1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,926
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,510
[man] Hey!
3
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:32,700
Drink the fairy! Drink the fairy!
4
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:36,204
That's okay, honey. I go down easy.
5
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,370
[all cheering]
6
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,920
[slurring] Okay, okay.
7
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:49,593
If you could be any mythical creature,
what would it be? Elfo?
8
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:52,434
[slurring] Oh, that's easy.
Dwarf! [chuckles]
9
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:56,220
Man, if I was a dwarf, I'd run this town.
10
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:59,476
[slurring] What's the difference
between a dwarf and an elf?
11
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,389
-I don't know.
-[burps]
12
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,565
I had a good time in there.
Your organs know how to party.
13
00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:11,197
Guys, we should go home before
we pass out in the street. Again.
14
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,279
[bell tolling]
15
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,828
So tragically young.
16
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,036
So tragically small.
17
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,666
Eh, this thing had it coming.
18
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:36,887
What the...
19
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,428
Ow!
20
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:41,725
Oh, no, no, no. This is bad.
21
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,980
What is happening?
22
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:46,151
Elfo, don't freak out. Just stay calm.
23
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,151
Yeah, like this guy.
24
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:50,692
-[screams] Are we in the plague pit?
-[man] You are!
25
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,447
-Who was that?
-[Roger] Name's Roger!
26
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,869
All we have to do
is find a way out before they...
27
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:56,869
[torch ignites]
28
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,990
Was she gonna say
"before they light it on fire"?
29
00:01:59,077 --> 00:01:59,947
She was.
30
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:01,036
[Bean and Elfo screaming]
31
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:03,962
[Bean and Elfo grunting]
32
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,790
I haven't lived long enough
to give up on my dreams yet.
33
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,836
I never got to see the world.
34
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,420
We only just met.
35
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,875
There are so many things
we could have done and then tried.
36
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,176
Why didn't we give in to our instincts?
37
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,640
It's too bad we never
experienced bliss together.
38
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,430
We can, Bean. There's nothing in our way,
except this arm.
39
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,889
Oh, Elfo...
40
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,768
Oh, Bean.
41
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,225
You meant bliss the feeling.
42
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,315
There's another kind of bliss?
43
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,651
Yeah, it's a drug.
It makes you hallucinate.
44
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:38,067
You can do it in the Black Light District.
I always wanted to try it.
45
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,788
Well, good stuff.
We should get you two outta here.
46
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,249
You knew that was there the whole time?
47
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,659
Yeah, saw it on the way down.
48
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,915
-Are you coming, Roger?
-[Roger] No, thanks! Elfo, it's okay, really.
49
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,766
I think it's sweet you wanted to kiss me,
but I'm just--
50
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,730
Kiss you?
You think I was trying to kiss you?
51
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,731
Uh, um, okay.
[chuckles] Yeah...
52
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,734
Don't flatter yourself, Princess.
53
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,226
You weren't trying to kiss me?
54
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,278
Uh, definitely not.
55
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,401
'Cause it seemed like---
56
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:19,527
Okay, take it easy. I have a girlfriend,
57
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,776
and I'm not just making it up on the spot.
58
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:26,408
Speaking of the spot, isn't this the spot?
Let's talk about the spot now.
59
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,514
Welcome, my friends.
One adult, two children.
60
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,183
[man] Gah.
61
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,345
Get ready to have your minds blown.
62
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,141
Just breathe in and try to mellow.
63
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,096
[Elfo inhales]
64
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,404
I don't feel it yet. How much longer?
65
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,442
Let's just all take another deep breath.
66
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,105
[all inhale]
67
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,034
Good idea.
68
00:03:57,111 --> 00:04:00,871
And on the exhale, Elfo will tell us
more about his girlfriend.
69
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,039
-Dude.
-Yeah, who is this mystery girl?
70
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:08,748
She's not a mystery,
but she's definitely a girl. Friend.
71
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:09,961
She's my girlfriend.
72
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,171
Hmm, kinda took you a long time
to bring her up, though.
73
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,843
It sorta seems like you might be a liar.
74
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:16,972
You callin' me a liar?
75
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,548
Oh, that's the stickiest.
76
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,473
That's just real sticky
coming from a friend.
77
00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:24,392
So, why haven't we met
your little bitty elf squeeze?
78
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:27,182
She's not an elf, and she's not little!
79
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,437
She's big! Bigger than you'll ever be!
80
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:34,360
Okay, okay. So, what does
this big love of yours look like?
81
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,690
I know what she looks like.
82
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,815
She's got white hair,
buck teeth and two blue eyes.
83
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:44,163
Wrong. She has red hair, normal teeth,
no offense, and one green eye.
84
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,702
Wait, did you say one eye?
85
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,955
Yeah, that's right. Yup,
now I'm remember... Just the one. Yup.
86
00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:51,578
Well, now I'm really curious to meet her.
87
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,286
You can't! 'Cause, uh...
88
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:55,297
Damn it!
89
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:59,297
Let me help you out. She's from
a faraway land. We wouldn't know it.
90
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,382
Yes, really far away.
91
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,467
Like, way up the country,
past the Unpassable Mountains?
92
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,474
Even farther.
93
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,715
Then how did you two meet?
94
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:11,687
Um, on vacation. Yup. With our families.
95
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:14,309
Oh, such a great time.
96
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,937
[sighs] Yeah. Her family's all dead,
by the way,
97
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,735
so you can't look 'em up or anything.
Just, you know, natural causes.
98
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,819
So, super-hot one-eyed girl
with a dead family. Sounds legit.
99
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:27,866
Because she is legit and totally real
and very special to me!
100
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,832
Okay, okay, Elfo, we get it.
101
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:32,582
Now calm down.
I'm starting to hallucinate.
102
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,803
Whoa. It's like I'm looking at you,
103
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:43,180
but at the same time,
you're being looked at by me.
104
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:47,219
Your nose is so beautiful.
Everything's so unreal.
105
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,265
-Just like Elfo's girlfriend. [echoes]
-[grunts]
106
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,389
[Bean] A drug door.
107
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,980
Mmm, mmm.
108
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:00,896
Yeah, here I go.
109
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,447
[sighs]
110
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,036
Look into my heart,
and you'll see the truth.
111
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:19,799
[Elfo sighs]
112
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,133
[chuckles and sighs]
113
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,216
-[grunting]
-[heart beating]
114
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,184
[blows landing rhythmically]
115
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:34,771
[both grunt]
116
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,111
What happened to you guys?
117
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:42,239
Elfo, I owe you an apology, man.
I totally saw your girlfriend back there.
118
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,818
I also had this profound realization.
119
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,990
I'm losing it now,
but I think it was about scones?
120
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,615
Let's get scones.
121
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:57,634
[Pendergast grunts]
122
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,881
Great practice, men.
123
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,421
I think we're fully prepared
to slay a dragon.
124
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:06,005
It was fun stabbing
all those iguanas in that box.
125
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,762
[Luci] Can't believe
Elfo stuck to his story
126
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,264
no matter how hard I laughed.
127
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,715
Did you ever stop to think
that's because it's true?
128
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,056
Nah, I was busy with laughter.
129
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,891
I don't know, man.
There's something to that vision I had.
130
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,057
That girl is real,
and he's in love with her.
131
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,396
-We gotta do something special for him.
-[Luci] Let him sit on your lap at dinner.
132
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,612
[Bean] No, he gets crumbs everywhere.
133
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,863
I meant we should go find his girlfriend.
134
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,605
-And by we, I mean them.
-Ya!
135
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:32,788
Hey, hey, sorry to interrupt,
but are you guys available for a quest?
136
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,499
-Just a moment.
-[grunts]
137
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,909
You were saying?
138
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:42,001
Remember: really tall, red hair
and, again, just the one eye.
139
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,756
And she lives
beyond the Unpassable Mountains?
140
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,759
You're gonna send these knights
to die on a quest
141
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,631
for a made-up girlfriend? Cool.
142
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,848
This wasn't a stupid drug trip.
This was a vision of the truth.
143
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:53,719
I crawled through a door
and saw a rainbow,
144
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,306
and I'd risk their lives on it.
145
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,391
Is this quest optional?
146
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,057
Silence, Turbish.
We'll have her to you in a fortnight.
147
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,936
Don't know how long that is,
but you have three days.
148
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,734
You gotta get her here
before the Royal Ball.
149
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,357
Elfo will need someone to dance with,
150
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,914
and I am not letting him
stand on my feet again.
151
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:13,158
And if we succeed,
how shall I be rewarded?
152
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,332
[Zog] With the goddamn salary I pay you.
153
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:19,422
Now, will you shut up down there?
I'm trying to sleep.
154
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,579
[knights] Yes, sir!
155
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:21,996
[horse neighs]
156
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:34,216
[man] ♪ We're going on a mission
To help our friend Elfo ♪
157
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:40,268
♪ We're pretty sure he's lying
But we still have to go ♪
158
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:46,191
♪ Found out how
The Valley of Scorpions got its name ♪
159
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:51,911
♪ I got the stinger on my dinger
And now it's all inflamed ♪
160
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,786
♪ Sing a little softer
We're in avalanche terrain ♪
161
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:57,789
[knight] You got it!
162
00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,657
[screams]
163
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:09,383
[groans] Can we have one dinner
where we're not watching Jester?
164
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,215
Hmm, I'll hit mute.
165
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,259
[jester] Oh, no.
166
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,810
Personally, I prefer to watch the news.
167
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,429
Hey! News!
168
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:22,226
Is your dinner poisoned?
The answer may surprise you.
169
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:25,981
But, first, we go live to the courtyard
for the return of the knights.
170
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,113
Come along.
171
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,071
[Bean] Elfo,
have I got a surprise for you.
172
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:43,712
I knew that you were longing
for something,
173
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,461
so I had the knights get it.
174
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,503
What is it?
175
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,416
Does this voice sound familiar? [woman grunts]
176
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,763
[gasps] Is it my grandpa
trying to open a jar?
177
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,763
No, stupid, it's your girlfriend!
178
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,759
[growls]
179
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,888
Elfo, you mofo.
180
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:04,265
I thought you were a liar,
but it turns out you're a stud.
181
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:08,153
Hey! [chuckles]
182
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,362
How was your trip, sweetie?
183
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,823
[growling]
184
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,526
[Elfo grunts and chuckles]
185
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,326
Traveling makes her cranky.
186
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,328
[Zog] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, no, you don't.
187
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,294
We ain't having no giant rampage in here.
188
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,205
Send her back up
whatever beanstalk she rode in on.
189
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,375
Come on, Dad.
You can't stand in the way of true love.
190
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,425
He's an elf. She's a giant.
191
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,888
It's gotta be so hard for them already.
192
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,139
-I mean, think about it.
-Mmm.
193
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,771
[grunts] I never wanna
think that thought again.
194
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,350
Put her somewhere where I can't see her.
What's under the dungeon?
195
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,607
The cheese cave, sire.
196
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:51,358
All right. Stick her down there,
and bring me a nice hunk of Gorgonzola.
197
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,823
Why am I the only one
defending your girlfriend?
198
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,105
What kind of boyfriend are you?
199
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,948
Uh, a supportive one.
She can fight her own battles.
200
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,164
She's 12 feet tall.
201
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:04,123
She did throw Turbish off a cliff
and eat his horse.
202
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:07,457
[growling]
203
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,219
Think you can make a bed
outta one of these cheeses?
204
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:15,758
Anything but the Pepper Jack.
205
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,353
[giant grunts]
206
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,099
[Bean] Okay, it's all set.
207
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:26,061
Pendergast is gonna take her chains off
so you can get on in there,
208
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:28,273
if you know what I'm sayin'.
209
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,734
I'm talking about the cave. Just go.
210
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,935
I'm rooting for you.
211
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:33,900
[whimpers]
212
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:40,776
[giant growling]
213
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:43,616
[nervously] You know,
if you think about it,
214
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,503
we're both imprisoned.
215
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:47,789
You, like a wild animal.
216
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:50,843
Me, in a complex web of lies.
217
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:55,628
Let's just take a minute and talk
about what we have in common... [screams]
218
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:00,012
[oinking]
219
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:03,931
[screams]
220
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:07,104
Oh, sorry. Didn't see you down there.
What's shakin', bacon?
221
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,234
Not my loins, I'm afraid.
222
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:11,771
Stay where you are. I'll come tell you.
223
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,016
Ugh. Why has no one eaten him yet?
224
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:20,282
Cat-thing, I've always been my own man,
never needed others for advice.
225
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,374
But now I'm a pig, and my life's a mess.
226
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,080
Well, glad we had this talk. See ya.
227
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,829
Thing is, having been handsome,
powerful and rich,
228
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,003
I never had to stoop to kindness or charm.
229
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,712
But now those things are gone
and so are the ladies.
230
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:35,843
So, tell me why the damsels flock to you,
231
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,591
someone far more repulsive
than yours porkly.
232
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:40,474
I would love to give you
some great advice,
233
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,971
but it will come at a great cost!
234
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,599
-I get to ride you like a horse.
-I'll welcome the touch.
235
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,642
Now we must get started at once.
236
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,056
I need a date for the ball this Sunday.
237
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,475
Okay, let's fire up the magic crystal
238
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:57,194
and see if there's any attractive singles
in our area waiting to talk to you.
239
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,240
"Him?
240
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,485
-No."
-Hmm.
241
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,992
Want me to ask if you're gonna die alone,
or are we good?
242
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,538
[Elfo screaming]
243
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,673
[giant growls]
244
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:21,932
Oh! Oh, thank God I got away.
With so many things last night.
245
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,299
Wow, looks like it got pretty rough.
246
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,426
Yeah, I don't want to brag,
247
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,734
but, at one point, I got my head stuck
in her eye socket.
248
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,519
I'm glad you're enjoying
your time together,
249
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,652
because I had a great idea.
250
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:35,819
Oh, goody. Another one.
251
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,990
[Elfo slurping]
252
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,663
[munching]
253
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,171
Pardon my curiosity,
254
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,499
but when you two are making love,
is she aware?
255
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,585
[growls]
256
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:02,841
Don't listen to him.
You're obviously a great couple.
257
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:06,255
Hi, I'm Chazz.
Pretty rose for the pretty lady?
258
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,505
-Absolute--
-No, thanks. I'm good.
259
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:11,516
Pretty rose for the pretty... [screams]
260
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:16,645
No flower could have a stench
as beautiful as yours, honey.
261
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,234
[sneezes]
262
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,204
Was that Turbish's horse?
263
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,490
[sneezes]
264
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:27,994
Looks like it.
265
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:34,003
Ugh! That was stuck in my throat for days!
Oh, my mouth tastes like a barn.
266
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,581
She can talk?
267
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,996
[laughs] Yes, of course she can.
268
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:42,126
The hell is wrong with you people?
Get these things off me.
269
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:48,264
I am not a monster.
I'm a person, with thoughts and feelings.
270
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:50,425
For God's sake, I'm a grad student.
271
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,564
That's why I love her.
She's so darn smart.
272
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,642
I can't believe you all
put me through this
273
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,188
'cause I'm his "girlfriend."
274
00:14:57,271 --> 00:15:01,111
Well, have I got news for you.
This guy is a filthy--
275
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,781
Lover! I'm a filthy lover. So nasty.
276
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,532
That's not-- [continues indistinctly]
277
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,784
This just raises more questions.
278
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:14,785
What is your problem?
279
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,462
I just need to talk to you.
Please. I'm sorry.
280
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:21,211
Really. I know I'm a jerk and a liar,
Miss Giant Lady.
281
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,375
My name is Tess. Ugh, I'm outta here.
282
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,724
No, please.
283
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,298
Tess, if you don't stay
until the Royal Ball tomorrow,
284
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:28,724
they'll know I'm lying.
285
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,302
Why would I do you any favors?
286
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:33,267
'Cause I'll do anything.
I can get you money.
287
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,979
There's a ton of money in the castle.
I can steal.
288
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,310
Money means nothing to me.
289
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:39,944
Oh, come on. Everybody needs something.
290
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,322
Don't you need something?
291
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,066
An eye. Your eye is missing!
292
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,651
[stammers] What did you say?
293
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,236
You're missing an eye. I can get you one.
294
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,662
-Easy.
-How?
295
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:53,660
Uh, because I'm an elf.
And elves are magic, duh!
296
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:57,214
We can make eyes.
We can make anything.
297
00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,829
-You can?
-Yes! Absolutely.
298
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,458
You help me keep up the charade
a bit longer.
299
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,875
We dance a little. We go to a party. Eh?
300
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,426
Big gal like you like parties?
301
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,010
I guess.
302
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:15,095
Then we will have you walking out of here
with 20/20, my friend.
303
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,182
[gasps] I'll be able to see out of it?
304
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,937
I thought you were just gonna give me
a hunk of glass.
305
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:22,560
That would've been the easy way out, huh?
306
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,988
But, no. No, not for this guy.
307
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:29,608
Wow. All right, yeah, you have a deal.
308
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,817
But I'm going back to dinner.
I'm so hungry.
309
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:32,907
You could eat a horse?
310
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,372
-Don't try to be my friend.
-You betcha.
311
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:37,326
[sighs]
312
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:46,594
If you're gonna dance with someone
tonight, we'll work with what you got.
313
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:50,882
And what you got are serious problems
in the face and body areas.
314
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,848
-Fine.
-You need an attitude that matches you.
315
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:56,019
You're sad and hideous. Play it up.
316
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,558
Chicks love pathetic.
317
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,061
I don't know. I'm not good at anything.
318
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:01,651
Like that?
319
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,242
Sad...
320
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:14,027
Ew. Look at that gross, crying pig.
I have no interest in it.
321
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,866
Me neither. Twinsies.
322
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,162
Get outta here!
323
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,325
[squeals]
324
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,913
[grunts] 'Sup, ladies?
325
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,078
Oh, my God. Cute cat.
326
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,587
I know. So much swagger, right?
He's, like, ugly-sexy.
327
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,590
Oh, yeah. Totes. Like your dad.
328
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:29,552
What?
329
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,340
Hello, there.
330
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,184
Perhaps I'll see you
in the dining room, then?
331
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,723
[Elfo] I can't make an eye.
I can't even find one.
332
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:42,807
I've looked all over this stupid castle.
There's nothing. I need help.
333
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,605
What are you coming to me for?
We don't got that kind of relationship.
334
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,939
Oh, I'm desperate.
Please, I'll do anything.
335
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,146
Anything?
336
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:54,987
[groans] My knees are full of splinters.
337
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,374
Did I say I wanted a talking horse?
[grunts]
338
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,495
I've been messing with this
for a couple days.
339
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:05,380
-Might point you in the right direction.
-[clears throat] Hi, I'm Elfo.
340
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:09,879
Is there anything around here
I can use to replace a giant's eye?
341
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:10,923
[crystal ball buzzes]
342
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,126
Eh, we gave it a shot.
343
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,475
[gasps] Weapons?
You people have got to stop.
344
00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:30,726
I'm not dangerous.
345
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,608
This is your hair and makeup team.
346
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:36,664
You're already beautiful.
We're just gonna highlight a few things.
347
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,580
Bring in the hot tar!
348
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,249
[growls]
349
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,172
-[fox growling]
-[birds chirping]
350
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,764
[oxen bellowing]
351
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,776
[all clapping and exclaiming]
352
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,874
-[instrumental music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
353
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,712
[bugle blaring]
354
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,884
Now let's greet our hosts.
355
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,433
She oozes grace and a shiny trail
wherever she goes.
356
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,048
He ate all the shrimp before you got here.
357
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:42,256
-It's Queen Oona and King Zog.
-[guests clapping]
358
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,097
Make room on the dance floor,
359
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,773
'cause I'm full of shrimp
and I need to lay down.
360
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,852
Princess, now that we're courting--
361
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:52,477
Don't say courting. No one's courting.
But you can bring me a drink.
362
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:55,186
But you're already... All right.
363
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,237
[chuckling]
364
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,070
You scoundrel.
365
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:01,235
You said to act pathetic to these women.
Then you swept in and stole them.
366
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:03,325
I know. Some of my best work.
367
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:04,700
I thought we were friends.
368
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,826
The Adventures of Cat and Pig.
That's what I've been calling us.
369
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:09,328
To who?
370
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:12,246
All I wanted to do was dance in the arms
of someone beautiful,
371
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,666
and you took that away.
372
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,674
This has been our last adventure.
373
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,756
Oh, man, I actually feel kind of bad.
374
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,181
Do you need to be alone?
375
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,349
Oh, no, I need to be comforted.
376
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,098
Maybe a little behind the ears.
377
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,520
And now, our guests of honor.
378
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,889
Brace yourselves
for the inevitable visualizations.
379
00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:31,057
Elfo and Tess!
380
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,192
[exclaiming]
381
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,576
So, one quick dance,
then you can go back home.
382
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,464
But the eye's not working yet.
383
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,460
Huh, weird.
384
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:55,922
May not be seeing well,
but it is looking good.
385
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,924
Just gotta straighten it out here.
386
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,626
What the hell?
387
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:02,427
Wait, something's happening.
388
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:05,391
I can see out of it. I can see everything.
389
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:09,982
More than everything. I see the truth.
390
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:13,610
He's sleeping with the chambermaid.
And she's sleeping with the chambermaid.
391
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,319
What can I say? I'm attracted
to people who are good at their job.
392
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,860
And you, you're so kind,
393
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:22,114
but you have a hidden rage inside you
that no one else can see.
394
00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:24,277
It's why I can't keep a dog alive.
395
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,906
You only keep Elfo around for his blood.
396
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,004
[laughs] You have got to be...
397
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,039
Oh, you know what?
I think I already knew that.
398
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:34,633
And you. You're not at all what you seem.
You're a prince.
399
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:38,460
Yes, I was the handsomest prince
in all the land.
400
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,877
He's not lying. He really believes that.
401
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,006
And now for Elfo...
402
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:46,889
Here's the truth.
403
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,102
No, no, no, wait, please.
404
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:49,521
Let me do it.
405
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:54,692
Bean, I should've confessed this
a long time ago, but I was too ashamed.
406
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:57,611
Tess was never my girlfriend.
407
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:59,941
I've been lying to you about that. Oh, um, well,
I wasn't gonna say that at all.
408
00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:05,032
[chuckles] I mean, a deal's a deal. Yikes.
409
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:07,575
You were lying?
But my mystical vision.
410
00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:10,329
I crawled through the hole,
the giant lady popped out of the flower,
411
00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:13,002
and you were there and...
Oh, drugs are bad.
412
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:15,831
Oh, all right. Hey, everybody calm down.
413
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:20,127
We don't want to upset
the nice big lady, huh?
414
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:24,301
You don't think I'm nice.
None of you do.
415
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:28,894
You all think I'm a big scary monster
who's gonna go on a rampage.
416
00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:31,102
Well, newsflash.
417
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,943
Giants haven't been on a rampage
since the '80s.
418
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,269
And even then, it was one guy.
419
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,065
It was just Bob.
420
00:22:38,148 --> 00:22:39,478
Maybe if you got to know us,
421
00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:45,606
you'd find out that we're all about peace
and love and goddamn body positivity!
422
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:49,827
But I guess we'll just
always be ugly beasts to you.
423
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,950
Well, fine.
Think I'm ugly all you want.
424
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:55,918
At least I'm not ugly on the inside.
425
00:22:55,999 --> 00:23:00,549
I've come to slay the mean lady
who threw me off a cliff and ate my horse.
426
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,169
Turbish, no! Your horse is still alive!
427
00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:04,336
What?
428
00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,644
-Ow! Seriously?
-[guests exclaiming]
429
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:09,718
Oh! Damn it. Let me get that.
Hang on. No, wait.
430
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:10,805
Oh, God.
431
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:12,721
No. Stop.
432
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,308
I've got this.
433
00:23:14,976 --> 00:23:17,646
-She's burning the castle!
-She'll eat us alive!
434
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,729
This validates my bigotry!
435
00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:22,975
She's been a burden on the pantry.
Kill her.
436
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,986
[yelling]
437
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:31,242
Monsters are afraid of fire.
We've got her cornered.
438
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:34,328
[Tess grunts]
439
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,368
[guests gasp]
440
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:38,996
[guests scream]
441
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:40,504
Tess, follow me.
442
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:41,875
Why should I trust you?
443
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:44,842
Because sometimes
I feel like a freak, too.
444
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:47,433
Never said I was a freak.
445
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:51,677
Wow, you're trapped in a pretty sad life.
446
00:23:51,763 --> 00:23:53,523
Want me to go back and step on your dad?
447
00:23:53,598 --> 00:23:54,978
No, we don't have time.
448
00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:03,612
[all yelling]
449
00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:10,816
Quick! This way.
450
00:24:12,742 --> 00:24:13,832
We're trapped.
451
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,330
No, we're not.
452
00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:17,412
Now, Tess, I know you're not a monster.
453
00:24:17,914 --> 00:24:22,134
But I'm gonna need you
to jump up and down. Like a monster.
454
00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:23,550
That was implied, right?
455
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:31,849
Whoa. Are you the 9:30 bus to Twinkletown?
456
00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:37,556
Take a deep breath and fire
on the count of three.
457
00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:41,352
One... two...
458
00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:45,396
-Wait, I'm sorry, man.
-[all coughing]
459
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,864
What were we just talking about?
460
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,825
-Where'd she go?
-Which one's the giant?
461
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:55,829
[man] That green guy's freaking me out.
462
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,871
[all mumbling indistinctly]
463
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:03,336
Tess, I'm so sorry about everything.
464
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:06,918
Well, you helped me out of here,
so I guess it's cool.
465
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:10,005
-It is?
-No! You're a dick.
466
00:25:10,091 --> 00:25:12,931
None of this would've happened
if you'd just told the truth.
467
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:14,011
God!
468
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,425
Take me with you.
These savages don't deserve us.
469
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,438
-Come on, cutie.
-Really?
470
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,976
You and I are two of a kind.
471
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:30,147
I was a gorgeous nobleman
before I became a pig.
472
00:25:30,237 --> 00:25:32,527
What were you before you turned hideous?
473
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,574
[squeals]
474
00:25:36,201 --> 00:25:37,701
[Meriker] Sad...
475
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,542
I should have known
she wasn't your girlfriend.
476
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,416
I should have just told you the truth.
477
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:49,513
I lied because I was too insecure
to admit I tried to kiss you.
478
00:25:49,589 --> 00:25:53,179
But you don't have to worry.
I won't try anything like that again.
479
00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:55,890
Good. Let me do it next time.
480
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:57,601
[chuckles] Yeah, right.
481
00:26:00,850 --> 00:26:03,810
Bean, did... did you just kiss me?
482
00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:06,815
I don't know. I don't think I'm Bean.
483
00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:08,438
I don't think I'm Elfo.