1 00:00:00,492 --> 00:00:02,021 Gather around, people. 2 00:00:02,022 --> 00:00:04,377 Welcome to Brooklyn Hood's Legends Tour. 3 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,004 I'm your guide, Tray Barker. 4 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,521 I was born and raised on these Brooklyn streets, 5 00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:10,822 and I'm gonna transport you back into a time 6 00:00:10,823 --> 00:00:13,922 before boba tea and double-foam lattes. 7 00:00:13,923 --> 00:00:16,838 This spot right here, the police arrested 8 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:21,662 the most infamous stickup kid in Brooklyn... Mezzo Mike. 9 00:00:21,663 --> 00:00:23,602 - He was the ladies' choice. - _ 10 00:00:23,603 --> 00:00:26,202 A stickup kid with a golden voice. 11 00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:29,930 ♪ Everybody, get on the motherfuckin' ground ♪ 12 00:00:29,932 --> 00:00:32,742 ♪ I'm so sorry I have to do this ♪ 13 00:00:32,743 --> 00:00:34,798 ♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga ♪ 14 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,312 ♪ Run me yo' shit ♪ 15 00:00:36,313 --> 00:00:38,952 ♪ Bitch, you know what it is ♪ 16 00:00:38,953 --> 00:00:42,622 ♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga, run me yo' shit ♪ 17 00:00:42,623 --> 00:00:46,222 ♪ Bitch, you know what it is ♪ 18 00:00:46,223 --> 00:00:49,292 Who I got to rob around here to get a half-pound of roast beef? 19 00:00:49,293 --> 00:00:52,292 Legend has it Mike could sing your pockets dry 20 00:00:52,293 --> 00:00:54,601 and your girl's panties wet. 21 00:00:54,603 --> 00:00:57,802 Sometimes at the same time. 22 00:00:57,803 --> 00:00:59,602 ♪ Ooh, I want your wallet ♪ 23 00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:04,142 ♪ I want your jewels and the keys to your car ♪ 24 00:01:04,143 --> 00:01:06,642 ♪ And don't you try to run from me ♪ 25 00:01:06,643 --> 00:01:10,351 ♪ 'Cause you won't get very fa-a-a-a-r ♪ 26 00:01:15,653 --> 00:01:18,822 Police finally caught up to him when, during a getaway, 27 00:01:18,823 --> 00:01:21,962 Mike couldn't resist one last shoobie-doobie-doo. 28 00:01:21,963 --> 00:01:24,931 ♪ They're never gonna find me ♪ 29 00:01:24,933 --> 00:01:27,932 ♪ They're never gonna find me ♪ 30 00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:31,872 ♪ No, they're never gonna find me ♪ 31 00:01:31,873 --> 00:01:35,002 ♪ These motherfuckas found me ♪ 32 00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,772 Even at his trial, 33 00:01:36,773 --> 00:01:39,681 he tried to serenade his way out of a conviction. 34 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:43,882 ♪ Your Honor, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪ 35 00:01:43,883 --> 00:01:48,067 ♪ And to the victims, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪ 36 00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:53,622 ♪ And to my family, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪ 37 00:01:53,623 --> 00:01:56,862 Are you done? 38 00:01:56,863 --> 00:01:59,032 How does the jury find the defendant? 39 00:01:59,033 --> 00:02:01,862 We find the defendant... 40 00:02:01,863 --> 00:02:05,532 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Guilty as charged ♪ 41 00:02:05,533 --> 00:02:12,042 - What? - ♪ You gonna go to jail for 15 years ♪ 42 00:02:13,143 --> 00:02:15,712 Mike didn't let incarceration end his dream. 43 00:02:15,713 --> 00:02:17,582 For his latest prison performance, 44 00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:20,582 "Scam-ilton", he received a Tony. 45 00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:23,922 Hi. I'm Tony. 46 00:02:23,923 --> 00:02:25,622 Oh, shit. 47 00:02:28,363 --> 00:02:31,572 ♪ My friends on the team broke like me, too ♪ 48 00:02:31,574 --> 00:02:34,362 ♪ So you might get stumped, that's crazy glue ♪ 49 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:36,834 ♪ They want bass when they come through ♪ 50 00:02:36,836 --> 00:02:38,437 Makin' me so sad, girl. 51 00:02:38,439 --> 00:02:40,101 ♪ 'Cause it takes two ♪ 52 00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:41,942 Oh. 53 00:02:41,943 --> 00:02:43,242 Perfect. 54 00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,572 Hi! Sorry, hi. 55 00:02:45,573 --> 00:02:47,015 I'm sorry to bring the whole crew over. 56 00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:48,712 Uh, this one has a tendency to run off. 57 00:02:48,713 --> 00:02:51,107 Hey, I'm... I'm Paul from across the hall. 58 00:02:51,109 --> 00:02:52,752 Hey, Paul from across the hall. 59 00:02:52,753 --> 00:02:54,421 I'm Tray from around the way. 60 00:02:54,423 --> 00:02:57,591 Nostrand and Halsey, right up the block from the A Train. 61 00:02:57,593 --> 00:02:59,252 You do know you have a baby 62 00:02:59,253 --> 00:03:00,761 sticking out of your body, right? 63 00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:02,722 You look like a marsupial. 64 00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:04,443 I learned that word in a law library. 65 00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:06,040 Oh, yeah, this is my... my son, Ace. 66 00:03:06,042 --> 00:03:07,632 We're doing attachment parenting. 67 00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:08,832 Oh, that is cool. 68 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:10,902 - Hey, princess! - My name is Max. 69 00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:13,802 - Oh, Maxine? - No. Max. 70 00:03:13,803 --> 00:03:16,226 My wife and I don't believe in traditional gender roles. 71 00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:18,667 Uh, that's part of the reason why she's off pursuing her passion. 72 00:03:18,669 --> 00:03:21,112 - Right. - She's the C.E.O. of a Fortune 500 company. 73 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,782 Good for her. I think that's great. 74 00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:25,194 And then I'm tasked with raising the next generation 75 00:03:25,196 --> 00:03:27,082 of empathetic men and empowered women. 76 00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:28,552 We're a partnership. 77 00:03:28,553 --> 00:03:30,491 Oh, I know that's right. 78 00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:33,522 So you're the white Stedman. 79 00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:34,922 Wow, that's... 80 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,092 He's a... Oh, that means a lot to me. 81 00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:38,962 He's... He's a personal hero of mine. 82 00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:40,432 Um... Oh, I'm so sorry. 83 00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:42,302 This my wife calling. 84 00:03:42,303 --> 00:03:43,802 Uh, go for Paul. 85 00:03:43,803 --> 00:03:46,172 Uh, yes, ma'am. 86 00:03:46,173 --> 00:03:47,272 I know it's 8:05. 87 00:03:47,273 --> 00:03:49,642 It's... We're just running a little bit behind. 88 00:03:49,643 --> 00:03:52,012 Yes, no, I'm... I'm talking to him now. 89 00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:54,781 Okay, bye-bye. I lo... 90 00:03:54,783 --> 00:03:57,807 Anyway, uh, so, we're running a little late 91 00:03:57,809 --> 00:03:59,661 for a naptime, but my wife was wondering 92 00:03:59,663 --> 00:04:00,955 if maybe you could turn down the music. 93 00:04:00,957 --> 00:04:03,069 - She can hear it on the nanny cam. - Yeah, I'm so sorry, sir. 94 00:04:03,071 --> 00:04:05,267 Say less. I got it. 95 00:04:05,269 --> 00:04:06,724 I'll take this outside. 96 00:04:06,726 --> 00:04:09,122 I was going outside to get some fresh air anyway. 97 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,409 - Okay. - But I want you to know 98 00:04:10,411 --> 00:04:11,832 I'm the new handyman, okay? 99 00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:15,561 And if you and yours need anything fixed, you call me, 100 00:04:15,563 --> 00:04:18,432 and I'm gonna come quicker than Superman on Ex-Lax. 101 00:04:18,433 --> 00:04:19,625 That's fast. 102 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,372 And you know that deliciousness you smelling? 103 00:04:21,373 --> 00:04:23,261 - Mmm. - That's for the housewarming tonight 104 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,485 to meet my... all my new neighbors, you know? 105 00:04:25,487 --> 00:04:26,679 You are the first invite. 106 00:04:26,681 --> 00:04:28,985 You should ask your wife to come with you, you know? 107 00:04:28,987 --> 00:04:30,351 'Cause once y'all taste that, 108 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,282 y'all gonna be an attachment couple. 109 00:04:32,283 --> 00:04:34,052 Y'all might even start making more babies. 110 00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:35,982 Okay. Well, we'll... we'll play it by ear. 111 00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:37,352 Okay. 112 00:04:37,353 --> 00:04:39,222 Take care, Princess. 113 00:04:39,223 --> 00:04:40,422 My name's Max. 114 00:04:40,423 --> 00:04:41,922 Oh, okay. 115 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:43,662 Alexa, check today's traffic. 116 00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:46,832 Right now, traffic on your commute looks good. 117 00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:49,029 The fastest route takes about 40 minutes 118 00:04:49,031 --> 00:04:51,532 via Atlantic Avenue and 6th Avenue. 119 00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:52,902 What's for breakfast? 120 00:04:52,903 --> 00:04:55,302 Oats. Where's your brother? 121 00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:56,872 Upstairs, trying to get cute. 122 00:04:56,873 --> 00:04:59,012 He's changed his outfit like five times. 123 00:04:59,013 --> 00:05:00,468 Too bad he can't change his face. 124 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:02,842 Uh, careful. I helped make that face. 125 00:05:02,843 --> 00:05:04,882 Shahzad! Get down here! 126 00:05:04,883 --> 00:05:06,821 Don't make me have to come up there an get you! 127 00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:08,021 With your ugly face. 128 00:05:08,023 --> 00:05:10,253 I... What did I say about that? 129 00:05:13,093 --> 00:05:15,062 Oh! 130 00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:17,731 Who is she and what is her name? 131 00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,932 Nobody. 132 00:05:19,933 --> 00:05:22,362 Her name is Symone, and she's in his science class. 133 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,342 Oh, Symone! 134 00:05:24,344 --> 00:05:26,689 That is a cute name. Tell me all about her. 135 00:05:26,691 --> 00:05:28,479 There's really nothing to tell. 136 00:05:28,481 --> 00:05:29,863 She likes him and he likes her, 137 00:05:29,865 --> 00:05:31,745 but all they do is act weird around each other. 138 00:05:31,747 --> 00:05:33,821 No, we don't! You don't know what you're talking about. 139 00:05:33,823 --> 00:05:37,712 It's okay. Getting to know someone can be awkward for anybody. 140 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:40,386 So, what do I talk to her about? 141 00:05:40,388 --> 00:05:41,679 Whatever you have in common. 142 00:05:41,681 --> 00:05:42,903 Movies, music. 143 00:05:42,905 --> 00:05:44,817 Dancing? Yeah, we both like dancing. 144 00:05:44,819 --> 00:05:46,796 Okay, well, show her some of your moves. 145 00:05:46,798 --> 00:05:49,750 You know what? You should have her come by the house after school. 146 00:05:49,752 --> 00:05:51,061 - Really? - Yeah. 147 00:05:51,063 --> 00:05:53,362 - I'd love to meet her. - I think it's a great idea. 148 00:05:53,363 --> 00:05:55,062 And I'll be sure to bring popcorn. 149 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:58,802 Just remember, okay, when it comes to the ladies, 150 00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:00,672 use the word "Queen". 151 00:06:00,673 --> 00:06:02,042 It's about respect. 152 00:06:02,043 --> 00:06:03,837 And if you want to give her a compliment, 153 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,191 do that from the neck up. 154 00:06:05,193 --> 00:06:07,148 I don't want you out here objectifying women. 155 00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:10,173 And please don't use no lame-ass pickup lines like, 156 00:06:10,175 --> 00:06:12,752 "Oh, heaven must be missing an angel". 157 00:06:12,753 --> 00:06:14,982 Hey, that's Tray. 158 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,322 Is that the one he used to get you? 159 00:06:16,323 --> 00:06:18,122 No. 160 00:06:18,123 --> 00:06:20,992 Okay, yes, but I was a different woman then. 161 00:06:22,193 --> 00:06:23,331 Finish y'all breakfast. 162 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:26,901 Yeah. You better tell your man to hold your hand tight. 163 00:06:26,903 --> 00:06:28,862 The big bad wolf is out there. 164 00:06:28,863 --> 00:06:31,332 Ooh. 165 00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,572 Whoa. 166 00:06:32,573 --> 00:06:34,839 What if I told you heaven must be missing an angel? 167 00:06:34,841 --> 00:06:37,033 'Cause I'm looking at one standing right in front of me now. 168 00:06:37,035 --> 00:06:38,876 I would say you must be missing a chromosome 169 00:06:38,878 --> 00:06:40,566 if you think that tired-ass line is gonna work. 170 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,642 But wait! 171 00:06:41,643 --> 00:06:43,916 You sassy, I'm sweet, so we go together 172 00:06:43,918 --> 00:06:45,652 like grape juice and dill pickles. 173 00:06:45,653 --> 00:06:47,724 How about a smile? 174 00:06:47,726 --> 00:06:49,608 I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn, 175 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,991 got on a subway where I was sandwiched 176 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:53,809 in between a human fart and a horny 15-year-old 177 00:06:53,811 --> 00:06:56,955 just so I can go to work where I'm paid 30% less than a man, 178 00:06:56,957 --> 00:06:58,832 and I had to stand on my feet for 10 hours a day, 179 00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:00,444 trying to dismantle the patriarchy, 180 00:07:00,446 --> 00:07:02,242 just so no woman has to answer the question, 181 00:07:02,244 --> 00:07:03,596 "Can I get a smile?" 182 00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:05,032 I'll take that as a "no". 183 00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:07,841 So at least let me get the door for you. 184 00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:09,758 I don't know what bunker you just crawled out of, 185 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,872 but it's a new day. 186 00:07:10,873 --> 00:07:13,381 Women are capable of opening their own doors. 187 00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:14,535 Share the memo. 188 00:07:14,537 --> 00:07:17,681 You know there's an expiration date on that attitude. 189 00:07:17,683 --> 00:07:19,852 Damn, she Scary Spice. 190 00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,922 - Who you here for? - Paul Tilman. 191 00:07:21,923 --> 00:07:24,022 Oh, he upstairs putting his kids to sleep. 192 00:07:24,023 --> 00:07:26,822 - Yo, Paul! - What is it? 193 00:07:26,823 --> 00:07:28,192 You got a package down here! 194 00:07:28,193 --> 00:07:30,162 Okay, thanks. I'll buzz him up. 195 00:07:30,163 --> 00:07:31,862 - What?! - I'll buzz him up! 196 00:07:31,863 --> 00:07:34,362 Oh, oh! 197 00:07:34,363 --> 00:07:37,202 You ain't gonna get no tip, man. You just woke his kids up. 198 00:07:38,873 --> 00:07:40,502 Oh, that's my joint. 199 00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,872 ♪ I never been tooken out ♪ 200 00:07:42,873 --> 00:07:45,112 Yeah, but my soul mate left me, 201 00:07:45,113 --> 00:07:47,561 and I've been trying to consciously uncouple, 202 00:07:47,563 --> 00:07:49,942 but my birth mother refuses to give me my birth time 203 00:07:49,943 --> 00:07:51,382 so I can't even do my natal chart. 204 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,521 So you'll send someone to fix my sink today? 205 00:07:54,523 --> 00:07:56,799 Oh, thank you, Mr. Kelley. 206 00:07:56,801 --> 00:07:57,852 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 207 00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:00,961 Namaste. Okay. 208 00:08:00,963 --> 00:08:02,892 ♪ Enough to make or break and shake your... ♪ 209 00:08:02,893 --> 00:08:05,232 ♪ As I create rhymes good as a tastycake makes ♪ 210 00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:07,532 ♪ Bring it on back, yeah ♪ 211 00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:10,432 ♪ Shame on you, when you step through to ♪ 212 00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:11,772 Hey, Mr. Kelley. 213 00:08:11,773 --> 00:08:14,802 Huh? A clogged drain in apartment 2A? 214 00:08:14,803 --> 00:08:16,711 Yes, sir, okay. 215 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,612 One. 216 00:08:19,613 --> 00:08:22,342 ♪ Shame on you, when you step through to ♪ 217 00:08:22,343 --> 00:08:25,982 This door. Looks like this isn't working very well. 218 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:28,082 ♪ Shame on you, when you step through to ♪ 219 00:08:29,723 --> 00:08:31,952 ♪ Shame on you, when you step through to ♪ 220 00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:33,561 ♪ The Ol' Dirty Bastard ♪ 221 00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:36,762 ♪ In your face like a can of mace, baby ♪ 222 00:08:36,763 --> 00:08:37,992 ♪ Is it burning? Well... ♪ 223 00:08:41,233 --> 00:08:43,380 My body is mine! It belongs to me! 224 00:08:43,382 --> 00:08:45,991 Can we please keep it down? What is going on? 225 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:48,402 He followed me inside when I was waiting for the handyman. 226 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,672 He is the handyman. 227 00:08:50,673 --> 00:08:52,973 Oh. 228 00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,095 - Hey, babe. - Hey. 229 00:08:57,097 --> 00:09:00,421 - Snacks, thank you. - Ah, that's for Shahzad and Symone. 230 00:09:00,423 --> 00:09:03,423 - Oh, wow, you are so excited. - Of course I am. 231 00:09:03,425 --> 00:09:04,478 - Aren't you? - Yeah. 232 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:05,752 Yeah, I can't wait to meet the girl 233 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,222 who inspired him to cut his fingernails. 234 00:09:08,223 --> 00:09:10,592 I just hope she ain't no ghetto, twerkin' hoochie. 235 00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:13,532 I'll get it. 236 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:14,962 Here we go. 237 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:20,633 Mom, Dad, this is my queen. 238 00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:23,611 Hi. 239 00:09:27,313 --> 00:09:30,143 Oh, this is gonna be good. 240 00:09:31,228 --> 00:09:33,880 What kind of military-grade pepper spray is this? 241 00:09:33,882 --> 00:09:36,174 Oh, you could crush a citizen uprising. 242 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,665 Y'all need to send this to Hong Kong right now! 243 00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:41,619 Uh, Tray, you'll actually be happy to know that 244 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,166 that is not real pepper spray. 245 00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:45,766 That is a product I'm reviewing for Goop. 246 00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:48,751 - Ooh! - Yeah, the new, um, Yoni tea mist with, uh, 247 00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:50,306 lemon grass and tea tree oil. 248 00:09:50,307 --> 00:09:52,336 Actually, while I have you, 249 00:09:52,337 --> 00:09:54,045 did you find the scent awakening? 250 00:09:54,047 --> 00:09:55,676 Ugh, I find it burning! 251 00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:56,876 Good to know. 252 00:09:56,877 --> 00:09:58,215 Well, that's alkaline water, 253 00:09:58,217 --> 00:09:59,646 so it should neutralize the sting a bit. 254 00:09:59,647 --> 00:10:03,216 Oh, okay, I'm feeling better. 255 00:10:03,217 --> 00:10:05,190 You might want to put these back in the freezer. 256 00:10:05,192 --> 00:10:07,586 Um, no, they're all yours. 257 00:10:07,587 --> 00:10:08,886 Okay. 258 00:10:08,887 --> 00:10:11,395 Oh, what am I supposed to fix now? 259 00:10:11,397 --> 00:10:13,426 The sink. It's been clogged for days. 260 00:10:13,427 --> 00:10:15,940 Okay. This'll be a cinch. 261 00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:17,795 What I'm gonna need is a jug of lemonade, 262 00:10:17,797 --> 00:10:19,678 some baking soda, and a box of perm. 263 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,715 Well, uh, I've got some lemonade. 264 00:10:21,717 --> 00:10:23,617 And I have baking soda. 265 00:10:27,577 --> 00:10:30,147 Why would you assume I have a box of perm? 266 00:10:36,117 --> 00:10:38,487 My grandma sends me one every month. 267 00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:45,147 Okay, all done. 268 00:10:45,149 --> 00:10:46,872 Thank you so much! 269 00:10:46,874 --> 00:10:48,345 Do you want anything to drink? 270 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:49,935 Do you want a green tea, a bone broth? 271 00:10:49,937 --> 00:10:51,435 Ooh, I have Kombucha. 272 00:10:51,437 --> 00:10:54,205 Oh, no, thank you. I got a little rule. 273 00:10:54,207 --> 00:10:56,736 If I can't pronounce it, I don't drink it. 274 00:10:56,737 --> 00:10:58,036 That's why you never see me drinking 275 00:10:58,037 --> 00:10:59,396 that Pigio Grigio stuff. 276 00:10:59,398 --> 00:11:00,790 - Okay. - But this here... 277 00:11:00,792 --> 00:11:02,406 I'm having a little housewarming tonight, 278 00:11:02,407 --> 00:11:04,446 and I'd like to invite you ladies. 279 00:11:04,447 --> 00:11:07,246 Ladies, my Mercedes. 280 00:11:07,248 --> 00:11:09,446 - Maybe. - Alright, man, okay. 281 00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:10,810 Hey, Paul is coming. 282 00:11:10,812 --> 00:11:12,294 Oh, I'm playing it by ear. 283 00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,309 - I'm playing it by ear. - Okay. 284 00:11:14,311 --> 00:11:15,891 Alright. Bye, Tray. 285 00:11:15,893 --> 00:11:18,371 I'd rather spray that Yoni mist in my Yoni. 286 00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:19,895 Have you guys seen my phone? 287 00:11:19,897 --> 00:11:21,349 No. You sure you brought it inside? 288 00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:22,396 Yeah, I'm sure. 289 00:11:22,397 --> 00:11:25,466 - I'll just call it. - Yeah, wait, no. It's on silent. 290 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,166 Okay, well, where did you have it last? 291 00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:29,172 Uh, okay, I came in the door, 292 00:11:29,174 --> 00:11:30,521 I put my bags down over there, 293 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,806 and then I put my phone down right next to... 294 00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:36,946 Tray. 295 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:40,216 Do you guys think he maybe, like, accidentally stole it? 296 00:11:40,217 --> 00:11:41,916 - Oh. - Why? 297 00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:43,555 - Because he's black? - No. 298 00:11:43,557 --> 00:11:45,316 Uh, you're profiling again. 299 00:11:45,317 --> 00:11:46,764 Just because Tray's an ex-con 300 00:11:46,766 --> 00:11:47,987 does not mean he stole your phone. 301 00:11:47,989 --> 00:11:49,763 Wait, wait, Tray's an ex-con? 302 00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:50,978 How... How do you know that? 303 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,356 Just a little routine background check. 304 00:11:52,357 --> 00:11:53,996 Oh, God, I got it, so now you're profiling. 305 00:11:53,997 --> 00:11:55,466 No, that's not what this is. 306 00:11:55,467 --> 00:11:57,202 I do a background check on everybody 307 00:11:57,204 --> 00:11:58,266 who moves in the building. 308 00:11:58,267 --> 00:12:00,087 And, Paul, you should probably tell your wife 309 00:12:00,089 --> 00:12:01,605 she needs to check on that speeding ticket. 310 00:12:01,607 --> 00:12:03,175 Oh, okay. Uh, I'll let her know. 311 00:12:03,177 --> 00:12:05,136 Actually, we should get going. Max, let's go. 312 00:12:05,137 --> 00:12:06,345 Max? Where's my daughter? 313 00:12:06,347 --> 00:12:07,907 I lost my daughter. Max? 314 00:12:07,909 --> 00:12:09,346 Okay, you don't have it that bad. 315 00:12:09,347 --> 00:12:10,646 Stick with Daddy! 316 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,085 Your dad seems like a really nice guy. 317 00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:15,446 - Thank you. - Thanks so much for inviting me. 318 00:12:15,447 --> 00:12:17,555 I'm having a great time. 319 00:12:19,887 --> 00:12:22,064 Hey. What's the matter? 320 00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,256 You seem upset. 321 00:12:23,257 --> 00:12:25,826 I didn't think she was gonna show up white. 322 00:12:25,827 --> 00:12:27,365 Okay. 323 00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:28,814 Well, I hate to be the bearer 324 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,848 of what is apparently bad news, 325 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,566 but you're married to a white guy. 326 00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:36,536 I know, but this caught me off guard, you know? 327 00:12:36,537 --> 00:12:39,745 I was... I was expecting to see Moesha, 328 00:12:39,747 --> 00:12:41,576 not Marcia Brady. 329 00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:44,446 Mm-hmm. Yeah, I get it. 330 00:12:44,447 --> 00:12:47,416 Who is Marcia Brady? 331 00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:50,686 That's why I married you. 332 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,386 We've built an Earthship this year. 333 00:12:53,387 --> 00:12:55,036 I'm really excited about it. 334 00:12:55,038 --> 00:12:56,726 That's cool. Who's your partner? 335 00:12:56,727 --> 00:12:59,226 - Melody Swanson. - Oh, lucky you. 336 00:12:59,227 --> 00:13:01,065 She's the prettiest girl in school. 337 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,696 I mean, she's okay. 338 00:13:03,697 --> 00:13:09,034 But I think you're the prettiest girl in the school. 339 00:13:09,036 --> 00:13:10,898 - Really? - Yeah. 340 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:14,576 I mean, you're beautiful. 341 00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:18,746 Your hair i-is so soft and silky. 342 00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,246 Your eyes... 343 00:13:20,247 --> 00:13:23,086 i-it's like a big, blue ocean. 344 00:13:23,087 --> 00:13:25,386 And your skin, wow. 345 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,625 I-It's like porcelain. 346 00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:29,186 I got you guys snacks. 347 00:13:29,187 --> 00:13:30,695 Thank you, Mrs. Birkeland. 348 00:13:30,697 --> 00:13:32,696 Here, let me get that for you. 349 00:13:32,697 --> 00:13:33,697 Oh. 350 00:13:33,698 --> 00:13:35,796 At your service, my queen. 351 00:13:35,797 --> 00:13:37,235 You're so nice. 352 00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:44,606 What's up? I'm Tray. 353 00:13:44,607 --> 00:13:47,045 I got a request to repair your toilet. 354 00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:48,906 Oh, yeah, you must be the handyman, right? 355 00:13:48,907 --> 00:13:51,776 Nope. I'm a black man who happened to be handy. 356 00:13:51,777 --> 00:13:53,884 - I didn't mean to offend you. - It's alright, man. 357 00:13:53,886 --> 00:13:56,616 I just got sprayed in the face by some skinny blonde chick. 358 00:13:56,617 --> 00:13:59,456 Ah, yeah, you met Luna. 359 00:13:59,457 --> 00:14:01,125 Yeah, she's a little high-strung, 360 00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:02,786 but totally harmless. 361 00:14:02,787 --> 00:14:05,126 And as beautiful as a butterfly. 362 00:14:05,127 --> 00:14:06,626 Y'all a couple? 363 00:14:06,627 --> 00:14:09,450 No, she reminds me of a reindeer 364 00:14:09,452 --> 00:14:11,466 I once met in Finland, you know? 365 00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:14,966 Wild, majestic. 366 00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:18,676 But as I coaxed the milk from her reindeer teat, 367 00:14:18,677 --> 00:14:21,976 I just thought, you know, "Too much work". 368 00:14:21,977 --> 00:14:23,515 Yeah, I know. 369 00:14:23,517 --> 00:14:25,760 Sometimes sucking reindeer titties could be... 370 00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:27,220 Hey, could I come in, man? 371 00:14:27,222 --> 00:14:29,246 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, okay. 372 00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:35,956 Yo! This is tight! 373 00:14:35,957 --> 00:14:37,551 You got your own Dave & Buster's. 374 00:14:37,553 --> 00:14:39,196 Yeah. This is Miles. 375 00:14:39,197 --> 00:14:41,126 He sets it all up, so... 376 00:14:41,127 --> 00:14:43,866 What's up, Miles? 377 00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:46,196 Yeah, Miles isn't much for human interaction, so... 378 00:14:46,197 --> 00:14:47,636 The form is too limiting. 379 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,675 I prefer to transfer my consciousness to the cloud. 380 00:14:49,677 --> 00:14:52,176 Well, he's a walking, talking Stephen Hawking. 381 00:14:52,177 --> 00:14:53,576 Let's get to this bathroom. 382 00:14:53,577 --> 00:14:55,407 Yeah. 383 00:14:57,717 --> 00:14:59,176 This is not the bathroom. 384 00:14:59,177 --> 00:15:01,686 No, no, that's my place. 385 00:15:01,687 --> 00:15:03,919 - Oh, you's locked up. - No, no. 386 00:15:03,921 --> 00:15:07,356 See, I've adopted a minimalist lifestyle. 387 00:15:07,357 --> 00:15:09,642 - That's what you call it? - Yeah, yeah. 388 00:15:09,644 --> 00:15:12,865 I just don't assign meaning to money or things, you know? 389 00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:15,589 I just, uh, keep myself in peak condition, 390 00:15:15,591 --> 00:15:16,689 so I'm ready for adventure. 391 00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:19,644 You know, the elation, jumping out of an airplane. 392 00:15:19,646 --> 00:15:23,005 Or... Or the ecstasy of... of the conquest of reaching 393 00:15:23,007 --> 00:15:25,825 the very top of the snow peaks of Mount Kilimanjaro. 394 00:15:25,827 --> 00:15:28,376 Or... Or the thrill of swimming with the sharks 395 00:15:28,377 --> 00:15:29,606 in South Africa. 396 00:15:29,607 --> 00:15:30,876 You know, these... 397 00:15:30,877 --> 00:15:33,585 these are the things that I live for. 398 00:15:33,587 --> 00:15:35,746 You know what all those things have in common? 399 00:15:35,747 --> 00:15:37,216 - What? - White people. 400 00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:41,186 I knew I was gonna get him. 401 00:15:41,187 --> 00:15:44,195 Mm, yep, yep, there it is, there it is, right there. 402 00:15:44,197 --> 00:15:45,296 I knew it. 403 00:15:45,297 --> 00:15:47,726 Yep, just like I thought. 404 00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:50,035 You got a crack, but it ain't leaking through yet. 405 00:15:50,037 --> 00:15:52,396 I'm going to run to the store and get some supplies. 406 00:15:52,397 --> 00:15:54,036 I'm gonna come back tomorrow morning 407 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,736 - and patch it all up for you, alright? - Right, yeah. 408 00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,236 But if y'all are not doing nothing tonight, 409 00:15:57,237 --> 00:15:58,329 why don't you swing by? 410 00:15:58,331 --> 00:15:59,684 - I'm having a little get-together. - Yeah? 411 00:15:59,686 --> 00:16:01,798 Okay, yeah, I got this fine chick coming to. 412 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,976 She got a glass leg with Kool-Aid in it. 413 00:16:03,977 --> 00:16:05,246 You might like that. 414 00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:07,085 What? 415 00:16:11,717 --> 00:16:14,586 I can't believe he's acting like a servant for her. 416 00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:17,026 Uh, I think he's just trying to be a gentleman. 417 00:16:17,027 --> 00:16:19,459 You were the one that told him to treat her like a queen. 418 00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:21,290 That's when I thought it was a black queen. 419 00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:23,167 You are being really hypocritical right now. 420 00:16:23,169 --> 00:16:25,166 You just don't understand. 421 00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:27,605 I'm trying to get this dance down, but I just can't. 422 00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:29,106 Really? It's easy. 423 00:16:29,107 --> 00:16:30,906 I'll show you. Look. 424 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,445 It's like an angry pirate processor. 425 00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:35,276 Here's how you do it. 426 00:16:38,347 --> 00:16:41,046 You got it. 427 00:16:41,047 --> 00:16:42,286 Keep going. 428 00:16:42,287 --> 00:16:45,916 You were the one that told him to show her those moves. 429 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,125 I know what I said! I was there when I said it. 430 00:16:48,127 --> 00:16:49,957 Give me this. 431 00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,794 Sorry to barge in on you guys. 432 00:16:53,796 --> 00:16:55,648 So, we noticed that Tray just left your apartment, 433 00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:56,993 and we were wondering. 434 00:16:56,995 --> 00:16:59,163 Did you notice anything missing? 435 00:16:59,164 --> 00:17:01,463 No. Why? 436 00:17:01,464 --> 00:17:02,963 Okay, so, something happened 437 00:17:02,964 --> 00:17:05,703 that's gonna make me sound racist. 438 00:17:05,704 --> 00:17:08,503 But I mean, you of all people know I'm not racist. 439 00:17:08,504 --> 00:17:10,139 I mean, come on, I have a picture of Colin Kaepernick 440 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:11,243 as my screensaver. 441 00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:12,731 - Luna. - What? 442 00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:13,766 What's your point? 443 00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:15,843 I think that Tray may have accidentally stolen my phone. 444 00:17:15,844 --> 00:17:17,343 Have you asked him if he has it? 445 00:17:17,344 --> 00:17:18,882 No, I can't ask him that. 446 00:17:18,884 --> 00:17:20,152 Then I would sound racist. 447 00:17:20,154 --> 00:17:22,013 Why not use the Find My iPhone app? 448 00:17:22,014 --> 00:17:24,353 We can find its location, make it ring. 449 00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:26,346 If it's on his person, we'll hear it. 450 00:17:26,348 --> 00:17:28,353 Ooh! That's a good idea. 451 00:17:28,354 --> 00:17:30,181 Okay, um, how can we do that? 452 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,836 We just need to get inside his apartment somehow. 453 00:17:31,838 --> 00:17:33,999 Well, he has that, uh, party tonight. We can all go. 454 00:17:34,001 --> 00:17:36,002 Yeah. I guess he can't kill all of us. 455 00:17:36,004 --> 00:17:38,663 Okay, Isis, you just got mad at me for that. 456 00:17:38,664 --> 00:17:40,833 What? Paul was thinking it, too. 457 00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:42,773 This guy was thinking the same thing. 458 00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:47,712 I'm embarrassed about the way I acted. 459 00:17:47,714 --> 00:17:50,513 Symone's a nice girl. 460 00:17:50,514 --> 00:17:52,267 It's just hard for me to understand why 461 00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:53,367 Shahzad wouldn't want 462 00:17:53,369 --> 00:17:56,382 to be with a girl that looks like his mother. 463 00:17:56,384 --> 00:18:00,401 Well, why don't you go ask him, you know? 464 00:18:00,403 --> 00:18:01,923 I'm sure he's still up. 465 00:18:04,224 --> 00:18:06,093 You know what? 466 00:18:06,094 --> 00:18:08,063 I will. 467 00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:10,063 Thanks. 468 00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:16,642 You find the best videos. 469 00:18:16,644 --> 00:18:17,943 I love hanging out with you. 470 00:18:17,944 --> 00:18:19,743 I love hanging out with you. 471 00:18:19,744 --> 00:18:21,759 I got to go. 472 00:18:21,761 --> 00:18:24,783 I'll see you tomorrow at school. 473 00:18:24,784 --> 00:18:26,613 So... 474 00:18:26,614 --> 00:18:28,983 did you have fun today? 475 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,253 Yeah, I did. 476 00:18:30,254 --> 00:18:31,453 Thank you, Ma. 477 00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:33,253 For everything. 478 00:18:33,254 --> 00:18:34,793 You're welcome. 479 00:18:34,794 --> 00:18:37,462 Um, let me ask you something. 480 00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,463 What do you see in Symone? 481 00:18:39,464 --> 00:18:41,733 Don't get me wrong. I like her. 482 00:18:41,734 --> 00:18:46,433 I'm just curious as to what you like about her. 483 00:18:46,434 --> 00:18:51,073 Well, she's not like other girls. 484 00:18:51,074 --> 00:18:53,943 She doesn't care about looking cute all the time. 485 00:18:53,944 --> 00:18:57,243 She knows she's pretty without makeup. 486 00:18:57,244 --> 00:18:58,613 She's funny. 487 00:18:58,614 --> 00:19:01,453 I can talk to her about a lot of things. 488 00:19:01,454 --> 00:19:03,122 She's smart. 489 00:19:03,124 --> 00:19:05,753 She's nice to everyone. 490 00:19:05,754 --> 00:19:09,862 But tough when she needs to be, too. 491 00:19:09,864 --> 00:19:14,093 Actually, Ma, she kind of reminds me of you. 492 00:19:20,604 --> 00:19:24,643 Son, that's why I like her, too. 493 00:19:24,644 --> 00:19:26,843 - Good night. - Good night. 494 00:19:32,514 --> 00:19:35,139 You're bringing your baby to a housewarming party? 495 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,713 Oh, uh, he missed his nap today, so he's gonna be up for a while. 496 00:19:37,715 --> 00:19:40,653 - Okay. - At least Laura and Max will get some sleep. 497 00:19:40,654 --> 00:19:42,323 - Okay. - Okay, I'm gonna turn on the alert. 498 00:19:42,324 --> 00:19:43,693 - Yeah. - Yes. 499 00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:48,593 Hmm. It's saying it's right here. 500 00:19:51,579 --> 00:19:53,771 Oh, no, no, no. 501 00:19:53,773 --> 00:19:55,541 I didn't... I didn't take it. I swear. 502 00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:57,503 Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. 503 00:19:57,504 --> 00:19:59,973 Oh, okay. 504 00:19:59,975 --> 00:20:01,559 Well, look at what Ace took. 505 00:20:01,561 --> 00:20:03,644 Ooh, ooh, ooh! Thief! 506 00:20:03,646 --> 00:20:04,771 - Thief! - I'm so sorry. 507 00:20:04,773 --> 00:20:06,197 Uh, he must've taken it off the counter. 508 00:20:06,199 --> 00:20:07,665 He's in a very grabby stage. 509 00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:09,837 You guys, we almost just made a huge mistake. 510 00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:11,631 The only mistake would've been getting stuck 511 00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:13,385 at this stupid party. 512 00:20:13,387 --> 00:20:15,893 Yo, what's up? Y'all made it. 513 00:20:15,894 --> 00:20:17,523 Come on. 514 00:20:20,578 --> 00:20:23,002 - So primal. - I know it is. 515 00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:25,103 That's a beef patty between that girl's legs. 516 00:20:25,104 --> 00:20:28,003 She could make a Sprite can disappear with her mouth. 517 00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:29,542 It's on Google. Check it out. 518 00:20:32,204 --> 00:20:33,396 Hey, listen! 519 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,672 I really appreciate y'all coming out like this. 520 00:20:35,674 --> 00:20:38,543 Okay, most of the time when you move into a new neighborhood, 521 00:20:38,544 --> 00:20:40,759 your neighbors are usually suspicious 522 00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:42,053 or very judgmental of you. 523 00:20:42,054 --> 00:20:43,183 But not y'all. 524 00:20:43,184 --> 00:20:45,483 You've been treating me good since I met you. 525 00:20:45,484 --> 00:20:47,310 That's friendship, and I need it, 526 00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,207 and I don't want to get too sentimental here, 527 00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:50,792 so that's why I'm gonna turn the music on. 528 00:20:50,794 --> 00:20:52,236 It's right over there. I got some music, y'all. 529 00:20:52,238 --> 00:20:53,263 Let's get down. 530 00:20:53,264 --> 00:20:54,867 I want to see somebody do the Funky Chicken. 531 00:20:54,869 --> 00:20:56,999 Somebody do it!