1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,926
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,431
[man] Hey!
3
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:05,357
Rise and shine, Princess.
It's your big day.
4
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,276
Hope you got your beauty sleep.
5
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,528
[gasps] Ugh! She did it again.
6
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,698
Please, let me go on a crusade!
7
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,200
Anything's safer
than guarding that princess.
8
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,542
All in.
9
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,545
- Call.
- [crowd gasps]
10
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,174
Two pair.
11
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,426
Not so fast.
12
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,803
Three me's.
13
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,555
That's only two.
14
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,433
One, two, me.
15
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:40,892
Money's mine.
16
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,563
Not when I got the knife.
17
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,356
[scoffs and gulps]
18
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,026
[burps loudly] Hmm.
19
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,069
[whimpers]
20
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,033
[crowd gasps]
21
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,410
[grunts]
22
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:16,928
[all exclaiming]
23
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,283
[gasps]
24
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:39,785
[groans]
25
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,746
See you guys tomorrow.
26
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,793
You've had your fun.
Now it's time to get married.
27
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,213
Would Your Highness care to get in?
28
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,802
- Morning, Princess!
- Lovely day, miss!
29
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,053
How's it hanging, Princess?
30
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,390
- Sorry I can't make your wedding.
- You wanna switch places?
31
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,516
No, I'm good.
32
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,144
- Enjoy your special day.
- You, too.
33
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,065
Morning, Princess.
Care to try my new cure-all?
34
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,733
It wards off deadly plague.
35
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,986
I'm actually hoping for death.
Thanks, though.
36
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,658
Gah! Quit judging me, Dad.
37
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,594
[Zog] Mmm.
38
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:43,682
This one needs royaling up.
More columns, more frosting.
39
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,184
And neither of these looks like me.
40
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:49,438
Make them both look like me.
Then, get rid of one!
41
00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,865
Ugh. Cakes.
42
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,659
Did you make sure to add extra frosting?
43
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,787
Of course, I... Hey! Where were you?
44
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,330
Oh, I understand, darling.
45
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,625
On my wedding day,
I also had butterflies in stomach.
46
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,627
I shouldn't have eaten so many.
47
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:17,883
I just wanted to have a last bit of fun
before the happiest day of my life.
48
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:22,262
Silence! The delegation from Bentwood
arrives any moment.
49
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:26,016
Take off those common clothes
and come down looking like a princess!
50
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,601
As you wish, Father.
51
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,275
Anybody looks at her,
they get their head chopped off.
52
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,822
Oh, boy, did I look at her!
53
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,201
What?
54
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:59,299
Great. I have to wear this crazy veil
and pretend I'm a virgin?
55
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,761
It's not a veil, ma'am. It's your corset.
56
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,640
See? It pushes all the mincemeat
to the top of the pie.
57
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,018
All this wedding hassle
for a stupid political alliance?
58
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:13,313
I thought that I'd get married
for true love, or because I was wasted.
59
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,690
Lots of reasons to get married, ma'am.
60
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,692
I got married for a goat.
61
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:21,154
Now, let's hurry. The prince will be here
any minute to marry you
62
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,740
and, time permitting, meet you.
63
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,494
Eh? Huh?
64
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,621
How do I look? Spiffy, right?
65
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,249
I had the dogs lick me clean twice.
66
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,708
[trumpeting]
67
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,307
Announcing the King and Queen of Bentwood,
68
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,561
Lorenzo the First and Bunny.
69
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,439
Welcome, Your Highnesses.
70
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,900
[stammers] My new King-and-Queen-in-laws.
71
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,487
Or should I just call you
brother and sister?
72
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,031
We are brother and sister. What of it?
73
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,992
And their son-slash-nephew,
74
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:11,413
hero of the Battle Against That Bird
That Flew Into The Room One Time,
75
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,250
groom-to-be, Prince Guysbert of Bentwood.
76
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,127
[crowd gasps]
77
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,087
Va-va-voom!
78
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,048
You never do that for me.
79
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:28,305
- [sighs] I hate this feeling.
- Sobriety, ma'am?
80
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,350
No, I just feel like my life is ending.
I can't even smile.
81
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,685
[grunts]
82
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,355
Don't worry. We'll make your cheeks
look nice and rosy.
83
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,984
Remember: Whores rouge. Ladies leech.
84
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:46,323
You ever wish you could live in a place
where people are really, truly happy?
85
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,200
♪ It's a ha ha ha and a hee hee hee ♪
86
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,953
♪ We're as happy as we can be ♪
87
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,331
♪ Elfwood is the place we'll never flee ♪
88
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,125
♪ Our minds are blank
But our hearts are free ♪
89
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,336
♪ We work all day and we sing with glee ♪
90
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,255
♪ We drink all night, uncontrollably ♪
91
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,008
♪ It's a ho ho ho and a hee hee hee ♪
92
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,719
♪ Listen to us whistle adorably ♪
93
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:08,887
[whistling]
94
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:10,722
[kissing]
95
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:23,735
[gasping]
96
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,781
- [whistling stops]
- [both moaning]
97
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:31,159
[Superviso] Elfo! Kissy!
No tummy touching!
98
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:35,038
Kissy, save your lips for the prepackaged
candy assortments.
99
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,334
And, Elfo, it's like you don't appreciate
your assembly-line job.
100
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,128
Yeah, uh, it's kinda not the one I wanted.
101
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:45,882
I'm kinda not always... happy?
102
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,092
[elves gasp]
103
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,677
But we're singing.
104
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:53,348
Yeah, singing while you work's
not happiness. It's mental illness.
105
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,683
Wha...
106
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,936
Ugh! I'm sick of being happy all the time.
107
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,729
Just once, I wish...
108
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,650
I wish I could go somewhere
where people are miserable.
109
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,412
Hmm.
110
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:19,833
What is going on with this gift?
111
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,836
[gruff voice] Open the gates of...
I mean, the ribbon.
112
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,259
Princess Tiabeanie,
113
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:34,347
you are hereby cursed
from the deepest depths of the underworld!
114
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,432
Oh! What?
115
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,852
You look great, though.
Nice to meet you. They call me Luci.
116
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,105
- Guards! Guards!
- Shh! Shh!
117
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,983
A weird ghost guy is attacking
and complimenting me.
118
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,568
Shut up! Silenzio!
119
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,653
[muffled grunts]
120
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,155
First up, not a ghost.
121
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,823
Ghosts are losers that got murdered.
122
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,868
- I am a demon.
- [muffled] You're a demon?
123
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,662
That's right.
In fact, your personal demon.
124
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,080
Get used to it,
125
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,666
'cause you are stuck with me
for all eter...
126
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,507
...nity.
127
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,140
And so the demonic binding begins.
128
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,769
Yes, our emissary will steer her
towards the darkness.
129
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,854
It may take months, even years.
130
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,522
So, we'll need chairs.
131
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,316
Dark chairs.
132
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,734
[Elfo kissing and moaning]
133
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,655
[Elfo grunts]
134
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,075
[Kissy] Oh, Elfo, you're so naughty.
135
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,285
[Elfo] Why is everyone always saying that?
136
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:41,039
Just because I'm not jolly all the time
doesn't make me a weirdo.
137
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,458
Hey! Get outta here, Weirdo!
138
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,375
[breathy chuckle]
139
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,253
[Elfo] But it's like you do
the slightest thing here,
140
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,589
- and everyone freaks out.
- [Kissy] Mmm-hmm.
141
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,300
[Elfo] It's like they all have
peppermint sticks up their asses.
142
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,218
[Kissy] Oh, yeah.
143
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,763
- Your whining really turns me on.
- There's more where that came from.
144
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,849
We spend all day making candy
to earn candy.
145
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,559
It doesn't make any sense!
146
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,562
You're so sad. You're a sad little elf!
147
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:07,482
Kissy! What in humping heavens
is going on?
148
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,900
Nothing, Father!
149
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,945
Weirdo doesn't take his pants off
for nothing. Elfo?
150
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,113
Oh! Ow.
151
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,116
This is the last straw.
You're going to be punished.
152
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:19,035
What are you gonna do? Give me a paddling
with a big wollypop?
153
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,789
This is serious. You'll be hanged
from the Gumdrop Tree.
154
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:27,877
♪ Hanging Elfo from the Gumdrop Tree
A strangly-dangly activity ♪
155
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,215
Oh, this is all me fault, my boy.
I got something to tell ya.
156
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,633
Oh! Pops!
157
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,137
Well, it's gonna take a while,
so let me pull up this chair.
158
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,096
Hey.
159
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,056
- Now, what was I saying?
- [Elfo] Ow!
160
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,268
Oh, yeah, it all started
when I first laid eyes on your mother.
161
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,310
I mean, hands.
162
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,937
I couldn't keep them to myself,
163
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,814
and all of a sudden,
she gave me a right hook,
164
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,190
- and I was in love.
- Pops!
165
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,275
[grunting]
166
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,319
[Luci laughs]
167
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:54,237
Whoa!
168
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:56,781
Olé!
169
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,451
I'm already cursed enough.
170
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,204
I don't need some demon
making my life worse.
171
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,664
Oh!
172
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,207
That's no ladies' mace.
173
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,500
[grunts]
174
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:13,965
Yeah, look, you're stuck with me forever,
so just take a deep breath and...
175
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,425
[grunting] Ow!
176
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,343
Ow! Ow! Ow!
177
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,303
[grunts]
178
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,429
[objects clattering]
179
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,933
And that, my friend,
is how one returns a gift.
180
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,395
If you don't calm down,
this is gonna be a long forever.
181
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,563
[sighs]
182
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,231
Okay, you win.
183
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:31,941
[grunts]
184
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,026
[snoring]
185
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:34,986
[choking and struggling]
186
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,656
I told you elves are too light to hang.
187
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,992
The last guy we hanged died of old age.
188
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,535
Fine. Stab him!
189
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,996
Father, stop!
190
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,498
You can't just kill every guy
that kisses me.
191
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:48,875
Sure I can.
192
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,752
[crowd murmurs]
193
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:53,421
[Elfo grunts]
194
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:56,966
[Elfo grunts]
195
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,011
Run, Elfo! Run far away!
196
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,054
Come with me!
197
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,766
[panting]
198
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:41,052
Kissy, you've come this far.
Don't you want to see the outside world?
199
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:44,889
Elfo, I've never said this before,
but I can't go all the way.
200
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,811
Elfo, no! It is forbidden.
201
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,021
I don't know why we keep that lever there.
202
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,773
[elf king] Elfo, I warn thee.
203
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:57,151
For centuries,
no elf has ever left Elfwood.
204
00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:00,029
- Except Leavo.
- Speak no more of Leavo, Speako!
205
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,323
Please don't open it.
206
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:07,078
All will be forgiven
as long as you obey the Jolly Code.
207
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,331
Ugh... Scribeldy-scrobeldy-screw
the Jolly Code!
208
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,708
[Shocko] Wha...
209
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,502
I wanna taste something
other than sweetness.
210
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,046
I want to cry salty tears,
211
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,589
learn bitter truths.
212
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:23,136
I want to take a big, meaty bite
out of life and dip it in mustard.
213
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:28,057
Mustard, vinegar, anchovies?
These are the ravings of fools.
214
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,812
[gate unlocks]
215
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:51,289
Take one step further, you're on your own.
216
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:55,001
No elf has ever returned,
not even Returno.
217
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,253
Elfo, you'll die out there.
218
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:01,799
I'd rather die a big death
than live a small life.
219
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:08,723
[owl hoots]
220
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,099
[gate closing]
221
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:22,737
Wow.
222
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,449
For the first time in my life,
I feel completely calm and...
223
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,159
- [hawk screeches]
- [Elfo screaming]
224
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,585
Personal demon.
225
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,670
- So, you'll do my bidding?
- Uh, no.
226
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:44,133
I'm a princess. I can't do my own bidding.
How are you even useful?
227
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,468
Okay. Hmm.
228
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,388
You know that voice in your head
that says to do the right thing?
229
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,139
I'm the guy yelling over it.
230
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:54,560
Yeah, I'm the guy that makes you feel good
about doing bad things.
231
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,522
- You're like a terrible friend?
- I never said I'm your friend.
232
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,107
[sighs] Look at this cake.
233
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,026
It's not even about me.
It's about the stupid alliance.
234
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:05,321
Shame you're a princess and too dainty
to do anything about it.
235
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,034
[door opens]
236
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:14,205
I think you'll be very pleased
with the revised cake, Your Highness.
237
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:19,168
Nice likeness. Competent latticework.
238
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,089
Moving down, sugar columns
seem structurally sound.
239
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:27,969
Back looks good. And just a cursory glance
at the bottom tier.
240
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,220
And it says...
241
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,222
"Get Bent, Dad."
242
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,057
Isn't that... What?
243
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,017
Bean!
244
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,020
[both laughing]
245
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:43,985
[Elfo] Caramel can be a coating,
a filling, or a candy unto itself.
246
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,447
Now, a cousin to caramel is nougat,
which essentially is...
247
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,534
[grunts]
248
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,620
[plays melody]
249
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,627
Oh. Hi, I'm Elfo. And you are?
250
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,504
Busy. We're at war here.
251
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,505
What's war?
252
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:05,423
[whistles]
253
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,177
[stomping]
254
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,262
[growling]
255
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,432
Wee!
256
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,392
Now we're meeting new people. [grunts]
257
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,397
Yikes.
258
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,191
Huh?
259
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:24,734
[shrieks]
260
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:35,995
[screams]
261
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,208
[gnomes yelling]
262
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,796
Hi, I'm Elfo.
263
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,677
Yeow!
264
00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:01,270
Well, I like war,
but I wouldn't say I love it.
265
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,607
[coins jingling]
266
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,124
Wha...
267
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,459
Ooh. [chuckles]
268
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,962
- I'm glad you can't see this. Bye!
- Huh?
269
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:27,588
[ogre groans]
270
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,261
- Oh!
- Ah!
271
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,430
Tonight is wedding night,
so is time we had talk.
272
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,517
- I know I am not your mother.
- Please don't.
273
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,895
- But I do have sex with your father.
- God, Oona. Ew.
274
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,898
I do not need a sex talk
from my stepmother.
275
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,777
Tonight, you will be expect
to perform your wifely duties.
276
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:53,197
I mention because it was difficult
for me with the tentacles.
277
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,615
I don't have tentacles.
278
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,951
Your husband will have tentacles.
279
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,120
Are you trying to say testicles?
280
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:03,291
I don't know. Just leave your eggs
on the nightstand and get out of there.
281
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:04,875
[bell tolling]
282
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,462
Hmm.
283
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,224
[shrieking]
284
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,061
Man, I'm starving.
285
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:27,231
I should've grabbed one of those gumdrops
when they were hanging me.
286
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,364
I'm Elfo, by the way. What's your name?
287
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,033
We are but humble people.
288
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,493
We have no names,
but you can call me Farmer.
289
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,287
Our food is not flavorful,
290
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,664
but we humbly offer it
for your sustenance.
291
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,208
Are you kidding me?
This stuff looks amazing.
292
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,835
All I've ever eaten is candy.
293
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,004
Candy? Are you a king?
294
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,422
[scoffs] No.
295
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,758
Mmm. Mmm! Oh!
296
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,510
I am sorry our food will bring you no joy.
297
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:57,678
This is delicious!
298
00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:01,015
I beg you, sir.
We are far too humble to receive praise.
299
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,476
I can't help it. You deserve praise.
300
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,104
- We deserve to be beaten with our food.
- [laughs] I would rather eat it.
301
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:11,525
- It's so incredibly good!
- Now you've praised us too far.
302
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,362
- You must leave our humble home!
- Get out, praiser.
303
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,157
Thanks again! It was delicious!
304
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,159
You're ruining our lives!
305
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,922
[man] Announcing King Zog,
Queen Oona and... Who cares?
306
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,427
What do you see?
307
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,055
Ooh! Everybody got shoes.
308
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:47,395
How long is this gonna last? [shudders]
I'm not exactly comfortable in a church.
309
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,312
[shudders]
310
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,108
That's communion wine.
311
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,987
- You could use some, though.
- I really shouldn't.
312
00:19:57,071 --> 00:20:01,033
Times when you really shouldn't
are exactly when you really should.
313
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:09,083
Drinking wine with a demon.
Not exactly the wedding day I wished for.
314
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,130
[snorts]
315
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:17,466
Hmm!
316
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,932
I'm supposed to be surrounded
by people I like.
317
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,600
I don't even have my real mother.
318
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,272
Who needs a mother
when you've got bridesmaids?
319
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,315
- No bridesmaids?
- No.
320
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,859
- How about friends?
- Uh-uh.
321
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,277
Only drinking buddies.
322
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,279
To drinking buddies.
323
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,948
Better than bridesmaids.
Better than mothers.
324
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,951
I was raised
by a pack of drinking buddies.
325
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,455
And I came out perfect.
326
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:54,879
Dearly beloved, as we stand here
in this overly large building,
327
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,673
designed to make us feel small
and inadequate,
328
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,885
we ask the invisible God
we think is up there,
329
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,846
to watch over us if He, She,
330
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,767
or It is even capable of things
like watching over us...
331
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,394
This religion is still
in its early stages.
332
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,146
Nobody knows anything for sure,
333
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:17,651
but if I talk with confidence,
you dopes will believe anything I say.
334
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,196
[both laughing]
335
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,322
Whoa! Pops.
336
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:25,534
[stammering] I'm just kicking back
with my new cat.
337
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,621
Me? Ow. Meow. That's what cats say, right?
338
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,456
I'm not here to answer cat questions.
339
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:31,373
[Luci grunts]
340
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,001
Now get up and make your dad proud,
you drunk.
341
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,881
- Are you trying to make a jerk out of me?
- Yes.
342
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,098
Wow!
343
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:49,975
It's so small.
344
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,728
[chuckles] Oh, wait, I'm far away.
345
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,066
[organ music playing]
346
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:02,696
Do you, Guysbert,
most Exalted Prince of Bentwood,
347
00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,156
Slayer of Metallica,
348
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,118
take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
349
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,787
Duh...
350
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:10,913
Okay.
351
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:14,667
And do you, Princess Tiabeanie,
a single woman,
352
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:17,837
take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
353
00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:28,931
No!
354
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:35,771
Ah.
355
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:38,858
[crowd gasps]
356
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,569
[stammers] I didn't mean for that.
I'm so sorry.
357
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,280
He's dead.
358
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,659
Uh, I think I'm still alive.
No, wait. Nevermind.
359
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,327
I want my gift back.
360
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,289
Wait! Wait! Wait!
[stammers] Don't leave! Stab that guy.
361
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,461
- This wedding is all messed up.
- We've got to save the alliance.
362
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,338
- What are we gonna do?
- We've got another son.
363
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:03,173
Why didn't you say so? What's his name?
364
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:06,176
- [stammers] God... Uh, Merkimer.
- Merkimer.
365
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:08,304
Okay, watch this. Here we go.
366
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,848
Everybody, sit down. [chuckles]
367
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:16,478
[clears throat] In consultation
with Guysbert's grieving parents,
368
00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:19,356
we've decided
the princess can still marry.
369
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,357
What?
370
00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:23,068
Presenting Guysbert's younger brother,
371
00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:27,406
the new heir to the throne of Bentwood,
Prince Merkimer.
372
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,616
Don't be sad.
373
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,659
She would have left him for me anyway.
374
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:35,205
Uh... Actually, I'd be fine if someone
could just slide my head up a bit.
375
00:23:35,289 --> 00:23:37,708
Hush! There's a wedding in progress.
376
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,962
Do you, Prince Merkimer of Bentwood...
377
00:23:42,046 --> 00:23:44,298
You gotta be kidding me.
Father, you can't make me...
378
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,216
The king can make anyone!
379
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,302
You do. You do.
380
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:50,304
Say "man and wife."
381
00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:52,806
I now pronounce you man and...
382
00:23:52,890 --> 00:23:54,642
- [door creaks open]
- [crowd gasps]
383
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,395
Uh... Hi, I'm Elfo. [chuckles]
384
00:23:58,479 --> 00:24:00,022
What are all your names?
385
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,273
What the hell is that?
386
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,192
- An elf.
- A magical elf.
387
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,694
Elves haven't been seen in centuries.
388
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,571
Imagine the possibilities.
389
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:11,241
With elf magic,
I could progress far beyond card tricks.
390
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:12,618
[whimpers]
391
00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,163
A shiny gold Zog
to whoever seizes the elf.
392
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:17,581
[chattering and clambering]
393
00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:18,749
[Elfo screams]
394
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,670
Oh, I'll get you, wee elf!
395
00:24:22,753 --> 00:24:23,796
[rapid thumping]
396
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:24,713
Oh!
397
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:26,465
Ah!
398
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:39,895
[inhales deeply] Ah!
399
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:41,981
[grunting]
400
00:24:44,692 --> 00:24:45,693
[fabric tearing]
401
00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:46,735
Whoa! [grunts]
402
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,071
[Elfo screams]
403
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:53,409
So how'd it go?
404
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:57,621
That good, huh?
405
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:03,460
The wedding is ruined.
The demon is performing exquisitely.
406
00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:08,507
But look. There's a complication.
They've been joined by a tiny dork.
407
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:09,425
Ow.
408
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,802
It's fire, Cloyd. It's hot.
409
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:14,346
I know. I was there.
410
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,394
Elfo has left the building with Bean.
411
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:24,356
No worry. I'm an expert hunter,
and I'll track down the woman I love.
412
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,899
Keep the champagne chilled.
413
00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:28,736
I shall return
before the last uncle passes out.
414
00:25:28,819 --> 00:25:32,406
My Knights of the Zog Table will aid you.
Knights!
415
00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:36,577
Pendergast, who are your best trackers?
416
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,954
That would be Stryker and Bolt, sire.
417
00:25:39,038 --> 00:25:42,041
But they're lost,
so, it'll be Turbish and Mertz.
418
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:45,377
We won't get tired this time.
419
00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:49,882
[horses neighing]
420
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,222
[crown clangs]
421
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:03,395
[Elfo grunts]
422
00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:09,860
It was sweet of you to wreck my wedding,
but you're kind of slowing us down.
423
00:26:09,943 --> 00:26:11,278
Mind if I give you a ride?
424
00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:13,405
Mind? I don't mind at all.
425
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:14,656
[inhales]
426
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:16,533
[exhales]
427
00:26:24,124 --> 00:26:28,295
Well, it took all day,
but I finally got my winnings...
428
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:29,880
- [grunts]
- [crowd exclaims]
429
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:38,639
[Bean] Oh, no.
430
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:42,434
Stand back, chumps.
431
00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:45,145
Watch as a non-chump chumps these chumps.
432
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,065
[inhales]
433
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:55,572
[Merkimer grunts]
434
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,324
[horse neighs]
435
00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:00,828
[Luci laughs]
436
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:03,372
[knights grunting]
437
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:07,376
Before today,
we had neither riches nor magic.
438
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:12,131
Then today, for one blessed second,
we almost had both.
439
00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:13,882
And now you got bupkis!
440
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:16,885
Oh, no.
441
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,228
[Elfo screams]
442
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,229
[Bean screams]
443
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,857
- [Luci] Ow, ow, ow!
- [Bean grunting]
444
00:27:29,940 --> 00:27:31,316
[grunting and screaming]
445
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,901
Ow, ow, ow!
446
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:34,403
Oh! Ah! [grunts]
447
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:35,487
Why me?
448
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,451
[Pendergast] No one could survive
that many tumbles.
449
00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:43,412
- [laughing]
- [Pendergast] Oh.
450
00:28:00,304 --> 00:28:01,138
[owl hoots]
451
00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:04,683
I've never had a nightmare. Is this one?
452
00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:05,767
[distant trumpeting]
453
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,611
[Pendergast] The footprints
stop dead right here.
454
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,614
- Where did they go?
- Only one place they could have gone.
455
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:19,865
Start digging.
456
00:28:19,948 --> 00:28:22,201
[Turbish] I have theory. Maybe they go up.
457
00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:25,495
I won't even dignify that
with an upward glance.
458
00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:26,413
[Turbish] Ugh.
459
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,669
[fairy] Hey, there.
460
00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:36,340
I haven't seen you in this tree before.
You looking for a good time?
461
00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:39,676
A fairy? Maybe she can help us.
Do you do magic?
462
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,180
Sure, I've done a trick or two.
What do you have in mind?
463
00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:46,516
I was forced into a wedding,
and I wish I had my freedom to...
464
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,602
Hey, I'm gonna stop you right there.
465
00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:51,355
Wishes sound free. I don't do free.
466
00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:55,025
But you look like sweet kids.
You ever heard of the Wishmaster?
467
00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:56,735
I've never heard of anything.
468
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:59,029
It's true. He just thinks
you're a real friendly lady.
469
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:01,615
An old girlfriend of mine
used to work the mountain.
470
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:05,786
She said this Wishmaster guy
was the real deal. Thataway.
471
00:29:05,869 --> 00:29:09,122
This is so helpful.
How can we ever repay you?
472
00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:11,375
Cash. Leave it on the branch.
473
00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:19,383
[chirps]
474
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:23,679
[Luci sighs]
475
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,807
Cool night air, sky full of stars...
476
00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:29,226
This sucks. How much further?
477
00:29:29,309 --> 00:29:30,143
[grunts]
478
00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,231
It's getting late, boys.
We'd better stay here.
479
00:29:41,238 --> 00:29:42,823
Okay, so if we get three wishes,
480
00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:45,575
I want to be in charge of my own destiny,
481
00:29:45,659 --> 00:29:47,202
to have my mom back, obviously,
482
00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:49,705
and to find a boyfriend
who's a great listener.
483
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,123
What do you wish for, Elfo?
484
00:29:51,206 --> 00:29:52,416
To be a great listener.
485
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:55,419
And whatever that thing is
you said about your mom.
486
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:58,839
I would get rid of all the diseases
plaguing mankind,
487
00:29:58,922 --> 00:30:01,008
and replace them with worse ones.
488
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,843
Ooh! And make Elfo die alone.
489
00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:06,221
Hey, he's making fun of my dreams.
490
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,098
That's what friends do.
491
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:11,601
We got a long journey in the morning.
Let's get some shut-eye.
492
00:30:11,685 --> 00:30:14,688
You two sleep down by my feet.
I call it the friend zone.
493
00:30:14,771 --> 00:30:17,316
Get comfortable.
You ain't never getting outta here.
494
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:21,486
What's this weird feeling
I don't want to drink away?
495
00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:23,447
That's hope. That's hope!
496
00:30:23,530 --> 00:30:26,241
You know what we say in Hell?
"Hope's for dopes."
497
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,368
Well, good night, everybody. [grunts]
498
00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:32,247
I'll be entering your dreams
tonight in the form of a laughing skull.
499
00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:37,377
[chuckles] Yeah, that's me. That's me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.
500
00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:47,971
An elf with a human girl?
That ain't right.
501
00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:58,774
[Oona snoring]
502
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:02,444
Ah...
503
00:31:05,364 --> 00:31:06,198
[snores]
504
00:31:07,783 --> 00:31:08,617
[Luci snores]
505
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,495
Mmm... Guys, hey! Wake up.
506
00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:15,040
Come on. We've got a long way to go
to the Wishmaster's lair.
507
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,083
[Elfo] Mmm...
508
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:17,459
Oh.
509
00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:24,800
I wish you guys would help.
510
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,259
Save it for the Wishmaster.
511
00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:42,609
[distant vocalizing]
512
00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:52,369
Seek ye me?
513
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:54,121
Yes, are you...
514
00:31:54,204 --> 00:31:55,622
The Washmaster.
515
00:31:55,705 --> 00:31:57,457
Wait, the what-master?
516
00:31:57,541 --> 00:31:59,251
You heard me. The Washmaster.
517
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:03,088
People far and wide seek me out
to wash their clothes.
518
00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:07,717
No!
519
00:32:07,801 --> 00:32:11,221
Well, now we know something
we didn't know yesterday.
520
00:32:11,972 --> 00:32:12,806
[horse neighs]
521
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:14,766
[Bean sighs]
522
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:20,147
Ah, there you are, my love.
I've come to take you back to our wedding.
523
00:32:20,230 --> 00:32:21,231
[panting]
524
00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:47,466
[Bean] Oh!
525
00:32:49,092 --> 00:32:49,926
[sniffs]
526
00:32:59,895 --> 00:33:00,729
Ah!
527
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:06,818
I might as well give up and accept
528
00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:09,029
that I'll never be anything more
than a wealthy queen
529
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:11,698
of a fabulous faraway kingdom. [sniffles]
530
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:13,700
It's my destiny.
531
00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:15,285
Bean, no!
532
00:33:15,368 --> 00:33:18,705
You are beautiful,
and your skin is so soft,
533
00:33:18,788 --> 00:33:21,791
and your hair smells like butterscotch,
but you're wrong!
534
00:33:21,875 --> 00:33:25,378
Pardon my language,
but destiny is baloney!
535
00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:28,715
Your future is not foretold.
It's what you make of it.
536
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,300
[Merkimer] He's right, my darling.
537
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:31,885
Let's make a future together.
538
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:35,096
I've loved you
since the moment you killed my brother.
539
00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:41,436
Give me your hand in marriage, Bean.
540
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:53,448
Ah...
541
00:33:53,532 --> 00:33:55,742
- You're magic, right?
- Yep.
542
00:33:56,826 --> 00:33:58,453
Not that kind of magic, though.
543
00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:01,289
- What about you?
- Maybe I am.
544
00:34:02,207 --> 00:34:03,041
Nope.
545
00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:04,125
[all screaming]
546
00:34:06,336 --> 00:34:08,338
[theme music playing]