[sinister music playing]
[exhales]
[Jughead] How does a fire start?
Sometimes with a kindly teacher
encouraging an eager student to pursue his love of poetry.
[elevator dings]
Or perhaps it sparks with a chance encounter in an elevator.
Or in Betty Cooper's bedroom with a suddenly missing typewriter...
and telephone.
[gasps]
Or maybe the inferno that would soon consume Riverdale High begins...
in a classroom.
[applause]
Oh, that was wonderful, Betty and Kevin.
I don't think that I have ever heard
those words spoken aloud so beautifully.
And I saw A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof on Broadway. [chuckles]
That's enough, Mrs. Thornton.
[Thornton] I beg your pardon, Principal Featherhead?
I'm in the middle of teaching my class.
This is no longer your class.
Please step out into the hall, ma'am.
Is this a gag? What's going on?
It's all right, class.
I'm certain that this is a simple misunderstanding.
Alas, this is not a gag,
nor is it a simple misunderstanding.
Mrs. Thornton has been relieved of her duties.
And until we can find a permanent replacement,
you'll be taught by my wife,
Mrs. Blossom.
[ominous music playing]
Hello, children.
Well, what's the dealio with Mrs. Thornton?
Your former teacher
represents a clear and present danger to the American way.
Mrs. Thornton is under suspicion of being a communist.
[all chattering]
The Red Menace has come to Riverdale.
[Clifford] Which is why you all have to remain vigilant.
If you see something,
say something.
Archie, you've been spending time with Mrs. Thornton after school.
I mean, clue us in.
Have you noticed anything strange about her?
Not at all.
Mrs. Thornton's been helping me with my...
Uh--
I'm telling you, this is a mistake.
Mrs. Thornton is no communist.
Far be it from me to defend my ghoul of a father,
but even he can't get a teacher fired without just cause or evidence.
I wouldn't be so sure.
You can't believe what Hollywood's been like.
I mean, the whole town's terrified,
gripped by paranoia.
A few years ago,
Senator McCarthy launched a crusade.
He claimed Russian spies were using TV and movies
to brainwash the American public.
I remember my mom and dad talking about that.
Didn't McCarthy keep a list of known communists?
Yes, but he made it all up.
Accused people left and right.
Used fearmongering to amass power.
He held congressional hearings,
had the FBI investigate studios.
Pressured people to name names.
Targeting the innocent to gain even more power and influence.
Uh, come on, guys. This is America. Okay?
If you're innocent, you have nothing to worry about.
I wish I could believe that, Kevin,
but I have seen it happen firsthand.
[Ethel] Oh, my gosh, Jughead, I can't believe this is really happening.
[Jughead] Oh, It is.
It's the publication of your very first comic.
-Our comic. [giggles] -Oh, come on.
Excuse me, could we please get two copies
of the newest issue of Pit of the Perverse,please?
We wrote and drew the main story in it.
Oh, from Pep Comics?
Yeah. We sent that bundle back.
Oh. You sent it back? How come?
Because I don't sell crummy smut like that anymore.
It's disgusting!
And un-American.
Go! Get gone!
[Cheryl] You summoned me?
There have been allegations made against you
about an illicit kiss on Halloween night.
I... I don't know anything about that.
We're not upset with you, Cheryl.
You are at the mercy of a condition
that is beyond your control.
But luckily, thanks to your father's status,
we were able to work out a deal
that will save you from being ruined
by this accusation.
That is, provided you cooperate
with the ongoing investigation at Riverdale High.
Is this related to what happened to Mrs. Thornton today?
It's all of a piece.
Being a communist,
engaging in deviant sexual behavior...
it's un-American.
It's corrupt. It's dissident.
I won't name names so you and your cronies
can rip apart my high school chums
like the pack of ravenous jackals you are.
Oh, no. We already have the names, Cheryl.
Administration has compiled a list of students
strongly suspected of unnatural proclivities.
All we need you to do is corroborate the names
so we can shore up our cases against them.
And...
so you can redeem yourself.
And if I refuse?
What will you do?
Honestly, you wanna send me away from this Godforsaken house?
I would welcome the change of scenery.
The further away from you and Mumsy, the better.
Cheryl!
If you refuse to cooperate,
you will remain under unwelcome scrutiny.
Very well.
We will be forced to take away the one thing you truly care about.
Your beloved River Vixens.
Anything but that, Daddy. Please.
Do not doubt our resolve, girl.
You have a choice to make.
A choice that may very well affect the rest of your life.
[elevator dings]
Daddy?
Mija.
Knock me over with a feather. What are you doing here?
Our estrangement has been weighing on me.
I thought it was time to come see you.
That may be partly true, Daddy,
but you always have some ulterior motive.
Always.
Well, I did want to give you this in person.
Why are you in the doghouse with Mom this time, Daddy?
Were you flirting with a script girl?
Yeah, your mother is...
-a bit peeved with me, yes. -Mm.
You know how she can be about even the most casual flirtations.
Thought it would be best for me
to get out of town for a few days, let her cool off.
But more than that, I wanted to see you.
I wanted to see what your life is like in Riverdale.
Meet your friends.
What do you say, mija? Can we drop the third degree?
Won't you give your dear old poppy a hug?
[chuckles softly]
[bell chimes]
[indistinct chatter]
-[Kevin] Check. -No.
Oh, peachy keen.
You're all in one place.
Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to my father.
-Hiram Lodge. -How do you do?
Please, call me Hiram.
Mr. Lodge. Holy mackerel.
You're even more dashing in person.
-[chuckles softly] -What are you doing here?
Isn't your show Oh, Mija filming right now?
In fact, we're on hiatus.
[chuckles excitedly]
-Daddy, these are all my school chums. -Yeah.
That's Betty.
It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Lodge.
We're such big fans of your television program.
Especially the first season.
It kind of went downhill after that.
[Hiram] Mm.
Please. Enough Hollywood talk.
Daddy wants to see
what simple small town life is like.
So for starters,
he'll be joining our English class.
Your principal, who's a fan of mine,
asked me to be sort of a guest lecturer.
It's my understanding
you're working on some dramatic scenes this week?
Who's up to bat first?
[Julian] To be or not to be...
that is the question.
-Whether it's nobler to-- -I'm sorry. I'm...
I have to stop you right there.
Tell me. Julian, was it? Julian.
Do you even know what you're saying in this monologue?
Well, I didn't grow up in Denmark, if that's what you're asking.
[Hiram] It's not.
I don't care where you grew up.
Are you a man?
-Course I am. -So was Hamlet.
So be a man.
-[Julian scoffs] -Speak from your guts.
-[students chuckle] -[Julian] To be--
No, no. You have to believe what you're saying.
Hamlet was contemplating suicide.
[students murmuring]
You gotta find the truth in what you're saying, Julian.
And never forget...
words have power.
[exhales]
How can I help you, Miss Cooper?
Well, Principal Featherhead, as you know,
Mrs. Thornton was the faculty advisor for the Blue and Gold.
And now that she's...
no longer with us...
I'm shutting down the Blue and Gold.
We no longer have the funds to support it.
What?
We're a high school. We need a high school newspaper.
Why is that?
Well, to keep the students informed.
Let's be realistic, Betty.
The Blue and Gold has never exactly qualified
as hard-hitting journalism, has it?
Well, not for a lack of trying on our part.
[chuckles softly]
You're a bright girl, Betty.
Unlike most teenagers,
you may, one day,
have something important to say.
But that day is not today.
[continues writing]
[ominous music playing]
They have all of our names.
I saw the list. Each of you were on it.
And if I don't corroborate it, they're going to take the Vixens away from me.
I repeat, the Vixens.
I can't believe your father's putting the screws to you.
You can't confirm that list, Cheryl.
Even if we're already in their crosshairs.
Cheryl would never cave. Would you, babe?
Of course not. No.
But if I'm going to outmaneuver the powers that be,
I have to figure out
who started this particular witch hunt and why.
[Toni] Good question.
Who stands to gain
from getting you off the Vixens, Cheryl?
I can think of one witch
who has always wanted to snatch my crown.
Stop right there, you fake Judas!
Oh, I don't know
what you could possibly be referring to, Cheryl.
Of course you do, Evelyn.
You've always wanted to usurp me
and claim the Vixens for yourself.
I'd be a better leader and role model to them,
that's for sure.
My God.
How long have you hated me?
Since the beginning.
Your accusations are baseless.
You weren't even at the Babylonium on Halloween night.
You couldn't possibly have seen me kiss anyone.
No, but I heard about it.
And I did see you and your gal pal
getting handsy at the diner.
[ominous music playing]
[Featherhead] Mr. Andrews...
it's come to our attention that Mrs. Thornton
showed a particular interest in you.
Was she trying to indoctrinate you?
Huh?
Mrs. Thornton was just helping me with my poetry, sir.
That's all. She gave me some books to read.
That's how the enemy operates,
by poisoning impressionable minds.
Soon they'll start questioning their leaders,
even their own country.
And then it's a slippery slope to civil disobedience...
and revolution.
It's happening right now in Cuba.
It must not happen in Riverdale.
[Hiram] Well, it's not Grauman's Chinese,
but this place is tremendous.
Well, I'm technically on duty,
but I was thinking you might catch our afternoon show,
then we can pick up something from Pops for dinner.
I love it.
The coming attractions are about to start.
I'll just be out here manning the concession stand.
[chuckles] A popcorn, please. Just a little butter. Thanks.
[song playing in theater]
Let me ask you a question.
How well do you know that man?
[scoffs] He's my father.
Mr. Fieldstone, we have a crisis on our hands.
There's not a single joint in town
that's carrying Pep Comics.
Yeah, it's happening all over the country.
Not just here.
Where newsstands are being raided
by holy rollers and cops.
Entire bundles of comics are being returned.
Selling comics isn't illegal?
No!
But in the eyes of Joe and Jane Public,
it's immoral.
Thank you.
It's like peddling pornography.
I mean, we have moms calling other moms
telling them not to buy their Home Journal
from any newsstand
that sells crime or horror comics.
The world's gone cuckoo.
[scoffs] You're telling me, freckles.
[sighs]
And when we get hate mail,
it's more graphic than anything we've ever published.
Gee willikers.
Well, what are we gonna do, Mr. Fieldstone?
We're gonna hunker down.
We're gonna weather this storm.
Now I'm gonna call
all the other comic book publishers
and see how they're faring.
Oh, Mr. Fieldstone.
I was wondering if it would be okay
if I had a few copies of Pit of the PerverseNumber 32.
It's my first issue
and I really need some for my personal collection.
[laughing]
Sure, uh... There's bundles over there.
-[telephone ringing] -[sighs wearily]
[Ethel] Holy smokes!
-Oh! -Oh, it's even better than I imagined.
It's such a shame
that no one's gonna get a chance to see it.
Yeah.
[whimsical music playing]
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[Betty] It doesn't matter what my name is.
I could be any of you, but I feel like a prisoner.
Too young to make my own decisions,
but old enough to recognize
that the world is a dark, fearful place.
I'm speaking of my status as a teenager.
Though we might not always have the right words,
I want to know your dreams,
your desires, your hopes and fears.
This is your newsletter.
This isThe Teenage Mystique,
a forum for all the thoughts and questions
you're too scared to otherwise share.
Send me your letters anonymously
to the PO box below.
You can address them to...
The Girl Next Door.
[jazz music playing]
[music ends]
[doorknob rattling, knock on door]
What are you doing in here, Archie?
Uh, nothing, just...
Uh, I was just doing some writing.
Your principal called,
and told me about this business with Edith Thornton.
Mrs. Thornton didn't try to indoctrinate me, Uncle Frank.
That's not what I wanted to talk to you about, Archie.
You're not serious
about all this poetry malarkey, are you?
I mean, it's fine if you want to write a poem
for a gal that you wanna get with.
But beyond that,
well, people might get the wrong idea about you.
We don't want that.
Especially not at a time like this.
[slurping]
Mija,you're awfully quiet.
Daddy...
why is the FBI following you?
One of their agents
questioned me at the Babylonium.
The FBI is investigating me as a possible communist.
And why in God's name would they be doing that?
Last summer, I took a trip to Cuba.
I remember.
The FBI's claiming that I met with
dissidents and revolutionaries while I was there.
Of course I didn't.
I was... I was buying cigars.
Is that why you came here to Riverdale?
To hide out?
Yes, mija.
But also because I need your help.
A favor.
What's the favor?
I need you to testify that we were in Cuba together.
That it was a father-daughter trip
celebrating your confirmation.
And that I didn't meet with any revolutionaries.
I have to think about it, Daddy.
I mean... I mean, of course I want to help you, but...
but lying to the government... [chuckles nervously]
That's... that scares me.
Of course. You take all the time that you need.
I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow
in New York.
Hopefully, he can make
this whole thing go away
and you'll be off the hook.
But if not...
I know you'll do the right thing.
[tense music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[sighs] Shouldn't you be in New York,
bird dogging my father?
My partner is.
I've been assigned to follow you.
How about you stop following the both of us,
since you don't have a shred of proof
to back up these sham claims of yours?
Get in. I'll show you proof.
But not here.
[car starting]
[suspenseful music playing]
Veronica?
Now, despite what you may believe...
your father is not a good person.
He's un-American.
Now, while he was in Cuba, he met with Vidal Maestro,
who's someone we've been tracking for a while now.
A revolutionary who's got big, scary ideas
about taking over Cuba.
Then the free world.
Archie, how did you even find me?
Honestly, your name's in the phone book.
Oh, of course.
Well...
as you can see,
I'm moving.
Well, where you going, Mrs. T?
I have a job waiting for me
at the public library in Greendale.
It's just volunteer,
but they're less judgmental across Sweetwater River.
I wish I knew how to make sense of everything
that's happening in the world.
I have something.
It might help.
It's a play written by Arthur Miller...
which might help you understand these strange times
that we find ourselves in.
[chuckles softly]
That's perfect timing, Mrs. T.
I need to present a dramatic scene for class this week.
I was gonna do
Biff's monologue from Death of a Salesman.
[chuckles]
Well, you are a Biff type.
But you're so much more, including a wonderful writer.
Words have power, Archie.
Use them for good
to make the world a better, freer place.
Would you like a snack?
-Uh, I'm okay. -Okay.
♪ Girl, you must be The devil's child ♪
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Girl, you must be The devil's child ♪
♪ Just the sight of you 'Bout to drive me wild ♪
[song continues]
[slurping]
I feel as if I can't breathe.
Like, like the walls are closing in on me.
Can I really relinquish my Vixens
to some wretched, power hungry she-hag like Evelyn Evernever?
I have to focus on the greater good.
But what is the greater good?
Cheryl, we've been talking
and we have a plan that could possibly short circuit this witch hunt.
At least in the short term.
What's the plan?
We would play pretend.
We make people believe that you're dating Kevin
and that I'm dating Clay.
That would take the wind out of this inquisition.
Hopefully until graduation.
And privately, we can be exactly who we are.
Toni, hiding your true self
and pretending to be something you're not
goes against every fiber of your being.
Isn't such play acting a betrayal of everything you stand for?
It is.
But for you,
for all our sakes...
I can live with that.
[dreamy music playing]
[door opens]
Mija,what are you doing up this hour?
Waiting for you.
[door closes]
How was New York?
[sighs softly]
Not as productive as I would have liked.
I'm going to be named.
I thought I could buy my way out of this debacle,
but I can't.
[sighs wearily]
-Which means... -You need me to lie.
[sighs softly]
Because you weren't in Cuba to buy cigars.
Of course I was.
Maybe.
But while you were there,
you went to a party at the Tropicana.
Didn't you?
A party that Vidal Maestro also attended.
And don't bother lying. I saw the picture.
It's possible that we were both at the Tropicana on the same night,
but I was not there for him.
No.
No, by the looks of it,
you were there for some blonde honey.
Is that her name, Daddy?
Honey?
No.
It's Kelly.
[scoffs]
What is she, your mistress?
[exhales] Why don't you just tell the FBI
that that's why you were in Cuba?
Because I signed a morality clause with the studio.
[scoffs]
So yes,
I do need you, Veronica.
The family needs you.
And if you don't corroborate my story,
we would lose everything.
But I already lost everything, Daddy.
You sent me away
from everyone I knew.
You banished me to this place where I knew no one
and where I had nothing.
You taught me that I can survive losing everything.
The worst happening.
The real question is, can you?
[Veronica scoffs]
This isn't about protecting me.
It's about your precious show.
Because that is all you've ever cared about.
Maybe you shouldn't be asking me for a favor
right now, Daddy.
Maybe instead, you should be asking me for mercy.
[dramatic music playing]
[exhales]
♪ Each time we have a quarrel It almost breaks my heart ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm so afraid ♪
♪ That we will have to part ♪
♪ Each night I ask The stars up above ♪
♪ Why must I be A teenager in love? ♪
♪ In love ♪
♪ Why must I be A teenager in love? ♪
♪ In love ♪
♪ Why must I be A teenager in love? ♪
Uh... [clears throat]
This is from the end of, uh,
Arthur Miller's play, The Crucible.
Which is about a town
that's ripped apart by lies and accusations.
And one man, John Proctor,
he struggles to do what's right in a... in a crazy world,
at a crazy time.
But he can't deny who he is.
And he can't forsake his name and sign a false accusation.
[exhales]
You cannot use me.
I'm John Proctor.
You cannot use me.
Mr. Proctor, I must have good and legal proof that--
[Archie] You are the high court!
Your word is good enough!
Tell them, tell them-- Tell them, I confessed myself.
Say Proctor broke to his knees and wept like a woman.
Why? Explain to me, Mr. Proctor, why you will not.
[yelling] Because it is my name!
And I cannot have another in my life!
Because I lie and I sign myself to lies.
Because I am not worth
the dust on the feet of them that you have hanged.
How can I live without my name?
I've given you my soul.
Leave me my name.
Cheryl.
I have told Dr. Werthers and Principal Featherhead
all about our discussion,
and how it would be in your best interest
to cooperate with our investigation.
Never.
Cheryl...
The work you're doing here is dirty, and I won't be a party to it.
You're willing to risk losing the Vixens?
I couldn't sign that piece of paper
and then lead them in good conscience.
Therefore, I, Cheryl Blossom,
hereby and willingly
renounce my stewardship of the River Vixens.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my boyfriend, Kevin Keller, and I
are going on a double date.
With Toni Topaz and her boyfriend, Clay Walker.
Toodles.
In the end, I did what needed to be done.
Well, we're incredibly grateful, Cheryl.
We know how much the Vixens mean to you.
Yeah.
In a just world, a young woman should be able to love
who she chooses and be a cheerleader,
but clearly we don't live in a just world.
So when given the unspeakable choice...
there was no choice.
This is so wrong.
All of it.
It's just wrong.
But I... I do take some comfort
in the fact that without the added scrutiny
of being captain of the River Vixens,
at least with you three, I can continue living my truth.
And may Evelyn Evernever
fall off the top of the Vixen pyramid
and break her scrawny neck.
[all laughing]
[fizzes]
That was quite the performance, Archie.
Uh, thanks, Veronica.
And your scene today
gave me a lot to think about.
So, thank you for that, Mr. Proctor.
[chuckles softly]
[music playing on record]
I hear you've got Pit of the PerverseNumber 32.
Maybe I do.
It's pretty hot issue.
How hot?
So hot you're gonna burn your fingertips.
Cover price is 10 cents, but I'm going to need 25.
-Twenty? -No.
[sighs]
Fine.
Pit32.
[whistle blows]
I told you, Sheriff. I knew someone was supplying...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa! -...my adventure scouts with comic books.
Jig's up, Jughead. Hand 'em over.
[Ethel sighs]
Well, it was a gas while it lasted. Huh?
At least we made a few bucks.
And you got your comic book out there.
How do you feel, now that you're a legit published artist?
Proud.
I'm really, really proud of myself.
You should be.
It's a really swell comic book.
Here.
[upbeat rock music playing]
-God bless America. -God bless America.
[cutlery scraping]
There's a new episode of Oh, Mijapremiering tonight.
I don't suppose you'd like to--
If you'll excuse me, Daddy,
I'm gonna take this into my room.
I have to finish memorizing a monologue
for school tomorrow.
[suspenseful music playing]
[woman] Excuse me.
Are you Archie Andrews?
I am. Yes.
I'm Geraldine Grundy.
I'm taking over from Mrs. Thornton's class.
I hear you're a wonderful poet.
You... You did?
Mrs. Thornton was my mentor at Mount Holyoke.
She said you were very special.
[chuckles]
Well, Mrs... Mrs. Thornton's the best.
She is... the best.
I'm no Mrs. Thornton,
but if you would like to continue
working on your poetry with someone,
I would... be happy to help.
Wow.
Yeah, but, uh,
maybe we could keep it quiet in between us?
There's a lot of people who don't like the idea
of me writing poetry.
My uncle, who's also my basketball coach, for one.
I understand.
-[clears throat] -Yeah.
[whispering] It could be our little secret.
-[chuckles softly] -[in normal voice] Archie...
Have you ever met a real poet?
Oh, gosh, no. No.
Don't they all live in New York?
[chuckles]
No.
Not all of them.
My husband is a poet,
and he lives here with me.
If you like, I can give you
a collection of his poetry for you to read.
Well, sure.
That sounds swell, Mrs. Grundy. Thank you.
[Sheriff Keller] This is all of it.
Everything we confiscated from Jughead and Ethel's,
and the news dealers that are still
peddling comic books.
[Dr. Werthers] We have failed, gentlemen.
We have not yet been persuasive enough
in our crusade against comic books.
So now the...
the days of half measures are over.
I believe now is the moment for...
full measures.
You have something in mind?
Oh, yes.
Ah...
[Veronica] The scene I'll be performing today
is a monologue from King Lear by William Shakespeare.
Lear has asked his daughter, Cordelia,
to profess her love for him.
To prove her devotion to him.
[inhales deeply]
[exhales]
Unhappy that I am...
I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.
I love Your Majesty.
According to my bond.
No more nor less.
[chuckles softly]
Good my Lord,
you have begot me,
bred me,
loved me.
I return those duties back as are right fit.
Obey you,
love you...
[voice breaking] ...and most...
honor you.
Sure, I shall never marry like my sisters.
To love my father all.
Hello, Daddy.
What's that, mija?
It's a signed affidavit
which confirms that we went to Cuba
on a father-daughter cigar buying trip.
Thank you, mija.
If anything will help calm these troubled waters,
it's your word.
Well, I didn't do it for you. I did it for Mom.
And by the way,
you have to be honest with her.
About Kelly.
And why are you asking this of me?
You may not be a communist, but you are a philanderer.
And Mom does not deserve to be disrespected in that way.
And trust me, if you don't tell her, I will.
All right. I'll do it.
You're also going to sign
the Pembrooke's ownership over to me.
-[scoffs] -Clear and outright.
I need to know that I'll always have a home.
Even if it's not in Los Angeles and not with you.
[contemplative music playing]
Okay.
[telephone ringing]
Hi. Uh, I found this card in my PO box.
Can you tell me what it means?
Oh, we put those in the boxes
when we can't fit all the mail in due to volume.
-Volume? -Mm-hmm.
Someone's popular.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
Have a nice day.
You, too.
You and Daddy must have passed each other
flying through the air.
[chuckles]
Well, now that you mention it, Veronica,
I did feel some turbulence.
With more to come, I'm afraid.
[sighs softly]
What's happening, Mom?
As soon as I get back to Los Angeles,
your father and I are going to hold a press conference
announcing that the upcoming season of Oh, Mija
will be its last.
-Oh. -Yes.
Your father will say a few words
and I'll say something like...
"It has been the honor of my life
bringing such joy and laughter
into the homes of our fans far and wide.
But after seven long seasons,
I am ready for something new."
Which is the truth.
Yes, I can imagine.
What we are not going to announce,
at least not until after the last episode airs,
is that your father and I are getting a divorce.
[melancholic music playing]
But what are you going to do, Mom?
What, without the show or without your father?
[chuckles softly]
I'm not sure.
But for the first time, in a... very long time,
I'm excited for whatever the future holds.
So one thing that I was thinking:
what about an East Coast Christmas?
It's been ages since we've done that.
Christmas in New York?
Just the two of us?
Just the two of us.
[chuckles softly]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Dilton, what gives?
It's the kookiest thing, Jughead.
Principal Featherhead put out the word.
He's buying comic books off of us.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Featherhead must be trying to dipsy-doodle us.
What, first he bans 'em and now he wants to buy 'em?
What game is this? What--
Is Featherhead so desperate to get 'em off our hands?
Who knows? But I've read these already,
so I figure, what's the harm?
[Jughead] The dark truth behind principal Featherhead's actions
wouldn't be revealed until later that night.
[students clamoring]
How does a fire start?
Sometimes, if you're not careful,
right on your front stoop.
[sinister music playing]
[bell chimes]