1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,926 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,430 [man] Hey! 3 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,645 Bean! No! 4 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,525 She forgot her glove! 5 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,861 My poor Princess Tiabeanie. 6 00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,277 She never had a chance to say she loved me. 7 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,526 [footsteps approaching] 8 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:35,737 Now what? Whoa! 9 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,503 [sniffs] 10 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,659 Me smell fear. 11 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,418 [stutters] I mean, I smell fear. 12 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:45,299 You don't scare me! I was born scared. Get him, men! 13 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,422 [swords clinking] 14 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:48,585 [grunting] 15 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,384 [all grunting] 16 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,765 -[monk] Boys, boys, boys. -[knight] What? 17 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,189 There's no conflict here. 18 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:03,310 This is a plateau of peace. 19 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,396 [throat singing] 20 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,950 -Ah! -[all grunting] 21 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:21,753 I can get married or I can die. This should be a harder decision. 22 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,711 Hey! Death is the easy way out! 23 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,802 So I say do it. Do it! Do it, do it, do it! 24 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,758 No! Your cruddy life is worth living, Bean. 25 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,379 And so is mine, if you live. 26 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,717 Ugh. Geez. Do it. 27 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:35,803 Hey, guys? 28 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:36,717 [both] Yeah? 29 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,805 Uh, while you were talking, the stick broke. 30 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,140 [Elfo and Bean screaming] 31 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:46,558 Leaving when the ogre looked away was an excellent strategy. 32 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:50,898 Now, by my reckoning, the bodies should have landed right here. 33 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:52,242 Whoa! 34 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,994 Dear God, you've mangled my exquisite face! 35 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,076 Wait, no, that's your face. 36 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,251 What's wrong with my face? 37 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:04,789 It looks like a foot. I mean, if you're happy with it... 38 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:05,884 Whoa! 39 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,194 And that's when I discovered 40 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:27,109 that the dragon could shoot fire from both ends. 41 00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,608 Anyway, enough about every detail of my life. 42 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,231 Tell me something about you. 43 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,147 [grunts] 44 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,855 [man] Really? Fascinating. Exquisite. 45 00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,948 [playing fanfare] 46 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,282 [distorted trumpet sound] 47 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,867 Your Majesty, it is with much heroism that I now return Princess Bean, 48 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,576 along with this priceless sack of elf. 49 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:48,837 Ah! Uh. 50 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,838 This cold floor feels good on my concussion. 51 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,381 Hi, I'm Elfo! 52 00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:56,974 But more importantly, I am the one and only Luci. 53 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,221 Who cares what a cat has to say? 54 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,394 [grunts] 55 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,431 I'm not a cat! 56 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,644 Ah, whatever. I'm gonna go lay down in the window. 57 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,895 All I care about is this sweet, precious elf. 58 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,268 Cram him in a cage! 59 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:12,188 Dad, you can't just cage him. Elves are jolly by nature. 60 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,395 They need to prance and dance. 61 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:17,155 Lucky for you, I'm a patron of the arts. 62 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:25,211 But all frolicking stays within castle walls. 63 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,118 Well, get to it! 64 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,705 [playing happy tune on flute] 65 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,264 [screaming and grunting] 66 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:47,267 It's still rolling, but he has stopped screaming. 67 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,692 Someone jab him with a sword, make sure he's okay. 68 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,822 Speaking of things getting poked, we've got a wedding to plan. 69 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,650 Ew. Dad, think out the words before they come out. It's-- 70 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,947 I know. It felt weird when I said it. 71 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,991 -[bells ringing] -[seagulls squawking] 72 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:10,252 We'll scrub you right up, as clean as a child on his funeral day. 73 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,253 Arms up! 74 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:16,091 Oh. How my Charlie sparkled this morning when they heaved him into the burial pit. 75 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,672 He's in a better place now. 76 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,797 Oh, yes, down there with all his little friends. 77 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,385 Ah. Not so hard! 78 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,890 I'm sorry, Bunty. 79 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,852 I don't mean to be insensitive about your dead whatever. 80 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,103 I just really don't want to marry this wealthy prince. 81 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,185 You understand. 82 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,480 But it is your duty as a princess. 83 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,573 We need this marriage to cement our alliance with Bentwood. 84 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,820 For our kingdom is rich in tradition, 85 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:41,162 but their kingdom is rich in... Well, riches. 86 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:45,239 Plus, I don't see anyone else storming your castle, princess. 87 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,289 Rawr. 88 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:51,748 [bubbling] 89 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:57,959 [munches] 90 00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,717 -Your Highness. -Eh? 91 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,219 The elf may have value far beyond what we expected. 92 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,143 Uh... 93 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:08,020 It appears there may be truth to the old legends regarding the elves. 94 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:13,439 It seems certain secrets were set down in the ancient writings of Mephismo. 95 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:14,361 [blows] 96 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,899 [both coughing] 97 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,942 I should dust in here more often. 98 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,566 Anyway, I've read it before. 99 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:24,492 The essence is that there is enormously potent magic in elves' blood. 100 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,410 Could this elf's blood be the key to my wildest dream? 101 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:34,075 Might we finally create the Elixir of Life? 102 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,247 I don't want to raise your hopes. 103 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,756 But yes, definitely. 104 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:39,838 [humming] 105 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,181 Hey, Elfo, what are you lookin' at? 106 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:53,135 I was just admiring the towel. My people don't have terrycloth. 107 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:56,857 I cannot marry that pig Merkimer. [stutters] I can't do it. 108 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,229 I'm gonna have to kill him or something. 109 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,897 Do it. Do it, do it, do it! 110 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,985 And after you kill him we can hide the body. 111 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,451 Then we could join the search party 112 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,740 and you and I can look at each other and try not to laugh. 113 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:11,865 No! You're not a murderer, Bean! Well, I mean, you did kill that one guy. 114 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:16,004 Nope. Still alive, but suffering greatly. 115 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,844 You're a sweet person. 116 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,419 Sure, you're a violent alcoholic, but you're not a killer. 117 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,506 You're right. I'll go have a few drinks and we'll figure something out. 118 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,138 Oh. 119 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,181 Hey, I'm still naked. 120 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,104 I'm naked all the time. You just didn't know it. 121 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,733 And now you're never gonna un-know it. 122 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,856 Uh, might we borrow this little man for a moment? 123 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,650 I just need to pick his brain. 124 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,275 Through his nostrils. 125 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,951 So, how we gonna kill your fiancé? 126 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,620 Candlestick in the conservatory? Candlestick in the face? 127 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:50,989 I think we need to be a little bit more discreet. Oh. Poison could be perfect! 128 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,502 This one causes slow, painful death. 129 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,884 This one kills you with kindness and some belladonna. 130 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:05,473 And this one's so poisonous you can't even hold it in a bottle. [chuckles] 131 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,880 Oh. Excuse me. 132 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:08,715 [thuds] 133 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,178 Have you folks been helped? 134 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,515 We're still browsing. 135 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,559 Uh, you know what? I'm just not comfortable with murder. 136 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,694 There's got to be another way to get rid of him. 137 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,861 You could just marry him 138 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,689 and drive him mad with your indecisiveness. 139 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,614 Hmm. 140 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:23,782 I don't know. 141 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,865 We're running out of time. [stutters] 142 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:34,120 What if I rub a sick chicken all over his face and hope for the best? 143 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,203 [clucks then coughs] 144 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,498 [bells ringing] 145 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:40,922 [Bean] Mermaids! 146 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,547 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 147 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:44,709 [muffled] Probably not. 148 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,417 [chicken clucks then wheezes] 149 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:51,796 [chuckles] Something tickles. Is there a mosquito on my leg? 150 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:56,018 Behold, sire, as I extract a small quantity of blood. 151 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,440 I only have a small quantity of blood. 152 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,951 Excellent. I've asked the eminent Lord Lingonberry 153 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,661 to take part in the experiment. 154 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:16,251 And may I say what a deep honor it is to assist His Majesty in this most-- 155 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,289 Strap him down! 156 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,292 This is the first interesting thing that's ever happened to me. 157 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,455 To test the revitalizing influence of the blood, 158 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:27,125 I shall apply a small measure to the scalp 159 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,465 to regrow his Lordship's once-lavish hair. 160 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:33,101 And... doink. 161 00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:38,274 Nothing's happening. 162 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,021 But, ho! Some hair has sprouted in his ear. 163 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,233 His ears were always like that! 164 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,614 It's like he keeps paintbrushes in there. 165 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:49,491 Yes, well, I suppose the life-giving magic may take a while. 166 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,320 Uh, come back in a few days, Lord Lingonberry. 167 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,367 He's dead. 168 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:59,211 Pity. He was a good man. A family man. 169 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:03,673 [pigs squealing] 170 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,379 Clearly, the volume of blood was inadequate. 171 00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:11,803 To extract greater quantities, we'll need more sophisticated methods. 172 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,594 Mop Girl, milk him. 173 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,597 [squirting] 174 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,431 My brain feels dry. 175 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:28,645 Now we hope Merkimer's a big enough idiot to fall for this mermaid plan. 176 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,284 I'm feeling optimistic. 177 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:36,951 [chuckling nervously] So, Merkimer, I know I've been a little cold and distant, 178 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,504 and some would say overflowing with revulsion-- 179 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,619 That's okay. I don't listen to women. 180 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,366 But before we marry 181 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,207 and I enter a state of semi-permanent pregnancy... 182 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,464 [chuckles nervously] Woo! 183 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,336 I just wanted to make sure you have some fun. 184 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:55,604 That's why I insist you have a bachelor party. 185 00:09:55,678 --> 00:10:01,388 It'll be way out on the open seas where the only law is the law of no laws. 186 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,980 Anything goes. 187 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,017 Anything... goes. 188 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,949 Anything goes! 189 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:13,859 Whoa! 190 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,446 They call it a party barge, 191 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:19,121 and it's charting a course for Mermaid Island. 192 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,001 This island has real mermaids? 193 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,498 It's not just named after Gerald K. Mermaid? 194 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,831 It was named after him, but it also has mermaids. 195 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,627 Intriguing. But don't mermaids use their mesmo-songs 196 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,342 to lure men to their deaths? 197 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:34,132 Ah, only weak-minded men fall for that. 198 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,086 So you'll be pretty much fine. 199 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,717 Very well. I'm in. 200 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,684 What a gullible idiot. 201 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,965 Can I go, too? 202 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:48,482 Our first experiment with the elf blood was inconclusive. 203 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:52,654 But these new tests shall reveal its restorative powers. 204 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:00,405 Hmm. 205 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:03,578 Fly! 206 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,870 Oh. [gulps] 207 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:13,835 [Elfo] Ow! 208 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,141 [gasps] Are you okay? 209 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,643 [weakly] If I say no, will I seem less manly? 210 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,805 Elfo, that's not possible. 211 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:31,015 Why don't you pick on someone your own size? Like a barn! 212 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,477 First of all, sweetie, shut up. 213 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:37,657 I'm not gonna hurt this little guy. I'm gonna leech the magic out of him. 214 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,868 Don't you want a magic daddy? 215 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,869 No! Gosh. I don't want a magic daddy, 216 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,412 and I would never call you that even if you were! 217 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:50,576 You just want your stupid Elixir of Life so you can be immortal and rule forever. 218 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,588 God, you're selfish and cruel. 219 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,630 Selfish? Maybe. But cruel? 220 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,045 Ah, also maybe. 221 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,223 Sire, harnessing the blood's power has proven difficult. 222 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,472 Perhaps if I had more to work with... 223 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:06,305 [groans] Look at this! There's more blood in my chamber pot. 224 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,602 If this flask isn't filled with elf blood by morning, 225 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:12,857 we'll grind him to a paste and see if that works better. 226 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:17,451 Oh! If that paste doesn't work, I'm in real trouble. 227 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,698 [owl hoots] 228 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:19,985 [bell dings] 229 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:27,793 I'm an optimist. I say the flask is half-full. 230 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,792 -It's not. -Don't be so negative. 231 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,294 -Where there's a will, there's a way. -There's not. 232 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,336 [pigs squeal, grunt] 233 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,850 Shut your snouts, you dumb pigs, or I'm gonna... Oh, wait. 234 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,740 Did you know that pigs are 80% blood? 235 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,241 -Really? -Not anymore. 236 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:13,826 I must admit, the quantity of blood exceeded my expectations. 237 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:17,208 So Elfo is free to go? 238 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,256 Hmm. 239 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,419 For now. 240 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,127 Looks like I picked the wrong day to wear sandals. 241 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,767 [whooping] 242 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,178 Was I the only one hoping for more blood? 243 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:32,137 I feel weak and queasy. 244 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,518 What you need is a nice, long boat ride. 245 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:50,698 All aboard the party barge! I hope you like fun and soggy pretzels. 246 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:51,748 [men cheering] 247 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,962 I hope you like me yelling! 248 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,803 Stop right there, Your Ladyness. 249 00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:01,088 A delicate flower like yourself has no place aboard-- 250 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:02,173 [grunts] 251 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,428 Good point. 252 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,845 I'm so glad you're coming along, Bean. 253 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,140 You'll get to know the crazy, fun me, 254 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,694 before spending the rest of your life with the boring, bossy me. 255 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,769 I'm lucky in so many ways. 256 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,441 [captain] Now listen up, you landhuggers. 257 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,146 This may be a party barge, 258 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:25,276 but the dangers of Mermaid Island be all too real. 259 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,454 So drink responsibly! 260 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,077 [coughs] 261 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:35,915 [screams] 262 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:42,377 -[all chant] Spin the elf! Spin the elf! -Spin the-- [screams] 263 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:45,014 Attention on the party barge! 264 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:48,182 We be sailing now into treacherous waters. 265 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,022 To starboard, man-eating sharks. 266 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:53,678 To port, a sunset so beautiful 267 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:56,307 the rest of your life will seem anticlimactic. 268 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,265 But the worst lies ahead! 269 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:03,065 For there lurk the twin shores of Mermaid Island and Walrus Island. 270 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,452 And you don't want to mix those up, believe me. 271 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,950 Let's get this underway, shall we? 272 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:12,493 Everyone line up single file to get lashed to the masts. 273 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,578 God forbid you lose control and jump overboard. 274 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:15,503 We don't want that. 275 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,924 Anyone not tied down better plug your ears. 276 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,177 "Ear wax"? Does it mean it's for ears or from ears? 277 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:31,720 Arr, you'll want to put the wax in before you hear me answer. 278 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:39,653 Tighter, man, tighter! I have poor impulse control. 279 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,606 You remembered to use a slipknot, right? 280 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:47,362 I can't hear you! I've got wax in my ears! 281 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:51,116 You rigged it so he'll break free and leap overboard, right? 282 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,120 The plan? 283 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,201 Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 284 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,156 Well, no. I couldn't do it. 285 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,077 Ugh. 286 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,745 Elf defense? Try self-defense. 287 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:01,924 Just go cut the ropes. 288 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,512 -Stop! No! Don't do it! -Do it. Do it. -I can't jump that high. -Do it! Elfo... 289 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,184 -That's not fair. -Don't listen to Elfo. You're playing to your strengths, and not mine. 290 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,894 [laughs mockingly] See? Even the gods don't want you to do it. 291 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,016 Then they shouldn't have given me these big bad buck teeth. 292 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:26,402 My prince, may I give you one last kiss for good luck? 293 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,895 On the forearm, for whatever reason? 294 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,698 That's kind of Mother's thing, but sure. 295 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:32,742 [kisses] 296 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:34,833 [biting] Did it work? 297 00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:44,381 All hands, brace fer mermaids! And their irresistible song. 298 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,719 If it's smooth jazz, I will destroy this place. 299 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:48,798 [harmonious singing] 300 00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,969 [all sighing] 301 00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,437 -Oh. -Oh. 302 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:03,397 It's beautiful. Such angelic voices. 303 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,780 I've never heard a song so sweet and delicate. 304 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,279 I must have sex with its origin. 305 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,042 Ha! I'm free! Lead the way, loins. 306 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:22,745 [grunts] 307 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,503 [men gasp] 308 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:33,588 I'm Merkimer. I can't wait to meet you. I don't need your names, though. 309 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,689 Ladies, the legends do not do you justice. 310 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:46,149 Not one mention of your fuzzy muzzles. Climb aboard. 311 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,521 [walruses singing] 312 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:49,188 [Merkimer] Ooh! 313 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,530 Yes! 314 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:54,202 Uh... Should we be doing something? 315 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,831 I'm already smoking and laughing. What more do you want? 316 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:58,987 [laughs] 317 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:01,827 -[singing stops] -[Merkimer] Whoa! 318 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,794 Listen. They've stopped singing. 319 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,420 Aye, their siren song is done for now. 320 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:11,884 And we only lost one man. That's actually not bad. 321 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:15,965 Usually everyone dies. I don't advertise that fact. [chuckles] 322 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:20,023 [Mertz] Merkimer may be gone, but at least he prepaid for the barge. 323 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,479 -To Merkimer! -[all] To Merkimer! 324 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:30,108 As Merkimer's fiancée, I'd like to say a few words. 325 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,491 Let's head back. 326 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,029 Where the hell are we? This fog is as thick as chowder. 327 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,486 Chowder? It doesn't always have to be nautical references with me. 328 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:45,117 There are plenty of other thick soups. Cream of potato, that's one. 329 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,417 Uh... Chili... I guess that's not a soup. 330 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:52,132 Uh... Ham chowder. No, that's a chowder. Uh... 331 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,724 What's the one with the salt? 332 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:57,849 [stutters] Salt soup! There you are. Salt soup. 333 00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:58,758 Bah! 334 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,636 Look, in the distance! The lights of the kingdom! 335 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,058 That's no land. 336 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,066 It's a ship of war, flying the dread flag of the Borcs! 337 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:15,240 [gasps] They must be planning a sneak attack on Dreamland! 338 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,450 Don't panic. We can slip away unnoticed 339 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,991 as long as everyone remains absolutely silent. 340 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,076 [loudly] What? 341 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,212 [grunting] 342 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,958 They've spotted us. Defend the barge or risk losing your deposit. 343 00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:33,876 [gasps] 344 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,304 Fire the cannon! 345 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,724 Don't look at that. You didn't pay for it. 346 00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:41,644 [growling] 347 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,687 I'm sorry, guys. We're gonna die and it's all my fault. 348 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:55,073 No, it was me with my incessant do it, do it, do it, do its. 349 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,452 That's what made you do it. 350 00:19:56,528 --> 00:20:00,818 Neither one of you was to blame. It was both of you. You both killed us. 351 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,078 [screaming] 352 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,369 The barge is falling apart! 353 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:07,663 Aye, 'twas held together mainly by stains. 354 00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:14,416 [grunting] 355 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:21,638 All the confetti cannons in the world couldn't save us now. 356 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,347 [walruses singing] 357 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,140 Mermaids, attack! 358 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,269 [grunting and yelling] 359 00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:57,591 Didn't you always want a husband that screwed 30 walruses? 360 00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,093 Yeah. Yeah, I did. 361 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:00,134 [water splashes] 362 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,346 King Zog, you're giving me your daughter, 363 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,805 so it's only fair I give you something of equal value. 364 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,277 The head of the Borc admiral! 365 00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:22,405 That's not a Borc, it's a Bozak! They're our closest allies! 366 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,949 The Bozak wedding delegation never arrived. 367 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,663 No wonder all those presents have been washing ashore. 368 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:34,838 Then let this be a warning to your other allies. 369 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:48,180 This is the dress my mom wore when she married my dad. 370 00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:52,265 I thought when it was my turn to wear it, I'd be as happy as she was. 371 00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:55,362 Somehow, I don't think my portrait's gonna be nearly as happy. 372 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,863 If you no like, I fix. 373 00:21:57,941 --> 00:22:01,491 No, no, that's okay, Giuseppe. We hired you for your emotional realism. 374 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:02,400 [bells tolling] 375 00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:05,906 It's time. 376 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,951 Well, free will was fun while it lasted. 377 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:12,746 Just doing the stuff I wanted to do, going places I wanted to go. 378 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:16,001 That time I stole a baby walrus. You guys were there. 379 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:19,884 So, anyway, here comes the bride. 380 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,138 [sighs] 381 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:32,097 I can't bear to watch. I'll be in my cage. 382 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:46,155 [bells ringing] 383 00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:54,621 Anyone seen Sorcerio? 384 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,956 Ugh. No, he's at a wedding. Your wedding. 385 00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:01,553 Well, if it isn't my little barge buddy, Elmo. 386 00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:06,510 Ugh, I told you, my name is Elfo. Elmo was my house. I lived in an elm. 387 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:09,143 I'm feeling a tad nervous, my tiny friend. 388 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:12,521 Those mermaids worked me over pretty hard, sexually. 389 00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:16,099 I may not be able to perform tonight on the marital mattress. 390 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,556 [grunts] Stop talking to me. 391 00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:20,437 I mean, I'm drained. 392 00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:24,074 Haha! Here it is. Legend has it that elf blood contains 393 00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:25,952 the mystical essence of life itself. 394 00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:29,279 Perhaps it could perk up my poor, tuckered dong. 395 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:33,536 Please stop! There's no place like Elmo. There's no place like Elmo... 396 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:36,330 Mind if I have a little sip of you juice? 397 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,915 Hold up. That's not elf's blood, that's pig's-- 398 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:43,130 [stutters] Help yourself! Do it. Do it. Do it! 399 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:50,927 Enough rigmarole. Bring in the blushing groom. 400 00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:54,814 [crowd gasping] 401 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,060 I've never felt such vigor. 402 00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:01,565 You're all invited to our marital evening. [laughs] 403 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:05,529 Hmm. Feeling a bit... [retches] What's happening? 404 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:06,570 [squeals] 405 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,621 Well, this is odd. 406 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:11,699 [squealing and grunting] 407 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:13,033 [all gasp] 408 00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,118 [cackles] 409 00:24:18,081 --> 00:24:19,041 [crowd gasp] 410 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:19,964 [grunts] [squeals] 411 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,049 Hey. 412 00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:29,625 Really, Dad? [scoffs] You're fine with this? 413 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:32,348 You think this arranged marriage will solve your problems? 414 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:34,179 You think that magic will? [scoffs] 415 00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:37,184 You're just thinking about yourself, what you want. 416 00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:38,847 You don't care about me. 417 00:24:38,935 --> 00:24:41,145 Isn't there a point in everyone's life 418 00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:44,519 where they need to, like, go and figure out who they are? 419 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:48,568 Are we standing in that moment right now? Maybe. 420 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:51,533 But I know one thing, and I know it real good, 421 00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,695 I know it really, really intensely, 422 00:24:53,783 --> 00:24:57,123 and that's [stutters] I don't want to marry this pig. 423 00:24:58,497 --> 00:24:59,457 [squeals] 424 00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:01,116 Or that one either. 425 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:05,548 Ah, to hell with it. Bean may be crazy, but she's right. 426 00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:07,879 This whole cursed wedding is canceled. 427 00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:09,014 [all gasp] 428 00:25:09,090 --> 00:25:10,430 And the bar is closed. 429 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:11,719 [all gasp angrily] 430 00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:15,011 If you're calling off the wedding, I'm calling off the alliance! 431 00:25:15,096 --> 00:25:20,096 Oh, yeah? My knuckles'll make an alliance with your pig-fathering face! 432 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:23,685 [crowd chanting] King fight! King fight! King fight! 433 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:25,522 -King fight! King fight! -Come on. 434 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:26,857 [crowd cheering] 435 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:29,068 [grunts] 436 00:25:31,571 --> 00:25:35,031 Guys, thanks for making my wedding a day I'll always remember. 437 00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:37,196 Now let's see how fast we can forget it. 438 00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:42,043 -To us. -But mainly me! 439 00:25:43,166 --> 00:25:45,166 -[crowd clamoring] -[Zog] And furthermore! 440 00:25:45,252 --> 00:25:47,092 [grunts] I compliment you on that one, sir. 441 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:56,642 [pig squealing]