1 00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:12,211 CLAIRE: I blame myself for what happened. 2 00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,913 The coroner says it wasn't my fault. 3 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,949 The police said if it hadn't been that night, 4 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,917 it would have been another night, and I wouldn't have been 5 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,052 able to stop it. 6 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,323 But they only died 7 00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,125 because he wanted to punish me. 8 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,162 I'm angry, 9 00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:33,332 I'm broken... It is just torture. 10 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:39,605 I don't want anybody to have to live the way I do. 11 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,206 I don't live, I exist. 12 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:43,409 [producer speaks indistinctly] 13 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,044 Ah... 14 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,384 Just give me a... a minute. 15 00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,159 WOMAN: At first glance, an ordinary family house. 16 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,762 But what happened here last night destroyed lives. 17 00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:07,399 I will not speak his name... To call him by 18 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:11,203 his name is to give him a presence. 19 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,540 And he doesn't deserve a presence in this world. 20 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,375 MAN: There is a palpable sense of 21 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:19,311 shock in this quiet residential street. 22 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,947 I'm not gonna call him a man, because he wasn't a man. 23 00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,316 He was just pure evil. 24 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,018 MAN: After the Sykes had divorced, 25 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:28,387 father, Darren, became vengeful. 26 00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:31,223 No one could have anticipated what followed. 27 00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,392 CLAIRE: I despise him for what he's done. 28 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:36,562 Everybody eventually started to see who he was, 29 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,230 but it was too late by then. 30 00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,637 [The Paper Chase's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" plays] 31 00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:48,674 [strings continue playing sinister tune] 32 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:53,779 [static crackling] 33 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,547 [knock at door] [creaking] 34 00:01:55,648 --> 00:02:00,786 [banging on door] 35 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:06,058 [creaking] 36 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,694 [water dripping] 37 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,363 [banging on door] [creaking] 38 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,831 [sinister chord strikes] 39 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:25,477 This photograph here was taken on our wedding day, 40 00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:28,881 and he got quite emotional and started crying, 41 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,316 saying he was so happy... 42 00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:39,391 and that he would love me forever. 43 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,194 At that moment, we were happy. 44 00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:44,596 And then, 45 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,865 from that moment, 46 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,268 things started to change. 47 00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:53,138 And I just feel sorry for the younger me in 48 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,840 this photograph. 49 00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,843 Little did I know what was to come. 50 00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:00,913 What started out 51 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,448 as a fairy tale wedding 52 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,285 turned into a nightmare. 53 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:11,757 And thinking about it now, I feel slightly sick, because... 54 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,860 he turned into a monster. 55 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:19,631 How he turned from a prince to a monster 56 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:23,502 in such a short time was scary. 57 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:26,905 ♪♪ 58 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,875 [sinister music plays] 59 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:37,976 ♪♪ 60 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,920 ♪♪ 61 00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:45,057 I first met Darren on the 19th 62 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:48,794 of October in 1996 at a store opening. 63 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,697 We both worked for the same company. 64 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,498 He was a salesman. 65 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,867 My first impressions of him was that 66 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:59,571 he was arrogant and very self confident. 67 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,809 He was asking me out, and it was like, 68 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,078 not really interested. 69 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:07,879 Don't really want to meet you again. 70 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,048 Thanks, but no thanks type of thing. 71 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:17,022 And then the red rose came the next day, 72 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,957 and it said, "Please go out with me." 73 00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,861 The next day, another red rose came, 74 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,297 and he sent a red rose for three weeks. 75 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,533 I thought, "Wow, he must be really, really", 76 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:32,504 "really keen to send a rose for three weeks," and people 77 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:35,507 were saying, "Oh, my boyfriend doesn't do that. 78 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,776 I wish my boyfriend did that." 79 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:41,046 And everybody was saying at the time, 80 00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,148 "Wow, he must really love you." 81 00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:45,684 Everybody thought he was a good guy, 82 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,387 and I said I would go out with him. 83 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:50,289 Hi, Darren? 84 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:55,327 CLAIRE: The way he hooked me in was with the attention. 85 00:04:55,428 --> 00:05:01,366 Darren bombarded me with love and tokens of gestures 86 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,635 of affection. 87 00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:06,638 Every other week, he'd send a bouquet of flowers. 88 00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:09,908 He was sending all these extravagant... 89 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,144 gifts... that's a warning sign. 90 00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,881 Now, with domestic abuse training, 91 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,050 they now turn it as love bombing. 92 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,353 This is the first sign of their obsession. 93 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:25,657 Makes you feel a little bit more special than normal, 94 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:28,760 and that's a dangerous feeling to have, because it blinds you 95 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:31,129 to everything else that's around you. 96 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,800 It's like a spider that's 97 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:38,437 weaving this web, and then all of a sudden you're caught, 98 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:41,139 and you get snarled up in this web. 99 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,841 That's the best way to describe it. 100 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,278 ♪♪ 101 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:51,416 ♪♪ 102 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:58,290 ♪♪ 103 00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,825 He wanted control of everything. 104 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,427 He would look at my emails. 105 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,363 He would start going through my phone. 106 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,100 I came home from work, and there was 107 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,737 a letter on the side, and it had been opened. 108 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,271 Did you read my mail? 109 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,507 CLAIRE: And I said, "That's actually addressed to me," 110 00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:18,443 and he said, "Well, there's no secrets between us." 111 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,811 What's the problem? 112 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,013 You trying to hide something from me? 113 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,016 CLAIRE: I think he snooped, because he wanted 114 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,819 to own every aspect of my life. 115 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,423 Nothing was just mine. 116 00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:34,960 And it got to a point where you feel 117 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:39,231 like your every move is being monitored. 118 00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,502 [phone ringing] 119 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,438 I'd turn up at work, and half 120 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,207 an hour later, the phone would ring. 121 00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:52,477 This is Claire. 122 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,745 And it would be him 123 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,448 on the phone, "Just checking that you're okay." 124 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:58,283 Oh, that's sweet. 125 00:06:58,384 --> 00:07:02,821 Then an hour later, the phone would ring again, 126 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:06,491 and it would be him saying something like, "Oh", 127 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,959 "I just want to hear your voice. 128 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,694 Oh, I just want to tell you that I love you." 129 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:12,063 I actually need to get back to work, so... 130 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,832 I'll talk to you tonight? 131 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,736 And by the end, I was having 40 phone calls a day. 132 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,677 What comes across as very caring and very loving at the start 133 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:30,115 starts to become very oppressive, 134 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:32,818 very intimidating. 135 00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:36,154 And you feel like not one single moment 136 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:39,090 of the day is yours. 137 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,225 [phone ringing] 138 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:41,560 Because... 139 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,029 you're just being trapped all day long. 140 00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:49,634 I realized that spying on me was getting out of control 141 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,937 when I found out that he was talking to my colleagues 142 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,205 behind my back. 143 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,874 I felt like I was being spied on, 144 00:07:55,975 --> 00:08:00,178 like my whole life was being monitored. 145 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,881 I wanted him to realize 146 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,350 that his behavior wasn't normal, 147 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:07,986 but he didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing. 148 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:20,999 It seemed like wherever I was, he was there. 149 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:24,736 If I had a day off and I was meeting somebody for a coffee, 150 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:25,937 he'd turn up. 151 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:32,444 I was going out with the girls, and I got ready to go, 152 00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,346 and he said, "Oh, where are you going?" 153 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,947 So I told him where we were going. 154 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,616 [glasses clink] 155 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:40,318 We went to the pub, we got the wine, 156 00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:43,321 we're talking, and he just turned up and sat down. 157 00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,727 Hello, ladies. 158 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,662 And I... all my friends were kind of looking, 159 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:54,499 and it was like, "This is a girls' night. 160 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,969 You're a guy. What are you doing?" 161 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,671 Darren, what are you doing here? 162 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,274 He'd sit there as if nothing was wrong. 163 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,342 I just missed you is all. 164 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:08,046 At first, my friends thought, he must really love you. 165 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:10,982 But then, after he turned up at a girl's night, 166 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,319 they started to view things differently. 167 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:17,088 My friends withdrew and felt like they couldn't 168 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,424 talk about what they wanted to talk about that night. 169 00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:22,561 They just stopped inviting me along, 170 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,363 stopped including me in things. 171 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,599 Who wants another drink? 172 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,669 CLAIRE: And looking back, that's another warning sign that 173 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,471 he's starting to isolate you from your friends. 174 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,207 This is how it starts, and you don't 175 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:40,779 even realize that the abuse has started. 176 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,616 I'm sorry. I didn't think he would just show up. 177 00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,018 CLAIRE: It doesn't take much 178 00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:50,522 to start feeling those old feelings again. 179 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:54,960 Doesn't take much for me to feel useless and worthless. 180 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,930 Abuse doesn't stay with the abuser. 181 00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:01,700 It stays with the abused. 182 00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,402 You carry those feelings with you always. 183 00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,845 New Year's Eve was when things really changed between us. 184 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:18,984 That was the first time that I saw what he was capable of. 185 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:23,688 We were going out for a meal with my mom and dad, 186 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,791 and then an argument started. 187 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:28,426 Why are you wearing that? 188 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:31,896 And these insults are being hurled at you, 189 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,165 very personal insults. 190 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:37,569 I had just about had enough, and I just flipped. 191 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:39,904 And I said, "I'm leaving. I've had enough." 192 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,974 You know what? I'm going by myself. 193 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,110 CLAIRE: So he went and locked the door 194 00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:48,246 so that I couldn't leave the house. 195 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:51,616 And that then made me realize I was trapped. 196 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,686 I knew when he looked me in the it wasn't gonna end well. 197 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:55,820 You're not going anywhere. 198 00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:59,024 It was like a red mist would come over his face, 199 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:03,695 and there was a twist to it that looked evil. 200 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:07,065 To see that was scary. 201 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:10,035 It's almost like he had a split personality. 202 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:15,874 And he punched me on my arm here, 203 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:19,177 and there was a big bruise. 204 00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:25,417 I was angry that he'd hurt me and shocked, as well. 205 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:28,019 By this time, I was thinking, right, 206 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,555 I'd just rather cancel tonight. 207 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,257 You know what? 208 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,392 Let's just forget the whole thing. 209 00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:37,395 But he said, "No, you want to go out with your parents. 210 00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:38,997 So we're going out." 211 00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:42,767 Now, go upstairs and get changed. 212 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,437 CLAIRE: So we went out that night, 213 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,940 and my dad immediately picked up on the bruise. 214 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:54,879 But I said I'd walked into the banister of the stairs. 215 00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,014 And that was the first time that 216 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,483 I'm not being honest with my dad. 217 00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,954 I wish now that I had told him the truth. 218 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,756 But you cover up for people, 219 00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:07,325 and you cover up for your own humiliation. 220 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:16,568 He started being really pushy. 221 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,270 Um, wanted it all the time. 222 00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:22,974 It was like another thing that was on overdrive. 223 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:27,212 Every night, he'd be wanting relations, 224 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:32,183 and it's like you don't want to have relations with 225 00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:35,787 somebody when they made you feel like a piece of dirt 226 00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,288 or when they've hurt you. 227 00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:38,590 What are you doing? 228 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,960 - What do you think I'm doing? - No, Darren. 229 00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:44,963 It's invading your body. 230 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,568 And you should be allowed to say no, 231 00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,404 but he didn't understand the word no. 232 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,573 I said no. 233 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:01,146 CLAIRE: I would say no, and he'd carry on anyway. 234 00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:04,983 And there were many, many times 235 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,619 he would force himself. 236 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,555 You just feel used and dirty, 237 00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:14,559 and there's nothing worse or nothing more lonely. 238 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:21,633 I used to lay there and then go in the shower, 239 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:24,903 scrubbing myself in the shower, because I don't feel clean. 240 00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:28,706 That feeling never goes away. 241 00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,211 You begin to feel like just an object. 242 00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:41,186 Looking back, it's another sign that things weren't right. 243 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:57,101 Despite everything going wrong in the marriage, 244 00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:01,406 I didn't leave, because the year that I probably would 245 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,343 have left, I accidentally got pregnant with Jack. 246 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:12,083 Perhaps Jack coming along would change him as 247 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,720 a person, because people change when you have children. 248 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:20,325 But it only made his behavior worse rather than better. 249 00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:31,603 There was a day, and Jack was just four months old. 250 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,672 Darren wanted some new furniture. 251 00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:37,408 Oi, have a look at this. 252 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:38,643 CLAIRE: And this has been going on 253 00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:41,779 for a long time, picking this furniture. 254 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,883 All the decor was picked by him. 255 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,517 Then argued and argued and argued, 256 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,720 and he was still saying he wanted furniture that 257 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,488 he wanted. 258 00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,891 So I just says, whatever. 259 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,459 Do what you want. I don't care. 260 00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:58,162 He just lost his temper, and just like a child, picked up 261 00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,431 the heavy wooden chair, and he just 262 00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:02,033 threw it across the room at me, 263 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,335 and it hit me on my ankle. 264 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:05,436 Are you serious? 265 00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:09,407 CLAIRE: He was infuriated that 266 00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,610 I wasn't giving him the response that he wanted. 267 00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:16,614 Now, Jack was on the floor, and it could have hit Jack, 268 00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:19,183 and it was a flashpoint for me. 269 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:22,453 And I gave him an ultimatum and said, 270 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:26,524 "If you don't learn to control your temper, 271 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,960 then I'm leaving, and I'm taking Jack with me." 272 00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,564 I just walked out and went for a walk and walked and walked 273 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,699 and walked, 274 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,902 but I took Jack with me, because I didn't trust him 275 00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:39,003 with Jack. 276 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,181 And when I came back, he said, 277 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,784 "Don't take Jack away from me again." 278 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:56,387 You will never take my son away from me. 279 00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,389 Do you understand? 280 00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,258 And that was the first warning sign that he saw 281 00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:01,693 the children as a possession 282 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,897 and that he thought he was entitled to 283 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:08,266 the children more than me. 284 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,638 And the next day, flowers would arrive. 285 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,073 The worse the arguments got, 286 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,809 the more the flowers arrived. 287 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,278 I hate flowers now. 288 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,146 If somebody gives me some flowers, 289 00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:25,216 I don't associate them with nice things. 290 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:30,421 I just see it as somebody who can't say sorry. 291 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,224 He went on the anger management course, 292 00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:37,362 worked for a while, and then 293 00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:39,831 just slip back into his old ways. 294 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,200 Leopards don't change the spots. 295 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:54,846 CLAIRE: In March 2002, Jack was born, 296 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:59,283 and three years later, Paul was born, 297 00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:03,354 and there they were, two perfectly beautiful children, 298 00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:07,425 most precious thing in the world. 299 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:12,263 But when the children was young, um, 300 00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,800 as a father, he wasn't involved. 301 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:22,840 As a family, we didn't really have happy family moments. 302 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,243 When you look at that photograph, 303 00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:28,112 he's smiling in that photograph as if he's 304 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,947 the proudest father on Earth. 305 00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:35,219 But that happy look on his face... 306 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,021 didn't last. 307 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:42,660 Evil lurked within and raised its head more and more. 308 00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,328 It was him that was the monster 309 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:47,565 that couldn't be stopped and would never change. 310 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,113 I think, 311 00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:07,552 as a man and as a father, he was jealous of their talent, 312 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:12,156 and he was turnin' his spite and anger onto them. 313 00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:16,160 This was my 40th birthday, 314 00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,864 and there's Jack with his trumpet 315 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,632 playing Happy Birthday to me. 316 00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,603 You can see in his eyes there 317 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:27,271 that he's watching his dad. 318 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:30,341 You can see the wary look on his face, 319 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,244 and there's fear in those eyes, 320 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:39,717 and that's because one day, he wants to do is practice, 321 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:44,055 but his dad didn't want to hear and plays beautiful music. 322 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,526 He wanted a television program on, 323 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,228 so he just took it out on Jack. 324 00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:56,701 His dad, out of spite, knocked his trumpet 325 00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:00,071 and made him cut his lip. 326 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:04,609 And he ended up with blood running down his chain. 327 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:13,684 This is Paul. 328 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,889 That smile there. 329 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:22,059 You'd just see him lit up from the inside out. 330 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:26,063 This was where he came alive. 331 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,800 He just loved to run. 332 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,271 In running, he was free. 333 00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:36,641 In running, he expressed himself. 334 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:47,518 But one day, I was cooking tea, 335 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:53,324 and then all of a sudden, there was this hullabaloo, 336 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,994 and Paul was crying, and he came in to me, and he got red 337 00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,963 marks on his legs, and he says, 338 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:01,999 "Dad's hurt me. Dad's hurt me." 339 00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:09,807 Darren had been twisting Paul's legs. 340 00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:12,043 He was supposedly play fighting. 341 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:16,480 We were just wrestling, having a little fun. 342 00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:20,418 And because he was a runner, his father targeted his legs, 343 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:24,088 because if he twisted his legs and hurt his legs, 344 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,590 he wouldn't be able to run. 345 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,058 You could have really hurt him. 346 00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:33,097 So it was his way of spoiling Paul's passion. 347 00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:35,099 He was jealous of his own child. 348 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,637 In the end, I said that he needed to back 349 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:43,374 off from Paul and he needed to give him some space. 350 00:20:43,508 --> 00:20:45,042 And he needed to stop bullying him. 351 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:47,545 And he said, "I'm not a bully." 352 00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,280 He needs to toughen up. 353 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:54,919 I felt like I couldn't even leave him with them 354 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,854 on my days off, because I didn't trust him. 355 00:20:56,955 --> 00:21:01,292 And what does that say about him as a father, 356 00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:06,430 when I feel like I can't trust him to look after the children? 357 00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:24,982 Jack and Paul didn't trust their dad. 358 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:26,417 They'd been hurt by him. 359 00:21:26,518 --> 00:21:28,286 They were on eggshells with him. 360 00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:32,890 If we were sat on a big sofa, 361 00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:36,827 I'd be sat on one side, and the boys would be 362 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:40,598 crushed in with me as far... As far in as they could. 363 00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:46,203 And they get the comments, 364 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,139 "Oh, you don't want to sit next to me, then?" 365 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,340 Well, why would you want to sit 366 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:51,509 next to somebody who twists your legs? 367 00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:52,543 Or why would you want to sit 368 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,546 next to somebody that makes your lip bleed? 369 00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,281 - You wouldn't, would you? - What? 370 00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:01,919 I'm not good enough for you, is that it? 371 00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:05,356 CLAIRE: They didn't want to be with him. 372 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:08,125 It was me that had the bond with them, 373 00:22:08,226 --> 00:22:11,529 and he resented that bond, because whenever 374 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:12,897 they needed anything, 375 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,300 it was me that they came to and not him. 376 00:22:22,774 --> 00:22:29,480 ♪♪ 377 00:22:29,581 --> 00:22:31,982 I don't want that photograph near me. 378 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:39,590 That was the boys, uh, having an ice cream. 379 00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:43,627 As you can see on that picture, Paul's looking away. 380 00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:45,396 He didn't want to sit next to his dad. 381 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:46,897 There's a space between them, 382 00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:51,335 and you can tell that he's on edge. 383 00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:54,505 Jack's tolerating him, 384 00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:56,006 but if you look at his body language, 385 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,576 he's closing off from his dad. 386 00:22:58,677 --> 00:23:02,313 He's certainly not snuggling in and doesn't look happy 387 00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:04,615 to be sat there. 388 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:08,252 That photograph just makes me feel ill 389 00:23:08,353 --> 00:23:10,221 and angry. 390 00:23:22,601 --> 00:23:26,437 One evening, I was sat on the sofa 391 00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:28,539 and watching the news. 392 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,675 And on the news came this report that a father 393 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:35,946 in Wales had killed his children and then hung himself. 394 00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:42,820 And I was absolutely heartbroken for that mom. 395 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,790 That's horrible. That poor mother. 396 00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:48,159 CLAIRE: And I said, 397 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:52,363 "How could he have taken those children's lives? 398 00:23:52,464 --> 00:23:54,565 How can anybody do that?" 399 00:23:54,666 --> 00:23:57,735 Can you imagine? 400 00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:01,839 And Darren's answer was, "Well, I understand 401 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:04,842 "why he did it, 402 00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:06,844 "because fathers 403 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:10,314 aren't treated the same way as mothers." 404 00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:18,823 And I just went cold, because the tone of voice, 405 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:23,260 he completely believed what he was saying. 406 00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:25,863 That is a horrible thing to say. 407 00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:27,832 It's true. 408 00:24:29,267 --> 00:24:32,036 And I said, "How can you say that?" 409 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:33,537 And he said, "Well, they're not." 410 00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:37,875 He understood exactly why that father 411 00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:41,011 took his children's lives away, 412 00:24:41,112 --> 00:24:43,380 and I was appalled. 413 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,483 Nobody's got the right 414 00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:48,686 to take a child's life away. 415 00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:52,790 I found it incredible that he could 416 00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:54,592 even contemplate that, 417 00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:58,562 let alone understand why he'd done it. 418 00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:00,931 That was another warning sign for me. 419 00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:03,534 It was almost like a premonition. 420 00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:09,106 I knew inside that the children 421 00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:11,909 would not be safe with him. 422 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:14,311 The boys were asking to leave. 423 00:25:14,412 --> 00:25:17,615 I didn't have the money 424 00:25:17,716 --> 00:25:21,819 to leave, and I knew that if I left, 425 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,021 he would have access to the children. 426 00:25:24,122 --> 00:25:28,325 And if I wasn't there, who was gonna keep them safe? 427 00:25:28,426 --> 00:25:33,030 I had a responsibility to keep them safe. 428 00:25:40,639 --> 00:25:43,407 The final straw for me came in 2014. 429 00:25:43,508 --> 00:25:46,076 The abuse was extending to the boys, 430 00:25:46,177 --> 00:25:49,280 and I realized that I had to leave. 431 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:52,016 One evening, Jack and I were upstairs, 432 00:25:52,117 --> 00:25:55,586 and their father was up there, 433 00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,955 and he was getting on at him for doing his homework. 434 00:25:58,056 --> 00:25:59,790 Enough fooling about! 435 00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,325 You've got a report to finish. 436 00:26:01,426 --> 00:26:04,728 CLAIRE: Jack came out with a flippant remark, 437 00:26:04,829 --> 00:26:07,865 and the next thing I knew was 438 00:26:07,966 --> 00:26:12,236 his father lunging towards him with his fist. 439 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:16,707 The force of the impact spun me around, 440 00:26:16,808 --> 00:26:19,009 and I fell down the stairs. 441 00:26:19,110 --> 00:26:22,212 And I realized that 442 00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:23,614 I could no longer stay. 443 00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:25,349 I knew I had to get out pretty quick, 444 00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:27,351 because he could have locked the doors. 445 00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:28,819 He could have done anything. 446 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,988 I just quickly scooped them up and said, 447 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:32,623 "Go to the car, go to the car." 448 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:35,893 And they just run to the car. 449 00:26:35,994 --> 00:26:39,496 And I just said, "That's it. That's it." 450 00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:41,432 It was just survival mode. 451 00:26:41,533 --> 00:26:42,933 I saw this as an escape. 452 00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:55,312 That's when the real abuse started. 453 00:26:55,413 --> 00:26:57,581 His behavior went out of control. 454 00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:59,350 He stalked me. 455 00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:03,053 He sent text messages to my family, 456 00:27:03,154 --> 00:27:07,257 abusive messages, which was absolutely horrible. 457 00:27:09,661 --> 00:27:12,529 The day that my divorce came through, 458 00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:15,899 I was taking the boys out for a meal, 459 00:27:16,001 --> 00:27:18,135 basically to lift the mood a little bit. 460 00:27:20,605 --> 00:27:22,973 And then as I walked out of the restaurant 461 00:27:23,074 --> 00:27:24,875 and got in the car, 462 00:27:24,976 --> 00:27:28,112 the tire on the driver's side 463 00:27:28,213 --> 00:27:30,381 was down, and when I looked at it, 464 00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:32,983 there was a big slash in the tire. 465 00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:39,289 And I just went cold, because I knew who'd done that. 466 00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:42,726 And I went back into the restaurant and said, 467 00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:45,496 "Have you got any CCTV footage?" 468 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,498 And they went, "No, we don't have cameras." 469 00:27:47,599 --> 00:27:51,201 So I didn't bother to report it to the police, because 470 00:27:51,302 --> 00:27:55,472 I had no evidence, and it would have been a she said, 471 00:27:55,573 --> 00:27:59,543 he said situation, which could have made things worse. 472 00:27:59,644 --> 00:28:01,445 So I let it go. 473 00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:08,752 But I knew that we were in danger. 474 00:28:16,461 --> 00:28:19,196 Obviously, I believe that contact was 475 00:28:19,297 --> 00:28:21,865 not in the boys' best interest, 476 00:28:21,966 --> 00:28:25,469 and I had to go to court 477 00:28:25,570 --> 00:28:29,540 to ensure that the boys were kept safe. 478 00:28:29,641 --> 00:28:33,877 I was sat in the waiting area, being intimidated by him. 479 00:28:33,978 --> 00:28:35,546 He was glaring at me across 480 00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:39,016 the room, and he was verbally shouting. 481 00:28:39,117 --> 00:28:41,118 Are you happy now? 482 00:28:41,219 --> 00:28:43,120 I bet you think you've won. 483 00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:46,690 CLAIRE: He was saying that I was manipulative. 484 00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:48,125 I was a bitch. 485 00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:49,760 I should tell the boys that it's 486 00:28:49,828 --> 00:28:53,063 my fault that they're not seeing their dad. 487 00:28:53,164 --> 00:28:56,066 But there was one sentence that he said, 488 00:28:56,167 --> 00:28:59,169 and that was, "You will never have the children. 489 00:28:59,270 --> 00:29:01,538 You'll never have the boys." 490 00:29:01,639 --> 00:29:03,640 You're not going to take them away from me. 491 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:05,175 I promise you that! 492 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,349 CLAIRE: I could see that his anger was escalating, 493 00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:15,018 but because there wasn't enough evidence of 494 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,755 physical violence 495 00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:21,458 to stop him seeing the children completely, 496 00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:24,661 five hours access was granted. 497 00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:31,702 And when five hours non-supervised contact 498 00:29:31,803 --> 00:29:33,704 was issued, 499 00:29:33,805 --> 00:29:37,741 I almost fell to pieces. 500 00:29:37,842 --> 00:29:40,611 Given the behavior in that courtroom, 501 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:45,415 I knew that those children were in danger, 502 00:29:45,517 --> 00:29:47,251 and I couldn't do anything about it. 503 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,623 Nobody listened to the warning that I gave. 504 00:29:52,724 --> 00:29:57,227 Everybody thought he wasn't capable of murder, 505 00:29:57,328 --> 00:29:58,428 and I knew he was. 506 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:11,508 On the 22nd of October, they had 507 00:30:11,609 --> 00:30:14,077 gone on an access visit to their father. 508 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,882 The day started just like any other day, 509 00:30:18,983 --> 00:30:20,584 and as I dropped them off at school, 510 00:30:20,685 --> 00:30:22,986 I said to them, as I did every morning, "I love you." 511 00:30:24,689 --> 00:30:28,492 And they'd answer, "To infinity and beyond." 512 00:30:28,593 --> 00:30:30,327 They loved "Toy Story." 513 00:30:30,428 --> 00:30:31,328 Those were the last words 514 00:30:31,429 --> 00:30:33,797 we spoke to each other in this world. 515 00:30:40,939 --> 00:30:44,741 Later on, I came home from work. 516 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:48,345 I sat down, I'd just literally finished my tea, 517 00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:50,347 and there was a knock on the door. 518 00:30:50,448 --> 00:30:52,149 And I opened the door, 519 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:54,852 and there was a policeman stood on the doorstep. 520 00:30:56,454 --> 00:30:59,890 We know each other, and when I came out, his face fell. 521 00:30:59,991 --> 00:31:03,193 And the first words I said was, "What has he done?" 522 00:31:03,294 --> 00:31:07,030 And the police officer said, 523 00:31:07,131 --> 00:31:08,832 "There's been an incident at the house." 524 00:31:11,069 --> 00:31:14,137 He said, "There's been a fire", 525 00:31:14,239 --> 00:31:16,907 "and you need to come now with me. 526 00:31:17,008 --> 00:31:18,709 The boys are at the children's hospital." 527 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:21,712 And that's all I knew. 528 00:31:21,813 --> 00:31:24,481 WOMAN: At first glance, an ordinary family house, 529 00:31:24,582 --> 00:31:27,417 but what happened here last night destroyed lives. 530 00:31:27,518 --> 00:31:30,954 A father, Darren Sykes, was at home with his two sons 531 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:33,357 when a blaze took hold of the property. 532 00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:36,059 Fire crews battled through the heat to find 533 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,061 all three trapped. 534 00:31:38,162 --> 00:31:42,432 And I remember we got to Sheffield Children's Hospital. 535 00:31:42,533 --> 00:31:45,269 I walked into this little room. 536 00:31:47,171 --> 00:31:50,240 And my head was saying... 537 00:31:50,341 --> 00:31:52,309 this isn't happening, and my heart was 538 00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:57,147 screaming in pain, and the medic said, "Are you" 539 00:31:57,248 --> 00:32:00,717 Jack and Paul's mom?" I said yes. 540 00:32:00,818 --> 00:32:01,919 And he said, "Come with me." 541 00:32:08,526 --> 00:32:10,794 MAN: The blaze broke out at around half past six last night. 542 00:32:10,895 --> 00:32:13,931 Neighbors said at first they didn't realize anyone was in 543 00:32:14,032 --> 00:32:17,868 the house, because Mr. Sykes's van wasn't parked outside. 544 00:32:17,969 --> 00:32:21,271 By the time firefighters arrived, they found the father 545 00:32:21,372 --> 00:32:24,374 and his two sons on the ground floor, 546 00:32:24,475 --> 00:32:27,210 and attempts were made to revive them. 547 00:32:27,312 --> 00:32:31,548 CLAIRE: I saw Paul, and I saw them doing CPR on him. 548 00:32:31,649 --> 00:32:35,886 And his little body was bouncing off the bed, 549 00:32:35,987 --> 00:32:37,688 and reality hit like a slap. 550 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:39,156 One part of my brain was screaming, 551 00:32:39,257 --> 00:32:40,557 "That's my son. 552 00:32:40,658 --> 00:32:46,330 My nine-year-old little boy lying there having CPR." 553 00:32:48,466 --> 00:32:51,835 They looked at me, and they said, 554 00:32:51,936 --> 00:32:54,471 "We're going to let him go now." 555 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,642 And I said, "No! No, you can't let him go." 556 00:32:58,743 --> 00:33:01,478 And they said, 557 00:33:01,579 --> 00:33:05,415 "All we can do now is let him go." 558 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:17,127 And they let me hold him in my arms. 559 00:33:19,497 --> 00:33:23,967 I held him so tightly... His hair was wet 560 00:33:24,068 --> 00:33:25,869 with my tears. 561 00:33:27,572 --> 00:33:29,172 And I said, 562 00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:32,509 "Paul, you can't leave. It's mom. I'm here." 563 00:33:32,577 --> 00:33:36,079 And, um... 564 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:38,382 He looked at me and smiled, 565 00:33:38,483 --> 00:33:40,684 and then the light just went out of his eyes, 566 00:33:40,785 --> 00:33:42,719 and his beautiful blue eyes, 567 00:33:42,820 --> 00:33:45,589 they just went gray. 568 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:47,524 And nothing was looking back. 569 00:33:51,129 --> 00:33:56,166 And the nurse came past and subtly closed his eyes, 570 00:33:56,267 --> 00:33:58,468 and then he just looked like he was sleeping. 571 00:34:00,271 --> 00:34:03,006 And to know that I would never hear his laugh, 572 00:34:03,107 --> 00:34:07,110 watch him run, have a future 573 00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:12,282 and that I could only hold him as he died and told him 574 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:13,617 that I loved him... 575 00:34:13,684 --> 00:34:17,320 I felt shame, pain. 576 00:34:19,223 --> 00:34:20,991 And I felt as if I'd 577 00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:23,527 physically been torn apart. 578 00:34:33,371 --> 00:34:38,108 The detective sergeant came from the family liaison unit 579 00:34:38,209 --> 00:34:42,212 and said that the fire had been set on purpose. 580 00:34:42,313 --> 00:34:44,047 It wasn't an accident. 581 00:34:44,148 --> 00:34:48,618 They told me that Jack had told the fireman that 582 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,055 cradled him in his arms that his dad had done this. 583 00:34:52,156 --> 00:34:54,091 MAN: Jack was found on the first floor. 584 00:34:54,192 --> 00:34:56,159 Conscious when he was taken to hospital, 585 00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:59,262 he told police, "My dad started the fire." 586 00:34:59,363 --> 00:35:03,266 CLAIRE: He'd set at least 14 separate fires. 587 00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:05,702 The property was barricaded, 588 00:35:05,803 --> 00:35:07,771 and there was no way that 589 00:35:07,872 --> 00:35:10,574 the boys would have got out... He'd used a mattress 590 00:35:10,675 --> 00:35:14,478 to barricade the living room and a kitchen chair 591 00:35:14,579 --> 00:35:18,515 against the kitchen door to wedge that, too. 592 00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:22,052 MAN: After the Sykes had divorced, father, Darren, became 593 00:35:22,153 --> 00:35:24,254 vengeful... Sykes locked the house, 594 00:35:24,355 --> 00:35:27,390 doused it in petrol, and set it alight. 595 00:35:27,492 --> 00:35:31,228 Then they said to me, "Jack's in the other bay 596 00:35:31,329 --> 00:35:32,762 if you want to come and see him," 597 00:35:32,864 --> 00:35:35,232 and they were running around, and they're all sweating, 598 00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:37,868 and you could see on the faces the fear. 599 00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,970 I just lost one son, 600 00:35:40,071 --> 00:35:41,338 and they were doing their damnedest 601 00:35:41,439 --> 00:35:43,874 to make sure that I didn't lose Jack, too. 602 00:35:51,015 --> 00:35:55,252 This is two days after Jack 603 00:35:55,353 --> 00:35:57,254 was taken to Manchester to 604 00:35:57,355 --> 00:36:00,757 the pediatric intensive care burns unit. 605 00:36:04,128 --> 00:36:07,898 This is what I looked at 606 00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:10,600 for five days, 607 00:36:10,701 --> 00:36:12,235 and I'm sorry that I upset 608 00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:15,138 people when I show them these photos. 609 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:17,274 But this is reality. 610 00:36:17,375 --> 00:36:19,109 This is real life. 611 00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:25,081 And this is what happened to my beautiful 12-year-old boy. 612 00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:27,918 He can't open his eyes... They're swollen and burnt. 613 00:36:29,787 --> 00:36:34,558 And he's on a ventilator, because he's sedated. 614 00:36:34,659 --> 00:36:39,196 Most of his body was destroyed. 615 00:36:39,297 --> 00:36:42,332 He got these injuries from trying to rescue 616 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:44,167 his brother and get out of the fire. 617 00:36:48,773 --> 00:36:52,676 And it kills me inside to keep showing this photograph. 618 00:36:52,777 --> 00:36:56,279 But people need to know the reality. 619 00:36:56,380 --> 00:36:59,849 This is what happens 620 00:36:59,951 --> 00:37:01,351 when people don't listen. 621 00:37:02,620 --> 00:37:04,654 I sat by this for five days. 622 00:37:06,324 --> 00:37:08,858 I couldn't do anything other than read to him 623 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,727 and talk to him. 624 00:37:10,828 --> 00:37:13,129 Jack wasn't in pain there. He was sedated. 625 00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:18,201 But I hurt for him. 626 00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:23,807 And not being able to help him, 627 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:25,108 I felt useless, 628 00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:28,812 and all I could do was pray. 629 00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:33,917 But it wasn't enough. 630 00:37:36,854 --> 00:37:39,990 [beeping noises] 631 00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:44,261 The next day, he started to deteriorate. 632 00:37:44,362 --> 00:37:47,664 And if you watch medical programs, and you see the line 633 00:37:47,765 --> 00:37:49,766 just go beeeeep... 634 00:37:49,867 --> 00:37:51,668 That's exactly what happened. 635 00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:53,370 There was no heartbeat at all. 636 00:37:53,471 --> 00:37:56,673 [flatline beeping] 637 00:37:56,774 --> 00:38:01,244 The medics were devastated, and they looked at me, 638 00:38:02,747 --> 00:38:05,115 and I just waited for them to say it. 639 00:38:05,216 --> 00:38:07,217 And they called it. 640 00:38:07,318 --> 00:38:09,252 They told everybody to stop. 641 00:38:10,721 --> 00:38:12,822 And the room just went eerily quiet. 642 00:38:12,923 --> 00:38:15,358 [flatline beeping] 643 00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:19,729 All you could hear was the one machine with a single beep, 644 00:38:19,830 --> 00:38:22,799 and then just a line going across. 645 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:24,200 I held him in my arms, 646 00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:27,270 but I didn't ask him to stay like I did 647 00:38:27,371 --> 00:38:30,373 Paul, I just said... 648 00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:33,710 "Be at peace. I love you." 649 00:38:37,081 --> 00:38:38,481 He heard 650 00:38:38,582 --> 00:38:40,583 that I loved it, 651 00:38:40,685 --> 00:38:44,187 and I told him to be at peace now. 652 00:38:44,288 --> 00:38:46,690 And I held him. 653 00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:53,863 And then the detective came from Penistone, and he said, 654 00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:56,666 "Now we're looking at a double murder." 655 00:39:00,371 --> 00:39:02,205 And nobody touched me. 656 00:39:02,306 --> 00:39:03,740 Nobody went near me. 657 00:39:05,109 --> 00:39:09,212 And I just curled up on the floor in a ball, 658 00:39:09,313 --> 00:39:14,150 because the pain, it was just too much. 659 00:39:26,897 --> 00:39:28,665 I was really angry, because I wanted him 660 00:39:28,766 --> 00:39:30,967 to face what he'd done. 661 00:39:31,068 --> 00:39:33,269 They asked me to sit responsibility 662 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:36,373 for his body, and I refused. 663 00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:41,177 My ex-husband did what he did 664 00:39:41,278 --> 00:39:42,879 because 665 00:39:42,980 --> 00:39:44,948 he couldn't accept that he wasn't loved. 666 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:47,117 He couldn't accept that he wasn't liked. 667 00:39:48,786 --> 00:39:52,322 But the real reason why he did this... 668 00:39:53,691 --> 00:39:54,891 was to punish me. 669 00:39:57,395 --> 00:40:00,864 Those boys only died because of me. 670 00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:09,038 They were taken away because he knew he couldn't have them. 671 00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:11,541 And if he couldn't have them, 672 00:40:11,642 --> 00:40:13,176 then nobody else could have them. 673 00:40:19,150 --> 00:40:22,352 I had a tattoo done 674 00:40:22,453 --> 00:40:25,655 and had their ashes mingled with the ink. 675 00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:28,158 I wanted them close to my heart. 676 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,460 So the only place to make sure they were close 677 00:40:30,528 --> 00:40:33,863 to my heart was to have a tattoo done on my chest. 678 00:40:36,033 --> 00:40:37,467 To infinity and back. 679 00:40:37,568 --> 00:40:39,836 These are the last words that we spoke to each 680 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:43,573 other in this world, and they were spoken in love, 681 00:40:43,674 --> 00:40:47,143 and I have that love now etched forever next to 682 00:40:47,244 --> 00:40:48,244 my heart. 683 00:40:59,023 --> 00:41:01,291 The promise that I made to my two boys as they 684 00:41:01,392 --> 00:41:05,762 lay dying in my arms was that I won't let this happen 685 00:41:05,863 --> 00:41:07,897 to another child. 686 00:41:07,998 --> 00:41:10,333 These laws need changing, 687 00:41:10,434 --> 00:41:13,036 and they need changing now. 688 00:41:13,137 --> 00:41:16,439 So I've challenged the government. 689 00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,842 We're having a new domestic abuse 690 00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:22,479 bill, which has now taken four years, 691 00:41:22,580 --> 00:41:26,449 and we still haven't got it through Parliament. 692 00:41:26,550 --> 00:41:30,820 And if I can change these laws in Jack and Paul's names, 693 00:41:30,921 --> 00:41:35,925 then their legacy will live on long after I'm not around. 694 00:41:36,026 --> 00:41:37,694 That's what I'm fighting for, 695 00:41:37,795 --> 00:41:41,097 to make sure the right decisions are made for 696 00:41:41,198 --> 00:41:44,501 the child, not for the parents, 697 00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:46,503 for the child, 698 00:41:46,604 --> 00:41:48,404 because they can't protect themselves. 699 00:41:56,981 --> 00:42:01,184 Nevertheless, I should have fought the courts more, 700 00:42:01,285 --> 00:42:03,953 and I have to live with those regrets. 701 00:42:04,054 --> 00:42:06,890 The thing I regret the most is 702 00:42:08,359 --> 00:42:10,360 not walking away. 703 00:42:10,461 --> 00:42:13,162 There were signs, and I should have left rather 704 00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:18,034 than stay and try to make the best of it. 705 00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:22,305 I wish he'd taken his own life and left the boys. 706 00:42:22,406 --> 00:42:25,174 I wish you'd taken mine and left the boys. 707 00:42:25,242 --> 00:42:27,343 But all I can do now 708 00:42:27,444 --> 00:42:28,912 is change the future. 709 00:42:29,013 --> 00:42:31,848 I can't change the past, but I can change the future. 710 00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,152 And that's what I'll keep trying to do.