1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,773
Come on, guys,
we're gonna be late for school.

2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,644
We don't have school.

3
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:09,543
No, no, no, I'm not
falling for that again.

4
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:11,677
No, it's for real.
It's Teacher Reading Day.

5
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,152
They sent home a note.

6
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,521
What note?
I didn't see any note.

7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,289
Teddy, did you start
eating paper again?

8
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,723
Well, I found the note.

9
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:24,685
And the upstairs remote. Teddy!

10
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,556
We both have to work.
What are we gonna do?

11
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,226
Katie can babysit.

12
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,104
Yes! I knew there was
a reason we had three.

13
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,673
Yeah.

14
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,201
Sorry, no day off
for high school.

15
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,206
You know, I can't wait
to go to college

16
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,738
and skip class all the time.

17
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,842
(door opens, closes)

18
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,744
She's gonna be trouble.

19
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,517
You know, the
teachers are there.

20
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,520
What if we just drop
these two at school

21
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,852
and act like
we didn't know?

22
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,757
The trick is to
drive away fast.

23
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,689
I have an idea.

24
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:01,755
You guys are going to work
with Daddy today!

25
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,625
Yay!

26
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,104
No, no yay.

27
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,343
No, I can't take them.
I have to work.

28
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,838
Well, I have to work, too.

29
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,769
(sighs) So what
are we gonna do?

30
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,314
Guess we're just gonna have to
sit down and talk it out.

31
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:17,812
Aw, I always lose
when we do that!

32
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,775
Oh, how about this?

33
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,753
A race to the
door, okay?

34
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,782
Last one out stays
home, all right?

35
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:24,787
On three.
Okay, come on.

36
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,518
One, two...

37
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:30,855
Thought I could hurdle that
coffee table, I really did.

38
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:34,201
Okay, why can't you
take the kids today?

39
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,228
I have a meeting with
the mini-mall developer.

40
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,134
And she's already
bent out of shape because

41
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,666
there's a trucker's strike
and construction is delayed.

42
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,471
Okay, well, no rational person
can blame you for that.

43
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,914
(chuckles)
She's not rational.

44
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,839
She fired her own mother.

45
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,475
Well, I can't take them either.

46
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:50,880
My boss is out for the morning,

47
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,851
and he just made me
his number two.

48
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,680
(laughs)

49
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,885
Hey, you know, a promotion
like that deserves a reward.

50
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,918
Congratulations, honey,
you just won a day at home

51
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,793
with our beautiful children.

52
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:06,132
Oh. So I have to stay home
because I'm a woman?

53
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,931
(chuckles):
Okay.

54
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,933
Didn't know you'd
play that card this early.

55
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,535
Hey, if I'm holding an ace,
you're gonna see it.

56
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:19,266
There's no good
solution to this.

57
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,807
I don't understand why kids
can't stay home alone.

58
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,912
Remember that movie, Home Alone?

59
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:24,954
Huh?

60
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,678
That was a big hit.

61
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,254
You know,

62
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,922
when I was Teddy's age,
my parents would just

63
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,490
leave Don and I with a sign
around our necks that said,

64
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,460
"If found, please return
to 247 Maple Street."

65
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,489
Is that true?

66
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,386
Just let me tell my story.

67
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,599
All this babying
is not good for the kids.

68
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:48,172
You know, we...
we cut up their bananas.

69
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,896
Bananas, Andi!

70
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:54,168
A monkey knows
how to work a banana.

71
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,279
If we keep this up, when the
kids get out in the real world,

72
00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,912
they are never gonna survive.

73
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,217
Okay, okay.

74
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:03,219
You know what?
This weekend,

75
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,221
we will drive the kids
out to the woods,

76
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:08,593
give them a banana and see
who makes it home. Huh?

77
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,892
But for now, take them to work.

78
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,794
I knew I'd lose
if we talked it out.

79
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,095
Fine, I'll take them.

80
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,869
But we are definitely doing
that banana Hunger Games thing.

81
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,868
I'll tell you what, when my boss
gets back this afternoon,

82
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,844
I'll-I'll fake a lady problem

83
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,843
and I'll come take
Teddy and Emme from you.

84
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,735
Yes. Men don't ask questions
about lady problems

85
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,608
'cause we don't
want the answers.

86
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,953
Teddy, Teddy,
don't-don't touch that.

87
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,815
Don't touch that, okay?
All right.

88
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,563
Emme, Emme, Emme,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

89
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,559
Honey, that's-that's
my boss's chair, okay?

90
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,291
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

91
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,986
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.

92
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:47,797
Give me that.
Give me that.

93
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,998
Stop playing-- No.
Will you stop it?

94
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,770
Stop. Stop it. Stop it!

95
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,800
Lisa!

96
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:58,935
Oh, look, you brought
your children to my workplace.

97
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,341
I'd just like to point out that
I didn't bring any kids.

98
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:05,546
Good, Don. Very good.

99
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,009
Now, why don't you
and the little ones

100
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,877
celebrate your victory
by going out into the hall.

101
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:10,947
That's a good idea.

102
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,994
Why don't you guys
wait for Daddy outside. Okay.

103
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,660
Really? Are you sure
you want me to...

104
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,018
Yep, uh-huh.
Now you're doing it.

105
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,026
Okay.

106
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,688
Uh, sorry about that.

107
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,327
There was a scheduling thing
with school,

108
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,902
and my wife is very liberated.

109
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,930
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
It's best if I don't know

110
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,565
too much about
your personal life.

111
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,340
It'll make it easier
if/when things go south

112
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,710
with the mini-mall, and
I have to, you know...

113
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,569
(makes cutting noise)

114
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,507
Kill me?

115
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,083
No, fire you.

116
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:37,950
Oh.

117
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,608
Although my therapist
would tell me

118
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,047
to be more sympathetic.

119
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,381
Your therapist
sounds very smart.

120
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,886
I fired her.
Serves that idiot right.

121
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,088
Uh, we have to make this
a quick meeting.

122
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,790
The Developers Association

123
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,092
is honoring me
with an Innovator Award,

124
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,094
and I'm a little frightened
of public speaking.
Oh.

125
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,897
I'm much more likeable
one-on-one.

126
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,729
Sure. Yeah.

127
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,865
I say that because I don't want
you to... (makes cutting noise)

128
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,971
What is that?

129
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,673
I was just doing what you did.

130
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,365
You don't do that.
I do that.

131
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,477
Okay.

132
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,378
Let's talk about
why you're here.

133
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:12,050
I am not happy about
the delays on the mini-mall.

134
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,619
Lisa, this truckers' strike
is causing problems.

135
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,018
If it helps,
I have 20 other contractors

136
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,120
that can replace
you guys by tomorrow.

137
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,622
I wouldn't call it
super helpful.

138
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,086
Look, we will bring
this thing in on time, okay?

139
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,795
The Burns brothers are
as professional as it gets.

140
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,658
Hey, random question.

141
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,567
Was that vase
out here expensive?

142
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,000
The kids broke the vase?

143
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,965
Right. Yeah, the kids.

144
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,605
But don't ask them about it;
they'll just lie.

145
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,877
*

146
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,799
Whoa, what's
going on here?

147
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,829
I have bugs on my head.

148
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,769
Welcome home, honey.
The kids have lice.

149
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,072
Would you stop telling
everybody about that?

150
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:15,414
He's your dad.
You've pooped in his hand.

151
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,813
Stop telling everybody
about that!

152
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:20,477
How can we have lice again?

153
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,154
I thought you could
only get that once.

154
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,852
No, that's mono.

155
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,685
And somehow I've taken that
around the block a few times.

156
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,532
Lowell was kind enough
to come and treat everybody.

157
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,529
Actually, I told Andi it's easy
and she could do it,

158
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,931
and she said, "Oh, I have to
do it because I'm a woman?"

159
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:36,963
And I came right over.

160
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,002
Wow, you are milking that
like a dairy cow.

161
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:44,203
It's no big deal.

162
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,507
I had the supplies because
I just treated my kids.

163
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,180
Apparently,
the whole school has it.

164
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,178
Well, why wouldn't
they tell us that?

165
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,645
Wait a minute.

166
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,845
Here it is.

167
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,217
Teddy!

168
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,524
Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

169
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,727
You're not the messenger.
You never deliver the message!

170
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,598
Okay, guys, you're done.

171
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,070
Go upstairs and rinse the little
dead bodies out of your hair.

172
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,199
Ugh.

173
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,074
Just talking about
these bugs makes me itchy.

174
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,473
Actually, um, you guys
should get checked.

175
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,866
Oh, and we have to
tell your dad, too.

176
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,638
He took the kids to that
ball pit place yesterday.

177
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,647
You should let
them know, too.

178
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,119
Hey, if you go to a ball pit
and all you catch is lice,

179
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,918
you dodged a bullet.

180
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,051
The kids' feet don't reach
the bottom, but mine did.

181
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,216
It's wet down there.

182
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,215
Okay, Don's clean.

183
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,587
Yeah, they couldn't make
it up to the penthouse.

184
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,258
But Adam's got
some friends on top.

185
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,566
(groans):
Oh.

186
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,668
I can't believe this.

187
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,970
Honey, it's okay.

188
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,141
It just means you're
a loving, affectionate dad.

189
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,242
And Don's a cold, distant uncle.

190
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:57,243
You're gonna have to notify
everybody you were with today.

191
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,977
Well, we weren't with
anyone except each other.

192
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:03,183
Oh!

193
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,216
*

194
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,727
Adam, are-are you okay?

195
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,230
The kids were all over
Lisa's office.

196
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,902
They probably gave her lice!

197
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,899
If we left them home
with signs around their necks,

198
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,944
this never would've happened.

199
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:26,740
I-I'm sure she'll understand.
I mean, she's probably got kids.

200
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,114
The only way she has kids
is if she lured them

201
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:31,082
into her candy house
to eat them for dinner.

202
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,075
Listen, we got to
get out in front

203
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,717
of this lice
thing with Lisa.

204
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,152
Okay, we gave up all of
our other work for this job.

205
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,218
We got expenses,
we hired Lowell.

206
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,726
You guys better
fix this.

207
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,628
I can't go back
to being a house-husband.

208
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,060
My father-in-law
just stopped calling me Nancy.

209
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,298
Wow, Nancy's worried.

210
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,708
Okay, all right, uh...
Oh, how about this?

211
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,138
Lisa's got that
awards banquet tonight.

212
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,912
Let's just go down there
and check her out.

213
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,281
No, no. I'm mad at her.

214
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,679
She put me out in the hall
with the kids.

215
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,152
No, no, Don.

216
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,279
We'll just hang back
and see if she's scratching.

217
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,045
If she's not, then we're just

218
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,323
a couple of business partners
there to support her.

219
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,822
That's nice of us.

220
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:14,824
Yeah. Yeah.

221
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,985
And if she does have lice,
we'll come clean.

222
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,794
Hopefully, she'll appreciate our
honesty and not send us packing.

223
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:23,357
Wait, wait, you're betting
our jobs on her humanity?

224
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,996
Yep. And it's
a high-risk move

225
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,272
'cause I'm not
convinced she's human.

226
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,570
I'm pretty sure I saw a zipper
on the back of her head.

227
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,343
I better have all my hair
when you wash this stuff out.

228
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:40,376
My inventory's
running low already.

229
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,653
All right, we're heading down
to Lisa's awards banquet.

230
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,754
No big deal,
just trying to save our jobs.

231
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,986
Oh, I'm sure
you'll do great.

232
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,161
Don, let Adam
do all the talking.

233
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,360
Right. I'll just be eye candy.

234
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,733
Joe, I'm really sorry
the kids turned your head

235
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,403
into a bug motel.

236
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,830
You know, Bev's
probably got them, too,

237
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,238
and she's on a river
cruise with her gal pals.

238
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,110
A boat full of itchy women
scratching together.

239
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,739
Huh.

240
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,675
That-that makes me chuckle.
(chuckles)

241
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:12,280
Okay, let's check you out.

242
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,752
Okay, well, get ready,

243
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,852
'cause last time
the kids gave them to me,

244
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:20,954
it was like the
million lice march on my head.

245
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,188
I guess that's just the curse of
being an affectionate mother.

246
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,763
Nope. You're clean as a whistle.

247
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:28,363
Huh?

248
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,195
No, no, no, that-that
can't be right, Lowell.

249
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,200
Ch-Check it again.

250
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:35,371
I checked. You're good.

251
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,812
(chuckles):
Okay.

252
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,069
Listen to me very carefully,
all right?

253
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,778
I'm their mother. Right?

254
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,410
Every time they get the flu,
I get the flu.

255
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,675
When they had strep throat,
I had strep throat.

256
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,815
And the last time
they got these bugs,

257
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,950
I got hit the worst because
I am a warm and loving mother!

258
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,416
Okay, don't beat yourself up.

259
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,115
You can't compare then to now.

260
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,087
I mean, these days,
you're busy working.

261
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,126
What... what are you
implying, Lowell?

262
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,965
Don't engage.

263
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,070
No, I'm not implying anything.

264
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,343
I'm just pointing out
a factual difference.

265
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,412
Stand down, boy.

266
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,845
I think you're saying
that I don't have lice

267
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,879
because I'm not around enough.

268
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:24,224
No, no, I did not
mean that at all.

269
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,851
What do I do?

270
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,056
Play dead and
hope she moves on.

271
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,933
Okay, look, there could be
lots of reasons for this.

272
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,800
Like here-- it says lice are
only attracted to clean hair.

273
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,970
So I'm either an absent mom
or a dirty one.

274
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,935
Maybe you're both.
Who says you can't have it all?

275
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,748
Wow, look at this spread.

276
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,880
They got the giant
shrimp and tiny pickles.

277
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,175
The whole world's
upside down.

278
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,286
Will you stay focused?
We have a job to do.

279
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,759
Ooh, they got the olives with
a red thing in the middle.

280
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,789
How they do that?

281
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,834
Go to a grocery store, man.
That's just regular stuff.

282
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:11,100
All right, now use your
freakish height to find Lisa.

283
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,431
There she is.

284
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:16,065
Ladies and gentlemen,
our Innovator Award winner,

285
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,073
Lisa McCaffrey.

286
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,454
Uh-oh.
She's scratching her head.

287
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,078
Hold on, hold on.

288
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:30,184
Maybe she's just
coming up with an idea.

289
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,517
This is... such an honor.

290
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:34,893
(chuckles)

291
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,492
Must be a real brainstorm.

292
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,164
Okay. (chuckles)

293
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,192
(grunts)

294
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,500
(sighs)

295
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,201
(clears throat)

296
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,074
Oh, my God.

297
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,212
We just turned our boss
into the Bride of Frankenstein.

298
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:57,184
(clears throat)
Now, where was I?

299
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,254
Don, we're screwed.

300
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,256
We gave our boss lice,
and she just humiliated herself.

301
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,218
She sees us.

302
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,417
Just look away.

303
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,258
I can't; her
hair's too funny.

304
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,132
What are we gonna do?
I thought we had to tell her.

305
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,474
No, no, no, it's too big.

306
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,398
Remember when we were kids,
we shot that bottle rocket

307
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,303
into the woods and
all the trees caught on fire?

308
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,595
We didn't tell anyone, we just
got the hell out of there.

309
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,567
Everything's on fire, Don!
Let's get the hell out of here!

310
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,207
You're right, let's go.

311
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,122
What kind of frickin' lice
don't get on the mother's head?

312
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,118
(pots crashing)

313
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,049
(cupboard slamming)

314
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,415
She's upset. One of us is
gonna have to go in there.

315
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,423
You go.

316
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,494
You're related to her.

317
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:45,392
Not by blood, so let's just
take that off the table.

318
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,327
You know what this is?

319
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:52,301
This-this is society trying
to keep the working moms down!

320
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,872
I'm out.

321
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:56,041
What? Don't leave me.

322
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:59,039
Hey, you pulled the pin
on the grenade; you jump on it.

323
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,112
Feel better, honey!

324
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,180
(pots crashing)

325
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:16,019
So... you know
what I was thinking?

326
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,394
I bet that you don't have lice

327
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:21,155
because they just
flew off your head

328
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,974
while you were running around
being a great mom.

329
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,928
Nice try, Lowell,
but I think we both know

330
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,037
why I don't have the bugs.

331
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:31,098
There could be
other reasons.

332
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:33,438
Like, did you put your head
too close to the microwave?

333
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:39,075
Were you underwater
for 45 minutes?

334
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,282
Have you been in space?

335
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,624
Are you having fun, Lowell?

336
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,290
No.

337
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,961
And not that I'm ready to go,
but have you seen my car keys?

338
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:55,161
Wait. Is this
your hair spray?

339
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,625
No, I stole it.

340
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,604
Among my many flaws,
I'm also a kleptomaniac.

341
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:04,002
I guess once you light the fuse,
all the bombs go off.

342
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,207
I'm just saying,

343
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,238
your hair spray
has tea tree oil in it.

344
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,335
That repels lice.
It does?

345
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,907
Look, it's on the sheet
from school.

346
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,218
So it's not my fault?

347
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,521
I am a good mother.

348
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,194
Great mother.

349
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:27,134
Little bit of
an aggressive host.

350
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,400
Okay, I'm gonna get out of here
while you're smiling.

351
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,699
Thanks so much, Lowell.

352
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,930
Anytime. But never again.

353
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,741
Hey, Lowell.

354
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,539
There's my handsome man.
How'd it go?

355
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,111
I don't want to tell you

356
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,210
because you look like
you're in a good mood.

357
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,343
She is now.

358
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,207
Thanks for meeting me at
the exit of the roller coaster.

359
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,421
ADAM:
Wait a minute.

360
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,062
You thought you were a bad mom
because you didn't have lice?

361
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,589
Yeah, I felt terrible.

362
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,395
So I did the healthy thing
and I took it out on Lowell.

363
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,299
Well, I don't hate that someone
else took that shrapnel.

364
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,372
(chuckles)

365
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,039
I mean, I actually thought
about quitting my job.

366
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,499
I can't believe you were
beating yourself up like that.

367
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,308
And there's no way
you're quitting.

368
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,040
After Lisa's speech tonight,

369
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,305
you might be
the only one of us working.

370
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,154
Was it really that bad?

371
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,309
Yeah, yeah.
She's got a bundle of lice,

372
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,518
and she's gonna realize
it was because of us.

373
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,790
We have until Monday
to figure our way out of this.

374
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,218
(knock on door)

375
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,794
Who is it?

376
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,262
LISA:
It's Lisa McCaffrey!

377
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,162
Don, she's at my house.

378
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,155
She knows!

379
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,156
Turn off the lights.

380
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,727
(panting)

381
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:42,065
Oh! Andi, you talk to her.

382
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,172
Oh, I have to talk to her
because I'm a woman?

383
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,274
Yes! I'm playing the card now.

384
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,076
The card works both ways.

385
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,308
LISA:
Hello?

386
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,582
I know you're in there.

387
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,111
You know what?
This seems like man's work.

388
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,447
Yeah, I'm reverse
playing the card.

389
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,289
Lisa. Hey, what's up?

390
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:08,095
So, my speech didn't
go very well tonight,

391
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,728
and we need to talk about it.

392
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,602
Uh, look, I just want
to say I'm sorry...

393
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,571
I had an anxiety attack.

394
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,300
Or you go.

395
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,235
I called my therapist,
Dr. Klein,

396
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,211
and she explained
that the itching was

397
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,280
a physical manifestation
of my fear of public speaking.

398
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,745
That sounds about right.
She nailed it.

399
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,450
I just came by
because we work together,

400
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:34,654
and I felt I owed you
an explanation.

401
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:38,357
Well, just don't
let it happen again.

402
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,400
Bottom line:

403
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,759
what happened on that stage
tonight was my fault.

404
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,297
It was my failure,

405
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,243
and I have to figure out
a way to deal with that.

406
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,240
(clicks tongue)

407
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,212
No. Don't you do it.

408
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,511
Don't you do
the right thing.

409
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:58,352
Lisa! Lisa! Wait, wait.

410
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,648
Oh, he's doing it.

411
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,320
Yeah, c-come on in.

412
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:05,450
Um...

413
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:09,455
What happened tonight--
the problem's not in your head,

414
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:12,529
it's on your head.

415
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,889
What are you saying?

416
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,297
Well, you see...

417
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,571
Don's niece and
nephew gave you lice.

418
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,765
You let me make a fool
out of myself

419
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,477
in front of my entire industry.

420
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,779
I should fire you right now.

421
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,411
Hey, you know what?

422
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,647
My wife has a job, okay?

423
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,653
So sometimes I have to bring
my kids to work,

424
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,756
and almost every time, they have
something you can catch.

425
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,361
And I'm not gonna
apologize for that.

426
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,597
I will.
I'm sorry for both of us.

427
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,599
No, no, no. I'm tired of
everyone feeling bad.

428
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,302
My wife felt bad because she
thought she was a bad mom.

429
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,395
I felt bad because
I thought I was a bad employee.

430
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,767
We're all doing
the best we can,

431
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,465
and if that's not
good enough for you,

432
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,637
then you know what,
go ahead, fire us, go ahead.

433
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:06,745
Well, you really took
the wind out of my sails.

434
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:10,319
If you don't mind getting fired,
it's not fun for me.

435
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:13,320
I'd like to be
fired, too, then.

436
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:20,428
Look, if it means anything,
we never meant for it to happen.

437
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:24,700
Well, I guess the lice
is a bit of a relief.

438
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:27,231
I can fix that with shampoo.

439
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,937
I thought I was gonna
have to improve myself.

440
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,710
Good luck, am I right?

441
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:33,839
(Adam and Don chuckle)

442
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,543
Okay, uh, are we still
working for you?

443
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,546
Sure. For now.

444
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,451
Meanwhile, I'm gonna
call my therapist,

445
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,393
Dr. Klein, and fire her.

446
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,748
And then I'm gonna swing by
my ex-husband's house

447
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:51,857
and give his new girlfriend
a big licey hug.

448
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,561
That sounds fun.

449
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,704
Maybe don't lose
Dr. Klein's number.

450
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,429
(chuckles)

451
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,301
That was good stuff.

452
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,966
I was worried,
but you landed that plane.

453
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,509
ANDI:
Hey, honey.

454
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,741
I heard everything.
I'm so proud of you.

455
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,407
You've earned these.

456
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,575
Oh.
Oh.

457
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:14,913
I meant what I said.

458
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,947
If I have to take my kids
to work every day,

459
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,453
then I am happy to do it.

460
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,745
Oh, good.

461
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,887
'Cause I just got an e-mail.
They're fumigating the school,

462
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,462
and the kids are gonna be off
for the next three days.

463
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,360
I'm calling in
with lady problems.

464
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,740
TV REPORTER: And in other news,
a river boat was quarantined

465
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,842
offshore due to a lice outbreak.

466
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:47,014
(laughing)

467
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:50,576
Never tell your mother
how much I enjoyed this.

468
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,787
You want us to rewind it
and play it again?

469
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,019
He's seen it
three times.

470
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,863
Once more for the old man, huh?

471
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,788
And in other news, a river boat
was quarantined...

472
00:20:58,825 --> 00:20:59,955
(laughing)

473
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,797
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

474
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,868
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org