♪♪
[ Panting ]
Aah!
[ Screaming ]
[ Knife plunges ]
[ Screaming continues ]
[ Grunts, gurgles ]
And cut!
Oh, thanks, Kelly.
That was great.
You scared me.
I was scared for you.
Your scream is so real,
I hate hearing you.
We --
Everybody was...
I think
if I was great,
I probably wouldn't be
getting killed.
Portia, it has been a pleasure
killing you.
That is a series wrap
on Portia Davenport!
[ Applause ]
Thank you so much.
Thank you guys
so much.
Um, Jordan,
thank you for this opportunity.
And, Duncan, thank you
for creating such a layered,
strong female character.
It was an honor
to play her.
And thank you so much
to this crew...
...for what it is
that you do.
♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
[ Elliott groans ]
Ell?
[ Elliott groans ]
Baby.
Do you know?
Sweetheart.
Oh, my God,
are you okay?
Do you know?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Okay, Portia.
Before you read this,
I need you to know
that I love you
and you're my family
and I need you.
Your article.
Okay,
this picture's so cute.
Thank you.
Why is Julian --
Why is he calling you
a liar?
Just read it.
"I can report firsthand
that Mr. Goss enjoys
regaling his sycophants
with mewling woe-is-me tales
of his childhood cancer."
"And yet
the reality is,
Mr. Goss never had cancer
at all."
Okay, he unraveled me
with his charm.
He is a snake
in a...
beautiful man's clothing.
It's the end of Pour.
It's the end of everything!
Wait. I'm just --
I'm confused.
I don't...
Did you have cancer
or not?
No,
I didn't "have cancer."
Now everybody
knows it.
I'm sorry.
What?
All this time
that we've been friends,
you've just been
completely lying to me?
Portia --
[ Chuckles ]
Look, I wasn't lying
to you, okay?
I was lying to everyone,
all the time.
Hey,
this is nice, huh?
Isn't it nice?
[ Chuckles ]
Lying in bed?
[ Laughs ]
Yeah, lying in bed.
Yeah,
it's the best.
Yeah.
You know, it's, um...
way better
than putting us both in danger
for some Facebook friend.
Alright, right.
Yeah.
[ Both chuckle ]
Well, all that Chantal stuff
is...over now, so...
You're not curious about
that check from that crazy lady?
It's not, like,
some enticing clue for you?
No, no.
Some weird...thing.
[ Chuckles ]
There's no clues
in real life, Drew.
[ Chuckling ]
Oh, is that where we are?
Yeah.
We're in
real life again?
Yeah,
Wow.
It looks awesome.
[ Chuckles ] Okay.
What do you want
to do today?
Oh, shit.
We could, uh,
go get some fish.
[ Chuckles ]
Or buy a snail
or something.
I want to so bad, but I forgot
I have to work with Gail today.
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
No!
Yes. She wants to do
some stupid shit.
No, Dory.
I know.
Today?
Yeah.
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
No, tell her you're sick.
Come on. We'll throw some soup
in the toilet and send a photo.
Please, for me.
It would be romantic.
Tell her I'm sick
and it's terminal.
Hey, um...
I'm just glad
things are back to normal.
Yeah, me too.
[ Sighs ]
[ Whistles ]
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
Jesus.
Who keeps trying
to get ahold of you so bad?
Wait.
Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
I got it!
Drew, Drew! No, no!
Hey! Unh-unh! Chill!
Drew, give it to me!
Give it to me.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Chill --
Hey, whoa.
What the hell?
Wait.
It's from Portia.
She says, "Everything Elliott's
ever said is a lie."
What?
"A,"
she cannot spell.
You know, I actually can't deal
with the lecture right now.
People are tweeting
the vilest things about me.
My investors are pulling out
one by one.
Okay,
it's a true nightmare.
But I just really don't want
to do this right now.
[ Sighs ]
[ Inhales deeply ]
I cheated on Drew.
What?!
You're worse than me.
No, I'm not.
What you did is much,
much weirder.
Does Portia know?
No, nobody knows.
No.
It's that --
It's that
private-investigator guy, Keith.
Uh-huh.
He was helping me
find Chantal.
Wait.
Is he hot?
It was more about what we
were doing together, you know?
It was, like,
really exciting, and...
But no.
You can't tell Drew.
No, right?
You can't, ever.
He's too fragile.
I -- I really, really don't want
to tell him.
Mnh-mnh.
You know?
Yeah,
definitely lie.
Lie, lie, lie,
lie, lie, lie, lie.
I cannot
stress that enough.
It's the kind thing
to do.
Yeah, I think I feel --
I think I feel okay about that.
Dory,
you know what?
We cannot hate ourselves
because we wanted
to make our lives a little bit
more meaningful, okay?
We are two very, very nice
people who made huge mistakes.
Yeah.
And that's okay.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Oh, shit.
Hold on.
Oh, damn it.
I have to go.
No!
Dory, please, no.
I know.
I have to...
get a fancy coffee
for a very, very lonely woman.
Mm.
That's my true calling now.
Okay, well, Dory...
listen,
I love you, okay?
You and me,
no matter what.
I love you, too.
Can I, uh...
have one of these?
No.
Yeah,
it's okay.
I'm sorry.
Bye.
[ Door closes ]
Julian.
Hey.
What are you
doing here?
I'm just coming by
to check on him.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah. And you brought
a little gift.
Yeah.
Well...
Yeah.
So, is this, like,
fun for you?
Look, I didn't make up a single
thing in that article, okay?
He asked me to do it,
so I did it.
And I wrote the truth,
and the truth just so happened
to be a lie.
Well...
good people do bad things
sometimes, you know?
No. No, Dory.
Bad people do bad things.
It's really simple.
Okay, you know,
whatever.
Jesus.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Dory, look,
I am done
with this negative energy
between us, okay?
[ Scoffs ]
And...
I've...
I've been wanting
to apologize
for saying that you don't
have anything going on.
I could've found a better way
of saying it.
Yeah,
you could have.
Mm-hmm.
Well, thanks,
I guess.
I mean, yeah, I'm just trying
to focus on, you know,
all the good
and important things
I already have
in my life, and...
Well, good.
Yeah.
And -- And good luck
with finding Chantal.
Oh, well,
that's done.
Not doing that anymore.
Oh.
Really?
I mean, you gave me
so much shit for it.
I was kind of hoping
you would prove me wrong.
Well...
Half of it soy,
and then the other half
is half and half,
and then
an extra shot,
and then just top it off
with, uh, some whipped cream.
♪♪
Excuse me.
Is your name Dory?
Yes.
I don't know
if you remember me.
I interviewed you
for Leading Women to Lead.
Yes,
I -- I remember.
Paulette Capuzzi.
Yeah, hi.
I'm really glad
I ran into you.
I owe you
a big apology.
When you interviewed,
I was dealing with
some personal issues.
My wife took a job in Kissimmee,
things blew up...
But don't you think it's stupid
she wants to go to Kissimmee?
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess it depends
on the job, right?
It's a stupid job.
Don't take her side.
She's awful.
[ Chuckles ] Okay.
But...
I took it out on you
unfairly.
Are you working now?
Um, well...
I ha-- I was working
on this, um...
you know, interesting...
case, um...
But that's -- that's --
that's done now.
So you're looking.
Yeah.
I am conducting
this new seminar.
Great girls,
very troubling backgrounds,
most of them Greek,
which is new for us,
and I really could use
some help.
[ Cellphone rings ]
Oh. I'm sorry.
Oh, I'll let you take that.
You probably hate me.
No.
[ Chuckles ]
That makes two of us.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
But you know, the ceiling
fell through in my office,
so I'm working off my iPad here
all afternoon.
If you want the job,
why don't you come back at 5:00?
Wow. Okay.
Gail: [ Sighs ] I am so glad
you're finally here.
All right,
here's your coffee.
Oh, oh, no,
I don't want it.
You know,
I had yogurt this morning.
My system
is collapsing.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Uh, hello?
Earth to Dory.
Yes.
Come here.
Okay.
I'm trying out
these new curtains.
I need you to get on
the stepladder and be a window.
It's gonna be fun.
Okay.
You sure there's no other
better way maybe to --
I thought it through,
and there really isn't.
So this is
the best way.
All right.
It's just this color
and the pattern and...
Higher than this?
Yeah, as high
as you can go.
Dory,
you're a window.
Right.
Come on.
Okay. Yeah.
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
Doesn't end!
Dory, stay right there,
okay?
Okay.
[ Sighs ]
Oh.
Watch this.
Rosetta Stone.
Namaste.
[ Speaking Hindi ]
[ Sighs ]
Gail?
Gai-- Oh.
Jesus, Dory, I didn't know
you were still here.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm here.
Um, I...love
working with you.
I do. You know,
it's great, but...
I just think maybe
I'm -- I'm done.
[ Clicks tongue,
sighs ]
I'm disappointed.
Thank you.
You have
so much ahead of you,
so much you're gonna do
with your life.
[ Sighs ]
Do you think you ever want
to get married?
You know,
I don't know.
Maybe.
Oh.
You need to make that
a priority.
I'm giving you
three minutes,
and then
I'm kicking you out.
Okay, Marc, you actually look
adorable, by the way,
and I mean that.
Marc, please wait.
Marc.
Marc, wait.
Remember that time
we were at Prospect Park
and we saw that,
like, ugly turtle,
and it was, like,
in the water,
and it was trying
to get up on the rock?
And then you jumped
over the fence,
and you were, like,
on the rock,
and you, like,
um -- you kicked it.
No,
I -- I helped him.
Exactly.
And I just feel like,
since we broke up, like...
there's, like, no one to,
like, you know, like...
help me
back onto the rock.
Time and again, you give me
zero reason to trust you.
Okay.
I know what this is.
It's about the article.
No, I don't need an article
to tell me that you're a liar.
I'm actually glad
I was caught
because it gives me a chance
to start over.
And it gives,
like, us a chance
to, like, just, like,
to do it right this time.
You know
what I mean?
Okay,
I -- I will...
consider
taking you back if...
Mm-hmm.
...you will admit that you are
a liar and a narcissist.
Oh, my God.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay, that's easy.
I'm a liar,
and I'm a narcissist.
No, no, no.
I want you to feel shame.
I want you to say it again,
and this time,
I want you
to actually feel bad about it.
Okay.
I'm a liar...
Uh-huh.
...and I'm
a narcissist.
Uh-huh.
And I'm a really --
I'm a terrible person.
But I'm really
working on it.
I really want
to believe you.
You don't have to
believe me.
You just...
You just
have to love me.
♪♪
Hey, so,
I just quit Gail.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
And then, randomly,
I ran into that woman
from that
Leading Women to Lead thing,
and she offered me
a job.
Oh, whoa.
Wait, that's huge, right?
Yeah, I mean, you know,
just super, like, meant to be.
Or whatever. So, yeah,
I think it's good for me.
I-I think it's good.
Oh, my God.
This is awesome.
Babe,
I'm so proud of you.
Everything seems to be
going so well.
Yeah, actually, I'm gonna go
meet her right now.
Hey, we should celebrate
or something.
I've been thinking,
you want to take a trip?
We could visit
my folks.
My dad
just got a hot tub...
Shit!
...and he's going nuts.
He keeps telling me about it.
Shitty, shit,
shit, shit!
He's called me
He's even got his buddies
calling me.
I'm such a loser!
There's, like, a buddy of his
lives in Midtown.
He asked me if I wanted to meet
up and talk about the hot tub.
I was like,
"Uh...no."
And then he'd be like,
"Okay,
we're gonna run out of steam
at some point,"
and it's all
they want to talk about.
Can I call you back,
babe?
What?
I-I'll call you back.
Hey.
♪♪
Fuck!
It's all over. All over!
I'm a fucking idiot.
You're so uncoordinated.
My ceiling fell on my head,
and now I have this.
♪♪
I love your little islands
of chest hair.
[ Laughs ]
I love when we walk together,
people get jealous of me.
[ Scoffs ]
It's true.
God,
you're stupid.
I love, of course,
your ability to forgive.
Aww,
of course.
Mm.
Of course I do.
[ Cellphone rings ]
Oh, my God.
It's my agent.
I have to get this.
Hey, Sharon.
Oh, no, it --
Yeah, no,
it's been, like,
the toughest day
of my life, yeah.
But I've had, like,
really amazing friends
helping me through it,
so...
[ Chuckles ]
Wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
Slow down.
Oh, my God. Is this real?
Tell me this is real.
What --
What's going on?
Oh, my God.
What?
You are my warrior.
What --
What's going on?
Okay,
I mean, you are literally
the love of my life, Sharon.
Okay.
I'm on my way.
I got to go.
Where are you going?
I actually can't talk about it
right now.
It's, like,
very hush-hush.
It's all still, like,
in the works.
What is
in the works?
Elliott!
It's not for sure yet,
but I'm gonna be famous.
[ Sighs ]
[ Door opens, closes ]
I got
a book deal.
What?
Yeah,
I'm gonna be an author.
My agent's selling a memoir
about my life as a liar.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I mean, it has honestly been
the craziest day of my life.
I mean, I suffered all morning,
and since then,
I just feel like
I know more about who I am
and who
I have to be.
So, put on a dress,
girl.
We're going dancing.
[ Both laugh ]
Um, I don't really feel like
going dancing tonight.
Wait.
Portia,
are you still mad at me?
Mm.
Okay.
What I did
was terrible, okay?
It was inexcusable,
but...
For-- Forgive me?
I mean, right?
Forgive me.
Elliott...
my dad
died of cancer.
And I don't get
to have a dad.
And he really
loved me,
like, in a real crazy way,
and now I...
He doesn't get
to see me on TV.
And no one's ever gonna love me
the way that he did
in my whole life
or ever really care that I...
...ever did
anything special.
Because of cancer.
Portia,
I am so sorry.
I mean, you never --
you never talk about that.
You never asked.
And now...
what if I told you...
that my dad
is totally fine,
that he is
a boring ophthalmologist
that lives
in Park Slope,
and I was only
telling you that story
so that you would think
I was, like, really cool
and empathize
with my struggle?
Wait.
Is that true?
What -- What?
You tell me.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Hello.
Is Lorraine De Coss
in today?
Lorraine?
What for?
I just have some questions
I'd like to ask her.
[ Laughter ]
She must have got this made
at FedEx Kinkos.
Take my picture.
I want a picture with it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is perfect.
Mm!
Aww!
[ Laughter ]
She's a mess.
So -- So you guys,
you -- you all knew Lorraine?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
She was just a temp.
She was crazy.
[ Laughter ]
There is no such thing
as a "head Realtor."
[ Laughs ]
What is that?
One time, I caught her
washing her underwear
in the bathroom sink.
Oh, my God!
Then maybe you could help me
make -- make sense of this.
Um...
Now,
what is this?
It's a --
It's a check from your company
to Bellow & Hare.
Oh, okay.
This must be one of our tenants.
Right,
but if that's so,
why would you guys be sending
a check for $7,000 to them?
Shouldn't it be
the other way around?
I'm sorry.
Who the hell are you?
So sorry to interrupt.
Amy.
I'm supposed to meet
some friends for dinner.
Do you need anything
before I take off?
Yes, Amy, come see this.
You're not gonna believe it.
Lorraine.
Look at that.
[ Laughing ]
"Head Realtor."
[ Laughter ]
That is so sad.
I know.
I know!
She went
to FedEx Kinkos.
Can you imagine her
in there?
No, I mean...
[ Laughter ]
You don't know?
What?
She got hit
by a train.
What?
Lorraine got pushed
in front of a train?
Or she tripped and fell.
I don't know.
I bet
it was suicide.
She seemed like
a suicide person.
Woman:
Or somebody pushed her.
I mean, some days,
I wanted to push her.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ]
Amy, you can go.
Get out of here.
Bye, girl.
Watch out
for those trains!
[ Laughter continues ]
Step away
from the platform.
I'm putting this
on Instagram.
Right now,
do it.
Okay.
Who's your missing friend?
Chantal Witherbottom?
[ Echoing ]
I saw her, too.
She was always there for me.
Chantal is in danger.
They broke in to my building.
No, they know too much.
Keith:
You do enough P.I. work,
you realize there's
no such thing as coincidence.
Oh, hey, kid.
I've been calling you
all day.
I thought
you were ghosting me.
Lorraine is dead.
[ Lock clicks ]
Holy cow.
[ Sighs ]
What do we do?
Well...
That's the reason
I was calling you.
Found us
some new leads.
♪ I don't care what you say ♪
♪ You say ♪
♪ Livin' life my own way ♪
♪ Own way ♪
♪ I don't care what they say ♪
♪ They say ♪
♪ Livin' life my own way ♪
♪ Own way ♪