Hey, Arthur.
Here's your vendor packet for the Uptown Winter Festival.
Look, for the last time, I'm not doing your stupid festival.
Fine. I'll just put the port-a-potties
right in front of your store.
I don't care.
And the petting zoo.
That's fine with me.
And the Uptown Mime Troupe.
No, no! Not that.
All right, I'll do your stupid fair.
I hate those silent freaks.
Now, as president of the Uptown Business Council,
I just want to help out the merchants and have a little fun.
FAWZ: Excuse me.
Under my reign as president, we had all kinds of fun.
Yeah, I don't know what the neighborhood kids enjoyed more,
when you made them paint the side of your building,
or when you had them clean your gutters.
I'd say gutters.
Remember, I pulled out the ladder
and they thought they couldn't get down? (laughs)
(phone chimes)
Oh, no.
The petting zoo guy just backed out.
He got a Renaissance fair.
Hmm, ye olde shaft job.
Well, lucky for you, I have an uncle that has a farm
out near DeKalb.
I could have him ship a few animals up here.
The goats are quite gentle, except for Doug.
He's the reason I have nine and a half toes.
Here it comes.
Yep. He bit off one and a half toes.
Because he had eleven.
Because I had eleven.
Thanks, Tush. You're a lifesaver.
If you're looking for music,
I know where you can find a dikka-dikka-DJ.
Tell you what, Sweatpants. If it gets down to the wire,
and I can't find anybody else,
and I get really, really desperate, you can do it.
Sweet. Being someone's last resort is my jam.
ARTHUR: Oh, come on.
Are you kidding? I-I got a put up a booth?
Chill out. We can rent a tent.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna waste money on a tent.
Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I got an old one that we can use down in the basement.
Run down there, get it.
No, I'm not going to your scary-ass basement, man.
You got rats and cobwebs
and nude photos from your honeymoon and...
It just... it looks like you're holding a porcupine on your lap.
You know, Arthur, between this festival
and that scary basement,
it sounds like you could use a little bit of help this week,
and my son happens to be in the market for some temporary work.
Is this the one who got kicked out of college?
He wasn't kicked out.
He took a semester off to find himself.
Five semesters ago.
You know, Fawz, maybe he's just not cut out for college.
Bite your tongue, goat herder.
I came to this country
so my children could have better lives.
Abdullah is gonna get an education and become a banker.
Or maybe he'll go into real estate with me.
He could be the Eric Trump to my Donald.
Listen, he won't accomplish
any of this unless he learns the value of hard work.
Why don't you just give him a job at your dry cleaners?
Oh, no, those chemicals are toxic.
I would never let someone I love work there.
Didn't you hire your mother-in-law?
Yes, she works a double shift.
I'm sorry, Fawz, I'm not gonna hire some kid whose father says
he's shiftless, aimless and lazy.
I'll pay his salary.
This will be his apron.
Thank you, Arthur.
Franco, you're gonna be a good influence on my son.
You're focused, dedicated and you have an amazing work ethic.
For a black guy?
No.
For any minority.
Seriously, Franco, you are working and going to college.
You are gonna be a good role model for him.
All right, well, hey, just know,
college ain't for everybody, okay?
But be pretty cool to take on a little apprentice.
You know? Teach him the value of hard work.
Make him go down in that basement.
What? That-that never crossed my mind. I don't...
All right, Fawz, he can start tomorrow.
Don't make me regret this.
Oh, it's only gonna be a week. How bad could it be?
That's exactly what I said to my uncle
when he asked me to watch Doug, and now...
All his left shoes are loose.
...all my left shoes are loose.
♪ ♪
Arthur, allow me to introduce my son,
Abdullah Farooq Al-Shahrani.
I'll just call you Scott.
My friends call me Abe.
Eh, whatever.
- Hey. - Hi.
Remember what we talked about, eye contact.
No slouching. And smile.
Too big. Too small.
Just right.
Okay, Dad, you can leave now. I'm gonna be fine.
Uh, yes, yes, of course.
Um, you're on your own. Uh, have a great day at work.
Tell me how he's doing. I don't want to hover.
- What up? I'm Franco, man. - What's up?
ARTHUR: Yeah, he's gonna show you the ropes around here.
It's not as easy as it looks.
Someone gives you money, you give them a donut.
If they don't give you money, you do not give them a donut.
Well, thank you for reducing my life's work to two sentences.
You're welcome.
Hey there, Abe.
I'm Tush.
I'm sure Papa Bear told you all about me.
He's real?
I thought you, like, made him up as a cautionary tale.
Did you really live in a van under a bridge?
I did live in a van. I did live under a bridge.
But not at the same time.
So it's not nearly as sad.
Hi, I'm Randy.
I'm female, so your father's probably never told you
- anything about me. - Not true.
He can't stop talking about the beautiful young food truck lady.
(laughs) Oh!
Well, I-I don't know about the food truck part,
but, uh, thanks.
Okay, Abe. Come on, let's get you started.
Mop the kitchen floor.
FAWZ: That's right.
Teach him what hard work is all about.
Ha, ha.
Then it's back to college, MBA, trophy wife, lake house,
beach house, massive heart attack, die happy!
Fawz, do you realize that people can be happy
without making a lot of money?
Uh, no.
In my country, I had nothing, I was miserable.
I came to this country, I was successful, and now I'm happy!
That's what I want for my son.
- (loud clattering) - Hey! What the hell?
Franco, get in there. It could be a teachable moment.
You knocked down the mixing bowl.
Oh, sorry. I was just into my music.
I see. All right.
Okay, so you-you're just gonna mop dry? All right.
Okay, uh...
Where's the water and soap?
Is that part of this?
Man, give me that.
Maybe minimize on all the distractions
until you get the hang of it.
What you listening to?
Oh, just, um, a track that I made.
Really? You make beats?
- Yeah. - Let me see.
Oh!
Oh, damn!
Yo!
(chuckles): This...
This is fire!
Oh. Oh.
I can see how that happened.
Yo, this is pretty good.
You ever think about being a DJ?
It's all I ever think about, ever since I was a kid.
But that'll never fly with my dad.
He's got his own plan for me.
I heard.
I'm supposed to be in here trying to get you to go
back to school and have a heart attack, but...
Which reminds me.
Damn it, Abdullah, go back to college!
Don't go back to college.
You know, listen, parents don't know everything.
If I listened to my dad, I wouldn't be an artist.
You're an artist?
Yeah. My dad didn't think I had what it takes.
Didn't think I would make it. "You can't make art, Franco.
You can't even make rent." (imitates laugh)
Look at me now.
Look at me.
Look... not the mop and bucket.
Yo, I'd love to be a DJ.
But where do I start?
You know, one of my friends is DJing at Public Domain tonight.
We can pop by there, and after a set,
he can give you some advice.
Oh, cool.
You know what? Drinks are on me.
I've got my dad's credit card.
Well, in that case,
maybe we can, uh, pick up something to eat. (laughs)
Maybe some dessert. (laughs)
Pay off my student loans. (laughs)
I'm just playing, I don't want dessert.
ARTHUR: Well, look who's five minutes late.
The late guy and the guy who's supposed to be teaching
the late guy to work.
That... that's my bad.
We were at a club last night,
and we ain't get home till about 4:00.
So you were out drinking hooch on a work night?
Hooch? Were you celebrating the end of Prohibition?
You're funny. You should come with us next time.
Don't forget your I.D.
I won't.
We weren't partying, we were networking.
I introduced Abe to a producer friend of mine
who thinks he has what it takes to be a...
(whispers): DJ.
I heard that!
Franco, you're supposed to be encouraging him
to go back to college.
Dad, I'm not going to college.
What?
I'm putting everything I got into being a DJ.
Yeah, look, your son's not lazy.
You just haven't allowed him to do the thing he wants to do.
Damn it, Abdullah.
I did not come to this country clinging to the landing gear
of a 747 so you could play records for drunk people!
That's how you got here?
No. But it was a middle seat.
Abdullah, listen to me.
If you are serious about not going to college...
I am.
Well, then, you're cut off.
No allowance, no BMW, no place to live.
And you're fired from this job.
You can't fire him. He works for me.
Well, I'm no longer paying his salary.
Abe, you're fired.
What? You were paying my salary?
So you think I'm useless?
Not useless. More like shiftless.
Eh... dude.
Your son wants to be a DJ.
He's got the talent, and he's got the drive.
And I could stay with Franco until I get back on my feet.
Yeah. What-what? What was that?
Come on, man, just for a couple days.
You're the one who inspired me.
I guess I did.
All right. Stay as long as you like.
Thanks, man. I'll go home and get my stuff.
You are gonna regret meddling in my family business.
And to think, I learned your name.
Well, you couldn't call me "the black guy" forever.
Oh, yeah?
Tell that to the brown guy, the gay guy,
and the "could be Asian, could be Puerto Rican guy."
Okay, uh-uh, Franco.
Since you screwed this thing up with the kid,
I got a list of stuff that you get to do today.
All right. Well, even though it's more work for me,
I'm happy supporting a fellow artist.
All right, "Number one: Get the tent from basement."
Come on, man! Do I have to?
Read number two.
- "Yes, you big-ass baby." Come on, man. - (laughs)
This winter festival is a nightmare.
The hot chocolate truck ran out of marshmallows,
and the Jell-O shot girl went to rehab.
But at least the petting zoo is still good, right?
Oh, yeah.
(laughs): I have a hilarious chicken
and a duck with so much personality.
But I had a little snag with the goat.
What?
Well, the only one that was available was Doug.
The toe-biter.
So I told my uncle not to bring him.
Tush, the festival's tomorrow,
and if you don't cough up a four-legged friend,
that toe-eating goat will be the least of your worries!
Yes, ma'am. I'm g-gonna make a few phone calls.
Okay.
You know, I think I have a solution
to your little entertainment issue.
You know, Fawz's son is an amazing DJ.
Excuse me. She already has a DJ.
She said I could do it.
Oh, I said you could do it if I was desperate.
You seem pretty desperate to me.
And trust me, I know what a desperate woman looks like.
Sweatpants, you already have a damn job.
And Abe is an actual DJ with actual equipment,
who makes actual music
and doesn't just make noises with his mouth.
So you can make art with your hands,
but I can't make music with my mouth?
That's body shaming.
Sofia, look, Abe could really use this gig.
It could prove to his dad that music is real for him.
(sighs) Fine, he can do it.
But if he's no good, I'm throwing a fleece on him
and putting him in the petting zoo.
Okay, hey, cool, cool with me.
I'm gonna tell Abe to hurry up and put a set together.
- He's gonna be so pumped. - W-Wait a minute.
Why are you pushing this Abe, huh?
You know Fawz doesn't want him to be a DJ.
That's why I'm pushing him.
I know what it's like to have somebody crush your dreams.
Yeah? Me, too.
By the way,
I have a air horn that Abe can't use.
(imitates air horn)
Now I know why you're doing this.
Fawz doesn't believe in Abe,
just like your father didn't believe in you.
Okay, maybe.
- What's so wrong with that? - No, nothing.
It's nice that you want to encourage a young you.
But what if he's not a you?
What you talking about?
You worked hard for everything you've got,
and I'm pretty sure that Abe has not.
I-I just want to make sure
that you're not backing the wrong horse.
I say this as a guy that lost a lot of money
backing the wrong horse.
Look, relax. Okay?
I think people are gonna be surprised by Abe.
Okay, I know an anaconda is not furry,
but do you think Sofia'd be okay
if it has a raccoon and three squirrels inside of it?
(The Price is Right theme music playing on TV)
Yo. Yo.
Uh, what's up?
Just watching Price is Right, baby.
This lady,
she just won a lifetime supply of Swiffer WetJets.
Well, you know that, uh, the festival's tomorrow?
I told Sofia you'll be bringing some heat.
So, uh, let's see what you got.
Now?
- Okay, all right. - (TV turns off)
Well, um, I was working on this. Check it out.
(dance music playing)
That's the same song you played me in the shop.
Oh. Right. Yeah, you heard that one.
- Yeah. - Cool.
Well, um... Well, here's something fresh out the lab.
I haven't really recorded it yet, you know,
but it-it goes, it goes something like, it goes, like...
(vocalizing The Price is Right theme music)
(clears throat)
(singing along)
That's The Price Is Right theme song.
So you've been here all day, and this is all you got?
Inspiration is a fickle mistress, right?
You only got one song, man.
I thought you wanted to be a DJ since you were a kid.
It's just, it's really hard with my dad, okay?
Do you know what it's like to live with someone that negative?
Yes! Yeah, I do!
My pops wouldn't buy me art supplies, so I had to improvise.
I had to paint on walls and trains,
a really pale homeless dude I thought was a statue.
You want to know why?
Because I had to paint. I had ideas pouring out of me.
And you should, too.
You need to chill, bro.
All this yelling isn't helping my creative process.
I vouched for you.
And now you want to make me look bad?
Huh?
Come on. You know...
You know, why don't you just...
sit your lazy ass down on your own damn couch
and watch game shows in your own damn house.
Fine, I will.
At least there my mom makes me pizza rolls.
- Your fridge is empty as hell. - Get out!
Arthur, what's up with your booth?
It's just a lame-ass card table.
What? I told you to get the tent.
No, man. I saw Get Out.
I'm not going in no white dude's basement.
Oh, come on, it's not that scary.
Here, you're gonna need this.
Well, is the lights out?
No, it's for protection. Here, take this.
You make a cross.
Oh, Tush, I just checked out the petting zoo.
It's a chicken, a duck, and a pigeon who's trying to blend in.
I know. I'm sorry.
I just unloaded Doug out of my uncle's truck.
But then he locked eyes with me,
and then he started moving his lips
like he was mumbling something.
And I panicked.
So I stashed him in a safe place.
- Where? - Arthur's basement.
What?!
You put a goat in my basement?
Oh-oh-oh, somebody better warn...
(Franco screams)
...Franco.
Arthur, you weren't joking about the rat.
I saw it. I saw the king rat.
- It was big, it was white, it had horns. - It's not a rat.
Yeah, it was like the rat and the devil had a baby.
Oh! Oh! Somebody call a pastor!
Calm down, calm down.
Oh, no. And it ate your flashlight.
We got to go! Everybody, get your things!
It's not a rat! It's a goat!
Oh, thank God.
Why is there a goat in the basement?
Uh, it's Tush's. That's Doug.
He's scary, right?
Yeah, when I thought he was a rat.
Now that he's a goat, he's kind of cute.
Cute! That's exactly what that petting zoo needs.
Come on, Tush.
I really need that goat.
Tush, you can do this.
Face your fears.
Grab 'em by the horns!
- I can do this. - Yeah.
I ain't afraid of no goats.
Morning, Franco.
How are you and Abe, who is dead to me, doing?
We had a big fight last night and I kicked his ass out.
What? He's missing?
Someone call 911!
Calm down. He'll be fine.
He's resourceful, he's smart.
And I'm not just saying that because he thinks I'm young.
And hot.
Okay, I threw in the "hot."
Fine. I'm gonna go call the FBI.
So now I don't have a DJ?
(imitates air horn)
Seriously! I don't have a DJ?
Don't fight it, Sofia. I'm all you got left.
Embrace the Sweaty P.
Oh, that better be his DJ name.
So I guess it didn't work out with Abe?
Yeah. I mean, maybe you were right. He's just lazy.
Well, the FBI wasn't much help.
When they heard my name,
they transferred me to Homeland Security.
Now I need a new phone.
- Abe, there you are. Are you okay? - I'm great.
- A little tired, but I was up all night. - What happened?
Well, after Franco kicked me out, I was just walking around.
Then I started thinking about the festival
and the kind of set I would've done.
Then I got this idea, and it all started flowing.
And now I have a 90-minute set.
You actually made music?
And not just The Price is Right theme?
Fine, an 80-minute set. Thanks, man.
You really gave me the kick in the ass that I needed.
- I feel so awesome right now! - Well, congratulations,
but, look, you might want to get out there before, uh...
Yo, who's ready for an earful of Sweaty P?!
Go! Go! Go!
(laughs) Well, you really lit a fire under him, huh?
Good going, kid.
Why are you so excited? This is terrible.
Now he's really gonna be a DJ and never go back to college.
Fawz, you have to let your son find his own way.
That's not how we do things.
Oh, really?
I remember hearing about a young man from Iraq
who defied his father to come to America
so that he could own his own dry cleaners and travel agency.
And one-eighth of a Quiznos.
It's me, right?
All that's what you wanted.
Look at him.
Now he's found what he wants,
and he's having the time of his life.
That is the happiest I've seen Abdullah in a long, long time.
I just don't want him to be poor the rest of his life.
You know, DJs in Vegas make $1 million a night.
Did you say $1 million?
ABE: How you feeling, party people?
- Put your hands up in the air! - (dance music playing)
What's wrong with you, party people?
My son said put your hands up in the air!
Put your hands up in the air!
You, too, beanie! Up, up, up!
You did good, kid.
Okay, Doug, just like we talked about.
Oh, no, he's looking at my toes.
He's looking at my toes.
Uh... that's not what I saw in the basement.
- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com