1
00:00:02,227 --> 00:00:05,696
Day 6,593 of parenthood.
2
00:00:05,697 --> 00:00:07,032
Odd-numbered day. You get first pick.
3
00:00:08,062 --> 00:00:09,135
I'll take Anna-Kat.
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,301
Okay, I'll check in on Taylor.
5
00:00:10,326 --> 00:00:12,102
- Can you take Oliver?
- Uhp! You know the rule...
6
00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:13,784
when you pick first, you also
have to take Oliver.
7
00:00:13,809 --> 00:00:16,210
Whoever said kids grow up fast
is an idiot.
8
00:00:16,211 --> 00:00:17,545
They grow up slow, Greg.
9
00:00:17,546 --> 00:00:18,880
Real slow.
10
00:00:24,753 --> 00:00:26,493
Oh, buenas noches, Mrs. Otto.
11
00:00:26,572 --> 00:00:28,172
Cooper. You have 10 houses.
12
00:00:28,173 --> 00:00:29,240
Get out of mine.
13
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:30,842
We're actually having an
important conversation.
14
00:00:30,843 --> 00:00:32,176
Is this conversation trying to get me
15
00:00:32,177 --> 00:00:33,244
to buy you that Gucci belt?
16
00:00:33,245 --> 00:00:35,380
Because I'm running out of
curse words to put before "no."
17
00:00:35,381 --> 00:00:36,714
No, actually,
18
00:00:36,715 --> 00:00:38,316
we're talking about that troubled kid
19
00:00:38,317 --> 00:00:39,651
who called in to Teen Help Line.
20
00:00:39,652 --> 00:00:41,519
We've got an idea who it is.
21
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,121
He said everyone thinks he's Superman.
22
00:00:43,122 --> 00:00:45,790
Well, this kid Trevor's always
wearing a Superman T-shirt.
23
00:00:45,791 --> 00:00:47,659
Shocker... he doesn't have any friends.
24
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:48,993
So, we're going to befriend him.
25
00:00:48,994 --> 00:00:51,129
I'm actually proud of you.
26
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,463
I'm proud of us, too, Mom.
27
00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:54,575
Does that mean you'll buy me that belt?
28
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,467
[Bleep] you and the horse
you rode in on, you [bleep]!
29
00:00:56,468 --> 00:00:57,536
No!
30
00:00:58,871 --> 00:01:00,633
Oh. She found a new one.
31
00:01:03,942 --> 00:01:06,344
Friendly reminder to complete
your life-skills list.
32
00:01:06,345 --> 00:01:08,128
If you don't finish it,
you don't go to prom.
33
00:01:08,153 --> 00:01:09,256
I did the important ones.
34
00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:11,149
I changed the windshield-wiper fluid,
35
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:13,259
and I switched around fruit
stickers at the grocery store.
36
00:01:13,284 --> 00:01:15,421
I got a Honeycrisp for the price
of a Granny Smith.
37
00:01:15,688 --> 00:01:17,021
That one was clearly your mother's.
38
00:01:17,022 --> 00:01:19,158
Plus, I sent my application
in to Carnegie Mellon,
39
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:20,225
and I did my audition tape.
40
00:01:20,226 --> 00:01:22,360
I even noticed I spelled
"Carnegie" wrong,
41
00:01:22,361 --> 00:01:23,428
and then I fixed it.
42
00:01:23,429 --> 00:01:25,564
Then I noticed I spelled "Mellon" wrong,
43
00:01:25,589 --> 00:01:26,632
and then I fixed that.
44
00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:28,232
And then I saw I spelled
"Carnegie" wrong
45
00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:30,344
in a different way,
and then I fixed that.
46
00:01:30,369 --> 00:01:31,523
I'm doing great.
47
00:01:31,577 --> 00:01:33,037
Have you prepared
for your alumni interview?
48
00:01:33,038 --> 00:01:34,639
Dude, that's like a month away!
49
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,507
- And yes, I'm all ready for it.
- You mean you...
50
00:01:36,508 --> 00:01:38,671
Yes! Whatever you're about to
say, I did it! I did everything!
51
00:01:38,696 --> 00:01:40,244
Okay! Stop yelling at me!
52
00:01:40,245 --> 00:01:41,489
Stop making me yell at you!
53
00:01:43,982 --> 00:01:45,583
Do all your friends yell at
their fathers?
54
00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:46,818
You're getting off easy.
55
00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:48,669
Olivia Andal slaps her dad in public.
56
00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:54,229
Time to get to bed.
57
00:01:55,461 --> 00:01:58,930
First, I need you to sign
a permission slip really quick.
58
00:01:58,931 --> 00:01:59,977
What's it for?
59
00:02:00,002 --> 00:02:01,065
And why are you showing it to me
60
00:02:01,066 --> 00:02:02,667
like Taylor shows me her report card?
61
00:02:02,668 --> 00:02:05,069
My new friends invited me to
join their scout troop,
62
00:02:05,070 --> 00:02:06,404
The Wildflower Girls.
63
00:02:06,405 --> 00:02:08,540
- That sounds great.
- Wait. Do you promise?
64
00:02:08,565 --> 00:02:10,675
Say it. Say you promise.
65
00:02:10,676 --> 00:02:12,544
Fine. I promise.
66
00:02:13,470 --> 00:02:14,537
Anna-Kat!
67
00:02:14,562 --> 00:02:16,814
Sage, Nancy, and Tara Summers
are the troop leaders.
68
00:02:16,815 --> 00:02:18,149
You know I can't stand them.
69
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,751
Well, what difference does it make?
70
00:02:19,752 --> 00:02:21,086
You're not in the troop. I am.
71
00:02:21,353 --> 00:02:23,221
Because those terrible moms
and their daughters
72
00:02:23,222 --> 00:02:25,356
are bound to be a bad influence on you.
73
00:02:25,357 --> 00:02:27,886
Plus, they're going to e-mail me,
and want me to volunteer,
74
00:02:27,911 --> 00:02:30,253
and I get migraines if I have
to fake smile too long.
75
00:02:30,278 --> 00:02:31,376
Unh-unh. Remember?
76
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,097
You promised.
77
00:02:33,098 --> 00:02:34,804
A mother's promise means nothing.
78
00:02:34,829 --> 00:02:35,914
Good night.
79
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,775
Taylor's upset with me.
80
00:02:43,776 --> 00:02:45,109
Anna-Kat's upset with me.
81
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:47,097
- How's Oliver?
- Regular terrible.
82
00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:48,046
Hmm.
83
00:02:48,047 --> 00:02:49,065
Other than the Mother's Day gifts
84
00:02:49,090 --> 00:02:50,982
they force them to make me at school,
85
00:02:50,983 --> 00:02:53,117
I'm not sure what
I'm getting out of all this.
86
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,341
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
87
00:02:57,389 --> 00:02:59,521
04x12 - Wildflower Girls
88
00:03:02,995 --> 00:03:05,129
I'm feeling guilty about
not letting Anna-Kat
89
00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:06,731
sign up for Wildflower Girls.
90
00:03:06,732 --> 00:03:09,159
At what age can I stop
putting my kids first?
91
00:03:09,184 --> 00:03:10,202
Right when they can talk.
92
00:03:10,203 --> 00:03:12,176
If you can say "milk,"
you can get it yourself.
93
00:03:12,223 --> 00:03:13,824
My kids come first.
94
00:03:13,825 --> 00:03:15,693
Do I miss having
the master bedroom? Sure.
95
00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:18,095
But they wanted a climbing wall.
Who am I to say no?
96
00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:19,430
Uh, their mother.
97
00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:21,210
You're making your kids soft.
98
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,633
They'd never survive in the wild.
99
00:03:22,634 --> 00:03:24,501
My kids are not going to be in the wild.
100
00:03:24,502 --> 00:03:26,637
You don't know that.
People end up in the wild.
101
00:03:26,638 --> 00:03:28,505
Can you guys shut up? I'm trying
to work something out.
102
00:03:28,506 --> 00:03:30,108
I think you should let Anna-Kat join.
103
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,218
Kids are only young for so long,
and life is hard enough.
104
00:03:32,243 --> 00:03:33,310
Give them what they want.
105
00:03:33,311 --> 00:03:35,129
Electronics, video games, candy.
106
00:03:35,154 --> 00:03:36,246
Make it rain.
107
00:03:36,247 --> 00:03:38,842
Don't listen to her, Katie.
You can't give kids everything.
108
00:03:38,867 --> 00:03:40,631
'Cause in the wild, there's nothing.
109
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,721
Sorry, Doris, Angela might be right.
110
00:03:43,722 --> 00:03:44,835
Oh.
111
00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:46,924
You mean you're actually
gonna take my suggestion
112
00:03:46,925 --> 00:03:47,991
over hers for once?
113
00:03:47,992 --> 00:03:49,326
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
114
00:03:49,327 --> 00:03:50,394
Excuse me.
115
00:03:51,890 --> 00:03:53,380
I win! I win!
116
00:03:53,404 --> 00:03:55,003
I win! I win!
117
00:03:55,028 --> 00:03:56,242
You know that point in life
118
00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:57,868
where you think you've outgrown
your friends?
119
00:03:57,869 --> 00:03:58,937
This is it.
120
00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:01,872
Take that.
121
00:04:06,411 --> 00:04:07,478
Look at that kid.
122
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:09,880
Gucci belt. His life must be great.
123
00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:11,750
A Gucci belt doesn't make you happy.
124
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:15,486
A limited-edition one worn by
Bradley Cooper at the Oscars.
125
00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:17,088
Now, that's happiness.
126
00:04:18,957 --> 00:04:20,557
I can't believe my parents
won't buy me one.
127
00:04:20,558 --> 00:04:23,085
They say I can't wear anything
on my body over 500 bucks
128
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:24,978
unless it's braces.
129
00:04:25,311 --> 00:04:26,335
Oh, there he is.
130
00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:28,710
Don't mention Teen Help Line.
131
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,604
Or that he wants to say
adios to his vida.
132
00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:36,306
Hey there, Superman.
What's the haps in Metropolis?
133
00:04:36,307 --> 00:04:38,175
Uh, what's going on?
134
00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:39,243
Nothing, muchacho.
135
00:04:39,244 --> 00:04:41,111
We just thought maybe
we should all hang out.
136
00:04:41,112 --> 00:04:43,247
You guys want to hang out with me?
137
00:04:43,248 --> 00:04:44,314
I know. Isn't that great?
138
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:46,717
No. It's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
139
00:04:46,718 --> 00:04:49,119
Look, guys, it's a Wednesday, all right?
140
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,056
A new comic book just dropped,
so take a hike.
141
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:53,202
But we're gonna be your friends.
142
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,526
I don't want to be friends
with you morons.
143
00:04:55,527 --> 00:04:57,127
You've got a stupid face.
144
00:04:57,128 --> 00:04:59,264
And you just generally suck.
145
00:05:03,268 --> 00:05:05,378
I guess we're just gonna have to
try harder tomorrow.
146
00:05:05,403 --> 00:05:06,553
Let's not be hasty.
147
00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:08,606
Maybe we should let nature
take its course here.
148
00:05:13,945 --> 00:05:15,546
I can't believe Mom changed her mind
149
00:05:15,547 --> 00:05:17,147
and is letting you be a Wildflower Girl.
150
00:05:17,148 --> 00:05:18,749
She would've never done that for me.
151
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,083
Well, you didn't have the benefit
152
00:05:20,084 --> 00:05:22,219
of a terrible older sister
to make you look good.
153
00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:23,288
Yeah.
154
00:05:23,313 --> 00:05:24,355
Wait.
155
00:05:24,356 --> 00:05:26,223
I just got off the phone
with Carnegie Mellon.
156
00:05:26,224 --> 00:05:28,091
There's an alumnus coming
through Westport tomorrow,
157
00:05:28,092 --> 00:05:29,159
and they wanted to move up
your interview.
158
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,295
- I said yes.
- Why would you move it up?
159
00:05:31,296 --> 00:05:32,346
Because you're all prepared.
160
00:05:32,371 --> 00:05:33,697
Plus, it's good to get in early.
161
00:05:33,698 --> 00:05:35,300
And there's even better news...
162
00:05:35,325 --> 00:05:36,900
your interview is with Brecken Phillips.
163
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,770
- The Broadway guy?
- Yeah, he's an alum.
164
00:05:38,795 --> 00:05:40,370
And your interview's in the afternoon.
165
00:05:40,371 --> 00:05:43,308
Or, as they say in the theatre,
a matinee.
166
00:05:47,579 --> 00:05:48,645
Just so you know,
167
00:05:48,646 --> 00:05:51,850
people outside this house
think I'm entertaining.
168
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:56,386
So, you're not ready at all, huh?
169
00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:58,865
No. I just told Dad I was
to get him off my back.
170
00:05:58,890 --> 00:05:59,911
What am I gonna do?
171
00:05:59,936 --> 00:06:01,358
You're just gonna have to cram for it.
172
00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:03,678
You're right. If I can get
through all of "Harry Potter"
173
00:06:03,703 --> 00:06:05,247
in a weekend, I can do this.
174
00:06:05,272 --> 00:06:08,665
You read all of "Harry Potter"
in one weekend?
175
00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:09,924
It's a book?
176
00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:17,207
Anna-Kat's here!
177
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:20,944
Katie, it's so great that
Anna-Kat's joining the troop.
178
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,813
Yes, you must be so relieved
179
00:06:22,814 --> 00:06:25,482
she'll finally have some
positive female role models.
180
00:06:25,483 --> 00:06:27,351
- Mm.
- Don't feel obligated to stay.
181
00:06:27,352 --> 00:06:28,418
No, I'll be here.
182
00:06:28,419 --> 00:06:30,263
Okay, Wildflower Girls,
183
00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:32,156
let me see those wildflower smiles.
184
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,093
Ah.
185
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:36,960
The girls are learning to make
to make egg parachutes
186
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:40,430
so they can earn
their aeronautics badges.
187
00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:44,701
Now, you already have your
parachute attached to your egg.
188
00:06:44,702 --> 00:06:47,905
Now let's launch them and
watch them float down safely.
189
00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:50,307
Three, two, one.
190
00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:51,376
Liftoff!
191
00:06:53,244 --> 00:06:54,412
Yay!
192
00:06:54,437 --> 00:06:56,446
- Great job, you guys.
- Really good.
193
00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:58,583
Hortensia, clean up!
194
00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:00,717
Okay, so badge time.
195
00:07:00,718 --> 00:07:02,028
Badge time?
196
00:07:02,053 --> 00:07:03,655
All of the eggs broke.
197
00:07:04,722 --> 00:07:06,690
Aren't you going to make them
try it until it works?
198
00:07:06,715 --> 00:07:07,634
Why would we?
199
00:07:07,659 --> 00:07:09,681
To teach them about a job well done.
200
00:07:09,714 --> 00:07:10,722
Ew.
201
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:12,729
We always hand out badges,
no matter what.
202
00:07:12,730 --> 00:07:14,332
Thank you.
203
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:17,267
And this is for you, little lady.
204
00:07:17,268 --> 00:07:19,404
Thank you!
205
00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:21,800
Anna-Kat didn't earn
any of those badges.
206
00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:22,873
Oh, relax, Katie.
207
00:07:22,874 --> 00:07:24,741
It looks better for the pictures
if all the girls match.
208
00:07:24,742 --> 00:07:26,534
And what kind of life lesson is that?
209
00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:28,478
Uh, a perfect one.
210
00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:29,813
All right, ladies.
211
00:07:29,814 --> 00:07:32,482
Smile like you'll never have
to worry about money.
212
00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:35,427
Hortensia, snap-snap.
213
00:07:43,512 --> 00:07:46,181
I'm gonna pick out some shoes
that go with my new sash.
214
00:07:49,652 --> 00:07:51,252
Greg, what are you doing?
215
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,778
Uh, reorganizing the junk drawer.
216
00:07:52,803 --> 00:07:53,922
Ugh.
217
00:07:56,592 --> 00:07:58,326
We've got bigger problems around here.
218
00:07:58,357 --> 00:08:01,292
They give Anna-Kat's troop
badges for doing nothing.
219
00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:03,670
I had $20 in dimes
stacked up right here.
220
00:08:03,695 --> 00:08:05,563
I can't pull her out because I promised
221
00:08:05,564 --> 00:08:06,897
she could be a part of it.
222
00:08:06,898 --> 00:08:08,685
- But...
- Here we go.
223
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,901
...I am going to host the next meeting
224
00:08:10,902 --> 00:08:13,037
and teach the girls how to make lasagna.
225
00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:14,801
Suspiciously wholesome.
226
00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:16,507
And I'll tell the girls
to take off their sashes
227
00:08:16,508 --> 00:08:18,109
so they don't get messy
228
00:08:18,110 --> 00:08:19,686
and then stuff them in
the garbage disposal.
229
00:08:19,711 --> 00:08:20,778
and grind 'em up.
230
00:08:20,779 --> 00:08:22,356
There's my girl!
231
00:08:22,381 --> 00:08:24,248
Wouldn't it be more
inspirational for Anna-Kat
232
00:08:24,249 --> 00:08:25,850
if you actually teach the girls to cook
233
00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:27,708
and make them earn their cooking badge?
234
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,473
Mm-hmm. Probably the way to go.
235
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:32,790
It's good that we workshop these things.
236
00:08:32,791 --> 00:08:34,392
Hey.
237
00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:35,993
Can we get rid of these phone chargers?
238
00:08:35,994 --> 00:08:38,396
One day, the PalmPilot is coming back.
239
00:08:38,397 --> 00:08:39,463
And when it does,
240
00:08:39,464 --> 00:08:41,600
you bet your ass
Katie Otto's gonna be ready.
241
00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:44,124
Back in the drawer.
242
00:08:49,608 --> 00:08:50,767
What do you think?
243
00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:52,786
I took the laces out of my Converse.
244
00:08:52,818 --> 00:08:55,080
- That's cool, right?
- Not now, Anna-Kat.
245
00:08:55,105 --> 00:08:57,158
I'm trying to memorize facts
about Carnegie Mellon.
246
00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:59,750
Did you know there's no such
thing as a Carnegie melon?
247
00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:01,595
I know I told you to cram,
248
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:04,555
but turns out you don't
have to work that hard.
249
00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:05,866
What are you talking about?
250
00:09:05,891 --> 00:09:07,224
At my Wildflower Girls meeting,
251
00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:09,870
they taught me all you need
to do is show up, smile,
252
00:09:09,895 --> 00:09:11,204
and the world will deliver.
253
00:09:11,229 --> 00:09:12,296
You're a good smiler.
254
00:09:12,297 --> 00:09:14,720
I am a good smiler.
255
00:09:14,745 --> 00:09:15,811
There you go.
256
00:09:15,836 --> 00:09:17,592
The bee comes to the wildflower.
257
00:09:17,617 --> 00:09:18,915
Not the other way around.
258
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:20,016
So, I'm the bee.
259
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,372
That makes a lot of sense.
260
00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:23,507
No, you're the wildflower.
261
00:09:23,508 --> 00:09:25,609
I'll be honest, I didn't even
get it when I was the bee..
262
00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:34,755
I don't know about this.
263
00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:36,587
Trevor wasn't into it last time.
264
00:09:36,588 --> 00:09:38,077
He was just pushing us away
265
00:09:38,102 --> 00:09:40,184
because he has difficulty
managing his feelings.
266
00:09:40,209 --> 00:09:41,926
Textbook depression.
267
00:09:41,927 --> 00:09:43,527
It's up to us to follow through.
268
00:09:43,528 --> 00:09:45,396
It could save his life.
269
00:09:45,397 --> 00:09:47,265
If you say so.
270
00:09:57,142 --> 00:09:58,209
Hey, man.
271
00:09:58,210 --> 00:10:00,214
Can't you losers get your own lives?
272
00:10:00,239 --> 00:10:01,655
We're just letting you know
you're not alone.
273
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,011
Yeah, because you two idiots
keep showing up.
274
00:10:04,616 --> 00:10:06,193
Zuckerberg, Gates, Jobs.
275
00:10:06,218 --> 00:10:07,509
What do they all have in common?
276
00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:08,947
I've been all of them for Halloween?
277
00:10:08,972 --> 00:10:11,431
No, they were all reclusive
nerds when they were young
278
00:10:11,456 --> 00:10:12,623
and became titans of industry.
279
00:10:12,624 --> 00:10:15,806
I'm harnessing my disdain for
everyone at this crappy school
280
00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,744
and using it to fuel
my success later in life.
281
00:10:17,769 --> 00:10:19,111
Later in life?
282
00:10:19,136 --> 00:10:21,165
But you called Teen Help Line.
I talked to you.
283
00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:23,276
I don't even know what
Teen Help Line is.
284
00:10:23,301 --> 00:10:24,611
Now, why don't you make like
285
00:10:24,636 --> 00:10:26,351
lesser-known original
Justice League character
286
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,814
Martian Manhunter and disappear?
287
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,201
I could've sworn it was him,
but maybe I was wrong.
288
00:10:34,226 --> 00:10:35,850
Hey, Justice League, watch out!
289
00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:36,943
Hey!
290
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:38,310
Dude, hide behind my cape!
291
00:10:39,584 --> 00:10:40,627
Wait! What about my jacket?!
292
00:10:40,652 --> 00:10:42,520
Leave it, leave it!
293
00:10:42,521 --> 00:10:43,296
Leave it!
294
00:10:43,329 --> 00:10:45,281
Okay, Wildflower Girls,
295
00:10:45,306 --> 00:10:49,144
the trick to making
the perfect lasagna is layering.
296
00:10:50,771 --> 00:10:52,105
Let's pay attention.
297
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:55,041
It goes pasta, meat sauce,
cheese, repeat.
298
00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,108
Do it with me.
299
00:10:56,109 --> 00:10:58,511
Look, a lion's friends with a duck.
300
00:10:58,512 --> 00:11:00,112
Aww!
301
00:11:00,113 --> 00:11:02,782
Hello? Who wants their cooking badge?
302
00:11:02,783 --> 00:11:03,849
I do.
303
00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:05,185
Hortensia?
304
00:11:15,062 --> 00:11:17,997
Angela, where are you? You said
you were gonna help me.
305
00:11:17,998 --> 00:11:19,865
Ugh, I had to go to the school.
306
00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:21,468
They accused Sebastian of plagiarizing
307
00:11:21,493 --> 00:11:23,869
just because he copied
an article he found online.
308
00:11:23,870 --> 00:11:26,272
Unh-unh. I'm going to give that
teacher a piece of my mind.
309
00:11:26,273 --> 00:11:28,941
So, you're mad at the teacher
and not at your son who cheated?
310
00:11:28,942 --> 00:11:30,810
What kind of message
does that send to him?
311
00:11:30,811 --> 00:11:33,213
That Mommy's little baby
does no wrong. Pfft.
312
00:11:34,014 --> 00:11:36,925
Oh, no. I listened to the wrong friend.
313
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:38,260
Can we get our badges now?
314
00:11:38,285 --> 00:11:39,618
No. You can't.
315
00:11:39,619 --> 00:11:42,022
The only person getting a badge
is Hortensia,
316
00:11:42,047 --> 00:11:44,221
because she actually did the work.
317
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,758
What?! Mom!
318
00:11:45,759 --> 00:11:47,692
I don't like not getting what I want.
319
00:11:47,717 --> 00:11:48,695
Yeah!
320
00:11:48,696 --> 00:11:51,630
I hate you, Hortensia.
321
00:11:51,631 --> 00:11:54,834
When I close my eyes,
the entire world disapears,
322
00:11:54,835 --> 00:11:56,969
and I am a bird.
323
00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:58,571
Fly, Hortensia.
324
00:11:58,572 --> 00:11:59,638
Fly.
325
00:12:03,376 --> 00:12:05,778
I am happy to represent Carnegie Mellon
326
00:12:05,779 --> 00:12:09,248
because it gave me
the confidence and skills
327
00:12:09,249 --> 00:12:11,917
to do everything from Stanley Kowalski
328
00:12:11,918 --> 00:12:14,587
to the voice of
bleach-free surface cleaner.
329
00:12:14,588 --> 00:12:15,654
Oh, oh!
330
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:17,523
Stains, get outta here!
331
00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:18,591
That was you?
332
00:12:18,592 --> 00:12:20,192
Yeah.
333
00:12:20,193 --> 00:12:21,795
So, I-I got to tell you,
334
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,463
the... the music department
was... was a big fan
335
00:12:24,464 --> 00:12:26,866
of your audition tape, and so was I.
336
00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:27,800
Cool.
337
00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:30,069
All right, so, uh, why do you think
338
00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:32,205
Carnegie Mellon is
the right school for you?
339
00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,539
Because of the music program.
340
00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:36,209
And what aspects of our music program?
341
00:12:37,253 --> 00:12:39,121
All of them?
342
00:12:39,146 --> 00:12:40,989
A-Are you asking me, or...?
343
00:12:41,014 --> 00:12:42,882
No...?
344
00:12:42,883 --> 00:12:44,483
Okay, all right. Never mind.
345
00:12:44,484 --> 00:12:47,953
Um, so, where do you see
yourself in 10 years?
346
00:12:47,954 --> 00:12:49,063
At Carnegie Mellon.
347
00:12:49,088 --> 00:12:51,399
Okay, we're a four-year program, so...
348
00:12:51,424 --> 00:12:53,354
And a great one.
349
00:12:53,379 --> 00:12:54,627
Yes. Um...
350
00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:56,762
Is there anything else
you'd like to add?
351
00:12:56,763 --> 00:13:00,766
Uh, what you can bring
to... to Carnegie?
352
00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:02,902
Like a pillow and comforter and stuff?
353
00:13:02,903 --> 00:13:05,571
No. Like your philosophy.
354
00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:06,906
Oh! I have one of those.
355
00:13:06,907 --> 00:13:09,575
Um, I'm gonna show up, smile,
356
00:13:09,576 --> 00:13:11,178
and the world will deliver.
357
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:15,447
The people who made this form
358
00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:17,850
really didn't plan for someone like you.
359
00:13:21,054 --> 00:13:22,655
What is going on here?
360
00:13:22,656 --> 00:13:24,790
We all got 911 texts from our daughters.
361
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:26,926
Anna-Kat's mom won't give us our badges.
362
00:13:26,927 --> 00:13:28,794
Katie, give the girls their badges.
363
00:13:28,795 --> 00:13:30,664
They did nothing but fool around.
364
00:13:30,931 --> 00:13:32,264
It's okay. You're new here.
365
00:13:32,265 --> 00:13:33,866
Just hand them over,
and we'll forgive you
366
00:13:33,867 --> 00:13:36,001
What kind of world do we live in
367
00:13:36,002 --> 00:13:38,671
where you're so afraid of
disappointing your children?
368
00:13:38,672 --> 00:13:40,272
If they misbehave or don't listen,
369
00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:42,141
they shouldn't be rewarded for it.
370
00:13:42,142 --> 00:13:43,743
I don't follow you. Are you well?
371
00:13:44,544 --> 00:13:46,679
It's never the child's fault nowadays.
372
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,814
It's always the teacher
or the coach or...
373
00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:51,750
It's fine. You just tell me
when to stop.
374
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:52,818
No!
375
00:13:52,819 --> 00:13:54,153
This is bigger than money.
376
00:13:54,154 --> 00:13:56,021
Just... give me the badges!
377
00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:58,424
That's right. Take it.
378
00:13:58,425 --> 00:13:59,492
Come on. Use your muscles.
379
00:14:01,094 --> 00:14:03,229
Damn you and your poor-person strength!
380
00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:05,097
Mom, you're embarrassing me!
381
00:14:05,098 --> 00:14:06,966
Come on, girls. We're taking you home.
382
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:10,703
Katie, if you don't give the girls
383
00:14:10,704 --> 00:14:12,838
their cooking badges
at the next meeting,
384
00:14:12,839 --> 00:14:14,440
Anna-Kat is out of the troop.
385
00:14:15,243 --> 00:14:16,308
Yeah, you better go,
386
00:14:16,309 --> 00:14:18,621
because I'm about to earn
my face-slapping badge!
387
00:14:22,915 --> 00:14:24,915
I can't believe you
embarrassed me like that.
388
00:14:26,274 --> 00:14:27,875
You know what?
389
00:14:27,876 --> 00:14:30,811
I'm eating your hidden stash
of 100 Grand bars.
390
00:14:31,358 --> 00:14:34,694
Hey! That's my plant candy!
391
00:14:34,719 --> 00:14:37,121
Stop. Come here.
392
00:14:37,122 --> 00:14:38,189
Sit down.
393
00:14:39,524 --> 00:14:42,459
I know that you're mad,
but you're a big girl now,
394
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:45,662
so I'm going to explain to you
why I don't like this troop.
395
00:14:45,663 --> 00:14:47,531
And then I'm going to let you decide
396
00:14:47,532 --> 00:14:49,242
what you think that I should do.
397
00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:51,432
- Fair?
- Fair.
398
00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:56,770
It is a bad lesson to teach young girls
399
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,638
that you get something for nothing.
400
00:14:58,639 --> 00:15:00,507
Because outside of a town like this,
401
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,909
you do nothing, you get nothing.
402
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:06,913
You girls are smarter,
stronger, and better than that.
403
00:15:06,914 --> 00:15:08,248
Do you understand?
404
00:15:08,249 --> 00:15:09,317
I do.
405
00:15:10,131 --> 00:15:12,786
I understand that I want you to
give my friends their badges
406
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,655
and stop embarrassing me.
407
00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:21,594
Hey, where'd they go?
408
00:15:21,595 --> 00:15:22,662
Does everyone know?
409
00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:24,264
Seriously, Katie, there was
a lot of candy here
410
00:15:24,265 --> 00:15:25,332
three days ago.
411
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,866
Well, it was, uh,
nice meeting you, and, uh,
412
00:15:28,891 --> 00:15:30,937
the admissions department
will be in touch soon.
413
00:15:30,938 --> 00:15:32,806
Okay.
414
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,819
Oh, perfect!
415
00:15:34,856 --> 00:15:38,059
I just wasted my afternoon,
and now I got to call AAA.
416
00:15:39,928 --> 00:15:43,130
I meant... "wasted" in a...
different way than you think.
417
00:15:43,131 --> 00:15:44,199
Oh.
418
00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:45,532
I can change it for you.
419
00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:47,644
You know how to change a tire?
420
00:15:47,669 --> 00:15:49,271
Yeah. Pop the trunk.
421
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,678
Put on the parking brake.
422
00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:56,210
All right.
423
00:15:59,147 --> 00:16:00,215
Uh, don't you still need the jack?
424
00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:03,952
You loosen the lug nuts first
so the tire doesn't spin.
425
00:16:04,219 --> 00:16:05,286
Is this a "Parent Trap" situation?
426
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:07,421
Did the more pragmatic twin tag in
427
00:16:07,422 --> 00:16:08,756
while I was in the bathroom?
428
00:16:08,757 --> 00:16:09,824
No.
429
00:16:10,091 --> 00:16:11,425
Changing a tire was on my list.
430
00:16:11,426 --> 00:16:12,493
Your list?
431
00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:15,042
I'm working on a life-skills
list before I go to college.
432
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:17,298
- Really?
- Yeah, you know...
433
00:16:17,299 --> 00:16:19,700
...things like how to change a tire,
434
00:16:19,701 --> 00:16:22,636
how to balance a checkbook,
how to unclog a toilet.
435
00:16:22,637 --> 00:16:25,039
Do you know flushable wipes
aren't really flushable?
436
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,708
I did not.
437
00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:30,911
Uh, you know, Taylor,
I-I got to confess,
438
00:16:30,912 --> 00:16:33,315
my impression of you wasn't stellar.
439
00:16:34,382 --> 00:16:35,449
Oh.
440
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:38,385
You came off as kind of
a one-dimensional person,
441
00:16:38,386 --> 00:16:39,987
but I think I had you pegged wrong.
442
00:16:39,988 --> 00:16:43,190
I'd like to hear more about
this list... and you.
443
00:16:43,191 --> 00:16:46,127
You know, how would you like to
do this interview over again?
444
00:16:46,394 --> 00:16:47,461
That'd be great.
445
00:16:47,462 --> 00:16:49,864
Uh, no, no. Tire first.
446
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:55,358
I'd help, but
I'm a hand double for Shrek.
447
00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:04,011
It wasn't Trevor, so what do we do now?
448
00:17:04,012 --> 00:17:06,413
Let's just forget about it.
You've done everything you can.
449
00:17:06,414 --> 00:17:09,350
Oh, and don't worry about
the incident in the cafeteria.
450
00:17:09,351 --> 00:17:10,417
My PR guy's already on it.
451
00:17:10,418 --> 00:17:13,620
He had to move a few things
around, but this week,
452
00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:15,223
Derek Jeter's gonna
sit with us at lunch.
453
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,624
Hey, Superman! Think fast!
454
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:19,808
- Ooh, nice grab!
- All right, I'll see you at practice.
455
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,362
Oh, my God.
456
00:17:21,363 --> 00:17:22,963
Is Will Hansen Superman?
457
00:17:22,964 --> 00:17:24,832
That's the voice on the phone.
458
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:26,258
Why would he want to end his life?
459
00:17:26,297 --> 00:17:28,836
He's got the sneakers,
the belt, and the watch.
460
00:17:28,837 --> 00:17:30,437
He's rocking full Gucch.
461
00:17:30,438 --> 00:17:32,573
If that's not happiness,
I don't know what is.
462
00:17:32,574 --> 00:17:35,243
Happiness is actually
Gucci sneakers worn by...
463
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:37,111
Please stop.
464
00:17:37,112 --> 00:17:38,445
...Matt Damon.
465
00:17:43,508 --> 00:17:46,186
You guys, I almost blew
my Carnegie Mellon interview,
466
00:17:46,187 --> 00:17:47,788
but then Brecken Phillips
got a flat tire,
467
00:17:47,789 --> 00:17:49,123
and I changed it for him.
468
00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:50,166
He was super impressed.
469
00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:51,818
Since when do you know
how to change a tire?
470
00:17:51,843 --> 00:17:53,394
It's on that stupid life-skills list
471
00:17:53,395 --> 00:17:54,728
Mom and Dad are forcing her to do.
472
00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:56,330
But that stupid life-skills list
473
00:17:56,331 --> 00:17:58,465
got me one step closer
to Carnegie Mellon.
474
00:17:58,466 --> 00:18:00,601
They're super annoying,
but maybe Mom and Dad
475
00:18:00,602 --> 00:18:02,202
might actually know what
they're talking about.
476
00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:04,974
Huh. They're always telling me
money doesn't buy happiness.
477
00:18:04,999 --> 00:18:06,473
I thought that was just poor talk,
478
00:18:06,474 --> 00:18:07,808
but now I kind of get it.
479
00:18:07,809 --> 00:18:10,427
Are you two saying that
Mom and Dad are sometimes right?
480
00:18:11,302 --> 00:18:12,347
Yeah.
481
00:18:13,415 --> 00:18:14,749
Huh.
482
00:18:14,774 --> 00:18:17,151
I've got to process this
over a Baby Ruth.
483
00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:28,362
Katie!
484
00:18:28,363 --> 00:18:31,298
I hope you brought something
for the kids.
485
00:18:31,299 --> 00:18:32,633
I did.
486
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:34,234
We're so glad.
487
00:18:34,235 --> 00:18:36,370
We like having Anna-Kat in the troop.
488
00:18:36,371 --> 00:18:39,040
Be a shame if her mother
blew it for her.
489
00:18:40,375 --> 00:18:42,776
Come on up, girls, and get your badges.
490
00:18:42,777 --> 00:18:44,595
- Yeah!
- Yay!
491
00:18:52,387 --> 00:18:53,616
I don't want this badge.
492
00:18:55,323 --> 00:18:57,147
I didn't earn it.
493
00:18:57,175 --> 00:18:58,768
None of us did.
494
00:18:58,793 --> 00:19:02,796
If you want something,
you have to work for it.
495
00:19:02,797 --> 00:19:03,864
Because in the real world,
496
00:19:03,865 --> 00:19:06,533
you don't just get
everything handed to you.
497
00:19:06,534 --> 00:19:07,601
I mean, what if your parents
498
00:19:07,602 --> 00:19:10,003
decide to squander your trust funds
499
00:19:10,004 --> 00:19:11,605
or you want to marry for love?
500
00:19:12,674 --> 00:19:14,274
It happens, ladies.
501
00:19:14,275 --> 00:19:16,143
And what are you gonna do then?
502
00:19:16,144 --> 00:19:19,071
We are smarter, stronger,
and better than that.
503
00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:23,618
I'm not trained in CPR!
504
00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:28,689
Window shopping shouldn't
earn me a hiking badge.
505
00:19:28,690 --> 00:19:31,625
I did not successfully
breed a chinchilla.
506
00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:34,028
Ya sabía cocinar lasaña.
507
00:19:34,113 --> 00:19:36,940
From now on, we don't get badges
unless we earn them.
508
00:19:36,965 --> 00:19:38,565
Right, Wildflower Girls?
509
00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:40,105
Yeah!
510
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,478
Badges!
511
00:19:41,503 --> 00:19:43,103
We don't need no stinking badges!
512
00:19:43,104 --> 00:19:44,438
What do you think you're doing?!
513
00:19:44,439 --> 00:19:45,772
This is madness!
514
00:19:45,773 --> 00:19:48,142
How much is it gonna take for
you to put those sashes back on?
515
00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:49,752
Hmm?
516
00:19:49,777 --> 00:19:52,598
So, you listened to me?
517
00:19:52,623 --> 00:19:53,780
No.
518
00:19:53,781 --> 00:19:55,649
I listened to Taylor and Oliver,
519
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:57,518
who then told me to listen to you.
520
00:19:57,519 --> 00:19:59,601
And your father said
trickle-down parenting
521
00:19:59,626 --> 00:20:00,721
wouldn't work.
522
00:20:07,784 --> 00:20:11,215
Day 6,596 of parenthood.
523
00:20:11,269 --> 00:20:13,972
Even-numbered day. I get to pick first,
and I choose Oliver.
524
00:20:14,019 --> 00:20:16,400
- No! I want Oliver.
- Sorry.
525
00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:18,049
It's a crazy turn of events
in three days.
526
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,151
Mm.
527
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,859
I have something for you.
528
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:30,061
It's an integrity badge.
529
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,396
Because you earned it.
530
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:34,689
- Thanks, Mom.
- Not so fast.
531
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,535
I don't care about
the Baby Ruths so much,
532
00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,404
but where are my 100 Grand bars?
533
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,049
You have 10 seconds.