1
00:00:02,828 --> 00:00:06,403
I cannot believe the kids
are still asleep on a Sunday.

2
00:00:06,428 --> 00:00:08,667
I know, this is nice.

3
00:00:08,692 --> 00:00:09,970
Just the two of us.

4
00:00:09,995 --> 00:00:10,536
Hmm.

5
00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:12,198
It's romantic, even.

6
00:00:14,698 --> 00:00:16,097
What's that?

7
00:00:17,233 --> 00:00:18,900
My hand... too early?

8
00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:21,650
No, no, that's your parents' RV.

9
00:00:21,675 --> 00:00:22,439
What?

10
00:00:22,464 --> 00:00:24,290
I thought they were
driving around the country,

11
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,115
going 40 in the fast lane and wearing

12
00:00:26,117 --> 00:00:28,117
giant sunglasses over
their regular glasses.

13
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,454
Well, my mom called me
from Santa Fe last week.

14
00:00:31,456 --> 00:00:35,024
All she talked about was buying
salsa from a nice Mexican lady.

15
00:00:35,026 --> 00:00:37,260
Why do they always have
to mention the ethnicity

16
00:00:37,262 --> 00:00:38,594
of the people in their stories?

17
00:00:38,596 --> 00:00:40,529
Because they're old white people.

18
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,433
That's what they do.

19
00:00:44,324 --> 00:00:46,048
Oh, man, that's what I just did.

20
00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,883
Oh, wait. Whoa, whoa,
where are you going?

21
00:00:48,908 --> 00:00:51,307
- To welcome them.
- Oh, oh, wait. Oh, oh.

22
00:00:51,309 --> 00:00:53,585
Before you go out there,
I should probably mention

23
00:00:53,610 --> 00:00:55,645
that I never told them
about you going back to work

24
00:00:55,647 --> 00:00:57,046
and me watching the kids.

25
00:00:57,048 --> 00:00:58,595
What? Well, why not?

26
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:01,019
I knew if I told them, I
would never hear the end of it.

27
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:03,152
Plus, I thought maybe by
the time they got back,

28
00:01:03,154 --> 00:01:04,720
this whole thing with
you going back to work

29
00:01:04,722 --> 00:01:06,188
would've blown over.

30
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:07,506
My dreams and aspirations

31
00:01:07,508 --> 00:01:09,408
would've just blown over?

32
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:11,377
Yeah, things blow over.

33
00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:14,011
Like the way you're feeling right now.

34
00:01:14,036 --> 00:01:15,081
Blow it over!

35
00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:18,302
- Oh, there they are!
- Mom, Dad,

36
00:01:18,327 --> 00:01:20,052
- what a surprise.
- Hi, Joe.

37
00:01:20,054 --> 00:01:21,186
Ah!

38
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:22,888
Mmm. Good to see you.

39
00:01:22,890 --> 00:01:24,765
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Oh.

40
00:01:24,790 --> 00:01:25,792
Look at you.

41
00:01:25,817 --> 00:01:27,677
Hi, Bev.

42
00:01:27,702 --> 00:01:30,519
Oh, come on. You don't kiss
an Italian mama on the cheek.

43
00:01:30,544 --> 00:01:33,171
- The lips... we want the lips.
- Oh, okay.

44
00:01:33,434 --> 00:01:35,168
Ah, look at your wife.

45
00:01:35,193 --> 00:01:37,370
She gets prettier every
day, like that actress.

46
00:01:37,372 --> 00:01:39,171
Bev, what's her name? From the movies.

47
00:01:39,173 --> 00:01:41,540
- Catherine Zeta Jones.
- No, the one with teeth.

48
00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:43,459
They all have teeth.

49
00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:45,061
Uh, Julia Roberts!

50
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,779
You look just like Julia Roberts.

51
00:01:46,781 --> 00:01:49,582
Oh, come on.

52
00:01:49,584 --> 00:01:51,751
You know, maybe a little.

53
00:01:52,475 --> 00:01:53,652
And you.

54
00:01:53,654 --> 00:01:55,688
Well, you're doing the best you can.

55
00:01:56,207 --> 00:01:59,068
But you really punched above
your weight with this one.

56
00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:01,704
So, uh, what are you guys
doing back in Pittsburgh?

57
00:02:01,729 --> 00:02:03,539
It's just a pit stop on our way

58
00:02:03,564 --> 00:02:05,474
to see the world's largest Hershey bar.

59
00:02:05,499 --> 00:02:07,171
It's as big as a table.

60
00:02:07,196 --> 00:02:09,196
- A small table.
- Yeah.

61
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:12,987
Or a large book, but we still
want to see it for some reason.

62
00:02:13,012 --> 00:02:15,344
Oh, and Dad's back needed a rest.

63
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,335
- Those roads are full of potholes.
- Yeah.

64
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,797
Thanks, Obama.

65
00:02:20,446 --> 00:02:23,007
Oh, by the way, your mailbox
jumped out in front of me

66
00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:24,742
on the way in. It didn't make it.

67
00:02:29,242 --> 00:02:30,550
Did you bring us any presents?

68
00:02:30,575 --> 00:02:33,351
Of course we did. You got the bag, Bev.

69
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,186
Ooh, let's see.

70
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:38,523
For Teddy, take a look at this.

71
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,091
Oh, I had

72
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,496
one of those, Teddy.
It's a switchblade comb.

73
00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:46,848
Or just a switchblade.

74
00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:48,750
Wow! Thanks!

75
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:49,771
Wow!

76
00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:51,146
Thanks!

77
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,971
Yeah, a knife for my son

78
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,246
who cut himself on a Hula-Hoop.

79
00:02:56,020 --> 00:03:00,926
And, Kate, how about some
genuine Kentucky fireworks?

80
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:04,677
- Whoa, these are bottle rockets!
- Mm.

81
00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:07,246
It's about to get real, Teddy.

82
00:03:07,828 --> 00:03:09,651
We haven't forgotten about you, Peanut.

83
00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:10,960
- Oh!
- Bring him out, Bev.

84
00:03:10,985 --> 00:03:12,585
Him?

85
00:03:13,041 --> 00:03:14,340
Mm-hmm.

86
00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:15,688
A turtle. Yay!

87
00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:17,289
Yeah, that's an endangered tortoise

88
00:03:17,291 --> 00:03:19,223
we found on the side of the road.

89
00:03:19,739 --> 00:03:22,228
It was hard to get that
little electronic tag off it,

90
00:03:22,253 --> 00:03:24,821
but luckily, we had Teddy's switchblade.

91
00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:28,172
Okay, why don't you guys run upstairs,

92
00:03:28,197 --> 00:03:29,172
and Mommy and I will

93
00:03:29,197 --> 00:03:31,353
donate these to needy criminal children.

94
00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:33,550
Your parents are a couple of squares!

95
00:03:35,938 --> 00:03:37,176
Mom! Dad!

96
00:03:37,178 --> 00:03:39,945
Oh, who is this handsome guy?

97
00:03:39,947 --> 00:03:42,348
Is it Tom Selleck or my son?

98
00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:44,316
It's me! It's Don!

99
00:03:45,553 --> 00:03:47,023
Tom Selleck?

100
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:49,521
I've eaten Cheetos that
look more like Tom Selleck.

101
00:03:49,913 --> 00:03:51,557
They think I look like Julia Roberts.

102
00:03:52,973 --> 00:03:55,189
Joe, Bev, so great that you're back!

103
00:03:55,214 --> 00:03:56,496
Oh, well, don't worry.

104
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:58,330
We won't be expecting
to stay at your house.

105
00:03:58,332 --> 00:03:59,698
We know you like your privacy.

106
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,301
Oh, Bev, that was almost 20 years ago.

107
00:04:02,303 --> 00:04:03,969
Was it? Wow.

108
00:04:03,971 --> 00:04:05,804
Seems like yesterday.

109
00:04:05,806 --> 00:04:08,674
Joe, do you remember when
Marcy put us up in a hotel

110
00:04:08,676 --> 00:04:10,576
instead of letting us stay with them?

111
00:04:10,578 --> 00:04:12,492
- Like it was yesterday.
- See?

112
00:04:13,064 --> 00:04:14,380
So how's the road trip going?

113
00:04:14,382 --> 00:04:15,507
- Have a seat.
- Oh.

114
00:04:15,532 --> 00:04:18,705
Culturally speaking, it's
been quite an education.

115
00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:19,190
Yeah.

116
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,554
- We have seen some things.
- Oh.

117
00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:24,105
We stopped at a gas station in Arizona.

118
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:26,931
- They got five different flavors of jerky.
- Hmm.

119
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:27,842
You just don't see that

120
00:04:27,866 --> 00:04:29,111
- on the East Coast.
- No.

121
00:04:29,112 --> 00:04:30,965
No. They even had teriyaki.

122
00:04:30,990 --> 00:04:32,954
- Very exotic.
- Yeah.

123
00:04:32,979 --> 00:04:36,094
You know, all jerky's
made in China now, right?

124
00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:38,686
- Uh, no, I wasn't aware of that. 
- Mm-hmm.

125
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:40,354
Yeah, they're just
rubbing it in our faces

126
00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:42,168
with this teriyaki stuff.

127
00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:45,067
So, what's new around here?

128
00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:47,388
Oh, well, um, Adam's got some

129
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,173
fun news to tell you
about, right, honey?

130
00:04:49,214 --> 00:04:50,257
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

131
00:04:50,282 --> 00:04:50,989
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

132
00:04:51,022 --> 00:04:52,443
- No, I don't. No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

133
00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:54,501
- I will keep going.
- Oh. Fine.

134
00:04:55,288 --> 00:04:58,389
Uh, yeah, uh, Andi has gone
back to work at the lab,

135
00:04:58,391 --> 00:05:01,325
so I'm taking care of the
kids after school and stuff.

136
00:05:01,545 --> 00:05:03,212
You're taking care of the kids?

137
00:05:03,572 --> 00:05:04,562
Like a nanny?

138
00:05:06,095 --> 00:05:07,793
No, like a father.

139
00:05:08,004 --> 00:05:09,303
If the father's a nanny.

140
00:05:10,513 --> 00:05:13,037
You got the looks and the funny.

141
00:05:13,565 --> 00:05:14,908
Well, why shouldn't

142
00:05:14,933 --> 00:05:17,300
the man watch the kids
and the woman work?

143
00:05:17,325 --> 00:05:19,710
I mean, I'm a woman,
and I'm many things.

144
00:05:19,735 --> 00:05:22,513
A wife, a mother, a tender lover.

145
00:05:22,515 --> 00:05:24,536
No. No. No, no. No.

146
00:05:24,561 --> 00:05:28,281
I think what you two
are doing is very modern.

147
00:05:28,609 --> 00:05:30,220
Andi, I'm proud of you.

148
00:05:30,245 --> 00:05:31,822
Oh. Thanks, Bev.

149
00:05:31,824 --> 00:05:33,224
You're like a daughter to me.

150
00:05:33,226 --> 00:05:33,925
Oh.

151
00:05:33,927 --> 00:05:35,407
My one daughter.

152
00:05:36,396 --> 00:05:38,496
Come on, Bev. You've got two daughters.

153
00:05:38,498 --> 00:05:39,697
Thank you, Joe.

154
00:05:39,699 --> 00:05:42,304
I meant Adam now that
he's watching the kids.

155
00:05:44,003 --> 00:05:46,106
You see what happens when
I tell him stuff, huh?!

156
00:05:46,131 --> 00:05:49,128
Okay, honey, relax, okay?

157
00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:51,294
I mean, in a few days, they'll
be off to see the world's

158
00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:53,145
slightly-larger-than-average
chocolate bar.

159
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,312
It'll be...

160
00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:57,041
Uh, we were talking.
We're thinking we might

161
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,516
stop our road trip.

162
00:05:58,697 --> 00:05:59,709
Uh-oh.

163
00:06:01,406 --> 00:06:02,974
To stay and help with the kids.

164
00:06:02,999 --> 00:06:05,923
Yeah. We just want you
to have your dignity back.

165
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,497
But you guys sold your house.

166
00:06:08,522 --> 00:06:09,694
You don't have any place to live.

167
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,268
We've got the RV.

168
00:06:11,293 --> 00:06:13,547
We can live right in your driveway!

169
00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:16,500
Our driveway!

170
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,271
Andi, they want to live in our driveway.

171
00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:22,163
I heard them.

172
00:06:22,188 --> 00:06:23,974
Yeah, we just have to
work out a few kinks

173
00:06:23,999 --> 00:06:26,867
with the septic runoff,
and we'll be good to go.

174
00:06:40,485 --> 00:06:42,084
Oh, Ma, this cannoli's great.

175
00:06:42,086 --> 00:06:43,981
You keep feeding me like
this, I'm gonna get fat.

176
00:06:44,006 --> 00:06:46,689
Oh, not you. You're skin and bone.

177
00:06:46,714 --> 00:06:49,070
Oh. You're a good mother.

178
00:06:49,095 --> 00:06:51,416
Now, what's different?

179
00:06:51,418 --> 00:06:53,562
I had to use different lard.

180
00:06:54,099 --> 00:06:56,555
The company I liked
went out of business.

181
00:06:56,557 --> 00:06:58,081
Thanks, Obama.

182
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:01,366
Dad, he's not even president anymore.

183
00:07:01,391 --> 00:07:02,924
He knows what he did.

184
00:07:04,881 --> 00:07:05,679
So,

185
00:07:05,704 --> 00:07:07,738
have you two thought about our offer?

186
00:07:09,538 --> 00:07:10,569
Uh...

187
00:07:10,571 --> 00:07:11,903
Oh, you know what?

188
00:07:11,905 --> 00:07:14,262
We don't want to take advantage of you.

189
00:07:14,287 --> 00:07:15,398
I mean, what about
the rest of your trip?

190
00:07:15,423 --> 00:07:17,943
Seeing the country after
Joe retired was your dream.

191
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:20,679
Five months in that
box on wheels is plenty.

192
00:07:21,666 --> 00:07:23,051
The shower is so small,

193
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,509
you can't even wash both sides of you.

194
00:07:25,819 --> 00:07:28,220
You got to pick one...
the front or the back.

195
00:07:28,518 --> 00:07:30,418
It's a real Sophie's Choice.

196
00:07:31,838 --> 00:07:33,109
Yeah, but you guys got better things

197
00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:34,630
to do than hang around here.

198
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,829
You should be out with your friends,

199
00:07:35,854 --> 00:07:37,074
talking about the good old days

200
00:07:37,099 --> 00:07:38,564
before the wheel was invented.

201
00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:41,372
Hmm. Our friends are either dead,

202
00:07:41,397 --> 00:07:43,353
or living in one of
those old folks homes.

203
00:07:43,378 --> 00:07:45,708
We visited a few on our
swing through Florida.

204
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,568
Yeah, it's where you go to die.

205
00:07:48,942 --> 00:07:52,394
One place we went... they sold
caskets right in the lobby.

206
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,760
Honey, I think those were planters.

207
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,441
People planters!

208
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:58,859
I liked that place.

209
00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:00,431
One night in the dining hall,

210
00:08:00,456 --> 00:08:03,799
I watched this Cuban
man eat a baked potato.

211
00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:06,338
It was just fascinating.

212
00:08:06,718 --> 00:08:10,387
Ma, why do you have to
say the guy was Cuban?

213
00:08:10,412 --> 00:08:12,826
He was Cuban. It makes a good story.

214
00:08:12,851 --> 00:08:15,634
I mean, if I just say
a man's eating a potato,

215
00:08:15,636 --> 00:08:17,469
I got nothing, snoozefest.

216
00:08:18,203 --> 00:08:19,195
So what do you say?

217
00:08:19,220 --> 00:08:21,954
Are we living in your driveway or not?

218
00:08:24,039 --> 00:08:26,109
Uh...

219
00:08:30,756 --> 00:08:32,515
Yes, great. Please stay.

220
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:33,944
Oh, great! Hooray.

221
00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:36,230
- Oh, it's gonna be wonderful!
- Oh, yes.

222
00:08:36,255 --> 00:08:39,094
Adam and I are gonna be talking
about how wonderful this is

223
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,769
long, long into the night.

224
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:45,051
"Yes, great. Please stay."

225
00:08:46,066 --> 00:08:48,831
What was I supposed to say,
honey? They're my parents.

226
00:08:48,856 --> 00:08:52,037
And, you know, this could
actually be really great timing.

227
00:08:52,039 --> 00:08:53,472
Don and I have that mini mall job.

228
00:08:53,474 --> 00:08:55,807
We're a lot busier.
I could use the help.

229
00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:57,676
Honey, you know I love your parents,

230
00:08:57,678 --> 00:09:00,896
but they're just not the moral
compass I want for our kids.

231
00:09:01,254 --> 00:09:04,349
I mean, those cannolis
were not Obama's fault.

232
00:09:04,351 --> 00:09:08,466
Well, that stuff goes
right over the kids' heads.

233
00:09:08,491 --> 00:09:10,232
Okay, can we at least
give it a trial run?

234
00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:11,350
How bad could it be?

235
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,853
Well, I think the
Titanic was a trial run.

236
00:09:15,648 --> 00:09:17,838
Come on. They know how to raise kids.

237
00:09:17,863 --> 00:09:19,858
They raised me, and I'm fantastic.

238
00:09:21,069 --> 00:09:23,067
Well, you're humble. I'll give you that.

239
00:09:23,598 --> 00:09:24,870
Look, I will talk to them,

240
00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:26,938
and make sure they do
everything the way I do.

241
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:29,741
Oh, the way we do. The way you do.

242
00:09:30,682 --> 00:09:33,812
All right, fine. I'll
give you your trial run.

243
00:09:34,686 --> 00:09:36,456
It's what Julia Roberts would do.

244
00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,186
All right!

245
00:09:41,188 --> 00:09:42,621
- Bye, Grandma.
- Oh, I love you so much.

246
00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:44,823
All right, bye.

247
00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:46,447
Bye-bye. Okay, listen.

248
00:09:46,472 --> 00:09:48,393
Meet the kids here at 3:00 sharp,

249
00:09:48,395 --> 00:09:50,262
and give 'em a snack, or
they turn into maniacs.

250
00:09:50,264 --> 00:09:52,650
But not candy, or
they turn into maniacs.

251
00:09:52,869 --> 00:09:54,699
And make 'em start on
their homework right away,

252
00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:57,068
or they'll just run around like maniacs.

253
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,314
Basically, they're maniacs.

254
00:09:59,877 --> 00:10:01,391
And I can't believe I have to say this,

255
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:04,684
but no weapons and no explosives.

256
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:08,354
Relax. We raised you, and
you turned out fantastic.

257
00:10:08,379 --> 00:10:09,674
That's what I said!

258
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,133
All right, keep it
moving, Burns. Let's go.

259
00:10:12,158 --> 00:10:13,969
Oh. Who are these youngsters?

260
00:10:13,994 --> 00:10:15,758
Oh, uh, my parents, Bev and Joe.

261
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,994
Mom, Dad, this is, uh, Emme's
teacher, Mrs. Rodriguez.

262
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,053
Ooh, Rodriguez!

263
00:10:21,303 --> 00:10:22,235
Mom.

264
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,182
Are you from Mexico?

265
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,637
Actually, I'm from Philadelphia.

266
00:10:25,662 --> 00:10:28,502
Oh, fascinating. Now, do
you eat baked potatoes?

267
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,857
Okay, okay! Okay, Emme,
why don't you show Grandma

268
00:10:30,882 --> 00:10:32,404
and Grandpa your classroom, hmm?

269
00:10:32,406 --> 00:10:35,593
Aw, yeah. He's gonna
apologize for us now.

270
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,307
He's gotten real uptight.

271
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:39,442
Must be all that cooking and cleaning.

272
00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:41,464
A lot of housewives get like that.

273
00:10:43,487 --> 00:10:44,616
Sorry.

274
00:10:44,618 --> 00:10:47,254
For what? I'm Latina,
and they were being nice.

275
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,187
You've never once
asked me where I'm from.

276
00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:51,874
Yes, but, to be fair, I don't care.

277
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,701
Mm-hmm. It's all coming
out now, isn't it, Burns?

278
00:10:54,726 --> 00:10:56,405
That's right. Three
more months of school

279
00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:57,553
and we never have to
see each other again.

280
00:10:57,578 --> 00:10:59,897
More importantly, I never
have to see you again.

281
00:11:00,585 --> 00:11:02,450
Believe it or not, I'm gonna miss you.

282
00:11:02,475 --> 00:11:05,437
I don't get a lot of wins.
But with you, I always win.

283
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,807
What a fun classroom.

284
00:11:08,809 --> 00:11:10,834
Like a fiesta, right?

285
00:11:10,859 --> 00:11:12,655
That's mostly your son's doing.

286
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,646
He's room mom this year.

287
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:16,982
Oh, for the love of God.

288
00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,209
All right, let's go.

289
00:11:21,363 --> 00:11:22,087
Adios!

290
00:11:22,089 --> 00:11:23,131
Ma!

291
00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:27,225
Hey.

292
00:11:27,227 --> 00:11:28,969
Hey, cuties, we're home.

293
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,779
What are you watching?

294
00:11:32,804 --> 00:11:34,270
Extreme Autopsy.

295
00:11:35,436 --> 00:11:36,702
They chop up dead bodies.

296
00:11:36,727 --> 00:11:38,109
Grandpa Joe found it.

297
00:11:39,226 --> 00:11:40,839
Here we go, he's getting the bone saw.

298
00:11:41,899 --> 00:11:43,675
He won't need it. That body
was in the lake for weeks.

299
00:11:43,677 --> 00:11:46,520
No, no, no, no, no, no!

300
00:11:46,545 --> 00:11:48,413
Aw.

301
00:11:48,415 --> 00:11:49,992
Is your homework done?

302
00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:52,545
Grandma said we were
too cute to do homework.

303
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:55,353
And is that candy?

304
00:11:55,355 --> 00:11:56,955
We're having candy dinner.

305
00:11:58,344 --> 00:12:01,272
Why don't you ever give us candy dinner?

306
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,299
No. You know, as bad as
I thought this would be,

307
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,231
it's so much worse. And I was like,

308
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:07,789
"What if they do this or
that or the other thing."

309
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:08,757
And then they did all the things.

310
00:12:08,782 --> 00:12:10,124
They did all the things, Adam.

311
00:12:10,149 --> 00:12:12,037
Okay, okay, okay. I will handle this.

312
00:12:12,039 --> 00:12:13,679
Mom? Dad?

313
00:12:15,491 --> 00:12:16,743
It's just me.

314
00:12:17,415 --> 00:12:20,155
Bev is resting her eyes, and
Joe's down at Dunkin' Donuts,

315
00:12:20,180 --> 00:12:22,363
because it's his favorite bathroom.

316
00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:25,277
What are you doing here?

317
00:12:25,302 --> 00:12:26,569
I saw them at pick-up and they

318
00:12:26,594 --> 00:12:27,719
couldn't remember how to get back.

319
00:12:27,721 --> 00:12:28,930
Then your mom insisted

320
00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:29,774
I eat some veal

321
00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:30,955
to fatten me up.

322
00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:32,357
She said

323
00:12:32,359 --> 00:12:34,276
I couldn't leave until it's all gone.

324
00:12:35,698 --> 00:12:37,185
I'm the veal now.

325
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,465
Italian mothers like to feed people.

326
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,699
They also like to kiss
on the mouth, Adam.

327
00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:46,821
Well, kiss her back next time,

328
00:12:46,846 --> 00:12:49,107
see what happens. I don't know.

329
00:12:49,109 --> 00:12:50,709
Adam, this is not funny.

330
00:12:50,711 --> 00:12:53,111
Look-look, don't worry,
these are just, you know,

331
00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:54,944
day one growing pains.

332
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,183
There's no more juice boxes.

333
00:12:59,304 --> 00:13:01,170
Thanks, Obama.

334
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:12,644
One day, one day your
parents watched our kids,

335
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:14,902
and they turned our little
girl into Bill O'Reilly.

336
00:13:16,946 --> 00:13:18,093
What am I supposed to do, Andi,

337
00:13:18,118 --> 00:13:19,818
go out to the RV, knock on the door,

338
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,486
and tell my own parents to leave?

339
00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:23,320
That's a great idea. Do that.

340
00:13:24,007 --> 00:13:26,042
Oh, okay. If you feel
so strongly about it,

341
00:13:26,067 --> 00:13:27,359
why don't you go out there and do it.

342
00:13:27,361 --> 00:13:29,194
Well, I can't do it. They like me.

343
00:13:29,592 --> 00:13:33,331
I mean, you know, they love
you, but they really like me.

344
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:35,267
Look, I agree. We got
to get 'em out of here,

345
00:13:35,269 --> 00:13:38,136
but I don't want to hurt their feelings.

346
00:13:38,138 --> 00:13:41,706
I know. I just...

347
00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:43,979
I wish there was someplace
else they could go.

348
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,045
Hey, you know where
they've never stayed?

349
00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:49,047
- Huh?
- Tom Selleck's house.

350
00:13:49,522 --> 00:13:50,177
Nice.

351
00:13:50,202 --> 00:13:53,326
That's right. It's not a
family until everybody suffers.

352
00:13:54,987 --> 00:13:56,822
So I'm thinking we put
'em in your driveway.

353
00:13:56,824 --> 00:13:58,291
Oh, no way.

354
00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:00,065
Why would I want them here?

355
00:14:02,143 --> 00:14:05,831
Uh, well, because your
invitation to Joe and Bev

356
00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:07,579
will heal the awful breach

357
00:14:07,604 --> 00:14:09,301
that you've been
struggling with for years.

358
00:14:09,505 --> 00:14:10,495
Boom.

359
00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,038
I don't want to heal the breach.

360
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:16,675
I have enjoyed 19
mother-in-law-free years.

361
00:14:16,677 --> 00:14:19,377
It's like heaven, but you
don't have to be a good person.

362
00:14:20,331 --> 00:14:21,776
Okay, but I-I need them

363
00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:22,665
out of our driveway, all right?

364
00:14:22,690 --> 00:14:24,477
There's a septic hose in my rosebushes.

365
00:14:24,502 --> 00:14:26,962
Okay, how about this, golden boy, huh?

366
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:29,154
I'll tell Mom and Dad that
you want them to stay here.

367
00:14:29,156 --> 00:14:30,989
Then when they come over
here, you can tell 'em no

368
00:14:30,991 --> 00:14:33,458
to their innocent, loving faces. Hmm?

369
00:14:34,021 --> 00:14:34,826
They got us, baby.

370
00:14:34,828 --> 00:14:36,089
No, no.

371
00:14:37,308 --> 00:14:38,797
Relax, Big Daddy.

372
00:14:39,034 --> 00:14:39,931
You know what?

373
00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,366
Go ahead and bring them over here.

374
00:14:41,368 --> 00:14:43,134
And I'll just tell them
that you came to us first,

375
00:14:43,136 --> 00:14:45,003
'cause you don't want
them staying at your place.

376
00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:47,293
Fine by me. Let's burn
this whole thing down!

377
00:14:47,318 --> 00:14:49,608
Okay, okay, okay. Everybody just take...

378
00:14:49,610 --> 00:14:51,042
just take it easy, all right?

379
00:14:51,044 --> 00:14:53,712
I mean, there has to be a solution.

380
00:14:54,128 --> 00:14:57,916
So, short of faking our
own deaths, what do we do?

381
00:14:57,918 --> 00:15:00,628
Well, my parents live
in a retirement village,

382
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:01,553
and they love it.

383
00:15:01,555 --> 00:15:03,833
- Oh, Dad hates those places.
- Well, yeah,

384
00:15:03,858 --> 00:15:06,225
but what if we don't tell
him it's one of those places?

385
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,728
Yeah, we can just bring
'em there and-and tell 'em

386
00:15:08,753 --> 00:15:10,730
it's a regular apartment
that you guys are looking at

387
00:15:10,755 --> 00:15:12,130
because you're thinking of downsizing.

388
00:15:12,132 --> 00:15:13,632
Yeah. Yeah, and then by the time

389
00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:15,165
Dad figures out where he is,

390
00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:16,612
- he'll love it.
- You know,

391
00:15:16,637 --> 00:15:18,441
that could really work.
Those places are fancy now.

392
00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,537
Yeah. And Dad won't be hard
to trick. He still thinks

393
00:15:20,562 --> 00:15:22,450
you voted for Obama "by accident."

394
00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:26,568
Wow, this is

395
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,513
- a nice apartment.
- Yeah.

396
00:15:28,515 --> 00:15:30,254
And no sharp corners.

397
00:15:31,379 --> 00:15:33,602
What a warm welcome from
that lady at the gate.

398
00:15:33,627 --> 00:15:34,221
Yeah.

399
00:15:34,246 --> 00:15:35,828
I think she was Vietnamese.

400
00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:38,420
I'd love to watch her
eat a baked potato.

401
00:15:38,673 --> 00:15:40,559
So, Andi, how about this place, huh?

402
00:15:40,561 --> 00:15:42,586
Psh. Gosh, Don,

403
00:15:42,611 --> 00:15:44,696
you and Marcy may call this downsizing,

404
00:15:44,698 --> 00:15:47,432
but I-I call it upgradezing.

405
00:15:47,434 --> 00:15:49,668
And no guest room. You'll like that.

406
00:15:49,936 --> 00:15:51,268
I don't know.

407
00:15:51,293 --> 00:15:52,837
There's something about this place.

408
00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:55,528
Why are there ramps
everywhere instead of stairs?

409
00:15:55,553 --> 00:15:59,605
Oh, uh, that's because ramps
are the stairs of the future.

410
00:15:59,922 --> 00:16:02,591
Yeah, yeah. That's right.
I mean, in a few years,

411
00:16:02,616 --> 00:16:04,382
you're only gonna see
stairs in a museum.

412
00:16:04,384 --> 00:16:06,711
A-And not to walk on, just to look at.

413
00:16:07,398 --> 00:16:09,073
Eventually, people will be born

414
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,132
without the ability to climb steps.

415
00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:13,224
Nature has no stairs.

416
00:16:13,674 --> 00:16:17,095
Mountains are nature's ramps to the sky.

417
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,210
Or steps, if you will.

418
00:16:20,632 --> 00:16:23,168
That doesn't make any sense.

419
00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:25,269
So, I read in the lobby that they have

420
00:16:25,294 --> 00:16:27,554
bingo, musicals, comedy nights.

421
00:16:27,579 --> 00:16:29,574
Oh, and there's a
restaurant that serves dinner

422
00:16:29,576 --> 00:16:31,209
from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m.

423
00:16:31,211 --> 00:16:33,244
I know that's when I like to eat.

424
00:16:33,745 --> 00:16:35,345
That sounds fun.

425
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,312
Call me crazy but, Joe,

426
00:16:38,418 --> 00:16:41,019
I-I'm thinking this place
could be good for us.

427
00:16:41,479 --> 00:16:43,157
For you? Wow, Ma.

428
00:16:43,182 --> 00:16:44,490
That never occurred to us.

429
00:16:44,515 --> 00:16:46,641
Yeah, yeah, it's not bad.

430
00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:48,266
Oh, here's a brochure.

431
00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:50,295
Oh, no, no, no! Don't read
that! That's full of lies.

432
00:16:50,297 --> 00:16:51,617
It's made in China.

433
00:16:51,642 --> 00:16:54,466
"Here at the Oaks we welcome
all levels of clients.

434
00:16:54,468 --> 00:16:56,801
"A Level... full independence.

435
00:16:56,803 --> 00:16:58,770
"B Level... targeted support.

436
00:16:58,772 --> 00:17:01,083
C Level... live-in staff."

437
00:17:01,108 --> 00:17:01,773
And then

438
00:17:01,775 --> 00:17:03,041
D Level.

439
00:17:03,043 --> 00:17:04,442
What's D Level?

440
00:17:04,444 --> 00:17:06,994
It's just a picture
of a tree in a field.

441
00:17:08,674 --> 00:17:10,482
This is an old folks' home!

442
00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:12,544
What?!

443
00:17:14,614 --> 00:17:16,989
Why would Don and Marcy want
to live in an old folks' home?

444
00:17:17,014 --> 00:17:19,157
Well, it's not for them... it's for us.

445
00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:21,664
They used it as a trick
to get us out here.

446
00:17:22,047 --> 00:17:23,149
They want us out of the house,

447
00:17:23,174 --> 00:17:25,236
but they're just too chicken to tell us.

448
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:28,985
Well, that was not
very nice at all, Marcy.

449
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,705
Uh, which chair would you
like me to die in, huh?

450
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,740
This one or that one or this one, right?

451
00:17:35,742 --> 00:17:38,076
That's the great thing
about this place...

452
00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:40,535
there are so many options.

453
00:17:43,717 --> 00:17:46,575
If you wanted us to go, you
should've just told us to go!

454
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,520
I didn't want to upset you. You know,

455
00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:50,130
more than you are usually.

456
00:17:51,177 --> 00:17:53,608
Look, it's hard to tell
you stuff, all right?

457
00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:55,055
I told you Andi went back to work,

458
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,327
and you gave me a hard time.

459
00:17:56,329 --> 00:17:57,984
Marcy was honest

460
00:17:58,009 --> 00:18:01,143
and said she didn't want you
to stay with her 19 years ago,

461
00:18:01,168 --> 00:18:02,567
and you're still mad at her.

462
00:18:02,569 --> 00:18:04,140
That's not true. Well, it is true,

463
00:18:04,165 --> 00:18:05,665
but I don't like the way you said it.

464
00:18:06,695 --> 00:18:08,398
Okay, look, it's just...

465
00:18:08,423 --> 00:18:10,419
you know, living in our driveway,

466
00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:12,977
showing our kids autopsies,

467
00:18:13,639 --> 00:18:14,708
stealing turtles

468
00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:16,314
from the side of the road.

469
00:18:16,316 --> 00:18:18,979
It's-it's a lot to take.

470
00:18:19,153 --> 00:18:21,307
I'm fine with it. It's just Adam.

471
00:18:25,002 --> 00:18:27,659
You got something to say, say it.

472
00:18:27,661 --> 00:18:29,094
Yeah, Adam. Say it.

473
00:18:29,096 --> 00:18:30,662
Oh...

474
00:18:31,383 --> 00:18:32,497
Fine. Okay.

475
00:18:32,499 --> 00:18:33,737
Here it is.

476
00:18:35,205 --> 00:18:38,089
I love you, but you got to
find your own place to live.

477
00:18:38,114 --> 00:18:39,446
Okay.

478
00:18:40,231 --> 00:18:42,384
Wha...? That's it? Okay?

479
00:18:42,409 --> 00:18:45,220
Yeah. We haven't really
enjoyed our time here anyway.

480
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,191
What?

481
00:18:47,216 --> 00:18:48,555
You make too many rules.

482
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:50,515
We can't tell stories like we like

483
00:18:50,517 --> 00:18:52,432
or watch the TV shows we like.

484
00:18:52,457 --> 00:18:53,592
Or pick up a turtle

485
00:18:53,617 --> 00:18:55,948
that technically
belongs to any American.

486
00:18:56,925 --> 00:18:57,806
My taxes

487
00:18:57,831 --> 00:19:00,191
have bought me at least
one stinkin' street turtle.

488
00:19:00,193 --> 00:19:01,526
So we'll go.

489
00:19:02,129 --> 00:19:03,705
And-and you're not mad?

490
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:04,706
Are you mad?

491
00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:06,294
Not if you're not mad.

492
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,799
Just the usual mad.

493
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,680
Nobody could stay mad at our sweet boy.

494
00:19:11,705 --> 00:19:14,405
He's so handsome, just like...

495
00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:15,974
Oh. Who-who is it, Joe?

496
00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:17,065
- Larry King?
- No.

497
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:19,406
No. The actor.

498
00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,631
Don Rickles?

499
00:19:20,656 --> 00:19:23,032
No, the actor. With the hair?

500
00:19:23,057 --> 00:19:24,248
Oh, they all have hair.

501
00:19:24,273 --> 00:19:25,606
Not Telly Savalas.

502
00:19:25,719 --> 00:19:27,285
Oh, he was good.

503
00:19:27,287 --> 00:19:29,287
Yul Brynner was a good bald guy, too.

504
00:19:29,289 --> 00:19:32,794
Oh. If only the two of them
had been in a movie together.

505
00:19:32,819 --> 00:19:34,058
You can't do that. From behind,

506
00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:35,801
you can't tell who's talking.

507
00:19:39,369 --> 00:19:42,065
Promise me I will never get like that.

508
00:19:42,278 --> 00:19:44,345
Oh, you're gonna be exactly like that.

509
00:19:45,248 --> 00:19:46,769
But I will love it.

510
00:19:47,472 --> 00:19:49,407
You know who won't love it? Our kids.

511
00:19:49,432 --> 00:19:51,438
Yeah. We're gonna get their kids

512
00:19:51,463 --> 00:19:53,215
all kinds of crazy gifts.

513
00:19:53,973 --> 00:19:56,259
Tasers, an iguana,

514
00:19:56,509 --> 00:19:57,882
a wood chipper.

515
00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:00,492
Hey, that reminds me,

516
00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:01,929
what did you do with that turtle?

517
00:20:01,954 --> 00:20:04,366
Oh, I dropped him off at the
zoo with a Post-it on its back

518
00:20:04,391 --> 00:20:06,124
that said, "Thanks, Obama."

519
00:20:12,469 --> 00:20:14,290
Hey, Ma. What's going
on? You're packing up?

520
00:20:14,315 --> 00:20:15,567
We found an apartment.

521
00:20:15,593 --> 00:20:16,379
Your dad's inside

522
00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:18,341
right now signing the
lease with the landlady.

523
00:20:18,366 --> 00:20:21,768
That's great! Uh, I think
those are our towels.

524
00:20:22,773 --> 00:20:24,823
You kick us out, I take towels.

525
00:20:27,071 --> 00:20:28,392
That's worth it.

526
00:20:32,199 --> 00:20:33,624
Hello, Burns.

527
00:20:35,906 --> 00:20:36,773
What?

528
00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:39,365
See? Look at his face.
I told you it'd be funny.

529
00:20:40,874 --> 00:20:42,211
You're moving in with her?

530
00:20:42,236 --> 00:20:44,303
She's renting us the
other half of her duplex.

531
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,822
Ma, why didn't you tell me

532
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,009
she was your new landlady?

533
00:20:49,034 --> 00:20:52,302
You never like me to
describe anyone in my stories.

534
00:20:54,177 --> 00:20:59,177
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
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