1 00:00:02,913 --> 00:00:05,602 Okay. I'm almost done with my college application. 2 00:00:05,604 --> 00:00:07,270 Arthur, I still need your recommendation. 3 00:00:07,272 --> 00:00:09,873 Got it right here. Fresh off the typewriter. 4 00:00:10,843 --> 00:00:12,909 You just keep coming up with creative ways 5 00:00:12,911 --> 00:00:15,012 to say "I'm old." 6 00:00:15,848 --> 00:00:17,414 Um, thank you, but how the hell 7 00:00:17,416 --> 00:00:19,516 am I supposed to attach this to my application? 8 00:00:19,518 --> 00:00:20,784 Uh, stapler. 9 00:00:20,786 --> 00:00:21,785 It's electronic. 10 00:00:21,787 --> 00:00:23,220 E-stapler? 11 00:00:23,222 --> 00:00:24,354 All right. 12 00:00:24,356 --> 00:00:26,556 Give me that. 13 00:00:28,927 --> 00:00:30,894 Wow, look at that, you got my letter! 14 00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:33,597 It's like watching a monkey discover 15 00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:36,600 a cucumber can't be peeled like a banana. 16 00:00:36,602 --> 00:00:37,934 Franco, where are you applying? 17 00:00:37,936 --> 00:00:39,603 Uh, a bunch of schools around the city. 18 00:00:39,605 --> 00:00:40,871 But my dream is Dearborn College. 19 00:00:40,873 --> 00:00:42,205 They got this amazing art program. 20 00:00:42,207 --> 00:00:43,306 Oh, yeah. 21 00:00:43,308 --> 00:00:44,608 That is a great school. 22 00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:46,076 Very artsy. 23 00:00:46,078 --> 00:00:50,113 The only play the football team knows is Death of a Salesman. 24 00:00:50,115 --> 00:00:52,049 Yeah, but it's not easy to get into. 25 00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:55,185 Hey, you better make sure you proofread that application. 26 00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:56,420 I did. 27 00:00:56,422 --> 00:00:57,654 Really? 28 00:00:57,656 --> 00:00:59,523 Oh, you made a mistake right here. 29 00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:01,591 You forgot to check the box for African-American. 30 00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:03,293 No, I didn't. I'm not checking it. 31 00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:04,327 Why not? 32 00:01:04,329 --> 00:01:05,529 Yeah. 33 00:01:05,531 --> 00:01:08,065 Colleges like people from different backgrounds. 34 00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,200 Why not use that to your advantage? 35 00:01:10,202 --> 00:01:12,235 Well, I never really thought being black and poor 36 00:01:12,237 --> 00:01:13,704 as an advantage, although, 37 00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:16,673 I do get extra attention when I walk into a store. 38 00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:19,478 They are just trying to level the playing field. 39 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:20,077 Yeah. 40 00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:22,679 Affirmative action. I know what it is. If I get in, 41 00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:24,848 it'll be because of my test scores and my portfolio. 42 00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:28,251 I want to be seen as an artist, not a black artist. 43 00:01:28,253 --> 00:01:29,986 Good for you. I feel the same way. 44 00:01:29,988 --> 00:01:31,588 No handouts. 45 00:01:31,590 --> 00:01:33,757 When my older son applied to college, 46 00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:36,460 I wouldn't let him identify as anything but American. 47 00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:37,594 Remind me, Fawz, what was his name? 48 00:01:37,596 --> 00:01:39,763 Abdullah Farooq Hussein Al-Shahrani. 49 00:01:40,966 --> 00:01:43,467 Look, they're just trying to make the system fairer. 50 00:01:43,469 --> 00:01:44,901 Look, I got nothing against those programs, 51 00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:46,570 but they're just not for me. All right? 52 00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:48,705 I don't want people thinking I don't deserve to be there. 53 00:01:48,707 --> 00:01:50,841 Or looking at me like, "Oh, that's how he got in." 54 00:01:50,843 --> 00:01:52,709 Well, if they were looking at you, it means you got in. 55 00:01:52,711 --> 00:01:55,178 I'm not doing it, all right? So, listen, I got to bounce. 56 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:56,813 If you're gonna proof that, send it in. 57 00:01:56,815 --> 00:01:58,615 I got to get my portfolio ready. 58 00:01:58,617 --> 00:02:00,550 I'm grabbing a picture of one of my paintings. 59 00:02:00,552 --> 00:02:01,651 Is it in your apartment? 60 00:02:01,653 --> 00:02:03,053 Nah. It's on the side of an L 61 00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,388 that should be pulling up at Argyle station in about... 62 00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,591 ooh, three minutes. 63 00:02:07,593 --> 00:02:08,892 I should go, too. 64 00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:12,095 So, defacing public property gets you into college. 65 00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:15,665 Will I get a PhD if I pee on a bus? 66 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,134 Franco's lucky. 67 00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,668 He knows which box to check. 68 00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:19,970 I'd have no idea. 69 00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:21,371 I thought you were Polish. 70 00:02:21,373 --> 00:02:23,540 My parents are Polish. I'm adopted. 71 00:02:23,542 --> 00:02:25,175 - Really? - Yeah. 72 00:02:25,177 --> 00:02:26,943 I've always been so curious about my heritage. 73 00:02:26,945 --> 00:02:29,346 I always wanted to feel like I'm a part of something. 74 00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:30,514 I mean, 75 00:02:30,516 --> 00:02:32,949 am I ruggedly handsome because I'm Swedish? 76 00:02:32,951 --> 00:02:35,285 Am I sophisticated because I'm French? 77 00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:37,754 Is he delusional because he was hit by a shovel? 78 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,123 You know, Tush, they have a DNA test 79 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:42,425 that can tell you your ethnic makeup. 80 00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:43,894 Joanie made me do one of those. 81 00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:47,063 I wasted 200 bucks to find out I'm Jewish. 82 00:02:47,065 --> 00:02:49,533 Oh, the irony. 83 00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:52,302 I just won $200 on a scratcher. 84 00:02:52,304 --> 00:02:55,438 The smart investor would buy 200 more scratchers. 85 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,441 But I want to find out who I am. 86 00:02:59,585 --> 00:03:00,610 Me, too. 87 00:03:00,612 --> 00:03:02,979 Even though I'm sure I'm 100% Italian. 88 00:03:02,981 --> 00:03:05,849 It's like my umbilical cord was a string of fettuccine. 89 00:03:08,453 --> 00:03:09,786 Did he make a mistake? 90 00:03:09,788 --> 00:03:11,454 No, same as before. 91 00:03:11,456 --> 00:03:13,890 He didn't put an X next to "African-American." 92 00:03:13,892 --> 00:03:16,259 Yeah, well, he didn't want to check that box. 93 00:03:16,261 --> 00:03:18,261 Yeah, well, he doesn't know what he's talking about. 94 00:03:18,263 --> 00:03:19,729 He'll never find out. 95 00:03:19,731 --> 00:03:21,164 How's that work? 96 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:24,467 Well, if he gets in, he'll be happy and it won't matter. 97 00:03:24,469 --> 00:03:26,403 It definitely won't matter if he doesn't get in. 98 00:03:26,405 --> 00:03:28,670 So, uh, submit. 99 00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,707 Submit. 100 00:03:30,709 --> 00:03:32,242 Why won't it submit? 101 00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:33,777 You just hit "return." 102 00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:35,846 Why? I don't want it to return, I want it to go. 103 00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:40,016 Why do they call it a laptop? It's always on a counter. 104 00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:43,520 Arthur, unless you're practicing your stand-up, you got to stop. 105 00:03:52,071 --> 00:03:53,897 Bup. Randy. 106 00:03:53,899 --> 00:03:55,599 My DNA results are in. 107 00:03:55,601 --> 00:03:56,900 The mystery has been cracked. 108 00:03:56,902 --> 00:04:00,136 The genealogy is out of the bottle. 109 00:04:00,138 --> 00:04:01,705 So what are you, Tush? 110 00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:04,241 I'm everything. Russian, French, Italian. 111 00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:07,310 Basically all of your salad dressings. 112 00:04:07,671 --> 00:04:09,980 Also, Indian, both kinds. 113 00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:12,649 And, Arthur, I'm four percent Jewish. 114 00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:13,884 Mazel. 115 00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:15,352 And four percent Palestinian, 116 00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:18,822 which explains my inner turmoil. 117 00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:20,657 Any African? 118 00:04:20,659 --> 00:04:21,658 Ha, ha! 119 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,226 Five percent, my brother. 120 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,497 You got to be at least ten percent to learn the handshake. 121 00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:29,699 Sorry, bro, I don't make the rules. 122 00:04:32,337 --> 00:04:36,473 Wow. Did the nail salon start doing bikini waxes? 123 00:04:36,475 --> 00:04:38,074 Oh! 124 00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:40,977 I just got accepted at Dearborn College! 125 00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:43,255 Wow! 126 00:04:43,615 --> 00:04:45,048 Dope, man. 127 00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:46,583 Yeah, man! 128 00:04:48,654 --> 00:04:49,886 All right. 129 00:04:49,888 --> 00:04:52,222 Thank you, thank you. 130 00:04:52,224 --> 00:04:54,136 Ah, Franco, that's fantastic. 131 00:04:54,171 --> 00:04:57,093 Thank you, man. Yo, all that hard work and studying paid off. 132 00:04:57,095 --> 00:04:58,461 Man, thank you for the help. 133 00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:00,797 Well, I wouldn't stay up after 8:00 for just anybody. 134 00:05:01,396 --> 00:05:01,898 Oh, wait a minute. 135 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:03,800 I got a bottle of champagne in the fridge. 136 00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:07,037 Uh, Arthur, it's 9:30 in the morning. 137 00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,838 Well, we'll just put some orange juice in it. 138 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,274 Yeah, put some... 139 00:05:11,276 --> 00:05:13,615 I am really happy for Franco. 140 00:05:13,679 --> 00:05:15,522 He worked so hard for this. 141 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,148 I told you. Box checked, he's none the wiser. 142 00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,283 No harm, no foul. 143 00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:22,719 Arthur, this is covered with dust. 144 00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:23,987 How old is it? 145 00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:26,523 It was part of my Y2K survival kit. 146 00:05:27,626 --> 00:05:28,825 The sardines kept. 147 00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:31,594 Let's see about the champagne. 148 00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:32,896 Yo, that's amazing! 149 00:05:32,898 --> 00:05:34,564 I feel like I got into college, too. 150 00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:38,301 When we move into the dorms, make sure we get a coed one. 151 00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:39,970 Hey, guys, what's going on? 152 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,671 I-I got into Dearborn, my dream school. 153 00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:44,341 Oh, my God, that's great! 154 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,109 I know. I-I can't believe it. 155 00:05:46,111 --> 00:05:48,778 I-I mean, Dearborn. My-my dream school. 156 00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,480 Yeah. It's unbelievable. 157 00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:53,083 Dearborn. His dream school. 158 00:05:57,656 --> 00:05:59,322 I get it. 159 00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:01,358 You're worried it's gonna be too electric. 160 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,193 It will be if I use my Taser. 161 00:06:04,645 --> 00:06:06,162 Franco, what else did the e-mail say? 162 00:06:06,164 --> 00:06:07,630 - When do you start? - I don't know. 163 00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:10,000 But it says I've been invited to a reception tomorrow night 164 00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:12,369 for something called the Bridges to the Future program. 165 00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:15,105 Oh, cool. I was in the Bridges to Tomorrow program. 166 00:06:15,107 --> 00:06:17,007 - What's that? - It's what they call the inclusivity program 167 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:19,075 at the University of Wisconsin. Go Badgers! 168 00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:20,510 Oh. 169 00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:22,012 Now, what's an inclusivity program? 170 00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,913 Because I think I'm gonna hate it. 171 00:06:23,915 --> 00:06:25,215 It used to be called "diversity." 172 00:06:25,217 --> 00:06:28,251 Ah, yes. I hate it. 173 00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:29,386 Yeah. 174 00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:30,820 It says "to introduce non-traditional students 175 00:06:30,822 --> 00:06:32,789 to the challenges of university life." 176 00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,224 What's "non-traditional" mean? 177 00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:35,792 Well, for you, it means "black." 178 00:06:36,507 --> 00:06:37,761 How would they know that? 179 00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:40,797 Who wants champagne? 180 00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:47,437 Boop! 181 00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:50,006 This is weird. I don't remember checking the box. 182 00:06:50,008 --> 00:06:51,708 Well, the point is you got in. 183 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,376 Yeah, but not the way I wanted to. You know what? 184 00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:54,477 I'm-a call the admissions office real quick 185 00:06:54,479 --> 00:06:55,545 and straighten this out. 186 00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:56,846 Oh, you hear that, Arthur? 187 00:06:56,848 --> 00:06:58,448 He's gonna call the admissions office 188 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:00,784 and straighten this out. 189 00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:06,689 Now, that's how we gonna be drinking in college. 190 00:07:16,299 --> 00:07:18,666 Franco's gonna find out I checked that box. 191 00:07:18,668 --> 00:07:20,000 What am I gonna do? 192 00:07:20,002 --> 00:07:21,535 You got to go down there 193 00:07:21,537 --> 00:07:24,071 and ask them to take him out of the program. 194 00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,573 That's a great idea. 195 00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:26,874 Tell Franco I had to run out. 196 00:07:26,876 --> 00:07:28,442 Say there was a sale on custard guns... 197 00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:30,811 uh, or make something up. 198 00:07:30,813 --> 00:07:33,347 I don't know how I'm gonna top that custard gun story. 199 00:07:34,751 --> 00:07:36,317 By the way, mi hija. 200 00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:40,221 Mis DNA resultos are muy interesante. 201 00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:45,092 What is happening? 202 00:07:45,486 --> 00:07:48,863 Turns out, I'm a combination of muchos ethnic backgrounds. 203 00:07:48,865 --> 00:07:51,298 African, Irish, Middle Eastern. 204 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,335 In the future, we're all gonna look like me. 205 00:07:55,338 --> 00:07:57,505 The future looks bleak. 206 00:07:58,334 --> 00:08:00,274 I also have some Spanish in me. 207 00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:02,343 Poquito amount. Tres percente. 208 00:08:02,345 --> 00:08:04,145 That means "three percent." 209 00:08:04,147 --> 00:08:05,679 Hope you're ready to have people ask you 210 00:08:05,681 --> 00:08:07,181 where to find the best Mexican food. 211 00:08:07,183 --> 00:08:09,450 Ugh, white people. 212 00:08:10,211 --> 00:08:13,020 By the way, where do you get the best Mexican food? 213 00:08:13,022 --> 00:08:14,655 Did you say you were part African? 214 00:08:14,657 --> 00:08:16,027 - Yeah. - I bet Sweatpants 215 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,428 would love to hear more about that. 216 00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:18,793 - Really? Okay. - Mm-hmm. 217 00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:21,195 I'll fill you in after Sofia and I are done sharing... 218 00:08:23,533 --> 00:08:26,233 Adios, mi hija. 219 00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:29,003 All right. I left a voice mail for the admissions office. 220 00:08:29,005 --> 00:08:31,672 All right. I got my DNA results. 221 00:08:31,674 --> 00:08:33,908 - And? - Hundred percent Italian. 222 00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:35,376 But here's the crazy part. 223 00:08:35,378 --> 00:08:37,845 A distant cousin in Italy tracked me down 224 00:08:37,847 --> 00:08:39,547 and sent me an e-mail. 225 00:08:39,549 --> 00:08:41,282 What'd it say, paisano? 226 00:08:41,284 --> 00:08:45,920 I belong to a royal family that ruled over Seborga. 227 00:08:45,922 --> 00:08:47,788 I'm eighth in line to the throne, 228 00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:50,891 so if seven people die 400 years ago, 229 00:08:50,893 --> 00:08:52,815 I'm a queen. 230 00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,796 Oh, I have an Italian question for you. 231 00:08:55,798 --> 00:08:59,567 How does Pizza Hut get the cheese inside the crust? 232 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,704 Tush, did you tell these guys that you're part African? 233 00:09:03,706 --> 00:09:04,705 Oh, yeah. 234 00:09:04,707 --> 00:09:07,107 Guys, we might be related. 235 00:09:07,109 --> 00:09:09,477 No, we're not. 236 00:09:12,432 --> 00:09:15,983 So you're saying Mr. Wicks made a mistake on his application? 237 00:09:15,985 --> 00:09:17,251 Well, I did. 238 00:09:17,253 --> 00:09:18,619 I was proofreading his application, 239 00:09:18,621 --> 00:09:22,189 and I accidentally checked the, uh, African-American box. 240 00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:26,560 And you're his... father? 241 00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:27,928 No, no. 242 00:09:27,930 --> 00:09:29,563 He sort of my, uh, partner. 243 00:09:29,565 --> 00:09:31,298 Really? 244 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:34,535 Okay, we'll check that box, then. 245 00:09:34,537 --> 00:09:35,836 Oh, no, no, no. No. 246 00:09:35,838 --> 00:09:38,339 I'm here to make sure we check no boxes at all. 247 00:09:38,341 --> 00:09:40,708 I mean, uh, if you would just change your records. 248 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,010 Franco Wicks is not black. 249 00:09:43,012 --> 00:09:44,278 Well, good for him. 250 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,580 I mean, good for being honest, not for being not black. 251 00:09:46,582 --> 00:09:48,582 You know what, maybe I should start recording this. 252 00:09:48,584 --> 00:09:50,017 Uh... 253 00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:53,554 It is amazing what you can get in trouble for these days. 254 00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:57,224 Hey, man, sorry for barging in, but no one was at reception. 255 00:09:57,226 --> 00:09:59,159 There's been a misunderstand... 256 00:10:01,697 --> 00:10:03,097 Arthur? 257 00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:04,865 Oh, hi, Franco. 258 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:06,485 What are you doing here? 259 00:10:06,685 --> 00:10:07,468 This is Franco? 260 00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:10,604 Franco Wicks? But you said he's not African-American. 261 00:10:10,606 --> 00:10:12,606 Oh, I'm not. I mean, I-I don't want to be. 262 00:10:12,608 --> 00:10:15,276 Ah, I mean, I don't want to be for you. 263 00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:18,312 Ah, okay. This is feeling a little actionable. 264 00:10:18,314 --> 00:10:21,682 Do you mind if I document this with a couple of photos? 265 00:10:23,059 --> 00:10:24,418 You checked the box? 266 00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:25,886 I know. I'm sorry. But Mr. Mathers 267 00:10:25,888 --> 00:10:27,354 is gonna straighten the whole thing out. 268 00:10:27,356 --> 00:10:28,856 No, no, no, no. I did not say that. 269 00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:30,291 I did not say that. 270 00:10:30,293 --> 00:10:31,725 Um... 271 00:10:31,727 --> 00:10:34,202 I cannot change something in the application. 272 00:10:34,237 --> 00:10:35,129 I mean, what's done is done. 273 00:10:35,131 --> 00:10:37,231 It's there in black and white... I mean, obviously not you two. 274 00:10:37,233 --> 00:10:38,832 Obviously not you two. Okay. 275 00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:42,836 Let me just grab one more photo. 276 00:10:42,838 --> 00:10:44,238 Why'd you do that? 277 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,373 It's a little blurry, but it'll hold up in court. 278 00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:48,008 I was just trying to help. 279 00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:49,910 I thought I was doing you a favor. 280 00:10:49,912 --> 00:10:51,538 Because you thought I couldn't get in on my own. 281 00:10:51,614 --> 00:10:54,348 No. Because these schools are very hard to get into. 282 00:10:54,350 --> 00:10:56,064 And it's stupid not to take every advantage. 283 00:10:56,119 --> 00:10:58,586 Okay, but that's my decision, not yours. 284 00:10:58,588 --> 00:10:59,920 I told you... 285 00:10:59,922 --> 00:11:03,257 I told you I wanted to get in based on my talents. 286 00:11:03,259 --> 00:11:04,625 And now I'll never know. 287 00:11:04,627 --> 00:11:06,493 No, you got into your dream school. 288 00:11:06,495 --> 00:11:07,928 It doesn't matter. 289 00:11:08,681 --> 00:11:10,831 'Cause I'm not going. 290 00:11:13,169 --> 00:11:15,436 I'm sorry, just for the record, 291 00:11:15,438 --> 00:11:18,639 did we decide he's not black? 292 00:11:29,066 --> 00:11:31,333 Fawz, I've been doing a little research, 293 00:11:31,335 --> 00:11:33,835 and some of my Arabic roots go back to Iraq. 294 00:11:33,837 --> 00:11:35,236 We could be related. 295 00:11:35,772 --> 00:11:36,771 I don't think so. 296 00:11:36,773 --> 00:11:38,540 - Why not? - Well, because 297 00:11:38,542 --> 00:11:41,276 for generations, my family would cast off the weak. 298 00:11:41,278 --> 00:11:43,311 They would leave them on the side of the mountain 299 00:11:43,313 --> 00:11:45,614 and let the wolves take care of it. 300 00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:48,450 In the beginning, they couldn't sleep because of the screaming, 301 00:11:48,452 --> 00:11:52,320 but eventually they couldn't sleep without it. 302 00:11:53,357 --> 00:11:55,457 Does that to-go order have the full dozen? 303 00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:57,659 Yeah. If you don't believe me, you can just check the box. 304 00:11:57,661 --> 00:11:59,361 'Cause I know you like doing that. 305 00:11:59,363 --> 00:12:01,663 Franco, I'm sorry... 306 00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:03,777 I've apologized over a hundred times. 307 00:12:03,812 --> 00:12:04,699 I don't know what to do. 308 00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:05,834 What happened? 309 00:12:05,836 --> 00:12:07,502 Arthur checked the "African-American" box 310 00:12:07,504 --> 00:12:09,004 on Franco's application, 311 00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:10,438 and now he's turning Dearborn down. 312 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,439 What? 313 00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:13,008 Why would he blow a chance like this? 314 00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:15,010 Sofia, maybe you can get through to him, huh? 315 00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:16,277 Why me? 316 00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:17,846 Well, you did one of those ethnic-inclusive 317 00:12:17,848 --> 00:12:21,316 affirmative International House of Pancakes thingies. 318 00:12:21,318 --> 00:12:23,018 I don't know why he won't listen to you. 319 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,152 You're so knowledgeable. 320 00:12:25,422 --> 00:12:28,356 Arthur, you cannot push this off on Sofia. 321 00:12:28,358 --> 00:12:30,492 Well, he doesn't want to listen to me, so you talk to him. 322 00:12:30,494 --> 00:12:32,994 Fine. 323 00:12:32,996 --> 00:12:35,163 Sofia, you talk to him. 324 00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:41,036 So, I hear you're not going to Dearborn. 325 00:12:41,038 --> 00:12:42,470 No. No, it's cool. 326 00:12:42,472 --> 00:12:43,905 I'm gonna go to some other school I applied to. 327 00:12:43,907 --> 00:12:44,873 I got a lot of options. 328 00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,241 But you have this great opportunity. 329 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:47,308 Wh-Why turn that down? 330 00:12:47,310 --> 00:12:49,044 Look, I'm not trying to go to some school 331 00:12:49,046 --> 00:12:50,578 where people look at me and think 332 00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,480 the only reason I got in is 'cause I'm black. 333 00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:54,783 I hate to break it to you, but some people are gonna 334 00:12:54,785 --> 00:12:56,051 think that no matter what. 335 00:12:56,053 --> 00:12:57,215 What, I'm supposed to be okay with that? 336 00:12:57,287 --> 00:12:59,154 You can't control what people think. 337 00:12:59,156 --> 00:13:00,655 Like when I go to Target, 338 00:13:00,657 --> 00:13:02,757 there's always some idiot who thinks I work there. 339 00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,759 You were wearing a red shirt! 340 00:13:06,430 --> 00:13:09,664 It's like you were trying to confuse people! 341 00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:13,935 Franco, you know you deserve to be there. 342 00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:15,728 Yeah, I know. I worked my ass off. 343 00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:16,738 But I ain't trying to be some mascot 344 00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:19,606 who's just there to make people feel good about themselves. 345 00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:22,410 Franco, this is bigger than you. 346 00:13:22,412 --> 00:13:24,879 Think about the high school kids who visit Dearborn 347 00:13:24,881 --> 00:13:27,716 and see people of color and think, 348 00:13:27,718 --> 00:13:29,818 "Maybe I belong here, too." 349 00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:31,319 What, so I'm doing this for them? 350 00:13:31,321 --> 00:13:32,179 Yes. 351 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:35,256 Franco, isn't there that reception tonight? 352 00:13:35,258 --> 00:13:37,358 Maybe you should just go and check it out. 353 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,593 And what's the point? 354 00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:41,162 Well, talk to people that have done the program. 355 00:13:41,164 --> 00:13:43,031 Make an informed decision. 356 00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:45,400 What do you have to lose? 357 00:13:45,402 --> 00:13:46,801 I don't know. 358 00:13:46,803 --> 00:13:48,403 Maybe Sofia will go with you. 359 00:13:48,405 --> 00:13:50,138 Sure, if Arthur pays for dinner after. 360 00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:52,340 No booze, no tip. 361 00:13:53,358 --> 00:13:55,677 So, uh, is this, like, a date? 362 00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:56,778 - Yeah. - No. 363 00:13:56,780 --> 00:13:58,079 No. 364 00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,449 Franco, quick culture question: 365 00:14:01,451 --> 00:14:05,687 Who is The Man, and how do I stop him from keeping me down? 366 00:14:07,268 --> 00:14:08,192 Look, Tush, 367 00:14:08,227 --> 00:14:10,325 I don't have time to be black with you right now. Move. 368 00:14:12,395 --> 00:14:14,896 Tush, I am interested in your DNA results. 369 00:14:14,898 --> 00:14:18,366 Specifically, when are you gonna stop talking about them? 370 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,536 Oh. Sorry, guys. 371 00:14:21,538 --> 00:14:23,671 I didn't mean to be such a bother. 372 00:14:23,673 --> 00:14:26,141 I guess I'm three percent Pacific Islander 373 00:14:26,143 --> 00:14:30,044 and, uh, about 100% annoying. 374 00:14:30,046 --> 00:14:31,813 Poor Tush. 375 00:14:31,815 --> 00:14:33,848 He just wants to connect to people. 376 00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:36,451 And we can't even pretend to be happy for him. 377 00:14:36,453 --> 00:14:40,388 I know, and faking emotion is, like, one of my strengths. 378 00:14:41,283 --> 00:14:43,458 And this is so exciting for him. 379 00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:46,361 I mean, it's not as exciting as finding out 380 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,962 that you're a queen. 381 00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:49,870 You're not a queen. 382 00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:53,768 If you had said that 400 years ago, 383 00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,471 I'd have had you killed. 384 00:15:02,546 --> 00:15:04,046 _ 385 00:15:04,047 --> 00:15:05,747 Okay, here we go. 386 00:15:05,749 --> 00:15:07,982 Yeah, well, we're only staying a couple minutes, 387 00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:09,918 and then we're having some dinner on Arthur. 388 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,786 Well, you better hit up those mini quiches, 389 00:15:11,788 --> 00:15:14,489 'cause he only gave us ten bucks. 390 00:15:14,491 --> 00:15:16,925 Yep, just what I expected. 391 00:15:16,927 --> 00:15:19,527 Uptight black dudes... check. 392 00:15:19,529 --> 00:15:23,398 Asian folks only talking to each other... check. 393 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,200 Latino dude in a serape. 394 00:15:25,202 --> 00:15:26,467 Relax. 395 00:15:26,469 --> 00:15:28,336 We get it. 396 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,738 Ooh, check that out. 397 00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:33,508 A Native American lesbian in a weird hat. 398 00:15:33,510 --> 00:15:36,811 A lez in a fez off the rez? 399 00:15:36,813 --> 00:15:39,547 It's like a diversity Dr. Seuss. 400 00:15:39,549 --> 00:15:41,015 Oh, shrimp! 401 00:15:41,017 --> 00:15:42,951 I don't want to take too many. 402 00:15:42,953 --> 00:15:45,353 - That would be shellfish. - Oh! 403 00:15:45,355 --> 00:15:46,221 'Cause of the... 404 00:15:46,223 --> 00:15:47,856 Seafood in a shell. I get it. 405 00:15:47,858 --> 00:15:49,224 - I'm Donna. - I'm Franco. 406 00:15:49,226 --> 00:15:50,358 This is Sofia. 407 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,559 Hi. Are you two a couple? 408 00:15:51,561 --> 00:15:52,994 What? No. 409 00:15:52,996 --> 00:15:54,629 We just, we work near each other. 410 00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:56,130 I mean, that's hilarious though. 411 00:15:56,132 --> 00:15:57,532 But no. 412 00:15:57,534 --> 00:16:00,501 You could have just said no. 413 00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:02,337 Have you guys tried this cocktail sauce? 414 00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:03,972 It's a little spicy. 415 00:16:03,974 --> 00:16:06,140 Either that or I'm having a hot flash. 416 00:16:06,692 --> 00:16:08,910 So, do you... do you work for the school? 417 00:16:08,912 --> 00:16:10,678 No, I just got admitted. 418 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,881 I'm one of the "Bridges to the Future." 419 00:16:13,884 --> 00:16:16,517 I'm also a bridge to those cupcakes. 420 00:16:18,922 --> 00:16:20,188 That's weird. 421 00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,923 Why would she be in the diversity program? 422 00:16:21,925 --> 00:16:24,125 I don't know. But you know what? 423 00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:25,566 Just 'cause she looked white, 424 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:26,567 - it doesn't mean... - Right. 425 00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:28,630 Ooh, rosé! That's fun. 426 00:16:28,632 --> 00:16:30,665 She's white. 427 00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:33,434 All right. Hello, everyone. 428 00:16:33,436 --> 00:16:36,337 Dearborn College is honored to welcome all of you. 429 00:16:36,339 --> 00:16:39,173 This program is here to support you older students 430 00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:41,276 who have been out of the educational system 431 00:16:41,278 --> 00:16:42,610 for at least five years. 432 00:16:42,612 --> 00:16:44,445 So grab a drink, 433 00:16:44,447 --> 00:16:46,648 and later we'll enjoy the chamber orchestra 434 00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:49,384 and two students from our Modern Dance department. 435 00:16:49,386 --> 00:16:53,554 So... we'll see what that looks like. 436 00:16:54,026 --> 00:16:55,790 Oh, my God. 437 00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:58,192 This program isn't for black people, 438 00:16:58,194 --> 00:16:59,928 it's for old people. 439 00:17:01,231 --> 00:17:02,830 I'm old! 440 00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:05,233 Donna, we are old! 441 00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:06,401 So old! 442 00:17:07,771 --> 00:17:09,337 Franco Wicks. 443 00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:11,372 I'm, uh, kind of surprised to see you here 444 00:17:11,374 --> 00:17:13,741 after the outburst the other day. 445 00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:15,677 I'm sorry, man, but, look, I-I thought I got admitted 446 00:17:15,679 --> 00:17:17,278 - because I'm black. - No, no. 447 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,880 I looked up your file after you left, 448 00:17:18,882 --> 00:17:20,448 and you had a very impressive portfolio. 449 00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:22,583 But what actually sealed the deal 450 00:17:22,585 --> 00:17:24,452 was the recommendation from your boss. 451 00:17:24,454 --> 00:17:26,070 - Arthur? - Yeah, yeah. 452 00:17:26,123 --> 00:17:28,122 His story of your pluck and determination 453 00:17:28,124 --> 00:17:31,092 to overcome your obstacles, it was... it was quite moving. 454 00:17:31,094 --> 00:17:34,128 Yeah, man, he's kind of obsessed with my pluck. 455 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,865 So, that's why you're here. 456 00:17:37,867 --> 00:17:39,033 Plus, you're black. 457 00:17:39,035 --> 00:17:40,549 No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 458 00:17:41,071 --> 00:17:43,838 No, that is not what this is about. 459 00:17:44,582 --> 00:17:46,708 But while I have the two of you, this feels like a photo op. 460 00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:50,078 Donna, Chief Inez, picture time. 461 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,079 Here we go. 462 00:17:51,081 --> 00:17:52,780 All right. 463 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,483 Everybody say "brochure"! 464 00:17:55,485 --> 00:17:57,352 Brochure! 465 00:18:00,934 --> 00:18:02,490 - Hey, Arthur. - Hey, Tush. 466 00:18:02,492 --> 00:18:04,759 I got your text. It took me a while to read it 467 00:18:04,761 --> 00:18:07,595 'cause I set my phone to Portuguese. 468 00:18:08,631 --> 00:18:10,331 I just wanted to give you something, Tush. 469 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,333 Hanukkah's coming up. 470 00:18:12,335 --> 00:18:14,369 Thought you might want to light the menorah with me. 471 00:18:14,371 --> 00:18:16,371 And I'll teach you a couple of "Baruch Atah Adonai." 472 00:18:16,373 --> 00:18:18,306 Arthur, I would like that. 473 00:18:18,308 --> 00:18:20,541 It would give me such naches. 474 00:18:20,543 --> 00:18:23,277 Look at this punim! 475 00:18:23,279 --> 00:18:25,153 Pulling that Yiddish out of his tuchas. 476 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:28,282 And because you're such a paisan, 477 00:18:28,284 --> 00:18:31,019 I brought you some spaghetti sauce 478 00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:33,154 made from my grandmother's recipe. 479 00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:35,356 She would've loved that Italian in you, 480 00:18:35,358 --> 00:18:39,060 and had some colorful things to say about the other 96%. 481 00:18:39,589 --> 00:18:41,929 And I bring you a basketball, 482 00:18:41,931 --> 00:18:45,166 autographed by the 2000 Iraqi national team. 483 00:18:45,168 --> 00:18:46,934 Wow, cool. How'd you get the signatures? 484 00:18:46,936 --> 00:18:49,837 Uh, they work at the auto body shop on the corner. 485 00:18:50,486 --> 00:18:52,240 When they didn't do so great in the Olympics, 486 00:18:52,242 --> 00:18:54,242 they thought it best to flee. 487 00:18:54,876 --> 00:18:56,244 You know, we just wanted you to know 488 00:18:56,246 --> 00:18:58,246 that you are a part of something. 489 00:18:58,248 --> 00:18:59,647 You're a part of us. 490 00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:01,015 Oh, I'm touched. 491 00:19:01,017 --> 00:19:02,884 Oh, thank you. 492 00:19:02,886 --> 00:19:04,085 Shalom. 493 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:05,920 Grazie. 494 00:19:05,922 --> 00:19:08,589 And I think this guy fixed my brakes. 495 00:19:08,591 --> 00:19:11,459 Guess who decided to go to Dearborn. 496 00:19:11,461 --> 00:19:12,759 - Hey! - Hey! 497 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,096 Yeah, man. It turns out Bridges to the Future is a program 498 00:19:15,098 --> 00:19:16,998 for older students; helps them keep their jobs 499 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,766 and go to school at the same time. 500 00:19:18,768 --> 00:19:20,768 - That is great news, Franco. - Yeah. 501 00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:22,503 I got in just for being me, 502 00:19:22,505 --> 00:19:24,939 and not because you checked some box. 503 00:19:24,941 --> 00:19:26,674 - I know, I shouldn't have done that. I... - No, no, no. 504 00:19:26,676 --> 00:19:27,909 You helped a lot. 505 00:19:27,911 --> 00:19:29,911 Mathers said you gave me a great recommendation. 506 00:19:29,913 --> 00:19:31,112 What'd you write? 507 00:19:31,114 --> 00:19:33,381 Oh, well, I just told him how much I respect you, 508 00:19:33,383 --> 00:19:34,982 and how hard you've been working, and, uh, 509 00:19:34,984 --> 00:19:36,884 I might have mentioned something about your pluck. 510 00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:38,696 I knew you dropped the "P" bomb! 511 00:19:39,456 --> 00:19:41,289 Thank you, thank you, thank you so much 512 00:19:41,291 --> 00:19:42,766 for pushing me to do this whole college thing. 513 00:19:42,859 --> 00:19:44,592 I just wanted to see you succeed. 514 00:19:44,594 --> 00:19:46,427 I mean, you've been working so hard at it. 515 00:19:46,429 --> 00:19:50,598 Oh, speaking of hard work, Tush, we got you Roots. 516 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,868 Oh... I love it. Thanks, guys. 517 00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,603 - Hey. - No. 518 00:19:57,495 --> 00:19:58,773 You're ready. 519 00:20:02,212 --> 00:20:03,047 Come here. 520 00:20:03,646 --> 00:20:05,079 Yeah. Yeah. 521 00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:06,814 Oh. 522 00:20:06,816 --> 00:20:08,883 Five percent, suckers! 523 00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:12,553 - We up in here now! - No... 524 00:20:23,542 --> 00:20:27,087 Yo, a lot of interesting classes at Dearborn. 525 00:20:27,089 --> 00:20:28,322 Oh, what's this? 526 00:20:28,324 --> 00:20:30,724 "Visions of International Womanhood." 527 00:20:30,726 --> 00:20:34,228 Damn, that sound like a Luther Vandross album. 528 00:20:34,773 --> 00:20:37,998 It's probably about the history of intersectional feminism 529 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,334 as it relates to shifting gender dynamics. 530 00:20:40,336 --> 00:20:43,804 Wow. That's way less hot than I thought it'd be. 531 00:20:45,207 --> 00:20:48,475 You know, Sofia, we, uh, never got to have that dinner 532 00:20:48,477 --> 00:20:50,310 that Arthur was gonna pay for. 533 00:20:50,312 --> 00:20:51,778 Oh, you're right. 534 00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:53,881 We should do something about that. 535 00:20:53,883 --> 00:20:55,449 Yeah? 536 00:20:55,451 --> 00:20:57,551 Yeah. 537 00:20:57,553 --> 00:20:59,920 Could you give this back to Arthur? 538 00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,923 Cool. 539 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,592 She'll be back. 540 00:21:05,594 --> 00:21:07,427 Will she? 541 00:21:09,549 --> 00:21:11,582 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com