1 00:00:03,769 --> 00:00:06,171 So, what do you think? 2 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:11,409 Heh. Are you the sheriff of a Chuck E. Cheese? 3 00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:16,181 Are you a pilot for Definitely a Virgin Airlines? 4 00:00:17,222 --> 00:00:19,745 Fawz got me a temporary gig working security. 5 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:21,329 That's right, we've had some break-ins 6 00:00:21,364 --> 00:00:22,387 at one of my apartment buildings, 7 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,856 so I hired a couple of expert security guards, 8 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,558 and Tush. 9 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,827 Why didn't you ask me? 10 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,095 I've been a police officer for 30 years. 11 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,465 Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot. Of course! 12 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:37,735 Randy, do you know any cops who might be interested? 13 00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:40,626 Me! I'm on a leave of absence. 14 00:00:40,661 --> 00:00:42,240 I could use the extra money. 15 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,609 - Great. You're hired. - Oh. 16 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,077 Oh. And one more thing. 17 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,313 Every time I enter the lobby, you have to salute me. 18 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,316 Oh. Can I use my middle finger? 19 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,752 So that's a no on the salute. 20 00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,421 I have great news. 21 00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,056 You found another bathroom to use? 22 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,891 Aw, we'll miss you. 23 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,294 No. I just booked my first catering gig. 24 00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,730 - Congratulations, Sofia. - Thank you. 25 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,719 Arthur, I need somewhere to prep. 26 00:01:07,754 --> 00:01:09,234 - Can I rent your kitchen for the night? - Nah. 27 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,802 - No one uses my kitchen. - Oh, c... 28 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,371 - Please? I'll pay you 300 bucks. - No. 29 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:15,106 Yo, we're not open tonight. What's the big deal? 30 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:18,824 1988. Barbara O'Bannon wanted to make pies here 31 00:01:18,859 --> 00:01:20,078 for a fund-raiser. 32 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,146 A crew of two turned into 12. 33 00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,548 The next day my sprinkles were gone. 34 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,083 And there was jelly on my ceiling. 35 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,585 Thank God. I thought that was blood. 36 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,054 Guess I'll call the guys 37 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,589 who own the diner over at Ashland. 38 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,591 They're always asking me to speak Spanish to them. 39 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,592 That's nice. 40 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,794 They're Korean. It's weird. 41 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,030 Yo, if you're worried about your kitchen, 42 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,698 why don't you pay me to work that night? 43 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,000 I can keep an eye on Sofia. 44 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:45,803 Mm, I bet you'll keep an eye on Sofia. 45 00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:48,473 (high-pitched): Whoo...! 46 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,808 Okay, what are you talking about? 47 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,810 And why do you sound like a flamboyant ghost? 48 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,547 Oh, come on. 49 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,915 We've all seen it. 50 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,217 How you laugh at her stupid jokes, 51 00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,986 choking down that healthy garbage she sells. 52 00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,354 ARTHUR: Come on, face it, 53 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,956 you got a crush on her. 54 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,425 (high-pitched): Whoo...! 55 00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:11,062 Okay, do you have any idea how ridiculous y'all sound right now? 56 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,798 Oh, don't be embarrassed. I think it's cute. 57 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,899 Yeah, me, too. 58 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,834 Hey, look, if renting out my kitchen 59 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,070 helps you court this young lady, then great. 60 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:21,139 Might turn into a carriage ride, huh? 61 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,142 - If she gets chilly, you offer her your coat. - Oh. So, what, 62 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,577 go back to the 1800s? 63 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,279 'Cause that wasn't a great time for my people. 64 00:02:29,872 --> 00:02:31,015 Diner guys said no. 65 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,350 Well, look no further, 66 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,052 'cause Arthur said you can use his kitchen. 67 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,287 Under the condition that Franco is with you. 68 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,056 (high-pitched): Whoo...! 69 00:02:39,725 --> 00:02:40,847 What's going on? 70 00:02:40,882 --> 00:02:42,126 Okay, so, uh, these guys think 71 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,461 I volunteered to watch you 72 00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:45,630 because I want to go on a date with you. 73 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,232 Oh. Well, it's a little too late for that. 74 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,200 Why? 75 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,906 What? 76 00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:57,809 Well... we've already hooked up. 77 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,911 Does "hooked up" mean what I think it means? 78 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,979 It means... 79 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,880 (high-pitched): Whoo...! 80 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:05,450 Hey, hey. We're done with that, man. 81 00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,517 Are we? 82 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,353 BOTH (high-pitched): Whoo...! 83 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,756 ♪ ♪ 84 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,696 Well, well, well. 85 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,198 You two have been sneaking around 86 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,833 and secretly dating. 87 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,302 Ain't a secret, ain't sneakin', ain't datin'. 88 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,805 And ain't really none of your business. 89 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:30,141 Ah, well, we respect your privacy, Sofia. 90 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,610 But we don't respect Franco's. 91 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,312 (chuckles) They do not. 92 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,480 (chuckles) 93 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:39,196 Okay, so I'll let you enjoy all this. Bye. 94 00:03:39,231 --> 00:03:40,985 (giggles) Get a life. 95 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,420 What up, Shorty La-La? 96 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,023 Nope. Not doing nicknames. 97 00:03:45,791 --> 00:03:46,758 What's got into her? 98 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,227 Apparently, Franco. (chuckling) 99 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,695 Why would you... 100 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:51,663 So you finally 101 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,731 told them about you and Sofia, huh? 102 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,033 How do you know? I didn't tell you. 103 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,668 We live in a tiny apartment, man. 104 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,936 Just because you zip me up in my sleeping bag 105 00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,239 does not mean I can't hear stuff. 106 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,275 Well, I'm glad you two are dating, Franco. 107 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,011 Yeah, it's been a long time since you had a girlfriend. 108 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,946 Would you stop? We're not dating. 109 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:10,615 And she's not my girlfriend. 110 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,884 Nobody does that anymore... People our age don't put labels 111 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,019 - on everything like you guys did. - That's just what 112 00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:17,155 two hot people do when they get together. 113 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:20,725 Uh, thank you for the creepy compliment, man. 114 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,460 Look, I just got into college, all right? 115 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,762 I don't have time for any of that serious stuff. 116 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,931 That's kind of how the kids are these days. 117 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,434 Except, of course, my daughter, the nerd. 118 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,136 Her and her boyfriend are taking things slow. 119 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,938 They study together, 120 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,140 watch movies in the dorm, 121 00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:37,742 you know, hang out as friends. 122 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,744 - Ha! - Ha! 123 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,081 - "Study together." - Hook up in the library. 124 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,249 - "Watch movies." - Hook up in his room. 125 00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:49,320 - "Hang out as friends." - Hook up in her room. 126 00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,888 Aw, damn! 127 00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:54,058 She's a chip off the old block. 128 00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:55,660 ARTHUR: You know, Franco, 129 00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,862 I think that your generation likes to keep things casual 130 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,198 because you, uh, you're afraid of getting rejected. 131 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,301 No, look, no, you just got to put yourself out there. 132 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,702 Look, that's how I got Joanie. 133 00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,903 - "Got Joanie"? - Yeah. 134 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:09,340 Like in exchange for a cow and bag of magic beans? 135 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,575 Well, laugh all you want, 136 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,777 but we were happily married for 45 years. 137 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,812 Well, as tempting as it is to take dating advice 138 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,814 from a bunch of single people over 50... 139 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,850 I'm cool with the way things are. 140 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,618 And Sofia is, too. 141 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:24,388 So if my daughter says she's "cramming for finals..." 142 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,357 You don't want to know. 143 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:43,117 Okay, rookie, let's go over a few simple procedures. 144 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,675 Tush, I'm a cop. 145 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,778 - I think I can handle this. - (laughs) 146 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,513 You may know the streets, 147 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:52,316 but an apartment lobby, whole different beast. 148 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,185 Okay, smart-ass, 149 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,387 tell me this... what is the highest threat 150 00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:59,891 to personal safety in this building right now? 151 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,994 It's feeling like this conversation. 152 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,362 The garage. 153 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,097 The perp waits behind a vehicle, 154 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:09,500 and then slips under the rolling door as it closes. 155 00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,669 Interesting. I was just gonna tell you 156 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,037 all the places you can nap 157 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,706 without being seen on the security cameras. 158 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,975 You nap on the job? 159 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,278 Pretty sweet way to make 20 bucks an hour, huh? 160 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,914 Wait. $20? 161 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,749 I'm making $17. 162 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,250 Really? 163 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:29,153 Well, maybe that's because I was the assistant floor manager 164 00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,422 at a tractor factory. 165 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:32,723 I'm a cop, 166 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:36,060 and a million times more qualified than you. 167 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,664 Just because I'm a man doesn't mean that wasn't hurtful. 168 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:43,167 Gee, I bet Fawz is paying me less because I'm a woman. 169 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:45,436 I can't wait to bust him on this. 170 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:49,006 Okay, but just keep this between you and Fawz. 171 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,408 I can't afford to get involved. 172 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,278 I need a job on my résumé that I didn't get fired from... 173 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,481 or start a fire at. 174 00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,218 So you're not gonna back me up on this? 175 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,352 No. 176 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,454 But don't let me stop you... 177 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,989 You should speak up for yourself. 178 00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,290 Back at the factory, 179 00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,025 I found out that other guys were making more than me, 180 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,961 so I marched into the boss's office 181 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,929 and I insisted on a raise. 182 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,865 - What happened? - A week later 183 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:17,768 they shut down the factory, moved everything to China. 184 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:21,239 Oh, my God, I cost 300 people their jobs. 185 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:24,609 Ooh, let's get Chinese tonight. 186 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,880 Okay, just a few ground rules. 187 00:07:31,097 --> 00:07:33,411 This area over here, off limits. 188 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,253 - That's the sink. - All right, 189 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,488 the sink is fine, but the rest... off limits. 190 00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,056 I have memorized 191 00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,159 every square inch of this place, and I expect to find it 192 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,060 - exactly the way I left it. - Okay. 193 00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:45,663 So, open bag of flour, next to a bucket 194 00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,324 of stale grease, on top of what looks like a shoe. 195 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,568 Oh, that's where my shoe went. 196 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,604 Also, don't use this chopping block 197 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,506 for anything other than chopping. 198 00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:58,009 Unless "chopping" means... (whistling) 199 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,012 In which case, no chopping. 200 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,681 Okay, I resent the fact that you think I would have sex 201 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,283 on your dirty-ass counter, all right? 202 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,451 I'm more of a walk-in freezer freak. 203 00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:09,453 All right, look, if she breaks the rules 204 00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,889 you might find it hard to lay down the law, see? 205 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:15,326 So all you got to do is bang on this pipe... 206 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,663 and I'll come running down from my apartment lickety-split. 207 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,198 Which also sounds like 208 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,000 something you shouldn't do on the cutting board. 209 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,869 Well, thank you, but I won't need your help. 210 00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:28,573 All right. Okay, so, you kids, uh, have fun. 211 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,174 Not a lot of fun. 212 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,610 In fact, don't have any fun. 213 00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,012 In fact, I'm taking this. 214 00:08:36,545 --> 00:08:37,678 I'll just, uh, 215 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,584 get out of your way. 216 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,820 Uh. Unless you want me in your way. 217 00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,288 'Cause I can do that, too. 218 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,456 First, I have 219 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,658 to make 20 pounds of arroz con pollo 220 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,126 and 200 empanadas. 221 00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,561 - (knocking) - Oh. 222 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,396 Good. That must be Joaquin. 223 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:56,133 - (gasps) Hola! ÿCómo estás? - Hola, guapa! 224 00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,735 JOAQUIN: Te ves súper bien. 225 00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,770 Disculpa que llegue tarde pero ya estoy aquí para ayudarte. 226 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,173 - No te preocupes. - Chicago te ha caído muy bien. 227 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,041 (laughing): Juaco! 228 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,576 Hola. 229 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,012 Who are you? 230 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,213 Uh, Franco, this is Joaquin. 231 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,581 He's gonna help me with the empanadas. 232 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,483 Joaquin, this is my friend Franco. 233 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,085 Friend? 234 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,420 I understand that word. Okay. 235 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,356 Um, so, how do you two know each other? 236 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,625 - We used to work at a restaurant in Madison. - We were dating 237 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,860 up until this one picked up and moved to Chicago. 238 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,328 But now Joaquin's moving here. 239 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:27,231 He's opening up his own restaurant. 240 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,633 You're moving here? 241 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,968 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, that sounds kind of risky. Don't you think? 242 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:34,805 Like, I wouldn't call Chicago an "eating" town, you know? 243 00:09:46,075 --> 00:09:48,508 ÿPor qué llegó este muchacho aquí si no va a ayudar? 244 00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:50,343 Ah, él trabaja aquí. 245 00:09:50,345 --> 00:09:51,577 Uh, el patrón le preguntó 246 00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:54,247 que si podía venir... (continues indistinctly) 247 00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:56,883 Me gusta su chaqueta. ÿAdónde la compró Franco? 248 00:09:56,885 --> 00:09:59,218 Whoo! Heard my name. Heard Franco. I heard my name. 249 00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:02,021 Uh... wh-what'd he say about me? 250 00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:03,923 He wants to know where you got your jacket. 251 00:10:03,925 --> 00:10:05,525 (scoffs) Forever 21. 252 00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:08,628 Please do not translate that. 253 00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,396 No, no. I got it. 254 00:10:11,719 --> 00:10:13,733 That's nice ink you got there, man. What are you, a... 255 00:10:13,735 --> 00:10:15,001 a baseball fan? 256 00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:17,036 Played a couple of seasons for the Brewers. 257 00:10:17,038 --> 00:10:18,371 Just the minor leagues. 258 00:10:18,373 --> 00:10:20,239 - Oh. - That's where the modeling agency found me. 259 00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:23,381 (chuckles) You're a model, a chef, 260 00:10:23,416 --> 00:10:26,125 and a baseball player... You know, it sounds to me 261 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,915 like you're having trouble finding who you are, Joaquin. 262 00:10:29,784 --> 00:10:31,684 - (knocking) - Oh, that's the door. 263 00:10:31,686 --> 00:10:33,052 I'm gonna get it. 264 00:10:33,922 --> 00:10:35,755 Coming! 265 00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:38,958 Oh, man. 266 00:10:40,362 --> 00:10:41,928 - Yo. I got your text. - Yeah. 267 00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:43,396 Where's Sofia? 268 00:10:43,398 --> 00:10:46,032 And what's a Jo-quinn? 269 00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:48,468 It's this dude she used to go out with in Wisconsin, 270 00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:49,669 and now he's moving here. 271 00:10:49,671 --> 00:10:51,668 But you know what? Maybe it's nothing. 272 00:10:51,703 --> 00:10:54,240 - Just take a look and let me know what you think. - Come on, man. 273 00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:57,410 You're Franco Wicks. This guy can't compete with you. 274 00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:01,647 You really have to get in there and massage it. 275 00:11:02,254 --> 00:11:04,650 - That dude's gotta go. - I know. 276 00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:07,186 But I can't kick him out. 277 00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,689 Sofia's gonna be pissed off at me. 278 00:11:09,691 --> 00:11:11,724 But I do know somebody who doesn't mind 279 00:11:11,726 --> 00:11:14,360 being the bad guy. 280 00:11:15,964 --> 00:11:17,997 Yo. This is Sweatpants. 281 00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:19,365 'Sup? 282 00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,767 So, uh, sorry to interrupt, 283 00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:22,368 but Arthur told me to check on things 284 00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:23,603 every once in a while. 285 00:11:23,605 --> 00:11:25,872 So, uh, counter... good. 286 00:11:25,874 --> 00:11:28,408 Mm, desk... still desky. 287 00:11:28,410 --> 00:11:30,309 And, uh, let me check these pipes. 288 00:11:30,311 --> 00:11:33,613 You know, sometimes they get clogged up. 289 00:11:33,615 --> 00:11:35,314 Nope, all clear. 290 00:11:35,316 --> 00:11:36,749 Y'all good to go. Carry on. 291 00:11:37,309 --> 00:11:38,684 SWEATPANTS: Oh, last thing, 292 00:11:38,686 --> 00:11:39,886 Arthur doesn't like it when there's two people 293 00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:41,087 on the same side of the counter, 294 00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:42,822 so we gotta... 295 00:11:42,824 --> 00:11:47,527 Ooh, damn. You are solid. 296 00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:49,195 Bet you got a seis pack, huh? 297 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,831 That's Spanish for "six-pack." 298 00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:53,833 I think he knows, Sweatpants, let's go. 299 00:11:55,804 --> 00:11:57,904 Randy, I got your text. 300 00:11:57,906 --> 00:12:00,473 What's the emergency? Do I get to evict someone? 301 00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:04,343 I mean, do I have to evict someone? 302 00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:09,248 So, you're paying Tush $20 an hour, and me 17. 303 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,350 Is that because I'm a woman? 304 00:12:11,352 --> 00:12:14,854 Well... yes. 305 00:12:16,157 --> 00:12:18,602 But that's because men have to take care of their families. 306 00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:21,894 I have a daughter. Who's Tush supporting? 307 00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:23,329 She's got you there. 308 00:12:23,331 --> 00:12:26,132 I have no one. 309 00:12:26,134 --> 00:12:28,968 Well, Tush started before you... he has seniority. 310 00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:30,069 Three days. 311 00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:31,137 And he spent one of them 312 00:12:31,139 --> 00:12:34,140 stuck in a stairwell. 313 00:12:34,142 --> 00:12:36,509 You've got some pretty tough locks here. 314 00:12:36,511 --> 00:12:38,478 I'm not sure why you need us. 315 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,914 Look, women in this country make 82 cents to the dollar 316 00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:43,249 compared to men. 317 00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:44,684 I'm paying you 85. 318 00:12:44,686 --> 00:12:47,820 #resist, #thatswhatshesaid. 319 00:12:47,822 --> 00:12:50,957 Fawz, you have got to make this right. 320 00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:52,959 Equal pay for equal work. 321 00:12:52,961 --> 00:12:56,395 Fine. Tush, now you're making 17. 322 00:12:56,397 --> 00:12:57,964 Wait, what? 323 00:12:57,966 --> 00:13:00,099 Randy, I said keep me out of this. 324 00:13:00,101 --> 00:13:01,467 If you want to pay him less 325 00:13:01,469 --> 00:13:02,435 because he's a dope, 326 00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:03,870 that's your business. 327 00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:06,439 But if you can afford to pay $20 an hour, 328 00:13:06,441 --> 00:13:08,474 then you can afford to pay me that. 329 00:13:08,476 --> 00:13:11,043 Sorry. I if you don't like it, you're free to walk. 330 00:13:11,045 --> 00:13:12,378 #takeitorleaveit, 331 00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,146 Hashtag "if you're gonna leave it let me know, 332 00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:15,681 I gotta find someone else." 333 00:13:19,722 --> 00:13:20,520 Asi esta bien? 334 00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:25,391 No. Mas despacito. Tienes que tener paciencia. 335 00:13:25,393 --> 00:13:26,425 Okay. 336 00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,796 You know, I don't know what they're saying, 337 00:13:30,798 --> 00:13:34,200 but, damn, that's a sexy-ass language. 338 00:13:34,202 --> 00:13:35,601 This part gets a little messy, 339 00:13:35,603 --> 00:13:38,938 and I'm meeting with friends later, so... 340 00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:41,407 Hey, there's an apron right there, man. 341 00:13:42,582 --> 00:13:43,109 ARTHUR: Hey, what... 342 00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:45,077 What the hell's going on here? 343 00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:47,647 Who's this? 344 00:13:47,649 --> 00:13:49,682 This is my friend, Joaquin. He's helping me. 345 00:13:49,684 --> 00:13:52,184 Oh, nice to meet you, Joaquin. 346 00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:54,720 Aren't you the spicy enchilada? 347 00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:58,457 He's not allowed to be here. Get out. 348 00:13:58,459 --> 00:14:01,294 - What? - I was very clear... just you and Franco. 349 00:14:01,296 --> 00:14:03,195 This is Barbara O'Bannon all over again. 350 00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:04,797 No, no, no, no, no, no. 351 00:14:04,799 --> 00:14:06,566 No, I need him. There's no way I can 352 00:14:06,568 --> 00:14:08,267 make the empanadas without him. 353 00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:10,703 Look, you knew the deal... either he goes or you go. 354 00:14:10,705 --> 00:14:12,505 Seriously? 355 00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:14,807 Okay, I'm so sorry. 356 00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:15,675 Let me walk you out. 357 00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:17,443 - Esta bien. - Okay. 358 00:14:18,188 --> 00:14:20,146 Hey, yo, Joaquin, you still going out, 359 00:14:20,148 --> 00:14:21,981 to, like, a club? 360 00:14:21,983 --> 00:14:24,884 And might it be a plus-one situation? 361 00:14:24,886 --> 00:14:27,119 Man, I'm sorry I woke you up, man, 362 00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:28,220 but I know you wouldn't like some stranger 363 00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:29,589 - messing with your stuff, you know? - Yeah. 364 00:14:29,591 --> 00:14:32,124 Looks like he was messing with your stuff. 365 00:14:32,126 --> 00:14:33,459 But you're not jealous, right? 366 00:14:33,461 --> 00:14:36,329 I mean, you two are just "hooking up," right? 367 00:14:36,331 --> 00:14:37,563 You don't know what you're talking about. 368 00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:38,998 It's a little more complicated than that. 369 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,267 Well, it wouldn't be if you knew where you stood with her. 370 00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:43,769 I-I-I'm just saying. 371 00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,242 Hola, guapa. 372 00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:52,578 Yo, I'm sorry about Arthur, 373 00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:54,191 but you know how he gets sometimes. 374 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:54,914 - Yeah. - Yeah. 375 00:14:54,916 --> 00:14:56,616 It's so crazy that he... 376 00:14:56,618 --> 00:14:58,951 that he came down here for no reason. 377 00:14:58,953 --> 00:15:00,219 - Yeah. - Yeah. 378 00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,023 What now, kid? Oh... 379 00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:06,659 She found out about the pipe thing? 380 00:15:06,661 --> 00:15:08,861 Mm-hmm, yeah. Maybe we should text next time. 381 00:15:08,863 --> 00:15:10,296 Yeah, maybe. 382 00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:11,931 I don't believe you. 383 00:15:11,933 --> 00:15:13,666 Why did you get rid of Joaquin? 384 00:15:13,668 --> 00:15:15,101 He took off his shirt. You know, 385 00:15:15,103 --> 00:15:17,336 the food could have got contaminated with, like, 386 00:15:17,338 --> 00:15:19,872 you know, chest hair and cologne and... 387 00:15:19,874 --> 00:15:21,941 That is crap, and you know it. 388 00:15:21,943 --> 00:15:23,476 I thought I was just doing you a favor. 389 00:15:23,478 --> 00:15:24,944 So, hey, if you don't want me here, I'll just leave. 390 00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:27,580 Whoa. Where do you think you're going? 391 00:15:27,582 --> 00:15:29,048 I thought you was pissed off at me. 392 00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:32,485 I am, but I still have 200 empanadas to make, 393 00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:34,487 and you just kicked out my only helper. 394 00:15:34,489 --> 00:15:35,888 So grab an apron. 395 00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:38,624 I don't know how to make empanadas. 396 00:15:38,626 --> 00:15:41,227 Well, figure it out. 397 00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:42,995 Because if I don't pull off this gig, 398 00:15:42,997 --> 00:15:44,530 I'm going to make you pay for it 399 00:15:44,532 --> 00:15:46,632 for the rest of your life! 400 00:15:46,634 --> 00:15:49,001 I'll stay. That's my choice. 401 00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:51,737 I'm terrified, but that is my choice. 402 00:16:02,196 --> 00:16:04,429 Oh, my God, these look terrible. 403 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:07,365 They look nothing like Joaquin's... I'm dead. 404 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,700 Hey, look, stop panicking. 405 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,535 He's not the only one who knows how to make these. 406 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,437 I'm gonna go on YouTube and find a tutorial. 407 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,905 And there we go. 408 00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:15,874 Two million hits. The Shirtless Chef. 409 00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:19,511 And... it's Joaquin. God... 410 00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:20,612 What is up with you? 411 00:16:20,614 --> 00:16:22,514 Why are you being all jealous? 412 00:16:22,516 --> 00:16:23,815 I'm not jealous, I just don't like seeing you 413 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,150 with some other guy here. 414 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,552 That's literally the definition of jealous. 415 00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,389 - You're being so territorial. - What? 416 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,125 I just don't like him all up in my space. 417 00:16:33,127 --> 00:16:36,628 Which is the definition of "territorial." 418 00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:39,965 Buy a damn dictionary. 419 00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:42,868 And I don't... I thought we were just having fun. 420 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:44,102 It's not like we're dating. 421 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,838 Maybe we should date. 422 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,675 What? 423 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,979 Sofia, I like you. I like you a lot. 424 00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:56,648 All right? And I want to take you on a date. 425 00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,550 I want to pay for dinner, 426 00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,153 and when it gets cold, I want to give you my coat. 427 00:17:02,008 --> 00:17:03,255 I have a coat. 428 00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,324 Maybe you forgot your coat. 429 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,425 Maybe you didn't think the carriage ride 430 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,760 would be so chilly, and you was like, 431 00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:09,895 "Oh, it's a chilly carriage ride, let me get a coat." 432 00:17:09,897 --> 00:17:10,996 I'm like, "Here take the coat." 433 00:17:10,998 --> 00:17:13,532 I don't know, it was Arthur's idea. 434 00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,544 Franco, I think you're awesome 435 00:17:16,579 --> 00:17:18,904 and amazing, and I really like you. 436 00:17:18,906 --> 00:17:21,873 But I just can't right now. 437 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,742 You know, I-I-I just, I don't have room 438 00:17:23,744 --> 00:17:25,377 for a relationship with anyone. 439 00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,845 I have big plans for my business. 440 00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:29,347 A food truck, then catering, 441 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,583 and then a restaurant. 442 00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:32,918 And you know what that's like. 443 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,520 You have big plans, too. 444 00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:39,191 (sighs) Yeah, I do. Yeah. 445 00:17:39,193 --> 00:17:40,892 And who knows, I mean, 446 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,495 maybe someday, when we're not so busy, 447 00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:46,298 we can go on that carriage ride. 448 00:17:47,259 --> 00:17:49,334 - Really? - Yeah. 449 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,103 I'm dying to see how that whole coat thing works. 450 00:17:55,243 --> 00:17:57,309 And you know, just so you know, 451 00:17:57,311 --> 00:18:01,379 that whole bulked-up, muscly vibe... 452 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,614 it's not really my thing. 453 00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:05,050 See? It's so played out, right? Yeah. 454 00:18:05,052 --> 00:18:07,122 You want a guy you can beat in arm wrestling. 455 00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,053 - You know what I mean? - Yeah. 456 00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:09,633 A dude you can give a piggyback ride to. 457 00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:10,634 - Yeah. - Yeah. 458 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,190 You want a guy you can share your jeans with. 459 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:16,061 And I know that 'cause I tried 'em on when you were in the shower. 460 00:18:16,063 --> 00:18:19,497 Which was weird. I knew it was wrong when I did it. 461 00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:24,803 - So, how did it go last night? - SWEATPANTS: Not great. 462 00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:26,271 When I showed up at the club, 463 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:29,674 Joaquin pretended like he didn't even know me. 464 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,243 I-I was talking to Franco. 465 00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:34,412 Franco, how did it go after I got rid of Joaquin for you? 466 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,780 Well, I took your advice and I told Sofia 467 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,582 that I wanted a relationship. 468 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:40,485 - And? - She doesn't. 469 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,587 Well, good. You made some progress. 470 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,122 How the hell is that progress? 471 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,590 1971. 472 00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:47,559 - Oh, man... - Ernie Menchilla. 473 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,794 The poker king of uptown. 474 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,363 I asked Joanie to be my best gal, 475 00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:53,398 but she was so mesmerized by Ernie and his accordion, 476 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,699 she barely knew I existed. 477 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,901 But I hung in there, see, 478 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:59,104 and eventually everything went my way. 479 00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:01,506 You just gotta be a little patient. 480 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,009 Okay. All right. 481 00:19:04,011 --> 00:19:05,944 Wait, so what happened to that other guy? 482 00:19:05,946 --> 00:19:10,382 Well, let's just say we never saw him again. 483 00:19:11,111 --> 00:19:13,652 Arthur, did you kill Ernie? 484 00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:16,721 I was just trying to sound badass. 485 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:19,224 He moved to Delaware. 486 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:22,327 Oh, Fawz, I've been looking for you. 487 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,795 - You have? - Yup. 488 00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:25,864 Something occurred to me last night. 489 00:19:25,866 --> 00:19:27,666 The reason women earn less 490 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,901 is because we never talk about pay, 491 00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:31,403 so we never know if it's equal. 492 00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:33,672 I agree, it's a great system. 493 00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,640 What's your point? 494 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,143 I called all your female employees... 495 00:19:38,145 --> 00:19:40,979 from your real estate office, your travel agency, 496 00:19:40,981 --> 00:19:42,480 and your dry cleaners. 497 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,250 Now they all know that the men get paid more 498 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,986 for doing the exact same job. 499 00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:50,355 Oh, well, if they have a problem, 500 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,489 they should come see me. 501 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:55,293 Oh, well, lucky for you they're outside. 502 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,328 Ladies? 503 00:19:57,918 --> 00:20:00,131 Linda? Tiffanie? 504 00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:03,768 You... from the travel agency? 505 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,303 We want a raise. 506 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,038 - WOMEN: Yeah... Right... - What? 507 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,007 No. Especially not Linda. 508 00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:11,743 She just took three days off to have a baby. 509 00:20:12,761 --> 00:20:16,114 I wasn't gonna get involved, but right is right. 510 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:17,549 Aw, thank you, Tush. 511 00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:20,952 Dammit, these gals deserve a raise and maternity leave. 512 00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:22,620 And it wouldn't kill you to pay us a compliment 513 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,890 every once in a while... they're free. 514 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,660 Wait a minute, if you're all here, who's minding my stores? 515 00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,762 All those well-paid men. 516 00:20:30,764 --> 00:20:34,232 What? No, they're idiots. 517 00:20:35,323 --> 00:20:37,969 Well, that's all you got left. 518 00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:41,306 Ladies, sit, have a donut. 519 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,808 Don't mind if I do. 520 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,176 Okay, okay, fine, fine. 521 00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:47,545 I will pay you exactly the same as the men. 522 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,314 All right. 523 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:52,751 Which is still 20% below the industry average. 524 00:20:52,753 --> 00:20:55,186 Come on, I need a win here. 525 00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:57,822 All right, we'll take it. 526 00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,057 Okay, great, come on, back to work. 527 00:20:59,059 --> 00:21:00,925 Back to work, let's go. Come on, come on. 528 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,928 And, Linda, please, no more breastfeeding during lunch. 529 00:21:04,351 --> 00:21:05,730 We have a closet for that. 530 00:21:29,842 --> 00:21:31,863 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com