[ Piano music playing ]
♪♪
So, Chantal,
thank you for being a Femmeployer
and for sharing your story.
Thank youfor having me.
So, you're a poet,
and you were recently
the subject
of regional concern
when you went missing.
And all before the age of 30.
Like, wow.
[ Both chuckle ]
So, you attended
one of my bimonthly workshops... -Mm-hmm.
...and can you tell me
a little bit about
what you discovered?
So, I've always known
that the universe wanted me
to think of myself as, like,
a symbol for heartbreak. Mm-hmm.
Like, my whole life,
people have come up to me
and been like,
"Like, why do you look so sad?
What's wrong?"
And then I came
to your workshop,
and I was struck by
the totally unrelated realization
that every time I stay in a hotel,
I find myself coming alive.
Oh, I feel my best self at hotels.
I love how you can just
throw the dirty towels all over the floor.
So that led me to wonder, like,
"Where is that space
that you can go
to reignite your flame
after hitting rock bottom from a devastating heartbreak?"
Yeah, yeah.
Where is that?
Melissa, it doesn't exist.
Wow. That is insane.
Our society is insane.
Before now, there has never been
a premier boutique shelter for heartbroken women.
A safe space with all of the perks of a five-star hotel.
A castle, mm, if you will.
Chantal's Castle.
[ Chuckling ] Wow.
[ Bang, glass shatters ] [ Screams ]
[ Gasps ]
Well...we also hear that you're a DJ.
Um, no. [ Chuckles ]
♪♪
♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪
Judge Hellerman: Do you swear or affirm
that the testimony you are about to give
will be the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth?
Yes, Your Honor.
Be seated.
[ Clears throat ]
Mr. Goss, thank you for your presence here today.
Um, would you mind telling the court
how you know the defendants,
Dory Sief and Drew Gardner?
Sure. Our social groups
kind of circled each other at NYU,
um, and then there was that party, I guess,
where we just, like, totally clicked?
[ Chuckles ] Oh, my God. I love when that happens.
So, on May 26th of this past year,
you went to Montreal. Mm-hmm.
Did you notice anything suspicious on that trip?
Yes.
It was super suspicious that I wasn't car sick.
Oh! [ Laughter ]
I see what you did.
Yeah, I mean, it was, like, a seven-hour drive,
and I'm totally one of those people that, like,
if I'm even looking at my phone in the car,
I will get so nauseous.
Oh, my God, twin. Yeah. Yeah.
But I just want to say that
the allegations against Dory and Drew
are completely false.
It would be impossible for them to have committed murder,
as it was unusually cold that night,
and we were all sharing a bed.
It was actually really cute.
They were both kind of asleep in my arms the whole night.
And Dory's snoring kept me up.
Sorry, Dor, but you have to admit,
you're, like, a total foghorn.
[ Laughter ]
And you left early the next morning?
Yes. We knew how worried Chantal's parents were,
so we didn't want to dawdle out of respect to them.
Uh, but the trip back was...
really gorgeous.
Actually, I made a mix for Chantal
of all the songs she missed while she was off the grid
to kind of, like, slowly reintegrate her
back into society. [ Mouths "Thank you" ]
And it was surprisingly moving.
Oh, my God. [ Chuckles ]
[ Voice breaking ] Don't cry, Elliott. Come on.
[ Elliott and Cassidy chuckle ]
That is so beautiful
that you all took the time
out of your lives
to reunite a family that was torn apart.
Yeah.
I do have just one more question. Sure.
Is there any reason for you to believe
that the defendants had anything to do
with the murder that occurred that night?
Absolutely not.
My friends are incredible Americans.
They're incapable of killing anyone.
They wouldn't even hurt a fly.
I love it when it's as simple as that.
Thank you, Mr. Goss.
And that is an impeccable jacket.
[ Laughing ] Oh!
You're up.
Wow, Cassidy.
That's pretty riveting stuff.
Congrats.
Thank you.
[ Exhales sharply ] Elliott.
Gotta say, you are a very charming young man.
Thank you. [ Chuckles ]
And it's particularly nice
to see your fiancé -- Hello -- and family
come and show their support. [ Both mouthing "We love you" ]
Thank you so much. Yeah, I don't know
what I would be without them.
Mm. [ Smooches ]
Now, before we get to the events that occurred
during your very relaxing trip to Montreal... Mm-hmm.
...I'd like to get some background questions
out of the way.
Were you once the subject of an article
called "The Millennial Who Cried Cancer"?
[ Spectators mutter ] Okay, yes. I see where you're going with this.
I know what you're trying to do. [ Scoffs ]
Oh, you do?
Uh, yeah, I do. Oh.
For most of my life, I was living a lie.
I had claimed to have had cancer since the age of 15,
and that misbelief was, uh, violently exposed
in said magazine article.
And I just want to stop you from framing me as a liar,
because it's actually an issue that I've confronted head-on
through rigorous therapy.
So, we all change in different ways, Polly.
How, uh, insightful.
Now, you said that you know Dory and Drew from NYU?
Yes?
Yes. Go Violets. Whoo!
Well, that's interesting,
'cause, you know, I did a little digging,
and according to the university's registrar's office,
you were never actually enrolled as a student, Mr. Goss.
Elliott: [ Stammers ] Okay.
I suppose that is technically true,
um, but I audited four years of classes
amounting to a poli-sci major, so --
Oh, did you graduate from the university?
I rented a cap and gown and took photos at the ceremony
like everyone else, so, yeah, I did.
But you didn't receive a diploma,
so you did not graduate.
I do not understand the value of that distinction,
to be honest. You know, I was so struck
when I found out that -- that information,
so I decided to just dig back a little further
into some of the statements that you've made publicly.
Is it true that you, uh,
"proudly attended the NASA space camp
as one of ten kids to be launched into outer orbit,"
according to a "What's in my Pockets" feature
from the 2015 edition of Accomplishments Magazine?
Uh, now, remember, Mr. Goss, you're under oath, so...
-No. [ Scoffs ] -Okay.
But that magazine is run by, like, a predator, so it's --
Were you the Gerber Baby from age 3 months to 8 months?
-No. -Okay.
Did your grandfather invent fish sticks,
as you've stated numerous times
to former co-workers and friends?
No, but I admire that man greatly,
and what even is a grandfather?
-Okay. -I object!
Your Honor, all of the information
that Polly just stated
is actually immaterial to the case at hand.
Ms. Danziger, let's keep it on track.
Your Honor, I assure you, this is right on track.
Now, um...
who's Eldad Tupper?
[ Laughing sarcastically ]
I mean, I have to laugh, Polly.
Let's jog your memory.
That would be a birth certificate. Okay.
Specifically, yourbirth certificate.
Can I have this back, please?
Release, release.
Unhand it, you jackal!
Elliott: Sometimes people are born with names that don't fit,
which is why I legallyhad my name changed to Elliott Goss.
Ah, well, fair enough. Legally.
But according to your birth certificate,
Eldad is 31, not 28. [ Spectators mutter ]
According to this birth certificate,
it says your parents, uh, go by the name
of Clem Tupper and Opal Ann Tupper.
[ Chuckles ] Now, this was real confusing to me,
because the couple sitting next to your fiancé
just over there in the gallery, that we said hello to,
are they, in fact, your parents,
or a couple actors that you found
on a website called NonUnionCasting.net?
[ Spectators mutter ] They are...
actor-- Yeah, they're actors.
[ Gasps ]
Polly: Actors?
Well, Elliott, is thisyour real family?
Tuppers, please stand for the jury.
Eldad, it's us!
Judge Hellerman: Please, everyone, settle.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Elliott, is that your actual family?
Yes, that's my actual family! I'm sorry.
[ Spectators mutter ]
Polly: Well, well, well.
Now that we've got the housekeeping out of the way,
I will ask you to please state to the courtroom one more time,
did you or your friends have anything to do
with the murder of Keith Powell in Montreal?
No! No, we did not!
And why should we believe you
when everything you've ever said
has been some form of a semi-well-crafted lie, huh?
Don't answer that, because I am done.
I have had it with this witness!
♪♪
Thank you.
You are truly the worst defense witness
this prosecution has ever seen.
Thank you.
♪♪
She shoots, she scores! Boo-yah-ka-sha!
All right, everyone. Why don't we call it a day?
[ Gavel bangs ]
[ Groans ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Opal Ann: [ Gasps ] El-- Eldad!
I want you on the first flight out of the city.
Do you understand me?
I'm sorry.
We thought you'd like the surprise.
Oh, my God. Don't play that shit with me.
I don't know you.
I don't know what to say.
Sometimes as an actor, you just --
lucky to be working.
But, you know, you start out, it's just a job,
but I mean this when I say I really like you.
I-I cannot do this right now, ma'am.
Opal Ann: I knew this would happen,
and I should've been prepared for it!
So, I guess the wedding's off, or whatever?
I can't think right now, Elliott.
Marc, Marc, wait. Okay.
I know everything in my life may be a lie,
but you have to believe me.
The one true thing is my love for you.
Listen, I -- I'm sorry to interrupt,
but, uh, once all this -- this dust clears,
I'd love for both of you to come to a show
I'm a small part of.
It's set -- ready? -- in a community garden.
[ Laughing ] And it is a wild ride.
I need to be alone.
I have too many thoughts in my head.
Polly.
Okay, I have good news, and I have bad news.
What do you want to hear first?
The bad news.
Okay, the bad news is new evidence came in,
and the defense is screwed.
What? That doesn't sound like bad news.
That sounds like good news.
It's ourgood news, and it's their bad news.
Some incredible evidence just came in --
Hold on. This is so confusing.
Wait, why would you say it like that?
I don't know.
Go away and come back in and do it the right way.
There you are, Polly.
I have some very, very good news.
Cassidy: Okay, well...
thisis incriminating.
This is just a coincidence.
A coincidence you neglected to tell us about.
You know, maybe now is a good time to plead guilty.
What? We're not guilty.
So what we need to be doing is poking holes in this thing.
We need to poke, poke, poke, all right?
And what about me? I want you to use me.
You know, how can Ihelp? I want to help.
Okay.
It would be very helpful
if you could please produce
the zebra-print suitcase you bought in Montreal
if, in fact, you did not bury it in the woods.
That's the thing.
That, for the life of me, I can't remember
what we did with that suitcase. [ Groans ]
Drew, do you remember what we did with that suitcase?
Uh, no. I -- Unfortunately,
I don't have any recollection of that right now.
Of course not.
Well, if we're gonna start poking holes,
let's get our forks out.
Thank you, Bob.
[ Horns honking ]
[ Buttons beeping ] Come on.
[ Sighs ]
You've had quite a day, huh?
Me?
Yeah. Hi.
[ Chuckles ] Oh.
Uh, it's you.
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess I didn't know that, you know,
jurors were allowed in the real world.
They can't stop a goblin like me from doing whatever I want.
I'm Juror #7, by the way,
but you can call me Colette.
Hi. I'm Drew.
Uh, we'll probably get in trouble
talking to each other, right?
You know, because of all the legal stuff.
I mean, I'm sure I can't get in trouble
for helping you fix your buttons.
Be my guest. Fix my buttons. Yeah.
It ate my quarters. I think the machine's broken.
But if you -- Wow. [ Button beeps ]
-There. -Okay.
Consider your buttons fixed.
[ Whispering ] Oh, my God, this is so exciting!
Hmm.
[ Whispering ] Okay. Are you guys ready?
[ Whispering ] Why are we whispering?
Because it's a surprise party for Ruth,
and it's an important birthday.
I don't want to ruin the surprise!
Okay, let's go. Let's go.
Together: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Ruth ♪
Portia: ♪ Ru-u-u-u-uth ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ To-o-o-o-o yo-o-ou ♪
Peter: What?
Are you kidding me with that voice?
You are amazing. You have a gift.
This -- This is why God brought her into our lives.
You're so sweet. No.
Laney, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeeeees!
What?
♪♪
I think you're innocent.
What?
I think you're really innocent.
[ Both breathing heavily ]
Awesome.
[ Moans ]
[ Sobbing ]
-Elliott! -No.
Elliott! I-I thought about it,
and we're getting married,
and it is all for the best.
[ Muffled ] We don't have to get married.
You don't have to go through this with me.
No. Baby, sweetie, I've thought about it.
And the -- the guests have booked their travel,
the sponsors are in place.
And the best part --
Babe, the best part
is that now I actually knowyou.
I mean, I knowwho I'm marrying.
[ Laughing ] Who else gets to say that?!
Okay, well, if you're excited, I'm excited.
I know who I'm marrying!
[ Door slams ]
♪♪
♪ Sometimes I lay in the shadow ♪
♪ Never knowing if morning will come ♪
♪♪
♪ You give me strength ♪
♪ You give me hope ♪
♪ You give me love ♪
♪ You give me life ♪
♪ You give me all of it at once ♪
♪ You give me strength ♪
♪ You give me hope ♪
♪ You give me love ♪
♪ You give me life ♪
♪ You give me all of it at o-o-o-once ♪
Oh, God, I'm a bad singer!
Guys, I'm sorry. I haven't done that in so long.
Portia, that was incredible. You have a gift.
I literally have chills.
Really?! Oh, my gosh!
Well, Peter, I could not have done it
without such, like, totally awesome lyrics.
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
I'm -- I'm always telling people I love music, you know?
Yeah. Gay guys are just always so talented
regardless of whatever their religion is.
Well, I'm not gay.
Mm-hmm.
Peter's my boyfriend.
Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry. Of course you're not gay.
I'm not ga-- I-I-I-I love gay people.
It's nothing against gay people.
We -- We pray for gay people all the time.
It's just, I'm -- I'm not gay, you kno--
So it's just -- So...
That was my bad. Should we run it again?
Just to clarify, the footage from May 26th,
the night of the murder,
shows the defendants in a Montreal hardware store
purchasing a zebra-print suitcase --
the same model that Keith Powell was buried in --
and several shovels.
Is that correct?
-Yes, that's correct. -Uh-huh.
Security Guard: As well as latex gloves, bleach, and rope.
Polly: Right. So, Mr. Panagotopulous,
what do these two purchases say
about those two people sitting right over there?
Makes me think they're some sort of killers from Hell.
Your Honor, no further questions.
Mr. Papa-lapa-dopius --
-Panagotopulous. -Panagotopulous.
You seem like such an expert on profiling people
based on what their purchases are.
Can I show you a receipt from that same night?
Would you mind, um, reading the, uh...
items on that?
Circus peanuts candy, 72 blank MiniDisc tapes,
and...one zebra-print roller luggage.
[ Spectators mutter ]
Ah? That's right.
It's the same luggage
Keith Powell was buried in that night.
Let's take a look at who bought that, shall we?
No! No!
I told you, it's [shouting indistinctly]
This guy looks like a maniac.
-Objection! -Sustained.
No need for your commentary, Bob.
Mr. Cupa-topa-lus,
is it possible that this psychotic man
buying the same zebra-print luggage
that Keith Powell was buried in
is, in fact, the actual person who killed him,
put him in that luggage, and buried him?
I object to every aspect of this line of questioning.
Sustained. Watch it, Bob.
I'm done. Thank you, Your Honor.
Thank you, Bak-a-lop-a-gus.
Judge, may I redirect?
Okay, so, just to remind the jury of the facts,
did Dory Sief and Drew Gardner buy a zebra-print suitcase
the night that authorities say Keith Powell was murdered?
Yes.
And has the defense offered any explanation
about where their suitcase is or why we haven't seen it?
Uh, I don't -- I don't know.
Where's the suitcase, huh? Where is it?
I'm -- I'm sorry, what?
If the suitcase that Dory Sief and Drew Gardner bought
is not the one that Keith Powell is buried in,
where is their suitcase,
and why haven't we seen it?
It's not a crime to forget where you put a suitcase.
[ Spectators gasp ]
[ Gavel banging ] Order! Order!
No more outbursts, or you'll be held in contempt.
That's enough for today.
We'll reconvene after the weekend.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Okay, you need to chill out.
Oh. [ Scoffs ]
Bob: Hey, you guys.
Is there blood coming out of my face?
[ Indistinct conversations ]
No.
Good.
[ Pounding on door ] [ Gasps ]
[ Breathes shakily ]
♪♪
Hello?
♪♪
[ Door knob turns ]
♪♪