1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:04,240
Oh, no.
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,238
DON:
What happened?
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,510
You finally get that picture
of me licking your toothbrush?
4
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,741
What? No, no.
5
00:00:11,746 --> 00:00:13,476
Oh, forget I said anything.
6
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:16,181
We just got the tickets
Andi ordered
7
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,283
for all of us to go to
Lord of the Dance.
8
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:20,015
(sighs)
9
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:22,191
Why did we agree to go to that?
10
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,759
Well, it was just easier
to say yes.
11
00:00:23,758 --> 00:00:26,788
Why ruin that day when this day
seemed so far away?
12
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,504
Well, I say treat those tickets
like a jury summons
13
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:31,257
and throw them in the trash.
14
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,270
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
15
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,339
Whoa, what did Mommy say
about playing ball in the house?
16
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,668
I don't know.
17
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,573
Well, what do you
think she said?
18
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,706
Well, if you know,
can you just tell us?
19
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,211
Emme?
20
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,276
No ball in the house.
21
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:51,684
That's right.
22
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,245
And that little girl
gets a butterscotch.
23
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,456
That's how
you do that.
24
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,434
Hey, check it out.
25
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,803
Into the laundry
basket from downtown.
26
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,773
(vase shatters)
Oh, no!
27
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,571
No, Andi got that
from her grandma.
28
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,373
She's gonna kill me.
29
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,113
Here's what you do: you just
break everything in the room.
30
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,782
She won't know what
to get mad about first.
31
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,850
Quick, help me clean this up
before she gets home.
32
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,353
Hey, honey, how was your d...
33
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,317
What did you do to my vase?
34
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:34,156
Well, it-it was an accident.
35
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,291
An accident?
36
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,256
Adam, I got this
from my grandmother.
37
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,764
It's irreplaceable.
38
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,696
I mean, technically,
I could buy it again,
39
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,801
but it wouldn't be from her!
40
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,803
Actually, it wasn't him,
it was me.
41
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:49,444
Oh.
42
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,643
Well...
43
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,714
accidents happen.
44
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,251
Did you see that?
45
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,356
Something she would've been
upset about all afternoon
46
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,328
is just... over.
47
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,427
Thanks, man.
48
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,862
It's the least I could do.
49
00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:13,125
I really put your toothbrush
through a lot.
50
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,244
Hey, w-what
did you want?
51
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,709
Why did I have to
rush over here?
52
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,637
It's your turn to take
the blame with Marcy.
53
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,343
For what?
54
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,705
MARCY: Don, what did
you do to the toilet?
55
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,680
Oh, no.
56
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,345
Of all the weird
things you've done,
57
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,654
this has to be
the weirdest.
58
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,320
Uh, it wasn't him,
it was me.
59
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:43,498
Oh. Why would you have
a sandwich in the bathroom?
60
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,211
That is a
great question.
61
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,742
Uh, I guess
62
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:59,583
it's because I'm
a disgusting pig.
63
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,480
And why would you try to
flush it down the toilet?
64
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,562
He probably just wanted
to see if it would work.
65
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,503
Hard to believe
that was me.
66
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,701
Okay. Well, just don't eat
in my bathroom anymore.
67
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,573
Oh.
68
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,372
Ugh.
69
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,443
Did you see that?
70
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,841
She just walked away.
71
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,482
Yeah.
72
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,607
Yeah, the blame thing
worked again.
73
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,513
Even on Marcy.
74
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,516
This feels like a dream.
75
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,848
But it can't be because
I'm not naked.
76
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:43,263
Oh, no, this is very
real, my friend.
77
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,317
You know what we just did?
78
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,926
We just solved marriage!
79
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:52,397
I can't believe
that just happened.
80
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,469
I feel giddy.
81
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,238
Yeah, it's nice to leave
the house without Marcy saying,
82
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,568
"Get out of the house."
83
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,310
You know what?
84
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:05,809
I think it worked because
I don't have baggage with Marcy
85
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,783
a-and you don't have
baggage with Andi.
86
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:08,951
See, when our wives
87
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,549
get mad at us,
88
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:13,451
it isn't only about
what we just did,
89
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,564
it's also about all the
screw-ups that came before.
90
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,585
That's heavy, man.
91
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,563
Yeah.
92
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,791
Yeah, when I mess up
big-time,
93
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:27,566
Andi always brings up
the delivery room hot dog.
94
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:30,868
They had hot dogs in
your delivery room?
95
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,509
You must have great insurance.
96
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,778
No, no, no.
97
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,437
I never told you this story?
Mm-mm.
98
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,546
When Andi was in labor
with Katie, right,
99
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,478
it was taking a long time.
100
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,354
And from the delivery
room window,
101
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,492
I could see a hot dog cart
on the street.
102
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,388
Mm.
103
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,520
I was starving; I knew,
once that baby's born,
104
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,555
no hot dog for Adam.
105
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,832
So I said I had to go
to the bathroom
106
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,360
and I ran down there, right?
107
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,765
Then my phone rings,
it's the nurse,
108
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,997
"The baby's coming,
the baby's coming."
109
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,802
And here's where I make
a terrible mistake.
110
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,711
I didn't throw away the hot dog.
111
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,852
(exhales)
112
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,347
You should've just flushed
that thing down the toilet.
113
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,522
And then Andi hands Katie
to me and says,
114
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:22,952
"Would you like to hold
our daughter?"
115
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,486
And I say,
"Sure, hold my hot dog."
116
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,634
That's the kind of thing
a wife hangs onto.
117
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,700
Yeah.
118
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:33,598
Yeah, I see what
you're saying.
119
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,900
You know, Marcy still brings up
the time at our wedding
120
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,673
when they said,
"Kiss the bride,"
121
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,711
and, for laughs, I turned
and kissed the priest.
122
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,976
Yeah, that was
a swing and a miss.
123
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,648
Yeah.
124
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,947
But-but this blaming
each other is like
125
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,718
a Get Out of Jail Free card.
126
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,547
(chuckles): I know.
We unlocked a great power here.
127
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:56,793
Yeah, yeah. But, hey, but we got
to use it wisely and sparingly.
128
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,720
Oh. Yeah.
129
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:02,828
Well, I'm not
doing that.
130
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,960
Me neither.
131
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,595
¶ ¶
132
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,936
Don, you ruined our guest
towels with your greasy hands!
133
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:21,046
Why are you always so careless?
134
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,748
Wait, honey, Adam did it.
135
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,621
Oh.
136
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,685
Adam, what happened
to all the cookies
137
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,461
that I made for
Emme's class?
138
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,129
And keep in mind,
when I ask that question,
139
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,828
I already know the answer.
140
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,430
Don ate them.
141
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,502
Oh.
142
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,113
I'm telling you, this
blame game is the best thing
143
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,738
that ever happened to us.
144
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,183
Yeah, it's good,
145
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,078
but don't you feel
a little guilty?
146
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,851
Guilt is how I know I'm alive.
147
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,092
Hey, babe.
148
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,487
Check it out.
149
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,418
I got your favorite ice cream.
150
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,724
Oh, look,
151
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,115
Don's here.
152
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,634
Anything broken or eaten
or otherwise screwed up?
153
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,672
(chuckles) Not today.
He kept an eye on me.
154
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,197
But I better
get out of here
155
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,802
before I screw
something else up.
156
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,635
Don!
157
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,041
That's our ice cream.
158
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,912
Oh, sorry, there I go again.
159
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:31,445
Man, I do not envy Marcy.
(scoffs)
160
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,086
You know, sometimes it
takes a Don in your life
161
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:39,159
to realize how lucky you
are with your own husband.
162
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,159
(nervous chuckle)
163
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,601
What's all this about?
164
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,502
I don't know, I just...
165
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,541
I feel bad for always accusing
you of things you didn't do.
166
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:51,997
So...
167
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,665
I wanted to apologize.
168
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,484
Oh, you don't
have to apologize to me.
169
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,577
You really, really don't.
170
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,780
No, I do.
171
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,251
I mean, come on,
172
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,819
you're not a cookie thief
or a vase breaker.
173
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,488
That's not the man I married.
174
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,862
(chuckles):
Yeah.
175
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,189
You know what I'm gonna do
for you because I'm sorry?
176
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,995
I am gonna give you
a foot massage.
177
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,969
Oh, I-I don't think it has
to be an apology foot massage.
178
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,500
Can't you just
179
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:27,535
do it for the love of
rubbing my feet?
180
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:31,041
Great husbands get great things.
Come on.
181
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,614
Uh, just out
of curiosity,
182
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,684
what do bad husbands get?
183
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,952
Oh, you don't want to know.
184
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,857
Oh, hey, Lowell.
185
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,229
What are you doing here?
186
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,827
I wanted to give you these
187
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,559
all access passes
to the car show this weekend.
188
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,025
(Lowell chuckles)
189
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,533
Lowell, this
is incredible!
190
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,666
I've never had
all access to anything.
191
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,566
I don't even have
all access to Marcy.
192
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,576
Don, we can't go to
the car show;
193
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,079
it's the same day as
Lord of the Dance.
194
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:11,581
That is the saddest thing
I've ever said in my life.
195
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,285
Come on, we'll just find a way
to use the blame thing
196
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:15,497
to get out of
Lord of the Dance.
197
00:09:15,505 --> 00:09:17,715
Yeah, Don was telling me
what you guys have been up to.
198
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,994
It sounds, well, appalling.
199
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,134
ADAM:
No, no,
200
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,659
you're right.
201
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,334
Last night,
Andi gave me
202
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,272
a foot massage
under false pretenses.
203
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,597
I had to "ooh" and "ah"
and pretend I was into it.
204
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,604
I faked it.
205
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:35,306
Look, there's no other way
to avoid getting our wives mad.
206
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,809
Well, I have a thought: you
could just not do the things
207
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,141
that make them mad.
208
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,906
(chuckles)
209
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,584
We're trying to have
a real conversation here
210
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,183
about real stuff,
if you don't mind.
211
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,752
Look, maybe we should just
lay off the blame thing.
212
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:48,754
Oh, come on.
213
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,355
One more, for the car show.
214
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,917
One last big job,
and then we'll go straight.
215
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,356
I don't know.
216
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,631
I read in the paper
they got the Trans Am
217
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,630
from Smokey
and the Bandit.
218
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:01,602
You could take a picture next
to cardboard Burt Reynolds.
219
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,644
Well, I don't want to miss that.
220
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,010
Okay, all right,
one last job.
221
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,879
Or you could do something
nice for your wives
222
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,207
and give up one afternoon
for their sake.
223
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,349
Lowell, I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
224
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,891
MARCY:
I can't believe
225
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,159
that the boys have to miss Lord
of the Dance this afternoon.
226
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,958
Why would Adam schedule
a meeting on a Saturday?
227
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,291
Where'd you hear that?
228
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,076
From Don.
229
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,860
Well, Adam said the
reason they couldn't go
230
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,396
is 'cause Don messed
up a client's floors
231
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,371
and they had to fix them.
232
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:36,899
That's what he told you?
233
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:40,273
Yeah, but why would
they blame each other?
234
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,351
Let me just
ask you something.
235
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:53,889
Has Adam ever tried to flush
a sandwich down the toilet?
236
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,055
No.
237
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,262
What have they done?
238
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,129
DON:
Okay.
239
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,661
We're all set for the car show.
240
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,266
I blamed you and I told Marcy
241
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,897
you scheduled a meeting
for this afternoon.
242
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,172
We're free, baby.
243
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,900
What?
244
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,665
I blamed you
245
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,374
and told Andi you wrecked
a client's floors.
246
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,375
They'll tell each other
and we'll get busted.
247
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,877
You think they'll talk?
248
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,460
I think they talked.
249
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,060
Wait, let's see
how this plays out.
250
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,174
So, you two have just been
251
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,372
blaming each other
to get out of stuff?
252
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,414
Well, how long has
this been going on?
253
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,709
Well...
Oh, I got this.
254
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,982
What's the earliest one
you know about?
255
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,722
MARCY:
Don, I think we need
256
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:03,491
to finish this at home, 'cause I
can't use all my special words;
257
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,930
there's children upstairs.
258
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,357
Cheer up. We had a good run.
259
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,432
(door closes)
260
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,038
(chuckles)
That guy, huh?
261
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:23,212
Sometimes it takes a Don in your
life to make you appreciate...
262
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:24,510
Nope.
263
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,007
Would you like a foot rub?
264
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,815
I would not, no.
265
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,817
Okay. Here's what it is.
266
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,020
Yes, we blamed each other,
267
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,292
but it's actually
kind of your fault.
268
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:43,192
Okay, i-if this
i-is your apology,
269
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,956
I'm gonna have to give it a...
(blows raspberries)
270
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,926
Look, when I screw
something up,
271
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,995
you get madder at me
than you would at someone else,
272
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,935
because I'm also
catching the heat
273
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:57,540
from the baggage of everything
I've ever done before.
274
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,484
This is seriously
what you're going with?
275
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,850
Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense.
276
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:06,850
Okay, when you thought
I broke that vase,
277
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,153
what popped into your head?
278
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,415
How careless you were.
279
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,862
Which made you think...?
280
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:12,787
How sometimes
you don't stop and think
281
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,293
about how what you do
affects me.
282
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,394
Which reminded you of...?
283
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,025
The delivery room hot dog.
284
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:17,930
Aha!
285
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,504
"Aha" what?
286
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,042
See, it always goes there
287
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,037
'cause it's always
in the back of your mind.
288
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,269
Okay.
289
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,005
I-I can kind of
see that, I guess.
290
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:34,011
Right? I-It makes sense, right?
291
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:38,884
I have to admit that is pretty
perceptive and insightful.
292
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,885
And it can help us.
293
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:43,887
Okay, because now that
you're aware that you've been
294
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,120
hanging onto that
dumb, old hot dog,
295
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:49,186
you can just
let it go. Right?
296
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,604
You know what? No.
297
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,042
What?
298
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,837
You remember when I was
perceptive and insightful?
299
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,869
I was right over here.
300
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:06,505
Well, yeah, you figured it out,
but the baggage is still there.
301
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,813
I mean,
302
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,113
when they figured out gravity,
303
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,115
it didn't just stop
affecting people.
304
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,017
I mean, we're not just all
floating around in space.
305
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:17,020
(chuckles): Okay, well,
it wouldn't go like that
306
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,123
for starters.
Oh.
307
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,194
It wouldn't?
(chuckles)
308
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,062
Oh, okay, I have
a better example.
309
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,901
Let's just say there's
a jackass in front of me, okay?
Uh-huh.
310
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,068
And I call him a jackass...
Right.
311
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,327
...he doesn't just
disappear, did you?
(chuckles)
312
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:36,237
I think you just
called me a jackass.
313
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,910
You snuck it in,
but I heard it.
314
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:43,113
You let me give you a foot rub.
315
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,076
Yeah, but I
didn't enjoy it.
316
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:48,015
Okay. Okay, you know what?
317
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,551
You go to your car show.
318
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,056
Okay? I am gonna go
319
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,557
to Lord of the Dance with Marcy.
320
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,229
You don't deserve
to watch wild Irishmen
321
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,228
tap-dance their way
into your heart!
322
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,000
Great. I will go
to the car show.
323
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,300
And while I'm there,
I'll have a hot dog,
324
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,501
and I hope somebody has a baby
325
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,242
in front of me
while I'm eating it.
326
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,007
Okay, so this is a car show.
327
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:13,040
What do we do?
328
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,006
We look at cars.
329
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,205
That's it?
330
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,176
You know what, guys,
331
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,385
I'm not having fun.
332
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,647
Oh, thank God,
someone said it.
333
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:24,686
No, it's this thing with Andi.
334
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,131
I'm right, but I still feel bad.
335
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,027
Interesting.
336
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,959
Let's unpack those emotions.
337
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,304
And I'm out.
338
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,571
I think you're feeling bad
because even though
339
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:41,440
you were technically right,
you did lie to her, and also,
340
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,141
I don't think you were right.
341
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,243
But I am right.
342
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,975
A-And what about the baggage?
343
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,180
She has baggage.
344
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,211
That you gave to her.
345
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,116
You know what,
I'm gonna to go talk to Andi.
346
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,698
I can't believe after all this,
347
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,292
I'm still gonna end up
at Lord of the Dance.
348
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,094
I got to tell you,
I'm not feeling great
349
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,163
about the boys getting out
of Lord of the Dance.
350
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,332
Well, they don't want to
go, what are you gonna do?
351
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,031
Make them do it.
That's what a marriage is.
352
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,703
No, this whole thing
with Adam, I just...
353
00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:12,543
I don't like the way
I feel right now.
354
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,069
And seeing all these
miserable husbands
355
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:19,975
watching sports on their
phones reminds me of him.
356
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,980
Well, go talk to him.
I'll be fine.
357
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,152
Maybe I'll sneak backstage
358
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,049
and see if I can towel off
a sweaty Irishman.
359
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,691
(whispering):
Andi.
360
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,729
Andi, where are you?
361
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,228
MARCY (whispering):
Adam.
362
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,399
Over here.
Oh.
363
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,098
(whispering):
Excuse me. Yeah.
364
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,270
Hi. Excuse me.
365
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,397
Excuse me, excuse me.
366
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,172
Excuse me. Thank you.
Hi, how are you?
367
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,240
Excuse me, excuse me.
368
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,539
Where's Andi?
369
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,010
She's on her way
to the car show to find you.
370
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,180
Shh!
371
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,237
Oh, do not shush me.
372
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,635
We have three
long hours together.
373
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,306
You don't want
to start like this.
374
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,275
Excuse me, excuse me.
375
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,486
Excuse me,
excuse me.
376
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,259
Oh, boy.
377
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,088
Excuse me!
378
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,693
Has anyone seen a middle-aged
man in a flannel shirt?
379
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,303
Wow, I have got
to take him shopping.
380
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,807
Hey.
381
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:29,152
Hey. How was the car show?
382
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,119
Bad.
383
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,148
I left early
'cause I went to find you.
384
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,415
You did?
385
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,458
I went to the car show
to find you.
386
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,590
Yeah, I know.
Marcy told me at the theater.
387
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:47,096
Then the usher wouldn't let me
leave for, like, 20 minutes.
388
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,669
When I made a break for it,
389
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,570
the other husbands
cheered for me.
390
00:17:55,508 --> 00:18:00,308
Well, um, what did you want
to say to me at the theater?
391
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:06,323
Well, what did you want
to say to me at the car show?
392
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,860
Okay.
393
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:15,228
I guess I wanted to say that
394
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:19,358
I wasn't having any fun
without you and I missed you.
395
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:23,495
That's what I was gonna say!
396
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:28,372
But...
397
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,644
I felt the same way.
398
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:34,483
Aw. It still worked.
399
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:38,381
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I ate that hot dog.
400
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:42,616
That was a dumb thing to do.
401
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,322
It's just...
402
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,324
I was scared.
403
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,433
That delivery room,
all those machines
404
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:53,899
and metal clanking and people
coming to life, it was like...
405
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,570
like Frankenstein's laboratory.
406
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,574
And then I looked
out the window
407
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:04,343
and I saw an old, familiar
friend, the hot dog.
408
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:08,414
Yeah. It was pretty
hard-core in there.
409
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:09,854
(exhales)
410
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,349
I mean, I was on, like,
six different kinds of drugs,
411
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:15,452
but you had to see
all that sober.
412
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,415
But you were awesome.
413
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:22,562
Hey, remember how mad
that delivery room nurse
414
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,502
got at you for
eating in there?
415
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,397
Yeah. She remembered me when
we went back to have Teddy.
416
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,600
She called me Dr. Wiener.
417
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,237
Made me a name tag
and everything.
418
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,410
I might've told her
to do that.
419
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,839
(chuckles)
420
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,180
You know what, babe?
421
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:46,679
I'm thinking
our baggage isn't baggage.
422
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,886
It's just... it's memories
of our life together.
423
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,889
Yeah.
424
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,531
I love our memories.
425
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,327
That day Katie was born was
one of the best days of my life.
426
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,261
Yeah, and afterwards,
those doctors sent us home
427
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,426
with a baby like we knew
what we were doing.
428
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:08,474
Well, we did, because
she turned out great.
429
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,536
And then Teddy.
430
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,722
Well, we bounced back
with Emme.
431
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,590
Hey, I need a hot dog.
432
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,762
Want grilled onions?
Takes a little longer.
433
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,830
Well, I'm kind of in a hurry,
but, yeah, I want them.
434
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,731
(cell phone rings)
435
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,404
Hello?
436
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,972
It's happening?
437
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:39,441
Okay, I'll be right there.
438
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,539
Hey, how much longer
on those onions?
439
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,470
A couple more minutes.
440
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:44,414
Well, take your time,
get them right.
441
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,980
Captioning sponsored by
CBS