor... # 588 00:38:17,643 --> 00:38:19,723 - No, Joe. Look at the photo album. 589 00:38:17,643 --> 00:38:19,723 MUSIC STOPS 590 00:38:19,723 --> 00:38:21,163 Look, do you remember yesterday? 591 00:38:21,163 --> 00:38:23,523 You were asking me about the pictures, do you remember? 592 00:38:23,523 --> 00:38:25,683 - Asking me about the pictures. - Yeah, that's right. 593 00:38:25,683 --> 00:38:27,523 Look, who's this? Hey? Who's this? 594 00:38:27,523 --> 00:38:29,603 - # I bet that you look good on the dance floor... # 595 00:38:29,603 --> 00:38:31,603 - Joe, who's this? Look, you're not looking! 596 00:38:31,603 --> 00:38:32,883 - You're not looking. 597 00:38:32,883 --> 00:38:35,843 - Yesterday, we talked about this. Look, who is this? Who's this? 598 00:38:35,843 --> 00:38:37,403 - Who is this? Who is this? 599 00:38:53,283 --> 00:38:56,523 - # I bet that you look good on the dance floor 600 00:38:56,523 --> 00:38:59,163 # I don't know if you're looking for romance or 601 00:38:59,163 --> 00:39:01,163 # I don't know... # - Someone's feeling better. 602 00:39:02,363 --> 00:39:04,403 - Well, it sure to God isn't me. 603 00:39:04,403 --> 00:39:06,643 - Is he all right? Back to normal? 604 00:39:06,643 --> 00:39:09,443 - If by that you mean back to abnormal, then, yeah. 605 00:39:09,443 --> 00:39:11,083 - OK. 606 00:39:11,083 --> 00:39:14,803 - MUSIC CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND 607 00:39:16,923 --> 00:39:19,043 You never really believed he'd changed, did you? 608 00:39:19,043 --> 00:39:20,483 - He doesn't need to change. 609 00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:23,363 - Oh, Rebecca. I don't need your attitude right now. 610 00:39:25,003 --> 00:39:27,123 - Hey. 611 00:39:27,123 --> 00:39:30,603 He was ill. So he was calmer. 612 00:39:30,603 --> 00:39:33,643 And it's understandable, you were with him all day. 613 00:39:33,643 --> 00:39:34,843 - So what? I imagined it? 614 00:39:34,843 --> 00:39:37,603 It was wishful thinking? What? - No, no, love. I'm not saying that. 615 00:39:37,603 --> 00:39:39,963 - Well, the alternative is that you performed a miracle, 616 00:39:39,963 --> 00:39:41,603 but none of us were there to see it. 617 00:39:41,603 --> 00:39:44,403 - Now, you didn't mean that, did you, Becks? - Who knows? 618 00:39:44,403 --> 00:39:47,603 - What is wrong with Madam this morning? 619 00:39:50,883 --> 00:39:52,163 - Don't know. 620 00:39:52,163 --> 00:39:54,243 Maybe you should ask her. 621 00:39:58,403 --> 00:40:01,003 - Gentler. 622 00:39:58,403 --> 00:40:01,003 - THEY STRUM 623 00:40:01,003 --> 00:40:02,963 - Yes, this is called C. 624 00:40:04,083 --> 00:40:07,243 - It felt like, for a few moments, I could see the real Joe. 625 00:40:07,243 --> 00:40:09,203 Underneath all that autism, there he is. 626 00:40:09,203 --> 00:40:11,083 If I could just get to him. 627 00:40:11,083 --> 00:40:13,163 - It's a thing. 628 00:40:13,163 --> 00:40:14,683 - Yeah, it is, indeed. 629 00:40:14,683 --> 00:40:16,243 - No... 630 00:40:16,243 --> 00:40:19,803 I mean, the evidence only seems to be anecdotal, 631 00:40:19,803 --> 00:40:21,723 but there's an American study that observed 632 00:40:21,723 --> 00:40:24,083 that when a child on the spectrum has a fever, 633 00:40:24,083 --> 00:40:26,763 some of their more extreme behaviours are diminished... 634 00:40:28,643 --> 00:40:30,363 ..temporarily. 635 00:40:30,363 --> 00:40:32,323 There's even a name for it. 636 00:40:32,323 --> 00:40:34,763 - Well, if there's a name for it. 637 00:40:34,763 --> 00:40:37,163 - It's called...it's called the fever effect. 638 00:40:37,163 --> 00:40:39,083 - Oh, right, yeah, course. 639 00:40:39,083 --> 00:40:41,963 I'll file it next to the broccoli effect. 640 00:40:41,963 --> 00:40:43,523 - You saw that article, too, did you? 641 00:40:43,523 --> 00:40:47,083 - Yeah, we've got our very own Maya effect, of course. 642 00:40:48,123 --> 00:40:49,363 - What's she doing? 643 00:40:49,363 --> 00:40:52,003 - She seems to be teaching him the uke. 644 00:40:52,003 --> 00:40:54,283 Just another of her many talents. 645 00:40:54,283 --> 00:40:56,883 Along with beauty and love and... 646 00:40:56,883 --> 00:40:58,763 a fast-track to my son. 647 00:41:01,843 --> 00:41:04,323 - Very honest of you to admit your jealousy. 648 00:41:05,723 --> 00:41:06,843 - Yeah. 649 00:41:09,923 --> 00:41:12,083 Can you get me the morning-after pill? 650 00:41:12,083 --> 00:41:14,763 - Is that a cure for autism or a cure for jealousy? 651 00:41:19,243 --> 00:41:20,363 Oh. 652 00:41:20,363 --> 00:41:24,683 I finally get your sense of humour and then I get it wrong. 653 00:41:24,683 --> 00:41:28,003 You're serious? - Yeah, Paul and I had sex last night. 654 00:41:28,003 --> 00:41:29,363 We didn't use contraception. 655 00:41:29,363 --> 00:41:32,643 Then I woke up this morning and just realised it's not the right time. 656 00:41:32,643 --> 00:41:34,603 Not now. I need my energy for Joe. 657 00:41:34,603 --> 00:41:36,883 - The local pharmacist should be able to sort... 658 00:41:36,883 --> 00:41:39,003 - The local pharmacist knows my dad. 659 00:41:39,003 --> 00:41:42,203 Everyone knows my dad. It happens in small towns. 660 00:41:42,203 --> 00:41:43,563 So, yeah, I was just wondering 661 00:41:43,563 --> 00:41:46,443 if there was any way that you could get me one. 662 00:41:46,443 --> 00:41:48,003 - No problem. 663 00:41:48,003 --> 00:41:50,483 We keep a big jar of them on the counter at the surgery. 664 00:41:50,483 --> 00:41:52,963 - Are you being sarcastic now? 665 00:41:52,963 --> 00:41:54,283 Cos that's a bit confusing. 666 00:41:54,283 --> 00:41:56,043 You've never been sarcastic before. 667 00:41:56,043 --> 00:41:58,163 - I won't be trying it again for a while. 668 00:41:59,443 --> 00:42:02,003 I'll sort it for you. - Thanks. 669 00:42:02,003 --> 00:42:04,883 And, Nicola, don't, like, mention it to Eddie or anyone, will you? 670 00:42:04,883 --> 00:42:07,883 - No, course not. And by "anyone" you mean Paul, I take it. 671 00:42:07,883 --> 00:42:09,363 - Yeah. 672 00:42:13,203 --> 00:42:14,603 So now that we've bonded, 673 00:42:14,603 --> 00:42:16,843 do you want to tell me what's been troubling Rebecca? 674 00:42:16,843 --> 00:42:18,763 - I thought you had to get to work. 675 00:42:23,323 --> 00:42:26,083 - Respect her wishes? What? 676 00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:29,843 Hey! If my daughter is having sex, I should be the first to know! 677 00:42:29,843 --> 00:42:32,163 - Have you any idea how dodgy that sounds? 678 00:42:32,163 --> 00:42:34,803 - You know what I mean. - No. I don't. 679 00:42:34,803 --> 00:42:37,003 You should be thanking me for being there for her, 680 00:42:37,003 --> 00:42:38,403 for listening to her. - Right. 681 00:42:38,403 --> 00:42:40,963 And then scaring her boyfriend off. 682 00:42:40,963 --> 00:42:42,283 - Oh, I see. 683 00:42:42,283 --> 00:42:44,643 So now it's not the fact she's had sex with someone, 684 00:42:44,643 --> 00:42:46,563 it's the fact that I confronted the scumbag 685 00:42:46,563 --> 00:42:48,603 who's been blanking her since they had sex. 686 00:42:48,603 --> 00:42:51,283 - Eddie, her boyfriend dumped her because of what you said. 687 00:42:51,283 --> 00:42:53,963 - Well, if he's that weak, then it sounds like I did her a favour. 688 00:42:53,963 --> 00:42:55,363 - Oi! Oi! 689 00:42:55,363 --> 00:42:56,723 Now, listen. 690 00:42:56,723 --> 00:42:59,643 I know you enjoy playing the understanding uncle, 691 00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:02,163 but you don't have any kids. 692 00:43:02,163 --> 00:43:03,803 You're out of your depth. 693 00:43:03,803 --> 00:43:05,923 - At least she has someone who listens to her, Paul. 694 00:43:07,123 --> 00:43:08,643 At least she has that. 695 00:43:29,443 --> 00:43:32,923 - So, I think this is a good height. - Sally, what are you doing? 696 00:43:32,923 --> 00:43:35,883 - Sorting out your electricians. - Well, no, you don't need to do that. 697 00:43:35,883 --> 00:43:37,763 Turns out your job wasn't that hard, so... 698 00:43:37,763 --> 00:43:40,963 - So, what time are you going to start interviewing the chefs? 699 00:43:40,963 --> 00:43:44,323 - Oh, shit! That's today, isn't it? That's today! 700 00:43:44,323 --> 00:43:46,763 - It looks that way. - What am I going to do? 701 00:43:46,763 --> 00:43:50,603 - Well, shouting at me isn't an option any more, now I don't work for you. 702 00:43:53,363 --> 00:43:55,323 - Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late. 703 00:44:00,483 --> 00:44:01,763 - Raiding the pharmacy, eh? 704 00:44:01,763 --> 00:44:05,403 I hope we don't have a Nurse Betty situation on our hands. 705 00:44:05,403 --> 00:44:07,803 - You mean Nurse Jackie? - That's right. Do we? 706 00:44:07,803 --> 00:44:10,163 - No. I was just, um... 707 00:44:10,163 --> 00:44:12,363 Oh, teenage sexual health clinic tomorrow. 708 00:44:12,363 --> 00:44:14,443 So, do you want me for something? 709 00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:17,083 - Fan mail from the kids you did the measles talk to. 710 00:44:20,203 --> 00:44:22,363 - Oh! That's nice. 711 00:44:24,443 --> 00:44:25,963 - Don't get too excited. 712 00:44:25,963 --> 00:44:29,083 I expect they were responding to your novelty value. 713 00:44:29,083 --> 00:44:30,163 - Meaning? 714 00:44:30,163 --> 00:44:31,803 - Young. Female. 715 00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:33,523 Ethnically atypical. 716 00:44:33,523 --> 00:44:35,323 - This ironic racism thing you do, 717 00:44:35,323 --> 00:44:37,003 you might want to keep an eye on that. 718 00:44:37,003 --> 00:44:40,683 - So what would be the correct terminology in these circumstances? 719 00:44:40,683 --> 00:44:41,963 - Oh, I don't know. 720 00:44:41,963 --> 00:44:43,403 "Well done," perhaps? 721 00:44:43,403 --> 00:44:45,443 - OK. Well done. 722 00:44:45,443 --> 00:44:48,083 You were such a hit that two other schools want the same talk. 723 00:44:48,083 --> 00:44:49,883 So, yes, well done. 724 00:44:51,843 --> 00:44:53,203 - Thank you. 725 00:45:18,203 --> 00:45:20,563 - Where's Joe? - Football practice. 726 00:45:20,563 --> 00:45:22,323 - He hates football practice. 727 00:45:22,323 --> 00:45:25,403 - Ah, but he loves Maya so I thought it'd be worth a try. 728 00:45:25,403 --> 00:45:27,763 Plus, it means I can get this in before the deadline. 729 00:45:27,763 --> 00:45:30,283 - He loves me more. I could've taken him. 730 00:45:30,283 --> 00:45:31,883 - You weren't here, love. 731 00:45:36,963 --> 00:45:40,443 I'm standing for school governor, since you asked. 732 00:45:40,443 --> 00:45:44,043 - I'm going to Dad's for the weekend, to see my half-sister. 733 00:45:44,043 --> 00:45:46,483 - Well, OK, as long as you've warned him. 734 00:45:46,483 --> 00:45:50,763 What do you think I should put as my electoral slogan? 735 00:45:50,763 --> 00:45:52,083 - What? 736 00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:53,803 - My tagline for my manifesto. 737 00:45:55,003 --> 00:45:56,203 - How about... 738 00:45:56,203 --> 00:45:58,683 "All children matter. But not as much as Joe." 739 00:45:58,683 --> 00:45:59,923 Or, better still, 740 00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:02,923 "I won't listen because I'm always right." 741 00:46:02,923 --> 00:46:04,563 - Don't be like that, Rebecca. 742 00:46:04,563 --> 00:46:07,003 I know you're growing up and I know it's difficult. 743 00:46:07,003 --> 00:46:09,203 But try not to take it out on me all the time. OK? 744 00:46:09,203 --> 00:46:11,763 - Well, then, don't spend all your time being a bitch 745 00:46:11,763 --> 00:46:14,763 and then playing the understanding mum when it suits you. 746 00:46:16,243 --> 00:46:19,043 - I know that you and Luke are sleeping together. 747 00:46:21,363 --> 00:46:23,563 Is that what this has all been about? 748 00:46:26,643 --> 00:46:28,003 - No, it's not. 749 00:46:28,003 --> 00:46:29,763 And if that was your big moment to bring me 750 00:46:29,763 --> 00:46:31,963 back down to earth, then it didn't work. 751 00:46:42,003 --> 00:46:43,563 - Thank you very much indeed. 752 00:46:43,563 --> 00:46:45,043 - No problem at all. 753 00:46:45,043 --> 00:46:46,843 - Yeah, we'll be in touch. - Great! 754 00:46:46,843 --> 00:46:49,563 You know, just don't leave it too long. I'll get snapped up! 755 00:46:49,563 --> 00:46:52,203 - Right, thank you. - Cheers, pal. Take care. 756 00:46:57,123 --> 00:46:58,403 - All good? 757 00:46:58,403 --> 00:47:00,003 - I feel like Gregg Wallace. 758 00:47:00,003 --> 00:47:02,843 "They all talk a great meal." 759 00:47:04,563 --> 00:47:06,043 All right. 760 00:47:06,043 --> 00:47:07,803 Yeah, you've made your point, Sal. 761 00:47:09,043 --> 00:47:12,323 - Really? What point do you think I'm making? 762 00:47:12,323 --> 00:47:13,883 - That I've been an utter dick. 763 00:47:16,243 --> 00:47:17,603 - I'll drink to that. 764 00:47:20,283 --> 00:47:23,843 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 765 00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:25,363 I didn't mean to take it out on you. 766 00:47:25,363 --> 00:47:27,563 It's just, it's scary, this. 767 00:47:28,923 --> 00:47:30,683 - It's taking shape, though, eh? 768 00:47:30,683 --> 00:47:32,163 - Yeah. 769 00:47:32,163 --> 00:47:33,603 Not bad for a thick kid, eh? 770 00:47:35,123 --> 00:47:36,603 - Indeed. 771 00:47:38,323 --> 00:47:39,443 - Here's to us. 772 00:47:39,443 --> 00:47:41,243 - Mm. - Cheers. 773 00:47:41,243 --> 00:47:42,723 Nearly there. 774 00:47:42,723 --> 00:47:46,803 More debt than the Greek economy, but optimism to burn. 775 00:47:46,803 --> 00:47:50,323 - That's more like it. That's the Paul I remember. 776 00:47:50,323 --> 00:47:52,963 You've already built a successful business from scratch. 777 00:47:52,963 --> 00:47:57,123 - Yeah, but if that had failed, I could've just towed that away. 778 00:47:57,123 --> 00:48:00,923 But this place, you know, God, it's... 779 00:48:00,923 --> 00:48:02,123 Can you imagine? 780 00:48:02,123 --> 00:48:04,843 People will visit these ruins in 100 years' time 781 00:48:04,843 --> 00:48:08,443 and wonder about the vanity of the man that built it. 782 00:48:10,883 --> 00:48:13,043 - You always were big on humiliation. 783 00:48:13,043 --> 00:48:15,483 I always thought that's why you finished with me. 784 00:48:15,483 --> 00:48:18,483 To spare yourself the humiliation of me finishing with you. 785 00:48:18,483 --> 00:48:21,003 - The pre-emptive chucking. - Mm. 786 00:48:21,003 --> 00:48:22,403 - Still a modern classic! 787 00:48:24,683 --> 00:48:27,043 - I blamed Oasis at the time. 788 00:48:27,043 --> 00:48:28,403 - I blamed Blur. 789 00:48:33,563 --> 00:48:37,443 God, I haven't talked shite like this for a long time. 790 00:48:37,443 --> 00:48:39,203 - Happy to oblige. 791 00:48:45,043 --> 00:48:49,403 - If you think that's good, wait till you taste this. 792 00:48:49,403 --> 00:48:52,123 - Sorry, Eddie, I'm driving. - What have you got there? 793 00:48:52,123 --> 00:48:54,563 - Sample bottles, limited edition, for the launch. 794 00:48:54,563 --> 00:48:56,083 - Fellside Fuggles. 795 00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:57,723 Sounds vaguely sexual. 796 00:48:57,723 --> 00:48:59,963 - It's the alliteration. Always punches through. 797 00:48:59,963 --> 00:49:02,403 - I get the Fuggles. What's the Fellside bit? 798 00:49:04,963 --> 00:49:06,163 - I'm off, then. 799 00:49:06,163 --> 00:49:07,803 - Oh, all right. 800 00:49:07,803 --> 00:49:09,403 Wait, wait, wait. 801 00:49:10,803 --> 00:49:14,203 You'd better take some money. - Dad's already given me some. 802 00:49:14,203 --> 00:49:15,683 - All right, well, take it anyway, 803 00:49:15,683 --> 00:49:18,323 cos you might want to get a present for the baby or something. 804 00:49:18,323 --> 00:49:20,883 - Do you not think I already thought of that? 805 00:49:20,883 --> 00:49:22,643 - Look, I'm sorry about blurting that out, 806 00:49:22,643 --> 00:49:24,403 about you and Luke before. 807 00:49:24,403 --> 00:49:26,603 That was just wrong of me. 808 00:49:26,603 --> 00:49:29,643 I just want you to talk to me more, I suppose. 809 00:49:31,123 --> 00:49:34,243 Look, I just want you to know that I do know what you're going through. 810 00:49:34,243 --> 00:49:36,163 - No, you don't. You really have no idea. 811 00:49:37,723 --> 00:49:40,883 - OK. Well, just say hello to Stuart for me. 812 00:49:40,883 --> 00:49:42,443 - What is that supposed to mean? 813 00:49:42,443 --> 00:49:44,203 Bye, Joe! 814 00:49:52,163 --> 00:49:54,443 - Mmm! 815 00:49:54,443 --> 00:49:56,443 That's good, it's really good. Mmm. 816 00:49:56,443 --> 00:49:59,123 Crisp, hoppy and refreshing, just like the label says. 817 00:49:59,123 --> 00:50:02,123 - That isn't what it says on the label, but, erm, never mind. 818 00:50:02,123 --> 00:50:03,243 - It's great. 819 00:50:03,243 --> 00:50:05,963 - It may surprise you to know I do have a bit of a clue what I'm doing. 820 00:50:05,963 --> 00:50:07,483 - Never doubted it. 821 00:50:07,483 --> 00:50:11,043 - What about you? Do you know what you're doing? 822 00:50:11,043 --> 00:50:13,323 Late night bonding over fuse boards 823 00:50:13,323 --> 00:50:16,203 and boiler options with the delectable Sally. 824 00:50:16,203 --> 00:50:18,923 - No. Me and Sally? No. 825 00:50:18,923 --> 00:50:21,483 Now, that'd be...that'd be sad. 826 00:50:23,083 --> 00:50:24,963 What? 827 00:50:24,963 --> 00:50:26,923 - What? 828 00:50:26,923 --> 00:50:29,083 - Your doubting face. 829 00:50:29,083 --> 00:50:32,963 - You two have got history and she's still a very attractive woman. 830 00:50:32,963 --> 00:50:34,563 - You know what it's like. 831 00:50:34,563 --> 00:50:37,043 You get chatting to someone outside the family 832 00:50:37,043 --> 00:50:42,923 and, well, there's no bills to argue over and no kids. 833 00:50:42,923 --> 00:50:46,163 You can be that guy again, you can be yourself. 834 00:50:46,163 --> 00:50:48,723 - Oh, the sad dyslexic loser that stayed behind to get 835 00:50:48,723 --> 00:50:51,483 a labouring job in a brewery while his mates went to uni? 836 00:50:51,483 --> 00:50:52,843 That guy? 837 00:50:52,843 --> 00:50:55,163 - There were more to me than that, Eddie. 838 00:50:55,163 --> 00:50:58,203 I had trials for Morecambe, remember. 839 00:50:58,203 --> 00:50:59,483 - Paul... 840 00:50:59,483 --> 00:51:01,563 everyone had trials for Morecambe. 841 00:51:03,923 --> 00:51:08,563 - For five minutes, a breath of fresh air, you know, a bit of flirting. 842 00:51:08,563 --> 00:51:11,003 Me and Alison, we're rock solid, mate. 843 00:51:11,003 --> 00:51:13,403 - Glad to hear it. - Yeah. 844 00:51:18,563 --> 00:51:20,163 In fact, between me and you... 845 00:51:21,883 --> 00:51:24,083 ..we're trying for another baby. 846 00:51:24,083 --> 00:51:26,123 - Really? - Yeah. - That's amazing! 847 00:51:26,123 --> 00:51:28,083 - Yeah, I think the time's right, you know. 848 00:51:28,083 --> 00:51:30,563 - Good for you. Good for you. 849 00:51:30,563 --> 00:51:32,683 Cheers. - Cheers. 850 00:51:37,483 --> 00:51:40,083 - It might make you feel sick or give you a headache. 851 00:51:40,083 --> 00:51:41,683 - Yeah, I know. Thanks. 852 00:51:41,683 --> 00:51:44,963 - And if you vomit within two hours of taking it, come and see me. - OK. 853 00:51:44,963 --> 00:51:48,123 Listen, I'm sorry for asking you about Rebecca before. 854 00:51:48,123 --> 00:51:50,763 I should never have put you in that position. 855 00:51:50,763 --> 00:51:52,043 - Well... 856 00:51:53,363 --> 00:51:55,323 No, you shouldn't. 857 00:52:01,603 --> 00:52:03,283 # ..common people 858 00:52:03,283 --> 00:52:06,523 # I want to do whatever common people do... # 859 00:52:06,523 --> 00:52:08,683 - MUSIC TRACK REWINDS 860 00:52:08,683 --> 00:52:12,083 - # I want to live like common people 861 00:52:12,083 --> 00:52:15,403 # I want to do whatever common people... # 862 00:52:15,403 --> 00:52:18,203 - What was it like? The sex? 863 00:52:18,203 --> 00:52:20,443 On a scale from terrible to disastrous. 864 00:52:20,443 --> 00:52:21,883 - Tom, you can't ask that. 865 00:52:21,883 --> 00:52:24,323 - Just the way Luke's behaving, it looks like disastrous. 866 00:52:24,323 --> 00:52:26,523 So, he's embarrassed and that's why 867 00:52:26,523 --> 00:52:28,363 he's had a complete personality change. 868 00:52:28,363 --> 00:52:31,123 - I don't know. I didn't have anything to compare it to. 869 00:52:31,123 --> 00:52:32,603 - Was it... 870 00:52:32,603 --> 00:52:35,603 I don't know, vaguely enjoyable? Exciting? 871 00:52:35,603 --> 00:52:41,163 - I enjoyed the fact that we were finally, you know, doing it. 872 00:52:42,963 --> 00:52:44,683 - Is that it? 873 00:52:44,683 --> 00:52:46,443 Hardly Fifty Shades Of Grey, is it? 874 00:52:46,443 --> 00:52:49,363 - I don't know what to say. What is there to say? 875 00:52:49,363 --> 00:52:51,963 - ENGINGE RUMBLES 876 00:52:51,963 --> 00:52:55,483 GRIME MUSIC BLARES FROM CAR 877 00:52:55,483 --> 00:52:56,843 Do you want a lift? 878 00:52:56,843 --> 00:52:58,483 - I'm going to my dad's. 879 00:52:58,483 --> 00:53:00,043 - He lives in Lancaster. 880 00:53:00,043 --> 00:53:02,403 - Sorry, no can do. 881 00:53:02,403 --> 00:53:03,803 - My dad says, "No can do." 882 00:53:03,803 --> 00:53:05,883 You've only been driving for a fortnight 883 00:53:05,883 --> 00:53:08,363 and suddenly you're talking like you're 30 or something. 884 00:53:08,363 --> 00:53:11,403 How about you tell us about how many miles you're getting to the gallon? 885 00:53:11,403 --> 00:53:12,843 - Oh, go suck a big one. 886 00:53:12,843 --> 00:53:14,803 - Sadly, that rules you out, Dan. 887 00:53:14,803 --> 00:53:17,203 - Oh, my God. 888 00:53:17,203 --> 00:53:19,123 - SHE LAUGHS 889 00:53:20,723 --> 00:53:23,363 - You OK? - Mm, not really. 890 00:53:23,363 --> 00:53:25,283 Be good to get out of this shithole, 891 00:53:25,283 --> 00:53:27,363 see my dad and my new half-sister. 892 00:53:27,363 --> 00:53:29,043 She's, like, five months old. 893 00:53:29,043 --> 00:53:30,363 - Listen to you, 894 00:53:30,363 --> 00:53:33,643 with your special needs brother and your blended family. 895 00:53:33,643 --> 00:53:35,723 You're like a set text in GCSE English! 896 00:53:38,083 --> 00:53:40,123 - You two need a lift? - No, it's all right. 897 00:53:40,123 --> 00:53:42,123 I'm going over to Lancaster to see my dad. 898 00:53:42,123 --> 00:53:44,803 - Oh, that's a coincidence. I'm going that way. 899 00:53:44,803 --> 00:53:47,523 - No, you're not. You're not even facing the right direction. 900 00:53:47,523 --> 00:53:49,563 - How do you know I'm not reversing there? Come on. 901 00:53:49,563 --> 00:53:52,003 You'd be doing me a favour. I'm on the run. 902 00:53:58,643 --> 00:54:01,283 So, is that your boyfriend? 903 00:54:01,283 --> 00:54:03,803 - Who, Tom? - Yeah. 904 00:54:03,803 --> 00:54:06,483 - No. Tom is not my boyfriend. Tom's gay. 905 00:54:06,483 --> 00:54:08,003 - Oh. 906 00:54:08,003 --> 00:54:10,203 Probably just a phase. - Grandad! 907 00:54:10,203 --> 00:54:13,043 - I'm just saying. We had David Bowie. 908 00:54:13,043 --> 00:54:16,203 He was prettier than all the girls in the school so, you know! 909 00:54:16,203 --> 00:54:19,523 - Yeah. Is that what you're on the run from, then? Your sexual confusion? 910 00:54:20,723 --> 00:54:23,843 - Closer than you think! 911 00:54:20,723 --> 00:54:23,843 HE CHUCKLES 912 00:54:25,603 --> 00:54:30,243 You know, any time you want a lift to your dad's, you only have to ask. 913 00:54:30,243 --> 00:54:31,923 - I thought you hated him. - I do. 914 00:54:33,243 --> 00:54:34,963 But you don't. 915 00:54:34,963 --> 00:54:36,603 And I love you. 916 00:54:43,923 --> 00:54:46,883 - Sometimes I miss him. 917 00:54:46,883 --> 00:54:48,803 Well, not him, exactly, 918 00:54:48,803 --> 00:54:51,243 because I've never known a time when Paul wasn't my dad, 919 00:54:51,243 --> 00:54:54,803 but I miss, like, the idea of him. 920 00:54:54,803 --> 00:54:56,163 Do you know what I mean? 921 00:54:58,243 --> 00:55:00,763 - I do, love. I know exactly what you mean. 922 00:55:08,003 --> 00:55:09,643 - Grandad? 923 00:55:12,003 --> 00:55:15,883 Grandad, are you OK? - I'm fine. I'm fine, darling. 924 00:55:15,883 --> 00:55:17,963 - Do you want to stop? - Stop? No chance. 925 00:55:17,963 --> 00:55:20,283 If I stop, I'll be weeping like Louis Walsh. 926 00:55:20,283 --> 00:55:22,883 Driving's the only thing that's keeping me together! 927 00:55:25,483 --> 00:55:28,883 It's just, you know, sometimes, 928 00:55:28,883 --> 00:55:31,603 I miss the conversations I'll never have with your grandma. 929 00:55:32,643 --> 00:55:34,163 Hell... 930 00:55:36,843 --> 00:55:38,843 I even miss the arguments. 931 00:55:38,843 --> 00:55:41,403 - Yeah, I miss Grandma, too. 932 00:55:41,403 --> 00:55:44,523 - I know you do, love. I know you do. 933 00:56:08,603 --> 00:56:12,203 I'm doing all this for you, young man. I hope you appreciate it. 934 00:56:12,203 --> 00:56:14,043 - I don't think so. 935 00:56:20,843 --> 00:56:22,603 - Hey. 936 00:56:22,603 --> 00:56:25,443 Come on, eh? 937 00:56:25,443 --> 00:56:27,483 One more try, yeah? 938 00:56:28,803 --> 00:56:31,283 Come on, for me. One more try, eh? 939 00:56:33,523 --> 00:56:35,203 Eh? 940 00:56:37,483 --> 00:56:38,843 Do you remember? 941 00:56:40,043 --> 00:56:42,003 Cos I think you do. 942 00:56:45,883 --> 00:56:49,203 SHE IMITATES KNOCKING 943 00:56:49,203 --> 00:56:51,283 Calling Joe! Are you in there? 944 00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:53,683 - Are you in there? 945 00:56:53,683 --> 00:56:55,963 - I'm in here. 946 00:56:55,963 --> 00:56:59,683 I know you're in there, too. Somewhere inside. 947 00:57:02,723 --> 00:57:05,083 I know, Joe. I saw it. 948 00:57:24,443 --> 00:57:28,323 All right, all right, all right. Fair enough. Fair enough. 949 00:57:34,883 --> 00:57:39,923 LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS 950 00:58:05,603 --> 00:58:07,043 - What is it about Alison, 951 00:58:07,043 --> 00:58:10,163 she always manages to find a man to run around after her? 952 00:58:10,163 --> 00:58:12,243 - HE MOUTHS 953 00:58:12,243 --> 00:58:15,563 I spend my whole life panicking, are we doing the right thing? 954 00:58:15,563 --> 00:58:17,243 Can we ever do the right thing? 955 00:58:17,243 --> 00:58:19,403 - Dear me, Maurice, is this really still a thing? 956 00:58:19,403 --> 00:58:21,843 You don't fancy me till your best mate has a crack at me. 957 00:58:21,843 --> 00:58:24,203 - There's only one good way of dealing with boys' gossip. 958 00:58:24,203 --> 00:58:25,563 - Ignore it, I know. - Ignore it? 959 00:58:25,563 --> 00:58:26,643 Avenge it. 960 00:58:26,643 --> 00:58:28,763 - You can't expect everybody to do your bidding 961 00:58:28,763 --> 00:58:30,323 whenever you say the word "Joe"!