1 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:10,166 This is a photo of Rick hugging my mom. 2 00:00:10,166 --> 00:00:13,667 He looks happy, but even with a smile on his face, 3 00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:15,800 there's something evil about it. 4 00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:21,100 It just makes my blood run cold when I see this photo. 5 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,166 Seeing my mom's beautiful face and how much joy 6 00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:26,700 she had in this photo 7 00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:29,233 and this monster hugging her, 8 00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,233 it was like a demon on her back. 9 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,767 This photo is a lie. 10 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:39,400 There were happy moments. It was not a happy life. 11 00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:54,533 [phone dialing] 12 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,634 [phone ringing] 13 00:01:02,367 --> 00:01:04,300 [phone conversation continues] 14 00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:33,700 [sniffling] 15 00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:46,600 I don't even know what to say. 16 00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,634 [The Paper Chase's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" plays] 17 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,433 [strings continue playing sinister tune] 18 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,233 [static crackling] 19 00:02:06,767 --> 00:02:08,500 -[knock at door] -[creaking] 20 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,233 -[banging on door] -[creaking] 21 00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:21,834 [water dripping] 22 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,600 -[banging on door] -[creaking] 23 00:02:24,367 --> 00:02:25,700 [sinister chord strikes] 24 00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:39,967 This is a picture of my mom and I sitting on a couch 25 00:02:39,967 --> 00:02:41,834 when I was really little. 26 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:44,133 You can see how happy she is in this. 27 00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,734 My mom was my hero from the time 28 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,100 I came into this world. 29 00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:53,233 I wanted to look like her, I wanted to be like her. 30 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,600 I just all around wanted to be with her 24-7 at this age. 31 00:02:57,767 --> 00:03:01,667 I admired her my whole life. 32 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:04,967 By the time I was five, my mom had been divorced twice 33 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,767 and had three kids. 34 00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:10,266 I know she was still struggling because she was young, 35 00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:15,233 but as a kid, she felt like she was meant to be a mom. 36 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,634 In 2002, my mom met Rick. 37 00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:27,533 They'd go out onto these lovely dates, and she'd come back with 38 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,934 a huge glow on her face and flowers, and it was so 39 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,867 sweet, and that's what actually made me warm up to him so fast 40 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:35,500 was seeing how he treated her. 41 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,166 They didn't get married until several years 42 00:03:38,166 --> 00:03:39,667 into the relationship. 43 00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:46,867 At this time, it was too early to imagine that this charming, 44 00:03:46,867 --> 00:03:50,500 sweet man would be the person to drag us all into darkness. 45 00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:18,467 [Kayla] At first, everything seemed very normal and fantastic. 46 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:21,467 But once Rick moved in, he started taking on a more 47 00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:24,367 disciplinary role with my siblings. 48 00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:27,166 Instead of having a normal reaction, it was always 49 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:30,333 an exaggerated reaction to every little thing. 50 00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:37,533 One of my siblings was potty training, and he was beyond hard 51 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,533 on him, and if he didn't go to the bathroom the way he was 52 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,166 supposed to outside of the diaper, 53 00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:44,300 he was told he was lazy and worthless. 54 00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,266 I remember there was this one day when my brother had had 55 00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:57,033 an accident, and he was afraid to say anything to Rick, 56 00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:00,533 but Rick could smell that he had gone to the bathroom 57 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,900 in his pull-up. 58 00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:07,133 At that point Rick said, "OK, well, now we're going 59 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,467 to the backyard." 60 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:14,000 He grabbed him by the arm and just kind of led 61 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,433 and dragged him to the backyard. 62 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,533 He was terrified. 63 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,166 Rick told him to drop his diaper, face the fence, 64 00:05:22,166 --> 00:05:25,266 and he turned on the hose on the highest setting so it was 65 00:05:25,266 --> 00:05:28,900 like a pressure wash situation and hosed him off. 66 00:05:34,266 --> 00:05:35,867 My brother was begging him to stop. 67 00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:39,133 "Please don't. This is cold. 68 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,166 It's so cold, it hurts. I'm freezing." 69 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,333 And he was just sobbing. 70 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,734 It was winter at the time, 71 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,967 so it was a very dramatic experience. 72 00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:49,567 [sinister laughter] 73 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:51,967 I remember Rick, he was smiling, and he was laughing 74 00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,000 the entire time. 75 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:57,467 He found it to be amusing when any of my brothers 76 00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:59,033 were in pain. 77 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,867 After that incident, I noticed my brother absolutely 78 00:06:04,867 --> 00:06:06,767 shaking and terrified. 79 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:10,166 And he's like, "Please don't tell Daddy I had an accident. 80 00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:11,800 I don't want him to know." 81 00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:16,867 For me, watching my brothers go through this, I felt like 82 00:06:16,867 --> 00:06:19,734 I needed to do something to protect them, but I didn't know 83 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,867 how because I was a kid myself. 84 00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:23,867 But this was my turning point 85 00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:27,200 on when I started watching Rick more closely. 86 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:45,567 [Kayla] Rick's go-to meals were hamburgers or hot dogs. 87 00:06:45,567 --> 00:06:49,533 Usually, hot dogs was something we'd eat for months on end 88 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,266 every single night and some lunches because it's the least 89 00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:55,266 amount of money he had to pay to feed us. 90 00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:59,467 And even when we had money, it would be spent on food 91 00:06:59,467 --> 00:07:01,133 he liked for himself. 92 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:05,467 Rick would make his steak, potatoes, and would audibly be 93 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:09,066 enjoying his steak and potatoes as a way of showing how much 94 00:07:09,066 --> 00:07:10,233 he liked it. 95 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,734 Mm. 96 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,567 [Kayla] And then this night, once again, we had hot dogs 97 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:16,467 in front of us. 98 00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:19,066 And just the smell of them were making me 99 00:07:19,066 --> 00:07:21,166 like, gag it down. 100 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,000 I couldn't even bring myself to take a bite. 101 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,000 And I begged Rick, "Please don't make me eat this." 102 00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:29,700 I can't do this. 103 00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,600 You're not going anywhere till you finish your dinner. 104 00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:39,367 And he said, I am not leaving that table until the food 105 00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:42,834 is gone. And I took one bite, 106 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,634 and I ended up throwing it up. 107 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,867 Rick lost his mind. 108 00:07:49,867 --> 00:07:51,433 [thud] 109 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,367 He tossed me some paper towels 110 00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,066 and told me I needed to clean up. 111 00:07:59,066 --> 00:08:01,867 Scrub the floor! 112 00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:04,567 [Kayla] He told me I had to stay there and finish that food, 113 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,600 even if it meant I was there all night. 114 00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:10,200 Everyone went to bed. 115 00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:13,967 I was sitting there with the hot dog all night, 116 00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:17,100 just staring at it, essentially. 117 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:20,567 And it got so late, and I kept thinking, OK, if I just force 118 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,266 myself to eat this hot dog, I can go to bed. 119 00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:25,233 And then I tried to take another bite, 120 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,266 and then I'd throw it back up. 121 00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:30,467 But I was so tired that I ended up just falling asleep on 122 00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:32,600 the table right next to the hot dog. 123 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,233 I think it was another power play for Rick. 124 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:43,367 This was just the beginning of Rick and his volatility. 125 00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:47,533 And all that would happen next is his wrath and torture. 126 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,934 We had no idea that things could possibly get any worse. 127 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,033 On one time in particular, when we moved into the house, 128 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:06,233 we noticed that there was a dog still there. 129 00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:08,100 Me and my brothers were so excited. 130 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:10,133 We begged and pleaded to keep it. 131 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,367 And even my mom begged him to let us keep it. 132 00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:14,867 So he gave in and let us have her. 133 00:09:14,867 --> 00:09:18,634 And one day, Rick was downstairs on the computer 134 00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,533 across the room from us. 135 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:21,634 [kids clamoring] 136 00:09:21,634 --> 00:09:24,000 We were all right around the dog, and my youngest 137 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,767 brother fell and landed on her back hip. 138 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:30,333 She kind of made a little gruff sound. 139 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,667 [dog barking] 140 00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:35,233 As soon as Rick heard the sound, he jumped up 141 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,467 and said that she tried to bite my brother. 142 00:09:37,467 --> 00:09:39,467 She bit you? 143 00:09:39,467 --> 00:09:41,934 And I was right there, and I said, "No, she didn't. 144 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,367 She just got scared that he fell." 145 00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:47,667 And Rick started going on a tangent about how 146 00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:49,667 she tried to bite him. 147 00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:53,500 And he said, our only option is to put her down ourselves. 148 00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:58,567 When Rick said he had to put her down, 149 00:09:58,567 --> 00:10:00,533 I immediately was heartbroken. 150 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,767 I didn't understand what that meant at first. 151 00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:06,567 But then it kind of clicked that that means to 152 00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:07,834 take her life. 153 00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:12,166 And we all started bawling hysterically. 154 00:10:12,166 --> 00:10:15,467 My mom came downstairs and heard all of us bawling 155 00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:16,500 our eyes out. 156 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,767 And she was trying to tell Rick, we don't need to 157 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:19,900 put her down. 158 00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:24,100 And at this point, my mom and all of us were frantic. 159 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,333 Rick, what are you talking about? 160 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,467 -You don't have to do this. -Stop! 161 00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:32,266 Rick had us all go outside, and he told my mom to keep all 162 00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:35,066 of us facing forward, and not to turn around. 163 00:10:35,066 --> 00:10:38,767 I knew in my heart that something was about to happen. 164 00:10:38,767 --> 00:10:42,734 And I see Rick dragging our dog, and he has a shotgun 165 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:43,667 in his hand. 166 00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,166 [children crying] 167 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,433 And he kind of pins her down, 168 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,934 [dog barking] 169 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,900 takes the shotgun to her head, 170 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,166 and pulls the trigger. 171 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:54,533 [gunshot blasts] 172 00:10:58,066 --> 00:11:00,100 I was horrified. 173 00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:07,233 I remember his eyes making eye contact with me, and he almost 174 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,567 looked like he had a smirk, like he was proud of it. 175 00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:14,266 So I feel to this day like that was the show to show us what 176 00:11:14,266 --> 00:11:15,834 he could do if he wanted to. 177 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:23,100 The pain is still there every time I think about the story 178 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,867 and telling it, I feel like I'm just living it again, 179 00:11:25,867 --> 00:11:30,867 just watching as Rick takes something I loved. 180 00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:34,066 And it just shattered me, and it made me angry, 181 00:11:34,066 --> 00:11:36,300 and it broke my heart. 182 00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:44,200 [whispering] I'm sorry. 183 00:11:46,066 --> 00:11:48,000 [voice breaking] Looking back at just everything 184 00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:50,533 and all the things he did, 185 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:56,367 it just looks like everything he did was all for a show 186 00:11:56,367 --> 00:12:00,467 and was to prove his power he held over everyone else. 187 00:12:00,467 --> 00:12:05,900 And it was all a game for him. 188 00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,300 [whispering] I'm sorry. 189 00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:21,900 I thought I had no tears left to cry. 190 00:12:34,066 --> 00:12:37,300 This is a testimonial my mom wrote. 191 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:44,533 And I believe she wrote it as an insurance policy in case 192 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,867 something worse happened or in case she did finally get to 193 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:52,867 escape and have proof of the years of damage 194 00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:54,400 she had to endure. 195 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,667 "He locked me out of the house. 196 00:12:56,667 --> 00:13:00,266 "He threw my cell phone across the room when I tried to call 197 00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,867 "someone for help in the heat of an argument. 198 00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:06,133 "He shoved me into the kids' room and bent me over 199 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,433 "my daughter's bed face down. 200 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,867 "He then proceeded to tell me all the different things 201 00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:13,166 "he could do to me, and I couldn't do 202 00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,734 "a thing about it. 203 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,667 "He grabbed my hair by my ponytail, when I twirled around, 204 00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:21,533 "he threw his fist in my face, stopping within 205 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,266 "an inch of my nose. 206 00:13:23,266 --> 00:13:26,200 "I started crying, and he laughed at me. 207 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,166 "He thought it was amusing how scared I looked. 208 00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:32,333 He told me to never speak to him like that again." 209 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,100 I knew Rick 210 00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:43,834 manipulated my mom, gaslit my mom. 211 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:48,433 But I, at no point, realized that this was 212 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:51,233 the physical violence that she had to endure. 213 00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,800 That was his tactic, was fear. 214 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,667 Shows that he was the kind of, I don't want to say "man," 215 00:13:59,667 --> 00:14:02,533 the kind of evil who would 216 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:07,867 enjoy watching someone be afraid of them 217 00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:10,200 and seeing someone suffer. 218 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,033 I didn't realize how bad it was. 219 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,033 [Kayla] Rick had the expectation that when he was coming home from 220 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:31,033 work we had to already be in bed and asleep, 221 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:34,800 and if we weren't it -- it was a huge disaster. 222 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:39,166 One evening, we were all playing in the living room, 223 00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:43,100 and we were all having fun and having a good time. 224 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,567 And then all of a sudden, Mom got a phone call. 225 00:14:45,567 --> 00:14:47,133 [phone ringing] 226 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,767 Hello? 227 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:54,433 [Kayla] And after she got off, she seemed very anxious. 228 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,567 And she said, "We need to get you guys in pajamas, 229 00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:58,467 and you guys need to get in bed now." 230 00:14:58,467 --> 00:15:01,066 Whatever you do, do not open the door. 231 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:05,467 She said, "Lock this door. Don't open it for any reason." 232 00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:06,700 OK? 233 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,767 I heard the front door swing open, 234 00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:15,033 and I could hear Rick 235 00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:18,533 just immediately start cussing and carrying on, 236 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,567 and I'm hearing my mom say, "You're not making any 237 00:15:20,567 --> 00:15:22,300 sense, Rick. They are in bed." 238 00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:26,634 And at this point, I'm getting really scared that 239 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,033 he's gonna try and bust through the door 240 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:29,667 or something like that. 241 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:32,133 And then it sounded like he grabbed her and dragged 242 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,233 her into their room. 243 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,033 [as Rick] Enough! 244 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,567 [Kayla] I heard a lot of slamming around. 245 00:15:36,567 --> 00:15:39,000 [indistinct shouting] 246 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:43,634 I remember my mom crying and a lot of muffling sounds. 247 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:46,834 And I just kind of sat there and listened to it all. 248 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,433 I remember thinking, he's hurting her and I needed 249 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:55,200 to help her, and I couldn't because if I exited the room, 250 00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:56,266 it would be me. 251 00:15:56,266 --> 00:15:57,734 [muffled shouting] 252 00:16:01,166 --> 00:16:04,467 I felt really guilty in that moment because all I wanted to 253 00:16:04,467 --> 00:16:06,433 do was help my mom because I could hear 254 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,233 that she was clearly in pain, 255 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,600 but...I couldn't. 256 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,433 I've come a long way to where I know it's like, 257 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,934 nothing I could do. 258 00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:22,000 I know I was just a kid, but... 259 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,233 I wish I could have helped her. 260 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,133 My mom protected me, I needed to protect her, 261 00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:38,033 but I just wasn't strong enough. 262 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:42,834 And I know that's not how it works, but that's how it feels. 263 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:56,800 [birds singing] 264 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,867 The next day, I saw my mom, and she had her hair over 265 00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:07,233 her shoulders, and she kept looking down like, 266 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:09,433 like she looked ashamed of something. 267 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,367 And I remember asking her if everything was OK. 268 00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:14,867 She kept saying, "I'm fine." 269 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,834 Her lips were even quivering a little bit, like she was on 270 00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:20,967 the verge of tears. She couldn't keep eye contact. 271 00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:25,367 She just kind of kept looking down with so much shame 272 00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:30,233 and sorrow on her face, and I saw a big purple mark, 273 00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:35,567 and then another huge purple mark right here. 274 00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:38,634 And they were massive enough that I thought that 275 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:41,634 he had choked her that night. 276 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:45,166 It wasn't until way later I found out that they were 277 00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:49,333 aggressive bite marks from him sexually assaulting her that 278 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,000 were so bad that they were deep, dark blue. 279 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:58,266 I immediately was afraid for her life. 280 00:17:58,266 --> 00:18:01,400 I was terrified to see what else he was willing to do. 281 00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:07,533 At the time, I couldn't figure out why he had so much power 282 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,800 over my mom. 283 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:13,266 And it wasn't until later that I found out that he had been 284 00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:17,266 making threats to her to take her kids and to do things to 285 00:18:17,266 --> 00:18:20,600 her that pretty much kept her in submission. 286 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,533 [Kayla] My mom was planning on leaving Rick. 287 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:39,166 And actually, on a day that Rick went to work, it was 288 00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:41,567 the day we planned on making our escape. 289 00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:45,700 I helped my mom pack everything we could throw into trash bags. 290 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,367 My mother went to stay with my grandmother, 291 00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:50,934 with my siblings. 292 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,033 But my mom was so concerned for my safety 293 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,166 that she contacted my dad. 294 00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:59,133 And they agreed for me to live with my dad until everything 295 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,767 could be figured out. 296 00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:04,133 When I left, I was hysterical. 297 00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:15,967 All I wanted was for them to be free of him. 298 00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:18,066 And I didn't want to go to my dad's. 299 00:19:18,066 --> 00:19:19,767 I didn't want to get away from them. 300 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:24,533 While Rick worked on manipulating his way in again, 301 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,333 Rick took everything. 302 00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:39,667 While I was living with my dad, I missed my mom and my siblings 303 00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:43,867 a lot, but I had a lot of hope because I know she had a lot 304 00:19:43,867 --> 00:19:46,133 of hope. She wanted to get a job. 305 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,433 She wanted to help get a place for her and my siblings. 306 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,166 She just wanted a fresh start. 307 00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:53,967 She wanted to be completely free of him. 308 00:19:53,967 --> 00:19:56,467 In this moment, she thought she was free, 309 00:19:56,467 --> 00:19:59,033 and she thought she would never have to see him again. 310 00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:03,133 About two years after I had left to go live with my dad, 311 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,834 I was finally allowed to go back for a summer 312 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,233 and visit my mom. 313 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:08,600 [giggling] 314 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,133 Oh, look at you. 315 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,166 I see my mom, and I'd never been so happy in my life. 316 00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:17,567 I finally got to see her again. 317 00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:20,266 I ran up to her, and gave her a big old hug. 318 00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:23,433 And the first thing I noticed is that she had 319 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:24,667 her wedding ring on. 320 00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:25,967 Why are you wearing that? 321 00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,500 Oh. 322 00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:31,000 And I asked her, I said, "What is this doing on your finger?" 323 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,367 And she said, "What do you mean?" 324 00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,467 I said, "You left that on the counter when you left Rick. 325 00:20:36,467 --> 00:20:39,166 He's back, isn't he?" And she said, "Yes, 326 00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:42,367 Kayla, but there's a lot to it. I need to talk to you." 327 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,500 Mom. 328 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,667 [Kayla] She said, "Please, please, let me talk to you. 329 00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:47,867 Let me try to get you to understand." 330 00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:50,400 I just stood there in shock. 331 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:55,100 But I was so angry in the moment because I missed out 332 00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,567 on seeing her and my siblings for two years 333 00:20:57,567 --> 00:20:59,800 because I wanted her to get away from him. 334 00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:04,867 She said, "Rick showed up, and he made all these promises, 335 00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:06,767 and we're gonna have a fresh start." 336 00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,767 I said, "What fresh start? 337 00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:11,166 "Look at everything that's happened. 338 00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:13,333 "Look at everything you've been through. 339 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,767 You just escaped. Why are you back with him?" 340 00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:20,166 And I could tell she wasn't really giving me all the truth. 341 00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:22,367 I don't think she wanted to. 342 00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:24,200 That's when Rick came downstairs. 343 00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:31,000 And I'm trying not to throw up because I'm so nervous 344 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,266 and so upset that he's even there again. 345 00:21:33,266 --> 00:21:36,000 And I knew it wouldn't change anything. 346 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,467 And he's not talking to me. He's ignoring me. 347 00:21:39,467 --> 00:21:44,467 And all I can think is, the man who kept me from being able to 348 00:21:44,467 --> 00:21:48,367 see my mom all this time is here and living here like 349 00:21:48,367 --> 00:21:51,367 he deserves to, and treating me like dirt, 350 00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:53,533 even though I didn't do anything wrong. 351 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,133 But my betrayal was because I had done everything 352 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,467 I could do to help her leave. 353 00:22:00,467 --> 00:22:03,433 And I really thought it was gonna follow through. 354 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:06,266 And I felt disappointment because I felt like 355 00:22:06,266 --> 00:22:07,467 I had failed her. 356 00:22:07,467 --> 00:22:12,767 And I felt that someone could have done something more to 357 00:22:12,767 --> 00:22:14,900 keep Rick from coming back in our lives. 358 00:22:29,667 --> 00:22:33,367 [Kayla] About a week in, I'm like accepting things for the way 359 00:22:33,367 --> 00:22:36,567 they are, and I didn't want to be anywhere around him. 360 00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:40,767 And I mean, he'd been avoiding me too, so I thought it was 361 00:22:40,767 --> 00:22:44,000 pure coincidence that we ended up in the same room alone. 362 00:22:45,867 --> 00:22:47,300 We need to talk. 363 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,567 And at this moment, he turned towards me and said, 364 00:22:51,567 --> 00:22:53,567 "Now that I've got some alone time with you, 365 00:22:53,567 --> 00:22:56,133 I've got something I need to say to you." 366 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,634 And I'm shaking because I have no idea what he wants to say to 367 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:01,533 me after all this time. 368 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:06,100 And he said, "I'm going to tell you right now, if you ever help 369 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:09,734 "your mom leave me again, I will kill you, 370 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,000 "and I will take your body, 371 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:15,266 and I will hide you where no one will ever find you again." 372 00:23:15,266 --> 00:23:17,233 They'll just think you ran away. 373 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,200 You understand? 374 00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:25,133 Good. 375 00:23:30,266 --> 00:23:34,000 And I just said, "OK, yes, sir." 376 00:23:36,266 --> 00:23:39,500 And I got out of the house as fast as I could, and I cried 377 00:23:40,467 --> 00:23:44,533 because the entire reason I helped mom leave him 378 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,233 was because of reasons like that. 379 00:23:48,066 --> 00:23:50,500 I just wanted Rick to not exist. 380 00:23:52,567 --> 00:23:57,333 And instead, he harassed and instilled more fear 381 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:01,834 and took away her hope and sucked her back in. 382 00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:09,533 And then it just got worse from there. 383 00:24:14,767 --> 00:24:16,000 [sniffling] 384 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:20,433 [softly] I'm sorry. 385 00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,433 He took a family -- 386 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,000 He took a family that had so much hope and could have done 387 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,934 some good, and he just killed us all. 388 00:24:41,166 --> 00:24:44,367 [Kayla] When I was 17 and in high school, I was living with my dad. 389 00:24:44,367 --> 00:24:48,200 I found out that I was pregnant with my first daughter. 390 00:24:49,667 --> 00:24:53,734 When my dad found out, it did not go over well. 391 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,867 I left my dad's as soon as possible and flew to Colorado 392 00:24:57,867 --> 00:24:59,367 to go live with my mom. 393 00:25:01,667 --> 00:25:05,033 I was thrilled to be around my mom because I had her support. 394 00:25:05,867 --> 00:25:08,867 But being around Rick in the most vulnerable time of 395 00:25:08,867 --> 00:25:12,333 my life was awful. He made my life miserable. 396 00:25:25,967 --> 00:25:29,634 When my brothers reached the ages of 11 and 12 and 14, 397 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:32,900 Rick decided it was time for them to do manual labor. 398 00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:38,367 One night, I was able to have a talk with my brothers about 399 00:25:38,367 --> 00:25:40,367 how things had been going. 400 00:25:40,367 --> 00:25:44,100 I found out that they had no access to a shower, 401 00:25:44,100 --> 00:25:48,000 had no access to bathing unless it was from the hose. 402 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,033 For weeks or months at a time, if Rick was upset with 403 00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:54,333 my brothers, he'd make them sleep outside in a tent and earn 404 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,667 their toilet paper, earn their meals, 405 00:25:56,667 --> 00:25:58,934 and anything that they'd need to survive, 406 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,433 they needed to earn through labor. 407 00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:05,333 And even then, if the work wasn't up to par, 408 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:06,900 then they didn't get food. 409 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,934 One morning, Rick had woken up one of my brothers at 5:00 AM 410 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,000 who had been up all night throwing up. 411 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,467 And my brother said he couldn't work. 412 00:26:19,467 --> 00:26:21,834 I don't feel well. 413 00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:25,567 [Kayla] Rick said he needed to learn what it's like to be a man. 414 00:26:25,567 --> 00:26:27,867 And so even though he was throwing up, 415 00:26:27,867 --> 00:26:30,533 and had a high fever, he dragged him out of bed... 416 00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:32,333 [mocking] "I don't feel well." 417 00:26:33,266 --> 00:26:35,700 ...and picked him up and threw him about 10 feet. 418 00:26:37,367 --> 00:26:39,634 No excuses! 419 00:26:42,567 --> 00:26:46,767 When my mom would speak up and tell him 420 00:26:46,767 --> 00:26:48,533 that we'd had enough... 421 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:49,867 -Stop! -Shut up! 422 00:26:49,867 --> 00:26:52,567 ...he would start yelling at her for undermining 423 00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:57,233 his authority and that what he says is what goes. 424 00:26:58,667 --> 00:27:03,333 And I had realized nothing had changed, and things were just, 425 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,033 in my opinion, worse than they even were before. 426 00:27:07,266 --> 00:27:11,100 I knew there wasn't anything I could do to stop it, but to see 427 00:27:11,100 --> 00:27:14,300 him treating them even worse than he was before, 428 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:16,500 it killed me. 429 00:27:21,667 --> 00:27:24,533 One day, I was working at the local campground, 430 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,867 and I received a phone call. 431 00:27:26,867 --> 00:27:30,433 And when I answered it, it was a lady on the other end of 432 00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:33,533 the phone, and she introduced herself an employee who worked 433 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:39,433 for DCFS, and there was a case that has been opened up 434 00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:44,433 at my household, and that they'd be taking my daughter 435 00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:47,266 along with the other kids to go stay with my aunt. 436 00:27:47,266 --> 00:27:50,867 She said because I was at 18, I could either go with 437 00:27:50,867 --> 00:27:53,433 my daughter or stay with the adults. 438 00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:57,767 I was very blindsided, and the idea of leaving 439 00:27:57,767 --> 00:28:02,700 my two-month-old baby, I chose to go with her. 440 00:28:04,667 --> 00:28:08,367 The lady immediately came to my work to pick me up 441 00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:12,233 and to take me to the house to gather some of my things. 442 00:28:15,867 --> 00:28:19,367 When we arrived, Rick was waiting for me. 443 00:28:19,367 --> 00:28:22,467 I'm just going to give her a hand. 444 00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:27,166 DCFS came to interview each of us separately, 445 00:28:27,166 --> 00:28:30,100 and Rick said that he was gonna help me get my bags. 446 00:28:31,266 --> 00:28:35,233 The lady kind of looked apprehensive about allowing 447 00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:36,800 that, but let it happen. 448 00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:41,567 So Rick and me went upstairs so I could gather some things 449 00:28:41,567 --> 00:28:43,266 for me and my baby. 450 00:28:43,266 --> 00:28:47,834 And as I'm packing, Rick is talking very quietly to me 451 00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:48,934 about what happened. 452 00:28:48,934 --> 00:28:52,667 He said one of my siblings reported them to DCFS. 453 00:28:52,667 --> 00:28:56,133 And he asked if it was me, and I said no. 454 00:28:57,700 --> 00:29:01,867 We were all far too scared to be honest with DCFS. 455 00:29:01,867 --> 00:29:05,266 I lied, and only one of us told the truth. 456 00:29:05,266 --> 00:29:08,233 It was one of our younger siblings. 457 00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:11,867 But my siblings' bravery is what made it possible for us to 458 00:29:11,867 --> 00:29:13,533 get away from Rick. 459 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,767 Then he followed me outside, pretended to give me a hug, 460 00:29:17,767 --> 00:29:21,734 to say goodbye, and he said, "If you tell them the truth, 461 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,500 you will never see your daughter again." 462 00:29:25,667 --> 00:29:28,367 I could feel his hot breath on my neck. 463 00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:30,800 He told me, "Snitches get stitches." 464 00:29:33,667 --> 00:29:38,734 And in that moment, I did feel weak in the knees, and I was 465 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,233 absolutely terrified, and my blood went cold. 466 00:29:42,300 --> 00:29:44,467 I absolutely believed Rick would separate me 467 00:29:44,467 --> 00:29:46,867 from my newborn baby. 468 00:29:46,867 --> 00:29:49,667 We knew all that was gonna happen was it was going to 469 00:29:49,667 --> 00:29:53,133 escalate, and we were all terrified what his next step 470 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,300 could possibly be. 471 00:30:09,567 --> 00:30:10,800 [sigh] 472 00:31:32,700 --> 00:31:34,533 [sobbing] 473 00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:39,900 [sobbing] I'm sorry. 474 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,734 [through sobs] Oh, my God. 475 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:06,900 She looked so broken 476 00:32:08,066 --> 00:32:09,400 and so defeated. 477 00:32:10,767 --> 00:32:12,200 I've never seen her that way. 478 00:32:14,667 --> 00:32:18,834 So instead of screaming and alerting and possibly being 479 00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:21,667 rescued at that moment, she was quiet because 480 00:32:21,667 --> 00:32:23,233 she didn't want the kids to get hurt. 481 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,000 I only hope I can be half the mother she is. 482 00:32:33,367 --> 00:32:35,567 She knew it was only a matter of time, 483 00:32:35,567 --> 00:32:37,600 and Rick was gonna kill her. 484 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,500 -Yes. -OK. 485 00:32:49,700 --> 00:32:50,934 [creaking] 486 00:32:56,667 --> 00:32:58,100 [quiet sobbing] 487 00:33:14,166 --> 00:33:19,867 On the morning of July 18th, my boyfriend and I were with 488 00:33:19,867 --> 00:33:25,166 our daughter, and I received a call from a family friend. 489 00:33:25,166 --> 00:33:29,367 When I picked up, my friend said, "Kayla, I need to 490 00:33:29,367 --> 00:33:31,767 tell you something." And I said, "What?" 491 00:33:31,767 --> 00:33:35,900 And she screamed, "Kayla, your mom is dead." 492 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,767 And I screamed, "What do you mean, my mom is dead? 493 00:33:41,767 --> 00:33:43,367 What happened?" 494 00:33:43,367 --> 00:33:46,867 And then she said Rick broke into the house 495 00:33:46,867 --> 00:33:49,300 and stabbed my mother. 496 00:33:53,467 --> 00:33:54,700 Rick killed her. 497 00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:00,400 And I just... 498 00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:03,133 ...I broke. 499 00:34:04,567 --> 00:34:07,133 Everything that was once there, 500 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:12,100 broke into a million pieces because I knew, I just knew 501 00:34:12,100 --> 00:34:13,834 something was gonna happen. 502 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,600 And in that moment, I realized my mom, 503 00:34:19,467 --> 00:34:23,467 the one person in my entire life who had ever loved me 504 00:34:23,467 --> 00:34:25,000 and accepted me, 505 00:34:25,767 --> 00:34:29,266 risked her life and gave her love to someone who took 506 00:34:29,266 --> 00:34:30,834 her from the rest of us. 507 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,667 And then I just screamed and wailed and cried for 508 00:34:36,667 --> 00:34:37,700 like an hour. 509 00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:41,333 I didn't want to move. I didn't want to breathe. 510 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,600 I didn't even want to be alive in that moment. 511 00:34:44,867 --> 00:34:48,834 But I was just wailing. I couldn't breathe. 512 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:52,900 My heart broke. 513 00:35:11,066 --> 00:35:12,700 [phone ringing] 514 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,233 [muffled sobbing] 515 00:35:49,367 --> 00:35:51,600 It breaks my heart to hear 516 00:35:52,767 --> 00:35:54,700 the chaos and the... 517 00:35:58,667 --> 00:36:00,100 the fear in the... 518 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,800 what I believe is my uncle's voice. 519 00:36:04,700 --> 00:36:07,100 And in the background, just my grandma yelling, 520 00:36:07,100 --> 00:36:08,600 "Is my daughter OK?" 521 00:36:10,100 --> 00:36:12,400 And Rick threatening to kill her. 522 00:36:15,166 --> 00:36:17,000 It just never had to come to this. 523 00:36:20,367 --> 00:36:22,800 It should have never come to this. 524 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:37,667 When Rick broke in, my mom immediately woke up to it 525 00:36:37,667 --> 00:36:41,667 and saw it was him and was screaming for my youngest 526 00:36:41,667 --> 00:36:44,700 siblings to run, go run, go hide. 527 00:36:46,166 --> 00:36:50,066 And she was pleading with Rick, "Please don't do this, 528 00:36:50,066 --> 00:36:53,166 please don't hurt them, please don't do this." 529 00:36:53,166 --> 00:36:56,734 Even though she was afraid, all she wanted to do was make 530 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,300 sure the kids were OK. 531 00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:04,734 So for the 14 years they were together, she not only had to 532 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:09,467 protect herself, but always put us first. 533 00:37:09,467 --> 00:37:12,100 And then she died the same way. 534 00:37:16,367 --> 00:37:18,867 [news broadcaster] Police say Richard broke through the back window, 535 00:37:18,867 --> 00:37:21,266 sending glass onto the bed where Kirsten 536 00:37:21,266 --> 00:37:23,000 and the kids were sleeping. 537 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,900 What was going through your mind? 538 00:37:26,467 --> 00:37:29,333 Not much...just wanted to die. 539 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,967 Did you go there to take your life? 540 00:37:31,967 --> 00:37:33,266 Yes, sir. 541 00:37:33,266 --> 00:37:36,033 Did you go there planning to take your wife's life? 542 00:37:36,100 --> 00:37:37,233 No, sir. 543 00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:38,600 I remember talking to Kirsten, 544 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,967 turned my back so she didn't see me stab myself, 545 00:37:41,967 --> 00:37:46,300 and stab myself in 546 00:37:47,100 --> 00:37:48,000 both sides of my neck. 547 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,667 Do you think you took your wife's life? 548 00:37:50,667 --> 00:37:52,033 No. 549 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:53,934 You don't? 550 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,166 No. 551 00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:57,400 My guess is she picked up the knife and stabbed herself. 552 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,667 What Rick is saying in this video 553 00:38:04,667 --> 00:38:06,634 is what he used as his defense. 554 00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:09,367 My mom just couldn't imagine life without him, 555 00:38:09,367 --> 00:38:11,400 and so she must have done it to herself. 556 00:38:12,900 --> 00:38:17,233 So he continually used any defense he could 557 00:38:18,100 --> 00:38:21,166 as a ploy to get out of it instead of 558 00:38:21,166 --> 00:38:22,433 taking responsibility. 559 00:38:24,166 --> 00:38:28,634 My mom had battled for 14 years 560 00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:33,000 to leave this worthless human being. 561 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:38,934 What would make her choose this time after everything 562 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,133 and finally having freedom to kill herself? 563 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,266 Richard Lockett was a coward, and that's why he was 564 00:38:47,266 --> 00:38:48,333 the way he was. 565 00:38:48,333 --> 00:38:51,634 Our entire lives all rounds back to the fact that 566 00:38:51,700 --> 00:38:53,066 he was a coward. 567 00:39:08,166 --> 00:39:10,867 It's just for all of these years, I've kind of had to 568 00:39:10,867 --> 00:39:12,300 keep it all to myself. 569 00:39:13,367 --> 00:39:16,033 I feel like it's the only way to move forward. 570 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,333 It's just hard to think about and talk about, 571 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,900 and also just realizing how bad it was. 572 00:39:35,867 --> 00:39:38,500 I appreciate sharing it because it's... 573 00:39:39,767 --> 00:39:41,734 [whispering] it's good to talk about. 574 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,133 [normally] Even if I'm crying. 575 00:39:49,266 --> 00:39:50,367 [deep exhale] 576 00:39:53,667 --> 00:39:56,967 Talking about it has felt like it is helping me heal. 577 00:39:56,967 --> 00:39:59,867 And it's helping me take that big step I always needed to 578 00:39:59,867 --> 00:40:02,634 start the healing process. 579 00:40:02,700 --> 00:40:07,867 I wanted to do this because I not only see online 580 00:40:07,867 --> 00:40:12,533 the statistics of women who are battered, let alone murdered on 581 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,433 a regular basis. 582 00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:17,934 I know women have a hard enough time getting into domestic 583 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,934 abuse shelters, and the ones that do exist are in deplorable 584 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:26,066 conditions, which tends to force them back into the home 585 00:40:26,066 --> 00:40:28,433 of their perpetrator. 586 00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:34,133 And I am so tired of hearing and seeing this happen so much 587 00:40:35,166 --> 00:40:37,066 that something needs to change. 588 00:40:37,066 --> 00:40:41,533 And I'm hoping that with this, something at least lights 589 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,700 a small fire because 590 00:40:45,467 --> 00:40:46,834 this isn't the way to live. 591 00:40:47,700 --> 00:40:49,800 Living in fear is not a way to live. 592 00:40:50,767 --> 00:40:54,667 I'm not ready to see this monster in prison yet, 593 00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:59,567 but when I am ready, I want to be confident 594 00:40:59,567 --> 00:41:01,600 in my stride and unbreakable. 595 00:41:02,467 --> 00:41:05,033 I want to walk in there and look tougher 596 00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:06,066 than he has ever been. 597 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,867 I want to tell him I'm fine, and what he did, 598 00:41:10,867 --> 00:41:12,433 it broke us temporarily. 599 00:41:12,500 --> 00:41:16,867 But while he rots in prison and is forgotten, 600 00:41:16,867 --> 00:41:20,266 our mom will live on for generations to be talked about, 601 00:41:20,266 --> 00:41:23,266 to be remembered in every way possible.