1
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,370
(grunts)
2
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,776
Um, it's 2:00 a.m.
What's with all the balloons?
3
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,779
You having some clowns over?
4
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:17,522
No, it's for another
dumb school thing
5
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,548
in Emme's kindergarten class.
6
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,123
Mrs. Rodriguez wants
a hundred balloons blown up.
7
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,663
I've already blacked out
three times.
8
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,586
Well, um...
9
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:30,195
why don't you just use
the balloon pump?
10
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,626
Because I didn't know
what that was.
11
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,103
I thought it was a...
12
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,474
lady thing.
13
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,443
Right. 'Cause I keep
all my lady things
14
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,183
in the kids' cubbies.
15
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:49,149
What function did you think
this would perform exactly?
16
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,717
(chuckles)
17
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,550
Yeah, I don't think you
want me to answer that.
18
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,256
Yeah. You're probably right.
19
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,288
You know,
20
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,293
when Rodriguez roped me
into being room parent,
21
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,495
she never told me
how much work it would be.
22
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,257
They celebrate everything.
23
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:08,526
Well, Adam, m-most people
like parties.
Yeah.
24
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:09,696
But it's never-ending.
25
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,673
I've organized '80s Day,
26
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,642
'90s Day, and you remember
Future Day.
27
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,181
I had to wear
a tinfoil suit.
28
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,681
I'm sorry, honey,
but look on the bright side.
29
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:24,251
Now that I'm working,
I don't have to do it anymore.
30
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,553
I lost my sense of humor
30 balloons ago.
31
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:30,355
(balloon sputters)
32
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:32,757
Look, honey. I-I know
it's a lot, but...
33
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,460
you know, I would be freaking
out at work all the time
34
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,403
if you weren't doing
such a good job
35
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,198
as captain
of the parenting ship.
36
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,666
I'm the captain?
37
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:48,572
Yes. You're the captain.
From 7:45 to 5:15,
38
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,506
and then, when I get home...
We're co-captains.
39
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,511
Okay, sure.
40
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,508
ADAM:
Okay, Emme.
41
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,446
You did such a good job helping,
42
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,491
I'm gonna sneak a couple
extra cookies in your cubby.
43
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:03,288
Thanks, Daddy.
Aww.
(chuckles)
44
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,390
Hey, it pays to know
the right guy, huh?
(both laugh)
45
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,132
Hmm. Hi, sweetheart.
46
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,628
You can catch up with the other
kids on the playground.
47
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:14,668
Oh. Not bad. Look who
finally got it together.
48
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:18,338
That's the kind of praise
that makes it all worthwhile.
49
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:19,399
(chuckles)
50
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:20,666
Okay, I'm out of here.
51
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,244
Oh, Mr. Burns, one more thing.
52
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,643
Teacher Appreciation
Day is coming up,
53
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,784
so there's gonna be a party.
(chuckles)
54
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,779
Of course there is.
55
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:31,481
So, we're gonna need food,
decorations and games.
56
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,445
This isn't a school,
it's a Chuck E. Cheese.
57
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,585
Oh, but the most important thing
58
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,320
is the Teacher Appreciation
gift,
59
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,685
which each room parent
organizes. This year,
60
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,264
I'd like you to make me puppets.
61
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,168
Kids like puppets.
62
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,497
No, they don't.
63
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,669
They haven't liked puppets
since...
64
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,270
anything else was invented.
65
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,743
Mr. Burns, why do you
have to be so difficult?
66
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,812
No other room parent has ever
caused me this much trouble.
67
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,681
Well... It just seems like
you're crossing a line.
68
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,581
You know, you're taking
advantage of me because
69
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,423
my daughter's in your class,
and you know...
70
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,648
I like her.
71
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,251
I'm only being hard on you
because I know
72
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,656
you're capable of better work.
73
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:11,818
So, dig deep,
74
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,855
and make me puppets.
75
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,362
You know what? No.
76
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,364
But they're for Teacher
Appreciation Day.
77
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,666
I got to be honest.
I don't appreciate you.
78
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,643
When Teacher Resentment Day
comes along,
79
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:25,868
I'm your man.
80
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,614
Plus, I don't have time
to make puppets.
81
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,610
(scoffs) Mr. Burns, being a
room parent is a full-time job.
82
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,683
No. No, my full-time job
is my full-time job.
83
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:38,853
I have three construction
projects going on right now.
84
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,922
Okay. Why don't you take all
this negative energy,
85
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,692
and put it into making puppets.
86
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:47,392
I got a better idea. I quit.
87
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,834
Uh... no. You can't quit.
As long as Emme's in my class,
88
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,860
you're the room parent.
And if you don't like it,
89
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,695
you can transfer her
to the other class.
90
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,571
Hold on a second.
91
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,869
That's an option?
92
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,470
Well, technically, yes.
I could just...
93
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:00,813
put her in the other class?
94
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:03,008
(gasps)
They already have a room parent.
Okay.
95
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,680
Trust me, you don't
want to do that.
Oh, I think I do.
96
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,779
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
97
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:07,780
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
98
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,251
No, you don't.
See, this is
99
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,450
one of the issues.
100
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,851
No, it's not.
101
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,954
All right, I've had enough.
102
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,555
I'm transferring Emme
out of this class.
103
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,687
Fine.
104
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,732
Here's the transfer form.
105
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,328
(laughs) Now, we have
a reason to party.
Hmm.
106
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:24,630
No, we don't.
107
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:25,702
Yes, we do.
108
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,945
So long, suckers.
I'm transferring Emme
109
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,378
out of Mrs. Rodriguez's class.
110
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,953
So, who's gonna be
our room parent?
111
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,851
I can't do it.
I got to go home and sit around.
112
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:50,394
But you can't just leave me.
You're my mentor.
113
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,791
People our age don't have
mentors, Lowell,
114
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,033
they've already... mented.
115
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:58,459
Not me. After years of being a
stay-at-home dad to two girls,
116
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,465
you're showing me
how to be a man again.
117
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,697
Thanks to you, I started
watching the sports report.
118
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,843
"Boom," says that one guy.
119
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,838
Great job. I'm proud of you.
120
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,880
Now all we got to do is get that
jazzercise sticker off your car.
121
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,877
(laughs)
122
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,979
Over my dead body.
123
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:20,391
Hold on. So, you just
transferred Emme
124
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,317
into another class,
without asking Andi?
125
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,564
I don't need to ask
her permission.
126
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,859
(laughs):
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
127
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:31,331
Little brother.
Do you know what you are?
128
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,032
Adorable.
129
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,831
Let me tell you
a little something
130
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,936
about how things work
in my house, okay?
131
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,568
I steer the parenting boat.
132
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,043
You know what Andi told me
last night?
133
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,971
I'm the captain.
134
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,636
Oh, you are, huh?
135
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,505
That's right.
Uh-huh.
136
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,013
You know how you give
a little kid
137
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,645
a fake steering wheel
in the backseat
138
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,080
so they can pretend
they're driving?
139
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:52,845
Might even have a little horn.
140
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,923
That's the kind
of captain you are.
141
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,763
You don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh.
142
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,528
Okay, how about this? Call Andi.
Let's see if I'm right.
143
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,057
Loser has to...
144
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:06,003
eat a ghost pepper.
Ooh.
145
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,899
That's right.
The world's hottest pepper.
146
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,671
Put your mouth
where your mouth is.
Fine.
147
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,041
But you're gonna be
eating that pepper,
148
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:12,999
(laughs)
and if I know you,
149
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,666
you'll forget and rub your eye.
150
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:15,865
And if I know me,
151
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,436
I'll be laughing at you.
152
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:18,944
(scoffs)
153
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,976
(line ringing)
154
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,451
Hey, honey. What's up?
155
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,449
Hey.
156
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,750
I got a great idea.
157
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,452
You know how Rodriguez
has been on me?
158
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,853
Well, I'm thinking
I'm gonna transfer Emme
159
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,456
to the other class.
How about that?
160
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,587
Andi?
161
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,926
Do I hear you smiling?
162
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,701
No, I'm not smiling.
163
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,070
That's a terrible idea!
164
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,598
Look, there's only
165
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,643
one good teacher in every grade.
166
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,938
Okay? Y-You have no idea
167
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,770
how much I had to kiss
Mrs. Rodriguez's butt
168
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,076
to get Emme in that class.
169
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,077
So, for you to even think
170
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,649
about transferring her because
you have to work too hard,
171
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,548
makes me so mad,
that I'm yelling.
172
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,480
I'm yelling now, and everybody
here's looking at me.
173
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,545
What? This isn't a show,
Markowitz.
174
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:01,954
Good.
175
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,555
Yeah. Take it out on Markowitz.
Bye, honey. Love you.
176
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,632
Hello, ghost pepper store?
177
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,059
I'd like to place an order.
178
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,200
Look, Mrs. Rodriguez,
179
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,872
I would really appreciate it
180
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,970
if you would let Emme
back in your class.
181
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,572
Why would I do that?
182
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,874
Well...
what better way to celebrate
183
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,936
the birthday of this fine school
184
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,745
than with the gift of forgetting
what I said this morning?
185
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,519
Or you could apologize
186
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,217
for everything you said
this morning.
187
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,919
Okay.
188
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,891
Uh... Apparently,
you think that I...
189
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,689
No.
190
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,961
If I said something...
191
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,830
No.
192
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,199
If you weren't so...
193
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:45,027
No!
194
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,026
Fine.
195
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,508
I'm sorry.
196
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,841
Now we're making progress.
197
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,606
Emme can come back to my class.
198
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,014
Oh! Great. Thank you.
199
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,775
Big win for the captain.
(laughs)
200
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,684
Oh, this is gonna mean
a lot to Andi.
201
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,046
She's always saying
how you're the best teacher
202
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,154
in the whole school.
203
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,515
Really?
Yeah, yeah. She told me
204
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,524
that to get Emme in this class,
she spent years
205
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,656
kissing your butt.
(chuckles)
206
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,896
What was that?
207
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,599
Uh...
208
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,604
That... was a compliment.
209
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,536
No, it wasn't.
Oh, sure. Sure it was.
210
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,982
Yeah, you know how
people are always
211
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,807
joking around
and saying crazy stuff?
212
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,513
(laughing):
Like, "Hey, Bob."
"Kiss my butt, Jim."
213
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,676
And then they're laughing,
'cause they're buddies.
214
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,724
You know, j-just like us.
215
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,790
Oh, so we're buddies now?
Definitely.
216
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:42,788
Really?
Yeah.
217
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:43,989
What's my first name?
218
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,631
Uh...
219
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,972
That's what I thought. I think
Emme would be better off
220
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,044
staying in the other class.
221
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,112
What? (groans) Oh, come on!
222
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,111
It's not like you know
my first name.
223
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,253
Adam.
224
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,947
Oh. Well, yeah.
Anyone could guess that.
225
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,949
It's like the first name ever.
226
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,559
What's with the flowers?
227
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,574
Is it the day after
Mom's birthday again?
228
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,228
No.
229
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,666
Wait...
230
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,605
No. No.
231
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,337
Don't scare me like that!
232
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,982
Oh! I think I
hear Mom's car.
233
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,348
Okay, guys, go play outside,
and enjoy your childhood,
234
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,807
(door opens)
'cause it only
gets more complicated.
235
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,194
Hey. There's my beautiful wife.
236
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,315
Flowers? What for?
237
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,594
Do I need a reason
to buy you flowers?
238
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,933
Historically, yes.
239
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,659
Okay, fine. I know this
is gonna make you mad, but...
240
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,165
I transferred Emme
out of Mrs. Rodriguez's class
241
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,338
but look at the pretty flowers!
242
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:04,997
What?
243
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,905
I can't believe you did that,
244
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,337
after we talked this morning!
245
00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,782
Well, not sure
this is gonna help me, but...
246
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,007
I did it before we talked.
247
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,083
Ooh!
248
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,281
Ah!
249
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,083
(smells)
Oh...
250
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,615
Huh?
251
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,120
All right, look.
252
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,921
Mrs. Rodriguez is impossible!
253
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,393
It's too much work!
254
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,191
Oh, so you did this for
your own selfish reasons.
255
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:30,764
Well, a lot of great stuff
was done for selfish reasons.
256
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,204
(snaps fingers)
The guy who invented fire.
257
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,700
Probably freezing his ass off.
258
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:36,842
Oh, my God.
259
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,997
Well, and, and...
260
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,106
it's good for Emme, too.
261
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:43,038
Her best friend
is in the other class.
262
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,683
Yeah, and you know why
the school separated them?
263
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,978
Because they talk too much.
264
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,209
No fair,
that is new information.
265
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,175
Well, everything's
new information
266
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,383
when you don't know anything.
267
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:56,423
You know, maybe instead of
just criticizing me,
268
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,823
you could try seeing
my side of it.
269
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,085
Yeah, but your side of it
is so... wrong.
270
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,403
You know what?
271
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:05,758
I'll go down there,
I'll talk to her.
272
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,026
She likes me.
273
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:10,374
Yeah, about that.
274
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,968
Oh, good, it gets worse.
275
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,714
Well, just a little,
and then we're all caught up.
276
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:16,809
So,
277
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,680
when I went back to apologize,
278
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,109
like I knew
you would've wanted me to,
279
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,924
I complimented her,
and she got all mad.
280
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,917
How did you compliment her?
281
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,119
Is that really important?
282
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,960
I told her that
you kissed her butt
283
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,828
to get Emme into her class,
284
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,757
and, for some reason,
she took offense.
285
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,103
Oh. Pfft.
286
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,728
Yeah, so what happened next?
287
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,173
Did you punch her in the throat?
288
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,768
I just...
289
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,269
how could you say that
to Alicia?
290
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,701
Alicia!
291
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,266
That's her name.
292
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,835
(sighs)
Look, you know, anyway,
293
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,983
I should be allowed to make
these kind of decisions.
294
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,908
After all, I am the captain.
295
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:54,984
Yeah, I only told you that
so you'd finish
296
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,151
blowing up the balloons.
297
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,148
Hold on a second.
298
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:03,423
Are you saying that
I'm not the captain?
299
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,163
Well, you're
the captain of balloons.
300
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,030
Look, here's
what's gonna happen.
301
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,430
I'm gonna go down
there tomorrow with you
302
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,931
and a box of chocolates,
and I'm gonna...
303
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,203
kiss her butt some more,
304
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,431
and I'm gonna fix this.
305
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,365
I don't need you
306
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,740
cleaning up my messes, okay?
307
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:19,769
I can handle this.
308
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:22,373
Adam, listen to me,
309
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,805
I am the captain now.
310
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,849
Okay, I don't know if this
is what you were going for,
311
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,315
but I am really turned on
right now.
312
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,960
Look, you know what Adam's like.
313
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,262
He-he just says stuff,
he doesn't think.
314
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,134
I really don't.
315
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,403
But to imply that currying favor
has any impact
316
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,972
on how I run my
classroom is insulting.
317
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,542
Look, I'm well aware
that parents give me presents
318
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,470
just because they want
something from me.
319
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,335
Ugh. Yeah, those
parents are the worst.
320
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,309
Although the presents are nice.
Oh, yeah, I mean,
321
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,054
who doesn't like a little treat
now and again?
322
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,220
But it doesn't change anything.
No, of course not,
323
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,449
you're above all that.
324
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,885
Just give me the chocolates.
325
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:15,389
There's a little chart in there
326
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,455
so you don't get surprised
by anything.
327
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,034
You wouldn't want to bite into
one of those cherry squirty ones
328
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,303
when you're wearing
a white blouse.
329
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,801
(chuckles)
330
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,443
Look, we didn't
mean to insult you.
331
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,807
You know, it's just how
we show appreciation.
332
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,567
I mean, we kiss butt
because we love.
333
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,906
Yeah.
334
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,181
Let's be honest,
335
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:35,179
butt kissing makes
the world go round.
336
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,552
Everybody does it.
I kiss my clients' butts.
337
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,551
My crew kisses my butt.
338
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:41,523
Yeah, I mean,
"World's Greatest Teacher."
339
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:42,991
You didn't buy that
for yourself, right?
340
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,489
Good point, honey.
341
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,521
See, I just kissed
my wife's butt, she's not mad.
342
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:49,356
No, I rather enjoyed it, yeah.
343
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,462
Now, he's a very
good butt kisser.
344
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,904
Aw.
345
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,499
Uh, no, he's not, he's terrible.
346
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,501
He quit because of
Teacher Appreciation Day.
347
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,573
That's the Super Bowl
of butt kissing.
348
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,172
Look, there are
plenty of ways
349
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,543
to get on my good side,
if you cared enough to try.
350
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,842
Oh, whoa, hold on,
that's unfair.
351
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,076
No, I think I'm being
perfectly fair.
352
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,850
He's been working
like a dog for you.
353
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,249
Stay on track.
354
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,450
I mean, he's up in
the middle of the night,
355
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,482
he's here every day...
356
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:14,946
He complains all the time
357
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,415
about every little thing
I ask him to do.
358
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,924
Okay, all right,
why is everybody standing up?
359
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:22,486
(chuckles)
360
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,925
Yeah, well, I'm
not gonna let you
361
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,359
talk about my husband
that way.
362
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,595
If anything,
I'm being easy on him.
No, you're not.
363
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,371
You're asking him
to do too much.
364
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,169
Well, maybe it seems like a lot
because I have to ask him
365
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,541
to do everything three times.
366
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,209
Which is fine.
It's not fine.
367
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,978
He does the bare minimum
at best.
368
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,177
I ask him to make puppets,
all I got was attitude.
369
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,509
I don't see any commitment.
370
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,283
You know what?
I don't think anybody
371
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,022
could live up
to your standards.
372
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,347
'Cause you know what?
You're...
Easy.
373
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,152
You're...
Careful.
374
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,894
You're high maintenance.
375
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,060
Better than I thought
it would be.
376
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,326
How's it going? Are they getting
Emme back in the class?
377
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,058
I don't know, you keep talking.
378
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,533
Uh-oh, angry footsteps.
379
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,972
Angry footsteps.
380
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:07,274
So, Adam, you back?
What happened?
381
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,344
Lady fight, big step backwards.
382
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,981
And that's why you never do
stuff without asking your wife.
383
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:17,050
I once made a decision
without consulting my wife.
384
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,150
But then we got married anyway.
385
00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:26,989
Hi, Andi.
Hey, Don.
386
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,633
Hey, honey.
387
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,328
How was the rest of your day?
You feeling better?
388
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,330
No, I mean, because
I lost my temper,
389
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,272
Emme's stuck in the
crummy kindergarten class.
390
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,268
I really don't think
it's that big of a deal.
391
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,940
Or it could be the
difference between her being
392
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,469
a Supreme Court
justice, or a...
393
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,643
cocktail waitress
at an Indian casino.
394
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:46,312
Hey, either way,
she's wearing a silly outfit.
395
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,983
Well, I guess the good news is
396
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,681
that you're not
room parent anymore, so...
397
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:52,983
that's a win.
398
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,946
Hey, you won.
399
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:58,694
Savor this.
400
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,192
I didn't win.
401
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,593
Didn't you hear her tone?
402
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,634
It's not how you say it,
it's what you say.
403
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:08,070
Like, "Shania Twain wants
to take a bath with you."
404
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,568
Sing it, scream it, cry it,
either way
405
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,700
I'm clean and happy.
406
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,206
Why the bath?
407
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,008
You know what?
I don't care.
408
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,609
I started this whole thing.
409
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,554
I got to find a way
to win Rodriguez over.
410
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,281
What would a captain do?
411
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,686
Which reminds me--
412
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,658
I got you something
that I think might help.
413
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,758
Here you go, Captain.
414
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,757
Yeah, yeah, I deserve that.
415
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,695
Happy sailing!
416
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,430
And just remember--
even if you get
417
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,135
through the Straits
of Forgiveness, some day,
418
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:48,038
there's a torpedo heading your
way from the S.S. Menopause.
419
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,007
I'm gonna need a bigger boat.
420
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:59,076
I think if you just
give Adam another chance,
421
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:00,645
he won't disappoint you.
422
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,753
He's already done a lot
personally for me.
423
00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:05,486
He's like... he's like
my Phil Jackson.
424
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,232
Sports reference. What's up?
425
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,185
And I think
the whole class will miss him.
426
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,696
Well, my decision hasn't changed
427
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,598
since you asked me
through the bathroom door.
428
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,299
What are you doing here?
429
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,106
I bet I know exactly
what he's doing here.
430
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:28,081
(Mrs. Rodriguez gasps)
431
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,679
A puppet theater.
432
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,783
Oh, I was way off.
433
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,490
Oh, my God,
it's beautiful.
434
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,689
No other room parent has ever
done anything like this.
435
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,061
Did you build this?
436
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,760
Yup. Happy Teacher
Appreciation Day.
437
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:46,732
I hope you'll consider letting
Emme back into your class, and,
438
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,773
as you're making
your decision,
439
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,338
I'll ask you to press the
button on that little remote.
440
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,069
(gasps)
441
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,114
(loud gasping)
442
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,777
Not just the bare
minimum, right?
443
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,449
Oh, wait a minute.
444
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:04,078
Is this just a sophisticated way
of kissing my butt?
445
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:06,754
Well, I wouldn't
call it that.
'Cause it's working.
446
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:10,193
Oh. So, can Emme come back
to your class?
447
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:13,830
Well, of course she can.
(sighs)
448
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:15,827
And I haven't been able
to find a replacement
449
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,499
so, maybe you could, you know...
(laughs)
450
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,098
Just...
451
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,601
Come back as room parent.
452
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,343
It's happening.
453
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,136
Okay, okay.
454
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,871
But I have
a few conditions.
No.
455
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:30,806
Well, just hear me out.
No.
456
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,850
If we could just...
No!
457
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,807
Okay. Deal.
Good!
458
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,875
(laughs)
(sighs)
459
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:43,816
Are we just gonna stand here,
or are we gonna hug?
460
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:46,791
BOTH:
We're just gonna stand here.
461
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,863
Yeah.
462
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,203
Nice job on the
puppet theater, babe.
463
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,229
I bet you knocked
her socks off.
464
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,395
Yeah. I just feel bad
for the kids.
465
00:18:57,403 --> 00:19:01,213
They have to sit
through a puppet show now.
466
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,877
I mean, you crashed our
ship into an iceberg,
467
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:06,577
and then I panicked and start
throwing passengers overboard,
468
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,449
but you just hopped
into your little tugboat
469
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:11,818
and you got us back
on course. Toot, toot!
470
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,160
You don't have to talk to me
like I'm a child.
471
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,587
I did do that, though.
Yeah, you did.
472
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,792
You know, it doesn't surprise
me, the fires you start,
473
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,425
but it always surprises
me how you put 'em out.
474
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:28,901
Hey, it's my job to do
the best I can for our family.
475
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:31,172
Huh? That way,
if the kids turn out bad,
476
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,741
they can't blame it on us.
477
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,170
I know this isn't
what you're going for,
478
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,736
but... I am really
turned on right now.
479
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:42,546
Baby, that's always
what I'm going for.
480
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,596
You know, I wasn't
gonna make you
481
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,898
really eat the ghost
pepper if you lost.
482
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,729
Yes, you were.
I know.
483
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,904
Uh-huh.
484
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,273
How hot is this thing?
It's pretty hot.
485
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,372
They made me sign some papers
and watch a video
486
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,844
before they let me take it.
487
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,212
Okay, would you be willing
to exchange it for a spider?
488
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,612
I'll munch a spider right now.
489
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:14,813
I've already seen that.
490
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,782
Okay, fine.
491
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,515
(sighs)
Oh, you got a little something
on your eye there.
492
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:24,821
What?
Yeah, right... yeah,
right there, yeah.
493
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:29,234
Aah! Okay. I knew
you were gonna do that!
494
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,629
But then I forgot.
495
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,830
Oh, God. Aah.