[birds squawking]
[water lapping]
[Purity Ring's "Obedear"]
♪ ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ ♪
- ♪ I came down over the sleepy mountains where ♪
♪ Our wide toes plunged into ♪
♪ The weeping shale to tear our ♪
♪ Skin up off from the bottom ♪
- Thank you for coming.
- Don't just wander back and forth ♪
- I am so sorry for your loss. - Thank you.
- ♪ Build it into pinnacles and shrines of some ♪
♪ Some ghastly predicament of mine you'll find ♪
♪ Leaves us plastered to a bed of hairs with ♪
♪ Me all coiled up near the bottom ♪
♪ With my chest unbared ♪
♪ Oh, but dear, the sky is low ♪
[faint indistinct chatter]
- Should I go?
Okay.
Hi.
I'm the actor of the group, so...
I'm going first.
I've been, um, preparing this speech for the past few days
and I have been asking myself,
you know, "Who was Dory?
"Who was she?
Like, who was Dory," right?
And it's a question that
I've been asking myself a lot,
kind of almost obsessively,
since I was cast as her in an
upcoming film about our lives.
Um, it's kind of embarrassing for me to admit,
but I actually was, like, recast,
which has never happened to me professionally,
because, um...
[sighs] I couldn't figure her out.
And that was very confusing for me
because she's my best friend.
And sometimes I honestly felt like I didn't know her at all.
And towards the end, I...
got the impression she felt the same way about herself.
And...
maybe we all feel a little that way
and we're kinda scared to admit it.
As an actor, I'm always trying to understand
my character's motivation.
But I've learned I don't really think people work that way.
I think, like, we don't really know what motivates us.
We just kind of, like, are the way we are.
We don't really know why the way we are
the way that we are, but we are the way that we are,
and that's the way that we are.
And the thing about Dory...
is that I underestimated her.
And I think a lot of people underestimated her.
And she had, like, this secret power
that I've never seen in anyone ever in my life before,
and I can't help but feel like she had more years in her
to figure out that power and understand it,
and I'm just really sad that I will miss out on that.
[sobbing]
I'm sorry. It's just...
Dor was my best friend, and...
maybe I didn't understand her.
But I really loved her.
Are you gonna clap?
[applause]
- [clears throat] Okay, so, um...
If Dory were here, she'd want me to be real.
She'd want me to tell the truth.
[chuckles]
So in that spirit...
We all know Dory was not perfect.
She was a procrastinator.
She was controlling. She was pushy.
She was perhaps insane.
Sometimes she would go three days without showering,
we'd be like, "Dory, please take a shower, please."
She was--well, I'm not gonna say she was stupid,
but she did make stupid decisions.
And of course, she was a lying,
manipulative bitch.
- Whoa. - El!
- And I know, I know you all wanna boo me offstage,
which I'm fine with, by the way, okay?
It's happened at every college campus I go to.
But I just wanna ask you a question.
Aren't you all of those things too?
I am.
Except I do shower.
But that's 'cause I smell like shit.
We all smell like shit. Sir.
I want us all to indulge me for a second.
Everyone turn to the person next to you.
And I want you to look that person in the eye,
and I want you to say to that person
the worst thing you could possibly tell that person.
Even if you don't know them. Go ahead.
- Elliott.
- Seriously, guys.
We're all open and raw right now, you know?
If not now, when, right?
Just do it. Do it now.
- You can be so sluggish. - I slept with the movers.
- You look like you have a thin penis.
- Okay, now I want you to think about what you just said.
And now I want you to say out loud,
"I'm that, too". Go on.
all: I'm that too.
- That too?
- You feel that? Yeah.
The things you don't like in other people
are the things you don't like in yourself.
We are all unlikeable!
Every one of us!
And Dory was no exception.
Okay, in fact, she was exceptional at being unlikable.
[chuckles]
If you have complicated feelings still in you
about your love for Dory,
just remember that there is a dark side in all of us.
But that darkness is connected to the light, people.
Maybe she was controlling.
But that's just another way of saying that she was passionate.
Maybe she was pushy.
I see that as her being strong-willed.
Yeah, she was violent.
Or maybe that was her being protective.
Yeah, she was crazy.
Or was she was an out-of-the-box survivor.
My point is,
we have to stop shaming darkness.
Because when we do so,
we stop understanding human nature.
This country was built on darkness and deceit,
and it grows stronger with every day.
We cannot ignore the past,
but we can change the future, y'all.
And that requires owning all of ourselves.
May we all stand wisely
in our own darkness without fear or hate.
May we seek to understand the darkness in others,
for it is there,
and it ain't going nowhere, honey.
[chuckles]
Thank you, Dory,
for teaching me that.
God bless you.
God bless us all.
And God bless our country!
[cheers and applause]
- Whoo!
[applause]
- Go, Drew! [giggles] - Go, Drew.
- Um...
Yeah, it's gonna be tough to follow that,
so thank you, Elliott.
- [laughs]
- And me.
- I'm just gonna try to speak from the heart.
And, um...
You know, the Dory that I remember
was the...
sweetest person that I had ever met.
And I'm not too good at speaking, you know,
so I'm just gonna, um...
try to do what--
what Dory hated the most, and, um...
and I wanna try to sing her a song.
[sighs]
♪ We were the best, we were the worst ♪
♪ Our love came last, our love came first ♪
♪ We were only for a moment ♪
♪ But it was a lifetime for you ♪
♪ And I loved you no matter what ♪
♪ Oh, I loved you no matter what ♪
♪ It's true, I loved you no matter what ♪
♪ ♪
- [sobbing]
- ♪ We were broken, we were whole ♪
♪ We were a burnt casserole ♪
♪ I only knew you when I knew you ♪
♪ But it could never be enough ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, I love you no matter what ♪
♪ It's true, I love you no matter what ♪
[applause]
- Drewbie! - Drew!
- I'll have a Mystery Solver Margarita.
- Oh, enjoy. - Yummy.
- Ugh, who even are the people? Okay, this is disgusting.
Barely anyone here even knew Dory.
They're just, like, mooching off the grief.
Sorry, but who would do that?
- Honestly, I don't even wanna know.
- [babbles] - Oh, my God.
- Hey, Marc. - Hey.
- I gotta go. - No, no, Portia, no.
Oh, Portia. No.
- Hi.
I really liked your speech.
- Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks for coming. - Of course.
Dory was...ahead of her time.
- She--she was, yeah.
- [baby cries]
- And who's this little one?
[laughter]
- My sister gave me her baby.
Her name was Laura, but I hate that name,
so I haven't been calling her anything
until I can decide on something else.
- Aww, Marc, that's so amazing. You're a dad.
- Tell me about it. - Congratulations.
- I mean, every day it's like, "What?"
- Yeah, I'm, like--I'm, like genuinely very happy for you.
- Thank you, thank you. - Yeah.
- Look at all these yummy cheeses.
- Oh, yeah, the cheeses.
Fucking bonkers. - [laughing] Yeah.
- Gail's, like, amazing with gruyere.
She's, like, totally stocked,
and then the camembert's, like...
the camembert is, like, insane.
If your stomach can handle it, which obviously mine can't,
as you might remember. - Oh, my God.
Hey. It's okay.
- [sobbing] - It's okay.
[light music playing]
♪ ♪
- Hey, man. - Hey.
- Where you been?
- You know, I'm not legally
allowed to discuss that, actually.
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
- I feel you.
[laughs softly] - You doing all right?
- Um, no.
No, not really.
But it's kind of felt normal for a little while now.
- I'm sorry to hear that, man. - [chuckles]
- And, um...
look, it would really mean a lot to me
if I could pay for all of this.
The entire memorial service.
- What?
- I've been making some very wise investments,
and I would be more than happy
to write a check for all of this.
- I mean, Julian, that's-- - Hi, guys.
Hi. I'm so happy--
not happy, but-- to get you both here,
because there's something I've been wanting
to talk to you both about, and it's a little sensitive.
- Yeah, yeah, what's up? - Um...
There's no easy way to say this,
so I'm just gonna say it.
Um, about a year ago,
I was asleep in my armchair
with my mouth open, and um...
I woke up
to Dory kissing me.
♪ ♪
- What?
- I promise you both it happened.
And, um, it begs the question:
Did she ever try to kiss you?
- Did Dory try to kiss us? - Yeah.
- She kissed both of us.
- Oh, God, I knew it. I knew it.
I mean, I'm so glad I'm not alone.
I just--I don't mean to be disrespectful,
but I do think that we have a case here.
- It's good to see you.
[indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
- Portia, I'm gonna head out.
- Thanks for coming, Mom. It was nice of you.
- I...
I'm sorry.
- Yeah, thank you. I know, it sucks.
- Not about Dory.
I mean, of course about Dory.
But about everything.
I think I've always been a little threatened by you.
You know, your light shines so brightly.
And sometimes I feel like
mine doesn't shine in the same way.
And then I felt bad for feeling that.
You know.
Mothers aren't supposed to have those feelings.
- That's okay. That's okay.
It's okay, Mom. [sniffles]
It's okay. - Hey.
I was listening to a podcast the other day...
- Yeah? - And they mentioned shrooms.
And I thought
you and I
should do shrooms together.
- Shrooms?
Okay.
Maybe we can get lunch first, you know?
Start with lunch.
I just feel like there's a lot we need to catch up on.
- Okay, I'm gonna say Tuesday, unless you object.
Lunch and shrooms.
- Okay. [laughs]
- I never asked Dory what it was like to have sex with you.
- [laughs softly] - Hi, guys.
- Hey. - You guys ready to head out?
I think I'm kinda done, you know?
- Yeah, I'm ready. - Yeah, let's go.
Let's try to get out of here. - Hey, guys.
- Hi, Chantal.
- I just wanted to take this moment to tell you guys
that I-I really admire you.
Like, as people. - Uh-huh.
- And I had sort of, like, an epiphany
that I wanted to share with you.
Um, so
I don't actually know you guys.
Like, at all, you know?
And I, like, really didn't know Dory at all either.
Um, and--so I don't have much to say about,
like, "who she was," you know,
because, you know, like I said, I just--I didn't know her.
Um...
but, like, the thing is,
like, she made me feel so special.
Like--
like, more special than anybody ever has,
and that meant a lot to me.
[sobs softly]
And I wish I could tell her thank you.
So...
I'll just say thank you to you guys.
Thank you all.
- That was really sweet, Chantal.
- Yeah. - That was so nice.
- Yeah, and on behalf of all of us, you're welcome.
[sniffles]
- Um...
Qui totum vult
totum perdit.
♪ ♪
- Was that Latin?
- Hi. Hi, hello.
Do you mind--I'm so sorry. - Hi.
- Can I talk to you for a moment?
Hi, I'm Dan.
- Have we met? - Yes.
We actually met briefly
quite a while ago at Bellow and Hare.
- Was that, like, the weird cult, right?
- Yes, the cult.
And I can admit that now, as I am no longer
a part of that community
after going into deep debt because of it.
And they also attacked my mother on social media,
which was the last straw. - So sorry about--
- But anyway, I just feel that I was called to come here today
to tell you something.
I swear, I never, ever do this, but I am a clairvoyant,
and I would hate myself if I didn't tell you this.
But I-I keep having this vision.
- Really? Of me?
- Yes. - Of what?
- Is your birthday May 18th?
- No, it's not.
It's--my birthday is on Valentine's Day.
- Okay. That is truly so odd,
because I keep associating you with the numbers
five, one, eight, and usually when I get a numbers hit,
it means birthday. I...
Hmm. I don't know what to say.
Just receive that. - Okay.
- I have done my part.
That's all I can tell you, and I wish you well.
- Okay, thank you. Bye, bye, bye.
[snorts]
- I'm sorry, did you want this open?
- I don't care.
- Okay, I'll leave it open.
[melancholy music]
- Five, one, eight.
Five, eighteen?
[scoffs] Whatever, ugh.
Stupid.
♪ ♪
Drewbie, do you wanna sleep over?
- Yeah. - Okay, good.
If you had said no, I would've killed myself--
- If you guys will have me, that sounds really nice.
- Uh, what is this?
- I don't know.
- Did you leave this here? - No.
- Did someone come in our apartment while we were gone?
- No, no.
- Oh, my God. - No.
Oh, God.
- It's from Chip. both: Oh.
- Don't. I'm scared.
- "These are some of the things that Dory left behind.
"I thought you might want them.
I'm sorry for most of what happened."
Thank you, Chip.
"I'm saying this as a friend,
"but if you try to follow up on the year's events,
"my family will hurt you in creative legal ways
"that you will never be able to anticipate.
"And more importantly, we have people
"watching you and your beloveds.
Watch your back and be good. Chip."
- [exhales nervously] - I swear to God
someone was following me the other day.
I wasn't making that up! - Jesus Christ.
I'm so scared of that family. - I'm scared of all families.
- I'm getting that thing that, you know,
that I get when my throat gets really tight
when I get really nervous and I can't breathe,
and I really need to know what's in the box.
So can someone please just open the box, please?
- Drew, open the box. - No, no!
- Drew, open the box, please! - No, I open every box!
- I'm gay! Drew!
- There could be birds in there!
- Oh, fi--fine!
[uneasy music]
Hmm.
[lid creaks]
Oh, God. [sighs]
- What's in there? - It's her stuff.
- What's that?
- No.
- Oh, God. - Oh, my God, it's her hair!
Oh, God, that's gross!
Now it's...oof.
- Oh, God, these are the clothes she was kidnapped in.
[handicam beeps]
- [sighs]
- Well, this is the truth.
Chip is my best friend.
Together, we can do just about anything.
- I can't do that. - Yeah, this is so disturbing.
- I know, there's, like, no human being that should ever
have to do what we're doing right now.
- Okay, what do we do with that?
- Let's just throw it out. Let's throw it out.
- No, we can't throw away our dead friend's hair.
- Let's donate it, you guys, let's donate it!
- To whom? - To a community theater!
Because they can maybe use it-- I don't know.
- Oh, God. - Okay, let's just--
why don't I--let's hide it. Yeah, hide it.
both: Yeah. - Okay, good.
So I'll--yeah, I'm gonna put it right under here.
- Okay. - And just slam it shut.
And we're good. - It's in there.
- We're done. Okay.
- It's not even here. - [sighs]
I have, like, the worst migraine I've ever had
in my freaking life. - [grunts]
- [sighs deeply]
- Oh.
- [exhales]
Like, what do you think Dory would've, like,
done with her life...
if she hadn't died?
- It's a good question.
- Yeah, what would Dory's, like, best life be, you know?
- I kind of think that Dor would be, like,
one of those people who eventually
leaves New York, you know what I mean?
Like, she'd wake up one day, and she'd just be like,
"I've had enough of this." And she'd move somewhere else.
Like, somewhere really cute.
- We went to Seattle once for a conference I had,
and she really liked it.
So I could see her being happy there.
- Okay, so say in, like, two years she moves to Seattle.
And then what's her job?
- Well, visual art, like her degree.
- She wasn't that good, Portia.
- I mean, she had good taste, though.
- She did. - Like, our apartment
always looked so great.
- Oh, you know what she'd be really good at?
- What? - Designing restaurants.
- Totally, yes! - [laughs]
[light music]
Okay, so she's making, like, tons of money,
which could go really far in Seattle.
- Seattle's not as cheap as you think, but okay, yeah.
- Okay, well, whatever.
She'd be making, like, whatever amount you need
to make there to, like, live well.
- Yes, I love that.
And she has, like, a super hot boyfriend.
He's, like, sexy and kind of mysterious--no offense, Drew.
I think it's for the best. And he's, like,
the sommelier of the restaurant.
Aww, isn't that cute? - Yeah.
- I mean, that would be cool to see her
with someone really nice, like,
someone who really cared for her.
- And there'd be, like, an opening night.
And we'd all go on opening night of her,
like, hip new spot, you know?
We'd all be invited. - Yes!
And it'd be, like, our spot. We'd never have to
pay for anything, 'cause we'd be like,
"Oh, we're friends of Dor."
- That is really cool, sweetie,
but I do think money is not an issue
for any of us at that point.
- Right, we're doing so well. - Yeah.
- I wanna have a hot partner too, is that all right?
- Well, duh, Drew, of course.
We're all gonna have hot partners
and they're all gonna be there.
- Aww, yeah, one big, hot family,
all happy together.
♪ ♪
- Do you guys feel like...
Do you guys feel like we killed her, you know?
- I mean, there's no way
that we could've known what was happening.
- But we did know that she was maybe in trouble.
- I think it's best just not to think about it.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
[sniffles]
[sighs]
- Okay, can we order food, please?
- Yes, I'm starving, please. - Me too.
- Porshe, can I have your phone?
I just don't feel like paying for it myself.
Portia, what's your passcode?
- 21488.
518.
- 518? No, it's not.
- No, I'm just remembering something.
Five, one, eight. Five, eighteen.
Hold on.
- Portia, what's happening? - Just--
- Oh, no, Portia. - I just need to see something.
- Don't go to the box.
Just leave it there forever, and then we'll move very soon.
- It's probably nothing, I just wanna see something.
- I don't wanna watch it. - You don't have to.
- Okay.
[handicam beeps]
- 518.
[gasps]
- Hey, guys. - Oh, my God.
- I don't know if this will ever get to you,
but I have to try.
I want to say that I love you. - Oh, my God.
- Obviously, but
I really love you.
Everything about you.
Even the ugly parts. [coughs]
- [sobs]
[melancholy music]
- I don't have much longer.
[all sobbing]
So just know that I'm with you always
and I just-- I wanna thank you so much
for being able to see me
for who I am when I couldn't.
[sniffles]
[coughs]
Yeah, I just wanna say
that I loved being your friend.
♪ ♪
You found me.
♪ ♪
You found me.
♪ ♪
- [sobbing]
I love you guys.
[wood crackling]
♪ ♪
[footsteps echoing]
- [breathes deeply]
[sirens wailing]
[coughing]
- Ma'am, you've been in a fire. We pulled you out.
[indistinct speech] You're gonna be okay,
but I need you to sit back.
- I died. [coughing]
I was dead.
I saw everything.
I saw--I saw everything.
- ♪ Me and my shadow ♪
♪ Strolling down the avenue ♪
♪ Me and my shadow ♪
♪ Not a soul to tell our troubles to ♪
♪ And when it's 12:00, we climb the stair ♪
♪ We never knock, for nobody's there ♪
♪ Just me and my shadow ♪
♪ All alone and feeling blue ♪
♪ ♪
- [coughs]