1 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,049 Fuck Wolverine. 2 00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:19,762 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 3 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:23,929 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 4 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,060 What a dick. 5 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,349 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 6 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,726 I'm dying in this one, too. 7 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,736 To understand why I took a cat-nap 8 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,905 on 1, 200 gallons of high-test fuel... 9 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,278 I need to take you back 10 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,701 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 11 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,069 I'd gone international, 12 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,121 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 13 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,573 unspeakable monsters. 14 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,667 People nobody would touch. Except me. 15 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,832 I'm gonna touch them all over. 16 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,417 Hey, it's Gail calling. 17 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,593 Love the shiny suit. 18 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,670 Really brings out 19 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,300 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 20 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,553 Whatever they're paying, I'll double it. 21 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,764 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 22 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,812 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 23 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,516 The sex trafficker in your eyes. 24 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,689 Where is the library? 25 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,812 Which literally translates to... 26 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,232 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 27 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:34,128 Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's. 28 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,420 I am so sorry. 29 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,089 I thought this was an anal-bleaching party. 30 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,154 Don't worry. You're not going to die. 31 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,653 Although these will kill you. 32 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,734 Hit it, Dolly. 33 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,630 I'm merely a vessel for the Lord. 34 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,486 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 35 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,533 Whoo! Do not go in there! 36 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,337 Let's see Captain America do that. 37 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,798 Too exotic? 38 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,496 I don't bargain. 39 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,888 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 40 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:38,471 Cut. I've got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 41 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,306 Oh, that's so gross. 42 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:42,728 Fuck. 43 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,736 Looks like you left a little landing strip there. 44 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:46,857 I like it. 45 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,611 Oh, man! 46 00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,870 My world tour brought me home 47 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,293 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 48 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,920 But we'll get to him in a moment. 49 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,338 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 50 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,213 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 51 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,543 But that's where you'd be wrong. 52 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,676 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 53 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:17,051 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 54 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,180 True story. 55 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:22,139 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 56 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,271 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 57 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:28,605 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 58 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,565 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 59 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,994 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 60 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,161 But this guy? 61 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,329 He was one of the worst of 'em. 62 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,492 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 63 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:43,668 and let's kill this motherfucker! 64 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,420 Ugh. So gross. 65 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,256 A panic room? Really? 66 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,929 Can you come out? 67 00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,102 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 68 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,314 Over and over, I hear people say, 69 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,861 "I just don't have enough confidence." 70 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,110 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 71 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,440 It's something you create. 72 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,526 And you can create it at any moment in time. 73 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,323 A sense of confidence is nothing 74 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,700 but a sense of power within yourself... 75 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,656 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 76 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,787 Start the fucking car! 77 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,958 Dopinder! 78 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,581 Start the fucking car! 79 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,592 Shoot that motherfucker! Shoot him! 80 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,294 Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants. 81 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,721 Actually, that may have been me. 82 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,014 Oh, mission accomplished? 83 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,183 Oh, in a George W. sort of way. 84 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,931 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 85 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,433 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 86 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,639 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 87 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,940 and who'da thought? 88 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,064 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 89 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,403 Passion of the Christ, then me. 90 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,695 At least domestically. 91 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,943 We beat them overseas, 92 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,991 where there's no such thing as religion. 93 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,239 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 94 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,616 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 95 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,490 I want to fill my... Pockets? 96 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,747 - What's your poison? - A little, uh, cokey cokey? 97 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,123 Can't maintain an erection 98 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,624 without buying shoes online? 99 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,709 I've never experienced that last one. 100 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,006 Talk to me, Goose. 101 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,881 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 102 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,929 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 103 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,589 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 104 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,933 You never cease to surprise me. 105 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,059 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 106 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,765 We all need a sense of belonging. 107 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,600 We all need a genuine sense of home. 108 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,775 A place in this world. 109 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,148 I want to become a contract killer. 110 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,728 I'm sorry. What did you say? 111 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,026 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 112 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,403 and threatened him with great violence? 113 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,825 You kind of killed him. 114 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,653 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 115 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,862 Don't want to. 116 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:42,991 When Tom Cruise fed 117 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,869 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 118 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,120 for the first time... 119 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,578 and she looked up at his smooth, 120 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,878 handsome face and said... 121 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,415 "I want some more." 122 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:57,128 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 123 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,172 I'll never not picture that. 124 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,675 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 125 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,134 as soon as possible. 126 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,346 We're here. 127 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,071 Dopinder, it's me again. 128 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,818 Look, a saner man might discourage you 129 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,741 from joining the deadly merc business... 130 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,239 what, with your concave chest 131 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,945 and your paper towel tube arms. 132 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,700 But you're an eagle... 133 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,748 and goddamn it, an eagle's gotta soar. 134 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,166 You gotta grab those dreams, 135 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,835 grab those dreams by the dick tip... 136 00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,411 and make it rain! 137 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,372 I don't know what that means. 138 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,423 Me neither. 139 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,466 I'm gonna see you... 140 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,136 at the office. 141 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:41,804 In the sky. 142 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:42,926 You're my Tom Cruise! 143 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,633 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 144 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,967 Kristen? Kirsten? 145 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,816 Sorry I'm late. 146 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,438 There was a bunch of 147 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,566 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 148 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,896 and I had to, uh... Uh-uh. 149 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,907 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 150 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,235 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 151 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,328 No. You got me. 152 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,489 I was rounding up all the gluten in the world 153 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,745 and launching it into space... 154 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,826 where it can't not hurt us ever again. 155 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,165 Try again. 156 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,166 Diarrhea? 157 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,956 We can't be sure until I get this suit off... 158 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,008 but, uh, all signs point to yes. 159 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:21,920 Traffic? 160 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,592 Hmm? 161 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,391 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 162 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,467 Well, come here. 163 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,940 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 164 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,816 Don't you want your surprise? 165 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,743 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 166 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,778 I got one for you, too. 167 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,281 Happy anniversary, baby. 168 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,041 Open, open, open. 169 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,377 Skee-Ball token. 170 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,170 Our first date. 171 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,497 Yup. 172 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,546 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 173 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,342 I'll keep it forever. 174 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,219 Thank you, baby. 175 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,560 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 176 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,770 Oh... 177 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,982 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 178 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,400 I don't know what this is. 179 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,977 My IUD. 180 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,354 A bomb? 181 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,236 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 182 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,778 What, you mean that your... 183 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,576 Baby factory's open for business. 184 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:27,744 Oh, my God! 185 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,206 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 186 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:34,125 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 187 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,208 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 188 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,336 Like Cher or Todd. 189 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,835 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 190 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:43,919 Yes, I do. 191 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,754 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 192 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:46,838 Let's do that. 193 00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,515 Papa... 194 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,390 Can you hear me? 195 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,188 Papa, can you see me? 196 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,767 Does this song sound familiar to you? 197 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,528 May. 198 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,992 - Connor, if it's a boy. - May, if it's a girl. 199 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,031 So weird. 200 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,537 Family was always an F-word to me. 201 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,254 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 202 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,632 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 203 00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,426 to draw off of for Todd. 204 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:28,213 Hey. Look at me. 205 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,554 You are not your father. 206 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,682 Besides... 207 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:39,482 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 208 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,476 But here's the thing, 209 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,107 isn't that how it always works? 210 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,938 Like in Star Wars, 211 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,070 men are destined to become their father... 212 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,823 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 213 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,325 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 214 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,457 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 215 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,160 Baby, that's Empire. 216 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,254 The point is, kids... 217 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,376 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 218 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,336 Better than we used to be. 219 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,423 You're a lot smarter than I look. 220 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,842 I'm gonna go make dessert. 221 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,305 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 222 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,932 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 223 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:25,570 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 224 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,567 It's too stripper-y. 225 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,148 Kevin with a "K"! 226 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,325 No, too stripper-y, too. 227 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,495 Uh, Earl! 228 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,160 He's gonna go straight to jail 229 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,036 if we name him Earl. 230 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,369 What about Bruce? 231 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,542 No. 232 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:43,872 Get down. 233 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,331 What? 234 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,988 Baby? Baby? 235 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,666 I'm okay. 236 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,829 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 237 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,869 Please. 238 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,750 Please. Please. 239 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,879 Baby, I'm so sorry. 240 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,841 No! 241 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,074 Papa, can you hear me? 242 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,526 Is it just me, or does 243 00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,362 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 244 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,696 sound suspiciously like 245 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,702 Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? 246 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,243 Papa, can you hear me? 247 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,585 And nobody fucking realizes it. 248 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,212 Wade, you gotta go home. 249 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,885 You've been sitting here for three days, okay? 250 00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:44,635 You smell like sauerkraut left in the warm rain. 251 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,096 Like wet garbage in hot urine. 252 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,302 You smell like a dog ate kitty litter... 253 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,388 and then farted his way out of the living room. 254 00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,268 I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's 255 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,895 couch cushions after Shark Week. 256 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:56,601 I love Frozen. 257 00:19:56,987 --> 00:20:00,196 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 258 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,697 An ocean is water. 259 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:06,449 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 260 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,071 George Michael was right. 261 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,997 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 262 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,574 He's dead, too. 263 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,084 At least we still have Bowie. 264 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,832 Oh, Mr. Pool. David Bowie is... 265 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:16,913 Uh, uh, uh... 266 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,373 still with us. 267 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,334 We do. We'll always have Bowie. 268 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:22,919 I'm sorry. 269 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,295 Shot after shot, 270 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,301 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 271 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,974 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 272 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,802 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 273 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,436 Is he pissing? I'm on it! 274 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,062 There you go, Dopinder. 275 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,141 If you want to be a contract killer... 276 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,727 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 277 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,811 Although I don't quite understand 278 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,111 how they are at all similar. 279 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,565 'Cause I could shove either one up your ass and kill you. 280 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,740 Now, leave me. 281 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:45,817 I get it. 282 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:47,906 Go home, Wade. 283 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,364 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 284 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,157 Okay, I'm fine. 285 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,242 I'm fine. 286 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,202 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 287 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:59,631 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 288 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,290 According to the... 289 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,797 - Kübler-Ross. - Yeah. 290 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,924 According to the Kübler-Ross model... 291 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,757 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 292 00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,808 Jesus Christ, Buck! 293 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,181 No more speaking lines for you. 294 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,154 Hey, bud. Bud. 295 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,027 - Huh? - Got a match? 296 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,358 Match? 297 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,243 Yes, I have one right here. 298 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,695 Don't make a move. This is a stick-up. 299 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,538 - What? - You heard me. 300 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,616 Mister, Mister, put down that gun. 301 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,293 Shut up. Now, come on. Your money or your life? 302 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:49,131 Look, bud, I said, "Your money or your life." 303 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,298 "I'm thinking it over!" 304 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:51,974 Motherfuck! 305 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,142 Fuck! 306 00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:57,562 The hell you doin' here? 307 00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,061 Don't you know how to knock? 308 00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:01,643 I thought you saw me... 309 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,068 with your ears. 310 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,312 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 311 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:05,396 The wall? 312 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,859 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 313 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,246 I heard the news, sweetie. 314 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,073 I'm very sorry. lam. 315 00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:16,915 What am I gonna do, Al? 316 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,126 Probably something terrible. 317 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:21,537 Knowing you. 318 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,251 It was my fault. 319 00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,334 I fucking did this. 320 00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:29,007 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 321 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:31,089 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 322 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,676 She's gone. 323 00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:38,183 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 324 00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:39,813 It's a little hard to hear you 325 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:41,561 with that pity dick in your mouth. 326 00:22:41,652 --> 00:22:44,644 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 327 00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:45,728 Thank you... 328 00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:49,032 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 329 00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:51,155 Listen to the pain. 330 00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:53,953 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 331 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,906 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 332 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,953 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 333 00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:04,338 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 334 00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,050 Wade? 335 00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:12,425 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 336 00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,308 And that is the most beautiful thing 337 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,600 I've ever heard. 338 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:18,890 And you're absolutely right. 339 00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,102 I'm about to do something terrible. 340 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,446 Precious, aren't they? 341 00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:34,652 Whoa! 342 00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,158 Are you a superhero? 343 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,864 Fucking A, sweetie. 344 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,494 What's your name? 345 00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,326 Captain Delicious Pants. 346 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,582 Who's Captain Delicious Pants? 347 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,905 I can't believe he's still alive. 348 00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:13,483 I can't believe you left the house in that shirt. 349 00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,865 There's gotta be some way to die. 350 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,947 I just need to die harder. 351 00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,156 Trademark Fox. 352 00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:21,324 Y'all caught up now? 353 00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,180 Open for business. 354 00:24:40,104 --> 00:24:41,845 Your crazy matches my crazy. 355 00:24:42,272 --> 00:24:44,309 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 356 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:45,564 Skee-Ball token. 357 00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:46,732 You're a lot smarter than I look. 358 00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:53,985 About why we're so good together. 359 00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,407 I love you, Wade Wilson. 360 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,491 Ness? 361 00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,073 Ness? 362 00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:03,908 Ness. 363 00:25:04,545 --> 00:25:07,207 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 364 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:11,006 Your heart's not in the right place. 365 00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:13,342 Wait, hold on. What? 366 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,261 Your heart's not in the right place. 367 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,383 Wait. What do you mean 368 00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,714 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 369 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,491 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 370 00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:43,038 You're broken. 371 00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:46,083 Oh, God. I know that voice. 372 00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:08,560 Well, Russell. 373 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,312 I hear you're handy at picking locks. 374 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,858 There will be no need for that here. 375 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:18,236 There's no locks on our doors, no bars on our windows. 376 00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:21,611 I know what you're thinking. 377 00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,787 Why don't the kids just run? 378 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,953 Who would choose to stay in such a place? 379 00:26:27,377 --> 00:26:29,414 You stay because... 380 00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:34,632 deep down inside, you know you're unfit to leave. 381 00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,054 Don't worry. 382 00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:42,886 We can fix that. 383 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:51,474 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 384 00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:15,081 "Heart's in the right place." 385 00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:16,586 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 386 00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,543 Take your mask off, Wade. 387 00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:20,219 I wish you'd said "pants". 388 00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:21,553 Let's play a game. 389 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,098 It's called "Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?". 390 00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:26,516 Now, close your eyes and open your mouth. 391 00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:28,435 You don't need to be funny here. 392 00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:30,183 We must talk. 393 00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,773 You need fresh start. 394 00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,350 Such a glare. 395 00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:36,606 It's like I'm on stage at the Gaiety. 396 00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:39,238 With training, you can be X-Man. 397 00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:41,490 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 398 00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:42,817 I'm not X-Man material. 399 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,493 Understatement of the year. 400 00:27:44,955 --> 00:27:45,945 Wade, Yukio. 401 00:27:46,415 --> 00:27:47,576 Yukio, Wade. 402 00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,457 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 403 00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:52,410 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 404 00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:54,999 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 405 00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:56,922 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 406 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:59,296 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 407 00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:01,009 I like this guy. 408 00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:02,841 Give him a chance. 409 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:04,672 It's great seeing you like this. 410 00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:06,970 Yeah. 411 00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:08,426 Bye, Wade! 412 00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:11,224 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 413 00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:14,057 "Rule number one. No killing... 414 00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:17,564 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 415 00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:20,237 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 416 00:28:20,324 --> 00:28:21,314 Wade? 417 00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:23,282 Wade? 418 00:28:23,493 --> 00:28:25,234 - Don't try to chase me. - Wade! 419 00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:27,407 I'm not ready to be touched again. 420 00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,704 All these old guys on the wall. 421 00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,873 Who lives here, Calista Flockhart? 422 00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:36,454 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 423 00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:38,964 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 424 00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:41,258 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 425 00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:43,928 And how would I do that exactly? 426 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:46,676 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 427 00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:47,848 It's always just you 428 00:28:47,935 --> 00:28:49,266 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 429 00:28:49,353 --> 00:28:50,343 Enough! 430 00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:52,478 I said no touching! 431 00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:56,770 What the fuck? 432 00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:59,685 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 433 00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:01,817 One that doesn't end up in my mouth. 434 00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:03,773 The first movie made more money 435 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:06,154 than the guy who invented pants. 436 00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:08,361 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 437 00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,537 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 438 00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:11,864 What do those do anyway, huh? 439 00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:13,370 Carry him three feet off the ground 440 00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:15,371 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 441 00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,703 No, no, no! 442 00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,460 I am not X-Man material at all. 443 00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:23,167 First off... 444 00:29:23,262 --> 00:29:25,299 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 445 00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:28,551 I should have left you 446 00:29:28,642 --> 00:29:30,303 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 447 00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:33,432 But this is what friends do. They show up! 448 00:29:33,522 --> 00:29:35,183 Not when convenient or easy. 449 00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:38,933 When hard, and you always make it hard. 450 00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:42,357 You are unwell. 451 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,529 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 452 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,448 Wait. One of the assholes 453 00:29:46,535 --> 00:29:48,025 who killed Vanessa got away. 454 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,613 Oh, Jesus Christ! 455 00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:54,665 I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there. 456 00:29:54,751 --> 00:29:56,617 Please know I wouldn't be able to stop you if you did. 457 00:29:56,712 --> 00:29:58,703 Wade, whoever they are... 458 00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:01,129 we track them down and bring them to justice. 459 00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,128 It was me. 460 00:30:05,971 --> 00:30:07,553 I'm the asshole who got away. 461 00:30:08,682 --> 00:30:11,299 I killed every last one of them, except me. 462 00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:13,559 Couldn't kill me. 463 00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:18,681 We were gonna start a family. 464 00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:22,396 We were, uh... 465 00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,404 We were gonna be a family. 466 00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:27,189 Wade... 467 00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:30,155 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 468 00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:34,034 This may not be family you want... 469 00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:36,115 but it's family you need. 470 00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:37,825 You have a good heart. 471 00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,455 It belongs here where it can grow. 472 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:42,246 What did you say? 473 00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:45,632 About my heart? 474 00:30:51,058 --> 00:30:53,049 I think I'm in the right place. 475 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:03,619 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 476 00:32:03,713 --> 00:32:05,295 Toilet paper. 477 00:32:05,382 --> 00:32:06,747 What's so bad about toilet paper? 478 00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:08,003 Gets the job done. 479 00:32:08,093 --> 00:32:10,926 Does it really get the job done? 480 00:32:11,012 --> 00:32:13,174 All right. Say you wake up tomorrow morning... 481 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:17,930 and, hypothetically, find some fresh shit on your face. 482 00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:19,680 Your cheek, maybe a little bit in the beard. 483 00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:21,387 What the hell? I'm about to be fucking sick! 484 00:32:21,481 --> 00:32:22,516 What do you do? 485 00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:23,893 Do you go to a bathroom 486 00:32:23,984 --> 00:32:25,600 and tear off a piece of dry tissue... 487 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,526 and rub it around on your beard a little bit 488 00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,148 and then go on, get on with your day? 489 00:32:29,239 --> 00:32:30,821 Go to church, maybe dinner and a movie, 490 00:32:30,907 --> 00:32:31,988 like nothing happened? 491 00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:33,406 Where is this coming from, man? 492 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,699 But something did happen. 493 00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:36,197 Your face smells like shit. Right? 494 00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:37,824 So what you would do, 495 00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:40,121 is you would get some soap, you'd get some hot water... 496 00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:42,495 and you would scrub the fucking shit 497 00:32:42,586 --> 00:32:44,543 out of your beard for 10 straight minutes. 498 00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,290 You could not scrub it enough. 499 00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:47,997 Are you trying to make me feel disgusting? 500 00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:49,252 I'm starting to feel... 501 00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:52,004 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 502 00:32:52,095 --> 00:32:54,177 But, then... 503 00:32:54,431 --> 00:32:56,718 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 504 00:32:56,808 --> 00:32:58,139 That's your main course. 505 00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:01,344 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 506 00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:04,931 Finally, one more pass with toilet paper, 507 00:33:05,025 --> 00:33:06,891 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 508 00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:08,567 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 509 00:33:08,653 --> 00:33:09,939 if you can get you a hair dryer. 510 00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:12,362 Just about 30 seconds would do you good. 511 00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:17,067 The fuck? 512 00:33:18,330 --> 00:33:19,365 Year. 513 00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:21,363 What? 514 00:33:22,584 --> 00:33:24,200 What year is it? 515 00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,752 What kind of dumb-ass question is that to ask? 516 00:33:57,494 --> 00:34:00,236 We have 8 weeks of boot camp ahead of us, men. 517 00:34:00,330 --> 00:34:01,616 That'll get us toned and prepared 518 00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:03,288 for all manner of combat. 519 00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:09,371 Not working out at all. 520 00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,247 Masking tape. 521 00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:13,673 It is no friend to chilled aluminum. 522 00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:16,718 Velcro. Color-coded, efficient, 523 00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:17,886 environmentally friendly. 524 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,176 Who is he talking to? 525 00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:21,883 And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? 526 00:34:21,977 --> 00:34:23,934 Can we focus for a moment, ladies? 527 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,261 Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan. 528 00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:28,097 Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. 529 00:34:28,191 --> 00:34:29,477 I read the suggestion box. 530 00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:31,150 I'm gonna stop you right there. 531 00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:33,022 I see through this weak act. 532 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:37,490 You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit... 533 00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:38,820 but not me. 534 00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:39,945 Don't be mean. 535 00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:41,322 Back Off, NTW. 536 00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:43,575 No, no, no. Let her go. 537 00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:44,780 Let her go, it's okay. 538 00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:46,410 She has a right to be skeptical. 539 00:34:46,501 --> 00:34:49,118 Look at me. I'm an easy target. 540 00:34:50,297 --> 00:34:51,628 You know, historically, 541 00:34:51,715 --> 00:34:53,581 mischief has been my mistress... 542 00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:56,337 so I understand, you know. But I like to think... 543 00:34:57,971 --> 00:34:59,928 that you guys have really rubbed off on me. 544 00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:03,299 I like to think that I've rubbed off around you, too. 545 00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:06,343 A lot. 546 00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:09,972 And for the first time in a long while... 547 00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:11,227 I like me. 548 00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:15,937 I accept your apology. I never apologized. 549 00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:17,521 I was talking to your heart. 550 00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:19,983 See? You're not lost cause you thought. 551 00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:23,239 I'm proud. You're everything I knew you can be. 552 00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:24,616 Thank you, Colossus. 553 00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,955 Just trying to be the world's best X-Man. 554 00:35:27,042 --> 00:35:28,453 Sorry, X-Person. 555 00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:32,662 Hmm. Something wrong with the soap. 556 00:35:32,756 --> 00:35:34,338 It's fine. 557 00:35:34,424 --> 00:35:36,631 I just filled it. Give it a few more pumps there. 558 00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:40,302 Now, if you'll excuse me... 559 00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:42,129 it's dust bunny season... 560 00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:43,213 and I'm hunting wabbits. 561 00:35:43,933 --> 00:35:45,048 Bye, Wade! 562 00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:49,765 - Fuck. - Fuck you. 563 00:36:01,451 --> 00:36:03,988 No one is born perfect. 564 00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:06,036 But you can be. 565 00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:08,454 I know you're doing what comes naturally. 566 00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:14,586 You can't help yourself. 567 00:36:18,468 --> 00:36:19,924 But you can. 568 00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:23,257 It takes work, discipline... 569 00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:24,929 and treatment. 570 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:26,677 Your abilities... 571 00:36:28,645 --> 00:36:30,636 I know how seductive they are. 572 00:36:31,481 --> 00:36:33,643 How powerful they make you feel. 573 00:36:34,651 --> 00:36:37,143 But you must learn never to use them... 574 00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:39,820 so they will never use you. 575 00:36:46,079 --> 00:36:47,661 Please don't cry. 576 00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:50,080 I'm going to help. 577 00:36:50,166 --> 00:36:52,999 I'm gonna make you feel what you should feel. 578 00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:54,789 How you need to feel... 579 00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:58,459 every time you're tempted to act upon your urges. 580 00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:03,256 Suck my mutant dick, you four-eyed fuck. 581 00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:18,942 Wade. 582 00:37:19,863 --> 00:37:20,853 Wade! 583 00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:23,526 - Come in! - Hey, I was just doing 584 00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:25,152 a little bit of light reading here... 585 00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:26,908 We have mission. 586 00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:28,526 Well, you guys be safe out there. 587 00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:29,827 I'll be praying for you. 588 00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,326 No, I want you to join. 589 00:37:33,543 --> 00:37:34,658 I'm sorry, what? 590 00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,335 You heard me. 591 00:37:36,421 --> 00:37:38,662 Trust me, that's a terrible idea. 592 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,875 I'm really not ready. 593 00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,456 - You are ready. - I'm not. 594 00:37:41,718 --> 00:37:43,459 Be at the X-Jet in five. 595 00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:44,751 I can do thirty. 596 00:37:44,846 --> 00:37:46,757 - Now. - I can do now. 597 00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:47,883 Final offer. 598 00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:50,633 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 599 00:37:50,727 --> 00:37:52,684 Live here at a breaking news situation 600 00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:55,388 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 601 00:37:55,482 --> 00:37:57,393 A mutant boy is appearing to have 602 00:37:57,484 --> 00:37:58,690 some sort of an incident... 603 00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:00,438 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 604 00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,895 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 605 00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:04,400 There are open fires. Fuck off! Stay back! 606 00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:05,481 A scene of absolute chaos here. 607 00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:06,565 Calm down. 608 00:38:06,659 --> 00:38:09,367 I'll burn you! You stay back! 609 00:38:10,079 --> 00:38:11,820 Get away from me! 610 00:38:11,915 --> 00:38:14,407 You wanna fucking die? 611 00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:32,595 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 612 00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:33,675 Scatter! 613 00:38:34,270 --> 00:38:36,227 ...with what appears to be a trainee. 614 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:39,272 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 615 00:38:39,359 --> 00:38:40,440 We're the X-Men! 616 00:38:40,527 --> 00:38:42,734 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 617 00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:45,316 So, respect. 618 00:38:45,698 --> 00:38:46,938 At ease, Officer. 619 00:38:48,535 --> 00:38:50,071 What are you doing? 620 00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:51,777 My job! 621 00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:53,236 You're the one who said I was ready, 622 00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:54,787 and I frankly disagreed with you. 623 00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:57,241 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 624 00:38:57,335 --> 00:38:59,747 Like Beyoncé says, "Please... 625 00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:01,919 "Please, stop cheating on me." 626 00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,087 Hey! 627 00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,505 This is the fifth incident. 628 00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,754 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 629 00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,461 Russell belongs in our care. 630 00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:10,296 Not in prison. I assure you... 631 00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:11,471 we have everything under control. 632 00:39:11,558 --> 00:39:12,593 Stay back! I'll burn you! 633 00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:13,845 Not getting a real 634 00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:15,596 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 635 00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:18,053 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 636 00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:19,353 I'll ask the questions, Miguel. 637 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,726 Let me talk to the kid. 638 00:39:20,817 --> 00:39:25,653 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 639 00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:28,397 You wanna die? 640 00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:29,481 This kid's adorable. 641 00:39:29,576 --> 00:39:30,657 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 642 00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:31,858 I'll burn your balls off! 643 00:39:31,953 --> 00:39:34,570 First day. I'm so nervous! 644 00:39:35,373 --> 00:39:36,863 Did you just say "hollow points"? 645 00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:38,289 Yeah, probably should've 646 00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,413 brought a Super Soaker. 647 00:39:40,962 --> 00:39:41,952 Hi, there! 648 00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:45,714 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 649 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,293 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 650 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,296 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 651 00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:55,473 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 652 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,016 Okay? Let's just talk! 653 00:39:57,103 --> 00:39:58,343 It's Russell, right? 654 00:39:58,771 --> 00:40:00,603 - Firefist. - Firefist. 655 00:40:01,065 --> 00:40:03,272 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 656 00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:04,770 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 657 00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:12,441 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 658 00:40:12,535 --> 00:40:14,526 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 659 00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:17,745 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 660 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,831 Just stand down! 661 00:40:19,918 --> 00:40:21,955 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 662 00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:25,666 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 663 00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:33,966 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 664 00:40:34,474 --> 00:40:35,805 Put your hands behind your knees 665 00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:37,348 and get down on your head! Now! 666 00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:39,642 Wade! What was first rule? 667 00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,640 Label everything in the refrigerator! 668 00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:44,314 Do not escalate! Rules are meant to be broken! 669 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:45,765 That's the exact opposite 670 00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:47,225 of what they're meant for! 671 00:40:48,237 --> 00:40:49,693 Fuck! Fine! 672 00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,274 I'll start from the beginning. 673 00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:54,240 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 674 00:40:54,327 --> 00:40:56,284 - Trainee! - Shut it! 675 00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:59,492 Look, I get it. 676 00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:02,283 All right, you're scared. 677 00:41:02,835 --> 00:41:03,870 Alone. 678 00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:04,997 You got no family. 679 00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:06,078 I didn't have a family, either. 680 00:41:06,172 --> 00:41:07,879 You live in this dump. Guess what? 681 00:41:07,966 --> 00:41:09,673 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 682 00:41:10,593 --> 00:41:11,879 But you know something? 683 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:13,677 A wise woman once said to me... 684 00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:15,128 "Speak up. 685 00:41:15,223 --> 00:41:17,430 "I can't hear you with that pity dick in your mouth." 686 00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,724 Too much? I went too far. 687 00:41:27,735 --> 00:41:29,225 That was effervescent. 688 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,231 Stay in school, kid. 689 00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:33,104 Or don't. I didn't. 690 00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:35,027 And I'm an X-Man. 691 00:41:35,118 --> 00:41:36,199 Trainee. 692 00:41:36,285 --> 00:41:37,616 Fuck it! 693 00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:39,445 Superhero landing coming up! 694 00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:44,658 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 695 00:41:44,752 --> 00:41:46,584 That is so not practical. 696 00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,349 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 697 00:42:09,444 --> 00:42:10,434 Trainee! 698 00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:11,563 Trainee! 699 00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:13,686 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 700 00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:16,990 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 701 00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,360 What's that do? 702 00:42:20,455 --> 00:42:21,911 Power-dampening collar. 703 00:42:21,998 --> 00:42:23,238 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 704 00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,116 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 705 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:29,168 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 706 00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:30,495 Thank you! 707 00:42:32,341 --> 00:42:34,548 That was absolutely thrilling. 708 00:42:34,635 --> 00:42:36,626 True heroism in action. 709 00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:38,549 We are in your debt. 710 00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:40,964 We can take it from here. 711 00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:43,221 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 712 00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:44,472 Anywhere's better than here. 713 00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:45,768 Believe me, son, 714 00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:47,562 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 715 00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:50,140 That place makes Hitler's anus look like Waikiki. 716 00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:52,108 Let's get you inside, young man. 717 00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:54,152 No, wait, wait. Wait. 718 00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,728 You guys stay there. 719 00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:07,449 Those guys hurt you? 720 00:43:08,878 --> 00:43:09,913 Who? 721 00:43:11,964 --> 00:43:14,672 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 722 00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:17,625 Both of 'em? 723 00:43:21,349 --> 00:43:23,010 Oh, fuck it. 724 00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,637 Four or five moments! 725 00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:25,717 I'm sorry? 726 00:43:25,812 --> 00:43:28,975 Four or five moments! 727 00:43:30,233 --> 00:43:32,975 That's all it takes to be a hero. 728 00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:36,019 People think you wake up a hero... 729 00:43:36,364 --> 00:43:37,980 brush your teeth a hero... 730 00:43:38,574 --> 00:43:41,066 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 731 00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:46,613 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 732 00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:49,575 A few moments... 733 00:43:49,669 --> 00:43:52,286 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 734 00:43:55,842 --> 00:43:56,957 No! 735 00:43:59,637 --> 00:44:00,843 Stand down! Hold your fire! 736 00:44:00,930 --> 00:44:03,217 Wade, what did you do? Colossus, no! 737 00:44:03,307 --> 00:44:06,550 You were right, Wade. You are not X-Men material. 738 00:44:06,644 --> 00:44:08,885 No shit, Shiny Gandhi! 739 00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,436 What was your first clue? 740 00:44:10,523 --> 00:44:13,311 The hollow point through that fuckheads face? 741 00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:14,933 That kid was abused! 742 00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:16,813 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 743 00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:19,821 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 744 00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:22,820 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 745 00:44:22,910 --> 00:44:24,492 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 746 00:44:24,787 --> 00:44:27,825 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 747 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,201 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 748 00:44:33,296 --> 00:44:35,458 Take them to the Ice Box. 749 00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:57,100 Hey, baby! 750 00:44:58,196 --> 00:45:00,403 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 751 00:45:00,489 --> 00:45:01,854 Yeah! 752 00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:04,274 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 753 00:45:06,162 --> 00:45:07,527 I've always seen myself as 754 00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:08,987 more of an East Coast Hufflepuff. 755 00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:13,457 I've made a critical error on my Airbnb reservation. 756 00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:17,378 This is not what the website looked like at all. 757 00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:20,673 I love the decor though. 758 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,671 I had no idea hopeless was a color. 759 00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:24,002 Hard left, douchebag. 760 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:29,678 Please, after you. 761 00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:34,558 Another disgusting minority off the streets. 762 00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:35,730 We'll sleep well tonight. 763 00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:36,806 Let's get a bagel. 764 00:45:40,112 --> 00:45:42,945 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 765 00:46:18,734 --> 00:46:20,566 You're a long way from your superpowers. 766 00:46:20,653 --> 00:46:23,020 Yeah. Just a touch of cancer. 767 00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:25,572 Not to worry, we're old friends. 768 00:46:25,658 --> 00:46:26,819 Fuck! 769 00:46:26,909 --> 00:46:28,570 I wanted to be a superhero. 770 00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,031 Always wanted a real super suit. 771 00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:32,658 What happened? 772 00:46:32,748 --> 00:46:34,785 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 773 00:46:35,501 --> 00:46:36,662 Never 774 00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:38,830 The industry discriminates. 775 00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,458 Fuck superheroes. 776 00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:44,256 The thing that pisses me off the most... 777 00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:46,175 I never stood up for myself in there. 778 00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:49,591 My whole life. 779 00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:54,225 I've been waiting for someone to come and save me. 780 00:46:56,647 --> 00:46:59,605 Nobody's gonna sacrifice anything for me. 781 00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,979 I gotta start taking care of myself. 782 00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:09,157 I have a mission now. 783 00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:12,736 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 784 00:47:12,830 --> 00:47:15,117 burn the headmaster alive... 785 00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:17,790 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 786 00:47:18,961 --> 00:47:21,373 Aw. That's, like, my favorite part of the Bible. 787 00:47:23,132 --> 00:47:25,043 I don't have a sock puppet on me... 788 00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:27,132 but what did he do to you? 789 00:47:27,762 --> 00:47:29,298 Did he taste the rainbow? 790 00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:31,425 I'd whisper it, but Skittles would sue us. 791 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,216 Fucker hates mutants. 792 00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:36,551 He tried to beat the genes out of us. 793 00:47:36,645 --> 00:47:39,182 Nothing worse than a "pray the gay away" type guy. 794 00:47:39,982 --> 00:47:41,347 Sick piece of shit. 795 00:47:42,777 --> 00:47:46,441 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 796 00:47:47,406 --> 00:47:49,067 and we'll make him our bitch! 797 00:47:53,037 --> 00:47:54,323 What was that? 798 00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:56,370 That is the biggest guy in here. 799 00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:59,078 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 800 00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:00,954 though no one's ever seen it, 801 00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:03,207 they keep a monster in the basement. 802 00:48:03,297 --> 00:48:05,004 Right next to a huge, 803 00:48:05,091 --> 00:48:06,627 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 804 00:48:07,259 --> 00:48:08,249 Look. 805 00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:11,172 I can't protect you. 806 00:48:11,555 --> 00:48:12,670 With this collar on, 807 00:48:12,765 --> 00:48:15,848 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 808 00:48:15,935 --> 00:48:18,802 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 809 00:48:19,438 --> 00:48:21,475 Now, if you'll excuse me... 810 00:48:21,565 --> 00:48:24,728 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 811 00:48:24,819 --> 00:48:27,060 I'll start by making us a shank. 812 00:48:27,321 --> 00:48:29,187 Good listening. I stole that guard's pen... 813 00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,192 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 814 00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:32,648 if you know what I'm saying. 815 00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:35,201 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 816 00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:39,576 I know it's in there, I just need to get it out. 817 00:48:39,667 --> 00:48:41,578 Oh, Jesus Christ. 818 00:48:41,836 --> 00:48:44,077 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 819 00:48:44,505 --> 00:48:46,621 Do they make Purell for your ears? 820 00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:52,760 And to update you 821 00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:54,178 on the story reported earlier, 822 00:48:54,265 --> 00:48:55,801 after a lengthy standoff 823 00:48:55,891 --> 00:48:58,553 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 824 00:48:58,644 --> 00:48:59,930 two mutants were arrested 825 00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:01,636 and transported to the Ice Box... 826 00:49:01,814 --> 00:49:03,179 Entering repair mode. 827 00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:08,976 ...several police cars were destroyed 828 00:49:09,071 --> 00:49:11,062 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 829 00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:34,260 Cells seven and nine 830 00:49:34,346 --> 00:49:37,680 now off-limits for medical personnel. 831 00:49:37,766 --> 00:49:39,222 Cells seven and nine 832 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:42,052 now off-limits for medical personnel. 833 00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:45,179 Psst! 834 00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:49,317 Don't do that. 835 00:49:49,904 --> 00:49:52,737 What? Why are you winking at me? 836 00:49:56,368 --> 00:49:57,733 I got your back. 837 00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:58,989 Oh, my God. 838 00:49:59,079 --> 00:50:00,535 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 839 00:50:00,623 --> 00:50:02,534 Just leave me alone, kid. 840 00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:04,748 Oh, great. 841 00:50:06,587 --> 00:50:09,079 Well, hello there, new fish. 842 00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:12,086 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 843 00:50:12,259 --> 00:50:14,466 I've done some light catalog work... 844 00:50:14,553 --> 00:50:17,011 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 845 00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:19,008 I was talking to him. Oh. 846 00:50:19,934 --> 00:50:22,926 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 847 00:50:23,354 --> 00:50:25,971 Black Tom Cassidy. White Wade Wilson. 848 00:50:26,065 --> 00:50:29,183 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 849 00:50:29,527 --> 00:50:32,064 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 850 00:50:32,154 --> 00:50:33,815 You don't look like much to me. 851 00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,152 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 852 00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:38,825 find the biggest guy and make him your... 853 00:50:43,123 --> 00:50:45,285 Second biggest guy. 854 00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:47,617 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 855 00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:51,371 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 856 00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:52,796 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 857 00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:56,209 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 858 00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,174 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 859 00:50:59,265 --> 00:51:01,506 Zip it. We're not friends. 860 00:51:03,227 --> 00:51:04,308 You're about to get dick-slapped. 861 00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:18,572 I had so much fun! You were like... 862 00:51:18,659 --> 00:51:20,696 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 863 00:51:20,786 --> 00:51:21,901 Just let me die in peace. 864 00:51:22,580 --> 00:51:24,321 We make a great team! 865 00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:27,285 Oh, God! We're not a team. 866 00:51:27,376 --> 00:51:31,665 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 867 00:51:31,755 --> 00:51:34,167 We're not partners or friends. 868 00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:37,630 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 869 00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,882 It ends with me dying of cancer... 870 00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:43,510 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 871 00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:46,805 There's only one person in this world 872 00:51:46,895 --> 00:51:48,681 that I care about, and she's gone. 873 00:51:50,482 --> 00:51:52,473 You wanna survive? 874 00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:56,982 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 875 00:51:57,072 --> 00:51:58,938 and make friends with them. 876 00:52:00,242 --> 00:52:01,824 Make friends with someone. 877 00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:04,660 Anyone but me. 878 00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:08,163 Maybe even Black Tim. 879 00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:10,620 Black Evan, I don't know. 880 00:52:10,711 --> 00:52:13,203 All I remember is he was African-American. 881 00:52:58,676 --> 00:53:00,713 System malfunctioning. 882 00:53:00,803 --> 00:53:04,137 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 883 00:53:04,223 --> 00:53:06,430 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 884 00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:09,805 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 885 00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,386 Searching. 886 00:53:13,941 --> 00:53:16,308 Cell 04 located. 887 00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:19,311 Door won't open! 888 00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:21,479 On your fucking knees! 889 00:53:58,444 --> 00:54:00,151 That was our cell. 890 00:54:02,281 --> 00:54:04,522 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 891 00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:05,777 with a Winter Soldier arm? 892 00:54:15,043 --> 00:54:16,954 Get away from me, kid! 893 00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:25,801 Listen to me! Go! 894 00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:32,596 Hello, Russell. 895 00:55:56,019 --> 00:55:58,056 I don't bargain. 896 00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:17,196 Who are you? 897 00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,323 I'm Batman. 898 00:56:30,762 --> 00:56:31,797 Ooh! 899 00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,427 Oh. That's got some zip. 900 00:56:47,946 --> 00:56:50,734 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 901 00:56:51,450 --> 00:56:52,485 Talk! 902 00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,776 What kind of spineless shit stick 903 00:56:54,870 --> 00:56:56,235 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 904 00:56:57,539 --> 00:56:58,700 You might wanna start talking! 905 00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:01,202 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 906 00:57:02,711 --> 00:57:04,201 The name's Cable. 907 00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:07,417 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 908 00:57:08,091 --> 00:57:09,377 Oh! 909 00:57:09,468 --> 00:57:10,924 So, you're from the future. 910 00:57:11,470 --> 00:57:13,302 I have three questions then. 911 00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:16,635 One, is dubstep still a thing? 912 00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:19,558 Two, do people still homebrew? 913 00:57:19,645 --> 00:57:22,228 And three, does Dopinder ever find love? 914 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,107 Dubstep's for pussies. 915 00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:09,354 You're so dark! 916 00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,651 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 917 00:58:12,406 --> 00:58:13,896 I love dubstep! 918 00:58:40,225 --> 00:58:41,636 Is that a fanny pack? 919 00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:44,310 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 920 00:58:45,272 --> 00:58:47,354 Something to remember you by. 921 00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:51,150 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 922 00:58:51,236 --> 00:58:53,603 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 923 00:59:03,331 --> 00:59:05,413 Why are you protecting the kid? 924 00:59:06,752 --> 00:59:08,663 I don't give a fuck about him... 925 00:59:09,087 --> 00:59:11,499 and his Are You My Mother? complex! 926 00:59:13,842 --> 00:59:15,082 What's this one do? 927 00:59:29,274 --> 00:59:30,856 In every film, there's a moment 928 00:59:30,942 --> 00:59:33,274 when the hero hits rock bottom. 929 00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:35,272 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 930 00:59:35,363 --> 00:59:36,649 prized bobs/ed broke. 931 00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:40,073 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 932 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,696 signed on to be in that movie. 933 00:59:41,787 --> 00:59:43,243 But in this film, well... 934 00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:45,116 you're looking at it. 935 00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:46,948 On your fucking knees, mutant. 936 00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:50,868 Rock... 937 00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:56,415 meet bottom. 938 01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:08,185 I love you, Wade Wilson. 939 01:00:08,271 --> 01:00:09,477 Ness? 940 01:00:10,524 --> 01:00:11,980 Hey, Ness! 941 01:00:12,859 --> 01:00:14,645 Ness, can you let me in? 942 01:00:14,736 --> 01:00:16,818 Please! Please. 943 01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:20,071 Jesus. 944 01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:24,743 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 945 01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:26,616 I'm at the end of my rope. 946 01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:31,367 Then I joined the X-Men. 947 01:00:31,545 --> 01:00:33,377 I went to prison. I, uh... 948 01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:38,957 Is it the kid? 949 01:00:41,012 --> 01:00:43,925 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 950 01:00:45,350 --> 01:00:46,340 The kid! 951 01:01:00,407 --> 01:01:01,693 That's exactly what she meant. 952 01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:02,944 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 953 01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:04,908 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 954 01:01:04,995 --> 01:01:07,578 He's never had anyone, ever. 955 01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:08,950 I need to be selfless. 956 01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:10,951 Yeah, but what does that mean? 957 01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:14,160 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 958 01:01:14,337 --> 01:01:15,827 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 959 01:01:15,922 --> 01:01:18,880 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 960 01:01:18,967 --> 01:01:20,958 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 961 01:01:21,052 --> 01:01:22,463 I literally don't know what that means. 962 01:01:22,637 --> 01:01:23,752 Jesus Christ. 963 01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:26,555 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 964 01:01:26,641 --> 01:01:28,382 those muties are being transferred 965 01:01:28,476 --> 01:01:30,262 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 966 01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,139 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 967 01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:34,346 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 968 01:01:34,441 --> 01:01:36,398 We're talking about an armored convoy... 969 01:01:36,484 --> 01:01:39,067 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 970 01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:41,486 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 971 01:01:41,573 --> 01:01:42,984 You know what we need to do? 972 01:01:43,074 --> 01:01:44,815 We need to build a fucking team. 973 01:01:44,993 --> 01:01:47,030 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 974 01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:48,485 and young enough so they can carry 975 01:01:48,580 --> 01:01:49,695 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 976 01:01:49,789 --> 01:01:51,621 A team of highly-skilled motherfuckers. 977 01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:54,700 I'm talking about some Ocean's 14 shit. Rogue Two. 978 01:01:54,794 --> 01:01:57,161 John Wick 3, but with the original director. 979 01:01:57,255 --> 01:01:59,121 My body is an instrument of death. 980 01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:00,547 Not now, Dopinder. 981 01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:02,045 I could be of great use. 982 01:02:02,135 --> 01:02:03,717 What's your superpower? 983 01:02:05,513 --> 01:02:07,129 Courage. That's adorable. 984 01:02:07,224 --> 01:02:08,840 Do you have the courage to check and see... 985 01:02:08,934 --> 01:02:11,266 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 986 01:02:11,353 --> 01:02:12,343 Yes, sir. 987 01:02:12,437 --> 01:02:13,677 I'm sorry you had to see that, 988 01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,262 although I'm glad you heard it. 989 01:02:16,149 --> 01:02:18,015 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 990 01:02:18,109 --> 01:02:20,316 But we're not paying medical or dental. 991 01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:22,440 It's time to get back on Linkedln. 992 01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:00,853 Attention, all inmates! 993 01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:03,394 Transport to Cross Force Maximum Security 994 01:03:03,488 --> 01:03:04,853 Mutant Containment Facility... 995 01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:06,863 will begin at 0800 hours. 996 01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:08,990 Inspection of your cells and out processing 997 01:03:09,077 --> 01:03:11,114 will begin at 0600. 998 01:03:19,421 --> 01:03:20,411 Oi. 999 01:03:20,547 --> 01:03:21,878 What the fuck do you want? 1000 01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:23,751 That's my fucking pudding. 1001 01:03:23,842 --> 01:03:25,128 Fuck your pudding! You like pudding? 1002 01:03:46,865 --> 01:03:47,855 Hello? 1003 01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,492 I know you're in there. 1004 01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:10,465 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 1005 01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:14,006 Lonely at the top, eh? 1006 01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:16,057 They're moving us tomorrow. 1007 01:04:18,521 --> 01:04:20,307 Maybe I can get you out of here. 1008 01:04:21,524 --> 01:04:24,687 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 1009 01:04:26,529 --> 01:04:28,270 We need a secret code. 1010 01:04:31,326 --> 01:04:33,943 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 1011 01:04:41,211 --> 01:04:42,701 We're a team. 1012 01:04:42,796 --> 01:04:44,707 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 1013 01:04:44,798 --> 01:04:46,755 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 1014 01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:49,503 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 1015 01:04:49,594 --> 01:04:50,675 Yeah. 1016 01:04:50,762 --> 01:04:51,752 I like that. 1017 01:04:51,846 --> 01:04:53,257 Terrific, these are all terrific. 1018 01:04:53,515 --> 01:04:55,222 Meet Bedlam. 1019 01:04:55,308 --> 01:04:57,470 Cool name! Superpowers? 1020 01:04:57,602 --> 01:04:59,092 I can distort electrical fields. 1021 01:05:00,355 --> 01:05:02,517 Including the one inside your brain... 1022 01:05:02,607 --> 01:05:05,269 causing anxiety, confusion... 1023 01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:06,441 pain. 1024 01:05:07,404 --> 01:05:09,441 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 1025 01:05:09,531 --> 01:05:10,692 We can use him. 1026 01:05:12,450 --> 01:05:13,986 I'm Zeitgeist. 1027 01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,400 Cool. I like it. 1028 01:05:15,495 --> 01:05:16,735 So you have the power 1029 01:05:16,830 --> 01:05:19,162 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 1030 01:05:20,208 --> 01:05:21,323 No. 1031 01:05:21,418 --> 01:05:22,954 No, I spit acidic vomit. 1032 01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,125 - Oh. - Do you want me 1033 01:05:24,212 --> 01:05:25,543 - to demonstrate? - No! 1034 01:05:25,630 --> 01:05:26,961 We'll take your word for it. 1035 01:05:27,048 --> 01:05:28,504 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 1036 01:05:29,342 --> 01:05:31,959 And this is the Vanisher. 1037 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:36,296 But... 1038 01:05:37,475 --> 01:05:38,931 Vanisher! 1039 01:05:41,479 --> 01:05:43,140 - Nice! - Right? 1040 01:05:44,441 --> 01:05:45,522 He's not here, is he? 1041 01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:47,144 He may be running late. 1042 01:05:48,736 --> 01:05:51,194 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 1043 01:05:51,614 --> 01:05:52,820 That's good, yeah. 1044 01:05:52,907 --> 01:05:54,989 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 1045 01:05:55,076 --> 01:05:57,784 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 1046 01:05:57,954 --> 01:05:59,945 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 1047 01:06:00,039 --> 01:06:01,655 How does that, uh, help us? 1048 01:06:01,749 --> 01:06:04,537 I'm basically better than you at everything. 1049 01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:06,372 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 1050 01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:07,999 that are worse than me at everything. 1051 01:06:08,089 --> 01:06:10,251 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 1052 01:06:10,341 --> 01:06:12,207 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 1053 01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:13,383 Isn't that Canada? 1054 01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:15,882 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 1055 01:06:17,056 --> 01:06:18,512 Meet... Domino. 1056 01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:20,307 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 1057 01:06:20,685 --> 01:06:21,675 That's not a superpower. 1058 01:06:22,145 --> 01:06:23,135 - Yeah, it is. - No, it isn't. 1059 01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:24,519 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 1060 01:06:24,606 --> 01:06:25,596 - Yeah, it is. - No, it isn't. 1061 01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:26,680 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 1062 01:06:26,774 --> 01:06:27,764 - Yeah, it is. - Really isn't. 1063 01:06:27,859 --> 01:06:28,940 - No, it isn't. - Yes, it is. 1064 01:06:29,110 --> 01:06:30,100 Told you. 1065 01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:31,526 Get out of my head! 1066 01:06:31,696 --> 01:06:33,278 I'm not in your head. 1067 01:06:33,364 --> 01:06:34,570 I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom. 1068 01:06:34,741 --> 01:06:35,856 Well, if you're so lucky, 1069 01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:37,486 then what are you doing here with us? 1070 01:06:37,577 --> 01:06:38,658 I don't know yet. 1071 01:06:38,745 --> 01:06:39,735 What's that supposed to mean? 1072 01:06:39,829 --> 01:06:41,536 There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. 1073 01:06:41,623 --> 01:06:43,364 Everything usually just kind of works out for me. 1074 01:06:43,458 --> 01:06:45,290 Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds. 1075 01:06:46,586 --> 01:06:47,667 I don't know who that is. 1076 01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:48,915 You're hired. 1077 01:06:49,297 --> 01:06:50,287 Lucky me. 1078 01:06:50,381 --> 01:06:51,587 I like her! 1079 01:06:52,717 --> 01:06:54,003 And last, but not least... 1080 01:06:54,093 --> 01:06:55,208 Peter. 1081 01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,553 Am I getting catfished here or...? 1082 01:06:59,182 --> 01:07:01,048 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 1083 01:07:01,142 --> 01:07:02,223 PETER; No. 1084 01:07:02,769 --> 01:07:04,430 I don't have one. 1085 01:07:04,521 --> 01:07:05,807 Um, I just saw the ad. 1086 01:07:05,897 --> 01:07:07,604 No superpowers at all? 1087 01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:10,808 Uh, I have both Type 1 and 2 Diabetes. 1088 01:07:11,319 --> 01:07:12,605 OW! Oh! 1089 01:07:12,695 --> 01:07:13,810 That's all the diabetes. 1090 01:07:13,905 --> 01:07:15,145 - Right? - Yeah, you got 'em all. 1091 01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:17,151 If you find a Type 3, let us know. 1092 01:07:17,659 --> 01:07:18,649 Yeah. 1093 01:07:18,743 --> 01:07:19,824 You're in. 1094 01:07:19,911 --> 01:07:21,401 - Yeah. - Fuck! 1095 01:07:23,790 --> 01:07:25,201 It's fulfilling work. 1096 01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:31,582 Let's go! 1097 01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,765 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 1098 01:07:47,855 --> 01:07:49,220 We are en route. 1099 01:07:56,823 --> 01:07:59,190 Peacetime makes people soft. 1100 01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:02,571 I was born into war. 1101 01:08:04,122 --> 01:08:05,283 Bred into it. 1102 01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:07,406 Okay- 1103 01:08:08,251 --> 01:08:10,583 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 1104 01:08:12,547 --> 01:08:13,753 These restraints are pretty... 1105 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,251 People think they understand pain. 1106 01:08:15,758 --> 01:08:17,169 They have no concept of it 1107 01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:19,217 beyond their own worst experience. 1108 01:08:20,805 --> 01:08:23,968 5 years old. That's what? 1109 01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:25,548 A bee sting. 1110 01:08:25,643 --> 01:08:26,724 Oh, yeah. 1111 01:08:26,811 --> 01:08:29,303 20 years old, shrapnel. 1112 01:08:29,397 --> 01:08:31,684 40 years old, disease. 1113 01:08:32,150 --> 01:08:36,644 Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man. 1114 01:08:36,738 --> 01:08:38,103 Yeah, getting old's not for sissies. 1115 01:08:38,197 --> 01:08:39,779 That's what my Grandma Ginny used to... 1116 01:08:39,866 --> 01:08:41,072 I've got a list. 1117 01:08:41,826 --> 01:08:43,783 We're gonna work down it. 1118 01:08:44,495 --> 01:08:45,485 Together. 1119 01:08:46,664 --> 01:08:48,780 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 1120 01:08:49,751 --> 01:08:52,038 Something that was not meant to bend. 1121 01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:53,163 I'm gonna stop you right there 1122 01:08:53,254 --> 01:08:54,540 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 1123 01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:55,917 I won't even make it to one. 1124 01:08:56,007 --> 01:08:57,668 I don't do well with pain, you know. 1125 01:08:57,759 --> 01:08:59,875 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 1126 01:09:00,178 --> 01:09:02,169 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 1127 01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:04,383 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 1128 01:09:04,474 --> 01:09:05,805 I have one right now. 1129 01:09:05,892 --> 01:09:07,428 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 1130 01:09:07,518 --> 01:09:08,553 I don't want you to hurt me, 1131 01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:10,886 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 1132 01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:13,472 Except for where they are. 1133 01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:15,273 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 1134 01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:16,566 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 1135 01:09:16,653 --> 01:09:18,064 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 1136 01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:19,565 You all know the plan. 1137 01:09:19,656 --> 01:09:21,363 Intercept the convoy, 1138 01:09:21,449 --> 01:09:23,406 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 1139 01:09:23,493 --> 01:09:24,483 You know what, 1140 01:09:24,577 --> 01:09:25,658 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 1141 01:09:25,745 --> 01:09:28,533 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 1142 01:09:28,623 --> 01:09:31,285 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 1143 01:09:31,376 --> 01:09:33,959 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 1144 01:09:34,045 --> 01:09:37,163 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 1145 01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:40,002 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 1146 01:09:40,468 --> 01:09:42,254 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 1147 01:09:43,262 --> 01:09:44,844 there's a wind advisory in effect. 1148 01:09:56,192 --> 01:09:57,774 A little turbulent up here. 1149 01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:06,942 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 1150 01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:08,367 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 1151 01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:10,195 as many people as melanoma has. 1152 01:10:11,582 --> 01:10:12,663 We're getting close! 1153 01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:14,658 As a former X-Man... 1154 01:10:14,752 --> 01:10:16,618 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 1155 01:10:16,713 --> 01:10:19,045 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 1156 01:10:19,132 --> 01:10:20,668 in the group's name. 1157 01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,749 X-Men! Men! 1158 01:10:22,844 --> 01:10:25,802 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 1159 01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:27,174 Gender neutral. 1160 01:10:27,265 --> 01:10:29,552 From now on, we'll be known as... 1161 01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:33,142 X-Force. 1162 01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:34,936 Isn't that a little derivative? 1163 01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:37,434 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 1164 01:10:38,693 --> 01:10:40,149 That wasn't me. 1165 01:10:47,201 --> 01:10:49,488 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 1166 01:10:49,579 --> 01:10:51,365 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 1167 01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:52,491 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 1168 01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:54,414 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 1169 01:10:54,500 --> 01:10:55,490 Yeah! 1170 01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:57,326 I can't wait to kill! 1171 01:10:57,420 --> 01:10:59,081 Hey! Hey! Hey! 1172 01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:02,000 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 1173 01:11:02,925 --> 01:11:05,758 You know, you guys look amazing! 1174 01:11:05,845 --> 01:11:08,678 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 1175 01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:09,800 This is the family 1176 01:11:09,891 --> 01:11:11,347 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 1177 01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:13,428 Ah, shit. 1178 01:11:15,062 --> 01:11:16,723 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 1179 01:11:16,814 --> 01:11:18,600 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 1180 01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:20,022 about the high winds? 1181 01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:21,395 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 1182 01:11:21,486 --> 01:11:23,352 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 1183 01:11:23,446 --> 01:11:24,857 You've been chosen by a higher power. 1184 01:11:25,156 --> 01:11:27,397 Did he just call himself God? I think he did. 1185 01:11:27,492 --> 01:11:29,028 I'd like to go home. And I'd like... 1186 01:11:29,118 --> 01:11:31,576 the McRib to be available year round, 1187 01:11:31,662 --> 01:11:33,448 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 1188 01:11:33,539 --> 01:11:35,655 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 1189 01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:36,831 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 1190 01:11:36,918 --> 01:11:38,283 because of a light breeze? 1191 01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:41,161 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 1192 01:11:41,255 --> 01:11:43,166 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 1193 01:11:43,257 --> 01:11:45,168 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 1194 01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:47,751 Leonard, hit it! 1195 01:11:56,521 --> 01:11:58,558 Go! Go! Go! 1196 01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,632 Let's get some! 1197 01:12:35,726 --> 01:12:36,841 Whoo! 1198 01:12:36,936 --> 01:12:38,051 Oh. yeah! 1199 01:12:38,145 --> 01:12:40,978 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 1200 01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,480 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 1201 01:12:43,568 --> 01:12:44,808 Whoa! 1202 01:12:50,074 --> 01:12:51,985 Little off course here. 1203 01:12:54,161 --> 01:12:56,994 Holy mommy fucking shit! 1204 01:12:57,748 --> 01:12:59,159 Ah, there they are. 1205 01:12:59,250 --> 01:13:02,333 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 1206 01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,790 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1207 01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:13,800 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1208 01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:17,306 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1209 01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,472 Left! 1210 01:13:20,563 --> 01:13:22,770 You'd have to be insane to take off in this. 1211 01:13:22,857 --> 01:13:25,064 No, stage left, you idiot! 1212 01:13:28,988 --> 01:13:30,478 Well, I guess we found something 1213 01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:31,654 you're not better at. 1214 01:13:33,868 --> 01:13:35,154 Vanisher. 1215 01:13:35,244 --> 01:13:36,985 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1216 01:13:40,124 --> 01:13:41,535 Oh! Really? 1217 01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:43,412 All right, we could do this with four. 1218 01:13:44,003 --> 01:13:46,961 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1219 01:13:47,048 --> 01:13:49,164 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1220 01:13:50,384 --> 01:13:52,421 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1221 01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:54,001 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1222 01:13:54,096 --> 01:13:55,257 We did it! 1223 01:13:55,348 --> 01:13:56,838 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1224 01:13:56,933 --> 01:13:58,014 X-Force! 1225 01:13:58,643 --> 01:13:59,724 X-Force. 1226 01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:05,972 Oh! 1227 01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:10,685 Peter. 1228 01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:11,770 I got you, buddy! 1229 01:14:11,864 --> 01:14:12,899 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1230 01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:15,607 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1231 01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:17,112 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1232 01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,319 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1233 01:14:23,376 --> 01:14:25,367 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1234 01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,418 Fucking acidic vomit! 1235 01:14:29,006 --> 01:14:31,748 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1236 01:14:34,887 --> 01:14:37,254 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1237 01:14:37,348 --> 01:14:39,180 Where did the rest of the team land? 1238 01:14:39,809 --> 01:14:41,425 Good news and bad news. 1239 01:14:41,519 --> 01:14:44,602 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1240 01:14:44,689 --> 01:14:45,770 The good news is, 1241 01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,813 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1242 01:14:47,900 --> 01:14:51,188 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1243 01:14:51,278 --> 01:14:52,268 Peter! 1244 01:14:52,363 --> 01:14:53,774 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1245 01:14:53,864 --> 01:14:54,945 But there is a slight chance 1246 01:14:55,032 --> 01:14:56,363 Vanisher could make it. 1247 01:14:56,450 --> 01:14:58,987 Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1248 01:14:59,078 --> 01:15:00,239 The whole team? 1249 01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:02,115 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1250 01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:03,446 Fuck, you are dumb. 1251 01:15:03,541 --> 01:15:05,123 Whoever planned this stunt's 1252 01:15:05,209 --> 01:15:07,371 been smoking a lot jazz cabbage. 1253 01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:08,542 I'll tell you that much. 1254 01:15:08,629 --> 01:15:10,245 That's pretty obvious! 1255 01:15:10,339 --> 01:15:12,046 Looking good, Vanisher. 1256 01:15:21,892 --> 01:15:23,758 They're headed into the tunnel. 1257 01:15:24,770 --> 01:15:26,181 I'm that kid's only hope, 1258 01:15:26,272 --> 01:15:28,138 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1259 01:15:28,899 --> 01:15:29,889 Whatever. 1260 01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:31,145 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1261 01:15:31,235 --> 01:15:34,148 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1262 01:15:34,238 --> 01:15:36,730 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1263 01:15:36,824 --> 01:15:39,862 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1264 01:15:42,997 --> 01:15:45,614 Seriously, I don't get it! 1265 01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:48,166 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1266 01:15:50,337 --> 01:15:52,123 It's just it's hard to picture. 1267 01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:54,330 And certainly not very cinematic. 1268 01:15:57,011 --> 01:15:58,593 I mean, luck? 1269 01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:01,171 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1270 01:16:01,265 --> 01:16:02,596 freakshow comic book artist... 1271 01:16:02,683 --> 01:16:04,265 came up with that little chestnut? 1272 01:16:04,351 --> 01:16:06,638 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1273 01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:20,983 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1274 01:16:21,077 --> 01:16:22,238 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1275 01:16:22,328 --> 01:16:23,318 Wander the Earth... I'm in. 1276 01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:24,868 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1277 01:16:24,955 --> 01:16:26,036 I'm in. 1278 01:16:26,123 --> 01:16:27,989 How in the fuck are you in already? 1279 01:16:28,459 --> 01:16:29,699 Oh, shit. 1280 01:16:30,294 --> 01:16:31,500 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1281 01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:32,622 Okay. 1282 01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:35,125 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1283 01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:37,924 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1284 01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:39,626 I'm coming up on your six. 1285 01:16:47,895 --> 01:16:49,886 That gun is amazing! 1286 01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:00,984 Hey! Asshole! 1287 01:17:01,158 --> 01:17:02,740 Where is he? I can't see him. 1288 01:17:02,827 --> 01:17:04,317 He's on top of you. 1289 01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,076 He's tearing you open! 1290 01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:07,950 He's going in through the back! 1291 01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:09,580 Oh, God, he's inside! 1292 01:17:09,667 --> 01:17:10,907 You hear yourself, right? 1293 01:17:11,001 --> 01:17:12,412 Accidental double entendres! 1294 01:17:12,503 --> 01:17:14,961 Russell! Russell Collins! 1295 01:17:15,047 --> 01:17:16,958 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1296 01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:22,961 No, no, no! 1297 01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:28,424 Shit! 1298 01:17:50,374 --> 01:17:52,285 Two can play that game! 1299 01:17:54,420 --> 01:17:56,252 Got it! No, I don't. 1300 01:17:57,256 --> 01:17:58,246 Showtime, mama! 1301 01:17:58,340 --> 01:17:59,956 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1302 01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,454 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1303 01:18:39,632 --> 01:18:41,669 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1304 01:18:58,275 --> 01:18:59,265 Hang in there, Doms! 1305 01:19:00,611 --> 01:19:02,227 Oh, this is really hard. 1306 01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:15,911 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1307 01:19:19,463 --> 01:19:20,999 You're doing great. X-Force. 1308 01:19:22,967 --> 01:19:24,958 I guess dubstep never dies. 1309 01:19:29,265 --> 01:19:30,300 Whoo! 1310 01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:39,977 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1311 01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:43,893 That's unfortunate. 1312 01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:48,272 We got no brakes! 1313 01:19:48,450 --> 01:19:49,690 Figure it out! 1314 01:19:54,081 --> 01:19:55,617 There's nothing I can't kill. 1315 01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,911 Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... 1316 01:20:01,005 --> 01:20:03,337 "There's a first time for everything, son." 1317 01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:06,632 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1318 01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:23,394 Those bullets were, like, super fast. 1319 01:20:23,986 --> 01:20:24,976 Here we go. 1320 01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:28,278 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1321 01:20:28,365 --> 01:20:30,447 Here goes nothing. 1322 01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:03,389 Knock, knock. 1323 01:21:09,948 --> 01:21:10,938 That's my boy. 1324 01:21:17,373 --> 01:21:18,534 Holy... 1325 01:21:28,842 --> 01:21:30,424 I'll be first to admit... 1326 01:21:30,511 --> 01:21:32,878 this did not go according to plan. 1327 01:21:34,223 --> 01:21:35,759 I'll also be the first to admit that 1328 01:21:35,849 --> 01:21:37,681 that plan was written in crayon. 1329 01:21:37,768 --> 01:21:40,977 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1330 01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:42,599 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1331 01:21:42,689 --> 01:21:45,556 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1332 01:21:45,651 --> 01:21:48,894 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1333 01:21:48,987 --> 01:21:50,148 A mood that is 1334 01:21:50,239 --> 01:21:52,025 about to get significantly worse. 1335 01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:18,218 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1336 01:22:21,186 --> 01:22:22,642 Oh. 1337 01:22:24,440 --> 01:22:26,056 Oh, God, that hurt. 1338 01:22:26,150 --> 01:22:27,766 Suck it, Mel Gibson. 1339 01:22:31,321 --> 01:22:32,402 Russell. 1340 01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:36,198 Russell! 1341 01:22:36,827 --> 01:22:38,909 Russ, where are ya? 1342 01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:44,623 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1343 01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:47,956 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1344 01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:49,461 Juggernaut! 1345 01:22:50,799 --> 01:22:52,790 I thought that was you! 1346 01:22:52,885 --> 01:22:54,967 I should've worn my white pants. 1347 01:22:55,721 --> 01:22:58,713 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1348 01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,888 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1349 01:23:02,978 --> 01:23:04,264 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1350 01:23:04,354 --> 01:23:06,436 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1351 01:23:06,523 --> 01:23:08,264 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1352 01:23:08,358 --> 01:23:10,520 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1353 01:23:10,611 --> 01:23:12,101 I don't mean right now. 1354 01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:14,312 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1355 01:23:14,406 --> 01:23:16,738 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1356 01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:24,823 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1357 01:23:24,917 --> 01:23:25,998 I can't feel... 1358 01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:28,450 Oh, no, they're right here. 1359 01:23:29,296 --> 01:23:31,037 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1360 01:23:31,131 --> 01:23:32,963 I have a mission. 1361 01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:34,624 To get my revenge. 1362 01:23:35,135 --> 01:23:37,376 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1363 01:23:37,471 --> 01:23:39,633 You're not the revenge type. 1364 01:23:39,723 --> 01:23:40,884 Take it from a friend. 1365 01:23:41,308 --> 01:23:45,017 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1366 01:23:45,187 --> 01:23:47,303 You said it yourself. 1367 01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:50,059 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1368 01:23:50,150 --> 01:23:51,356 So I did. 1369 01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:55,148 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1370 01:23:55,322 --> 01:23:58,781 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1371 01:23:59,368 --> 01:24:01,200 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1372 01:24:01,286 --> 01:24:03,118 I care about you, Russell. 1373 01:24:03,747 --> 01:24:05,829 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1374 01:24:05,916 --> 01:24:09,079 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1375 01:24:09,628 --> 01:24:12,416 Legs! Still hurts to hear out loud! 1376 01:24:14,591 --> 01:24:17,504 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1377 01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:19,926 You get back here, young man! 1378 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:22,004 Doms! 1379 01:24:22,391 --> 01:24:24,553 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1380 01:24:24,643 --> 01:24:27,055 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1381 01:24:29,773 --> 01:24:30,854 I think we may have found 1382 01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:32,727 your cosmic reason for being here. 1383 01:24:33,151 --> 01:24:34,892 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1384 01:24:34,987 --> 01:24:36,227 X-Force. 1385 01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:51,537 No child is hopeless. 1386 01:24:51,628 --> 01:24:54,416 - Don't give up on the boy. - How could he just walk away? 1387 01:24:55,173 --> 01:24:57,414 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1388 01:24:57,884 --> 01:24:59,466 You should've heard it. 1389 01:25:01,388 --> 01:25:03,675 I guess family really is an F-word. 1390 01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:06,762 Rub my legs, Mama. 1391 01:25:06,852 --> 01:25:08,217 Why would I rub your legs? 1392 01:25:08,312 --> 01:25:10,895 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1393 01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:15,565 What in the... 1394 01:25:16,069 --> 01:25:18,310 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1395 01:25:18,822 --> 01:25:20,187 That's not my hand. 1396 01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,531 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1397 01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:24,984 That was nice for me. 1398 01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:27,820 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1399 01:25:32,336 --> 01:25:34,168 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1400 01:25:34,671 --> 01:25:36,833 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1401 01:25:36,923 --> 01:25:38,834 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1402 01:25:38,925 --> 01:25:40,916 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1403 01:25:41,011 --> 01:25:42,422 toddler-style. 1404 01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:44,423 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1405 01:25:44,514 --> 01:25:46,471 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1406 01:25:46,558 --> 01:25:47,764 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1407 01:25:47,851 --> 01:25:49,433 - It's like, um... - Here we go. 1408 01:25:49,519 --> 01:25:50,725 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1409 01:25:50,812 --> 01:25:52,302 but they quit halfway through. 1410 01:25:52,397 --> 01:25:53,478 They got the legs out, and they said, 1411 01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,896 "You know what, I'm done." 1412 01:25:54,983 --> 01:25:55,973 Happy? 1413 01:25:56,068 --> 01:25:57,103 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1414 01:25:57,194 --> 01:25:58,525 But this time, you can see 1415 01:25:58,612 --> 01:26:00,023 the Muppet's dick. 1416 01:26:00,113 --> 01:26:01,228 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1417 01:26:01,323 --> 01:26:02,609 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1418 01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:04,360 I've had three tickets already. 1419 01:26:05,994 --> 01:26:08,452 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1420 01:26:08,789 --> 01:26:10,325 This has happened before? 1421 01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:12,869 Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1422 01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:14,245 The indecision is killing me. 1423 01:26:14,336 --> 01:26:16,202 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1424 01:26:17,798 --> 01:26:19,960 Oh. Wow! 1425 01:26:20,050 --> 01:26:21,666 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1426 01:26:21,760 --> 01:26:23,342 I'm talking about your face. 1427 01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:25,628 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1428 01:26:25,722 --> 01:26:27,884 Jesus Christ! Looks like an avocado. 1429 01:26:27,974 --> 01:26:29,590 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1430 01:26:29,935 --> 01:26:31,721 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1431 01:26:33,313 --> 01:26:34,849 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1432 01:26:34,940 --> 01:26:37,227 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1433 01:26:37,693 --> 01:26:39,275 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1434 01:26:39,361 --> 01:26:41,648 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband“. 1435 01:26:41,738 --> 01:26:42,899 Beat me within an inch of my life. 1436 01:26:42,989 --> 01:26:44,229 He was torturing me! 1437 01:26:44,324 --> 01:26:47,237 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1438 01:26:47,327 --> 01:26:49,489 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1439 01:26:49,996 --> 01:26:51,111 So we can go after him without me. 1440 01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:52,196 WADE; No! 1441 01:26:52,624 --> 01:26:53,955 I'm doing this alone. 1442 01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:55,123 The Juggernaut 1443 01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:56,371 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1444 01:26:56,461 --> 01:26:58,498 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1445 01:26:58,588 --> 01:26:59,669 - under me. - What will you do? 1446 01:26:59,756 --> 01:27:01,042 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1447 01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:02,419 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1448 01:27:02,509 --> 01:27:03,795 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1449 01:27:03,885 --> 01:27:05,876 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1450 01:27:05,971 --> 01:27:07,712 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1451 01:27:07,806 --> 01:27:08,796 The first order of business is 1452 01:27:08,890 --> 01:27:09,971 to get me in front of Cable... 1453 01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:11,674 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1454 01:27:11,768 --> 01:27:14,100 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1455 01:27:14,187 --> 01:27:15,928 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1456 01:27:16,022 --> 01:27:19,105 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1457 01:27:20,694 --> 01:27:22,276 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1458 01:27:30,954 --> 01:27:32,695 What in the ass? 1459 01:27:32,998 --> 01:27:36,081 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1460 01:27:36,376 --> 01:27:38,913 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1461 01:27:39,463 --> 01:27:42,000 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1462 01:27:44,259 --> 01:27:46,921 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1463 01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:48,130 What can we help you with? 1464 01:27:48,847 --> 01:27:50,508 I'm here to proposition you. 1465 01:27:52,017 --> 01:27:53,098 Oh, boy! 1466 01:27:53,185 --> 01:27:54,175 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1467 01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:56,351 Who gets to make the first joke? 1468 01:27:56,438 --> 01:27:57,724 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1469 01:27:57,814 --> 01:27:58,804 Good call. 1470 01:27:58,899 --> 01:28:00,435 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1471 01:28:00,525 --> 01:28:01,686 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1472 01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:02,858 Fuck! 1473 01:28:02,944 --> 01:28:03,979 The Proposition has a wonderful 1474 01:28:04,070 --> 01:28:05,060 Guy Pearce performance. 1475 01:28:05,155 --> 01:28:06,896 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1476 01:28:07,240 --> 01:28:09,322 Give us the line again. I need your help! 1477 01:28:09,868 --> 01:28:12,155 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1478 01:28:12,245 --> 01:28:14,862 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1479 01:28:15,415 --> 01:28:17,656 I can't bring him down alone. 1480 01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:19,370 So here we are. 1481 01:28:20,712 --> 01:28:22,453 We're no longer accepting applications 1482 01:28:22,547 --> 01:28:23,912 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1483 01:28:24,007 --> 01:28:25,418 Even if we were... 1484 01:28:25,509 --> 01:28:27,125 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1485 01:28:27,219 --> 01:28:28,380 We don't have a lot of time. 1486 01:28:28,470 --> 01:28:30,211 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1487 01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:31,761 No offense, but if you know so much... 1488 01:28:31,848 --> 01:28:34,180 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1489 01:28:34,768 --> 01:28:35,758 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1490 01:28:35,852 --> 01:28:36,842 kill baby Hitler. 1491 01:28:36,937 --> 01:28:38,894 I use a device to slide through time. 1492 01:28:38,980 --> 01:28:41,597 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1493 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:44,274 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1494 01:28:44,361 --> 01:28:45,476 one to get me home. 1495 01:28:45,570 --> 01:28:46,685 Well. 1496 01:28:46,780 --> 01:28:48,646 That's just lazy writing. 1497 01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:49,946 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1498 01:28:50,033 --> 01:28:51,569 of the orphanage tonight. 1499 01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:53,742 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1500 01:28:53,829 --> 01:28:56,537 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1501 01:28:56,623 --> 01:28:58,580 So he keeps killing... 1502 01:28:58,667 --> 01:29:00,123 and killing, and killing, 1503 01:29:00,210 --> 01:29:01,416 and killing. 1504 01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:04,962 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1505 01:29:07,551 --> 01:29:08,916 My People. 1506 01:29:12,848 --> 01:29:13,963 Relax. 1507 01:29:14,057 --> 01:29:16,515 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1508 01:29:16,601 --> 01:29:19,138 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1509 01:29:19,229 --> 01:29:21,766 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1510 01:29:21,857 --> 01:29:23,518 The difference is night and day. 1511 01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:27,476 You remind me of my wife. 1512 01:29:27,654 --> 01:29:28,769 I'm sorry. 1513 01:29:29,197 --> 01:29:30,232 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1514 01:29:30,323 --> 01:29:31,609 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1515 01:29:31,700 --> 01:29:34,442 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1516 01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:35,697 She always struggled. 1517 01:29:36,830 --> 01:29:38,241 But she was funny... 1518 01:29:38,331 --> 01:29:40,823 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1519 01:29:41,710 --> 01:29:43,917 Something I could never master. 1520 01:29:44,838 --> 01:29:47,045 It was my fault she died. 1521 01:29:48,675 --> 01:29:51,337 It was my job to stop people like him. 1522 01:29:52,387 --> 01:29:54,344 I came close a few times. 1523 01:29:58,560 --> 01:30:00,221 He wasn't too happy about that. 1524 01:30:01,938 --> 01:30:03,053 He was trying to hurt me... 1525 01:30:03,148 --> 01:30:05,105 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1526 01:30:09,154 --> 01:30:10,815 Blessed are the wicked 1527 01:30:10,906 --> 01:30:12,488 who are healed by my hand. 1528 01:30:15,619 --> 01:30:17,030 He came into my home... 1529 01:30:17,996 --> 01:30:20,863 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1530 01:30:25,086 --> 01:30:26,451 Sound familiar? 1531 01:30:27,505 --> 01:30:29,087 I'm sorry. Uh-huh. 1532 01:30:29,174 --> 01:30:30,835 No, I'm really sorry. 1533 01:30:33,053 --> 01:30:35,169 But that isn't Russell. 1534 01:30:35,263 --> 01:30:37,095 It doesn't have to be him. If you knew what I knew... 1535 01:30:37,182 --> 01:30:39,173 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1536 01:30:39,267 --> 01:30:40,757 maybe a small learning disability... 1537 01:30:40,852 --> 01:30:42,217 splash of diabetes... 1538 01:30:42,312 --> 01:30:43,598 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1539 01:30:43,688 --> 01:30:45,304 If you could go back... 1540 01:30:45,398 --> 01:30:48,060 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1541 01:30:48,360 --> 01:30:49,566 No. 1542 01:30:49,653 --> 01:30:51,360 I'd buy them all a bouquet of hand jobs. 1543 01:30:51,446 --> 01:30:53,187 Of course I fucking would! 1544 01:30:53,949 --> 01:30:55,030 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1545 01:30:55,116 --> 01:30:57,107 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1546 01:30:57,202 --> 01:30:58,738 I'll kill the kid. 1547 01:30:58,828 --> 01:31:02,287 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1548 01:31:02,374 --> 01:31:04,661 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1549 01:31:04,751 --> 01:31:06,742 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1550 01:31:06,836 --> 01:31:09,077 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1551 01:31:10,090 --> 01:31:12,673 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1552 01:31:13,343 --> 01:31:15,004 Give me a chance to save him. 1553 01:31:15,095 --> 01:31:16,506 - What? - You said... 1554 01:31:16,596 --> 01:31:18,178 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1555 01:31:18,264 --> 01:31:20,596 If we can get to him before that happens... 1556 01:31:20,684 --> 01:31:22,300 promise you'll give me a chance 1557 01:31:22,394 --> 01:31:24,180 to put him on a different path. 1558 01:31:24,270 --> 01:31:25,431 Define "chance." 1559 01:31:25,522 --> 01:31:26,683 I don't know. How long does it take 1560 01:31:26,773 --> 01:31:28,059 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1561 01:31:28,149 --> 01:31:29,389 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1562 01:31:29,484 --> 01:31:31,475 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1563 01:31:31,569 --> 01:31:32,855 Take it or leave it. 1564 01:31:43,331 --> 01:31:44,742 He's doing it! 1565 01:31:44,833 --> 01:31:46,369 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1566 01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:48,333 There he goes. 1567 01:31:48,503 --> 01:31:49,914 Jesus Christ! 1568 01:31:50,005 --> 01:31:51,461 Just shirt-cocking it. 1569 01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:52,538 Ugh. 1570 01:31:53,508 --> 01:31:54,839 There you go, little fella. 1571 01:31:55,593 --> 01:31:56,924 Go on, you're doing it! 1572 01:31:57,345 --> 01:32:00,178 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1573 01:32:02,392 --> 01:32:03,473 Christ! 1574 01:32:03,560 --> 01:32:05,176 That's disturbing. 1575 01:32:05,270 --> 01:32:06,681 30 seconds. 1576 01:32:12,068 --> 01:32:13,558 - Deal. - Deal. 1577 01:32:19,993 --> 01:32:23,031 Man, that sucks they didn't have anything in your size. 1578 01:32:23,121 --> 01:32:25,078 I really wanted to match, you know? 1579 01:32:25,165 --> 01:32:27,156 Being a menacing team. 1580 01:32:27,250 --> 01:32:28,365 Oh, man, it sucks. 1581 01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:30,042 That was some cold-ass shit, kid. 1582 01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:34,247 And that is just the first five steps 1583 01:32:34,340 --> 01:32:36,047 to a prostate-assisted orgasm. 1584 01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,379 Where the hell are we going? 1585 01:32:38,470 --> 01:32:39,710 You said it yourself. 1586 01:32:39,804 --> 01:32:42,717 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1587 01:32:42,807 --> 01:32:45,549 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1588 01:32:49,898 --> 01:32:51,514 Can you turn off the music? 1589 01:32:52,525 --> 01:32:54,516 You'll do no such thing. 1590 01:32:54,694 --> 01:32:56,526 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1591 01:32:56,613 --> 01:32:58,320 - I'm sorry? - Apology accepted. 1592 01:32:58,406 --> 01:33:00,443 This is a side of you I do not like. 1593 01:33:00,533 --> 01:33:01,523 Let me guess, 1594 01:33:01,618 --> 01:33:03,154 some of your best friends in the future are Indian. 1595 01:33:03,453 --> 01:33:04,568 What the hell are you...? 1596 01:33:04,662 --> 01:33:06,573 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1597 01:33:06,664 --> 01:33:07,904 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1598 01:33:07,999 --> 01:33:09,535 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1599 01:33:09,626 --> 01:33:11,492 That's precisely what a racist would say. 1600 01:33:11,711 --> 01:33:13,327 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1601 01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:14,627 And that's a twist. 1602 01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:15,829 When this is over... 1603 01:33:15,924 --> 01:33:18,086 I'm going to fuck you to death with your own broken feet. 1604 01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:20,292 And a sexual predator, too. That's rich. 1605 01:33:20,386 --> 01:33:21,751 I should have finished college. 1606 01:33:21,846 --> 01:33:22,927 So what exactly do you 1607 01:33:23,014 --> 01:33:24,004 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1608 01:33:24,099 --> 01:33:25,305 Some kind of soldier? 1609 01:33:25,391 --> 01:33:27,177 Yeah, something like that. 1610 01:33:27,268 --> 01:33:29,430 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1611 01:33:29,521 --> 01:33:32,138 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1612 01:33:32,232 --> 01:33:34,189 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1613 01:33:34,275 --> 01:33:36,642 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1614 01:33:36,736 --> 01:33:38,272 Boom! 1615 01:33:38,363 --> 01:33:39,603 Spoiler alert. 1616 01:33:40,865 --> 01:33:42,071 Planets. 1617 01:33:42,242 --> 01:33:43,778 Next time, Uber. 1618 01:33:43,868 --> 01:33:45,154 Here's a spoiler alert. 1619 01:33:46,329 --> 01:33:48,115 You're not a fucking hero. 1620 01:33:48,331 --> 01:33:52,040 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1621 01:33:52,418 --> 01:33:53,579 Well, I got news for you. 1622 01:33:53,670 --> 01:33:54,956 My heart is in the right place. 1623 01:33:55,046 --> 01:33:56,536 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1624 01:33:56,631 --> 01:33:58,542 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1625 01:33:58,633 --> 01:33:59,668 We're all going to die. 1626 01:33:59,759 --> 01:34:00,965 Because of you, I'll always know 1627 01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:02,918 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1628 01:34:03,054 --> 01:34:05,341 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1629 01:34:05,515 --> 01:34:06,630 God, I wish this were a bus 1630 01:34:06,724 --> 01:34:07,839 where I could pull the string and get out. 1631 01:34:07,934 --> 01:34:09,550 It's a good thing Cable's not driving, 1632 01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:10,634 or you'd be in the back. 1633 01:34:10,854 --> 01:34:12,640 - I am in the back. - Right here! 1634 01:34:31,374 --> 01:34:33,035 I made mistakes! 1635 01:34:33,501 --> 01:34:35,037 I wanna take them back! 1636 01:34:35,211 --> 01:34:38,078 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1637 01:34:38,214 --> 01:34:39,625 and turned it into a glory hole 1638 01:34:39,716 --> 01:34:41,206 in an airport bathroom. 1639 01:34:41,301 --> 01:34:44,043 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1640 01:34:44,637 --> 01:34:47,174 But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit. 1641 01:34:47,265 --> 01:34:48,755 I was once an X-Man. 1642 01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:49,885 Trainee! 1643 01:34:54,564 --> 01:34:57,056 You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw. 1644 01:34:57,150 --> 01:34:58,732 They do stick better than tape. 1645 01:34:58,818 --> 01:34:59,808 Hi, Wade! 1646 01:34:59,903 --> 01:35:00,893 Please don't. 1647 01:35:00,987 --> 01:35:03,729 Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick. 1648 01:35:03,823 --> 01:35:04,813 Right. Quick. 1649 01:35:04,908 --> 01:35:06,774 It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down. 1650 01:35:06,868 --> 01:35:07,858 And just like me, 1651 01:35:07,952 --> 01:35:09,158 he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him... 1652 01:35:09,245 --> 01:35:10,485 because the whole world wrote him off 1653 01:35:10,580 --> 01:35:11,945 as a piece of shit a long time ago. 1654 01:35:12,040 --> 01:35:13,701 Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1655 01:35:13,791 --> 01:35:14,952 The Juggernaut! 1656 01:35:15,335 --> 01:35:17,042 Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever... 1657 01:35:17,128 --> 01:35:19,290 And hi, Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi... 1658 01:35:19,380 --> 01:35:20,711 so I'm saying hi back. 1659 01:35:20,798 --> 01:35:22,129 You guys make a super cute couple. 1660 01:35:22,217 --> 01:35:23,878 Yeah. Where was I? 1661 01:35:23,968 --> 01:35:25,800 Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes... 1662 01:35:25,887 --> 01:35:27,548 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1663 01:35:27,639 --> 01:35:29,380 And like a lot of dicks, he's hard as a rock... 1664 01:35:29,474 --> 01:35:30,680 and causes nothing but problems! 1665 01:35:30,767 --> 01:35:33,759 Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can. 1666 01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:37,016 Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? 1667 01:35:37,106 --> 01:35:39,143 I would be disgraced. 1668 01:35:39,234 --> 01:35:41,225 You are a criminal, a fugitive. 1669 01:35:41,319 --> 01:35:42,809 But worst of all... 1670 01:35:42,904 --> 01:35:44,645 you broke my heart, Wade. 1671 01:35:46,324 --> 01:35:47,359 Then you know what? 1672 01:35:47,450 --> 01:35:48,940 Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy. 1673 01:35:50,245 --> 01:35:52,907 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1674 01:35:52,997 --> 01:35:56,331 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1675 01:35:56,417 --> 01:35:59,500 So stay here in Château de Virgin... 1676 01:35:59,587 --> 01:36:01,703 while we go get our fuck on! 1677 01:36:04,884 --> 01:36:06,249 You're doing great. 1678 01:36:11,933 --> 01:36:13,389 So you wear that helmet because 1679 01:36:13,476 --> 01:36:15,183 your brother tries to read your mind? 1680 01:36:15,270 --> 01:36:18,479 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-Steven. 1681 01:36:18,564 --> 01:36:21,022 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1682 01:36:21,109 --> 01:36:23,020 And he's not alone. 1683 01:36:23,111 --> 01:36:24,772 Secure the children. 1684 01:36:27,198 --> 01:36:29,565 They will not replace us. 1685 01:36:29,993 --> 01:36:32,280 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1686 01:36:32,829 --> 01:36:36,663 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1687 01:36:40,003 --> 01:36:42,461 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1688 01:36:42,672 --> 01:36:44,208 Amen, brother. 1689 01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:52,253 Time to make the chimichangas. 1690 01:36:52,432 --> 01:36:54,048 30 seconds. 1691 01:36:54,684 --> 01:36:56,800 I finally know why I'm here. 1692 01:36:57,228 --> 01:36:59,139 I was raised in this place. 1693 01:36:59,230 --> 01:37:01,437 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1694 01:37:01,524 --> 01:37:04,357 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1695 01:37:04,444 --> 01:37:05,730 Shall we? This is gonna be fun. 1696 01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:06,855 Yeah! 1697 01:37:06,946 --> 01:37:08,277 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1698 01:37:08,364 --> 01:37:11,607 what's with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear? 1699 01:37:11,701 --> 01:37:14,363 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1700 01:37:14,912 --> 01:37:17,279 Are You Bear, God? It's Me, Margaret. 1701 01:37:17,665 --> 01:37:19,030 Give me some. 1702 01:37:19,125 --> 01:37:20,615 They say laughter heals anything... 1703 01:37:20,752 --> 01:37:21,833 except, of course, that. 1704 01:37:21,919 --> 01:37:23,125 We should just cue the music. 1705 01:37:48,279 --> 01:37:50,987 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1706 01:37:52,200 --> 01:37:53,190 Russell! 1707 01:37:53,284 --> 01:37:55,696 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1708 01:37:56,746 --> 01:37:57,986 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1709 01:38:02,377 --> 01:38:03,367 That's why! 1710 01:38:03,461 --> 01:38:04,496 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1711 01:38:04,587 --> 01:38:06,703 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1712 01:38:06,798 --> 01:38:08,755 Hey! 1713 01:38:09,300 --> 01:38:12,418 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1714 01:38:13,554 --> 01:38:15,716 My body and my hands are so soft. 1715 01:38:15,807 --> 01:38:16,968 You should probably head back to the car. 1716 01:38:17,100 --> 01:38:18,636 I think I'll head back to the car. 1717 01:38:19,936 --> 01:38:22,598 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1718 01:38:25,525 --> 01:38:26,811 That gun is amazing! 1719 01:38:28,152 --> 01:38:29,358 Say it! 1720 01:38:31,531 --> 01:38:34,523 You are an abomination! 1721 01:38:41,874 --> 01:38:45,117 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1722 01:38:45,211 --> 01:38:47,623 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1723 01:38:52,009 --> 01:38:53,090 Gotcha! 1724 01:38:53,886 --> 01:38:55,047 Beat it, midget! 1725 01:38:58,057 --> 01:39:00,765 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1726 01:39:01,185 --> 01:39:02,266 Oh, shit fuck! 1727 01:39:16,159 --> 01:39:17,741 Come here, beautiful. 1728 01:39:25,501 --> 01:39:26,616 Whoo! 1729 01:39:35,845 --> 01:39:36,926 Say it! 1730 01:41:00,388 --> 01:41:01,469 You came for me. 1731 01:41:01,556 --> 01:41:02,967 I'm not giving up on you, 1732 01:41:03,057 --> 01:41:05,139 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1733 01:41:05,226 --> 01:41:07,217 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1734 01:41:07,311 --> 01:41:09,552 It's time to fight dirty. 1735 01:41:09,730 --> 01:41:11,061 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1736 01:41:11,148 --> 01:41:13,890 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1737 01:41:13,985 --> 01:41:16,022 That's such a you thing to say! 1738 01:41:16,112 --> 01:41:17,694 Go get him, tiger! 1739 01:41:18,114 --> 01:41:19,980 Big CGI fight coming up! 1740 01:41:43,055 --> 01:41:44,386 He's doing great. 1741 01:41:44,473 --> 01:41:45,679 Say it! 1742 01:41:49,854 --> 01:41:51,265 - Russell. - Bingo! 1743 01:41:56,652 --> 01:41:58,609 You see that bus? 1744 01:41:58,696 --> 01:41:59,777 I'm gonna shove it up your ass. 1745 01:42:03,284 --> 01:42:05,241 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1746 01:42:06,621 --> 01:42:07,577 Oh, great! 1747 01:42:07,663 --> 01:42:08,653 There they are! Those freaks! 1748 01:42:08,748 --> 01:42:10,330 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1749 01:42:10,791 --> 01:42:12,452 Can I have one of those guns? 1750 01:42:13,002 --> 01:42:14,663 - No. - That's fine. 1751 01:42:14,837 --> 01:42:16,669 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1752 01:42:16,839 --> 01:42:17,829 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1753 01:42:18,591 --> 01:42:19,581 Maximum effort. 1754 01:42:25,723 --> 01:42:27,464 Who says you can't go home again? 1755 01:42:36,567 --> 01:42:37,978 On! 1756 01:42:44,617 --> 01:42:45,607 Yeah! 1757 01:42:47,828 --> 01:42:49,159 Say it. 1758 01:42:49,538 --> 01:42:52,576 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1759 01:42:53,125 --> 01:42:54,115 Say it! 1760 01:42:54,210 --> 01:42:57,202 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1761 01:42:58,422 --> 01:43:00,038 Blessed are the wicked... 1762 01:43:00,591 --> 01:43:01,797 who are healed... 1763 01:43:02,301 --> 01:43:03,791 by my hand. 1764 01:43:21,862 --> 01:43:23,569 You commie motherfucker! 1765 01:43:50,641 --> 01:43:52,348 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1766 01:43:53,227 --> 01:43:55,434 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1767 01:43:58,315 --> 01:44:00,522 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1768 01:44:00,693 --> 01:44:01,899 Now we're getting it. 1769 01:44:06,615 --> 01:44:08,822 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1770 01:44:14,165 --> 01:44:15,200 Orphans. 1771 01:44:16,375 --> 01:44:17,581 Oh, geez. 1772 01:44:19,003 --> 01:44:21,586 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1773 01:44:21,756 --> 01:44:24,248 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1774 01:44:33,058 --> 01:44:34,139 Russell! Wait! 1775 01:44:40,149 --> 01:44:41,435 Oh! 1776 01:44:48,657 --> 01:44:50,648 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1777 01:44:50,826 --> 01:44:52,692 What more do you need to see? Don't you fucking dare! 1778 01:44:52,870 --> 01:44:53,951 He's just a kid! 1779 01:44:54,121 --> 01:44:55,987 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1780 01:45:08,719 --> 01:45:11,757 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1781 01:45:32,159 --> 01:45:34,776 I told you! Leave me alone! Come on! 1782 01:45:35,329 --> 01:45:36,444 Listen to me! 1783 01:45:59,687 --> 01:46:01,303 That's how we do it 1784 01:46:01,397 --> 01:46:02,853 in Mother Russia. 1785 01:46:05,192 --> 01:46:07,604 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1786 01:46:08,988 --> 01:46:12,197 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1787 01:46:13,534 --> 01:46:16,026 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1788 01:46:16,453 --> 01:46:18,160 Go home, Wade! 1789 01:46:18,330 --> 01:46:20,162 You're ruining everything! 1790 01:46:25,504 --> 01:46:26,710 I'm getting good at this shit. 1791 01:46:26,881 --> 01:46:27,916 Go, go, go! 1792 01:46:31,427 --> 01:46:33,259 He dies tonight, Wade. 1793 01:46:33,429 --> 01:46:34,965 You can't stop me! 1794 01:46:35,931 --> 01:46:37,672 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1795 01:46:37,850 --> 01:46:40,592 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1796 01:46:42,021 --> 01:46:43,386 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1797 01:46:43,564 --> 01:46:45,430 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1798 01:46:45,608 --> 01:46:46,939 I got this. 1799 01:46:47,109 --> 01:46:49,225 Russell! Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1800 01:46:49,403 --> 01:46:51,519 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1801 01:46:52,114 --> 01:46:53,400 That piece of shit... 1802 01:46:53,824 --> 01:46:55,440 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1803 01:46:55,618 --> 01:46:58,986 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1804 01:46:59,872 --> 01:47:01,533 But if you kill him, he wins. 1805 01:47:01,707 --> 01:47:05,200 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1806 01:47:05,628 --> 01:47:07,084 You're just a kid. 1807 01:47:07,671 --> 01:47:09,287 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1808 01:47:09,465 --> 01:47:10,580 How do you know what I want? 1809 01:47:10,758 --> 01:47:12,374 Because I've been inside you. 1810 01:47:13,052 --> 01:47:14,338 That came out wrong. 1811 01:47:14,970 --> 01:47:16,552 I've been inside your shoes. 1812 01:47:16,722 --> 01:47:18,463 Which is also off-putting. 1813 01:47:18,641 --> 01:47:20,052 It's not a great analogy. 1814 01:47:20,142 --> 01:47:21,553 The point is... 1815 01:47:22,019 --> 01:47:23,680 there are people... 1816 01:47:23,771 --> 01:47:26,684 There are people in this fucking world... 1817 01:47:26,857 --> 01:47:29,440 besides him, who will treat you right. 1818 01:47:29,610 --> 01:47:32,227 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1819 01:47:37,785 --> 01:47:40,152 I never should've left you there. 1820 01:47:41,914 --> 01:47:43,780 I never should've left you in that prison. 1821 01:47:50,881 --> 01:47:52,167 I can't trust you. 1822 01:47:53,884 --> 01:47:56,251 I can't trust anybody! 1823 01:48:05,270 --> 01:48:06,476 Wonderful kid. 1824 01:48:06,981 --> 01:48:08,517 You can't stop me, Wade! 1825 01:48:10,776 --> 01:48:12,892 I got one more idea. 1826 01:48:13,070 --> 01:48:15,937 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1827 01:48:16,031 --> 01:48:17,192 Wade, what are you doing? 1828 01:48:17,282 --> 01:48:18,898 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1829 01:48:19,702 --> 01:48:21,409 You're gonna kill someone today... 1830 01:48:21,829 --> 01:48:23,115 Blessed are the wicked... 1831 01:48:23,288 --> 01:48:25,199 ...then it's gotta be me. 1832 01:48:26,291 --> 01:48:28,202 ...who are healed by my hand! 1833 01:48:31,338 --> 01:48:33,750 Fuck this! 1834 01:49:34,485 --> 01:49:37,443 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1835 01:49:42,451 --> 01:49:43,941 Oh, that's not good. 1836 01:49:45,537 --> 01:49:46,948 No, sir. 1837 01:49:54,588 --> 01:49:57,501 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1838 01:49:57,925 --> 01:49:59,040 Yeah. 1839 01:49:59,134 --> 01:50:01,341 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1840 01:50:03,305 --> 01:50:05,387 I told you I care about you. 1841 01:50:05,474 --> 01:50:07,215 You're a good kid, Russell. 1842 01:50:08,936 --> 01:50:10,017 Hey- 1843 01:50:11,313 --> 01:50:12,519 The bear. 1844 01:50:12,606 --> 01:50:13,971 It worked. 1845 01:50:20,948 --> 01:50:22,438 Because of you. 1846 01:50:22,616 --> 01:50:24,903 No, Wade, because of you. 1847 01:50:25,786 --> 01:50:27,823 Stop, stop, stop! 1848 01:50:27,913 --> 01:50:29,074 Stop! 1849 01:50:30,249 --> 01:50:32,786 Just let it happen, okay? 1850 01:50:33,252 --> 01:50:36,165 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1851 01:50:37,005 --> 01:50:39,417 That riddle is so fucked up. 1852 01:50:44,221 --> 01:50:46,508 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1853 01:50:46,682 --> 01:50:47,797 Don't be. Don't be. 1854 01:50:47,891 --> 01:50:49,632 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1855 01:50:50,310 --> 01:50:51,846 Please, just don't leave me. 1856 01:50:52,020 --> 01:50:53,510 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1857 01:50:53,689 --> 01:50:55,179 We are not going anywhere. 1858 01:50:55,357 --> 01:50:57,439 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1859 01:50:57,526 --> 01:50:58,641 Just rest, okay? 1860 01:51:00,487 --> 01:51:01,568 Papa. 1861 01:51:03,782 --> 01:51:05,739 Papa, can you hear me? 1862 01:51:07,995 --> 01:51:13,991 Papa, can you find me in the night? 1863 01:51:35,272 --> 01:51:36,512 Before I go... 1864 01:51:37,065 --> 01:51:38,772 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1865 01:51:39,359 --> 01:51:40,474 Domino. 1866 01:51:40,652 --> 01:51:45,146 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1867 01:51:47,743 --> 01:51:50,610 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1868 01:51:51,371 --> 01:51:52,486 Thank you. 1869 01:51:53,832 --> 01:51:56,745 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1870 01:51:57,127 --> 01:51:59,289 I liked you better with your hair short. 1871 01:51:59,463 --> 01:52:00,624 Think everyone did. 1872 01:52:01,423 --> 01:52:04,131 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1873 01:52:06,178 --> 01:52:07,259 And you... 1874 01:52:07,804 --> 01:52:08,919 Chrome Bone. 1875 01:52:09,848 --> 01:52:12,215 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1876 01:52:12,809 --> 01:52:15,050 But you've always been that to me. 1877 01:52:15,145 --> 01:52:16,510 So thank you. 1878 01:52:18,690 --> 01:52:20,272 Say "fuck" for me. 1879 01:52:21,109 --> 01:52:22,349 Just once. Come on, 1880 01:52:22,444 --> 01:52:24,026 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1881 01:52:24,112 --> 01:52:27,104 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1882 01:52:27,199 --> 01:52:28,189 Fuck. 1883 01:52:28,367 --> 01:52:31,701 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1884 01:52:33,038 --> 01:52:35,279 And you, Cable. 1885 01:52:36,166 --> 01:52:39,830 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1886 01:52:40,712 --> 01:52:43,921 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1887 01:52:44,383 --> 01:52:45,748 That you'll start judging people... 1888 01:52:45,842 --> 01:52:47,173 not by the color of their skin, 1889 01:52:47,261 --> 01:52:49,127 but by the content of their character. 1890 01:52:49,888 --> 01:52:51,470 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1891 01:52:52,683 --> 01:52:54,594 There you are. Hey! 1892 01:52:55,185 --> 01:52:56,926 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1893 01:52:57,437 --> 01:53:00,395 That's why it's high time that you had a super suit. 1894 01:53:00,482 --> 01:53:01,847 This one is yours. 1895 01:53:01,942 --> 01:53:03,649 You might wanna get it steam cleaned. 1896 01:53:03,735 --> 01:53:05,100 Especially around the pants. 1897 01:53:05,195 --> 01:53:06,902 And let it out a little in the waist. 1898 01:53:07,864 --> 01:53:08,854 But, hey. 1899 01:53:09,908 --> 01:53:10,989 Look. 1900 01:53:11,285 --> 01:53:13,902 Family is not an F-word. 1901 01:53:14,663 --> 01:53:15,949 All right? 1902 01:53:16,039 --> 01:53:17,905 There's one out there for you. 1903 01:53:18,500 --> 01:53:20,207 Just keep looking, okay? 1904 01:53:23,714 --> 01:53:26,456 Guys, for a second there... 1905 01:53:27,301 --> 01:53:29,417 we made a pretty good team. 1906 01:53:44,484 --> 01:53:46,475 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1907 01:53:47,988 --> 01:53:50,355 I just love being around you guys so much. 1908 01:53:51,450 --> 01:53:52,690 So, so much. 1909 01:53:53,410 --> 01:53:54,741 Mmm. 1910 01:53:54,828 --> 01:53:56,990 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1911 01:53:57,706 --> 01:54:01,449 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1912 01:54:01,543 --> 01:54:02,533 Yeah. 1913 01:54:04,421 --> 01:54:06,253 Can you see it? 1914 01:54:06,965 --> 01:54:09,127 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1915 01:54:10,594 --> 01:54:11,755 There it is. 1916 01:54:18,018 --> 01:54:19,224 Oh, that's the sun. 1917 01:54:19,311 --> 01:54:21,143 Don't stare directly into that. 1918 01:54:21,229 --> 01:54:22,640 I just have a few final words. 1919 01:54:24,900 --> 01:54:26,265 Woodpecker. 1920 01:54:27,069 --> 01:54:28,400 Gingivitis. 1921 01:54:30,447 --> 01:54:31,812 Codswallop. 1922 01:54:36,161 --> 01:54:38,118 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1923 01:55:53,113 --> 01:55:54,274 Sorry I'm late. 1924 01:55:54,364 --> 01:55:56,025 There was a bunch 1925 01:55:56,116 --> 01:55:57,402 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1926 01:55:57,492 --> 01:55:58,698 - No. - No. 1927 01:55:59,786 --> 01:56:02,448 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1928 01:56:02,914 --> 01:56:04,780 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1929 01:56:04,875 --> 01:56:05,865 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1930 01:56:08,211 --> 01:56:09,622 Is this heaven? 1931 01:56:10,505 --> 01:56:11,711 It is now. 1932 01:56:15,177 --> 01:56:17,043 I am so sorry. 1933 01:56:17,888 --> 01:56:19,219 It's okay. 1934 01:56:39,075 --> 01:56:40,941 I missed you so much. 1935 01:56:46,541 --> 01:56:48,202 What is it? What's wrong? 1936 01:56:50,128 --> 01:56:51,618 It's not time. 1937 01:56:52,255 --> 01:56:54,121 What do you mean it's not time? 1938 01:56:54,299 --> 01:56:55,789 I'm here, I made it. 1939 01:56:55,967 --> 01:56:57,628 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1940 01:56:57,719 --> 01:57:00,336 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1941 01:57:00,430 --> 01:57:01,420 It's okay. 1942 01:57:01,932 --> 01:57:04,765 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1943 01:57:05,769 --> 01:57:08,227 - They need you. - Who? 1944 01:57:10,273 --> 01:57:11,559 Your F-word. 1945 01:57:12,817 --> 01:57:13,807 Why? 1946 01:57:13,902 --> 01:57:14,892 You'll find out. 1947 01:57:16,154 --> 01:57:17,690 It's all right. I'll be here. 1948 01:57:19,074 --> 01:57:21,190 It's pretty fucking awesome up here. 1949 01:57:21,910 --> 01:57:23,742 I can have anything I want. 1950 01:57:23,828 --> 01:57:25,944 Can every day be International Women's Day? 1951 01:57:26,039 --> 01:57:27,404 It is heaven. 1952 01:57:27,624 --> 01:57:28,864 I love you. 1953 01:57:31,378 --> 01:57:34,120 I know. I love you, too. 1954 01:57:34,714 --> 01:57:36,125 Now, go. 1955 01:57:37,008 --> 01:57:38,999 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1956 01:57:40,053 --> 01:57:41,043 Go. 1957 01:57:43,848 --> 01:57:44,838 Hey! 1958 01:57:47,852 --> 01:57:50,014 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1959 01:57:50,647 --> 01:57:51,762 Well, come here. 1960 01:58:11,126 --> 01:58:12,742 Don't fuck Elvis. 1961 01:58:12,877 --> 01:58:14,618 Ooh, too late. I'm sorry? 1962 01:58:24,139 --> 01:58:25,345 Time to make the chimichangas. 1963 01:58:25,432 --> 01:58:26,513 30 seconds. 1964 01:58:26,600 --> 01:58:27,806 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1965 01:58:27,892 --> 01:58:30,350 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1966 01:58:30,437 --> 01:58:32,178 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1967 01:58:32,647 --> 01:58:33,933 Her name's Hope. 1968 01:58:34,232 --> 01:58:35,347 Well... 1969 01:58:36,192 --> 01:58:38,058 What are you doing? 1970 01:58:38,153 --> 01:58:39,735 Somebody swiped right. 1971 01:58:52,542 --> 01:58:54,909 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1972 01:58:58,256 --> 01:58:59,997 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1973 01:59:00,091 --> 01:59:01,581 It would seem I... 1974 01:59:03,762 --> 01:59:05,048 Huh? 1975 01:59:06,181 --> 01:59:08,513 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1976 01:59:10,435 --> 01:59:13,427 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1977 01:59:13,521 --> 01:59:15,103 You did this for me? 1978 01:59:16,983 --> 01:59:19,475 Wait. You can't go back. 1979 01:59:20,111 --> 01:59:21,351 You used the last of your fuel. 1980 01:59:21,446 --> 01:59:23,153 What about your girl, your wife? 1981 01:59:23,239 --> 01:59:26,482 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1982 01:59:27,952 --> 01:59:30,364 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1983 01:59:30,455 --> 01:59:31,661 and make sure the world 1984 01:59:31,748 --> 01:59:33,455 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1985 01:59:34,167 --> 01:59:37,034 No. You did it for me. 1986 01:59:37,796 --> 01:59:39,127 No, I didn't. 1987 01:59:39,297 --> 01:59:40,662 - You did. - I really didn't. 1988 01:59:40,757 --> 01:59:42,543 Pretty sure you did. No, I'm positive I didn't. 1989 01:59:42,634 --> 01:59:44,375 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1990 01:59:44,469 --> 01:59:47,177 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1991 01:59:47,263 --> 01:59:49,675 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1992 01:59:50,100 --> 01:59:51,090 Say it again. 1993 01:59:51,267 --> 01:59:52,803 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1994 01:59:52,894 --> 01:59:54,635 We must get the collar off. Forget it. It's no use. 1995 01:59:54,729 --> 01:59:56,595 These collars don't just come off. 1996 01:59:56,690 --> 01:59:57,680 Wade. 1997 01:59:58,233 --> 01:59:59,849 I have an idea. 1998 02:00:00,193 --> 02:00:02,275 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1999 02:00:02,362 --> 02:00:04,729 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 2000 02:00:04,823 --> 02:00:07,941 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 2001 02:00:08,034 --> 02:00:10,275 We need the code. 2002 02:00:10,370 --> 02:00:12,236 Try, uh, seven? 2003 02:00:12,330 --> 02:00:13,866 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 2004 02:00:13,957 --> 02:00:15,368 It's not gonna be one number. 2005 02:00:15,458 --> 02:00:16,539 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 2006 02:00:17,544 --> 02:00:18,875 I still got it. 2007 02:00:21,923 --> 02:00:23,880 Put that back in your prison wallet. 2008 02:00:25,593 --> 02:00:27,459 I don't know how to thank you. 2009 02:00:27,554 --> 02:00:29,044 But I do know how to hug you. 2010 02:00:29,514 --> 02:00:30,754 - No. - Yes. 2011 02:00:30,849 --> 02:00:32,305 Here we go. Bring it in. 2012 02:00:32,392 --> 02:00:33,382 Come on. 2013 02:00:33,518 --> 02:00:34,804 Pelvis to pelvis. 2014 02:00:34,978 --> 02:00:36,218 Let's go tip to tip. 2015 02:00:36,396 --> 02:00:38,888 There we go. The kids call this docking. 2016 02:00:40,650 --> 02:00:41,765 Is there a knife in my dick? 2017 02:00:41,860 --> 02:00:44,022 There's a knife in your dick. I'm just gonna back up now. 2018 02:00:44,112 --> 02:00:45,944 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 2019 02:00:46,030 --> 02:00:48,692 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 2020 02:00:48,867 --> 02:00:50,778 Let's go home, Russell. 2021 02:00:54,456 --> 02:00:56,197 All you dirty mutants 2022 02:00:56,291 --> 02:00:58,703 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 2023 02:00:58,877 --> 02:01:01,835 Your souls are beyond redemption! 2024 02:01:02,005 --> 02:01:03,245 Let's see your soul, perv! 2025 02:01:03,339 --> 02:01:06,127 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 2026 02:01:06,217 --> 02:01:07,378 We're better than him! 2027 02:01:07,469 --> 02:01:10,131 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 2028 02:01:10,221 --> 02:01:11,757 We'll let karma take care of him. 2029 02:01:11,848 --> 02:01:14,840 The day of reckoning is here! 2030 02:01:24,194 --> 02:01:26,185 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 2031 02:01:26,321 --> 02:01:27,482 Whoo! 2032 02:01:27,572 --> 02:01:29,062 Courage, motherfuckers! 2033 02:01:29,240 --> 02:01:30,480 And karma, motherfucker. 2034 02:01:30,575 --> 02:01:32,111 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 2035 02:01:32,202 --> 02:01:34,159 I could barely keep a straight face. 2036 02:01:34,245 --> 02:01:36,031 I want some more. 2037 02:01:36,206 --> 02:01:37,867 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 2038 02:01:37,957 --> 02:01:40,949 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 2039 02:01:41,544 --> 02:01:43,660 Good call. You guys coming with us? 2040 02:01:43,838 --> 02:01:45,749 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 2041 02:01:45,840 --> 02:01:47,126 Besides, we're X-Men. 2042 02:01:47,425 --> 02:01:49,962 No, you're X-People. 2043 02:01:50,136 --> 02:01:51,422 You're exhausting. 2044 02:01:51,513 --> 02:01:53,174 I see what you did there. Puns. 2045 02:01:53,348 --> 02:01:54,713 Our door's always open. 2046 02:01:54,808 --> 02:01:56,549 That's kind, but I'm not ready to date again. 2047 02:01:56,643 --> 02:01:57,633 Let alone two women. 2048 02:01:58,770 --> 02:02:00,386 God, you're a douche. 2049 02:02:00,522 --> 02:02:02,604 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 2050 02:02:05,360 --> 02:02:06,395 What do you get 2051 02:02:06,486 --> 02:02:07,567 when you take eight feet of chrome... 2052 02:02:07,654 --> 02:02:08,769 one pinch of courage... 2053 02:02:08,863 --> 02:02:10,069 a cup of good luck... 2054 02:02:10,156 --> 02:02:11,646 a dab of racism... 2055 02:02:11,741 --> 02:02:12,902 a splash of diabetes... 2056 02:02:12,992 --> 02:02:15,324 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 2057 02:02:15,745 --> 02:02:17,907 Answer: a family. 2058 02:02:18,498 --> 02:02:21,581 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was- 2059 02:02:21,668 --> 02:02:22,954 If there's anything you take away today... 2060 02:02:23,044 --> 02:02:26,162 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 2061 02:02:26,256 --> 02:02:29,044 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 2062 02:04:26,125 --> 02:04:27,832 How something so small generates 2063 02:04:27,919 --> 02:04:29,455 enough energy to reverse time is... 2064 02:04:29,545 --> 02:04:31,877 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 2065 02:04:31,965 --> 02:04:34,206 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 2066 02:04:34,300 --> 02:04:35,461 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 2067 02:04:35,551 --> 02:04:36,541 Never heard of him. 2068 02:04:36,636 --> 02:04:38,092 Why do you think I'm helping him? 2069 02:04:39,389 --> 02:04:41,596 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 2070 02:04:41,683 --> 02:04:43,924 don't I? A good day. 2071 02:04:44,686 --> 02:04:45,676 Bye, Wade! 2072 02:04:46,187 --> 02:04:47,177 Bye, Yukio! 2073 02:04:48,523 --> 02:04:50,730 That was probably a bad idea. 2074 02:04:51,067 --> 02:04:52,182 What have we done? 2075 02:05:10,628 --> 02:05:12,619 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 2076 02:05:22,807 --> 02:05:24,263 I'll be right back! 2077 02:05:26,227 --> 02:05:28,764 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 2078 02:05:29,147 --> 02:05:30,137 Whoo! 2079 02:05:31,983 --> 02:05:33,223 Peter! 2080 02:05:33,317 --> 02:05:34,853 Whoo! X-Force! 2081 02:05:34,944 --> 02:05:37,151 Walk away! Just walk away! 2082 02:05:38,031 --> 02:05:39,863 But we're X-Force! Nope! We're not. 2083 02:05:40,074 --> 02:05:41,405 X-Force is just a marketing tool 2084 02:05:41,492 --> 02:05:42,732 designed by Fox executives... 2085 02:05:42,827 --> 02:05:44,488 to keep Josh Brolin employed. 2086 02:05:44,579 --> 02:05:45,865 It doesn't exist. 2087 02:05:46,122 --> 02:05:49,331 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 2088 02:05:49,500 --> 02:05:51,036 And I need to feed my cat! 2089 02:05:51,210 --> 02:05:53,577 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 2090 02:05:53,755 --> 02:05:56,998 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 2091 02:06:06,184 --> 02:06:08,050 Wade, is that you? 2092 02:06:10,313 --> 02:06:11,644 I guess Stryker finally 2093 02:06:11,731 --> 02:06:13,096 figured out how to shut you up. 2094 02:06:19,697 --> 02:06:22,940 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 2095 02:06:23,117 --> 02:06:25,108 Just cleaning up the timelines! 2096 02:06:25,203 --> 02:06:28,992 Look, eventually you're going to hang up the claws... 2097 02:06:29,082 --> 02:06:31,323 and it's gonna make a lot of people very sad. 2098 02:06:31,709 --> 02:06:32,699 Huh? 2099 02:06:32,794 --> 02:06:34,410 But one day, your old pal Wade's gonna ask you... 2100 02:06:34,504 --> 02:06:36,461 to get back in the saddle again. 2101 02:06:37,340 --> 02:06:39,877 And when he does, say yes. 2102 02:06:41,135 --> 02:06:43,092 Oh, right. 2103 02:06:44,013 --> 02:06:45,299 Love you! 2104 02:06:47,683 --> 02:06:49,299 Goddamn, that's beautiful. 2105 02:06:56,692 --> 02:06:58,524 You're welcome, Canada. 2106 02:07:11,040 --> 02:07:12,201 Boy howdy. 2107 02:07:14,085 --> 02:07:16,952 Hi. This is a toughie. 2108 02:07:17,046 --> 02:07:18,036 Yeesh. 2109 02:07:18,339 --> 02:07:20,751 Oh, yes. You're already practicing your salute, huh? 2110 02:07:21,968 --> 02:07:24,756 Yes, you are. Well, we'll take care of that, won't we? 2111 02:07:24,846 --> 02:07:27,634 Jesus Christ! This is so much harder than I thought. 2112 02:07:28,474 --> 02:07:30,056 Oh, I'm going to hell. 2113 02:07:30,143 --> 02:07:31,725 That makes two of us. 2114 02:07:31,894 --> 02:07:32,975 You can do this. 2115 02:07:33,146 --> 02:07:36,138 This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. 2116 02:07:36,232 --> 02:07:37,393 All right. 2117 02:07:44,740 --> 02:07:46,651 Maximum effort. 2118 02:13:24,830 --> 02:13:27,071 That's okay. Let me see here. 2119 02:13:27,166 --> 02:13:28,622 Oh, God. 2120 02:13:28,709 --> 02:13:30,620 That's why you're such a little bastard. 2121 02:13:30,711 --> 02:13:32,622 No one's ever changed you. 2122 02:13:33,130 --> 02:13:35,838 Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you? 2123 02:13:35,925 --> 02:13:38,383 God, it smells like Hitler's anus... 2124 02:13:38,761 --> 02:13:41,298 which would makes sense, wouldn't it? Yeah. 2125 02:13:41,388 --> 02:13:42,503 I think we both know 2126 02:13:42,598 --> 02:13:43,713 I don't have what it takes to do this... 2127 02:13:43,807 --> 02:13:46,174 so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick... 2128 02:13:46,268 --> 02:13:48,134 and then I'm gonna come back with my friend, Cable. 2129 02:13:48,229 --> 02:13:49,560 He loves killing kids.