1
00:00:03,326 --> 00:00:04,408
Oh, God.
2
00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:05,783
That's pretty rough.
3
00:00:05,829 --> 00:00:07,295
Arthur, it's just your reflection.
4
00:00:07,297 --> 00:00:08,629
We all get old.
5
00:00:10,133 --> 00:00:13,534
No, the cops are busting some
guy for selling stolen watches.
6
00:00:13,536 --> 00:00:14,736
Ooh, a bust?
7
00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:16,304
Let me see.
8
00:00:16,306 --> 00:00:17,472
Oh, yep.
9
00:00:17,474 --> 00:00:19,140
That guy looks like a runner.
10
00:00:19,142 --> 00:00:20,875
Better put the cuffs on him!
11
00:00:20,877 --> 00:00:21,909
- Oh!
- Ah!
12
00:00:21,911 --> 00:00:23,511
There he goes. I knew it!
13
00:00:23,904 --> 00:00:25,480
- Whoa!
- Oh.
14
00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:27,749
Hey, is that Harry?
15
00:00:27,751 --> 00:00:29,484
Did you get out of prison?
16
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,854
Officer,
you better give him a cavity search.
17
00:00:32,856 --> 00:00:35,823
That's where he keeps the Rolexes.
18
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:40,528
- (sighs)
- You've been on leave for how long, six months?
19
00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:42,497
You look like you
really miss the action.
20
00:00:42,499 --> 00:00:43,731
I miss it a little.
21
00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,733
But I don't miss all that paperwork.
22
00:00:45,735 --> 00:00:48,369
And trying to dodge a bullet every day.
23
00:00:48,371 --> 00:00:49,403
Well, what's worse? Dodging a bullet
24
00:00:49,405 --> 00:00:50,404
or listening to Arthur rant
25
00:00:50,406 --> 00:00:53,274
about how one-percent milk is a scam?
26
00:00:54,811 --> 00:00:58,045
Randy, do you think
this woman's attractive?
27
00:00:58,047 --> 00:01:02,450
Well, it's not often you
see a lady smoking a pipe.
28
00:01:02,452 --> 00:01:06,053
I met her on this new dating
app called Pipe-Smokers.
29
00:01:06,055 --> 00:01:07,889
I thought it was gonna
be something else.
30
00:01:07,891 --> 00:01:09,924
- But now I'm into it.
- Oh.
31
00:01:09,926 --> 00:01:12,226
Really, Tush? Is that your thing?
32
00:01:12,228 --> 00:01:15,429
When it comes to dating,
everything's my thing.
33
00:01:15,431 --> 00:01:17,231
It's all about volume.
34
00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:19,066
I'm also on Chicago Singles,
35
00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:22,703
Rodeo Folk, and Gotta be Amish.
36
00:01:22,705 --> 00:01:24,105
Any nibbles?
37
00:01:24,107 --> 00:01:26,707
Oh, yeah. I'm on Any Nibbles as well.
38
00:01:27,544 --> 00:01:29,811
Hey, Fawz, what the hell is this doing
39
00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:31,245
in the front of your store?
40
00:01:31,247 --> 00:01:33,548
You don't like it?
I'm celebrating Black History Day.
41
00:01:33,549 --> 00:01:34,449
_
42
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:36,651
First of all, it's Black History Month.
43
00:01:36,653 --> 00:01:38,986
Yikes. Give them an inch.
44
00:01:41,324 --> 00:01:42,290
What's this?
45
00:01:42,292 --> 00:01:45,193
SOFIA: "Malcolm X-tra Big Savings."
46
00:01:45,195 --> 00:01:47,361
- It's not cool, dude.
- FAWZ: Fine.
47
00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:51,532
I'll change it to
"We Charge Frederick Doug-less".
48
00:01:51,534 --> 00:01:54,101
No. That's what I hate about
Black History Month, man.
49
00:01:54,103 --> 00:01:56,170
People just paying lip
service to make some money.
50
00:01:56,172 --> 00:01:58,239
Like when these companies
hire a gospel choir
51
00:01:58,241 --> 00:02:00,441
in their commercials to
sell some chicken nuggets.
52
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:01,976
Or the place down the street
53
00:02:01,978 --> 00:02:04,745
doing the Harriet Tubman Escape Room.
54
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,715
The white people got a map.
55
00:02:09,052 --> 00:02:11,686
Don't worry. The business
council is putting up banners
56
00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:14,121
featuring four icons of black history.
57
00:02:14,123 --> 00:02:16,190
- Rosa Parks, MLK...
- MLK,
58
00:02:16,192 --> 00:02:18,359
George Washington Carver
and Harriet Tubman.
59
00:02:18,361 --> 00:02:19,148
How'd you know?
60
00:02:19,162 --> 00:02:21,696
Those are the same four
people recognized every year.
61
00:02:21,698 --> 00:02:23,397
And I appreciate the effort,
Sofia, I do,
62
00:02:23,399 --> 00:02:25,633
but there's so much more to
black history than just that.
63
00:02:25,635 --> 00:02:28,069
People don't know about
the unsung heroes,
64
00:02:28,071 --> 00:02:30,238
like Wesley Snipes.
65
00:02:31,674 --> 00:02:34,108
First black vampire?
66
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,676
Oh, oh, you're right.
67
00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:38,779
Eddie Murphy. Vampire in Brooklyn.
68
00:02:38,781 --> 00:02:40,248
You know, Franco, you got to give us
69
00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:41,782
a little more credit than that.
70
00:02:41,784 --> 00:02:43,584
We know something about black history.
71
00:02:43,586 --> 00:02:44,785
- Yeah.
- Oh?
72
00:02:44,787 --> 00:02:46,454
You-you know something
about black history?
73
00:02:46,456 --> 00:02:47,722
All right, okay, well,
let's see how many
74
00:02:47,724 --> 00:02:49,156
black historical figures
you guys can name
75
00:02:49,158 --> 00:02:50,958
in about 30 seconds.
Sweatpants, time it.
76
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:51,893
Okay, go.
77
00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:53,594
Michael Jordan, Walter Payton.
78
00:02:53,596 --> 00:02:54,695
No athletes.
79
00:02:55,223 --> 00:02:56,163
I got one.
80
00:02:56,165 --> 00:02:57,665
O.J. Simpson.
81
00:02:58,601 --> 00:03:00,701
But for his acting.
82
00:03:00,703 --> 00:03:03,304
I'll allow it.
83
00:03:03,306 --> 00:03:05,539
Marcus Garvey, Charles Drew.
84
00:03:05,541 --> 00:03:06,807
Hey, if you name one more,
85
00:03:06,809 --> 00:03:08,809
you get an honorary black girl name.
86
00:03:08,811 --> 00:03:10,678
Madam C.J. Walker.
87
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,613
Oh, damn, Yashika. Okay.
88
00:03:13,349 --> 00:03:14,582
Ten seconds.
89
00:03:14,584 --> 00:03:16,517
Uh, the first black astronaut!
90
00:03:16,519 --> 00:03:18,119
I need an actual name, Fawz.
91
00:03:18,121 --> 00:03:20,121
Uh, Darth Vader?
92
00:03:22,558 --> 00:03:24,091
Time's up.
93
00:03:24,093 --> 00:03:25,726
That was pathetic.
There's so many people
94
00:03:25,728 --> 00:03:27,094
y'all should be knowing about.
95
00:03:27,096 --> 00:03:29,563
Writers, engineers, inventors.
96
00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:31,832
You know something?
97
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:33,801
I'm gonna bring in
somebody to teach y'all
98
00:03:33,803 --> 00:03:36,270
about the parts of black history
y'all know nothing about.
99
00:03:36,272 --> 00:03:38,873
Did you say "know nothing about"
or "care nothing about"?
100
00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:41,008
Because there's a lot of overlap.
101
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:43,144
I'm gonna make you care. And, look,
102
00:03:43,146 --> 00:03:44,879
I know we have a long way to go,
103
00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:46,280
but hearing these
stories from these icons,
104
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:48,349
- it makes me want to keep fighting.
- (phone vibrating)
105
00:03:48,351 --> 00:03:52,553
Oh. Sounds like I got a match.
106
00:03:52,555 --> 00:03:55,489
Her name is Amber Alert.
107
00:03:57,193 --> 00:04:01,128
I don't know why I need
her license plate number.
108
00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:03,864
But you damn right I'll
be on the lookout for her.
109
00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:05,366
(scoffs)
110
00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:07,635
♪ ♪
111
00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:21,570
Howdy, partners.
112
00:04:21,572 --> 00:04:24,440
If we don't ask, he won't say anything.
113
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,742
I'm meeting a date here for coffee.
114
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:30,212
Problem is, I can't remember
if I met her on Rodeo Folk
115
00:04:30,214 --> 00:04:32,714
or JDate.
116
00:04:32,716 --> 00:04:34,850
From rib eye to rabbi.
117
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,786
RANDY: So,
what do you know about this woman?
118
00:04:37,788 --> 00:04:39,154
Her name is Paula Hendricks.
119
00:04:39,156 --> 00:04:41,290
She's a real looker
from the shoulders up.
120
00:04:41,292 --> 00:04:44,693
I hope she has arms,
but it's not a deal breaker.
121
00:04:45,164 --> 00:04:48,530
So you didn't look her up online,
do a little research?
122
00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:50,065
No, I like the mystery.
123
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:53,702
Maybe she's just got one arm...
that could be fun.
124
00:04:53,704 --> 00:04:57,272
I've been a cop for 20 years,
and you have to be very careful
125
00:04:57,274 --> 00:04:59,508
if you're gonna be poking
around on the Internet.
126
00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:00,909
You don't know this woman.
127
00:05:00,911 --> 00:05:05,481
She could end up stealing your identity,
or your kidney.
128
00:05:05,483 --> 00:05:09,751
Trust me, there's only one
organ she's gonna be gettin'.
129
00:05:10,554 --> 00:05:13,222
That's right, my heart.
130
00:05:15,545 --> 00:05:18,460
Oh, there she is. Take this.
131
00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:21,663
- Carl?
- Hey there, little lady.
132
00:05:21,665 --> 00:05:23,899
You can call me Tush. (chuckles)
133
00:05:23,901 --> 00:05:25,567
I don't like this.
134
00:05:25,569 --> 00:05:26,636
Tush is just too trusting.
135
00:05:26,708 --> 00:05:29,508
I'm gonna see what the
Internet has to say
136
00:05:29,510 --> 00:05:32,034
about Paula Hendricks.
137
00:05:32,069 --> 00:05:32,945
ARTHUR: Yeah.
138
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:36,151
She gave Taco Express five stars.
139
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,688
So we know she smokes weed.
140
00:05:40,993 --> 00:05:41,990
All right, so, uh,
141
00:05:41,992 --> 00:05:44,044
I just tracked down
Colin Powell's number
142
00:05:44,079 --> 00:05:46,428
to see if he can come speak,
and he just got back to me.
143
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:49,498
- What'd he say?
- "New phone. Who dis?"
144
00:05:51,346 --> 00:05:52,935
You know,
there's this guy at my nursing home
145
00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:55,070
who's always talking about
how he played baseball
146
00:05:55,072 --> 00:05:56,271
in the Negro Leagues.
147
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,272
- Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.
148
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,974
- Hey, that could be dope.
- Wait a minute,
149
00:05:58,976 --> 00:06:00,409
you said no athletes.
150
00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:02,845
But this dude is different...
He's a witness to history.
151
00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,770
Oh, my God.
Yo, he might have known Jackie Robinson.
152
00:06:05,805 --> 00:06:06,882
You know, growing up, that was my hero.
153
00:06:06,884 --> 00:06:08,684
I used to wear a number 42 jersey.
154
00:06:08,686 --> 00:06:10,853
- Hey, you think he'd come for 80 bucks?
- Probably.
155
00:06:10,855 --> 00:06:13,689
He'll make his own bed if
you give him extra bacon.
156
00:06:15,526 --> 00:06:18,093
(Paula laughing loudly)
157
00:06:18,095 --> 00:06:20,329
Well, that can't be real.
158
00:06:21,432 --> 00:06:23,031
And neither can Paula Hendricks.
159
00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,067
It's like she's hiding something.
160
00:06:25,069 --> 00:06:29,104
She's not on Twitter,
Facebook or Instagram.
161
00:06:29,106 --> 00:06:30,606
Have you tried the phone book?
162
00:06:30,608 --> 00:06:32,975
Why? You think she's hiding in 1970?
163
00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:34,409
(grumbles)
164
00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:36,879
I've got to feed the meter
before we have lunch.
165
00:06:36,881 --> 00:06:38,914
All right, I'll see you outside.
166
00:06:40,084 --> 00:06:43,852
Uh, so... now you're going out to lunch?
167
00:06:43,854 --> 00:06:45,888
Look, be careful, Tush.
168
00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,556
Something's off about her.
169
00:06:47,558 --> 00:06:50,492
Yeah, hopefully her top and her pants.
170
00:06:50,931 --> 00:06:52,528
Well, I'm gonna do a little digging.
171
00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:54,897
I hope I get to do a little diggin'.
172
00:06:55,691 --> 00:06:58,167
Look, Randy, I appreciate your concern,
173
00:06:58,169 --> 00:07:00,903
but don't ruin this for me.
174
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,176
(whispers): What are you doing?
175
00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:09,444
I'm gonna take this down
to my friend at the lab
176
00:07:09,446 --> 00:07:11,146
and get her fingerprints.
177
00:07:11,148 --> 00:07:12,447
Wish me luck.
178
00:07:12,449 --> 00:07:13,549
She's gonna murder you.
179
00:07:13,551 --> 00:07:16,585
Eh. As long as we have sex first.
180
00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:20,622
Wow, nice banner.
181
00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:21,957
Did you make that yourself?
182
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,778
Yeah, had to. Could only find one person
183
00:07:24,813 --> 00:07:27,029
who was willing to print the word
"Negro" on a banner,
184
00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:30,098
and that dude was way
too excited about it.
185
00:07:30,562 --> 00:07:32,134
Hey. What's up, y'all?
186
00:07:32,136 --> 00:07:33,669
I invited some of the kids
187
00:07:33,671 --> 00:07:35,804
from my old Little League
team to come meet Wheels.
188
00:07:35,806 --> 00:07:37,306
He's gonna motivate
'em to follow their dreams,
189
00:07:37,308 --> 00:07:39,308
and who knows,
one of 'em might end up being
190
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:41,276
- the next black president.
- SWEATPANTS: Hey, hey, hey,
191
00:07:41,278 --> 00:07:45,347
everybody, meet Wheels Langdon!
192
00:07:45,349 --> 00:07:47,149
(chuckles)
193
00:07:47,151 --> 00:07:48,684
(whispering):
They call him Wheels because he's fast,
194
00:07:48,686 --> 00:07:49,918
not because he's in a wheelchair.
195
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,120
That's just sadly ironic.
196
00:07:52,122 --> 00:07:55,757
Hey, I can hear you, jackass.
197
00:07:56,566 --> 00:07:58,493
- It's a pleasure meeting you, sir.
- Listen,
198
00:07:58,495 --> 00:08:00,729
I-I'm sorry you had to
come through the back door.
199
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,965
Yeah, that's the first time
anybody's made me do that
200
00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:04,700
in 60 years.
201
00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:07,502
No, no, I...
I mean we don't have a ramp.
202
00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:09,137
Oh, I'm just messing with you.
203
00:08:09,139 --> 00:08:11,273
- I know you're not a racist.
- No.
204
00:08:11,275 --> 00:08:13,375
You just hate cripples.
205
00:08:14,292 --> 00:08:18,146
Uh, well, you guys do take
all the good parking spaces.
206
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:20,916
Anyway, let's get started, kids.
207
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,718
- Gather round. Come on, come on.
- Ooh.
208
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,019
Do we get free donuts?
209
00:08:24,021 --> 00:08:26,021
Even better...
you get to meet a real-life hero
210
00:08:26,023 --> 00:08:27,889
who's gonna tell you
about his amazing life.
211
00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:30,125
Everybody, put your hands together
212
00:08:30,127 --> 00:08:32,261
for Mr. Wheels Langdon!
213
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:33,996
Wheels Langdon!
214
00:08:33,998 --> 00:08:35,831
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
215
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:39,034
Listen up, there was a time
in history when black people
216
00:08:39,036 --> 00:08:40,836
weren't even allowed to
play in the big leagues.
217
00:08:40,838 --> 00:08:43,071
But Jackie Robinson was the first.
218
00:08:43,073 --> 00:08:45,507
Now, tell us, sir,
did you ever meet him?
219
00:08:45,509 --> 00:08:46,975
(chuckles): Meet him?
220
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:49,578
I used to play against him all the time.
221
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,766
Oh! Whoo! Oh, see?
222
00:08:51,801 --> 00:08:53,815
He played against him all the time,
the great Jackie Robinson.
223
00:08:53,817 --> 00:08:56,818
All right, man, so tell us,
what was he like?
224
00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:59,921
Oh, Jackie?
He was a big-time ballplayer.
225
00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:01,089
Yeah, he was.
226
00:09:01,091 --> 00:09:03,358
And an even bigger S.O.B.
227
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:10,832
Which stands for Super
Outstanding Ballplayer.
228
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,969
No, no. He was a weasel, a real suck-up.
229
00:09:15,239 --> 00:09:17,239
- Franco. May I?
- Mm-hmm.
230
00:09:17,241 --> 00:09:19,041
Mr. Langdon, tell us, what was it like
231
00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,809
going from the Jim Crow era
232
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:23,345
to seeing our first black president?
233
00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:25,647
(chuckles): Yeah,
the first and the last.
234
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,316
What?
235
00:09:27,318 --> 00:09:29,551
Well, they gave us one
just to shut us up.
236
00:09:30,154 --> 00:09:32,354
After that, white people got so mad
237
00:09:32,356 --> 00:09:37,225
at having a black president
that they elected an orange one.
238
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:43,365
And so orange is the new black.
239
00:09:47,071 --> 00:09:49,671
Who wants free donuts?
240
00:10:01,361 --> 00:10:03,907
Nice job, kid. You found the one person
241
00:10:03,909 --> 00:10:05,776
in America who doesn't
like Jackie Robinson.
242
00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:09,212
Maybe you can round up some
Vietcong for Veterans Day.
243
00:10:10,983 --> 00:10:12,215
Hey.
244
00:10:12,217 --> 00:10:14,484
What exactly is your problem
with Jackie Robinson?
245
00:10:14,486 --> 00:10:15,819
He ruined everything.
246
00:10:15,821 --> 00:10:18,055
I had it good in the Negro Leagues.
247
00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:20,190
Made a decent living.
248
00:10:20,192 --> 00:10:22,492
And the women...
249
00:10:23,444 --> 00:10:25,028
- What's your point?
- Well, when Jackie
250
00:10:25,030 --> 00:10:27,864
went to the majors,
that was the end of the Negro Leagues.
251
00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:29,533
I was out of a job.
252
00:10:29,535 --> 00:10:32,369
Didn't even get my own baseball card.
253
00:10:32,371 --> 00:10:33,804
You mean nobody picked
you up for the majors?
254
00:10:33,806 --> 00:10:36,807
They should have,
but I didn't kiss enough ass.
255
00:10:36,809 --> 00:10:39,643
Although there was a
lady in Kansas City.
256
00:10:39,645 --> 00:10:41,345
- Yeah, okay.
- FRANCO: Okay, okay.
257
00:10:41,347 --> 00:10:44,081
All right. Well, maybe w-we'll
just stay away from baseball.
258
00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:46,249
And ass. Um...
259
00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:48,218
Why don't you just tell these
kids that things are better
260
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,286
than they used to be?
261
00:10:49,288 --> 00:10:52,356
Boy, you as crazy as your haircut.
262
00:10:53,648 --> 00:10:54,424
We fought hard
263
00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:56,360
to make sure that you had
everything we didn't have,
264
00:10:56,362 --> 00:10:57,527
and you're throwing it all away.
265
00:10:57,529 --> 00:10:58,629
Sir,
266
00:10:58,631 --> 00:11:00,597
with all due respect, you don't know me.
267
00:11:00,599 --> 00:11:02,566
I'm an activist, I'm an artist.
268
00:11:02,568 --> 00:11:03,967
There it is.
269
00:11:03,969 --> 00:11:05,068
He's gay.
270
00:11:06,805 --> 00:11:08,639
You don't know me at all, man.
271
00:11:08,641 --> 00:11:11,675
All I see is a kid who spends
too much money on shoes.
272
00:11:11,677 --> 00:11:14,244
In our day, you make $500,
273
00:11:14,246 --> 00:11:17,814
you bought yourself a house,
not a pair of damn sneakers.
274
00:11:17,816 --> 00:11:21,018
Okay, but houses
cost a little more nowadays.
275
00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,452
No, no, no, I think he's right.
Yeah, you spend
276
00:11:22,454 --> 00:11:24,221
most of the money I pay you on shoes.
277
00:11:24,223 --> 00:11:25,656
Yeah, look at these.
278
00:11:25,658 --> 00:11:27,924
$20, last me 15 years.
279
00:11:27,926 --> 00:11:30,861
Ten dollars, 20 years.
280
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:34,031
Well, technically that's
not fair because, you know,
281
00:11:34,033 --> 00:11:36,133
you don't walk.
282
00:11:36,135 --> 00:11:38,135
(chuckles)
283
00:11:38,137 --> 00:11:41,104
Who's this bald-headed Puerto
Rican think he's talking to?
284
00:11:42,174 --> 00:11:43,540
FRANCO: Hey, you know what?
285
00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:45,242
This ain't working out. So, Sweatpants,
286
00:11:45,244 --> 00:11:47,277
uh, take Mr. Langdon back to the home.
287
00:11:47,279 --> 00:11:49,513
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
he stays, he stays.
288
00:11:49,515 --> 00:11:51,682
Hey, come on, we're hitting it off here.
289
00:11:51,684 --> 00:11:54,051
Yeah, see? He-he gets me.
290
00:11:54,053 --> 00:11:55,719
And you know what you can get me?
291
00:11:55,721 --> 00:11:56,820
Hmm?
292
00:11:56,822 --> 00:11:58,689
A cup of coffee.
293
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,728
Hey, Fawz, where's Tush?
294
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,697
At another lunch with Paula.
295
00:12:06,699 --> 00:12:07,898
I have to warn him.
296
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:11,101
I ran Paula's prints, got a hit in Ohio.
297
00:12:11,103 --> 00:12:12,869
Called Cleveland PD.
298
00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:14,805
Turns out, she's a real nutjob.
299
00:12:14,807 --> 00:12:16,039
Do you know where they went?
300
00:12:16,041 --> 00:12:20,811
I think he said they're
going for ribs or pizza.
301
00:12:20,813 --> 00:12:23,013
Great, that narrows it down.
302
00:12:23,015 --> 00:12:25,615
To every restaurant in Chicago.
303
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:27,751
Fawz, this is serious.
304
00:12:27,753 --> 00:12:30,387
- She's been married five times.
- So?
305
00:12:30,389 --> 00:12:34,191
And two of her husbands died
under mysterious circumstances.
306
00:12:34,193 --> 00:12:36,526
Tush just went from a
donut shop to a rib shack.
307
00:12:36,528 --> 00:12:39,329
How many more years do
you think he has left?
308
00:12:42,781 --> 00:12:44,501
Is that the way he comes to work?
309
00:12:44,503 --> 00:12:46,203
With his pants hanging down?
310
00:12:46,205 --> 00:12:48,672
In our day, only people saw your drawers
311
00:12:48,674 --> 00:12:50,640
was your doctor and your wife.
312
00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:53,376
What about that lady from Kansas City?
313
00:12:53,378 --> 00:12:54,644
Watch out now.
314
00:12:54,646 --> 00:12:56,379
(laughs)
315
00:12:56,381 --> 00:12:59,249
This is the worst Black
History Month ever.
316
00:12:59,251 --> 00:13:02,686
I'm pretty sure we had some
bad ones back in the 1800s.
317
00:13:03,777 --> 00:13:04,521
Man, why'd you invite him
318
00:13:04,523 --> 00:13:06,456
if you knew he was
such a pain in the ass?
319
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,291
Because the people at the home
are giving me a hundred bucks
320
00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:10,494
to keep him out till 6:00.
321
00:13:10,496 --> 00:13:14,264
If he never comes back, I get a car.
322
00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:17,400
- Wow, this is interesting.
- What?
323
00:13:17,402 --> 00:13:20,537
Well, turns out Wheels isn't
quite the baseball player
324
00:13:20,539 --> 00:13:21,538
he said he was.
325
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:24,274
His career average was only .160.
326
00:13:24,276 --> 00:13:26,109
So, what, he stole a bunch of bases?
327
00:13:26,111 --> 00:13:30,981
Nope. Stole nine, got caught 47 times.
328
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,117
They called him "Wheels"
because he drove the team bus.
329
00:13:34,119 --> 00:13:35,585
Oh.
330
00:13:35,587 --> 00:13:38,755
No wonder his grumpy ass
never got a baseball card.
331
00:13:40,295 --> 00:13:41,792
Ah, whatever, man. Let him have his lie.
332
00:13:41,794 --> 00:13:43,026
He'll be out of here in an hour.
333
00:13:43,028 --> 00:13:45,896
Or three.
334
00:13:45,898 --> 00:13:48,165
If I keep him out till 8:00,
335
00:13:48,167 --> 00:13:51,168
I get a bike.
336
00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:53,470
RANDY: Oh, Tush,
337
00:13:53,472 --> 00:13:54,738
there you are.
338
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:57,507
Look, I got some news
about your new girlfriend.
339
00:13:57,509 --> 00:13:58,642
So do I.
340
00:13:58,644 --> 00:14:00,811
She's into me.
341
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:02,312
Yeah, she's also a crazy woman.
342
00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:06,183
She has five ex-husbands and
at least that many aliases.
343
00:14:06,185 --> 00:14:07,617
Yeah, she told me all about it.
344
00:14:07,619 --> 00:14:09,586
The ex-husbands, the name changes,
345
00:14:09,588 --> 00:14:11,688
the cult she led.
346
00:14:13,266 --> 00:14:14,658
She led a cult?
347
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:17,460
See? You don't know everything.
348
00:14:18,297 --> 00:14:20,130
So, you're cool with that?
349
00:14:20,132 --> 00:14:21,565
It's all in the past.
350
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:23,466
You need to find something
to do with your life
351
00:14:23,468 --> 00:14:25,435
besides snooping into mine.
352
00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:28,839
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go get some lunch.
353
00:14:28,841 --> 00:14:31,241
Didn't you just have lunch with Paula?
354
00:14:31,243 --> 00:14:33,410
I didn't want to eat too
much in front of a lady,
355
00:14:33,412 --> 00:14:35,779
so I just had an appetizer:
a medium pizza
356
00:14:35,781 --> 00:14:38,415
and 14 garlic knots.
357
00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:43,386
I'd have to say my mother-in-law.
358
00:14:43,388 --> 00:14:46,156
Your mother-in-law was the
toughest pitch you ever faced?
359
00:14:46,158 --> 00:14:47,557
Oh, you said "pitch."
360
00:14:47,559 --> 00:14:50,126
(both laugh)
361
00:14:52,231 --> 00:14:54,064
Hey, can I get some coffee?
362
00:14:54,066 --> 00:14:55,932
Yeah. I'll put it in a little to-go cup,
363
00:14:55,934 --> 00:14:57,567
you know, since you'll be going soon.
364
00:14:57,569 --> 00:14:59,769
Why you so cranky, son?
365
00:14:59,771 --> 00:15:01,404
Probably
'cause I invited you here to celebrate
366
00:15:01,406 --> 00:15:03,874
Black History Month,
not disrespect our past.
367
00:15:03,876 --> 00:15:06,076
Oh, please.
368
00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:07,911
Black History Month is a joke.
369
00:15:07,913 --> 00:15:09,279
Every year,
370
00:15:09,281 --> 00:15:12,115
they parade around the same four people.
371
00:15:12,117 --> 00:15:13,516
(stammers) That's wh...
372
00:15:13,518 --> 00:15:16,753
that's-that's why
I brought you here, man! To...
373
00:15:16,755 --> 00:15:18,521
to change all that!
374
00:15:18,523 --> 00:15:20,857
Well, if you think
an old man signing baseballs
375
00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:23,226
in a donut shop can change things,
376
00:15:23,228 --> 00:15:25,862
you're a bigger fool than I thought.
377
00:15:30,235 --> 00:15:33,169
You know, at least I'm doing something,
378
00:15:33,171 --> 00:15:35,138
not sitting around telling lies.
379
00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:36,106
Excuse me?
380
00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:37,140
You heard what I said.
381
00:15:37,142 --> 00:15:38,475
.160 batting average,
382
00:15:38,477 --> 00:15:40,076
nine stolen bases,
383
00:15:40,078 --> 00:15:41,945
drove the team bus.
384
00:15:41,947 --> 00:15:43,513
You were nowhere near
close to Jackie Robinson
385
00:15:43,515 --> 00:15:44,614
or the big leagues.
386
00:15:44,616 --> 00:15:45,649
Franco, that's enough.
387
00:15:45,651 --> 00:15:47,450
I don't have to take this from you.
388
00:15:47,452 --> 00:15:49,786
Sweatpants, bring the car around.
389
00:15:49,788 --> 00:15:51,655
Uh, it's a van,
and they're probably not back
390
00:15:51,657 --> 00:15:54,124
- from the quilt show, so...
- Just get me out of here.
391
00:15:54,993 --> 00:15:56,960
Backwards.
392
00:15:56,962 --> 00:16:00,664
I want to stare him down on my way out.
393
00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:19,372
- Morning, Tush.
- Morning.
394
00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:22,041
I know you're mad.
395
00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:23,877
But I had some time to think,
396
00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:25,712
and you're right.
397
00:16:25,714 --> 00:16:27,981
My daughter's away at school,
398
00:16:27,983 --> 00:16:29,377
I miss my job.
399
00:16:29,625 --> 00:16:30,957
I'm bored.
400
00:16:30,959 --> 00:16:34,461
Meddling in your love life
gave me something to do.
401
00:16:34,463 --> 00:16:38,131
I hope you and Paula
are very happy together.
402
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:39,399
She's a freak.
403
00:16:39,401 --> 00:16:42,803
She shaved off my eyebrow.
404
00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:46,306
Why'd she do that?
405
00:16:46,308 --> 00:16:48,542
She thought she saw me
look at another woman.
406
00:16:48,544 --> 00:16:50,143
So when we went back to her place,
407
00:16:50,145 --> 00:16:52,379
she gave me a Chicago Roofie.
408
00:16:52,742 --> 00:16:55,649
A tray of lasagna and a light beer.
409
00:16:56,718 --> 00:16:59,252
Then she took a straight
razor and did this.
410
00:16:59,254 --> 00:17:02,556
I knew it!
I knew I got a crazy vibe off her.
411
00:17:02,558 --> 00:17:03,557
Your instincts were right.
412
00:17:03,559 --> 00:17:04,758
You still got it.
413
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,059
Damn right I do.
414
00:17:06,061 --> 00:17:08,361
That was fun, cracking that case.
415
00:17:08,363 --> 00:17:09,763
I've been thinking,
416
00:17:09,765 --> 00:17:11,832
maybe it's time I went back to work.
417
00:17:11,834 --> 00:17:13,400
Back on the old beat, huh?
418
00:17:13,402 --> 00:17:16,403
Actually, I want to be a detective.
419
00:17:16,405 --> 00:17:18,772
- I think you'd be good at that.
- Right?
420
00:17:18,774 --> 00:17:21,241
And I was getting kind of
tired of that stupid uniform.
421
00:17:21,243 --> 00:17:23,577
I mean, it made me feel like a badass
422
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:26,346
but mostly because the pants ride up.
423
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,148
Wait, if you're a detective,
424
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:30,083
would you still be able
to come here every day?
425
00:17:30,085 --> 00:17:32,285
Sure! Why not?
426
00:17:32,287 --> 00:17:34,888
Oh.
427
00:17:35,724 --> 00:17:36,990
Hey, Fawz!
428
00:17:36,992 --> 00:17:38,758
- The hell is this?
- What?
429
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:39,926
You wanted me to change it.
430
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:43,763
Oh, to "We shall overcome tough stains"?
431
00:17:43,765 --> 00:17:45,899
I was gonna go with "Free at last,
free at last,
432
00:17:45,901 --> 00:17:49,202
thank God Almighty,
alterations are free at last".
433
00:17:49,204 --> 00:17:51,471
But I ran out of space.
434
00:17:52,307 --> 00:17:53,807
Whatever.
435
00:17:53,809 --> 00:17:55,509
Do what you want, man.
436
00:17:55,511 --> 00:17:56,710
Y'all hopeless.
437
00:17:56,712 --> 00:17:58,745
Why? You've given up
on Black History Month?
438
00:17:58,747 --> 00:18:00,313
Hey, I tried.
439
00:18:00,315 --> 00:18:02,282
I invited Wheels here to
teach people something,
440
00:18:02,284 --> 00:18:04,784
but he spent the whole
time disrespecting me.
441
00:18:04,786 --> 00:18:06,620
Yeah, well, the man was a little bitter.
442
00:18:06,622 --> 00:18:08,121
Can you blame him?
443
00:18:08,123 --> 00:18:09,356
He had a dream to play baseball...
444
00:18:09,358 --> 00:18:10,991
It got taken away from him.
445
00:18:10,993 --> 00:18:13,426
Thanks to that son of a
bitch Jackie Robinson.
446
00:18:13,428 --> 00:18:15,829
His words, not mine.
447
00:18:15,831 --> 00:18:18,698
Look, the dude was just so negative.
448
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,367
Well, he had a story to tell.
449
00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,536
You just kept talking about Jackie.
450
00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,871
You know, for every Jackie,
there's a hundred Wheels.
451
00:18:24,873 --> 00:18:26,840
And he's part of history, too.
452
00:18:26,842 --> 00:18:29,109
Yeah.
And his stories were kind of rough,
453
00:18:29,111 --> 00:18:31,378
but they were really interesting.
454
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:33,547
You ought to talk to him sometime.
455
00:18:33,549 --> 00:18:36,116
Or just listen.
456
00:18:36,952 --> 00:18:38,985
All right. All right.
457
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,153
Thank you.
458
00:18:40,155 --> 00:18:41,288
Not now, dumbass.
459
00:18:41,290 --> 00:18:43,957
You're still on the clock.
460
00:18:47,296 --> 00:18:49,396
(exhales)
461
00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:53,266
What the hell are you doing here?
462
00:18:53,268 --> 00:18:55,602
I just made you a little
Black History Month present.
463
00:18:55,604 --> 00:18:56,603
Here.
464
00:18:56,605 --> 00:18:58,138
Baseball cards?
465
00:18:58,140 --> 00:18:59,940
Mm-hmm.
466
00:18:59,942 --> 00:19:02,042
- That's me.
- Yeah.
467
00:19:02,044 --> 00:19:05,245
You said you never had one,
and now you do.
468
00:19:05,247 --> 00:19:07,147
"Chicago American Giants.
469
00:19:07,149 --> 00:19:10,116
- "Luther 'Wheels' Langdon.
- Mm-hmm.
470
00:19:10,118 --> 00:19:15,155
"Shortstop... slash-bus driver".
471
00:19:16,858 --> 00:19:20,026
The last part's a little harsh.
472
00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:23,196
This was in Atlanta.
473
00:19:23,198 --> 00:19:25,298
- I remember that game.
- Really?
474
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:26,295
That was a long time ago.
475
00:19:26,335 --> 00:19:29,836
Well, it was my best game of the season.
476
00:19:29,838 --> 00:19:33,373
Got a hit off of, uh, Satchel Paige.
477
00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:35,241
- What? (chuckles)
- And then drove a bus
478
00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:39,346
all the way through
Mississippi on one tank of gas.
479
00:19:39,348 --> 00:19:43,083
- You did not want to stop in Mississippi.
- Mm.
480
00:19:43,852 --> 00:19:45,185
(clicks tongue) Yeah.
481
00:19:45,187 --> 00:19:47,253
Well, I'm glad you like the cards.
482
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:48,455
Who said I liked it?
483
00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:51,191
All right, well, fine,
I'll take 'em back.
484
00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:53,059
The hell you will.
485
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,461
(chuckles)
486
00:19:54,463 --> 00:19:56,496
Look, man,
I-I know I brought you in the shop
487
00:19:56,498 --> 00:19:58,632
to teach people about black history.
488
00:19:58,634 --> 00:20:01,935
But, turns out,
I could use a lesson myself.
489
00:20:01,937 --> 00:20:03,937
I could've told you that.
490
00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:06,172
You know,
Arthur said you had some good stories,
491
00:20:06,174 --> 00:20:08,541
and I would...
I would love to listen to 'em.
492
00:20:08,543 --> 00:20:12,345
But, please, please
no trash-talking Jackie Robinson.
493
00:20:12,347 --> 00:20:15,949
Well, you know,
he really was a very nice guy.
494
00:20:15,951 --> 00:20:17,217
All right.
495
00:20:17,219 --> 00:20:20,854
Yeah, I carried his bags in
Union Station years later,
496
00:20:20,856 --> 00:20:23,189
and he remembered me.
497
00:20:23,191 --> 00:20:25,191
Gave me a ten-dollar tip.
498
00:20:25,193 --> 00:20:26,192
Really?
499
00:20:26,194 --> 00:20:28,128
You were a porter?
500
00:20:28,130 --> 00:20:31,431
Every day for 42 years.
501
00:20:31,433 --> 00:20:33,233
Damn. That sounds rough.
502
00:20:33,235 --> 00:20:37,170
Yeah, well, maybe if I had the
opportunities that you have,
503
00:20:37,172 --> 00:20:40,006
I could've been a gay artist.
504
00:20:40,842 --> 00:20:43,576
Well, I'm... not a...
505
00:20:43,578 --> 00:20:44,611
Continue.
506
00:20:44,613 --> 00:20:45,912
(chuckles)
507
00:20:45,914 --> 00:20:48,948
But I put two girls through college.
508
00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:50,850
One of 'em's a doctor.
509
00:20:50,852 --> 00:20:53,386
Her daughter's a fashion model.
510
00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:54,888
Really?
511
00:20:54,890 --> 00:20:56,022
She single?
512
00:20:56,024 --> 00:20:58,625
- Watch out now.
- Okay.
513
00:21:00,062 --> 00:21:01,861
(speaking indistinctly)
514
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:30,030
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com