1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,896
So, Dad, you wanted to
talk about our annual trip

2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:05,982
- to the cabin?
- That's right.

3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,972
I've been organizing it for 15 years,

4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,841
but now it's time for me to step aside

5
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,467
and pick one of my boys
to be the new trip captain.

6
00:00:12,492 --> 00:00:13,394
Donny...

7
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,730
- Of course.
- I knew he'd pick me.

8
00:00:15,755 --> 00:00:17,468
Congratulate your brother.

9
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:20,337
- What?
- I'm the new captain?

10
00:00:20,666 --> 00:00:22,820
- And I get the hat?
- Yeah.

11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,924
We should take a picture.
Me, happy. Don, mad.

12
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,027
I'm the oldest. I should get it.

13
00:00:29,052 --> 00:00:32,478
Yeah, exactly. In the picture,
you should look just like that.

14
00:00:33,447 --> 00:00:34,328
Donny,

15
00:00:34,353 --> 00:00:35,833
I'm not saying he'll be better at it,

16
00:00:35,857 --> 00:00:37,073
but he'll be better at it.

17
00:00:38,091 --> 00:00:39,443
Prove me right, boy.

18
00:00:39,468 --> 00:00:41,574
Oh, Dad, I am honored.

19
00:00:41,599 --> 00:00:44,215
I won't let you down. This will
be the best trip we ever had.

20
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,427
This is unfair. I'd like
to lodge a complaint.

21
00:00:46,452 --> 00:00:48,963
All complaints should be
filed with the trip captain.

22
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:52,526
Adam...

23
00:00:52,551 --> 00:00:54,885
Complaint denied. Next?

24
00:00:56,221 --> 00:00:58,617
Welcome to the first
meeting of the first annual

25
00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:02,276
"Adam Burns being in charge
of the 15th annual guys' trip."

26
00:01:02,546 --> 00:01:05,771
Confusing name for a
meeting. I should be captain.

27
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:07,626
I've already put a lot
of thought into this,

28
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,450
and I think you'll be impressed.

29
00:01:09,475 --> 00:01:10,514
I'd like to introduce

30
00:01:10,539 --> 00:01:12,314
my secret weapon, the
thing that will take

31
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,072
our cabin trip to the next level.

32
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,374
This year, I've invited Lowell.

33
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,798
Hey, cabin buddies.

34
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,828
How's he know our secret greeting?

35
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,828
I-I know it's usually just us,

36
00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:24,666
but, Dad, he's a great cook,

37
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,527
and I know you like a nice, hot meal.

38
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:29,387
Plus, he's already agreed
to read Lonesome Dove to you

39
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,838
while you fall asleep.

40
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,807
We're not accepting new members.

41
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,824
I've brought you a sample of my cooking.

42
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,642
Six different sausages.

43
00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:39,425
- He's in.
- Yes.

44
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:42,673
I'm impressed. You're
off to a good start, son.

45
00:01:42,698 --> 00:01:45,087
You hear that, Don?
I'm off to a good start.

46
00:01:45,112 --> 00:01:47,905
Is your head getting
cold without a hat on it?

47
00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:49,468
I always hoped you guys would invite me.

48
00:01:49,492 --> 00:01:50,908
I can't believe I'm finally in.

49
00:01:50,993 --> 00:01:52,988
Now, it's not all fun and games, Lowell.

50
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,831
There are a couple of rules. Dad?

51
00:01:54,856 --> 00:01:57,559
Number one: if there's a bear attack,

52
00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,635
we escape by seniority,
so you're last man out.

53
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,419
Try and put up a fight

54
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:04,215
so we have time to get to the truck.

55
00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:07,105
And number two: no wives.

56
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:10,004
- This is a chance for us men to bond.
- Mm.

57
00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:12,473
To tell stories. To dig a hole

58
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:14,646
and try and get Don to fall into it.

59
00:02:15,351 --> 00:02:17,434
It's a very special time.

60
00:02:17,865 --> 00:02:19,364
Well, I don't have to
worry about telling my wife

61
00:02:19,388 --> 00:02:21,777
because I'm single now;
and if your wives ask,

62
00:02:21,802 --> 00:02:24,641
I'll just say, "Sorry,
ladies. This is a guys' trip."

63
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:27,839
No, no, no. You can never
call it a guys' trip.

64
00:02:27,864 --> 00:02:30,063
He's out. It's too risky.

65
00:02:30,149 --> 00:02:32,380
Calm down. He just
doesn't know the system.

66
00:02:32,405 --> 00:02:33,321
Okay?

67
00:02:33,346 --> 00:02:34,750
If we call it a guys' trip,

68
00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:36,192
our wives will want to go.

69
00:02:36,217 --> 00:02:37,322
They can't help it.

70
00:02:37,347 --> 00:02:40,209
It's a reflex, like
spitting out light beer.

71
00:02:41,076 --> 00:02:43,532
We have to execute
perfect wife management.

72
00:02:43,557 --> 00:02:46,129
Also known as lying.

73
00:02:46,476 --> 00:02:48,499
Donny boils it down nicely.

74
00:02:48,904 --> 00:02:50,685
Not a guys' trip, got it.

75
00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:52,662
I'll just tell your
wives it's a regular trip

76
00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:53,912
that sounds like a lot of fun.

77
00:02:53,937 --> 00:02:56,170
Oh, you also can't call it fun.

78
00:02:56,195 --> 00:02:58,530
They don't like the
idea of us having fun.

79
00:02:58,606 --> 00:02:59,698
That's what a wedding is,

80
00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:01,323
the guy promising
never to have fun again.

81
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,813
So we tell our wives

82
00:03:02,898 --> 00:03:06,544
how boring it is. I tell
Andi all we do is fish.

83
00:03:06,569 --> 00:03:07,600
And then I made up a story

84
00:03:07,624 --> 00:03:10,028
about how I have to put
sunscreen on Don's back

85
00:03:10,053 --> 00:03:12,239
because he only fishes topless.

86
00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,487
I'm disgusting.

87
00:03:15,092 --> 00:03:16,419
And then to seal the deal,

88
00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:18,419
I tell Andi, "You're
more than welcome to come.

89
00:03:18,444 --> 00:03:20,014
It's not like it's a guys' trip."

90
00:03:20,039 --> 00:03:23,290
But I've made it sound so
boring, she doesn't want to go.

91
00:03:23,748 --> 00:03:26,020
Then she feels sorry for
me and makes me lasagna.

92
00:03:26,187 --> 00:03:28,216
Wife management.

93
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,756
I'm learning a lot.

94
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,926
Maybe I'd still be married if
I just lied to my wife more.

95
00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:35,905
Well, now you'll be ready
for lucky lady number two.

96
00:03:36,014 --> 00:03:38,381
Or number one, as far as she'll know.

97
00:03:40,906 --> 00:03:43,498
Hey, have you seen my extra
camouflage sleeping bag?

98
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:46,306
How could I?

99
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,847
Yeah. I need it for Lowell.

100
00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:50,284
Lowell's going on the cabin trip?

101
00:03:50,309 --> 00:03:51,980
- Mm-hmm.
- That sounds fun.

102
00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:53,889
No, not... no, not fun.

103
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:57,362
Boring. Remember how
boring I tell you it is?

104
00:03:57,387 --> 00:04:00,580
The fishing, the-the topless Don.

105
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:02,406
Yeah, well, that part
doesn't sound great.

106
00:04:02,491 --> 00:04:04,511
No. It's not.

107
00:04:04,707 --> 00:04:08,245
But like I say every year,
you're always welcome to come.

108
00:04:09,929 --> 00:04:11,595
Okay. I'll go.

109
00:04:13,351 --> 00:04:14,732
You'll what?

110
00:04:14,757 --> 00:04:17,763
Yeah, I mean, if Lowell's going,
maybe it won't be so boring.

111
00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:19,890
I mean, he likes board games and hikes

112
00:04:19,975 --> 00:04:22,060
and songs around the piano.

113
00:04:22,085 --> 00:04:24,061
There's no piano.

114
00:04:24,663 --> 00:04:25,740
Plus, you can't sing in the woods.

115
00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:27,180
It confuses the birds.

116
00:04:27,662 --> 00:04:30,686
Aw, you're sweet, but
I know you want me there

117
00:04:30,711 --> 00:04:32,465
because you always say
I'm welcome to come.

118
00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:34,968
Plus, you said it's always so boring,

119
00:04:34,993 --> 00:04:38,275
and what could be more
fun than adding me?

120
00:04:39,429 --> 00:04:41,896
I did say all those things.

121
00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:43,522
Look at you.

122
00:04:43,633 --> 00:04:44,983
Listening to what I say

123
00:04:45,008 --> 00:04:47,334
and then bringing it up later.

124
00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:50,984
Oh, every day's a surprise.

125
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,072
Andi's going? What
happened to your system?

126
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,262
We had to hear you gas on
about it for half an hour,

127
00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:09,660
and then you blew it.

128
00:05:09,695 --> 00:05:11,412
Now all our wives are gonna want to go.

129
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,030
Can I take over now? Where's the hat?

130
00:05:13,055 --> 00:05:14,498
No, no, no.

131
00:05:14,533 --> 00:05:16,000
This is my first year as captain.

132
00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:17,534
There were bound to be some bumps.

133
00:05:17,559 --> 00:05:19,787
This is just a small
wife management issue.

134
00:05:19,872 --> 00:05:21,705
Okay? When I told her Lowell was going,

135
00:05:21,791 --> 00:05:23,090
she said it sounded fun.

136
00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:25,042
Who said "fun"? You said "fun"?

137
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,067
I didn't say "fun."

138
00:05:26,106 --> 00:05:27,850
Somebody said "fun," and
somebody's gonna pay for it.

139
00:05:27,874 --> 00:05:30,631
I didn't say "fun."
I just said "Lowell."

140
00:05:30,656 --> 00:05:32,433
Well, then, there's an easy solution.

141
00:05:32,518 --> 00:05:33,851
Uninvite Lowell.

142
00:05:33,886 --> 00:05:36,387
Sorry, kid, but I barely know you.

143
00:05:36,472 --> 00:05:37,604
No!

144
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,606
You screwed this up, you fix it, mister.

145
00:05:39,692 --> 00:05:41,775
I'm going on this
trip. I already went out

146
00:05:41,861 --> 00:05:44,111
and got all the shots
Don told me I needed.

147
00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:45,853
What shots?

148
00:05:46,743 --> 00:05:47,773
Why invite the new guy

149
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:49,373
if you can't goof around a little?

150
00:05:49,819 --> 00:05:52,278
Well, you need to turn
this thing around and fast.

151
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:53,203
How?

152
00:05:53,239 --> 00:05:54,716
Well, boring's not gonna work anymore

153
00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:56,498
because Andi knows I'm a delight.

154
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,045
Fun follows me like a
rainbow follows rain.

155
00:06:00,022 --> 00:06:01,328
Just uninvite Andi.

156
00:06:01,414 --> 00:06:03,747
I can't do that. I want to stay married.

157
00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:07,308
Well, then, our only choice
is to call the whole thing off.

158
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,292
What?

159
00:06:08,317 --> 00:06:10,304
I don't want to be the
guy that killed the trip.

160
00:06:10,389 --> 00:06:13,036
Captain Trip Killer seems upset.

161
00:06:13,387 --> 00:06:15,809
What? I can fix this, okay?
I-I'll figure out a way

162
00:06:15,895 --> 00:06:17,644
to convince Andi she doesn't want to go.

163
00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:19,050
Well, then, you better get to her

164
00:06:19,098 --> 00:06:20,573
before she blabs to our wives.

165
00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:21,815
Then they'll want to go.

166
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:24,416
You heard him. Quit talking
about it and go do it.

167
00:06:24,441 --> 00:06:27,018
If this thing goes south,
it's on you, buddy boy.

168
00:06:27,043 --> 00:06:29,273
Hey, stretch, get me a drink.

169
00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:31,775
I'm starting to like you.

170
00:06:31,861 --> 00:06:35,212
Adam, you're back to last man
out if there's a bear attack.

171
00:06:36,712 --> 00:06:37,836
Bears.

172
00:06:37,861 --> 00:06:40,284
That's it. Andi hates
bears. I can use that.

173
00:06:40,736 --> 00:06:43,336
Andi, I was so excited
you're coming on the trip,

174
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,230
I got you some essential supplies.

175
00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:48,952
First thing you will
need for sure: bear spray.

176
00:06:51,921 --> 00:06:53,213
Bear spray?

177
00:06:53,299 --> 00:06:55,419
Oh, yeah, there's bears everywhere.

178
00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:57,101
You just got to hope
you run out of bears

179
00:06:57,136 --> 00:06:59,909
before you run out of spray.

180
00:07:00,526 --> 00:07:01,972
Yeah, but I hate bears.

181
00:07:02,057 --> 00:07:03,891
I didn't know that.

182
00:07:03,976 --> 00:07:05,809
Okay, here's a tip.

183
00:07:05,895 --> 00:07:08,384
If they chase you, run into the lake.

184
00:07:08,409 --> 00:07:11,148
Then all you have to worry
about are the leeches.

185
00:07:13,852 --> 00:07:15,811
I hate leeches, too.

186
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:19,656
Man, I am learning so much about you.

187
00:07:20,032 --> 00:07:22,159
You know, you never
mentioned any of this.

188
00:07:22,244 --> 00:07:24,211
All you ever said was it was boring.

189
00:07:24,296 --> 00:07:26,547
Well, there are long periods of boredom,

190
00:07:26,632 --> 00:07:29,396
but they're interrupted
by moments of pure terror!

191
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,770
I can't wait to share that with you.

192
00:07:34,507 --> 00:07:37,591
Well, you know, honey, the trip
doesn't have to be like this.

193
00:07:37,676 --> 00:07:39,893
I went to the lake website
to check the weather,

194
00:07:39,979 --> 00:07:43,597
and, um, it turns out
that there is a nice hotel

195
00:07:43,682 --> 00:07:47,100
with a piano in the
lobby for sing-alongs.

196
00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:49,987
I'm gonna order the sheet music

197
00:07:50,022 --> 00:07:52,645
for Legally Blonde: The Musical.

198
00:07:52,670 --> 00:07:53,941
So, it's official.

199
00:07:54,026 --> 00:07:56,527
You're going. Fantastic.

200
00:07:57,830 --> 00:07:59,413
Uh, but I definitely think

201
00:07:59,498 --> 00:08:01,165
we shouldn't tell my mom and Marcy

202
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,167
because I have a feeling they'd hate it.

203
00:08:03,202 --> 00:08:05,262
You can trust me. I'm a captain.

204
00:08:06,668 --> 00:08:07,671
Oh.

205
00:08:07,706 --> 00:08:10,040
Well, that could be a problem.

206
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:11,675
If you're going, I'm going.

207
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:13,510
I'm going, too.

208
00:08:14,449 --> 00:08:15,679
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

209
00:08:15,714 --> 00:08:17,347
Yeah.

210
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:19,967
I wonder if the guys know
their wives are going yet.

211
00:08:20,052 --> 00:08:21,885
Yeah. I mean, Marcy
and Bev were so excited,

212
00:08:21,971 --> 00:08:23,387
they ran right home to tell them.

213
00:08:23,472 --> 00:08:25,222
Oh.

214
00:08:25,307 --> 00:08:27,191
Huh. Yep.

215
00:08:27,226 --> 00:08:29,610
- Ten missed calls.
- Oh.

216
00:08:29,695 --> 00:08:31,228
What the hell did you do?

217
00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:33,480
Marcy already packed a
suitcase full of board games.

218
00:08:33,566 --> 00:08:35,399
They're gonna Pictionary us to death.

219
00:08:35,484 --> 00:08:38,151
All of a sudden, being
divorced is working in my favor.

220
00:08:38,237 --> 00:08:39,403
Who's crying now?

221
00:08:39,488 --> 00:08:41,238
Well, still me, but only in the shower.

222
00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:44,511
This whole thing has gone catawampus.

223
00:08:44,706 --> 00:08:46,910
I guess you were right.
We just have to cancel.

224
00:08:46,935 --> 00:08:48,829
Too late. If we cancel now,

225
00:08:48,914 --> 00:08:50,914
the wives will know it's
because they're going.

226
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,165
Then it's official.

227
00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:55,252
Adam ruined everything,
forever and ever.

228
00:08:55,337 --> 00:08:56,920
What do you want me to do, huh?

229
00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:59,172
Walk into the lake and
let the leeches take me?

230
00:08:59,258 --> 00:09:00,924
Or should I dunk myself in honey

231
00:09:01,010 --> 00:09:03,477
and let the bears
have their way with me?

232
00:09:03,562 --> 00:09:05,012
There's a lot of ways you can do it.

233
00:09:05,097 --> 00:09:06,647
Don't just think of two.

234
00:09:07,108 --> 00:09:09,811
I was hoping someone would
say, "Don't feel bad."

235
00:09:10,936 --> 00:09:13,186
Even if you said it now would help.

236
00:09:13,983 --> 00:09:16,490
- Wait, I have an idea.
- Let's hear it.

237
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,775
The only way to salvage this thing

238
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:20,902
is to uninvite all the wives.

239
00:09:21,092 --> 00:09:24,027
Then we each blame it
on the other two guys.

240
00:09:24,636 --> 00:09:26,950
You can deliver the
hat to my house later.

241
00:09:27,628 --> 00:09:30,539
That won't work. They
talk to each other.

242
00:09:30,564 --> 00:09:32,205
They'll realize we were just lying.

243
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:34,374
No, they won't bring it
up 'cause they'll feel bad

244
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:36,677
the other ladies'
husbands are so rotten.

245
00:09:36,762 --> 00:09:39,133
I get it. Like, if Marcy thinks

246
00:09:39,158 --> 00:09:40,617
Andi and Bev have rotten husbands,

247
00:09:40,642 --> 00:09:42,110
she won't bring it up unless they do.

248
00:09:42,134 --> 00:09:44,384
But they won't bring it up
because each of them thinks

249
00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:46,583
the other two have rotten husbands.

250
00:09:46,608 --> 00:09:49,320
What they don't know
is we're all rotten.

251
00:09:51,110 --> 00:09:52,776
Damn, that's good.

252
00:09:53,921 --> 00:09:56,363
What? That'll never work.

253
00:09:56,448 --> 00:09:58,408
You don't see it because
this is a whole new level

254
00:09:58,450 --> 00:09:59,866
of wife management.

255
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:03,314
You're playing checkers
while Donny is playing chess.

256
00:10:03,956 --> 00:10:05,727
I don't think so.

257
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,468
I've played chess with Don.

258
00:10:07,493 --> 00:10:10,494
He makes clip-clop noises
when he moves the horse.

259
00:10:10,579 --> 00:10:12,212
Look, we've got a plan.

260
00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:14,214
Are you in or are you out?

261
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:18,085
Well, if you guys are gonna
uninvite Mom and Marcy,

262
00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:19,920
then I guess I'll uninvite Andi.

263
00:10:20,005 --> 00:10:23,771
Good. Now tell your brother
thanks for saving the trip.

264
00:10:25,123 --> 00:10:27,561
Dad says I say, "Thanks
for saving the trip."

265
00:10:27,646 --> 00:10:28,729
Adam.

266
00:10:28,814 --> 00:10:30,824
I said it. What'd I say?

267
00:10:32,935 --> 00:10:36,115
Hey, look at you. Hoo-hoo!

268
00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:39,525
Someone fell asleep in the foxy machine.

269
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:42,861
I got you something.

270
00:10:42,886 --> 00:10:44,361
What's the occasion?

271
00:10:44,446 --> 00:10:46,363
No occasion. Open it.

272
00:10:46,448 --> 00:10:47,781
Oh.

273
00:10:48,933 --> 00:10:50,951
Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful.

274
00:10:51,036 --> 00:10:54,087
I know. Yeah. Read the card.

275
00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:58,008
"Roses are red, violets are blue.

276
00:10:58,043 --> 00:11:00,260
You can't come to the cabin."

277
00:11:03,238 --> 00:11:04,954
"And I love you."

278
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:07,768
You-you stopped before the rhyme.

279
00:11:07,853 --> 00:11:10,020
That's what makes it sweet.

280
00:11:10,910 --> 00:11:14,231
I can't believe you just
uninvited me from your trip.

281
00:11:14,370 --> 00:11:16,370
Okay, look, I wanted you to go,

282
00:11:16,395 --> 00:11:18,862
but Dad and Don said,
"No wives on the trip."

283
00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:21,745
So, if you want to blame
someone, blame them.

284
00:11:21,770 --> 00:11:23,127
I was outvoted.

285
00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:25,642
Democracy. Good on paper.

286
00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:29,406
So it's your dad and Don's fault?

287
00:11:29,431 --> 00:11:32,713
Yes. That is the most
important point here.

288
00:11:33,579 --> 00:11:35,045
They're bad.

289
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,436
I buy you bracelets.

290
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,801
Well, I guess I can't be mad at you

291
00:11:40,886 --> 00:11:42,419
because they're jackasses.

292
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:44,201
No, you can't.

293
00:11:44,757 --> 00:11:46,306
Poor Marcy and Bev.

294
00:11:46,392 --> 00:11:48,350
I know.

295
00:11:49,420 --> 00:11:50,832
You, uh...

296
00:11:50,857 --> 00:11:53,013
You're not gonna say
anything to them, are you?

297
00:11:53,098 --> 00:11:56,516
How could I? I feel bad for them.

298
00:11:57,426 --> 00:12:00,395
You know, you're so
understanding about this,

299
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:03,137
you don't even need the bracelet.

300
00:12:05,529 --> 00:12:07,445
So I could probably get my money back.

301
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:12,220
You keep it. Keep it! You keep it.

302
00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:17,003
Don.

303
00:12:17,089 --> 00:12:19,706
I got to give it to
you. Your idea worked.

304
00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:22,959
So, here. You're the captain now.

305
00:12:23,045 --> 00:12:25,796
Wow. This means a lot.

306
00:12:25,821 --> 00:12:28,780
You guys put a lot of stock in
a hat I got for free one night

307
00:12:28,805 --> 00:12:31,017
after I finished a three-pound lobster.

308
00:12:31,929 --> 00:12:32,631
Hey.

309
00:12:32,656 --> 00:12:34,916
So how'd it go when you
guys uninvited Mom and Marcy?

310
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:37,692
Check out the coats we
got for the cabin trip.

311
00:12:37,762 --> 00:12:38,909
Oh, we can't wait.

312
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:41,027
We are all gonna have so much fun.

313
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:46,699
Are you kidding me?!

314
00:12:47,761 --> 00:12:49,393
I-I don't know if this is
gonna make a difference,

315
00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:51,745
but we didn't do that
thing we said before.

316
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,770
Mm.

317
00:12:52,821 --> 00:12:55,071
That makes a huge difference!

318
00:12:55,911 --> 00:12:58,495
Dad, we agreed at the
meeting. What happened?

319
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:00,413
Don called a meeting after the meeting

320
00:13:00,499 --> 00:13:03,006
and said we'd look better
if you were the only bad one.

321
00:13:03,031 --> 00:13:05,802
- Well...
- I think it worked.

322
00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:07,304
Okay, you know what?

323
00:13:07,339 --> 00:13:08,921
I don't want anything
to do with this trip.

324
00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:12,008
You two go to the woods and
have your secret meetings, okay?

325
00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:14,473
Just remember, I'm the only guy
that ever brings toilet paper!

326
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,314
Oh, and you know what?

327
00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:19,266
I'm telling Andi everything!

328
00:13:20,093 --> 00:13:21,593
Everything!

329
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,939
Damn it, Donny! Now we're screwed!

330
00:13:26,024 --> 00:13:28,942
You said this would be
funny. It wasn't funny at all!

331
00:13:29,027 --> 00:13:32,696
Well, I guess everyone's sense
of humor is a little different.

332
00:13:32,781 --> 00:13:34,019
Wha...?

333
00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:44,977
Hold on. You've been lying about
this cabin trip for 15 years?

334
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,749
Well, not entirely.

335
00:13:47,835 --> 00:13:49,368
There is a cabin.

336
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,247
But if you wanted it to be a guys' trip,

337
00:13:52,272 --> 00:13:53,630
why didn't you just tell me?

338
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:55,832
Because I know if you hear "guys' trip,"

339
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,248
you'll feel left out,

340
00:13:57,273 --> 00:14:01,178
and I try to handle it nicely
every year so nobody gets upset.

341
00:14:01,756 --> 00:14:03,723
I call it "wife management."

342
00:14:03,958 --> 00:14:05,636
Oh, you do, do you?

343
00:14:05,661 --> 00:14:06,976
Yeah.

344
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,812
- Yeah, I don't like that phrase.
- Yeah. No, no, no, no.

345
00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:12,598
"Wife management."

346
00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:15,018
Although, it does sound familiar.

347
00:14:15,379 --> 00:14:17,520
Where have I heard that?

348
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,250
I'm glad we're going,
but I'm just not sure

349
00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:22,359
about staying in some dirty old cabin.

350
00:14:22,384 --> 00:14:24,194
Oh, no, no, no. Don't worry about that.

351
00:14:24,279 --> 00:14:26,079
I already found a great hotel.

352
00:14:26,114 --> 00:14:27,364
Oh. I'll just tell Adam

353
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:28,912
that I was looking at
the weather up there,

354
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,928
and I just happened to find it.

355
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:34,662
That's called "husband management."

356
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,103
No, never heard anything like it.

357
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,711
But, you know, 'cause I'm so forgiving,

358
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,567
I won't make a big deal out of it.

359
00:14:44,356 --> 00:14:46,099
Thanks, honey.

360
00:14:46,134 --> 00:14:48,852
Yeah, but I got to say,
you told a lot of lies.

361
00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:51,304
It was the pressure of being captain.

362
00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:53,270
You know how it is with Dad.

363
00:14:53,295 --> 00:14:55,692
I'm always playing second fiddle to Don.

364
00:14:55,934 --> 00:14:58,292
But for the first time, Dad picked me,

365
00:14:58,317 --> 00:15:00,146
and I screwed it all up.

366
00:15:00,224 --> 00:15:01,856
I was so busy trying to save it,

367
00:15:01,881 --> 00:15:04,951
I put the trip ahead
of you, and I'm sorry.

368
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,237
- I understand.
- Thank you.

369
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:09,275
Your jackassery.

370
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,709
Yeah. Came around from
behind on that one.

371
00:15:12,794 --> 00:15:15,295
Yeah. Yeah.

372
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:17,964
But, you know, it doesn't
matter anymore. I'm not going.

373
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,418
Dad and Don are buddies, and I
should just stop chasing this.

374
00:15:22,766 --> 00:15:23,971
What are you doing here?

375
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,172
We have something to say.

376
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,225
Don, apologize to your brother.

377
00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:31,114
Dad says I'm sorry.

378
00:15:31,645 --> 00:15:34,397
No. You're sorry, and I'm sorry.

379
00:15:34,483 --> 00:15:36,266
Now give him the damn hat.

380
00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:39,069
Sorry I screwed you over.

381
00:15:39,154 --> 00:15:41,772
It was funny at the time,
then funny right after,

382
00:15:41,797 --> 00:15:43,547
then Dad said it wasn't funny.

383
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:46,027
Then driving over here,
it got funny again.

384
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,161
But now I feel bad.

385
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:52,198
This whole thing was my fault.

386
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:55,135
I always liked to foster
competition between you boys,

387
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,836
because I thought
it'd make you stronger,

388
00:15:56,864 --> 00:15:59,832
but in the end, you need to know
you can depend on your family,

389
00:15:59,857 --> 00:16:02,042
and we let you down.

390
00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:05,834
Wow. Thanks, Dad.

391
00:16:06,192 --> 00:16:09,326
Plus, I know deep in my heart,

392
00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:13,426
you're the one who's gonna visit
me in the home, and not Donny.

393
00:16:14,721 --> 00:16:17,596
You got me there, Pop.
Those places smell weird.

394
00:16:18,330 --> 00:16:20,610
And just to make everything fair,

395
00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:23,082
we told our wives everything, too.

396
00:16:23,894 --> 00:16:25,115
How'd that go?

397
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,379
Bad. Thanks for asking.

398
00:16:28,308 --> 00:16:30,036
The trip is dead.

399
00:16:30,629 --> 00:16:32,989
Here, you should have this.

400
00:16:33,231 --> 00:16:35,147
You'll always be the captain.

401
00:16:36,523 --> 00:16:38,990
All right, come on. I'll fix it.

402
00:16:44,306 --> 00:16:45,476
What are you laughing at?

403
00:16:45,501 --> 00:16:47,170
- Sorry. It just got funny again.
- Oh.

404
00:16:51,889 --> 00:16:53,810
Oh, look.

405
00:16:53,895 --> 00:16:56,334
Our lying husbands are here.

406
00:16:56,444 --> 00:16:58,142
Oh. And they brought

407
00:16:58,167 --> 00:17:00,634
Captain Pants On Fire with them.

408
00:17:01,136 --> 00:17:03,496
- How could you, Adam?
- How could I?

409
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,939
Yes. All this happened on your watch,

410
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:08,658
so I'm gonna ask you the
same question I asked you

411
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:12,529
in the sixth grade when I walked
in on you with that magazine.

412
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,781
Is this who you want to be?

413
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,866
Okay, Mom,

414
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:20,787
I don't think everybody
needs to hear that story.

415
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,812
Listen, I know we're
disappointed in our husbands,

416
00:17:23,837 --> 00:17:26,270
but the thing is, it-it
started out kind of innocently.

417
00:17:26,294 --> 00:17:27,687
All they wanted was a guys' trip,

418
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:29,379
and they were too scared to tell us.

419
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:30,879
Is this true, Don?

420
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:32,682
I am very afraid of you.

421
00:17:33,644 --> 00:17:34,851
What about you?

422
00:17:34,876 --> 00:17:36,409
I need a guys' trip.

423
00:17:36,434 --> 00:17:38,308
I've been saving up
dirty jokes for 11 months,

424
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,075
and I got to get 'em out of me.

425
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,458
Look at it this way. I mean,
yes, we could be mad at them,

426
00:17:43,483 --> 00:17:46,196
but that's really "been
there, done that," right?

427
00:17:46,281 --> 00:17:48,865
Our other option is to just let 'em go.

428
00:17:48,950 --> 00:17:50,283
Why would we do that?

429
00:17:50,318 --> 00:17:53,288
Because then we can go on a girls' trip.

430
00:17:53,313 --> 00:17:55,432
Ooh, I'm interested.

431
00:17:55,457 --> 00:17:56,823
That's a great idea.

432
00:17:56,848 --> 00:17:57,878
You should do that.

433
00:17:57,903 --> 00:17:59,706
I vote "not mad" girls' trip.

434
00:18:00,128 --> 00:18:02,245
How come we've never
been on a girls' trip?

435
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,113
- We didn't want to hurt their feelings.
- Oh.

436
00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:06,332
Oh. Well, that doesn't matter anymore.

437
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,051
Yeah, you guys go to the cabin.

438
00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:09,586
Yeah, have fun.

439
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,004
This is great.

440
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,808
- Look at that. Everybody wins.
- Huh.

441
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,141
We get our guys' trip,
and our wives are happy.

442
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,343
- Mm.
- You fixed it, babe.

443
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,179
It's kind of like it never happened.

444
00:18:19,204 --> 00:18:21,096
Oh, it happened.

445
00:18:21,290 --> 00:18:22,620
And I'm keeping the bracelet.

446
00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:26,352
Oh. Okay, but if you change
your mind within 30 days,

447
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,406
just let me know... okay,
keep it, keep it, keep it.

448
00:18:29,906 --> 00:18:31,775
Okay. Let's start planning our trip.

449
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,016
We can go anywhere we want.

450
00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:35,495
Ooh. How about the Wisconsin Dells?

451
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,930
Ah.

452
00:18:36,955 --> 00:18:39,486
- Or a spa.
- Ooh.

453
00:18:39,511 --> 00:18:42,869
- Or... Vegas!
- What?

454
00:18:42,894 --> 00:18:44,537
- That's the one.
- That one. That wins.

455
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,673
Then let's go book it. Girls' trip!

456
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,124
What just happened?

457
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,641
Vegas? Now their thing is better.

458
00:18:50,666 --> 00:18:52,655
Yeah. At least when we go on a fun trip,

459
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,072
- we have the decency to lie about it.
- Yeah.

460
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,366
Well, that was a great girls' trip.

461
00:19:03,391 --> 00:19:04,660
Do you know that we single-handedly

462
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:07,410
changed the all-you-can-drink
policy at two different bars?

463
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:11,550
I still can't believe that Bev
won a mechanical bull rodeo.

464
00:19:11,575 --> 00:19:13,064
Oh, yeah.

465
00:19:13,089 --> 00:19:15,613
That ThighMaster really paid off.

466
00:19:16,702 --> 00:19:17,919
Hey.

467
00:19:17,944 --> 00:19:19,574
- Hey, you're home
- Yeah.

468
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,885
How was your trip?

469
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,474
Pretty great. Yeah.

470
00:19:22,518 --> 00:19:25,477
I was the only guy that
brought toilet paper.

471
00:19:25,841 --> 00:19:28,321
- That got me the hat back
- Mm.

472
00:19:28,506 --> 00:19:30,682
And I fell in the hole they dug.

473
00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:32,745
- Well done, guys
- Yeah.

474
00:19:33,109 --> 00:19:35,117
We only ran into one problem.

475
00:19:35,142 --> 00:19:37,768
Lowell had a bad reaction
to the bear spray.

476
00:19:37,793 --> 00:19:38,793
Yeah.

477
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:41,878
He thought you were supposed

478
00:19:41,902 --> 00:19:43,843
to spray it on yourself like sunscreen.

479
00:19:45,387 --> 00:19:47,364
I could hear the bears laughing.

480
00:19:48,152 --> 00:19:49,950
That was us.

481
00:19:50,348 --> 00:19:51,901
Yeah. Hey, so,

482
00:19:51,926 --> 00:19:53,028
how was your girls' trip?

483
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:54,438
Maybe we should go with you next time.

484
00:19:54,462 --> 00:19:57,248
Oh. Uh, yeah, you don't want to do that.

485
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,720
It was really boring.

486
00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:06,540
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