1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,925
[opening theme music playing]

2
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:10,844
[man] Hey!

3
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,950
-[doorbell ringing]
-[gasps]

4
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:39,372
Ugh! Who is interrupting my insomnia?

5
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:43,168
"Message for Princess Tiabeanie."

6
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,128
-You Tiabeanie?
-Yeah.

7
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,172
Hmm.

8
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,340
-[gasps]
-[melody playing]

9
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,054
[groans]

10
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,681
[doorbell rings]

11
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,266
What?

12
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,769
There's more, lady.

13
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,187
Whoa!

14
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,980
"I shower you in roses."

15
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:06,066
Now what?

16
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,275
[plays note]

17
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,320
[all singing]
♪ Come, Tiabean, in my flying machine ♪

18
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:14,491
♪ Going up she goes
Up she goes ♪

19
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:18,036
♪ Up, up a little bit higher ♪

20
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:21,581
♪ Oh, no, the blimp is on fire ♪

21
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:22,707
[Bean yells]

22
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,085
[man] Wait! We know two more songs!

23
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,836
[adventurous music playing]

24
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,677
[kids scream]

25
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:37,388
[people yelp]

26
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,434
-[bell dings]
-[steam whistle blows]

27
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:42,477
[car ride honks]

28
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:49,150
Welcome to the fanciest freak show
on Pier 33!

29
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,778
Remember our motto. "No refunds!"

30
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,781
Meet Inky Winky.

31
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,534
Every tattoo tells a tale.

32
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:01,079
Usually, one about getting drunk
and waking up with another tattoo.

33
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,247
-[man] Put it on!
-[crowd claps]

34
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,873
Huh? That's enough.

35
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:09,129
Recoil at the worst humanity
has to offer in The Horrors of Puberty!

36
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,880
Meet my son, Petey.

37
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,423
I hate you, Dad.

38
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,759
Quickly now, before he slams the door.

39
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:18,847
I don't have a door! Get out of my room!
I wanna go live with Mom!

40
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:22,684
And now,
feast your eyes on the comely Mora,

41
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,311
the only mermaid in captivity.

42
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:26,938
[grunts]

43
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:28,690
[Mora groans]

44
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,569
But she's happy to be here.
Aren't you, Mora?

45
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,988
It's a freak show from where I am, too.

46
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,114
[crowd claps]

47
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:40,994
And now, the velvet curtain
parts to reveal Edith,

48
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:43,955
the beautiful
and mysterious fortune-teller.

49
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,916
A yo-yo trick gone awry severed her head,

50
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,296
and yet, somehow, gave her
incredible powers of prognostication.

51
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,089
[all] Ooh!

52
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:55,383
Kept alive by the miracle of science,

53
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:59,721
she can predict the future of anyone
who possesses a mere quarter.

54
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:00,805
[crowd exclaims]

55
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:05,476
Moving along now,
the latest in my menagerie of marvelocity,

56
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,981
the walking, talking,
happy little elf, Elfo.

57
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:14,235
-Say hello to the nice people, Elfo.
-Nope.

58
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,654
-Come on, boy, what's your catchphrase?
-Uh-uh.

59
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,616
-Don't you wanna earn your cracker?
-Mmm-mmm.

60
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:20,533
"Hi."

61
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,701
I don't think so.

62
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,036
"Hi, I'm…"

63
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:24,287
Not a chance.

64
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,414
"Hi, I'm Elfo."

65
00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,708
No can do, P.T.

66
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:31,836
Everybody, all together now.
"Hi, I'm Elfo."

67
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,088
-[all] Hi, I'm Elfo.
-Again!

68
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,757
[all] Hi, I'm Elfo.

69
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,508
Really give it to him.

70
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,928
[all loudly] Hi, I'm Elfo!

71
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,596
Say it, boy!

72
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,306
[yells] Hi, I'm Elfo!

73
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:47,560
[groans] This is so humiliating.

74
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,103
[slurping]

75
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,321
[Alva] No!

76
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,741
Hennessy, Watkins, Yonji, get in here!

77
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:04,410
Look, boys.
Look what she did to the card you made!

78
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,830
Find Princess Tiabeanie
and bring her back, alive.

79
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,709
No, no, no, don't take the stairs!

80
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:13,878
[crashing]

81
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,422
[sighs]

82
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,424
-[indistinct chatter]
-[carnival music playing]

83
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,512
[elephant trumpets]

84
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:27,225
Three cards shall I play,
and your fate revealed.

85
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,060
Insert coin.

86
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,438
-[buzzes]
-It's a quarter slot, you rube!

87
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,024
-[dings]
-There you go.

88
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:39,195
Ugh. What a scam. Suckering
poor saps who believe in destiny.

89
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:44,158
"Panda. Punch. Pain."

90
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:48,454
Tarot cards, my ass!
That fortune don't make no sense.

91
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,707
-[man yelps]
-[people gasp]

92
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,250
Wow.

93
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,669
Hey, mister, your hat is ugly!

94
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:57,130
Wow. Really? That's all you got, peewee?

95
00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,132
You act angry on the outside,

96
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,260
but deep down,
you feel lonesome and inadequate.

97
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,595
-That's painfully accurate!
-[boys laugh]

98
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:09,058
Get outta here, ya smug little bastards.
You're gonna peak in kindergarten!

99
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:09,976
[boys laugh]

100
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,146
[Elfo] Hi, I'm Elfo's hand!

101
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,731
Bye, I'm on break.

102
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,692
-[groans]
-[Mora] Tough luck, kid.

103
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,486
-Huh?
-She only responds to quarters.

104
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:28,369
[babbling]

105
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,373
Uh-oh. [honks]

106
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,125
Pussy cat's got fleas!

107
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:37,962
I hope that don't mean
bubonic plague! [babbles]

108
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,715
I do not have fleas,
you red-haired son of a bitch.

109
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:44,177
If anything, I got bedbugs from you.
I'm only doing this for Bean.

110
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,221
Odval! Sassy cat needs a bath!

111
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,475
-Oh. Turbish, get over here.
-Yes, dear.

112
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,310
I mean, yes, Your Highness.

113
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,686
[Luci grunting]

114
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,647
[Luci sputtering]

115
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,149
[chuckling]

116
00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,358
[sputtering]

117
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,322
All washed up! Now to dry!

118
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,448
[Luci] Oh, no.

119
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,492
[Luci groans]

120
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,411
-[Luci] Ooh.
-Ooh!

121
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,246
I know what would be fun.

122
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,499
Welp, it can't be much worse than this.

123
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:20,379
Come, let us walk
among our adoring subjects.

124
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,756
[grunting and babbling]

125
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:27,470
[growling]

126
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:31,224
[grunts]

127
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,185
[groans]

128
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,104
Life sucks.

129
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,731
[mumbling indistinctly]

130
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,941
[all laugh]

131
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,609
Oh, this is torture.

132
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:44,612
And I taught kindergarten
in Hell for 9,000 years.

133
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:50,368
Ooh! I look like a macho flowerpot.

134
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,328
[all meowing]

135
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:58,251
Uh, like, I've heard of fashion disasters,
but you, sir, are a genocide.

136
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,670
Wait, you're an actual talking cat?

137
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:05,007
Uh, yes, I seem to have,
like, been cur-sed to perfection.

138
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,717
-[cat yowls]
-[Luci grunting]

139
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,351
[laughs] I will miss the belly rubs.

140
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:17,812
[exclaims]

141
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,488
Now, to blend invisibly into the crowd.

142
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,075
[gasps]

143
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,412
[Bean] What?

144
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,877
Bean, come back.
Please, I'm paying a lot for this ad.

145
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,547
Bean, come back.
Please, I'm paying a lot for this ad.

146
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:45,631
Whoa!

147
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,050
-[gasps]
-[baby wailing]

148
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,136
[horn blares]

149
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,556
-[tires screech]
-[woman] Hop on, hot stuff.

150
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,725
It's you! You saved me!

151
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,894
I'm your knight in rusty armor.

152
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,353
Hey, what happened?

153
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,481
I gave you my number,
but you never called.

154
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,358
Yeah, I still don't know
what those words mean.

155
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,236
-Plus, I've been real busy.
-Don't spare my feelings.

156
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,907
No, really, I have.
I got burned at the stake and stuff.

157
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,159
Now I'm trying
to find my little buddy, Elfo.

158
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,076
Got it.

159
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,786
So describe this Elfo fella.

160
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,789
-Well, he's a teeny, little guy--
-Got it!

161
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,167
No, he's not a jockey.

162
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,585
-He's green--
-Got it!

163
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:24,837
He's not a child laborer.

164
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,840
-He's a teeny, little green elf--
-Got it!

165
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:32,595
Well, obviously, he's not here.
You gotta work on your listening skills.

166
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:40,603
[softly] Edith.

167
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,522
Edith.

168
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,315
Edith.

169
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:45,900
[yells] Edith!

170
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,736
-Yeah?
-Oh, sorry, did I wake you?

171
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,531
No, I couldn't sleep
with all that sobbing.

172
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,074
That was you, right?

173
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:54,200
Oh, uh… [chuckles]

174
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,994
Yeah, I wasn't sobbing. I was sniffling.

175
00:08:57,078 --> 00:09:00,414
I have a severe allergy
to hay, and manure,

176
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,499
and loneliness.

177
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:04,418
Elfo, never say
"loneliness" in a freak show.

178
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:08,256
It's the worst word you can say,
apart from "freak" and "show."

179
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,717
Oh, I get it.
It's because we're in a lonely freak show.

180
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,094
Oh. Damn it.

181
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,097
Don't take this the wrong way,
but shut up, Elfo.

182
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,766
Aw. You sound just like
my friends back home.

183
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,851
[Mora] "Home" is another word
you don't say here.

184
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,522
I miss my island so much.
But I had big dreams.

185
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,858
Mora swam to Steamland
to make it in the moving pictures.

186
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,153
I wanted to be a big star,
but they said I didn't have what it takes.

187
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,030
-Talent?
-No, legs.

188
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:36,284
Hey, you did do those voices
for the Squalid Squirrel cartoons.

189
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,994
Yeah. Dreams fulfilled.

190
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,996
I saw one of your cartoons yesterday!

191
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:43,499
Do you make things up as you go along?
Because that's what it felt like.

192
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,127
You know what, Elfo? I don't like you.

193
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:50,381
I don't like you, either.
You're lucky you're even in show business.

194
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:53,134
In fact, all of you weirdos
ought to thank me.

195
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:56,679
I give you a place to sleep.
I give you unlimited cold hot dogs.

196
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,681
I give you legitimacy.

197
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:02,268
[scoffs] That's rich coming from a guy
who puts a toddler in a trench coat

198
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,645
and calls him
The Incredible Shrinking Man.

199
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:07,106
-Zip it, Edith.
-Yeah, Edith.

200
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:10,568
Hey, don't talk to her like that,
you big, fat phony!

201
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,945
What did you just call me?

202
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,989
-Ow!
-I learned that

203
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,782
from a Squalid Squirrel cartoon.

204
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:20,953
And my water nozzle's not broken,
you just haven't refilled the bottle!

205
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,371
[indistinct chatter]

206
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,709
One of my freaks
is giving me a lot of static.

207
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:29,211
Oh! Is he some sort of an electric man?

208
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,547
No, I meant figuratively.

209
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,635
Say, you're starting
that island hunting resort

210
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,553
for bored rich people, aren't you?

211
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,556
If we can round up
enough exotic animals, yes.

212
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,142
How'd you like a very fast elf?

213
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:44,727
Will he scream when he's shot?

214
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,896
Oh, yes, he's a screamer.

215
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,105
[both cackling]

216
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,321
You're, um, like, petting my eye. Yeesh!

217
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:58,157
What the… You're not my royal kitty-cat!

218
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,036
I am now, fatso. Call me, uh… Scruffles.

219
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:05,539
I like you better than that other cat.
He questioned my sanity.

220
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,791
[blows raspberry and honks]

221
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:09,543
Maybe you should, uh, like, kill him?

222
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,214
[whimpering]

223
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,007
[Edith] Elfo? Elfo, wake up!

224
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,594
Quit jabbin' me, I'll dance!
I'll dance! [gasps] Oh.

225
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:19,512
Hi, Edith.

226
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,515
Thanks for sticking up for me.
You're a brave guy.

227
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,184
Aw. Thanks for not saying
"brave little guy."

228
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,311
I get so much of that
from my friend, Bean.

229
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,188
P.T. really had that punch comin'.

230
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,233
[chuckles] Yeah. I got him
right in the eye with my tiny fist.

231
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,485
Oh, my God, I'm insulting myself.

232
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:37,613
At least you have a fist.
I don't have a body at all.

233
00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:39,115
That doesn't matter, Edith.

234
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,742
We're all ashamed
of some flaw we can't change.

235
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,703
[chuckles] I mean, every day I obsess
about my green skin,

236
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,997
but obviously
there's nothing wrong with that.

237
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,666
Nature is full of green.

238
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:52,920
Bullfrogs are green, tree frogs are green,
pond frogs are green. [chuckles]

239
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:55,923
The real problem
is this notch in my left ear.

240
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,258
It's hideous.

241
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,719
Oh, Elfo, an ear notch?
That's cage thinking.

242
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:04,723
You can't be self-conscious
just because people gawk at you every day.

243
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,434
-Hey, Edith?
-Yeah?

244
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:10,020
I know you can't say "freak,"
and I know you can't say "home,"

245
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,273
but is the word "pretty" okay?

246
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,275
Well, it depends on the context.

247
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,026
[Elfo] You've got a pretty voice.

248
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:16,944
I'll allow it.

249
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:22,366
Ruh-oh.

250
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:27,580
Though I was next in line to be
King of Cats, I knew I had to vamoose.

251
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:30,875
Like, leave my kingdom
and head out for adventure.

252
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,002
Oh, I know that feeling.

253
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,796
Uh, yeah, but, like, quiet,
we were talking about me.

254
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,882
Though I have traveled the whole world,

255
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:40,551
I think there is no finer place
to call my new home

256
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,511
than, like, right here.

257
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,429
Dreamland.

258
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:47,266
You add a touch of class
to our humble, yokel-infested country.

259
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:50,394
All right, uh, listen up.
I expect to live in a manner

260
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:55,357
to which a royal personage such as myself
is, like, you know, accustomed.

261
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,652
Guys, I don't know
what Scruffles the Cat is up to here,

262
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,446
but it sure ain't the Luci Special.

263
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:03,949
I bring good old-fashioned
psychological torture to the party, okay?

264
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,576
Just like your grandmother made.

265
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,078
Ah, you're just jealous, old cat.

266
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,874
Yes, please, Luci, go bother
Stan in the dungeon or something.

267
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,877
Prince Scruffles,
tell us about this crown you lost.

268
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,631
Well, it had jewels
and, you know, cat stuff. [laughs]

269
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,967
Like, scram, nose-job. He's my chump now.

270
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,888
Yeah, Luci,
I'm his chump now. Get outta here!

271
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:29,391
[grunts] Stupid cat. I used to be
the most annoying guy around here.

272
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:42,738
[sighs]

273
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,617
Wow! This malnutrition is really slimming.

274
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,586
Beat it, peewee.
The kiddie rides are that way.

275
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,338
End of the pier and keep walkin'.

276
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,552
[gasps] Elfo!

277
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,221
Edith. [chuckles]

278
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:10,683
You're even more beautiful,
and bejeweled, than I imagined.

279
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,643
And you're taller than I imagined.

280
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:15,563
Full disclosure,
I am standing on two stools.

281
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:19,316
Oh, my God, you're out of your cage.
Why don't you just leave?

282
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,694
I'm not getting out of here without you.

283
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:23,362
Oh, Elfo, that's crazy.

284
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,697
No, it's not.

285
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,574
See that grocery bag over there?

286
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:29,410
I'll punch holes in it
so you can see where we're going.

287
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:32,746
We'll roam the countryside,
performing for farmers by day,

288
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,207
stealing their eggs by night. I can dance.

289
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,544
I can play the harmonica,
if you hold it up to my mouth and move it.

290
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:39,712
It'll be paradise,

291
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:40,963
if you like raw eggs.

292
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,799
Oh, my God, enough
with the romantic fantasies.

293
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,551
You'll be
at each other's throats in a week.

294
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,012
[scoffs] She doesn't even have a throat.

295
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,346
-[yelps]
-Gotcha!

296
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,601
I like your little jig.
We'll add it to the act.

297
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,102
Now get your beauty sleep.

298
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:58,230
I'll be back tomorrow
for the 5:00 a.m. hose down.

299
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,615
This can't be my fate, can it?
Please, Edith, show me a card.

300
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,075
Oh, Elfo. Just one.

301
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:13,704
"Desire."

302
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:16,332
Look, Edith, the card said so!

303
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,585
Oh, Elfo, that could be love
or lemon meringue pie.

304
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:22,004
-What's the difference?
-[laughs]

305
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,590
Ugh. I wish I could drown.

306
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,134
[brakes squeal]

307
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,135
Why did we stop?

308
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:31,388
We've been driving for hours
and you haven't offered me a drink,

309
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,349
so I'm gettin' one myself.

310
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,977
-You're kinda slow on the uptake, Bean.
-Hey, I understand drinks.

311
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,980
Oh, my God, it's the same logo
that was on Elfo's pin!

312
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,653
Bup, bup, bup. Members only. Sorry, madam.

313
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,739
I'm in no mood, Pierre.
I'm assuming your name is Pierre.

314
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:52,493
I rode around all day on a metal horse
with a lady that talks in riddles.

315
00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,329
Oh, Lady Bowmore, welcome back!

316
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:58,082
Excuse me while I dispose of this trash.

317
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:01,001
Not necessary. That hot trash is with me.

318
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,339
Here's your usual.

319
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,099
So it's agreed. I'll take
possession of the elf immediately.

320
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,517
[gasps] Elfo?

321
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,978
Be warned, he's not one of the cute ones.

322
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,229
[gasps] Elfo!

323
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,690
[both snicker]

324
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,153
[Bean] Ow!

325
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,282
[gasps]

326
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,704
[breathing heavily]

327
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,001
[groans] So many stairs.

328
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:45,713
[sighs]

329
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,719
[exclaims]

330
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,472
[grunting]

331
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,314
I will never find
that boot again. [groaning]

332
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,488
[sighs]

333
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,075
Please, I've got to know
the rest of our destiny.

334
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:15,993
Two more cards.

335
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:19,038
Careful. You've gone
from non-believer to fate junkie.

336
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,791
The cards, come on.
Give me some of that sweet predestination.

337
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,043
Okay.

338
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,629
"Devotion." Ooh. That's a good one.

339
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,091
See? We're meant to be! And two Ds?

340
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,594
It's gotta be! Next card.

341
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:35,429
Come on, "Dinner Date."

342
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,266
"Decapitation"? [chuckles nervously]

343
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,853
Wait, it's you! You're just a head.

344
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,189
That's three Ds.
That's gotta mean something!

345
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,941
-Listen, I dig you--
-[Elfo] Another D.

346
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:51,153
I'm feeling things down below
and I don't even have a down below.

347
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,781
But tempting fate like this? It's risky.

348
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,742
Love is risky!
That's what makes it so great.

349
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:57,993
When it pays off!

350
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,829
And at a quarter a pop,
you're very affordable.

351
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:01,789
Three more cards.

352
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,959
Where did you get all those coins?

353
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:09,254
Oh. The hicks throw 'em
at my head when I do somersaults.

354
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,548
Now let's see our future.

355
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:23,977
I'll show Zøg and that stupid cat.
Nobody messes with my evil plans.

356
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,521
Shiyoo-yoo!

357
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,951
You ever had a, uh, Scruffles sandwich?

358
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,120
[muttering]

359
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:47,960
No, let me out of the coffin.
I'll be good.

360
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,129
Don't make me talk to Elfo.
[continues muttering]

361
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,173
[Luci] Zøg, buddy, wake up.

362
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,008
-[growls]
-[yelps]

363
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,553
[grunts] Oh, it's you, kitty-cat.

364
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,263
[grunts]

365
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,431
You were having a nightmare. A bad one.

366
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,476
-All I have is nightmares now.
-That's rough, I tells ya.

367
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,603
When I wake up, it's even worse.

368
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:10,065
In those brief moments
between sleep and wakefulness,

369
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,110
I realize who I am
and what's happening to me.

370
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:16,738
Kitty-cat, I'm going crazy. [whimpers]

371
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:20,367
Aw, come here, you fat-ass lunatic.

372
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,912
[kisses] Give me a kiss.
It's gonna be okay. Okay, bubbeleh?

373
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:28,876
[singing] ♪ Rock-a-bye, Zøggy
In the treetops ♪

374
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:33,005
♪ Just sleep it off
I won't call the cops ♪

375
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,506
[snoring]

376
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:40,679
♪ When the king breaks
The kingdom will fall ♪

377
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:46,310
♪ Then finally Luci's ruler of all ♪

378
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,520
I heard that.

379
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,363
[Bean gasps] Elfo!

380
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,407
I gotta drop down quietly.

381
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,160
-[bell dings]
-[steam whistle blows]

382
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,833
Come on, deal the cards.

383
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,753
-"Disruption"?
-[yells]

384
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:14,296
-Bean!
-Elfo!

385
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,885
Are you okay?
You look so much sadder than your poster.

386
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:22,221
-I have a poster?
-Here, stick your foot out.

387
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,014
No, your other foot.

388
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,433
-[metal clanks]
-[Elfo] Ow!

389
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,477
Ow! Ow!

390
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,437
-Goddamn you.
-Let's go!

391
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,981
[all] Save us! Save us! Save us!

392
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,693
Okay, fine, but my arms are really tired.

393
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,446
I've been hanging off
a blimp for, like, a while.

394
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,159
[barks]

395
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,792
[all cheering]

396
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,255
Elfo, don't!

397
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,799
[P.T.] That's right, Elfo, don't.

398
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:02,719
How do you wanna die?
Slowly or extra slowly?

399
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,722
Extra slowly. Wait-- [gasps]

400
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:06,974
Elfo!

401
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,392
[Elfo choking]

402
00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:16,024
[gasping]

403
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,444
[Elfo] What?

404
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:23,824
Oh, my God, Edith! You have a body!

405
00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:26,243
Now it'll be even easier
to run away together.

406
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,953
Do you know what this means?

407
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,872
We're one step away
from happily ever after.

408
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:33,750
No, Elfo, I can't. I'm cursed.

409
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:36,628
Anyone who falls in love with me
meets a horrible fate.

410
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:41,008
Decapitation isn't about me.
It's about you. Those were your cards.

411
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:44,428
Then do three more cards.
About us. About our future.

412
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:47,597
-"Doom. Despair." And "Death."
-"Doom. Despair. Death."

413
00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:50,017
[Edith] Ooh, that's the worst
three cards I've ever dealt.

414
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,269
That's not good. Try another three.

415
00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:55,897
-"Dread. Dismay. Damnation."
-"Dread. Dismay." And "Damnation."

416
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,525
-[Edith] Ooh, that's even worse.
-Jeez, a lot of Ds.

417
00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:00,861
-Did you shuffle the deck?
-Elfo, look.

418
00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:05,365
"Devastation, Danger, Destruction,
Darkness, Dummy, Disenchantment,

419
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:07,617
Deception, Deliciousness, Distress…"

420
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,537
Wait. Go back.
"Deliciousness." There's hope!

421
00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:13,332
I am pretty good with a deep-fryer,
but it's not worth it.

422
00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:15,584
Goodbye, Elfo.

423
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:22,049
-[Bean grunts]
-[whimpers]

424
00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:25,927
[panting] Okay, that's the final freak
except you, Elfo. Let's go.

425
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,513
Okay, just, please give me a second.

426
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:30,182
Goodbye, Edith.

427
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:34,186
[gasps] No, Edith! Where did she go?

428
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:41,568
[sighs]

429
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:45,405
[P.T. grunts weakly]

430
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:52,621
[tense music playing]

431
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:54,915
-Elfo, this way!
-[yelps]

432
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:58,251
[Elfo whimpering]

433
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:03,882
[robots whirring]

434
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:12,307
Bean, who have you pissed off this time?

435
00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:15,393
[Bean] Oh, no.

436
00:23:16,311 --> 00:23:18,939
This is all
because Alva's after the magic.

437
00:23:19,689 --> 00:23:21,024
[robots whirring]

438
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:23,902
[gasps] I don't have any magic!

439
00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:25,612
[electricity crackles]

440
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,711
[Bean gasps] That ain't good.

441
00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:43,713
[closing theme music playing]