( music playing )
* I wrote this song *
* Two hours before we met *
* I didn't know your name *
* Or what you looked like yet *
* Oh *
* I could have stayed at home *
* And gone to bed *
* I could have gone to see *
* A film instead *
( car honking )
MAN: * You might have changed your mind *
* And seen your friends *
KEITH: What are you doing?
What are you doing out on your own?
Hey?
Where's your mum and dad?
Oh, come on lad.
Hey, you!
Stop touching that child!
He shouldn't be out on his own.
You do know that?
Neither should you!
All right!
@MAN: * Something changed *
@LOUISE: You don't have to forceúyourself to stay the night
every time we have sex, you know.
I'm not.@LOUISE: I really don't
@wanna wake up to the sightúof your polite smile.
@It makes me feel likeúI'm being visited in hospital.
Oh. Right.
LOUISE:úNow I've hurt your feelings.
@I thought you'd be relieved.
@If you do go now,
@can you be quietú'cause I don't want Ralph
@knowing that you stayed.
Of course. I think he'd find it hard
to understand what's going on here.
He's not alone.
Daresay it'll be the same for your Joe
when he's older.
You'll see.
Uh-hmm.
( indistinct chatter )
Hey, hey.
Hair?
Done.
Tongue?
Good.
Ears?
Good.
Oh.
I think I have found something.
Have a good day, Joe.
PAUL: What we want for Joe
was called a statement, when I was at school
and now it's an EHC plan, isn't it?
You know, to get in extra help
in the classroom.
Yeah but not like in your face help
that all the other kids notice?
MRS. FOX: We have lots of children who need extra help,
so they really are used to it.
Yes, you'd be amazed
at how little the other children worry
about such things.
Well, I'll be able to see that for myself
in about 10 minutes.
Oh? ALISON: Yeah.
I'm on the parents reading rota,
two times a week.
If I'm gonna commit to this school
then believe me, I'm gonna commit.
I know it's a pain,
but the local authority insists
that there are stages
the school has to go through first
before issuing an EHC plan.
Yeah, but the reports you have in front of you,
they're all you need.
We've got a customised speech therapy plan, it's all in there.
These are the top people that we've consulted.
I think--I think what Alison is trying to say
is that they're very thorough reports.
Yeah, they're-- PAUL: There's paediatrician.
There's, erm...
clinical, erm... Psychologist.
Clinical psychologist. Psychologist
and Speech Therapist. Speech and Language Therapist.
Yeah. Just don't ask me to spell any of them.
MRS. FOX: You have the diagnosis
but until we can show that we have tried
to meet Joe's needs within the existing school budget
the council won't offer any extra.
No, I just don't want Joe to fail
before he gets the help that he needs.
And I'm telling you he will fail.
It happened to me, it's not nice.
It's not nice at all.
MRS. FOX: We have to play the game
and we need your support. ALISON: Yeah,
you know, it's a funny thing. I swore I would never be
one of those parents that's a pain in the arse.
But Joe has been at school half a term
and I have decided to be that parent.
TERRY: Who've you got lined up barista-wise up there?
Will they need training?
Believe me, you get the wrong side
of a ten-litre espresso machine
and that bambino won't ever forgive you.
Oh, shit!
Sal, what's going on? Hey?
Cookers shouldn't be here for another two weeks!
They're unloading it outside now!
We can store it. Where?
We haven't even got a proper floor!
Oy! We're better off having it here
to fit rather than having the gas lads here
and nothing for them to install.
We've barely even finished second electrics.
So what do you want me to do?
Stand here while you shout at me
or get on with bringing the flooring forward
and booking an electrician for tomorrow.
Right, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna manage it myself.
Don't be a dick, Paul.
Look, it's chaos and I can do chaos
all by myself, I don't need to pay somebody
to do that for me.
I thought I said, "Don't be a dick."
The paperwork's on the bar over there.
Call me in an hour when you find you can't cope.
Tess got a pot.
Cook, pot, cook!
The pot was-- WOMAN: No, it's not
DAISY: The pot was,
erm,
boil,
boil.
Boiling that says, boiling.
Look, see,
can you say boil-ing?
Boiling. See?
Look at all the food, Mum!
Look at all the food, Nan!
Yum.
Stop, pot,
stop.
ALISON: Come on then, let's go.
In you go, go and sit down in your spot then.
MS. REES: That's great, thanks Alison.
I'll see you next week?
Well, I can stay longer if you like.
I can stay all day.
I can cancel my shift at work
if you like and just-- That's lovely, Alison.
But we don't like to wear out our parent-helpers.
Right, okay.
All right. Well, I'll--yeah,
I'll see you next time then.
ALISON: Joe?
Joe?
Hey, the little boy you were playing with in the playground?
The one with the hearing aids?
Do you know his name? Hmm?
He had things in his ears?
He had things in his ears.
Yeah, he did, yeah.
Hmm, let me see.
What about the other boy?
He had a brown face.
We've got pink faces
and he had a brown face.
REBECCA: Oh, come on, Joe,
you're hardly spoilt for choice at that school.
You're not helping, Becky. Joe?
Do you remember his name?
What name?
Someone's busy.
Joe was playing with two boys in the playground.
I'm gonna invite them for a sleepover.
Really?
On day one?
Yeah, it was an Asian boy and a boy with hearing aids
but Joe doesn't know their names.
A deaf kid too?
We could form a boy band and go on Britain's Got Talent.
Although the odds are,
probably go out in the semi-final stage.
REBECCA: The kid with the hearing aids?
He's called Bill Hibbs.
His brother is two years below me.
Why didn't you say that?
REBECCA: So it's paying off, then, the spying?
Sorry, helping with reading.
Hmm, I think spying pretty much covers it.
I'd like to think there's a little altruism under there.
No, I don't do altruism. Remember?
I'm the bully.
If it's any comfort he hasn't replied
to any of my texts either.
He didn't sleep with you.
Is that what he's telling you?
That was a joke by the way.
I know.
He was away with his mum and dad.
Bad signal.
No credit, it happens.
So why isn't he here now?
What do you mean? What do you mean?
( indistinct )
Okay. BOY: We don't have
( indistinct ) What?
( indistinct )
Hiya.
Hi.
Your phone's not been working.
I lost it.
Then I was out of credit.
How do you know?
LUKE: What?
How do you know it was out of credit
if you lost it?
I found it again.
REBECCA: You didn't come in on the bus this morning.
LUKE: Dan's passed his test.
He's gotten a car now,
he gave me a lift.
Right.
Well, erm, I'll see you in History.
Unless Dan's got a Tardis too
and you're gonna travel back in time with him.
Right.
Hiya, Rebecca.
I'm a cliché.
We have sex and then he just blanks me.
He might just need some time to come to his senses.
Do you think? If he doesn't,
he's a prick. And it's good to find
these things out early.
Nicola found out I was a prick very early
and has learned to adjust her expectations accordingly.
Do you think he might just be
having a bit of a wobble?
EDDIE: If I was gonna bet, I'd say next week
he'll be on the phone sending you poems by text.
Or at least a sad face with a tear
in lieu of a poem.
Stay for tea,
Nicola does great comfort food.
( bell dinging )
PAUL: Hello, Bill, here we are.
His sandwiches are in there.
Oh, great, okay. And this is his drink.
ALISON: Er, right. SARAH: And a treat for afters.
Rice cakes! Oh, we do actually have
gluten-free-- Oh, I never know, you know?
Yeah. And I can't be too careful.
He's lactose and gluten intolerant.
Right, right. Both.
Oh, erm, this is my phone number.
Ring me any time.
Give that to him. In the night.
Okay.
And to be on the safe side,
if the boys are gonna eat nuts,
it's best if they do that outside
and wash their hands afterwards.
Well, bang goes the blindfold
nut tasting game.
He's joking. Shut up, Paul.
Ignore him, ignore him.
Right, well, thank you for having him.
I'll pick him up at 8:30.
He has African Drumming at 9:00.
Course he does.
Okay. Well, he'll be ready for you, I'm sure.
Thanks for the food.
This is the first sleepover he's ever been to.
He's a little nervous.
Yeah. Anytime.
Just call me.
Will do. Okay.
Bye, Bill!
ALISON: We'll look after him, I promise.
We will. SARAH:Okay.
Bye, darling, buh-bye.
Say bye now. ALISON: We'll look after him,
honestly, all right. Come on.
SARAH: Bye now. See you.
ALISON: Take care. PAUL: Safe journey home.
Safe home bye.
( knocking on door )
He doesn't sleep in his hearing aids.
Okay. Great. Thanks, Sarah.
No hearing aids.
Okay. SARAH: Great.
Great. Thanks a lot, take care now,
bye.
Wow.
Ah, yes.
That's clearly marbles in jelly.
No! That's an eyeball!
RAMESH: That's the idea.
Yes.
But I don't think that eyeballs
would actually feel that tough.
Okay. Right, next, hang on!
Okay.
Oh, it's worms?
It's spaghetti.
I'm not allowed spaghetti.
It's gluten free, Bill.
Come on then. ALISON:Okay.
PAUL: Last one. This is the scariest one.
Are you ready?
There's a hairy, scary monster in here.
Ready, ready? Huh,
careful, careful!
It's a rodent of some kind.
Joe, your turn.
Bill?
I've got allergies.
ALISON: Okay. Boys.
Here we go.
We've got Orangeade,
and Redade,
and coconut water.
Okay.
PAUL: If you need anything, just give me a shout.
All right.
Cheese.
Should we have stayed in with them?
No!
No, of course, we shouldn't.
They'll be farting and wrestling in there by now.
Stop it.
Just a guess,
but not exactly the coolest boys at school, eh?
Did you have cool friends when you were five?
PAUL: I was the cool friend.
That's never really gone away, has it?
I'll just go and have a little look.
ALISON: Don't go in! I won't, I won't, I won't.
Hey, boys, boys, come on.
Hey. Bill.
Come on, lads.
You're meant to be The Three Amigos.
Joe. You've got to be a better host than this.
Come on! Bill, come on!
Come and watch the film! It's a classic!
There we go.
ALISON: You can take more than one piece, Ramesh.
I'll take one of each flavour
then see if I'm still hungry.
Very sensible.
Okay.
I think that's enough now, Joe?
PAUL: There we go, Bill.
Gluten-free hummus sandwich and a rice cake.
A sentence that says pleasure in any language.
All right? Good lad.
ALISON: Okay.
Bon appetit.
Now is it me or is Ramesh actually
an accountant in his early 40s?
He's just got good manners.
I get the feeling he's gonna come to tell us
to keep the noise down at 10:30.
I think it's going really well.
Mm-hmm.
Well done, you.
Not bad for the school bully.
Oh, no, no,
I didn't mean, bully.
I meant bullish. Like in a China Shop.
Uh-hmm. Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I know it's tough.
And what do I know. You got him some mates.
What can I say?
Nearly an apology sneaking out there.
Mr. Joe's daddy?
Something bad has happened.
PAUL: Ohh, ohh,
is that it, Joe?
Hey, do you think that's everything?
RAMESH: You need to lie him on his side.
He could choke on his own vomit.
The gag reflex doesn't work well enough
when it's overloaded.
Thanks, Ramesh. RAMESH: My Uncle
is a paramedic in Blackpool.
BILL: Is he poorly?
I think he's poorly?
I think so Bill.
Does he have an allergy?
Oh, he's burning up.
Oh. Oh, oh.
PAUL: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
ALISON: Oh. Ugh. Oh.
God, when I said "Get it all out"
I wasn't actually talking internal organs.
EDDIE: The thing about losing your virginity
as a young man is that
it's pretty much the culmination
of your lifetime's ambition.
You've been thinking of nothing else
since you were 12.
When it finally happens,
it can't help but be an anti-climactic experience.
I'll take your word for it.
Especially when the event takes place
in her older brother's bunk beds
and his football posters are staring down at you.
Not every young man can maintain an erection
while staring at a celebrating Gary Neville.
NICOLA: This theory of yours
isn't based on personal experience
by any chance.
My point is.
Afterwards, you feel the experience
should have changed you
so you behave
like it has.
So you don't think it's true.
What you said about Rebecca's boyfriend
coming back?
No. I was just softening the blow.
NICOLA: By hiding the truth.
An age-old technique handed down
from father to son.
Well,
I know that much is true.
Uh-oh,
I sense a theory coming on.
Is this about the brewery expansion?
I know exactly how it's gonna work
so whatever dad's saying it doesn't matter--
NICOLA: I saw him yesterday morning.
on his music teacher's doorstep.
putting on his shoes.
So?
So it was 7:30 in the morning.
He's clearly having a secret relationship with her.
Or maybe he was having an early singing lesson.
Why would he take his shoes off to do that?
7:30 in the morning?
NICOLA: Looked straight at me and didn't even say "Hello."
How do you feel about it?
My widowed Father is having
a sexual relationship.
That's just another thing not to think about
when I see his bony arse in a pair of shorts.
( laughing )
You all right, Dad?
I was usually at the brewery by now.
I've already been in,
I've got a nice golden ale coming in at 4.4%.
Just popped out for some provisions.
What about you?
What about me?
Oh you've, erm,
worked up quite a sweat there.
Running, was it?
Of course, it's running.
What you talking about?
NICOLA: Yeah he's got a high temperature.
It's the usual routine.
Just get as many liquids down him as you can.
and Calpol every four hours. Yeah?
So it's not food poisoning?
More of a bug. His glands are up.
Just bad timing for his sleepover.
Okay, well, thanks, Nicola.
Anytime, but if you're worried about anything
just give me a call. Yeah, I will.
Is Rebecca okay today?
Er...
well, okay as any teenager can be,
I think. Good.
Why do you ask that?
I saw her the other day
and she was a little upset.
Any idea about what?
I think if she wants to tell you she will.
Are you really gonna leave it there?
JOE: Mum?
Mummy? Coming, sweetheart.
Hey.
Poor thing.
Oh, poor Joe. You're burning up.
That means I'm hot.
Yeah. That's right.
Not on fire.
No. That's just something people say.
JOE: Can I see the pictures?
Wanna see these?
Come then.
There you go.
Can you see?
Who is that?
That's you.
When you were a baby.
What's baby Joe doing?
He's sleeping. He's had some milk.
You've had some milk, I mean.
That's me?
Yeah. That's right.
And this is me.
Yeah, that's right, love, yeah.
It's confusing, isn't it?
Joe who's that there, holding you?
Grandma hold Joe.
Yeah. She did.
And sings, "Horsey, horsey."
Do you remember that?
You do? You remember that?
Is Mum sad?
You look sad.
Well, it's 'cause that's my mummy there.
And she's not here.
So mum's sad.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
Paul? Paul.
Ring me when you can. There's nothing to worry about,
but I wanna tell you something.
It's really important.
It's about Joe. It's good.
It's really good.
Bye.
It's Luke, isn't it?
Yeah. You're Rebecca's uncle.
Nice to see you again.
Now, listen.
I don't care if it's good news
or bad news,
but you go to my lovely niece
and you talk to her.
Okay?
You don't just ignore her like a prick.
I was going to talk to her.
Was? Well, I was gonna invent
a flying machine that ran on dog shit
but I never got 'round to it.
Hmm? So you talk to her, today.
or you'll have me to answer to.
Can I go now?
My choc ice is melting.
You're gonna have more to worry about
than a melting choc ice
if you don't talk to her.
Am I getting through?
I think so.
Good.
I think we should talk.
Really? And then will you report
our conversation back to your psycho uncle?
What? I don't know
what you're talking about.
That uncle of yours.
He threatened me this morning.
He told me I had to talk to you.
That had nothing to do with me.
For the record
I wasn't ignoring you.
I just didn't know what to say to you
after we'd done it. Why? Was it that bad?
It was great. But it--
I didn't know how to be with you
after we'd done it. It's just dead weird
seeing you at school after, you know?
So why didn't you explain any of that?
To me?
I wanted to. But I didn't know how to.
So you just ignored me instead?
I was about to call you and then your uncle came
and threatened me
and that nailed it for me.
It's your family.
You're all so intense.
I can't see you again.
PAUL: There you go.
That's for you.
Here you go, Chief.
Thanks.
What is this? Who are you?
Er, my CV.
Heard you were looking for a chef.
What?
Er, that's what it said on the website.
You guys were doing interviews this week.
Does it look like I need a chef, right now?
I mean, I've cooked in worse.
Just, one minute. EDDIE: Right,
I've got three launch brews underway.
Got an Indian pale ale using Jester hops
for an added kick. Oh, nice.
I've got a low ABV stout
and a limited edition bitter.
There's not a delivery van out there
with half a kitchen hanging out the back of it,
is there? EDDIE: Not that I noticed.
One minute. Listen, I just need the
final name for the restaurant
so I can work it into the launch brews.
Yeah, well, I've told you. The Fellside.
The Fellside? Yeah.
I thought that was a working title.
Yeah. What's wrong with it?
Well, there's nothing is wrong with it.
I just thought you might pick up on the poetry theme
a bit more. You've already got the Daffodil Diner.
after Wordsworth so,
what else did he write?
Oh, I don't know.
Bitches ain't shit
was one of his later works.
I don't know,. Eddie, honestly.
The Fellside.
I'll do what I can but it doesn't give me
a lot to go on.
The Fellside?
Really?
Bit dull.
You go and tell him.
He won't listen to me.
You wanna stop sticking your nose
in other people's business, Eddie.
Here speaks the master.
What? I've stayed away from the brewery.
A whole week. It must be killing you
wondering what's going on.
Not really. I know when to be discreet.
Mmm.
Certainly do.
What's that supposed to mean?
Dad.
If you're seeing someone else
I'm glad for you.
You don't need to sneak around
like some teenager.
It's been a year,
you're a grown man
so good luck to you.
Okay?
I just wanted to say that.
Why, Mr. Scott? Twice in one week.
You're spoiling me.
Our secret's out.
Is it really such a bad thing?
Yes, it is. I don't want
my family interrogating me
about our love life
or whatever it is we're calling this.
Deny anything's going on.
Then, don't indulge them. I don't mind.
Listen, there's so much going on,
and the last thing we need
is them having to cope with me making toast
under another woman's grill.
They'll think I've betrayed their mother.
Me doing this with you
means I love her less somehow.
That's what they'll think, is it?
I'm sure of it. Of course you are.
Because that's what you think.
It's only natural.
What?
You're ashamed of yourself
for betraying your wife.
Ashamed of myself? Give over.
Why not?
You love your wife still, don't you?
Of course I do, yes.
Yet here you are in bed with me
so that's not always gonna be easy for you
or something you want to think about.
I'm thinking about it now.
Thank you.
Shall we make love, then talk?
I thought only men said that.
I'm rewriting the rule book.
Page by page.
And then there's Joe of course.
I mean, the last thing he needs in his life
is any more complication right now.
Maurice.
The first ten years with Ralph
it was like, I don't know,
all time stands still.
I couldn't plan.
I couldn't live.
Everything was Ralph.
Because without me there worrying about him
24 hours a day,
he was gonna fail,
struggle.
And, you know what?
It didn't work.
Ralph found his way.
Joe will find his way.
And sometimes,
he'll find it because of you,
and sometimes,
he'll find it despite you.
Take it from someone
who's been through all this.
Joe isn't Ralph.
I know that.
You keep talking like he is.
You don't even know him.
He could be anything.
Yes, he could. God knows
if he's really lucky,
he could even be happy.
Fuck!
Afternoon. Afternoon.
All right, sleepy. Oh.
Well, my day just got better.
You're not gonna believe this, love.
Joe has been brilliant.
He asked me about my Mum.
What? Joe did? Yeah. He asked
if I felt sad. I mean, this is--
this is empathy stuff.
And he remembered things I didn't even know
he'd registered. These are the things
he's not meant to be able to do.
What do you mean? I don't understand.
It--I dunno, it's like,
it's like he's turned a corner. It's like,
like everything's falling into place.
I don't get it. I don't know,
he's just different. He's changing, Paul.
Oh, I love you.
PAUL: He's fine, come on.
Where's Rebecca?
Drama till 9:00. Oh, I knew those classes
would pay off one day.
Stop it.
PAUL: Hey, no, no, stop, stop.
We can't just go into it
without any preamble. Preamble?
Is that what we're calling foreplay these days?
This is reconciliation sex, right?
Don't count your chickens. Well, if it's reconciliation sex
then we need to wear a variety of hats
and have a classic soul track playing
in the background. I don't have time
or the hats.
It's just gonna have to be a classic soul track then.
Do you want download or vinyl?
What you doing?
Oh, what are you doing? I think you know.
It's not been that long. Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no no, no, no,
no, no, no. Not tonight.
You do know
that doing this without taking precautions
is how babies get made,
don't you?
Would that be such a bad thing?
Hmm?
I don't think so.
I really don't think so.
You're not serious are you?
Seriously?
( music playing )
Hey, love?
What are you doing sitting here in the dark?
Luke finished with me.
Oh, love.
I'm sorry.
That's never easy.
Who's Luke?
He said that Eddie scared him away.
Eddie? What's it got to do
with Eddie?
Let me get this straight.
You slept with Luke.
Yeah. Oh,
okay, okay. Okay.
Well you're nearly 17, eh?
As long as you were sensible.
Good.
And, you know, I get it.
Why did you confide in Eddie?
He saw I was upset.
And he's easier to talk to
than you and Mum right now.
Fair enough.
You're not gonna say anything are you, to Eddie?
No, of course not.
Or Mum?
Well, that's a big ask, isn't it?
I will tell her. Just not now.
Oh, right. Well, make sure you do.
Dad.
I'm okay. You can stop
before you start hoovering.
Come here.
Yeah, right?
Eddie?
How does Eddie scare anybody?
REBECCA: Eddie's great, Dad.
You've just got to give him a chance.
PAUL: Yeah. Maybe,
maybe.
Night.
MAN: * I want to live like common people *
* I want to do whatever common people do *
* I want to live like common people *
* I want to do whatever common people do *
REBECCA: Er, Mum? Can I talk to you
about something? Shh, shh, shh.
Now then, Mister,
are you feeling a bit better?
Eh?
I think one more day off school
to get over it, don't you?
Eh,
turn that off now, darling. Turn it off.
MAN: * I bet that you look good on the dance floor *
* I don't know if you're looking for romance *
* Or I don't know what you looking... *
Joe, do you remember yesterday,
we were looking at the pictures, look.
Do you remember?
MAN: * I bet that you look good *
* On the dance floor *
No, Joe. Look at the photo album.
Look. Do you remember yesterday? You were asking me
about the pictures, do you remember?
Asking me about the pictures.
Yeah, that's right. Look, who's this?
Eh? Who's this?
* I bet that you look good on the dance floor *
Joe, who's this? Look, you're not looking.
You're not looking.
Yesterday. We talked about this.
Look who is this? Who is this?
Who is this?
MAN: * I bet that you look good on the dance floor *
* I don't know if you're looking for romance *
* Or I don't know what you looking... *
PAUL: Someone's feeling better.
Well, it sure to God isn't me.
Is he alright? Back to normal?
If by that you mean back to abnormal then, yeah.
Okay.
You never really believed he changed, did you?
REBECCA: He doesn't need to change.
Oh, Rebecca. I don't need
your attitude right now.
Hey,
he was ill.
So he was calmer.
And it's understandable
you were with him all day.
So what? I imagined it?
It was wishful thinking? What? No, no, love,
I'm not saying that. REBECCA: Well, the alternative
is that you performed a miracle
but none of us were there to see it.
Now you didn't mean that, did you, Becks?
REBECCA: Who knows?
And what is wrong with Madam this morning?
Don't know,
maybe you should ask her.
MAYA: Gentler.
Yes, this is called a C.
ALISON: It felt like, for a few moments,
I could see the real Joe.
Underneath all that autism there he is.
If I could just get to him.
It's a thing.
Yeah, it is indeed.
No. I mean,
the evidence only seems to be anecdotal
but there's an American study that observed
that when a child on the spectrum has a fever
some of their more extreme behaviours
are diminished.
Temporarily.
There's even a name for it.
Well, if there's a name for it.
It's called-- it's called the fever effect.
Oh, right yeah, of course.
I'll file it next to the broccoli effect.
You saw that article too,
did you? Yeah, we've got
our very own Maya effect, of course.
NICOLA: What's she doing?
ALISON: She seems to be teaching him the uke.
Just another of her many talents.
Along with beauty and love
and a fast track to my son.
Very honest of you to admit your jealousy.
Yeah.
Can you get me the morning-after pill?
Is that a cure for autism or a cure for jealousy?
Oh.
I finally get your sense of humour
and then I get it wrong.
You're serious? Yeah, Paul and I
had sex last night. We didn't use contraception.
Then I woke up this morning and just realised
it's not the right time.
Not now. I need my energy for Joe.
The local pharmacist should be able to sort--
The local pharmacist knows my Dad.
Everyone knows my Dad.
It happens in small towns.
So yeah, I was just wondering
if there was any way that you could get me one.
No problem.
We keep a big jar of them
on the counter at the surgery.
Are you being sarcastic now?
'Cos that's a bit confusing.
You've never been sarcastic before.
I won't be trying it again for a while.
Yeah, I'll sort it for you. Thanks.
And, Nicola, don't like mention it
to Eddie or anyone, will you? No, course not.
And by anyone you mean Paul, I take it.
Yeah.
So now that we've bonded,
do you wanna tell me what's been troubling Rebecca?
I thought you had to get to work.
Respect her wishes? PAUL: What?
Hey. If my daughter is having sex,
I should be the first to know.
Have you any idea how dodgy that sounds.
You know what I mean.
No, I don't.
You should be thanking me.
For being there for her. For listening to her.
Right. And then scaring the boyfriend off.
Oh, I see.
So now it's not the fact she's had sex with someone.
It's the fact that I confronted the scumbag
who's been blanking her since they had sex.
Eddie, her boyfriend dumped her because of what you said.
EDDIE: Well, if he's that weak then it sounds like,
I did her a favour. PAUL: Oy, oy.
Now listen.
I know you enjoy playing the understanding uncle
but you don't have any kids.
You're out of your depth.
At least she has someone who listens to her, Paul.
At least she has that.
So I think this is a good height.
PAUL: Sally. What are you doing?
Sorting out your electricians.
Well no, you don't need to do that.
Turns out your job wasn't that hard, so...
So what time are you gonna start interviewing the chefs?
PAUL: Oh, shit.
That's today, isn't it? That's today.
SALLY: It looks that way.
What am I gonna do?
Well, shouting at me isn't an option anymore
now I don't work for you.
Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
Raiding the pharmacy, hey?
I hope we don't have a Nurse Betty situation
on our hands.
You mean Nurse Jackie?
That's right. Do we?
No. I was just oh, erm,
teenage sexual health clinic tomorrow.
So do you want me for something?
Fan mail from the kids
you did the measles talk to.
Hmm, it's nice.
Don't get too excited.
I expect they were responding
to your novelty value.
Meaning? Young.
Female.
Ethnically atypical.
This ironic racism thing you do,
you might wanna keep an eye on that.
DR. GRAVES: So what would be the correct terminology
in these circumstances?
Oh. I don't know.
"Well done," perhaps?
Okay. Well done.
You were such a hit that two other schools
want the same talk.
So, yes, well done.
Thank you.
Where's Joe?
Er, football practice.
He hates football practice.
Er, but he loves Maya
so, I thought it'd be worth a try.
Plus it means I can get this in before the deadline.
He loves me more. I could've taken him.
ALISON: You weren't here, love.
I'm standing for School Governor
since you asked.
I'm going to Dad's for the weekend
to see my half-sister.
Well, okay. As long as you've warned him.
What do you think I should put
as my electoral slogan?
What?
My tagline? For my manifesto.
How about all children matter.
But not as much as Joe.
Or, better still,
I won't listen
because I'm always right.
Don't be like that, Rebecca.
I know you're growing up and I know it's difficult.
But try not to take it out on me all the time, okay?
REBECCA: Well then don't spend all your time
being a bitch and then playing
the understanding mum when it suits you.
I know that you and Luke are sleeping together.
Is that what this has all been about?
No, it's not.
And if that was your big moment
to bring me back down to earth then it didn't work.
PAUL: Thank you very much indeed.
GARY: No problem at all. Er, yeah, we'll be in touch.
Great. You know, just don't leave it too long.
I'll get snapped up.
PAUL: Right, thank you. GARY: Take care.
All good?
I feel like Gregg Wallace.
They all talk a great meal.
All right.
Yeah. You've made your point, Sal.
Really?
What point do you think I'm making?
That I've been an utter dick.
I'll drink to that.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to take it out on you.
It's just it's scary this.
It's taking shape though, hey?
Yeah.
Not bad for a thick kid, eh?
Indeed.
Here's to us.
Cheers.
Nearly there.
More debt than the Greek economy
but optimism to burn.
SALLY: That's more like it.
That's the Paul I remember.
You've already built a successful business
from scratch.
Yeah, but if that had failed,
I could've just towed that away.
But this place, you know, God, its--
can you imagine?
People will visit these ruins
in a hundred years' time
and wonder about the vanity of the man
that built it.
You always were big on humiliation.
I always thought that's why you finished with me.
To spare yourself the humiliation of me
finishing with you.
The pre-emptive chucking.
Still a modern classic.
I blamed Oasis at the time.
I blamed Blur.
God, I haven't talked shite like this for a long time.
Happy to oblige.
EDDIE: If you think that's good,
wait till you taste this.
SALLY: Sorry, Eddie, I'm driving.
PAUL: Look at that.
Sample bottles. Limited edition for the launch.
Fellside Fuggles.
Sounds vaguely sexual.
It's the alliteration. Always punches through.
SALLY: I get the fuggles.
What's the Fellside bit?
REBECCA: I'm off then. Oh, alright.
Wait, wait, wait.
You'd better take some money.
Dad's already given me some.
Alright. Well, take it anyway 'cos you might wanna get
a present for the baby or something.
Do you not think I've already thought of that.
Look, I'm sorry about blurting that out
about you and Luke before
that was just wrong of me.
I just want you to talk to me
more I suppose.
Look, I just want you to know that I do know
what you're going through.
No, you don't. You really have no idea.
Okay.
Well, just say, "Hello" to Stuart for me.
What is that supposed to mean?
Bye, Joe!
Mmm,
that's good, it's really good. Mmm.
Crisp, hoppy and refreshing. Just like the label says.
That isn't what it says on the label but, erm,
never mind. It's great.
It may surprise you to know I do have a bit of a clue
what I'm doing. I never doubted it.
What about you?
Do you know what you're doing?
Late night bonding over fuse boards
and boiler options with the delectable Sally.
No. Me and Sally?
No.
Now that'd be, that'd be sad.
What?
Your doubting face.
You two have got history
and she's still...
a very attractive woman.
You know what it's like.
You get chatting to someone outside the family
and, well, there's no bills
to argue over and no kids.
You can be that guy again,
you can be yourself.
Oh the, er, sad dyslexic loser that stayed behind
to get a labouring job in a brewery
while his mates went to Uni, that guy?
There were more to me than that Eddie.
I had trials for Morecambe, remember?
Paul.
Everyone had trials for Morecambe.
For five minutes, a breath of fresh air,
you know, a bit of flirting.
Me and Alison, we're rock solid, mate.
Glad to hear it. Yeah.
In fact, between me and you,
we're trying for another baby.
Really? Yeah.
That's amazing.
Yeah, I think the time's right, you know.
Good for you.
Yeah, good for you.
Cheers. Cheers.
NICOLA: It might make you feel sick or give you a headache.
Yeah, I know thanks.
And if you vomit within two hours of taking it,
come and see me. Okay.
Listen, I'm sorry for asking you about Rebecca before.
I should never have put you in that position.
Well, no,
you shouldn't.
MAN: * Common people *
* You'll never do what common, common people do *
* I want to live like common people *
* I want to do like common people do *
TOM: What was it like?
The sex?
On a scale from terrible to disastrous.
Tom. You can't ask that.
Just the way Luke's behaving, it looks like disastrous.
So he's embarrassed.
And that's why
he has had a complete personality change.
I don't know. I didn't have anything
to compare it to.
Was it,
I don't know, vaguely enjoyable?
Exciting?
I enjoyed the fact that we were finally,
you know, doing it.
Is that it?
Hardly Fifty Shades of Grey, is it?
Well, I don't know what to say.
What is there to say?
Do you want a lift?
I'm going to my Dad's.
LUKE: He lives in Lancaster.
Sorry.
No can do.
My Dad says "No can do."
You've only been driving for a fortnight
and suddenly you're talking
like you're 30 or something.
How about you tell us about how many miles
you are getting to the gallon.
Oh, go suck a big one.
Sadly, that rules you out, Dan.
REBECCA: Oh, my God.
You okay? Not really.
It'd be good to get out of this shithole.
See my Dad and my new half-sister.
She's like five months old.
Listen to you.
With your special needs brother
and your blended family,
you're like a set text in GCSE English.
MAURICE: You two need a lift? REBECCA: No, it's all right.
I'm going over to Lancaster to see my Dad.
MAURICE: Oh, that's a coincidence.
I'm going that way. REBECCA: No, you're not.
You're not even facing the right direction.
How do you know I'm not reversing there?
Come on. You'd be doing me a favour.
I'm on the run.
So, was that your boyfriend?
Who, Tom?
Yeah.
No. Tom is not my boyfriend.
Tom's gay.
Oh, probably just a phase.
Granddad. I'm just saying.
We had David Bowie.
He was prettier than all the girls
in the school so, you know. Yeah.
Is that what you're on the run from then,
your sexual confusion?
Closer than you think.
You know anytime
you want a lift to your Dad's,
you only have to ask.
I thought you hated him. I do.
But you don't
and I love you.
Sometimes I miss him.
Well, not him exactly
because I've never known a time
when Paul wasn't my Dad
but I miss, like, the idea of him.
Do you know what I mean?
I do, love.
I know exactly what you mean.
Granddad?
Granddad, are you okay?
I'm fine. I'm fine, darling.
Do you wanna stop? Stop? No chance.
If I stop, I'll be weeping like Louis Walsh.
Driving's the only thing that's keeping me together.
It's just, you know,
sometimes I...
I miss the conversations
I'll never have with your Grandma.
Hell,
I even miss the arguments.
Yeah, I miss-- I miss Grandma too.
I know you do, love.
I know you do.
I am doing all this for you, young man.
I hope you appreciate it.
I don't think so.
Hey, come on.
Hey, one more try.
Yeah?
Come on, for me, one more try, eh?
Eh.
Do you remember?
'Cos I think you do.
Calling Joe. Are you in there?
I'm in here.
I know you're in there too.
Somewhere inside.
I know, Joe. I saw it.
All right. All right.
Fair enough.
( music playing )