1
00:00:04,833 --> 00:00:07,436
Oh, thank God
you're relaxing your policy
2
00:00:07,438 --> 00:00:10,873
on drinking in the shop.
3
00:00:10,875 --> 00:00:12,041
(stammers) That's a no.
4
00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:14,543
Forget you ever saw this.
5
00:00:14,545 --> 00:00:16,679
No, no,
the health inspector is coming today
6
00:00:16,681 --> 00:00:18,848
and every year,
we do a little gift exchange.
7
00:00:18,850 --> 00:00:20,549
I give him a bottle
of 18-year-old Scotch
8
00:00:20,551 --> 00:00:23,352
and he gives me a passing
grade on my inspection.
9
00:00:23,354 --> 00:00:25,588
Uh, that's an expensive-looking bribe.
10
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,189
How unsanitary is the kitchen?
11
00:00:27,191 --> 00:00:28,491
No, no, no, no.
12
00:00:28,493 --> 00:00:30,259
The kitchen's fine,
but they just keep putting in
13
00:00:30,261 --> 00:00:33,129
these picky regulations that
have nothing to do with health.
14
00:00:33,131 --> 00:00:38,234
So, I'm spending 200 and
saving 2,000 on repairs.
15
00:00:38,236 --> 00:00:41,170
The Chicago way, baby.
16
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,739
Anyway, I'm gonna leave this bottle here
17
00:00:43,741 --> 00:00:45,741
in case I'm out when, uh, Phil comes by.
18
00:00:45,743 --> 00:00:49,011
No, not-not...
leave me out of that stupid-ass bribe.
19
00:00:49,013 --> 00:00:50,279
Why? How come?
20
00:00:50,281 --> 00:00:51,714
'Cause these things always end bad.
21
00:00:51,716 --> 00:00:53,749
My pops used to make me run
a wire through the light pole
22
00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:54,917
to get free electricity.
23
00:00:54,919 --> 00:00:57,586
That explains the hair.
24
00:00:57,588 --> 00:00:59,588
So, when the people from
the city came to bust him,
25
00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:01,157
he made me take the blame for it,
26
00:01:01,159 --> 00:01:02,291
and they took me in for questioning
27
00:01:02,293 --> 00:01:03,559
and scared the hell out of me.
28
00:01:03,561 --> 00:01:06,228
Bright side is dude in holding
gave me my first joint.
29
00:01:07,732 --> 00:01:09,632
Well, look, you know,
I don't make the system.
30
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,033
I'm just trying to survive here.
31
00:01:11,035 --> 00:01:12,501
But the regulations
are there for a reason.
32
00:01:12,503 --> 00:01:13,836
If you don't follow them,
33
00:01:13,838 --> 00:01:16,005
you end up with the drinking
water in Flint, Michigan.
34
00:01:16,487 --> 00:01:17,740
Nobody drinks it.
35
00:01:17,742 --> 00:01:20,242
It's just called water now.
36
00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:22,211
FAWZ: Well, I'm with Arthur.
37
00:01:22,213 --> 00:01:24,146
Regulations are killing business,
38
00:01:24,148 --> 00:01:25,915
like with dry-cleaning chemicals.
39
00:01:25,917 --> 00:01:27,650
You take the good with the bad.
40
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:31,821
A crisp, clean shirt,
some unexplained blindness.
41
00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:33,889
Well, aside from you two criminals,
42
00:01:33,891 --> 00:01:35,558
there are plenty of people
who follow the rules.
43
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,926
Like me.
44
00:01:36,928 --> 00:01:41,097
I spent all weekend scrubbing
every part of my dirty grill.
45
00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:43,933
Oh, stop it. That's not a metaphor.
46
00:01:43,935 --> 00:01:45,801
It is now.
47
00:01:46,838 --> 00:01:49,305
Hey, everybody. Guess what?
48
00:01:49,307 --> 00:01:51,006
I passed my exam.
49
00:01:51,008 --> 00:01:53,409
I am officially a detective.
50
00:01:53,411 --> 00:01:54,443
(all cheering)
51
00:01:54,445 --> 00:01:56,278
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
52
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,080
- Thank you.
- Randy, that's amazing.
53
00:01:58,082 --> 00:02:01,016
Yes, let's celebrate.
54
00:02:01,018 --> 00:02:03,052
Tush, it's 10:00 in the morning.
55
00:02:03,054 --> 00:02:05,020
Forget you ever saw this.
56
00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:07,890
Now I just have to wait and find out
57
00:02:07,892 --> 00:02:09,658
what neighborhood I'm assigned to.
58
00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:10,860
There's some pretty plum ones,
59
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:12,461
- like the Gold Coast.
- Mm-hmm.
60
00:02:12,463 --> 00:02:14,930
And then there are the
armpits of the city.
61
00:02:14,932 --> 00:02:17,032
You mean there are worse
assignments than Uptown?
62
00:02:17,034 --> 00:02:19,101
No, I meant Uptown.
63
00:02:19,754 --> 00:02:21,637
But hopefully I don't
have to worry about it.
64
00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,673
I have this colleague who's
gonna help me get an assignment
65
00:02:24,675 --> 00:02:27,877
that's not so murder-y.
66
00:02:27,879 --> 00:02:29,945
You want a bottle of bourbon
to grease the wheels?
67
00:02:29,947 --> 00:02:32,381
'Cause I guess that's how
things work around here now.
68
00:02:32,383 --> 00:02:34,517
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's, uh, that's Scotch.
69
00:02:34,519 --> 00:02:37,052
The bourbon's for the
building inspector.
70
00:02:38,423 --> 00:02:40,956
I'm looking for an Arthur Prizzy...
71
00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:43,058
Prizby... Arthur?
72
00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:44,226
That's me!
73
00:02:44,228 --> 00:02:45,461
- Can I help you?
- I'm Irene
74
00:02:45,463 --> 00:02:46,462
from the Health Department.
75
00:02:46,464 --> 00:02:47,530
I'm here to do the inspection.
76
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:48,814
Uh, where's Phil?
77
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:51,367
Phil's taking a leave of absence.
It's private.
78
00:02:51,369 --> 00:02:53,102
Well, he's in a facility
79
00:02:53,104 --> 00:02:54,203
in Minnesota.
80
00:02:54,205 --> 00:02:57,373
It's Hazelton. I shouldn't say any more.
81
00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,943
It's rehab for booze.
82
00:03:00,945 --> 00:03:02,411
Yes, I know. I got it. I got it.
83
00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:05,981
Hear that, Arty? Old Phil's gone.
84
00:03:05,983 --> 00:03:07,917
So, Irene,
you want to get to your inspection?
85
00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:09,385
The kitchen's this way.
86
00:03:09,387 --> 00:03:10,753
Hold on, hold on, uh, hold on.
87
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,755
You know, when Phil was here,
we'd kind of ease into all that
88
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,623
and, uh, you know,
have a little small talk.
89
00:03:14,625 --> 00:03:18,260
(chuckles) Catch up on his,
uh, Scottish friend.
90
00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:21,297
Are you friendly with the, uh, Scottish?
91
00:03:21,299 --> 00:03:23,399
So, Irene, the kitchen's this way.
92
00:03:23,401 --> 00:03:26,669
If a sprinkle starts moving,
it's not a sprinkle.
93
00:03:26,671 --> 00:03:27,633
ARTHUR: Oh, hey, uh, fine.
94
00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:31,106
You-you don't care about
the Scottish people?
95
00:03:31,108 --> 00:03:33,909
How do you feel about the 18-year-olds?
96
00:03:33,911 --> 00:03:36,612
Is that how old the coffeemaker is?
97
00:03:36,614 --> 00:03:37,980
(laughs)
98
00:03:37,982 --> 00:03:41,717
That came off as a joke
because I struggle with tone.
99
00:03:42,887 --> 00:03:44,787
But if the coffeemaker
is any indication,
100
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,389
the kitchen is going to
be quite an adventure.
101
00:03:47,391 --> 00:03:49,191
Here we go.
102
00:03:49,193 --> 00:03:51,160
Oh, what the hell, kid?
I thought you were on my side.
103
00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:52,628
There's a lot of stuff around
here that needs fixing.
104
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:54,263
All right? And this is the
only way you're gonna do it.
105
00:03:54,265 --> 00:03:56,732
Yeah, we all need to follow the rules.
106
00:03:56,734 --> 00:03:57,900
Oh, that reminds me.
107
00:03:57,902 --> 00:03:59,768
I have to go hose down my grease trap.
108
00:03:59,991 --> 00:04:01,871
I bet she does. (Laughs)
109
00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:05,241
Oh, grow up.
110
00:04:06,477 --> 00:04:08,744
♪ ♪
111
00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:22,172
Oh, boy, that inspector lady's
112
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:23,740
writing a lot of stuff
on that clipboard.
113
00:04:23,742 --> 00:04:25,175
Well, if you need
to burn the place down,
114
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:27,678
I know a guy who can arrange for
oily rags near a water heater
115
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,414
for a bottle of ouzo and a leg of lamb.
116
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:34,532
I'll type up my report
117
00:04:34,533 --> 00:04:35,633
- and get it to you tomorrow.
- Mm-hmm.
118
00:04:35,688 --> 00:04:37,788
I would fax it,
but your fax machine is broken,
119
00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:39,489
which isn't really a
health inspector thing,
120
00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:41,858
but you should get it fixed.
121
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,927
Nah, fixing stuff is overrated.
122
00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:46,563
My left hip's been
clicking for 20 years.
123
00:04:46,565 --> 00:04:49,299
Sounds like I got a
woodpecker in my pocket.
124
00:04:49,965 --> 00:04:51,501
But it still gets the job done.
125
00:04:53,172 --> 00:04:55,680
I have no depth perception in this eye.
126
00:04:55,715 --> 00:04:56,673
Why am I telling you this?
127
00:04:56,675 --> 00:04:58,442
Shut up, Irene.
128
00:05:00,427 --> 00:05:02,145
She's an odd duck.
129
00:05:02,147 --> 00:05:03,447
We're gonna have to fix a lot of stuff
130
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:05,549
if we don't figure out
what makes her quack.
131
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:08,485
Or maybe she's an honest
person who isn't bribable
132
00:05:08,487 --> 00:05:10,921
and we have to do the
work to get up to code.
133
00:05:10,923 --> 00:05:14,725
No. Everyone has their price and
I'll figure out what Irene's is.
134
00:05:14,727 --> 00:05:16,994
Come on, man, there's still stuff
around here that needs fixing.
135
00:05:16,996 --> 00:05:19,863
You know, one of your ceiling
tiles is a Doobie Brothers album.
136
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:21,565
Oh, so, you're gonna volunteer
137
00:05:21,567 --> 00:05:23,200
to fix whatever she has on that list?
138
00:05:23,202 --> 00:05:24,901
- Absolutely.
- What about the hairnet?
139
00:05:24,903 --> 00:05:26,236
The health code requires
140
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,208
that all employees must wear a hairnet.
141
00:05:28,243 --> 00:05:30,807
Okay, well, hey,
if-if that's what it takes, cool.
142
00:05:30,809 --> 00:05:33,243
You buy a box of hairnets,
I'll wear the hairnet.
143
00:05:36,315 --> 00:05:40,150
Okay, fine. Fine.
144
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,153
Bam. How's it look?
145
00:05:43,155 --> 00:05:46,056
Like you're wearing my maternity
underwear on your head.
146
00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:48,759
This is so weird, man.
147
00:05:48,761 --> 00:05:51,495
I-I feel like it's
sucking up all my swag.
148
00:05:51,497 --> 00:05:53,230
I'm totes freaking out.
149
00:05:53,232 --> 00:05:54,631
- What's happening to you?
- I don't know,
150
00:05:54,633 --> 00:05:56,867
but I-I suddenly need
a pumpkin spice latte
151
00:05:56,869 --> 00:05:58,268
and some yoga pants.
152
00:05:59,371 --> 00:06:02,673
Damn. I'm becoming a basic white lady.
153
00:06:03,809 --> 00:06:06,176
I love basic white ladies.
154
00:06:06,178 --> 00:06:07,511
Sometimes when I go to a wedding,
155
00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:09,546
I'll grab a couple glasses of rosé,
156
00:06:09,548 --> 00:06:11,882
then ask the DJ to play Maroon 5
157
00:06:11,884 --> 00:06:16,887
and look for the nearest gal screaming,
"This is my jam".
158
00:06:16,889 --> 00:06:18,855
I still go home alone.
159
00:06:22,094 --> 00:06:25,929
(laughs) So, what else is new
down in the Chicago PD?
160
00:06:25,931 --> 00:06:30,767
I heard that Mercer got in an
accident and lost his hand.
161
00:06:30,769 --> 00:06:32,602
Yeah, he's got a fake one now.
162
00:06:32,604 --> 00:06:33,870
Oh.
163
00:06:33,872 --> 00:06:36,173
The captain says we're not
supposed to say anything,
164
00:06:36,175 --> 00:06:40,110
but we've been asking him to open
a lot more pickle jars than ever.
165
00:06:40,112 --> 00:06:42,612
- (laughs) You bastards.
- (chuckles)
166
00:06:42,614 --> 00:06:44,514
You know, I would've gone
with a ketchup bottle.
167
00:06:44,516 --> 00:06:47,117
It needs more fine motor skills.
168
00:06:47,119 --> 00:06:49,619
(laughs) See? It's this kind of thinking
169
00:06:49,621 --> 00:06:51,488
that got you bumped up to detective.
170
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:54,057
Speaking of,
I was at a Bulls game with Rostenko
171
00:06:54,059 --> 00:06:56,577
and that Gold Coast assignment
is looking good for you.
172
00:06:56,612 --> 00:06:57,661
Really?
173
00:06:57,663 --> 00:06:59,129
That's great.
174
00:06:59,131 --> 00:07:00,897
Thanks for putting a word in, Ted.
175
00:07:00,899 --> 00:07:03,767
Hey, us vets got to stick together.
176
00:07:03,769 --> 00:07:06,536
Yeah. I really appreciate it.
177
00:07:06,538 --> 00:07:07,704
Speaking of which,
178
00:07:07,706 --> 00:07:09,072
I need a favor.
179
00:07:09,074 --> 00:07:10,707
There's this rookie, Vanessa King,
180
00:07:10,709 --> 00:07:14,311
who logged a complaint about me with HR.
181
00:07:14,313 --> 00:07:15,645
What?
182
00:07:15,647 --> 00:07:18,014
We have HR?
183
00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:21,585
Right? I was just as shocked as you.
184
00:07:21,587 --> 00:07:24,454
Anyway, look,
I probably made some stupid joke.
185
00:07:24,456 --> 00:07:25,856
Can you talk to her?
186
00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:27,290
Just tell her I'm an idiot.
187
00:07:27,292 --> 00:07:29,392
Oh, don't worry about it.
188
00:07:29,394 --> 00:07:31,027
She probably knows you're an idiot.
189
00:07:31,029 --> 00:07:33,130
- (chuckles)
- But, yeah, sure, sure, sure.
190
00:07:33,132 --> 00:07:34,698
I'll talk to her.
191
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,366
Ah, thanks for having my back, R.D.
192
00:07:36,368 --> 00:07:38,435
- You're the best.
- No problem.
193
00:07:38,437 --> 00:07:40,103
I'm gonna go make Mercer salute me.
194
00:07:40,105 --> 00:07:42,472
Sometimes his hand just flies right off.
195
00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:44,741
(laughs)
196
00:07:44,743 --> 00:07:46,343
(sighs)
197
00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:48,078
So, what was that about?
198
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,714
Oh, my old supervisor has a problem.
199
00:07:50,716 --> 00:07:53,517
This female rookie reported him to HR.
200
00:07:53,519 --> 00:07:55,218
I'm gonna go help him out.
201
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:56,386
Oh, reported him?
202
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:58,355
Like a sexual harassment thing?
203
00:07:58,357 --> 00:07:59,556
Oh, I don't know.
204
00:07:59,558 --> 00:08:02,425
I'm sure she just misread
his lame sense of humor.
205
00:08:02,427 --> 00:08:05,996
You know, that station is like
a middle school locker room.
206
00:08:05,998 --> 00:08:08,732
You'd be surprised how
many times the conversation
207
00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:11,401
turns to nuts and balls.
208
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,970
Well, maybe you should
find out what happened
209
00:08:13,972 --> 00:08:16,673
before you decide she misread something.
210
00:08:16,675 --> 00:08:18,108
Sofia, it's complicated.
211
00:08:18,619 --> 00:08:21,311
The police station is
not like an office job.
212
00:08:21,313 --> 00:08:23,814
Well, I temped a few days
at Hewlett-Packard.
213
00:08:23,816 --> 00:08:26,216
Those people are animals.
214
00:08:26,218 --> 00:08:28,385
Well, sure it's complicated.
215
00:08:28,387 --> 00:08:30,787
It's always complicated.
216
00:08:30,789 --> 00:08:33,456
It might be worth hearing
her out before you back him.
217
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:34,891
I'm not backing him.
218
00:08:35,613 --> 00:08:36,860
I'm helping her.
219
00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:40,297
I'm advising her so that
she can survive that job.
220
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:44,111
Ugh, last night I watched
221
00:08:44,146 --> 00:08:45,765
a House Hunters International marathon
222
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,238
and, oh, that show is like crack.
223
00:08:50,342 --> 00:08:53,510
All right, basic white lady,
stop busting my chops.
224
00:08:53,512 --> 00:08:55,312
Take that damn hairnet off.
225
00:08:55,314 --> 00:08:56,880
Okay.
226
00:08:57,783 --> 00:08:59,516
- Hello, Irene.
- I have your report.
227
00:08:59,518 --> 00:09:01,051
I don't know how you've gotten away
228
00:09:01,053 --> 00:09:02,886
with not fixing these
things in the past.
229
00:09:02,888 --> 00:09:03,954
Well, if you can answer that,
230
00:09:03,956 --> 00:09:06,857
you'll also find out
why Phil's in rehab.
231
00:09:08,293 --> 00:09:09,693
Thank you.
232
00:09:09,695 --> 00:09:11,461
Damn, Irene, you're thorough.
233
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:12,562
Eight pages?
234
00:09:12,564 --> 00:09:14,731
Oh, I must've left the rest in my bag.
235
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:17,334
It's okay, dude. We'll handle it.
236
00:09:17,336 --> 00:09:18,602
- Don't worry about it.
- (groans)
237
00:09:18,604 --> 00:09:20,170
No. Everyone has their price.
238
00:09:20,172 --> 00:09:21,838
We just got to find hers.
239
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,374
(clears throat) So, Irene, uh,
240
00:09:24,376 --> 00:09:26,977
that's an interesting
scarf you've got there.
241
00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:32,949
Do you like scarves or
travel or counting money?
242
00:09:33,971 --> 00:09:36,386
I try not to have too
many outside activities.
243
00:09:36,388 --> 00:09:39,589
They interfere with my
seasonal depression.
244
00:09:39,591 --> 00:09:41,458
Although I do enjoy the theater.
245
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:44,094
One could say I am a comedy buff.
246
00:09:44,096 --> 00:09:45,395
Really?
247
00:09:45,397 --> 00:09:47,497
She says we got to
have three new drains?
248
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,598
She's hilarious.
249
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,301
(chuckles) You're hilarious.
250
00:09:52,671 --> 00:09:55,639
Seriously, he's so funny and charming.
251
00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:57,374
Who?
252
00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:58,775
Arthur.
253
00:09:58,777 --> 00:10:00,510
He's delightful. Is he married?
254
00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:02,012
I did not see a ring.
255
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,882
What you mean?
When you, like, chop down a tree
256
00:10:05,884 --> 00:10:07,717
and count how old it is?
257
00:10:09,922 --> 00:10:13,123
I happen to have a thing
for experienced men.
258
00:10:14,401 --> 00:10:16,026
Ugh.
259
00:10:18,096 --> 00:10:19,829
She says we need new buckets.
260
00:10:19,831 --> 00:10:21,798
You know what this is? A bucket list.
261
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,734
(laughs) Arthur.
262
00:10:24,736 --> 00:10:27,637
You should be on stage.
263
00:10:27,639 --> 00:10:29,539
Are you familiar with The
Second City comedy troupe?
264
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:30,674
They're a hoot.
265
00:10:31,696 --> 00:10:33,543
I have an extra ticket for this weekend.
266
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:36,246
Um, and Arthur loves the theater.
267
00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:38,949
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
268
00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:41,618
Arthur, can I see you
in the kitchen, please?
269
00:10:44,489 --> 00:10:47,691
Arthur, I found her price... you!
270
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,026
- Really?
- Yes.
271
00:10:50,028 --> 00:10:51,594
She just asked you out.
272
00:10:51,596 --> 00:10:54,631
- So go, romance her.
- Oh...
273
00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:56,666
First of all, you a ho.
274
00:10:56,668 --> 00:10:59,703
And secondly,
if you even think about doing this,
275
00:10:59,705 --> 00:11:01,471
you a old ho.
276
00:11:01,473 --> 00:11:04,074
Oh, relax. I'm not gonna go
on a date with that woman.
277
00:11:04,076 --> 00:11:06,176
And I'm not a ho.
278
00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:07,844
It'll save you thousands of dollars.
279
00:11:07,846 --> 00:11:09,746
All right, I'm a ho.
280
00:11:20,276 --> 00:11:21,556
Where the hell have you been?
281
00:11:21,654 --> 00:11:23,587
I thought you were...
282
00:11:23,589 --> 00:11:24,722
- Well, I thought you were, uh...
- (clears throat)
283
00:11:24,804 --> 00:11:27,238
Dead. He thought you were dead.
284
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,174
No, I was out late,
so I slept through my alarm.
285
00:11:30,176 --> 00:11:32,776
Right. So, uh, how did your sleazy date
286
00:11:32,778 --> 00:11:34,914
with the inspector lady go?
287
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,381
Actually, it was fun.
We went to that comedy show.
288
00:11:37,383 --> 00:11:39,416
I don't like those kind of places.
289
00:11:39,418 --> 00:11:40,718
Too much improv.
290
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,221
You have to write things down
for it to be really funny.
291
00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:47,691
What matters is not that
you had a good time,
292
00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:49,059
but that she had a good time.
293
00:11:49,061 --> 00:11:50,327
Oh, no, she had a great time.
294
00:11:50,329 --> 00:11:52,229
We went to dinner,
and then went to the show.
295
00:11:52,231 --> 00:11:54,164
Clothes stayed on. (Chuckles)
296
00:11:55,134 --> 00:11:56,634
Or did they? (Laughs)
297
00:11:57,770 --> 00:11:59,703
No, they stayed on. (Grunts)
298
00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:01,372
FAWZ: Good for you, Arthur.
299
00:12:01,374 --> 00:12:02,606
I'm glad it went well.
300
00:12:02,608 --> 00:12:06,710
Not me. I was hoping
you felt used and ashamed.
301
00:12:06,712 --> 00:12:09,847
No. I enjoyed Irene's company,
302
00:12:09,849 --> 00:12:11,815
and she definitely enjoyed mine.
(chuckles)
303
00:12:13,019 --> 00:12:15,919
So I think we can say
good-bye to this repair list.
304
00:12:15,921 --> 00:12:17,321
Bye-bye.
305
00:12:17,961 --> 00:12:18,989
Hey, y'all.
306
00:12:18,991 --> 00:12:20,524
Hi, Randy.
307
00:12:20,526 --> 00:12:22,426
Did you have your talk with that rookie?
308
00:12:22,428 --> 00:12:23,794
Oh, yeah, I did.
309
00:12:23,796 --> 00:12:26,330
I think she really
appreciated my advice.
310
00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:29,400
She just needs to learn how
to navigate the boys' club.
311
00:12:29,402 --> 00:12:31,101
I was in a boys' club.
312
00:12:33,306 --> 00:12:35,039
They used to make us swim naked because
313
00:12:35,041 --> 00:12:38,709
they didn't think we'd wash our trunks.
314
00:12:41,111 --> 00:12:44,882
Well, uh, what happened
to you was not okay.
315
00:12:44,884 --> 00:12:47,184
But we'll-we'll talk about that later.
316
00:12:48,354 --> 00:12:52,156
So she was not being sexually harassed?
317
00:12:52,158 --> 00:12:56,126
It was just dirty jokes
and inappropriate comments.
318
00:12:56,128 --> 00:12:58,696
Ted got drunk one night and
asked her out on a date.
319
00:12:58,698 --> 00:13:00,964
I told her it'd be better for her
320
00:13:00,966 --> 00:13:03,500
if she just dropped the whole thing.
321
00:13:03,502 --> 00:13:05,402
Hmm. Wouldn't it be better
322
00:13:05,404 --> 00:13:07,671
if you encouraged her to speak up?
323
00:13:07,673 --> 00:13:08,872
You know, if she's uncomfortable,
324
00:13:08,874 --> 00:13:09,940
then that's a problem.
325
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,910
If I complained every time
326
00:13:12,912 --> 00:13:15,379
some jackass crossed the line at work,
327
00:13:15,381 --> 00:13:17,581
I wouldn't have lasted a month.
328
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:19,316
You got to have thick skin.
329
00:13:19,318 --> 00:13:21,552
Thick skin?
330
00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:25,222
Why should she have to change? Or you?
331
00:13:25,224 --> 00:13:27,057
Why don't men change?
332
00:13:28,036 --> 00:13:29,960
Hey, I don't want to,
you know, butt in or anything,
333
00:13:29,962 --> 00:13:31,795
but it was like I was telling Arthur,
334
00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:33,597
just because you grew up in a bad system
335
00:13:33,599 --> 00:13:35,733
- doesn't mean you have to keep playing by their rules.
- Yeah.
336
00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:38,502
Well, I just think
I've had enough experience
337
00:13:38,504 --> 00:13:41,138
to know when not to make waves.
338
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:43,607
Please, Randy.
339
00:13:45,354 --> 00:13:47,144
You ladies are always making waves.
340
00:13:47,146 --> 00:13:49,713
It's gotten to the point where
men can't say anything anymore.
341
00:13:49,715 --> 00:13:53,150
You say horrible things all the time.
342
00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:56,353
Yeah.
Think of the things I keep to myself.
343
00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:59,223
I thought you were a feminist.
344
00:13:59,225 --> 00:14:01,425
No, I don't think it's for me.
345
00:14:05,231 --> 00:14:08,031
Don't talk to me about being a feminist.
346
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:10,701
I was one of the first
women on that force,
347
00:14:10,703 --> 00:14:12,169
in the trenches.
348
00:14:12,171 --> 00:14:13,470
And I've been fighting this fight
349
00:14:13,472 --> 00:14:15,272
since before you were even born.
350
00:14:15,274 --> 00:14:18,175
As long as you keep playing by
the rules of the boys' club,
351
00:14:18,177 --> 00:14:20,177
there's always going to be a boys' club.
352
00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:23,847
Not mine. Feds came in and shut it down.
353
00:14:23,849 --> 00:14:25,983
Not sure why.
354
00:14:27,386 --> 00:14:30,020
I'm sure you've had
to put up with a lot,
355
00:14:30,022 --> 00:14:31,889
but don't you want to
protect other women
356
00:14:31,891 --> 00:14:33,323
from going through the same thing?
357
00:14:33,325 --> 00:14:34,992
I am protecting her.
358
00:14:35,503 --> 00:14:38,262
And I don't need a
lecture on how to do it.
359
00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:42,766
This is what I love about America.
360
00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:44,168
The men do something wrong,
361
00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:46,537
and the women end up
fighting each other.
362
00:14:48,741 --> 00:14:49,807
Hello, Arthur.
363
00:14:49,809 --> 00:14:51,408
Irene. What brings you here?
364
00:14:51,410 --> 00:14:53,777
Just checking to see how
much progress you've made
365
00:14:53,779 --> 00:14:54,812
on your violations.
366
00:14:54,814 --> 00:14:57,114
Progress? Violations?
367
00:14:57,116 --> 00:14:59,216
- I'm confused.
- Why?
368
00:14:59,218 --> 00:15:01,552
Well, I thought
we had a good time last night.
369
00:15:01,554 --> 00:15:02,986
Yes, it was pleasant.
370
00:15:02,988 --> 00:15:05,656
But what does that have to do
with addressing your violations?
371
00:15:05,658 --> 00:15:07,991
Well, I thought that our
friendship persuaded you
372
00:15:07,993 --> 00:15:09,259
to, uh, well, you know, uh,
373
00:15:09,261 --> 00:15:10,627
look the other way.
374
00:15:10,629 --> 00:15:13,397
So going out with me was a bribe?
375
00:15:13,399 --> 00:15:16,867
No, no. No?
376
00:15:16,869 --> 00:15:20,003
I'm gonna have to report
this to my supervisor.
377
00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:22,406
What?! No, hey, hey, come on.
378
00:15:22,408 --> 00:15:23,674
It's out of my hands now.
379
00:15:23,676 --> 00:15:26,877
Bribing a city official
is against the law.
380
00:15:29,237 --> 00:15:30,481
That's rough.
381
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:33,317
Breakup and a felony
all in the same moment.
382
00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:37,554
Been there, brother.
383
00:15:47,366 --> 00:15:50,534
I promise I will never leave you again.
384
00:15:52,872 --> 00:15:55,038
Deluca. Hey.
385
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,340
You're ready to go back, huh?
386
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,041
Looks like you're a little rusty.
387
00:15:58,043 --> 00:15:59,276
You only hit it once.
388
00:15:59,278 --> 00:16:02,746
No, that's eight shots
through the same hole.
389
00:16:02,748 --> 00:16:04,815
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
390
00:16:04,817 --> 00:16:06,350
I know guns get a bad rap,
391
00:16:06,352 --> 00:16:08,685
but they're really fun.
392
00:16:10,222 --> 00:16:12,723
Hey, you get a chance
to talk to Vanessa?
393
00:16:12,725 --> 00:16:14,591
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did.
394
00:16:14,593 --> 00:16:16,026
I think I got through to her.
395
00:16:16,028 --> 00:16:18,829
She seemed to appreciate my perspective.
396
00:16:18,831 --> 00:16:21,131
Ah, thank you so much.
397
00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:23,133
You can't even tell a
dirty joke these days
398
00:16:23,135 --> 00:16:25,569
without worrying some
girl's gonna report you.
399
00:16:25,571 --> 00:16:28,672
Well, it's not easy
being a woman on the force.
400
00:16:28,674 --> 00:16:30,807
Yeah, but you got to toughen up.
401
00:16:30,809 --> 00:16:32,543
You know what you're signing up for.
402
00:16:32,545 --> 00:16:35,078
It's a boys' club.
That's never gonna change.
403
00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:38,649
You've always known how to roll with it.
404
00:16:38,651 --> 00:16:40,417
Laugh about it, right?
405
00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:46,723
Didn't mean I thought it was funny.
406
00:16:46,725 --> 00:16:48,992
What are you talking about?
407
00:16:48,994 --> 00:16:52,029
The only reason I'd laugh
is because if I didn't,
408
00:16:52,031 --> 00:16:54,498
you guys would ice me out.
409
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,366
Come on, those were good times.
410
00:16:56,368 --> 00:16:58,835
We'd go down to Murphy's,
throw back some whiskey,
411
00:16:58,837 --> 00:17:00,537
toss some darts.
412
00:17:00,539 --> 00:17:02,606
Of course,
if we did it the other way around,
413
00:17:02,608 --> 00:17:05,776
O'Connor would still have both eyes.
414
00:17:06,702 --> 00:17:09,947
Right. Darts.
415
00:17:09,949 --> 00:17:11,748
And then, after a few rounds,
416
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:15,152
you'd decide to teach me
how to throw properly.
417
00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:17,654
Which meant you'd put
your arms around me.
418
00:17:17,656 --> 00:17:19,923
- We were just having fun.
- No, Ted.
419
00:17:19,925 --> 00:17:22,459
You were having fun.
420
00:17:22,461 --> 00:17:26,663
I didn't love your stories of
your gross one-night stands,
421
00:17:26,665 --> 00:17:28,332
your backrubs.
422
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:30,934
Didn't seem to have a
problem with it then.
423
00:17:30,936 --> 00:17:33,203
Oh, I did.
424
00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:34,671
But I had a kid,
425
00:17:34,673 --> 00:17:37,007
and I couldn't afford to lose that job.
426
00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:38,842
And then when I would
say something to you,
427
00:17:38,844 --> 00:17:41,345
you guys would call me
a bitch behind my back.
428
00:17:41,347 --> 00:17:44,114
Yeah, I don't remember it
like that, so...
429
00:17:44,116 --> 00:17:46,416
That's convenient.
430
00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:48,785
Considering you were
doing it constantly.
431
00:17:50,155 --> 00:17:52,356
Well, no more.
432
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,859
I'm going to HR.
433
00:17:56,765 --> 00:17:58,328
I'm backing Vanessa.
434
00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:00,631
- Now, you've got to be kidding me.
- Mm-mm.
435
00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:03,000
No, I'm not.
436
00:18:03,002 --> 00:18:06,103
Well, if I'm such a bad guy,
437
00:18:06,105 --> 00:18:09,139
guess you won't be
needing my recommendation.
438
00:18:23,627 --> 00:18:25,830
Okay, the repairs are done.
439
00:18:25,832 --> 00:18:28,566
That's 2,000 bucks down
the brand-new drain.
440
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,101
Thanks a lot, kid.
441
00:18:30,103 --> 00:18:31,469
I told you, man,
you don't play by the rules,
442
00:18:31,471 --> 00:18:33,370
it'll bite you in the ass,
just like last night's
443
00:18:33,372 --> 00:18:34,772
episode of The Bachelor.
444
00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:37,174
There's a reason why Brittany
didn't get that rose.
445
00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:40,711
Yeah, she put out.
446
00:18:40,713 --> 00:18:43,547
And sluts get cut.
447
00:18:44,218 --> 00:18:47,051
ARTHUR: Well, it's Detective Deluca.
448
00:18:47,053 --> 00:18:49,420
How's that cush new
assignment on the Gold Coast?
449
00:18:49,422 --> 00:18:51,522
Yeah, about that.
450
00:18:51,524 --> 00:18:55,426
I, uh, took some advice
from a friend of mine
451
00:18:55,428 --> 00:18:59,730
and decided to go to
HR and back Vanessa.
452
00:18:59,732 --> 00:19:01,532
- Really?
- Yeah.
453
00:19:01,534 --> 00:19:03,667
I used to think it was
better to not rock the boat,
454
00:19:03,669 --> 00:19:06,203
but now I think it's
time to blow that ship
455
00:19:06,205 --> 00:19:07,638
right out of the water.
456
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,740
Yes! That's awesome.
457
00:19:09,742 --> 00:19:13,077
And look, I... I really admire you
458
00:19:13,079 --> 00:19:14,612
and all that you fought for.
459
00:19:14,614 --> 00:19:16,480
You had to deal with a lot of crap.
460
00:19:16,482 --> 00:19:18,949
Yeah.
461
00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:20,985
Including my new assignment.
462
00:19:20,987 --> 00:19:22,219
Let me guess. (Blows raspberry)
463
00:19:22,221 --> 00:19:24,255
Uptown?
464
00:19:24,257 --> 00:19:25,956
Yep. Turns out Ted really knows how
465
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:28,926
to put the "dic" in "vindictive".
466
00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:30,995
But, they scheduled a hearing
467
00:19:30,997 --> 00:19:32,663
for Ted and Vanessa for next week,
468
00:19:33,264 --> 00:19:36,367
so he knows where HR is now.
469
00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:42,706
Arthur Priza... Prizbazu...
470
00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:45,075
Arthur?
471
00:19:45,077 --> 00:19:46,710
Yeah, it's me.
472
00:19:46,712 --> 00:19:50,447
Yeah, I'm Craig Trevino,
City of Chicago Health Department.
473
00:19:50,449 --> 00:19:52,683
Okay, before you say anything,
474
00:19:52,685 --> 00:19:54,151
I fixed everything on that list.
475
00:19:54,153 --> 00:19:57,655
Plus, she asked me out.
Hashbrown "me, too."
476
00:19:59,959 --> 00:20:01,725
You bribed a city official.
477
00:20:01,727 --> 00:20:04,528
Even if you fix the violations,
there's still the matter of the fine.
478
00:20:04,530 --> 00:20:05,596
The fine?
479
00:20:05,598 --> 00:20:07,731
Well, that's what you get for
trying to cheat the system.
480
00:20:07,733 --> 00:20:09,667
- Bet you never do that again.
- (stammers)
481
00:20:09,669 --> 00:20:11,068
That's 1,000 bucks.
482
00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:12,436
Look, I don't make the rules, okay?
483
00:20:12,438 --> 00:20:14,104
I'm just a guy trying to do his job,
484
00:20:14,106 --> 00:20:15,439
make it to the end of the day
485
00:20:15,441 --> 00:20:20,277
so I can go home, relax,
and have a drink.
486
00:20:20,279 --> 00:20:22,213
A nice drink.
487
00:20:23,916 --> 00:20:25,716
I'm sure you understand.
488
00:20:25,718 --> 00:20:28,085
I think I do.
489
00:20:28,087 --> 00:20:31,255
Yeah, it's great to kick back
with a... Scotch?
490
00:20:31,257 --> 00:20:33,724
As long as it's old enough to vote.
491
00:20:33,726 --> 00:20:35,059
Something like this?
492
00:20:35,061 --> 00:20:36,927
It was in the lost and found.
493
00:20:36,929 --> 00:20:40,097
Oh, I've been looking for you.
494
00:20:44,103 --> 00:20:46,637
Seriously? Y'all some hos.
495
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:50,708
Oh, come on, face it, kid,
that's just the way it works.
496
00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,509
You can't change the system.
497
00:20:52,511 --> 00:20:56,080
The Chicago way, baby!
498
00:20:56,082 --> 00:20:57,214
Unbelievable.
499
00:20:57,216 --> 00:21:00,150
I can't even. I'm just gonna go home,
500
00:21:00,152 --> 00:21:02,286
and run a hot bath and
play some Ed Sheeran.
501
00:21:02,288 --> 00:21:03,320
Oh, my God!
502
00:21:03,322 --> 00:21:04,889
Get this thing off of me!
503
00:21:28,096 --> 00:21:30,123
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