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00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,023
Hey, all you mamas out there.
2
00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:07,192
Today on "A Real Mother Vlog,"
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00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,194
I'm going to show you
that sometimes,
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00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:12,280
it's important
to just be a fun mom.
5
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Oh, my gosh. Look!
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A white‐breasted nuthatch.
7
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And just like that,
8
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today is the best day
of my life.
9
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:19,914
What?
10
00:00:19,938 --> 00:00:21,581
Gotcha, bird nerds!
11
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Incoming!
12
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Oh!
13
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You were aiming for my face!
14
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Well, yeah. That's going to
read best on camera.
15
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Why didn't you tell us
you were gonna surprise us?
16
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Sakes alive!
17
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What?
18
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I just saved you
from birdwatching
19
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with a water balloon fight.
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Birdwatching is safe.
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What you did was dangerous.
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Let's go, Franklin.
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You ruined
the best day of my life.
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Oh.
25
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Okay. New topic.
26
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The world has made kids soft.
27
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Did you know that they banned
dodgeball in P. E.?
28
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,413
How are the popular kids
supposed to pick on the losers
29
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,123
during a school‐sanctioned
activity?
30
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This is why there's a rise
in cyber‐bullying.
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According to
the most recent census,
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what is the current population
of Westport?
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25,000 ‐‐
34
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,474
28,115.
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Damn it.
36
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:23,810
I'm gonna need
to remember these things
37
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,937
if I'm gonna hold my own
in the City Council debate.
38
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Useless numbers and facts?
39
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That's my bread and butter.
40
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Don't beat yourself up, Dad.
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I have all the faith
in the world in you, bud.
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I love you.
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Wow.
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00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,115
You must really want something
45
00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:38,616
because you just used
the "I love you"
46
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,076
you were saving
for my death bed.
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You're my dad
and my best friend.
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But since you asked,
49
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I do need you to get me
50
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,959
a teeny tiny prescription
for Boosterin.
51
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,168
Boosterin?
52
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,336
For ADHD?
53
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,587
You don't have ADHD.
54
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,715
No, but it also helps you focus
55
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:56,217
and access an extra 30%
of your brain.
56
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,260
I have midterms.
57
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Gotta keep my grades up
for Harvard.
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00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,138
Are you out of your mind?
59
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,765
Every other kid in school
not only takes Boosterin,
60
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,018
they have private tutors,
take prep classes.
61
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,145
If I don't do this,
I'm at a disadvantage.
62
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,354
Do you take Boosterin?
63
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:09,605
No.
64
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,649
No, I get my grades
the old fashioned way ‐‐
65
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,568
giving the teachers
great Christmas presents.
66
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:14,635
What'd your mom say?
67
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,197
There is no world where
I'm helping my teenage son
68
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,575
get prescription drugs to study.
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00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,785
But you took drugs
in high school.
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I did it to fit in!
It's different!
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I'm with your mom ‐‐ no way.
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This is medication
for kids who need it.
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You don't need it.
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00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,920
Dad, we could take it together.
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Me for my midterms,
you for your debate.
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00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,008
It'd be like
a father‐son camping trip,
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00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,885
except instead of
roasting marshmallows,
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00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,720
we'll be taking
performance‐enhancing drugs.
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00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,996
Absolutely not.
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My parents don't understand
the pressure I'm under.
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They don't know what it's like
to strive for something great.
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If they had a vision board,
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it would just be a picture
of wicker furniture
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00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,569
and the Blue Man Group.
85
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,660
I have a question about Kant's
"Critique of Pure Reason."
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00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,578
Of course.
87
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,664
What was his critiques,
and what were his reasons?
88
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,125
You're funny.
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00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,044
Yeah. I'm so funny.
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00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,379
Well, uh, the professor asked me
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00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,339
to review German philosophy
with the class next week
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for the midterm,
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so we'll just cover it then.
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00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:20,742
Alright, Taylor,
I'll see you Monday.
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00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,221
Taylor?
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00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,390
Taylor?
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00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,141
Oh, uh, sorry.
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00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,267
It's just this sculpture.
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It makes me feel stuff
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that isn't, like,
hungry or sad or tired.
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Maybe it's the triangles.
102
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,403
You know, they've represented
so much throughout history.
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00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,613
Mind, body, spirit.
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Life, death, rebirth.
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00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,409
Past, present, future.
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00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,618
Tall, grande, venti.
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00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,869
Alvin, Simon, Theodore.
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00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,665
You know, um, there's an exhibit
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at the Westport Art Center
Saturday night.
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I'm going.
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You should ‐‐
You should come, too.
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Yeah.
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00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,488
That'd be awesome.
114
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,134
I have a boyfriend.
115
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,159
Oh, my God. I do, too.
116
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,804
I don't know
why I just said that.
117
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:05,888
I don't. I'm straight.
118
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But I'm an ally.
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Uh, besides, it's ‐‐ it's ‐‐
120
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it's not even like
I was, um, asking you out.
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It's ‐‐ No.
122
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It's more of like
a group thing where ‐‐
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I'm actually asking everybody.
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Hey, uh, you!
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You want to go
to an art exhibit?
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No.
127
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No problem.
128
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:21,446
I‐It's not for everyone.
129
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That's why it's art!
130
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,781
How about you?
131
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,616
Can I bring my dog?
132
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,827
Probably not. Oh.
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You see?
134
00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:30,163
It's not just for me and you.
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The more the merrier.
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Definitely bring your boyfriend.
137
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Yeah, I mean,
he's super into art.
138
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,838
Uh, looking at it...
tracing stuff.
139
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:42,383
Great. Well, I hope to see
you and your boyfriend there.
140
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,284
As part of a group.
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00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,054
Hey, uh, do you wanna go
to an art exhibit?
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00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,723
I have a boyfriend.
143
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:49,956
So do I!
144
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,435
Why do I keep saying that?
145
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,194
How's the app?
146
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,237
Are we any closer to launch? Mm.
147
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,364
We hit a speed bump
in the coding.
148
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,866
I could explain it, but I won't,
149
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,118
because I've decided not
to develop my personal skills
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00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,953
or the patience necessary
to do so.
151
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,247
A‐buh, buh, buh!
Can you stop? Please?
152
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,166
I can't think with you
hovering over me.
153
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,417
I don't tell you how to code.
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You don't tell me how to be
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00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,027
in charge of refreshments,
amigo.
156
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:22,173
Guys, I don't have time
for this bickering.
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00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:25,051
I need this app up and running
and wildly successful ASAP
158
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,511
so it can help me
get into Harvard.
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00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,679
Especially now that my parents
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00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,765
won't get me Boosterin
for my midterms.
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00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,767
If you need Boosterin,
I've got a prescription for it.
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00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:33,644
I can spot you some.
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00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:35,061
Really? Sure.
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00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,896
Oliver. Mom and Dad said no.
165
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,315
Yeah. You know what
they've said yes to?
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00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,484
Non‐monogrammed towels.
167
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,301
Their judgement
isn't exactly sound.
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There you go. Just two?
169
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,491
Yeah. You only take
a quarter at a time.
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00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,701
That'll be more than enough
to get you through midterms.
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Chief Officer of Snacks
and Beverages, you need any?
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00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,998
No. No, I come from money.
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Whatever school Oliver goes to
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00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,210
will have a brand‐new
Cooper Bradford biblioteca.
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Hopefully whatever school
I go to already has a library.
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Is that what that means?
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00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,470
Doris, did you watch
my latest vlog?
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00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,097
Hey, uh, Katie,
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00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,850
I just want to set a baseline
for our friendship ‐‐
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I'm never gonna watch your vlog.
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00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,436
Let me sum it up for you ‐‐
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00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,313
How are kids supposed to learn
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00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,648
to pick themselves
up off the ground
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00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,233
if they never get knocked down?
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00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,527
Get a skinned knee,
have some actual fun.
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00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,821
If your friend's psycho brother
hasn't chased you with a BB‐gun,
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00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,281
you haven't lived.
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00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:31,158
Katie, you just need to give
Anna‐Kat and Franklin
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00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,452
an old‐fashioned
childhood experience.
190
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,453
You're right.
191
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,788
Time for a bottle rocket fight.
192
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,290
Where can I get some fireworks?
193
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:38,791
Nowhere.
194
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,334
They're illegal in Connecticut.
195
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,360
Laws ruin everything.
196
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,301
Since society has sucked
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00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,344
every ounce of joy
from childhood,
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00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,805
I want to teach you
a few adventurous games
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00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,016
so that you can have
some actual fun.
200
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,476
We can take an adventure
without risk.
201
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,729
An adventure in our minds.
202
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,814
I'm at a fast‐food drive‐thru.
203
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,233
One sourdough
grilled chicken club, please.
204
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,986
Super fun. Super safe.
205
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,740
You have to take risks in life
in order to succeed.
206
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,450
This is the game
that I played as a kid.
207
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,868
It's called
"Shark in the Water."
208
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:14,869
Here's how you play ‐‐
209
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:15,829
I don't like sharks.
210
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:16,871
There's no shark, so ‐‐
211
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:17,913
I also don't like water.
212
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,040
There's no water.
213
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,167
Just listen.
214
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,960
You have to cross the room
215
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,295
without touching the floor,
216
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:27,131
which we are pretending
is shark‐infested waters.
217
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,883
What happens
when we touch the floor?
218
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,134
You get eaten by a shark.
219
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,302
We'll start small.
220
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,263
Just jump off the island
to the couch cushion,
221
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,306
onto the piano bench.
222
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,474
Go!
223
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,809
The piano bench looks
pretty darn pointy.
224
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,019
I'm sorry, Mrs. Otto,
225
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,604
but I can't risk losing an eye.
226
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,607
I need the ability to track
moving objects accurately.
227
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,691
I've mentioned my dream
228
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,318
to become
a tennis line judge, right?
229
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:52,847
Ta‐da!
230
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,618
This is it? Yeah.
231
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,162
What do you think?
232
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,455
Well, I think
it's a bunch of triangles
233
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,748
on top of each other.
234
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:03,400
Okay, but how does it
make you feel?
235
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:05,961
Triangle?
236
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,381
Hey, I used triangle
in its adjective form.
237
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,508
But when you look
at the triangles,
238
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:14,136
don't you think it symbolizes
mind, body, spirit?
239
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,412
Life, death, rebirth?
240
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,308
Yeah, I'm not getting
any of that.
241
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,976
Hey, I thought we were going to
that new taco place.
242
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,229
You know they have
a cheeseburger burrito?
243
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,563
You want to talk about art?
244
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,564
Let's talk about that.
245
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:26,941
Yeah. We are.
246
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,317
I‐I'm just getting into art,
247
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,610
and I thought
you might like it, too,
248
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,445
but... it's whatever.
249
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,072
Let's go.
250
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,573
I don't know why you're so mad.
251
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,158
Wait, wait, wait! Wait.
I see something else!
252
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,059
I see... triangles!
253
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,277
I have to hide
the Boosterin somewhere.
254
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,964
How about your dopp kit?
255
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,215
No.
256
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,134
No me gusta tus drogas.
257
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,803
Open up!
258
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,138
Okay!
259
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,264
Give me a sec.
260
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,100
Open up!
261
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,601
She knows!
262
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,186
Don't you dare fall apart on me.
263
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,855
I‐I'm not built for deception ‐‐
264
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,606
just charm
and a few easy laughs.
265
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,066
Just let me handle it.
266
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,615
Hey, Mom. Don't "Hey, Mom" me.
267
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,950
You know what you two did.
268
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,952
Oh, God, we're going to jail.
269
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,620
It'll be a nice jail,
maybe nicer than here,
270
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,955
but still jail.
271
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,416
Why don't you tell us
what we did?
272
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,293
Once again,
you left your wet towels
273
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,045
on your bedroom floor
for me to pick up.
274
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,171
Next time this happens,
275
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,447
you both will be sharing
Luthor's butt towel.
276
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,969
Okay, we're in the clear.
277
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,512
I don't know.
278
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,972
Don't worry.
279
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,640
She doesn't believe in vitamins.
280
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:45,811
That's why I'll always
hide them in here.
281
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,104
What do you mean "always"?
282
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,564
I'll be hitting Trevor up
for more
283
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,192
during finals, SATs, and ACTs.
284
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,276
That's right.
285
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,361
Your boy's doing both.
286
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,197
No. This could be dangerous.
287
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,198
I'm not okay with it.
288
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,492
Look, I'm not you.
289
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,702
I can't buy my way into college.
290
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,412
So, I'm doing what I have to do.
291
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,997
I have it under control.
292
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,499
That's what they all say.
293
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,751
I know what addiction
can do to a person.
294
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:12,171
I saw my uncle Winston
lose himself to Fabergé eggs.
295
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,467
This is perfect.
296
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,636
I want Anna‐Kat and Franklin
to jump high,
297
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,637
flirt with danger.
298
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,846
They're 12 years old,
299
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,832
and they don't have a scar
with a cool story behind it.
300
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,018
See this?
301
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,728
I was the first girl
in our school
302
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,813
to attempt the jump
303
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:29,980
from the big oak tree
to the monkey bars.
304
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,023
Attempt?
305
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,942
Landed on a rock,
split open my elbow,
306
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:33,902
blood everywhere.
307
00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:35,111
The playground monitor
passed out.
308
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,112
Made the school paper.
309
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,197
They called it The Red Recess.
310
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,615
I have one of those, too.
311
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,951
Got this at chess champ.
312
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,036
Was a little too close
to the board, sneezed,
313
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,329
and hit my queen.
314
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,748
I had to hold a tissue to it
for the rest of the match.
315
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,292
Yep. That's the kind of stuff
I'm talking about.
316
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,002
I'm gonna do some more
last‐minute cramming
317
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,337
for the debate.
318
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,713
I still don't have all
the comptroller's kids' names
319
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,030
memorized to my satisfaction.
320
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,011
Hey, Mrs. Otto, I need to talk
to you about something.
321
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,638
Cooper, why does your generation
322
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,348
think everything
is so dangerous?
323
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,474
Well, what if you know someone
324
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,725
who's taking
an unnecessary risk?
325
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:07,935
Then you take notes,
326
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,645
because this worry‐wart attitude
327
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,105
is exactly why you are all
328
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,940
such weak‐sauce
marshmallow turds.
329
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,733
But Mrs. Otto ‐‐ Weak‐sauce...
330
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,735
marshmallow... turds!
331
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:21,115
...save the taxpayer
three‐point...
332
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,449
three‐point...
333
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,516
Dang it!
334
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,620
3.27%.
335
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,999
I knew that!
336
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,526
"Helps with energy
and improves memory."
337
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:38,966
What else you got?
338
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,662
Alright, guys. Open your eyes!
339
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,932
Come on up!
340
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,935
Good golly, are you asking
for a lawsuit, lady?
341
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,854
I called your mom,
and she signed off on it.
342
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,023
But my mom doesn't have
her eye on the ball.
343
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,442
I love her, but she'd make
a terrible line judge.
344
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,194
Just get on the trampoline.
345
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,820
Where's the safety net?
346
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,322
We're not putting
a safety net on.
347
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:04,140
Nothing with the word
"safety" in it is fun.
348
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,869
Whoo!
349
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,495
These bad boys
were a lot smaller
350
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:09,830
the last time I did this.
351
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:10,956
What?
352
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,166
I said come on!
353
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,191
Get up here!
354
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,337
Let's be professional wrestlers!
355
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,904
Piledriver!
356
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,176
Ooh! Oh!
357
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,302
Mom!
358
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,746
I'm fine.
359
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,975
Ooh. Just gotta pop
my shoulder back in.
360
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,854
‐Aah! ‐Oh! Aah!
361
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,946
Hey, you guys ready
for the debate?
362
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,113
We're leaving soon.
363
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,365
We're not going.
364
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,449
Why not?
365
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,909
Watching you mangle your body
366
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,911
in the name of "fun"
really freaked us out,
367
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,080
so we're just gonna stay here
and play "Be Safe."
368
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,915
"Be Safe"?
369
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,208
It's a game we made up.
370
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:57,419
The rules are you sit
on the floor and do nothing.
371
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,629
It's not very fun,
372
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,006
but like the name says,
it's safe,
373
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,260
and unlike soccer,
women get paid the same as men.
374
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,636
Fine.
375
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,055
You know what? You win.
376
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,349
Actually, Mrs. Otto,
no one wins in "Be Safe."
377
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,476
That's one of
my favorite things about it.
378
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,311
If I could throw my arms up
in frustration right now,
379
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,604
I would.
380
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,696
Hey, Cooper, did you take
the Boosterin out of the bottle?
381
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,863
No, of course not.
382
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,073
Somebody did.
383
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,418
Dad?
384
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,961
Wow! Hey, guys!
385
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,046
Get in the car.
It's time to get to the debate.
386
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,506
Actually, I'll just run there!
387
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,632
No.
388
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,717
It's super humid.
389
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,760
We can't have your hair
Bozo‐ing out.
390
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:47,845
We'll drive you there.
391
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:48,971
Good point.
392
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,747
I'll do upside‐down push‐ups
until we leave.
393
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,437
To be safe,
you should dial 9, 1,
394
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:59,189
and then have your thumb
hovering over the second 1.
395
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:02,651
Thank you all for coming
396
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,278
to the Westport
City Council Debate.
397
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,304
We have a lot to cover,
so let's get started.
398
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,950
Mr. Otto, the cornerstone
of your platform
399
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,035
is to save a field?
400
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,453
Not just any field.
401
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,495
A historic field,
402
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,289
where Israel Bissel
fed his horse.
403
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,832
How do you plan on
funding that endeavor?
404
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,460
I intend to get it on
the National Historical
Landmarks Registry,
405
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:20,794
where it belongs.
406
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,087
Not only will it preserve it,
407
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,839
the city will be eligible
for state funding
408
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,758
and tax benefits to maintain it.
409
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,635
It's a win for Westport
and a win for history.
410
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,473
I'll tellin' ya, man,
Boosterin is the best.
411
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,058
Mr. Hobert, you are in favor of
412
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,060
building a retail space
on that very field.
413
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,020
Your thoughts?
414
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,646
My thought is that this town
415
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,691
has gone too long
without a Paula's Pretzels.
416
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,610
I was just saying that!
417
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,612
Honey,
wasn't I just saying that?
418
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,280
You're supposed to be impartial.
419
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,949
Westport Plaza
will create numerous jobs
420
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:54,119
and help generate
considerable tax revenue.
421
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,121
Not to mention
it'll have an ice cream shop
422
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,165
where they mix the toppings in
423
00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,917
while you're watching.
424
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,502
It's spectacular.
425
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,962
Mr. Otto, care to respond?
426
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:04,963
Well, yes.
427
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,132
While what Mr. Hobert said
sounds true,
428
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,426
if you look at the statistics
regarding other such properties,
429
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,827
you'll find ‐‐
430
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,182
What is with the blinking?
431
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,059
He picked a weird time
to flirt with the moderator.
432
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,334
He's just excited.
433
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,271
Sure, he took
four times the dose,
434
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,148
but he's four times my size,
right?
435
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,525
Just say "right."
436
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,985
Didn't Trevor say
excessive blinking
437
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,529
could be one of
the side effects?
438
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,030
Yeah.
439
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,907
Among others.
440
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,784
There are lots of
possible side effects.
441
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,161
Excessive blinking, dry mouth...
442
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:40,666
...dizziness...
443
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,127
Which I think if...
we divert the funds to...
444
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,503
Are we having an earthquake?
445
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,527
Earthquake!
446
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,006
...and hand tremors.
447
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,283
And that's why a vote
for Greg Otto...
448
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:56,140
...is a vote for Westport!
449
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,307
Start talking.
450
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,560
I'm as confused as you are.
451
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,769
We accidentally drugged Dad.
452
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,895
Oliver got Boosterin.
453
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,188
Dude!
454
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,107
Hate me today,
thank me tomorrow.
455
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,733
Is that what you were
trying to tell me earlier?
456
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,235
Yeah, I'm sorry, Mom.
457
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,154
Our family's become
another statistic.
458
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,452
I'm never taking B12 again.
459
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,787
I'm clearly allergic to it!
460
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,831
You want to tell him?
461
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:21,832
Tell me what?
462
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,292
Dad...
463
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,710
I got two Boosterin pills,
464
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,336
and I hid them
in your B12 bottle.
465
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,755
You're not having
an allergic reaction to B12.
466
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,591
You're actually having
a fairly standard reaction
467
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,301
to quadruple
the recommended dose.
Yeah.
468
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,468
What?
469
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,345
You not only got Boosterin,
470
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,805
but then you drugged me with it
471
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:37,931
on the night of my debate?
472
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,433
I'm sorry.
473
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,101
Really.
474
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:44,396
I got it because I thought
it would help with my midterms.
475
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:48,650
But after watching you
fight off those imaginary...
476
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,134
I think it was bats?
477
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,576
Bees, actually.
478
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,911
Either way,
479
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,580
I promise you I will never
go near Boosterin again.
480
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,915
Good. You don't need it.
481
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,125
You'll have plenty of time
to study for midterms,
482
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,376
because you're grounded.
483
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,419
Indefinitely.
484
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,593
How you feeling?
485
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,470
Like I'm gonna get my butt
kicked in the election.
486
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:19,514
You get knocked down,
and you get up again.
487
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,099
I believe in you.
488
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,309
Aww. Thanks so much.
489
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,894
That's exactly
what I needed to hear.
490
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,562
Plus, you're assuming
that anyone
491
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,439
is playing attention
to this debate ‐‐
492
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,107
or the election for that matter.
493
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,317
No one cares, honey.
494
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,945
In the future,
after I say "thank you,"
495
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,488
you can just stop.
496
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,189
Trip. What are you doing here?
497
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,794
I just spent three hours
staring at that statue,
498
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,671
trying to come up
with something to say about it,
499
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,381
and here's what I got ‐‐
500
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,342
it is not sturdy enough
for a human to climb on.
501
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,635
You didn't have to do that.
502
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,220
Yes, I did.
503
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,097
Because I'm not doing
something right,
504
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,099
and I'm trying to do better.
505
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,810
It's okay.
506
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,019
I love it.
507
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,229
Oh, that's not for you.
508
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,462
I got it for Anna‐Kat.
509
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,441
I picked this up for her
at your student union.
510
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,693
I thought she might like it.
511
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,820
You're the sweetest guy
in the world.
512
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,697
Thank you,
513
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,281
but the sweetest guy
in the world
514
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,157
is the UPS driver
I saw on the news.
515
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,159
He gives out hugs
with every package.
516
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,995
Come on.
517
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,913
I'm taking you on a date. Where?
518
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,999
Well, I figured since
you're getting into art,
519
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,625
maybe we could go to
Color Me Mine.
520
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,460
Some kid rented it out
for his birthday,
521
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,713
but his mom said we could come
if we bring a gift.
522
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,490
I'll be down in a second. Okay.
523
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,152
I really thought
524
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,070
that I was doing my younger kids
a disservice
525
00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,073
by always letting them
take the safe route.
526
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,533
But at the same time,
527
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,620
my teenager
is dying to take risks,
528
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:05,912
and I want him to be safer.
529
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:10,000
Being a mom makes you
and everyone around you crazy.
530
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:13,128
It's why shows
like "Snapped" exist.
531
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,839
Sometimes, it's just about
532
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,300
finding the middle ground,
ladies.
533
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,302
And Dale.
534
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,429
I see you, Dale.
535
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,724
So, the three of us came up
with a new game together.
536
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,435
We combined my mom's game,
"Shark in the Water,"
537
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,895
with our game, "Be Safe."
538
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,396
It's called "The Water's Dirty,
539
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,482
So Don't Get Wet Unless
You Absolutely Have To,
540
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:36,693
Because Everyone Wins When
You Put Safety First."
541
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,612
Believe it or not,
542
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:41,097
the title used to be longer
and mentioned cholera.
543
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:47,621
Whoa!
544
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:48,872
This is fun.
545
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,540
I just watched "Free Solo."
546
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,899
Now I know how that guy feels.
547
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,294
I'm playing, too.
548
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,629
Come here!
549
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:56,630
I got you!
550
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,591
Oh! Oh!
551
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:00,759
Oops!
552
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:02,719
Dislocated my shoulder again.
553
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:06,181
No problem.
Just gonna knock it back in.
554
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,352
Ohhh!
555
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,104
Aah!
556
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,689
Probably should call a doctor.
557
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,674
Yep. That's what I should do.
558
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,180
Are you guys sure about this?
559
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,785
Yeah. The net's up,
we're going one at a time.
560
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,495
We're totally good.
561
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,047
Nice job.
562
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,823
I think I'm getting
the hang of this.
563
00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:51,935
You know what?
564
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,270
I don't think this is for me.
565
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,688
Oh.
566
00:20:56,696 --> 00:20:58,696
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
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