1
00:00:01,281 --> 00:00:03,561
- Hey, Katie.
- Hi, uh, Teddy and I want to show Emme

2
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,386
The Princess Bride. Is she old enough?

3
00:00:05,388 --> 00:00:06,555
Yeah. Well, uh, wait.

4
00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:08,647
- Yes.
- Yes. Like I said, yes.

5
00:00:09,964 --> 00:00:11,196
Oh, man.

6
00:00:11,198 --> 00:00:13,365
Teddy never puts away his iPad.

7
00:00:14,768 --> 00:00:16,301
Oh, my God.

8
00:00:16,303 --> 00:00:17,336
What?

9
00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:18,870
See for yourself.

10
00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:22,140
That's a naked lady.

11
00:00:23,711 --> 00:00:25,377
On Teddy's iPad.

12
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:26,645
He's 11.

13
00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:28,714
And there's a naked lady on his iPad?

14
00:00:30,584 --> 00:00:32,618
That's not so bad...
it's just the top half.

15
00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:35,204
God, I can't believe

16
00:00:35,229 --> 00:00:38,230
Teddy's going online and looking
at pictures of naked women.

17
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:41,055
And then leaving the computer out.

18
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:43,061
Rookie mistake.

19
00:00:44,198 --> 00:00:46,465
That doesn't sound like him.

20
00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:48,500
Wait a minute...

21
00:00:52,006 --> 00:00:53,538
Was this you?

22
00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:54,773
No.

23
00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:56,174
I like a little more of a story.

24
00:00:56,176 --> 00:00:57,909
I'm old-fashioned.

25
00:00:59,286 --> 00:01:01,580
Hey, come on, don't you
supervise him when he's online?

26
00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:04,016
When he's online? He's
online all the time.

27
00:01:04,018 --> 00:01:05,350
If I was gonna watch

28
00:01:05,352 --> 00:01:06,650
what he's doing, I'd have to...

29
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:09,943
quit my job and give
the other two kids away.

30
00:01:10,924 --> 00:01:12,357
Oh, I know.

31
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,993
My precious, innocent Teddy

32
00:01:14,995 --> 00:01:16,862
isn't so innocent anymore.

33
00:01:16,864 --> 00:01:19,498
Now he's-he's just like...

34
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,099
one of you.

35
00:01:21,969 --> 00:01:23,435
Hey.

36
00:01:24,338 --> 00:01:25,837
She's not wrong.

37
00:01:26,573 --> 00:01:28,040
Look at her.

38
00:01:28,042 --> 00:01:30,242
I mean, why is it
always some hoochie mama?

39
00:01:30,244 --> 00:01:32,778
I mean, where are the naked doctors?

40
00:01:33,430 --> 00:01:34,303
Naked astronauts?

41
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,328
Naked presidents?

42
00:01:36,583 --> 00:01:38,316
They're out there. Put dot com

43
00:01:38,318 --> 00:01:40,218
at the end of any one
of those, you'll find it.

44
00:01:41,058 --> 00:01:42,387
Okay, look... we can't just

45
00:01:42,389 --> 00:01:43,822
let Teddy sit around

46
00:01:43,824 --> 00:01:46,324
and look at the top half of naked women.

47
00:01:46,326 --> 00:01:48,593
- W-What are you gonna do? 
- What am I gonna do?

48
00:01:48,595 --> 00:01:51,096
- Yeah.
- Oh, no, no. You are gonna have

49
00:01:51,098 --> 00:01:52,564
the birds and the bees talk with him.

50
00:01:52,566 --> 00:01:54,700
Oh, the talk?

51
00:01:55,502 --> 00:01:58,236
Oh...

52
00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:00,105
Well, can't that wait until

53
00:02:00,107 --> 00:02:02,140
he starts looking at the bottom half?

54
00:02:02,865 --> 00:02:04,231
Because that's where

55
00:02:04,256 --> 00:02:06,089
the questions come in.

56
00:02:06,146 --> 00:02:08,947
No, Adam, there's no avoiding this.

57
00:02:08,949 --> 00:02:11,572
I do the girls, you do the boy.

58
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:12,829
It's your job.

59
00:02:12,939 --> 00:02:14,543
All right, fine, I'll handle it.

60
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:15,607
Thank you.

61
00:02:15,609 --> 00:02:17,141
Oh, and when you talk to him,

62
00:02:17,143 --> 00:02:18,743
d-don't mention the pictures, okay?

63
00:02:18,745 --> 00:02:20,848
We don't want there to
be any shame involved.

64
00:02:20,873 --> 00:02:24,015
How do I talk about
this stuff without shame?

65
00:02:24,017 --> 00:02:25,583
They go hand in hand.

66
00:02:25,822 --> 00:02:27,422
Yeah, shame's what makes it hot.

67
00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:28,519
Ye...

68
00:02:29,363 --> 00:02:31,889
No, we're not trying
to make it hot, Don.

69
00:02:32,807 --> 00:02:35,026
No, and if you want, um,

70
00:02:35,028 --> 00:02:36,561
I got this book

71
00:02:36,563 --> 00:02:38,238
- to give Kate the talk.
- Oh.

72
00:02:38,263 --> 00:02:40,298
And the book came with these two

73
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:43,635
anatomically correct
dolls, Sandy and Randy.

74
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,016
Educational body buddies.

75
00:02:48,857 --> 00:02:51,175
They look just like regular dolls.

76
00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:52,744
Oh, well, um...

77
00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:54,879
take a look under that Velcro flap.

78
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,533
Oh!

79
00:03:01,908 --> 00:03:04,722
Looks like Randy just
got out of the pool.

80
00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,900
Teddy.

81
00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:21,933
Hi, Dad.

82
00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:24,792
Hey, buddy, uh...

83
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,815
You know,

84
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,484
I was just thinking that, uh,

85
00:03:32,117 --> 00:03:34,387
maybe we should have a conversation

86
00:03:34,389 --> 00:03:38,057
about where babies come from.

87
00:03:38,059 --> 00:03:39,826
So, why don't you tell me what you know,

88
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,994
and, uh, I'll fill in the rest.

89
00:03:43,853 --> 00:03:45,665
Okay.

90
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,314
Well, a man and a woman

91
00:03:48,339 --> 00:03:50,803
lie down together, usually in a bed.

92
00:03:50,805 --> 00:03:53,172
Ah, you're a traditionalist.

93
00:03:53,174 --> 00:03:55,208
I like it.

94
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:59,135
Then a golden egg appears between them.

95
00:04:03,098 --> 00:04:05,708
Uh, a what now?

96
00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:07,043
A golden egg.

97
00:04:08,513 --> 00:04:11,247
The woman eats it and a few
months later she has a baby.

98
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:15,051
Uh-huh.

99
00:04:15,569 --> 00:04:17,720
Then the man falls asleep

100
00:04:17,745 --> 00:04:19,945
and the woman yells at him.

101
00:04:25,906 --> 00:04:27,596
You nailed it, boss.

102
00:04:28,566 --> 00:04:29,912
Yeah.

103
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,870
There you go. Okay.

104
00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,263
How did it go with the boy?

105
00:04:41,288 --> 00:04:45,023
Well, one of us is wrong
about where babies come from.

106
00:04:48,786 --> 00:04:51,987
And, uh, I'm pretty sure it's him.

107
00:04:54,058 --> 00:04:56,025
So he didn't know anything?

108
00:04:56,027 --> 00:04:58,287
No. So I bailed.

109
00:04:59,186 --> 00:05:00,429
And I think that's okay. I mean,

110
00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:02,298
no one ever had the talk with me.

111
00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:05,114
I did. When you were eight.

112
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:07,269
I told you babies came out of your butt.

113
00:05:07,294 --> 00:05:08,827
And you believed me.

114
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,778
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

115
00:05:16,848 --> 00:05:18,477
That was not cool. Every time I went

116
00:05:18,502 --> 00:05:19,532
to the bathroom I was afraid

117
00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:21,924
I was gonna have a baby.

118
00:05:23,555 --> 00:05:25,221
I got to go back up there.

119
00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:27,423
- Even I know that's the right thing to do.
- Yeah.

120
00:05:27,425 --> 00:05:30,759
Hey, come with me. If the two
of us are there, it'll seem...

121
00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:33,562
it'll seem more like
a casual conversation.

122
00:05:33,564 --> 00:05:34,875
Okay, yeah.

123
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,132
- We're family.
- Mm.

124
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:38,367
- We help each other out.
- Okay.

125
00:05:49,951 --> 00:05:51,981
Teddy.

126
00:05:52,426 --> 00:05:53,925
Yeah?

127
00:05:53,950 --> 00:05:56,185
So, uh...

128
00:05:56,187 --> 00:05:58,587
turns out that your

129
00:05:58,589 --> 00:06:01,657
golden egg theory was a little off.

130
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,016
So I'm here

131
00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,338
to give you the real story.

132
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:09,198
And I brought two friends of mine.

133
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,799
This is Sandy

134
00:06:10,801 --> 00:06:12,835
and this is Randy.

135
00:06:12,837 --> 00:06:15,838
And they really, really love each other.

136
00:06:17,514 --> 00:06:19,441
Okay, uh...

137
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:25,080
hold on to your hat.

138
00:06:25,082 --> 00:06:27,750
And, uh, that's pretty much that.

139
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,107
Now, I know it's a lot

140
00:06:32,132 --> 00:06:33,832
to take in,

141
00:06:34,369 --> 00:06:35,291
but, uh...

142
00:06:45,174 --> 00:06:47,703
You, uh, you doing okay there, buddy?

143
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:52,474
I, uh...

144
00:07:02,053 --> 00:07:04,987
Here's ten dollars. Buy
yourself something nice, okay?

145
00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:10,272
Oh, hey, honey, I have a-a
safety meeting at the hospital,

146
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:13,932
but I brought home some pizza for the...

147
00:07:16,616 --> 00:07:18,549
What happened to you?

148
00:07:18,574 --> 00:07:19,702
Well...

149
00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:22,299
I just put on a pornographic puppet show

150
00:07:22,324 --> 00:07:24,707
for my only son.

151
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:28,052
Well, hey, you had the talk
with Teddy, that's great.

152
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:32,058
Yeah, and a puppet show, you
found a way to make it fun.

153
00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,184
I wouldn't call it fun.

154
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:36,707
I was just gonna give him

155
00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:37,957
the basics, but..

156
00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:39,382
he kept staring at me.

157
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,100
So I kept

158
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:42,314
filling the silences

159
00:07:42,339 --> 00:07:43,626
with more detail.

160
00:07:43,924 --> 00:07:45,123
You know, and,

161
00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:46,195
and the quieter he got,

162
00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:48,264
the more I explained, and...

163
00:07:48,595 --> 00:07:51,162
and then, 'cause I thought
I'd never see happiness

164
00:07:51,187 --> 00:07:52,968
in my son's eyes again,

165
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,771
I gave him ten dollars.

166
00:07:56,203 --> 00:07:59,230
Okay, well, I-I don't know
if combining money and sex

167
00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,522
is a great first lesson.

168
00:08:02,008 --> 00:08:04,018
I was buying a ticket out of that room.

169
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:05,300
I would have paid anything.

170
00:08:06,615 --> 00:08:08,036
Was it this horrible when you

171
00:08:08,038 --> 00:08:09,404
had the talk with Katie?

172
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,939
No, but, you know,

173
00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:12,622
mothers and daughters
understand each other.

174
00:08:12,647 --> 00:08:15,644
There's a lot more unsaid than said.

175
00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,869
Oh, I had to explain everything.

176
00:08:17,948 --> 00:08:21,583
Starting with what goes where.

177
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,618
He had no idea about the where.

178
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:24,819
And, honestly,

179
00:08:24,821 --> 00:08:26,921
he was a little hazy on the what.

180
00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:29,924
He... but he has a what.

181
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:33,294
He doesn't know what the what's for.

182
00:08:33,296 --> 00:08:35,764
Okay, but he-he was
looking at those pictures,

183
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,132
he must have known something.

184
00:08:37,134 --> 00:08:38,366
Not a clue.

185
00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:39,868
A-And the new information?

186
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,495
- He doesn't love it.
- You know what, honey,

187
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,540
he just, he needs some time
to process this, that's all.

188
00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:47,270
Like that time in the mall bathroom

189
00:08:47,295 --> 00:08:49,067
when he saw Santa Claus at the urinal.

190
00:08:49,107 --> 00:08:51,816
Oh, yeah. Yeah, and Santa said to Teddy

191
00:08:51,841 --> 00:08:55,643
"I'm sorry, I couldn't
ho-ho-hold it." Yeah.

192
00:08:56,048 --> 00:08:57,981
Yeah, I know.

193
00:08:57,983 --> 00:09:00,617
I mean, he got through that,
he'll get through this too.

194
00:09:00,619 --> 00:09:04,158
I don't know. Explaining to
him what men and women do,

195
00:09:04,183 --> 00:09:05,555
saying it out loud?

196
00:09:05,557 --> 00:09:08,191
I was just as shocked as he was.

197
00:09:10,329 --> 00:09:13,363
We should be ashamed of ourselves.

198
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,231
Oh, you're in bad shape.

199
00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:16,866
Yeah.

200
00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:18,704
Uh, look, honey, I'm
sorry, I can't get out

201
00:09:18,729 --> 00:09:19,769
- of this meeting, but I...
- It's okay.

202
00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:21,129
I'm really proud of you

203
00:09:21,154 --> 00:09:22,115
for handling this.

204
00:09:22,574 --> 00:09:23,840
You want some crackers

205
00:09:23,865 --> 00:09:25,575
for your tummy?

206
00:09:26,052 --> 00:09:27,324
Yeah, that-that sounds nice.

207
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,648
- Thank you. Okay.
- Okay.

208
00:09:28,890 --> 00:09:29,846
I'll, um...

209
00:09:29,848 --> 00:09:31,681
I'll get home as-as soon as I can.

210
00:09:31,683 --> 00:09:33,850
All right.

211
00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:42,559
Hey!

212
00:09:44,196 --> 00:09:45,595
You're moving, that's good.

213
00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:48,799
Why did you tell me that stuff?

214
00:09:48,824 --> 00:09:50,934
I thought we were friends.

215
00:09:51,477 --> 00:09:53,547
Well...

216
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:56,350
because of the pictures.

217
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:57,379
What pictures?

218
00:09:57,404 --> 00:09:58,413
The ones you were looking at

219
00:09:58,438 --> 00:09:59,612
on your iPad last night.

220
00:10:00,155 --> 00:10:01,667
I wasn't on my iPad last night.

221
00:10:01,692 --> 00:10:03,124
Kate borrowed it.

222
00:10:05,103 --> 00:10:06,182
Katie?

223
00:10:06,184 --> 00:10:08,551
Why would Katie be
looking at that stuff?

224
00:10:08,553 --> 00:10:11,354
I don't know. I don't
know anything anymore.

225
00:10:13,358 --> 00:10:15,243
I'm gonna take my pizza
out to the swing set

226
00:10:15,268 --> 00:10:17,135
and remember what it
was like to be a child.

227
00:10:18,781 --> 00:10:20,864
Okay, buddy.

228
00:10:20,866 --> 00:10:23,633
Hey, uh, Teddy, listen, um...

229
00:10:25,036 --> 00:10:28,705
That thing we talked
about upstairs, right?

230
00:10:29,255 --> 00:10:30,640
It's good.

231
00:10:32,568 --> 00:10:34,755
Even when it's bad...

232
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:36,826
it's good.

233
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:39,580
Can we stop talking now?

234
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:42,172
Yeah, okay.

235
00:10:46,551 --> 00:10:47,883
Why do you have Teddy's iPad?

236
00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:49,278
Well, because there are some very

237
00:10:49,303 --> 00:10:51,370
interesting pictures on it.

238
00:10:51,372 --> 00:10:53,534
Why are you telling me? I never had it.

239
00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:55,340
Oh, well, he says you did.

240
00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:57,509
Hey, let's go question him together.

241
00:10:57,511 --> 00:10:58,717
I'll be the good cop,

242
00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,978
and, you, you be the cop

243
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:01,447
that lies about being on the iPad.

244
00:11:01,449 --> 00:11:02,681
Come on.

245
00:11:02,683 --> 00:11:05,317
Okay. Fine, it was me.

246
00:11:05,787 --> 00:11:07,121
Wh...?

247
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,632
Why?

248
00:11:10,008 --> 00:11:12,208
I was getting changed for gym, and...

249
00:11:12,268 --> 00:11:14,693
some girls have small ones
and some girls have big ones

250
00:11:14,695 --> 00:11:16,995
and some girls have...
really weird ones and I just,

251
00:11:16,997 --> 00:11:18,964
I wanted to see what the
average was, I don't know.

252
00:11:18,966 --> 00:11:20,732
I-I don't want to talk about
it and everything's fine.

253
00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:23,893
O-Okay. Okay, I get it. That, uh...

254
00:11:24,822 --> 00:11:27,139
that makes sense.

255
00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:36,944
Here's ten dollars. Go buy
yourself something nice, okay?

256
00:11:44,758 --> 00:11:46,425
Look, honey...

257
00:11:46,427 --> 00:11:48,060
I think you're perfect.

258
00:11:48,062 --> 00:11:49,394
Okay? And,

259
00:11:49,396 --> 00:11:53,065
in the future, when you
have questions like this,

260
00:11:53,908 --> 00:11:55,734
just ask Mom.

261
00:11:55,736 --> 00:11:56,902
Okay? Because...

262
00:11:56,904 --> 00:11:59,037
she gave you the birds
and the bees talk,

263
00:11:59,039 --> 00:12:02,441
so you already have,
you know, open channels.

264
00:12:02,443 --> 00:12:04,243
We never had a talk about that.

265
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:07,946
What? She never showed you any dolls?

266
00:12:07,948 --> 00:12:08,776
Wh-What?

267
00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:11,083
Dirty dolls... have you seen them?

268
00:12:11,085 --> 00:12:14,275
No, I learned all about that
stuff in health class at school.

269
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,432
What? They still teach that?

270
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,690
I could've stayed
completely out of this?

271
00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:22,728
Oh, I have been misinformed
about a lot of things lately!

272
00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:26,331
It's butt babies all over again!

273
00:12:29,608 --> 00:12:31,233
Hey, honey.

274
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,382
How was your night? How's Teddy?

275
00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:35,374
Not bad, liar.

276
00:12:38,831 --> 00:12:39,845
What?

277
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,948
A lot happened tonight
while you were gone.

278
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:44,594
Yeah.

279
00:12:44,619 --> 00:12:46,528
Turns out it was Katie who was looking

280
00:12:46,553 --> 00:12:48,130
at those pictures on the Internet.

281
00:12:48,622 --> 00:12:49,588
Are you serious?

282
00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:50,907
- Mm-hmm.
- Our Katie?

283
00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:53,125
Yeah, yeah, and that's
just the beginning

284
00:12:53,127 --> 00:12:54,626
of the revelations.

285
00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:00,429
I also found out

286
00:13:00,454 --> 00:13:02,912
that you never had the birds
and the bees talk with Katie

287
00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:05,470
like you told me you did.

288
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,639
Uh-oh.

289
00:13:08,873 --> 00:13:11,395
Yeah. Yeah, you talk the talk,

290
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:12,916
but you don't talk the talk.

291
00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:14,640
Okay.

292
00:13:15,206 --> 00:13:16,848
Okay... I meant to talk to her.

293
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,617
I bought the book and the dolls.

294
00:13:18,619 --> 00:13:20,185
And then when I went up to her
room, she was sitting there,

295
00:13:20,187 --> 00:13:23,121
playing with a stuffed
unicorn. I just couldn't do it.

296
00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:27,226
Teddy was playing with a
yo-yo, but I powered through.

297
00:13:29,827 --> 00:13:32,261
Okay, but, you know, then
I thought I would just wait

298
00:13:32,286 --> 00:13:34,362
for a natural time,
when she'd say something.

299
00:13:34,387 --> 00:13:36,034
And-and then, you know, I'd say,

300
00:13:36,036 --> 00:13:37,812
"Hey, it's funny you
should bring that up."

301
00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:39,338
But that never happened.

302
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:40,505
And then,

303
00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,140
one day, I got a,

304
00:13:42,313 --> 00:13:43,646
you know, a permission slip

305
00:13:43,671 --> 00:13:45,010
for a special health class.

306
00:13:45,012 --> 00:13:47,212
So, you know, I just...

307
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:50,048
let it ride.

308
00:13:50,516 --> 00:13:52,857
- Let it ride.
- Yeah.

309
00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:55,345
Did not know that was an
option, Mrs. Pants On Fire!

310
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:57,389
Oh, come on!

311
00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:59,024
You are not mad because I lied...

312
00:13:59,026 --> 00:14:01,026
you're mad because I figured
out a way to get out of this

313
00:14:01,028 --> 00:14:02,527
and you couldn't.

314
00:14:02,529 --> 00:14:04,196
I outmaneuvered you.

315
00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:06,318
No! It's because...

316
00:14:06,343 --> 00:14:08,844
yes, that's exactly it!

317
00:14:10,056 --> 00:14:11,714
Well, congratulations.

318
00:14:12,157 --> 00:14:14,806
You almost got away clean.

319
00:14:14,808 --> 00:14:16,308
Wh-What do you mean, "almost"?

320
00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:18,844
Turns out Katie was
looking at those pictures

321
00:14:18,846 --> 00:14:20,812
because she has some intimate,

322
00:14:20,814 --> 00:14:24,483
private lady questions about her body.

323
00:14:24,485 --> 00:14:26,118
Hmm?

324
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:32,024
Questions that only
her mother can answer.

325
00:14:33,012 --> 00:14:34,726
Fine, I will talk to her tomorrow.

326
00:14:34,751 --> 00:14:35,750
Mm.

327
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:40,006
This is gonna be so awkward.

328
00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:44,311
I hope so.

329
00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:49,922
Katie...

330
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,657
Katie, Katie, Kate, Kate.

331
00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:56,000
What's up?

332
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:57,892
So...

333
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,102
I'd like to tell you
the story of my breasts.

334
00:15:01,104 --> 00:15:03,593
Oh, my God! Please stop talking!

335
00:15:06,643 --> 00:15:08,495
Kate sounds mad at Mommy.

336
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,019
Isn't it glorious?

337
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,571
I finished my lunch,
Daddy. Can I go play?

338
00:15:16,596 --> 00:15:19,964
Yes, go play. That's
what the world needs.

339
00:15:20,971 --> 00:15:23,985
All right, I still got one.

340
00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:28,703
Well, uh, Kate and Teddy
are gonna pass on lunch.

341
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:32,864
They said they don't think
they'll ever be hungry again.

342
00:15:32,889 --> 00:15:33,815
Well, it's official.

343
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,508
We are really bad at these talks.

344
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:39,734
And yet so good at the thing itself.

345
00:15:39,842 --> 00:15:42,570
Well, that's because we
don't talk during the thing.

346
00:15:42,595 --> 00:15:43,544
We tried once.

347
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:44,705
You got bossy.

348
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,293
You know, the problem is

349
00:15:46,318 --> 00:15:48,699
that n-now we've made this
subject so horribly awkward

350
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:50,857
for our kids, and we need to undo it.

351
00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:53,216
Otherwise, they're never gonna
talk to us about anything.

352
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:55,526
You're saying we have to
have another terrible talk

353
00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:58,051
to ensure future terrible talks?

354
00:15:58,561 --> 00:15:59,665
Exactly.

355
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:02,591
I thought if I said it out
loud it might change your mind.

356
00:16:07,745 --> 00:16:09,224
Emme's gonna stay upstairs, right?

357
00:16:09,249 --> 00:16:11,916
Yeah, yeah. I gave her a bowl
of candy and shut her door.

358
00:16:12,208 --> 00:16:14,723
Ooh. We won't see her for
a while, but, when we do,

359
00:16:14,748 --> 00:16:16,915
she's gonna be riding the dragon.

360
00:16:18,913 --> 00:16:21,447
Okay. Let's do this. All right.

361
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,747
Hey...

362
00:16:27,416 --> 00:16:29,316
Oh, no.

363
00:16:29,774 --> 00:16:31,246
Okay, guys, I...

364
00:16:31,271 --> 00:16:34,100
I think we kind of screwed
this whole thing up,

365
00:16:34,156 --> 00:16:35,522
all right? We made what happens

366
00:16:35,524 --> 00:16:37,491
between a man and a woman...

367
00:16:37,493 --> 00:16:39,292
u-upsetting.

368
00:16:39,294 --> 00:16:43,029
Or a man and a man and
a woman and a woman.

369
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:45,499
What?!

370
00:16:46,318 --> 00:16:48,201
Okay, don't worry, don't worry.

371
00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:50,370
We don't have the dolls for that.

372
00:16:51,659 --> 00:16:54,774
The point is that we want
you guys to feel comfortable

373
00:16:54,776 --> 00:16:57,177
talking to us about any
questions you may have.

374
00:16:57,179 --> 00:17:00,981
Yeah. Exactly. We don't want
you to go to the Internet.

375
00:17:01,192 --> 00:17:02,624
We want you to come to us.

376
00:17:02,649 --> 00:17:03,817
Because, really,

377
00:17:03,819 --> 00:17:07,287
all this is totally
natural and beautiful.

378
00:17:07,289 --> 00:17:08,412
Exactly.

379
00:17:08,437 --> 00:17:10,104
Like-like when your mom and I...

380
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,691
- Ugh!
- Okay,

381
00:17:11,716 --> 00:17:13,184
okay, okay. Not us.

382
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:15,541
Two-two other people, like, uh...

383
00:17:15,566 --> 00:17:17,499
Patrick Dempsey.

384
00:17:20,026 --> 00:17:21,935
Patrick Dempsey?

385
00:17:22,279 --> 00:17:26,314
All right, fine. Then I'm going
with, uh, Jennifer Lawrence.

386
00:17:27,075 --> 00:17:29,442
She is half your age.

387
00:17:29,717 --> 00:17:33,213
Hey, when I imagine these
things, I'm half my age, too.

388
00:17:34,504 --> 00:17:36,216
- What are you guys doing?
- Okay, okay.

389
00:17:36,218 --> 00:17:37,551
H-Here's the point.

390
00:17:39,021 --> 00:17:40,987
When these things happen,

391
00:17:40,989 --> 00:17:44,619
two human beings connect
on a very intimate level.

392
00:17:44,644 --> 00:17:46,844
I-It's not about the mechanics. It's...

393
00:17:46,869 --> 00:17:49,236
it's about the love. Now,

394
00:17:49,264 --> 00:17:51,999
here's how we should've
explained it in the first place.

395
00:17:52,024 --> 00:17:54,076
- Just like we practiced.
- Yeah, I got it.

396
00:18:03,272 --> 00:18:04,398
Hello.

397
00:18:06,031 --> 00:18:07,447
I am a man.

398
00:18:07,449 --> 00:18:10,360
And I have loved you
for a very long time.

399
00:18:10,952 --> 00:18:12,603
And I am a woman.

400
00:18:12,921 --> 00:18:14,588
And you look like a good project

401
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:16,289
for me to improve.

402
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:20,360
Very funny, Sandy.

403
00:18:20,698 --> 00:18:23,766
Now that we've finished college,

404
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:25,958
let's take the next step.

405
00:18:26,349 --> 00:18:27,400
I am just

406
00:18:27,402 --> 00:18:29,302
so glad we didn't meet in a bar.

407
00:18:29,304 --> 00:18:30,704
Hmm.

408
00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:33,139
Should we make a baby?

409
00:18:33,141 --> 00:18:35,609
Heck yeah!

410
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,822
It's our biological imperative.

411
00:18:39,847 --> 00:18:44,249
Hey, let's call our parents
and discuss our options.

412
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:47,354
Or we could just walk over there,

413
00:18:47,356 --> 00:18:49,605
because we love them so much,

414
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:52,459
we live right down the street.

415
00:18:53,695 --> 00:18:55,290
The end.

416
00:18:56,525 --> 00:18:57,964
Of act one.

417
00:19:01,777 --> 00:19:02,969
What are you reading?

418
00:19:02,971 --> 00:19:05,739
The book that came with the dolls.

419
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:08,251
Surprisingly,

420
00:19:08,276 --> 00:19:11,444
there's a few things in
here I thought we could try.

421
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,246
Really?

422
00:19:13,248 --> 00:19:14,848
Mm. Yeah.

423
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:18,284
Might I direct your attention
to this illustration,

424
00:19:18,711 --> 00:19:23,223
and ask that you pretend
they are not cartoon bears.

425
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,526
I-I think he's just
giving her a massage.

426
00:19:26,528 --> 00:19:28,425
Nah. No, no, no, no.

427
00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:31,317
Look at the smile on her face.

428
00:19:33,335 --> 00:19:36,136
Something's going on with that back paw.

429
00:19:36,138 --> 00:19:37,414
Mm-hmm.

430
00:19:38,318 --> 00:19:39,939
Hello.

431
00:19:40,158 --> 00:19:41,660
I am a man.

432
00:19:44,346 --> 00:19:47,881
And I have loved you
for a very long time.

433
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:50,477
Well, hello.

434
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,185
- I am a woman.
- Mm.

435
00:19:52,187 --> 00:19:55,889
And I think your project
does not need improving.

436
00:19:55,891 --> 00:19:57,390
Aw.

437
00:19:57,392 --> 00:19:59,059
Turn off the lights.

438
00:19:59,061 --> 00:20:02,629
- So bossy.
- Oh...

439
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:10,626
So what did you bring for
show-and-tell today, Emme?

440
00:20:10,650 --> 00:20:11,904
This.

441
00:20:13,486 --> 00:20:14,352
Ah.

442
00:20:14,377 --> 00:20:17,406
These are special dolls
that my mommy and daddy have.

443
00:20:17,431 --> 00:20:18,247
Mm.

444
00:20:18,816 --> 00:20:20,683
And what makes them so special?

445
00:20:20,847 --> 00:20:21,666
This does.

446
00:20:22,031 --> 00:20:24,757
Oh, dear Lord! Everybody,
heads on the desk, eyes closed!

447
00:20:25,506 --> 00:20:28,006
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -