MAN: * Bless my cotton socks *
* I'm in the news *
* The king sits on his face *
* But it's all assumed *
* All wrapped up the same *
* They can't have it *
* You can't have it *
* I can't have it too *
* Until I learn to accept my reward *
( horn honking )
( music playing )
( siren wailing )
MAN: * Prisoners stand in queues *
* And stand in queues *
* Live in solitude *
* Like Howard Hughes *
( speaks foreign language )
DAVID: Maya. ( speaking foreign language )
JOE: * Laughs and jokes around *
* Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah *
* To get things off the ground *
* And it was... *
You mind turning the music off?
Joe.
* Oh, but it's right hard to remember *
* That on a day like today *
* When you're all argumentative *
* And you've got your face on *
Sorry, he's upset.
He likes to sing.
He was wandering down the road.
We're taking him back to his parents.
So he's not actually your child?
No.
We were just giving him a lift home.
Would you wait there a moment, please?
Three five to control.
( speaking foreign language )
PC LAING: I need a PNC check. Uh-hmm.
Yes, light blue transit.
It's mike, delta, zero, four,
x-ray, foxtrot, foxtrot. Yep.
I'll be wanting to have the license checked too.
( music playing )
Morning! Oh, God.
Oh, no, come on,
it's too early for that.
Oh, no. Let's try for twins.
I don't think biology works that way.
No, come on, no,
that's Stuart dropping Becky off.
Oh, God.
Even his car horn sounds like a prat.
ALISON: Now, now, don't start.
STUART:Sorry we're here so early. I forgot the roads
were so empty around here.
ALISON: Oh, surely the crowds gathered
at the roadside to catch a glimpse of ya.
STUART: Same old Alison. PAUL: Well, there's a sight
I don't wanna see anytime soon.
REBECCA: Oh, look at my new sister, isn't she cute?
Hiya, Paul, you all right?
Oh, what is it about Alison?
She always manages to find a man to run 'round after her.
( laughs )
Rebecca tells me you're opening the restaurant soon.
That gastropub. Yeah, not long now.
Chef's doing his first cook ups today, so.
It's very brave. Pubs closing left, right, and centre.
It's a gastropub.
Paul knows what he's doing.
I'm not saying he doesn't. I'm just saying
it's a difficult time to be opening anything up.
Especially this conversation.
ALISON: Paul's done his research.
It's a great location, great chef.
Locally sourced produce.
You don't know he's a great chef yet though, do you?
I mean if he's only just doing his first cook ups.
How's the caravan business, Stuart?
A campervan, thriving, yeah.
It's just gone mad actually.
A load of middle-aged couples going off to festivals
after their kids have left home.
Well, with your ever growing family,
you're gonna need it, eh?
STUART: Hey, who says I'll stop at four!
Life's an adventure. Maddie's still young.
If I have more kids, then so be it.
I'll race you to five. ALISON: Five kids? Really?
Who you marrying next?
REBECCA: Dad said that he's gonna get me
a campervan when I pass my driving test.
How cool is that?
PAUL: Ooh, yeah! Very cool.
Very cool.
Maybe a bit big for your first car,
don't you think?
Well, not a campervan per se.
But I, I'd rather have her driving something
than hanging around bus stops at night.
She'll have something to drive, Stuart.
You don't need to worry about that.
STUART: Oh, right.
You're gonna get me a car? Really?
No. No promises.
No, we'll talk about it.
We'll have to try but... STUART: Oh, sorry.
Rebecca hadn't mentioned anything about that.
Didn't wanna tread on anyone's toes.
PAUL: You're not treading on anyone's toes.
Right, that's me off.
Okay, nice to see you again, Stuart.
Yeah.
PAUL: Becca, back to reality I think. You know you've got
a ton of homework to do, I think. Okay.
STUART: Two of my three favourite girls in the world.
Yes, you and you.
Yes, you are!
( music playing )
ALISON: Oh, I'm glad you had a nice time.
I always do with dad.
Well, you hardly see him, the novelty helps.
Trust me, the less you see of Stuart,
the more you love him.
Mum! I'm sorry.
No, I'm glad you had a nice time with your dad.
He can't be all bad.
I mean, look how lovely you are.
Although I think that might be nurture more than nature.
You're doing it again.
It might not seem like it, but you being happy,
it's the most important thing in the world.
Apart from Joe coming home in a police car.
ALISON: Maya's not Polish?
Of course she's Polish.
Turns out not.
She came from Ukraine on a short-term study visa.
And she's overstayed it... No, no, no, that...
PC LAING: ...by seven months. This isn't right.
She's Polish. She's, she's legal,
she's like part of our family.
She, she helps out with Joe.
Is that in a paid capacity?
No, it's--no, it's--no,
it's not in a paid capacity.
She, she's the girlfriend of a lad at my dad's brewery.
She's interested in teaching so she helps out now--
where is she now? I need to get Joe to school.
PC LAING: She's been taken to the police station
to be interviewed.
She's being held in a police station? Here?
This can't be happening.
PC LAING: They'll assess if she's at risk of fleeing
and if not, they'll start the process of her being removed
or, more likely, going home voluntarily.
No, she's not going anywhere.
PC LAING: I don't think that's for you to say, madam.
ALISON: Who's your senior officer?
PC LAING: Inspector Herd. ALISON: Okay.
Bob Herd? Great, okay.
Inspector Herd.
We'll just go and see Bob. He'll sort this out.
It doesn't work like that, madam.
It does work like that. Believe me.
For me, it very much works like that.
Come on, Joe.
Everything okay? Oh, yeah, fine.
PC Plum turned up in person.
Listen, would you be able to take Joe to school?
Oh, I'm already late. Well, even better, look,
now you've got an excuse.
Joe, will you go with Nicola, love?
Joe, go with Nicola, okay?
Uh, oh, okay.
Um, did you manage to talk to Paul?
I've got one or two other things on my mind right now.
See you later.
Here she is.
What? Slumming it today then?
His car knocked out.
You mean it broke down?
Gonna cost bare money to repair
and he ain't got it right now.
REBECCA: Okay. Why are you talking in that weird way?
People change, get over it.
What's wrong with it?
The car, not the accent.
Probably all that wanking you were both doing in it,
wrecked the suspension.
DAN: Ooh, you'd know about that.
Not sure that repartee is your strong suit, Dan.
Rebecca would know about it too from what I hear.
What?
DAN: Calm down, Becky, I mean, from what Luke tells me,
I couldn't keep up with you anyway.
Who else have you told?
Is that your mum?
"Your mum." Now you really are scraping the barrel.
LUKE: No, your mum, there.
Dad, can you give me a call when you get this, please?
I'm at the police station. Maya's been detained,
some immigration nonsense.
Or better still, can you ring your mate, Bob Herd?
Inspector Herd. Thanks.
Inspector Herd's in meetings all day.
Yeah, thank you. I'll wait.
BOY: One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
( indistinct chatter )
I think you go into school now.
Bye.
I'm packing you a extra pair of shoes,
and your angry eyes, just in case.
Mrs. Potato Head, Toy Story 2.
( music playing )
I can't really help right now, Alison.
I'm 14 blood samples behind.
ALISON: Yeah, I just thought that you could get a GP's letter
supporting her right to remain on medical grounds.
NICOLA: Oh, well, I'll try but it's a long shot.
ALISON: Can't you just write it
and get your prick of a boss to sign it?
Her prick of a boss can actually read.
God.
Sorry about that.
She wasn't being gratuitously offensive,
she really does just think you're a prick.
Fair enough. What about you?
Don't really have a strong opinion either way.
I'll count that as a result.
You're late.
There's a GP trainee post
just turned up in a mate's practice.
You should give him a call.
Are you sacking me? I will if that's what it takes
to stop you wasting your talent in this place.
You know that isn't how it works.
I need to apply for an Inter-Deanery Transfer.
Blah, blah, blah. Official. Yawn.
Let's just say I have connections,
if you want it.
It's in Stockport. It is indeed.
And as you are now used to rain,
it shouldn't be too much of a culture shock.
This isn't about the phone call just now?
No, call him.
You'll get on.
He's less of a prick than me,
and Stockport has a hat museum.
Thanks for seeing me, Bob.
BOB: I'm not sure I had much choice, did I?
She's being released. Oh. Great.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
She's coming to see us tomorrow
to be issued with an IS96
and, uh, then she's agreed to go home to Ukraine.
She agreed--she can't have agreed.
That's--can't she appeal?
BOB: If she appeals, we are obliged to investigate
how she's been supporting herself.
Why are you saying it like that?
How's Maurice?
Uh, he's, he's well, yeah.
He's, um,
he's up a hill somewhere, racing sheep,
else he'd be here too.
You do know there's nothing I can do, don't you?
Look, I don't know what my dad's told you
about Joe, his grandson.
BOB: Nothing much, to tell the truth.
Um, it's a problem with his hearing I think he said.
That's right, yeah, it's a--
it's a problem with his hearing.
And Maya, she's brilliant with him.
She's got childcare qualifications
from her own country.
Poland or Ukraine?
Does it matter? She's talented
and she's unlocked something in Joe.
And he's your mate's grandson, so.
So?
So, you must be able to turn a blind eye, Bob.
You can't seriously be asking me
to break the law in a police station.
I'm seriously asking you to forget your job
for a minute and remember who you are.
My dad's oldest mate.
I'm seriously asking you to show some compassion, Bob.
I show compassion every day of my working life.
Maurice has always done all right by you, hasn't he?
The police Christmas party, the brewery, every year,
all that free beer.
Are you suggesting that all that free beer
over the years was him buying goodwill
in case he needed it later on?
Are you telling me that you've never done
a favour for a mate?
I am already turning a blind eye
to the fact that she was illegally working
at the brewery and illegally working for you.
If I flagged that up, she could be asked
to pay back her wages, and you and the brewery
could be fined 10 grand apiece.
Now, if I were you, I'd leave
while you still had an ounce
of goodwill left in the bank of Bob Herd.
The year my dad's had since my mum died.
He's just finished grieving and you'd do this
to his grandson?
You're some fucking mate!
It's not over, Maya, believe me.
I think it is over.
I'm sorry. I should've told you.
No, no, we'll appeal.
If I appeal and lose, I won't be allowed
back for 10 years.
Hey, what about David?
What about him?
Well, you already live together, don't you?
Why don't you get married?
Are you making a joke?
No, he's an EU citizen.
You obviously love each other. Why don't you marry him?
Maybe one day,
but in the future.
Look, maybe that one day
in the future is right now, eh?
Come on.
You're insane.
She isn't gonna get married just because you ask her to.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
DAVID: ( speaking foreign language )
MAYA: ( speaking foreign language )
( speaks foreign language )
( speaking foreign language )
She's already broken the law
and you want her to enter into a sham marriage?
Not a sham marriage, a premature marriage.
I got your messages.
Is Joe all right? ALISON: Yeah, yeah.
He's at school, he's fine.
It's Maya, she's being deported.
Oh, shit. No. Why?
ALISON: Yeah.
I've just got off the phone to Bob Herd.
Oh. And? MAURICE: And you're lucky
he's a lovely feller who knows you're upset
and are not making any sense.
Well, did you ask if he can do anything?
I did as a matter of fact.
I asked if he wouldn't charge you
for trying to bribe a police officer
and that he'd accept your apology.
When did you see Bob Herd?
I'm not apologising. MAURICE: You are. You've got to.
He's my best mate here.
And you've just marched into that office
and shat all over that friendship.
It's about the worst thing you could've done!
Not for Joe, it wasn't. Oh, for God's sake.
There are more things in this world than Joe.
Not to me, there aren't. There are, Alison.
I know you don't wanna hear it, but there are.
I'd love to stand here and argue with you all day, Dad,
but I've got to get help from people that give a shit.
Of course I give a shit! He's my grandson!
I'm just saying you can't expect everybody
to do your bidding whenever you say the word "Joe"!
PAUL: Oi!
MAURICE: Alison!
Alison!
Nice, Maurice.
Oh, are you defending her?
She tried to blackmail a police officer.
Well, I think blackmail's a bit strong, innit?
This is Bob Herd we're talking about.
He'd turn a blind eye to murder
if there's a pint in it for him.
She's out of control.
She tries to fix everything
by willing it to happen or shouting about it!
Oh, wonder where she gets that from.
This is all your fault. What were you thinking of,
hiring a bloody Ukrainian?
Everyone thought she was Polish!
I see you're having this new conditioning vessel installed.
Yeah. I took an informed decision
and went against your advice.
Well, I know that.
That's why I had a word with the supplier.
Made sure you weren't being made a mug of.
What? You did what?
You can't do it, can you?
You just can't let it go.
MAURICE: You know what?
I'm not sure that this is working out.
Right.
I don't know, you know round peg, square hole,
you might wanna think about
looking for something else.
Yeah. I agree.
What?
EDDIE: You may not have noticed,
but I actually like it here.
And to my surprise and yours,
I'm actually good at it.
Not just the rebranding,
the internet stuff, the marketing
but the actual brewing,
the science, the precision, the magic.
You don't need to tell me about that.
I've lived it. EDDIE: I know,
and that's the problem.
Dad, what's clear is that one of us
has to walk away from this and it's never gonna be you.
Couple of people I know from Uni approached me
when I first moved back, you know,
people who actually think I might have something to offer.
Crazy as it sounds, people who might believe in me.
I see.
I gave up my job to give you something to do.
You brew three ales and that's it, brewing's done.
Time to move on.
It isn't working out. You just said so yourself.
I said that because I'm pissed off with you.
EDDIE: No, you said that
because you were pissed off with Alison.
There's such a thing as being too clever, you know.
I'm sure there is.
But I don't think it's something either of us
have to worry about anytime soon.
( indistinct chatter )
WOMAN: See you tomorrow.
Can I, uh, can I have a word, Paul?
PAUL: Yeah, sure.
Just so you know, Joe,
he seemed a bit off today.
I couldn't get him to join in at all.
Not even with the activities he likes.
Maybe he's feeling a bit under the weather.
Yeah, it'll be nothing.
I just thought you'd like to know.
Okay, thank you.
Hiya, Mozart!
Eh, come on.
Perfect, come on.
Oh, there he is.
Eddie?
Uh, bit of bad news on the beer front,
I'm afraid. EDDIE: Oh, yeah?
Yeah, the builders have just told me
that the plumbing behind the bar's
not gonna be ready in time
for the draught ales.
So it's gonna have to be all bottled.
Fair enough.
I'm sorry, mate. I know how much you put
into that special.
It's only beer.
Right, good, good.
How's Joe since his trauma this morning?
Trauma?
Yeah, he's absolutely fine.
Joe?
Me and your Uncle Eddie,
we once had a ride in the back of a police car
when we were young lads, didn't we, Ed?
Bit older, maybe.
All done now though, eh?
That's the main thing,
innit?
Come on then.
I think he's forgotten it even happened.
No point making a big deal about it.
Get him upset.
"Least said, soonest mended,"
and all that? Yeah. Sure.
Come on then. After the morning I've had,
I think it should be the family motto.
ALISON:Maya won't be coming to play with you
for a little while.
She's got to go home.
Be with her mum for a bit.
Yes.
And that might make you sad, but...
Maya will come back.
JOE: Yes.
Do you understand, Joe?
Let me see now.
Yes.
And Maya's gonna come 'round
and say goodbye to you before she goes.
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
Joe, can you try and look at me?
Does he need to look at you, love?
He gets it. ALISON:Love, do you get it?
Maya's not gonna be here with you anymore.
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
I think he gets it. There you go.
I know you like to bury everything, but Joe
needs to understand what's going on.
What if he understands perfectly
and he's okay with it?
He can't be okay with it.
He has a bond with Maya.
I don't want him to panic when she's not around.
Sounds like it's you that's panicking.
I spend my whole life panicking.
Are we doing the right thing?
Can we ever do the right thing?
Then there's Rebecca, us,
the diner, the restaurant,
the baby you want so badly.
The baby we want so badly.
ALISON: I don't panic when Joe is with Maya.
So, yes, I am, I'm terrified
that Maya's leaving.
The baby we want so badly.
That's what I said.
Okay.
There's only one good way of dealing
with boys' gossip. Ignore it, I know.
Ignore it? No, avenge it.
Really? Get Luke on his own
and intimidate him.
How am I gonna do that though?
He chucked me.
Use something personal
and hurtful and make it count.
What if I...
I don't know, make it worse?
He's a teenage boy.
He's 20 times more insecure than you
despite the monkey walk and big shoulders.
I'm sure you'll think of something.
Well, monkey walk and big shoulders
isn't a bad start.
You make sure you scare that little shit
of an ex-boyfriend from turning you
into masturbation fodder for his virgin mates.
Don't let me down.
Louise!
Maurice.
Are you here for open mic night?
No, no.
Well, for what it's worth,
I think you're ready.
Just having a drink with a pal.
When you said, uh, your Alison
wanted to apologise,
I thought you meant that Alison
would actually be here in person,
apologising. Don't be a stickler, Bob.
Just enjoy your pint.
BOB: Fair enough.
I'm sorry about Alison,
I really am.
She's a bit of a hothead.
Yeah, well, she was desperate.
I could see that.
Have you got something going
with that MILF music teacher
with the backward lad?
She keeps looking over.
Yeah, well, there's a reason for that.
BOB: Oh, yeah.
Dark horse.
I can't stay long. What've you been saying
to your mates about me and you?
Nothing. Well, from what Dan said to me
this morning, I don't think that's true.
You didn't tell me
it was supposed to be a secret.
It's not a secret, it's private.
And despite your new off-the-peg stupid act,
I thought you'd known the difference.
It's not really that big a deal, is it?
I won't be masturbation fodder
for your virgin mates.
It's a bit late for that now.
I just thought you should know that, um,
my auntie's a doctor
at Dr. Graves' Surgery.
So? So she has access to everyone's
medical records, including yours.
So, if there's anything in there that you don't want
the whole town to know about,
I'd be a bit more careful
about what you say about me.
I feel like I don't know you anymore.
Well, that's good,
'cause I'd rather you didn't.
( sighs )
( indistinct chatter )
It wasn't a serious thing, you know.
Louise was the first woman
I'd had anything to do with
since I lost Sandra.
BOB: Well, don't play it down,
still a result.
MAURICE: I think maybe
I just wanted to know that life
moves on after all.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I get that.
MAURICE: To tell the truth,
being with someone else, you know,
holding someone else like that,
I still felt lonely.
It made me miss Sandra more, not less.
Everything about it felt wrong.
There's nothing like a bit of wrong
to get the juices flowing, eh?
Bloody hell, I'm opening my heart to you here, Bob.
BOB: I know.
You're scaring me.
Oh, come on, I'm only having a laugh.
So, is it definitely over
between you and her, then?
Yeah, I'd say so.
So, how would you feel if I asked her out?
It's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah? MAURICE: Absolutely.
What are we? Couple of teenagers
riding up and down outside her house
on our bikes?
After a decent interval, obviously.
Obviously, goes without saying.
LOUISE: * No one to talk with *
* All by myself *
* No one to walk with *
* But I'm happy on the shelf *
* Ain't misbehavin' *
* Savin' my love for you *
* I know for certain *
* The one I love *
* I'm through with flirtin' *
* It's just you *
* That I'm thinkin' of *
BOTH: * Ain't misbehavin' *
* Savin' my love for you *
ALISON:Joe, look at the photo. Who's that?
Has anyone seen my English book?
No. REBECCA: Anyone?
Joe, it's Maya,
isn't it? You know Maya.
She's gonna be going away.
Does that make you sad?
It makes me sad, yes.
Does it really?
Joe, Joe, do you understand that Maya's
gonna be going away? REBECCA: Has anyone seen my pen?
Oh, for God's sake!
For God's sake!
Hey, Joe, Joe.
I know you're upset.
Hey, I know this is hard for you.
* Lost your love of life? *
* Too much apple pie *
* Oh, have you lost your love of life? *
* Too much apple pie *
* And now Harry's walked away *
* With Johnny's wife *
( music playing )
MAN: * You've got to pick Some people up *
* You've got to let some people go *
* But if Lee's name does come up *
* Oh well, I really want to know *
* Because everybody *
* Loves a TV show *
( indistinct chatter )
You're late.
Did you sleep with Bob Herd?
No.
Did you?
I have another student booked after you
so we'll have to cut it short.
* Everybody loves *
* A happy ending *
* But we don't even try *
* We go straight *
* Past pretending *
* To the part *
* Where everybody *
* Loves to cry *
* Indoor *
* Fireworks *
That was fine. Why did you stop?
Did you sleep with him?
No, I did not.
Then why was his car
outside the pub this morning?
LOUISE: Because he drank too much
and being a police inspector,
he is more respectful than most
of the drink-driving laws.
Well, I know that's not true for a start.
We drank too much because we couldn't stop
talking about you.
Oh.
Right.
Dear me, Maurice. Is this really still a thing?
Age 56 and you don't fancy me
till your best mate has a crack at me
and then you decide you fancy me after all.
Good God. Does nothing change at all?
I don't go much on analysis.
Clearly.
I'm sorry. I'm just very confused at the moment.
Maurice, we've been to bed together a couple of times.
We're not in a relationship. You don't get to tell me
you're confused.
You don't care about my feelings?
I don't care enough about your feelings
to torture myself trying to second guess them.
Now, are you gonna sing or are you gonna leave?
( piano plays )
* When we get to the part *
* Where I say *
* That I'm gonna leave *
I'll be back in 10 minutes, I promise.
You'd better be. I've got a life too, you know.
I've got hot yoga for beginners at 2:30.
Yeah, I'll be back, I said!
Did you manage to talk to Paul
about not wanting to get pregnant?
When you take Joe for an appointment,
do you notice all the parents
with the other children?
Oh,
mainly I notice the kids
are a lot worse than Joe
and feel guilty that I'm pleased.
Take a look at the parents next time.
Always just a mum or a dad,
never a couple.
Nicola, you're clever,
but you're not relationship clever.
Paul and me, we're not the kind of couple
that split up.
Everyone thinks that until they do.
More ale.
Oh, a bit early, dad.
I need a stiff drink in case me daughter
starts telling me off again.
And if pub food doesn't taste good with beer,
then it's all over.
Oh, too right.
Got to be big on flavour.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like a skate wing
as much as the next guy, just never in a pub menu.
MAURICE:You're talking my language, Gary.
Uh-hmm. Stop taking over, dad.
You won't know I'm here. PAUL: Right then,
herb baked fish, could be battered.
ALISON: Right. PAUL:What do you think?
ALISON: Yeah.
Lamb stew, venison sausages.
And a vegetarian option for them
that wanna spoil it for everybody else.
All locally sourced.
Mint cake and sheep shit are locally sourced.
Don't mean it should be on the menu.
Thought we wouldn't know you were here, Maurice.
GARY:Er, Paul, I was thinking maybe one change
before next week and then depending on the day...
( cell phone ringing ) Sorry, sorry.
It's me son's school.
Hello?
Right. Okay,
yeah, half an hour? MAURICE: Oh! Very good.
All right. Bye. Sorry!
( music playing )
I remember when a scallop
meant a slice of potato in batter.
I want you to cut Eddie some slack.
On the scallop front.
NICOLA: I realise that Eddie doesn't correspond
to your traditional notion of masculinity
and therefore, you have issues around
treating him as a grown up,
but it's got to stop, Maurice.
Whoa! Where's this come from?
You clearly have problems with him
knowing about your burgeoning relationship
with Louise and so you-- There's no burgeoning
going on of any description.
That ship has sailed.
It's over. Whatever it was.
And secondly,
I only ever rode Eddie
to see that his heart was in it.
And it turns out it isn't.
What do you mean?
What, he hasn't told you? He's told me
he's got other plans outside the brewery.
He hasn't told you.
Really? Typical.
It seems to me it should be him
you're bollocking.
Come on.
Hey!
Hey, sweetheart.
Shall we go in and see him or--
Paul, Alison, come in. Okay.
MRS. FOX: He was very agitated
when he came in.
And then he wouldn't come away
from doing his little door dance.
He was tipping chairs over
and throwing books around.
He was very upset.
Well, something must've happened
with another kid or something that's--
did you see anything?
Nothing that we're aware of.
How has he been at home?
Well, actually, there's a--
there's a young lady that's been helping out
and she's-- unfortunately, she's gonna have to leave,
so maybe that's--
Or not,
or none.
He doesn't say how he feels,
so, you know, who knows?
But we have been talking about it, a lot.
MS. REES: This change at home.
Maybe it's something we could talk about
at home time? Story time?
No. Look, sorry, no, he doesn't need...
I just don't think he needs to dwell on it
any longer than necessary.
Well, what I've been doing with Joe
when he's been finding things a bit difficult
is using story cards.
He seems to quite like them.
Erm, perhaps it's something you could try at home
if you have the time.
Perhaps?
Yeah, you know they actually sound
really helpful, thank you. Sorry.
MS. REES:This does happen in the first term.
it could happen to any child.
Not just a child-- A child like Joe.
Yeah. I know. We get it.
Thanks.
Oh, so much for him not feeling anything
about Maya leaving.
So much for you putting ideas into his head.
Joe?
Where do you fancy going then kidda?
Anywhere. Oh, anywhere?
Would that be anywhere
with chips and a milkshake?
ALISON: What are you doing?
You can't reward him wrecking a classroom.
PAUL: I'm not.
I'm treating him because he's upset.
Oh, do what you like.
I'm sick of playing bad cop.
( music playing )
He was fine with Maya leaving,
but you kept picking away at him
until finally he got so wound up
that he flipped out at school.
So, well done, you!
Next stop, nervous breakdown.
Yeah. Well done, me.
Because you know what?
I'm glad it happened.
Why, to satisfy your need for an emotional outburst?
His need, not mine.
I don't think you know the difference, do you?
Right then, what we having?
Same again, is it?
NARRATOR:Other people might think that
this is a necessary activity for children,
so, er, leave them doing it.
The point is having worked with a lot of kids,
I can't see it makes them happy.
I can't see it, er, causes them...
Thanks.
Hey, hey.
I think you should stay and watch this.
Later on, there's a boy,
when he was three years old,
his parents were told he was so severely autistic
that he would never talk.
Then he had intensive applied behavioural analysis,
he's now 16, normal teenager,
and he plays badminton for his national team.
Badminton, eh?
Oh, well, can't have everything.
What if he's right, Paul?
Eh?
What if he's right and we're wrong
and we make jokes about this stuff
and then we turn around and Joe's 16
and he's still flinging chairs around when he's upset
but nobody thinks he's cute anymore,
nobody thinks they can handle him anymore?
How do you know he hadn't just had enough of you
telling him to be upset?
If he feels something,
he has to learn to express it!
If that means turning a few chairs over at school now,
I think that's a small price to pay.
( knocks on door )
Well, you'd better get that.
Might be the emotion fairy with more feelings
for you to scatter around.
ALISON:Hi. Sorry, it's not a great time, guys.
DR. GRAVES: Is your daughter home?
Lovely hall, by the way.
Can we come in?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course,
just come on through.
PAUL: Okay. Let me get this straight, Rebecca.
You told Luke that you had access
to his medical records?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get anyone into trouble.
I have to say, I admire your angle of attack.
Unfortunately, your friend told his mother
who rang the surgery.
Oh, my God.
He told his mother?
Really?
How lame is that?
ALISON: Rebecca, the shocking bit
is that you would do something so stupid,
not that he would tell his mum.
DR. GRAVES: Although I have to agree
that is pretty lame.
You talked her round?
His mum? Yeah?
You seem to be forgetting
how revered I am in this town.
Yes. I talked her round,
but unfortunately,
I had to agree to sack Nicola.
Oh.
So it's not just Nicola.
None of this family have a sense of humour.
NICOLA:None of this family have your sense of humour.
That's not the same thing.
Of course I didn't sack Nicola.
But if you wanna get at your friend again,
then choose another way.
Okay?
Right. Well, er, thank you for being so understanding.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. We know.
Mind telling us why?
He hurt my feelings, said some stuff.
What stuff?
Eh? I'll go round and give him a thump.
Oh, you're full of good ideas today, aren't you?
Sometimes audacious is the only thing that works.
Now you sound like Stuart.
So what? Yes, so what?
Thanks, mum.
At least Graves saw the funny side.
He always sees the funny side.
That's part of what makes him so irritating.
If you had Maurice on your case all day
then you'd have something to complain about.
Is that why you told him you had other plans?
Maurice? Because he's on your case all day.
Were you being serious about that
or were you just saying it to get back at him?
I didn't say anything because I was just exploring.
There have been a couple of approaches
and nothing is certain,
but research post in Manchester.
NICOLA: Manchester?
Yes, Manchester.
A place with universities,
libraries, public transport,
Wi-Fi, phone coverage
and not a single member of my family.
So what do you say?
Fancy joining the escape committee?
I don't think so.
Ugh.
I was approached about a job away from here.
There's a training post not far from Manchester
as it turns out. Really?
This is perfect. Isn't it?
Well, it would be.
Except I said, "No."
I don't believe you.
I think...
we've just started to get happy here.
Next you'll be telling me you like my family.
Well, not, "like" exactly,
but I do kind of see the point of you all.
Come on.
We can be happy somewhere else. Can't we?
I don't know that.
Neither do you.
Our marriage is so shit,
it can only work somewhere we both hate?
NICOLA:I'm starting to like it here.
And I...
understand you here.
You might not like to think it suits you here,
but it does.
I love you here.
Jesus.
I never thought I'd have a love that spans continents,
but I was hoping for more than a two mile radius.
( doorbell ringing )
Erm, is Nicola in?
You didn't have to buy these.
I quite understood why you did what you did.
I just got you into trouble.
I nearly got you the sack.
NICOLA: Well, you didn't.
And I wasn't sacked.
These are nice.
It's a bit of a, er,
"goodbye" present as well.
What do you mean?
REBECCA:I've got a reading week. So I thought I'd go
and stay with my dad for a bit.
You know, Stuart, my "other" dad.
Why does everyone want to leave all of a sudden?
I could start taking it personally.
REBECCA:Well, I get to see my new sister
and I get a change.
And I can leave mum and dad to sort all this Joe stuff out.
Oh, well, I don't think that's a good idea.
Oh.
I don't think running away is the best way
to solve problems.
I used to do it and it didn't end well.
REBECCA:Well, the only thing keeping me here
right now is you and Eddie.
Well, we're not going anywhere.
Don't worry about that.
You missed a cracking bit of food at Paul's tasting menu.
Is that why you wanted to come for a drink,
to tell me that?
No, it isn't.
I wanted to say sorry
about going off at you like that,
for saying what I said.
It's not like you to apologise.
No, it isn't, so don't milk it.
Just out of interest,
when you were at school and you chose yoga
over football? Was that for real
or was that just to wind me up?
It's okay, dad.
Apology accepted.
And you were right about the brewery.
It hasn't worked. No.
I was wrong to say what I said.
You-- you're doing a good job.
And the truth is,
it kills me to be honest.
A son good at something causes father pain.
Could we just have a minute of silence to think about that?
I thought I was the only one who could do it.
You know, I built the place.
And I thought I was-- well, not exactly Donald Trump
but Willy Wonka at least.
Dad, you love that brewery
and you gave it up too early.
We both know that.
You get the brewery back.
How's about that? I don't want it back.
I wanna be your partner, proper partners.
We could work together.
Work together, are you insane?
We can't do a crossword together without
the United Nations on speed dial.
Just think about it until you decide I'm right.
This is good innit?
Father and son having a drink.
When was the last time we did this?
1999.
We argued about the Millennium Dome.
Oh, yeah.
I was right about that and all.
You retired too early
and for all the wrong reasons.
Take the brewery back.
I'm done here.
I promise you.
( music playing )
Bye, Maya. Bye, Rebecca.
I will always remember your Antigone.
Do your studies well and Facebook me.
Always.
Thank you.
Thanks for everything.
ALISON: Don't forget us.
And thank you so much for everything you've done.
I mean it, really. Thank you so much.
Thank you.
ALISON: Joe?
It's okay. No, no, no, no. Joe?
Are you gonna say "goodbye" to Maya now?
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
Hey.
( music playing )
BOTH: * If you like to gamble *
* I tell you I'm your man *
* You win some, lose some *
* It's all the same to me *
* The pleasure is to play *
* Makes no difference what you say *
* I don't share your greed *
* The only card I need *
* Is the ace of spades *
* The ace of spades *
MAN: * Playing for the high one-- the ace of... *
Heavy metal?
She's been teaching him heavy metal.
If I'd known that, I'd have had her deported sooner.
( music playing )
Bye, Maya. Safe journey.
Be safe.
( music playing )
Oh, there you are.
Bit of "Lemmy" was all that it took, eh?
We all wanna save our children from being hurt,
Paul, but it's not how the world is.
Well, he's gonna get more than
enough hurt in his life, love.
Yeah, and he needs to be able to handle it.
What worries you, hmm?
That he can't express his feelings
or that he hasn't got the feelings
in the first place?
I think he has feelings, Paul.
I think he feels... Yeah, of course. Look-- no.
...so much and so deeply
that he has to save himself
from drowning in them.
And I think that's why he shuts down
and that's exactly what we can't let him do.
Why not? What if that is what he needs in order to survive?
Because the more he hides his feelings,
the further away he gets from us.
Oh.
Rebecca.
Can I see you for a minute, please?
What is it? Just take a seat here
for me, will you, love?
There you go.
Okay.
Listen, you've got a sex life.
I know that. And it's--
and it's fine and I don't need to know the details, but...
That isn't-- that isn't mine.
Well, I'm not gonna need the morning after pill, am I?
Dad, it really isn't. I would never not take precautions.
Is this what this is all about?
Threatening Luke with medical records?
Does he know about this? It isn't mine.
Look, I don't know what Stuart has been filling
your head with about being a free spirit
and all of that, but this is real life.
And I don't want your real life to be ruined
by some half-baked ideas that he has put
into your head about having lots of babies.
Dad, it isn't mine. And having a family.
Don't lie to me, love.
Don't lie to me.
Okay. This is not gonna get us anywhere.
Then don't accuse me of something
that I haven't done.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! What's going on?
Ask him.
Look at that.
Morning after pill.
The morning after pill, I found it in the bin.
Uh-hmm. Now, look,
she's gonna have to talk to one of us.
Doesn't matter if it's me or if it's you, but...
Okay. It's not hers, it's mine.
Don't cover for her, Alison, okay?
This is, eh... Becks, go upstairs, darling.
Look, we've got to be honest.
This is important.
Rebecca. ALISON: Hey!
It's mine!
I took it, it's mine.
WOMAN: * I'd love to say I do *
* Give everything to you *
* But I can never now be true *
* So I say, I think I better leave right now *
* Before I fall any deeper *
* I think I better leave right now *
Why would you do that?
Because it's not the right time.
I haven't got the energy for another pregnancy
let alone another baby, not right now.
Why didn't you say anything?
Why did you do it behind me back?
Because you were all excited.
And so was I for a bit. But then I just thought
about the reality and it...
I just didn't have the strength to fight you about it.
I get that, I do.
I get it. The timing's right for me
and it's not for you. I get that.
Yeah.
I mean, there will be another time, right?
Yeah, hope so, yeah.
Is it because you're scared that
another baby will turn out like Joe?
That's part of it, I think, aren't you?
Uh...
I want two children.
We've got two children.
I want a normal child, Alison,
I wanna father a normal child.
So there, I've said it.
You have indeed, yeah.
Hey, well, if I can't say that to you,
then who can I say that to?
God, you're meant to be the one person in the world
that I can say stuff like that to.
Do you know I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted now,
every day, every minute.
I am sinking already.
Look how hard we had to fight for Maya.
Look at how we fell out over it.
One tiny thing goes wrong for Joe
and it takes all the strength we had and Christ--
Maybe that's what the problem is there,
that's the problem. We've got all this energy
and we've only got Joe to focus on.
So what, I should have another child
as light relief from Joe? No, I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying that--
look, if we over-think it,
then there will never be
a right time, will there?
There won't, will there?
No.
No, maybe there won't. I don't--
there will never be a right time
because I don't want another child.
It's as simple as that, so.
Except I do. Yes, but we have Joe
and he's different. There's no point
in pretending otherwise. So?
So he makes everything different for us.
Everything.
Right.
He's your son, Alison.
He's not your alibi.
Hey.
( music playing )