1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:07,010
Good job on your chores.
Emme, that's for you.

2
00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,490
Teddy, that's for you.

3
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:09,920
Two dollars?

4
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,916
That's less than I pay Emme
to do my chores for me.

5
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:14,581
Ah!

6
00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:15,543
Not so fast.

7
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,540
You still have one more chore.

8
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:18,672
Fine.

9
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,679
Okay, paying for a hug

10
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,680
doesn't make it
any less special!

11
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:28,943
Hey.

12
00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:30,635
So, that Halloween store
downtown

13
00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:31,942
is going out of business.

14
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,378
And you know how
I love a good deal.

15
00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:34,604
Right?Mm.

16
00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:36,173
So I got this for Emme.

17
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,730
Huh?

18
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:38,856
Princess dress

19
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:40,478
for my little princess.

20
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,088
Huh?

21
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:44,089
Look, it's sweet of you
to think of Emme,

22
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,921
but you can't give that to her.

23
00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,528
What

24
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:50,529
Because princess stories
are just a bad influence

25
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,102
on little girls, you know?

26
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:55,009
It teaches 'em stuff
like you need a man to save you.

27
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,405
Who told you that?

28
00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,579
Was it Beyoncé? 'Cause I know

29
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,764
she's got
some mysterious hold on you.

30
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,760
No, no, no.
Think about it, okay?

31
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:06,372
In Beauty and the Beast,
that girl was just a hostage.

32
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,684
Yeah.
She had Stockholm syndrome.

33
00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:11,379
And-and in Sleeping Beauty,uh,

34
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,639
she marries the first guy
that kisses her

35
00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:15,081
because she got roofied.

36
00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:17,599
What kind of message

37
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,732
do you think that dress sends
to Emme?

38
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,645
"I love you
and I got you a present."

39
00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:25,171
It's just,
I've been working for years

40
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,735
to keep that stuff out
of the house.

41
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,923
I mean, when Kate was little
and she wanted a princess dress,

42
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,479
I told her
she was allergic to glitter.

43
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:36,178
I didn't know
you were doing that.Yeah, it's how I keep

44
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,006
the kids from doing things
that are bad for them.

45
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:41,584
I call it
my protective love bubble.

46
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:44,323
Your what bubble?

47
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:45,795
My love bubble.

48
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:48,674
You know, little white lies
that are for their own good.

49
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,757
Oh. Hey, I'm not opposed
to lying to our children.

50
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,897
Great. So we're agreed.

51
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:55,419
No, no.

52
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,643
I don't think these
dresses are bad.

53
00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:59,642
You kept princesses away
from Katie,

54
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:02,824
and-- let's be honest--
she's kind of a frowner.

55
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,521
No, she's not.

56
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:07,129
I happen to know
you pay her for hugs.

57
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:09,218
Emme's my last one.

58
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,569
I want a smiler.

59
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:13,128
I want a huggy smiler.

60
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,396
I'm taking that dress back.No, you're not.

61
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:16,609
Okay.

62
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:19,838
We've been
in this situation before,

63
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:22,528
and it usually doesn't end well
for you.

64
00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:26,057
You... you may recall I have
a few tricks up my sleeve.

65
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,762
Uh

66
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,189
It's a protective love bubble.

67
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,717
Well, I'm popping it.

68
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,150
Bubble time is over.

69
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:36,156
Emme, put down those
gender-neutral toys!

70
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,589
Daddy got you
something sparkly!

71
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:45,861
A toast to Princess Emme.

72
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,254
Who got you that
pretty dress?

73
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,947
You did.

74
00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:50,954
That's right. Daddy did.

75
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:53,866
And who loved it so much
she wore it to bed last night?

76
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,832
I did.That's right.

77
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:59,221
Mommy's face was so funny.

78
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,656
Hey, guys.

79
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,092
ADAM:
There she is.

80
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:03,658
Don't mind us.

81
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:06,135
We're just having another
princess tea party.

82
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,746
There's Mommy's
funny face again.

83
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:11,537
Emme, honey, um,

84
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,762
I hate to pull you away
from all this fun,

85
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:14,762
but, um,

86
00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,373
I got you a new doll.

87
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,683
Yeah. And I think
you are gonna love her

88
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,720
even more
than you love your dress.

89
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,164
Who is it

90
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,511
Snow White?

91
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,510
No. E-Even better.

92
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:28,162
Supreme Court Justice
Ruth Bader Ginsburg!

93
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,986
Oh, Andi.

94
00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:35,564
Why does this man have
a girl name?

95
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,776
No, it's a girl.

96
00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:41,916
She just has more important
things to do than fix her hair.

97
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,790
Where are her sparkles?

98
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:44,962
On her brain.

99
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,357
Yeah.

100
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,920
Ruth here has done

101
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,576
a lot of important
work for our country.

102
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:51,801
Oh, yeah

103
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,020
What?

104
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,760
Well, you're such an expert
on her accomplishments.

105
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,763
We'd like to hear a few.

106
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:03,805
Let's see what happens.

107
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,676
One of her accomplishments is
that she doesn't have a husband

108
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,245
that asks too many questions.

109
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:14,520
Thanks, Mommy.
I love her.

110
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,818
Oh. Really?

111
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:20,906
She can be the witch who puts
a curse on the princess!

112
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:23,256
No, no!
She's not a witch!

113
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,266
She's a judge
who's famous for...

114
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,138
She's famous for...

115
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,309
I should've kept the box.

116
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:31,306
It was all on the box!

117
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:37,017
And Adam
lived happily ever after.

118
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,761
♪

119
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,549
Check out what happened
to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

120
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:53,545
She went upstairs
in her judge's robe,

121
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:57,597
and she came back down
in a coconut bra.

122
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:03,169
Aw,

123
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,385
man.

124
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,744
Emme glittered Ginsburg?

125
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:10,314
I don't mind seeing
Ruth cut loose a little.

126
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,095
This is what happens
when you bring princesses

127
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,578
into our house.

128
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,318
They bully the smart girls.

129
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,841
This dinner took an odd turn.

130
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:22,315
Hit 'em with the dessert
we brought, Don.Ooh.

131
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,850
Bear claws.

132
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:27,369
The tastiest of all claws.

133
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,424
Ah, I haven't had one of these

134
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,549
since Zellner's Bakery
closed down.

135
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,512
Oh, no, no, it's not closed;
that's where we got them.

136
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:35,070
What?

137
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,467
You told me
they went out of business.

138
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,030
No, I didn't.

139
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,596
Mm-mm.

140
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,873
You know, that seems
like something

141
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,608
you might've dreamed. Yeah.

142
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,830
Ah, y-you do dream
about bakeries a lot.

143
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,701
Like you're trapped, and
have to eat your way out?

144
00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:54,483
I had that one.

145
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,268
No, no, I'm pretty sure
this was real.

146
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,052
Why would you say it was closed
if it wasn't?

147
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,876
Eh, I guess I can
tell you now.

148
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,005
It's just, e-every weekend,
you'd make yourself sick

149
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,538
by eating too many bear claws.

150
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,371
You'd swear not to do it again,

151
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:09,979
but then, the next weekend,
you'd be right back on the claw.

152
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,721
But they made me happy
when they were in my mouth.

153
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,463
Well...

154
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:17,814
it was just a little white
lie, for your own good.

155
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:19,115
ADAM: But that's
what you do

156
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,381
to the kids.
I...

157
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,821
You put me in your lie balloon.

158
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,614
It's a love bubble.

159
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,570
And who wouldn't want to
be surrounded by love?

160
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,349
Okay, just because you put
the word "love"

161
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,614
in front of something
doesn't make it good.

162
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,567
"Love murder" is still murder.

163
00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:43,397
Well, at least "love
bubble" is a fun name.

164
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,746
Marcy does the same thing
to me, but she just calls it

165
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:47,096
"take it or leave it."

166
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,448
I had it engraved on the inside
of his wedding band.

167
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,497
Mm-hmm.

168
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,851
Right. I make my own decisions

169
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:56,461
about what's good for me--
even if it's bad for me.

170
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,983
I'm an American man,
that's what we do.

171
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,457
Adam, relax.

172
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:02,598
You guys
are diamonds,

173
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,679
and we love you.

174
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,117
But what makes a diamond?

175
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:08,823
A chunk of coal
under constant pressure.

176
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,303
DON:
I did just fine

177
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:11,822
for 30 years
without your help.

178
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,346
I did.Oh, please. Without me,
you'd still be

179
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,479
living in that sad apartment
where I found you.

180
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,534
Hey, that was my
groovy bachelor pad.
Ugh.

181
00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:21,178
I put up some respectable
numbers in there.

182
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:22,923
When I first met Adam,

183
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:25,664
everything he wore had the
name of a sports team on it.

184
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,316
His whole wardrobe
looked like it got shot

185
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,139
out of a T-shirt cannon.

186
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,494
That's not true.

187
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,708
My-- I had that one,
it looked like a tuxedo.

188
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:34,757
Remember?

189
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,502
I wore it to your
cousin's wedding.

190
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,503
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Remember?

191
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,495
It took me six Christmases

192
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:43,157
to gently replace every
shirt in Adam's drawer.

193
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:45,381
Oh, I remember. Every time we'd
come to dinner, I'd smuggle out

194
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,161
some of your old T-shirts
in my coat.

195
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,080
Was that what it was?

196
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,561
I just thought after you ate,
your stomach got real big,

197
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,171
like a snake.

198
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,738
I love you.

199
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:04,014
You told me the washing
machine ripped them.

200
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:07,228
Mm, washing machine, garbage
truck, me and my scissors,

201
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,839
something ripped them.

202
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:10,883
So, first the bear claws,

203
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,535
now the T-shirts; that's two.

204
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,319
Is there anything else?

205
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:15,583
No.

206
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,015
That's a yes.

207
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:20,412
What is it

208
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:21,586
Hey.

209
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:26,111
Who wants a bear claw?

210
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:28,067
Me, for the last seven years.

211
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,690
ADAM:
I know

212
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,078
there's something big
Andi's keeping from me,

213
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,651
'cause she's clammed
up, like a... a...

214
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,909
Clam?
Yes.

215
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,482
You've got to put
a stop to this.

216
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,779
I didn't, and look at me.

217
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,484
I haven't had a sweater
with sleeves on it

218
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,612
since my wedding day.

219
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,703
Where did my sleeves go?

220
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,312
I don't know,
my wife won't tell me.

221
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:51,143
Look, I am gonna figure out
what she's been hiding, because

222
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:55,142
there is no love bubble big
enough to contain Adam Burns.

223
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,316
You're doing
God's work, brother.

224
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,841
Ha.
LOWELL:
Okay, so think.

225
00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,665
What are some big things
that you've wanted

226
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,373
that Andi has said no to?

227
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:04,330
Well, uh, I've always wanted
a grill for the patio,

228
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:06,149
but Andi said it wouldn't fit.

229
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,327
I bet that's it.

230
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,162
Women are anti-grill.

231
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,810
They don't like anything we can
do while we're drinking beer.

232
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:15,205
No, no, I measured the patio;
she's right.

233
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,210
Oh, she's good. She's peppering
the lies with truth

234
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:19,692
to create maximum confusion.

235
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,873
Okay, so what else?

236
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,609
Well, who knows
what she's hiding?

237
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:24,910
We've been married 17 years.

238
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:27,215
We both hide lots of stuff.

239
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:31,832
I got a hollowed out book
just for M&M's.

240
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,615
Stay focused.

241
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,271
You're doing work
for all men, here.

242
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,664
You need to crawl up
out of the swamp,

243
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,487
and tell us what
fresh air smells like.

244
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:42,755
Okay, uh, well, she knows
I've always wanted a recliner,

245
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,799
but obviously,
I can't have one of those,

246
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:46,795
because over half
of childhood broken bones

247
00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:49,497
come from recliners. Ha.

248
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:55,862
Maybe I should
remeasure the patio.

249
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,819
Back up. What was that thing
about recliners?

250
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,599
Yeah, that's what
Andi told me.

251
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,863
She saw it on the news.

252
00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,595
It's true, over half of all...

253
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:04,646
Uh-uh.

254
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,651
What? No, no, really. Seriously.

255
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:07,963
If you-- when you pull
the lever,

256
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,088
your arm could get caught...

257
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:10,310
Nope.

258
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:13,832
But don't those things shoot
kids right across the...

259
00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:16,274
It's not a rocket, it's a chair.

260
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,835
I can't believe this.

261
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:20,659
Why would she
lie about a chair?

262
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,877
Why wouldn't she
lie about a chair?

263
00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:25,966
That's what you need
to be asking yourself.

264
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:29,626
Oh. So it's the recliner?

265
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:33,722
She has been keeping me
needlessly upright for years.

266
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,333
Men came down
from the trees.

267
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,203
We started walking and then
we started reclining.

268
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,545
Andi's messing
with evolution.

269
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:42,121
What are you gonna do?

270
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,693
I don't know, but I need
one of those chairs,

271
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:47,521
because if I'm like this,
I'm uncomfortable.

272
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,299
If I'm like this, I'm asleep.

273
00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:52,515
This is where I need to be.

274
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:54,654
This is the sweet spot.

275
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,624
Hello, darling.

276
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:16,146
Uh-oh.

277
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,237
Yup.

278
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:21,766
I'm in the sweet spot.

279
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:24,161
Ah...

280
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:27,025
I didn't think
you'd figure it out.

281
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:31,597
You give me 17 years,
I can figure anything out.

282
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:43,702
So, recliners cause over half
of childhood broken bones, huh?

283
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,226
Okay, I may have rounded it up.

284
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:49,450
Or made it up.

285
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:52,541
The point is it was up and when
things are up, they're good.

286
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:55,541
That's the rule of up.

287
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:58,814
Look, okay.

288
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:01,328
Let me give you
a real statistic.

289
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:06,032
This is where I'm gonna be
spending over half of my time,

290
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:09,293
eating over half of my meals

291
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:13,517
and believing less than half
of what you say.

292
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,868
Let's not make a big deal
out of this.

293
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:16,819
Oh, I'm gonna.

294
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,401
I've never been on the
not-lying side of a lie before.

295
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:25,829
I am gonna enjoy this.

296
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:28,785
I guess you deserve that.

297
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,265
Oh, I do. Yeah.

298
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:32,014
Because you know
what I was thinking,

299
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:35,275
sitting in the warm embrace of
my Pittsburgh spirit chair?

300
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,319
And, yes, that's
what we're calling it.

301
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,715
Why would you lie
about a recliner?

302
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,550
How is that part of the
protective love bubble?

303
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:48,939
Well, I was protecting you

304
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:50,895
from bringing that ugly chair
into my living room.

305
00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:54,994
Ah. So this was
for you, not me.

306
00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:56,555
Yes. You caught me.

307
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:57,731
Ah-ha! I caught you.

308
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,351
Yeah, I just said that.

309
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,299
I know. I had it
in the chamber.

310
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:04,907
I was gonna say it
no matter what.

311
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:10,008
Honey, the love bubble
started out innocently.

312
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,400
Right? I-I'd tell the kids
not to do something

313
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:15,013
and then they keep asking,
"Why Why?"

314
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,795
It was just easier
to tell a little fib.

315
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:18,840
Mm-hmm.

316
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,405
But-but then I
used it on you

317
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,851
and-and-and my love bubble
became a...

318
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:24,980
Lie balloon.

319
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:29,851
Just like I said.
Ah-ha again.

320
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,936
And you were right
and I'm really sorry.

321
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,026
What?

322
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:38,635
You were right
and I'm sorry.

323
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,951
Okay, I don't
know what to say

324
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,388
because I never thought
this would happen.

325
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,045
Well, it's happening.

326
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:54,051
I don't buy it.
You're up to something.

327
00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:55,494
What, do you think
I'm lying?

328
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,400
After a multiyear
recliner conspiracy,

329
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,095
I tend to be a
little skeptical.

330
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:04,971
I got my eye on you.

331
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:12,975
Ah, damn. I should've sprung
for the swiveler.

332
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,066
Andi said she was sorry?
Yup.

333
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:18,897
Like she's sorry
she married you?

334
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:24,465
No, no, but something's...
something's definitely fishy.

335
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,385
She said I was right.

336
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,779
That's not the woman
I married.

337
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:32,695
I bet she's buying
time to regroup.

338
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,961
Has she done anything
else suspicious?

339
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:39,574
Yeah. Yeah, she said she felt
so bad that her and Marcy

340
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,917
went all the way
across town to Tony's

341
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,578
to get my favorite pizza
for dinner.

342
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:44,971
That's a diversion.

343
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,934
There's definitely gonna
be a counterattack.

344
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,584
Although I do hope
she got breadsticks.

345
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,977
It's gonna take more
than great pizza to fool me.

346
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:53,981
That's right.

347
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,723
But all bets are off if
she got the breadsticks.

348
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,944
Okay.

349
00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,124
Uh-huh.

350
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,030
O-Okay. Uh, can you hold on
just for one second?

351
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,427
The principal from Emme's school
is on the phone.

352
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,650
Emme's been kissing boys.

353
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,870
What? I don't want my baby
doing that.

354
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,481
Yeah, well, apparently,
she's been looking

355
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:15,921
for her Prince Charming, thanks
to your little princess kick.

356
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,920
You're good.

357
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,663
I see what's happening here.

358
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,965
I thought you'd come after
the recliner,

359
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:29,672
but you're doing an end run
all the way back to princesses.

360
00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:32,982
What?

361
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,979
Got to admire the technique.

362
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,981
Yeah. So what's your game, huh?

363
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,763
I'm supposed to feel so bad
about Emme

364
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,027
that I give up my recliner

365
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,120
Is that it

366
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:45,118
Adam, I have a job
and three children.

367
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:48,471
I don't have time to be
a criminal mastermind. Okay?

368
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:51,342
I'm-I'm telling you that Emme's
principal is on the phone.

369
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:54,205
Oh, sure.
The old fake phone call.

370
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,997
Yeah, well, the kid is one step
ahead of you this time, huh?

371
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,483
What do you think, Don?

372
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,962
It's the sauce.
That's the secret.

373
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,881
It's Marcy on the phone,
isn't it?

374
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,052
Huh

375
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,007
Upstairs

376
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,836
Okay.

377
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,763
Yeah. This is Adam Burns.

378
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,018
Let me tell you something.

379
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,671
My daughter can kiss
whoever she wants.

380
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:19,204
In fact, maybe I'll
come down there

381
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:22,849
and give you a big kiss, too,
Principal Marcy.

382
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:24,244
Who's he talking to?

383
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,115
:
It's for you.

384
00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:32,863
Nope. Mm-mm.

385
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,651
Hi.

386
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,220
Uh-huh.

387
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:42,651
We'll be there first thing
in the morning.

388
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:48,051
Yes, ma'am, I do need to work
on my attitude.

389
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:55,188
You want to tell me
what just happened here?

390
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:59,061
:
It's funny because I thought

391
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,055
you were doing something,

392
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,327
but you were actually
just being honest.

393
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,285
I hide M&M's in a book.

394
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:12,124
I guess we got ourselves worked
up for nothing out there, huh?

395
00:17:14,163 --> 00:17:16,213
Ah, what are you
gonna do, right?

396
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,000
Although, after your
behavior on the phone,

397
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,691
I shouldn't be too surprised
about your daughter.

398
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,128
And I'll tell you
something else.

399
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:27,004
Kissing boys
is a perfect example

400
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,176
of why we discourage these
ridiculous princess obsessions.

401
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,096
Stop looking at me.

402
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,620
You're making my ear hot.

403
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,188
All right, listen.

404
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,103
We need to go in together
and talk to Emme

405
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,928
about this boy-kissing
business. Okay?

406
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:45,845
Now, I know we both
made some mistakes.

407
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:49,240
Well, I made a mistake and then
you made a much bigger mistake.

408
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:52,545
The important thing is

409
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,423
that when we talk to Emme
we do it bubble-free. No lies.

410
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,545
Agreed. But it's
a shame, you know?

411
00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,988
I mean, the bubble
and I had a good run.

412
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:02,165
Oh. Um...

413
00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:05,481
well, I should tell you
that guys in tank tops

414
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,519
don't really get
more speeding tickets.

415
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:09,264
I knew it.

416
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:12,436
Summer can't come fast enough.

417
00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:15,182
Hey, sweetie.

418
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:19,624
Hey, Emme. Uh...

419
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:22,883
we talked to your principal
today and...

420
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,627
it's not okay
to kiss boys.

421
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:28,149
But I was just looking
for my prince.

422
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,334
I know, honey.

423
00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:30,239
But those princess stories,

424
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:31,763
they're-they're just made-up.

425
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:34,546
You can't act like that
in real life.

426
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,771
Why?

427
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:41,084
Because little girls
are strong, too,

428
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,300
and it's better if
they stand on their own.

429
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:46,039
Why?

430
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:50,433
Because it's a big world
out there, okay?

431
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:53,477
And the only thing that
you can really depend on

432
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:56,703
is your own self-respect.

433
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,924
Why?

434
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:02,710
Because Snow White called

435
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,320
and said you were being
too cute in your dress

436
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,360
and made her look bad.

437
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,186
That makes sense.
Mm.

438
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,366
Welcome back to the bubble.

439
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,031
How about this?

440
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,293
You get rid of the chair

441
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:26,506
and I'll talk to Teddy
about using deodorant.

442
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:27,816
Doesn't bother me.

443
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:30,652
His smell is just my
smell on a little kid.

444
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,611
Okay, how about this?

445
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:37,919
You and I can have sex,
lots of sex.

446
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,869
Already having it. You
like it as much as me.

447
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:40,787
Try again.

448
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:43,011
I got it.

449
00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:46,011
You get rid of the chair, I'll
move the furniture off the patio

450
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,754
and you can put in
a big built-in grill.

451
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:49,966
Huh?

452
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:55,628
Deal.
Ah.

453
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,244
So, uh, what are you gonna
do with the chair?

454
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,845
Well, I'll just

455
00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:03,245
put it out on the curb and
hope it finds a good home.

456
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:06,029
What kind of nitwit
would take that?

457
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:12,212
There's the sweet spot.

458
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,041
No.

459
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:19,044
Okay, I'll give up the recliner
if you agree...

460
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:21,047
Honey, it's me or the chair.

461
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,999
I'm gonna miss you, baby.

462
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,087
Don.

463
00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:25,655
I was talking to the chair.

464
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:27,052
Ugh.

465
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:30,045
I wasn't talking to you.

466
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,618
Captioning sponsored by
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467
00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:39,410
Captioned by
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