1
00:00:03,516 --> 00:00:05,539
Hey, the flip-house looks great.
2
00:00:06,787 --> 00:00:07,858
Are you cleaning?
3
00:00:07,944 --> 00:00:10,327
No, I'm robbing the place.
Yes, I'm cleaning.
4
00:00:11,507 --> 00:00:13,335
Andi starts work with us
tomorrow,
5
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,484
and you know what I realized
at 2:00 this morning?
6
00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:17,296
I didn't think this through.
7
00:00:17,671 --> 00:00:18,985
Well, I don't think
anything through
8
00:00:19,070 --> 00:00:20,890
and I sleep like a baby.
9
00:00:21,859 --> 00:00:23,944
She's gonna be here
all the time.
10
00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:26,820
So I came up with a solution,
I'm wife-proofing.
11
00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:31,077
Oh, it's like baby-proofing,
but so you don't end up crying.
12
00:00:31,288 --> 00:00:34,640
Exactly. Hey, like,
look at our fridge, huh?
13
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:36,023
It's full of work beers.
14
00:00:36,109 --> 00:00:39,530
Wives don't understand
the concept of work beers.
15
00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:42,570
At NASA, they had an open bar
in mission control
16
00:00:42,671 --> 00:00:44,788
and they still landed
on the moon.
17
00:00:45,405 --> 00:00:47,241
I don't think they had that.
18
00:00:47,757 --> 00:00:50,382
I know space history,
that's my area, okay?
19
00:00:50,624 --> 00:00:51,859
Oh.
20
00:00:52,273 --> 00:00:55,034
I've got to get rid of these
Sausage McMuffin wrappers.
21
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,921
Andi sees me have breakfast
at home,
22
00:00:57,007 --> 00:00:59,862
she doesn't need to know
I have second breakfast here.
23
00:01:00,358 --> 00:01:04,011
Andi won't be mad; it's a second
breakfast, not a second wife.
24
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,730
No, she won't get mad,
but she will want
25
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,167
to have a conversation about it.
26
00:01:08,253 --> 00:01:09,449
"Why do you need
a second breakfast?"
27
00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:11,112
"Are you swallowing feelings?"
28
00:01:11,425 --> 00:01:12,808
The problem is,
29
00:01:12,893 --> 00:01:14,722
wives want to dive into stuff.
30
00:01:14,807 --> 00:01:16,899
But there's no deep end
in the man pool.
31
00:01:16,984 --> 00:01:19,487
It's three feet
all the way across.
32
00:01:20,066 --> 00:01:22,941
We keep it simple, and
we get stuff done, huh?
33
00:01:23,027 --> 00:01:24,689
Oh, which reminds me.
34
00:01:24,774 --> 00:01:27,692
What do we do if Andi's here
and we get done with work early?
35
00:01:27,941 --> 00:01:30,913
The usual: We hit the batting
cages, eat some hotdogs.
36
00:01:30,998 --> 00:01:32,964
Second lunch,
you taught me that.
37
00:01:33,503 --> 00:01:36,005
No, no, because then Andi
will wonder
38
00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:37,941
why do I want to hang out
with the guys?
39
00:01:38,027 --> 00:01:39,550
Why don't I want to be home?
40
00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:40,836
So from now on,
41
00:01:40,921 --> 00:01:42,800
if we finish work early, we say,
42
00:01:42,886 --> 00:01:46,580
"Wow, we finished work early
for the first time ever.
43
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:50,323
"Let's rush right home
and be with our families." Hmm?
44
00:01:50,597 --> 00:01:52,589
That doesn't sound like us.
45
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:55,933
We're gonna have to
call the hotdog guy
46
00:01:56,019 --> 00:01:57,698
and let him know
we're okay.
47
00:01:58,456 --> 00:02:00,823
Also, Don, I have terrible news.
48
00:02:00,922 --> 00:02:02,839
You have to take down
your tool girl calendar.
49
00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:05,777
No. Not Donny's Angels.
50
00:02:06,331 --> 00:02:08,347
I'll just put Post-its over
their naughty bits,
51
00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:10,808
and then we can lift them up
like little skirts.
52
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,808
If you don't take it down,
Andi's gonna have questions.
53
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,723
"Why do you feel the need
to look at other women?"
54
00:02:15,808 --> 00:02:17,263
"Is Marcy not enough for you?"
55
00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:20,862
I love Marcy. When she makes
a calendar, I'll buy that.
56
00:02:21,589 --> 00:02:22,834
Take it down.
57
00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:24,902
And don't put it in your desk;
you'll spend all day
58
00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:26,589
with your head in the drawer.
59
00:02:28,610 --> 00:02:32,398
Hey, Dad, thanks for taking
the kids to school. My pleasure.
60
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,121
It's your first day working
with your wife,
61
00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:37,124
so I wanted to be here to say
"nice knowing you."
62
00:02:37,886 --> 00:02:39,277
I think I'll be all right.
63
00:02:39,363 --> 00:02:41,941
You're gonna be together
all day, every day.
64
00:02:42,069 --> 00:02:44,551
She's gonna get
a real long look at you.
65
00:02:44,753 --> 00:02:47,163
And the more they look,
the more they see.
66
00:02:47,698 --> 00:02:49,034
Who're you talking to, huh?
67
00:02:49,119 --> 00:02:50,862
I already wife-proofed
the trailer.
68
00:02:50,947 --> 00:02:53,212
I hid stuff like a good husband.
69
00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:55,736
Good morning, fellas.
70
00:02:55,831 --> 00:02:56,948
This is it, honey.
71
00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:59,516
You and me working together.
72
00:02:59,715 --> 00:03:01,823
Hey, can we hold hands
at the office? Probably not.
73
00:03:01,917 --> 00:03:04,433
I won't. I might. I don't know.
Aren't you excited?
74
00:03:04,847 --> 00:03:07,659
Of course I am. Yeah.
I'm so excited,
75
00:03:07,823 --> 00:03:10,948
I am gonna hold your hand right
now, what do you think of that?
76
00:03:11,105 --> 00:03:12,449
I like it.
77
00:03:12,722 --> 00:03:14,886
Working together's
already so fun.
78
00:03:15,298 --> 00:03:16,823
Give it time.
79
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,347
Hey, guys,
we made you something.
80
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,667
Wh...?
81
00:03:20,854 --> 00:03:23,472
Mom and Dad
lunch boxes. Cool.
82
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,253
You guys are so sweet.
83
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,684
Well, we just think
it's great you guys
84
00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:28,223
are starting this
new chapter together.
85
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,433
It's going to be wonderful.
86
00:03:31,553 --> 00:03:34,558
Well, we love you guys.
Have a great day at school.
87
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:37,300
I bet their day won't be
as great as ours.
88
00:03:37,386 --> 00:03:39,144
Uh, definitely not.
89
00:03:39,230 --> 00:03:40,870
You guys are adorable.
90
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:42,745
Have fun.
91
00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:45,783
20 bucks says
they won't make it a week.
92
00:03:46,222 --> 00:03:48,011
I'll take that action.
93
00:03:49,947 --> 00:03:51,640
*MAN WITH A PLAN*
Season 03 Episode 01
94
00:03:51,726 --> 00:03:53,367
Episode Title :
"Wife-Proof"
95
00:03:53,453 --> 00:03:54,991
Captioned by Media Access Group
at WGBH access.wgbh.org.
96
00:03:57,421 --> 00:03:59,421
Sync corrections by srjanapala
97
00:03:59,919 --> 00:04:01,481
Here she is.
98
00:04:01,704 --> 00:04:03,270
Can we get a warm welcome
99
00:04:03,356 --> 00:04:06,997
for our new interior decorator,
Andi Burns?
100
00:04:07,101 --> 00:04:08,276
I mean it, clap.
101
00:04:10,786 --> 00:04:12,176
Thank you, thank you.
102
00:04:12,262 --> 00:04:14,739
Don't get me used to that or
you'll have to do it every day.
103
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:19,718
Man, it's clean in here.
104
00:04:19,804 --> 00:04:21,106
Is it?
105
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,247
Hey, where is Don's
nudie calendar?
106
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:27,809
Oh. Oh, I took that down
because I got tired
107
00:04:27,895 --> 00:04:29,755
of looking at half-naked ladies.
108
00:04:29,958 --> 00:04:31,856
You got to grow up
sometime.
109
00:04:32,114 --> 00:04:35,262
- We're so proud of him.
- Uh-uh.
110
00:04:35,893 --> 00:04:37,462
Did you change things for me?
111
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,051
I mean, did you,
like, wife-proof?
112
00:04:40,294 --> 00:04:42,028
Wife-proof?
113
00:04:42,122 --> 00:04:43,364
What's that?
114
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,645
You can't just
make up words.
115
00:04:45,756 --> 00:04:49,591
Listen, honey, don't think
of me as your wife here, okay?
116
00:04:49,677 --> 00:04:51,270
Nothing has to change.
117
00:04:51,387 --> 00:04:53,973
I am just one of the guys.
118
00:04:54,091 --> 00:04:56,348
Well, since you're one of
the guys, I should tell you
119
00:04:56,434 --> 00:05:00,121
that somebody's wife is
coming in today, so be cool.
120
00:05:00,348 --> 00:05:02,605
I'm serious, I can hang.
121
00:05:02,777 --> 00:05:04,816
Then great. I'm gonna put
my calendar back up.
122
00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:06,108
I didn't grow out of it at all.
123
00:05:06,193 --> 00:05:09,301
If anything, the older I get,
the more I need it.
124
00:05:09,598 --> 00:05:11,465
Although,
it does make me wonder,
125
00:05:11,855 --> 00:05:14,649
why do you feel the need
to look at those girls?
126
00:05:14,734 --> 00:05:15,809
There it is.
127
00:05:15,895 --> 00:05:17,887
You can't say "wife"
without "why."
128
00:05:18,062 --> 00:05:21,488
Hey, Donny's Angels
are Donny's business.
129
00:05:21,871 --> 00:05:24,855
Maybe Adam was right to be
worried about you working here.
130
00:05:25,144 --> 00:05:26,769
He said he was worried?
131
00:05:27,216 --> 00:05:28,574
You told me you were excited.
132
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:30,246
I-I am excited.
133
00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:32,683
Let's hear it again
for Andi Burns.
134
00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:37,785
So you told them you were
worried about working with me.
135
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:40,160
To be honest, when
I hear you say it,
136
00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:42,355
it doesn't sound
like something I'd say.
137
00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:44,069
Right, guys?
Back me up here.
138
00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:46,390
Wow, we finished early
for the first time ever.
139
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:48,941
Let's rush right home
to be with our families.
140
00:05:52,988 --> 00:05:54,160
Okay, fine.
141
00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:56,605
If I was worried about
anything, it's that...
142
00:05:57,137 --> 00:05:58,926
it's that you like
to dig into things
143
00:05:59,012 --> 00:06:00,910
and talk about
people's feelings.
144
00:06:00,996 --> 00:06:04,001
Why this? Why that?
Why? Why? Why?
145
00:06:04,246 --> 00:06:06,222
Why does that bother you
so much?
146
00:06:06,519 --> 00:06:07,832
At home it's great,
147
00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:10,363
it's tolerable,
it's great.
148
00:06:10,566 --> 00:06:13,691
But in this office, we like to
keep things nice and shallow.
149
00:06:13,777 --> 00:06:16,058
Okay? Otherwise, you open
up a whole can of worms
150
00:06:16,144 --> 00:06:17,371
and we don't get
any work done.
151
00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:20,816
And believe me, those two guys
have got a lot of worms.
152
00:06:21,277 --> 00:06:23,668
Well, I don't want to get
in the way of work.
153
00:06:24,434 --> 00:06:26,715
Okay, I can be shallow.
154
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:27,902
That's my girl.
155
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,027
Yeah.
156
00:06:29,112 --> 00:06:30,949
Put Don's
nudie calendar back up
157
00:06:31,035 --> 00:06:33,043
and I won't ask why he likes it.
158
00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:35,860
Even though it's a clear
indication of deeper problems.
159
00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:38,730
Great. I-It's in
Lowell's drawer.
160
00:06:43,043 --> 00:06:44,598
Oh, my God.
161
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:46,403
Yeah, I-I know.
That calendar's a little much.
162
00:06:46,488 --> 00:06:47,655
We'll skip December.
163
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,457
Mrs. Claus does not hold
a wrench like that.
164
00:06:50,746 --> 00:06:53,207
No, no. Look at this.
165
00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:56,489
It's a lease for an apartment
Lowell rented a month ago.
166
00:06:56,574 --> 00:06:58,187
Why would he
rent an apartment?
167
00:06:58,441 --> 00:07:02,285
I don't know. He has a house with
a wife and kids.
168
00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:04,543
Do you think
he and Jen split up?
169
00:07:04,652 --> 00:07:06,410
How's his mood?
Does he seem okay?
170
00:07:06,496 --> 00:07:09,418
H... These are not
shallow questions, honey.
171
00:07:09,504 --> 00:07:10,887
Okay? Around here,
we like to stick
172
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:13,898
to stuff like,
"What kind of sauce is that?"
173
00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:16,832
Sorry, you're right, I agreed.
174
00:07:16,949 --> 00:07:18,250
Thank you. All right.
175
00:07:18,335 --> 00:07:20,426
Now, let's get
to work, huh?
176
00:07:23,707 --> 00:07:25,566
Okay, that thing
I just agreed to?
177
00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:26,955
I don't want to
do that anymore.
178
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,644
Um, you have
to talk to Lowell.
179
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:30,441
But it's none
of our business.
180
00:07:30,613 --> 00:07:32,919
Okay? If he wanted to talk about
it, he would've talked about it.
181
00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,254
Well, maybe he doesn't feel
comfortable talking about it
182
00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:37,785
because you don't make him feel
comfortable talking about it.
183
00:07:38,184 --> 00:07:39,372
You know what you're
doing right now?
184
00:07:39,457 --> 00:07:40,795
You're opening up
a can of worms.
185
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,579
And you know what worms catch?
186
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,574
The fish of truth.
187
00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:47,714
Look how happy you are
with yourself, huh?
188
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:50,473
It's like your face thinks
what you said makes sense.
189
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,996
I'm sorry, Adam, you have
to talk to Lowell.
190
00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,051
There's no other choice.
191
00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:56,512
There's lots of other choices.
192
00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:59,160
Like ignoring it.
I choose that choice.
193
00:08:00,426 --> 00:08:02,582
I told you there'd be trouble
on day one.
194
00:08:02,668 --> 00:08:04,402
Pay up, shorties.
195
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:06,441
Will you take
a mini Snickers?
196
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,340
Damn right I will.
197
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,563
Lowell rented an apartment.
198
00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:11,966
That's the kind
of thing people do
199
00:08:12,051 --> 00:08:13,138
when their marriage
is breaking up.
200
00:08:13,223 --> 00:08:14,980
So go check on your friend.
201
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:18,473
You know we got no
work done today, right?
202
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,793
This is why I was reluctant
203
00:08:21,879 --> 00:08:23,090
for you to come to the office.
204
00:08:23,176 --> 00:08:25,551
Oh, so now it's reluctant.
205
00:08:25,707 --> 00:08:27,918
It's gone from worried
to reluctant.
206
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:30,321
Stop listening to my
words and let me talk.
207
00:08:30,407 --> 00:08:31,652
Hmm?
208
00:08:32,366 --> 00:08:35,262
Okay, well, if you want
to talk, go talk to Lowell.
209
00:08:35,543 --> 00:08:37,678
Share your feelings with him
and then report back to me.
210
00:08:37,763 --> 00:08:39,902
I don't want to do that.
I work with him.
211
00:08:39,988 --> 00:08:42,410
That's right, he's part
of your work family.
212
00:08:42,512 --> 00:08:44,363
That is a phrase
that a wife made up,
213
00:08:44,449 --> 00:08:46,301
That's not a real thing.
214
00:08:46,824 --> 00:08:48,410
Okay,
but aren't you curious
215
00:08:48,496 --> 00:08:49,528
why he rented an apartment?
216
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:52,230
No, I am never curious why.
217
00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:55,176
When the NASA guys were boozing
it up in mission control
218
00:08:55,262 --> 00:08:58,566
and someone said let's go to
the moon, nobody asked why.
219
00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:01,716
Okay, you don't have
to talk to Lowell.
220
00:09:01,871 --> 00:09:03,105
Oh.
221
00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:07,090
We can just sit here and talk
about why you don't want to.
222
00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,004
Oh. I'll go.
223
00:09:10,578 --> 00:09:11,652
Oh.
224
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,848
Another piece
of space history for you.
225
00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:15,677
The reason those guys wanted
to go to the moon
226
00:09:15,762 --> 00:09:17,348
is they were all married.
227
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,105
I don't get it. Why do I have
to come to Lowell's apartment?
228
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:26,801
Nobody gets to ask
me why anymore.
229
00:09:27,423 --> 00:09:30,934
You're so tense, maybe you need
an apple juice or something.
230
00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:33,863
I brought you with me
just in case Andi's right
231
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:35,535
and Lowell's all emotional.
232
00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:38,644
You're like a funny thing
for him to look at.
233
00:09:39,465 --> 00:09:40,523
This is it.
234
00:09:40,608 --> 00:09:41,829
All right, let's do this.
235
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,829
You and me together, brother.
236
00:09:46,699 --> 00:09:49,246
Adam. How'd you find me?
237
00:09:49,457 --> 00:09:51,360
We came to make sure
you were all right.
238
00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:53,144
Who's we?
Me and...
239
00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:55,004
What?
240
00:09:55,783 --> 00:09:58,340
I'll be in the car.
You got this.
241
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,387
Andi found the lease to this
place and thinks maybe
242
00:10:03,473 --> 00:10:05,230
you and Jen split
up or something.
243
00:10:05,369 --> 00:10:07,373
Oh. Well, everything's great.
244
00:10:07,497 --> 00:10:09,763
I knew it.
Of course it is.
245
00:10:09,863 --> 00:10:14,574
Jen and I are just exploring the
adventure of marital separation.
246
00:10:15,773 --> 00:10:17,277
You did split up.
247
00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:18,735
W-Why didn't
you say anything?
248
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,012
It's only temporary.
249
00:10:20,098 --> 00:10:22,015
More of a housing glitch
than anything.
250
00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:25,980
The glitch being she chases me
away when I go near our house.
251
00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:30,529
Okay. Uh, that
sounds like something
252
00:10:30,614 --> 00:10:32,965
you might want to
share feelings about.
253
00:10:34,662 --> 00:10:36,957
I'm ready. Do it.
Just do it.
254
00:10:37,473 --> 00:10:38,824
I don't want
to talk about it.
255
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:40,566
There are no feelings here.
256
00:10:40,755 --> 00:10:42,193
That's good. Great.
257
00:10:42,278 --> 00:10:43,760
Keep it inside
like a man.
258
00:10:43,845 --> 00:10:46,043
Hey, you got any beer?
259
00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:47,637
We can celebrate
your independence.
260
00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:49,679
I only have light beer. Perfect!
261
00:10:49,764 --> 00:10:53,434
Light beer, because
we keep it light, huh?
262
00:10:54,682 --> 00:10:56,184
Oh.
263
00:11:00,322 --> 00:11:01,909
This is where
you're staying?
264
00:11:02,134 --> 00:11:03,822
It's cozy.
265
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,111
I eat there,
266
00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:07,653
I sit there,
267
00:11:07,738 --> 00:11:09,712
sometimes, I walk
over there,
268
00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:11,032
but then I come
back over here,
269
00:11:11,118 --> 00:11:13,236
because this is where
the party happens.
270
00:11:16,447 --> 00:11:18,392
You don't even have a TV.
271
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,408
A TV, Lowell!
272
00:11:20,577 --> 00:11:22,345
I don't mind.
I just tape my phone
273
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,001
to the wall and watch that.
274
00:11:25,525 --> 00:11:27,704
Okay. I guess that's something.
275
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,322
Wait.
Where's the bed?
276
00:11:30,431 --> 00:11:33,095
I grabbed my daughter's
sleeping bag on the way out.
277
00:11:33,665 --> 00:11:35,157
But it's three feet long.
278
00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:39,447
That's okay. These days,
I sleep in the fetal position.
279
00:11:41,478 --> 00:11:43,173
You said
there wouldn't be feelings.
280
00:11:43,259 --> 00:11:45,845
That gives me a big feeling,
Lowell!
281
00:11:46,704 --> 00:11:47,774
I'm sorry.
282
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,329
Do you want to
walk over there for
283
00:11:49,415 --> 00:11:50,774
a second and come back
over here?
284
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,407
It helps me.
285
00:11:52,915 --> 00:11:54,540
All right, get your stuff.
286
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:55,563
You're coming with me.
287
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:57,751
- Really?
- Well, I can't leave you here.
288
00:11:57,837 --> 00:12:00,157
You have no TV.
You'll die!
289
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:10,221
So Lowell's staying with us?
290
00:12:10,306 --> 00:12:12,501
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
291
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:14,907
Are you happy now?
292
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:17,954
I am happy. I think it's a
good thing I went to work today.
293
00:12:18,774 --> 00:12:22,274
When I ask, "Are you happy now?",
it means I'm not happy.
294
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,625
Okay, well, after we help
Lowell, we'll help you.
295
00:12:24,867 --> 00:12:27,267
Oh.
Pantry!
296
00:12:32,079 --> 00:12:35,056
Don't... don't you see
what you did?
297
00:12:35,251 --> 00:12:38,649
If I don't know about stuff,
I don't have to fix it.
298
00:12:38,837 --> 00:12:41,056
That's why I turn off
the UNICEF commercial
299
00:12:41,142 --> 00:12:42,558
before they show the kids.
300
00:12:42,643 --> 00:12:45,751
Otherwise, it's too sad,
and I end up buying 'em a goat.
301
00:12:45,961 --> 00:12:46,910
You know how many goats
302
00:12:46,996 --> 00:12:49,173
are running around
villages named Adam?
303
00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:51,642
They-they don't
name the goats after...
304
00:12:51,728 --> 00:12:53,431
Yes, they do.
Yes, they do.
305
00:12:54,446 --> 00:12:56,399
You put me in this position!
306
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,813
Oh. So you're mad
307
00:12:58,899 --> 00:13:00,402
because I think
you're a good person?
308
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:01,978
I don't love it.
309
00:13:02,368 --> 00:13:05,329
And now, thanks to you, I got
a giant sad kid on my couch,
310
00:13:05,415 --> 00:13:06,669
and I got to fix it.
311
00:13:06,884 --> 00:13:09,642
Because you're a sweet
and sensitive man.
312
00:13:10,258 --> 00:13:12,985
That's a low blow, Andi.
313
00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:17,201
Why didn't you tell us
you and Jen split up?
314
00:13:17,286 --> 00:13:18,725
Because it's
just temporary.
315
00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:20,422
Yeah, Lowell
explained to us
316
00:13:20,507 --> 00:13:22,392
that he's giving
Jen some space
317
00:13:22,524 --> 00:13:24,688
while she
temporarily sleeps
318
00:13:24,774 --> 00:13:26,774
with her horse-riding
instructor.
319
00:13:27,368 --> 00:13:31,884
Yeah, the whole car ride home
was one long UNICEF commercial.
320
00:13:32,446 --> 00:13:33,657
I have a question.
321
00:13:33,884 --> 00:13:35,568
She's with a horse guy, right?
322
00:13:36,203 --> 00:13:37,665
It makes me wonder.
323
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:39,798
Do you think
"roll in the hay" comes
324
00:13:39,884 --> 00:13:41,782
from doing it
in the hayloft?
325
00:13:43,445 --> 00:13:46,024
Maybe let's save the
questions for the end.
326
00:13:46,884 --> 00:13:48,165
Guys, I'm fine.
327
00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:50,009
I'm sure we'll be
back together soon.
328
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:51,993
I-I have another question.
329
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,657
No, no, no. No.
330
00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:56,517
It's a real one.
331
00:13:57,806 --> 00:13:59,571
If she did this to you,
332
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,673
why do you want her back?
333
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:04,720
Every so often,
he surprises you.
334
00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:09,899
Like a whale surfacing
next to your kayak.
335
00:14:11,454 --> 00:14:12,712
Startling,
but beautiful.
336
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:13,946
Yeah.
337
00:14:14,704 --> 00:14:16,962
I want her back
because she's my...
338
00:14:18,109 --> 00:14:19,773
We've been...
339
00:14:21,095 --> 00:14:23,017
Why do I want her back?
340
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,719
I was a great husband
341
00:14:25,813 --> 00:14:27,345
and she wasn't that good a wife.
342
00:14:27,462 --> 00:14:28,673
This is a little thing,
343
00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:31,743
but she never once replaced
an empty toilet paper roll.
344
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,610
I think she did it
just to make me duck-walk
345
00:14:33,696 --> 00:14:35,954
around the house
with my pants around my ankles.
346
00:14:36,657 --> 00:14:39,626
Ah, yes, the march
of the penguins.
347
00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,118
I deserve better!
348
00:14:42,204 --> 00:14:44,353
You know what?
You really do.
349
00:14:44,439 --> 00:14:45,563
And you're on
my team now,
350
00:14:45,649 --> 00:14:47,548
and no one screws
with my team.
351
00:14:47,942 --> 00:14:49,293
I want to do something.
352
00:14:49,378 --> 00:14:51,040
I just...
I don't know what.
353
00:14:51,126 --> 00:14:52,868
I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.
354
00:14:53,103 --> 00:14:55,938
Look at him. He's gonna
buy that kid a goat.
355
00:14:57,391 --> 00:15:00,220
You and the team are gonna
go over to your house,
356
00:15:00,306 --> 00:15:03,204
get all your stuff and let
Jen know that you are moving on.
357
00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:04,407
- Yes!
- Right?
358
00:15:04,493 --> 00:15:05,517
No.
Why?
359
00:15:05,603 --> 00:15:08,212
We can't. Her and the girls
are at her parents',
360
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,760
and she changed the locks
on our house.
361
00:15:09,845 --> 00:15:12,618
What? She changed the locks
on you after what shedid?
362
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,603
Oh.
363
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,893
I really want to slap this girl
right in the sweet potatoes.
364
00:15:15,978 --> 00:15:17,173
Oh.
365
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,759
So we'll just break in.
Then when she gets back
366
00:15:20,845 --> 00:15:22,135
and sees that all
your stuff is gone,
367
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:24,009
she'll be in for
a big surprise.
368
00:15:24,103 --> 00:15:26,712
- Yeah, a meansurprise.
- Yeah.
369
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:29,548
Like I got the day I came to
pick her up early at the barn.
370
00:15:29,723 --> 00:15:32,110
Let's not look back.
Let's look forward.
371
00:15:32,438 --> 00:15:34,673
I bet she was looking
back, though, right?
372
00:15:36,923 --> 00:15:40,399
What? I've been good this
whole time. I don't get one?
373
00:15:50,929 --> 00:15:52,524
Shh!
374
00:16:00,406 --> 00:16:01,757
Oh. Okay.
Let go. Let go!
375
00:16:01,842 --> 00:16:02,984
Ooh.
376
00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:10,609
This is like when Dad tried to
save money on the pony ride.
377
00:16:10,812 --> 00:16:12,281
Just go.
No, yougo ahead.
378
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:14,640
- Okay, I'm taking you with me.
- What? What?
379
00:16:19,281 --> 00:16:20,593
What are you doing?
380
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:22,169
Hiding the remote
under the cushion.
381
00:16:22,304 --> 00:16:23,961
Try and change the
channel now, Jen.
382
00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:26,657
You'll have to walk to
the TV like a sucker.
383
00:16:27,074 --> 00:16:29,087
Okay, let's just get Lowell's
stuff and get out of here.
384
00:16:29,172 --> 00:16:31,219
Relax. Nobody saw us
break in.
385
00:16:31,305 --> 00:16:33,469
We were sneaky, like ninjas.
386
00:16:34,657 --> 00:16:36,400
Shady Side Security.
387
00:16:36,665 --> 00:16:37,930
Shh.
388
00:16:38,016 --> 00:16:39,227
They don't know
we're in here.
389
00:16:39,313 --> 00:16:40,969
I know you're in there.
390
00:16:41,774 --> 00:16:44,344
One of you is wearing
light-up shoes.
391
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:47,235
I told you not
to wear those stupid shoes.
392
00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:52,274
Marcy and I are going
power-walking after this.
393
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,149
Safety first, guys.
394
00:16:55,657 --> 00:16:57,204
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
395
00:16:57,290 --> 00:16:59,711
- What are you gonna say?
- Don't worry. I got this.
396
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:03,711
Thank God you're here.
397
00:17:03,797 --> 00:17:06,366
These violent criminals
broke into my house.
398
00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:09,329
Look, Mr. Franklin,
your wife told the office
399
00:17:09,422 --> 00:17:13,263
you two separated and to keep an
eye out for you, so, let's go.
400
00:17:13,625 --> 00:17:16,258
Wait a minute.
Where's the other guy?
401
00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:20,485
What other guy?
402
00:17:20,878 --> 00:17:23,313
They don't pay me enough
to care. Come on.
403
00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:25,701
If I ever
404
00:17:25,787 --> 00:17:28,407
become a criminal, this is the
first neighborhood I'm hitting.
405
00:17:30,896 --> 00:17:32,731
I can't believe
Adam ditched us.
406
00:17:32,839 --> 00:17:34,896
I thought if anybody'd
run away, it'd be you.
407
00:17:35,158 --> 00:17:37,249
Well, I wouldn't
have gotten very far.
408
00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:40,232
The faster I move,
the brighter my shoes blink.
409
00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:42,967
Why did I hide the remote?
410
00:17:43,204 --> 00:17:44,654
I should've taken it!
411
00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:46,529
Everyone loves
finding the remote.
412
00:17:46,615 --> 00:17:48,124
Now she's gonna find it
and be happy.
413
00:17:48,209 --> 00:17:50,006
That's not payback!
414
00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:52,388
Where have you been?
415
00:17:52,521 --> 00:17:53,739
Well,
416
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:55,349
while you jokers
were getting caught,
417
00:17:55,434 --> 00:17:58,138
I hid in the closet
like a ninja.
418
00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:04,170
You can't just say normal things
and then add "like a ninja."
419
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:06,842
I ate a meatball sandwich...
like a ninja.
420
00:18:07,115 --> 00:18:08,754
Don't step on my moment, Andi.
421
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,449
I'm getting to
something good.
422
00:18:11,152 --> 00:18:13,592
Okay, now,
I didn't get your clothes,
423
00:18:13,678 --> 00:18:16,326
because, well, honestly,
I couldn't tell the difference
424
00:18:16,412 --> 00:18:18,271
between yours and Jen's.
425
00:18:19,217 --> 00:18:21,505
But I did find a way
426
00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:23,576
to make her very unhappy.
427
00:18:23,662 --> 00:18:25,795
This is my gift to you.
428
00:18:33,037 --> 00:18:35,086
Her toilet paper?
429
00:18:35,226 --> 00:18:38,391
He took her toilet paper!
That's so imaginative.
430
00:18:38,477 --> 00:18:42,117
Huh? Every roll in the house.
431
00:18:42,213 --> 00:18:45,369
Who's gonna be doing
the march of the penguins now?
432
00:18:46,013 --> 00:18:48,759
- Oh, that is good.
- Yeah.
433
00:18:48,923 --> 00:18:50,501
Plus, it saves me a run
to Costco.
434
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,329
Yeah. Yeah. And now,
435
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,119
there's no one there
to replace it.
436
00:18:54,205 --> 00:18:56,650
She is gonna regret
the day she let you go.
437
00:18:56,974 --> 00:18:59,462
- Every time she has to go.
- Yeah.
438
00:18:59,798 --> 00:19:01,110
Mm-hmm.
439
00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:03,369
Now thatis payback.
440
00:19:03,496 --> 00:19:04,923
Enjoy the duck walk.
441
00:19:05,009 --> 00:19:06,994
Quack quack, Jen.
442
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,970
Thank you for this.
443
00:19:10,056 --> 00:19:11,384
You're welcome.
444
00:19:15,869 --> 00:19:18,038
You hug like a ninja.
445
00:19:19,962 --> 00:19:22,205
Thank you, Lowell.
446
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:28,392
Okay, Lowell is out cold.
447
00:19:28,572 --> 00:19:31,283
He really does sleep
in the fetal position.
448
00:19:32,181 --> 00:19:33,501
I tried to straighten him out,
449
00:19:33,587 --> 00:19:36,111
and he just snapped right back,
like a curly hair.
450
00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:40,408
Sorry we didn't get
much work done today.
451
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:42,619
Eh, we've done less.
452
00:19:43,525 --> 00:19:44,837
Well, I-I'm serious.
453
00:19:44,923 --> 00:19:47,337
I don't want me being
at work to stress you out.
454
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:48,853
I mean, in one day, you went
455
00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:51,259
from excited to
worried to reluctant.
456
00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:53,150
Honey, that's just
the three stages
457
00:19:53,236 --> 00:19:55,244
of working-with-your-wife grief.
458
00:19:55,540 --> 00:19:58,548
Okay, and now,
I am at the fourth stage:
459
00:19:59,001 --> 00:20:00,853
joyful acceptance.
460
00:20:01,821 --> 00:20:04,740
So no more wife-proofing?
No more hiding things?
461
00:20:04,826 --> 00:20:08,697
Uh-uh. Oh. I do have
one small confession.
462
00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:12,642
- What?
- I got a huge crush on the new guy.
463
00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:15,072
Aw.
464
00:20:15,259 --> 00:20:17,002
No, seriously, I'm glad
you were there.
465
00:20:17,142 --> 00:20:19,338
If it wasn't for you, I never
would've known about Lowell,
466
00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:21,119
and I think we helped him.
467
00:20:21,205 --> 00:20:23,412
You know, he's got a TV now.
468
00:20:24,455 --> 00:20:27,876
And sometimes,
that's better than a family.
469
00:20:28,564 --> 00:20:29,634
You are very wise.
470
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:33,330
Hmm. Like a...?
471
00:20:38,852 --> 00:20:40,612
Huh?
472
00:20:42,298 --> 00:20:43,682
Like a ninja.
473
00:20:43,768 --> 00:20:45,775
Yeah.
474
00:20:46,392 --> 00:20:49,041
I made you say that...
like a ninja.
475
00:20:53,831 --> 00:20:56,749
Captioning sponsored by
CBS.
476
00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:59,924
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org