1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,008 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,594 [man] Hey! 3 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,024 [gunshot] 4 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,072 The king has been stricken. The princess drew her magic wand on him. 5 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,784 - Still hot with magic. - [herald] Is everything all right? 6 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,954 No, you idiot. Everything is not all right. 7 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,207 Now, go make a public proclamation that everything is all right. 8 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:45,545 Sorcerio, get the king the finest medical care in the kingdom. 9 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:46,671 I'm on it. 10 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,715 Now, when you say "I'm on it," 11 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:52,052 does that mean you will go out and find the best medical care in the kingdom, 12 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,054 or that you think you, yourself, 13 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,347 can provide the best medical care in the kingdom? 14 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,224 - I'm on it? - [sighs] 15 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:02,103 Mertz, Turbish, take His Majesty to his bedchamber with the utmost care. 16 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:03,897 [grunts] 17 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,065 Careful! 18 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,611 I can take care of my dad. You take care of the kingdom, okay? 19 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:10,820 Very well. 20 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,448 Pendergast, place the princess under house arrest. 21 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:14,449 What? 22 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,408 [Zog grunts] 23 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,328 Sorry, Dad. Wait, what do you mean, "house arrest"? 24 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:22,582 I'm simply taking care of the kingdom by detaining you, the assassin. 25 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,709 Wait a minute. You saw what happened. 26 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,545 It was an accident. I wasn't trying to kill anybody. 27 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,924 Tiabeanie, I am merely trying to avoid a constitutional crisis. 28 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,801 We don't even have a constitution. 29 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,678 That's what makes it a crisis. Take her away! 30 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,722 I love saying that. 31 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,308 [struggling and grunting] 32 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:48,566 [Bean grunts] 33 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,486 Ugh. What a nightmare. 34 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,574 They can't keep me in here forever. 35 00:01:57,325 --> 00:02:01,579 Sorry, I'm under strict orders to keep you here forever. Also, Turbish. 36 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:05,166 - So, where is Turbish? - He's watching your escape window. 37 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,001 Hi, Bean. 38 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:09,586 [sighs] 39 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,841 [Luci] Now's no time for a nap, psycho killer. 40 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,051 - What are you two doing here? - We came to help you. 41 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,946 We walked in while you were talking to the guard. 42 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,847 It's one of the benefits of being short. 43 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,890 Elfo sneaks in and out of your room all the time. 44 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,100 It's for research. 45 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,774 We all know rats are magnets for filth-borne disease. 46 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,986 So, what better way to pull the disease from his body 47 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,364 than by covering him in freshly shampooed rats? 48 00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,741 - [rats squeaking] - [Zog groans] 49 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,369 He's moving. The recovery is underway! 50 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:42,537 [groaning] 51 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,248 Sure, crawl in. What could it hurt? 52 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,666 [Zog screams] 53 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,544 Oh, my God! What are they doing to him? 54 00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:52,338 These fools don't know anything about stience or medicine. 55 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,716 I gotta help my dad before they cure him to death. 56 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:56,968 [groans] 57 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,804 I think you're in serious trouble with the murder and all. 58 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,139 Attempted murder. 59 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:04,184 And it wasn't even murder, and I didn't attempt anything. 60 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,435 And they know it. 61 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,771 Why are they doing this to me? 62 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,032 Miss Moonpence, is the Archdruidess here? 63 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,242 - [Miss Moonpence] Yes, Minister. - Good. Send her in. 64 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,419 Blessings on your hat 65 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,254 and the head that fills it, Prime Minister. 66 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,381 And also with you, Archdruidess. 67 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,383 I hear the king grows weaker. 68 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,676 Where did you hear that? 69 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,762 [Zog moans] 70 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:46,517 King Zog is alive, but in a very bad way. Princess Tiabeanie wounded him severely. 71 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:50,772 Dear God, or Gods, what is to become of our kingdom? 72 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,985 Miss Moonpence, you may go to the park to eat your carrot now. 73 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,309 [Miss Moonpence] Yes, Minister. 74 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,114 So? 75 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,327 - I said now, Miss Moonpence. - [Miss Moonpence] Yes, Minister. 76 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:08,748 Dreamland law says that if the king cannot serve, 77 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,752 the crown goes to his oldest male heir. That would be Derek. 78 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,129 But if the child is not an adult, 79 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:18,758 then his mother shall serve as regent until the boy reaches adulthood. 80 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,345 Yes, but what if the mother is not available to serve? 81 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,056 Then, the regent would be the child's caretaker 82 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:27,016 as named in the divorce decree. 83 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,769 And whose name was inserted as caretaker 84 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:33,231 into the divorce decree over which you officiated? 85 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,066 [chuckles] 86 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,943 Son of a bitch, it's you! 87 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:40,780 That means, if Derek becomes king, you become regent, 88 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,991 and the young king becomes your puppet! 89 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,450 Our puppet. 90 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:48,079 - Did someone mention puppets? - Get out of here, Derek! 91 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,162 [Derek] Oh. 92 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:53,876 Princess Tiabeanie may be an obstacle. She's quite popular. 93 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,589 And willful. A very modern woman, positively 13th-century. 94 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,092 But we can change popular opinion. 95 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:06,389 In times of trouble, we may be tempted to assign blame to just one person. 96 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,141 So, let's do that, shall we? 97 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:11,019 I am talking, of course, about Princess Tiabeanie. 98 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:16,065 Now, get out there and spread the word. Go on, get the hell out of here. 99 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,025 [crowd chattering] 100 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,944 Scapegoating. Finally, this religion is going somewhere. 101 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,488 [Mertz's mother] My boy works in the castle, 102 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,033 and he says she shot him with a magic wand. 103 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,910 Well, in my professional opinion as a fishmonger, 104 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,370 the princess is a witch. 105 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,915 And she's always hanging out with that black cat with the big nose 106 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,251 and that annoying toad in the elf hat. 107 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,504 And how come people always seem to die around her? 108 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,214 Just the arsenic today, thanks. 109 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,175 I heard, if you look her in the eyes, 110 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:45,219 she makes you fall in love with her, then turns you into a toad! 111 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,221 And that's just what she did to Elfo. 112 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,025 That's why he's all green and weird-looking. 113 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,684 Quiet, or Toad Elfo will hear us. 114 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,687 I've been green and weird-looking all my life. 115 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,273 You know that. I've gotta tell Bean. 116 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,068 Bean, you're not gonna believe this. 117 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:04,947 [herald] Hear ye, hear ye! Let it be known that Prince Derek shall be crowned king 118 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:09,660 and Princess Tiabeanie shall be tried for attempted murder as a witch! 119 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,913 [Bean in muffled voice] I believe it. 120 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:14,749 King? But isn't Daddy still alive? 121 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,710 I'm afraid he's in no shape whatsoever to rule. 122 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:21,547 And we need someone of your obvious leadership abilities. 123 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,383 But these are just toy soldiers. 124 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,761 It's best if you think of the real ones as cheap and expendable, too. 125 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:29,722 And you can just think of Odval and me 126 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:33,851 as your new mommy and daddy, my sweet little... 127 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,354 Oh, hell, just do what we tell you! 128 00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:38,021 [door slams] 129 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,525 [groaning] 130 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:46,447 Oh! So sorry, sire. Let me remove this from your weary head. 131 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,200 And... doink. 132 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,286 Boy, bring this to Odval, immediately. 133 00:06:55,957 --> 00:07:01,629 Here comes the king. I am the king! I'm walking down this... Oh! 134 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,300 [instrumental music playing] 135 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:18,354 I crown thee King Derek the First. 136 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,274 [softly] And, God willing, the only. 137 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,568 Long live King Derek! 138 00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:28,156 [crowd] Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek! 139 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:32,869 Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek! 140 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:37,415 Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek! 141 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:42,003 Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek! 142 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,297 Long live King Derek! 143 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:48,634 [Derek] Uh... Let a new era of... 144 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:49,969 [Archdruidess] Greatness. 145 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,263 ...greatness and, uh... 146 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,223 [Odval] Freedom from influence. 147 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,268 ...freedom from influence begin! 148 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,353 [crowd] Hoorah! 149 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:10,031 Now, Princess, will you confess to being a witch? 150 00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:10,948 No. 151 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,702 [sighs] So, you insist on putting us through the ordeal of a long trial? 152 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,121 Actually, I'm partial to long trials. 153 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,790 - Wrong answer! - Spin the wheel, Stan. 154 00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,335 Ow, ow, ow. 155 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,712 Ow, ow, ow. 156 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:27,423 Ow. 157 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,760 You tried to kill your father with this magic wand! 158 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:36,224 I did not! And it's not a magic wand. It's a stience gun, and you know it. 159 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:41,062 Oh, really? How can you possibly know what I know unless you're a witch? 160 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:41,979 [scoffs] 161 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,982 Was that a cackle? I definitely heard a cackle. 162 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,746 That wasn't a cackle, because I'm not a... 163 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,071 - Spin the wheel. - ...witch! 164 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:57,078 Princess, you know the outcome of a trial is unlikely to go your way. 165 00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:01,123 [scoffs] That is the kind of stinkin' thinkin' that loses trials. 166 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,961 We can win this, Bean. Now, if you'll excuse us, 167 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,548 we have to consult with our client as soon as she stops spinning. 168 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,050 Very well. See you in court. 169 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,682 [Elfo] Hi, Bean. Hi. What's up? 170 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,851 One more. 171 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:25,106 Hi. Me and Luci are your lawyers. 172 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,482 I'm doomed. 173 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,442 [groans] 174 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,278 I'm afraid he's getting worse. 175 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:35,324 Hmm. Mop Girl, remove the king's bandages. 176 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,119 Uh, don't you think I should wash my hands first? 177 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,289 And risk washing away all that life-giving soot? 178 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:43,833 [groans] 179 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:48,921 Patience, sire. I have summoned an expert in the tactile arts to examine you. 180 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,550 What do you think, Old Man Touchy? Not me! 181 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,718 [Old Man Touchy snickers] 182 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:58,764 Oh, yes, very bad. There is very little life essence left. 183 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:03,060 But I am detecting... some roast beef. 184 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,187 And mashed potatoes with... 185 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,356 [trilling] 186 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,274 gravy. 187 00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,443 [groans] 188 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:13,154 How does it feel to be king, sire? 189 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:15,573 I'm bored. Let's have a war! 190 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:20,119 Maybe later. Right now, we have to see your aptitude for dispensing justice. 191 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,788 It is the king's duty to preside over trials, 192 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:26,167 and tomorrow, we'll be having a very important one. Now... 193 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,253 Yorg here claims this hog as his own property. 194 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,840 Targon maintains that the hog escaped from his farm 195 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,675 and rightfully belongs to him. 196 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:35,801 Hmm. 197 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,763 I believe I have reached a verdict. 198 00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:40,848 [both yelp] 199 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,517 A surprisingly shrewd decision. 200 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,853 Can I pet the piggy now? 201 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,983 I think he's ready. 202 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,366 I'm sorry we don't have bowls, but, you know, 203 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,284 this will all be over before you know it. 204 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,745 That's comforting, coming from an executioner. 205 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:06,165 You'll be fine. I have great faith in our judicial system. 206 00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:09,710 I threw a snowball at the castle when I was seven. 207 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:12,046 I'm still waiting for my pre-trial hearing. 208 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,923 Oh. Shut your gob, you tit. 209 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,342 You're always going on about this "pre-trial hearing." 210 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:21,180 Every 20 years, like clockwork. Somebody stab me in the eyeball. 211 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,975 - Hey, Bean. How are you holding up? - I've been better. 212 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:28,270 You guys are my only hope. Are you sure you can handle this? 213 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,398 Well, Elfo's just trying to look down your shirt. 214 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,274 But I am an ace trial attorney. 215 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,027 You? You have actual experience? 216 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,863 No, but I summer clerked for Satan in '08. 217 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,241 I even wrote a brief about cruel and unusual punishment. 218 00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:43,327 Right on a guy's scrotum. With a typewriter. 219 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,880 Father? Can you hear me? I need to talk to you. 220 00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,052 Remember how I used to wake you up from your naps 221 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,263 and you would chase me through the castle? 222 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,182 - Wakey wakey! - [groaning] 223 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,392 [groans] 224 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,020 Rise and shine, Father. 225 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,231 Father, dear, are you dying? 226 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,567 - Listen, Derek... - Yeah? 227 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,277 - I need to tell you something. - What? 228 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,071 I don't know when I'm gonna die. 229 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,658 Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but... 230 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,620 Well, it's feeling like Thursday. 231 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:30,207 Good, so there's time. I could use the benefit of your wisdom. 232 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,418 - What? - What is justice? 233 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,963 Oh, thank God. I thought this was gonna be the sex talk. 234 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:38,340 How do you make a decision that's fair? 235 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:42,344 You can't. Someone always feels like it's not fair to them. 236 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,180 And the fairest decisions, 237 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,849 those are the ones where everybody feels screwed. 238 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,185 I've never seen that before in my storybooks. 239 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:52,146 Life's full of stuff you've never seen before. 240 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:55,441 Like that tunnel of white light opening over my bed. 241 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,152 - Can't you see it? - No. 242 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,153 Uh-oh. 243 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:03,407 Look, you've just got to go with your gut, son. You'll do fine. 244 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,660 Now, will you put that nice, cool rag on my head? 245 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:07,744 Sure. 246 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,164 Thank you, Father. 247 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,251 [groans and coughs] 248 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,223 [indistinct chatter] 249 00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:30,267 [gavel banging] 250 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:35,397 All rise for judge and living embodiment of justice, King Derek! 251 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,482 [shoes squeaking] 252 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,406 Uh... Begin trial! 253 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,201 Oh, God. Derek, you're the judge? 254 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:51,747 Silence, sister! It's Big King Derek to you! 255 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,917 Guess I should've been nicer to him these last 14 years. 256 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,418 Nah, it was worth it. 257 00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:00,798 Sire, today, I shall prove, using only the most rigorous logic, 258 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:04,677 that this is a 900-year-old witch... 259 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:10,474 who used this diabolical, pearl-handled, snub-nosed magic wand 260 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:14,937 to cast a spell of manslaughter on our beloved king. God rest his soul. 261 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,439 He's not even dead! 262 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,900 Order in the court! Sit down, Bean! 263 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,361 Ow! What did I do? 264 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:31,370 So, you're saying Bean behaved so disgracefully at a formal state dinner 265 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:34,081 that she nearly set off a war? 266 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:39,169 No, what Chazz said was she nearly chazzed off the whole chazz-ma-tazz. 267 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,796 - You know what I mean? - I do not, 268 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,090 but let that be entered into the record. 269 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:45,926 That's "Chazz" with five "z's." 270 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:50,097 I think I've done enough court reporting to know how to spell "Chazz." 271 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:54,643 Yes, I'd say Bean is positively bewitching in her beauty 272 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,729 and mesmerizing with her charm. 273 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,315 Witchcraft and mesmerism! 274 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:03,319 Expert testimony from the man she turned into a pig 275 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,029 just so she didn't have to marry him. 276 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,113 [crowd gasps] 277 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:09,033 But it wasn't Bean's fault. It was my own vanity. 278 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:10,951 To think I was more handsome as a man 279 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:14,413 than a glorious, squealing, curly-tailed, pink and hairless... 280 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:16,624 Oh, quiet. What do you know? You're just a pig. 281 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,710 Tell me, Mr. Sorcerio, 282 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:23,380 you not only witnessed Tiabeanie attack King Zog with this wand, 283 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,925 but you've had previous odd encounters with her. 284 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:30,554 So many. She was once brought to me when she was possessed by a demon. 285 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,805 [crowd gasps] 286 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:35,893 I was too busy to cure her myself, so she was referred to a colleague, 287 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:38,938 the esteemed exorcist, Big Jo. 288 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022 [crowd oohs] 289 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:44,777 And did Big Jo verify that, in fact, he had exorcised the demon? 290 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,363 Hmm. I didn't get a chance to speak with him, 291 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,949 as the princess had pushed him into a volcano. 292 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,784 [crowd groans] 293 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:53,410 Hmm. 294 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,163 And now, I'd like to call Bean's closest friend, 295 00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,958 her inseparable elf companion, Elfo. 296 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,417 [Elfo] I'm already here. 297 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,671 Now, tell me, Mr. Fo, 298 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,048 what did you think when you first saw Bean? 299 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:09,927 That she was the most beautiful, pure and good woman I'd ever seen. 300 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:13,097 Objection! She was the only woman he'd ever seen. 301 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,014 Sustained. 302 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:17,977 I don't want to hear any romantic or sexy talk about my own sister. 303 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:18,978 Bleh! 304 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,604 Sorry. Let me rephrase that. 305 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:24,483 Have you seen Bean act in ways that show her pureness of heart? 306 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:28,487 [chuckles] Oh, my gosh, like, all the time. Bean is the best. 307 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,031 I mean, we've been through so much together. 308 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:34,159 I remember, um, there was one time after I died, 309 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:39,164 and, well, it's kind of a crazy story, but Bean and I ended up together in Hell. 310 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,041 - [crowd gasps] - Bean was in Hell? 311 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,125 [crowd exclaims] 312 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,837 Uh, objection, Your Honor. This witness is an idiot. 313 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,422 - Hey! - Overruled. 314 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,133 - Permission to cross-examine immediately. - Granted. 315 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:54,221 Now, you mean to tell us you specifically saw Tiabeanie in Hell? 316 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:58,976 Oh, yeah. We all were there in the flames of eternal damnation. Me, Bean and Luci. 317 00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:01,061 Elfo, no! They won't understand. 318 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,545 Permission to approach the witness and punch him in the face? 319 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,816 Denied. Go on, Mr. Odval. 320 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:09,445 And what, pray tell, were you doing in Hell? 321 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,613 Well, after I got kicked out of Heaven 322 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,450 and plunged all the way down to Hell to meet up with Bean, 323 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,703 we were strapped to these big chairs and the popcorn was out of reach, 324 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:20,456 so we needed to trick the devils and escape. 325 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:24,043 So, you wanted to be even more underhanded than the devils themselves? 326 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,128 Yeah, I guess you could put it that way. 327 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,922 Sire, this is all the proof we need. 328 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,550 If you don't mind, I'll go right into my closing remarks. 329 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,927 Ladies and gentlemen, 330 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:37,639 never before has there been such a clear-cut case of witchcraft. 331 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,183 Here we have Tiabeanie, 332 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:43,228 the daughter of Dagmar, a known dark sorceress and murderess. 333 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:47,608 Tiabeanie, who attempted to murder her own father with witchcraft. 334 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:51,612 Tiabeanie, who visited Hell with these two accomplices, 335 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:55,365 whom I daresay ought to be tried and found guilty right here and now! 336 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,449 Wait, what? 337 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,744 And, as if you need any more evidence, 338 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:02,998 one of these accomplices is her witch's familiar, a talking cat! 339 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,542 [crowd exclaiming and chattering] 340 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,962 I rest my case and turn the floor over to my colleague, the talking cat. 341 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:13,092 Ladies and gentlemen, I may just be a simple country cat, 342 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:17,554 but all I see here is a girl. A girl who dared to be different. 343 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,556 To stick out and speak up. 344 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:24,144 And if that's being guilty, then go ahead and consider her guilty. 345 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,021 - Can do. - But if you do, 346 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,358 you're all a bunch of stupid, small-minded, 347 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,903 mouth-breathing, superstitious ding-dongs, 348 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:37,282 who are completely delusional and vote against your own self-interest. 349 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:41,620 So, pass around a tub of melted ice cream for y'all to guzzle down 350 00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:44,873 and get fatter and stupider. I rest my case. 351 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,379 Uh, thank you. I just need to debilitate on this for a bit. 352 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,296 Deliberate. 353 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,550 Yeah. Until I render my decision... 354 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,760 I got that right. Yes! 355 00:18:56,844 --> 00:19:00,472 The accused and her accomplices are to be kept in the dungeon. 356 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,641 Derek! You little weasel! 357 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,101 Court jaborned! 358 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,491 They're gonna burn us at the stake. 359 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:23,162 [Elfo] Oh, God, I'm gonna smell like burnt candy corn. 360 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:33,505 I've known Bean all my life, and while she's done some wicked things, 361 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,175 like the time she stuffed that monkey inside my teddy bear 362 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,594 and it ran off a cliff and into the ocean... 363 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,054 But she did rescue me from that big skillet. 364 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,014 Hmm. 365 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:43,765 I don't think a witch would do that. 366 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,477 And most of those witnesses were more pea-brained than I am. 367 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:51,815 Father said I should go with my gut, and I think I know which way. 368 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,114 Our lives hang by a thread. 369 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,909 I can't believe Elfo can sleep at a time like this. 370 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:05,162 I'm not sleeping. I keep passing out every time I think about it. 371 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,623 Oh, God, we're all gonna die! 372 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:08,624 [moans] 373 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:13,587 Mmm, death by public execution. With an elf. Ugh, this is so humiliating. 374 00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,756 I thought you were immortal. 375 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:18,133 Of course I'm immortal. I'm a demon, damn it! 376 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,221 [scoffs] You know me. As you burn up, I'll probably be making flippant comments. 377 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:25,182 Oh, God, I've even lost the power to lie convincingly. 378 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,185 And that's not even a power, more of a mental defect. 379 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:30,520 [gong clangs] 380 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:35,734 [all] Blessings on your hat and the head that fills it. And also with you. 381 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:40,280 We have a problem. It appears King Derek may be leaning toward acquittal. 382 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:43,158 He thinks he is following his father's advice. 383 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,620 Then perhaps the only way to achieve the goals of the society 384 00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:49,498 would be to remove Zog from the equation. 385 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:52,334 Ahem. Speaking of removing things... 386 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:54,503 [metal door opening] 387 00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:00,193 [stammering] Hey, what the hell? I thought they were gonna burn us at the stake. 388 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,385 Not if I can help it. 389 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,345 - [straining] - [gasps] 390 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,263 Hmm. 391 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,516 [screams] 392 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:08,850 You're rescuing us? 393 00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,185 Other than me good self, 394 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,813 there's no one in the world Bunty loves more than you. 395 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,315 And I believe her. So, stand back! 396 00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:21,822 The catacombs! I didn't know they were under the dungeon. 397 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:24,908 They're under everything. Over some things, too. 398 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,702 They were poorly planned. 399 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,623 [Elfo grunting] 400 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,209 Just head east and you'll end up by the docks. 401 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:38,171 Godspeed, my friends. Don't slip on the rats. 402 00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,431 Bean, come on. He said east. 403 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:49,558 I can't leave. Not yet. 404 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:53,228 [Bean] Dad. Dad. 405 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,357 - Beanie. - Dad, listen. 406 00:21:57,441 --> 00:22:01,153 It's not safe for you here anymore. Don't trust anyone, okay? 407 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:02,404 Mmm-hmm. 408 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,197 Now, I need to take care of something. 409 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,702 I need to take out that bullet or you could die of infection. 410 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,246 - "Infection"? - Modern medicine. 411 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,248 "Modern"? "Medicine"? 412 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,459 I learned it from that Steamland guy. 413 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:18,378 Now, it's gonna hurt bad, so have some of this. 414 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,342 [chuckles] 415 00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:25,719 Just like old times. 416 00:22:25,802 --> 00:22:29,639 Hey, give me some more of that modern medicine. 417 00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:37,397 I'll try to be as quick as possible. 418 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:40,108 Hold him still and give him something to bite down on. 419 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:46,114 [Zog and Elfo groaning] 420 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,911 I feel it. The bullet, it's not deep. 421 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:05,926 [Elfo] That's disgusting. 422 00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,720 But I just don't think she'd ever try to kill him... 423 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:09,804 [all gasp] 424 00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:13,308 Guilty! 425 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:28,073 Any final words before the burning? 426 00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:32,077 Did you ever have one of those dreams where you're about to die 427 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,956 and at the last second, you suddenly wake up and everything's okay? 428 00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:38,417 Well, this isn't one of those. God damn it. 429 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,545 We're really here. It's really now. 430 00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:44,506 While I was growing up, I was completely lost, 431 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,759 and then after I met you guys I was still lost, 432 00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:50,053 but at least we got lost together. 433 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:53,181 It looks like we're not gonna finish our journey. 434 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:56,351 But I'm happy to know deep down in my heart that I'm a... 435 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,727 Witch! 436 00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:59,563 That's enough now, Bean. 437 00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:05,527 Please join me in prayer for these three damned souls, 438 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:08,488 that they may find endless agony and torment 439 00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:11,199 in an afterlife of eternal suffering. 440 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:12,951 That's not what prayers are for. 441 00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:15,120 - Shut up. - Sorry. 442 00:24:15,203 --> 00:24:16,455 Light the fire. 443 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,921 No, I can't do it. 444 00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:30,230 - [man 1] Burn them all! - [man 2] Witches! 445 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:33,054 [man 3] I've forgotten my sad life for a moment! 446 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,770 Oh. A fire. That's nice. 447 00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,609 Somehow, we ended up in this stupid world together... 448 00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:47,068 So, let's leave it together. 449 00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:51,740 Wait. You're not gonna die, ever. Unless... You mean... 450 00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,117 Well, I have a confession to make. 451 00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:57,746 When I got out of Hell, I was stripped of my immortality. 452 00:24:58,371 --> 00:24:59,873 I gave it all up for you losers. 453 00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,502 I'm telling you now because I'd like you to die feeling bad. 454 00:25:03,585 --> 00:25:04,836 Oh, man. 455 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,757 This may seem like too little, too late, but thank you. 456 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,425 I'm gonna miss you too, buddy. 457 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:13,053 See you in Hell, boys. 458 00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:17,015 [Bean screams] 459 00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:31,738 [trogs] Welcome, friends. 460 00:25:31,821 --> 00:25:32,948 [screaming] 461 00:25:34,991 --> 00:25:37,452 - Ah, they're still here. - [screaming] 462 00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,746 [music box creaking and winding] 463 00:25:39,829 --> 00:25:41,373 [tune playing] 464 00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:52,300 What, no hug? 465 00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:59,391 [theme music playing]