1
00:00:01,736 --> 00:00:03,396
Okay, only six more days
2
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:06,044
till you, me, Andi and Marcy
are on a plane to Vegas.
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,470
(laughs)
Oh,
4
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,505
we have been planning this trip
for three years
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,580
and something always,
always screws it up.
6
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,080
Well, it was your fault
we cancelled last year.
7
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,381
You had to go out
and get food poisoning.
8
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:20,094
Yeah, because you cooked me fish
you bought from a guy in a van.
9
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:23,587
He was wearing a captain's hat.
He seemed legit.
10
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:27,161
And the year before that,
you had to pet that coyote.
11
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,231
He came right up to me.
12
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:33,270
Okay, for the next six days,
we play it safe.
13
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,398
No dares, no bets,
14
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:39,304
no making the crew laugh
with your nail gun tricks.
15
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,108
Nothing is gonna get in the way
of our trip.
16
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:43,239
All right?
17
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:44,544
Did you confirm
the hotel reservation?
18
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,735
Yeah, I even talked them into
19
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,306
giving us
the convention discount.
20
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:48,684
Uh-huh.
21
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,422
Okay, what's the catch?
22
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,048
No catch.
Just, someone's gonna have to
23
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,723
pretend to be a podiatrist.
24
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,161
And, um, possibly give
a quick 90-minute speech.
25
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,590
Hey, Emme,
how was ballet?
26
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,595
Great, I was the cutest one.
27
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,796
She's gonna be trouble,
isn't she?
28
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,132
Yeah, a little bit.
29
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,398
(sing-songy):
Six days to Vegas.
30
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,906
I know, I'm excited.
31
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,407
Oh, but, uh, guess what I heard
at ballet?
Hmm?
32
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,609
Chad Thompson
had a birthday party last week
33
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,141
and Teddy wasn't invited.
34
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:21,606
What? Wait, which one's
Chad Thompson?
35
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,145
The one that
calls you "toots"?
36
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,780
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
37
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,685
He's the one who's got the head
that's too big for his body.
38
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,747
Oh, yeah, yeah,
Bubblehead Thompson, yeah.
39
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:32,356
Yeah. I just--
I hope Teddy's not upset.
40
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:33,789
Oh, well, let's find out.
41
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,234
I don't suggest this often,
42
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,499
but let's go
talk to our children.
43
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,774
(door closes)
44
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:44,240
Okay, you go.
45
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,767
Why don't you go?
You're closer.
46
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,781
Teddy?
47
00:01:53,848 --> 00:01:57,518
Listen, uh,
Mom wants to talk to you.
48
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,822
So, Teddy...
49
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,529
Hey, what's going on with
Chad Thompson these days?
50
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,728
I-I heard he had a
birthday party last week?
51
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,730
I didn't want to go to that.
52
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,472
We don't really hang out
anymore.
53
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,127
Oh, oh.
(chuckles)
54
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,636
Well, so,
who do you hang out with?
55
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,397
The guys who play
Astroline Rebellion,
56
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,505
the greatest computer game
of all time.
57
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,668
Oh. Huh.
58
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,635
So, kids at your
school play that?
59
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,614
No. I've never met them
in person.
60
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:26,883
They're online friends.
61
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,751
Oh. Wow.
(chuckles)
62
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,550
That is, um...
Troubling?
63
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:35,288
They're great guys--
64
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,259
SpaceBoss, LonerZero,
TheGoobs43.
65
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:41,359
The-the goobs?
What-what's a goobs?
66
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,792
Wh-What kind of kids are these?
67
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,156
They're called dorks.
68
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,296
All right, but,
um, sweetie,
69
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,571
you-you hang out with actual
kids at your school, too, right?
70
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,641
Yeah, yeah, kids you definitely
know aren't, like,
71
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,440
grown men in some Internet cafe
in Bangkok.
72
00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,808
Not really. I'm more of
an online presence these days.
73
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,684
Oh.
Hmm.
74
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,553
Oh, I should have
taken him fishing more.
75
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,316
Okay, I didn't do it sooner
76
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,424
because I didn't
want to jinx it.
77
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,255
But I booked
our flights to Vegas.
78
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,860
Great news: all
middle seats.
79
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,463
Okay, how come we let
Don plan these trips?
80
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,225
Next year, we got to
make sure
81
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,334
someone's in charge of
making sure he's not in charge.
82
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,341
I don't if now is the right
time to go, you know?
83
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:28,569
I mean, what, with Teddy
and the space goobers.
84
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,476
What? So he's a nerd.
He's happy.
85
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,376
You're just saying that 'cause
you want to go to Vegas.
86
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,351
Yes. Yes, but also,
he seems fine.
87
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,421
Yeah, the world
needs nerds.
88
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,490
What do you think would have
happened if Bill Gates' parents
89
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,288
had freaked out about
him being a nerd, huh?
90
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,220
There'd be no Angry Birds,
I'll tell you that.
91
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,857
I just don't want the
other kids to think
92
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,291
he's weird and then
give him a hard time.
93
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,426
Growing up is tough.
(chuckles)
94
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,732
You know, I don't have
any personal experience
95
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,004
being an outsider, 'cause I've
always been hot and athletic.
96
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,673
Mm-hmm.
But, um,
97
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,941
I think Don can relate.
Mm.
98
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,468
Yeah. In high school,
99
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,976
Jimmy Dugan used to
follow me around
100
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,408
and call me
a shaved gorilla.
101
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,882
(laughs)
Oh...
102
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,545
Oh, a shaved gorilla.
That's a...
103
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,990
Yeah, well, I was a nerd
growing up and it wasn't easy.
104
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:16,559
(scoffs) You know,
you're always saying that,
105
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,717
but I am not buying it.
106
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,585
If anything,
you were a hot nerd.
107
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,633
Like, uh, like Velma
on Scooby-Doo.
108
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,031
Ah, you think so, huh?
109
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,472
Oh, yeah.
110
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,697
When you wear
your reading glasses...
111
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:28,701
(whistles)
112
00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:32,816
All right...
113
00:04:32,823 --> 00:04:33,643
Well, that's because I didn't
go to the same high school
114
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,741
as the three of you.
115
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,343
Okay, I am gonna tell
you guys something
116
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,414
I have never told
anyone before.
117
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,654
My freshman year...
118
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:42,978
You slept with a teacher?
You got a boob job?
119
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,583
Why is no one else guessing?
120
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,715
Okay, I had just
moved here
121
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,590
from Virginia and I
hadn't made many friends.
122
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:51,619
I thought, "I'm gonna make a big
splash at the homecoming game."
123
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,055
So, I go to the mall.
124
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:56,800
And there, in the window,
is a leather suit. Okay?
125
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,497
Just like the one Eddie Murphy
wore in his stand-up special.
126
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,830
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
127
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,004
It was shiny, skintight
128
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,703
and bright red.
129
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:05,665
Oh, no.
130
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,543
Oh, yeah.
131
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,341
And I spent all my
babysitting money on it
132
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,543
'cause I thought...
(scoffs)
133
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,784
"With this suit, I can't lose."
134
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,380
I hope this works
out for her.
135
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,922
You're not good
with tone, are you?
136
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:18,978
ANDI:
Yeah,
137
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,086
I realized my mistake
138
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,517
as soon as I hit
the bleachers.
139
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,062
You see...
140
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:24,687
leather makes a sound.
141
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,357
It's a sound that-that
makes people stop
142
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,363
and stare.
143
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,365
Why do I
know this story?
144
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,727
And that's when I
started to sweat. A lot.
145
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,336
And then,
146
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,668
a cheerleader from
the other school
147
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,742
saw me in my
Eddie Murphy suit
148
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,871
and she flipped her little
ponytail at me and she said,
149
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,476
"Oh, hey, look, it's..."
150
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,508
BOTH:
Sweaty Murphy.
151
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,612
What?
152
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,819
But how did you know that?
153
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,021
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
154
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,622
You're Sweaty Murphy?
155
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,624
(laughs)
156
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,626
I played in that game.
157
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:02,928
We talked about you
in the huddle.
158
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,830
We laughed so hard,
they threw a flag.
159
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,033
No, no, no, no,
160
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,574
the only way you would
know that is if...
161
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,900
(swallows hard)
162
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,974
Oh, my God.
163
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:16,811
You're the girl
with the ponytail.
164
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:17,940
Oh! (laughs)
165
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,075
And you're the girl
in the suit,
166
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,709
this is so funny!
(laughs)
167
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,819
You don't think
it's funny.
168
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,848
DON: Well,
I'm just glad
169
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,424
you're okay, because
word on the street was
170
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,652
that Sweaty Murphy
went crazy
171
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,456
and ended up in
a home somewhere.
172
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:34,731
Yeah, my home.
173
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,588
I can't believe
I married Sweaty Murphy!
174
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,926
(laughs)
175
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:37,930
It's not funny.
176
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,001
It's a little funny.
177
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,399
Funny.
178
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,001
I can't believe we
have been friends
179
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,742
all these years
and that was you.
180
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,868
You are not really mad
about this, are you?
181
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,074
It was years ago.
182
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,975
No, no, I'm not mad.
183
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,608
I mean, I guess I would have
recognized you sooner,
184
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,014
but your hair's too thin
for a ponytail now.
185
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,946
(gasps)
186
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,951
Oh, yeah, I said it.
187
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,525
Don, car.
188
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,527
No, no, no, don't
bother leaving,
189
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,099
I'm going upstairs.
190
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,527
(Adam groans)
191
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,025
Wow.
192
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,566
Yeah. Well, I'm glad
193
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,071
none of that was Marcy's fault.
194
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,513
What are you talking about?
195
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:25,179
Well, I'm just practicing
for the car ride home.
196
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,209
Ah...
197
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,484
¶ ¶
198
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,893
Oh, boy. How
was your night?
199
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,085
Bad.
200
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,056
Marcy wanted to talk.
201
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,225
I spent years training her
not to depend on me
202
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,774
for emotional support.
That's all out the window!
203
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,201
After you guys left,
204
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,706
Andi went off about Marcy.
205
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,638
She went through
all the English curse words,
206
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:59,113
then started swearing in
Portuguese like her grandmother.
207
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,683
This Vegas trip
is starting to feel very shaky.
208
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,583
Oh, don't even say that.
I need this trip.
209
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,215
All year, I've been working
in this dump...
210
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,020
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
This is our business.
211
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,792
I'm sorry,
you know I love this place,
212
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,561
but the thought of Vegas
is the only thing
213
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,259
that gets me through the day
in this hellhole.
214
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,531
Look, I want to go, too.
215
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,900
But I don't think
it's gonna happen,
216
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,898
unless Marcy apologizes.
217
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,030
Well, there's two things
Marcy never does:
218
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,995
one of them,
she did before we got married
219
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,604
and then she stopped.
220
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,080
The one you're talking about,
she's never done.
221
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,677
Well, we got to figure out
a way to talk her into it.
222
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,679
Yeah, I'll be fine.
223
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,921
You know, it's been so long,
I don't even miss it anymore.
224
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,821
Oh, you mean the other thing.
225
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,885
You want me to apologize?
226
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,234
That's a great idea.
227
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,559
Adam, you know I love Andi.
228
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:55,525
She's one of my best friends,
but she totally overreacted.
229
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,036
All right, between you and me,
230
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,537
I totally agree.
231
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,739
Also between you and me,
I never said that.
232
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:04,581
She also said
a very hurtful thing to me.
233
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,978
My hair is thick and luxurious,
right, Don?
234
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,751
Like a yak's chest, baby.
235
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,121
Thank you.
236
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,589
Well, look, Marcy,
237
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,988
you are a very powerful woman.
238
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,289
Like a yak!
239
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:23,299
Okay, uh, Don here
is a shell of a man,
240
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:24,797
so job well done.
241
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,096
But with that power
comes responsibility.
242
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:31,871
You have the opportunity now
to be the bigger person.
243
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,212
Hmm. Appealing to my vanity,
I like it.
244
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,142
Okay, I'll do it.
245
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,884
Yes! Great.
This'll mean a lot to Andi.
246
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,250
Oh, and when you do it,
247
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:42,878
if she starts talking
in Portuguese,
248
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,253
just power through,
that's all compliments.
249
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,754
(door opens)
250
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,585
There she is.
251
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:51,721
Surprise!
252
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,955
Look who came
to see you.
253
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,125
Hello, Marcy.
254
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,930
That was in English,
that's a good sign.
255
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,333
So, Andi,
I just wanted to say...
256
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,136
Oh, you know what? Nothing you
say can change what happened.
257
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,168
All right?
I mean,
258
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,643
all these years,
I have regretted
259
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,071
not thinking of
the perfect comeback
260
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,636
for when you called me
"Sweaty Murphy"...
261
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,044
(groans)
...but I see now
262
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,175
that I'm not small
and mean like you.
263
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:17,321
I don't have to blow out
other people's candles
264
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,847
to make mine
shine brighter.
265
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,887
I saw that on a poster
in the dentist's office,
266
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,059
I thought it was
quite something.
267
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,817
Mm-hmm.
You know what?
268
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,656
I cannot believe that you
are still upset about something
269
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,662
that happened when we were kids!
270
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,834
It's kind of crazy.
271
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,232
Who are you calling crazy,
doll hair?
272
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,904
Oh!
Okay, okay, okay,
273
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:38,202
I think we're moving
in the wrong direction here.
274
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,235
Honey, Marcy came over
to apologize.
275
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,810
No, no,
I am not apologizing anymore.
276
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,978
She's completely overreacting
again.
277
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,377
Overreact-- uh.
A-Are you hearing this?
278
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,310
Do you think I'm overreacting?
279
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,375
Me?
280
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,954
Uh... Do I think
you're overreacting?
281
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,223
She's looking right at you.
Everyone in the room
282
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,651
knows she's talking to you.
283
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,057
Adam?
284
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:02,359
Well, you are reacting.
285
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,932
And it's definitely not
too little. (chuckles)
286
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:09,932
It's... Well,
there's underreacting.
287
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:13,236
Right? Then there's
regular reacting. You know.
288
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,110
Then there's, uh... you.
289
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,279
That means over!
290
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,277
I never said it!
291
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,709
All right.
I gave it a shot, Adam.
292
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,254
I'm out. Don, car.
293
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,319
(Don inhales, exhales)
294
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,747
I never get to stay anywhere.
295
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,759
I can't believe
you didn't back me up.
296
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,831
Come on, Andi.
I always have your back.
297
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,400
I just don't think that
something that happened
298
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:41,698
in high school should cause
all these problems today.
299
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,742
Because you turned out awesome.
300
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,767
Well, yeah. I am pretty great.
301
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:48,912
You know, but it was
a long road to get here.
302
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,143
(exhales)
When she said,
303
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,944
"Don, car," I guess she meant,
304
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,746
"Don, I'm taking the car."
305
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:55,878
Okay, well, good.
I'm glad you're back,
306
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,282
because you can help me.
307
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:58,924
Okay, don't you think everybody
308
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,719
would be better off
if Andi just let this go?
309
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:05,722
Be the bigger person,
and just forgive Marcy.
310
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,886
Yeah, I-I mean, I did that
to the guy from high school
311
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,034
who used to call me
a shaved gorilla.
312
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,359
Really?
Yeah.
313
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,033
Wait, you're not just making
this up as you go along?
314
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,302
No.
'Cause I need
something good here.
315
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,770
No. I-It's a nice story,
actually.
316
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,299
Couple years ago,
he came to me looking for a job,
317
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,905
and I took that opportunity
to be the bigger man.
318
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,837
I told him to go to hell.
319
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,383
How does that make
you the bigger man?
320
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,408
Well, he's like five-seven.
I'm way bigger.
321
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,184
I knew it.
322
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:32,322
All the parts of a good
story, but still useless.
323
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,749
Don, why are you
on his side?
324
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,455
You were a nerd in high school,
too, and he doesn't get it.
325
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:38,887
I get it.
326
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,462
Oh, really?
Have you ever been so desperate
327
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,060
to get out of a leather suit
that you broke the zipper?
328
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,033
And then your dad
had to cut you out
329
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,531
with an electric carving knife?
330
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:50,003
Okay. To be fair,
that's a really small club.
331
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,298
You know,
now that I think about it,
332
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,866
Adam sailed through high school.
333
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,905
He was always the winner,
always popular.
334
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,210
Okay. Look, I can't help it
if people are drawn to me.
335
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,282
I'm... magnetic. I don't know.
336
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,952
Life's been easy
for you, hasn't it?
337
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,350
It's... It's been
a good run, yeah.
338
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,216
Well, you remember at dinner,
339
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,421
when I told you they called me
a shaved gorilla?
340
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:12,388
He laughed.
341
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,392
Oh, no. I do remember that.
342
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,834
It's a funny idea.
343
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,130
I mean, picture a gorilla.
344
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,501
Then, you shave him.
You never see that.
345
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,371
(chuckles)
346
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,540
You know, I think
I'm on Andi's side now.
(groans)
347
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:26,969
And I don't think
she overreacted at all.
348
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,243
I think you underreacted.
349
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:29,841
You're an underreactor.
350
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,981
You are on the right
side of history, Don.
351
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,150
What? What is happening here?
Now you got him nuts?
352
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,979
Just because of one day,
like, a million years ago?
353
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,115
Adam, it wasn't
just one day.
354
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,321
I mean, people called me
Sweaty Murphy for months.
355
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,123
All right? Even
my homeroom teacher.
356
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,855
She'd do roll call in the
morning, she'd be, like,
357
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,530
"Murphy," comma, "Sweaty?"
358
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,128
And I'd have to be,
like, "Here."
359
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:54,171
Oh. Okay. I didn't know
any of that.
360
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,997
I think it's time
you leave, Adam.
361
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:01,406
It's my house, Don.
362
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,538
Well, it looks like you win
again, doesn't it?
363
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,943
¶ ¶
364
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,276
(door closes, knocks on wall)
365
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,475
Hey, Marcy.
366
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:14,916
Why are you here?
367
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,591
Apparently, I'm on
your team, now.
368
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:18,890
Oh, ho, ho. We're gonna be
unstoppable!
369
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,292
What? No... No! It's not good.
370
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,863
So how do you want to get 'em?
371
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,062
Okay, we're getting them.
372
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,333
Look, Andi is really upset.
373
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:28,302
(sighs)
And now, she's got Don
all worked up, too.
374
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,571
She even took him to the
school-parent mixer tonight,
375
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,540
instead of me, because
he's on her team.
376
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,980
I had no idea this would be
such a big deal to her.
377
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,437
Okay, look. I don't think either
one of us really understood
378
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,205
her point of view before,
because she's right.
379
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,653
We haven't gone through it.
380
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,578
(sighs)
And I definitely
didn't handle things
381
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,183
the way I should've.
382
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,885
Well, to be honest,
I feel terrible.
383
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,418
I mean, I love Andi.
384
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,522
But I think the reason that I
got so upset was because I...
385
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:55,625
I wasn't proud of the way
I behaved back then.
386
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:58,559
I was young and selfish, and
I... I didn't care who I hurt,
387
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,995
so, maybe Andi's right about me.
388
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,472
Wow.
389
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,540
Wow. You just said a lot
of really great things
390
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:10,109
at a really unhelpful time.
391
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,910
Okay, look. I think
the question is...
392
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,442
How do we get her to forgive us?
393
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,376
How would I know
how to do that?
394
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,252
Okay, Marcy. Look, it's...
everyone in town knows
395
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,150
you hold a hell of a grudge.
396
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,422
Oh, that's nice
that people notice.
397
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,551
Yeah, okay, well. So, if
the roles were reversed,
398
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,416
what would it take
or you to forgive?
399
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,385
Well, talking's not gonna do it.
400
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,194
We need something
to let her know
401
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:31,295
that we understand
how she feels.
402
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,328
Right? A big gesture.
403
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,433
Would that by any chance
be... a trip to Vegas?
404
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,065
No. No.
Oh.
405
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,040
No. What I would need
406
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,039
is something that would
make me feel better,
407
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,541
while at the same time,
making you feel bad.
408
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,313
You know, preferably, in
a public place with a lot
of people watching.
409
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,083
Okay? And on top of that,
410
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:51,151
making a profound statement
about the underlying issue
411
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,681
that started the problem.
412
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:54,416
That's all.
413
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,551
Wow.
414
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,316
My brother Don is a saint.
415
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:02,556
¶ ¶
416
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:03,562
So I told Adam,
417
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,203
I'm gonna go to the parent mixer
418
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,698
with someone who's on my team:
419
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,700
Don.
420
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:11,542
And I misplayed my hand
terribly, so I'm here.
421
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,206
Well, this may come as a shock
to you,
422
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,167
but I was not
the most popular person
423
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,476
in high school either.
424
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,207
Oh, I believe it.
You seem soft, son.
425
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,561
Oh, my God.
426
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,490
Now we got a party.
427
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,760
Why are you dressed like that?
428
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:43,626
You... sweet, ridiculous man.
429
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:48,006
I want to be
on Team Sweaty Murphy.
430
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:51,478
Even though
you have really bad uniforms.
431
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,038
Honey, you didn't
have to do this.
432
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,076
Yes. I did.
433
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,081
And believe me,
434
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,552
now I understand
435
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,350
how you must've felt.
436
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,552
Sweaty...
437
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,053
in every area.
438
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,216
And humiliated.
439
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,455
Hey, Jim.
440
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,664
Oh...
441
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:13,662
Oh... Now you do get me.
442
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,196
This team sucks.
Take me home.
443
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,602
Ugh.
Look what he wore for me.
444
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,135
Is he not the cutest?
445
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,540
Well, we wanted
to make a point.
446
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,643
We? W-We who?
447
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:26,735
We...
448
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,406
Marcy?
449
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:32,215
MARCY: I don't want to
do this anymore, Adam!
450
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,290
Marcy!
451
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,258
(leather creaking)
452
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,788
(laughing):
That's the stuff!
453
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,564
¶ ¶
454
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,302
ADAM:
Okay, I got my keys,
455
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,127
I got the tickets.
456
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,372
Vegas, here we come!
(laughs)
457
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,497
I got to tell you,
I didn't think
458
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,631
this would actually happen.
459
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:50,765
(chuckles)
Hey, are we still getting
460
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,440
the fake doctor discount?
461
00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:54,108
Yeah. I just got
to write a 90-minute speech
462
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,167
about feet. I got the title.
463
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,836
"Feet: The Hands of Your Legs."
464
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,505
Okay, guys. Come on.
We're gonna drop you at Nana's
465
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:01,583
on the way to the airport.
466
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,551
All right.
467
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,850
Daddy, my throat hurts.
468
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,321
What? No. No, no, no.
469
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,660
Aw, honey. Come here.
470
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,717
Oh, Adam. She's got a fever.
471
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,725
No! No, no, no.
472
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:17,857
Yep. Teddy's warm, too.
473
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:21,334
Every year.
474
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,804
What are we gonna do? Uh...
475
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,673
Don't look at me.
I'm a foot doctor.
476
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,842
¶ ¶
477
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,583
Goobs, watch your tail.
478
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,581
This guy's level 30 xenomorph.
479
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,223
(gasps)
Nice shot, LonerZero!
480
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,523
High five, guys.
481
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:45,723
Okay, that's it. We're going
fishing next weekend.
482
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,125
And I'm buying you a BB gun.
483
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,857
And this is how you high five.
484
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:51,263
With another hand.
485
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,334
¶ ¶
486
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,636
Good morning, folks.
(clears throat)
487
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,208
Von Burns, foot doctor.
488
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,507
Foot specialist.
489
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:06,139
Footballer, if you will.
490
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,506
Let's break down
the word "feet."
491
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:12,845
From the Latin word "feetatoe."
492
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:18,420
Ten toes, two feet.
493
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:21,594
Five toes, one foot.
494
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,634
(Don clears his throat)
495
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,830
I'm gonna let that sink in
for the next...
496
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,572
88 minutes.
497
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,268
In the meantime,
498
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,570
I'm gonna walk with my feet
to the back bar,
499
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:36,242
get myself
a nice little rum and Coke.
500
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,182
These are my feet, right here,
ladies and gentlemen.
501
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,238
My feet are walking
toward the bar in the back.
502
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,546
Thank you for coming out.
Enjoy the next 88 minutes.
503
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:43,949
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