1
00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:04,369
Picked another winner, gang.
Huh? Look at this guy.
2
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,142
I named him Jerome,
'cause he's got thighs
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,440
like Jerome Bettis.
4
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,282
You ever seen a Thanksgiving
bird like this?
5
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,508
Yeah. We saw that exact one
at the turkey farm.
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,384
Except he had feathers
and his head was still attached.
7
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,324
Please, tell me
you didn't actually
8
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,289
let them see
the turkeys get killed.
9
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:24,057
Well... They got
to pet them first.
Oh, my God...
10
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:27,388
Wait, that's not the
same turkey I fed, is it?
11
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,485
No!
12
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,456
No. No, no, no.
13
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,334
They set that one free.
14
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,504
This was the mean one.
15
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,704
No, it isn't.
It's the exact same one.
16
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,036
It was the mean one, Katie.
17
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,405
Well, he's gonna be delicious.
18
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,311
Can you say a prayer for Jerome?
19
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,182
Uh...
20
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,381
Sure, Butter Bean.
21
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,352
Yeah, uh, let's see, uh...
22
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:53,321
Jerome...
23
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,320
You had a good life.
24
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:56,622
And though you were very mean
25
00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,434
and not the turkey
that Teddy fed,
26
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,798
we promise your death
won't be in vain.
27
00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:05,257
We will not fill up
on bread, amen.
28
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,466
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
29
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,097
All right, good.
30
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,503
Hey. Why are you guys here?
31
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:13,536
Principal's office.
32
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:14,771
My kid's pet snake
33
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,335
got out of his backpack.
34
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,784
And I'm standing here
because I'm frozen with fear.
35
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:23,120
What? Just because that little
snake on the floor behind you?
36
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,117
(gasps)
37
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,578
(laughter)
38
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,446
I hated that,
but I loved the camaraderie.
39
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,486
Okay. All right,
I got to bring Emme her lunch.
40
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,761
Why didn't you have
Andi bring it?
41
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,389
Well, she's at work.
No, she's not.
42
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,194
She's in there
with Mrs. Rodriguez.
43
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,356
What?
(laughter)
44
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,767
Hey.
45
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,428
Adam. What are you doing here?
46
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,396
Well, Emme forgot
her lunch, uh...
47
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,595
What are you doing here?
48
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,636
I could ask you
the same question.
49
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,482
You just did, and I answered it.
50
00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,479
What... what's going on?
51
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,511
Oh, nothing. I was just
on my lunch break,
52
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:58,646
I thought I'd, uh, pop in.
53
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,352
Okay, you're biting
your lower lip,
54
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,724
which means you've done
something horrible.
55
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,222
(scoffs)
What'd you do?
56
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,394
Was it something at home?
57
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,561
Did you throw out my antlers?
58
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,730
No!
Singing fish?
59
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,759
Mr. Burns, Andi
came by to discuss
60
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,134
the school's Thanksgiving
party next week.
61
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,404
(sighs)
As the room parent, I assume
62
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,441
you've been reading all
the e-mails I sent you?
63
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,267
Let's not play this game.
You know I haven't.
64
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,137
As I explained, we will need
65
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,783
an entire Thanksgiving
dinner for 30 people.
66
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,677
Full spread, by Wednesday.
67
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,779
Well, I think I can speak
for all parents when I say
68
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,681
that sounds like a bummer.
69
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,723
Which is why, even though
you're room parent,
70
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,550
I think Andi should
handle organizing it.
71
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,286
Those are the sweetest words
I've ever heard.
72
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,632
Now I know what I'm thankful for
this Thanksgiving.
73
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,459
Well, good!
I'm glad you're happy.
74
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,304
Oh, very thoughtful of you,
Mrs. Rodriguez.
75
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,569
(laughing):
Wasn't my idea.
76
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,397
Andi called me, concerned
you'd need help.
77
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:52,173
Whoa. Go... hold on a second,
you called her?
78
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,643
No.
Yes.
79
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,442
(scoffs)
80
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:57,543
Just tell me the truth.
81
00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,605
(groans)
Fine.
82
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,553
Adam, I threw out
your singing fish.
83
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,949
Hold on, hold on.
84
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,851
You schemed and plotted with--
85
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,253
don't take this the wrong way--
86
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,824
my archenemy?
87
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:12,193
Because you don't think
I'm capable of...
88
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,533
cooking a meal?
89
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,487
Look, I don't care
90
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:15,655
if she thinks I can't do it.
91
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,203
I care if you think it.
92
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:20,429
Does it help
if we both think it?
93
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,880
ANDI:
Hi. Hi, Jerome.
94
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,281
Oh, you don't get
95
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,352
to talk to him.
96
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:42,586
What is your problem?
Why are you so upset?
97
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:45,220
Because we're supposed
to be a team.
98
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,726
I'm Batman and you're Robin.
99
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,887
And I just walked
into the Batcave and caught you
100
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,856
planning a Thanksgiving party
with the Joker!
101
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:54,695
Okay, first of all,
I am not Robin,
102
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,542
I am Mrs. Batman.
103
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,937
There is no Mrs. Batman.
104
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,569
Have you seen the Batcave?
105
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,944
Only a woman could've
put that together.
106
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:06,513
Look, this Thanksgiving party
is just too much work.
107
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,653
I mean, when I did it in the
past, it took weeks of planning.
108
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,520
And... and you haven't
even read her e-mails.
109
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,018
Well, neither have you.
110
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,990
Well, yeah, I did.
111
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:17,019
She blind cc'd me on everything.
112
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,964
I can't believe she did that.
113
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,390
What is that?
114
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,026
It means she puts me
on all the e-mails
115
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,561
and just hides my address.
116
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,326
Now, why would she do that?
117
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,594
(chuckling):
Well, because, I...
118
00:04:29,586 --> 00:04:31,836
She... somebody
asked her to do it, I...
119
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,639
I haven't even
screwed anything up yet,
120
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,541
and you're already
sticking your nose in.
121
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,012
(chuckles)
You know what I think?
122
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,981
I think you're the one
with the problem. Not me.
123
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,850
Oh, that is so ridiculous,
I can't even laugh.
124
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,649
Oh, no. Wait. Yes, I can.
(laughs)
125
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,381
You're so off.
126
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,716
This isn't about me.
This is about your need
127
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,991
to be in control.
That's the point.
128
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,990
No, no, no. The point is that
you're completely overreacting
129
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,993
because your pride is wounded.
130
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,825
See? You're even controlling
what I think the point is.
131
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,701
(scoffs) Okay, here's
what's gonna happen.
132
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,730
I'm gonna do this thing
without your help.
133
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,796
Well, you can't
do it all yourself.
I won't be.
134
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,606
I'll send out an e-mail,
and I'll blind cc myself,
135
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:11,039
and I'll tell all the other
parents to bring something.
136
00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:12,805
So, you just stay out of it.
137
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,753
Okay. Fine.
138
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,748
Thank you. Now,
if you'll please leave,
139
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,820
all this conflict
is not good for Jerome.
140
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,663
When I pull off
this Thanksgiving party,
141
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:28,328
Andi's gonna know who wears
the cape in this family.
142
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,799
Cape? What are you guys
doing over there?
143
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,469
I say just let Andi do it.
144
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,527
No. No. I said
I was gonna do this job,
145
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,636
and I'm gonna do it
as well as I can.
146
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,738
I have this crazy thing
called pride.
147
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,770
You're looking at this school
Thanksgiving thing all wrong.
148
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,606
You hate being
room parent, right?
149
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,941
Yeah, so?
150
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,976
Then my advice is,
you totally blow it.
151
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,651
Once you screw something up,
no one asks you to do it again.
152
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:55,122
I only had to be
a pallbearer that one time.
153
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,862
Yeah. You know,
you should be careful,
154
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,387
'cause some of those relatives
155
00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,932
are gonna have
to carry you one day.
156
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,787
Nope. Blasting my ashes
right up into space.
157
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,026
I'm just saying, it just sounds
like a lot of work.
158
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,902
Not if you have a crew.
I got the drywall guys making me
159
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,771
paper hand turkeys.
160
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:13,641
Hey, Kowalski. You call
that a hand turkey?
161
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,770
Kowalski's only
got three fingers.
162
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,608
Sorry, buddy. Thumbs-up.
163
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,954
No thumb.
164
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,715
ADAM:
Okay.
165
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,719
Turkey place cards, check.
166
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,391
Tablecloth, check.
167
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,090
Decorations, check.
168
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:34,061
Redemption? A-check.
169
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,091
Yeah. Real impressive.
170
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,126
But this is the sound of people
not asking you
171
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:40,802
to do stuff anymore.
172
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,901
Hear that?
173
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,473
Those are freedom bubbles.
174
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,469
(knocking at door)
175
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,784
Hello, pilgrims.
176
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,880
I couldn't wait
177
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,481
for the school
Thanksgiving tomorrow.
178
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,652
I had to bring you
my side dish tonight.
179
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,620
Oh, you're
a good man, Lowell.
180
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:01,689
Not sure how you got my address,
but we'll talk about that later.
181
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,658
What do you got?
Mashed potatoes, green beans?
182
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,757
Better.
Foie gras
183
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,829
Brussels sprouts in
a pomegranate glaze
184
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,958
with juniper berries,
thyme leaves, and farro.
185
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,433
DON:
I love this guy.
186
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,032
He's always swinging
for the fences.
187
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,174
Well, we can use it
to scare the kids
188
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:17,670
into eating
the other vegetables.
189
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,874
Hey, Andi.
ANDI:
Oh, hey, Lowell.
190
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,775
That is...
191
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:24,737
what is that?
192
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,735
Oh, no, no,
193
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:26,846
don't make him say it again.
194
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,177
Oh, um, Don, uh,
195
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,523
we're headed over your house
196
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,817
to help Marcy
make all the sides
197
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,719
for the family
Thanksgiving.
Oh, good.
198
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,660
I felt bad leaving her
to do it all by herself.
199
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:41,894
What smells?
200
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,595
It's this guy.
201
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,565
Teddy, don't be rude.
202
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,567
Remember the rule that we
learned at Grandma's house?
203
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,469
When something smells,
we don't talk about it.
204
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:51,571
All right?
205
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,102
Come on,
wait for me in the car.
206
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,871
Your children are lovely.
207
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,208
So, uh...
208
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:00,753
how's it going down here?
209
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:01,947
Great, yeah,
210
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,109
the dishes have
started rolling in,
211
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,646
my crew made me 30
212
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,851
fun and festive
turkey place cards.
213
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,724
So, you don't need me.
214
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,492
Nope.
I could just...
215
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,861
leave you here to do it
all yourself.
216
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,729
Yup.
Okay, well,
217
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,857
great 'cause...
218
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,732
you know,
I'm never happier
219
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,730
than when you can handle
it all on your own and...
220
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,272
I can just stay out of it.
(both chuckle)
221
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,267
Doesn't sound like it.
222
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,628
Bye-bye.
223
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,036
Oh, wait, um, real quick,
224
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,867
um, some of the kids
are allergic to nuts, okay?
225
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,543
So, don't bring any pecan pies.
226
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,511
Oh, and there's always
one kid who picks up
227
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,880
a gourd and
pretends it...
228
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,749
Sorry.
229
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:34,807
Felt like you couldn't
230
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,575
pull the trigger
on that one.
231
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,062
Then Adam
actually had the nerve
232
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,196
to accuse me of always
having to be in control.
233
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,872
But that's true, right?
234
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,240
Yes, that's why I'm so upset.
235
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,209
Look, I know it's hard,
236
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,138
but you just
have to back off.
237
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,533
I mean,
238
00:09:04,527 --> 00:09:05,907
would you do everything
better and smarter?
239
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:06,953
Of course, you're a woman.
240
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,247
We're better and smarter.
241
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:11,618
Maybe that's why we
live longer, you know?
242
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,288
So at the end,
we can have just a few years
243
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:15,047
of things being right.
Mm.
244
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,093
Everything's gonna be
245
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,120
so clean then.
246
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,326
I just wish I knew
247
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,687
what was happening
over there, you know?
248
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,685
I mean,
249
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,126
how bad would it be
250
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,661
if I checked his e-mails
from the other parents?
251
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,326
I mean, just to make sure
that he's in good shape.
252
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,774
Oh, I say go for it.
253
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,099
I check Don's e-mails
more than he does.
254
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,603
Oh.
255
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,041
Okay, Jerome,
sleep tight, buddy.
256
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,111
I'm not a turkey guy.
257
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,113
I grew up on a farm
258
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,184
and I won't eat anything
259
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,282
that beat me in a fight.
260
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,623
Okay.
261
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:49,319
Oh, you coming
back in? Okay.
262
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,288
All right,
time to check and see
263
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,163
what the other parents
are bringing.
264
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:58,032
Ooh, you have 20
unread e-mails.
265
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,631
You must feel
like a celebrity.
266
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,228
Yeah, the other parents
were blowing me off,
267
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,936
so I had to hit them
268
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,637
with a sharply worded
reminder last night.
269
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,970
Your life's brutal.
270
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,806
Okay, we're off
to a good start.
271
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,845
Marie says she's
bringing the turkey.
272
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,720
Uh... someone's
bringing napkins.
273
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,219
That's good.
274
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,050
Uh... someone else
is bringing napkins.
275
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,715
Plenty of those.
276
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,024
More napkins.
277
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,926
Napkins...
278
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,328
napkins.
279
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,329
Lowell, I got
a serious problem here.
280
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,931
Everyone's
bringing napkins.
281
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,273
Not everyone.
282
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,667
Lily's dad is bringing
paper towels.
283
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:38,239
That's just napkins
on a stick.
284
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,372
On the bright side,
285
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,374
this is going
to make my dish
286
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:42,665
the star of the party.
287
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,244
Napkins.
288
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,845
The other parents are
just bringing napkins.
289
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,378
You know what, that does it.
290
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:50,783
Marcy, get out
more potatoes.
291
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,254
We got to cook enough
sides for 30 kids.
292
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,692
I thought you were
staying out of it.
293
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,047
Well, I can't just do nothing.
294
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,886
It's like watching a turtle
try to cross the highway.
295
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,032
He's never gonna make it.
296
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,328
In that case,
somebody better bring a shovel.
297
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,968
None of the other parents
are picking up the phone.
298
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,197
I got no side dishes!
299
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,131
(clears throat)
300
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,666
That people will eat.
301
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,438
Congratulations.
302
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,640
For what?
303
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,840
For blowing
the school Thanksgiving.
304
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,112
They won't ask
305
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,380
you to do anything
ever again.
306
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,808
Maybe it's time to call Andi.
307
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,716
No. No, I'm not calling Andi.
308
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,119
If I do, it'll upset
the whole balance of power.
309
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,421
I'll be... I'll be Robin.
310
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:32,224
So what?
311
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,855
You still get to go
on the adventures.
312
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,130
You just won't have to make
any of the decisions.
313
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,959
That's how it is
in my marriage.
314
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:41,995
Come on in, the water's fine.
315
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,302
You know what,
I think I could still
316
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,073
pull this off without her.
317
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,302
I got my place cards.
318
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,466
Marie's bringing the turkey.
319
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,075
I got your hoity-toity
prison food casserole.
320
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,012
All I need is
the other stuff.
321
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,013
Other stuff meaning
322
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,484
enough food for 30 people?
323
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,182
Yeah, it could be done, right?
324
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,184
Let's see.
325
00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,315
Side dishes, potatoes,
326
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,249
gravy, stuffing, pies...
327
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,724
If the three of us...
328
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:03,723
The two of you.
329
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:09,088
...pull together,
we can do anything.
330
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,426
I'm here for you until the end.
331
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,900
Oh.
(phone beeps)
332
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,428
Oop, I got to go.
333
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:16,403
What? What's wrong?
334
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,843
My wife texted.
335
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:18,998
We're trying
to have another baby
336
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,335
and she's ovulating.
337
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,810
She's already ankles up
338
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,138
in the swing chair,
waiting for me.
339
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,379
That guy continues
to surprise me.
340
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,024
Well, there goes any chance of
us actually cooking this dinner.
341
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,020
(sighs)
Okay, we need
342
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,492
a plan "B."
343
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:39,121
We just go out
and buy it?
344
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,286
(groans lightly)
345
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,464
Yes!
346
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,502
Now you're thinking.
(laughs)
347
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:46,498
Hey, I'm always thinking,
little brother.
348
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:49,100
Who went to six months
of community college?
349
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,372
(chuckles)
350
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,041
Okay. Okay, here's a place
351
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,769
that's open 24 hours,
352
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,105
and, uh... yes!
353
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,779
They cater Thanksgiving.
354
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:01,808
Okay, $28.50 a head times
30 people, that's... uh...
355
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,205
Well, you got to simplify.
356
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,076
Three times three is nine.
We know that.
357
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,115
Yeah, yeah, okay.
358
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,549
$28.50, so, you, uh...
359
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,124
subtract $1.50
from 30 and, uh...
360
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,393
I got this,
I got this.
361
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:12,391
Okay, you take the five
362
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,932
from the zero
and that's, uh...
363
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,126
...$28.50.
364
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:21,399
That's where we started!
365
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,071
All right,
let's try this again.
366
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,539
All right,
three times three is nine.
367
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:26,238
That's locked in.
368
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,139
Oh, forget it, it's almost
a thousand dollars.
369
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,943
Wait a minute,
I think I got this.
370
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,475
We need Thanksgiving
side dishes, right?
371
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,411
Yeah.
372
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,405
That's exactly what our wives
373
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,446
are making right now.
374
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,050
We need that food.
375
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:40,452
But, if we're
using their food,
376
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,253
isn't that like
using Andi's help?
377
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,315
Yeah, but not if
she doesn't know about it.
378
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,894
(laughing):
Oh...
379
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,363
Nope, still don't get it.
380
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,163
Hey, uh, Dad
just texted me.
381
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,595
He wants to know
if you're finished cooking
382
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600
and if the coast is clear
in the kitchen?
383
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,002
(phone chirps)
384
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,343
Oh, here's another one.
385
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,168
"Don't tell your mom I asked."
386
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,081
Why would he care
if we're in the kitchen?
387
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,577
Oh, my God.
They're coming for the food.
388
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:07,550
Hmm.
They're not even
gonna ask us,
389
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,077
they're just gonna take it.
390
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,282
This sounds like a Don idea.
391
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,345
Whoa, whoa, whoa, though.
They don't know
392
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,154
we made all this extra food
for the school.
393
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,486
That means they're willing
to run off
394
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,190
with our family Thanksgiving.
395
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,432
It's like the idiot's
version of Ocean's Eleven.
396
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,996
You know what, sweetie?
I'm glad you're here to see this
397
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,598
because no matter
how good they look in a tuxedo,
398
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,570
this is where it ends up.
399
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,516
How did you
get in here?
400
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:54,064
The door.
401
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,360
You got no style.
402
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,226
Oh, look at this.
403
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,574
The mother lode.
404
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,169
Stuffing, mashed potatoes,
405
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,471
cranberry salad,
406
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,274
deviled eggs.
407
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,576
Huh?
408
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,477
Hang on.
409
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,679
She made all these deviled eggs
410
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,980
for our little family
Thanksgiving?
411
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,452
Mmm. This stuffing is righteous.
412
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,521
Mmm.
Will you
413
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:20,919
put that down!
414
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,558
They're not even
trying to be quiet.
415
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,687
Who stops in the middle
of this to eat?
416
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,493
That would be Don.
417
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:29,655
Last summer, at the state fair,
418
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:30,663
he lost a game of tic-tac-toe
419
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,034
to a chicken.
420
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,130
Something's not right.
421
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,625
There's too much
of everything.
422
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:37,816
Don, check the
cranberry salad.
423
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:39,000
Does it look like
it's for a family
424
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,335
or 30 kindergarteners?
425
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:41,570
It's hard to tell,
426
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,314
there's 30 individual cups.
427
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:45,684
Unbelievable.
428
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:47,309
Andi made all
of this for me.
429
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,584
I knew she couldn't
keep her nose out of it.
430
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,552
(Don sighs)
I'll bet you they're watching us
right now.
431
00:15:58,224 --> 00:15:59,494
Aha!
432
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,692
No, no, no, no, no. Aha!
433
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:02,985
You said you were gonna
stay out of it.
434
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,426
You said you were gonna
handle it.
435
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,731
This is me handling it.
Oh, yeah?
436
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,232
By stealing from me?
437
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,733
Why can't you just admit
that you need my help?
438
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,435
Why can't you just admit
that you need me
439
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:11,437
to need your help?
440
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,998
Fine, yes. I do!
441
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,306
Aha! For real, this time.
442
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,107
Okay.
443
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,109
Aha!
444
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,310
Whoa...
(stammering)
445
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,651
Look, I admit that tonight,
when I found out
446
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,150
that everybody
was bringing napkins,
447
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,651
I-I was a little happy.
448
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,323
And there it is.
449
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,871
But only because...
450
00:16:29,872 --> 00:16:31,422
I like it when you need me.
I need it.
451
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,664
It's why I married someone so...
452
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,029
Hey, step careful here.
453
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:38,032
Perfectly imperfect.
454
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,731
I'll take it.
455
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:42,173
I mean, when I went back to work
456
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,428
and you took over
all the kid stuff,
457
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,596
I thought...
458
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,604
I don't know, I'd have to be
459
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,665
jumping in to save the day,
460
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,373
but you've been just fine.
461
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,665
It just--
462
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,606
it made me feel like
I'm not necessary.
463
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,005
(smacks lips)
Oh,
464
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,014
you make it so hard
to fight you now!
465
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,480
Come here.
466
00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,675
(clicks tongue)
467
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,386
I need you.
468
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,718
You're just not
supposed to know it.
469
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,692
(Andi chuckles)
470
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,091
Boo! We came for a fight.
471
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,285
Don't worry, Don.
You'll get one.
472
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,496
Boo...
473
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,629
Let's get all this food
and get out of here.
474
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:17,204
Okay.
475
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:21,213
Wait, how did you know
everyone was bringing napkins?
476
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:24,437
Aw, honey, we already hugged.
No more questions.
477
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,077
Okay, thanks, guys.
Head upstairs.
478
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,482
And don't forget to
brush your teeth.
479
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,723
(groans)
480
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,048
They're not gonna
brush their teeth.
481
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,224
Well, you said it. That's
all that matters in court.
482
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,557
Hey, look,
thanks for helping.
483
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,559
I couldn't have done
all this without you.
484
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,161
Well, this is
why our marriage works.
485
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,763
I need you, you need me.
486
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:47,634
And together,
we make one whole needy person.
487
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,134
And now, we are gonna
crush this Thanksgiving party
488
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:52,696
the same way we crush
marriage and parenting.
489
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,805
Yep. Half-assed and
just in the nick of time.
490
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,509
(knocking)
491
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,452
Oh.
492
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,778
Hey, Marie.
Hi.
493
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:03,852
Sorry to come by so late,
494
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,250
I won't be at
school tomorrow, so
495
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,552
I figured I'd drop this off now.
(door closes)
496
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,654
Good old Marie.
497
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,685
Bringing the turkey,
498
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,859
the last piece of the puzzle.
499
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,217
Let's take a look.
500
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,725
That's not a turkey.
501
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,829
That's chicken wings
in the shape of a turkey.
502
00:18:18,832 --> 00:18:22,232
Yeah. I totally forgot
about making the turkey
503
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,765
till I was sitting at Hooters.
504
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:28,209
Huh. I didn't know
women went to Hooters.
505
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,778
'Cause, you know,
we already have 'em.
506
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:34,707
Nah, it's great. Guys always go
there thinking they're gonna
507
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,584
take home a waitress, but...
508
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:39,623
when last call rolls around,
it's my turn to be picky.
509
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,417
Happy Thanksgiving.
510
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,123
(door closes)
511
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,585
I... (sighs)
512
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,604
I can't serve chicken wings
at Thanksgiving.
513
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:51,827
Well, what choice
do we have?
514
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,801
We don't have
another turkey.
515
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:58,474
Well, there is Jerome.
516
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,141
Oh. No, honey,
I can't let you do that.
517
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,540
You love that salty bastard.
518
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,207
You're right. I do.
519
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,652
Besides, the last thing you
rubbed that much, you married.
520
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,819
Yeah, I did.
521
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,918
Yeah, you did.
522
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,420
(laughter)
523
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:24,155
Well, honey, looks like
we pulled it off.
524
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:25,464
Yeah, this
is delicious.
525
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,425
And sorry I
forgot the napkins.
Uh.
526
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,373
That's okay. About 15
other people had your back.
527
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,370
(laughter)
You know,
you don't usually
528
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,342
think of Hooters chicken wings
for Thanksgiving,
529
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,240
but I got to say, I like it.
530
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,212
Yeah. Wait. How do you know
they're Hooters wings?
531
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,852
I worked my way through college.
532
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,879
Wow. I did not
see that coming.
533
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:47,594
I mean, I did...
(laughs) but I didn't.
534
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,417
ADAM:
Lowell,
535
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,462
I never thought
I'd say this, but...
536
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,417
hit me with some more
of that casserole.
537
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:57,326
You want seconds?
Yeah, once you get used
to the smell, it works.
538
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,660
I've never felt taller.
539
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,534
Happy Thanksgiving,
everyone.
540
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,765
ALL:
Happy Thanksgiving.
541
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,270
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